Les Be Parents

Teen beaten by woman on crowded train for sharing lesbian kiss, court told - PinkPaper.com

2012-02-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

Teen beaten by woman on crowded train for sharing lesbian kiss, court told - PinkPaper.com

Legal Rights for Non-biological Mothers

2012-02-07T02:40:00.000-08:00

I recently read a post on mumsnet by a lesbian mother who had a six month old daughter. She stated that she had recently split with her partner as she felt that she was spending too much time at work and not bonding with their baby. She pointed out that her ex had originally been against the idea of having a child and that she had only agreed in order to make her happy. However now that they were no longer a couple, her ex was asking to see the baby two or three times a week. Her question was; “if her name is not on the birth certificate, does she had any rights to see the child?”

Well, the simple answer is no. In accordance to UK law the only the birth mother is granted automatic parental responsibility of the child.

As a non-biological parent this is a subject that is of great concern to me. DD is my partner’s child from a previous relationship. Her father is named on her birth certificate and therefore has parental responsibility. The fact that I act as the child’s main carer the majority of the time is relevant, legally speaking I have absolutely no rights. The sad truth is that if, evolution forbid (my wife is an Atheist and a scientist), my partner and I should ever divorce I would have more right over the cd collection than I do the child that I am currently raising.

However all is not lost, there are various options available to non-biological parents in order to gain parental responsibility for the child, depending on your circumstances. These include:

Asking a court to give you parental responsibility. You can do this whether you and your partner are civil partners or just living together.
Making a parental responsibility agreement with the child's mother or the child's parents if they both have parental responsibility. This only applies to a civil partner.
Adopting the child.
Registering or re-registering the child's birth with the mother. This only applies to same sex partners in certain circumstances.
Being in a civil partnership with the child's mother at the time of the birth. This only applies to same sex partners in certain circumstances.

When we refer to “certain circumstances” what we are really talking about is the conception. To put it simply these options will only be available to you if you and your partner have conceived the child in a registered fertility clinic/ hospital using anonymous donor sperm. However if you conceived the child at home via “turkey baster”, sexual intercourse or by using a known donor, your only option would be adoption or a parental responsibility agreement.

*I should be noted that the biological parent does not have to relinquish their rights in order to grant you parental responsibility.

Read stories related to this:

Lesbian couple at centre of child custody battle speak out - PinkPaper.com

What's in a name?

2012-02-06T03:53:00.000-08:00

(myself and DD at the park)

When it comes to the subject of lesbian parents the question everyone asks is, what do you call the non-biological mother?

Well I guess you could go down the L Word route; “Mama B and Mana T” or use different variations on the word mother; mama, mommy, mum, mam, ma, etc. DD calls me Peaka and I am constantly being asked what this means. Truth is it doesn’t mean anything. Peaka is simply her name for me and it is something that she came up with entirely on her own.

As DD is my partner’s child from a previous relationship, I didn’t meet her until she was a year old. At this time she was still in the early stages of talking. I introduced myself as Mickie, but she had problems pronouncing this and used to say “Pickie” (which my other half found very amusing), one day this changed to Meaka and a few days later Peaka. We thought it was cute so we never corrected her.

She is now three and although sometimes she calls me mama-peaka; this is usually when she is trying to sweat talk me, when she wakes up after a bad dream and occasionally she will refer to both myself and my partner as Mama-Peaka. I’m always Peaka and I absolutely love it.

I like having my own special name; she only has one mama, one father and one Peaka. For her having a Peaka is perfectly normal. As she puts it, “some people have Peakas and some people don’t”. All the teachers and parents at DD’s nursery know that I am her Peaka and I am treated exactly the same as any other parent.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that any future children we might have will most likely call me Peaka as well, but same sex families are not conventional, so why should we have to abide by conventional norms? If my kids want to call me Peaka, that's fine with me.

My advice to new parents is don't try and force particular names. In the end your child will decide on what they feel most comfortable with.

The beginning

2012-02-06T03:15:00.000-08:00

When we first started dating Mina was ill with tonsillitis. For our first day I arranged to take her for a picnic in London’s Hyde Park. I had spent the previous night praying for good weather and woke up to grey skies and rain. I told myself it would brighten up and began preparing the perfect picnic. To my complete amazement, by the time I met up with Mina at Hyde Park, not only was the sun shining, but it was a heat wave.

We found a nice spot next to the boating lake and I set up the picnic. Mina was very quiet, I thought she was just shy, but I would later find out that this was due to the fact that she was ill. We lay together in the sun for hours and it was then that I decided I would be with her forever. That day Mina got sun stroke and was too ill to go home; or so she claimed. So I took her back to my place and nursed her. (This may have been really strange if I had not already known her two weeks and she had not spent the previous weekend at my house).

Two years later we were married in the small village of Stokenchurch in Oxfordshire England, surrounded by all of our friends and family.

Mina’s Vows: When I had tonsillitis, the summer we met, you sat by my bedside all day and spoon fed me porridge. It was then I realized you’d be by my side forever. You came into my life and took care of me, when I didn’t think I needed taking care of. Not only are you the most beautiful person I know; you are kind, intelligent, gentle and loyal. You’re already my best friend and my closest companion and today I take you to be my wife. I vow to cherish you, trust you and love you faithfully through the good times, and the times when life seems a struggle. I promise to laugh and cry with you, to support you and encourage you as we work together to fulfill our dreams, for always.