Adventures of a Lesbian Mommy

MaVaVoom is Lesbian Mom Friendly!

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:39:00 +0000

MaVaVoom.com is a "Fun and Sassy Advice, Guides, and Tips for Women! MaVaVoom focuses on Health, Relationships, Fashion, Decor, Easy Recipes, Fun Mom Ideas, and New Baby Info" and they are also 'Lesbian Mom Friendly'!

I know this because the site owner Dana is a really nice woman who published a quick article I wrote about Power Struggles in Same Sex Relationships, and she plans to publish a couple of other articles on lesbian mom topics as well. There is a lesbian tag on MaVaVoom for articles that appeal to lesbian moms so be sure to check back in the near future for more articles and you can follow MaVaVoom on Twitter at twitter.com/mavavoom.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her homepage at www.juliephineas.com or follow her on Twitter @juliephineas.

Attention: Lesbian Fashionistas

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 05:25:00 +0000

Are you a fashion forward gay girl who has a passion for shoes, handbags, accessories, jewelry and clothing from all the top designers? Do you get excited when I mention BCBG dresses and boyfriend tops? Then you might be a "Lesbian Fashionista" and this post is for you!

BlueFly.com has recently expressed that they are lesbian friendly and so I'd like to invite you to visit their site. When you get there you'll find that they carry all of the top brands in clothing and accessories like Stella McCartney, Alice & Olivia, Kenneth Cole Reaction, Nicole Miller, Prada, Robert Rodriguez, Priorities, Theory and more. Whether you prefer men's cut or women's you'll find what you need at BlueFly.

Right now they are having a sale on coats and sweater dresses plus they always have clearance sales and online specials you can subscribe to and more. For more info or to start shopping you can go to www.BlueFly.com.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Gringa: A Contradictory Girlhood

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 16:00:00 +0000

As a lesbian mom, I sometimes wonder what goes through the minds of my children as we live our life together.

Reading the book "Gringa: A Contradictory Girlhood", I got a glimpse into what it might be like as the child of a lesbian mom like myself through the story of author Melissa Hart...

Torn between the high socioeconomic status of her father and the bohemian lifestyle of her mother, Melissa Hart tells a compelling story of contradiction in this coming-of-age memoir. Set in 1970s Southern California, Gringa is the story of a young girl conflicted by two extremes. On the one hand theres life with her mother, who leaves her father to begin a lesbian relationship, taking Hart and her two siblings along. Hart tells of her moms new life in a Hispanic neighborhood of Oxnard, California, and how these new surroundings begin to positively shape Hart herself. At the opposite extreme is her fathers white-bread well-to-do security, which is predictable and stable and boring. Hart is made all the more fraught with frustration when a judge rules that being raised by two women is unnatural and grants her father primary custody.

Hart weaves a powerful story of fleeting moments with her mother, of her unfolding adoration of Oxnards Latino culture, and of the ways in which shes molded by the polarity of her parents worldviews. Hart is faced with opposing ideals, caught between what she is supposed to want and what she actually desires. Gringa offers a touching, reflective look at one girls struggle with the dichotomies of class, culture, and sexuality.

This book made me laugh, and it made me cry - but mostly it opened my eyes to how precious each moment is with your children when you're an out lesbian. I encourage you to buy this book and read it, then tell your other lesbian mom friends about it too. Find it on Amazon or in a bookstore near you.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Tea Collection Clothing

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 00:20:00 +0000

With the new season comes new fashion trends and lesbian moms like me have the chance to dress the kids in cute clothes plus pick up some new items for ourselves at the same time.

Lately I've been delving into designer clothes that are offered at discount prices, or that come with other deals and special offers. One site that I found with designer clothing for women and children is called Tea Collection. The clothing at Tea Collection is modest and fashionable, with high quality fabrics at affordable prices. I like their collection of dresses especially and the fact that they have a Semi-Annual sale where you can get most of their fashions for less.

The children's clothing at Tea Collection is my favorite because I like to save my children's clothes as keepsake items. The items they sell are casual enough to wear every day, but unique enough for your children to develop their own sense of style. Tea Collection clothes are also high quality, so they'll stay nice for a long time to come. If you want to find Tea Collection clothes nearby, you can find a store that carries their clothes from their main website at www.teacollection.com.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Lessons from the Lesbian Blogger Hoax

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 04:14:00 +0000

You may or may not have heard that there are fake lesbian bloggers on the loose, one of which is “Paula Brooks” the founder of the lesbian news site LezGetReal.com.

“Paula Brooks” has turned out to be a 58 year old straight man named Bill Graber. I am the co-founder of LezGetReal.com, and I spent months working side by side with Graber online to develop LezGetReal thinking he was “Paula”. I am an author and entrepreneur so in 2007 I started a blog called Lesbian Mommy because I was in the process of writing a book about how to work from home online. Paula first approached me when she left a comment on my blog and asked me to write for another lesbian website called Lesbiatopia.

After I began writing for the site “Paula” and the site owner had what I call ‘lesbian drama’ so Paula created a new site called LezGetReal.com. Because Paula was hearing impaired and had a wife who was dying with breast cancer and young twins I offered her my help. I saw the site as an opportunity to test the system I created for my book while also making a difference for lesbian rights. Paula gave me creative control of the site to grow and named me Executive Editor, so I did a lot of work recruiting other lesbian bloggers to the site and more.

Working for LezGetReal was never about the money, and from the $50 or $60 the site would make in ad clicks would be sent out as donations to hot causes at the time, or was used to grow the site.

Paula and I both shared the expenses over time, she paid for setup, and I paid for costs when the site migrated. We worked together and created columns for the writers such as Lez Travel, plus a social network and online group for our writers to communicate. We had writers come on board like lesbian authors Jove Belle, Andi Marquette and Jill Malone, plus lesbians like Amy Balliet, Lori Hahn, Niki Hutton from Dyke Drama and the owner of Spaz Talk Radio. I was waiting for approval from the Bravo Network for Top Chef Lisa Fernandes to blog with us, plus we had writers like Kathy Young from the HRC, and we’ve had contributions from lesbian activist Robin Tyler plus lesbian cartoon character Lizzy the Lezzy.

I put a lot of work into developing the site and promoting it online because we were making a difference.

The writers helped talk others out of suicide, inspired people to create organizations like Join the Impact and Equality Army, and we got the word out about stories that the mainstream media would normally leave uncovered all because of my involvement with LezGetReal. After a while Paula’s personality and mine began to clash over issues we had with the site, and when she and I began to have differences I feared she would delete the site. This would have wasted all of the work we had done to that point so in the middle of 2009 I just walked away. She continued to run the site with Bridgette LaVictoire and a few others. I began working on a network of sites I had begun while working with LezGetReal, called GayGirlsNetwork, plus I self published my book on Amazon and basically moved on.

When the story broke I was contacted by Bilerico.com who told me about the scandal and the truth about “Paula Brooks”.

As you can imagine I was taken off guard, and stunned at the news. After a few hours of shock, I decided to call and confront Bill Graber, and when I talked to him, Graber claimed that he was able to use the identity of “Paula” to gain confidence in the media that he wouldn’t have been able to get as a straight man. Graber went to great lengths to fabricate the life of Paula Brooks in order to advance his agenda of making a great news site, and real lesbians who worked with LezGetReal are hurt and outraged at Graber’s tactics, such as Graber faking the death of “Paula’s wife Debbie”.

Graber was found out because of another fake lesbian online who turned out to be a straight male named Tom McMaster.

This fact is bringing to light the issues of online identity, gay versus straight perspective and more. One of the more popular arguments is that these hoaxes are a result of straight male privilege, but what I believe is that this is an issue of lesbian visibility. Lesbians weren’t visible in history until the feminist movement allowed women to actually define their own sexuality. Thinking back about how Bill Graber passed himself off as a lesbian to other real lesbians online, the truth of the matter is that we haven’t always known what each other looks like. My own personal gaydar is so off base that I didn’t even know that I was a lesbian so I was married to a man for almost five years. Identity in the lesbian world is a sensitive issue, and there are many lesbian women who stay in the closet for safety, family, or employment reasons.

We’re also thrown off by female celebrities in the media who don’t claim the fact that they are gay; plus the lesbian community is also one that will go to great lengths to protect each other and will usually allow another lesbian to ‘come out of the closet’ on their own time. There are two female celebrities that come to mind who have been a part of the lesbian community for years, but no lesbian who knows this has ever outed them. It was part of this phenomenon that contributed to the success of Graber’s hoax, which went on for years. There has been a call for transparency in blogging, but in working with LezGetReal and now Gay Girls Network I know how important it is for some lesbians to stay in the closet and fake being straight.

Looking back I know that there were a lot of positive changes made because of the site we created.

There have been rumors online that I knew that Paula was really Bill which is false, plus I’ve been called a few choice names which I’m choosing to ignore. Ultimately there are the people who thank me for helping them and an overall consensus of gratitude for my help. If there is any moral to the story right now it’s not that you can’t trust anyone online, and it’s not that every lesbian blogger is really a straight man. The message here is that more real lesbians need to come forward and put a face on what real lesbians look like so that fake lesbians can no longer infiltrate our world.

As for me, I’ve offered to help get LezGetReal.com back on track, plus you’ll see more of me online with GayGirlsNetwork, LesbianMommy.com and more.

For more information on how Paula Brooks was discovered to be Bill Graber you can visit www.blogher.com and read the column by Liz Henry, another real lesbian online.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Paula Brooks Exposed As Bill Graber

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 11:33:00 +0000

"Lesbian Blogger Paula Brooks"

Imagine my amazement to find that a second lesbian blogger has been exposed to be a man - Paula Brooks is really Bill Graber.

"Paula Brooks" is the founder of LezGetReal.com, a lesbian website I helped her create. The Washington Post broke the story and afterwards I was contacted by Bilerico. I was completely blown away to learn about the possibility of Paula Brooks being a fake person because I spent every day with her online for months creating LezGetReal.com.

You may remember earlier postings I did here on LesbianMommy.com which talked about Paula Brooks and LezGetReal, or LGR as some of the writers called it.


"Paula Brooks" is Bill Graber

I encouraged many of you, my readers, to become lesbian bloggers for LezGetReal and helped some really great writers publish their works on that site. The design, content, syndication and marketing took 9 months for me to complete. From the MySpace and Twitter accounts to setting up new writers, to purchasing the logo and more - much of the site came from my work. Paula told me what she liked or not and handled much of the news stories while we worked using Google chat because she was hearing impaired. When we needed to talk over the phone I talked to her father, Bill.

Thinking back on the whole journey and reading the story on Washington Post I feel used, but I am holding onto all the great things the writers have been able to inspire from LezGetReal.com.

Because the site is so heavily syndicated it has a great reach. Before I left the site in 2009 over differences between "Paula" and I, we made many significant differences for sure. I contributed over 600 articles and brought a great team of writers to the team and because of that we were able to talk a handful of lesbians away from suicide; we inspired Amy Balliett and Willow Witte to create Join the Impact back in 2008; we helped keep Shirley Tan in the country and with her wife in 2009 through writer Melanie Nathan; we helped keep Sean Kennedy's murderer off of early parole in 2009 and the site has continued to make changes because of writers like Bridgette LaVictoire and Natasia Langfelder.

My mind will be wrapping itself around this one for awhile, and I am kind of sad that her father Bill wasn't real because he was really nice.

Keep your eyes out for other fake lesbian bloggers and for fake straight bloggers too! That being said, thanks for reading this blog and I'll keep you posted on this story as it further unfolds...

UPDATE: I confronted Paula/Bill over the phone about the situation to find out how he was able to pull of this hoax. Remember that everything he says should be taken with a grain of salt, but here is the article of Graber's explanation - LezGetReal.com Co-Founder Confronts Bill Graber a.k.a “Paula Brooks”

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at http://www.juliephineas.com/.

Video: "Marriage Matters"

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 07:00:00 +0000

A mom talks about her love for her lesbian daughter, her daughter's wife, and their new son. Marriage matters because everyone deserves to be loved for who s/he is.

California Couples Continue to Wait for Equality

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 07:00:00 +0000

California same-sex couples who want to get married have to wait at least another 9 months before the decision on the appeal of the overturning of Proposition 8 is made.

The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals handed down a decision March 23rd, 2011 NOT to remove the stay on the original decision to overturn Prop. 8. This means that although Proposition 8 was overturned, same-sex couples still can not apply for a marriage license until the appeal on the decision is decided. This can take up to another 9 months while there are same-sex couples who are facing life and death decisions every day without equal protection and rights.

If you would like to help continue the fight through another 9 months please help by donating $9 to the Courage Campaign using this link here.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Another Email from My Personal Bigot

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 06:39:00 +0000

You may or may not have read the email I got from a bigot for my birthday. If not the post is here: Lesbian Birthdays Bring on The Blues.

For my birthday I got a message on Facebook from someone I thought was a friend from the community, a teacher at my children's school. We have history with the school, going back generations with my family and my wife's. We are considered "go to parents" for many of the teachers in the school for help with anything they might need, so for the message to come from this teacher stunned me and dropped my jaw.

I thought I handled it well, and didn't go all angry lesbian on this teacher, having compassion for their situation and what I know about their life. Unfortunately I don't seem to get equal treatment even when it comes to compassion, as this teacher felt the need to follow up with the next email which is even worse (I think) then the first...

Dear Julie... I trust that you are OK. I will attempt to travel wisely, on-track, and with concern. Without giving any background in the initial letter, I did not provide a source for my thoughts. As I’m sure you suspected, the notion of “God” is part of the picture. Because there are a myriad of concepts and beliefs regarding God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Holy Bible, prayer, sin, salvation, and church, I will express my thoughts on these matters. Many more topics exist.

I believe there is one all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present, and all-loving God who created all things and determines the destiny of all things. God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to walk this earth as a perfect man and to die on a cross to pay the penalty for each our sins. The Holy Spirit is the third part of the Godhead and is co-equal with the Father and Son. The Holy Spirit is our Counselor and Teacher and lives inside of us. The Holy Bible is God’s totally inspired word and is without error. Prayer is a method of communicating with God. Sin is violating God’s standard and all of us are guilty. Sin can affect and hinder our prayer life. The only way to meet God’s standard is by accepting Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior... no amount of good works will qualify us. Finally, there is the subject of church. There are churches that do and believe everything imaginable. I believe a church should focus on the Bible and accurately teach and do what it says do. I feel most churches in America are off-target.

In my initial letter, I commented about yourself lifestyle. I know a close family member and a number of other women in similar situations. I probably know men with other men. I know a long-time married woman friend who is with another man. I suspect a married man I know to be with women that are not his wife. I know a number of women who are sexually involved with men they are not married to and men who are sexually involved with women they are not married to. These are sexual sins... there are a host of other sins that God warns against. Here is one passage taken from the Bible in 1st Corinthians 6: 9-11:

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

It is my strong belief that there is a Heaven and there is a Hell. The Bible teaches (Matthew 7: 12-13) that very few people are going to Heaven... including many who are in churches. Knowing this, it is my desire that as many qualify for Heaven as possible. You have to know and do what is right. This means that people need to read the Bible for themselves. God holds you accountable if you were able to read the Bible. I might tell a homeless man to cross the street and take some of the neighbor’s backyard fruit because he is hungry. God still calls it sin. Don’t listen to me. Don’t listen to Oprah. Don’t listen to Osteen. Listen to God by reading His Word and praying that His will be done.

Just as I do with many people around me, I pray that God’s will be done in Julie’s life. The faithful and loving God I serve requires me to have Julie’s best interest in mind and I am very pleased do so. Take care and may God bless you.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Even still I did not release my lesbian fury on this teacher, didn't put this person out there with the school or in any way try to seek vengeance or revenge. I accept this situation as part of my journey, something I am meant to experience and overcome so that others who face similar situations can learn from what I went through so I simply did not respond and went on with my life trying not to let it affect me.

Regardless of my silence on the situation and holding back words in anger, I received yet another email from this person and here is that one for you to read...

Hi Julie... after going through my stack of letters, yours hit a nerve and it was necessary to respond. Not really sure why I bothered you in the first place, but I deeply and sincerely apologize and ask for your forgiveness. If I really hurt your feelings, there probably isn't anything sufficient I would close the gap with. By the way, there is no effort going on here to try to make me look good. The faithful and loving God I serve requires me to have Julie’s best interest in mind and I am very pleased do so. Take care and may God bless you.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I am so tired of this passive aggressive self righteousness!

I want to send back a long letter in return, pointing out the holes in this persons theory and encouraging them to change THEIR lifestyle. I am just as worried about this persons salvation as they are in mine, but my beliefs are not in line with bigotry or hatred. Don't get me wrong, I am human and not perfect; but I really do try to live my life the right way. I've made many mistakes but I know that marrying my wife was never one of them. I feel very sorry for this person and the fact that they will never know the joy and love I have known since I met Gina. How could they with a perspective like that???

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Lesbian Birthdays Bring on the Blues

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 07:33:00 +0000

If you’ve ever had a birthday you’ll know to expect people to smile and be happy for you plus tell you things like “have a great day” or “I hope you get your favorite_____”.

Unfortunately for lesbians there other things people might tell you that might not be as sweet. Case in point my birthday is February 9 and I turned 33 just yesterday. I had many people tell me many things, but as I made it through my day I found that being gay played into the birthday greetings I got.

At first I thought it was just me being sensitive.

I noticed it when certain family members made it a point to say Happy Birthday to me and then others did not. It’s the same old bunch who didn’t make it a point to congratulate Gina and I on our wedding while all the others did, plus more. I tried not to think much about that so I kept a smile on my face because the bottom line is that a birthday can make anyone feel special and I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time.

The smile was still there after that but then I got an email from a teacher I know that literally blew me away...

Hi Julie. I trust that things are going well for you. I further trust that things went well for you on your birthday. Although I did not acknowledge your special day, it was not an oversight. I will readily admit that I do not endorse or encourage your home relationship.

Nevertheless, I should have greeted you yesterday the same way I greet everyone, regardless of your lifestyle. I wish to deeply apologize and ask your forgiveness. There is no excuse for my action. The usual greeting I give goes as follows...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY young lady!!!

Once again, I am very sorry for not greeting you properly yesterday and, I further apologize if I hurt your feelings. If all of this makes you really angry, I also wish to sincerely apologize for getting you upset. Although I attempt to be aware of the feelings of others when my points of view may differ with theirs, this is not always possible. During the course of the average year, I manage, unintentionally, to upset family members and friends.

Having said all this and having expressed my thoughts on your situation, I wish to state that I have no plans to share this letter or the nature of this letter with anyone associated with ###############. By the way, I have problem with the relationship; not with you as a person.

In the past, you had expressed interest in bringing the children by to visit. If you are still interested and can still tolerate me, you’re welcome to come by, but only if it is the two kids and just you by yourself... 2 kids and Julie.

I’m very sorry if I have upset you. If I had given you a birthday greeting like I should have, this letter probably would not have been written. Julie should have received the same love that everyone else received.

I trust that God’s will be done in all of our lives. Take care.

The phrase “Trust No One” is running through my mind at the same time I am thinking about Stonewall and Harvey Milk. On one level I completely respect this person’s view, and right to have their opinion. Another part of me wants to go all angry lesbian and send back a strongly worded letter; but I wonder what would Harvey do???

I am sitting here bewildered and stunned, like there is a pit in my stomach falling into numbness. Now my birthday smile is gone. The part of me that can bring it back says “Oh well - that’s what happens when you’re a lesbian!” and try to laugh it off as another humbling experience I needed to go through for reasons I can’t understand.

But really I’d like my readers to tell me… what would Harvey do???

UPDATE:

At first I had a few quotes from the letter here, but decided to post the whole letter after talking with my wife about what was best for my readers. I also sent a note to this person and this is what I said:

##########,

At first I was excited to see a long email from you but since I read your email I've been disappointed. I'm very sorry to learn ##############, but I decided not to comment publicly and instead removed you from my list of friends then sent this message to you.

I wanted to let you know that I did get your email and respect your right to your opinion. I accept your apology and forgive you plus think it's a good thing that you let me know how you felt. This is part of the path I am on which is why I am an activist working towards equality for people like me.

Unfortunately I won't come to visit with my children only because I make it a point to stand up against bigotry and though I am compassionate to your situation I can't endorse your perspective especially in front of my children. You are welcome to learn what you can from my book, websites, etc. and I thank you for teaching me another lesson in forgiveness in my life.

God Bless,

Julie Phineas

I don't know how this situation will develop from here but I will keep you posted!

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Tila Tequila "It Gets Better"

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 02:02:00 +0000

Tila Tequila talks about being bullied as a bisexual teen and how it affected her emotionally.

Hey Guys!

I just wanted to make a video and share a little piece of my life story with you all. I get a LOT of emails sent to me from fans asking for advice on how to handle getting bullied, or how they are so afraid to "come out," and things like that.

So I have decided to make this video to let you all know that life is so much more important, and to not let these stupid bullies get the best of you!!! I have been through a lot of hard times in my life, so I KNOW how it feels, and that's why I wanted to share this message with you all!

I really hope that whomever watching this, really stop to think and love yourself because at the end of the day, YOU ARE WORTH IT!

and please sign up for my email subscription so you aways get notified when I make a new blog post at my website: www.MissTilaOmg.com! Lots of exciting things to come so please sign up so u don't miss out on the fun!

Love
Miss Tila

Video Post: Family Time by COLAGE

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 00:30:00 +0000

Media artist Jen Gilomen collaborated with COLAGE to create Family Time, a short film and participatory multimedia exhibit tracing two decades of evolution in the concept of family as experienced by people with one or more Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and/or Queer (LGBTQ) parents. Their interwoven stories reflect social changes through personal experiences with the political, legal, and social elements that most mark the LGBTQ movement. Learn more at http://colage.org/familytime.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Barack Obama to Sign Bill Ending Don't Ask Don't Tell

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 00:14:00 +0000

A Message from The President of The United States:

Hours ago, the Senate voted to end "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

When that bill reaches my desk, I will sign it, and this discriminatory law will be repealed.

Gay and lesbian service members -- brave Americans who enable our freedoms -- will no longer have to hide who they are.

The fight for civil rights, a struggle that continues, will no longer include this one.

This victory belongs to you. Without your commitment, the promise I made as a candidate would have remained just that.

Instead, you helped prove again that no one should underestimate this movement. Every phone call to a senator on the fence, every letter to the editor in a local paper, and every message in a congressional inbox makes it clear to those who would stand in the way of justice: We will not quit.

This victory also belongs to Senator Harry Reid, Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and our many allies in Congress who refused to let politics get in the way of what was right.

Like you, they never gave up, and I want them to know how grateful we are for that commitment.

Will you join me in thanking them by adding your name to Organizing for America's letter?

I will make sure these messages are delivered -- you can also add a comment about what the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" means to you.

As Commander in Chief, I fought to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" because it weakens our national security and military readiness. It violates the fundamental American principles of equality and fairness.

But this victory is also personal.

I will never know what it feels like to be discriminated against because of my sexual orientation.

But I know my story would not be possible without the sacrifice and struggle of those who came before me -- many I will never meet, and can never thank.

I know this repeal is a crucial step for civil rights, and that it strengthens our military and national security. I know it is the right thing to do.

But the rightness of our cause does not guarantee success, and today, celebration of this historic step forward is tempered by the defeat of another -- the DREAM Act. I am incredibly disappointed that a minority of senators refused to move forward on this important, commonsense reform that most Americans understand is the right thing for our country. On this issue, our work must continue.

Today, I'm proud that we took these fights on.

Please join me in thanking those in Congress who helped make "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" repeal possible:

http://my.barackobama.com/Repealed

Thank you,

Barack

RuPaul's Drag U Season 2 Casting

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 21:30:00 +0000

Here is the latest casting call from LOGO TV for RuPaul's Drag U Season 2:

This is a great opportunity for lesbian moms to raise lesbian visibility in a fun way while getting a free makeover. Please send this casting call to anyone who might be interested. For more info you can email dragucasting@gmail.com.

The Tooth Fairy is A Lesbian

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 12:00:00 +0000

I just realized that each time my children lose a tooth and we "give the Tooth Fairy a call", we're dialing a rainbow phone number!

My wife and I have been playing Tooth Fairy for years, telling the tale of her to our kids and sharing the excitement of finding money under the pillow in the morning if you leave a tooth. Of course I realized soon after we began this adventure that my kids were now learning how to sell their body parts for money, as my daughter loudly wondered if she could sell other things like her hair or fingernails from under her pillow and my son expected like 20 bucks for each molar and had a look of disappointment when he would find anything less than a five.

So I kind of backtracked with the whole charade a few years ago and told my kids the truth...

The lady who leaves you the money is me, and when your mama dials the phone to call the fairy to get your tooth she's really calling on your lesbian mom to stay up late and make sure the money gets there!

There were a couple of times I've messed up because I forgot to make the switch or they've woken up while my hand was under their pillow so when I confessed that I was the Tooth Fairy, to them it all made sense.

This week both kids lost a tooth and I kept the tradition alive by saying "Ooooh, now we get to call the Tooth Fairy!"and I gave them the innocent look they use when they tell me and my wife their tall tales.

Old enough now, and knowing the truth, they got a little gleam in their eye and know I'll be sneaking in during the night with money in hand to take their tooth for my keepsake collection.

Ultimately, I'm glad I told them the truth (even though the other adults around me gave me looks like I was a dream killer!) and in the end I'm happy with being honest to my kids. They seem more grateful now no matter how much money they find under the pillow just knowing that we've taken the time and effort to make sure they know and feel that they are special.

That being said you know that my family will be keeping the Tooth Fairy tradition alive, and don't forget - in my house she has rainbow wings.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives with her wife in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Calling All Gay Girls!

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 01:00:00 +0000

Gay Girls Network is looking for lesbians to author articles and become site editors!

We have over 30 different websites on a variety of topics that are of interest to lesbians worldwide. We are currently looking for site editors to help manage our sites and lesbian authors to share articles as well. Our goal is to raise visibility for lesbians online in a positive way, and so we are calling for all gay girls to come forward and participate in what we're doing to make a difference in the fight for equality around the globe!

Our site editors earn ad revenue, and our site authors are able to promote their personal projects with a signature byline in their articles.

We also provide authors with an opportunity to earn income from their articles by affiliation with LDate. We provide training and support for all editors and authors, plus we handle all promotion and maintenance of articles and websites in our network.

If you are interested in learning more, use the links below to find out more about the opportunity you are interested in:

Posible Author Information
Posible Editor Information

For more information about Gay Girls Network, you can visit www.gaygirlsnetwork.com.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

IT GETS BETTER: "Modern Family"

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 20:15:00 +0000

"Modern Family" Stars Jesse Tyler Ferguson & Eric Stonestreet talk about bullying and what you can do if it's happening to you:
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

When Your Child Is Suicidal

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 19:00:00 +0000

This is a hard one for me... I'm already holding back tears - but it needs to be said.

I recently posted an article titled "Suicide: It’s What’s for Breakfast" which had been written in 2009, a little over a year ago now. In it I told you all about my uncle and how he hung himself from a tree. I also linked to a letter written by a Brazilian teen who hung herself from a tree as well. I also told you about an eight year old California girl who hung herself by a belt from her bunk bed.

Now, I feel like I have to tell it all - let you know what I've been going through, and hopefully help somebody else out there who might need it.

Back in 2009, things were taking a toll on me and I hit a new emotional low when I found out about the suicide of the Brazilian girl after reading her letter. Regardless of what I was doing as a blogger to aid the project helping her, I couldn't stop her from killing herself. The producers of the project were stunned as well, and it was a group shock experience I would never like to re-live. Luckily for me I received a Message of Hope, and was able to move forward somewhat and try to get back on track.

Later that year, however, I found out that my daughter was having suicidal thoughts and it devastated me!

She was only 7 years old and told me that sometimes she wanted to get a knife and stab herself in the chest. She told me that she tried to kill herself already. She had tried to drop a knife on her foot when she was helping put dishes away. It was very innocent and very scary. When I got to the root of what was making her feel this way, a story came out about a girl from her father's apartment complex asking her to pull her pants down when they were playing outside by the bushes. Can you imagine as a mother how I felt at that moment!?! I was so bewildered, it really did come out of no where, although I knew something was up with her.

This incident had happened to her 6 months prior, and it was bothering her this whole time, but she didn't tell me because of some internal reasoning that she would be in trouble.

I knew something was going on with her because of her grades at school, and her behavior problems at home which had started to escalate. I thought it had to do with starting a new sport, still dealing with the divorce of her parents, the fact that I'm gay, that she's spoiled - all kinds of reasons other than the truth. There were no signs in her drawings, the stories she would write, nothing in her school work that would suggest what she was suffering from, but there was something there on a deeper level I just couldn't see.

I knew she couldn't kill herself by dropping a knife on her foot, but what if she realized a way that would actually work... and tried it?

(I have to take a deep breath. This is very hard for me to share. I have kept myself in a shell and away from people so that this wouldn't come up. I didn't want my daughter labeled in some way because this was happening to her. I am here telling you this because I want other parents to learn because I didn't know who to call or what to do but I had to figure it out. I HAD TO.)

My wife and I took our daughter to her doctor, an "adult we could trust", to talk to her about the thoughts she had and what happened with the girl from the apartment.

The doctor made a report about the incident to our state's family services and referred us to a specialist for further testing. We took our daughter for a full evaluation to see whether she had learning disabilities affecting her grades, and if we could eliminate the suicidal thoughts she was having. What it came down to after working with an excellent family therapist (MFT) and lesbian friendly psyschologist was that our daughter was suffering from post traumatic stress following the incident with the girl at the apartment which was affecting her concentration at school. She was constantly having "intrusive thoughts" affecting her focus and her behavior. These thoughts meant that she kept thinking about the situation over and over again and she was reliving the emotions over and over again too.

She had feelings of shame and basically that she was a 'bad girl'.

Being so young and innocent, feeling like you are a 'bad girl' can be the worst feeling in the world. I totally understand why she felt like she wanted to hurt herself - she wanted to stop the pain.

When we got to the bottom of things (which took a few months!) things got easier.

Before that things were hard. We really took things one day at a time, and I really had a hard time because my daughter sleeps in a bunk bed. We had her on 24 hour surveillance between my wife and I, and constantly "checked in" with her emotionally. Simple things like asking her "How are you?", "Is there anything you want to talk about or ask me?", or "What's on your mind?" to open up the lines of communication. I really had to work hard on my reactions to the things she told me, because I always told her that she could tell me anything. She chose not to tell me about the incident in the first place because she felt like she would get in trouble, so I had to be sure that even though she was telling me things she would normally be in trouble for (like she was behind the bushes when she wasn't supposed to be) I didn't make a big deal out of those issues.

The important thing was that I had my daughter, here, breathing - ALIVE.

I am glad she told me what was going on, and felt she could tell me how she feels. I've always told her she could talk to me, and now she knows it's really true. Our MFT has become a part of the family in some ways, and we are eternally grateful to the things she has shown us.

We are still taking things one day at a time, but we made it through a tough time and are here to tell the tale.

I just hope by sharing this others will know that the kids in our world are capable of a lot more than we might give credit for, and hold emotions we might not understand because they are so darn innocent. Check in with your kids, let them know how they feel is normal, and that what goes on out in the world is not their fault! Give them the support system they need, and if you can't give advice, you just don't know what to say, give them the Trevor Hotline Phone Number 1-866-4-U-TREVOR.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Suicide: It’s What’s for Breakfast

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 17:45:00 +0000

This is an article I wrote in 2009. With the recent suicides of Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh, and Asher Brown, I felt it needed to be re-visited...

Lately there has been a lot of talk about suicide.

Most recently, an 11 year old boy, Carl Walker-Hoover, killed himself by hanging with an extension cord after being bullied at school with anti-gay slurs, even though he was not gay. Eric Mohat, 17, was harassed so badly in high school that when one bully said to him in class, “Why don’t you go home and shoot yourself, no one will miss you,” that’s exactly what he did.

As a journalist for our news section here on LezGetReal, I am always scouring our sources for stories our readers should know about.

Many times it’s early in the morning, and this activity can set the pace for the rest of the day. I’ve noticed that many of the stories that readers respond to the most are the ones that are shocking or sad. Good news is usually not considered newsworthy. That’s not the case here on our site and of course not every news source is that way, but for the most part I am noticing that every morning for the past two weeks there has been some type of news tip in my inbox about a recent suicide.

Now in my personal life, I have known suicide, since my uncle killed himself by hanging when I was a young child.

The way he did it has played on my mind for years. He hung himself in a tree in the front yard on Halloween. I remember walking by the tree that night while trick or treating with my mom and sister and seeing the fake dummy man hanging in the tree. The next time I went to my grandparents house the tree had been cut down.

That has been something that has stuck with me my whole life, and now as a lesbian blogger and activist I am facing the issue of suicide almost daily.

Recently, an 8 year old girl committed suicide here in California, for no apparent reason. She hung herself with a belt from her bunk bed. As things like this happen, I become more saddened at the presence of suicide in our society. Other members in my circle have committed suicide, and some have threatened it as well.

Suicide statistics show:

-A person dies by suicide about every 16 minutes in the United States. An attempt is estimated to be made once every minute.

-Suicide is the fifth leading cause of death among those 5-14 years old.

-Suicide is the third leading cause of death among those 15-24 years old.

The suicide rates for men rise with age, most significantly after age 65.

-The suicide rates for women peak between the ages of 45-54 years old, and again after age 75.

-Over 60 percent of all people who die by suicide suffer from major depression.

-About 15 percent of the population will suffer from clinical depression at some time during their lifetime. Thirty percent of all clinically depressed patients attempt suicide; half of them ultimately die by suicide.

Last week, a friend of mine working on a documentary on LGBT hate crimes in Brazil shared a particularly saddening letter written by a girl in Brazil, who hung herself from a tree a few weeks ago. She had been sexually assaulted by some boys from her town, saving her friend from the same fate. Since the boys were related to connected people, nothing had been done.

Here are some excerpts of that letter…

My father took me home. He stopped the car in front of our house to talk with me. “I knew this was gonna happen with the way you are”.
He cried.
I never saw my father cry. Before he got out of the car he said, “it would have been better if you died”.
In my bedroom I looked in the mirror to see my body after
everything. Like a Frankenstein monster.
My shoulder looked like a quilt my mother made.
Leftover pieces of me sewn together to try making me whole again.
…I’m not very sure about what to do. My mother says I should pretend all of this didn’t happen to me and maybe I can go out with a boy from our church now.
I was very mad… I am very mad because she knows the boys who did this to me. They are from our church!
I hate to be such a terrible problem for everyone.
Maybe it’s better if I am dead. I’m scared now.
I don’t think I’m strong enough for this life.

If we truly want to do something about suicide we have to take a stand against it – we can’t let it become the norm!

I know what it is to be depressed, and feel despair. I have had a tough life having been abused as a child, abused as a woman, and with a life full of hard knocks. There have been times that I have been down and out, but luckily I feel that I have things to live for.

Yet I imagine what it must be like to be in a different city, county, or country.

What would it be like if I didn’t have a family? What would it be like if I didn’t have money, or a career, or friends? What if I didn’t have anything to live for other than life itself? That might take me a little closer to the edge I imagine. But for me, I have never really been that close and I guess I could never really know how it is for someone who is in so much despair that they would take their own life.

What I do know is that suicide is completely preventable.

Being there and giving someone something to look forward to is a big help that can’t really be measured but can make a huge difference. We don’t see news stories when someone has decided against taking their own life, but it happens every day.

Also, everyone really needs to watch what they say to other people.

Words really can hurt people, and they can help too. Something my wife taught me that helps “When you talk to someone, you never know, you might have been the only person to talk to them that day.”

It’s very true. Let’s all keep that in mind.

From The Trevor Project:

How You Can Help a Suicidal Person:
Listen. Suicidal people frequently feel no one understands them, that they are not taken seriously, and that no one listens to them.
Accept the person’s feelings as they are. Do not try to cheer the person up by making, positive, unrealistic statements. Do not joke about the situation.
Do not be afraid to talk about suicide directly. You will not be putting ideas into the person’s head. It may, in fact, be dangerous to avoid asking a person directly if s/he is feeling suicidal.
Ask them if they have developed a plan for suicide. The presence of a well-developed plan indicates more serious intent.
Remove anything dangerous from the person’s home that might be used in a suicide attempt (e.g., gun, knife, razor blades, sleeping pills).
Tell a trusted adult. Do not keep it a secret. If someone you know is considering suicide, an adult is the best person to handle the situation and offer that person help. Make No Deals to keep secret what a suicidal person has told you.
Express your concern for the person and your hope that the person will not choose suicide but instead will stick it out a little longer.
Remind the person that depressed feelings do change over time.
Point out that when death is chosen, it is final–it cannot be changed.
Develop a plan for help with the person.
If you cannot develop a plan and a suicide attempt is imminent, seek outside emergency help from a hospital, mental health clinic or call “911.”

If you are battling with suicidal thoughts there is hope for you.

There is always hope to make things better, hope for a brighter day, as long as you don’t give up. Reach out to someone, tell someone you need help, don’t be afraid to make a change for the better.

In an emergency, call 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, 1-866-488-7386.

Together we can turn these headlines around, and start each day with positive news… can you imagine?? I sure can!

In the meantime, let’s keep our heads up and do what we can each day to make a change.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her online by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Are you a Latina Lesbian Mom in NY?

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 20:00:00 +0000

Julia Li is a PBS Casting director looking for lesbian parents with ethnic-minority backgrounds such as latinas and other under-represented ethnic groups within the LGBT community to interview for the up and coming documentary "Out in America".
From Mombian:

I’m passing along this message from Julia Li, a producer of the documentary “Out in America,” which will air nationally on PBS in 2011. She says “It’s a film that celebrates and explores a diverse spectrum of experiences in various LGBT communities, but there are a few voices that are still missing from the film.” In particular, she says, they are now looking for “Latina lesbian parents with school-age children.”

Filming takes place in New York so if you are in the area and know of someone who might be interested simply have them contact Julia Li at 212-929-2085.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Prop. 8 Update

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 15:00:00 +0000

For those of you who have been wondering about the latest on Prop. 8 here in California, here is an update.

You may have read that the ban on gay marriage was overturned on August 4, 2010 yet gay marriages did not resume right away. Because the opposition planned to appeal the decision, Judge Walker ordered a stay, or delay, to hear arguments for and against same-sex marriages resuming while awaiting the appeal.

On August 12, 2010 Judge Walker denied a new motion to extend that stay at which point same-sex couples should have been allowed to begin marrying. However, Judge Walker extended the effective date of that order to allow for the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit (where the case is being appealed) to review the matter.

Kate Kendell, executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights was quoted as saying:

“It would be delightful to have marriages resuming this afternoon, but it is understandable why Judge Walker would want the Ninth Circuit to have an opportunity to review. We look forward to the resumption of marriages next week, not only based on principles of equality and fairness, but as affirmations of love and basic humanity.”

Many people expected marriages to resume the next week, August 17th, 2010 just like Kate Kendell did.

However on August 17, 2010, the Ninth Circuit panel put gay marriage on hold again when they handed down an order to stay the original decision by Judge Walker to overturn the ban while placing the appeal on an expedited schedule to hear the case in December.

September 1, 2010 it was reported that a conservative group filed a motion asking that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Jerry Brown be made to defend the law in federal court. The California Supreme Court then declined that motion and now Meg Whitman is saying she will defend Prop. 8 if elected in this coming election.

With Gov. Schwarzenegger out of the state, another plan was uncovered to enlist the acting Lt. Governor Abel Maldonado to defend the measure and file an appeal on the original case in federal court in the final days in which an appeal could be filed, and that was September 13, 2010.

While awaiting the final decision after the hearing in December you can still find plenty of Prop. 8 coverage online including major donations made by anti-gay advocates, noticeable silence on the part of pro-gay supporters, and other Prop. 8 accusations. An end to the whole situation is still not in sight.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Prop. 8 Ruled "Unconstitutional"

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 21:14:00 +0000

Judge Vaughn Walker handed down his decision today in the case to repeal Prop. 8 and ruled the ban against same-sex marriage to be "unconstitutional".

A sigh of relief is the initial reaction by the LGBT community, followed by a new motivation to go on the offensive in the fight for marriage equality and other basic civil equalities. The Courage Campaign is calling for contributions to prepare for appeals on their main website here. You can read the entire story of the ruling on Proposition 8 and what's next for the fight for marriage equality at lesbian news site LezGetReal.com here.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Prop. 8 Decision To Be Handed Down August 4, 2010

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 01:45:00 +0000

News site Lez Get Real is reporting that the decision by the California Supreme Court on whether to overturn anti-gay Proposition 8 is set to be handed down on Wednesday August 4th, 2010.

The long awaited decision will affect thousands of same-sex couples in the state and send a message to LGBT and anti-gay activists alike about where they stand in the fight for marriage equality. For more information about the proposition and Day of Decision events, you can read the article on LezGetReal.com here.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Guerilla Lesbians

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 19:12:00 +0000

Guerilla Lesbians are lesbians who are committed to raising visibility for our community while advancing lesbian interests.

It takes a special kind of lesbian to be considered a "Guerilla Lesbian", and I am definitely one! Are you one too?

Guerilla Lesbians are not afraid to stand up for lesbian rights and speak out against any injustice towards the lesbian community. We are signing petitions, sending donations, rallying together, and infiltrating the heterosexual world as much as we can to let society know and see that we are here, we are queer, and it's time to get used to it!

Visit www.guerillalesbians.com and see our site, plus sign up to receive updates to your inbox so you can participate in what we're doing to advance the fight for lesbian rights worldwide.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Prop. 8 Day of Decision

noreply@blogger.com (~Julie Phineas~) — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 05:53:00 +0000

Mark Solomon of Equality California is calling for all supporters of same-sex marriage in and near the state of California to come together for the Prop. 8 Day of Decision which is expected to be handed down soon. ECQA is searching for same-sex couples and their families to participate in gatherings across the state the day the California Supreme Court makes a decision on the repeal of Proposition 8, the proposition which places a ban on same-sex marriage in California.

You can find out where your nearest gathering location is and more information on how you can participate by visiting www.equalrightsfoundation.org.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

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