But on top of all of that, I realized how badly I talk to myself in my head. I was getting the urge to eat something, and immediately the thought ran through my head of ‘You already blew it…what’s one more thing going to hurt?’ But the thing is, I HAVEN’T blown it today. I have done amazing staying in my points and eating right and drinking my water.

It’s like the negative talk has become a horrible habit.

I’m not really sure why this would be important enough to put here, or where I was going with it, but it’s something I felt like I needed to get down here.

Now I have to figure out how to talk positively to myself. Well, without anyone thinking I’m a loon when I also answer.

I have mentioned before that I have my home gym in the basement, and even though I know alot of the actual exercises that can be done with the equipment that I own, I have trouble setting up an actual workout plan.

This morning I happened across this site - Free Trainers. It is so simple to use, and it’s free! Just input your usuals…weight, age, fitness goals, and you’re all set up! It also has a diet plan that you can use, but because I’m doing Weight Watchers, I didn’t check that out too thoroughly. The workout plan is great though. You choose how many days per week that you want to work out, and it lays it all out for you. That is my biggest challenge. I know there are rules as to which parts to work on the same day, and this does it for you!

If you are confused about getting a routine started, check it out. I think it can help!

It’s a good thing I skip the meeting though, as I have ‘that time’ in about a week, and could seriously eat an entire house at this moment.

Lately, I have gotten the advice of a few other bloggers as to how to take my site to the next level. I want this to be more than just my daily blah boring exerpts. I want to get this site out there again, gaining the traffic that it used to draw, and the inspiration back in it. I guess that would mean that I actually have to succeed at this weight loss thing, huh? What’s inspirational about a blogger that journals every week about the weight holding steady and failing, yet again. I guess it’s a reality of weight loss, but I don’t want to do average any more. I want to excel. For some reason I keep holding myself back. I don’t know what the fear is that keeps me from going further. I wish I knew.

I’m too hard on myself. I expect way too much and achieve way too little. Mel mentioned before, that it could possibly be from the OCD, so I have to keep that in mind. But it’s like the only constant I have with myself is disappointment. How do I beat that???

Tonight I tried something different. I grabbed a small plate. I grabbed one slice of pizza and my glass of ice water and sat down. I ate the one piece, cleaning my plate, which quenched the crazy feeling that leaving food on my plate creates, and you know what? I was satisfied. I was no longer hungry. I wasn’t stuffed. I was satisfied.

What a crazy concept, huh?

1/3 Cup coffee grounds (I used hazelnut flavor)
1-1/2 cups of water

Mix these together in a shaker bottle or jar and let sit 12 hours or overnight.

Strain it twice through a strainer or coffee filters (filters take awhile) to get out all the grounds and add 8 oz. skim milk (more if it’s too strong coffee flavor, just make sure you figure the points) and Splenda if you like it sweetened (I used 5 packets of Splenda…seriously…my coffee’s gotta be sweet). I shook it up really well and served over ice. I’m drinking it now and really like it! I think you could use the Davinci syrups that Walmart carries in Vanilla and all kinds of flavors that are also 0 points to flavor it up!

I’m thinking I like this pretty much alot, and it’s only 2 points (for the milk is all) instead of 6 points that a large McDonald’s Vanilla iced coffee is that I LOVE and it’s about as much coffee as well!!

Let me know if you try and it and if you like it!!!

Update ~ Seriously, the caffeine buzz kicked in after 3 minutes. It’s impossible to type as fast as my brain is functioning right now.

Chatty pointless update ~ Caffeine overload is actually kind of hysterical. Wonder what time I’ll crash and nap??

At my Balancing site awhile back, I had created a ‘101 in 1001′ page. This is 101 things that I want to accomplish in 1001 days.

There are some really great things for me on that list, and I can’t wait to see how many I can accomplish this year! Check it out in the pages ^ up there!

I got the house straightened up, started taking Christmas decorations down (finally), and I just returned home from my 3 mile walk. Tonight on TV starts the week-long National Body Challenge on Discovery Health channel at 8 p.m. Also tonight is the first episode of Diet Tribe on Lifetime at 10 p.m. And of course tomorrow starts Episode 7 of The Biggest Loser!

I mention this, because on my Wii Fit last night, I unlocked a new aerobic exercise called ‘Free Step’. I can watch regular tv while the Wii talks to me through the controller giving me a ‘beat’ to step on and off the Fit Board to. It lets you do this is 10, 20 or 30 minute intervals. So I plan on not only watching these shows, but putting on my pedometer and keeping myself active while watching them and doing the Fit step. I want to see how much I rack up on the pedometer while doing this. I’ve already done my 3 mile walk, so this will be a huge bonus!