Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat

My blog has moved!

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 00:13:00 +0000

There seems to have been a problem with subscribing to my blog on Beliefnet.com when I first moved Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat to the new location. I'm posting almost every day. If you liked my blog so far and haven't resubscribed yet, please come to http://blog.beliefnet.com/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat/ and either put your email address in or subscribe via RSS. If you have any questions, feel from to contact me at daylle@daylle.com.

Blessings to you all!
Daylle

Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat Has a New Home

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Tue, 18 May 2010 02:05:00 +0000

I’m delighted to announce that Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat has moved to Beliefnet.com, a wonderful inspirational community—the largest website for people on a spiritual path. I’ve subscribed to several of their newsletters for years. If you’re not familiar with Beliefnet, you should check it out! It's a good home for this blog. You can find my blog at <http://blog.beliefnet.com/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat>.

While the blog site might look a little different, it will be the same blog. I’ll still have my Law of Attraction in Action series and the same kind of posts that you expect from me. The only difference is I’ll be posting more often. The layout of the site is better than what I've had.

If you are a subscriber, please come to the new location and re-subscribe. I value all of you and truly hope that you will continue to follow my posts. If you go to <http://blog.beliefnet.com/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat>, you’ll find the Subscribe button on the right side just a few inches from the top. You can put in your email address or subscribe to an RSS feed. You don’t have to unsubscribe from this location.

It’s been my pleasure to have you reading my blog and I anticipate that you’ll continue to enjoy the posts I write. If you have any questions, post a comment or shoot me an email. My URL will also forward to Beliefnet.com so you can still use it if you forget the new one.

I will continue to joyously write Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat! Please follow me over to <http://blog.beliefnet.com/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat>. Blessing to you all!

Keep Today’s Fire Burning

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Fri, 14 May 2010 16:01:00 +0000

I had a client last week who I’ll call Marie. She was focused on issues from her past as she prepared to meet with an old client who she had problems with years ago and was freaking out. Marie has a lot of work to do on the project this client may get involved in but couldn’t focus because her thoughts were overwhelmed with memories of her dealings with this client—10 years ago!

You’re a different person than you were in the past and so is everyone you encounter today.

That’s why it’s so important to only deal each situation when it’s happening. Today is all that matters and your interactions with everyone is contingent on today only. Tomorrow isn’t here yet. Yesterday is over. When I interviewed my inspiration—Louise Hay—she said something that I found profound. I asked how she feels about her career so far and she said she could tell me how she feels right now since she doesn’t look back, or forward, since now is all that’s real. she said she barely remembered what has happened since it's over and doesn't know what will happen in the future, no less tomorrow.

Right now is all that matters. And right now, this minute, you’re fine!

You can let old memories bring you down like they did Marie or leave them in the past. If you failed at something before, it doesn’t mean you’ll fail again. But, you have a bigger chance to fail if you focus on your past failure. Remembering negatives fosters insecurity where confidence should be. Marie was spinning old experiences and expecting trouble the next day at the meeting. It made her anxious. I asked if she had any reason to believe that the client would hold a grudge or cause her a problem. She didn’t, but worried about “what ifs”.

What happened in the past is over, unless you keep it alive.

Marie projected things that might happen based on an experience 10 years before. Yet she was in a very different place than she was when she dealt with the client and the client was also in a different place. Instead of looking forward to a good, new interaction, she got worked up with worry—lamenting about the past and expecting negatives in the future based on the past. At that moment she was fine and had no current reason to expect trouble from the client, who might not even remember her.

An Eskimo proverb says, “Yesterday is ashes; tomorrow is wood. Only today does the fire burn brightly.”

Yesterday is in ashes—gone, history, over. Tomorrow is wood. Not alive or burning, not here yet, a clean slate for you to color on in happy bright experiences or smear it with negatives from the ashes. Your fire is burning brightly right now. I worked with Marie to see the folly of her constant laments about her 10-year old experiences and to focus on where she is right now, how good she is at her job, and why she will be an asset to this client. Slowly she relaxed.

When you feel the past creeping into your present, write down all the good things about you and your life and focus on it.

Marie's meeting ended up going very well. The client barely remembered her and her proposal impressed enough to wipe out the past. She got the deal signed but more importantly, learned to stop bringing old experiences into her present moment. All that energy stressing over the old memories was wasted and just hurt her. Had she not let go of it before her meeting she might have let it taint what developed.

If you have unhappy memories that haunt you, write them down, read them aloud, forgive yourself for anything you feel you did wrong and forgive others who did you wrong. Then burn the paper and let it go. Keep giving thanks for a wonderful today! I used to worry about what would happen the next day at an important meeting or who would give me a book deal or even would he call? Now I focus on now, and now I’m okay. When I leave the future in God’s hands, I no longer have to worry about it. Faith keeps the positive fires burning brightly!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Law of Attraction in Action: Circumstances

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Tue, 11 May 2010 16:50:00 +0000

This is post 86 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Have you ever felt like life was against you? That stuff was happening that seemed out of your control, which kept you from moving forward or blocked what you thought you should have? Instead of stopping to monitor your thoughts to see what might be blocking what you want, even subconsciously, it’s easier to blame it all on circumstances.

Using circumstances as an excuse for not progressing is an excuse that keeps you stuck. I know, because I still occasionally do it. It can seem easier to wait for circumstances to change than just go for what you want. For example:

• I have to help my cousin move so I can’t start my project now.
• My romantic partner is going through tough times so I must keep my time free to support him/her.
• The economy is bad so it’s not a good time to start my business.
• They’re predicting rain so I can’t do those errands I keep putting off.

Using circumstances as an excuse tells the Universe you’re not ready for what you say you want. Playing the blame game can make you not even want to try. When the Law of Attraction supports your excuses, it becomes harder to get past them. Letting circumstances justify not doing everything you can makes you feel better in the short run but worse later on when you’re frustrated by not achieving what you want. Circumstances are one of the biggest deterrents to realizing dreams and reaching goals. It’s an easy excuse since there are always circumstances that seem beyond your control. That’s part of life.

It’s YOUR choice—let circumstances get the best of you or find ways to overcome them.

If you want to overcome them, show the Universe your intention with actions. Just because something is going on that makes it harder, doesn’t mean you can’t find a way to do what you want. Limit the time you can help your cousin and make time for your project. Making time for you makes you stronger for your partner. Accept that there’s no good time to start a business and even in a bad economy, people are starting businesses that survive. If it may rain, bring an umbrella!

People looking for an excuse to not succeed embrace circumstances.

Those who intend to succeed do so despite circumstances. If you want the Law of Attraction to keep the circumstances coming, let them rule your decisions and actions. If you prefer to get support for success, do what’s necessary despite the circumstances. Begin by listening to yourself speak about your goals so you can recognize how your thoughts hold you back:

• “I do want to_____ but…” But usually states why you think you can’t do something and the circumstances supporting this belief. And if you think you can’t do something, you probably won’t be able to do it.

• “I have to postpone doing_____ because…” Because lays out your excuse and the circumstances that will keep you locked out of doing it.

• “I’d______ if…” If means if circumstances were different you’d do it but this is how it is so you can’t. Or better, you won’t.

All of these tell the Universe you intend to stagnate using circumstances as a reason to do so. People who truly want to succeed demonstrate this intention by finding ways to get around circumstances or using them to motivate more determination and desire to succeed instead of using them as roadblocks. So much is about perception—your personal view of what’s going on. I live like George Bernard Shaw, who said,

"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstance they want and if they can't find them they make them."

When you find yourself using circumstances to postpone or procrastinate about your goals, ask yourself for the real reason and if you want it badly enough. If you don’t want it badly enough, continue to wallow in circumstances excuses, Otherwise, figure out what’s really behind your procrastination and find ways around it. Are you scared to try or worried you won’t be able to accomplish what you want? The only way to find out is to try.

Once you become determined to work around the circumstance, you’ll attract what you need to do so. Try to take a step forward today! I’d never be about to have my 12th book published had I not gotten around the circumstances I used as excuses for years block me. It was never the right time till I decided it was. Then circumstances became irrelevant as the Law of Attraction supported my intentions to succeed. You can too! ☺

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Good Girls Eat French Fries!

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Thu, 06 May 2010 16:24:00 +0000

I went out for lunch on Saturday and ordered a sandwich that came with bacon and French fries. I haven’t had fries in ages and love them. So I ate them. Every single one of them! No guilt at all. I try to eat healthy most of the time but enjoy unhealthy splurges occasionally. My main concern is to not let unhealthy eating spiral out of control.

I don’t eat healthy to lose weight. I do it because I love me and want to be healthy as an act of self-love.

The next day I went for brunch with some friends. I ordered something healthier than the day before and said to someone, “I’m being a good girl today since I ate unhealthy yesterday.” He looked at me like I had 2 heads and then challenged my use of “good girl.” He knows I’m a confident woman who is comfortable with my eating and questioned why I referred to myself as a good girl for eating healthier. Was I a bad girl the day before for eating bacon and fries?

Wow! It hit me hard! This was a perfect example of why I call myself a Recovering DoorMat!

Old habits die hard. Using good girl is a residual from my DoorMat days—an automatic response to something I should or shouldn’t do—a childlike response going back to the past. I rarely do that and my friend picked up on it right away as it was so unlike my usual attitude. He reminded me I was a good girl the day before too. And I was! I had a craving for a club sandwich with bacon and fries and ate it. I no longer have the craving and enjoyed my meal thoroughly.

Too often we judge ourselves too harshly for not being perfect.

I pride myself on eating healthy. In my DoorMat days I had no willpower. I was often a “bad girl” for my food habits. Self-hatred makes it easier to call yourself names like I did. It originated with all the messages about body image and the importance of being thin. As a child I was chastised by extended family for my eating. My parents didn’t limit my eating but at gatherings, there was always someone telling me not to have the dessert or potatoes or I’d get fat and no guy would want me. As I got older I associated eating unhealthy foods with being a bad girl.

Many of us feel guilt or shame about eating something fattening or unhealthy. That’s why there are so many sneak eaters.

I was thrilled that my friend stopped my good girl/bad girl thoughts. I laughed as it hit me. After coming so far from DoorMatville, I’m not perfect, and that’s perfectly okay! My friend was right—I’m always a good girl, even if I make choices that aren’t the best for me or do things others don’t like. Loving myself allows self-forgiveness and tolerance. After all, I truly choose to be my own best friend and I’d never treat a best friend like that!

Be careful about how you let other people’s values affect the attitude you treat yourself with! Be your own best friend instead and shield yourself with kinder words.

Practice self-love as much as you can. It’s the greatest defense against seeing yourself as a bad girl or guy for making a choice that wouldn’t be viewed as the best but it was something you wanted. Splurges that make you happy are loving, not something to feel bad about. I’m glad I had my sandwich with fries and will have them again when I’m in the mood. Self-love keeps me from getting into the mood for unhealthy foods too often.

Love yourself enough to cut yourself slack and keep a positive view no matter what you do!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Law of Attraction in Action: Plan for Success!

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Mon, 03 May 2010 16:05:00 +0000

This is post 85 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I recently heard Peter Shankman speak. He’s an entrepreneur, author, speaker, and founder of HARO (Help a Reporter Out), a service that connects journalists with expert sources. Peter is known for taking big risks in his entrepreneurial endeavors. I plan to have an interview with him shortly. He has accomplished a lot of amazing endeavors. And he pointed out something about reaching success that most people don’t think about.

Peter said, “Have a plan for when you succeed.”

Hmm… That sounds logical, doesn’t it? The more you plan for success, the stronger the message you put out that you plan to succeed. Yet what do most of us do? We plan for failure. You may not see it as that. While it’s practical to have contingency plans in case something doesn’t work, it tells the Universe you don’t think you’ll succeed. Hello! That’s what the Law of Attraction will more likely return to you.

People tend to put much more into plans for something not succeeding than they do for reaching success. Can you see why this is counterproductive????

When I moved into Manhattan, I burned my teacher’s license since I didn’t want to teach anymore. I figured that living in the city would make it much easier to get a job that I’d enjoy. Unfortunately, it was a down economy and jobs were scarce. I sent out resumes but got no callbacks. I had an apartment I loved but no job—or backup plan. My work experience didn’t really suit me for much. I’d been a teacher and started my own record label. Friends consoled me, thinking I must be terrified about supporting myself. But I wasn’t.

My backup plan and plan for when I succeeded were the same—belief in myself and faith that I’d find the right direction.

I asked for guidance about how to go forward and began teaching workshops to earn money. They evolved into writing books. My whole career evolved because I looked forward and planned to be successful. I never considered what I could do that was out of my passion zone to just earn money for survival. I never survive. I thrive, even if the money isn’t big, because I’m stimulated by doing what I love. The Law of Attraction has blessed me with opportunities and paths to what I want since my plan was always to succeed. At times I just followed where I was led—with complete trust.

When you look forward in faith, your faith can take you forward to success.

I don’t advise blowing off a job if you have a family to support or your faith isn’t strong enough yet. You can try new things without putting everything at risk. The important thing is that you expect your endeavor to succeed. Plan for that success. Envision it! Feel good about it! And if things don’t work out as you’d ideally like, accept there’s a reason and something better is coming. That sends the best message for the Law of Attraction to support. Plus, you’ll be ready to make the most of success when it come.

Never forget Peter’s wise words: “Have a plan for when you succeed.”

Every time you work on a backup plan, you tell the Universe you aren’t confident about succeeding. Every time you review your plan to succeed, you affirm your intention to need that plan since you expect to be successful. Free yourself from thinking that gets you negative results from the Law of Attraction by letting go of the need to plan for things not working. Plan for success and you'll have the best shot of attract support in reaching it.

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Finding Good When it Doesn’t Look Good

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 16:00:00 +0000

I was indoors at a conference all day last Friday and Saturday. The weather was what I find most awesome—in the upper 60’s, sunny, clear skies and no humidity. I was frustrated that I missed being outdoors on those glorious days. It was perfect weather to run in but I got home too late and too tired to do it. Sunday was my day off, but it was nasty and much cooler all day. I began my day in a bad mood because of it but caught myself quickly. Things might not be as I’d have like but, there were still things I could feel good about by letting go of what I didn’t like.

You can choose to feel bad about what you don’t like or choose to look for what’s good.

I was exhausted on Sunday. The rain gave me an opportunity to stay home. Had it been nice I’d have rushed up early, gone out running and made outdoor plans. Instead, I relaxed in bed, catching up on emails and doing things I enjoy but often don’t have time for. I went out for brunch near my place instead of meeting up with friends further away. It was the best way I could have spent my time to get my energy back. In my post on Flowing with Situations, I discussed the importance of moving past outcomes you don’t like. Take it further!

Instead of focusing on what went wrong for you, recognize what’s right!

A woman (I’ll call her Lea) who reads this blog did some phone counseling with me a while back. She was upset about an upcoming court case with her husband’s ex-wife, who was making very unreasonable demands. The outcome wasn’t good on many levels. She emailed to tell me about it. Then I got P.S. with some things that did go her way. And her lawyer offered to countersue on their behalf—for free! Lea is very angry at the main outcome, and I don’t blame her. It was unfair. But I reminded her of the good stuff.

Lea replied with why it wasn’t so great. The countersuit would only be a mall victory and the other concessions they got were also small compared to what they have to pay. She and her husband are trying to let go of their anger, and it’s hard in a truly egregious situation. But I reminded her that the main court appearance was over. She’s been stressed about it for months and now she knows the outcome and can move on. And, it could have been a LOT worse!

Focusing on outcomes you don’t like but can’t change keeps you angry and unhappy. It’s so much better to be grateful for the blessings in the situation.

Lea has some good blessings in the midst of a lousy overall outcome. I advised her to focus on them. Even if you’re angry, frustrated, disappointed, hurt, etc. by a situation, find the blessings and hold them tight in your thoughts, unless you prefer to feel unhappy. When I was a DoorMat, I wallowed in what went wrong since I didn’t think I was worthy of real happiness. Now I MUCH prefer to be happy. I can let what I don’t like to fester in my thoughts and eat away at my happiness or accept what happened and find the blessings that make me happy.

John Wooden said, “Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

I advised Lea to do that. She’s still struggling but making an effort, which is all we can do. Ask yourself, “Do I want to stew and be angry or do I want to be peaceful and happy.” I want the latter now that I know I deserve happiness. Holding onto to what went wrong serves NO purpose but to block happiness. Why do that to yourself?!?

Being loving to yourself is much better that being angry over the stuff you know you can't change the outcome of.

Letting go or holding on is a choice that you can control if you choose to. In angry circumstances, you have TWO choices—Wallow in it, hold on to negatives tight, and allow it to make you unhappy, or let it go and focus on your blessings. It’s not easy to let go but, you can if you focus on deciding to be happy. Why let a negative circumstance have more power over you than necessary? Why make it worse by letting it sink your joy. If you can’t change it, move on, since wallowing does nothing but make you feel worse!

Happy or unhappy? Which sounds better? Allow that to help you make your choice.

Holding on can also stimulate a desire to get revenge or hurt others. Why attract the results of that when you can find the blessings and be happy? I used to hold onto anger like a crutch when I felt I’d been wronged. I didn’t want to forget! Now I hold onto blessings, which brings me more things to be grateful for. I love to post them on my Conscious Gratitude group on Yahoo (which you can join!). Find your own blessings and let them nurture you to healing old wounds that keep you from being as happy as you could be.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Law of Attraction in Action: Flowing with Situations

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 16:04:00 +0000

This is post 84 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Nobody’s life flows smoothly, without any road bumps and glitches. Mine sure doesn’t. People think of me as having a particularly blessed life. I do! But it’s not because it always go smoothly. I trust the process enough to go with the flow instead of lamenting over situations I don’t like or trying to control it too much. Trusting that you’ll get what you need at the right time keeps you relaxed and in a positive mindset for the Law of Attraction to work well with you. Holding on to your negative emotions about what happened, or didn't happen, attracts more disappointing outcomes.

Stuff happens that feels out of your control. But it’s not if you control your thoughts about it and flow with what happens instead of creating negative thoughts about it.

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis said, “I have been through a lot and I have suffered a great deal. But I have had lots of happy moments, as well. Every moment one lives is different from the other. The good, the bad, hardship, the joy, the tragedy, love and happiness are all interwoven into one single, indescribable whole that is called LIFE. You cannot separate the good from the bad. And perhaps there is no need to do so, either.”

Everyone’s life will have its ups and downs. That’s how it works.

I remember when I read Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. I love this book! Someone who came to one of my workshops told me about it. I said I hadn’t read it and she sent it as a gift. “Coincidentally,” it arrived just after my dad passed away, when I was feeling down. Knowing that she sent it as an act of pure kindness perked up my spirits. I can’t say it balanced the feelings that went with my loss but it did bring some smiles to me. And I probably appreciated the book more than if it had arrived during a very happy period. The book is Walsch’s account of conversations he had with God. It both enlightened and delighted me, as this was the God I believe in!

In the book God explains that without negative occurrences, we wouldn’t appreciate the positive ones.

I agree wholeheartedly. If things always went well, we wouldn’t even recognize our blessings since there would be no contrast. Our blessings would just be life, which we’d soon take for granted. Viewing it that way has made me appreciate when things happen which I don’t like. Those times keep me grounded in appreciation of all the good stuff! It’s important to understand this. People tell me there’s no God if this or that happened to them, or, they think God hates them if something they wanted could go so wrong. These kind of thoughts don’t send a good message to the Universe and the Law of Attraction will pick up the negative vibes. You know what you’ll attract form that!

Recognizing the blessings in the down parts of life helps you move past them without getting too caught up in negativity and sends trust in getting a good outcome when the time is right.

For everything, I believe if It’s meant to be, it will be. And I can accept that now in complete faith. Relax and trust that if something goes wrong, it wasn’t meant to be. Don’t worry about whether you did something wrong or you’re being punished or that God doesn’t love you. If you did do something wrong, it was because it wasn’t right for you. Years ago I noticed a pattern in dating. With some guys I’d say things that put them off. I was aware I did it but couldn’t stop myself. Later I’d be angry at myself. Then I realized it was a sign that the guy wasn’t right for me. Now when I do it I accept that it’s to prevent not wasting more time than necessary. I didn't do it with the good guy I ended up in a relationship with!

Learn to flow with what life brings you. Don’t put yourself on an emotional seesaw ride in either direction.

When I was a DoorMat, if something good happened I’d get over the top excited. Then if something fell through, it was a long drop down to my disappointment. A friend noticed this pattern and implored me to get off the seesaw. She was right. It was one of the first lessons I learned as I prepared to leave DoorMatville. Be kinder to yourself during stressful or disappointing times. And temper your response to goodies. Yes, I do try to enjoy the latter fully, but I don’t blow them out of proportion like I used to. When you live in the moment, take the initial joy and let situations unfold.

Send a clear message that you trust that the good you want is coming, with faith and a light heart. Be patient. When things don’t go well, look for all the things you can still be happy about and let that carry you through any negatives. Then watch for more joy you'll attract with those thoughts!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Healthy Needs

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 15:57:00 +0000

What do you need? Many of us use the word in reference to what we think we lack and make what we think we need too important for our happiness, or even for our existence. A need is a requirement, something you MUST have. Yet we often make our needs more about what we like, and think we MUST have to feel good about ourselves and our lives.

Oxygen, nutrition, and sleep are good examples of real needs. Designer shoes or a fancy car are not!

It’s important to recognize what really is a need and distinguish it from a superficial desire or wanting to attain what you’ve been taught you must have to be complete or “good enough.” When I was a DoorMat I believed my NEEDS were never met because I wasn’t happy. Looking back, my NEEDS right now are so much different. In DoorMatville, my biggest NEED was to be liked by everyone. Now I know that’s impossible, especially if I want to be liked for the right reason.

Needing to be liked fuels being a People Pleaser. Then you’re buying friends with favors and more, so you’re not liked for yourself.

Now that I’ve left DoorMatville, I only want to be liked for who I am, not for what I do. And it’s no longer tied to a need. I do my best and am grateful for those who appreciate it. I also went for many years thinking I needed a man in my life or I wouldn’t be whole or good enough. There’s definitely judgment about women who don’t have a partner. I still get asked about my love life likes it’s super important to the askers, who are often not even friends. Women do get critiqued a lot on this topic! But, I no longer care what they think!

The only one I NEED to be liked by is ME! And MY approval is the only approval I NEED.

Everyone else who likes me is a gift, not the fulfillment of a need. My real needs are simpler now. I do NOT need a man to complete me. When I’m in a good relationship, my life improves, just as it improves from my good relationships with family and friends. I need food to live but don’t NEED unhealthy foods I crave, like sugar and salty snacks. Yes, I like them and occasionally indulge. But, I rarely allow myself to NEED a bag of chips to be happy, like I used to.

People look at material possessions as needs when they aren’t happy.

When you feel a driving need for something, ask yourself why you need it, and be honest. Is it something you just want very badly or is it essential for your well-being. Are you looking to fulfill this need in order to find happiness? Fulfilling your need may give you a short period of feeling better but eventually you'll look for more things to fill the happiness hole. I did, until it finally got through to me that my priority NEED should be to do what I could to heal myself inside and love myself to true happiness. That is truly the most satisfying need to materialize.

Distinguish between essential needs, healthy needs, lifestyle needs and those that are ego-based.

Essential needs are what you literally can’t live without, like air and water. They are essential. Healthy needs are those things that maintain your body and soul, such as regular dental visits, making time for your spirit, etc. They are very important so you nurture good health, both physical and mental. Lifestyle needs nurture your quality of life, such as exercise, eating healthy, using products to take good care of your skin, losing weight for health reasons, not to attract or please someone, and having a supportive group of people.

Ego-based needs refer to the shoes you can’t live without, making having a partner an important necessity, being obsessed with having every single new tech device, and other material things you make needs for being happy. Ego is "I NEED to lose 3 pounds" "I NEED to meet a celebrity" "I NEED the latest iPad" etc. If these things aren't critical for your life, you don't NEED them. You WANT them. The first 3 types of NEEDS are healthy if not taken to an extreme.

Ego-based needs are superficial and will usually not contribute to long-term happiness, though you may think they will.

Needing to go on a crash diet is never healthy! You don’t need to get plastic surgery for better skin, to be married, to have a bigger house than your friends, to find someone to have sex with, to be rich, etc. I’m not putting any of it down. These are desires and if you want them it’s your choice. But, put them into perspective as desires, not needs. You can live without them all. You might not want to but you can. Next time you think you NEED something, think about if it’s truly a need. Use this acronym for NEEDS:

Necessary
Essential
Ego-free
Dependable
Significant

Is it really something you can live without or a desire you’d like to manifest? Declaring something as a need makes getting it essential to your happiness. You can live without most desires. You can survive and be happy if you’re not a size 2 or you aren’t sexually fulfilled by a person for a while or you have to budget a little more or your colleague gets a nicer office. You might not like it but you can still find other ways to be happy. But if you look at everything you desire as a NEED, it increases their importance to levels that can make you stressed or depressed if you pursue them as such. Or, not getting them keeps you from being happy.

Make yourself happy on the inside first, and be as self-loving as you can. It makes it much easier to change pressing needs into things that would be nice to have but aren’t essential for your happiness to flow and grow. As I focus on my real needs, life gets better and better. Then I can also put energy into fulfilling desires.

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Law of Attraction in Action: Being Ethical

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 01:04:00 +0000

This is post 83 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Many of us have that moment of decision—do I give the money back to the cashier who gave me a ten dollar bill instead of a one? Do I tell the person they made a mistake that benefits me? People sometimes make mistakes in our favor. Saving money is an enticing reason to keep your mouth shut about mistakes that positively affect you. But is it good for you in the long run?

Being ethical about mistakes that benefit you will attract more good benefits than a short-term gain at someone else’s expense.

I admit that I’ve kept my mouth shut when a cashier gave me too much and reveled in getting some extra money. Later I’d feel guilty. Will someone else have to pay more to make up the shortage or get into trouble because of it? So my benefit led me to negative feelings. It's not worth it!

The Law of Attraction picks up on dishonesty and returns it to you in ways you might not recognize but that do feel negative.

On the other hand, honesty about mistakes people make brings good rewards. People who find wallets or expensive items someone lost and return them often get a cash reward. Even better is the good feeling you get when someone is grateful that you take the time to return their belongings. Knowing you’ve done the right thing is a reward in itself.

The Law of Attraction responds well to honesty in how you handle other people’s mistakes.

I had a small but significant example of that over the weekend. I was on my way to a full day workshop and stopped to get coffee at a self-service place. Besides my coffee, I decided to get a danish for later in the day since I’d be sitting for so long. It was almost $3. The cashier thought it was a bagel and rang up a dollar and small change. Hmm, I’d save almost 2 bucks! But I knew it wasn’t right and told her what it was. I joked that she could still ring it as a bagel, and she did, saying she appreciated my honesty since few people admit mistakes.

Choosing not to take advantage of someone’s mistake can lead to you saving money anyway!

The cashier ended up just giving me the danish! She said she was entitled to a free one and I could have it. So I ended up paying less than if I’d kept her mistake quiet! It showed me the power of not taking advantage of other people’s mistakes. Sometimes it returns to you more subtlely and you may not recognize it. But, know that it does. That’s a good motivation to be ethical in how you make decisions.

Joseph Sugarman said, “Each time you are honest and conduct yourself with honesty, a success force will drive you toward greater success.”

My life didn’t change much because I saved 3 bucks on my danish. It did change because the incident strengthened my perspective on being ethical. My reward was in the response from the woman toward my honesty. She said most people wouldn’t have corrected her. By doing so, I paid less! The LOA does read the energy and bring good back for being ethical.

Think before you revel in a bargain gotten because someone made a mistake.

They might have to pay for it from their hard earned wages. It’s better to be honest and not take what’s not yours. Being ethical will reward you. It might not happen immediately like it did to me but some time down the road it will come back to you. Even if you don’t know how you attracted something good, know that acting in an ethical way does attract good stuff.

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Want vs. Expect

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 17:47:00 +0000

My last post in my Law of Attraction in Action Series was Don’t Ask! Give Thanks Instead! The Law of Attraction responds better to an intention that says thanks for what you expect instead of asking for it, with the possibility of not receiving. Asking with intention can have a similar affect on people. If you ask with intention your request will be taken more seriously. For example, if you have an employee who comes late every day, which do you think will make them heed you more?

• “You’re always late and I want you to come on time from now on.”
• “Your job starts at 9 and that’s when I expect you to be here at that time from now on.”

Both statements express dissatisfaction. The first one says you don’t like her being late and you want her to be on time. We want a lot of things we don’t get or we aren’t prepared to do something about. The second statement makes it clear what you expect. It’s more definitive and the person will take it more seriously, knowing they’ve been given a clear warning. This can work in all areas of your life.

It’s important to ask for what you need with conviction and a clear expectation.

If you sound apologetic or unsure, people won’t take your request seriously. Fake conviction! When you’re apologetic or seem like you expect a bad response, you’ll probably get one. Are you really sorry to bother a friend you’ve done a gazillion favors for about keeping his word to do something for you? Or do you feel bad about bugging someone to repay the loan you made months ago when they agreed to give it back in a week?

“You gave me your word and I expect you to keep it. Please have it by Friday.” The person not paying should be guilty, not you!

If something in your apartment has been broken for a while and maintenance doesn’t come, don’t continue to ask, “Can you fix it?” Instead, say, “When will you fix it? Or, should I call management to see if there’s another option?” Smile when you say it. Your words will get the point across. No need to beg for service you’re entitled to. There are lots of lazy people you’ll have to deal with but you can get them moving by being clear about what you expect.

When it comes to getting good service, ask with expectation—“HOW will you rectify this?” instead of “can you?” Don’t ask IF they’ll help. The choice should be from where and how help will come.

Once I sat next to a woman at a conference who complained that her hotel had no hot water for 3 nights. She complained to the front desk to no avail and felt frustrated by the lack of consideration from the staff. She felt she should get something off her bill but doubted it could happen. I advised her not to ask IF they’d give her something off her bill. Instead, Jeri should ask how much they’d take off it, as a given that it would happen.

Putting out your expectation shows you mean business.

In a situation where you feel stiffed or wronged and believe you’re entitled to compensation, the question should be, “How much” rather than asking if you can get something. Don’t get confrontational. Let your words and the conviction behind them send the message in a calm way. Jeri went to the manager and said what we practiced. "I'd like to know what adjustment the hotel will make to my bill because of the water situation." The manager immediately made an offer that was more than satisfactory.

Don’t approach a situation with antagonism. Just quietly and firmly state your expectations.

When people know you mean business and expect specific compensation or actions, they’re more likely to give you what you want. Of course you don’t want to bully people so be fair about what you expect. But if someone isn’t giving you the service you should get or a friend is taking advantage or your romantic partner is hurting you with inappropriate behavior, firmly let them know what you expect. The key is being prepared to take further action if you don’t get results.

The person who is ready to walk away or make the calls to higher people or take decisive action are the ones most likely to get the results they want.

Make sure your words and tone show that you’re serious about what you expect. I once had a boyfriend who was known for his biting sarcasm. People complained about some hurtful barbs he’d inflicted on them to no avail. He’d just laugh and say it was just his way. When he did it to me, I said it was unacceptable and that better be the last time. He knew I meant it and he never did it to me again. His friends were shocked at how nicely he always spoke to me. They complained. I let him know what I expected. There is a difference!

Affirm to yourself why you deserve what you’re asking for.

Accept your right to receive! Your attitude shouldn’t reflect doubt. You’re worthy of receiving! Anger instigates a confrontational mindset, which can rile you. Apologies or asking without conviction gets ignored. Instead, resolve situations with clear words spoken in a friendly manner, with a tone that indicates you expect results. Be clear that you expect a situation to be remedied. For example, instead of complaining about your hotel room and ASKING for another, say, “My room is unacceptable. How soon can I move?” Expressing expectations gives no other options!

Get good results by staying calm. Once emotions show, you’ve lost control. In a rational, friendly but firm tone, explain what you expect and thank the person for cooperating. That shows that you expect cooperation! The nicer you say it, the more people respond positively.

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Law of Attraction in Action: Don’t Ask! Give Thanks Instead!

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 00:19:00 +0000

This is post 82 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

People tell me they ask God for what they want. I tell them not to and they look at me like I’m crazy. After all, I strongly believe that God gives us the support we need, so how can I say that you shouldn’t ask God for what you want????

Asking implies a choice. When you ask the answer could be yes or no. The Law of Attraction responds best to a clear, definite intention.

“May I have more money” shows you think it may or may not happen. “God, please help me make more money” also indicates you’re hoping to get it with doubt. “I intend to have more money! Thanks in advance for your support!” sets the intention for the Law of Attraction to work with to get you more money. Some of this is just semantics. But your choice of words does affect the response you get. I believe with all my heart that God wants us to get what we want. But it’s important to be very clear about what you expect.

The Law of Attraction works best when you expect it to already be in the pipeline to happen and you give thanks for it like you know it’s happening.

There’s no doubt when you say thanks in advance for what’s coming. I do this in every avenue of my life. When I have a meeting with an important editor or with someone I want to use my services, I say “Thanks for the meeting going well.” “When I have tickets for an outdoor show, I say, “Thanks for the weather being good for sitting outside.” Even when I’m nervous about circumstance or the unknown, I’ll say, “thanks for it all working out fine!” Pleading for help expresses fear and doubt.

“This is what I intend to have. Thank you for supporting my intention.” says you know you have what you need.

The Law of Attraction hears that message loud and clear. No doubt or fear. It says was you expect and you’re grateful knowing that you have it. People question how I could say thanks for what I haven’t manifested yet. Easy! What you expect may not be evident yet but it is in the process of coming to you. Your doctor may be concerned about a serious health problem you might have. But your body may be responding to your positive statement and working towards a state of good health so your test is negative in a week.

Things go on that you can’t see or know about that influences the outcome of what you want. Saying thanks for a positive one puts the wheels in motion for it to be positive.

The weatherman may predict rain in the morning. But giving thanks for good weather can make his prediction wrong! You may not feel the change in the direction of the winds or see the clouds break up 10 miles away when you’re saying thanks as if you already have it. But it could be happening without you knowing it. The only important thing you must see is the clear skies when you’re out enjoying the show.

Intentions begin the process of manifesting. It can take time to get what you give thanks for.

You might need time to get ready or a better opportunity may not be available yet. But continuing to give thanks for it as being already in the pipeline of manifesting for you fuels it to happen at the right time. Be patient! Don’t question if what you want will happen. When I first began affirming that I had a living space that I loved and giving thanks for it, I hated where I lived. I also didn’t know where I wanted to be or how I’d get there. Yet I kept giving thanks for living in a place I loved.

It took over a year for some events to happen that jostled me to move, though I still didn’t know where to move to.

I remember the day I realized that I’d manifested the perfect apartment in the perfect location at the perfect time. Events that I couldn’t have planned for happened that led me here. I was frustrated when I couldn't find a place in the area I’d decided I should live. Every apartment fell through or I found faults that made me pass. Then someone said a friend was looking to rent a place that I’d love. I knew nothing about the area and almost didn’t go look, but something pushed me to. Now I can’t imagine being happier anywhere else! Giving thanks for finding the perfect space--and accepting guidance--led me to it!

I know it’s hard to say thanks for what you don’t have yet but try it with faith. And keep giving thanks! If you don’t lose hope because you didn’t get instant gratification, you can eventually see the fruits of your gratitude.

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Where Do You Sit?

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 17:36:00 +0000

Whether it’s a workshop I’m attending or one I’m speaking at, I notice a dynamic in where people sit. I can often tell many things about people from their choice. It can reflect your view of yourself, your level of confidence, and how serious you are about the workshop you attend. When I come to hear a speaker or panel and it’s to something that interests me strongly, I sit near the front. When it’s not of great interest, I’ll sit further back and on the end so I can leave early if I don’t like it.

When you sit near the front, you make your presence more known, if only in your mind.

Many people say they prefer to sit in the back to be more invisible, even if the event is important to them. They don’t want to be noticed. Nor are they likely to ask questions. Talking to them, it’s obvious they don’t have good self-esteem. They’re at the event and that’s enough. But walk to the front and maybe do something that gets them attention, no way!

When you don’t feel good about yourself or your confidence is low, you’re more like to stay in the back of the room, and in life.

I can get a little crazy when I’m about to speak and people are sitting all the way in the back when there are many seats still open in the front. I often joke that I don’t bite or have bad breath and encourage them to move forward. Many do, almost like they needed permission to come closer. When I was a DoorMat, I always sat in the back. I was scared of the unknown and couldn’t pinpoint what made me so uncomfortable about sitting closer to the speaker. Maybe I’d cough and people would look? Or they’d point me out or ask me to come up to demonstrate something. Goodness knows why! I just believed I had to fade into the background.

Sitting in the back at an event that’s meaningful to you can reinforce how you see your place in the world.

Not all events are meaningful. Sometimes I attend industry panels more for the networking. I sit near the back so I can more easily slip away to get more food or drink.☺ But if you do go to learn, consider where you situate yourself. It’s not necessary to sit in the first row, but try to be in one of the first few if you can get a seat. There are advantages in doing so:

• You’ll connect better with the speaker when you can look into his/her eyes and feel their energy.

• Even if the person has a microphone, you’ll hear them better watching them speak up close. Their presence gets the message across better.

• You’re forced to pay better attention when you sit close. This is why some people prefer the back. If this is you, ask why you’re there in the first place if you don’t want to get the most you can out of the talk.

• You’ll feel more confident having done that. Sitting up close makes you feel more a part of the presentation than straining to hear or see from the back.

• If you do have a question, it’s more comfortable to raise your hand and ask when you sit close and can see the speaker well.

Even for meetings at work, it’s good to sit somewhere that you can make direct eye contact with the person leading a meeting or discussion. Speakers like seeing people nod their head in agreement when they say something or have a reaction of some sort. That increases the connection between you. And at work, it can make a good impression when you confidently take a seat near the boss (as long as there’s no protocol for where to sit).

If you tend to sit in the back or the furthest seat from the person running a meeting, ask yourself why.

Do a mental check up and see if you can figure out the reason. What are you afraid of if you sit closer? Or do you feel you’re not worthy of sitting up front? Is it a habit created by older insecurities? Sometimes we begin doing it in school and the habit carries into adulthood without realizing it. Maybe you want to dissolve into the room because you don’t care about what’s being said. But if you do, try sitting a little closer next time and get more comfortable with moving up.

I used to sit in the back when I was a DoorMat to be invisible. I’m not even sure what worried me but it was automatic to enter a room full of people and look for a seat in the back to melt into. I felt so lousy about me that I assumed I should keep a distance from the speakers. Now I sit in one of the first few rows and get soooo much more out of hearing a talk or panel discussion than I did straining to see what was going on from the back of the room.

Think before you sit at an event where you can sit anywhere!

When I give a talk I always connect more with the people sitting closer to me. I remember years ago when I was speaking, a guy walked in late. There were seats in the back but he unabashedly walked to the front and sat in the empty seat in the first row. His confidence radiated to everyone as he owned his right to sit in the front. People flocked to him in the break. This guy went on to develop a great career. I figured he would! Even if your confidence is low, fake it as you take your seat.

Moving up to the front of the room can filter into other avenues of your life.

When I sat a few rows closer than usual I felt good to break out of my back of the room hideout. As I moved closer to the front for each event I attended, I realized how much more I enjoyed presentations when I could see the person clearly and feel his or her energy. Next time you go to hear someone speak, be a bit brazen and sit right up front. Pack a smile and you’ll find that it can be empowering!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Time

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 16:33:00 +0000

This is post 81 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

In my last post, Joy in Time for YOU, I talked about the benefits of giving yourself some time off. That helps you do more on in the following days. Another important reason for making time for YOU is that it sends a powerful message to the Law of Attraction—that you are worthy of being rested and having positive well-being.

When you don’t value your time and recognize that making quality time for YOU supports your well-being, it sends a message that it’s okay for you to not feel good. Guess what you get?

It’s NEVER okay to not feel good. Sometimes stuff happens and you have no choice but to get through a super busy time. I get those too often. But these days, even at my crazy busiest, I look down the road of life to make plans for time off. This doesn’t mean you have to go somewhere or do something special. Last weekend I just stayed in bed for hours, watching mindless reruns of reality TV and doing word puzzles or playing a video game as I watched.

It doesn’t matter how you decompress and refresh as long as you do it!

When I lived in DoorMatville,, my time was something I gave away freely. Anyone who needed a piece only had to ask. Because I gave it no value, I continued attracting things that drained my time and wondered why I was always so unhappy. I’d heard you’re supposed to find joy in giving to others. Why didn’t that happen for me? Because I gave without valuing my time and didn’t include me in the giving of my time.

Carl Sandburg said, “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful, lest you let other people spend it for you.”

Your time truly is as valuable as your money and should be doled out carefully. We make budgets for our bank accounts and should do the same with the hours we have each day. You know I don’t advise going from one extreme to the other—stop giving time to others and keeping it all for yourself. I still like helping others when I can. The “when I can” is the key. Some weeks I can do more than others. During others, when work is intensive, I must save any spare time for my own activities.

The more you use time for your own needs and well-being, the more you often can give to others.

I’m not commitment-phobic with men but I am commitment-phobic with my time these days. I hesitate to make plans that will occupy a whole day or take me out of town or that I must be somewhere on the same day weekly, which is why I’ve turned down offers to teach a 15-week college course. When I commit to something that can’t be changed, it means I’m not free to take advantage of an opportunity that could crop up at the last minute.

The more I value my time, the more benefits I attract from time spent on me.

I was often tired as a DoorMat but plodded on. Now I stop to smell the roses as the saying goes. Life feels better when I take care of me. Budgeting enough time for you tells the Universe you value your time, and yourself. Your intention is to do things that make you feel good, and you attract more ways to feel good! Self-value is a crucial message to send out to the Universe. It creates a strong magnetic draw for improving your well-being.

Be flexible in setting a time budget. Make plans with and for others, while blocking out some to just be. Do WHATEVER you’d like to do, guilt-free!

I love an occasionally day of not getting dressed since I won’t be going out. Pick your own pleasure and indulge, not matter what other might think. Respect how important and valuable your time is so you don’t fritter it away on autopilot. Stop to smell your own roses, or play with your kids or take a walk or visit loved ones or vege out all morning or a gazillion other things that might make you feel good. The important thing is to do something.

Making time for you is another one of what I call gifts to yourself.

If you need motivation, remind yourself that you can’t get any time back after it’s passed. I look at each day as a gift now. You can too, if you create the consciousness to do so. Every day is a new beginning that you can choose to waste, give away, or make the most of. I like the last option. Making the most of a day is individual to each person. It’s your choice to spend your time wisely, in ways that feel satisfying on a personal level and increase your happiness!

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Joy in Time for YOU

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 21:58:00 +0000

I haven’t posted for days. I had to help someone out and had no time to get to my computer to write. The rest of the time I was exhausted and decided I needed time to just chill. And I did, wonderfully! Today I feel so much more refreshed!

It’s important to honor your needs and sometimes cancel plans or allow yourself to skip things you “should do” in order to take care of YOU.

Sometimes we have to work extra hard or help someone we care about, and that’s okay. But there comes a time that running on fumes doesn’t work. Feeling exhausted and drained shouldn’t be a way of life, or even go on for more than a few days. I know my limits and while I must go beyond at times, I try not to do it too often. And, when I’m done with obligations, I take some time to get my energy back.

Taking a break can put you back in the game to be a lot more productive than running on empty and hurting your health.

Be vigilant about pushing yourself too hard and for too long. It’s hard to function at full capacity when you’re burnt out. Taking a day or two can revitalize you and help you feel better. That allows you to get a lot more done. Yesterday I was dragging all day and found it hard to enjoy the glorious weather. Today I’m energized and catching up on a lot of things. Cleaned a bit this morning. I’m writing this outdoors to really enjoy the day. I even plan to run tonight.

A day to chill is a joyous gift to you and an essential component of having good health and high energy.

Enjoy your day! Cut yourself slack in doing chores or meeting obligations. When I was a DoorMat, everyone else mattered more than me. Now I matter most to me—not at the expense of others but in a loving way that allows me to do more for them in the long run. When you’re healthy and whole you have more to give. Be kind to yourself. Every day for at least a few minutes and for a large chunk of of a day regularly.

Being rested allows you to get a lot more done.

I wish those of you who are celebrating Easter or Passover a blessed holiday! When you can, give yourself the blessing of some time for YOU.

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Law of Attraction in Action: Commitment

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 16:18:00 +0000

This is post 80 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I’ve encountered many people who I consider bouncers. Every time they speak they’re on to a new project or interest. The one from the time before has been put aside for the newest goal. The trouble is, they often don’t achieve many goals because they jump from one to another without giving any one the proper time and attention to reach them. I used to be a bouncer. I’d get an idea and get very excited. Then I’d tentatively make mental plans to get them done. It was fun until I had to actually do the work. Then things would come up and I’d jump to a new idea and leave the others behind undone.

Bouncing from one idea to another without committing to finishing one is just another version of dreaming. You’ve gotta get out of bed to wake up and commit to the work.

It’s so easy to dream, talk about it and imagine how happy you’ll be with the results. I used to love doing that until the reality hit that I wasn’t making progress because I didn’t dig in and focus on making it happen. The fun can be more in the visualizing an idea and thinking about its rewards. Committing to accomplish it can be the part you try to avoid because it seems too hard. Making phone calls can seem unpleasant, asking can seem scary, staying on top of people can seem tedious. The Universe picks up on this and returns those things.

When it’s not fun anymore, many people move on to the next dream. Then they wonder why nothing ever manifests for them.

A lack of commitment to what you want tells the Universe you’re not serious about getting it. You’d be serious about a wish fairy putting it into your lap. But you’re not willing to do whatever it takes to commit to see something you say you want through. Talking about the good points of it happening helps create the necessary emotion. But commitment is another necessary component to manifesting.

If your actions demonstrate that your commitment to a goal isn’t strong, it’s harder to attract what you want.

I began to write books many years before I was published. At one time I was writing at least 8 different books. I’d work on one for a while, then jump to another. Getting an agent seemed scary. Actually, the real scary part was having my ability as a writer judged. My confidence wasn’t strong like it is now. Since I love writing, it was fun to work on my books. For years I ignored the endgame—getting published—and almost played at being an author. I jumped between all the books until I had to make a big decision.

Do you want to keep being a bouncer and never achieve a goal, or do you want to commit to achieving one?

I finally committed to choose one book to focus on developing enough to get a deal for it. It actually was much easier than I’d imagined when I avoided it. After I got my first book deal, it was easier to do more. Fear can magnify the potential negatives of the process. If you bounce from project to project or goal to goal without bringing any to fruition, ask yourself why. I mean really ask. I was scared that my writing would be rejected. I finally accepted that if I didn’t submit it, I was rejecting it. So I could only get something better if I tried to get a deal!

Pick ONE goal and commit to doing each step to reach it. Force yourself to get past self-inflicted roadblocks created by fears or lack of confidence.

Fears are overcome by doing. Confidence is built by doing. The Law of Attraction responds best when you’re doing the work. It doesn’t matter how many teensy steps are needed to do it. You can do it with a strong commitment and faith that it will attract what’s needed. A lack of commitment foils that kind of attraction.

Les Brown said, “You need to make a commitment, and once you make it, then life will give you some answers.”

If you know what you want, commit to doing things to make it happen. Begin by putting it out to the Universe in your thoughts and then doing whatever work is necessary to make it happen. Your thoughts and actions should demonstrate you’re committed to manifesting what you want. The more commitment you show, the more support you attract. Then you’ll stop bouncing between goals as you reach one at a time, which will motivate you to do a lot more!

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Kindness vs. DoorMat

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 20:18:00 +0000

This week Anonymous asked a question in the comments on my first post of this blog, Recovering from DoorMat Syndrome. The answer wasn’t simple and there are lessons in this situation that can help many of you so I’m addressing it here. Anon (who I’ll identify as “she” though I have no idea about who this person is) explained that for years she’s cared for her neighbor's pets when they go away—several times a month. The husband travels for work and his wife usually accompanies him. Anon has compassion for the animals since if she doesn’t care for them, nobody does. But it’s taking its toll on her as it’s a bit of work and time. But Anon has her own dog to look after.

Anon works from home sometimes, like I do, and people often think that means we’re on call for their needs since we’re home.

When the wife had surgery and was on crutches, Anon was asked to look in on her. She wrote that she had the flu but felt obligated to check up on the wife. Anon had a lot of work to do and felt worse than the wife on crutches, who was able to travel with her husband on them but needed Anon to help when she was home. Anon feels obligated to keep helping and has compassion for the pets. Kind people can get a stronger sense of obligation to pick up other people’s pieces when compassion is strong. There are lessons in this:

Lesson 1: Being home DOES NOT mean available to others for favors!

Anon is concerned that if she says no, they can see she’s “home and available.” You're entitled to take care of your own needs, including enjoying free time if you have some. Since I work at home, people think I can listen to their problems at any time or get together for lunch or keep them company when they have free time. It used to drive me crazy until I learned the truth. You have a right to be busy when you’re home, even if you’re busy reading a book.

Lesson 2: You do NOT have to give your time away just because you have some or others think you can rearrange your schedule for them.

Your time is YOUR time. YOURS! To share or use for what YOU like. I’ve had to set some strong boundaries with people who thought it was okay to call or stop by any time. Unless I say otherwise, I’m off-limits during the week from 9-6. My boss is tough about this. I’M the boss and make rules to take care of ME. It’s important to do have them with people who feel they can infringe on your time.

Lesson 3: Instead of saying no each time, let people know what restriction you have for giving time to others.

Of course you should help when you can. But in the case of Anon, she wasn’t asked for favors. Her neighbors assumed it as a given when they “asked.” Anon calls it asking. I don’t. It was basically telling her when they’d be away and thanks for helping out. Asking offers a choice. It was never Anon’s choice. It was her permanent job, on a frequent basis.

Lesson 4: DoorMats delude themselves about calling obligation favors. But it’s not a favor if was not your choice or desire to do it.

Being a DoorMat stirs obligations. Recovering from it give you choices. It’s better to avoid any favors that can become habits by always saying yes. Then people expect you too, as in Anon’s case. She got herself into a rut she feels stuck in. And you can’t blame people who take advantage if YOU let them! It’s your responsibility to set boundaries and help people break the habit of always expecting you to help out with something. You can learn the Power of Saying No!

Lesson 5: Someone else’s situation isn’t your responsibility.

The glue that keeps Anon stuck is compassion for her neighbor’s pets. Anon says that nobody will care for them if she doesn’t. Somehow I think the neighbors will have to find another solution, or the neighbors should be reported for abuse. THEIR animals aren’t her responsibility. The neighbors enjoy traveling together several times a month while Anon plays the martyr at home, for the sake of the pets. When I was a DoorMat I’d have done the same thing! Today I’d tell them they must make other arrangements, and they will. Or they can get rid of their pets since they’re gone so much.

Lesson 6: No one can take advantage of you unless you say yes!

You can turn people down and set boundaries. It’s your choice to acquiesce to a request. Think before you say yes. You can say no without saying no. The neighbors give Anon gifts for her services. She doesn’t need them. Some people think they can buy someone’s favors. But they don’t make up for what she loses. This situation makes Anon unhappy. That’s a good reason to tell them that it’s become too much for her and she can’t do it anymore. Maybe once in a while. But not several times a month for days.

There’s no need to explain too much. You don’t owe the recipient of your favors a lengthy excuse since you’re doing nothing wrong by bowing out. Explain that it’s interfering with other things you have to do or that it wears you out too much or whatever comes to mind. Don’t apologize profusely. I’d preface it with “I’ve been doing____ for years and hope that you appreciate what it took for me to do it but I can’t continue for many reasons.” You don’t have to tell the reasons. It’s your RIGHT to choose how you spend your time. Suggest they find a teen in the neighborhood that they can pay to do it. Continue to be friendly.

Lesson 7: Being a good person (neighbor, friend, co-worker etc.) does not mean sacrificing your time, pleasure, sanity, health.

Anon also said that the neighbors do other annoying things but she tries to be a good neighbor despite this. Redefine good neighbor. Wave hello. Bring their trashcan to the curb if it rolls away. Loan some sugar. But being a permanent pet caretaker is above and beyond, unless you love them so much you look forward to spending time with them. Of course it’s fine to do favors when you don’t mind or want to help someone you care about.

But when you find yourself complaining about it or resenting the person, it’s time to stop!

Years ago I had a friend who traveled for work a month at a time occasionally. I offered to get her mail and water her few plants once a week. I knew how much it meant to her to know her place was in safe hands and was happy to do it. It was no big deal to walk to her place once a week. Watering took about 10 minutes. I love taking a walk and there was no schedule to contend with like caring for pets. If I was a day or 2 early or late it didn’t matter. She always brought me over the top gifts, which were unnecessary, and took me out for a nice dinner when she returned. But I just did it to give a friend peace of mind while traveling.

Anon’s neighbors aren’t her friends. They’re her burden. I advise her to take steps to end this obligation. If it’s uncomfortable, slowly back out. Make excuses request by request until you break their habit of asking. DoorMats jump to do favors at their own expense, which is NOT NICE. Nice people on top set boundaries.

Kindness doesn’t mean always helping out. It means doing what you can when you can. Be kind to yourself and set boundaries with others! You’ll be happy you did!

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Law of Attraction in Action: Running from Problems

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 14:59:00 +0000

This is post 79 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

A woman I’ll call Tara came to me years ago. She was unhappy. As we spoke, I could feel her struggling to act cheerful when she clearly didn’t feel that way. Tara was unnerved at getting older and didn’t like the work she did but couldn’t figure out what she did want to do. She lived in NYC and said she was done with it. I told her the problem wasn’t NYC but that she was unhappy inside, which reflected in everything she did.

Discontent attracts more discontent!

Tara refused to see that. She sublet her apartment and moved far away in search of happiness. Sadly, she didn’t find it and came running back to NY after 3 months, saying she missed it. Tara tried to make it work for the next year but left for another city when her unhappiness got too much for her. This became a pattern she couldn’t break. She’d move to another city, convince herself this was the solution for her unhappiness, talk about how great it was, and then return to NY even more disillusioned that she couldn’t find what she wanted.

You can run but can’t hide from your inner issues. They go with you wherever you go!

People often think that a new location will fix what’s wrong with their lives but that rarely works. When you’re not happy, fixing what’s blocking happiness is an inside job. Tara wasn’t happy with herself. Her self-loathing was evident to me, which also meant it was evident to the Universe. The more she tried to run away from her unhappiness, the more unhappy she became. She did everything she could to change her life on the outside, but could not look at herself and see where the problem originated from.

A new location doesn’t change who you are or what you feel about yourself. Nor does it erase problems. Only YOU can do that!

Each time Tara moved, she brought more than just physical baggage with her. All her issues went with her too. She’d revel in starting over in a new city for a little while. It was fun. But after she settled in, her inner unhappiness reared its head and life didn’t feel good anymore. Moving to a new city far from home can be a tough adjustment even when you feel good. But when you don’t love yourself and your inner thoughts and feelings are in turmoil, moving can lead to even more issues.

External efforts don’t heal inner wounds. And there’s little positive stuff that you can send for the Law of Attraction to work with if your inner emotions are negative.

When I was a DoorMat, I looked to others for fulfillment and happiness. I had to have a man to complete me. Being alone to do anything was out of the question. I looked for every external way to soothe the hurt I felt inside but only attracted more hurt. It took many years of unhappiness to finally accept that I had to work on me, and develop my self-esteem from the inside out. Learning to truly love myself was the answer! The more I loved me and my self-esteem grew, the bigger the vehicle I had to leave DoorMatville on.

Inner healing and love attracts peace with yourself. The best part of it is that everyone can have it and it doesn’t cost anything—except for shedding negative baggage.

I kept telling this to Tara but her strong denials made her deaf and blind to reality. She bought herself more clothes. Took a trip, but returned with the same baggage she’d always had, except that it increased since it attracted more in her journey. If you’re unhappy and looking to see what you can change in your life, look inward. Ask:

• Do I love myself?
• Can I accept me exactly the way I am right now?
• Am I WILLING to look inside and work on healing inner wounds?
• Am I WILLING to work on loving and accepting myself?

Be honest about your answers! Denial can skewer your perspective. Everyone can use more self-love. I like having as much as I can. I’ve had many posts on how to show yourself more love and will continue to post on this very important topic. Please be more conscious about doing loving things for you. Self-kindness helps to heal. Sometimes you might need therapy with a professional.

Taking steps to become a whole person who accepts him/herself as you are lightens the baggage you carry with you.

Negative baggage attracts negative circumstances, no matter what you do on the outside or where you move to. If you want to be happy, make an effort to face the feelings you may try to stifle or run away from. As you do, you’ll get closer to a place that makes you happy no matter where you are. Then the Law of Attraction can support your happiness!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Canceling Plans

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 21:14:00 +0000

I had a rough few days over the weekend, running around a lot in the rain, then rushing home to finish up a deadline. My allergies were kicking in so my nose and head were a little stuffed. It was an unusual rainy pattern here in NYC that just hung out over us and made me more tired. I woke up on Saturday with a headache from the dampness and chill of 40 degrees. As I watched the rain coming down hard, the last thing I wanted to do was go out.

I’d made plans for that evening to get together with someone who lives out of the city. The day before he said the rain wouldn’t keep him from coming in. I agreed that we’d get together. “Rain won’t stop us!” we affirmed. But in the morning I didn’t feel that way. I’d been a bit ragged lately and the thought of going downtown in the cold rain made me unhappy. But I like to be happy! And what would make me happy is to stay home.

DoorMats keep plans no matter how much it hurts them!

While I don’t like cancelling on someone, sometimes it’s gotta be done. Making the decision to cancel lifted my spirits. Hooray! I can stay home! Be warm and dry. Years ago if I did that—which I probably wouldn’t have unless I was very ill—I’d have been plagued with guilt, which would have ruined my joy in staying home. Good girls believe they shouldn’t back out of a commitment. Period! While I do try to honor plans, I now also honor my needs. That’s one of the most important lessons I learned on the way out of DoorMatville.

Self first! Some people see that attitude as selfish but it’s NOT. It’s your right!

Leaving DoorMatville helped me to stop seeing most things as obligations. While I don’t cancel plans lightly or do it if I know the other person is counting on me to go or will be very disappointed, I’ve accepted that it is okay when you really need to. On Saturday I did. I haven’t seen my friend in a while and was looking forward to our going out. So I did want to go. But, the weather and how I felt was a big enough deterrent to cancel.

Occasionally canceling plans that you will make you unhappy to keep is okay.

If you find yourself wanting to cancel on someone often, ask yourself why you bother to make plans with him or her. It’s better to avoid canceling by not making plans in the first place. If you do make them, don’t cancel lightly. I was really feeling under the weather—literally—and believed it would hurt me to go running around in the rain tonight. That was a good reason to me. My health is a major priority now that I love myself. And, I try not to make plans in the first place with someone I’d want to cancel on easily.

But taking care of self is the most important priority to make.

This doesn’t mean making yourself happy at someone else’s expense. I gave my friend plenty of notice by calling in the morning and you know what? It turned out he was wishing he could cancel too, since the gale force winds and rain made him not want to schlep into the city. So it actually worked out fine. But if I was accompanying someone to an event they wouldn’t go to alone, I wouldn’t leave them unable to go. The same would also apply to having expensive tickets to a show. But, when my health is the issue and the plans weren’t major, it seemed more right to cancel.

I had a lovely evening at home Saturday! Knowing that I did that for myself added another level of satisfaction. I honor plans I make 99% of the time. You should too. I hate people who cancel often since it inconveniences me if I held time for nothing or have to find someone else to go somewhere with me at the last minute. But if someone does it rarely, I understand more. But when necessary, always remember that your well being should come first.

If your reason for bailing is legit, apologize and keep guilt out of it. Enjoy being able to do what's best for you.

I remember the first time I actually allowed myself to cancel plans after a lifetime of living in a state of obligation. I was exhausted from an intense week and not sleeping well. I was meeting a friend for dinner. In the past, nothing would have mattered except that I had to show up. HAD TO! DoorMats have to have to! As I dreaded the thought of going out, I remembered I didn’t live in DoorMatville anymore. So I called and asked for a rain check, explaining I didn’t feel well. I wasn’t hit by lightening or cursed forever. Nor did I lose the friend. Instead, she said she understood and we rescheduled. I got to go to bed early so I felt better the next day.

I still remember getting into bed with my book and a cup of tea and smiling ear to ear with the joy of knowing it was okay to can plans I wasn’t up for.

The glow I had that first time was profound. No more obligations! Yes, I do want to honor plans I make when I can. But not at the expense of my health. Taking control of your time is a lovely gift for you. Don’t cancel lightly but cancel if it’s for your highest good. It’s okay! ☺

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Law of Attraction in Action: Attitude

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 16:57:00 +0000

This is post 78 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I hear the word attitude used in a variety of ways. I define it as your view of life, or yourself, or something specific, that reflects in the way you carry yourself and behave. You may think you’re coming across in one way but your attitude can betray your deeper feelings. It can send the right or wrong message to people, and to the Universe.

Your attitude helps to create the emotions needed to get the Law of Attraction to work for you the way you want it to. Or, it thwarts your desires.

I’ve seen attitudes that mask deeper feelings. An air of superiority can cover insecurity. Being overbearing in trying to make decisions for everyone can come from fear of not feeling in control. You may say you love everyone but your attitude can say differently if you ridicule people or put up walls when certain types of people interact with you. It’s especially important to be cognizant of your whole attitude when you want something specific.

Your attitude can set expectations, even if you want the opposite of it.

People who’ve been burned in a relationship say they want to meet someone good for them but, if their attitude towards men or women in general is negative—“Men can’t be trusted!” or “Women always use me for my money”—your message to the Universe is that you’re not ready for a relationship. I believe that attitude is a big reason that people don’t attract the kind of romantic partner they say they want.

An attitude based on past experience keeps you from manifesting the best you can in the present.

Your attitude can change from work to play. You may be happy in your personal life but believe you’re undervalued at work and it shows in your attitude, which can be defensive with those around you. If your attitude reflects feeling undervalued, that’s what you’ll attract! If you have a more friendly, open, positive attitude, more comes to you. You never know what’s going on beneath the surface of someone’s attitude, just as people can’t read your inner thoughts.

And the Universe picks up on your most blatant attitude.

A few years ago I had a client I’ll call Jay. He walked in to see me with a cocky attitude. He was good looking, in great shape and made good money. Jay bragged that with the odds of women to men in NYC he could get any woman he wanted. He was 37, had a really good game with women and his attitude screamed arrogant. His attitude toward women made me want to smack him. Each was a conquest that would fall for his lines and moves. As he got comfortable with me, Jay let his guard down and his insecurity came out.

His attitude masked fear that if he stopped acting like a player, he wouldn’t get women.

I asked if he’d ever been in love. “Not really” he said. While Jay had been with MANY dozens of women, the relationships had all been as shallow as his attitude. He admitted he did want to get into a meaningful relationship and didn’t know why he couldn’t attract a loving woman. He’d been with models, supersexed chicks, and other hotties. But not one had been sincerely affectionate or loving. Yes, he had fun. He thought he was happy. But as he saw friends in close relationships, he realized that everything he attracted was superficial.

While it can be helpful to fake confidence until it’s real, it should be on a positive, healthy level, not with phony intentions.

Jay couldn’t attract a real, positive, caring woman because his attitude reflected women as goals to conquer, not to love and be loved by. He thought he was happy with the women who looked gorgeous wearing tons of makeup, designer clothing and their own attitudes of being hot. As his walls fell during our sessions, we worked on how to change his attitude about women and his role with them. It took him some time but he’s now happily married with a baby on the way.

Earl Nightingale said, “A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before the change.”

Years ago a friend from a small town moved to NYC. He questioned me when I went up to Harlem by myself or walked home late at night. His attitude about NYC was that it’s easy to get mugged. I told him that wasn’t true but he walked around with an attitude that people were out to get him. He walked cautiously on the lookout for trouble. He wasn’t friendly in public. I wasn’t surprised that it took only 2 weeks in NY for him to be preyed on by a group of young punks.

I’ve walked home at 1AM from downtown alone yet this strong guy was jumped at 5:30 in the evening in a busy, normally safe neighborhood!

I walk in friendliness since I expect to be safe. My friend’s attitude reflected his nervousness. Fortunately he got away from the guys before they took his wallet. For him it was proof that NYC is a dangerous place. For me it showed how his attitude of walking around viewing everyone as a potential mugger got him mugged! I’ve lived here my whole life and never once had even a close call. I have a loving attitude about all people and feel safe no matter where I am. Of course I’m more alert late at night, but I don’t walk in fear like he did.

Do your best to match your attitude to the intentions you want to manifest.

Pay attention to your attitude in different life situations, and to life in general. What beliefs are reflected in it at work, with friends and family and about yourself? Determine if it’s consistent with what you want to attract or counterproductive for attracting what you want. Do you approach situations in a defensive way or with an openness to great possibilities attitude? Do you reflect preconceived notions based on past experiences? Or is your attitude one of “All is well and good things are coming?”

Change your attitude and attract more good!

When I felt like I wasn’t worthy of much my attitude reflected that and I didn’t get much. Now I know I deserve all the gifts that the Universe has to offer and my attitude is open to it all, with joy and gratitude. Do an attitude check and help yourself attract a lot more!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Dr. Friedemann Schaub on Self-Healing

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:56:00 +0000

I'm delighted top have Dr. Friedemann Schaub as my guest today. More and more, Western medical doctors are recognizing the benefits of healing methods beyond just taking traditional medication and that we have the ability to help ourselves heal. I've done it many times! Dr. Schaub works with people to help them improve their health using both inner tools and his medical background. Below he explains his 9 keys for making self-healing work for you!

The 9 Keys to Self-Healing  
by Dr. Friedemann Schaub

After studying the human body and mind from all different "angles" for almost two decades, it became very clear to me that we all have an unlimited capacity to heal and change. However, most of us have not learned yet how to access this self-healing power or even trust or believe in such a potential.

The following 9 keys are an opportunity for you to explore and utilize your natural ability to heal. Whether you are currently dealing with a physical, emotional or mental challenge and receiving medical treatment or not, these 9 keys will allow you to access your self-healing potential and accelerate the healing process. There is really nothing you can do wrong - just do it and enjoy.

1. Focus on health and healing rather than disease.  Remember that you are not your disease – your disease has been “created” by your body and the body can “uncreate” it as well.

2. Find good reasons why you want to heal.  The more incentives / motivations you come up with, the better. Pay attention to the small “stuff”, that makes life worth living (e.g. a hug from a friend, a wonderful meal, a beautiful sunset, the kindness of a loved one, the joy of being there for somebody etc.)

3. Give specific “orders” to your body and your mind what you want it to do.  For example: If you have pain, tell the body to create ease and comfort; if you are dealing with a tumor, tell your body to let it “melt” away; if you have emotional challenges, tell your mind and body to create inner peace, harmony etc.

4. See the disease as an opportunity to learn and grow.  Identify the metaphors of the illness – if the illness had a message for your, what would it be. Notice the messages of the symptoms you are dealing with – sometimes symptoms can be taken very literally (“pain in the neck”, “heaviness in the stomach”, “stiffness in the joints”). Also search for significant emotional events, traumas or inner conflicts that were preceding the illness. Find ways to heal these conflicts and emotions so that your unconscious mind and body are not pre-occupied and can focus on physical healing (for example through Time Line Therapy® , NLP, Hypnotherapy, Counseling, Energy healing etc.).

5. Use visualizations and creative imagery to stimulate your self-healing potential.  If you are taking medication, include what you would like your body to do with the medication (e.g. maximum effect without side-effects). Books and tapes by Dr. Bernie Siegel, the pioneer on using visualization to heal, are a great resource.

6. Never give up hope / trust.  Always look for evidence that you can heal and are healing. Avoid listening or “buying into” negative prognosis, statistics... Surround yourself with positive people, positive life and health affirming messages.

7. Use meditation and relaxation exercises on a daily basis.  Meditation and relaxation have been shown to be very beneficial to treat chronic pain, migraines, hypertension and other chronic illnesses. Relaxing the mind and the body also activates our immune system. Even 10 minutes per day will make an enormous difference. A great way to start is to simply to find a quite and peaceful place, sit back and focus simply on your breath. After one to two minutes start inhaling for 5 seconds, hold the breath for 5 seconds and the exhale for 5 seconds. You can gradually increase the times to 20 seconds. The effects of this Kundalini Yoga breathing meditation are immediate and 5 minutes of this breath replace 30 minutes of sleep. Other great alternatives to relax are self-hypnosis CDs , which directly stimulate the subconscious mind, massages and other body work etc.

8. Give your body proper nutrition and sufficient rest.  Healing occurs when our body is well rested and well nurtured. Consult your physician, naturopathic doctor, nutritionist or herbologist to find the proper way to nutritionally support your body.

9. Feed your body with joy, harmony and laughter.  Extensive research has shown how the enormous healing benefits of joy and laughter. In 1976 the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine published an article by Norman Cousins, who was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis (also known as Bechterew Disease) a painful inflammation of the spine. His case was so severe that he was given a very dim prognosis. Realizing that negative thoughts and attitudes can result in illness, Norma Cousins believed that positive thoughts and attitudes may have the opposite effect. He left the hospital and checked into a hotel where he took high doses of vitamin C and watched funny movies and shows. He found that ten minutes of laughter resulted in several hours of pain-free rest. He continued this "treatment" until he recovered. Cousins proved that laughter is a very effective medicine and added another important piece of evidence of the power the mind-body connection.
--------

Friedemann Schaub MD., Ph.D., the founder of Cellular Wisdom, was born in 1965 in the Black Forest, Germany. He received his medical degree from the University of Munich and pursued a career in cardiology at the Munich University Hospital. He also holds a Ph.D. in molecular biology from the University of Washington in Seattle. His research has been published and featured in some of the most prestigious national and international medical and science journals, including Nature Medicine and Circulation. Dr Schaub works with patients and clients via phone or skype all over the world. He lives with his wife Danielle in Seattle/WA. Check out the resources on his website and learn more about him!

Law of Attraction in Action: Generating Emotions that Manifest

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:40:00 +0000

This is post 77 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

I wrote my post on Emotions for this series to help you understand the importance of having positive emotional vibrations that accompany your intentions to manifest something. I discussed how feeling the excitement about what you seek to manifest is the fuel needed to make your dreams a reality. Generating that emotion can be the hardest part of manifesting, especially if you’re in a bad place or can’t quite wrap your mind around believing that what you want will happen. Saying “empty” affirmations is better than nothing but don’t work as well.

It’s easy to know that you need to affirm your intentions with feeling, but how do you generate the necessary emotions?

I’ve struggled with this many times. Sometimes I could feel little doubts in the back of my head, diffusing the positive vibrations necessary to attract what I wanted, especially in situations that didn’t work out in the past. Old memories would come into my head to remind me that it might not happen and dampen my attempts to generate strong positive emotions. Then frustration set in as I couldn’t do stimulate the vibrations of feelings I knew were needed.

I believe that creating the necessary emotions begins with convincing yourself that you deserve what you’re trying to manifest, and that you're perfectly capable of getting it.

If you don’t believe you deserve something, that’s the emotion that goes out to the Universe. You may want a promotion really bad but if you worry, even subconsciously, that you won’t be able to do the job, your doubt may be stronger than positive emotions you try to stir. Fear sends out a stronger message too! But even with those feelings you can get to a positive emotional place! I’ve learned to do that and it manifests so much more.

Accept that generating positive emotions can be hard for many of us humans, especially if you’ve experienced many disappointments.

I went for years trying to generate emotions for manifesting, repeating affirmations over and over trying to attract what I wanted. I never noticed that I got more when I really felt the excitement and got little when I didn’t. It didn’t make sense why some things came while others fizzled. Learning about the importance of the vibration sent out was the piece I needed, but it still was hard to manifest excitement over things I doubted or was scared of.

The biggest factor for me has been my strong faith in getting God’s support. That can override almost everything else.

Instead of fighting negative feelings, I began by asking for support in diminishing the thoughts that kept the positive emotions at bay. That made me feel better. Knowing that God was with me enabled me to take more risks. Things would happen that gave me more hope and confidence. That got me excited! The more my faith was reinforced, the more I got excited. The more I got excited, the more I manifested.

You can create a lovely cycle between building faith and manifesting. One can feed the other.

If you’re serious about generating the emotions to manifest, focus on the results, not the process or journey, and the emotions you’ll have when you get there. For example, if you want to have a lot more money, write down all the things you’ll do with it. Picture yourself in situations where the money is yours. Smile at your vision. Feel how good it will be when you get it. Ease yourself into the emotion:

• Start by saying something about getting what you want in the future: “I will love having more money!” That's something you can generate good feelings about since you’re not committing to a belief yet. You would love having more money in the future if it happened. Practice and feel the positive emotions that come with how you'd feel if you had what you want.

• Bring it a little more to having it by just identifying the feelings of having it: “Having more money rocks!” It does, doesn’t it. You’re not committing to believing you have it but you’re generating good emotions about it.

• Own it: “I have lots of money coming to me!” Bring the emotions from the last 2 into this more concrete statement. Keep affirming this with feeling until you don’t have to force real feelings of excitement.

• Own it more by holding onto the emotions you’ve already generated in the other steps: “I have lots more money. Bring it on!” Now you’re talking like it’s a done deal. You may not see it for a while but once you put the emotion out, affirming what you have, the process is in motion. You do have it, and it will show itself at the right time.

• Make the affirmation your own. When you have to keep looking at the paper you wrote one on, you’re not feeling it. The best affirmations for creating emotions are in your own words, from your heart. Even if one you see online sounds terrific, Say it the way you’d say anything else.

Just recently I took it to another level, thanks to Angela Artemis, who writes the terrific blog, Mystic Musings and Meditations. I told her about a physical problem I’ve had for years, which both doctors and alternative practitioners hadn’t been able to help me with. It’s not debilitating or harmful, but is very annoying and often interferes with my sleep. Angela is a practitioner of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and offered me a treatment. EFT uses some major acupressure points along with strong positive statements about healing. She said it’s helped many people who found no relief with other methods.

Being open, I got the treatment and lessons so I could do it to myself. I did some verbal exercises with Angela as I tapped different points on my head and body. At the end, she helped me come up with the affirmation to use when doing it myself: “I am grateful to be ____free forever!!!” I did it later in the evening and noticed that beginning with “I am grateful__” helped stir my emotions. I can really generate excitement by beginning an affirmation with “I am grateful for___.”

Gratitude is such a strong tool for manifesting, which is why I continue with my Conscious Gratitude list on Yahoo.

I’ve done affirmations to help my issue for years but haven’t had a lot of success. I probably deep down thought it wouldn’t help and my positive emotions weren’t strong after so long with no success. Gratitude gave me fuel for my emotions. If I say, “I have a fantastic new book deal!” when I’m nervous about getting one, it can take time to generate emotions and my subconscious concerns can seep in. But when I say, “I am grateful” before I affirm what I intend to get, those three words always generate sincere, deep emotion, since I consciously practice gratitude. It’s been astounding for me.

“I am sooooooo grateful” for____. Yeah! Gratitude can truly stir emotions needed to manifest.

Bring gratitude into your intentions! Think about how grateful you are and will be to manifest more. Feel it. Give thanks for it. I even say thanks for getting what I know is coming as if it’s already here since I do understand it IS here—the process of it coming has started and it will show itself at the right time. Trust and be grateful. Let those feelings flow into your affirmations about what you intend to have. As the manifesting begins, the emotions will come easier.

I am so grateful that GREATER success than ever before is coming to me! YEAH!

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Saints Don’t Live Life!

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 17:19:00 +0000

Have you ever been called a saint after doing a HUGE favor for someone. It feels good to be recognized for what you do, as well you should! But often striving for sainthood comes at the expense of your own happiness, time and pleasure. Helping others is NOT your obligation. It's a choice you make.

It's important to give the boot to going above and beyond when it's not good for you!

I’m a good person. I try to help people when I can and feel super good when I give back for all my blessings. BUT, and it’s a BIG BUT, I refuse to be Saint Daylle anymore. Saint Daylle was always there for people. She filled in for canceled babysitters (while canceling her own plans to do so), was late for appointments in order to give someone a lift in the opposite direction of where she was going, spent less on herself to fund others, etc. Most of the time I had little energy left for ME. Saint Daylle was also Ms. DoorMat.

Being a saint about helping others can leave you wounded and unhappy.

I know people like that. They brag about all they do for others, as they deal with their own unhappiness. This post was triggered by a woman who told me she offered to stay with a friend’s elderly mother, while her elderly husband was in the hospital. It was that or the woman would be put in a facilituy until he came home. Being a kind soul, Louisa (not her real name) offered to go to her small town for a week and keep the mom company. It turned out to be a tough time that lasted 3 weeks. From there, Louisa went to her sister’s for a week to help with babysitting. She is drained.

Helping others, except for supporting family and close friends’ circumstances that are critical, should not leave you in need of healing.

Louisa missed her regular exercise and routines. She felt like her friend hijacked her time by putting her on the spot to stay longer. She stayed at the expense of her well being. Helping others is a blessing. Sacrificing your own well being to improve someone else’s well being isn’t one. It’s trying to live like a saint, instead of a human being who needs to limit what isn’t good for them. Louisa had been okay with just the one week. But her friends took advantage.

It’s important to turn requests down when it’s something you dread or feel will make you unhappy.

People can spot saints and ask them for favors often. At first you might feel good accommodating them. But too much accommodating leads to anger, frustration, resentment, and in general, an unhappy feeling. This can really take its toll on your health too! Louisa didn’t feel well after and had to get her mojo back. We all need boundaries on how much to help others vs. how much we help ourselves.

Helping others should be just as much as you can comfortably give, not a sacrifice.

When I was a DoorMat, I was afraid people would disappear if I stopped being nice. I thought I was soooooo nice, Ms. Saint. But I was really Ms. Wimp, Ms. Victim. I complained to everyone that people I catered to didn’t reciprocate my kindness. So, I wasn’t really nice. I was an oxymoron—calling myself nice, yet whining to anyone who’d listen about how people weren’t nice to me. I never considered that I should be nice to me.

There’s nothing nice about being unhappy, no matter how many are happy as a result of your sacrifice.

Real saints don’t live human lives on earth. And I do believe that we’re meant to be loving and kind to ourselves first. Focus on your own bliss! I do try to help others when I can in better ways than I could as a saint. But I know the limits for which I can stretch and bend and give up time I need for me. When you take care of yourself first you become happier and stronger. The happier and stronger you become, the better the quality of what you can give to others.

The more you give yourself, the more you have to give on a healthy level.

DoorMat saints are unhappy. Self-empowered nice people who set boundaries on what they do for others are happy. Giving with limits gives you power over your life. Sainthood doesn’t. People may praise you for being a saint if they get what they need from you. But it’s not nice if it leaves you wanting. Does giving and giving and giving make you happy or frustrated? Satisfied or drained? Grateful or resentful?

If you feel any negative emotions from giving, it’s time to reevaluate what you do.

I must confess. I get a giddy feeling at times when I tell someone I can’t do something that I don’t want to do. I love having free time because I said no. Plus, after so many years of always going along with what others wanted from me, feeling in control of my life is awesome! That control is reinforced with the boundaries I set. You must protect your time, because it's very valuable! Kick out any situations that drain you, unless it's special circumstances for a family member or loyal friend.

When you let go of feeling obligated to be a saint for everyone and become an angel for yourself, life improves on a beautiful level!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

Law of Attraction in Action: Pleasure

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 13:15:00 +0000

This is post 76 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Are you enjoying your life, thoroughly and completely wherever you are, every day? Most people I speak with don’t seem to. It’s so easy to get caught up in doing what you’re supposed to do—working, doing chores at home, obligatory visits to family, trying to keep up with email, etc. The pursuit of happiness can become just an effort to get through the day and get as much done as possible. Eventually you fall into habits that are practical but don’t make you feel good.

Pleasure can take a back seat to getting it all done. Yet it’s pleasure that attracts the best kind of life!

I realized lately that I’ve been forgetting to make room for lots of pleasure in my life—every day. I have fun sometimes, but have been so immersed in my writing that I’m alone more than I used to be. I do enjoy being solo and get a lot of pleasure from having time to write for many uninterrupted hours. But, I realized recently that I need more balance. I haven’t been attracting as many new and pleasurable opportunities because I’m not seeking the kind of pleasure into my life that I used to have.

Getting into too many daily routines puts your life on autopilot. Like me, you can forget to do what it takes to make doing everything pleasurable.

I realized I needed to recapture my pleasure in daily life! People are surprised to hear this since I say how much I love my life. This is very true! I’m blessed beyond measure. But I’ve also gotten into some ruts that need to be fixed. You know what ruts in the road can do to your car if you keep driving over them. Life ruts can do something similar to the path you’re trying to follow.

Getting into ruts diverts your attention and energy from what you’d like to be your life’s purpose and from having the most pleasure you can.

I want LOTS of pleasure in my life! As I took stock of why I’m not getting enough, I decided to take a huge step. I recently mentioned that I registered for the Mastery program at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. Her program focuses on having as much pleasure as is possible. Happy and satisfied people attract a lot more happiness and satisfaction. I want more pleasure! I deserve more pleasure! And I intend to attract it!

When you fall into ruts, it’s important to do what you can to bring more pleasure into your life!

I’ve always been the kind of person who has fun doing whatever I’m involved in. Having a smile and cheerful attitude makes for more pleasurable interactions in my travels. When I had a day job, I loved to joke and bring goodies in to share with colleagues. I play music and dance while cleaning in my apartment. Music is a great way to bring in more pleasure! But my rut left me wanting more. Mama Gena’s Mastery program seemed like the best way for me to shake things up in my life. I’ve wanted to take the Mastery for years, but didn’t because it’s expensive, even with my deeep discount for registering early.

But, as Mama Gena points out, what better investment can you make than one in yourself!?!

So I dove in and registered. The Mastery encourages pleasure and allowing yourself pleasure, which tells the Universe you want pleasurable circumstance. Mama Gena’s concept of pleasure extends to attracting good health and great income earning situations. The underlying component for attracting everything you want is mastering the art of giving yourself as much pleasure as possible. This is how I want to live. I see things on the program that are way out of my comfort zone (in the rut I live in) but I’m determined to conquer it all!

How often do you refer to your life as pleasurable??

Mine is happy and I’m content. But, I haven't been consciously looking for ways to make everything more pleasurable. Doing so will attract more pleasure. When you focus on pleasure you get more! Pleasure puts you into a mindset to attract more goodies. When you’re feeling happy, there are less negative thoughts to impede your desires. Putting out your intentions with a smile is so much more effective than forcing them out as you fight negatives. I encourage you to be VERY conscious as you go about each day. Look for ways to give yourself more. Be creative about looking for ways to bring more pleasure into your life. What small things can you add to attract more pleasure?

• Go out for lunch with a friend instead of eating a sandwich at your desk at work.
• Take a dancercize type of class at the gym instead of always doing a monotonous machine.
• Talk to the ingredients about what a nice day it is when you’re cooking. :)
• Say positive affirmations about what a pleasurable life you have?
• Get out more where you can meet new people, like volunteering, going to networking events, or whatever rocks your pleasure.
• Have a few rounds on a swing in the playground without a child on your lap.
• Smile at everyone you can. Flirt when you can!
• Put your foot down on working too much overtime and use the extra time for your joy.

Find your pleasure points—anything that feels good or brings a smile to your face—and work them! I start Mama Gena’s Mastery program the weekend of March 20th and will share some of my experiences here. Meanwhile I ‘m reading her book, Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts : Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World. The more pleasure you allow into your life, the more you’ll attract. Have a good time living your life! Smiles beget more smiles and makes life a joy to experience. No more just passing time everyone! That’s what I did as a DoorMat and I felt comatose from lack of pleasure. Now I’m going to indulge. Will keep you posted on what happen!

Join me! Look for every way you can to bring more pleasure into your life. That how we empowered people should live!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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Backlash

daylle@daylle.com (Daylle Deanna Schwartz) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 21:25:00 +0000

Recently an anonymous subscriber wrote a scathing comment on my post about Grudges. Anon is unsubscribing, viewing me as being sneaky and vindictive. People who change their people pleasing ways often get chided or mislabeled by others. As I grew into an empowered woman, many names were hurled at me by people I said no to or who I stopped allowing to walk all over me.

Selfish and bitch/bastard are commonly used to manipulate people into retuning to their more giving ways.

Depending on their situations, people have varied perspectives about situations, and words. I’ve been called a bitch for taking care of myself so many times that my first workshop was called, Be a Better Bitch/Bastard. A better bitch/bastard gets called a bitch/bastard by someone who is frustrated about not getting their way or you speak up for yourself or set any other boundaries for what you give or do for others (NOTE: I’m wearing my Better Bitch and Proud of it t-shirt in the pic. I have a few left for $15, shipping included in the US).

Name-calling is often used as a weapon to get you to give in or as an outlet for disagreement.

I subscribe to the sticks & stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me—unless I let them mentality. Words can sting or hurt you a lot if you accept them as your truth. I wasn’t a bitch when I was accused of being one. Nor was I selfish for wanting my desires filled too instead of just always going along with where others wanted to eat, what they wanted to do, etc.

As long as you KNOW you’re NOT what a person accuses you of being in words, you're not. Names only have validity if you agree.

This blog is about my experiences and what worked for me and my clients. I KNOW that I’m not sneaky and vindictive as Anon called me. Of course he or she is entitled to personal opinions. I respect that not everyone will like or agree with me. But it isn’t my truth. Anon gave examples of why I am those words. I’m pretty sure I know which ones they are. This is how I see it.

* In my post called Miserably Skinny I wrote that I told someone to shut up when she asked challenged my food choice. This person was always critical of my body and picked on me for ordering a burger and fries, I told her not to tell me how to eat. But when the food came, she began a lecture that in the past ruined my pleasure (and I rarely have a burger and fries and wanted to enjoy it fully!). So I told her to shut up. I’d warned her several times to keep her criticism to herself. I didn’t need advice from someone who was skinny but miserable. And despite what Anon thinks, I’d do it again to someone who doesn’t stop her verbal jabs after being told more than once that it’s unacceptable and she had no right to speak to me like that.

* The other example was from my post on Grudges. Anon said I got a kick out of something bad happening to the worker in my building who began loudly stripping floors in the apartment bedroom right above me before 8AM on a Saturday, which by the way is illegal in NY. I could have reported him to the building manager or filed a complaint with the city, which would have created trouble for him with his job. Instead I released any recourse to the Universe and let God take care of it. Right after that, our building manager denied him the time off he wanted during the holidays.

I’d much rather let God sort it out instead of me looking to hurt someone.

I didn’t get a kick out of something bad happening to him or wish him evil. But I did get a kick out of the Law of Attraction returning it to him. And I did say I got a kick out of him thinking that I was giving him a holiday gift when it was an envelope with a note explaining (nicely!) how I was leaving it to God to deal with it. He’d done other inconsiderate things but this was intolerable. I didn’t detail it in my post but he knew I was getting physically ill from all the construction noise that began before 7 AM every weekday morning. Some of you may remember that I live facing the building that had the awful crane accident 2 years ago.

This guy and I discussed how unnerving it was. He had a problem just working with constant drilling and banging and knew how much I valued being able to catch up on sleep on weekends. My doorman said he warned the guy not to work so early but he had plans for the day and only cared about finishing early. So I thought he got an appropriate result of his actions!

Leaving grudges in God’s hands is the best recourse against someone who does you wrong.

Anon said the energy radiating from my words is ugly. Oh well. Anon has chosen to unsubscribe and that’s his/her choice. I wish him/her a blessed life. I have no idea of what caused his/her perspective and it doesn’t matter. I know who I am, which really is what matters. Be careful about letting word jabs hurt you or your joy. Always remember that names can never hurt you unless you let them. I no longer let them. I know if I do wrong or put out bad energy, it will surely come back to me. Meanwhile, my life continues to grow with delight!

When you own your right to not adopt what someone else thinks of you as true, you can guide your life down a path of YOUR choice!

Do your best to do the right thing and also understand that you and people around you may see things differently and that’s okay. Don’t let others rattle your path. Everyone has issues that push their buttons when they see or hear or read certain things. I still do. It’s important to remember that their issues aren’t yours. So I’ll continue to write my blog as I choose and people can read or not read it as they choose. Getting upset about someone else’s name calling ain’t worth the bad energy attached to it. Bless them with a good spirit and move on!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!