let my roots go down deep

Saving Mr. Banks

2014-01-20T21:40:00.000-05:00

We went to see Saving Mr. Banks this last week. It was a delightful film! I grew up watching Mary Poppins and Saving Mr. Banks is the story of the author and how it was made into a movie at Disney Studios in the 1960's.

I didn't realize it was a book but thought that Disney studios had created her for their movie. Apparently there are 3 books about Mary Poppins by P.L. Travers. Watching this movie definitely made me want to read the books.

Saving Mr. Banks is about Redemption. I love redemptive stories, I just don't want to watch something where the main characters never change nor become better people. I think that's because I always want the best for people and want to see redemption in their lives, so movies where the characters are redeemed speak to my heart. Mary Poppins and Saving Mr. Banks are both movies about the redemption of a main character. Emma Thompson portrayed PL Travers in Saving Mr. Banks and it's Travers redemption that we get to watch in the this film. In Mary Poppins, the redeemed character is Mr. Banks.

I hadn't really thought about that before, but it's true. It's the father, Mr. Banks, who is stodgy and more concerned with investing in the bank than in his family. His children love him and just want his time and attention but he is too busy. By the end of the film, he is flying kites with his kids and Mary Poppins goes on to another family in need.

In Saving Mr. Banks, we are shown clips from PL Travers childhood and how her father was more active in their lives but died when she was young. We get to watch her change and forgive herself over the course of this movie. I don't often cry in movies but during this one, I almost had tears flowing down my cheeks. It is so touching and fun, at the same time.

Sochi 2014 - wish I were going!

2014-01-07T01:20:00.002-05:00

The Olympics in Sochi are soon and I really wish I were going. I am not a sport enthusiast, nor a "hard-core Olympic fan" but I have always wanted to go to Russia and hearing about Sochi makes me want to go, cause it's in Russia.

So I don't actually want to go to Sochi as it is closer to Turkey than the north pole, nor do I really want to pay the entrance fees for the Olympic events but I do want to go to Russia. The places I would want to go see in Russia would be Moscow and St Petersburg and then somewhere remote along the Chinese border or the eastern side.

I am not really sure why I want to travel to Russia someday but I do. So hearing so much about Sochi in the news just reminds me that I want to go.

Anyway, that whole rant was due to some of my favourite advertising right now. Whomever is responsible for the GM Goodwrench Winter Tires ad campaign should win something for it, cause it's funny, current and is a slogan that people will be repeating for a while.

Boxing Day Sale

2013-12-26T15:39:00.001-05:00

This fall I became a Steeped Tea Consultant, selling tea through direct sales Tea Parties! I am enjoying this new job and I will be able to continue it when I move at the end of January.

Steeped Tea is having a Boxing week sale on selected items. To shop for your favourite loose-leaf teas and look at sale items, go to www.mysteepedtea.com/WARMYOURCUP and click 'Shop'.

All orders can be shipped directly to your address and paid for online!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

2013-12-24T18:49:00.001-05:00

Pentatonix - Little Drummer Boy

It's Official so you can talk about it....

2013-11-21T23:05:00.001-05:00

The Big News of my world is that I will be finishing my job at Camp IAWAH as of January 15th and will be moving back to Manitoba at the end of January!

I know, it's crazy, but the Lord is leading back there. I have no idea what I will be doing when I get there, other than enjoying being closer to my family and spending some quantity time at Sanctuary House of Prayer, but I am at peace with the move and all that entails.

I will miss IAWAH, my friends in Ottawa/Westport/Kingston and area and miss living in a small town. It has been a blessed 5 years and I have been impacted by so many people and changed by my life here. I am thankful that God brought me here but it is time to move into something new.

The D-word.......Discipline, oh how you elude me

2013-11-15T15:22:00.000-05:00

Discipline.......why is it so hard? To be honest, I don't know except I am still becoming like Christ and therefore not perfect yet. There have been baby steps of progress, but it is SO difficult and I feel as thought I am getting nowhere fast. The small steps that I have taken have me becoming more disciplined in spending.

I talked about small steps in an earlier post and I should celebrate the steps I have made in spending less frivolously and the small strides towards eating more healthily and getting more exercise. It just seems like one step forward, 6 steps back.

Discipline for me is always tied to tithing. I know people don't like to talk about money, well Canadians don't anyway, but it really changes me to tithe 10% or more to the Lord, right off the top of my pay cheque. He is honoured when I trust Him with my finances and somehow it translates into better discipline in my finances and other areas. When I don't tithe, I struggle to pay bills and way over spend, never seeming to have enough. When I tithe, I get everything paid, I enjoy some extras and there always seems to be a little for the savings account.

The weirdest part is that tithing makes me more disciplined in keeping my house clean, getting exercise and eating more healthily......... I don't get it, I just know it works.

So I have been disciplined about tithing and my finances have started to line up again. Now I am working on moving more in my day. It takes some thought and planning to get up from sitting, do something around the house or take a walking break at work or home. But I am consciously taking some breaks to help my body and mind be more attentive and productive. Some days it doesn't seem like much but every little bit helps, or so they tell me. So I keep making a conscious effort to move more.

After that I will work on food.......I will take small steps to improve my exercise habits and celebrate improvements before I tackle what, for me, is the hardest thing to regulate, what and how much I eat.

Projects I have been working on.......more about to start!

2013-10-17T18:49:00.000-04:00

One for Luc and one for Sophie.....here's hoping they fit!

Thoughts to Ponder

2013-10-16T21:53:00.003-04:00

Thoughts to Ponder.....

2013-10-06T23:24:00.001-04:00

"We don't burn out from going hard after God. We get burned out because we are bored spiritually & motivated by the wrong things." -- Mike Bickle

Very Small Steps to.......somewhere

2013-09-24T16:21:00.000-04:00

It's been a long and tiring month. It feels like two months since I posted but in reality, only 12 days. In other words.....discipline is hard and I am struggling to take even small steps in the right direction. I am doing it but man it feels like I am getting nowhere, fast.

The world and all it's advertising tells us to do what feels good and that earthly pleasure in this moment is the end goal.

The Lord tells me to wait, have patience and to look to Him for pleasure and satisfaction and the end goal is maturity in Him and eternity.

Some days I wish Jesus were more visible so He could stand beside me when I am tempted to live by the world's standards. Was is easier for the disciples because Jesus was right there? Or is it easier for me because I have Holy Spirit living inside of me?

Rhetorical questions that I will never answer.....but food for thought.

Some days I just need a reminder that discipline is good to practice and that it will be to my gain in eternity.....but pride and laziness tell me to do what I want when I want it and forget the rest.

Who am I going to listen to? And what is the ultimate goal? Do I really want to enjoy right now but lose out on better things later?

I am completely tracking with Paul in Romans 7, when he says that he does things that he doesn't want to do, and does not do those things he wants to do........

Since the only way out is through, I had best keep taking those small steps and let the Lord change me from the inside.

The D-word.....Discipline

2013-09-12T00:52:00.001-04:00

School has started again here and we have seen the temperature drop a little and the sun set earlier.....fall is here! I love Fall or Autumn! It is a time of beautiful colours and cool nights. Fewer bugs and more animal sightings at camp. Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Pumpkin pies!

I am starting this fall with some goal setting. I am not really a "goal-oriented" person but thought I should make some goals to try to work on discipline. I know, the D-word.....but I need more of it. So as September starts, I will be working with the Lord on discipline. In the weeks to come, I will be figuring out where discipline will be practised in my day and how that will look. As I am a pretty unstructured person and like to go-with-the-flow and see what each day brings (with no plan in place), this will be an interesting exercise.

Discipline has never been something I have found easy. My impression of my growing up years is that I lacked discipline and my mother had to work hard at getting me to do things like practice piano, cleaning my room and saving money. I am not sure if my impression is correct but I don't remember, ever, having that internal drive that some people have, to get things done. I have always been an "it'll wait till later" kinda kid. There were always more important things to do. These attitudes and habits have carried into adulthood, much to the frustration of my housemates when I leave the dishes or taking out the garbage "till later". I am hoping that by practising discipline, I will get better at it and will enjoy the structure more.

Stay tuned to see how it turns out!

Summer is not a vacation in my world but is still good

2013-08-14T14:01:00.000-04:00

The summer season at work is almost over and with it some of the craziness will also be over. I love the warmth of the weather, the excitement of the youth and staff and I love camp......however, after 4 months of super-busy-people-filled-being-flexible-long-days craziness, I am ready for fall.

The summer season is always frantic and I feel like I run through my days, which are fuelled by caffeine and sugar. Neither of these things really help me to feel good but it's an easy burst of energy when I get tired. So this fall I will be detoxing from caffeine and sugar along with developing some routine again.

This summer felt harder than previous ones. It was full of last minute staffing changes and the overall feeling from the seasonal staff, was one of challenge and them having a hard time. The seasonal staffers difficulties were not all tied to camp and/or camp-life but many were just life-stage and other stuff happening within and around them back home. So right now I describe my summer as hard but will tack on the word 'good' soon.

The Lord was really kind this summer and sent a few staffers to me who I really connected with and was encouraged by even as I hope I encouraged them. He also sent me a refuge in a friend's house to stay overnight once a week. It is so peaceful and my friends are so kind that I felt renewed and encouraged staying there just one night a week. And now the Lord is blessing me again by sending me volunteers for my first Fall event on Labour Day weekend.

I know this is a scattered post but I am in the stage of summer where thinking becomes harder. Thoughts are more scattered and sometimes I am so tired I can't do simple things like add single digits or alphabetize lists or remember to get gas for my car (don't worry I made it to the gas station but it was close).

So if you are a praying person, please pray for strength and endurance, to end the summer season well and to have enough energy and staff to host groups in the Fall well.

Maybe I will invest in a ticket to somewhere warm and sunny in the middle of March (winter here) in order to have a relaxing "summer" vacation!

Longing for HOME

2013-07-14T22:59:00.001-04:00

English is a funny language. There are so many words that sound the same but have multiple meanings. Some are spelled the same while some are spelled differently yet sound the same. Currently I have been thinking about the word HOME.

Home is always spelled the same but can be a noun, verb, adverb or adjective, as you can see by some quick research at Dictionary.com. However, HOME means something different to everyone, even when we use it to represent a similar idea in our speech. For example, when I say that I am going home, this could mean almost anywhere, unless I give it more definition within our conversation. I often refer to visiting my family in Manitoba as "going home" but also then say that I am going home, when I refer to coming back to Ontario. It's a tricky word to really understand the meaning of, as it has so much to do with an individual person's context and ideas.

I have often been moved by the word HOME. The thought of going HOME has been one of joy and expectation. Wondering where HOME is, has often brought thoughtful contemplation and sometimes anxiety or fear. The idea of HOME has brought longing and sometimes loneliness or sadness. But no matter what HOME we are talking about, it always brings some kind of emotional response.

Recently I have been struggling with such a LONGING for HOME. Often I think that my longing for HOME will be satisfied if I move back to Winnipeg and am closer to my family. But when I really inquire of the Lord in my longing, it is not Winnipeg or my family that will satisfy this longing for HOME. But the Lord Himself and heaven. Dwelling with my Creator.

I long for HOME and peace, for joy inexhaustible and an end to evil and strife. I long for the Bridegroom and King to rule and reign in eternity. I long for Eternity and right relationship with God and with everyone else.

Eternity is the HOME I long for and only One can satisfy that longing, Jesus. Longing for something that can not be fully satisfied until heaven or Jesus' return is challenging in my sinful state because that I try so hard to fulfill that longing myself, or bury it or numb it.

I am excited to tabernacle with the Lord and dwell in His house forever. To sing to Him and speak with Him in the beauty of His throne room, in the Temple of the City of our God. My imagination is not good enough to even come close to how beautiful the Lord is and what the City of God will look like but my heart and my spirit yearn for it.

Some days I just want to go HOME!

Stand

2013-05-22T00:22:00.000-04:00

I have a ceramic tile. Yep, a tile. There's only one because a friend gave it to me, to remind me of something. What does a tile remind you of?

For me, the tile is to remind me that it's okay just to stand firm in the Lord. Just stand there. It is one tile. I can't tile the floor with it, can't walk down it like a road, can't even really move it when I am standing on it. But it is firm. It helps create a foundation. A solid place to put my feet. I stand on it.

My tile represents my foundation in the Lord, Yahweh, the God of Israel. So I stand on the Lord. In all the movement of my life circumstances (moods/emotions, thought-life, physical size fluctuations, job description changes, friendship changes, etc) I can stand firm on the foundation of Jesus as my Saviour and Lord. On God the Father, creating me for His pleasure and enjoyment. On Holy Spirit to strengthen me and hold me together. On Truth and on Love.

It's just a tile, but when I look at it, I am reminded that I am not my own but I stand because of the One who created me and He created me to be loved for eternity. I stand because that is all I have been able to do this winter, just stand there. I have not had the energy to gain ground, to learn and grow in the Lord or to increase my ministry opportunities. I feel exhausted and like a failure but I have stood my ground. I have stood on top of the foundation that my grandparents and parents laid for me, that I chose as a twelve-year-old and that I continue to choose today.

I am standing firm on the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And that is enough. Standing here is enough...............

but man has it been hard.

Growing is hard sometimes

2012-11-19T10:08:00.002-05:00

I went to my modular session through Ellel Ministries this last weekend. I always come home with so much to think about and process. We were talking about and working through our relationships last weekend. It is always surprising where those weekends take me. I am a highly introspective person anyway but inevitably there is something about myself and my behaviours that I have overlooked and need to acknowledge and allow the Lord to start changing.

This last weekend I was reminded that as friendly as I am and as much as I love people and getting to know them, I have a solid wall around myself that most people in my life never get to see over. This happens due to a number of different factors but boils down to me self-protecting. The idea that I can protect myself better than God can and an instinctual reaction due to my sinful nature.

So this month I am working on allowing God to carry my relationships to whatever level he wants them to go. I am also working on expressing my needs and emotions with discernment into the situation before me. I am REALLY not good at this. Somewhere in my history I obtained the belief that I should not show any anger, hurt or frustration and fear grips me when I go to share those things with people. I am not sure where this belief came from but it is false and has to change. It is so hard to renew my mind and overcome old patterns of behaviour and thought. Thankfully I have Jesus working with me on it but it's a slow process and really hard for me.

My little sweets!

2012-10-17T15:56:00.002-04:00

These are my sister's darlings and I miss them terribly! Al says she thinks Sophie looks like me and Luc is wearing the overalls I bought for him! I am that far off Auntie who comes with presents every time I visit!

Settling in....it will just take time!

2012-10-09T11:05:00.001-04:00

It's been 2 weeks since we moved to Perth, ON and we are settling in to a routine. Life in Perth is different than outside of Westport. I can walk to places, not that I have yet, and it feels like there are more options for evening activities. It is a short walk or drive to those activities, so I am more inclined to get out in the evening.

I joined a local concert band. It is a fun mix of ages and abilities although I am in some serious need of practice. I haven't played seriously since high school and that was a long time ago. I have picked up my flute periodically and run some scales but this will be interesting. I have a while before we actually play in public, but I will be practicing so that I can at least pretend to keep up a little this coming week.

As apartments go we were blessed with a nicely renovated one. The stove smells when we use it because it is so new and the whole apartment still has a slightly new renovation smell to it. That will soon change but it's taking some adjustment to get used to living here. For Laura and Faith too, I am sure. I struggle most with the light that comes through my window at night, it's the orange glow of city light-pollution, not a white moon. I don't really enjoy that, but I always sleep with the blinds open so I maximize the sun in the morning. I have also had trouble with the noise. Most people would probably say it's quiet but there is traffic and a train that I am not used to. And I miss laying in my bed, looking out at the forest. In the place at Little Crosby Lake Road, it was like sleeping in the forest because there were so many windows and it was only a ground floor. We are on the 6th floor in Perth and I can see the Mark's Work Warehouse sign when I look out the balcony window, that a little weird still.

I will get used to it....it will just take time. That is the latest phrase I repeat to myself. It will just take time. As we have changed the staffing structure at work, it will just take time to transition. It will just take time to figure out how to work with less people. It will just take time to figure out my new role.

So it will just take time.

PS I wrote this weeks ago and am only now posting it. A little update is in order. Laura, Faith and I are learning to live together and have to keep reminding each other of how recently we actually moved. It feels like we have been here longer than we have. So patience and grace is what we are practicing! And the train is getting less noticeable but some days it's still really LOUD! Work is just going to take time to adjust too and I feel a little like I won't be able to keep up with the added tasks and duties, but in reality......it will just take time!

Oh Canada!

2012-09-28T00:05:00.002-04:00

We Moved!

2012-09-16T07:46:00.002-04:00

Faith, Laura and I moved into an apartment in Perth. I will tell you all about it soon. It's been a really busy month and I am still trying to catch my breath!

New Niece

2012-09-10T10:34:00.001-04:00

Saturday brought us a new member of our family, my niece Sophie Grace. We are blessed to finally meet her. She was anxious to meet us too! She couldn't wait and was born in an ambulance in front of my sister's house! They are all doing well and I got to see them later that day, over FaceTime. Sometimes I really love technology!

I can share some news now

2012-08-31T22:08:00.001-04:00

It has been a whirlwind finish for summer camp this year. We finished our final week of summer camp and then hosted staff for a couple days to finish off the summer season. I took 5 folks on a canoe trip to Frontenac Provincial Park (felt like our camp backyard, it was that close) and 3 had never been on trip before. It was great! We paddled a little, hiked a lot and slept in! I am always glad to be on trip and even more thankful when it ends off a busy season because it gives me the time and space to really start processing and helps me transition to the next season or head space.

Summer was made a little crazier by way of a major transition happening at work. Camp has been going through a process of realigning with our mission/vision, which is a great thing, and needed. However, that meant, in light of our mission, that we have begun some large changes. Part of that included some lay-offs and changes around focus and how much we do. I didn't know until a couple weeks ago whether I would still be working there or not. I am still working at camp but my role has changed slightly, we are changing what we do (a little) and our staff team will be smaller.

It has been a challenging month but God has been steadfast through it all. I have had a consistent measure of peace through the whole process, although daily emotions were on a roller-coaster of highs and lows the last few weeks of waiting. I have been encouraged by how prayerful the board has been through this and that the decisions made were not taken lightly nor done hastily. The timing in one respect made things challenging as we had to wait for quite a while to hear news but I am thankful that they were looking to the Lord to make those decisions. I would never want to work in a ministry that was not looking to the Lord for direction and really listening to hear His plan for that ministry.

As I have been so transient in my life, I fully expected that the Lord would move me, and I was content with either outcome. It was a little surprising that I am staying at camp (part of me was excited by new possibilities in the wide world) but I am peaceful about retaining my job. It is hard to know what the next 6 months will look like, but I am confident that I will be leaning on My Beloved for strength, wisdom and courage in those weeks.

If you are a praying person, please add me and camp to your prayer list. We are going to feel the affects of transition for some time to come and I appreciate all the prayer you can manage for us.

The physical rains came on the same day the staff started hearing about their jobs. We were glad for the rains, as camp and canoe tripping are so much better without a fire ban (yeah campfires and campfire cooking)! I think that staff were glad to know, even when the news was hard, cause the waiting was wearing on us all.

I am learning to trust the Lord and waiting on His peace for this season.....and His strength as I am tired and we start a new season on Tuesday.

A moment of worship

2012-08-18T19:18:00.003-04:00

10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) - Matt Redman

This is one of my favourites right now! Enjoy!

The RAINs came.....

2012-08-09T17:41:00.000-04:00

the waiting is over.....the transition begins. I know this is a little cryptic but I will share news when I can. For now, know that a gentle RAIN has come to water the earth on the same day the wait has ended.....the Lord is funny and times everything perfectly. I am peacefully trusting Him for His good plan.

How do you respond to spending time in the desert?

2012-07-30T20:53:00.000-04:00

I know the desert is beautiful and lovely, for a day or two, but how about months or years? I am not sure I could spend my life in a desert. It's arduous and feels desolate and lonely. I would rather spend my years beside cool waters, on a rock face, near a forest. A season in the wilderness or desert is probably good for me but it's getting tiring. I think of the Israelites "wandering" in the desert for 40 years. Seriously, I wouldn't make it without complaining, not even a month probably. I am not sure how any of them made it across the River Jordan and really am not surprised that very few did.

I like to think that I would be like Joshua and Caleb, but really I probably would have died in the desert, even though God's manifest presence was there, day and night. I am not very good at living in desolate places nor am I good at trusting the Lord yet. So that's probably what the Lord is trying to teach me in this season....trust.

The Lord uses worship songs and music to speak to me and to connect with me. He really places songs in my path with pointed messages for me, in answer to my call to Him, or in answer to my conversations with Him. For those of you who spend time in church you are probably thinking "so what?", God connects with everyone through music and why wouldn't worship music speak to everyone.....but I think God uses different media for different people in different ways.

The Lord does not move in scripture quite the same way He moves in music for me. I love scripture and He does speak to me through it, but when I really want to connect with the Lord, my love language is music/singing/songs, especially His Word put to music. And as much as I can have some theological discussion or read good books and He speaks through those. And as much as I enjoy watching people dance and paint and use their gifts in worship of the Lord......my whole being comes alive when I am singing in worship!

So I have come across a song that might not be new to you, but it is rather new to me and has become a beacon of light in this dry and weary wilderness season, so I will share it with you.

God I Look To You - Jenn Johnson/Ian McIntosh

God I look to you

I won't be overwhelmed

Give me vision

To see things like you do

Lord I look to you

I won't be overwhelmed

Give me wisdom

You know just what to do

I will love You Lord my strength

I will love You Lord my shield

I will love You Lord my rock forever

All my days I will love You God

Hallelujah our God reigns

Hallelujah our God reigns forever

All my days Hallelujah

Tag (sung by an IHOP-KC worship team):

I lift my eyes

Up to the hills

Where does my help come from

It comes from You and You alone

Waiting in the Desert

2012-07-30T10:16:00.000-04:00

This summer has been busy....as you may have guessed. I tend to post less when I get busy.

Newsy item: I had a week off to see my friends, Rosie and Kevin, get married in Winnipeg. This also meant I spent time with my family and other friends there. It was refreshing to go to a summer wedding and to have some time off in the middle of the rush. I really enjoyed the time and felt more rested getting back into camp.

Other than working and taking a week to vacation, I don't have much of an exciting life right now. I spend long days at camp and when I get home, I am pretty tired, so reading and watching movies with my housemate has become a normal routine. I have made some time to visit other friends but really I work... a lot!

I am in a season of waiting and that has been stretching. I am not really a good wait-er. I like to think I have patience and trust the Lord, but really when He asks me to wait, I have very little discipline and get very anxious. So the Lord and I are sitting together waiting. I am definitely waiting for some answers to my questions and He is definitely waiting for me to develop patience and discipline.....I am not sure who will wait longer at this point...probably the Lord.

Misty Edwards sings a song that I have been playing in my car lately. Here are the lyrics:

Oh I'm waiting in this desert

Just waiting for the rain

Oh but I won't leave this desert

Until I see the rain

And I'm waiting in this wilderness

Of promises yet fulfilled

Oh but I won't leave this wilderness

Until I see the rain

I'm waiting for the rain

Oh I'm waiting for the rain

I'm just waiting for the rain

Oh I'm waiting for the rain

For I have heard the story told of a prophet who prophesied

Of the rain that would come in the middle of a drought

As a sign of the rain to come

And though years have come and years have gone

We're still waiting for the rain

Oh but I can see the clouds gathering now

Are you ready, are you ready for the rain?

Open up the heavens and let it rain,

let it rain, let it rain

Open up the heavens and let it rain,

let it rain, let it rain

Open up the heavens and let it rain,

let it rain, let it rain

Open up the heavens and let it rain,

Just let it rain, let it rain

God let it rain, let it rain

Let it rain

I have spent weeks praying for rain in the physical and in the spiritual. I believe that the Lord will bring rain in His time, but the waiting is hard. I can't see where the rain will come from and all I see around me is brown and desolate. I am waiting for the rain.