I am currently on an adventure/sabbatical also known as pregnancy/new mamahood. My first baby is due on the most magical date of 11-11-11 (yes, 4 days from today!). I'll be back sometime in 2012, with lots of new stories, resources, and inspiration to share. Plus I'm working on some behind the scenes projects, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, peruse this blog or any of my other ones (listed below), and you'll find lots of goodies.

Coach Vanessa

Intuitive Foodie

Get Clear Series

My Life Is Blooming

Storytelling Medicine

Integrative Wellness Works

Want to send well wishes? You can do so by using the Contact form, tweeting me, or dropping a note on my Facebook page.

Here's to a fabulous new year for all of us!

I didn't always feel this way.

I, like many others, was programmed to believe in a top down approach to my body. To force it to do what I want it to, despite its signals telling me otherwise. Work when exhausted. Wake up when tired. Squeeze into tight outfits to be attractive, but not too tight as to send the wrong message. Put to do's as the priority over eating. Talk negatively about it, as if it somehow was in another room and couldn't hear my disregard.

Much has shifted in my life since I originally held this point of view. A few books worth of stories to be exact. Now, close to my 7th month of pregnancy, I have an even deeper awareness and great love for my body. It has taught me a lot. Supported me. Schooled me. Healed me. Helped me learn how to surrender and appreciate life, not just in theory, but in actuality, in the moment.

My body has given me very clear knowledge on what it wants and needs to be in optimal, thriving health.

What the body wants:

Love

For no reason. For every reason. To love something unconditionally, it becomes woven into the fabric of who you are. This is the very foundation from which all action should take place. It makes decisions simple. Ask yourself before you choose something - is this an act of loving my body or not? Your body is the gateway for your spirit, it allows you to experience life in physical form. Do you know what an incredible gift that is? Cherish the temple you live in. It's a sacred place, with you wherever you go.

Care

Nothing beats the basics. Allowing yourself to care for your body is one of the most gracious acts you can participate in. It's not as complicated as we make it out to be. Brush your teeth. Bathe yourself. Clothe yourself as best you can, appropriate to the elements. Stretch. Smile. The majority of what we do to care for ourselves is pretty simple and free, or close to it.

Touch

It's been well studied that babies do poorly without touch. The same is true of grown ups. When touched (in a way that feels comfortable and safe to us), we relax. We feel cared for and supported. We have a sense of connection. We feel understood and that we belong. No matter how wound up I am, when my husband simply puts his hand on my shoulder, I melt. Touch helps us to know that we are a valued human being, worthy of that kind of interaction with someone else. Sometimes that's what you need most.

Oxygen

How often do you unconsciously hold your breath? Whenever there is fear, or you feel scared, threatened in some way, we push away the exact thing we need to take us out of feeling stuck - oxygen. Without a full deep breath, it's harder to think clearly, make decisions effectively, or know how to keep ourselves safe. With breath, we oxygenate all the cells of the body so we know how to respond to what's in front of us. With breath, we are reminded of our capabilities and strength while also being able to easily access them. Check out A Life Worth Breathing and Conscious Breathing.

Movement

Bodies are meant to move. To experience strength in their core. To stretch and be flexible. To connect with and express their natural rhythms. To release built up energy. To allow the elements, emotions, and thoughts to move through. To express your own unique version of life through the body is a desire we all have. Becoming conscious of this creates the space for great healing and health to take place. It is the quickest way I know of to transform any situation in your life because with movement comes insight and clarity. Move, and you'll know what to do next.

Connection

We all want to belong, to feel cared for, to know we matter, to feel heard and understood, to laugh with others, to extend compassion and receive empathy. Connection with nature helps us realize our own inner nature. We are part of the natural world and are very much affected by it. Even noticing the simple difference with how you feel when the sun is out or not, helps to put life in perspective. According the latest findings on what cultivates happiness (based on The Happy Movie), all of them are connection based - social support, being of service to others, and being in nature. Make connection a priority and your life will change for the better.

Nourishment

What nourishes you? Gives you a strong sense of internal satisfaction? Our bodies need different things at different times. Eating isn't just about what you eat, it's how you eat, who you eat with, eating intuitively what's best for you in the moment. And nourishment isn't just about eating. It's what feeds your soul.What would nourish your soul right now?

Joy & Pleasure

We often swing from one side of the polarity to the other when it comes to joy and pleasure. We indulge in instant hedonistic gratification or delay our longing for it (until we finish that to do list, make money, retire, lose weight, etc.). It's this constant push and pull, fight or flight dynamic we engage in that we truly don't need to. Retrain yourself to see even the smallest joy. Give yourself permission to feel and experience pleasure without judgment.

To be listened to

Our bodies hold so much wisdom. They are always diligently working to maintain and restore balance. They integrate our actions, store our experiences, and are constantly communicating with us. When's the last time you listened? Asked? Notice where you feel the energy within your body flowing. Notice stagnation. Take a good look at yourself, at your face, at the clearness of your eyes, skin. The ease with which you move. Your body is talking to you. What's it saying? What are you going to do to honor that message?

♥

There's so much more I could add to this list! I can't encourage you enough to start paying attention to what your body wants. Honor those desires from a place of acknowledgment, regard, and love.

If you were to do one thing different today in relationship with your body, what would it be? How would your life change as a result? Visualize the snowball effect honoring your body creates.

There's lots of good advice out there. Everyone has an opinion or a specific perspective based on their experience, education, training. I'm full of it myself. But you know what, when I'm upset, the last thing I want to consider is what I know I should do. At that point, my focus is on trying to breathe through the ugly cry. The sobbing, whimpering, snotty, puffy face, body shaking ugly cry.

When's the last time you had the ugly cry?

Mine happened to be this morning. No self-help book was going to save my butt. No trick in my toolbox. No well-meaning advice from someone else who is or is not going through the same thing. My feelings were irrational, illogical, and ignored all evidence pointing to things going well. My cry came from getting real with myself. To admit my fears, as silly as they may seem to someone else. To whine about my impatience and frustration with how long the process of change seems to be. To dramatically question - will it ever come together?

This wasn't a low moment for me. It was one of my highest. Because I allowed myself to feel, to be real, to see the whole truth, and acknowlege what was under the surface trying to get my attention. Being that vulnerable takes practice. At least for me. Maybe for you too.

See, we've all got a lot going on, to varying degrees, underneath the surface of our daily living. Hopes, dreams, fears, old feelings we haven't addressed, habitual reactions, family and cultural programming. We are taught to suck it up, stuff it down, move through it, push, pull, contract, resist.

It's utterly, completely stressful and draining to pretend "It's all good," when you're really thinking, "This sucks, and I'm scared." We think that by admitting the whole truth to ourselves, we're going to sabotage our process. The opposite is true. It's one of the most liberating things you can do.

By admitting and owning up to how we really feel, what we're really thinking, how we're really doing, is such a huge, gigantic relief. Know what happens when you do otherwise? One or more of these things:

You get sick. Your body can only hold so much of your stress before it becomes severly out of balance. Often, we don't start paying attention until we have to.

You stop enjoying life. If all your energy is tied up in suppressing or pretending, you have less presence available to actually experience the good stuff. You literally can't see past your pain.

You complain, mindlessly, and incessantly. Have you ever known one of those folks or been one yourself? It's the same story over and over. They think they're being "real" because they're admitting their frustration. But the truth is, they're staying on the surface, not copping to their vulnerability or responsibility in what they're experiencing.

I say own it. Own it all.

Then use it - to free yourself, to foster compassion rather than advice for another, to pay it forward by being available to just listen when someone allows themselves to be that vulnerable in your presence. Use it by choosing to shift it instead of repeat it, if and when those fears surface again.

Make it good for something. That was my wish through my crumpled up kleenex. I said to myself, "I better get a good blog post out of these tears. My ugly cry is not in vain!"

So, go forth, and ugly cry away. You'll feel cleaner and clearer after admitting what's real for you. And much more open to any advice that comes your way!

This was my life yesterday.

It didn't start off with angels singing, feeling that great, or clear. What changed? 

1) I decided to let it go. Meaning, not be attached to how the day began or what kind of mood I was in. I chose to focus on other things, to not submit to complaining or repeating the story as if I needed to validate my misery by dumping my stuff on someone else. Because, in the whole scheme of things, really, it was just a funky mood, a not so great moment, and they pass, no big deal. I was more committed to staying open than to further creating drama.

2) I decided to do something different. Instead of sticking to the agenda of housecleaning and crossing things off a very extensive to do list, I left the house. Instead of going to one of my regular cafe hangouts to work, I drove clear across town to a whole new environment. By changing up the scenery, it literally changed the scenery in my thought process.

Once I chose to become more present with what was happening around me, rather than submit to habitual ways of dealing with my stuff, my day became filled with synchronicity, sustenance, and spiritual nods. Besides the thrill of experiencing all this, it was even more exciting to realize that these blessings weren't particular to the day. They happen all the time. For everyone. We've all had good days, where we feel in the flow, and we'd all like more of those, please. I'm here to tell you - they are there!

These blessings didn't show up because I was "good," or worked hard for them, or deserved them any more than someone else. In fact, they didn't even show up like some out of the blue miracle. The truth is, they were always there, waiting for me to notice them. Being open and doing something different created the space for me to do so.

But say I chose to stay in my own hood, would I have missed the opportunities that came my way? That's one perspective. More than likely, if I just do my part in staying open, different examples of synchronicity, sustenance, and spiritual nods would have taken place right where I was. They aren't location specific, they are me specific. And you specific. You've got your own version of this taking place in your life. Are you open to it?

Synchronicity - A meaningful to you unexpected but appreciated occurance. A sense of being in the right place at the right time. You feel jazzed and more alive when this happens, thinking, "What are the chances?! That was exactly what I needed."

Sustenance - Nourishment. Having your needs met. Feeling taken care of by external resources, as if you're being watched over and provided for. There's no sense of having to work for it, it's more of a given.

Spiritual nods - Whether in a moment of despair or complete faith, something comes along that feels like a cosmic smile, a universal high five. You feel an element of magic, timelessness, mystery, and bigness. It's like your version of reality expands as your personal path was confirmed by the Gods.

 So, what happened yesterday?

I go to the grocery store, still somewhat stuck in my head, and run into someone I know. They spend the next 20 minutes or so gabbing about what's not working in their lives, almost the same story as the last time I saw them months ago. While I felt for them, it was also completely obvious they were adding to their misery by how they were thinking about their circumstances. It was a great mirror to help me further let go of where I was doing the same thing, while also helping me realize just how much good stuff has happened. That conversation was exactly what I needed to hear to shift my perspective at the moment. Synchronicity. Thank you.

Next up, I order food. Two times in a row they cook it differently than I asked - rare versus well done. For some people, no biggee. For me, not going to work. I don't believe in being rude about what you want, but I do find it important to speak up. By this time, I'm pretty hungry. A new deli person was there now, completely agreed with me, and said "We need to set you up right. Pick anything you want off the menu and it's yours, free." Sustenance. Thank you.

Then over to a new cafe. You know that feeling when you see someone and you feel like you've met before but you know you haven't? That's what I was experiencing with the folks at the table across from me. We kept catching each others eye. I eavesdropped on their conversation. Sounded like it had to do with branding and marketing, an interest of mine, but I didn't think anything more of it.

After two of the guys left, I asked the one remaining what they were working on because some catchphrases caught my attention. Turns out the topic of conversation was around a health device used by holistic practitioners (namely chiropractors and naturopaths) to assess free radical damage. While this might not seem significant to you, it was HUGE for me. Especially what came after it.

The guy and I talked further about how Portland is a unique city in that it has a really integrative approach to health with what's available educationally and professionally. There's a chiropractic college, naturopathic college, chinese medicine school, midwifery school, dentistry school, medical school. This place is teeming with a brand new vision of what health means, how to achieve it, and the practical application of doing so. Do you know how exciting this is to me?! Very.

I had a chance to share my vision with this guy. "I'm working on a TV show that highlights the best of holistic health practices and tools. This device you're telling me about could be a perfect fit for my show. I'm still in the research phase of how this will all come together, but I'm feeling reinspired by our conversation."

I went on to share my background and more specifics of what I was looking to do. Not only was he super encouraging, he gave me the company's info, his contact info, and even a lead regarding TV show production that's also translatable to the web. This is a major spiritual nod, as I had been questioning what to do next and how to do it. It was a definitive "You are on the right path, keep on." Thank you.

Synchronicity, sustenance, and spiritual nods. Once you begin to notice them, you'll be delightfully surprised at how many there are! I would love to hear some of your examples of these. Do share...

It's just that I'd start to write the same things over and over. While I was grateful for them, they began to lose their punch and meaning because I kept listing them. If only the repeated negative thoughts in my head lost charge like the repeated gratitude ones. Oh the irony!

I'd write things like, "I'm grateful for breathing," I'm grateful for the sun," "I'm grateful for my cats." All true, but this whole gratitude experiment felt a little on the boring side. I wondered how I could spice it up so it felt more genuine, more revealing of my actual day. How could I change my approach so I would actually feel grateful in the process of it?

I realized as I looked back on my day, I had trained myself to notice the same types of things. I wasn't looking for what was different, or what stood out. I had to change the lens I was looking through. So, instead, I set the dial to be on the lookout for "Unexpected blessings."

As I started to notice unexpected blessings in my life, I was continually surprised at how many there were! To think, they were always there, and I just hadn't paid attention to them! No matter how little or large the blessings were, as soon as I saw what was truly happening all around me, I felt big. Expansive. Open. Grateful. 

Yesterday, for example, I went to my local grocery store. Their tagline "The friendliest store in town," is straight up, 100% fact. I asked to sample a soup at the deli, but found out it wouldn't be ready for 30 minutes. I smiled and shrugged, said thanks anyway, and walked away. One of the other guys at the deli overheard the conversation, and walked after me.

He said "Miss (thank you thank you for not calling me Maam, I'm only 37 & do not like when folks approach me in that way), sorry the soup will take so long. If you're still here when it's up, or next time you come in, the soup is on us. You tell them I said so." Wow, thanks!

Since I was grocery shopping anyway, I decided to leisurely lengthen my stay at the store and hook up some free soup for dinner. At the half hour mark, I walked back over to the deli, told them of the offer for the free soup. A different guy asked, "Sounds good, what size would you like?"

What size would I like, are you kidding me? Well, geez, I'd love a quart, but do I dare ask? Is that taking advantage of a kindness extended or just being honest about what I want?

He looked at me patiently and said, "Really, you can have any size you want." It took me a quick second to rearrange my energy and graciously receive the abundance that was being bestowed upon me.

"Thanks! I'd love a quart," I wholeheartedly said.

"A quart it is!" he  replied back.

I was so happy I almost cried. I felt like a won the lottery. This was no $2.99 cup of soup. This was a $8.99 quarts worth. Hot diggity! 

UNEXPECTED BLESSINGS ROCK!!!

I can't emphasize enough how much the quality of my life has changed once I shifted the lens of what I look through as I go about my day.

Is it time to set your dial to the channel of unexpected blessings? Do so, and tell me what you see!

Why?

Because being wound up is where it's at! Party time! Now we're getting somewhere!

That wasn't the answer a coach is supposed to give you, right?! Well, it's what you really wanted to hear, and it's the truth, so I might as well tell you, somebody has to!

Whenever we feel stuck, we get into this funny illusion that someone, something, or spirit is going to save us. Yet, it's the exact opposite of what we truly want. We don't want to be saved. We want to transcend our challenges on our own. We want to feel self-sufficient, empowered, and resilient. We want to know that we can rely on ourselves in any circumstance. It's a big part of why we create "problems" in the first place (read How to solve your problems - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3).

Benefits to being wound up:

It serves as a distraction. When you're wound up, you're on autopilot, habitually reacting to the drama in front of you. We all have different ways of resisting, blowing things out of proportion, blaming, explaining, denying. The list goes on. In fact, we can get quite creative with the whole thing. We have many well developed techniques to distract us from taking responsibility for our lives. And there are some folks that spend their whole lives in distraction, moving from drama to drama, not even realizing this way of being is serving them.

How would distraction be a benefit? It keeps you comfortable in your known world of dysfunction, validating a low sense of self-worth. Because here's the deal, when you decide to take responsibility for your life, you realize you are at the seat of creation for all you experience. That kind of freedom scares the crap out of folks. It's too open, possible,  limitless. We crave structure and freedom. It's up to us how we want to create that - through the distraction of drama or the responsbility of creation. Most of us are doing a bit of both.

It breeds clarity. Piece by piece, you find peace. Letting yourself be where you are, even if that place is "wound up," gives you more room to breathe. You're no longer pretending everything is OK when, for you, in that moment, it's not. Then, the funniest thing happens, when you can admit to yourself you are struggling and wound up, you start to relax. There's much power in being real and honest with yourself. It's downright liberating.

When you allow yourself to be where you are, you can start to see the whole picture, beyond the circumstances that "made you" feel wound up in the first place. Within that whole picture that you now have access to, are the very things you long for in every situation - an opportunity to simplify, get clear on what's really important, and choose wisely in a way that represents who you truly are.

It helps you become aware of and feel your feelings. Underneath being wound up is also hope, anger, sadness, faith, guilt, love, and a whole mixture of feelings. We are so trained to push through our pain and subsequently, ignore our emotions. It takes feeling wound up about something to really get our attention. Now, if you can learn how to address your feelings as they arise instead of creating wound up situations, I personally think that would be the easier approach. But, I'm a work in progress in this department too!

I don't want to walk away from this post without emphasizing this point:

Every single area of your life where you feel wound up is intricately linked with your health and sense of personal power. Money. Relationships. Work. Family. Housing. Your feelings are the direct link to and through your suffering. The best, most empowering, healthiest, transformational thing you can do for yourself and those around you is to find support to address your feelings. We are not taught how to do this in a healthy way in our culture. Instead, we see the shadow side of what happens when we suppress our feelings. It's time to bring light and change to this. Not by acting on the "wound up" but by appropriately feeling it and thus, releasing it so it no longer runs us.

Next time you feel wound up, even if that moment is now, do this:

★ Admit it.

★ Tell yourself it's ok to feel wound up.

★ Let yourself know that you can stay wound up as long as you want. There's no pressure to change or be different. 

★ Breathe. Stretch. Relax into feeling wound up. (Yes, this is a paradoxical statement, but it actually works if you allow yourself to be where you are without resistance or trying to change it to something else).

★ And when you're ready, now or 30 years into the future, cop to the fact that being wound up is choice you made - to help you feel your feelings, get clear, and, ultimately find empowerment through responsibility rather than distraction and drama.

Action!

This is step 4 in the process, often misused as step 1. Yes, action is great. You do have to/can choose to/get to play your part in turning your life in a new direction. If you're not satisfied with the current outcomes of what you're experiencing, looking at your behavior (action) is one of the most pertinent places to assess why that is.

Here's the deal though, you've got to determine where the action is coming from.

As in, what exactly is motivating you to act the way you do? What some don't get is, you will always get a match to the energy behind the action. That's why if you take action, but underneath the surface, you constantly feel struggle and like it's not enough, that's what you'll get - struggle and not enough - no matter how much progess is made. Things will continue to seem hard for you, even if you keep taking action to change those circumstances.

It isn't just about mindset.

That's part of it. It is important to focus on the outcome you want. When we're unhappy with how life is going, we often go to extremes in how we think about things. We either polarize in the negative and get consumed by how "bad" everything is, complain about it and feel drained. Or, we try to force ourselves to be positive, and only focus on the "good."

The truth is, solely focusing on the "good" or "bad" of what you're experiencing isn't helpful to you now or in getting you to where you want to be.

The energy that infuses action to help you skyrocket to the outcome you'd prefer, while enjoying the process is looking at the whole picture. The whole picture addresses what's underneath the surface. The whole picture gives you room to breathe. To change. To let your emotions inform you rather than rule you. The whole picture keeps things in context and helps you be an effective Soul-utionary. Not just coming up with solutions to your problems, but doing so in a way that's in alignment with your soul. Because life really isn't about solving problems, unless you make it out to be.

Ways to make taking action most effective for you:

Let yourself briefly go through the process of the first three steps outlined in the previous posts "How to solve your problems (Part 1)" and "How to solve your problems (Part 2)."

• Step 1: Acknowledge
• Step 2: Accept
• Step 3: Allow
• Then...Step 4: Action

Following these steps will add a new quality of -gasp- enjoyment to the process of change (aka "solving your problems"). When you let yourself change, the quality of your experience changes. And aren't we all a little over repeating the same set of "problems" in our lives?! The simplest but most foreign concept to some of us is "Hey, if what I'm doing isn't working, maybe I should try something else."

A few more tips to help spur effective action:

Consider the context - Nothing exists in a vacuum. We are born into families and cultures that have certain assumptions about the way the world works. Not right or wrong, just different. Most of the time we recreate these unconscious energetic imprints thinking that what we experience is based on "the way things are." Nope. What you experience is based on you, your energy, your choices, conscious or not. That's why it's essential to question our assumptions, expectations, and identity. It's important to use critical thinking, creative inquiry, and intuitive wisdom to identify and live our truths in the here and now, based on what's currently relevent to our own spirits. 

Consider the timeframe - You didn't create the problem overnight. Chances are there were many little choices that added up to what seems like one big problem. Believe me, I understand that you'd like to solve the issue ASAP, as in yesterday. And, at the same time, you'll get a lot further if you deal with what's in front of you right now. In this moment, take one small step toward resolution. You might be surprised at how quickly things start to change, and how much better you feel in the process.

Consider that you created the "problem" on purpose - Why in the world would you ever do that?! Well, we like challenges. To feel like we accomplished an unlikely hurdle. We like to win. To have stories to tell. To learn from our circumstances. To bond with other people based on shared problems. Plus, it gives us a chance to clear out any stuff that no longer works - ways of thinking, feeling, being, and acting in the world. It helps bring light to the dark parts of ourselves so we can heal. Having problems can also be addictive, an adrenaline rush. There's always a benefit and a cost, to everything. Do I think we can learn through joy and desire instead of problems and challenges? Sure. Set it up however it works for you. I think the point is to remember you have a choice here.

Consider it's not a problem - No, I'm not going to tell you that a problem is really an opportunity in disguise. While there's truth to the cliche, no one wants to hear that when they're struggling. It is what it is. You are where you are. The real truth is, it's more about your preferences than any particular problem. You either like what you're experiencing or you don't. That doesn't mean stay in a crap situation. It just means evaluate, drop the resistance, stop taking it personally, let go of the blame. Focusing on the problem never ever solves it. Ever. Let the contrast of what's going on breed desire, then put your energy into that. Walk through those 4 steps outlined above, and you're on your way to a whole new reality!

Step 3: Allow

Allow yourself to experience what you're experiencing. Sounds simple, right? In concept, definitely. In practice, not always. Why? There is a certain level of programming we pick up via our culture, community, and family upbringing that teaches us - consciously and unconsciously - to respond to life in a habitually resistant way.

It seems obvious, or at least logical, to resist what we don't like. The funny thing is we are just as good at blocking the incoming flow of all the "good stuff" too. We claim to have big dreams about love and romance, fulfilling work, financial abundance. Yet, when little hints and blessings show up at your door, or tap you on the shoulder, the first response is often to turn away from it. We convince ourselves it's not a match to what we really want. Because we are so trained to resist "what is" we only see the negative aspect of what shows up. Thus, creating a "problem" when it's really an opportunity.

Though resistance is tricky and takes many forms, here's a cheat sheet way of identifying it:

If you're in resistance to anything you'll feel like crap when you think about it.

Let me be clear, it's not the situation or circumstance good or bad that is causing you to feel low, it's your reaction (often habitual), your interpretation (of what you think it means), and your self judgment that make you feel like crap.

Nothing and no one, in and of itself, is inherently bad, wrong, or working against you. Some like to take this idea and twist it up into blame as if it's their fault for what's happening (as if that helps...it doesn't!). Here's the irony - it is and it isn't. Yes, you took part in creating what you're experiencing, but that is the liberation piece, to realize the power you have and then to use it wisely!

So, instead of playing the game of block, sabotage, resist, block, sabotage, resist, give it up and play the game of allow, let, open, receive. Repeat after me: Allow. Let. Open. Receive.

Like I said in Part 1 of this post, owning up to your part and taking responsbility for your choices, for your life is the most freeing thing you can do. Then, you are a slave to no one. Not your past. Not your future. Not your family. Not society. And certainly, no longer a slave or victim to your way of thinking, which is the most limiting aspect of any experience.

How do you allow?

By trusting.Trusting the timing of how, when, and if things turn out to your preference. Trusting there is a larger purpose at work (funny how we think we know it all, yeah right!), always guiding you to the best circumstance for you at any given moment in time.

By seeing things in context. Realize you are in partnership with life. You don't control everything, but you do have the power to responsibly direct and manage the flow of your energy and engagement with what's going on.

By creating. Imagine and focus on what it is you'd like to experience, see yourself graciously receiving it and most importantly embody the qualities (like kindness) and feelings (like relief, or gratitude) you'd like to experience as a result of having what you desire.

By relaxing. Yes, relax. How effective are you when you're all wound up? Plus, even if you were able to cross off all those to do's on your list while wound up, what do you think the outcome would be? I'll give you a hint. You always, always, always get a match of what's going on underneath the surface of what you're doing. That's how energy works. You may either (a) get what you want & still feel all crappy and wound up, or (b) don't get what you want & still feel all crappy and wound up. So, how about dropping the wound up bit, and get the match of relax? Personally, that's my preference.

I have many more thoughts on the topic of allowing. It is the basis of this website, my philosophy, and certainly my life practice (which I am much better at sometimes than others). "Let Your Life Bloom" is based on the understanding that life is blooming all the time. All the time. Our experience of whether that is so is purely dependent on the word "Let," meaning how much you allow yourself to experience the bloom.

Doesn't matter if the topic is health, work, romance, money, past, future, etc. All the good, support, and blessings are surrounding you always, in all ways, for all of us, no matter what the circumstances of our lives are. You think you would have set up a life of hardship for yourself without also calling in the appropriate support to help you along the way? Give your spirit more credit than that!

So, whether you are experiencing something "bad" or "good," if you allow yourself the room to let it be there, to not fight it, but to sit with it and realize it's not as scary and big as it appears. You then open the door to answers and knowing what right action to take. That's what we're after anyway, isn't it, to not feel stuck anymore?!

Where in your life would you like to experience more flow, openness, relaxation, trust?

In what ways are you willing to allow yourself this new experience of resolving your problems and truly letting your life bloom?

Stay tuned for Step 4...

"No problem can be solved by the same level of consciousness that created it." Albert Einstein

 When you're dealing with a problem in your life, what's your first attempt to solve it?

As much as we all like to claim we want the answer, the "how to" fix what's wrong, most of the time our approach to resolving something does anything but bring us closer to the resolution.

Often, we:

✽ Complain about the problem to as many people who seem willing to listen or not.

✽ Wish it away, beg it to go away, swear it away, and other various creative forms of resistance.

✽ Repeat the same story - in our heads and to others - while creating a big buildup to the punchline (problem) as a way to justify why we're experiencing it in the first place.

✽ Get - and stay - anxious, depressed, angry, frustrated, annoyed, sad, listless, helpless, as if we are victims to it. (For the record, it's normal to feel a range of emotions, just choose to move on to different ones at some point).

✽ Admit it or not, hope someone else will save us from the mess we're in.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? How many have you done on this list above?

I'm here to offer another solution to your solution seeking ways. There are four main steps to resolving your problems. The cool thing about these steps is that not only do they work toward a solution, they also serve as prevention of future issues.

Think about it. Have you ever had the experience where you keep having the same "type" of problem? The same dynamic at work. The same argument with your spouse. The same feeling when you get around certain family members. The same "ceiling" on your income.

There are many reasons as to why this happens, all found in your energetic blueprint (see the Get Clear series), but for right now, let's focus on getting you some relief from those problems!

How to solve your problems

Step 1: Acknowledge

All the strategies listed above are valiant attempts at acknowledgment. So, kudos to you for trying to get there. Where people get stuck is, within the acknowledgment itself, there's the unconscious commitment to staying focused on what sucks about what you're experiencing.

Acknowledging where you're at is really about follow up.

For example, you might say "I'm having this issue at work and I can't stand it!" The follow up component that's missing is "I'm having this issue at work and I can't stand it! The truth is sometimes I feel really stuck around what to do, but I also know there's a way out, and I'm open to seeing that solution."

Note the underlined parts. Try it out yourself. Any problems stuck on repeat in your head? Follow up with your version of:

• Truth is...
• I feel...
• I also know there's a way out.
• I'm open to seeing that solution.

Acknowledgment!

Step 2: Accept

You'd be amazed if you really understood how much of your energy on a daily basis goes into resisting what you don't like in your life. On the flipside of every problem is an opportunity. It's a big part of why we keep experiencing the same type of problems over and over, we're trying to get ourselves to wake up and see more of the whole picture, to actually take advantage of the opportunity. The minute you accept where you are, you have much more room to see and access solutions.

Plus, acceptance breeds forgiveness. How long have you carried around stuffed and/or unresolved emotional junk related to whatever the "problem" is? Why not give yourself the gift of freedom from that? You'll feel much more spacious and more positively connected to what's possible for you in life.

Most of the time, we resist accepting our reality because we think it's an admittance to being weak. Quite the opposite is true. It takes strength and courage to accept our circumstances. You want to know why? Because our life is our responsibility. By not accepting what's going on, we are essentially refusing to take responsibility for the creation of what we're experiencing as well as take advantage of the blessed responsibility of being able to turn things around.

Acceptance means you have faith in your abilities. Acceptance means knowing you are not a victim. Acceptance means you are willing to stand up for your life and responibly direct the flow of your sacred energy in a way that is fulfilling for your soul. Acceptance means you are living your truth.

You are where you are. It is what it is. Take the next step in declaring your readiness to move on by accepting it. It is the road to resolution.

And as Byron Katie says, "When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time."

✽ ✽ ✽

These first 2 steps will take you far and provide much needed relief from the spin of focusing on the problem. Stay tuned for the other 2 steps which will buoy you up and take you to a whole new experience of life. If you don't like the game, change the gameboard!

It all sounds good in theory, doesn't it?! We'd like to live like this, and we certainly believe it's possible in principle, but can it really be?

When the personal growth/self-help movement initially took off, I was intrigued, relieved, and skeptical. "Live your dream life," "Do what you love, the money will follow." Sound familiar to you? Could what these speakers, authors, and coaches claim to be true really be a reality for anybody? 

I wanted to believe, and was hopeful. I wanted to experience something different in just about every area of my life, and I certainly felt stumped on how to make that happen. Did they have the answers?

Early on, I remember having a conversation with a coach where I felt this underlying insinuation that if I didn't wake up with a huge grin on my face everyday, and spent my every moment in the rapture of bliss, then clearly, there was something wrong with what I was doing. I didn't need anyone to blatantly tell me or imply that if I wasn't happy all the time, something was flawed within me. It was enough to feel like that in my own head.

It wasn't until I went through some years of educational training as coach, gained experienced working with clients, and chose to change my own life, that I began to understand both what it meant to live a more fulfilling life and how to do that.

For anyone out there who has changed their life in some significant way, you know there is a process to it. You have to pay attention to what you think, feel, say, and do. If something is not working for you, you have the blessed responsibility of choosing otherwise, shifting gears so it all flows more smoothly.

Change, in essence, isn't actually that complicated. It's more about being willing to do what's necessary, in a way that suits your soul, and utilizes the best of the support you have around you. To guide someone through that process is a huge part of why I wanted to become a coach.

Yet, there's a fine line between personal growth and self-absorption.

Also, a fine line between choosing to see the positive aspects of a situation and being fake happy all the time.

In all my years of doing this work, here's a few gems I tap into whenever I feel stuck:

The longest and shortest distance is from your head to your heart. Change comes easiest when you combine the wisdom from both and use their connection to each other to inform your decisions.

Your intuition never, ever, ever fails you. Ever. Just because situations don't turn out how you want them to, doesn't mean your intuition didn't work. It means that there's many other factors and perspectives that shape your results. Your spirit knows best, and will always put you in the "right" circumstances as sucky as your ego might think those are.

Nothing beats simple kindness. We can be incredibly cruel to ourselves, judgmental of others, and pretty wound up about our lives. The quickest way to feel at peace again? Be kind. Do something kind for yourself or another. Accept a kindess shown to you. Kindness is one of the most generous, compassionate acts we can do as humans. All of us are capable of this.

Between the three of these gems, I have found that there is no such thing as too good to be true. Life is a glorious and grand adventure. It's also sometimes really hard and challenging. It depends more on where you're at perspective wise, not circumstance wise. How many times have you been in an idyllic setting or on vacation, yet felt ruled by negative thoughts? Or in a tough spot, but somehow you felt peace? Too good to be true is like anything else, it's based on us and how we see it.

What do you close yourself off to because you think it might be "too good to be true?"

And more importantly...

What would open up for you if you decided to embrace and allow the goodness that life has to offer, and is always offering up to you?