letopho

Small Joys

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Wed, 03 Feb 2021 05:48:00 +0000

2020 really aged me. I look in the mirror and ask myself, who is this old man? I stare at my surroundings and ask myself, "have I accomplished everything I wanted to at this age?" I count the lines on my face, the worry in my eyes, ache in my heart because of arguments I've had with my parents this passed year.

I hover over the "delete blog" button.

I'm an adult and this collection of thoughts since 2007 should be archived. There is so much vulnerability and stories available in a public space to be found by anybody. Thoughts and feelings and bad grammar that doesn't merely disappear in 24 hours or is controlled by a "close friend" list. Everything available for criticism.

I visit my "about me" page and read, "a collection of my thoughts into my adulthood." I click on a few links and get nostalgic and decide not to delete this. I'm sentimental and I think I would find joy remembering these moments while I reach old age, alone at a nursing home or hospice. But I found a way to make this blog unsearchable, but we all know the internet is forever.

It's been difficult for me. A false alarm positive during Thanksgiving resulted in a mental break down on day two of quarantine. Feeling the sense of shame, being indirectly called a menace who was trying to absolve myself of responsibility silenced me. And as strong as I may seem, I'm as fragile as any other human on this planet. A fragile, needy extrovert that built his personality on being social.

The things that bring me immense joy have not been available.

Spontaneous hang out with friends
Connecting people in a safe space
Exploring new eats
Making new friends
Board Game nights
Ridesharing and hearing stories
Silly themed parties full of creativity
Building trust with clients and breaking professional barriers

Essentially, I am incapable of being myself and as we approach a year of this; I've lost my soul. The only thing that seems to be getting me through this are small joys.

What are these small joys?

Fixing imperfections in my home like painting walls
Creating spotify playlists from mix CDs and remembering old music.
Selling and buying things on OfferUp
Watching one episode of a show like British Bake Off
Constantly cleaning, vacuuming, mopping
Reducing screentime on my phone
Recording what I had for dinner in my moleskine

I'm thankful though that I'm not completely alone, financially stable and not directly affected by death. That keeps me going. Just need to continue to take this day by day.

Friendships Evolve

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Tue, 03 Dec 2019 19:13:00 +0000

I decided not to send that letter.

After doing the exercise, I realized that I was trying to fix something that wasn't necessarily "broken." Like people and cities, friendships evolve and the purpose of that note was to force an interaction that didn't disappear just merely changed. After all, we are miles away, we've lost touch and it's okay to let it go. But I'm glad I put my thoughts down to reflect and to review.

I was reminded that "friendships are supposed to be easy." I make a lot of friends, but I feel like I lose them just as quickly especially this year. Outside of convenience, people drift a part because of discomfort.

My November sessions (2nd) with my therapist went well. He said I made a lot of progress and strides that he was quite impressed with. I took care of things, work them out... He gave me a second book to read, "The Power of Now." 10 pages in and I'm rolling my eyes at how spiritual it is. But I need to push through it. A lot of meditating and focusing on the present.

December is such a busy month. 321 Christmas Party, Family Christmas Party, Ignia Christmas party. Gifts of cousins, gifts for coworkers, gifts for family. Decorate, meet, gather, buy. It's so overwhelming and it's only the second day.

I'm currently in Kauaii and Jimmy just woke up. Two more days of vacation and then back to the usual grind!

A Letter to a Friend

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 04:41:00 +0000

Today I saw my first therapist. At first I didn't know what to say, but then I couldn't stop talking. Talked about friendships, toxic people, loneliness... all of it in 50 minutes. Though blogging will always be my therapy, it was nice to get some immediate feedback.

He was a Gay Latino Dad. I put off finding a therapist because I didn't want a white women who couldn't relate to me and I was so happy to find him. He inspired me to write a letter, he recommended a book about attachment to people and he helped me understand that I need to welcome solitude instead of fearing loneliness. He also acknowledged that I have a high emotional intelligence which is something I've heard from other workshops I've attended. He reminded me that I should do things that make me happy that doesn't involve people. And blogging comes to mind... so here I am trying to take care of my mental health as I have been with my body by exercising.

I wrote to a friend to help me resolve one of the things that has floated in my mind this year and I plan to send it off tomorrow. Regardless of the response, I think sending it will help me come to terms with how I've been feeling with it.

---

Hello,

A long time ago, you told me that you liked to get things in the mail and for the longest time I had “send frozen potato balls from Portos” on my to do list. I took it off my list when I realized how difficult that would be even though I knew you would have loved it. So, instead of delicious, mildly overrated, Cuban treats you get this letter.

I took you for granted.

You’ve always been a good friend to me, you flew in for my birthday, you respected my point of view, you checked in on me every Monday. It was only when you stopped that I realized that I haven’t been the greatest friend to you. I haven’t prioritized a visit to see your home, I don’t take as much initiative as you do to check in...

...And it took a really dumb dramatic blow up for you to determine that maybe it’s better for you to keep your distance; that you were getting less than you were giving in our friendship. I’ve been thinking about you all this year because you are not just a friend to me, but one of my best friends; one of the few people who knows everything about me. And it makes me a bit sad that things have changed. But I understand if you think that this is for the better.

So, I just wanted to say in this letter that I’m sorry for everything I did and didn’t do that pushed you away. And that I hope your weekends this year have been efficient. Max efficient.

Chris

So, are You Okay with Yourself?

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 04:18:00 +0000

And here we are again. Jimmy away for another two weeks enjoying his own company in Europe leaving me feeling down even though we chat everyday. I love him, therefore I let him go. And when he returns, he better have a gift.

I blame my unreasonable loneliness on extroversion, but a new friend made me think a little more about this. I'm really taking advantage of these free therapy sessions from friends.

Sometimes we lie to ourselves and say, "I am 'this' when in fact 'this' is actually a cover up for 'that'

So if it isn't extroversion, codependency... what is it?

I don't know you in depth, but if I were you I'd appreciate myself for having high social skills. And then recognize that I should be happy and content with spending time by myself. If I can't, I would look into seeing if I'm scared of being lonely and if it could be coming from not liking myself (because when we with others it proves we are likable)

You don't seem to have a problem - you paint, take care of your pets, garden. You seem to enjoy your own company very much. It's admirable.

In the simplistic form, we are animals just like my fish or birds outside. We are gifted with a mind that is capable of a lot. But at times our mind get stuck on the wrong things. So trying to get back to the basics. Know what really makes us happy after the food, shelter and safety is met.

I thought I would have it figured it out, but it seems like I barely do. This is why I'm so intrigued by cooks and artists. They think independently. They thrive in their own company.

At the end of the day when we close our eyes to go to sleep we are by ourself. No matter if there is 1 or 100 people in that bed. We are by ourself. So are you okay with yourself?

So.. what do you do. When you feel a certain way about yourself?

It helps me a lot if I project myself in the future. What advice would I get from myself who is 10 - 20 years ahead. It helps when you feel like you don't know what to do right now. And for me I try to gain my own self value by my future self. Imagining "him" say he values and appreciates all the hard work I'm doing now. This gives me energy and motivation and feeling of success, even though I may have not achieved it yet.

...

Substances

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 15:57:00 +0000

I knew from the moment that I had my first edible that my body and mind reacts poorly to this substance. "In the couch" feels more like "in your thoughts" as every attempt to enjoy it has led me down a road of paranoia, embarrassment and self consciousness.

The first time: "You cant let your family see me like this!" My mind swirled and laughing at nothing was painful. I tried to make myself throw up and prayed that time would catch up with itself.

Another time: "You can be cunt, but tonight you went too far." I yelled at a friend and cried at a laundromat by myself. Overwhelmed with feeling under appreciated and insulted. I was sensitive and burdening myself.

Last night: "Am I really too touchy?" Then seeing my friend respond like I just raped him. He shoved me and pivoted into the crowd. A comment and gesture that didn't mean anything. I found myself crying at a table for a moment; I was overwhelmed with embarrassment and irrational fear of losing another long term friend for another stupid reason. I walked home, I sent an apology text. I let myself release pressure that I didn't know I had.

Aren't these substances supposed to be fun? They were legalized for a reason. Recreational and available. Before that moment, I ran into a client and bought her drinks; bought myself a ton more to get myself there because I was blending work and pleasure and needed to loosen up. She handed me an innocent looking little strip of "sour candy." And we danced together... she became comfortable and danced closer with her fiance another Latina. This is my life, surrounded by QPOC - queer, people of color. POC being a term that I had to explain to my white male coworker who rebutted, "how many people know that term?" "EVERYONE I know uses it daily," I responded sharply. I'm reminded how I'd rather be with my clients than with my coworkers who are trapped in a space so disconnected from my reality.

I made it halfway on my 2 mile walk home before Jimmy picked me up; my new shirt was drenched in overpriced alcohol. “It’s so dangerous” he told me... “so are these substances” I thought. I was happy to see him, but happier that my friend acknowledged my apology text with something more than just two words.

==

Early in the day, I talked to a friend about his fear of not waking up.

Jimmy responded, "I'm not scared because I find peace in nothingness and that I'm happy with what I've done with my life so far."

I responded, "I don't think about that because I'm pretty focused on the present. Death really doesn't cross my mind."

My friend told me that while he visited Berkeley he overheard some kids say something provocative, "When we die, it's as if we were never born."

We continued to talk openly about antidepressants, trauma, death at our local Peruvian joint.

Navigating an Open Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Mon, 22 Apr 2019 05:42:00 +0000

I told Jimmy that while he's abroad to not feel tied to what he has at home; namely me. If he wants to experience a country for its food, its culture... its men that he should go ahead and do so without guilt. It doesn't bother me because I feel security in our 8 year relationship. That we want the same things in life and that I will love him forever. Whatever happens there remains there and that he'll always come home to me.

To this he responded, "WTF, THAT IS NOT WHY I TRAVEL ALONE"

And to this I said, "I know! I'm just letting you know that I'm okay with it."

Two weeks later he comes up to me to say, "Did you make those comments because you want to be in an open relationship?"

I nodded sheepishly. "I understand, my baby has needs," he responded perceptively. And that's how we got here; trying something different, but still trying to navigate it.

With one key rule that he placed: no friends.
...because, you don't shit where you eat.

A logical and complicated ask because I am friends with many people. I am naturally friendly. And my approach to humans and relationships has to pivot.

As I navigate this, I come to realize that app-culture is the vehicle to a very transactional way of "connecting" with other men not to mention a huge waste of time. And flirting with an end goal was something I haven't done in a really long time. There are moments I feel like hot shit and other moments I just feel like room temperature shit. Men become objects hitting physical qualifications that allow you to “get off” and then leave. Rather than fleeting, it feels direct and hollow. And the high from the fun is short lived and regretful.

What am I getting out of this? By repressing my inclination to be friends... I’m not being me. It makes me feel shitty to have motives when the Chris that people respect, possibly admire, is a Chris that actually cares about being just your friend, to be supportive of what you're trying to achieve in life and introducing you to his community. And that Chris doesn't take advantage of people and write them off once they’ve served their purpose.

So why did I even suggest it?

... I realize that “my needs” is so obvious and in plain sight because of my predictable one dimensional personality... it's not sex, but rather it's attention; a warm body to hold, a companion to kiss and a human to love. Things that should only come from Jimmy, and I desperately need more frequently because of my shitty codependency especially while he’s away.

Quite the epiphany... and I feel good about this Sunday thought / self-therapy, because I can be honest and really understand what the fuck I'm doing, where my mind is at and why I'm behaving this way. I’m seeking so much attention, playing games, overthinking and creating constructs when it should be kept as simple and dumb as the app.

Before he left for another two week trip he expressed so much concern. He was worried that I would resent him, but I reassured him that I would never. I understand his needs just as much as he understands mine and we work on it together to make this relationship last. I can’t wait for him to come home.

Smooth Operater

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Sun, 10 Feb 2019 00:44:00 +0000

After a few drinks in, I found myself in Chinatown at General Lee's enjoying the music of Sade on a Thursday night. There was a guy near the bar with cute glasses clearly wore with the intention of making a statement.

Without missing a beat, I said "Nice glasses" when we made eye contact. It was an easy opening and allowed me to gauge his friendliness. His smile was bright, though he was a little bit shy. He was responsive so I continued to talk to him. I asked him where he lived and why he was all the way in DTLA. It was natural, and I turned to the bar to order my drink to give him space. He was with 3 bros with long hair and we all introduced ourselves. He was the most stylish, the most clean cut and the most attractive.

I went back to my friends to catch up and ride our buzz. We were all happy to be out, happy to see each other and had a lot to say about the music and the crowd. I pointed out the guy and they agreed, "oh yes, he's very cute" and I suddenly I became even more interested in taking advantage of my confidence. Confidence that came with a fresh and trendy haircut, a nice outfit and a tighter body.

He was at the bar alone and I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Getting something else to drink?" I commented about how expensive the drinks are and then ordered something simply because I didn't want to make my interest in him so obvious. I continued the first date-like questions and complimenting him where appropriate.

"Well, I'm older than you."
"How old do you think I am?"
"Hm... 28? "
"I'm 32! My birthday was in January". Perfect age; my fear is coming on to a kid born in the 90s.

Telling someone how young they look is a subtle way of saying how cute they are. Or immature-looking depending on the situation. Here, I was obviously being my friendly self. He gave me an in and told me more about his job.

"But for working in marketing, ironically, I'm awful at social media. I barely update my Instagram". Bingo... This is how I get his contact info in the most natural form.

"Oh really? What is it.. Let me check it out." He said sure and found himself on his phone and hit -follow- for me. I took it as a sign that he was okay with me. Usually people would open their profile and let you decide if you want to follow them or not. I saw his latest photo: a beach photo at Crystal Cove. I didn't browse his profile in front of him. I just checked the first and put my phone immediately away. After all, I was interested in getting to know the guy in front of me, not his feed.

"Crystal cove! I've been meaning to go there! I wanted to book a house with my friends." He told me how great it was, he told me he'd rather be traveling and then he told me he had to use the restroom. I detached my gaze and let him go and returned to my friends.

Was he gay, was he straight? It didn't matter, he was an attractive guy who I wanted to talk to. He was nice and interesting which made it worth continuing. He responded to my words, my body language my energy. Flirting felt fun and playful. There were no motives or end goals. It was contained in the moment. I have a partner and I was just having fun with a human interaction. The game made the night more exciting and I'm sure he enjoyed the attention that his funky cool glasses brought him.

Christmas with My Complete Family

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Sat, 26 Jan 2019 23:02:00 +0000

View this post on Instagram

🎁 🎄 ChristoPho and Jimmy 🎄🎁 . . He’s not a special friend or just a roommate. He’s my partner and it means so much to me to say it in words to my family and to have our relationship acknowledged and celebrated 💝👨‍❤️‍👨🌟. Thank youuuu @maiboo76 / @bennys_journey for this gift. I’m keeping it forever.

A post shared by Christopho (@letopho) on Dec 26, 2018 at 2:41pm PST

Eric told me that moments like these make you fall in love with your partner all over again. I wholeheartedly agree. Seeing him interact with my family and being with me during a very important time just really solidified that this person is who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. It has already become easier to think of marriage because he's met my aunts and uncles. When they get that invitation they won't be confused about a mysterious boy who've they never met. And even if this is the only Christmas he can attend, it was sufficient to feel that he had become integrated and that our relationship was acknowledged.

I knew that bringing him to Christmas was important, I made it a big deal and it made me nervous, but when it actually happened it felt natural. He was welcomed and everyone was happy that he was there.

My mom cooked us so many meals. He was included in all group photos. People got him gifts. He wasn't used to such a materialistic style of the holidays, but embraced it knowing that this is how I was raised. Socks for everyone. Gift cards. More things! Like an all American family we use our words and we buy gifts. My extrovert family was overwhelming, and lucky for him, they didn't force him to play Christmas songs on the piano.

What made it easy was introducing him has my partner. Removing the gender (boyfriend) made it less about being gay, but more about being with a human that I love. It was easier to say and more impactful at the same time.

"This is my partner Jimmy."

Jimmy made this amazing video of the holiday week with my family and my friends in San Jose and it goes without saying that there's no turning back and we're in it together for the long run.

Visual Diary: The Holiday from Jimmy Raymond on Vimeo.

Platonic, Potential, Can We Please Fuck?

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Sat, 19 Jan 2019 02:26:00 +0000

A friend of mine told me that he's slept with about half of his friends. He puts people in buckets: platonic, potential and can we Please fuck? I told him that I see all of my friends as platonic and he responded that I might be repressing something and not knowing it. I know many wonderful attractive guys but I'm never tempted, at least in Los Angeles. I just want to make friends and grow my Gaysian empire creating a community of good people and a supportive network (born in the 80s). He pointed to the cute guy in the mailroom. "You wouldn't mess around with him?" I responded, "I guess I would, but never really thought about it other than 'hey, he's cute, what's his instagram, let me direct message him and invite him to a party" the end.

It made me wonder, am I repressing something? I think about being affectionate with friends. A kiss on the cheek, a head in the lap, a long embrace, a short massage. Platonic, but still showing that you care for each other.

How does one put friendships into the potential bucket? I thought about the power of cuddling. The intimacy, the smell, the touch, the warmth and the time. Can friends cuddle overnight and still sit in the platonic bucket? Or does it quickly move to potential? When you stay overnight your guard comes down and like someone with a weak immune system you're vulnerable and likely to catch feels. I recall "hook up" rules in which people emphasize that they would NEVER sleep over if their intention is nothing more than just loveless sex. Is it because embracing for a long period of time affects our chemistry and you become attached? While intertwining your limbs, do you inadvertently intertwine your heart strings? While feeling someone's breath and listening to their heartbeat, does your soul believe that you're holding someone very important to you?

Kevin sent me this screen grab of me and his partner Huan (my close friend from elementary school) tangled in bed at the New Years party. Kevin was massaging my thighs and finding my zones. He described this picture as me and Huan trying to lure him into some more than friends activity. But what I see is innocent platonic intimacy between friends at a party. As this short moment with friends ended, I find myself back home with my partner to embrace overnight allowing our souls to blend and our hearts to beat in sync until he overheats and pushes me away.

Blame It On The Juice

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Sun, 13 Jan 2019 17:46:00 +0000

Instragram told me that I could spend up to 4 hours a day on the app. I watch instastories when I do cardio, I look at the geo tag to explore the city, I stalk, I slide into DMs, I keep in contact. It's different from facebook which is riddled with political posts and very uninteresting status updates.

So when I accidentally deleted I thought to myself that it was the perfect opportunity to take a break.

But without the app, I found myself bored with the phone. I found myself sad that I couldn't post something that would potentially make someone laugh, smile, cringe, all of the above.

I gave in within 24 hours and redownloaded it. And I'm happy for it because it reminded me of what made me happy: being silly and sharing it with people who are interested enough to keep me unmuted.

Charles and I were inspired by Lizzo's music video Juice and decided to recreate our own version.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Christopho (@letopho) on Jan 12, 2019 at 3:18pm PST

We pretty much nailed it even though it took us hours to get it close to looking okay. It was our gay Zumba workout for Saturday.

The rest of the day we stayed in and got food delivered. We sang our hearts out in our makeshift karaoke room with disco lights. At 10:30PM, I caught up with a good friend to vent, to catch up, to eat, to love.

I feel normalized, less anxious and almost myself again and in order to achieve that I had to get out of my mind and onto the dance floor.

Pick the Path with Least Resistance

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Fri, 11 Jan 2019 06:29:00 +0000

While driving a friend home, he reminded me of the dangers of worrying.

He reminded me that life is too short to stress and that we should just approach challenges and obstacles head on without torturing ourselves. If it doesn't need to be a big deal, why make it a big deal?

If something is going to hurt, why make it hurt twice by worrying about it too. Something like that.

But it seems like something difficult to control, or as we agreed, comes with experience. You just learn to just not care, take things as face value and not overthink.

I'm starting to understand that overthinking is dangerous. Overthinking comes with free time; letting your imagination run wild, creating worst case scenarios, misinterpreting people, make up a false reality. And this is what happens when I'm on my own for too long.

Again, I need to keep busy to prevent my mind from wandering and worrying about things that aren't important.

And I'm writing this down to remind myself that things are only as big as you make them out to be and that the path with the less resistance is worth taking for the peace of mind, heart and soul.

2019 Thots and Jots

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 15:50:00 +0000

Jimmy usually stays up until 3AM on the living room couch lost in his thoughts, creating art, watching his favorite TV show. This morning, it's my turn to step away from the warmth of our bed and spend some alone time journaling at 5AM. After all, I am the early bird and he is a night owl.

I told myself this year that I would be more transparent with my relationship with people. On the theme of Marie Kondo I told a very old infatuation that I was letting them go and thanked them for the joy that they provided. I was holding on to this idea of fleeting moments that some would consider beautiful and romantic. At this point of my life, I've determined it to be more destructive and distracting. I feel relieved, I feel honest and feel like I had just grab a box of my old college clothes that never fit right and donated them.

He responded, "I'm no dummy" and thanked me for my honesty. But there was nothing really for him to thank, it was more for me to say good bye to something that didn't exist.

It's now 6AM and I have the sudden urge to swim laps. I want to cleanse myself of this feeling of frustration. I'm confused as to how people could be so careless; how they can flat out lie to their friends and themselves.

People are selfish, manipulative, disrespectful and oblivious and calling them out is something that I'm not quite good at. But is it my job to teach? Being nice is my M.O., but to not be critical of others, to behave like everything is okay, does more harm than good it seems especially when it causes me stress.

I'm seeing that Jimmy can be worse than me - play nice, non-confrontational, everyone is happy. But it would feel so good just to say it: You're a dishonest / harmful person who's convinced yourself otherwise lying to people to create this image of yourself that's not true. You're an insecure disrespectful mess and you don't need to try that hard to make people like you. You're irresponsible and use your friends to gain social clout and it reeks...etc. but it's just easier to say. "Hi... I'm great, how are you?"

The challenge is to be emphatic and ask why. Is it insecurity? Is it saving face? Is it fear? And once you understand the root you can forgive while holding on to your own boundaries and values. But man, people can be really shitty and staying away can seem like the only solution.

==

I’ve been working on my relationships with people. I apologized to two others for using them; for only reaching out when I needed something. I thanked my friends who make me laugh, who share their joy and I told them to their face that I appreciate them and what they bring to my life.

Towards the end of the year I started to burden myself on checking in with friends. I allowed myself to listen to people's depression, loneliness, insecurity, trauma without knowing that I've absorbed it all into my body. I've grown so concerned with people's mental health that I feel like I've forgotten about my own. But it worries me that my friends are falling a part. I’ve already experienced a suicide of a close friend and I pray that it doesn’t happen again.

So for 2019 and for the rest of my life I strive to be..

..transparent with my relationships

..honest with how I'm feeling and express it when appropriate to people who are important

..take care of myself and then take care of others in that order

..(bonus) - spend time with people who bring warmth to my heart and cook meals for me

Okay, crawling back into bed now because the pool is closed.

Moody

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Tue, 04 Dec 2018 06:48:00 +0000

There have been moments where I ask myself, "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Why am I having these thoughts, these feelings, these distractions?

I've been moody lately, but I've contained it. There have been moments in which I really want some attention. Some comfort. Some excitement.

I'm in the mood to dance, to get some endorphins up, to feel good. To feel sexual and carefree. To be touchy and intimate.

At least five of my friends are experiencing depression... clinical, leaving work, losing hair, losing family, addicted to drugs, addicted to alcohol, moving to random parts of the world, feeling insecure.

Piles and piles of emotional turmoil that some are addressing and some are suppressing. I remind people that we need to check up on each other because life can be lonely. Hurt feels lonely.

Someone said to me that it's hard for them to talk to anyone about whatever happened or what they're feeling because they’re afraid that people are gonna be upset with them. I can understand that, some things you just keep to yourself. You hide your demons... to ensure that your friends believe you are who you want them to think you are. You want people to continue to like you and respect you and believe that you are...genuine, innocent, faithful, generous, caring, respectful, honest, selfless.

...and not a sack of worthless garbage that you feel you are at times.

So you lock those demons up, hoping that they don't eat you up inside; hoping that no one notices that sometimes your actions don't always match your morals.

I know I'm just in a mood. Anything I'm dealing with just feels small.

Someone said to me, "Chris, do you go to therapy? You don't need therapy."
Am I really that well-adjusted? Am I really that self aware? Am I really that level headed?

Quite possibly. But I think moreover I know what I need to do to heal: blog, dance, chill... with others so that we can remind each other that it's okay to feel like an imperfect human.

Integrating with Family

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Sat, 06 Oct 2018 22:12:00 +0000

Jimmy and I went to Orange County to celebrate my cousin's birthday. She put out the invite one month in advance to make sure that everyone had it marked in their calendar. She was turning 35 and wanted to celebrate for once.

I later learned that my aunt was attending. She's a wild card; not the family favorite and divorced my biological uncle. She got lost going to the restaurant and my cousin was already annoyed with her.

I've never came out directly to my family aside from my parents. I've never said those words. When my aunt finally arrived she asked me who the guy was sitting next to me; I hesitated. My cousin spoke for me, "this is Jimmy!" My aunt responded that it was great to meet him.

We sat at opposite ends of the table enjoying the restaurant's version of tostadas and loco moco. There were about 16 people there so it was easy to stick to a few folks to talk to.

At the end of the night as my aunt prepared to leave, she looked at Jimmy and said, "Take care of Christopher. If you don't, I'm going to come after you." She started laughing. Jimmy and I started laughing as well. My aunt looked at me and said, "be you, be happy, that's the most important thing." I thanked her as she walked away.

I melted in the moment. I didn't realize the impact that those words that came so unexpectedly.

I was used to silence. And I feel that most of us just accept that silence is the best thing we're going to get from our family who know we're gay officially or not.

==

Despite being together for so long, Jimmy and I have celebrated Christmas separately, but this year is different. Jimmy's family is out of the country and he agreed to come up to San Jose to participate in both my high school Christmas party and my family's.

I told him that we have to prepare. That all the gifts will be from "the both of us." And he responded, "i have to get ready for your extrovert family." Which the perfect word to describe the Christmas party that my parents always host.

I'm excited to send the email, "Jimmy will be joining us this year!"

And I need to get used to saying to my extended family, "This is Jimmy, he's my boyfriend of 8 years and I'm happy that he's here to celebrate Christmas with us."

This is probably the biggest step in our relationship that we've taken in a while - family integration. Straight people don't understand how easy they have it to be able to do this without a ounce of worry, fear or stress. And maybe one day, I'll be able to be integrated into his family.... but one step at a time.

Is it Even Worth It?

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Sun, 26 Aug 2018 16:25:00 +0000

In order for me to heal, recharge, feel like myself, I need to involve another person and that “taking a walk, break, breath” doesn’t work because I can’t clear my thoughts, but rather get lost in them when I’m alone.

I sat in a 24 hour laundromat last night and again this early morning at Echo Park lake. Of course, I wasn't alone for long. And whatever substance was swirling around in my body was messing with my mood, energy and concept of time.

I’m understanding more and more that gay people can be mean to each other. I want to believe that people are nice, appreciative and good intentioned and the side comments, casual shade and passive aggressive social media posts are just a character they play; no one really means to put down others. But in actuality we can be pretty malicious.

Regardless of all of that, I just want to be everyone's friend. And I want to help plan your Saturdays and introduce you to other cool and nice people because I know how hard it could be to make new friends. Or how busy we can get and forget to reach out to one another.

But - we all can't be friends. And as a few faces no longer appear at these silly house parties that I put too much effort/self in, I can't but feel like it's because people are done with it. Why bother trying to get everyone together when it feels like I'm forcing it upon them with direct personal invites. I wonder if people decline because they’re just done with gay energy because of how abrasive and judgemental we could be. Or maybe because people hooked up and it got awkward. But it makes me happy to hear when the people that do come get something out it - they get to talk about personal things to people who get it, they find a new gym buddy, they approach a person they have a crush on... whatever it is, my space made it easier for them to connect. At least that’s what I hope.

Yesterday was exhausting. It was a marathon of drinking and smoking and it took a lot out of me to make sure people were having fun. It took a lot out of me to force my roommates to decorate, clean, prepare and see them act in obligation. It took a lot out of me to take to heart when someone who was supposed to help dismisses it. It took a lot out of me to coordinate 18 different personalities around town event hopping in DTLA and I was worn down and feeling unappreciated.

As an attention seeking, self congratulating, party planner - feeling unappreciated is probably one of the most hurtful things for me to experience. It makes me question if it was even worth it to get people together.

And it is. Because that’s who I am and what I do. And I may position these parties and get-to-gethers as a "safe space" for a "community of under represented, marginalized group of people" aka gaysians, but it's actually a safe space for me. So that I don't feel alone... and being able to share it with you makes me whole and happy.

Asian Fetishist Exposed

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Fri, 24 Aug 2018 17:11:00 +0000

I haven't had a house party in a while and we're going to do an end of summer day party with food and cocktails this coming Saturday. I've been making new friends and wanted to invite them to the space and got this message from someone I recently invited.

So, being a black man that likes other men of color -- with artistic, creative, outgoing, fun-loving southeast asian and pacific island men at the top of the list, and due to a finite amount of people who fit into that category that I find attractive and would also be willing to talk to a black guy, like myself. I have talked to a decent number of your friend group in some capacity...and out of the guys attending, the range of experiences varying from dating for 3 months to like just chatting on apps. I know we are all adults and truly appreciate the invite to be in that space and fellowship with you all, but I don't want to come across as impending on anyones space or using this as a tactic to get in with the group more than being a perifial friend. I understand it, personally, that is my intention...but I don't know how they would take it. So I am asking you because you know them a lot better. Thoughts.?

I ask back - "why are Asian Men on top of the list?"

there is no particular hierarchy amongst the men of color, but being from the east coast coming to the west coast I have interacted with asian men at a more significant rate here. That has increased my attraction to them in sense of biology and socio-culturally. My first boyfriend was also filipino, who played a significant role in me coming out and accepting my gayness -- since I was a pretty traditional, christian, black boy from the south. I find many moments of commonality that complements balance points that I have also been provided by my fellowship and other interactions with asian men (gay and straight).

So overall, it is part biology (as all physical attraction is) and the other is connection points (first boyfriend was filipino, college mentor was filipino, first tennis doubles partner in la a straight Chinese guy, two of my guncles (filipino and Chinese). I hope my response didn't across in any sort of negative way.

To this I respond, "I see. I appreciate the honesty and I owe it to you to be honest as well. I’ve created a safe space for gaysian men who don’t feel like they have a place in weho, mainstream gay culture etc. a space where they’re either ignored or objectified and nothing between. it’s a group of friends to be themselves and I invite people who I feel make sense to that space. When we first met, you were friendly, had good energy and I thought was very interesting which is why I extended the invite. It’s not a space for people who have racial hang ups that dictate the type of people they date. These meaningful people in your life just happened to be asian, but it shouldn’t mean that asianness is a default to the people you are interested in “biologically” or not. I didn’t think it was your intention, but based on what you’re saying to me it feels very much like your intention."

I don't think I have ever voiced why this particular preference to anyone objectively. I usually go with my general, I like individuals, sometimes they have penises but sometimes they do not. Thanks for the honesty as well....and I definitely respect the space that you created. And mention those personal accounts to speak on direct connections with people who happen to be asian, trying to get at that it isn't just a blanketed approach but specific individuals that I happened to connect with. The mention of biological was only to speak to the aspect of attraction, like I don't think you can control who you are attracted to. Not that these interactions have shaped my biology. I don't think I am explaining this the best way

I advised him on what he should have said "All you needed to say was “thanks for the invite, I hope I’m not intruding. I actually dated a few people on the guest list and I don’t want to make anyone feel awkward”

Sorry, that is what I was trying to say.

I kept it short to show that I wasn't buying his attempt to defend himself "...this analysis on Asian, top of the list, preference.... makes me uncomfortable."

I didn't mean for it to come across like that. Crap, I shouldn't have started that way. thinking about it, I approached it all wrong....trying to be fully transparent I placed emphasis on something that wasn't the point of the conversation. I wish I had synthesized it to the way that you did. I apologize for making you uncomfortable. I really screwed this one up. Truly, I just wanted to get your opinion on if it would be ok to attend after dating a few of your friend...but in doing so, I felt I had to defend the reasons why I dated (or attempted to date) multiple people who share the same friends. And that is what came out...and like you said the intention didn't match the impact. The first two sentences of the message took this conversation to a place that I didn't intend for it to and I can see how it could be perceived and how I would make someone uncomfortable in stating that -- which again wasn't my intention. My mind translated my heart in a way that I clearly can see now as being offensive and I apologize for that. Hope to see you at DTLA Proud. Sorry again, and thanks for the invite. I was looking forward to it, but again didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable that is why I mentioned it at all. Have a good day.

I left him hanging for a few hours. I honestly didn't know what to say, but I made it clear that he can ramble and defend all he wants, but anyone who thinks this is an appropriate way to start a conversation with someone they barely know is not welcome. Especially when that person is someone who hates objectification like myself. "I've been in a few client meetings. Not trying to ignore you. Yeah - maybe we'll catch each other at DTLA Proud."

Thanks for letting me know. Hope to run into you at Proud.

=======

A few thoughts on this conversation. I've read this over and over and I'm feeling empathetic. His intention was to respect the space, but he did the opposite exposing his fetishism. Jimmy told me he does NOT want him around. I was going to expand on the conversation, but Jimmy stopped me from attempting to use black equivalence. You'd think other POCs would understand that withering down a person to their race does not make people feel good. However, his back peddling and apology shows that he knows he fucked up and there's nothing really more I can stay to educate.

Also - "dated a decent number of your friends" - sounds like you're going through a checklist. No thank you. This is not a candy store.

Summer Weekends in Los Angeles

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Thu, 02 Aug 2018 05:26:00 +0000

Staying busy makes me happy. This passed weekend was exceptional!

Friday: Summer Nights at the Natural History Museum Botanical Gardens - Always thought Silent Disco was stupid, but then it was actually fun with a good DJ. Learned that the ants in our house are not native to Los Angeles, but actually from South America through the coffee trade.
Saturday: Chinatown Summer Nights - got sassy with boring straight guys taking valuable dance floor space. Made a scene when they left shooing them away. Led the group of 12 to Won Kok for some loud 2AM Chinese food. Shu mai is apparently a breakfast item and made Jason uncomfortable that we ordered it. That morning got inspired by Ikea and want to buy some good patio furniture.
Sunday: Venice Beach - learned how to boogie board. The trick is to point the nose of the board downward to better catch the wave.

New restaurants old friends, new restaurants with new friends, old restaurants with new dishes.

And a boyfriend to capture it all:

Visual Diary: Lazy Summer from Jimmy Raymond on Vimeo.

Meal of the weekend: Soft Shell Crab Curry Ramen from Curry House in Little Tokyo.
A season dish that stayed on the menu due to popularity.

Not just watered down curry, but with ramen oil adding dimension. Wish the egg was softboiled

It's already time to plan the next one!

Make A Wish

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 06:10:00 +0000

Today is my dad's 62nd birthday.

I almost forgot to call him, but my brother sent me a text. I sent him an early birthday gift a while back, so on the actual day it slipped my mind.

My brother sent me a video of my dad blowing out a candle during dinner in San Jose. You can see him taking the time to make a wish. I don't know what he wished for, but I imagine it to be something related to family, health and happiness.

I was going through some texts and found one I sent to Kevin reminding him to get a birthday dessert for Huan during his birthday dinner a few weeks back. I was being type A and assuming that Kevin would forget his boyfriend duties. I took the liberty to send obnoxious texts

For a while I didn't understand why I was so obsessive about "properly celebrating a birthday" during a dinner. I had always told people that if you don't blow something out, it's just another dinner outing with friends. We eat out so often that the only way to make it special is by sneaking to the restroom to and make the server rummage for candles and then making everyone sing awkwardly in public and embarrassing the birthday person. It just HAS to be like that whether the birthday person likes it or not.

Watching this video made me realize that I get it from my dad. He's sentimental. He's selfless. And for the one meal that meant to be for him, he makes sure to make a wish to be thankful for the gifts that life has given him. He makes sure that for every one of my birthdays I'm at least given a card to make me feel special and loved. Maybe that's why candle blowing is so important to me. Because, simply, that's how I was raised: believing that making people feel special is important.

==

A close friend of mine told me that he made his boyfriend cry when he presented a one year anniversary gift. It was a photo book. It made me think about how lonely it could being gay. How hard dating can be. How selfish and guarded and difficult gay men are. And rightfully so because growing up gay really fucked with us. To be able to find a partner that loves you, sacrifices for you, matches you and appreciates you is worth crying about. I feel like it only gets harder the older we get because we become used to just dating ourselves that we forget how to find room for others. I have so many single friends that it makes me wonder if most of them have given up on finding a partner and living single is just the life that they've accepted and adapted to. After all, finding a soulmate to marry is a hetero norm... and why does it have to be a thing? And that growing old doesn't have to be lonely when you have your chosen family by your side.

If anything RAGE can turn into the Retired Asian Gay Enclave.
It's 70+ and half off Ensure powder drinks before 9PM.

69 Cents

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Fri, 06 Jul 2018 05:18:00 +0000

I really don't give a shit. And I find creative ways to entertain myself. So back in 2014, I was browsing the social feed of venmo to see where my friends were having dinner without me and paying each other back. I noticed this guy who I thought was pretty cute and interesting based on his ... other payments. We had one mutual friend.

So like any self respecting gaysian thirsty for friendship, I decided to send him a payment of $0.69 with a few fun emojis. I never heard from him and just left it as a funny story, making my friends feel uncomfortable that I actually did something like that. But whatever, this guy was in New York and he took my money.

Fast forward 3 years later to my Tokyo trip with my family in 2018. I was dying for something that wasn't my family and I found myself at a gay bar. In the sea of gays I see him and somehow remember his first name. I never remember names especially this one since I've always referred to him as 69 cents. I only had two drinks in me, but in addition to desperation for a familiar face I shouted his name.

He didn't hear me and walked on. So... like a lion to a gazelle, I chased after him.
"Is your name Jun?!" I was super excited. The gears in my psychotic mind were turning.
"yeah.. um... "
"you don't know me, but we have a mutual friend! How are you? What are you doing here?" I talked to him like we had known each other for ages and he followed along.

He told me about quitting his job, how he's been traveling for months. I think seeing another American was refreshing for him... and then he disappeared after 5 minutes. That was just the right amount of time to make me feel better and less lost in a foreign place. I was so exhausted with my family that anything that felt like home aka - gaysian-American, felt nice.

Obviously, I didn't mention the $0.69 part. I'm sure he knew, but wanted to make myself seem as normal as possible. Which I thought I was pretty successful in doing.

I send this picture to our mutual friend who was aghast that we "ran into each other." More like I ran at him. He then shared his chat with 69 cents.

Glad to see that the story matched up. But then I noticed that our mutual friend covered some of the text previously. I can only imagine what was censored. But you know what... I don't give a fuck. I'm just here to make people feel uncomfortable while I laugh at myself at my ridiculousness.

How to Find Random Gaysians Online... and Creep on Digital Strangers

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Fri, 06 Jul 2018 04:43:00 +0000

The internet makes it too easy to find people. Just need a first name and you can really go hunting especially gay people. Why? Because we're narcissists and need to show the world that we're doing okay by checking in, by oversharing, by posting constantly.

A quick glance at an instagram geo hashtag and you'll find a gay sprinkled in the mix. But you can also do the reverse if you're looking to "discover."

Tonight's adventure starts on YouTube.

1. Start with popular, but not viral LGBT video on YouTube. Brian Jordan's Gender Fluid Fried video is my current choice.

2. Scroll the comments and find that gaysian thumbnail. OH hayyyyyy.

3. Dig into their social media and subscriber list. Oooo. Cultured. I like that.

4. Slide into their DMs. I've decided to go with, "Wow! I've always wanted to go to Italy!"

Bam. New gaysian friend.

"But Chris, how do you do this without coming off creepy?"

Hate to tell you, but... I'm creepy... and you can be creepy too. The end.

A Quick Birthday Post a Month After

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Thu, 28 Jun 2018 05:07:00 +0000

In your 20s you feel every year. You're counting down until you reach 30 which seems to be the deadline to achieve all of your goals. After that, you're just.. "in your 30s." And that's what it felt like when I turned 33 this year.

Jimmy truly surprised me for my birthday bringing all our friends into our house for an impromptu party while I was trying to host a game night with new shy faces. I was thrilled, but not prepared. As I was frantically pulling out snacks etc. Kevyn whispered to me, "it's okay to not be in control Chris." And after that I just relaxed and caught up with folks instead of playing with the playlist and lighting. I got my ube cake and I made new friends and saw old ones. Jimmy took me out to a nice hidden gem restaurant a week after called Oriel in Chinatown that has become a favorite.

I've noticed that my vision is weakening and I've had my 8th bloody nose yesterday during a client meeting. I'm seeing a head specialist who will probably cauterize the vessels. But it was a moment of embarrassment when my clients left me alone in the conference room while I gushed into a trash can for 20 minutes. I've determined that digesting spicy foods is not the only physical issue to concentrate on.

I had a heavy weekend learning about my friend's drug abuse and trying to properly address it. I learned about another friend's aunt who's essentially a vegetable because of potential surgery malpractice causing his family severe depression and stress. It reminded me that our mental health needs to be taken care of along with our physical.

===

In over 10 years we finally took a family vacation to.... TOKYO!

Crammed into a one bedroom was my mom, dad, brother and his girlfriend. My parents on the bed. Brother and girlfriend on the floor in the living room and me on the side on a pull out. Zero privacy for 7 days and it was exhausting. Especially since I was expected to plan the entire thing minute by minute. There was a moment I got sick and I had to navigate myself by home because my parents didn't probably know how to use google maps. I guess, this is the turning point in which I have to be the one to take care of my parents despite how youthful they may seem. But damn, I thought "family trip" meant that I just had to tag along.

On my actual birthday I again picked the place the eat and navigated everyone there. It didn't feel special so I decided that not matter what, I was going to go to the gay neighborhood to get myself a birthday drink after ditching the family at the Airbnb.

I was alone at The Eagle, Tokyo in Nichome... a familiar brand, but not an English speaker in sight. I was hoping to meet up with Ernesto who had stopped responded for a few hours. He was there taking care of business with his partner, but just landed that afternoon. I assumed the jetlag got the best of him.

But they arrived and took me to a drag bar which I enjoyed. I needed some gayness to balance the family time. Luckily I was able to connect with an instagram friend for another night to give me another needed break.

==

It's already 10PM and I should sleep.

Walk up at 5:20AM, catch the 6AM shuttle, Arrive at work at 7AM, catch the 3PM shuttle, arrive at home by 4:30PM, look up something to eat or cook.

Browse flipped homes in desirable locations. Compare potential mortgages to current rent control, realize that the investment would make most sense for non existing off spring, close computer.

Repeat.

==

A Different Breed of Gays

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Tue, 20 Mar 2018 00:13:00 +0000

We hosted another house party in February for Lunar New Year. We called it "Year of the Doggy Style," and encouraged people to dress up to their interpretation. As innocent as Snapchat dog ears to puppy play kink, but you know... our circle of friends, not from Weho went in a few directions as anticipated.

When you think of a dog themed gay party...

EXPECTATION

REALITY

Doge approves.

We we had some leather as well of course!

But that's the idea of creating a safe space. Be as freaky as you want to be and whatever that means is up to you!

Fur-bulous!

Was laughing at this for 10 minutes.

Jimmy's Vlog:

Two Old Gaysian Short Films that Surprised Me.

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 19:25:00 +0000

With HereTV's Falling for Angels: Koreatown, Chapter II train wreck that showcased a unrealistic interaction between two Gaysians in LA's Koreatown I decided to spend the morning watching some old gaysian shorts and I was pleasantly surprised.

The Golden Pin

This film addresses family obligation with blunt metaphors and good chemistry. The Mom always knows. I also love that the main character is a Vietnamese stud and that the white characters are just background. The focus after all is about the Asian and his family and western elements are "the other." He's also hot as fuck.

Yellow Fever

This film is SO 90s, but also so UK. But the racial issues here are relatable. The main character is intentionally insane. He's hung up on his identity as a potato queen. The moral of the story is summed up in this line, "when it comes to relationship, it should be about personality, not nationality." Which is of course 90s talk for ethnicity. The film exposes how ridiculous the gay community can be.

Falling for Angels: Koreatown
This was such a missed opportunity to showcase LA Gaysians; it felt like the director interviewed a handful of gaysians and smashed together his observations into one long terrible cringy dialogue. It felt like it was going through a checkbox of things. Actual quotes:

There's this metamorphosis that happens when you'r having sex looking into someone's eyes that look like your own
I knew that if i could love someone that looked like me, I could love myself
The [SGV gaysians] who grew here are like a different race, they're self confident and well adjusted and they breakdance. It's like where's the neuroses of low self esteem?

All of the issues covered identity issues. But the gaysian community faces a lot more than just self hate. They should have just scrapped the script and followed a group of four gaysian friends to Rage in Weho. And then have them gossip at BCD Tofu house in Koreatown at 3AM featuring the following characters.

Slutty one who's careless, lonely and parties
Social Justice Warrior who doesn't practice what he preaches
Transplant with insecurities that overcompensates
One that's dating a white guy and addresses sticky-rice hypocrisy

I can assume that the writer only knows gaysians who live in white spaces, who have and compete for white boyfriends. These Gaysians, who are the sprinkle of color, struggle with predictable identity and rejection issues as the constant "other" have been addressed enough. Falling for Angels: Koreatown had the opportunity to expand outside those themes.Why not feature gaysians who are well adjusted and focus on their LA born/raised here specific lives? Or is it unfair and alienating to show this utopian where the people you're interested want to date you back and that everything you do and speak is popular thought because both your high school and college were a majority Asian?

The first scene where the condom breaks was ridiculous. It would have been more realistic if he discovers that the adopted Korean sleeps around A LOT and freaks out because of how nonchalant he is.

"When was the last time you got test?!?"

"I don't know.. a few months ago.. don't worry about it.."

This would address hook up paranoia + hook up carelessness in two contrasting characters.

Any way... I just hate missed opportunities.

Investing in Friendship

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 04:49:00 +0000

A few Fridays ago I stopped by a friends' apartment where I was greeted with sliced oranges seasoned with special salt purchased from their trip to Mexico city as well as a sampling of mezcal. The mezcal was supposed to be less earthy, but there definitely smoke seeping through my glass.

He put on a record which included some eclectic loungy tunes. His partner chuckled as I made jabs about the music. As I sipped, I declared "man, you guys really know how to relax me, this is just what I needed to unwind on Fridays." Though I declined special espresso beans, I felt my body absorb their good energy. They were hosts that made sure I was comfortable. No detail was missed.

After Jimmy arrived, we headed out to Honda-Ya for some izakaya. Jimmy and I usually avoid izakaya because we're never really satisfied, but we realized we were doing it wrong. In order to truly enjoy izakaya requires ordering everything and not being concerned about the price tag/value. Too often, I put "value" or "price" on food/experience. Noodles should cost this, pizza should cost this, meat on sticks should cost this, but what I didn't account for was the value of company.

Our friends ordered everything that sounded delicious. The plates stacked up. Jimmy and I watched them bicker about ordering California Rolls. Jimmy and I laughed nervously, but as always the bickering turned into teasing, turned into affection. This couple in front of us argue so much, but it's because they're honest with each other. And the honesty surpasses the criticism of food or music preference.

We got the group together to sing karaoke after dinner in our usual VIP room- a playlist that included high school rock, Japanese pop, Bjork and Rihanna. At the end of the night it clicked...

...that I need to invest in friendship the way these guys do. By hosting, by caring, by being honest, by putting value on good company. I want to be less calculated with my generosity.

2018, I told myself that I want to be better. I've already failed in a few ways, but it's a work in progress.

Ridesharing Stories

noreply@blogger.com (letopho) — Sat, 27 Jan 2018 21:51:00 +0000

I enjoy this forced interaction with strangers when taking Uber / Lyft. Something about learning about what people are up to and broadening my understanding of this complex, yet simple city I live in. And they don't mind talking usually. My questions are structured:

How's your day going?
Been driving for a while?
What neighborhood do you live in?
Is this your full time gig or are do you have other projects?

People in LA love talking about where they live. This is how I learn about back lounges, restaurants, and venues and quickly bookmark if it's interesting. They also have other projects and don't mind talking about them since Uber/Lyft is just a way to get some cash while they work towards something bigger. These four questions are sufficient in getting a good conversation going. And my rides are that much more pleasant. Here are a few stories I shared on Facebook, but I want to continue to blog about them here.

January 2018

My driver this week told me that he managed the popular Nick's Cafe in Chinatown for two years. The owner told him to count every raisin that he gave the customers and would close the store randomly when the venue was used for filming. This is where most of the revenue comes from. The owner hated him and told him that she didn't need him. So he quite and the store remained closed for three months. "What? she said she didn't need me," he was sassy. "Any way, I'm going to open my own restaurant called 'Frit-Ta-Tas'. Everything will look like boobies...the eggs will have nipples."

December 2017 - Various

Today's driver told me about her Mac and Cheese recipe, her late ex-husband who's best friends with Muhammad Ali, and her sisters who love to drink. At the end she gave me a candy cane. .

Last week my driver told me how he worked in Office rental sales and how burnt out he became.

Another guy was a rapper and was interested in how I think cool neighborhoods die once they become wealthy and popular.

A passenger in a shared ride told me he owned two LA bars. Another passenger was an extra and was heading to film a train scene.

Another was a mom looking for a new place to live while going to school.

Another guy told me that he worked for movie studios in set design and that the hand on the volleyball (Wilson) from Castaway was actually his.

In LA, getting from here to there is a struggle, and for me story telling makes the journey more pleasant.

More stories to come.