Last year, in the midst of the sadness of Maddie Spohr’s passing something magical happened.  All over the country people asked what they could do to help.  What they could do to support the Spohrs and to support the families of other preemies and the joined March of Dimes walks in their local community to walk in the name of this little girl who had in some way touched their hearts.

I was one of those people.  Although I had already been planning on trying to walk last year before Maddie passed, I hadn’t really done much to figure out how I was going to go about doing so.  After learning of Maddie’s passing I knew without a doubt that I had to walk.  It was something I could do to show my support to Heather and Mike from here.  It was something I could do to honor Maddie.  So I joined the St. Louis March for Maddie team and walked along side other people who had been touched by Maddie and thousands of others who had in some way been touched prematurity.  The experience was very profound and I knew as I left the walk that day that I would be back every year, to walk for Maddie and to walk for all those people in my life who have been touched by prematurity.

So, about a month ago I set up March for Maddie St. Louis.  I will be walking again this year in love and remembrance of the amazing Miss Maddie.  I will be walking in support of Heather and Mike Spohr.  I will be walking for all those in my life who have been touched by prematurity.  I will be walking in hopes that one day no one has to know the grief of losing a child because they were born to soon.  I will be walking to give every baby the fighting chance they deserve.

If you are in the St. Louis area and would like to join our team please go here and sign up, we would love to have as many people walking for Maddie as we can get.  We would also appreciate your support.  Please consider making a donation, all money raised goes to the March of Dimes and helps in their efforts on behalf of pregnant moms and babies everywhere.   To donate to our team please click on the banner above.

This love of reading that I developed at a young age resulted from my mother’s own love of reading and her desire to foster a love of reading in her own children.  She encouraged us to read, she challenged us to be better readers by engaging us in discussions about the books we were reading and she made sure we always had access to lots and lots of reading material.  One thing that used to bug me at the time but that I understand now that I am older, was that if she felt like I didn’t know enough about the book and couldn’t tell her enough about it if she asked questions she would make me go back and read it again.  Which was fine if I enjoyed the book, but man did I hate that if I didn’t like the first time around.  I get now that she was just trying make me a better reader and helping me to have better reading comprehension, but boy did it bug me.

As a mom I am embarking on my own quest to foster a love of reading in Maya.  Already I can see the fruits of my labors.

She loves books.  She loves reading by herself, loves sitting with me reading books.  She will choose to read a book over playing with toys almost every time.  At the Science Center here in St. Louis they have a little reading corner.  That is the first place she ran to when we got to the Science Center the other day and she spent half an hour there contently reading their books on dinosaurs and weather, it was adorable.

Everyday, at least once, I’ll realize that she is being very quiet and I look in her room to see her sitting quietly in front of her book shelf reading away.  She used to just flip through the books and look at the pictures, but now that she has started retaining and memorizing some of what I have read to her I will actually catch her “reading” the books too.  As a mom who is also an avid reader this just warms my heart.  To see my daughter already loving books and reading and learning is just so awesome to me.

She even reads to the cats

Reading to your child from the very beginning is so important to their cognitive development.  They learn about language by listening to the stories you read to them.  They will learn things like the alphabet, new words, the meaning and concepts behind the words they hear and, of course, will eventually learn to read as well.  So grab a book and read to your child, it will be the best thing you do all day, I guarantee it.

For many people, women and men alike, caffeine is absolutely essential to their day.  Going without their usual cups of coffee or tea or soda throughout the day is out of the question.  However, for pregnant women, or women trying to conceive, caffeine may not be safe.  You should talk to your doctor about your caffeine consumption early in your pregnancy and determine if you need to make changes.

Caffeine is a stimulant and a diuretic.  As a stimulant it elevates your heart rate and your blood pressure, both of which can have a negative effect on your pregnancy.  Also, as a diuretic caffeine causes your to urinate more frequently, affects your bodies ability to absorb calcium and iron and decreases your bodies fluid levels which can lead to dehydration.  Several studies suggest a link between caffeine consumption and an increase risk of miscarriage and preterm births.  Although there is no hard and fast rule when it comes to caffeine consumption during pregnancy most doctors recommend that you stay away from caffeine if you can, and if you must consume some caffeine you should limit your intake to less than 200mg (or about 2 regular cups of coffee) per day.

Many people forget all the things that caffeine can be found in and think mostly about coffee when thinking about caffeine.  However, caffeine is found in all sorts of products including coffee, tea, hot chocolate, lots of sodas, chocolate, ice cream and some pain relievers like Excedrin.  So when you are trying to avoid caffeine be sure to remember it is in a lot more than you think.

If you are a big coffee drinker be sure to talk to your doctor about his or her recommendations regarding caffeine consumption during pregnancy.  When we are caring for this tiny life growing inside of us we want to do everything we can to give it the best start to life.  Sometimes we have to give up the things we love during pregnancy, but it is all worth it.

The key to successfully breastfeeding in public is to be prepared both by having a bit of experience with breastfeeding and making sure you have the right gear.  Once you are comfortable with the breastfeeding process (usually after the first few weeks) breastfeeding in public will be that much easier.  You’ll discover, as you nurse your baby at home, how he or she nurses, what type of environment works best for them and what gear works best for you.  Once you have the experience and the right gear you’ll be able to head out whenever and know that you’ll be able to successfully breastfeed your baby in public.

Here are a few tips and tricks for making your experience breastfeeding in public a successful one:

• Wear the right clothing.  Shirts made specifically for nursing moms are great when you know you’ll be nursing in public.  You can wear a nursing tank under a nice button up shirt or cardigan to make things easier on yourself while still looking cute.
• Be sure to purchase a good nursing bra, one that opens and closes with one hand and make sure you know how it works and that you like the way it works before you attempt to use it while nursing out in public.
• Invest in a good breastfeeding cover or sling.  By nursing your baby either in a sling or using a breastfeeding cover you’ll not only be hiding the “goods” you’ll also be giving your child a quiet, distraction free environment to nurse in.
• Practice nursing your baby in public by nursing him or her in front of family and friends when they come over to visit.  You’ll become more comfortable using all the gear like your nursing shirts, nursing bra and the sling or breastfeeding cover by trying them out a few times before hand.
• If you are still not totally comfortable breastfeeding in public be sure you find a discreet spot to sit.  It’ll help you feel more comfortable and also give your baby a little added peace and quiet for nursing.
• Know your baby’s schedule and hunger cues so you can be ready to nurse at the first signs of hunger, before they get all worked up.

The more you do it the more comfortable you’ll become.   Look around while you are out and you’ll notices other moms discreetly breastfeeding their babies too.  Often times you don’t even notice it unless you are looking for it.  Don’t worry if you decide you just can’t do it, many moms will choose to forgo breastfeeding in public all together and will instead choose to bottle feed expressed breast milk while they are away from home, that’s a perfectly fine alternative.

Over time this love affair with clothing has grown into a love affair with playing with clothes and playing dress up.  Whenever there is a pile of clothes laying around, either to be donated, washed, put away, whatever, Maya will find it and play in it.  There have been many gigantic huge clothing everywhere messes made in our house.

Nowadays she usually prefers playing dress up with the clothing she finds versus throwing them all over the place (which is good for me!).   Any clothes she finds become dress up clothes.

I am seriously going to have to think about starting a dress up bin for her.  Just imagine the fun she would have with a bin full of princess outfits and mommy’s old clothes and shoes

Globally, 13 million babies are born premature and approximately 3.2 million stillbirths occur.  Preterm birth accounts for approximately 1 million infant deaths yearly and is the leading cause of infant death worldwide.   Though preterm births and stillbirths are more common in low and middle income countries they are growing problems in higher income countries, like the United States.  In the US approximately 1 in 8 babies is born prematurely and the health care costs associated with preterm births accounts for more than $26 billion annually making it the 7th leading healthcare expense in this country.

The Global Alliance to Prevent Prematurity and Stillbirths (GAPPS) recently funded a study conducted by maternal and child healthcare experts from around the world that looked at the causes of both premature and stillbirths and the possible interventions that could be used to help combat preterm and stillbirths globally.  The study found that not enough is known, globally, about what causes most preterm and stillbirths and calls for action, particularly in the area of research.  The more people know the greater the chances of preventing both stillbirths and preterm births will be.

However, researchers lack access to quality tissue samples in order to conduct the research necessary to determine the most common causes of preterm and stillbirths and ultimately what measures can be taken to help prevent them.  As a result, GAPPS is partnering with hospitals, research labs, universities both here in the United States and around the world to establish a tissue repository.  The hope is collect a large cross sample of specimens from pregnant women and newborns from around the world so researchers have access to the date they need.

Infant death is a tragic and heartbreaking issue that we need to talk about, think about and address.   The more we know the better off our children will be.  I hope one day we know enough to prevent these tragedies from occurring so every pregnant woman will know the joy of holding her healthy infant in her arms and every baby gets the best start at life.

Please say a prayer and send healing thoughts to the Marsh family today as they begin the process of saying good-bye to their beloved daughter and sister.  Hug your children extra close today as you think of an amazingly strong little girl who taught us all the power of love and community in her short little life.

Please visit LaylaGrace.org to learn more about Layla and leave a quick message for the Marsh family, they need our love and support right now.

*photo borrowed from the Marsh’s Flickr stream.

Sophie the Giraffe has been around a long time, since 1961 to be exact, and has been a huge seller all over Europe.  My Nana, who is from England, actually purchased a Sophie the Giraffe for my mom when she was a baby!  Slowly, Sophie found her way to North America and has become a hit here as well, selling mostly in small baby boutiques.

Sophie is made of 100% natural rubber that is derived from the Hevea Tree and painted using food paints to make her a very safe toy for babies and young toddlers to chew on.  Her shape, texture and squeak make her an instant hit with babies.  I love her bright smiling face and her natural colors.

When Sophie arrived in the mail I gave her to Maya to see what she thought of her.  Almost immediately Sophie found her way into Maya’s mouth  Clearly my daughter knows a teething toy when she sees one!

After a little further examination Maya discovered that Sophie squeaked and she spent much of the rest of the morning dancing Sophie around the house making her squeak.  She was a huge hit right off the bat with Maya.

This really is a great toy, especially as a teether.  The rubber is sturdy and strong and held up to my daughter’s teeth tugging on it very well.  The shape and texture of the giraffe make it very appealing to babies.  Good, strong, natural teething toys are hard to come by.  When your little one is working on those first teeth it can be challenging to find something that not only helps with the pain they are experiencing but that you also feel comfortable with them shoving in their mouth.  Sophie definitely fits that bill.

One of the things I liked most about Sophie the Giraffe was her shape and how it allows babies and toddlers to use this as a teething toy even when the are working on those molars way in the back.  Many teething toys don’t seem to reach way in the back and so become useless for when those molars are coming.  Sophie’s long legs and long neck mean toddlers can still use her to chew on when their molars are coming in.

My only beef with Sophie the Giraffe is the price tag.  At about $20 a pop here in the United States she certainly isn’t a toy that is attainable to all parents.  I’d love it if these safe, natural, cool baby products were priced so everyone could afford them.  If you are okay with dropping that kind of money on a toy for your child, than I would definitely recommend Sophie the Giraffe.  She was a huge hit with Maya and I’m looking forward to seeing what my next child thinks of Sophie, especially since he or she will get to play with her from the beginning, assuming Maya is willing to share her (if not we may end up with 2)!!

11 years.  It’s been 11 years.

On this day, 11 years ago, I lost my father to his lifelong battle with depression.  March 4th, 1999  my father took his own life leaving his children behind to deal with their own broken hearts, their own feelings of guilt, and a life time of “what ifs”.

The day my father passed away had been a day like any other.  Lorne and I were living in Daytona  Beach at the time as he was working on his bachelor’s degree.  I was working as a receptionist at  an insurance company.  The day was sunny and warm.  My father-in-law was in town visiting.  I  arrived home from work and went into my bedroom to get cleaned up and ready to go out for dinner once Lorne got home from school.  As I was piddling around in my room when the phone rang.  It was my mom.  What I expected to be a regular mother daughter phone call  turned into a phone call I had never ,imagined, a phone call I will never forget.  Instead of talking  about my day, about what my family was up to like we normally would have, my mom told me that my father was dead.  I don’t remember much about the actual conversation.  I can’t remember exactly what she said, I can’t remember what I said.  I remember feeling a very heavy pit form in my chest as my heart broke. I remember feeling like I couldn’t breath.  I remember not being able to cry.  I remember being worried about my brother and how he was taking the news.  I remember asking about him.  I remember not really knowing how I should feel or what I should say.  I remember hearing my mom cry on the other end of the line and wanting nothing more than to be sitting next to her so she could hug me.  I just wanted a hug from my mom.

My parents got divorced when I was 3 and my brother was 6 months old.  I don’t remember living with my dad.  My very first childhood memories occurred some time after when my mom, brother and I moved into an apartment together after the divorce.  My brother and I spent time with my dad when we were younger.  He would pick us up for weekend visits.  I have good memories from those weekend visits.  I remember playing outside in the yard of our farmhouse.  I remember him taking me to my Grandma’s house and playing with farm animals.  I remember him giving me a kitten for my 6th birthday, he brought it into the house tucked into the inside pocket of his leather jacket.  As a child I enjoyed hanging out with my dad on those weekend visits.  But my memories of my dad aren’t all good.

My father was a troubled soul.  He was an alcoholic his whole life and during his last years he suffered from serious health complications that resulted from his alcoholism.  My mom left my dad because he was abusive, not to us, but to her.  My father also suffered from depression.  I witnessed my father drinking around us, driving drunk and even a couple of times drinking while he was  driving us.  As a result of what I knew about my dad’s past and what I saw I made the choice as a teenager to cut off ties with my dad for my own sake.  I figured one day, when I was older I’d have a chance to  reconnect with him.  As a teenager I didn’t have it in me to forgive my dad or to deal with the drama that he created in my life.  It was easier for me to just ignore it all and pretend none of it happened.

What I never expected was that at 21 years old I would loose my father and any chance we may have had of reconnecting.  What I never expected is that I would forever be haunted by a man I sadly never really knew, haunted by a million questions, a million “what ifs”.

For the last 11 years I have been dealing with the grief and pain I feel as a result of my father’s death in silence.  Since everyone in my world knew that I had cut ties with my father and didn’t really have anything to do with him they all assumed that his death didn’t really affect me. they couldn’t have been more wrong..  And since I knew they all felt this way I didn’t feel like I could talk to  anyone about how I was really feeling.  Instead I’ve just grieved in silence.

I think about my dad everyday.  I feel incredible guilt knowing that my actions and the lack of  my presence in his life, in some way, contributed to his state of mind and ultimately his  decision to take his own life.  I feel guilty that I selfishly thought I would have all this time to get to know him so I wasted the time I did have. I feel sadness that I will never get to sit down and talk to my dad and tell him that I do  love him and always have.  I feel regret that he’ll never get to meet my daughter, his granddaughter. I feel angry that I will have to explain to my daughter one day why her grandpa isn’t around. I feel angry that my dad choose to leave this life instead of facing it.  I feel sad that we are all here to deal with it and pick up the pieces of our hearts without our dad.

I look at pictures of my dad from my childhood, and I can see how proud he was to have me as a  daughter and I can see how much he loved me.  I hate that he may have died thinking that I didn’t love him.  That breaks my heart all over again.

I do love you Dad.  I love you and I miss you.

Toddlers love to mimic their parents.  They love to help out around the house.  They love to follow mom or dad around and copy what they are doing.  This natural behavior can come in handy when it comes to teaching your children life skills and helping them become little helpers around the house.  By encouraging them in those pursuits of wanting to help you are encouraging them to be confident, can-do children in all avenues of their lives.

It may seem like there isn’t much your little 2 or 3 year old can around the house to help out, but really there are many things they can do.  They will enjoy the responsibility they will feel over their little tasks.  Giving them tasks to perform allows them to feel independent and we all know how much toddlers love to feel independent. Here are a few tasks your toddler can help you with:

• Picking up their toys.  Before bed and other times throughout the day when the toy mess gets to be too much have your child help you pick up their toys.  You can even give them one specific task if that helps, such as pick up all the blocks, or all the books, or all the stuffed animals, etc.
• Picking up their clothes.  Before bed at night after their jammies are on or in the morning after they have gotten dressed for the day get your child to put their dirty clothes in the hamper.
• If your toddler is in a toddler bed get them to help make the bed in the morning.  Have them straighten their pillow and blanket or put the stuffed animals back on the bed.
• Unloading the dishwasher (this is my daughter’s favorite chore!).  As you are unloading the dishwasher get your child to help out by putting away the tuperware, or the utensils, or other safe for toddler items.
• Dusting.  As you are doing the dusting around the house give your child a cloth and get him or her to follow you around and help out.
• Helping put laundry away.  Get them to put the clothes away in drawers they can reach (with supervision of course).
• General tidying up.  As you are going about your day tidying up around the house look for little task you can assign to your child.

My daughter, like most toddlers, loves to help out.  We give her little tasks to help out with.  Whatever I am doing I find something she can do to help me.  She loves that.  Toddlers want to feel responsible for things and have a little independence and having little tasks or chores they are responsible for gives them a little of that.

The best way to create a little helper is teach them, let them mimic you and give them little chores.  It may create more work for you sometimes but it is worth it for the learning opportunity and the fun they will have.