Letters from the Embassy

Accident Prone

2010-07-05T01:23:00.001-05:00

Did you know that red heads have a higher tolerance for pain? It's true.

Sometimes I'd like to think that that fact is not solely restricted to physical pain and that, in reality, red heads are superior in every way. However, I know that I won't be able to prove that even if it is true.

As a kid, I always had bruises on my shins and knees. Wouldn't even phase me. Trip over something? No big. Fall off the play ground? Whatever. Get hit by a car? Please...child's play.

Today I am just as accident prone, if not more. I'm just clumsy sometimes. And, also, I'm unlucky. I'm really good at being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's one of my things.

My mother is well aware of my...problem. She has always made sure I have my insurance card on me when I leave the house.

I went ice skating in Houston, Texas a few years back and when I called my mom to tell her, all she said was, "Okay, Kelly. Please make sure you have your insurance card."

When I go on any vacation. "Don't forget your insurance card!"

Off to the mall. "Kelly, please be careful. Do you have your insurance card?"

When I go to use the restroom. "Bring your insurance card, Kelly!"

If I ever get robbed, I'll make sure they give me a second to take that insurance card out before I hand the whole wallet over. It's no good to them anyway.

I've simply been accident prone from the very beginning. I fall, I trip, and I run into things. I always have bruises and/or scrapes. Some people find it frustrating and I admit, I can be quite a hand full in that way. Hey, what can I do?

I'm a red head, though. It's a scientific fact that I'm just naturally tough. So bring on the on coming traffic, the roots to trip over, and the steps to fall down. I can take it.

And if I can't...well...I've always got my insurance card.

The "Quiet" Place

2010-06-30T17:26:00.000-05:00

I have magical powers. Did you know that? Yea.

How are you magical, you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked, sweetheart! I am a heavy sleeper. Yea. Look, I have slept through door bells, house alarms, knocking, glass shattering, hurricanes, tsunamis, riots... Perhaps, I'm getting a little carried away.

But for real, my hearts, when I sleep, it's like I fall deeply into this black abyss of wonderment and comfort. Yea. Few things can pull me out of this comatose state. I can wake up to my alarm clock (but only mine), someone yelling my name at a very high volume, or someone shaking the tar out of me. Other than those three things, I'm dead to the world. Yea.

This magical power is both a curse and a blessing. It's a curse because this means I could potentially sleep through a fire, a burglary, or something to that nature. It's a blessing because I sleep through all of those annoying morning disturbances that muggles wake up to.

Like this morning, for instance. Cray-Cray was woken up at around 7:30AM to a man banging the side of our building with what she described as a "Viking war hammer."

[Picture by Madison Hunter.]

Once, I was awake, I heard this ridiculous racket but it is not what initially rose me from my deep, peaceful slumber. Apparently, Cray-Cray was abruptly woken up by the banging and started hitting the window back at the man screaming, "No! Absolutely not!" Can anyone blame the girl? It was 7:30AM and this guy was pounding on the side of our building RIGHT outside our window!

Once I woke up, he was finishing up his little show for the morning so I missed it for the most part. Poor baby Cray-Cray. She's just a little muggle.

Dear Mr. Mean Viking Hammer Man,

Sleep in, little guy. If you don't, I will throw deviled eggs at you and your shiny little hammer. Choose wisely.

With all my love, Kelly

Thank you, Father, for giving me these magic powers. Yea.

Poolside Stampede

2010-06-17T14:55:00.005-05:00

Cray-Cray and I went swimming today. You know, it was an absolutely gorgeous day, the sun was shining bright, and it just seemed like a good idea to go for a little swim.

I have work later so I was looking for a nice way to relax before the hustle and bustle of the restaurant tonight.

We changed into our swimsuits and headed for the pool. At first we see this guy pruning the bushes around the pool but we didn't think much of it. We did feel bad about swimming all up in his face though.

"Look at us swimming in the refreshing pool while you are doing hard labor and sweating bullets!!! Whooooo!!! Swim party!! Everyone is invited except the guy cutting bushes!!!" Swimming around almost felt like mocking him, you know?

After getting over that guilt, we started to enjoy ourselves. We swam around talking about things going on amongst our friends, how we miss people, funny things that have happened to us, etc.

Then...all of a sudden...they came.

We didn't even have time to react. We didn't even have a chance. They came so fast, neither of us could have done anything. *shivers* It...was so...frightening.

It was like a stampede or a surprise attack in the night. Except it was broad daylight...

I don't remember how many there were. Maybe four or five? But before we knew it, we were surrounded by them.

LEAF. BLOWERS.

How could we have predicted this?!

There we were, having this deep conversation when then BAM! these men come out from bushes, from behind the fence, out of the windows, and one guy even slithered out from under a car!!

We tried to continue our conversation thinking they were safely away that we didn't have to scream over that loud, roaring sound they make. We even were naive enough to think we were safe in the confines of the gate that surrounds the pool. We were so very wrong.

All of a sudden, one came in....like a loose wild boar. He started blowing pedals, leaves, and what not away and made his way around the pool.

It went something like,
"RAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRRRR!"

Our conversation turned to half screaming, half laughing because of the entire situation. I mean, these men were everywhere.

My conversation with Cray-Cray went something like:

"YES, SO I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT SO-AND-SO BECAUSE OF THIS-AND-THAT!!!!!!!"

"ME TOO!!!!"

and:

"I'M JUST SO HAPPY ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I KNOW, SO AM I!!!! SO MANY GREAT THINGS HAVE HAPPENED IN THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS!!!!!!!!"

It was ridiculous.

I swear those men blew our entire parking lot away. I'm still looking for my car.

We even had them use the leaf blowers to whisk us back to the apartment and dry our hair!!

Good times...

Hard Habit to Break

2010-06-16T01:06:00.003-05:00

People have all kinds of different habits.

Some people bite their nails. Others chew on their pens. Some people twiddle their thumbs. Some bounce their feet at a million miles a minute. Some people even smoke cigarettes.

I don't do any of those things.

No, I have a much stranger habit.

*sigh* Okay...gosh...I'll tell you. You forced it out of me...

Sometimes...*deep breathe* Okay, I'm just going to say it.

Sometimes...sometimes...

SOMETIMES I TALK LIKE A BABY!!!!

....what?

You already knew that about me? You've heard me do it in public a thousand times already?

Wow...who knew?

Oh...everyone?

Gosh, well, I guess the cat's out of the bag on this one. Yes, sometimes, it just happens. I'll be mid-sentence and I'll go right into baby voice. It's second nature nowadays. I don't even realize it.

I'm twenty years old and I talk like a toddler.

I can't even break it. I try. Trust me, I do. But I just can't stop for the life of me. It's like... an addiction.

What if I'm the future President of the Unites States? What then? Will I be in the middle of a speech addressing some national matter and then just break out into 2-year-old Kelly voice? What if I can't break this habit of mine and that happens? Will they impeach me!? Am I doomed as your future president? *seizure*

What if some really great guy asks me on a date and he doesn't know this about me? He'll take me to some cute little place and we'll be talking and getting to know each other when I transform into this...this...infant. I mean, should I just quit while I'm ahead? *seizure*

I'm a total advocate for remaining a kid at heart. "Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional." I'm telling you, when I have kids, I'm going to be in that fort with them fighting right beside them in our war against the bad guys. I'll be at their tea parties, in the most extravagant attire, sharing cookies with Mr. Teddy Bear the Third. But is this voice a little to far?! What if I can't help it?! *seizure*

Look, the solution is that you'll just have to love me the way I am -- weird. Can you do that? I mean...people do weirder things....right?

*seizure*

Love, Your Future President of the United States of America

Don't Hate Me

2010-06-14T15:59:00.006-05:00

I cannot believe I haven't even written one post this month and we're already half way through it.

I don't deserve to call myself your friend. I understand if you hate me and want to leave me and you want to spit at me.

Pour tar on me and then cover me in feathers. I get it. I understand.

I understand if you want to taze me in my sleep.

Hey, you wanna come in and nuke me? I feel ya, man. I would open up that door for you. Invite you in. I would even serve you tea with two lumps of sugar. I would do that. Because contrary to what you might think, I really do like you. But you are hurt...I've neglected this blog and you.

Who am I?

What kind of monster have I become?!!?

A jerk, a flake, an unreliable barbarian!

I understand if you're done with me...

.....

PLEASE DON'T BE DONE WITH ME!!!

There will be a blog tomorrow. I assure you.

You a Hawse

2010-05-31T01:01:00.006-05:00

I'm in Hot Springs, Arkansas lazing around on Lake Hamilton right now.

It is so beautiful here. I'm getting a lot of relaxation time. And you know what else? Sleep. I never sleep when I'm back at home. I always have things to do in the morning, you know?

So, basically, the one thing I've been doing a lot of is just sleeping. Staying up late at night, of course, because I'm a night owl and night is when I'm most in my element. But sleeping in and taking pointless naps. Call me lazy but you know what? Once summer school starts up and I'm working a lot, this won't be happening often or ever so I'm soaking it in, people.

Why am I making up excuses? Probably because I feel like a lazy bum but that is the point of vacation! Am I right or am I right? ...Good answer.

Another cool deal is that I'm getting to spend some time with my mom and brother. Lately, it's a rarity that I spend three days in a row with either of them at one time so this has been nice. I always forget how much Bob cracks me up.

His latest thing is explaining to all of us how he is a "hawse." Is it "hoss?"What is a "hawse," you ask? To be completely honest with you, I have absolutely no idea. Maybe a horse? But why is he calling himself a horse? I don't get it.

All I know is that he says it when he is trying to convey how manly he is.

For instance, he has a bad sunburn from our first day here, and today my mom was putting on some of that cold spray sunscreen on his back. He screamed some profanity but bleeped himself out...because he does that. (Yes, my brother bleeps himself out. No, I don't know anyone else who does that. Yes, I think it's weird.) Then he goes, "Actually, it doesn't sting because I'm a hawse. I can take it."

Not horse. It's hawse.

When talking about tubing he says, "We need to go faster because I'm a hawse."

He literally says those things.

"I have a keen sense of smell....only for Cheez-Its because I'm a hawse."

???

Don't ask. Just because we share the same blood doesn't mean I understand anything about that guy.

Anyway, it's been great here!

PS - The water in Hot Springs makes my hair ten times more curly than usual. Good times...

Together by Lint

2010-05-25T23:25:00.004-05:00

JaseFace collected dryer lint for a while creating a large ball of lint.

On one of our last nights together, the Chain Gang burnt the ball of lint in the parking lot.

People wondered, "Why?"

Frankly, I don't understand why they would ask that.

Why not?

The remains...

[Sniffle.]

Sorry. I get sentimental over the lint ball.

To Hear a Tiger Roar, Press 7

2010-05-19T00:09:00.009-05:00

You wanna know what summer means?

It means blogs start coming up about my days and how I feel.

You wanna know how I feel right now?! Nostalgic. Why? Because I miss my family of friends.

I miss her...

and him...

and her.

I miss this guy...

and this guy...

and this guy.

I miss her...

and I miss him.

Because together we are the Chain Gang. And life just makes more sense that way.

And you know what? The Glee and LOST episodes I missed tonight aren't up on the internet yet so now someone somewhere will have to feel my wrath. You heard that Hulu?! Someone will feel my Hell-Hath-No-Fury-Like-A-Woman rage and it's ALL your fault. Someone's life will end and it's because of you.

Okay...no one is around me right now and I'm too lazy to go find someone so consider yourself lucky...because it could have been you.

Law? What law. I am restricted by no rules or regulations...

That's all tiddle taddle.

Where was I going with this one?

All you need to know is that I miss my people.

My Robinhood

2010-05-17T00:28:00.006-05:00

I realized something in my heart tonight.

I think I am in love...

I know...

It's something I think I've been feeling for a little while now and I just haven't ever let myself acknowledge it. I mean, he's older than me. He lives a separate life from me. We could never work!

But you know what? I don't even care.

Russell Crowe and I are meant to be together. I know we haven't met or anything but I think if he would just have a cup of coffee with me, his heart would awaken like mine did tonight. He would see we are soul mates. SOUL MATES. As in, our souls were made for each other.

So he's two years younger than my mother...big whoop!

All I know is that on this seventeenth night of May, I opened my heart and now life just makes sense. I can see. I can hear. Food tastes so much better. Okay, so I haven't eaten anything but I can just imagine!

You may be thinking, "When did you realize? How did this happen? Kelly, you're so lucky to have found true love!"

Well, I just saw Robinhood and...well...you'll just have to go see it. And then you'll understand.

Dear Russell, I'm ready for you to whisk me away to your palace in Sydney. Love, Kelly

A Letter From Bob

2010-05-08T22:43:00.002-05:00

Here is a thank you card from my brother for a Confirmation present I got him.

He's basically a poet.

Next to Normal

2010-05-05T01:49:00.003-05:00

I'm weird. We are all aware of this.

Some of my friends could be reading this and agree without hesitation. My other friends may read this, disagree, and not even understand what would make me think such a thing.

Would you like to know why they disagree? It's because they're weird, too.

My close, close friends and I do really strange things. We say and do weird things everyday. I've become so accustomed to it that I have consequently leaked this behavior to people who don't understand this side of me.

Now, I'd like to consider myself a successfully functioning member of society. Socially capable, if you will.

So when I look at one of the guys I work with show him a "claw" and hiss at him...that's a nice blow to my self-esteem. When I look at some girl I hardly know and say, "Shwhatev, guhl. I do what I want," I pretty much want to go hide in some dark hole in a mountain far away.

It's gotten bad. I have absolutely no chance of making it if this continues to get worse.

I mean, what can I do?! My friends make me feel like this is all normal. I blame them for making me feel like I'm just a normal girl. And I don't help them either. If Cray-Cray growled at me, I'd just get in a pounce position to prepare myself for an attack. Who does that?!

I am not normal. I'm the weird lady with the cats....

So I just wanted to let you know that I'm currently looking for property in the Yukon and down in ol' Antarctica. Let me know if you know of any good real-estate agents for those areas. I'm not sure how cable and internet are in the those regions so this may be it for our relationship.

Please, don't be upset. It's better this way.

The Zone

2010-04-16T20:54:00.013-05:00

When I am in "The Zone," I get intense.

I'm talking about anything. Studying, working, cleaning, reading, shopping, etc. I become extremely focused.

For me there is no gray area. It's either I'm deep in "The Zone" or I'm no where close.

If I'm studying in "The Zone," I get lost in my books and notes and no text message, phone call, or chattering person can get me out of it. The only way it ends is if I feel like I've done enough work. For studying, it's did I get through enough material. For shopping, it's did I find what I was looking for. For cleaning, it's whenever I feel like the area is clean enough. So on and so forth. You get the idea.

For work, I just stay in "The Zone" as long as I feel like I need to be in it. At the restaurant or the reception hall, it's whenever the big rush comes through. When that's over, I slowly fade from the hustle and bustle and go back into my relaxed pace.

"The Zone" makes me very tunnel visioned. I've got my eyes set on the goal and there is no slowing down until I've achieved it.

When I'm studying, this is all well and good because I'm sitting down and zoning into my school work. However, when I'm running around at work, "The Zone" can be a bit of a problem.

At the sushi restaurant, there is this certain time where the business just pops and we get a whole lot of people come in and a whole lot of take-out orders phoned in all at the same time. So I have to seat people, take calls, bag orders, get other orders ready, get food from the back for orders, take walk-in take-out orders, pay out people, etc. Needless to say I am running around a lot. Multi-tasking at it's finest.

This is when I enter "The Zone." *Insert Twilight Zone theme music*

Full Throttle Tunnel Vision Zonage.

(Zonage is not a word.)

Sometimes, I get so focused that I'll just run straight into a chair because I just don't see it there. I mean, hey, when you all you can see is the box of sushi you're bee lining towards, how can you notice the human body right smack dab in front of you. Can anyone blame me for running them over?!

Oh...you can? Hm...I don't get it.

The way I see it, one cannot be blamed for getting in "The Zone." It just doesn't compute.

There is this one girl that I work with who has this crazy habit of just being in the wrong place at the wrong time with me. I'll turn around, and BAM! I run straight into her because she's just chillaxing behind me. Or I'll need get to the sushi counter and she's just standing there drumming her fingers and humming a song to herself with not a care in the world and I'm freaking out because I have five people at the hostess stand all wondering where their food is. Wherever I turn, she is always, without fail, right there behind me. And always right where I need to go.

It used to make me frustrated because it would knock me off my rhythm and because I just get way too intense when I'm working. But now, I kind of like it. I've become so used to her being there that when I turn around, I instinctively make way for her. I've mastered the art of working around her and the challenge makes work that much more fun.

I feel like, if people see me, they should be able to see "The Zone" pretty much written across my forehead and just know to clear the way.

For your own safety, you don't want to disrupt "The Zone."

You could die....

Fathers

2010-04-12T18:26:00.016-05:00

Here's the thing, men.

The Church and even the world needs good, holy men to join the priesthood. Compassionate, faithful, strong, loving, giving men. Good men. And I will be the first to agree with that.

Now that we've got that cleared up, I will move on...

You want to know what else the world needs? Good fathers.

You're probably thinking, "Duh! No big." Right? Well please allow me to shine a light on what that means.

Being a father and a leader of a family is a tough job. It requires all of you. Here, I will repeat that.

Being a father requires all of you.

It's a promise and a commitment. It's a huge responsibility. But you know what? I don't think I'd be venturing too far to say that it's extremely rewarding. Rewarding in ways you and I could never imagine.

It takes a real man to be a father. Not to have a child. I feel like it's safe to say that that task is quite simple. But to be a father...well...that requires a great deal of strength in order to be successful in such a role.

I just want us all to be on the same page before we go making any rash decisions in the future. Decisions we aren't ready for or aren't able to handle. As a parent, you are in charge and responsible for the well-being of another human life. A life given to you by your Father. A life you brought into the world. When you bring that life into the world planned or not, you are now under obligation. To simply walk away from something so indescribably fragile and beautiful is, in essence, the fall of your virility.

In my honest opinion, it's as simple as that.

After having a child, everything you do affects them. Everything. From what you eat, to what you wear, to what you say, and to even who your friends are - all of it matters. Those little eyes see and those little hearts remember. They never forget. You are the #1 role model in their life. As their father, you are their rock and their constant. You are their strength, their protection, and their captain. Where you go, they will follow. Their full, complete trust is in you.

Here is an example of a good father.

If you aren't sure of who this is, please allow me to introduce to you, St. Joseph. The foster father of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He is the man who set the bar so high that I feel like every other father after him should look to his life as an example. He was called to be a father and caretaker whether he wanted it that way or not. He stood up and filled the role he was called to fill. No ifs, ands, or buts. He was everything a father should be. A protector, a teacher, and a caregiver. I can only hope that more fathers will look to him in reference.

To have a child and to stick around does not make a man a good father. Just because you are "around" does not mean you are present in your child's life.

Do you cheer them on? Do you listen to their thoughts, hopes, and dreams? Do you do your best to try to make those come true? A child demands for the parents to be fully present.

It isn't natural for a child to grow up without a father. Inevitably, those children will be missing some key points in being raised that only a father can bring. Those children will have a missing piece in their hearts that only a father can fill. The same can be said for the role of the mother.

Those children need a hero. A man who is strong, gentle, and understanding. A provider, a supporter, a coach, an educator, and a leader.

A father they can look up to.

To all fathers - past, present, and future - here is an excerpt from Edgar A. Guest's "Only a Dad":

Only a dad, neither rich nor proud,
Merely one of the surging crowd,
Toiling, striving from day to day,
Facing whatever may come his way,
Silent whenever the harsh condemn,
And bearing it all for the love of them.

Only a dad but he gives his all,
To smooth the way for his children small,
Doing with courage stern and grim
The deeds that his father did for him.
This is the line that for him I pen:
Only a dad, but the best of men.

Dear Brandy

2010-04-08T13:16:00.006-05:00

I love my phone number.

I love it because it's an extremely easy number to remember.

But, in life, you'll find there is ALWAYS a catch.

You see, there is a girl named Brandy who has a very similar number to mine. So similar, in fact, that I'm pretty sure that 75% of the calls that are being made to her are accidentally being made to me instead. Friends, family, her insurance company, sales people, love interests, etc.

I get SO many calls for her that it makes me wonder. Does she give them my number purposely so that she can avoid them because mine is probably just a digit off from her own? She meets some guy at a bar, he asks for her number but she doesn't want to bluntly reject him so she gives him a similar number to hers expecting never to hear from him again. But then, she sees him out again somewhere and he explains he tried calling but she gave him a bad number. Then she can just say, "Oh, gosh! Sorry! I thought the last number was a 4 not a 6." And they'll believe it was an honest mistake because, hey, it was just one digit off from her own.

Well, listen here, Brandy!

I would appreciate it if you at least alternated digits. Maybe instead of a 4 as that last digit, turn it to a 5 and this way, I'll be clear of your calls! We can compromise even. I have no problem telling the phone company that they have the wrong number. But I can't tell the men in your life that THEY have the wrong number! What if that breaks their little hearts! They got played and I get to deliver the message!

I cannot break hearts for you, Brandy dear. I can't do your dirty work!

So much pressure!!

PS - Mike called. The guy you met last night. He was checking up on you. I took a message.

Mourning at the Movies

2010-04-07T00:12:00.007-05:00

Today I did something I've been wanting to do for a long time now. Take myself to the movies. Just myself.

It was kind of a big deal to me because I spent the entire day by myself and that hasn't happened in a long, long time. It was much needed and I'm really glad I did it.

Anyway, I chose to go see a matinée for The Last Song. The new Nicholas Sparks movie that just came out with Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth.

The movie was good. The author and directors whipped up a recipe to ensure that it be a real tear jerker. And let me tell ya, IT WAS A REAL TEAR JERKER.

I wasn't expecting it. I was thinking it would just be a cheesy, little chick flick. It may have been cheesy...I don't know. It's the viewer's opinion. All I know is that I cried...a lot.

At first it was just silent tears but then I started sniffling and doing that thing where you catch your breath because you're crying so much. People...it was pathetic. The movie really got to me though! I couldn't help it!

There were only about eight other people in the theater anyway and I don't think you could have heard me unless you were sitting one or two seats away from me... ;D

I am completely aware of how ridiculous I am.

Here's the thing, though...I was not the loudest weeper in the theater. We had a wailer. And I'm saying a WAILER. Complete with mournings of, "Oooohhh!" And, "Oh my God!" Insert some wails of deep sorrow and intense sniffling and we had ourselves a real sobber. I imagine there was drool and snot somewhere in there, too.

At this point, I had started giggling uncontrollably. Muffled, of course, as to not discourage the poor girl from getting those feelings out. I had really lost it, though. I just couldn't stop laughing. But, my goodness, it was the funniest thing I've ever experienced at a theater. Every time I think about it, I just crack up. I started crying even more because I was laughing so hard!

Oh boy...

You cry, honey! You get it out, baby girl!

Final Say

2010-04-01T21:14:00.010-05:00

Lent is over. Here's the verdict. I'm going to be 100% real with you right now, okay?

As most of you know, I gave up make-up this Lenten season.

I did this to reteach myself that all the additives are not what make me beautiful and so that I could learn what beauty really is. As in, what is true about beauty and what are lies created by the society around us? And maybe, with this new awareness, I could spread the message to other women around me.

I learned a lot about myself in the last 40 days. I learned that I had become reliant on make-up. That without it, I felt like I looked terrible. I learned that how much sleep you get dramatically affects your appearance. (Duh!) I learned that a lot of us hide behind make-up and that some of us lose all confidence without it. For some, make-up is as essential as brushing your teeth and putting clothes on.

To be super honest with you, I felt pretty vulnerable without make-up from time to time in the last forty days. I felt very exposed and uncovered as crazy as that sounds. And naturally, these feelings got worse when I'd be standing next to or talking to someone who was all made up. Through time, though, these negative feelings slowly faded. So much so, that in the last two weeks, I was so use to no make-up that the smaller the amount of make-up on people, the more attractive they looked to me.

St. Joseph's feast day is a solemnity in the Catholic church. This means that you don't have to fast from meat if it falls on a Friday during Lent and you don't have to abide by any of the sacrifices you may have given up. After praying about it a little, I decided to put on a small amount of make-up that day to see how the time off from it had affected my outlook on the subject.

Surprisingly, I realized that I felt just as confident with no make-up as I did with it! I had set out on a mission this Lenten season and this new realization meant that I had succeeded in that mission.

So there were tough days and easy days, but overall, I came out victorious. I can now say that I feel truly beautiful without all the nonsense on my face.

It has come to my attention that beauty is so much more than superficial and insubstantial looks. Sure, it's nice to be made up! I agree! And you will surely see me around with make-up on and all that jazz. But the make-up is not what makes us beautiful, ladies. What is truly alluring is your genuine smile or your lively laugh. Beauty comes from a greater depth than whether or not you put too much eye shadow on. Yes, beauty can be defined and is defined as what is pleasing to the eye. And I agree. One should take care of themselves and keep themselves up. Someone who "let's himself go" is not as approachable as someone who hasn't.

Look, I believe in hygiene and grooming. For. Sure.

However, that is only one definition and interpretation of beauty.

Someone who is very attractive but is not very loving might not be defined as someone who is beautiful. Perhaps they are just pretty or handsome. But not beautiful.

Why? Because the term "beautiful" should be reserved. That's my opinion, anyway. After Lent this year, I have a special place in my heart for the word. It means a lot to me as you can probably tell.

Society says skinny is correct. Society pushes make-up and anti-aging remedies. Society says old is wrong. Society says fake is right. Society sits on a throne of lies.

A middle-aged woman who was blessed with curves, who loves to laugh and sing, and who cares about the people around her is a BEAUTIFUL woman. And you would agree.

I beg you not to believe what the television and those darn magazines tell you. They do not know. Beauty is not a thin, washed out lady with ten pounds of make-up.

You are beauty. You are. The work that God did when he created you is beauty in itself. You may say you need more make-up and you need to lose some ungodly amount of weight and whatever else you might feel like you need to do to yourself. But saying that is practically slapping our Father in the face. What He did is a work of art and is beautiful.

You heard me, right? You. Are. Beautiful. Hey, do you want to be the one to stand up to Him and say, "What You did isn't good enough. I can make it better than You can." Didn't think so.

I would challenge you to not wear make up for a few days. See how it affects you and where you are in terms of comfort in your natural beauty. You will be amazed at the things you discover!

Anyway, I've ranted and talked in circles enough to you, my darlings! Happy Easter!

Makes Me Think

2010-03-28T19:17:00.003-05:00

I visit this website called Makes Me Think frequently. I've posted about it from time to time on here.

This week they had an entry that really melted my heart.

Today, as he rested peacefully in his hospice bed, my grandfather turned to my grandmother, smiled from ear to ear and said, "Honey, growing old with you has been a privilege." MMT

*dies*

I wish that for everyone. Married life, religious life, single consecrated life. Every single one of you guys.

Oh, how wonderful it will be to be able to say that one day, right?!

Plus, I just like elderly people...

A Few Good Men

2010-03-25T12:15:00.010-05:00

There are two men in my life that I have become very close to.

They are loving, patient, affectionate, strong, and everything else that is good. When I'm not with them, I miss them very much. When I am with them, it's as if the harmony of the earth has been restored. Life makes sense again.

These men are good. And they care about me. I am told that when I'm not there, they miss me, too. We care about each other.

How could a girl be so lucky? What did I do to deserve such great men?

Okay, enough with the suspense, right?

Who are these guys, you ask?

Well...they are my two....

adorable.....

boys!!!

What? Is that weird? Who'd you think I meant?

Anyway, I may have been a little over dramatic... But I came home for the day to attend my brother's Confirmation, and I'm just really happy to see my boys for a little while. That's all.

Catastrophic Events of Today

2010-03-24T14:05:00.005-05:00

I work Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at the restaurant. After having been there for about three months now, I've started to notice patterns in people.

Every Monday, this guy comes in who looks a little older than me. He is always wearing a polo, and he always sits at the sushi bar. When he leaves, he always grabs a dum-dum from my hostess stand and says thanks and goodbye on his way out.

Every Wednesday, this man and his son who also looks a little older than me come in. They either sit at table 7 if it's open or at the two end spots at the sushi bar if they are open. They look alike and every time I pass them they are talking about money, business, the economy, or something like that. They also tell me thanks and goodbye on their way out.

Every Friday, we have an influx of people from 11:15-1:00. It's always really busy or just remains at a steady pace. Either way, I don't stop moving until 1:30 rolls around. Sometimes, we're busy all the way to 2:30.

You get the picture.

Anyway, one thing I can always count on is the Tiger Weekly on Wednesdays.

Every Wednesday, someone from Tiger Weekly comes and leaves a stack on the waiting seat by the door. I can always count that when I walk in to work every Wednesday morning, the latest issues of that paper will be sitting patiently waiting for me.

Wednesday lunches aren't ever freakishly busy so I always have time to read through the issue. My favorite part of the Tiger Weekly is the Sudoku and crossword puzzles. Every Wednesday I take a paper back to my stand, read through the articles, and then take out the puzzles page. For the Sudoku section, they have an easy puzzle and a hard puzzle. Usually, I do the easy one first. You know...to get my ego up so that I can tackle the hard one. Then I move on to the two crosswords.

Today...the most terrible thing happened.

I read through the issue like usual, and then I attempted the easy Sudoku. Except, today, the easy Sudoku wasn't easy at all! It was actually quite difficult. So I checked the hard puzzle because if I couldn't even start the easy, the hard one must be impossible, right? Well, to my surprise, the hard puzzle was exactly the same as the easy. They. misprinted. my. puzzles.

My entire day has been thrown out of whack.

I may not sleep tonight.

Tough Love

2010-03-22T16:46:00.005-05:00

There has been something legitimately bothering me lately and I want to talk to you about it. Because I like to tell you what's on my heart. Because I feel like you and I are on that level.

It's because I like you. A lot.

If our paths cross soon, I'd like you to tell me if you agree or disagree with what I say in this post. Okay?

So I've noticed a certain habit among a surprisingly large number of people I have encountered in the past few months. I find this tendency in myself, as well, so keep in mind that I am equally at fault.

I'm talking about the exceedingly irritating habit of playing the victim.

Yeah...that.

You know what I'm referring to, right? I'm talking about the "poor me" type, the "self-pitying" type, and the like. It's terrible!!

Since when does everyone prefer to play the victim over the hero?! I call this the "victim personality." People with this type of nature find themselves as the victim of most situations that they are in. Think really long and hard if this has ever been you. I'm going to be completely honest with you right now. Because remember? You and I are tight. I have totally played the victim card a time or two. It's because I'm human and I'm SUPER flawed.

I am not sure why I have done this. I'm not sure why others do it. Is it because we want that affection and attention? Is it because we just don't want to get up and conquer a situation on our own? Maybe we're scared to do it alone? I mean, what is it?

It usually doesn't start off with someone just immediately assuming the role of the sufferer. Usually something truly painful happens and they are seriously hurt. However, time goes on but they don't move forward. They kind of just hang back at the pity party they have thrown themselves. Have you ever attended a pity party you've thrown for yourself? Well, if not, take my word on it that it is awful not only for you but for everyone you invited.

From here comes those of us who then adopt the lifelong, self-proclaimed label as the victim. I'm telling you right now. That is a serious problem. A problem I would even venture to call toxic for our generation and the future generations that will follow.

I say enough is enough.

Yes, most of us have been hurt in our lifetime. No matter how big or small the events are that leave us in pain, they are important to us, nonetheless. Something that happened to someone else that may seem pretty minuscule to you and me may have been truly traumatizing to them. We can never know how heavy each other's crosses are.

I completely agree in saying that grief is vital in healing. If you want to cry; I say cry. If you want to scream; I say scream. Get it out. Be upset. Mourn. Giving up the role of survivor is important on the journey to healing. However, there is a point after this stage is finished where we need to stand up, look our problems in the face, and take them down.

We are not victims. We need to stop acting like the victims. As sons and daughters of God Almighty, we are warriors and we are survivors.

Bad things have happened to me, too, okay? I have been hurt and there are battles I am still struggling with. But I am no victim. I'm working on it because I am a fighter and so I will fight.

We are heroes, people. We are strong.

Whether it's self-esteem issues, a heartbreaking event, or some internal struggle, we need to start moving forward. Let's ditch the pity parties. Let's wipe away our tears.

I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself and, frankly, I'm sick of the people who feel sorry for themselves from problems and situations that have happened years ago.

Let's deal with them already! Sure, it's not going to be effortless. And no, it isn't as simple as just getting over it. But it is as easy as trying and taking that first step to freedom.

This is just me giving some tough love to the people I love. I hate seeing your heart broken. I hate having to sit back and watch you fight a battle I can't help you with. In many cases, the only things that can heal you from your pain is yourself and Christ. There is nothing I can do when you are being called to be your own hero.

One more thought. Sorry, I know this is getting long and if you've made it this far, you're a saint.

Please do not misunderstand what I'm saying. When I say stand up and move forward, I don't mean alone. We need each other. I need someone to lean on and so do you. If we all help each other carry our crosses, we could get through virtually anything. Our relationships with each other are extremely important. I can't stress that enough.

So that's my rant. Let's stand up and do this. Who's with me?!

Sushi Break-Ups

2010-03-08T16:50:00.002-06:00

If you haven't gathered this already, I'm an extremely awkward being.

Awkward things happen to me. I just wake up in awkward situations. I live in them. It's my thing.

I trip over my words, I am given weird looks for acting like a dinosaur in Wal-Mart, I get laughed at by my pastor for doing a ridiculous dance in the copy room, and I text my friends things like, "My feet shrunk."

If there is an unfortunate series of events happening at any given moment, I can betcha they have crossed my path one way or another.

If you didn't know this, I am a hostess at a sushi restaurant by my apartment. The other day, a very distraught woman and her beau walked in for lunch. I sat them at a two-seater table right by the end of the sushi bar which is where I bag all of the take-out orders that come through.

The woman was visibly upset when she first came in and only looked worse as they sat there. I was trying hard not to to hear what they were saying, but from what I could tell, the conversation between the two was SUPER tense.

As time went on, the conversation started getting a little louder.

"This doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing, John," the woman said, "Man up!!"

She kept saying, "Why are you doing this?!"

Louder and louder...

Only two other tables were seated at this time and they were on the other side of the room. The entire time this was happening, I had to keep going and standing next to them to bag orders. The man kept looking at me with these pleading eyes. I couldn't tell if they were Please-Go-Away gazes or Help-Me pleas. Either way, I kept my distance.

After a little more public commotion, they sat in silence and finished their meal.

My guess is it was some sort of break-up deal. I'm not sure.

So my question is did this man bring her to a sushi restaurant just to kick her to the curb? He may have ruined sushi for her forever...

The whole situation was extremely upsetting and awkward. I was not very graceful as I hovered next to them trying to pack orders as quickly as I could. Soy sauce packets dropped to the floor, my hip slammed into a chair as I was walking away, and I even interrupted their exchange to apologize for slamming a cabinet door...

Why, oh why do I find myself in these situations so often?

Confessions of a Nasal Decongestant-holic

2010-03-02T16:43:00.010-06:00

I've been fighting a runny nose for about two weeks now. I had tried Zicam, Mucinex D, various nasal sprays (ew), etc. but nothing seemed to work. My nose continued to run even when I thought it couldn't possibly have anything left to give. Somehow it always did though, and it never ever stopped. That is, until one fateful day when #2 gave me a Sudafed 12 Hour nasal decongestant. Homegirl. Hooked. Me. Up.

That powerful little baby cleared up everything. I could breathe through the night, I could breathe during the day, and I could...get this...smell things again. It was magical.

I was healed.

However, there is this one minor little side effect of the pill. I'll just come right out and say it. Sudafed makes me weird. Really weird. As in, weirder than I usually am. It's extremely unfortunate. On the box it lists its side effects and among them are dizziness and restlessness. Yeah, about that...

While on it, I do weird things like text JaseFace messages like, "I think my feet shrunk," I laugh a lot, I buy songs on my iTunes account like Apolkalypse Now by Polkastra, and I babble.

So the question is do I just deal with my runny nose for the sake of propriety or do I forget dignity all together and take the darn pill so I can breathe?

I chose the latter. I like it when I can breathe.

There is ALWAYS a catch with medicine, I find. It'll fix that one problem you're having, but then you'll have a new problem.

I work in a church office two nights a week. Tonight, while at work, I was making a copies for a lovely lady who was running a class in one of the conference rooms upstairs.

(Side note: There is this song that's been stuck in my head for a week now called "King of Glory". Stephen Colbert does an amazing dance to it in this video.)

I took a Sudafed before I came to work because my nose has been crazy runny all day. So I was in the copy room making copies. I was getting fidgety so I started singing "King of Glory" and doing Colbert's dance. I was about 75% through the song when in walks the pastor a.k.a. my boss. He just stared at me, smiled, and shook his head. This may be my last night working here.

I could blame it on the medicine, or maybe I'm just like this all the time.

Maybe I'll just get a jumbo pack of tissues for tomorrow.

Schönheit und Anmut

2010-02-22T13:43:00.009-06:00

We aren't even a week into Lent and I already have a lot to say about my Lenten sacrifice.

Honestly, I can't even call it a sacrifice. What I'm gaining is far more than what I have given up.

Let me start off with what I've been struggling with. First of all, I have never felt more vulnerable than I do now. Wearing make-up gives a lot of women a confidence about them. I know that all of you - male or female - can agree that when you look good, you feel good, thus, bringing on a confident stride. Am I right?

Anyway, so when you don't feel very pretty or very "put together", you lose a little of that confidence and gain a little vulnerability. Or maybe that's just what has been happening to me. I can't be sure.

I firmly believe that any human's biggest fear is to not be enough. We're scared of being inadequate. I'm petrified. We're scared we won't be pretty enough, handsome enough, feminine enough, masculine enough, smart enough, strong enough, healthy enough, and so on. For who are we scared we won't be enough for? Mankind, maybe? The opposite sex? Our family and friends? I'm sure it's different with each person. The answer may not even be very important.

So, yeah, I feel like I'm out on this limb asking to be seen past my make-up and into my heart. I'm asking myself to believe that beauty is not skin-deep. I'm learning that the depth of beauty is so vast that to define it as simply your outward appearance would be a lie.

Now here I am. Mascara-less. Blush-less. Concealer-less. It's EXTREMELY humbling but EXTREMELY empowering.

Like I said before, I'm gaining so much from this it's crazy. My friends have really helped me these past few days. My guy friends have just blown me away with their strength for me in my time of mental weakness. My sisters have been such examples of beauty that one can't help but thank the heavens for their smiles.

I know I said I've never felt more vulnerable during this time, but I've also never felt more beautiful in my whole life.

I'm not only doing this for myself. I'm doing this so I can learn more about beauty so that I might be able to help my sisters! In society today, we've lost the truth of what it means to be beautiful. Is it that our grandparents just forgot to tell us that secret? Why didn't they tell their children? How and when did it get lost in the transition of generations? I've learned what I know from Mary and you can bet your life I'll be sharing this little secret with my sons and daughters.

I am a child of God. Beauty was instilled in me from day one. By shining a light on myself and being seen, I can encourage others to do the same. I want you to know how beautiful you are. When I have been going to mass lately, I've been envisioning myself standing in front of Christ as His bride. That may seem a little out of our comfort zones. Trust me, it was weird at first. But it's helped me to believe that maybe I am beautiful because I am the bride of the Holy Father. I am His heart and He is mine.

Beauty shouldn't be kept hidden, my hearts. Could you help me tell the world about it? Let's not keep this a secret anymore, okay?

Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T19:33:00.006-06:00

I love Valentine's Day.

I'm so aware that that could be seen as weird especially coming from a single lady such as myself. But the day is just a super amazing excuse to tell everyone around you how much you really care about them. To me, it's not just about you and your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/etc. It's about loving everyone!! The day is filled with flowers, chocolate, hugs, and kisses! And to be honest with you, I don't really mind the excessive amount of couples you see out and about on this special day! Yes, most of us want what they have. Duh. But to me, they are reminders of how good life is!

Anyway so I have a hand full of friends who do this thing where they take themselves to a movie or out to eat. Basically, take themselves on a date. Get a little "me" time, you could say. I have never done anything like that before. I can't even really tell you the last time I've been alone for more than 50 minutes. So last night I decided I needed a little Kelly time. Get some R & R for once in forever.

A movie on my own sounded like a good idea so I made my way over to the theater. Well...it was the night before Valentine's Day and a new chick flick entitled "Valentine's Day" just came out so I don't really know what I was expecting. But what I got was every couple in the area here at this one theater in line to see the same movie. The couple-iness of the situation didn't bother me as much as the PDA. You may not know this about me, but I despise PDA. So much so that it has taken everything in me not to dedicate an entire blog post just to that topic.

So deep breath...

Needless to say, I didn't stay. Wasn't the right time for a date with myself. Haha..that sounds so lame.

Anyway, I hope you all have had a wonderful V-day!

Lenten Lovin'

2010-02-12T15:13:00.005-06:00

The Lenten season is probably my favorite season of all time. I learn and grow the most during this time so it’s always a total win for me. Also, I love the fact that this season has not been completely commercialized like Christmas or Easter. Well…the whole no meat on Friday thing kind of has but that is really it.

I get extremely hardcore during Lent. I’m all about the three traditional practices; prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. Through these three observances we work on our relationships with God (through prayer), ourselves (through fasting), and our neighbors (through almsgiving).

Currently I’m working on what I want to do as far as prayer goes. I’m thinking about reading the bible each night since my knowledge of scripture is limited. I have an idea of what I want to do as an almsgiving but I rather keep that one to myself. That one is always more personal for me and I have no idea why.

As far as giving something up to help myself grow, I have chosen… Drum roll, please.

*intense drum interlude*

Make-up.

Dun, dun, duuuuuuuun.

Yes. You heard me. Make-up. “Why,” you ask?

Great question! Well, I don’t typically wear and excessive amount of make-up but I do use it every day to cover what I want covered and to accent what I want accented. It’s embarrassing to say, but I believe it has become a bit of a crutch for me. I never leave the apartment without it on. Even though I wash my face every morning and night, my waterproof mascara is very hard to get off. Consequently, I’ve rarely seen myself without one speck of make-up on.

That point brings me to what made me make this decision. During this past winter break, there was a about a four day period where I just stopped putting make-up on. Eventually, the mascara came completely off and I was left with being completely natural. I took one look at myself and immediately went for the mascara and blush. It was in that moment, I realized that that was a problem.

Here I am preaching to all my fellow sisters that they should love themselves and understand that they’re beautiful while I’m over here unsatisfied with myself until I make my face up.

Make-up isn’t a bad thing, mind you. It’s fun to make yourself up! As long as you understand that you are beautiful without all of that nonsense on your face, you’re good to go. I’ve just recently realized that I may not actually be there just yet!

So make-up it is. I’m ashamed to say that I have a feeling it’s going to be a really tough vice to give up, however, I’m confident that I will learn and grow in a big way.

Best of luck on your Lenten promises!!

I'll be sure to let you know how mine goes!