My Dear Daughter... AASTHA ...MY RAY OF HOPE

God's Rose Bud A Bedtime story for a Lifetime.

2020-03-02T01:48:00.000-08:00

Another Bedtime story for you to carry for a lifetime.

God's Rosebud!

This is great...

A new minister was walking with an older, more seasoned minister in the garden one day.

Feeling a bit insecure about what God had for him to do,

he was asking the older preacher for some advice.

The older preacher walked up to a rosebush and handed the young preacher a rosebud and

told him to open it without tearing off any petals.

The young preacher looked in disbelief at the older preacher and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know

the will of God for his life and ministry.

But, because of his great respect for the older preacher, he proceeded to try to unfold the rose,

while keeping every petal intact.

It wasn't long before he realized how impossible this was to do.

Noticing the younger preacher's inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it, the older preacher began to recite the following poem...

"It is only a tiny rosebud,

A flower of God's design;

But, I cannot unfold the petals

With these clumsy hands of mine."

"The secret of unfolding flowers

Is not known to such as I.

GOD opens this flower so easily,

But, in my hands they die."

"If I cannot unfold a rosebud,

This flower of God's design,

Then, how can I have the wisdom

To unfold this life of mine?"

"So, I'll trust in God for leading

Each moment of my day.

I will look to God for guidance

In each step along the way."

"The path that lies before me,

Only my Lord and Savior knows.

I'll trust God to unfold the moments,

Just as He unfolds the rose."

let go.... and let God

unfold your life.

The Aging and the Broken- A lesson well learnt!

2016-05-16T01:16:00.002-07:00

“The Little Boy and the Old Man

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."
Said the old man,"I do that too."
The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."
"I do that too," laughed the little old man.

Said the little boy, "I often cry."

The old man nodded, "So do I.'

"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."

And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.

I know what you mean," said the little old man.” ―

Shel Silverstein

Dear darling Baby,

Today I wanted to share with you another lesson which I learned.- A lesson to our posterity (That is YOU). I am planning to spend your next Birthday here. You see, there is this wonderful Big garden where God's Best people live.

This week our visit was dedicated to another part of our neglected society – The Aged Homeless Women. The visit was staggeringly overwhelming.As we tried locking gazes with 12 wise old pair of eyes , we realized that our gazes fell to the sagging eye bags, drooping lips, and as they rested on the wrinkled old hands, I was gripped with intense sadness. It was like a silent blow, a brutal reminder that these were perhaps the very hands which must have once held the tiny fingers of their children leading them in hope to a better future , soon the selfless act quietly forgotten- when the time came for the tiny hands to pay their dues, as the hands changed roles from the strong to the wrinkled and the tiny young grasp transformed to that of a strong grip of youth.- A stark reminder to all of us about this humanitarian crisis happening all around the world.

When these old wrinkled hands and furrowed brows found no one to hold on to for support, came down the kindred blessed hands of the Lutheran World Service India Trust (an Associate program by the Lutheran World Federation, Dept. for World Service, Geneva.) acting as a ray of hope to this neglected part of our civilization, providing for a safe day-night shelter (sans food) as they strive to stand out and make sure that the most vulnerable group in our society are not left behind as the ambitious young generation surges forward with youthful vigor.

We spent some soul-wrenching quality time breaking bread together (an age-old custom or symbol to wipe out social differences) with the twelve odd aged homeless women (roughly aging between 50-95 years) who were not in a position to work anymore for a living over a cuppa piping hot afternoon tea and cookies, biscuits, and savories as we delved into their past. As the organization, although provides shelter to Forty-Two homeless women ,the rest were out battling to make ends meet for their daily bread.

The main concern as we chatted with each of them as they shared their captivating life-stories ranging from the days of early days of partition of Bengal to the present social evils like separation, domestic abuse and social stigma of being alone, aching joints and failing nerves , was that of the evening supper. They often went to bed early on an empty stomach after the ordeals of back-breaking daily chores, saving morsels for their breakfast and going to bed early lest they suffer from hunger pangs lest they lose the good old night's sleep, another realization slamming headlong into us making us feel so lucky and sheepish at the same time as I pictured the hot piping dinner waiting for me after a hard day at work.I send a silent prayer of gratitude for this unsung abundance in my life.

They are otherwise a happy lot cribbing about who did not share the prasad after a pilgrimage or arguing about the outcome of a soap which they are allowed to watch on a dilapidated television set provided by the society for their entertainment.

The officers were friendly and patient as they shared various views on combating this social evil and on how to sensitize ourselves as responsible citizens, to realize our forgotten empathy towards this sector of the society which was once an important moral lesson taught in every ancient Indian household -cultivating compassion towards the lesser fortunate or the underprivileged. This will start happening only when each one of us can take time to connect with the elders in our life and community—and also realize that what an untapped resource they are with deep pools of incredible wisdom which they are eagerly waiting to share if we are ready to accept them.

This is indeed a lesson You need to learn and Me & Daddy to re-learn about cultivating values like kindness and compassion for a better world around us. So what say Baby about the Birthday Party?? I am sure you will pipe in with your impish "I am in, Mamma!!!"

Much Love as always

Mamma

Oh !!The Lesser Fortunate !!!

2016-04-27T05:27:00.001-07:00

We all know...A man who travels alone ..travels the fastest..My daughter teaches me how to travel together....

Dear Baby,

I still remember the visit I once made to a local school for the underprivileged.The visit was soulfully enriching and humbling as I realized how we take so many things such as education, safe drinking water, good health care and access to nutritious food made available to us for granted. The visit made to the street children of the underprivileged Kolkata served as an Eye Opener for each one of us. The eager cherub faces only added to my grit to make the most of the two and a half hour which we had. Each member of the team pitched in headlong to understand the requirements of this deprived section as we came up with various innovative ideas to contribute towards a better life by providing each child in need with life's essentials.

I have often found that children of this section are happy just to be smiled at and acknowledged unless they are already "hard-core" beggars. It's hard to resist those adorable faces, and not reach out and spoil them a bit

It pulled at our heart's strings as we were greeted with cheerful "Good Afternoons". Yes, they are being taught well with whatever meager means available. It was so endearing and the small gesture so very positive that it made me smile and I found the angelic faces beaming back at me. As they eagerly introduced themselves, we moved on to our next agenda- A simple workshop with the "All colourful play dough" we were surprised with the hidden talents ensconced in these little beings. The energy put in by their tiny hands was immensely infectious. I found that another great tool of friendship was our quintessential mobile or digital camera. Just like you the little ones loved posing for a good photograph , as we all got into a frenzy of flashing and clicking the miniature dolls ,roses , flowers, little deities of Ganesha and Durga offered to us by the little freshly scrubbed beaming faces.

As they are deprived of their rights in health, education and nourishment, children from these backgrounds are considered to be the most suppressed and more likely to be more violent. Governmental support is very limited.

I don't want you to give me your surplus. I want you to give with personal deprivation- Mother Teresa-

The Lesson From Your Dance Class

2016-04-27T04:59:00.001-07:00

Dear Baby,

You must know that you have been such an immense source of joy to many...and we kept in mind to keep you smiling too. I am indebted to a chosen few people and some heart-warming incidents which have brought so much joy and meaning in your life... One of them is your Saturday Dance Class. I pay my heartfelt tribute to them here by this write up which they have decided to put up in your school magazine. Here the lesson we learn is of Gratitude. Being grateful has it returns tenfold. So here we go to say our thanks...

Kalakunja, as name suggests, is the cultural storehouse for budding young artists. With a vision in making a contribution to all forms of performing arts, generating interest among the younger generation towards this rich heritage of India and show casing it to the wider public, Kalakunja, has succeeded in its endeavor of restoring our fading cultural heritage to its original vibrant form.

It has played an integral part in giving shape to my daughter’s interest in cultural arts. As a novice and a student, I have seen her interest in Dance, Drama and Art bloom and grow from her swaying toddler steps to a budding danseuse under the tender and kind guidance of Smt. Arati Malik, the Flag Bearer of the Institute.

The unadorned familial simplicity in handling its large number of students gives Kalakunja the extra edge in creating the feeling of home away from home. The key to this age old charm is felt in the firm but gentle guidance endowed by the ever patient teachers, the cheerful students and the look of immense satisfaction in the eyes of every content parent , a visitor comes across. This Old School aura shows me a doorway to revisit my childhood days every time I stopover to drop my daughter for her classes. Moreover so, the simple heartfelt pleasure on seeing her skip off happily to her lessons as she steps over the school threshold is so gratifying in itself. The energy and earnestness emanating during the practice sessions, where each step is rehearsed till it reaches perfection, each glance corrected, each stroke emboldened and the occasional spells of laughter on some unaccounted misstep just lights up the place like Christmas. The liveliness palpitating through each one of them, the sincere teachers or the eager to please students is so very infectious that one cannot help but in getting involved and become a part of this revitalizing activity. The feeling of belongingness just seems to grow on to you.

The stirring intensity of the backstage activity was simply awe-inspiring as it dawned on to me how much hard work, time and passion must have been involved to give shape to this long awaited concert .The essence of vitality, as I found lay not in one single move or person, but it was an effervescent concoction of enthusiastic teachers and sincere staff as they dressed up the vivacious little artists, the last minute fine tunings by the veterans for a even more superior presentation, the urgent cry for extra lighting and sounds, some sporadic plea for a bolder make-up, the animated shouts of encouragement, not to overlook the quintessential throws of tantrum from a high-strung little Krishna and finally the vibrant performance by the fervent students proudly flaunting their acquired skills, was simply heartwarming . As we cheered ourselves hoarse applauding both staff and students alike, the breathtaking Concert smoothly rolled on to become a Stupendous Mind-blowing Success.

I wish you all many more such successes and thank all of you from the bottom of my heart in creating such a refreshing nook for our little ones to bloom and blossom as they march along the corridors of our rich cultural heritage thriving vibrantly in this jungle of grey city concrete.

Ivy Banerjee

(An ever indebted parent)

A Cash Plan for You

2012-07-06T22:47:00.000-07:00

Thanx Denise Schipani for your invaluable comments on savings by kids. I have tried to instill similar behavior with my daughter too . So here goes another letter to you.

My darling Minx of a daughter,

After all, I myself never got an allowance. My parents taught me the value of money; they just didn’t do it by actually giving me any. The Ground Rules below do ring a familiar bell. I hope all parents follow the same to contribute a much much responsible future generation.

Treat cash with care. You have a way of treating money like a toy—hiding it, stuffing it into weird places. I’ll make sure you have a safe place to keep your cash, and help keep track of it.

Save some. Allowance shouldn’t just be for spending. I did set up system like different piggy banks to help save up for the things that you really want and spend a part of it for the lesser fortunate thereby inculcating a responsible behavior towards the poor and elderly. The better half goes into your account which I have opened in your name with the local bank. And yes I see you are so proud of the system when you flaunt the Bank pass book to your Nanu n Nani and thereby securing a pat on the back (double interest).

Act the part. I refuse to “pay” you for chores (we all help out because we all live here). But if you are mature enough to manage an allowance, then I guess you are also mature enough to empty the garbage, put your laundry into the washing machine, do the bed and clear your study table of any chaos which you do with a lot of coaxing and cajoling but I am sure you will pick up the habit soon as a fish takes to water (smiles).

Maybe this allowance thing isn’t such a bad idea after all (winks).

Warm Blessings

Mom

2012-01-10T23:50:00.000-08:00

We all know...A man who travels alone ..travels the fastest..My daughter teaches me how to travel together.

We can't begin to tell you
Just how loved you are
We can't believe how time has flown
And how you've come so far

Forgive me when I stop and stare
And tears fall from my eyes
Time flew by so quickly
Sure took me by surprise

We asked you to stay little
To always be our baby
You said, "I'll try to if I can,
but, I'll have to grow up...maybe."

Now here you stand before us
A respectful, honest lady
Strong-willed and determined
Who always says, "I can"

We flip though all your notes and cards
And pictures that you drew
Recall your quips and humor
‘Unique', and loving my baby that's you!

There are no doubts within our minds
That you'll indeed succeed
Your future holds so much in store
But ‘that smile' is all you need

You've always been so gentle,
So loving, kind and giving
Having you as a daughter
Is another term for ‘living'

No matter where life leads you
No matter what you do
We'll always be your biggest fans And we'll be here for you....

2011-11-25T20:25:00.001-08:00

We all know...A man who travels alone ..travels the fastest..My daughter teaches me how to travel together....

At first you moved,
only a little.
I could always find you,
right in the middle.
As time went on,
you really started to grow.
It wasn't a whole lot,
in fact, it was rather slow.
Before I knew it,
you were all over the place.
It kind of felt like,
you were running a race.
People would ask me,
if, you were a boy or a girl.
I would sit and wonder,
if, you would have curls.
There are so many things,
I really want to know.
But, you are hidden inside,
so the answers don't show.
How much will you weigh?
How tall will you be?
What color is your hair?
Will you even like me?
I hope and pray,
you feel like you belong.
I never want you to feel,
like you are alone.
Your Dad and I,
planned you from the start.
You, my dear child,
were made straight from our hearts.
In about a week or so,
I'll meet you, for the first time.
For you are the product,
of your Dad's love and mine.
There will be no one like you,
not any place in the world.
It really doesn't matter,
if you are a boy or a girl.
We are both so happy,
that you even exist.
The gender doesn't matter.
you'll be hard to resist.
I hope I make you proud,
that I am your mother everyday.
Because, you have filled my dreams,
in more ways, than words can say.
It won't be long before,
I can look you in the eyes.
I can feel the excitement growing,
I know I'm going to cry.
Don't worry my angel,
those tears will be of joy.
It won't matter to me,
if you are a girl or a boy

And some more...

2011-11-15T21:52:00.000-08:00

We all know...A man who travels alone ..travels the fastest..My daughter teaches me how to travel together....

With Family

2011-11-15T21:50:00.000-08:00

We all know...A man who travels alone ..travels the fastest..My daughter teaches me how to travel together....

A Story about a Child...

2011-09-21T23:09:00.000-07:00

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small 'n helpless?"

"Your angel will be waiting for you 'n will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing 'n smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you 'n will also smile for you. 'n you will feel your angel's love 'n be very happy."

Again the child asked, "'n how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful 'n sweet words you will ever hear,'n with much patience 'n care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"'n what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together 'n will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me 'n will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard 'n the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

"You will simply call her, 'Mom.'"

My Wild Cat...

2011-08-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

The Learner

All Ready For the Hunt :)

I am Ready to feast on it now Momma!!!

:))))

Posing

Sated and Happy after The Hunt

Am Angry !!!

Very Angy u see!!

Aaarghhh!!

I lost my tooth!!!

We all know...A man who travels alone ..travels the fastest..My daughter teaches me how to travel together....

2011-07-18T00:31:00.000-07:00

We all know...A man who travels alone ..travels the fastest..My daughter teaches me how to travel together....

2011-07-18T00:16:00.000-07:00

We all know...A man who travels alone ..travels the fastest..My daughter teaches me how to travel together....

My Dear Daughter...

2011-07-06T00:01:00.001-07:00

When you were born you filled my heart with pride,
And I was overcome by the joy I felt inside.
As I held you in my arms that very first day,
I knew I would never let any harm come your way.
With your tiny little hands and tiny little feet,
Everytime I look at you my heart skips a beat.
As I watch you sleep in the middle of the night,
I hope and pray I will do everything right.
I know I may make some mistakes along the way,
But I promise to do my best not to every single day.
I often wonder what you will grow up to be,
But whatever you become will be fine with me.
So whatever you may decide to do in your life,
Maybe an astronaut, a lawyer, or even a doctor's wife.
I can say this without any doubt at all,
I will always be there to catch you if you fall.

My Baby My Haven...

2011-07-01T01:28:00.001-07:00

A wee bit of heaven,
Drifted down from above.
A handful of happiness
A heart full of love.

The mystery of life,
So sacred and sweet.
The giver of joy,
So deep and complete.

Precious and priceless,
So loveable to.
The world's sweetest miracle,That would be you..

Can I Carry You?

2011-05-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

We all know...A man who travels alone ..travels the fastest..My daughter teaches me how to travel together....

I wish that I can hold you so

one more time before you grow.
And tell you that I love you
so that you will always know.
Please let me make your hair again.
One day you'll be on your own.
And when you think back to this time
I hope it's love I've shown.
Can I help you put your coat on?
Can I please cut up your meat?
Can I pull you in the wagon?
Can I pick you out a treat?
One day you might just care for me,
so let me care for you.
I want to be a part
of every little thing you do.
Tonight could I please wash your hair?
Can I put toys in the bath?
Can I help you count your small ten toes
before I teach you math?
Before you join a baseball team
can I pitch you one more ball?
And one more time can I stand near
to make sure you don't fall?
Let's take another space-ship ride
Up to the Planet Zoor.
Before our Cardboard Rocket
doesn't fit us anymore.
Please let me help you up the hill.
while you're still too small to climb.
And let me read you stories
while you're young and have the time.
I know the day will come
when you will do these things alone.
Will you recall the shoulder rides
and all the balls we've thrown?
I want you to grow stronger
than your Dad could ever be.
And when you find success
there will be no soul more proud than me.
So will you let me carry you?
One day you'll walk alone.
I cannot bear to miss one day
from now until you've grown.

An Ode to My Guiding Angel

2011-05-03T01:57:00.000-07:00

A prayer for you dear
Asking God up above
To bless you today
With a heart full of love
Praying that he sends an angel
To walk at your side
matching your pace
Guiding your every stride
A prayer today that the Sun
Warms your face
Wherever you wander, Whatever the place
That birds sing sweetly
uplifting your heart
with Nature yet blessing
all she`ll impart
A prayer asking a rainbow
with its beautiful hue
May it lend you its radiance
Blessing you through
A prayer for no reason
But simply to bless
Making every day special for you!!!
Luv Momma

In Your Heart

2011-04-28T03:21:00.000-07:00

She was so proud of her little girl

It was her very first day of school
She walked with her to school that day
And she held her hand all the way
They walked together quiet and sad...

When up the lane came her loving dad
Then into the school her father led
And he almost cried when she said
Daddy, Daddy please don't go
Don't leave me here all alone
I'll miss you if you go away
And I might need you, can't you stay
Little Daughter please don't cry
You'll be okay so dry your eyes
You have our memories in your heart
We're together though we're apart

He sat up front on her wedding day
And cried as his daughter walked away
Later that night he watched her dance
He sat there waiting for his chance
The band started to play their song
Father and daughter danced along
She looked at him and saw a tear
Then leaned and whispered in his ear
Daddy, Daddy I have to go
I hate to leave you all alone
I'll miss you when I go away
But if you need me then I'll stay
Little Daughter I'll be just fine
I'll love you always you are mine
I have our memories in my heart
We're together though we're apart

She came in his room and kissed his head
Then sat next to his hospital bed
He took her hand and held it tight
And wished he had the strength to fight
They sat together quiet and sad
A daughter and her dying dad
He saw the tears she tried to hide
She looked at him and then she cried
Daddy, Daddy please don't go
Don't leave me here all alone
I'll miss you when you go away
I still need you, you have to stay
Little Daughter I love you so
I want to stay but have to go
I'll always be here in your heart
We're together though we're apart

I am The Boss...

2011-04-26T00:38:00.001-07:00

Some kids are just built to butt heads with their parents. Call it stubborn or strong-willed or whatever you like. If you're living with one of these guys, you know that straightforward methods of getting them to follow directions or behave often don't work. They want to be in charge. But, of course, so do you!

Instead of resorting to the usual verbal combat (aka yelling or pleading), try my so-called sneaky or judo parenting strategies instead.

Being sneaky doesn't have to mean being underhanded or manipulative with your children. Rather, "'sneaky parenting' is actually 'smart parenting,'" explains parenting educator Sharon Silver of Proactive Parenting, in Tucson, AZ, and author of "Stop Reacting and Start Responding". "It means approaching your kids sideways instead of straight on, and using calmness, respect, and creativity to get what you want accomplished."

Rachel Rudman, a mom of two and a pediatric occupational therapist in Cedarhurst, NY, supports this approach. "In my private practice, I constantly recommend what could be referred to as 'sneaky parenting' strategies, and they work for me at home, too," she says.

Her take: It's simply human nature for everyone -- children, too -- to want to be included in decisions about their daily habits. "With many kids who need just a little more control, asking their opinion sometimes and giving them choices often are easy answers to getting them to do what 'we' want," she notes.

Try the following tricks and your child will probably even think it was all her idea!

Chore wars

The power struggle: Your toddler spends half the day pulling toys off the shelf and out of the box, then flits off to another activity when it's time to clean up.

Sneaky strategies

Beat the clock. For the younger set, the best bet is almost always to turn picking up toys into a beat-the-timer game, suggests Malibu, CA, psychotherapist Susan Stiffelman, author of "Parenting Without Power Struggles: Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm and Connected".

Stubborn kids are often intrigued by games and challenges, so see how many toys your child can put away in, say, five minutes. You can push the idea further by keeping a chart and encouraging your child to "beat his best effort," perhaps rewarding him with a sticker or privilege when he does.

Play the "helper" card. Ask him, "Would you like to be my special helper today? You are so good at setting the dinner table, gathering laundry, cleaning the mirror..." so your child feels like pitching in is actually a privilege.

Think positive. Use encouraging, supportive words, rather than threats, to help take the "fight" out of obstinate kids, emphasizes Stiffelman. Instead of saying "We can't go to the park until your toys are put away!" try "As soon as your toys are put away, we get to go to the park!"

If your child replies "But I really wanna go play with Brandon," instead of nagging him about what he has to do to earn that privilege, smile brightly and say "Why yes, you certainly can do that...as soon as all your toys are picked up."

Bath and bedtime battles

2011-04-26T00:37:00.001-07:00

The power struggle: Your child knows that getting out of the bathtub means bedtime is close, so no way is she leaving the water willingly! As for bedtime, she fights it every pajama-clad step of the way. It's becoming a nightly sparring period for your family.

Sneaky strategies

Tune in. Steal a method that stores and movie producers employ all the time -- using music to influence people's moods. Calming tunes subliminally puts Kellie Pease's three children into bedtime mode without her ever saying a word.

Each child has a favorite disc that the Derby, CT, mom pops into a CD player during bath- and storytime to help them wind down. This works especially well with strong-willed kids, who may have a hard time relaxing enough on their own to be ready to go to sleep.

Play the "yes" game. Try this clever strategy from Stiffelman: Ask your child questions that will prompt her to answer "yes" at least three times in a row, such as "Wow, you're having a great time playing with those bath toys, aren't you?" (Yep!) "What about bringing your swimming goggles into the bath with you next time? Would that be fun?" (Hey, yeah, that's a good idea!)

"Does that dinosaur float? Can you show me?" (Sure I can! Just watch this!) The "three yeses" help break down your child's resistance, and she also feels like she's been heard and understood.

Offer options. Gently guide her toward the next step with two choices, such as "Do you want to dry yourself off with the towel or should I help you?" Don't announce that bathtime is over; simply start the process.

Move seamlessly through the getting-ready-for-bed routine, offering two options at a time along the way, such as "Which book should we read before bed -- X or Y?" If your child balks at the choices -- "Neither! I'm not going to bed!" -- respond calmly, "That wasn't one of the choices. Did you want this book or that one?" Repeat calmly as needed.

Stiffelman says stubborn kids hate hearing parents sound like broken records, and they usually give in. If they don't, simply say "Okay, I guess you've chosen not to have a book tonight. Good night, sweetie! We'll try again tomorrow night!" Lights-out. And don't give in, even if your kid puts up a fuss. Sticking to your word practically guarantees you won't have a repeat episode tomorrow night.

Parenting.com: 6 most annoying things kids say

Establish a connection. Before actually moving your kids toward the bedroom, use a technique psychotherapist Susan Stiffelman, of Malibu, CA, calls "Connect Before You Direct." Take a few minutes to sit beside your child and show interest in the game he's playing or TV show he's watching.

Ask a few well-placed questions or say something supportive like "I can see why you like this show -- it's really funny!" When kids feel connected to you, they're much more likely to do what you ask next, says Stiffelman, the author of "Parenting Without Power Struggles: Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm, and Connected".

Negotiate a new bedtime. Bigger kids' sleep habits are starting to change as they head toward tweendom. If you prefer your child be in bed with the lights out at 8:30 p.m., but he swears he's not tired until 9 p.m., strike a deal that he must be in his room and quiet -- not coming out repeatedly to bug you -- at 8:30.

Then he can stay up and read or play quietly, and you'll trust him to put himself into bed when 9 p.m. rolls around. Strong-willed kids see this kind of deal as a "win" on their part because it gives them an added measure of independence.

But be clear that if your child breaks the deal -- by being loud, coming out of his room, or ignoring the new curfew -- you'll go back to the earlier lights-out time

Dinnertime dynamics

2011-04-26T00:36:00.001-07:00

The power struggle: Your child refuses all veggies, eats only white foods, or insists he isn't hungry at all. You fear he'll starve, and you resent his attitude after you've worked so hard to prepare the meal.

Sneaky strategies

Start small. Give picky eaters very small portions of everything you're serving, then let them choose what they want to eat, if anything, recommends child-development and behavior specialist Betsy Brown Braun, the Pacific Palisades, CA, author of "You're Not the Boss of Me: Brat-Proofing Your 4- to 12-Year-Old Child".

The critical key to your sneakiness: Don't say a word about the food. No pushing your child to try just a bite. "Talk about your day, the weather, anything other than food, since that's what picky eaters are waiting for -- a chance to fight with you," says Brown Braun.

Dish up a dessert. If you know your child is just biding his time until he gets his end-of-the-meal treat, don't deny him, but do make sure it's super small, like one chocolate kiss or a vanilla-wafer cookie, Brown Braun says. You can even put it on the plate with dinner so your child knows that's all he's going to get.

That way, there's no more bargaining with your child to eat "real food" in return for sweets. He gets dessert no matter what, and you won't feel like you're caving in, because the treat is so small and unexciting. Plus, there's no way that little dessert will fill your child up.

If he's still hungry -- and he will be -- he'll have to go back to his entrée and the accompanying veggies!

Keep your cool. Have one unchanging food alternative your child can make himself if he doesn't want what you're serving. It should be easy, nutritious, something you always have on hand, and not require cooking.

Think beans, yogurt, hummus, or even the good old PB&J sandwich, suggests child and family therapist (and mom of three kids) Wendy Young of Newberry, MI. "Even three-year-olds can smear peanut butter on bread, and it's important for stubborn kids to be in charge of the alternate food," she says.

After a few meals of this, most kids will weary of preparing (and eating) their alternate food and give in to what you're serving. If your child decides to eat nothing at all, Young suggests supporting his decision and calmly acknowledging, "No problem. You can have a big breakfast tomorrow."

Really headstrong kids can carry on this act for a long time, however, so be prepared. The most important thing here is to keep calm and not have an emotional reaction. Encouraging, but never forcing, your child to eat a variety of foods should be the main objective.

Keep in mind, too, that tastes change over time, so what a child refuses to eat today may actually be well-liked in several months

Wardrobe willfulness

2011-04-26T00:35:00.000-07:00

The power struggle: Your little fashionista pushes to wear clothes that you think look silly or are inappropriate for the weather, not to mention continually changing outfits in the time-pressed morning.

Sneaky strategies

Clean out the closet. First off, having too many clothes adds fuel to the fire here. If your child's closet is bulging, parenting educator Sharon Silver suggests rotating an assortment of clothes every few weeks (move the extras into bins out of sight) or simply putting away out-of-season items.

If there's anything in your child's closet that you consider inappropriate (too-tight pants, ripped or stained shirts, fuzzy boots in summer), you're the parent: Remove them. Argument over.

Pick your battles. Every evening before bed, narrow down your child's clothing options to two or three ensembles from which she can choose for the next day. But remember: Allowing your kid to make the final decision is still important. "Like adults, kids feel more comfortable all day long if they are wearing clothes that feel and fit them right for that particular day," says Silver.

Another sneaky secret: laying out the complete outfit the night before, to head off manic morning battles.

Ignore the weather. As for the coat conundrum, "Just let it go," says Silver. If your child doesn't want to wear a jacket, "Stay quiet, then listen for the chattering teeth in the backseat or while you're walking," she says.

You could also let your kid either carry it or put it in her backpack just in case (again, two choices you're fine with). Sneaky parents let strong-willed kids learn the value of outerwear on their own, because that's usually how they learn best.
We all know...A man who travels alone ..travels the fastest..My daughter teaches me how to travel together....

Homework hassles

2011-04-26T00:33:00.001-07:00

The power struggle: Your child constantly whines for your help when you know she's capable of doing homework herself, or is still finishing up assignments when it's bedtime.

Sneaky strategies

Break it down. First, consider that your child's stubbornness or whining may actually be a sign that she's overwhelmed by her schoolwork or has trouble focusing. If that's the case, try breaking down her tasks into smaller increments (two math problems, three spelling words written out, etc.) and letting her jump up and down or run laps around the room as a break before she goes back for more work.

Use the timer approach for tough cases: Your child works for ten minutes, takes a one- to two-minute break, then works for another ten minutes. Most kids can do almost anything for just ten minutes at a stretch!

Do a disappearing act.

2011-04-26T00:32:00.000-07:00

Make it fun. Could your son do his required reading in a tent you make with a table and a sheet? By flashlight in a dark room? Could your child practice her spelling while bouncing a ball or jumping rope (as the main character did in the movie "Akeelah and the Bee")? Give it a shot.

If you're confident your child really can handle things on her own, purposely move to a different part of the house while she does her homework, suggests Brown Braun. Make it a rule that she must come to you if she has any questions, not vice versa.

Of course, you'll want to check in with her about halfway through and at the end to be sure she's on track. But if your student has to climb a flight of stairs to ask for help or lug a heavy textbook to you, she may learn to take a minute to think on her own before she seeks you out.

2011-04-23T03:41:00.001-07:00

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