Letters To Pushkin | Letters Shared by Others

A letter to Mabel

2012-02-01T14:10:26Z

With heavy hearts we said goodbye to you in October of last year nearly 4 years after you beagled into our lives on a Christmas day. We knew your were an elderly girl at the time, but you were very hardy and really did great until the last month or so of your life. You were my first beagle but won't be my last. I know know why my husband is so in love with the breed. You were the most affectionate, funny and LOUD dog I have ever met. All that in a 20lb old lady. I miss you hustling up to me and heaving a big sigh as you sat down in front of me and demanded your petting time. We spent lots of nights on the couch together. Knowing you taught me about being happy to be alive, about relishing a good smell (not necessarily a pleasant one), about loving the winter sun and the airconditioning on a hot summer day. When we arrived at a park for a walk, everybody could hear you as you barked and carried on while we unloaded all the dogs from the car. Bunnies and squirrels were wise to take notice. I loved the way you greeted every meal with such enthusiasm that you would bark with joy, lifting your front feet off the ground and making your ears blow back! We planted your ashes under a new red maple in the back yard and I greet your tree every morning. I am finally writing this today to honor the anniversary of Pushkin's passing. I hope you are both making noise and running the show where ever you are now.

A letter to Sierra

2012-01-25T03:09:38Z

It’s been three weeks since I made the hardest decision of my life, the decision to let you go. I still struggle with whether or not it was too soon. Should I have waited one more day? I wanted you to be with me forever.

I’m sorry I did not educate myself sooner or find resources sooner to help me with your renal disease. I hope you can forgive me. I don’t know how I missed the warning signs. And then you just progressed so quickly. I know all the work travel and being away from you did not help. And I am so sorry I was not strong enough to say no to the travel until the very end. I am grateful I was able to bring you home and nurse you for the last weeks of your life. I will never forget how you seemed so grateful for everything I did for you. Your tail wagging even when I know you weren’t feeling well.

You have taught me so much over the last 13 years. Stop and look up at the stars, take a deep breath and sigh, it’s ok to rest your head on someone else’s shoulder and take a rest, have patience with children and the elderly, slow down what’s the rush, enjoy your food it’s so good, snow is wonderful to play in, stretch out in the grass on a sunny day it’s good for the soul, the woods are one of the best places to be, listen to the quiet, don’t work so much have some fun, give people a chance you might find a new friend and so much more…..

I promise you I will try to remember all the things you taught me. I’m only human so I hope you will give me a nudge from heaven when I need one.

I think of you and miss you every day. I hope you know how much I loved you and still love you. I miss singing to you in the morning “good morning, good morning, good morning to you” and you my snuggle bunny giving me a grin and kiss. I miss you when I come home to our empty house, no wiggle butt greeting me. I know I told you a million times but it bears repeating, you were the best puppy in the whole wide world and adopting you was the best thing I’ve done in my life!

I’ll love you forever.

A letter to Allie

2012-01-23T22:32:17Z

It was 2 years on January 8th. I still miss you everyday. I find myself thinking about you and the tears just come. I will never get over losing you and I pray that I will see you in Heaven someday. We never had any idea that you had cancer and I am so grateful that I didn't have to watch you suffer with it. I will always hold a special place in my heart just for you. You were there for me through alot of sad times and of course alot of happy times. I miss you being pressed up against me in bed at night so much. I miss those eyes that held so much love in them. I miss your kisses and the way you were always my shadow. I will always love you and I am so grateful for the 10 years we had together. I love you my precious girl.

A letter to Murray

2012-01-21T00:39:46Z

The day I saw you on Petfinder I knew you were meant to be mine. When we went to the shelter and you were gone my heart was broken. But somehow two weeks later you came back and I didn't let you get away this time. My furry Murray cat...the way you ran to the top of the cat tree I thought you would one day tip it over or fall off but you never did. Those few times you decided to venture outside without me knowing scared me to death...thank you for not going far! I miss you purring in my lap and chasing you around trying to get the hair out of your mouth after you groomed yourself. When the vet told me you had a heart defect that only large dogs usually get I was in shock but vowed to do anything we could to make you comfortable. It was hard not knowing when your little heart would give out but you took all your pills like a champ and we had some good quality time a lot longer than they all thought. After we lost your sister Squirty it sure was tough because we could not be there with her. The day your heart finally gave out was tough to see but I am glad I could be with you to help calm you and send you to the bridge from my arms. It was very hard to lose you and Squirty at such a young age but I hope you enjoyed living with us as much as we enjoyed having you in our family.....miss you and love you Murmeister!

A letter to Squirt

2012-01-21T00:23:46Z

I did not even know you were sick. You were such a strong little munchkin girl and never showed any signs. That phone call I got on vacation was awful...to have you be so sick and have to make that decision from so far away. Not being with you at the end was one of the hardest things ever...I hope you know how much I loved you and how much I wanted to be there holding you as you slipped away...to hear me talking to you and be able to see me there with you. The day I met you and you jumped out of the crate into my arms...those short little legs you were the cutest thing ever! I will never figure out how someone could just dump you outside when you were pregnant to fend for yourself...I am so sorry your babies did not make it but I sure am glad they saved you. Not many people had ever seen a munchkin cat and you were a great one! My little biker kitty! The toughest furkid in the house for sure...
I sure do miss you running around the house with those milk rings in your mouth growling like you caught a mouse! Or head bumping me from behind when you wanted some attention as I sat in my chair...
Please find Murray and Riggs and Maiijja and wait for me at the bridge so one day we can be together again....I love you and miss you little Squirtacious....my Low Rider kitty....

A letter to Riggs

2012-01-21T00:05:21Z

We moved into this home and adopted you the same weekend. The house is not the same without you in it. You were my momma's boy and my shadow.... now you are my angel. How I miss playing ball with you and your gorgeous blue eyes. You overcame many fears throughout your life and even became a AKC Canine Good Citizen...I was so proud of you for that. We had fun trying agility and you trusted me so much that you did everything I asked you to try!
I am sorry I could not do more for you and I hope you were not in too much pain toward the end. It was so hard to see you try and play and not be able to...or when you would bark at us because you could no longer go up and down the stairs. But those nights when you could not even find a comfortable way to lay down and sleep I knew it was time to let you go....there will always be doubts about if it was the right time that I will have to live with. But I could not see you suffer and be in pain and it sure wasn't fair to just keep giving you pain killers to delay the inevitable. I am so glad we took you on vacation with us this past summer and had that special time together. That is when I noticed you were having troubles walking but you were strong and still had fun! I am not sure how or when you injured your back but I hope we helped you to be as confortable as we could. Please wait for me at the bridge and find Tamaiijja....Murray....Squirt and all the rest and have fun...chase the volleyball and run without pain. Hopefully those thunderstorms don't scare you as much anymore either...I should have sent your Thundershirt with you....
I am still fostering dogs in your memory and we found a new family member that I am sure you led me to...his name is Ammo and he is very much like you. Loves to play ball...barks like you.... and is a momma's boy...thanks for sending him our way....
Mr. Riggs Rutherford you will always be in my heart and I miss you everyday....love you....

A letter to Baby

2012-01-19T01:05:29Z

October 1994, I called the shelter and you were the first kitten on the list of adoption. You were in foster care and when I came to see you my heart melted and I knew my life would never be the same.
But my worst nightmare has come true and I had to let you go. After 18 years and 4 months by my side your little body could not do it anymore and to make you stay here for me would not be right. You fought cancer like a champ and gave me one more year with you. Letting you go was and will be the hardest thing I will ever do.

You stood with me through every hard day I had. Every night I sat awake, every pain I ever had, every time I thought I could not go on. You were there and gave me a reason to stay. You gave me a reason to live you gave me strength to go on because I knew that I needed to be here for you.

My heart is breaking and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what it is to live without you. Your Kitty sister looks for you. She goes to the bedroom and looks in and waits.

My girls, I called you my girls. My two little girls. I would do anything for one more time to hold you, to tell you how you saved me.

How has 18 years gone by so fast, how are you not in bed waiting to go to sleep. Waiting for me to make your food, waiting for me to cover you when you laid down to sleep.

You made me laugh, you made me smile when I thought I could not, you made me know that I was not alone.

I know I got mad when you hid before we went to the vet or before we got in the car. Or when you got on the rafters when I needed to put you in the bedroom when someone was coming to fix something at home.

But when I cried, you were there and you never left me. You would stay all day and all night. I can never tell you how much I love you. Word will never express how much you mean. I love you. My girl, my Baby, my heart.

A letter to Skye

2012-01-18T02:00:11Z

It has been exactly a year now since you left our family and went to live with Jesus on his great big house in the clouds and we all miss you. I made you a promise that I would write you every year on this day so here is my letter.
We all miss you a lot Skye and wish you were still here with us but anyhow, here are the updates. First of all, Luke got a new kitten! Her name is Lucy-Lou and she is adorable! Keyko loves her as she always is really good with cats, but Tayko hates her! It's really funny because the two of them sit and growl at each other all the time but they never actually get into a fight or anything! Now for some bad news. Luke got sick so he was in the hospital for quite a while but he'll be ok. As for me, I'm back horseback riding so that makes me really happy! Mum and dad really miss you too but dad doesn't want to het another dog since we might be moving to a smaller house and we already have 2 cats and a dog to worry about. Me and mum always talk about what kind of a dog we want to get anyways! Being at camp this summer was really weird without you because for my whole life, you and me always had so much fun together in the summer! I wish I could have done that much with you the rest of the year but daddy would never let you inside. I'm really sorry that you had to live outside, you must have gotten really lonely. Oh well, we have to remember the good times not bad right? You were such a good dog, even when you were bad, and you were the most loyal friend ever, always there when I needed you. And even though you were my dog, you were the best sister of all.

I love you Skye, and I promise, I will always love you. Even when I'm one hundred years old.

Love you always, E.S.

A letter to "Kellie"

2012-01-15T22:24:11Z

Here's your photo that did not publish with my letter to you.

A letter to "Kellie"

2012-01-15T21:46:29Z

When you were 6wks. old I knew something was wrong with your eyes as they did not open all the way as your other 3 siblings.My husband said to go ahead and give you away to someone,but my heart said no.The Dr. said you had a birth defect and would never see in your lifetime,but for 17 wonderful years I had with you,you saw us.You were one Amazing little dog and never seemed to care or know you were different.You brought such joy and Love into our lives with you being here and Hubby nicknamed you "TweetHeart".When you were 4yrs. old I brought home a 6wks. old Pom,who we named and you knew as "Dundee".He was solid white like you and loved you so much.When you left us on 11/29/11 at the Drs. office and we brought you back home to "rest" Dundee still looks and searches for you.He got so bad after 3wks.of us both grieving I had to start paying attention to him,being the age of 13yrs. now ,I was afraid I would lose him too.He's doing a lot better ,but stays close to me.I can't bring myself to move your bed or blanket yet,I just want something of you still here.He gets in it every once in awhile checking your scent,and I still look toward it and can picture you there.I ordered you a beautiful grave marker and it has your picture ,poem,and a big Pink Heart on it,with your Nickname "TweetHeart."I'm trusting God to have a Place for wonderful creatures as you and I saw you in a dream and the sun was shining on you and you turned your head and Looked at me and actually saw me for the first time.I hope that was God's way of telling me He had you and you'll be fine.We'll never forget you My Kellie,and you are resting beside your Moma at the front of the yard where you use to chase squrriels that you could hear and not see.Lord help me when Dundee's time comes as I've turned All my affection to him,and he's become the most precious consoler I have,but I will place him beside you,where he stayed when you were here.You Look for me when my time comes as I will be Looking for you and all the others that's went on before you.For the first time you will be able to SEE me because you already know how much you were Loved and now Missed so badly,it just don't seem the same without you.Play in the Sun,TweetHeart" and we'll All be together again SomeDay,in God I'm Trusting that WILL Happen.Untill then We Love you,and You will Never be "Forgotten". Always in My Heart******Your Human Moma, Barbara & Dundee.

A letter to Lovey

2012-01-03T13:47:55Z

I'm so sorry to be doing this to you. You've been a part of me my entire life and I feel as if I'm betraying one of my closest friends. And right now if I had the choice, he would be the one taken out of the house, not you. You will never understand how important you are to me. You are my first pet. The only pet that is really just mine. I'm sorry this has to happen. I hope you find it in yourself to forgive me, because if you don't, I don't think I could ever forgive myself. I'm so sorry I didn't take care of you better, but I think I did the best I knew how. Even though you hate most people and sometimes didn't really like me, I know we respected each other and I've loved you since the day I brought you home.
My stomach is in knots. I'm not even sure I can go through with this. Its not even my decision but I'm still sick about what I have to do. I mean, you were such an important part of my life. I got you right after my grandmother died. She loved cats and had two of her own. And when she was gone and I felt this emptiness in my heart you really helped me to cope because having a cat was like having a part of her still. And now I feel like I'm losing you both now.
While you were antisocial and didn't seem to like me much during the day, I knew you still did because at night when I would be sitting on the chair or when no one else was home and I'd nap on the couch, you would jump up on my lap or tummy and nestle into me and purr happily when I scratched your head. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything different.

A letter to Boo

2012-01-01T19:25:19Z

You left us so suddenly December 30 2011, after less than two months when you came into my life. My heart and that of your beloved bunny gal Cinnamon are heartbroken. You brought us so much joy at a time when I needed it most. This was my first Christmas alone as I wait for my divorce to become final. I didn't think I would ever smile again, but you made me smile every day. Your blue eyes melted my heart every time I looked into them. When I walked by, I loved how you leapt onto your hind feet, seeking me out, wanting to be petted or held. You were a cuddle bun from the get-go through and through. Most importantly, you made my Cinnamon happy when I feared she never would be happy again, after losing Woodstock, the first love of her life back in July. Please look out for her from where you are. I fear for her. It is hard enough to lose one special being from your life; I can't even imagine losing two, in the space of only a few months.
I will always be grateful for your brief but brilliant and sweet presence in my life. I cry this as I write this; I don't know at this moment how I am going to get over this. I loved you the moment we met. Even before we met, when I saw your photo, I had this feeling you were one very special rabbit. I was right and Cinnamon knew it instinctively too and that is why you bonded so quickly.
Rest in peace, my sweet Boo. I know you knew how much you were loved. I am so glad we could give you a happy loving home for the last few weeks of your life. I am so glad you did not have to die at a rescue or in a home, neglected by those who had had no time for you. And I am so glad you got to know love from another rabbit for the first time in your brief life on this earth.

A letter to Shilo's Evening Rebel

2011-12-18T15:05:40Z

It has been 7 years, 9 months and 17 days since you left us. I still cry for you daily. Although Simon saved my sanity and gave me something to hold on to, you can never be replaced. My grief was so strong I did not want another puppy, but your daddy knew best what I needed...as always. I just want you to know that I eagerly await our reunion, when all of us will be together and whole again. I love your visits in my dreams. I believe I can actually feel your little nose on my ankle as you speak to me...yes, you have a voice in my dreams. I give you the treat you ask for (cheese, of course, your favorite) and then you tell me that you will be back. I am fiercely protective of Simon, as you know. I am so afraid I will lose him as I lost you. Time was too short for you, my Shilo. I will never forget you and I will forever love you. Just remember the last words you heard..."Mommy loves you, Shilo. Mommy loves you."
Always, Shilo, always...Mommy loves you.

A letter to Salem

2011-10-30T23:43:25Z

You had to leave us so fast it feels as if you are still here. I walk around the house and I feel you following me. I know you were a silly smelly dog, but I would give anything to smell your smell in the house again. I find signs of you everywhere. I see your toys, I hear the jingle of your collar, my daughter laughs at something that isn't there. I know you will protect her just as you always did before. Whenever she would cry, you would be there. Just like me. You were there for me whenever I would cry. We went through so many good and bad times together. You got me through it all. I was glad to be there with you near the end. Please help your Grandma. She is taking your passing really hard. We all love you so much. I just want you to be happy. We are keeping your favorite green puppy safe. I know how much you loved it. We miss you so much. It is not the same when we get home. We miss you jumping all over us. You were the best friend I could ever have. Thank you for being there for our family. You were part of our family and you will always be. From the first day I laid eyes on you I knew I loved you. Not just as a dog, but as my furry kid. I will show Quinn all of your pictures, and share all of the wonderful memories of you. Of the Elvis face you would make, how you loved to sniff her face, and how much you loved your girls (Grandma, me, and Quinny). I am letting you go Salem. You will forever be in my heart. I love you Bubba!

A letter to Snowball

2011-10-05T01:09:47+01:00

It's five days and three hours since you passed away in my arms. I miss you so much it hurts physically. You were my sweet, pretty girl - we found you and your puppies when you were roaming the streets more than 11 years ago. We found homes for your pups and you quickly settled in with us - but it took years for you to really relax. We got there, though, and we moved into a wonderful life together - you, your doggie "siblings" Cooper and Foster, myself and Baasje (Dutch for dog-daddy). When you were diagnosed with bone cancer almost six months ago and given two weeks to live we were devastated, but determined to make your last weeks the best possible. You kept surprising us, and we kept taking you new places - Starbucks, Three Dog Bakery, lakes and parks, Washington DC.... we learned you adored traveling as long as it was with us.
You started to decline faster a few weeks ago when you lost your ability to hobble (you could not walk well but hopped on three legs for months) and you could not hold your business anymore. We thought it would compromise your quality of life but you just looked at it as a way to give and receive more love. When we would change your diaper you would lie on your back, smile your beautiful doggie smile, and relish the extra attention and love you were getting. You taught me so much: how to be happy with what life gives you, how to live life in the present, how to be gracious and tender and courageous. You loved to be with us more than anything else. When you stopped eating and drinking last Thursday we realize your poor broken body was shutting down and you were going to suffer unless we helped you across the Rainbow Bridge. We took you to your favorite lake and I spent all afternoon hugging you, singing to you, cuddling you and you - you smiled your amazing smile and were happier than I have ever seen you. The picture with us shows your complete trust and your love with abandon - I cry every time I see it. Baasje and your doctor joined us there and you fell asleep in my arms, secure in our love, reveling till the end in the presence of your Vrouwtje and Baasje. I wanted to run away with you. I wanted to do anything except the horrible decision we had to make. I love you so much, and I miss you every second of every day.
You are and always will be my pretty girl. Please wait for me, I will come find you. Sweet Snowball, your love for us knew no bounds, and our love for you had no limits, either. We will carry on in your memory. We will go on "adventures" with Cooper and Foster, and we will cherish and celebrate your life. And one day we will be reunited. I just don't know how to make it until then.... the world is a darker place now.

A letter to Muzzy

2011-10-05T00:04:00+01:00

it has been a year and a half since you left my side. i just want you to know that i miss you. you were the best dog i could have ever asked for you were taken to soon only 4 years old not nearly enough time with you. just wanted to write this letter and let you know that we think of you everyday gone but never forgotten. love you

A letter to Twoee

2011-09-01T13:35:54+01:00

I really miss you and I am really sorry I wasn't able to be with you when you were dying. I am so sorry we left you in America when we went to live in the UK, and I really wish we could have brought you with us. You would have hated it there. We didn't have a big house there and there was no land for you to roam and protect. Thank you for guarding our house and always greeting me when I came home from school. I miss your loud purring! I miss scratching you under your really soft chin. You were my brother and part of our family. We miss you so much. Our family was torn apart when you died. I miss feeling your claws kneading my legs and arms, and feeling you rub against my legs. I miss petting your soft head. I miss seeing you chase imaginary animals around the yard and up trees. I even miss seeing you catch grasshoppers. It is summer now and you would love the weather. You would be rolling in the red mud on your spot on our hill. I feel guilty because we left you in America and we don't know how you died. I hope you had a peaceful death and are at peace now. You taught me to love animals, especially crazy shelter animals who used to be strays. My dog, Duncan, used to be a stray too. There will never be another cat like you. You were original, and amazing and we loved you so much!

A letter to Lilly

2011-08-27T16:23:28+01:00

I waited a year to write this letter to you. A year ago today I lost the furry love of my life and my world was never the same again. I look back at that day and wondered what I missed, if there was something I could have done to prevent your passing. It was a sunny day and you were lying in a ray of sunlight, I rushed off to see a movie and when I looked back, we looked at each other and then I left. I don’t even remember if I told you that I loved you before going.
When I came home, you were curled up in your little pet bed beside my pillow and I couldn’t understand or process what was going on. Later, I felt so guilty for not being there for you. You were the most important part of my life, you knew when there was something wrong with me and I missed something that took you away from me. You died alone without your mommy in a place that usually brought you comfort when we slept at night.
As I took your little body to the animal hospital I just kept thinking of how much I would miss you. While the hospital took all of my information to process your cremation, I held on to you and buried my face in your fur, trying to breathe in your scent and remember it. When it was time to let you go, I couldn’t. I just sat there holding you.
I still miss you. I miss coming home and finding one of your toys left on my bed. I used to always think that was your gift to me. You knew I worked too hard and needed reminding to play every once in a while. I still can’t think about welcoming another cat into my home permanently – not just yet. It’s too hard. I volunteer now at the animal shelter where I adopted you and sometimes I foster the kittens that need a place to stay until they’re ready to find their humans to spend the rest of their lives with.
Even that decision was hard to make but the day I went to pick up my first batch of kittens, I came across your picture – the one used to advertise you for adoption. I used to joke that the photo was of a face only a mother could love because you looked so miserable in it, but when I saw that photo, I knew you had to be mine. When I found that picture, I took it as a sign from you that it was okay
It wasn’t fair that we only got to spend two short years together. I don’t know what your life was like before I adopted you, but I know what my life was like after I got you. Nothing ever seemed as bad because we were together. Please know that I will never forget you, I will always love you and I hope one day to see you again. You will always remain the furry love of my life.

A letter to Angus

2011-08-27T01:32:03+01:00

We lost you today. Since we got you as a baby and thought of you as a baby, it never really occurred to us that you wouldn't outlive us. Parents don't outlive their children. I knew this morning that this would be your last day on earth and I watched everything you did. I have tried so hard to remember everything about you. You went very peacefully and I am so grateful for that. I know it had to happen, and I guess that you knew it, too.
I can't tell you how much the loss of you has devastated me. I see you everywhere. I hope you are happy and pain-free where you are now. Don't forget us. We will never forget you.

A letter to Betsy

2011-08-25T23:33:52+01:00

Summer's ending is quietly gathering now; she is soft pink skies in the evening, she is graceful and haunting, this gathering is my goodbye to Alaska. I am compelled to miss you, because I am leaving Alaska without you. I remember when we left for Alaska Betsy. It was cold. It was March. We were together. Friends picked us up in the evening. You and I said good bye to friends. We drove through the night to arrive at the Chicago Airport at 1:00 p.m. I had you and 2 suitcases. Our flight departure wasn't for hours. Our friend walked up to the check in counter and asked the airline personnel if I could keep you with me, my best friend. She said "Would it be ok for my friend here to keep her dog with her. Her flight doesn't leave for 7 hours and she is starting her life over today?" She looked at you and me, standing there together and said it would be fine. I sat in the Chicago Airport for 7 hours with you on my lap. We were starting over together. In moving to Alaska, I left everything behind except you. We were lucky to have this. You and me, every summer evening walk. Every moose encounter. The kindness of stangers to help a girl and her dog. Meeting a vet who finally cared about you as much as me. Alaska was so beautiful and kind to us. My heart is filled with sorrow that I had to say goodbye to you at all. But, leaving your ashes under that sweet tree in Kincaid park was meaningful. I miss your sweet face. I leave Alaska in a few days, because I will be without you...I am leaving everything I love here.
Rest Easy Girl.

A letter to Casey

2011-08-21T03:44:38+01:00

On Aug 7th after a completely normal day, Casey would not eat dinner, even the hotdogs we were having. She went upstairs and laid at the top of the stairs. She then moved to our sons bed and was panting and breathing very heavily. We knew something was wrong. By 7:00 we were on the way to the vet. They told us you had fluid on your heart caused by cancer. You never let on that something was wrong. By 9:30 you were gone and we still can not believe it. we are glad you did not suffer for a long time, but the whole in our hearts in really sad. You were the best, very quirky, had a mind of your own. I miss our morning routine of a rub at the top of the stairs and a treat and out. You always told me at night when it was time for the dishes. You learned quickly to ring bells to go out and even quicker that if Dad had ice cream and you rang the bells he would get up,put the ice cream down and you would sneak past and jump into his chair and help yourself. Funny girl..a corgi golden mix and so beautiful. You were best friends to the kids and tolerated all the fosters came and went. Ofcourse you had your favorites, but know more favorite than your beloved Jack who also left us way too soon. When I would look out and see your tail wagging a mile a minute I would know he had come across for his visit with you. So I guess you are running the fields with Jack now but you need to know we will always love you and thank you for the 8 years of unconditional love. We were not prepared to loose you but you know you were the stepping stone to L's love of animal work and as she soon goes off to college to study animal behavior know that you were a big part of her taking this path. M misses you more than words can say but we know he will find his way using his many happy memories of you to help him through. The house is too quiet and I miss you so much. Thank you for choosing us and loving us. Who knew the funny little dog with the big ears (almost as big as your body) would be such a wonderful addition to our lives. You've got your wings now beautiful friend...and you will always live in our hearts.

A letter to Vegas

2011-08-18T12:27:03+01:00

It has been 2 weeks since you went to sleep and each day I hope to find comfort in the fact you are no longer suffering...I feel so selfish that day has not yet reached me. I adopted you at a time when we were both broken, but together we healed. I could not have asked for a more loving, sweet or personality filled baby. My heart breaks each time I walk into the house and realize you will not be trotting toward me wagging your tail. I know somewhere you are eating hot dogs at the speed of light and bossing all those other poor doggies around because those were your 2 specialties...besides of course loving your family unconditionally. I would not exchange the sorrow I feel now for all the love, joy, & wonderful memories that you have supplied me but I just wish it didn't hurt so much! It would be a disservice to you if this letter was only filled with my sadness. I need to tell you how much you have done for me. You taught me that love is good & kind, & should never hurt. You taught me to go after what I want...even if I sometimes have to whine just a little bit to get my way :) You were always the last face I looked at before I went to sleep & the first face I saw in the morning...sometimes to your daddy's dismay because he was not a stranger to getting forced out of the bed my your strong, short, chubby legs! I am fortunate to have had you in my life 8 of your 13 years. It was a good run. I can't wait to see you again...but until then, I hope you know how much your family loves & misses you. See you on the other side my sweet poopers!!!!

A letter to Bran

2011-07-25T18:23:12+01:00

The floors that were scratched have now been refinished and soon so the carpet where you soundly slept.

I know when we "talk" that you are right there to listen; but oh, how I wish to see your smiling face once more, to call out "where's my boy" when I enter our home, to hold you and call you my little angel, my baby boy.

At the bridge of the rainbows I’ll find you I know but what about now when I need you the most?

Note: Bran, a Kerry Blue Terrier and the love of my life went to sleep in my arms June 17th 2011. He was 14 1/2. We tried everything; chemo, holistic therapy, no expense was too much just to hold onto him a few months more. But we knew that for his sake we had to let him go.

A letter to Toonces

2011-07-20T05:35:40+01:00

It's 5 years since you died. I still miss you so much. You don't know.

Toonces, I am so sorry for every time I lost touch with the truth that you were the love of my life. You know I always respected you. You filled me with respect, awe, adoration, and love for you. Neither of us was perfect. But together, we were luminous.

I try to keep you in my heart. I worry that I will forget your smell. I worry I will forget the stories of us.

But the pain I feel when I think of how your life ended never leaves me, and the yearning for you never leaves me.

Toonces, every love song makes me think of you. And when I close my eyes, I wish nothing but to feel you close.

I am so lonely without you. Things are so hard now. I don't have my best friend. I don't have my love.

Toonces, if I could go back in time, I would go back to 1999. In the apartment we both loved, where we were both happy. You in the window. Me dancing in the living room. Cuddling with you on the couch. Walking with you in the yard.

Sometimes we don't know that this is one of the moments we would give anything to hold in time.

I stared at your beauty. You were the most beautiful think I'd ever seen. And the smell of you was home to me. To be with you was heaven.

I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I left you at that horrible place. At that horrible vets. I should never have trusted them.

I can't stand to think about what you went through after they overdosed you, alone without me. Leaving you brain damaged from the insulin overdose.
Toonces, I would give my arms, my legs, my ability to walk, I would give anything to have that day back. I would give anything to save you. Please forgive me.

Please know that you are and will always be the love of my life. I am crying for you so hard. I will never stop.

When I am dying I will close my eyes, and dream that I am coming to you. I don't know about afterlife, but I know this:

My last thought will be of you. Love of you, desire to be with you.

You are my heart. Thank you for being my boy. I can never tell you how much you feel my heart. Please know how much I love you every day, forever.

A letter to Mohawk

2011-07-11T22:38:31+01:00

I can't believe your really gone, it still doesn't seem real to me. You were only sixteen months old when you went to live with Jesus. I can't eat or sleep and the spot on my bed is empty. My heart is forever broken when I see only one cat sleeping on the rocking chair. And when I cry there is nobody to wipe the tears off my face with their fluffy grey hair. I love it when you would wake up in the night and rub against my face and purr, and curl up by my face. I love it when you jump on my back when I come home from a long day, I love the sound of your purring, and the sound of your meow, and the way you look at me with your eyes when I open a container of yogurt for breakfast. I miss watching you try to catch the bugs on the grass, or stalk the leaves that blow in the wind. I miss watching you and Tigger "fight" and "wrestle". I miss seeing you in the tree's, and watching you torture mice that bravely wander into our yard. I miss the way you sniffed my nose when I would call your name and ask for a kiss. I miss seeing little grey paws appear under the door while I am in the bathroom. I Love chasing you around the house and when you jump into boxes and hide in them and pretend I can't see you! (even though the box is open) I miss taking you on car rides. I miss the squeaky sound you made whenever you were stalking something (lazer light, bugs mice, leaves etc.). I miss the way you would look at me and respond to me whenever I was talking to you, I miss the conversations we had. You taught me how to love others, and how to be tough when hard times came. You taught me that there is always loving you and waiting for you to come home. There are no words to describe my love for you. But never forget that I LOVE YOU. And I know we will see eachother again someday, and I will once again be able to cradle you in my arms.

A letter to Sweetheart

2011-06-29T18:06:35+01:00

I have refused to think about your death and life for so long because it broke me down that winter night... it broke my heart, I was so lost. I am so, so sorry. I wasn't there for you when you needed me most, I am so sorry. You have no idea how much I hate my cowardliness for not being there while you died. I was so afraid of my emotions, of how I might react, I had never allowed myself to feel that deeply before. You gave me freedom my beautiful girl. The stable didn't like us very much but that was okay... for the first time to me that was okay if someone didn't like me, because I had you. You were the most spirited mare in the whole place, no one could run faster and no one had as much zest for life. To this day I wish I spent more time with you than I did, I let life and all it's complications take me away from you. Please please forgive me for leaving you. I had to go away for a while, I loved you very much... I just couldn't stay. I wasted two years away from you and I was too ashamed to see you because I felt like I had abandoned you. I love you so much and I wish you were still here today so that I could tell you that. You were the most amazing companion I could have ever asked for. I only wish that I could have been that for you. As I touched your still warm body they said you had passed just a few moments before I got there. It was like you were still alive, your body was still warm, I wanted the whole world to disappear because I had lost my shelter and my friend. You were an extension of my soul, that is how I saw you and now I hope you are in peace, I hope you are up there with Jesus and he is stroking your nose and you have fields to run through. You deserve the world my queen. One day I hope you can forgive me for abandoning you. I can only promise you this... I swear that from this day forward I will make it a duty and calling to care with as much of my time and energy as I can for all animals I am blessed to encounter. I am about to adopt a horse named Cheif, I struggled with how you might feel about it but I believe that you would have been okay with it. You would have liked him. He will teach me much and I know that... but he will never take your place. You will always be my little Arabian free spirit, my queen, my teacher my friend. I love you, I love you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Forever always in my heart. Forever always a part of my soul.

A letter to Amber

2011-06-27T02:06:16+01:00

You have made our house a home these past 16 years. I am remembering the times we have had together as I happen by them on my travels. Many of these memories had been forgotten until now.

I remember when you were able to take long walks and enjoy the fresh air and know that you are in heaven with my dad and with Grandma and others running through the fields and enjoying their company.

I feel a bit lost without you. Don't really have a reason to rush home after work to an empty house. Kitty is here and offers some support but miss your smiling face and walks to go outside.

I dropped off many of your supplies to the kennel you stayed in a couple of weeks ago and hope another senior dog and their mom will have good use for them. I kept your beds and the covers for the car seats.....just can't part with everything. Kitty is enjoying the beds.

Your ashes in the house provide some comfort to me. I have received many cards from those who have memories to share. Not sure if I can part with your ashes or where to put them at least for now.

I am so glad we were able to have that last weekend together and for you to be at peace at home. Mommy loves you.

A letter to Hannah

2011-06-14T01:24:07+01:00

I never knew how much damage i would have when you left.I knew you wanted to leave,you were in so much pain.And it hurts me to say that for my satisfaction i made you stay with me when really it wasn't about me being happy it was about you.i kept you her trapped in pain just so i was happy when you weren't happy and you were in pain.so i am so sorry.You had a great long life for a dog with arthritis that could barley walk,a heart mum er,brain cancer,and water in you lungs.You ment the world to me,i wish i spent every waking secound with you,i know i didnt now that im older,and no matter what i did or or what i said you always loved me.you were my best friend,probably my favorite (person) in the family.Even if people said that dogs dont go to heaven,i know that god would make a special place in heaven just for you.I miss you so much.

A letter to Hannah

2011-06-14T01:24:06+01:00

A letter to Hannah

2011-06-14T01:23:26+01:00

A letter to Hannah

2011-06-14T01:22:59+01:00

A letter to TrixieLU

2011-05-29T15:39:05+01:00

Dearest dearest BabyLU. Thank you for making your way to me. We only had 16 months together, but I could not have asked for a sweeter, funnier, more loving little terrier to guard over me and fill my days with fun. I couldn't believe when the shelter asked me to take you home - after the other dogs, you were kind of like having a cat! SO small, but fierce, oh my lord you were fierce. And SO determined. And so funny. And so so so loving. I loved kissing your little snout and I treasured our special greeting every single morning. I loved stopping at Tim's to buy donuts just for you and I loved pulling other dogs' hair out of your teeth when you thought they'd get too close to me. I slept in bed last night - first time in weeks. I will miss you getting me up for your pee at 5AM and I'll miss how you came to me for comfort time and again, esp these last weeks together, when you were feeling so rough. I'd do anything LU, to take away your discomfort and your fear. Please, please be on the other side and wait for me. It's truly all I want from this life, is to see you, and all my dogs again. Please god, make it so. I love you little one. I just love you so.

A letter to Jenny

2011-05-23T20:45:03+01:00

I remember you vividly, even to this day. You and I grew up together. You were the only friend when I was a child that never judged me. You never made me feel inferior because I am permanently disabled. You accepted me as though I was just your sister and not some cripple you were stuck with. I will never forget the day dad had you put down because at age almost 16 you developed throat cancer. Mother took me to get my hair done but, she made sure I knew when I got home, you would be gone. Jenny, I will never forget your goodbye to me. I will never forget the love I had and STILL have for you. Jenny, my first dog and my first REAL friend, please wait for me in Heaven. I want to see you again. Oh I love you so much. It has been many years now since I was sixteen and you were sixteen and dying. That night I wanted to go with you. Now, at age forty four, I really wish I had. All my love and thank you my Labradoodle before they were popular. Jenny, you will never know how to brightened my world. I have had and do have dogs and cats now, still but, I will never forget my first and very best friend. Dear God, please take care of my Jenny. She still means the world to me. Jenny, thank you and I love you very much, I always, always will!! Love, Dawn

A letter to Bandit

2011-05-17T05:09:41+01:00

You were my best friend for almost twenty years. When I got you, you were so small, I could hold you in the palm of one hand. You were the runt of the litter and we never fiqured out what breed you were, but you were the best compainon I could have ever asked for. Even six years later, there isn't a day that I don't think of you. I used to say that in a past life, you must have been an Old Jewish Banker. You had that hack when you coughed and when I would pour my piggy bank on the floor, you would kick it around and stare intently at it till some one made it jingle again. When I came home from work at night, you were always so excited to see me. I would get hugs and kisses for ten minutes after I sat down. I remember how you used to do your rounds ever night before bed and check the kids in bed, only after that were you ready to come and snuggle in bed with me. You made sure all was well in the world before we went to sleep. the day I had to put you to sleep was as hard as the day I buried Tony. That is a heartache I will always carry with me. To me the loss was just as deep as losing Tony. I pray at night that God has you and Tony in heaven together again.

A letter to Baby Louie

2011-05-17T01:48:08+01:00

When I got back from the vet that night, I only made it up the stairs because I was on the phone with Grandma. It was a distraction, otherwise I think I would have gone anywhere else. The pain of not having you here was overwhelming. In your almost 18 years with me, you provided more love, companionship and comfort than you can possibly know, or than I can possibly express. A few days after you left us, the vet sent a poem about the Rainbow Bridge. Below the poem are your very own paw prints. I touched them and realized it was the last bit of you I had..the last part of your life. You had touched this paper, and the grief consumed me once again. But the truth is Louie, you touched everything. You provided security when I was scared, when I had a panic attack, when I cried over the many changes I've faced. You were my constant, my star. Everyone was devastated that you had to leave us, and I wondered if I did the right thing. I still do. But I know you were suffering. You fought your illness and took your medicine for 7 years, like a champ. Your body seemed to be giving out, and that last day you looked so tired, so defeated. But Louie your soul was and is so strong. I love you with everything that I am and I will never, ever forget you. I was 18 when I first saw you and held you and every single day with you was a blessing from God. I miss you Louie, we all miss you, and I will cherish our memories always. Thank you for everything you gave to us all. Thank you so much my precious friend.

A letter to Nina

2011-05-16T23:34:41+01:00

Not a day goes by when i dont think about you. You were such a sweet doggie and I miss you so much. I wish you were still here with me baby girl. you always made me so happy with the funny things you did. i loved the way you always chased after the balls you found every where we went. I loved the way you would sneak upstairs at night and wait for your treat and fall asleep like a baby on the bed. I miss your piggy-like grunts and your cute fat little body. Nina, I miss every thing about you. I wish I did things differently for you near the end. I think about your labored breathing and how very skinny you got and i feel so bad to think that you were suffering. I remember the day you came over to me while i was sitting at the computer and I picked you up on my lap and you just cuddled there with me for a half hour and for once you didnt worry about Kendal getting jealous. Nina, what other dog becomes a teddy bear when sitting on mommy's lap? What other dog eats just about anything at all or lies on her side for hours when she thinks she sees a goody waiting underneath a peice of furniture? Or runs up to complete strangers for a quick hello and a hug? Nina i miss you so much. When i think that I'll never see you again i just want to cry. i can only hope that someday we will see each other again. When its my turn to go i hope i see you there waiting for me..I love you Nina girl...

A letter to Meatball, Lennox, Romeo, Judge

2011-05-16T20:07:52+01:00

You were a foursome to recon with. My fearless kitty Mr. Meatball who would wrestle with lennox and snuggle with Romeo. My gentle patient protective Judgie who never left my side. When your hip started hurting so badly that you couldnt get up the stairs to protect me I could feel your heart break. I would have slept on the couch for the rest of my life to keep you with me. My dearest Romeo, you lived up to your name and then some... you were the sweetest most loving bulldog I could have ever wanted. Watching your ears perk up whenever I entered the kitchen and knowing you were right on my heels was a great joy for me. Mr Ox.. my beloved Lennox. You were the embodiement of beauty and grace. You were as goofy as Marmaduke and as commanding as a soldier. I miss you all and there isnt a day that has passed that I havent thought of you. I love you all.

A letter to Cherry

2011-05-11T14:40:36+01:00

Love of my life, I'm sorry I couldn't save you... I think about you every day and wish you were with us. I love you so much and miss you terribly ! You are my precious angel and I love you with all my heart !!! My sweet, unforgettable, beloved baby...my priceless miracle... !!! ???...
Wait for me !

A letter to Brandi

2011-05-10T21:42:57+01:00

On June 12th 2011, it will be 6 years you have left me. I think of you every day still and even though the pain in my heart isn't as painful, it still hurts when I see your photo or watch a video of you.
Remember when you came back to me in my flower garden and spoke to me and told me to go to the nearest shelter & I will find them there?. Well, as you know, I found Rootbeer & Mandi there like you said. Rootbeer is the male version of you. Sadly we had Mandi his sister for 5 & 1/2 years and she was put down on March 10th 2011.

You were right on those two goldens keeping me so busy I wouldn't have time to think of you as much, and yes it got me out of bed after you passed away. I think a month in bed crying and taking sleeping pills was my way of coping with your loss during that month.

Because of you Brandi, I wrote a story of my loss of you and how you lead me to the Corona animal shelter in Corona CA and how I found Rootbeer & Mandi there. That story is now published in a book by a well known author named Joan W Anderson and the book just released is called "Angelic Tails", true stories of heavenly canine companions. Your on page 103 and she titled it "Beautiful Brandi".
I was so honored to have my story of you in this book. This author is the New York times best seller of the book called "Where Angels Walk". I want everyone to know how much I love you. My story of you is on our family website http://theblackmonfamily.sylera.com . Just click on the top tab called "angel Brandi" and its there with all of your pictures through the years we spent together.

I never believed in Rainbow bridge. Kind of thought of it like Santa Claus, but when you spoke to me that day in my flower garden and whispered in my ear about rainbow bridge and how happy you were there, I wrote a poem about it, and I'm happy to say is all over the internet on rainbow bridge sites and pet loss sites. I leave you with the poem I wrote that you put in my head to write. I miss you so much sweet Brandi and you will always be in my heart forever.
Love Lanie

Soft whisper
By Lanie Blackmon 12/12/06

My best friend spoke to me last night
a soft whisper in my ear.
I woke up and looked around the room,
I was startled, yet I had no fear.

My best friend said that all is fine
Rainbow bridge is so much more.
That there was so much love up there,
even a beautiful ocean shore.

There is fields and fields of green green grass
and the sky has different shades of blue.
There are flowers, mountains, trees and clouds,
everything they said it was, is true.

My best friend whispered in my ear last night
saying "Please don't cry or be sad.
That what was done, had to be done,
for me to live my life now, so be glad".

My best friend said that I did the right thing
an unselfish act on my part.
And that this pain & sadness I feel
will be gone soon from my heart.

I asked my best friend "How could this be
I miss you so much everyday.
That my heart hurts so much for you,
I wish there could of been another way".

My best friend whispered in my ear last night
"You will always be in my heart.
Go on & live and love another,
because we will never really be apart".

I carry your unconditional love with me
I have done this from the very start".
I whispered back to my best friend last night,
"I'll always love you with all my heart."

My best friend whispered in my ear last night
"it's time for me to go towards the light.
I just wanted to stop & say to you
go on my best friend, I'll be alright.

So good-bye my best friend as I looked up at the sky
a shooting star I see in a straight line.
Moving fast across the sky & out of sight,
I whispered,
"Good -bye my best friend, now, I'll be fine".

A letter to smokey

2011-05-10T21:04:08+01:00

it wass 18 days before u turned 5 yrs old wen your soul was released into gods hands.... november 4, 2011!! :( i miss you more than anything in the world because of the love we shared together.... the day you died i remember wispering in your ear.. i love you! i love you! i love u!... and then telling mom that your ear twitched wen i whispered into it!!!! i wish that i would have never went to go outside or else you would still be here..... door dashing was a problem that we should have fixed a long time ago but u were such a free spirit!!! going on long walks together, and doing ur wonderful tricks at the mrs.colemans dog walk/ talent show, are only some of my favorite things that we did together!!! when you passed away i new that you would be in my heart forever!!! everyday i think about you and everyday i miss you more... but things are to happen for a reason and i still havent wrapped my hand around why that cop car was there at that moment and why you had to turn around and run into the path of your death but i do no that you are in a happier place and that you are looking down on me and waiting for my time to go so that i can be with you once again!!!!... farrah misses you and we r goin to win the talent show for you this year soo that we can say proudly that we won it together!!! i miss you and i cant wait to see it again... have fun up there with bruizer and grandpa and pepper and princess!!!!!! tell them all that i miss them and that i hope they are all happier than can be!!! good bye but not for long

A letter to Harley

2011-05-10T19:02:54+01:00

When you came to me we both needed something. We were both missing love in our life. I had just lost a beloved pet, and you were neglected by your previous family. You are so sweet, thus you looked right into my heart and opened a door that was closed. I miss the sound of your pitter patter feet following me everywhere. Your sweet eyes could light up a room. I have had many pets in my life time, but never had one that touched my soul like you did. You were a angel sent from above.I miss you. I wish I could hold your warm fuzzy body just one more time. I love you Harley, thank you for your love

A letter to nubes

2011-05-03T04:57:28+01:00

Originally Written: 03 January 2009

You sleep so deeply... you sleep so often... gentle flowing breath... inhale... exhale... inhale... slow deep breath.

i think you run/dance in your night-time(s) or are you frolicking in the moon light?
i wonder what you dream? what you see as your eyes are blinking in your darkness?
little squeaks, i hope they are happy ones...

are you dancing in the warm waters and sands of your birthplace?
you do love the water... to swim... to splash... to stick your nose deep into the glassy wetness... and blow bubbles...

when i get nervous that your sleepy-time squeaks might not be squeals of joy, i wake you up... and in your hazy 'not-yet awake~ness' you look at me as i tell you i'm here... i tell you i luv you... so, YOU know... i know YOU know... (i know you know, because without failure you give me a gentle kiss EVERY TIME before drifting back to dreamland).

i know that i've been BLESSED with you in my life... my furry companion... you came to me at a time when i really needed unconditional companionship... unconditional luvin'... my mom had just passed on... you came to me and you were just present... you just WERE... you were MY love... these amazing, almost 13 years...

now they tell me your little heart is weak... i ask how could a little heart, so strong, be so weak... it scares me... i feel helpLESS... almost SELF-fish... i don't want you to leave... i do NOT want to consider that possibility... that inevitable reality... life is so fragile... such an unknown... i don't want you to leave me... i'm not ready... i get that, it's not up to me... i get that, it's not ABOUT me... but i don't want you to leave ME.. not yet...

so now i will love you even more (if that is possible)... love you like it was my last breath with you... your last breath with me... i'll go right up to your ear, i'll whisper that i luv you (so you hear me... feel my breath... through your old dog deafness)... so, YOU know... i know YOU know.

you sleep so deeply... i love you so deeply... you're 'just' a dog?...NOT!... you're MY dog... my four legged SOUL-MATE.

yes, when it's your time i'll let you go... so you can dance on the sands of your birthplace... so you can frolic in the (warm) waters of the place(s) we called home ... so you can curl up in front of YOUR fireplace(s)... so you can sit by my moms' feet at the eternal Sunday tea party.

STAY with me just a bit longer sweet girl... i'm not ready for you to leave... not yet.

and then...

you showed me the true meaning of LOVE... you taught me the ultimate freedom in SURRENDER!!... you shared with me the magic of deep beautiful PEACE, blissful inner CALM and bless~ed glorious COMPASSION!

nubes (the Nubian QUEEN: June 15, 1996 - June 30, 2010)

on your last day WE knew... YOU knew... I knew... we (with your bratty baby brother, cHoncHo) had a wonderful day of quiet-activity, after which we went home. we lay in bed curled up as a family, then you were gone... 14 + years of PURE LOVE!

August 2010: six weeks after my little girl took her final journey i saw this note again, for the first time... she did what she promised... she stayed a little longer... i did what i promised... i let her go... good bye sweet, sweet angel girl.. i miss you and love you so much... till our paths cross again... know that you were the BEST EVER!!!

May 1, 2011: I GET IT!!! LOVE! SURRENDER! COMPASSION! PEACE! I just realized that i am NOT SAD that you are gone... NO, rather your LIGHT(ness) exists withIN me! YOU were (a part of) ME! Memories of YOU and the LOVE, support, dedication, loyalty, integrity, pride, honour, truth, joy, playfulness, fun and BEING that YOU were... THAT spirit IS ME! Any 'grief' is out weighed by the BLESSING of having YOU share YOUR journey with ME... GIFTING me with so much... your journey of ease, grace, dignity, warrior spirit... for this i shall be forever grateful and thankful! It was an honour... indeed it was MY pleasure!

PS. cHoncHo's a big, happy, healthy, confident pup b/c of your consistent positive, loving and strong influence. He misses his big sis!

A letter to Mica

2011-05-03T01:37:54+01:00

It's only been a week since you went to heaven but it still feels like it was only yesterday, or only moments ago. The pain is still so raw.
I wake up and go to bed still expecting you to be there, and wishing you would be. Cuddling with you, and rocking you to sleep everynight is just one of the many things that I miss about our life together, there are so many things.
You brought so much love, joy and laughter to my life.
When you put your paws around my neck, your nose under my chin hugging me I felt so happy.
I was so proud of you when you learned all of the tricks I taught you. To sit, to give five, to catch your treats in the air and all of the other ones.
I miss you coming into the bathroom and playing with the bubbles when I had baths.
Nothing will ever be the same without you and thinking about you still hurts. I'm really sad and miss you terribly.
You were and always will be my little girl,

A letter to Jake

2011-05-03T00:03:14+01:00

I may Have taken you out of the kennel you were in only a year and a half ago but you were already in my heart while I waited to be approved to adopt you the minute I saw you I had to take you home, the shelter did not think anyone would take you because of your age and some health issues, but I saw hope in your eyes even after someone just threw you away. At fifteen you still had a lot of life left and at the time I had gained a lot of weight and was having a hard Time finding a way to lose it but you knew how I was out every day with you we went for walks,played fetch you even inspired me to eat better so I could keep up with you! You went every where with me my constant companion,no matter where I was in the house you where there. Then came the day you started to slow down you did not follow me as much you where sleeping a lot more, I knew your time here with me was getting short, but did not want to let you go but after the x-ray and the vet said your heart was enlarged I knew you were not coming home again you had congested heart failure and your lungs had filled with fluid the vet said there was also a mass in your stomach. I asked the vet for some time with you and we looked at each other and said good bye I kissed you you kissed me and it was time I held you though the entire time my heart broke that day on april fools day. jake I loved you so much you saved me as much as I saved you!!! I am missing you every day the house is so quiet,love you I will meet you at the rainbow bridge one day,wait for me love your very sad mom.

A letter to pinkee

2011-04-30T20:51:17+01:00

my beautiful beauty queen its been 6 days since you flew away...i want to start off this letter by telling you how much i mss you.more than anything i want you to know that i let you go because i love you..i will never forget the day i drove out to white plains to get you.and how absolutely adorable you were at 8 weeks old..in no time your grew into one of the most proud and beautiful american bulldogs i have ever seen. you carried that proud dominance throughout your life.and even though you never really cared much for other dogs you still accepted any lost soul in need that came through our door.which btw every single one of those lost souls grew to love and respect you immensely.i have never in my life known such sorrow.i have never felt such a bond with anybody as i have with you.i pray every day that you will be waiting for me by the rainbow bridge.i know you were trying to be strong for me and you were so defiant and strong til the end.you made me very proud.my beautiful punkface.please continue to visit me in my dreams and in every way that you can. right now my grief is my final gift to you.i will continue to save lives in your memory but please know you were and always will be my number one..once in a lifetime girl .i love you forever.

A letter to Rita Pita

2011-04-21T21:10:10+01:00

Everyone always commented on how beautiful you were. And it was true. I remember when we got you as a puppy, you sat in my lap the whole way home looking out the window. You smelled like poop so we gave you a bath and mom said you screamed like we were beating you. After you ate all your food, you'd pick up your bowl and drop it on the floor. You didn't do that when you grew up though. I miss you so much and I know everyone else does too. I loved how you'd eat laying down and had such an attitude that was full of confidence and spunk. Some of the best things you'd do was when we would be outside using a shovel or a rake, you would try to bite it playfully. You also barked at the vacuum cleaner which was really funny. You and your tennis balls. You always had a tennis ball. Whether you wanted us to throw it or just sit there and chew it. If anyone picked up a tennis ball and starting bouncing it, you'd come just because of the noise. After your hips started to go, I got really upset. I didn't want to see you in pain but you hid it well. Before you passed away, you were acting a little strangely. I remember you being surprisingly friendly to my friend Julia. We just assumed you were finally getting used to her. The day you left us was a really hot one and Robbie was home alone. I've never heard him that scared before he called me to tell you he thought you were dying. Me and Daddy didn't really believe him right away, we assumed you'd be okay. When we got to the house, we ran into the kitchen. You had already passed away. It felt unreal, and I wasn't really sure what do even though I dealt with that all the time at work. It was so much different when it was your dog. They never did know what you had died from. We assumed a seizure by Robbie's description and that your heart just couldn't handle it. I can't help but still think if I had been more observant or just noticed some tiny sign, you'd still be here. You were the pack leader, and I still can't believe your gone. I can't say I want another dog because all I want is you and I know we'll never get another you. We all love you so much, and while I don't have too many beliefs about heaven and what not, if anyone goes it would be pets. You were always loyal and slept in front of the door. An excellent guard dog that no one wanted to mess with. But then you would give tons of kisses also. There will never be another you and none of us will ever forget you. You are absolutely the definition of irreplaceable. I still can't believe your gone even though it's been almost a year. I hope you are in some sort of rest and paradise, where there's no hip problems and countless tennis balls. I love you so much and just really want you back.

A letter to Test

2011-04-21T20:23:29+01:00

Test

A letter to Test

2011-04-21T20:11:52+01:00

Test

A letter to Max

2011-04-11T16:32:09+01:00

A month ago we said goodbye to you and our hearts have been heavy since. We just aren't the same without you dear Max and we never will be. We knew your journey would end but we weren't prepared for the pain. You were the best dog anyone could ever have and you gave us an amazing 13.5 years of love and affection. I remember the time in the park when you stole that guy's steak off his grill and he turned around and yelled but it was the funniest thing ever! We love you for that. You were such a good boy. You protected us. You got through losing your brother and sister Wilbur and Daisy and we hope now you are all resting peacefully together. You were best friends with Marley and loved to chase Butch. You learned to love Henry the best you could and were always very careful with him since his accident. You were a big sweet boy and we loved you for that. We will miss you and love you forever Mushy boy. Sending love and kisses to you sweet angel. Rest in peace.

A letter to Sorbet

2011-02-27T00:21:48Z

It has been almost three years since I lost you and I still cannot live without you. I feel so guilty..would you have been here if I had stayed home from work? Was the vet wrong? Did I do something wrong? I feel so angry at the people who kept you on that chain and caused the injury to your spine that would take you from me.
I knew you were gone before I came home. I think I knew the night before that you were leaving. When the vet said you might be paralyzed forever, I was ok with it. I prepared to buy a cart, and to care for you. It was selfish of me. You could not have lived, unable to chase your ball or go swimming. You simply could not live that way, and your heart knew it. But, part of my heart died with you, and it will not heal.
You were amazing! I cannot believe that they called you a spazz and hyper. You were just determined and wanted a family. A chained life was not what you deserved. I get so angry, that your back was broken from abuse, and you had such pain sometimes. But, the good times were so great. I thought your labbie sister was going to follow you, she missed you so much.
I do rescue now, and I wonder how many dogs I have to save to make up for not being able to save you. Four years was not enough time, and you deserved a much longer life. But, like a star- you simply burned up. And, I cannot wait to be with you again

A letter to Shelby

2011-02-13T22:21:14Z

A day doesn't go by where I don't think about you. We grew up together and you were the one who was always there for me, whether the days were bad or good. I lost you four years ago this very night- and I will NEVER forget how you waited for me to come home from work, how you waited until I was by your side, petting you and telling you how much I loved you- how you waited for me to be there before you passed. When I think of how much you truly loved me enough to wait until I was there, I can't help but cry and cry.
I am so grateful for every lesson you taught me about love and life; you helped shape me into the person I am today. You took a piece of my heart that day- and that piece continues to ache for you, love you, and constantly look for signs of you watching over me. I know we'll be together again one day, and that you'll be waiting for me on the other side of the rainbow bridge.
Give kisses to the others for me, and tell Sammy that I still hear him sometimes. I wonder if he pops in to visit every once in a while.
My sweet, furry sister... I love you.

A letter to Deejay

2011-02-12T13:25:05Z

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and miss you. It has been 2 months since we lost you, and the pain of that day is something that I carry always. I know that it was quick, and I am so glad that you didn't have to suffer for a long time. I am so sorry that we didn't see your illness until it was so late, you were so strong, and you hid your pain so well. Everything is different now that you are gone, you have no idea how much you changed my whole life. I love you so much for your unwavering loyalty and constant companionship, and I am so glad that for the short time that you were with me that we did everything we could together. I still look for you every day when I come home, and I miss the sound of your toenails on the floor, dancing around the front door whenever you heard me come to the door after a long day at work. You have left such a hole in my life and my soul, and I don't know how it will ever go away. All I can say is that I love you Deej, and that I always will. Having you here or gone, nothing can ever change that. Part of my soul went with you that day. I love you.

A letter to Mora

2011-02-11T17:21:45Z

We went together with Pudge a few times into the woods to look for Keiko, but then I decided to take you alone with me because I was afraid of losing you, because you were so fast. I put a harness and leash on you, but you got out of it. Luckily, you came back. I called you and called you and suddenly, there you were: sitting there on a log right in front of me, looking at me! I put the leash on you again. I should have taken you home then, but we looked some more and then you ran off into the woods, and I couldn't see you anywhere. I called you and called you. This time, I couldn't find you. I finally gave up. But I should have just stayed there and waited for you to come back to me, because I know you would have. And maybe you would have come back with Keiko by your side, who knows?
I'm sorry Mora. You were a brave girl. You were my Amazonian lady ferret. Even if you were trembling in fear, you'd always go scout things out first for your sister, Pancha, and your adopted sister, Keiko, and your guy buddy, Pudge. You were very protective of them. You repeatedly attacked any other ferret whom you felt was a threat. Most people wouldn't appreciate you for that, but I understood your courage and dedication to your family.
You and Pancha had been with Pudge since kit-hood, I imagine. You all came to me with behavior problems, so I believe you were all abused in some way. Pudge bit me so hard when I first took you all in that I ended up in the ER, getting XRays, antibiotics, and a tetanus shot. I had to quarantine Pudge for 10 days after that, by command of Animal Services, and many people told me to have him put down. They would've said the same about you because you attacked Fidget, scratching her cornea, almost blinding her. I forgave you (although I didn't let you near Fidget again) and loved you.
You lost Pancha, your sister, who contracted lymphoma. Then you lost Keiko. Every day you wanted to go looking for her. After losing them both, you wanted to find them, especially Keiko, I think, because you must have known Pancha was ill and Keiko wasn't. I'm sorry I lost Keiko, Mora. I'm sorry I lost you, too. Pudge missed you guys a lot. He got very sad after Pancha died, and you and Keiko got lost. He lived two years after you and Keiko left. He became the most gentle guy and he and I were very close. I felt he didn't want to let go because he knew I was sad about losing you guys and he was staying for me, but his life had become only pain, humiliation, and struggle -- as he could barely hold himself up to take walks anymore with me and he would soil himself and his bedding. So I finally had him put down. He went very quickly and gently. (Just like Fidget did when she went so long after her mate, Bob.)
I hope you are all together now wherever you are. I love you and miss you all. And Mora, you will always be the most brave Amazonian ferret to me. Take care of Keiko and Pancha and Pudge, please.

A letter to Keiko

2011-02-11T16:57:33Z

I miss you every single day, even though it's been two years this March. I still feel responsible for your escape and for my failure to ensure your return or to find you. You were a beautiful creature to me, the sweetest ferret, kind, gentle, loving and playful. I'm so sorry I didn't do enough (and quick enough) to get you back safely.
I know you are now in the other world beyond this one, whatever that may be. I don't believe in God or Heaven, but I do believe that we all return to spirit or light. I hope you can hear me. I know you were so frightened that night after you got out and the thunder and lightning were so loud and scary and the rain so torrential. I know you were terrified and that's what make me feel most grief. Not knowing what happened to you is also very hard. Somebody spotted you a few weeks after you escaped and I had distributed to neighbors more than 40 "safe boxes" with ferret food and bedding inside. And then a month later, someone thought they saw you crossing a road into the woods. If so, if it was you, you found a good place to hunt and survive. There are streams in there, and lots of burrows (many unoccupied), and lots of food sources. I hope you did not just starve to death out there. Even imagining that an owl or hawk or fox got you and killed is better than that.
I hope you had a good remainder of your life. I feel terrible that you thought I didn't want you back after you got out. It was an accident, but I think you felt I didn't let you back in. I didn't know you were gone right away and I didn't open the fence or make a way for you to get back, because I was afraid the other animals were get out. My mind didn't work well at that time and I still don't know why. Other things were going on. I had relied so much on my 19 year old daughter. She was so intuitive and wise, and I asked her what she thought I should do and she wouldn't answer me. I don't know why and even now, she won't tell me -- for she has grown away from me and is no longer talking to me -- again I don't know why.
But without her wise words, my mind shut down, which is so weird because every other time any ferret or cat was missing, I knew just what to do, and did it. So I feel like I betrayed you, Keiko. I gave you such a great life here and then I just let you go. It's not fair to you. It wasn't fair. I'm so sorry. I hope you will forgive me, Keiko. I love you and miss you terribly.
P.S. I hope you and Mora found each other (and Pancha, too) somehow, somewhere. I will write Mora separately, but say hello to her if you see her.

A letter to Cat Two

2011-02-08T17:16:55Z

I miss you everyday. I feel like you were my first real pet and responsibility and I wish your life was more fully lived. When you seized, it was probably the most frightening moment of my life thus far, because I was completely out of control. I feel like I let you down, not noticing the signs before hand and getting it treated if I could, but our time together changed my life. You had such a personality and I don't think I can ever find another one like you. The unconditional love you gave and your pure attitude was fascinating and always entertaining. I will always love you.

A letter to Celeste

2011-02-08T11:44:51Z

I miss you everyday. I am so incredibly grateful you saved my life in the fire. I am so horribly sorry I could not do the same for you and for Bernie, Carmen, Annie, Max and Chanie Marie. I blame myself for the fire - although it was accidental I will always feel I should have prevented it. You were my canine soul mate. I think of you daily and miss the unique connection we shared. By now you would have passed due to age or illnesss. But we should have had many shared years together. I know you are waiting to return to me - and someday it will happen. Please welcome Lucy, Sherman and Bubba into yout heart. They too are solely missed. This will be the first year since 1997 that I haven't shared my birthday with Lucy (or Sherman). I will celebrate for all of the ones who have gone on without me - including Spirit, Chance and Jesus. Wishing you joy, and fun and happiness as you continue on your journey.

A letter to Celeste

2011-02-08T11:44:45Z

A letter to Mingo

2011-02-04T12:25:12Z

Although it has been almost 10 months since you left me, it seems like it was only yesterday. My heart still breaks for you everyday. Me and Baby Girl was sitting at the top of the steps the other day and I noticed something that made me think of you and I said your name and Baby Girl sat and looked at me and turned her head when she heard your name.
God I miss you sooo much! Come warm weather I am going to go fix your grave back. I took in your lights and bird feeder for the winter. Hayden seen a picture of a dog that looked similar to you and he said, "aww look it's Mingy". That broke my heart. I know the boys drove you crazy, but they sure did love you, and miss you very much. Perry still talks about you all the time. He will say, "Mingy is up in Heaven watching us right now".
Daddy misses you alot! I hope you don't think I am trying to replace you, but I found a rescue dog and adopted him. Baby Girl was getting so lonely and I hated to leave her of a day because she would cry. His name is Poncho and he is... wild! Daddy is a little heartbroken because so far Poncho will not chase a ball or bring it back. He said "I need a dog that I can play ball with, like Mingo". Daddy is always thinking about you.
I was laying in bed the other night and thinking how I used to get on to you for licking the sheets or the pillows and making them wet, or every Christmas you and Baby Girl would keep drinking the tree water and snapping off the branches at the bottom of the tree. Gosh I would love to be able to lay down and see where you had been licking the bed or pillows again. I know that sounds funny, but it is true.
There are times when it is quiet in the house and I will hear the pitter patter of paws and no one will be there. I know that it is you letting me know that you are with us! I wish that I could see you again, and you would sit in my lap and lick me to death like you always did! Our house is not the same anymore without you in it. There will always be an empty spot, that no one will ever be able to fill. I miss you so much. I love you, and always will my precious Mingo!
Till we meet again one sweet day!

A letter to Puck

2011-02-01T23:00:10Z

my dearest Punkin head, my little love muffin, my best friend, and the first love of my life-
I loved you from the very first day I saw you. You were this little ball of fluff that fit in my hand, and you crawled to the top of the scratching post and over on to my head. I knew you were the one for me, my perfect match. I never regretted that impulsive moment. We drove an hour home with you in a box, with that little black bow tied around your neck. How did you figure out the untieing process? I never understood that one. we rode home with you meowing in your tiny cat voice untill I found just the right radio station to calm your nerves.
You loved music. My mom is gettign rid of the grand piano. She tells me the only reason she kept it was because of you and your need for the vibrations, and the sound. She loved your stomping down the stairs when you stayed with her, your demands to play music for you. We talk all the time remembering how you would tare ass around the house, then zip up and over the music stand and inside to curl up when she played. We laugh histerically at the day when she thought she lost you, turned out you were sleeping happily on the sounding board of that piano.
I dug out all the old photos i had of you, and came across the picture of your head poping up through the coffee table in my parent's living room. The cat fishing fun...
I miss you terribly, and I feel so horribe that our time together got cut short. at the end you were always on my mind. I had no problem carrying you around like my little baby, loving you and peting you. I miss your purr and I miss your smell. I miss waking up next to you every morning. I need you just the same way you needed me. I guess that's why we were a good pair.
I don't understand what happened, and I never will. Why did you loose weight? Were you really upsett over the dog, or were you upsett with me? The dog will never replace you. NEVER. No one can take your place. I would still do anything to have you back. I wish we had been quicker in trying to figure things out, or that anything that was suggested had worked. I am so sorry that nothing did. I wish things had ended differently. I know you held on just for me. I know you stuck out what ever pain you were in for another pet, or another snuggle. I am glad in some ways that i was not there when you took your last breath. I wish i could have told you that I loved you again and gave you one more kiss though. I just wish I could have changed things. You were there for me through everything in life, and it feels like I let you down. I really do feel like i let you down. I didn't do enough, I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most. I am glad that you finished your life with a good meal and a long purr, I just wish it had been for me.
You will always be the love of my life, no matter where you are you will always be with me. Your memory will give me strenght, and comfort when I need it. the same way you did in your short life. 8 years seems like it was not nearly long enough.
I will see you on the other side my love. We will spend our eternity together.

A letter to Skye

2011-01-27T13:22:24Z

Hi pretty girl, hows it going? the last two weeks have been hard but Im doing okay. I have finally forgiven myself for letting you go. I knew that you forgave me right away but it took me a while to forgive myself. I love you sis, you are not with me anymore but will always be in my heart. You will always be my golden dog. I love you, Goodbye

A letter to Alaska Sky

2011-01-26T10:10:25Z

It astounds me how many lives you touched when you were by my side. The folks at hospital send their love. Mom and Sandy wish that you were back with me again. The last few days have been long. They worry about me, but I assure them that you are with me still. You will be forever.
Remember this picture? It had poured the last three days, and you just wanted to get outside again. I let you out and ran some errands for just a little bit. When I got back, I looked outside and saw you romping in the mud. Oh gosh, you were covered from nose to tail tip. I couldn't be mad, because you looked so happy. You know me, always having a camera handy, I had to snap a couple of pictures. The first one I took, you looked like you were about to get in trouble. Yet, as the camera clicked you realized that you were on stage. You loved the attention of the camera, and I loved photographing you.
I brought a black and white shot into the group, and they fell in love instantly. You have that ability. The ability to captivate and hold hearts. Your love for kisses and everyone's lack of objection from taking them was inspiring. How did you do that so easily, love? I mean these were people who frowned on puppy kisses, and yet they would let you cover them. Like I said, you just have that ability.
I know as time passes the pain will get a little easier to deal with. It will not happen over night. I believe that I will carry this pain for a long time. On the other hand, I can feel your spirit with me still.I know you are next to me every moment and in my lap licking the tears from my face. I love you, my beautiful Alaska Sky. Let's go play in the mud again.
Also, Chance says he misses and loves you. He is lonely without his playmate.

A letter to Alaska Sky

2011-01-24T15:35:49Z

The light escaped your eyes Saturday. The choice I made was not easy, and will pain me forever on. I know it was for the best. You were in tremendous pain, and the surgery would have continued the agony with the chance of survival minimal. I had never been through that process before, and I hope to never do it again. To see the life flee from your physical form was difficult, but I know you are not in pain anymore. The fact that your heart would not stop beating let me know that your love was fighting to stay with me. I appreciate that my love. You will always be with me.
Do you remember the car ride home from your birth mom’s house? I won’t forget it. You sat calmly in the passenger seat with your head toward me. The brindle spot on your right eye gave you the expression of curiosity. The excitement of travel was gleaming in your eyes, but it pained you to leave your mother. I fully understand that feeling. Yet, you, Chance and I had each other, and I believe that helped the transition.
Your ability to learn quickly was amazing, and I was not surprise to find that your quick learning would lead to a strong bond between us. You were always there when I need you. You were there when I needed someone to love on, or someone to whisper a secret to. When I would wake up in the night I knew I could roll over and hold you. That helped me fall back to sleep, forgetting the nightmare that just happened.
The summer was great. Between the walks in the subdivision and our swims in Stones River, we shared a lot of moments. I felt better after our excursions. Chance is a great dog, but he and I can’t share the experiences that you and I did. That strengthened our bond even more. Those swims were great. The fact that you would follow me out into the deep waters, and just hang on me, made me feel as strong as a god. That idea that you needed me was my strength. No matter where I went you would always follow.
When the vet called me Saturday I know that our time had come to an end. Sandy was there for support, and that meant so much to me. Unfortunately, the task was still going to happen. As we sat on the floor in that small room, I could feel your love. That love that told me to be strong, but I couldn’t stop crying. The sedative had taking affect and you lay peacefully next to me. When the vet came to give the final shot, I whispered something into your ear. I hope you will remember what I said. That was our last secret. When the lady injected the fatal shot in your IV, I had my hand on your neck and could feel every breath and heartbeat you took. Your breath gave out first, but your heart kept beating. I know that was your sign to me that your love for me would never die. The lady had to administer one more lethal injection, and your heart stopped. You had left your body, but had not left my heart.
I have had many companions in my life. Tonto, Rebel and Shasta to name a few, but losing you has caused me the most pain. I guess because I feel responsible for your death mostly, but I know you forgave me. That idea means a lot to me, baby.
I will continue to hold you in my heart for the rest of my life. Know that your love was not lost on this man. I am better for knowing your love. I don’t know if there is
anything past death, but if there is please wait for me. I want to go for another swim with you.

A letter to Patches

2011-01-24T12:55:54Z

My dear Patches. It has been over a year now that you left us. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about you. Jack still talks about you all the time. He calls you our angel. It hasn't been the same with out you that's for sure. Buddy and Duchess got a new brother a few months ago, Sunny. He is a good boy and has become Duchess' new best friend. Maggie isn't doing very well, and she maybe joining you on the other side soon. It has gotten me thinking about the two of you together. She didn't like you at first but quickly the two of you would would become partners in crime. Maggie is a good dog and I pray for her everyday as I know it is going to be hard for all of us to say good bye to her. They two of you will be able to go off and explore together again soon. I miss you very much little girl. You were taken from me way to soon and I wasn't ready to let you go. Buddy is doing extremely well and Duchess is our star. Still when she sees another Boston Terrier she gets a little excited since she no longer has here little buddy and crate mate. I love you Patches! You will never be forgotten.

A letter to Skye

2011-01-20T09:57:12Z

Hey there pretty girl. How's it going up in heaven?
I got thinking last night about are wagon. Do you remember it? Of course you do how could you forget. We had some great adventures with that wagon. Do you remember how I bought you a harness and then hooked you up to the wagon? We would parade around the camp with you pulling the wagon and Keyko proudly sitting in it. And sometimes we even gave the little kids at camp ''dog drawn wagon rides" those little kids just loved sitting in that wagon holding keyko in their lap as you happily pulled them around. Then there was the time when I filled up the wagon with little creatures that we found in the tidepools at the beach and we put on the ''zoo''. You were the lion-dog, being the golden colour you were.
We had a lot of good times with that wagon and I promise to take care of it forever

A letter to Skye

2011-01-20T09:57:10Z

A letter to Skye

2011-01-19T19:24:45Z

This marks 4 days since you have been gone and I really miss you. I love you a lot and am glad that you lived a full long life. Keyko misses you a lot and when not occupied with toys or food tries to find you. When not looking for you she just sleeps in her kennel or mopes around the house. Tayko misses you in her feline ways and mum also really misses you. I find nights the hardest as I feel bad for leaving you on the floor of that veterinary office even though I know it was best for you. It's really weird not having you around. Have fun up in heaven with your kitty friends that left before you. I love you.

A letter to Malimutt

2011-01-12T09:07:29Z

Hey there Big Girl,
Well, it has been exactly 1 week since you left us. This week has been very surreal, and, honestly, I think you would have been really confused had you witnessed it with your own eyes. You, who loved and relied on schedules and continuity, well, this week would have gotten you a little uptight to say the least :)
We decided to not tell the boys that morning, and wait until the afternoon, because neither Todd nor I wanted them see you that morning… we wanted them to remember you as you were- happy, sloppy wet kisses and tail wagging. Logan really took the news hard, he did not want to believe it, and cried for a long time; he even left us to go to his room for a while. Hayden’s reaction was “but she likes to give me kisses!”, and even he cried (see – you were right, there is a lot of love in that kiddo ;-D) . Logan asked us if we could visit you on your birthday and bring you flowers and peeps, “like we do for your friend, momma”- that one made me start to cry all over again; he really wants to make sure you know that he is going to miss you.
Todd misses you so much—we both had such a hard time on Thursday morning, as I left and said “Have a great Day” he started to say “I already HAVE a great Dane” (as he has every day for the past 9 years) and we both just stopped and stared at each other realizing that little joke had run its course :(
And now Peanut- well – she is just out of sorts. (She is actually BEHAVING herself lol). She finally went back to your room and slept in your blanket on Sunday, but wouldn’t go near it at all before that. We started feeding her in the room, since she doesn’t slobber and make a mess like you always did ;). She pretty much keeps by our side all day log now, and its starting to freak Todd out. She has decided to latch on to him more than ever now that your not there for her. Maybe it will be good for them, they may start to like each other - I figure that’s what you would have liked anyway.
So there you have it—its taken me a week to write this because its taken me that long to accept that you are really gone. It has sunk in, and I accept that I will not have your happy “clicking” nails on the floor, or your wet nose in my face at 4 am asking to be let outside, or your very rare loud bark ringing out in the house ever again. We are doing well- and I know that is what will make you happiest. We will never replace you—as you were one of a kind. We may get another dog in a few years, but we know we will never again have our “big girl.”
I love you!

A letter to Chrissy

2010-12-29T18:46:41Z

I really can't believe you're gone. I still drive home from work and think about where we're going to go for a walk and how happy you'll be to see me only to come to an empty house. You were my closest friend for 15 years, kept all of my secrets, were there by my side, concerned, every time I cried, and made me laugh every day. You were so strong and fought all the way to end, but when you didn't want to eat your favorite food (bread) on that last day, we knew it was time to say goodbye. Although the needle pinched for a moment, you are eternally pain-free. You are in a better place now, Chrisser Bear. You may have all the delicious bones and chicken that you were allergic to here. You may chase as many small furry animals as you'd like without fences or leashes. You may sleep contently and soundly (and surely snoring!) in the warm sunshine. I think about you everyday, speak about you a lot, and although I appear strong and speak about you with a smile, I am struggling to get through an entire week without breaking down. It's been a very long two months since you've left this world and among the countless lessons you've taught me since I was five, I've learned that a dog-less existence is an insufferable existence. I'm thankful to you for teaching me the most important lesson, that dogs provide humans with an unconditional love that cannot be matched by any other animal. I'm also thankful that I had the opportunity to grow up with you. You were my new puppy whom I bragged about in kindergarten, my crazy, middle-aged dog who literally did eat my homework in high school, and my (still crazy) geriatric dog whom I brag about in my career. You were the best non-human sister one could ask for...I fondly remember the hot summer days as a child sharing popsicles with you on our back deck. Bear, you were our protector, our indestructible canine who survived many near-death experiences including many run ins with poisonous snakes, groundhogs, buzzards; the ingestion of 3 lbs of chocolate, an entire bottle of Advil, an entire rotisserie chicken (bones and all)-I though you'd be around forever. The good thing is you will be around forever in my memories. It is impossible to forget an unique and wonderful dog like you. Although it was not Christmas for me to not have any presents for you to open on that morning and a walk in the snow was not as fun without having you to catch a snowball with your mouth. You will live forever in my heart. I hope you know that you were loved immensely from very first day you arrived in a pickup truck as a small,shivering puppy to the very last day as a tired and gray-muzzled old lady, leaving this world in my arms. You're the best, I love you, I'll miss you!!!

A letter to Pippa & Prue

2010-12-29T08:44:09Z

My gorgeous girls, I miss you both so much. Although Prue you went first, the pain of losing both you and your sister so close together was and still is gut-wrenching. You both died in my arms. I hope you both knew that Mummy loved you very much and I hope you didn't feel alone at the time of your passing.
Pippa I still remember you on your back legs, front feet on my lap, trying ever so hard to be just that bit taller so you could see what was going on. Prue you were a wonderful guide dog for Pippa when her eyes failed her and always up for a cuddle and a tummy tickle. You were both so loyal and loving and will never be forgotten.
Rest easy girls.

A letter to Bailey

2010-12-16T12:29:35Z

Where to begin...I knew your time was approaching even though I didn't want to believe that you would one day soon be gone. Even as I write this letter I can't hardly imagine that just 2 days ago would be your last. You were such a special girl, my Bebe. You had the most loving and gentle soul. To see you wave (paw) at me from across the room, wanting nothing more than to be loved. You were always so quick to give kisses. Just thinking about it makes me smile. Remember all the countless times we shared snacks together and trips to the park. How you loved to run in the baseball fields when the sprinklers were going. What happiness and joy you brought to my life. It seems so short your 7 years with me. I am forever grateful for the time we did have. I know I will see you again my sweet girl. You are forever in my heart and on my mind. I love you now and I'll love you always.

A letter to Lil'Miss

2010-12-14T00:16:30Z

Just wanted to let you know we're thinking about you. Thoughts of you creep up on me and I get so upset. I know it's a normal reaction...you only passed on a few months ago...but I guess I am still working through your absence. Everyone misses you. You were such a lovely little spirit...always wanting to snuggle and make friends. I don't know where you learned how to tap folks on their shoulder when you wanted some rubs, but you sure did make an impression! I just wanted to say thank you. You know, you really were a part of my family. Not the family that I was born into, but the family that chose me as a member. Now, remember, we are counting on you to keep an eye on your brothers now that you've all taken up residence in the Kitty Dude Ranch in the Sky. We are sure Mellow and Sam saved you a pink cowboy hat with matching boots. We love you, Aspen. Take care.

A letter to Ginger

2010-12-08T21:42:16Z

My heart still hurts from the day I said goodbye. You were such a wonderful dog and when you were too sick to go on, we had to take you to the dr and lead to you the rainbow bridge. Your papa didn't want me to see you gone so I said my good bye before the vet took you away. I still hurt because I wanted to see you at rest, instead of you trying to get at us before you went to sleep.
You were a fighter to the very end. I hope the Lord lets us see the pets we loved so much when we all get to heaven. I want to tell you how awful it was to say good bye.

A letter to Bruiser

2010-12-08T19:52:00Z

It's been almost 12 years since I had to let you go, but I wanted to let you know that no matter how many years pass, you were and will always be one of the best friends I ever had. I miss your eyes and and I miss the way you used to smile when I scratched the spot right above your tail.
I miss the way you used to chew on all my blankets until there were holes in them and mom was furious that another comforter had gone to the dog. I miss the way you used to start at the end of the bed and slowly work your way up next to me and then scootch me over with your butt until you had the majority of the bed and I was safely nestled into the corner.
I miss the way you used to always come to my side when I was sad or upset and let me hold you and cry against you. I miss when I used to pat my shoulders how you would jump up and hug me. Even when you were getting up there in years and I would kneel in front of you, you would still give the best hugs.
I know I couldn't be there as much as I wanted to be towards the end, but I hope you know that the events going on in our family never changed how much I love you and it meant more to me than you will ever know that you fell asleep peacefully in my arms.
You were and will always be the most cherished memory in my childhood. Every memory from catching snowballs to standing in front of me and growling when people were play-fighting with me.
There will never be another Bruiser. Thank you for choosing my family and being a part of my life for 15 wonderful years.

A letter to Emma

2010-12-08T19:30:13Z

I remember when we found you. We were working at the renaissance fair. I was wearing a fancy dress that had antique lace that I had been warned to be careful with. But that went out the window when someone told me there was a little deaf puppy that needed a home. You were so sweet, even then. You climbed into my lap, and the feeling that you were right where you belonged was immediate. We took you home that night.
There were so many things you were afraid of. Afraid someone was going to take your food or toys away. Afraid that something bad was going to happen. But we were patient, and kind, and you blossomed. You stopped growling when we came near you while you were eating. You played nicely with your new 'brother' Logan.
Once you realized you were loved, you only wanted to love in return. Any new visitor was greeted with thousands of kisses and joy. You became everyone's best friend, and stole the hearts of all who met you.
You were two when you had your first seizure. We did everything we could, borrowed money from anyone we could, to try and get you the best care possible. But we couldn't stop the seizures. You were so understanding, even when we feared the worst. You would walk up, even in your post ichtal phase, and give us a kiss on the chin, as if to say "It'll be all right."
We tried so many medications, but they just didn't work. The night we lost you, just four nights ago, it seemed like you knew, and you were ready. We were out of options - and you told us it was your time. You even kissed the vet who laid you to rest. You went to sleep in our arms, surrounded by love and giving it back with your last breath.
I miss you terribly. I miss you following me everywhere. I still leave your spot on the bed with enough space to curl next to me. I miss your kisses, your soft ears. I even miss being woken up rediculously early in the morning by your insistant bark. I miss the little play barks, and the cuddles on the sofa. I miss watching you 'pudding' off the couch or bed. I miss the feel of your velvet soft ears. Visitors miss your bouncing, happy greetings. Logan misses his playmate.
You taught us so much about love and kindness. You taught us about forgiveness. Daddy and I are looking to volunteer at an animal shelter, so we can keep helping other dogs. You taught us that we had so much love to give, and it has such life-changing power. You taught us, and I hope others, that with love, all things are possible.
So many people had such kind words for you. So many people said you were lucky to have us. But I think we were luckier to have you. All of us who knew you were.
I hope you understand that we know we will never find another Emma. But in your memory, we will carry on helping as many dogs as we can. You taught us that. And we will never forget that - or you.
We love you, little Pudding, and we always will.

A letter to Hunu (WhoKnew)

2010-12-08T19:02:42Z

It is with great sadness that we let you go this week. What was first diagnosed as kennel cough ended as congestive heart failure. As we understand it, your disease grew fast and furiously over the course of the last month. Little could be done by the time your symptoms showed themselves.
Our time with you was way too short. That said, we had a wonderful life together full of adventures for the last year and a half – you enriching ours immeasurably and us enriching yours so that you got to bust out of a life of trauma to a much better one, we hope. Dora Sesler’s important work at Project Pet Rescue brought you to us and for that, we are grateful.
When we first laid eyes on you, we had no idea what you would bring to our lives,
*WhoKnew you’d be so cute?
*WhoKnew you’d be so unpredictable?
*WhoKnew you’d love to lie under our blankets at night and snore louder than Patty or me for that matter?
*WhoKnew you’d go too soon?
*And, WhoKnew it was possible to miss your sweet sleepy face so much?
In the afternoon of the day you died, we decided to put our holiday lights up in memory of the way you lit up our lives, our hearts, our hopes.

A letter to Tommy

2010-12-08T03:46:43Z

I can't believe you are gone...the feeling that you are still there is so strong that every time I arrive home I get the urge to run down to say hello to you and touch you and hug you. I miss all the beautiful expressions on your face, your soft fur, your beautiful pointy ears and your white paw. I keep finding your fur everywhere and every time it's like a punch in the stomach. I saved your collar, the one that felt so warm every time I took it off you after going for walks. It's right there next to your puppy pic on my nightstand. We all miss you every day Tommy...you were the best thing that ever happened to us, the most amazing and loving dog in the entire world. I will never ever forget you and I truly hope to see you again one day. Take care of Grampa like you did when he was still with us. I always remember you walking slowly with him when he got old...it was amazing.
I miss you so much....

A letter to Missy Nala

2010-11-16T15:53:56Z

i'm so sorry i couldn't spend more time with you in the last months of your life. it was so hard not being able to see you everyday. i wish i could've came and gotten you but with everything going on it was impossible. i just want you to know how much you mean to me. i think about you all the time and all the joy you brought me. you truly were my best friend. i always knew seeing your little face would make me feel better. i know you're in a better place now (with billybob too!). it's better that i wasn't there at the time of your passing because i don't think i would've handled it well at all. it still hurts and a part of me still hopes i'll find you waiting for me at the door but i find comfort in knowing you lived a long happy life. i miss you so much and i know master bates misses you too! i'll always love and cherish the special memories you filled my life with! my bratty lil missy nals. i love you and will remember you always!

A letter to Rusty

2010-10-31T11:01:01Z

I miss you so much! It has been only 2 days without you and the house is so lonely. I wish I knew that you were really sick before it was too late. Nobody knew that you had cronic kidney failure until it was too late. It is just not fair since you were only 5 years old. According to the doctor, you must have been sick for a long time and even born with it.
Just yesterday, Daddy went out to the garage to get pellets for the stove and he stopped dead because he thought he saw you lying in the corner next to the futon. We both miss you so much. Ziggy has been a wonder help though. Our first night without you, he slept in bed with us, in your spot, and stayed there until we feel asleep. Our king size bed seems so empty without you.
Daddy is off doing snowmobile trail work this morning and this was my first time alone without you. I miss you following me from room to room even if it just for a second. I missed you laying in my craft room helping me pick out fabric for the next quilt I am making. It is a sunny but breezy day today. You should see how much sun is coming in through the sliding glass door today. I miss seeing your laying there.
This week, I am going to go through my pictures and get them printed so that I can finish your scrapbook. The last picture I have in there was from your 3rd birthday when you were eating unfrosted yellow cupcakes. I think I will also make some birthday cupcakes this week. I know you were too sick to have them for your birthday last Monday so Daddy and I will remember you while we have them.
I hope you found your big brother Brandy in heaven. I miss him too! Now you are both up there watching over us. Are there plenty of frisbees in heaven? I know how much you loved playing. You would play for hours if we had the time. You always made me so happy when you would catch it up in the air. Remember the time you pooped in your frisbee and freaked out because it was in there. Daddy had to come over and dump it out so you could continue playing. You are too funny!
Daddy and I will be getting a new puppy when we get back from Disney in three weeks. Please help guide us to pick out a new friend to share our home and life with. We are not trying to replace you it is just that we miss someone greeting us when we come home. Someone to share popcorn and ice cream with. You will always be remembered! I love you Rusty Buckets!

A letter to Daisy

2010-10-22T17:15:38+01:00

It's been five long years since you've left my side. Tears still swell my eyes. You were my first little love, you were my Princess and my Guardian. I remember how you used to snuggle next to me after every break up and how you wouldn't leave my side for days when I was sick in bed. I miss coming home to the sounds of your protective bark. No one will ever be able to replace you in my heart. I remember the day mama and daddy took us to your house so we could pick you out. I remember how you just jumped into my lap and I knew you were the one for our family. Every shoe you ever ate has long since been forgotten, ever little accident on the floor has long since been cleaned, and every hole dug in the yard has been filled with time and weather, but the hole left in my heart, your paw print can only fill. As time moves on my memories of you do not fade or stray away, but however they do in fact grow stronger with each passing day. No matter how many days are between the living and the dead I can rejoice in the fact that knowing one day we'll be together again leaves me with a smile on my face, but the hole shall remain until the day I hear your sweet bark once more.
My dearest Daisy oh how I miss you. Please watch over Grandma she loved you the best, but not as much and your mommy did.

A letter to Sugar

2010-10-22T15:11:39+01:00

Its been about a month since you left and I miss you and think of you often. I know in my heart that it was time for you to leave this place as you had grown so tired and weak in your body. I hope that you are with Ghost and Doc and waiting for the rest of us to be back together again someday. There are so many things that make me think of you. It seems so funny to sit down to eat and you not be right by my side waiting for me give you a bite of "sumpting to eat". To be here with only the danes and not have your furry little humor to compare to them at times seems almost surreal. I think back to when you were just a baby and it was just the 2 of us and how sweet you have always were. You were always so much smarter than the rest of the dogs, even when you got on in age and couldn't remember the things you had previously figured out, you re-figured them again. I miss you my girl, you brought so much to my life. I love you.

A letter to Tonto

2010-10-22T10:15:12+01:00

We had Pizza last night and that always brings you to me with a little smile and then the tears. The way you would set in front of me with the drewl hanging from the corners of your mouth. you always knew that if you sayed that way long enough I would give in and you would get all the crust from the Pizza. I will never know if I did the right thing in having you put to sleep. I just didn't think it was right to keep you doped up on pills to stop the pain and to watch you stumble and trip at 110lbs I know you hurt. I take heart in knowing that you are in heaven and we will be together again. You stayed by my side when I needed someone the most. The 11 months that Dustin was in Iraq you were there to lesson when I needed to talk or cry when it really got hard I actually think you knew what was going on. And everytime Dustin would call you wanted to hear his voice on the phone. Remember when I would bring a puppy home I never had to potty train them you did that for me. You would show them the doggie door and how to use it and that they had to go behind the tree so no one could watch. Penny is doing good she is 10 now and not moving around much. I am afraid that her time wont be much longer here with me. It is funning when I got you you were a mistake that a reg. English bulldog made by breeding with a Lab. Now they call that a Bullador. that seems like such a HARD name for the most loving caring and friendliest dog that I ever had. I hope you want mind if one day I try to find one that looks like you. It has been 4 years now and it still feels like you will walk around the corner any minute. GOD how I miss you. You were my best friend my family and I love you so much. When it is my time to come meet you they are going to put your ashes with me. I hope you don't mind that I just couldn't put them ijn the ground. I wanted them with me until we are together again. Run strong Tonto and enjoy the clouds . I will bring you a pizza when I come. And Thank you for 14 years of Love. I Miss you.

A letter to Kiki

2010-10-20T16:00:12+01:00

Hi sweety! I miss you baby. I hope your having lots of fun in Heaven with all of your new friends. I will meet you up in Heaven soon. I can't wait to see you again. I miss hugging you and kissing you and sleeping with you in my arms. You are the sweetest dog in the world. I wish you had more time on this earth with me but I am thankful for the 8 years we did have together. I am glad that I always treated you like the princess that you are. Everyone in the family misses you very much. I know you probably miss us too but we will all be together soon. You have the sweetest face in the world so I"m sure you'll find love in heaven. Since you left us the house has felt so empty. We didn't realize how much happiness we felt because of you. Now the house and my heart feels like its missing a big part of it. I placed your ashes in my room where you slept with me. I also drew a picture of you to place over it. I kept the towel I dried you with and a pamper of yours you never used. I love you, miss you and you have taken a big part of my heart with you. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. MuAH!

A letter to Zoie

2010-10-19T20:41:10+01:00

You were my angel and best friend! I still can't believe you're gone, and even now I cry over losing you. You were so funny, and I would give anything to see you steal another kitten to raise as your own right now! You were perfect to me, even if you were the "ugliest puppy in the litter" to everyone else! You grew to prove them wrong though didn't you babygirl?! I still smile when I think of the way kids would gravitate to you and parents would be shocked that a Pit Bull could love SO much! I miss feeling your head on my shoulder as I drove you around in your car, and I can't help but laugh everytime I turn on the AC thinking of how you would hog the vents! You were a shining example of a misunderstood breed, and changed so many people's minds. I can't thank you enough for that! People still ask about you, then cry when I tell them you're gone. It's amazing how many lives you touched, and I didn't realize it until after I lost you. At only two, you deserved many more years to chase your tail and steal food, but God knows his plans, and I guess he just needed a little brindle angel, and since you were my angel, you were perfect for the job! Please know not a day goes by that you don't cross my mind, and I know many years from now, you'll still be in some of the happiest memories of my life. You inspired me to start the rescue we have now, and every dog I save, I save in your name! You may not have had a litter to live on through, but you live on through the dogs we fight to save everyday! Thank you for showing me that no dog is worthless because of their breed, and thank you for all the minds you changed. I wish you were here now to see all the lives you touched, but I know you are looking down proud as can be! You'll never really know what you meant to me ZoieBear, and you'll never know just how bad I miss you, but I look forward to meeting you at the bridge to tell you just how much good you did. Thank you for loving me through the good and the bad. You never failed me, even when people did. Thank you for being the best friend a girl could ever have! I love you ZoieBear, and miss you everyday! Daddy and Dizzie miss you too. I still catch Daddy looking at your pictures and fighting back tears. You changed his life too. Dizzie still runs to us when we say your name, like she's expecting you to walk in the room at any second! Your "step-puppy" Jozie is doing great, and sometimes I swear she's more like you than your own puppy could have ever been! She makes me proud just like you do! Until we meet again, know that you are deeply loved and forever missed.

A letter to Butter

2010-10-19T19:44:58+01:00

It has been two months from today that I had to say goodbye to you. You were only 5-years-old. You didn't deserve to die. You were the love of my life, my companion, my friend, my baby. I miss falling asleep with you in my arms and waking up to you by my side. I'm sorry that the even the strongest medicine, best vets, and all of the love in world couldn't make you better. I have been miserable without you. I feel empty somehow. I hope you are making lots of friends in heaven. I hope you will wait for me. One day I will join you and nothing will part us ever again. I think of you everyday and ask God to give you a kiss and a hug from me every night. No one will ever replace you. You were, are, and will always be the love of my life.

A letter to Tamaiijja

2010-10-19T19:05:52+01:00

I can't believe that you have been gone over a year already. I miss you so much. You were the sweetest dog I have ever known. After all you went through the first year of your life..being chained out in someone's backyard with no shelter then breaking free only to be hit by a car and lose a leg. After you became a part of our family you went on to become a Canine Good Citizen and registered therapy dog. The kids you visited and helped to read...the people in the hospital and those undergoing chemo treatments...you brightened their days with your sweet face and wagging tail. I miss your head resting on my lap...your nose nudging me to keep petting you and that husky howl when you wanted to play ball in the snow! All your brothers and sisters miss you very much too....you would have loved playing with your new brother Gunner...he is a goofy hound that I think you sent our way.

The five years I had with you surely were not enough...cancer is an evil disease that you fought bravely and with dignity. Making the decision to let you go to the Rainbow Bridge was so hard and I cry often when I see your picture or think of you...I hope that you are running free with Sandy, Bailey, Skeeter, Winnie and the rest of your family. Please look out for Murray as he has a sick heart and will not be with us too much longer....watch for him and show him the way...

You were such a beautiful dog...such a sweet soul and though the time I had with you was way too short it was such a blessing having you in my life. Knowing that you are waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge helps me get through the days. Hopefully I made your life half as wonderful as you made mine...I miss you everyday and love you so much MiMae!!!

A letter to Spooky (Spook) Mulder Riggio

2010-10-19T14:20:18+01:00

To my Spook,
Mommy misses you so much...I think of you all the time. I miss you taking away all the bad things when I walked in the door. I miss you making me smile when I didn't think it was possible. I miss people looking at you and being in awe of your beauty, inside and out. I miss you being the best foot warmer in the world. I've had a real hard time since you've been gone...
I love you so much and I always will. I'm a better person by having such a wonderful creature to grace my life. Thank you for everything.

A letter to Windsor

2010-10-11T22:10:30+01:00

Today marks four months since we said goodbye to you. I love and miss you so much, baby. I hope you know how hard a decision it was to let you go, but I knew it was what would be best for you. Nine years did not feel like enough time knowing you, but I don't think even forever would have been long enough.

You always knew how to make me laugh, especially when I didn't think I could. Whether it was grabbing a toy and making me play with you or simply laying next to me with your head in my lap, you were always the one to make me smile. I still come home sometimes and expect to see you standing in the doorway, whole body wiggling in excitement and a toy in your mouth. Even when your arthritis got the best of you in your final days, you still wanted to play.

You taught me so much too, big guy. You never held a grudge against people, even though you were abandoned at that shelter. You loved everyone you met, regardless of who they were or what they looked like. You never let anything bother you, even when the pain was too much, which you faced with a quiet dignity. I never saw such joy until I got my license and I could take you for car rides. Even when you couldn't stand up anymore, you'd still lie right by the door, nose outside the window and barking at any dog or motorcycle we drove past.

Thank you for sending us Madden. I know that was all you, buddy. Dolly, Tobey and I were missing you so much, and while of course we still do, sending this rambunctious pup to us has helped ease the pain a bit. I was heartbroken and having a difficult time until you sent her. She's given new life to Dolly and Tobey. You're still changing lives, big guy. In life, you helped show people that shelter dogs are wonderful family members and in passing, you have given a new life and chance to another dog. I call her my "Pocket Winnie" because she reminds me so much of you.

I'll always remember your last day with me. You curled up right next to me on your dog bed and we just laid there, while I sobbed into your coat. I knew you knew something was wrong, but as usual, you wanted to make sure I was okay. You always did take care of me. You were almost fourteen years old, but I wanted you to live forever. You knew better though. You always did.

I keep trying to write an essay about you, but I don't think I can properly pay tribute to you. I will keep trying and maybe someday I'll get it right. I hung your collar on my rearview mirror because of how much you loved car rides and I try and take the long way home because you loved that. It's the simple things that matter, you taught me that.

Without you, I would not be here; without you, there would be no Tobey or Madden. You brought so much joy and love to everyone who knew you. I miss you so much and even when the pain becomes too much sometimes, I know we made the right choice.

I love you, Winnie James.

A letter to Teddy

2010-10-05T21:26:47+01:00

I thought this concept was a bit weird, but what the hey. I miss you. And it feels sometimes like people aren't supposed to miss pets. But you were awesome. I guess the part that makes it hurt the most is that, when you were a pup, I was 5. We grew up together. And you knew me as a kid. It feels like everyone who knows me knows me know just knows this [removed]ty, odd, flawed adult version of me... you got to know me when I was happy with who I was. You represent a time I wish I could go back to. But when you died when I was 17, my childhood died along with you. The world we shared was awesome, and the world you left behind is lonley as all hell. I don't like being a grown up. You never let me down like people do. I love you. I think of you all the time. Espcially when I see another Schnauzer. I've never seen another as nice looking as you though. I don't know what to do Ted. I hope that you're at peace. You were the best dog anyone could ask for.

A letter to Oreo

2010-10-05T00:45:54+01:00

Hey buddy... it's been a long time. How ya doin' up there in heaven? I know... it's just "beautiful" and you're having a great time! I hope you welcomed Pushkin... and "Azreal" our cat into heaven and are showing them around. Ah... I'm sure you are. You came to the family as a surprise Christmas gift from a friend to the kids, Sharon and John... and you were a gift that never stopped giving. What a good puppy you were... and long time companion to the family? 17 years... Wow! But, as the kids grew and left the nest you remained to keep us company and for the last years of your life you were "Grandpa's sidekick"... as the picture shows. I always remember that you'd come out with me with the "big" telescope on some dark nights back in New Jersey and just when I was so engrossed in looking for some distant galaxy... you'd "slowly" try to slip away to go and visit your girlfriend down the block - a dog that looked a lot like your own mix - colors and all. Sometimes I'd catch you slipping away... and stop you and then, "honestly" sometimes... I'd smile and let you go and have some fun. Shhhhhhhhhh don't tell grandma or the kids. Then, you'd come home... a couple of hours later "exhausted" (Ha!), and you'd know that you were going to get a "shower" after a "night-on-the-town" (so to speak). And, with ears pinned back ('cause you thought I was angry), without me saying a word... you went upstairs into the bathroom, and right into the shower... waiting for what was coming. A nice shower to top off the day (or night as it were). Well, I didn't mind... since your "Oreo-cookie" coat white and black always looked so beautiful after a few mintues of scrubbing. The white part was like snow. For a mix.... you certainly put on a "good presentation" I have to say. VERY handsome! On some nights... even today, some 8 years later... when I'm out alone with the telescope in Tucson.... I look around in the quiet of the night.... and remember our telescope nights together. You were something all right. So cute, and always gentle with everyone in the family - and friends, barking as folks came into the house and again when they were going out... making your presence known - doing "dog duty" on guard... but pleasantly so, not an "angry" barker. No. You were a "good" barker. (There is such a big difference... huh?) We could count on you. Well, this letter is just to let you know that we're all still thinking about you - once in a while - and then often. It's a funny mix... how sometimes other triggers of life bring back a memory of you? We haven't gotten another dog yet. Who could replace you... though we wound up with Azreal "the cat" - thanks to John saying, "Take care of 'Oz' - I'll be back in three weeks!" That was several years ago, and now even Azreal is gone. Well, you're in-charge of those family pets that have gone since your leaving us. I'll see you at the telescope sometime. It's nice out there in the quiet of the night - flying among the stars. Do dog's have souls? I'll bet that they do - since they have feelings - right? You betcha! And, since God made you... I'm sure He took you back too - with wide open arms and a smile. I'll bet you think His arms feel a little like Grandpa's huh? But even better! Someday, we'll meet again... and why not? You know your way around the stars... and so do I. Remember, we're all heading towards M-13? Ha! Ha! Come-here... let me give ya a hug! There ya go! Ugggghh! A big one! Thanks for all the gentle loving. I know you always felt "safe" & loved while you were with us. Now, you're safe & loved with Jesus. And, that's the best combination - in life. Kisses up to Heaven from Grandpa. P.S. Give "Oz" and Pushkin a hug from us too! Thankx.

A letter to Snickers

2010-10-04T11:12:09+01:00

You came to me in a dream and laid on my chest looked at me
and without talking let me know what a great mom I had been and that
you didn't want me to me to sad anymore. It really felt like you were there with me. You had such a sense of peace and happiness to share with me that now I can look at your photos and be happy not sad and now I understand my happiness now still gives you happiness

A letter to Riley

2010-10-03T11:10:51+01:00

It has been a month and a half since you left us and a day hasn't gone by where we don't talk about you, smile or cry and just plain miss you. We had you for 13 years.....they were 13 years of pure love from you and I want to thank you for that. You loved me when others couldn't or wouldn't and I cherish you for that. Your brother, Wes, misses you too. He misses your nose nudges and paw swats.....things that made us both smile or laugh. I miss you especially at night when you would lay at my feet and keep me company. You were always there to offer your head for me to stroke or your whole body for me to hug. I don't know which one of us got more out of those acts of affection...you or me. I like to think it was mutual!
The bottom line is, I hope you know how very much we loved you. We all knew that the end was coming but we just didn't expect it to happen so quickly or unexpectedly. Our goodbyes were heartwrenching and leaving you was horrible. But we knew you were in pain and we had to do what was best for you.....we loved you too much to let you suffer. I know you are with Mack and Bozzie now and I hope you are having the time of your life.
Wes and I have talked about etting another dog but we aren't ready yet. Maybe in the Spring........But until then, I know you are watching us and loving us. I sometimes think I hear the clink of your collar and tags on the floor and I know it's you saying, "Hi, Mom"!
We love you and miss you terribly!!

A letter to Galadriel (Gally)

2010-09-23T14:19:10+01:00

I miss you very much you were a big part of our family. We treated you like my sibling and mom and dad treated you like their child. You were spoild rotten, but a wonderful family pet. Throughout my childhood years you were always there for me when I needed comforting and, although you never spoke, you always knew how to make me feel better. I know all our family misses you terribly even after 2 years and getting our new dog, Chelsea, hasn't replaced you in our hearts. I use to be able to hold up in movies when a dog passed, but ever since we lost you I've never been able to hold myself from shedding a waterfall of tears because I miss you so much. You've been my insparation for everything in school from writing to my artwork and you and Chelsea are still always on my mind. November 6, 2008 was one of the saddest day of my life. That morning dad told me to say goodbye to you since you might not return from your trip to the vets. That morning while you were outside before going to the vets something terribly wrong happened. I've never really gotten the whole story, but from what I remember you had a stroke. You survived untill you got to the vets and dad made the hardest decision of his life to euthanize you so you wouldn't be in anymore pain. When I came home from school my closest friend, and sister, in the whole world was gone. It was very rough for the family, dad secretly cried outside after dinner because he always took you out after dinner every night. He couldn't do that anymore though. We've held up pretty good over the years and Chelsea has helped. Although she's not you, we love her with all our hearts and care for her as well. She's aslo a spoild dog just like you were and goes for many walks during the day. Shes had some behavior issues lately and its been so hard that dad has said if we didn't end up with Chelsea, she probablly would have been ut down by now. If there's any way you can guide her to control herself, she needs the help. 2 whole years and we still think about you every day and i have many pictures around you around my room and i sleep with 4 sheltie stuffed animals everynight n when I'm having a hard time i cuddle up to one and ask you for help. You were a beautiful and smart dog so we all hope you are happy wherever you are and no pain is coming to you. We love and miss you so much, you were a wonderful family pet.
*Peace*Love*Happiness*

A letter to Zane

2010-09-21T18:25:18+01:00

You've been gone only a few hours and I already miss you terribly. I am struggling to comprehend how illness could have snatched you away so quickly. Not long ago you were a young and vibrant kitten, full of mischief and fun. Then FIP swooped in, the most dreaded of dread disease. My darling boy, how you fought to live. I am so eternally sorry that we couldn't do more to help you. Sweet, sweet little cat, in your year of life you brought us such joy. I am honored to have been your human mom. I don't know what the universe has in store for us after we die, but I do know that if there is any justice, any grace at all, you are reunited with your kitty mother; I know you always missed her. Little one, I am so glad you are out of pain. You will always have a piece of my heart.
All my love!

A letter to Ben

2010-09-15T16:47:37+01:00

It's been two years since we have lost you. Although you occasionally visit us and let us know you are still around I find it tough to accept you are no longer physically here to share your life with us. Just when I think I am coping it hits me like I've had the wind knocked out of me. I just want you to know I feel like I could have done more for you, but realistically I know that it was one hurt your Mummy couldn't fix. I am glad you waited for me on your final night, I wouldn't have forgiven myself otherwise. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to say to you that we would miss you and that if you felt you needed to go to just go. I wanted to be selfish and keep you forever. I was never disappointed in you, just angry with myself that I couldn't make the cancer go away. You are my little boy, and will always be my buddy to nap with and go in the car with. I hope you will stay with me in spirit at this time, I still need you. I've been told you have important work to do elsewhere and I am jealous and don't accept it but I will try to understand. You will continue to be a part of my life and I hope you will be watching and waiting for us to someday reunite. You made both Daddy and me happy and we shared a lot of love, comfort and laughs with you - sometimes at your expense. We still talk about you and the adventures we had: camping, your attempts at swimming, your favorite foods, your plushy fur, the naps we took, moodiness, how you hated the dark, and how we loved you and you loved us. It will never be the same without you.

A letter to Marley

2010-08-30T17:17:21+01:00

Your human mom, Lynn, spoke to me today and told me that you had passed peacefully earlier this week. That feeling of loss arose as she was talking, but if I had not had the pleasure of meeting you, I would have been less that I am today. Even though we met but once in your lovely yard, Lynn and I had consulted on several occasions about your old-age afflictions. I can sympathize with that, Marley, because I too am no longer the picture of youth!
However, I must say that you were a most handsome fellow! I bet you were quite the lady charmer when you were young, catting around with all the females. Lynn said that you had a good evening when groomed by your master the day before you left us. And he gave you a pep talk, I hear. Then you were so relaxed that you decided to nap under your favorite bush in the yard...so comfy in the love... you passed quickly.

I'm writing this remembrance to you to let Lynn know that you occupy a special place in my heart too, AND because I know that you will be very proud of yourself to have made such an impression on a non family member.

So rest in peace, my good man. You were loved and mingled with the souls of your human friends.

A letter to Grandma

2010-08-23T12:03:14+01:00

It's been 5 months and 13 days since you left us (but who's counting?). I still find the grief unbearable and overwhelming most of the time. I know you wouldn't want it that way. I do find some comfort in knowing you're in Heaven, always watching over us, inheriting the Kingdom which He promised, reuniting with Granny & Nancy and probably playing A LOT of poker! I'm finally to a point where I feel like working through my grief with a counselor. I think we're all getting there, now that the initial shock has worn off. It will take some time, but we will all be ok.

We love you so very much and miss you every second of everyday. Not a minute goes by that you're not in my thoughts.

I love you!!

A letter to Shadow

2010-08-22T08:13:45+01:00

It has been about three months since you passed over the rainbow bridge, but I see you every day in my heart. Eighteen years together is not small for a cat that had been abandoned as a yearling and arrived on our deck with a horrible racking respiratory infection. It was touch and go for about a month, wasn't it? But I guess you felt our love and knew that if you could just get well, we would care for you forever! Funny thing is that your voice never came back to its normal robust volume and for the rest of your life, when you tried to "meow", you just "squeaked". I'm smiling because this was very endearing.

You were a very solidly built feline, like many of your cousins from England - short, stocky legs, muscular body and what we call a bull head, wide and masculine. I'm sorry that I was never able to enter you in the Household Pet category of a cat show because, in your prime, you would have won!

I miss that black paw snaking out as I pass to grab my hand and attention. It was your way of saying, "Hey, Here I am, how about a treat?" I always thought that there would be more days together; you left so suddenly. Funny thing was that the vet thought there was not a major problem and your bloodwork came back showing good health for an oldster. Dr. G. says that it must have been a blood clot that suddenly took you. I had left for work, but do you remember that Calvin cradled you in his arms when he found you on your side? You took a few more breaths and then slid away. I wish I had been there to whisper how I loved you and that you had to travel to the light now.
I'm sure that your old pals greeted you on the other side. Did Squealer say hi?

Anyway, Shadow, you were an easy cat - you never asked for much and always had a hug for anyone who picked you up. That should get you a high ranking as an Angel cat! Although I'm sorry your time with us ended in an instant, I'm glad you didn't linger and suffer. We miss you terribly and so does your old companion Jesse and even Bippy. Jesse wouldn't eat for a few days and is just fading in grief. I've tried to perk him up, but he won't hear it. So here is what I'm asking you, now that you are an Angel:

Come and comfort Jesse. If he really wants to go with you, then stay by his side while he makes the transition over the bridge, or maybe you can convince him to stay here awhile longer. Both of you came to us together eighteen years ago and he is just lost, even though Bippy is trying to comfort him. We will take care of Jesse, of course, but it is you he wants. Be with him.

I'm sure you know that I go to our little graveyard in the woods and say a prayer for all the Furries that spent some time on earth with us and now rest in peace. You have a place there, but more importantly, you are in my heart and soul. I wish you could enjoy the screened in patio with us this summer, but I bet you are trotting all over the yard, chasing chipmunks!

Well, I'm going to close for now, Shadow, Please give a spirit visit to your old pal, Jesse, as soon as you get this message. You're great!

A letter to Cricket

2010-08-10T17:08:09+01:00

Happy Birthday Pal!!!!!
It has been almost two months since you left me behind for that open field in the sky. I still miss you very much. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I even say goodnight to you every night. I still feel like a part of me went with you that day.
I wonder every once and awhile if you accepted Buddy into our extended family, because you knew he would help to mend our broken hearts. He has picked up on a lot of stuff too that you used to do. It makes me wonder when I see it , if you are whispering something in his ear. I think maybe you are trying to tell us that a part of you will always be with us.
We put a head stone on your grave. That way people would know how special you are. If you are around Spicey, Pepper, Misty, Kristy,Brandy, Muffin, and Molly. Tell them that there is a headstone for them too. Also tell them that their human Mommy loves and Misses them too.
I start back to work soon. It will be even harder to come home now and not have you there to greet me. You always knew just what I needed when I got home.
I am sorry that I was not there at the vets on that day. I really wanted to. I even tried to say good bye and I love you. But other people told me not to. They said it was better for me. I knew it wasn't. They got to say good bye to you, the last thing I said was love you Crickie as they took you away.
I don't know if you can see it or not. I ordered 2 necklaces to help me cope. One is a paw print with a bone, the other is a heart. The heart say "Always in my heart" which is where you will be. You may have seen two other dogs hanging out with some of my other dogs. Their are apart of our extended dog family. The neighbors next door to us had a golden retriver, and a mutt. Those dogs are good dogs too.
In my heart I believe that you are waiting in the field for the day when you can see me again. I hope you are happy and have lots of friends to play with. I also hope that you still get a chance to see a deer go by. I know how much you love to do that.
I haven't seen your friend Daisy at all this summer. I am almost afraid to go over there and find out. I am scared to find out that something happened to her. If something did and she is up there with you. Tell her Hi from me.
I will always love You Cricket. You helped me through alot. I just wish I could of helped you sooner. Then maybe you would be here right now laying at my feet as I type on the computer.

A letter to Ruby

2010-08-07T12:03:03+01:00

It's been a little over a month since you've been gone, and I still can't believe it. Letting you go that day was the hardest thing Mommy and Daddy ever had to do. But, you were struggling each day, even though you acted like a trooper. We know in our hearts that you were ready to go.
I remember so vividly the day you came into our lives. Daddy saw your face come around the corner at work on the pet adoption day and immediately fell in love with you. He called me and told me I had to come to see you because we needed to have you. So I came to see you and brought Buzia to meet you, and headed straight to the shelter to adopt you.
Although I at first had my doubts about adopting a second dog, you added so much joy to our lives. You loved going for walks and got so excited when we got your leash out. You would do this silly dance up and down the hall, because you couldn't contain yourself. You loved treats and getting them out of your Kong bone. You would look at us and puff out your cheeks, and when we said you looked like a frog, you'd bark at us. When a bus would drive down the street, you'd bark at it. You loved spending time outside.
I always felt there was a sadness in you, though. And it seemed to me that you were still looking for something. And it was obvious that you were poorly socialized as a puppy or traumatized somehow. You were so afraid of storms and would curl up in the corner of our bedroom, shaking. I would feel so sad that I couldn't comfort you. I often wondered what your previous owners did to you and why and how they really brought you to the shelter.
But I'm so glad they did! It was such a gift to be your Mommy and Daddy. It was the most important thing in the world to us. Taking care of you and loving you and your sisters and brother was our biggest joy.
Toward the end of your life, you had special needs that required extra effort on our parts, but we want you to know that we were never mad at you for anything. When we seemed upset, it was just because we were tired, but not upset with you. Even with all your challenges, you still were such a sweet girl. You kept on going, and insisted on going for walks, even though they weren't very long or far anymore.
We hope you know we tried to give you the best life possible, and everything we did, we did because we loved you. We miss you so much and still see you everywhere -- in your bed, helping us get ready in morning like you did, in the doorway when we come home, walking around the yard.
We pray that you're truly in a better place where you're happy and pain-free. And that you found whatever it was that I felt you were always looking for. Spending seven years with you was so wonderful, and too short of a time. Having that last day together was beautiful. Sending you on your journey to your next place was so hard for us, yet we were so happy we were able to do it in such a peaceful, calm way in our home. We believe that we will see you again some day, when our souls will be reunited.
I'm sure you know that your little sister, Mila, is very ill. She will be joining you in a couple of days. It is extremely hard for us to have to let her go so soon after we let you go, but at least we know that the two of you will now be together. We think she misses you so much, that she decided she wants to follow you. Please be looking for her as she passes from us to you. Take care of each other and wait for us together.
We all miss you and will love you forever. You will always be in our hearts.

A letter to Buford

2010-08-03T16:06:01+01:00

It broke my heart today to put you to sleep. I wish there was some other way. When you bit my hand on Sunday with such force it scared and devastated me. I realized then so viscerally what I think I always knew but could not admit -- that you were not happy and had not been happy for a long time. I know that you wanted a certain kind of happiness that your papa and I couldn’t give to you. I know too that you had something emotionally going on inside you that made you frustrated at times, happy at times and forlorn at times. It wasn’t anything that you did or didn’t do or that we did or didn’t do. It just was. It killed your papa and I that we couldn’t figure out what to do to make you happy and give us peace in our home the way we needed it. We pray you have found your joy, your happiness and your peace in heaven.

This morning when papa let you outside, I saw you sitting on the rug, looking at the morning sun hit the trees and breathing in the cold fresh air. I came outside and sat next to you. We watched the beauty of the sun and the outdoors in the quiet silence. Somewhere in that quiet stillness there was peace. A peace emerging from the beauty that existed in the present. I felt you tell me that what was going to happen was all right because you already had the gift of the peace of that moment. It was a peace that many humans search years for but you were always able to find in our little back yard. It is why you rarely jumped the wall, because you found what you needed within the safety and beauty of our garden. Thank you for teaching me the value of stillness, solitude, cherishing the outdoors and not taking for granted the beauty in my surroundings, even in a little back yard.
You were shaking in my arms before the vet came in and your papa and I tried to calm you through our tears. You were so brave and gentle in facing this, like the true Alpha cat that you always knew you were but never got the chance to be. We wanted to be there to give you our comforting smells, voices and crying faces that would be the last images and thoughts you would take from this life. I know I heard you purr right before you died and it comforted me to hear the sound you make when you are most relaxed and happy.
Thank you for all the wonderful memories of: bending your head low for a head pet, chewing on my finger on the left side of your mouth, plopping into my arm crook for a cuddle, sitting for hours in your spot under the cape honeysuckle bush to escape the summer heat and look for bugs, wanting to share the lizards, birds and rats you caught with us, your dear high pitched meow that sounded like you were saying “milk” and your low pitched meow that sounded like “wow,” loving to play with stick toys and the hanging creature toy in our bedroom, your drowsy eyes when you would wait on the counter for Friskies, knowing how to sneak outside without us seeing you, being the toughest guy and the fraidiest kitty all at the same time, and always coming to me with a meow when I called you “Buford honey.”
Your papa and I will miss you my dear little boy. You were my baby, my forlorn one, my rat catcher, my one and only Buford honey.
We will always love you, dear Buford.

A letter to Brutus

2010-07-30T19:52:58+01:00

Oh Brutus (Brutie Boy, as Lydia always called you) It's been a week since you left us so suddenly, and never could we have imagined what a huge hole you would leave behind. We miss you so much, the sound of your paws on the porch, seeing you laying in the big hole you dug under the swing, running to greet us everytime we got home.
Lydia is having a hard time understanding why you're not here anymore. You were her best friend, she seems so lost without you. She won't go out to play because you're not there. She just wants to read you stories in her tent and hug your big furry neck. She always called you her protector and she misses you so much that it's painful to watch.
She is so worried that you are afraid where you are now, but I told her that you are happy playing with other dogs and that you are with your Daddy again.
I can't believe it's been 11 1/2 years since you were born in our kitchen. We chose to keep you out of a litter of eight because you stole our hearts almost instantly. You were such a contradiction, shoving everyone else out of the way to eat, like a big brute (how you got your name) but then hiding between my feet like you were terrified when we took you outside to play in the snow.
We found a nice spot for you to rest in and tomorrow Lydia and I are going to decorate a special stone for you. We found it the morning we went looking for you and Lydia insisted we bring it home, it just seems fitting that we use it to help remember you.
Even as I write this I can't hold back the tears, I just want to rub your furry neck and, yes, I even miss you drooling on my feet.
I hope you knew how much you were loved. We miss you and we'll never forget you. I hope you're happy wherever you are my big Brute.
You'll always have a very special place in our hearts.

A letter to Beloved Bear

2010-07-29T15:05:28+01:00

It's been only a few days since you left this world so the hurt is still very fresh. I still can't believe you are no longer going to be part of my cancer healing and life. I'm still in shock. I can't really look at pictures of you just yet but you're always on my mind, every minute of the day.

I'm finding so many every day things difficult which I did not expect. Going to sleep is hard, all I do is think of you. What could I have done to prevent what happened to you. Why did it happen. Why you. Why now. What did I do to deserve this. Why more [removed]. The ultimate what the f*@k.

Waking up is just as worse. I miss letting you out of your crate, tail wagging against it. (thump, thump, thump) Then you go beserk with your toy, wanting to play first thing in the morning. I miss you following me from kitchen to living room to the bedroom while I get ready. Giving me the look of hope if you get to come to work with me. Our morning walks. Our morning cuddles. I still look in the tub to see if you've peed in it.

I can't even make a soy smoothie yet because I used to give you a little. You and your little soy shake beard.

I hate coming home. I miss you jumping on me. Then you would nudge me with your toy, you are ever so keen to play. No one stares at me anymore when I eat. As I sit here, sometimes I think you will still pop out from under the couch to play or hear you make funny noises when you're dreaming.

My car is not the same with you riding in it, crying at me to take your seatbelt off once you knew we were near work. How on earth do you know which exit it is?

My work friends miss you too. It dawned on me that they've known you for 5 years of your life! So many people said that you were the highlight of their day when you're in the office. You brought so much happiness and joy to so many people.

I can't even pick up my keys without thinking that you'd pop out from under the couch to give me the guilty look for leaving you home.

I will miss traveling with you. I'm glad you got to go camping with all my friends & experience your first swim. We would've swum more if it weren't so cold! Even my Aussie friends are heartbroken.

I have no idea why I had to lose you especially in this time when I needed you the most as part of my healing process. I want to just hold you.

I hope that you thought I was the best mama to you even when I gave you tough love.

I miss you so much it hurts but I'm glad you are in a much happier place. I bet you get to eat whatever you want now.

I love you very much Bear. You made me very happy, you made me laugh and you gave me great joy. You're my best friend.

Love always and forever.

A letter to Mingo

2010-07-27T12:43:12+01:00

My heart still breaks for you everyday. I miss you so much! There is not a day that has gone by that i have not thought of you. I say a prayer for you every night. I also tell you goodnight each evening and send a kiss your way. The house is not the same without you in it. Baby Girl misses you, i can tell. Hayden sees your picture on my phone and talks to you every night as well.

Believe it or not Perry still cries for you. He is all the time saying "Why did Mingo have to go?" I just tell him that it was your time, and you are no longer suffering. Daddy is lonely without you, he misses playing ball with you. I kept your bed in the same spot that it was, sometimes Baby Girl lays in it. Your food bowl is still out too. God I miss you so much!

I remember when i first brought you home. You were so tiny! You would sleep at the top of my pillow, on my head! I took you everywhere I went. As you got older I could not go anywhere in the house without you being right by my side (even to the bathroom!). Sometimes I still look down to see if you are there, but you are not.

There are times when I hear what sounds like you walking around in the hallway, and sometimes I think that it is you just checking on us! I made you a nice memorial up on the hill. I can look out the kitchen window and look up at you everynight. I hung solar powered latern's by your grave so you would have light. I also hung a bird feeder out for you, because I know you loved to chase those birds! We also put a couple stepping stones out there as your marker. Perry came up with the idea of everyone putting their handprints on your grave marker, it looks really good! Even Hayden's handprint is on there.

My world seems to be empty without you. I was devestated when you passed away! I think I cried for a week straight. I knew that it would happen eventually given your health situtations, but you were such an active dog even though you had heart problems that we thought that you would live for a long long time! God I miss you so very much, that it hurts!

May you rest in peace my sweet Mingo baby! I love you to the moon and back. I will always have a special place for you in my heart. Love you always!

A letter to Finnegan

2010-07-23T17:21:19+01:00

It doesn't matter how many years pass, Buddy-Boo, I still think of you every day. We had quite the life, didn't we, the three of us? You had this way of binding us together as a family. When we lost you, we lost that.
The week after you died, I went into seclusion and came out a few days later with a draft of a book I had written about you. I found it again a few months ago and read it over, sure that it would be just maudlin and schlock. And it was partially that, but even relevantly, it was a beautiful portrait of you and the people and places you loved.
I was reminded of so many things about you:
Your face after you'd been running in the snow, like in the picture.
The blissful holidays we spent up in Maine.
Your loving, welcoming, gentlemanly aspect, (as long as no cats were involved).
Your big tree in the back yard, and how you would chase the groundhogs who dared to trespass on your property.
Grooming sessions and baths, to which you patiently submitted, knowing how handsome you'd look on the other end (not to mention the treats you'd earn on the way).
The way you would take a proffered carrot out of my hand, carry it to "your" rug, arrange it between your front paws, plop your big fluffy butt down and munch away contentedly.
You were so well brought-up. That was your other daddy's doing more than mine. You and I were more like co-conspirators, best friends. I let you get away with lots more than I should have. But you had stolen my heart... how could I deny you anything?
Sometimes I wonder if I have ever loved another being as much as I loved you. There are times when I think that I am really deficient in the love department, that I can only take love, that I don't know how to give it. You set the perfect example of how to love purely, though. You didn't play favorites; you loved everyone on their own terms, and you gave them exactly what they needed. You could be a buoyant playmate or a companion in sorrow. Or sometimes just a barking maniac. That was okay, too, because you always kept us feeling watchdog-safe.
I know it was hard on you when we moved. How you missed your big backyard. We all three missed it. But you adapted to apartment life, and there was more than enough green just down the street in the park where we would spend time every day.
I think back to the really happy times, and I think back to the black times, and you were always there. On rare occasions you instigated the trouble, like when you ate several feet of that rag rug and had to have emergency surgery. Or the time you got out from the backyard and we wandered the streets calling for you for what seemed like hours, and then when when you finally found me and tore across the street in front of that truck.
I tried never to take you for granted, because I knew that you were a gift, and a rare one, and that I would never have another friend like you. I hope I was able to give back just a portion of what you offered to me.
When we found out you were sick and we had no idea how much longer we would have you: those are the most bittersweet memories for me. You and I would go sit in the park and I would hold you close to me and brush out your beautiful wheaten coat. And you would curl up like a big baby in my arms and I would sing, so softly, in one of your fluffy blue ears: "My Love is Like a Red, Red, Rose."
"And I will love thee still, my dear, till a' the seas gang dry."
And you would look at me from under those big bushy eyebrows with those brown, soulful eyes of yours, and I would know the best happiness I have ever known.
Every time I pass a wheaten terrier on the street, I know that there is a little angel, an urchin spirit, still beaming down love upon me. I see them, and it's like you're there all over again, my little Fluff Nugget.
So if you ever sense that I'm down and missing you more than I can bear, just let my eye fall on a little cousin of yours. I'll get the message.

A letter to To my dear Smoke

2010-07-22T17:36:45+01:00

I wrote a poem for you, because I was so so sad about losing you. I do that even to this day to express emotions. I hope you like the poem. I still feel like in some way it was my fault, that if I did not have your hernia fixed at the same time as having you "fixed" then this would not have happened. Even though they said it was an accident and told me what happened I still had a hard time dealing with it. Your brother is still not coping very well, he promised never to get close to another animal. I am still blaming myself and this is one way to help me cope. I miss your spunk and I still think about you all the time. I miss you so very much. I know that God is taking care of you now. I hope your sharing the blanket with him as you always stole them from me. Well, here is the poem and I will see you one day. Please forgive me. I am so sorry. I love you still.

Our Dog Smoke

One shiny night on a day in September
we rushed you to the ER
We did not know how much pain you were in
until the doc said, you were too far-gone
We made our decision in love and in fear
for we did not want to lose our dear friend Smoke

No more will we see your tail wag
or see your eyes light up when Kevin comes through the door
Dj will miss his best friend, when he goes to play fetch
and miss you nipping at his leg

You are in our hearts and we will love you always
You were only one year old, but acted like a dog of twenty
Your spunk and playfulness we will miss;
nevertheless, we feel it in our soul and it is then we will blow the air a kiss
Please catch our kisses Smoke, for they are for you and you alone,
take care of God as you sit by his side and make sure to uncover him
when you sleep by his side

In memory of Smoke
August 2005-September 16,2006

Love you always baby

A letter to Woody

2010-07-20T07:39:04+01:00

After A long period of watching my best friend slowly going downhill, I made the decision that I thought would come later than sooner. It breaks my heart to lose him and I know I'll never recover from it. I did what was best for him not me. I know he was suffering but he would never show it. He gave me one long lick on the face more to tell me thanks for a wonderful life and to finally let him go. He was a Therapy dog that made many, many people happy. That was the great part of owning such a great dog. Therapy for so many people. He just loved to do it. Yesterday when I had him go to the happy hunting grounds was not such heartache as it is today. I know the decision was right for him and I just think now I was being selfish for not letting him go sooner. He's with all of his friends and I hope to god I'll see him again. A mother was telling her little girl that dogs have short lives and the girl said that's because they love so hard their whole life it takes every bit of energy out of them. I believe that. I know it takes time to heal heartaches but this one is forever. I love you Woody and I hope you are free of pain now. I also have another yellow lab(Lucy) that knows he's in a better place. She's not the same as she was yesterday. I'd Like to Thank my wonderful mother, sisters, my Niece and mother-in-law for being there for me. You just never know how much you love them until they are gone. Woody you'll never be forgotten. Please God take great care of him. I know you will.

A letter to Gilbert

2010-07-13T16:07:54+01:00

Words cannot express how much you meant to me. You lived for 15 years and every day you were my best friend. I loved you so much and I know that you hung around a lot longer then you wanted because you loved us so much. I remember how much you loved to be around people and everyone loved you so much. When we got Cooper, I know you were upset but you really took it in stride and learned to love him. I miss you so much Gilbert. Thank you for all the love, wags and kisses. You will be in my heart forever.

A letter to CJ

2010-07-13T09:29:31+01:00

I miss you so much everyday! You were the sweetest puppy ever. Nobody knows me the way you did! I don't know if what we did at the end was right or wrong. I wanted to keep you here....that was selfish of me. Please always know we loved you! We have Maddie and Nelly w/ us. I wonder how you would have all gotten along!We were so lucky for the time we had you. I love you sweetie!
Be at peace and I will see you again someday!
Love
Mama

A letter to Trixie and Teddy

2010-07-13T06:15:31+01:00

Trix, it's been 2 years now since you've been gone. I'm so glad I rescued you from that home, oh so many years ago... I miss you so much. Thanks for being my girl!

Teddy,
It's been almost a year now since you've been gone. My favorite dream is of you bouncing around, free, running through the grass. I miss your grumpiness.
I miss your toothless smile! I miss your gentle nudges and kisses!

A letter to Turtle, Tessa, and Nelson

2010-07-12T02:59:18+01:00

Dear Turtle,

I called you Not-My-Kitty for the first six months of your stay with us. I was sure we would find you a new home. But you stole my heart and stayed for two years. I had no idea how hard it would be to say good-bye to you. I wanted the Vet to tell me that another round of antibiotics would give us more time - he had always done so before - but I knew.

You were my time-keeper. I have never been a morning person but each day you woke me with a soft paw to the chin and a silent meow. And each morning I rose with you and the sun to feed you. You ran a tight ship needing a meal every five hours. We all got used to it. After you left, it took me a long time to stop waking with a start wondering where you were. It took a long time to stop trying to open a can of food every five hours. I don't think I will ever stop missing you.
? - 09/15/2009

Dear Tessa,

Your name means fourth child, and that is what you were to me. Losing you hurt as if I was losing a child I'd birthed. I wanted you to be ok. I wanted you to stay with me. I knew you couldn't.

I miss your snoring. I miss you standing on my feet. I miss your sweet face. I knew the day you were born that there would be a day we'd have to part - eleven years doesn't seem to be enough. Summer has begun and I miss plucking your poofs and letting the wind carry them out of the yard. You were my chunk-o-lina, my sweet pupper-girl. You raised the boys right and you taught Abby all the dog rules. You were an amazing companion to all of us.
3/23/1998 - 10/21/2009

Dear Nelson,

After losing Turtle and Tessa every one else in the house was ordered to be healthy for 365 days. You made it eight months. The cancer took you so fast. You were playing with a foam ball like a kitten on Friday and only partly alive by Sunday morning.

I wasn't sure we should adopt you. You were older than I was looking for. But when you showed us your big heart, I was sold. Little did I know just how much you would touch my life in the three years I shared with you.

Turtle was my time-keeper and Tessa was my heart, but you were my man. You took care of all your girls. You groomed them and loved them and still had time to love on me. I miss seeing you sitting by the door as I come in each day. I still look at the cat tree and want to find you there. I miss you tapping me on the leg asking to be picked up and cuddled. I miss you sleeping in the crook of my arm each night. I keep searching the shelters looking for a cat that can replace you; that's a search that will last the rest of my life.
? - 6/6/2010

Be well my friends. XO

A letter to WALLACE

2010-07-09T10:55:14+01:00

When you were first born, I had no idea what an incredible gift from God you were. In the days that past, you and I seemed to forge a bond that I have nor will probably ever have again with human or animal. You were the most loving animal, friendly to everyone, even thought you were so large, at first people were frightened of you, then they saw what a big sweet tender heart you had and couldn't help but love you. I loved the way you LOVED the ball, you slept with it, and even tried to eat with once. No matter what I had going on in my life Wallace, you knew what I needed, and you were there for me. I hope that I somehow was as good to you as you were to me, I know that you deserved the best, because that is what you were. You made your rounds and stole everyone in this families heart, When you got sick it was so hard to believe because you have always been the definition of energy and health.It seems unfair that you only had 8 1/2 years with us. But I know you are with God, and I know that I will see you again one day..We had the best times together, and I will forever love and miss you, Wallace you are my best friend and I you will always have you in my heart.

A letter to Mom

2010-07-07T07:43:13+01:00

I miss you, mom
---- But I'm not gone
I miss you, mom
---- But I'm still there
I miss you, mom
---- My heart surrounds you
I miss you, mom
---- I'm everywhere
I miss you, mom
---- Don't suffer, son
I miss you, mom
---- We're not apart
I miss you, mom
---- I'm with you still
I love you, mom
---- With all my heart

A letter to Murphy

2010-07-06T18:51:08+01:00

I miss you more than words can say. It's only been a day since I said goodbye to you, and I can't even think of you without bursting into tears. My heart is broken. The house just seems empty without you in it. Everyone keeps telling me that you are in a better place, and I truly believe that. It doesn't make me feel better right now. It just reminds me how much I love and miss you.

All of your "antics" over these last fourteen years are what made you so special and what endeared you to all of us. My sweet, gentle giant, you will always be loved, and we are all better off for having you in our lives. I hope that soon my tears will turn to laughter when I think of you.

I would never dream of allowing you to suffer another minute for my own selfish reasons, and I am so glad you were able to "tell" me that you were ready to go. I cherish the last hour of "snuggle time" we had on the floor as you allowed me to stroke your head. Even then you were able to kiss my tears away.

You were a remarkable example of unconditional love, and I will miss you so dearly.

A letter to Ludwig

2010-07-06T18:31:04+01:00

I have always proclaimed myself to be a cat person, and I must admit I am attracted to their curious antics and their quirkiness. They certainly have a lot of "personality."

Even though you're gone the house is not lacking in personality. Between your screwball brother, your nuerotic mother and your fastidious father, we have enough personality in spades.

What is missing in this house is the kindness, gentleness and constant affection that you offered. Not to mention the patience and loyalty. This house is colder with you not in it, and every room feels empty now that you're not laying by my feet, looking up at me with your soft brown eyes.

I took you for granted, Lud. You were the goofy dog who would love ANYBODY, I told myself. As if THAT we're an inherent flaw. I could use some of that affection now. I wish you could comfort me, assure me with a tender nuzzle of your head, that what we did to you was the right thing. And that we did not do wrong by you.

Finny is doing his best to comfort me, but he in no way compares to you.

I love you, Lud. And I'm sorry that nature and "circumstances" dealt you such a cruel hand. If there is a heaven, please wait for me. I've called on a few angels to keep you company until I can look into your kind brown eyes again.

A letter to Enchanted Moose

2010-07-06T18:27:56+01:00

You are my best friend and companion, I miss you too much to put into words. Everything I try to do I look for you behind me, you're not there. I call out your name, you are not there. I hope you are no longer in pain, I'm hurting for the both of us. The pain is as fresh as when you left on June21. We have lost a lot in the past year but it is not fair that you too were taken from me. I love you and miss you every minute of every day.

A letter to Ringo

2010-07-06T13:41:20+01:00

What a wonderful companion you were to me. I love all your little quirks; your fear of squeaky toys, your lopsided ears, and of course your loyalty to anything that would get rid of things you didn't like. You came to us full grown with a mysterious past we could never figure out, but to us you were our puppy. Alas you had little use for play but got endless enjoyment out of sitting in the grass, letting the wind flap your beagle ears. Its been a few years since you left us but I'll always have your paw print on my heart. I'll love you always,

A letter to Louie

2010-07-06T13:32:25+01:00

I lost you in Jan. but you'd been sick for a while. Thanks for being my buddy for so
many years even if you really weren't the best dog ever. I still loved you the best. Hopefully, we'll meet again, my love....

A letter to Maggie

2010-07-06T11:22:18+01:00

I am so happy that I had the pleasure of meeting you, helping you and finding you a loving home in your last days. I met you while I was working. You would come over, begging for food. Most of the staff fed you, but I'm sure not all of them did. I would go the your home, if you can call it that and ask them to keep you in the house, but they never did. I think I saw you almost hit by cars, as you crossed the street, over a dozen times. You poor girl couldn't hear them, or maybe you didn't really care. I decided that day you came to visit us with icicles hanging off your underside that I would find you a good home. I wanted to take you in myself, but I knew my boys would give you a difficult time and you were such an old gal, I wouldn't let you go through that. I'm so sorry that I made you live at the pound for that week. It was the 'legal' way of doing things. I am so thankful those people that had you didn't come looking for you! I begged my sister to foster you until I could get you into a new home. You were a typical dog's dog, didn't like people in your face, or touching your things and you couldn't hold your bladder very well either, I knew I had to find just the right family for you. I didn't think my sister would be able to help you for a long time, you know what a clean freak she is! But...your Daddy fell head over heels for you! After a few days, so did your Mommy and they wouldn't let you leave them, they loved you so much!! Your Daddy took you everywhere with him. You loved watching the hockey games! They were so worried that day you broke free, to go do your doggie things once more, by yourself. They were everjoyed when you showed up several hours later, filthy, with a giant smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye! The last few days of your life, your Daddy was so sad. He knew you were going to have to go soon. He called me on your last day, ready to set you free so you could do your doggie things forever. I am so happy I got to be with you at the end of your life. I am so happy you cuddled with you Daddy. You change him you know. He was a grump before you. You brought such happiness into his life for the three years you lived with him! And to think the vets said you were between 15 and 17 and would be lucky to make it 6 months! You showed them girl! You may not have had the greatest life before, but I know you did for at least a few years and that you did so much to help your new family. You loved them and you never stopped liking me a whole lot too. I wish you could have stayed a little longer, but I'm happy you didn't have too much pain and you had so much love in your life. Thank you my Maggie May for comming into our lives, letting us love you and changing our worlds. I love you sweetie!

A letter to Biggie, Boook & Roo

2010-07-06T08:46:54+01:00

Earthly greetings to my "heavenly" Thundering Herd! It sure is quiet here without you - coming through the door at times is unbearable as each of you passed within a 18 month period. What long and wonderful lives you had- we are so thankful for our times together - you were my angels with wet noses!! I look forward to our next meeting on the other side of that Rainbow Bridge I've heard so much about, but in the meantime, have fun, feel well and thank you Biggie, Boook & Roo for all the times you made me feel so special and blessed to have you in my/our lives. We miss you so much and think of you guys every day!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!

A letter to Mom

2010-06-27T23:51:14+01:00

I still can't believe you are gone. It's so unbelievable.

I stop myself sometimes from calling and catch myself thinking that I can still stop by on the way home.

It wasn't enough time, though I am grateful for the time we had... I am wrecked with the thoughts of your final days. It was so hard to stay positive for you. Especially when you would ask if I thought you might make it... I wish that I had thought so, but I was seeing you deteriorate so fast, it seemed impossible and I guess it ultimately was. Nobody outside understood, they kept trying to be positive and would remind me of people we knew that had survived cancer, lived with cancer, beat cancer. Everyone was very supportive and warm; in some ways, that made it harder.

I still can't believe that you are gone. I feel as though you are as close as you've ever been. It's like being teased, really.

I remember watching as you died, you stared blankly at me and kept asking me to help you. There was nothing I could do but my best to comfort you. I pet your hair and kept trying to reassure you and express my love. I have held on so tight to your last words to me, "I love you too." They are emblazoned in my auditory memory and when I think or say aloud, "I love you mom," I can hear your reply.

I remember watching as you began to take your last few breaths. You may even have already been gone, watching us as we sang you on your way. We prayed some of your favorite prayers. My heart broke there and I can't shake the images of that last hour. To see someone I love so much reduced to such pain, agony, fear, sadness is too much to bear.

I hope you are well, I hope you are fearless, I hope you are safe, and I hope you are. I pray that you can hear me when I want you to and that you have been released from that with which you struggled here.

We miss you so much. I miss you.

A letter to Cricket

2010-06-27T11:32:27+01:00

It has been one week now since you left me behind. I am so sorry that I was not there when you needed me. You were always there for me. I am sorry to that I didn't understand that you were trying to tello me how much you were hurting near the end. You always understood everything I said. We miss you so much. I will always Love you. You will be in my heart forever.

A letter to Zoë

2010-06-23T15:58:44+01:00

You came into the world a bit early. They weren’t expecting you for several days when your mum decided to have you in a tulip patch. Your dad and I visited you when you were barely a week old. I remember planting kisses on your head and falling instantly and madly in love with you. You looked like a little loaf of bread.

I remember getting updates. Those first grainy black and white pictures coming over the internet of such a serious little girl.

When I found out you had cancer my heart broke. I knew that you would be taken from us too soon. You were such a trooper. Taking your meds and not complaining. Never a whimper or a sigh. When I saw you start to struggle with the stairs that you had previously run up and down while fetching your toy, I knew you weren’t letting on how much you hurt.

Last Sunday afternoon you sat dawn and decided not to get up. I knew the end was near. You didn’t even want to see your beloved toy. That toy that was never out of your sight.

Later that night you kept kissing my hand with such an intensity that I felt you were telling me that you were ready…and getting in as much love as we both could bear.

You died, later that night, at home, while lying on the same blanket you had slept on your first night with us. You took such a huge piece of my heart with you. I just can’t stop crying, I miss you so much. Your baby sister Emma keeps looking for you as well. I see her confusion as she doesn’t quite understand where you have gone.

I will keep my promise to you. You were a good dog, so brave and beautiful.

I will always love you.

RIP Zoë --- June 1999 June 2010

A letter to Scooter

2010-06-22T19:31:21+01:00

You brought so much to our lives, and I only hope we gave you as much joy and love as you gave to us. You didn't ask for much, just some food, pets, and snuggles on cold nights. You loved the sunny spots that traveled across the lawn in the afternoons, and you were so innocent. I pray every day that you knew how much you were loved, all the way to the end. Your pain was so visible, and every day you suffered, it broke our hearts. I wish there was something more we could have done, I wish I had a magic wand.
You deserved to be at peace, and we miss you so much. I hope that where you are now there is no more pain and you can eat all the fish and chicken you want. I hope there are sunny spots all day long, and cozy places to snuggle if it gets chilly.
We will always miss you.

A letter to Tug

2010-05-31T19:42:08+01:00

I miss you so much. I miss the way that you always greeted me at the door with a tailwag and an "Arrrlooow". I'm so very sorry for making you go for walks when you didn't want to--I didn't know that you had a cancerous tumour in your pelvis that made it painful to walk. I'm sorry that nothing we tried worked to keep you painfree and comfortable. I try and remember the 9 great years that we had together, and not the last 3 months of your life that were so hard for you. I know how much it bothered you to ask for help getting up the stairs--I didn't mean to hurt you when I grabbed you and lifted you up, I was trying to help you. I would never hurt you deliberately. I hope that you understand why I decided to make you cross the Rainbow Bridge when I did--the tumour had eaten all the bone mass in your pelvis, and if you slipped or fell, you would have broken your hip and been in even more agony that you were on a daily basis. I feel like I may have ended your life a week or two prematurely, but I was trying to spare you more pain. What I did, I did out of love, pure love for you. I hope that you understand that. It's been 3 months, and I still miss you so much. I can't believe that I'll never get to see you again, or feel your soft fur, or hear you complain when you want in and I'm not quick enough to get to the door. Wherever you are, I hope that you are not in any pain and can run and play. Know that I love you and miss you and I always always will. I will never ever ever forget you. You are always in my heart.

A letter to RAINBEAR

2010-05-30T22:03:11+01:00

MARCH 1ST 2010 you went to sleep. rain i will never be the same. I pray ,I wish I bow to you my heart& soul please forgive me. you were not ready! I keep seeing & hearing the vet saying she is going to wake up are you sure?! omg rain when you lost your hearing and blind I thought maybe you were so uncomfortable maybe unhappy. yet lisa knew my hands were tied it was as she put the gun in my hand you were tring to wake up.please feel my heart it went with you!!!!!!!!!!you were 19 you kept your promise you never leave me and you were and are so much bigger person then most humans you made me peaceful, we are soulmates and you are & were truly amazing spirit and soul. I just cant believe your not here and that day at vet . hear me feel me I love you you are my heart and it went with you.

A letter to Cupcake

2010-05-26T08:07:22+01:00

I know it's been 2 years since you left, and maybe I shouldn't have grief this raw, but I do. Everyone says time will make it better, and if not make it better, at least dull it a little. I haven't found that to be so. I still miss everything about you, and I still cry when I remember all the love you gave so selflessly. When I was a lonely child, you comforted me. When my world came crashing down in a sea of betrayel and despair, you were there. When I saw no other reason to keep going, you held my cying face in your tiny paws and made me laugh as you licked my tears. You gave me reason, and sometimes, you were the only reason.
14 years wasn't enough. You were my baby before I ever had children. You prepared my heart for the endless love they now recieve. You have touched lives that you will never meet because of your devotion to me. I miss your tiny body curled up next to me, I miss your doggy smell of fur and rawhide, I miss your large eyes whose compassion always filled me with joy, and I miss the way you were content only when it was me at your side.
I know you suffered in the end. I knew you were dying by the look on your face. I was going to do the right thing, and hold you in my arms while the vet put you to sleep for the last time. But you climbed into bed with me that night as I was agonizing over the decision, and you sighed happily. By the next morning, you had passed naturally in your sleep. I think you hung on because you knew how much I needed you. I think that you were able to leave when you saw I was strong enough to let you go. I will love you forever. My heart wil always be yours. My children will know what a dear friend you were to me. For a time, you were my world. Now I hope, that when my day eventually comes, we will be in a world together. Always.

A letter to Jezabel

2010-05-24T16:53:28+01:00

We had so many nick-names for you - Jeza-butt-bell, Fluffin', Jezi, and I always called you my girl. Oh how I love my girl! We miss everything about you and the house will never be the same. We come home to an empty house now, but sometimes we think we see you snoozing in a corner. The other day I stepped on my slipper and I thought it was you! I was eating chicken the other night and just the smell of it reminded me how you'd jump up on the chair to be closer to the people food. In the middle of the night when I wake up and can't get back to sleep - I look for you. I expect you to find me like you usually did. I miss you and I know you miss us too. I hope you're happy and I hope you understand. We had such a strong bond; it'll never go away. We had our own communication, and you were in Heaven on my lap when I pet you the special way only I knew how to do. You made us laugh every day. We made up songs about you and we still sing them. You were the best lovin' girl kitty in the world. So much spunk and personality! When I traveled, I worried about you but you were fine. For 17 years you were fine. I expected you to live forever because I couln't bear the thought of losing you. I hope you come back to visit often. I miss your meow. I miss your funny way of communicating with us. I miss your eyes and your fur and your fluffy tail. I miss the warmth of you lying next to me. I wish I could still hold you - but I will hold you in my memory, in my heart, in my dreams, in my thoughts forever. I miss you little girl and I love you forever.

A letter to Jimmy

2010-05-19T08:48:11+01:00

I saw you on Saturday in the vet hospital and you seemed so happy to see us and you seemed to be getting better and yet that same night, May 15, we got a call in the night that you had died. I miss you so and I can't stop crying.
You were my grand-dog. Beautiful, so smart, big ears, tail that never stopped wagging. a coat that gleamed and you gave your mummy so many kisses. A very unusual little dog - cross between a dachshund and a chocolate lab -with litttle stubby legs. He was both fierce and gentle. You're everywhere Jimmy but you're not here. What can I do - I miss you so.

Please if someone is going through the same, please write me
jmbreeck@aol.com

A letter to Daisy

2010-05-19T00:32:23+01:00

I am so sad that your cycle was ready to pass around. I really loved your ablity to make me smile, even at the hight of my Bipolar, you saved my life so many times I am very sad that I could not do the same for you. I remember your bouncing energy every time I entered a room, didn't matter if I was gone for 5 minutes or 8 hours, you loved me just the way I am, not judgemental. You loved me and looked passed my Mental Illness. I loved how every morning you would like me in the face not allowing me to stay in bed all day, you wanted your walk and where excited that the morning finally came and once again we would go for a walk. I learned from You that love is always possible.

I will always love you, My Daisy-May

A letter to Rain Bear

2010-05-18T22:52:03+01:00

I love you. You are my heart and soul.

A letter to Irma Cujo

2010-05-17T20:16:55+01:00

You left so suddenly. They always said you had a heart murmur but nothing ever came of it. We played in the car as we drove home. You nibbled on your knuckles and licked my hand. But when we got home you ran up to your other Mommy and fell over. Within hours your heart failed. That is impossible, your heart was your strongest feature for you loved me.

Impossible, irrational, stubborn, difficult me. Irma, you loved me.

You have been gone 36 hours now. I keep seeing you. I am not sure why I see you. Buddy your big brother dog has realized now you are gone. He is confused. The cats are indifferent, but aren't they always.

Irma, you are my best friend. You went to work with me everyday. You kept me accountable for myself and life. When my MS acted up your look of compassion would encourage me to get up and play with you or take you out. Now what can I do. Today I stayed home from work and sat on my butt. I tried to nap. I tried to sleep but I would wake up and find myself looking for you.

I can't find you. I know you're here. You're in my heart and my mind. It's kind of funny, you had a lot of Facebook and Twitter fans, they all miss you. I guess your personality was just so big.

I am sorry for any pain you may have been in. I hope there was not much. I did what I could. I tried to kiss and love you every waking moment and had I known I can't say I would do anything different, the doctor said your heart was going to fail, I am glad I was able to spend my time with you. My only wish was we rescued you when you were 7 or 8 and I only had you 6 years.

I miss you so much my very best friend.

A letter to Boo (BooBaby)

2010-05-17T09:32:28+01:00

Baby Im so sorry I was not here to help you...I know it was a rare thing for Mommy to be out of the house after 10 pm...GrandMa say's God needed you more than me & that's why I was gone when He took you...I never thought in a million years a sack of chips would hurt you...I still look at that bag & wonder HOW you got ur BIG head in it and could not pull it off...I know God took you fast & you didnt suffer...Missy was cleaning your ears when Daddy found you....Baby Im so sorry,Im never gonna forgive myself for leaving the chip where you could get them,I know it's my fault your gone & Daddy Misses You so much....It's hard sleeping without you next to me & I dont feel safe at nite with Daddy at work,You know Missy cant hear well so if someone broke in we would be dead B4 Missy realized what was going on LOl...The nite you Passed away I found sum pretty neat stuff,but You know that cuz I know your here watching,what I would do to feel you brush up against me or have you breathing in my ear like u used to do...I miss ur smell and have not washed the bedding because I dont want to ever to erase ur puppy smell... We are getting alot done around the house But You know that to Im sure...Your grave is pretty Not what I want yet But Im trying my Baby to make it beautiful...I hope u like the lights it was the last box of colored ones we could find...I know your free and running & doing all the fun things you didnt get to do on earth...I hope you dont mind Hank & Baily being ion the pen out back,I want to keep them but I dont think Im ready yet for another baby...I try to be Happy my love but it's hard...I have not spilled my coffee since you left & honestly I miss the hot coffee running down my leg cuz you tripped me & I had to yell Dammit Boo and I know you giggled everytime u made me spill it...The baby misses you so much,he said booboo booboo for days after you left...I take him to ur grave but he dont understand yet...Wild strawberries have over taken ur grave & it's beautiful baby,Missy lays beside you alot & Im scared her day is coming she's so old baby I wake up alot to make sure she's breathing LOL Im such a dork I know Baby...God I MISS YOU...Momma kitty had 5 babies yesterday,Buddy [removed]zu thinks he's the Daddy I guess he sure was excited about the babies They are so cut Boo I KNOW u would have loved them...Boo Please let me know your here that you visit I think I hear You late at nite and sumtimes when Im sleeping I wake up cuz I felt sumthing jump on the bed...O BooBoo I didnt realize how much I needed you till it was too late...Daddy says I need a hobby so I got 6 gold fish & an ugly thing that eats the yuck off the tank the gold fish are relaxing to watch,but Id much rather have your head on my lap watching you sleep my love...Just know I will always alway love YOU & I cant wait to be with You & the boys again please keep Guarding the house from anything bad that could happen...I Love You My Angel 2day & Always
Momma,Daddy,Missy,Buddy,Bandit & all the cats....Rest in Peace My Love Bug Boober Baby

A letter to MARK & AMANDA

2010-05-17T06:12:07+01:00

I'M SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THE LOSS OF YOUR DOG. I KNOW
HOW MUCH YOU LOVED HIM. WE ARE THINKING ABOUT YOU BOTH.
WE SEND OUR LOVE AND THOUGHTS TO YOU BOTH.

A letter to Jay bird

2010-05-16T06:37:29+01:00

I'm not coping well without you, your little voice calling me from another room . Your big birdie kisses , your laughing . I miss it all. I would rush home from work everyday for the last 12 years just to see you. I loved your hugs and I loved how much you loved me and relied on me. I can't believe your gone . This is the most painful thing I've ever had to face.I miss you soooo much. You were the most affectionate loving parrot I have ever seen in my life and I'm so happy you got to spend yours with me. I loved you from the day I met you and I will love and miss you till the day I die. My home is quiet without you and my heart hurts terribly. All I see in my head was you perking up and getting happy when I came to the hospital to say goodbye. That will forever be the worst day of my life! I love you baby boy , it's so much more than I love you

A letter to rusty scott

2010-05-14T16:12:10+01:00

I miss you so much, you were my friend and best pal, Never was lonely, you always made me happy. I loved when you would play with your little brown balls. Never letting any other dogs play with them. I will always love and miss you, I am happy i was home when you passed. Love Always, Lorraine (MOM) Love

A letter to Rosie

2010-05-10T10:46:06+01:00

My Rose. My sweet, sweet Rosie. Not sure why it's been so hard to accept my "see you later" that beautiful afternoon of March 8th. I kissed you on your head and left as I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye. I'm sorry you were hurting and I'm even more sorry we couldn't do more for you. I am not sure why I still cry when I think of you. You were a black and white nightmare tamed by few but incredibly loyal and loved. I will forever remember how Tim described your last hour. In that final sixty minutes, you were exactly what you should have been all along. We know you always meant well, despite your actions proving otherwise. I thank you for finding Red Dog and Black Dog to check on me when I'm away. They are truly an extension of you. In the last few days, I keep expecting you to be there despite two months since you left us. You are a beautful soul no matter how many shoes we lost, no matter how much of a mess the carpets have become. You have made us all stronger in some way. I know that Jon is taking care of you up there and you can eat all the chicken and pizza you want. The wind is calm, storms have subsided and you can even open a pizza box with your paw holding it closed.

All our love.

A letter to Teddi

2010-05-04T15:42:06+01:00

I miss you terribly! Every time I look at your puppy pictures, I remember the wonderful times we had. When I look at the later pictures, I remember how awful it was for you in the end. So, I want to remember this and not those. I want to think of you with a smile, not a sob. Some day, that will happen. Some day, I will be able to think past missing you... maybe. Some day I will only smile when I think of our years together...maybe. Until then, I just let the pain flow and the tears fall. My throat tightens and I can't see. One day, this won't happen and I'll still remember the good days. One day.

A letter to Teddi

2010-05-04T15:32:48+01:00

I can't believe it has been nearly two years that you've been gone. It feels like forever that I've missed you, yet it feels like just yesterday that you were with me. I still tear up when I think of you every day. I miss you more than I ever thought I would. Does that sound bad? People tell me that I should get another dog and you know I've always had a dog in my life, but I just can't do it. I feel so disloyal. 15 years is a long time to develop a relationship. You knew me for who I am and we accepted each other with all the quirks and difficulties.

I always felt that I didn't fight enough for you - with the house situation. I hated that. I mean, I know I fought to get you - and nearly lost a lot in the process - but I allowed him to decide things that I didn't agree with at all. I wish I had been stronger and been able to fight. You dealt with it like a champ - never making me feel guilty (even though I did) and never making me start an argument. But I wish I had. I wish I had fought tooth and nail to change your situation. I'll probably never forgive myself for that. I know you were happy and lived like a true and natural dog, but I wish things had been different. I wish I could've spoiled you with pillows and beds and toys all over the house. I know you had a huge dog house and your own fluffy bed, but I know you were lonely at night. I'm so glad I fought for you in the end. I'm glad we spent so much time together and I certainly didn't care if he felt neglected! He never would understand the relationship people have with pets. I think he has forgotten being a kid because you know he had pets all over the place. But he never seems to feel anything anymore.

I think, because I'll never forgive myself for not fighting harder for your situation, I could never bring another pup into our lives. I couldn't do it again. I couldn't watch someone else make those decisions. I'd probably end up divorced. And worse, I'd feel disloyal to you. I mean, if I can fight now, why couldn't I fight for you back then? I'm sorry I couldn't. Because I love you now as much as I did then and it still hurts so much that you're gone. I'll never forget you, Teddi and I don't know if this hole in my heart will ever heal. I miss playing with you, walking on the hill with you, sitting out in the sun with you. I miss watching you patrol the yard as you listen to the critters. I miss it all. I'm so stupid that I virtually foster abandoned and orphaned dogs who look like you. If I can't have you, at least I can try to help other babies who need someone, like you did when we met. I'm glad I fought as hard as I did to get you into our lives. The boys were so blessed to have you while they were growing up! All of their memories include your smiling face and flowing tail.

I love you, Teddi. That rainbow bridge poem is so beautiful and I sure hope to see you again one day. I know most people don't think that dogs have souls, but I think God has dogs in heaven. I really do. I don't care who thinks its stupid. I hope and pray that I'll see you again soon.

A letter to Matty Starr

2010-05-04T09:24:06+01:00

I can't count the number of times I stared at you...at acapella shows, rehearsals, in the hospital when you had wires and tubes and pipes coming from everywhere on your body...and wished I was better friends with you. I always had the opportunity. It was always staring right back at me, at my face, wondering why I didn't reach out to you or the rest of our friends more often. We're part of a family where that kind of stuff doesn't really matter, but I can't believe you died before I could try and be a bigger part of your life. I will forever wonder if you noticed me and how much I loved you, despite not knowing you as well as others. We had a great bond and lots of experiences that I will never forget, but you were always giving more of yourself and I should have scooped it up with both hands, both arms, as much as I could take before it was too much. I cry and cry and think to myself "Is this okay? Can I empty myself for someone I'm not sure knew how fond I was of him?" I don't know how I can feel that my tears aren't worthy, it's an awkward feeling. But I love you and miss you so much and if you could see Hannah today, you'd be proud.

A letter to Django

2010-05-03T12:55:29+01:00

Here's a letter I wrote about you when you left us last year...

"Sometimes I Want to Howl

I remember the night we brought Django home to live with us. It was in late February of 1998 . He was seven or eight weeks old, confused and scared. We had the advantage of not being confused but I was scared about the responsibility we had decided to take on. It was going to be up to us to care for this little life and to teach him the things dogs need to know.

We had him in the backseat of our little Volkswagon Fox, in a borrowed cat carrier stuffed with soft towels and a dog toy the breeder had given us to help reassure our little pup. The toy had been in the pen with the rest of Django's family and so it was covered with scents familiar to him. Gina was driving us home through the dark and I had a small flashlight so I could check in on the puppy. My first vivid memory of Django is of flashing that light into the carrier and seeing two frightened baby blue eyes peering back at me. I was hooked.

Over the course of the next 11 years I would often look into those eyes which had turned a hazel green by the time he was one. I took something from the trust that I saw in those eyes. Django knew he was a part of our pack and that he was safe with us. There was no place else he wanted to be but with us. That was a comfort most of the time but heartbreaking too when we had to leave him behind so we could travel.

As he grew older and less able to move around it seemed his despair at being left behind grew more and more intense. Now, we're the ones left behind and as I try to come to terms with the reality that I will never look into those eyes again I sometimes feel like howling at the top of my lungs until he comes home. That's what Django would have done for us."

I still miss you buddy.

A letter to Sarah (Angel-bear)

2010-04-27T21:11:04+01:00

(Angel-bear),

I love you, always.

Love,

A letter to Sarah (Angel-bear)

2010-04-27T15:54:06+01:00

Oh, my Angel. To say I love you isn't saying enough. You were my miracle. I didn't deserve you. I never have. Watching you fade with each day takes a little of me too. Knowing you're staying because I can't let go shows me how your love is boundless. You were never the one who left, I was the one who left - on vacations, for school. You were ALWAYS there, waiting, hoping. And now watching you struggle to stay with me . . .

I will love you always. I knew you were my dog from the day you were born. Just your beating the odds to live proved that. And when your mother rejected you, I loved you and bottle-fed you. Now you're 13 1/2 years older and still see you as I always have. There are no more eye droppers of milk but IV bags of fluid.

I'm sorry for every time I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry for every time I left you, for the day, a week, a month, more. We will never have those days again. I'm sorry I took them from us. They were important and see that now when there are so few left.

I'm scared of the world without you in it. I'm scared of the pain of saying good-bye. I'm scared of the emptiness that you fill. I'm scared because you were the one who licked my tears and warmed my lap. I will need you when you go and you won't be there.

I love you and thank you for sharing my life. You have no idea what you meant to it, how you added, completed it. I love you, love you, love you, love you. I will see you again when you jump into my arms once more at Heaven's gate. Until then know that I will miss holding you, petting you, playing tug with you, feeding you, brushing you, seeing you. I will miss all those thousands of details that constituted our life together. And somehow knowing you'll be with me in spirit just isn't the same, isn't enough.

I will treasure our last few days together and make sure I'm always there by your side, a pale imitation of what you have done for me for over a decade. I promise to spare all pain that I can. To give all the company and care you need. I promise that I won't hold onto you when the pain is greater than your heart can stand.

I love you. I'm sorry. Thank you.

A letter to Mickey the Dog

2010-04-21T05:16:22+01:00

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Maybe I should be "over it" by now but you were my boy and so I guess I am not. It's been more than five years now since you left on a new journey. Sometimes I can see you in my mind's eye sitting beside me. The only difference now is that mostly I think of you and smile rather than cry. But I sure do miss you.

I hope I provided you the life you wanted to live and gave you all the love you desired and needed...So that your next life would be even better than this!

I miss you Mickey. You were kind and compassionate and always ready to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on when I need it. Thank you for being there.

A letter to Mom and Dad

2010-04-21T01:56:09+01:00

I really miss you a lot. I try to be an adult about growing up and being self reliant. But I miss the security of waking up to you and being able to share daily happenings. I wish I never left home. And I am really sorry I did. For all the experiences I have had to date will never compare to sharing life with you. It is difficult being a late life adult child and losing you both one to cancer and now one to Alzheimer. I will always love you no matter what. I miss you Dad. I took care of mom to the best of my capabilities. You know how stubborn she is! But we finally made piece and became "friends" again as you asked me to promise we would. We did. She is okay and with your son right now. But she misses you a lot, too, as she changes into a different person each day further away from the mom I know. I wish for one day back home just as things were, just one day. I love you.

A letter to Ernie

2010-04-20T11:05:27+01:00

It's so difficult to believe its almost been one year since you've been gone. I want you to know I still cry sometimes because I miss you and that if I could have anything in the world, it would be to have those years before I knew you back right now. Seven years just wasn't enough, but I sure am glad I had them. I got a new little buddy who was born on the day I lost you, I thought it was a great thing because we could celebrate you and him on the same day. His name is norman and he's silly pup, you would probably tell him to buzz off. When I think about you, I still remember the way it felt to pet your fur and I imagine you smiling and running around chasing after the carpenter bees like you used to do back in New Orleans. I know we'll see each other again one day, but just know that you're in my thoughts all of the time and you will always be my old man best friend.

A letter to Callie and NIkki

2010-04-20T04:58:48+01:00

And this goes out to ALL of my friends who took great care, and continue to take GREAT CARE, of MY GIRLS... I owe you a world of gratitude, and love, for keeping them safe and happy. Whether I was heading out to sea, exploring the seafloor in a little submersible, locked in the NR-1 nuclear submarine, diving with the whale sharks and Manta Rays, flying to Hawaii or London, or simply exploring the streets of Philadelphia, New York City, or Lancaster, PA, I always knew you were SAFE....And thought of you often.

Anything else in this world is a relatively minor detail...

A letter to Callie, AKA the DINGO

2010-04-20T04:47:36+01:00

We miss you IMMENSELY... The 4 am wake up calls. The barks that sound like they are coming from the rabid beast from hell... Knowing you would guard this house from harm and intruders if it took your last breath... Your heavy panting all night long while laying on the tile floor next to my bed. Loving Little Scarlett and newly adopted Brown Dog Molly like they were your own. Teaching Molly the truly wonderful experiences in a dog life... Chasing every squirrel that tries to steal the bird food, and rolling on your back in the grass during the mid Day sun... she does both very, very well, but has yet to catch one of those furry tailed buggers, like you amazingly did three times... I am glad you went peacefully, and lived your 11 years to the absolute fullest... At 44, you are a reminder that I must do the same. Mom, Aunt Suzie, and Linda arrive here in 8 hours, after an early flight. Although it has been almost a year since you left, they all miss you and wish you were still here. This house will always be a safe heaven for family, friends, and stray hounds. And when we go to the beach, wade in the surf, chase the shorebirds, and sprint in random directions as fast as possible, we will wish you were still here. Dingo, you and Nikki were the greatest companions a mortal human being could have ever asked for...We will love you both dearly forever.

The Pack Leader,DCW, the Bigeye Thresher.
Little Scarlett Weaver
Molly Brown Dog Weaver

A letter to Patty-Cakes

2010-04-19T20:59:21+01:00

The 17 years I had with you were the best of my life. Devastation doesn't even begin to explain what I felt when we had to let you go. You were a constant calming presence in my life. I loved everything about you, even when you got loose and wouldn't let me catch you. I even loved that you would never let me take your picture. I loved sharing my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with you. I miss being groomed by you and how you wouldn't let me leave if you were still itchy. I miss hearing your knicker each morning. Lady has your stall now... and she whinnies to me every morning... but it is not the same. I love you with all my heart and I'm glad that you aren't sick anymore. But I miss you very much.

A letter to Mom

2010-04-19T19:48:11+01:00

I lost my mother in January 9 this year, I still don't know if I am dealing with it right. I don't really have anyone to talk about it with, I'm older - 26, but I have lived away from home in other states until this. She had cancer, lung cancer, and I moved back home when she had it. She only had it for a few months before her passing. I can't talk to my dad or younger sister about it, I have to be strong for
them. See originally we are from Ireland and we are the only fam over here, I don't have an aunt or uncle to confide with so I really think I am just burying it all inside of me and I am scared about that. We had the funeral in Ireland which was great considering...I don't know what I want to write except that I miss you mom, Dad misses you, life aint life anymore without you and I really want to move on with life but I can't, you were the best part of my life, you were my rock, you were the perfect mother. Sweet yet strong when you needed to be. A part of me just wants to move far far away and start a new life, while another part wants to ensure the rest of my immediate fam is alright. My Dad will move soon, he should, im trying to push him towards that, It just feels like my life has eroded and I have no clue what the future holds or what I should do. I am just very scared and lost without her and this is my first time losing someone close to me, I have been lucky in that sense, but still I am lost. I am just wondering does this pain ever go away or am I going to be a mental mess for the rest of my life? Seeing her body on the floor will never go away and it does affect me very deeply. I dont need to have someone "talk to me." That is BS, its happened to people for 1000's of years, I know it would not be easy, I never knew it would be so hard...

A letter to Pepe

2010-04-12T00:09:21+01:00

The past week has been one of the worst periods of my life. The house is so quiet without your barks--and my whole world feels so empty without you in it. But I know that I do have to carry on without you. As I write this letter to you, I am trying to turn a corner: I hope to move away from the darkness of the grief, sorrow, and anger, and instead find a sunnier spot in which to honor your memory.

I'll never forget that moment when you and I first met. There you were, sitting in that cage, waiting for the next chapter of your life. I felt a connection to you as soon as I looked into your eyes and at your sweet face. You spoke to me immediately, and insistently. I didn't think I wanted a third dog, but you were able to convince me otherwise. You just could not be resisted. Making you a member of my family was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

You brought such joy and happiness to my life. Thank you. Your endless devotion to me enabled me to survive the loss of Kelsey. When she left us, you helped me see that I could go on without her. Now that you are gone, I hope that the remaining members of our family can do the same, as I struggle through your absence.

You were, and will always be, so very special to me, Mr. Peeps. I will forever miss our errand-running trips--I'll never get into the car and not think about you sitting right next to me, and not long for those special times we shared, away from the others.

You were my little drama boy, yet such a tough guy--way too big for your britches. If I can find just a sliver of your spunk and bravery now, for myself, I know that I can get through the loss of you.

I know that you are still here with us now, in some way, and that you will always be. But I wish that I could touch your soft fur, and see you again: sleeping on your bed, rolling around on my bed, begging for a bite of my dinner, running off with your chewie, laying in the warm sun, zooming around the cul-de-sac, or hear your greeting as you welcomed me home. For now, all I have is these wonderful memories of you. And they will have to do. Until we meet again, and I know we will. I love you, Pepe, Little Sheriff. You are so precious.

A letter to Pepe

2010-04-10T12:21:39+01:00

A letter to Dad

2010-04-08T22:59:40+01:00

Hi Dad,
I miss you so much it hurts. Its time for an update on your daughters life. I volunteer for RideAbility now in Pine Island. Its amazing that I can work with horses and be around people, I'm still trying to find a job, Jesse and I r hoping/trying to buy our first house this year. I miss the late night Wal-Mart trips with you, our late night jaunts to Missouri, I even miss the smell of smoke in the house,watching wrestling with you and eating all the food that Mom said was bad for us. I miss going to the rodeo with you, the way you slept on the couch, with the t.v. on and the remote in your head. Jesse sleeps like you a lot, he drives like you, he even drinks pop like you did, he doesnt eat a lot like you did, he reminds me of you. Are you proud of who your daughter has become??? Stacy and Jordan will be married for a year on Halloween, dont ask why they got married on Halloween they just did, Jesse and I will celebrate 2 years of marriage on July 26th, Jason has a beautiful baby girl that hes trying to get custody of, Katrina is still in her group home and she hates it, Mom has a new boyfriend too and hes nice but hes a lot like you. Eileen and Jason are expecting a baby girl any day now, Johnny's gonna be a big brother. MOM is having trouble in the cities with her landlord. Ashley and Brad are back together and her parents have no idea. We are all going to the Minnesota Horse Expo its gonna be awesome. Well I guess thats all i have for now, so I will talk to you later. I Love and Miss you.

A letter to Bacardi Silver

2010-04-07T06:54:04+01:00

I'm sure you knew how much I loved you. We cuddled every night. It's been so[explitive removed]since you moved on. Remember all the fun times we had with Santa and how much you loved playing with tha one toy mouse until you tore it apart. You know, no one will use your tunnel. That is yours, and I think the others know that. I walk into the bedroom thinking you'll be on the bed or in the closet, and then I realize that you're not there. When I lay down to go to sleep I don't have anyone to cuddle with. Your brothers and sister just don't cuddle like we did. I will always remember the first day I found you. To think no one wanted you. It was because you were ment for me, so I could give you the best life I could. No one thought you would live as long as you did, but you proved everyone wrong. The day I found the mass, I thought to myself that it really wasn't there and that everything would be fine. I'm sure that you are much happier now, and feel so much better. You are with your littermates now. I know Aunt Dawn and I both agree you are all up to something. If I get another cat, it isn't to replace you in my heart. It is to make it things go by faster and give another kitty a chance at have a great family. It is impossible to replace you in anyway. You were the best cat anyone sould ever ask for. Please forgive me if the first injection stung a little. The point of it was to make you comfortable, not to harm you. I know you jumped and seemed liked it hurt. I was just trying to ease your suffering. Once you were asleep I held you for the rest of it in my arms. I can never change anything, but I hope I didn't upset you. I really can't type anymore, because I can't stop crying. Maybe it was too soon to try to type this letter, but I needed something to help me deal with your loss.

A letter to L

2010-04-01T08:12:42+01:00

You were and still are the love of my life. While I understand that you had no control over your circumstances, I still get angry that you "chose" to finally accept what you had always known and move your life in that direction. I feel like our love should have been enough for you to go on with the life that we built together.
Now, when I look at you, I don't even see the man I married anymore. Simply the woman that took over. I still care for you deeply, but I am no longer in love with you. I feel like I am ready to move forward in my life but fear that in doing so, I will push you into another attempt to take your life. Our children still need you, I still need you. It's a lot of guilt for me to carry and sometimes I hate you for putting it on me.
I often hope that you will meet someone that makes you happy so that I will then be free to do the same.

A letter to Oreo

2010-03-31T15:06:29+01:00

The day you were born I knew instantly that you were the one. You were so fragile, and all I wanted to do was hold you. It killed me when my mom kept telling me you were too little to be held. I will never forgot the many times mom had people coming over to adopt you or one of the other little kitties, and I hid you in my shirt every time. I couldn't stand the fact that another person would hold you and play with you and be able to call you by another name. You were my best friend. You made me laugh and you comforted me when I needed it. You were spunky and upbeat and you always knew how to make me smile. The day mom told me that you weren't feeling well I remember crying for hours. I remember how tired and exhausted you were. It was so sad to see a cat like you, go through such pain. There were days when I thought you were surely going to die and then there were days when I was sure you were going to be alright. The day we brought you to the vet was the day I had to make one of the hardest decisions that I'd ever been faced with. It was the decision between life, and death. As you lay there on my pink princess blanket, with your dark eyes staring back at me, I couldn't help but see that you were ready. The vet offered an expensive and painful operation that had a 50% chance of failure. I knew that if you had the operation and it was successful, I would be able to be with you longer but I also didn't want you to feel anymore pain. At age 10 I had to make that decision. I remember taking one last look at you and realizing what I had to do. When I told the vet that I would like you to be put down he was astonished. He thought for sure that I would choose the operation. I knew that you were in pain and I didn't want to be selfish. I was given 5 minutes to say my last goodbye's to you. I knew 5 minutes wouldn't be long enough to fully explain how much you meant to me but I knew 3 words (I love you) and a kiss would suffice. I hope I made the right decision and that I helped you pass on peacefully. I hope there are plenty of cat toys up there and I hope you know that I meant what I said that day. I love you Oreo, and I always will.

A letter to Casey Crawford

2010-03-23T06:57:54Z

Not a day goes by that I don't look for your smilin face and sweet bark. It's been just over a month since you went to that great agility field across the rainbow bridge. So young, you had to leave us so early - just shy of your 10th birthday old boy - Mom's millinum baby - you went through so much. You where our first beautiful sheltie boy. So loving patient and kind. You were one of a kind - and everyone just loved you. You introduced me to the sport of agility, showed me how your love of everyone took us to doing Therapy dog visits. You light the way for us to love more shelties - and LIbby, Cole and Winston miss you so much as well. Those 3 dogs seemed so lost for that first month , and your daddy and I cried and cried for you. Casey I love you so much, and I wish you could be here with me with all of us but I know we will again be together, running agility, laughing, playing ball, floating in the water and loving each other as we always have. You taught me so much, and there will never be another like you - be good, and stay sweet and we will again be together- you are now in a special place where you don't hurt, or suffer you just love. We love you Casey - I hope you knew that, I will never ever forget your handsome face, your sweet loving ways and your sheltie kisses - stay safe and warm and loved - and remember to share your ball! kisses and hugs your Mamma, Daddy and your sister Libby and brothers Cole and Winston :)

A letter to Shiva

2010-03-20T21:25:00Z

You were the light of my life,the love of my soul and are eternally with me.
Coming from the shelter so many years ago we both embarked on a journey unlike any other I have ever known.
My sweet gentle soul, you made a difference so huge in the life of all humans that you met and the other animals around you. Without your presence and all of the wounds that you carried I would have never begun the path of animal healing- thank you for teaching me the patience and the perseverance that it takes to heal from abuse.
Enjoying life took on a new meaning when I saw you blossom .
You noble one, you wiggly butt, you sweetie boy, I see you dance in heaven !

A letter to Katie

2010-02-04T13:49:34Z

It's been 20 weeks without you now. Oh sweetheart I miss you still. Sometimes I see your pictures and wish I could jump in. You were my teacher, my daughter, my friend and my protector. I wrote this poem shortly after you passed from my life.

I listen for the pitter patter of your little paws, but they're not there,I look in vain for the furry shadow that used to follow me everywhere.
I miss the belly rubs and even the walks in the cold.
I miss your big brown eyes that spoke to my soul.
I miss your goofy smile and your soft furry ears.
I miss the sound of you drinking from your water bowl.
The spot where you slept sits empty, forlorn.
Just like my heart.
All I have left are the memories and my tears.
Vacuuming your little furballs shoots arrows into my heart knowing there will never be more.
I miss your beg.
I miss sharing my meals with you.
Checking the mail is now a chore without you by my side.
The house is empty and silent and so is my heart.
I know you want me to live for two but how can I?
I don't know where to begin to have a life without you by my side.
It doesn't feel right.
It isn't fair.

I still feel this way sometimes. I still cry sometimes though I know you'd hate to see me sad. Even knowing the end, I'd do it all over again. Your love made me a better person. I still feel you with me. You'll always be in my heart.

Thank you for sending your furry "sister" Wendy to share the next part of my journey.

I love you baby.

A letter to Mr. Fish

2009-12-27T17:00:56Z

So sad this morning, to find you so still, still with your 'love bubbles' in your little home. We knew you were fading, your color no longer so brilliantly blue-hued, your fins dragging, your lack of interest in food.

Three years. I think that's a good long time to share with a little blue fighting fish, and I'm glad you hung around with us that long. You taught me so much about emotional resonance, and how even the smallest little fighters are spiritual beings. It was fun to practice yoga with you, and so sweet when you blew little bubbles and made little faces at me when I chanted. You'll always be with me in that space of sound.

It was strange to hold you in my hand as we readied you to rest in the garden next to Rogue. So still.

Thanks for all the bubbles.

A letter to Rusty

2009-12-26T10:17:58Z

I came to this site knowing there was a beagle there. When I saw Pushkin it was like seeing you again the first time. Your spirit shone through his eyes. I thought I was doing so well...I felt like I'd been punched and couldn't breathe. I miss you baby boy. My Rusty Dusty Dog...my Rusty Bucket. You were not an easy dog but I KNEW you as soon as I saw you. I will ALWAYS miss you. Forever in my heart....

A letter to Chester Pierre "Cheddie"

2009-11-23T23:35:37Z

Mommy loves you and misses you so much. There has not been one day that has past since the day you left me that I have not thought about you. I miss you so much. I miss when you tried to get a bark out and you just made that funny grunt sound. I miss that the most. I miss how excited you would get and how you tried to act like you were a big boy. You were my big boy at only ten pounds and I loved every ounce of you. You were my little man , my son that I never had, the love of my life, my everything. And now even after one and half years have gone by I still can't seem to admit that you are not just gone and will be coming home that you have moved on into the arms of the Man that had created you and put you on this earth for me to eventually find you and to rescue you from having to live a miserable life outside in the freezing cold with no one to keep you warm or no one to hug you and to tell you how much you are loved. I still can't imagine how horrible it had to of been that winter while you tried to keep warm all by yourself in that cold dark chicken house with very little to eat. I don't think I will ever be able to understand how horrible it had to of been for you to of slept out side in the freezing cold or how you even made it when I knew how cold you would get just going outside to go potty in the winter. I promised you that you would never be cold again when you came to live with me and I made you a toasty warm snow suit and kept you covered up at night next to me so you would stay snuggley warm and never be cold again.
I would have given you more if you could of only stayed here longer with me. I loved you more than my life itself and I still love you little guy. I loved your sneaky way that you would do things to me to tease me and I told you that you were a little monster when you would run away from me and almost cause me to have heart failure running after you in an attempt to catch you. The whole time that you were running from me I saw you smiling as you turned your little head to see if I was still chasing you.
I did everything in my power to make sure that you had the best food and the warmest bed and I did this because I had to protect you from those things that would have hurt you if I had just left you to go out on your own. I was so scared of loosing you for all the years I had you I never was able to relax and just live ...I was always afraid of what I would ever have done without you and how would I ever be able to go on without your sweet little smile to see on that little face of yours every day.
Cheddie... Mommas so sorry I wasn't able to keep you here longer and I hope and pray that you know how much I love you and that I didn't keep you here to make you suffer. I thought that I would be able to help you to get better because of all the information I had read of the different cases and how the little dogs were healed. I am angry with those people that wrote those books on natural healing because they made me think that your heart problem was a simple thing to fix and everything would be alright.
Thank you so much for all of your self that you gave to me and for helping me get through the tough times in my life. Cheddie I love you so much and I miss you more than I can ever explain to you. Mommy loves you my little man. Thank you for the last kissy you gave me that last day. Thanks for sharing your life with me. I hope you had a good time here.

A letter to Mina

2009-11-22T04:52:15Z

It's two weeks today since our last full day together. I wake up every morning thinking about you and hoping, hoping to see you when I walk out into the living room.

We had a glorious last day together, didn't we? I was thrilled to see you standing at the window, ready to take a walk in the sunshine and cool morning air. It was a typical walk, except for its length. You surprised me by walking all the way to the front of the property and all the way around, sniffing everything along the way and looking up at me from time to time.

I love that look when we're walking. You're checking on me, making sure I'm OK if I'm too quiet. The love in your eyes always prompts me to bend down and kiss your head.

You're in heaven, I know that, and you're happy and safe and warm and well fed and you have friends - no doubt you've made a lot of friends - and loved. Do you know how much I love you? I worry about that a lot. One can make a lot of stupid mistakes in 13 years and I made a lot with you. I left you behind on a couple of vacations and overnight trips and sometimes I didn't get home very early. I'm so sorry for every time I ever hurt your feelings - I didn't mean it. Please know, Mina baby, that I love you more than anyone ever and I tried to show it every day. You are my one true love and you will always be ...

I went to the sanctuary yesterday for the first time in a month and I cried as soon as I turned up the long drive. I remembered talking to you on the warm August day and telling you about all the wonderful animals you'd see and the nice people you'd meet. It makes me smile to think of you walking away from the tame geese who were so curious about you, and how you barked at the cows as they all walked up to the fence to get a look at you. I didn't stay for the entire event because I was missing you and wanted to come home to you.

Whenever I'm away I still have this urge to get home to you. Wherever I am this feeling that I have to get home is always there. You were always, always my first priority, even when I screwed up.

Thank you, thank you my dearest love, for taking such good care of me for your entire life. You licked away my tears, you acted the fool to get me to cheer up, you laid by my side whenever I was sick, and you never once let me down in any way. Not even when you ate something off the ground that made you sick!

I miss you, Mina Bean. I miss you more than I ever thought possible. I know that time will pass and I'll go on with this life in some fashion. And I know that some day I'll die, too, and we'll be together forever. Don't worry about me, sweetie, I'll figure this out.

You are in my heart and you will always be in my heart, baby girl.

All my love ...

A letter to Dottie Ruth Clement

2009-11-21T20:11:04Z

It's been ten days since we had to make that horrible decision to let you go because you were in pain and gasping for breath. You were so very special to us because you were the kitty that my brother Dan "borrowed" from the shelter to keep our mom, who was receiving hospice care, company during her last days. She had colon cancer which had spread to her liver, lungs, and brain - and I think it's very ironic that the kitty who spent many hours on her hospital bed was gasping for air at the end, just like mom. You both had fluid in the lungs. Dan said the first thought that came to his mind was that Mom wanted Dottie Ruth with her (mom's name was Ruth). I like to remember all the little quirks you had - you were very unique and unlike any cat I've ever had. My husband Jerry loved you as much as I did, it was apparent to me. After mom passed I drove mom's car from Tucson to Washington State where we live, and you were an awesome little traveler. You meowed for a little while, and then you were curious, sometimes sitting on my lap or moving around the car on the piles of stuff I was bringing back with me. Then you'd go back into your carrier and sleep for a while. You were a petite little girl, very thin despite your hearty appetite. You loved to lick nostrils and drink water from the tap in the bathroom. We had our ritual every morning after you laid on me all night long - you'd follow me into the bathroom and I'd turn on the water for you. Then you'd hang out with me while I got ready for work every day. Oh how I miss that. What I wouldn't give to have you back again. And your meow - you had such a distinctive way of meowing, unlike any I've heard before. And when we had a food that you liked, you practically jumped on the plate while meowing that funny meow of yours. Jerry became upset with me because I wanted to hang on to you, but he couldn't bear to see you suffer, and neither could I. My way of coping was to buy a book called "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates" by Gary Kurz because I wanted so desperately to know that I'd see you again. This book supports the notion that I will, and it is Bible based. I hang on to that. Dottie, I really, really hope that you are in a place where you are happy, whole, loved, and with Mom! No more suffering for you. We only had you for about fourteen months, but I became so attached to you in that time I felt like I'd had you my whole life. You were such a comfort to me, Dan and Kevin when we lost mom. I think I became even closer to you because you lived in our bedroom all the time, with your own food, water and litter box, because you didn't like the other cats in our house. You were OK with the dog??? but not the other cats! What's up with that? But you were such a "people cat". I am so grateful to Rhonda from the shelter, who loaned us Dottie Ruth to spend mom's last days with her. Naturally, I couldn't let her go back to the shelter because she meant so much to all of us. Even though she was with us such a short time I am very glad that she was in our lives. She gave us so much love, and beautiful memories. Dottie Ruth, you will never be forgotten. Our family's love will always be with you, wherever you are. Rest in peace and love, Dottie. Mommy and Daddy miss and love you always.

A letter to Chai

2009-10-21T02:26:22+01:00

My sweet little angel that was sent to me twelve years ago from Japan. I had know idea when I was asked to foster you, until we could found you a home, that it was I who needed rescuing. Chai, my fiesty, shiba-inu who traveled a fourteen hour flight to Los Amgeles... to come into my life. You were my little guardian angel who protected and cared for me through all of lifes challenges. You healed my broken hearts, made me laugh , you made me cry, and you never left my side especally if I was sick,sad or scared . I always felt safe knowing that you would be home waiting for me and your goofy smile... made my heart dance. We had each other and we didn't need anyone else. Words can not describe how grateful I am for all of the flourishing love, protection and commitment you gave to me for so many years.

I know the last six months was extremely painful and uncomfortable because your body was old and in pain. I also know that you stayed as long as you possibly could for me...Thank you. I'm sorry that you were uncofortable and in pain and kept hanging on just to make sure I would be alright. I tried as much as I could to ease your suffering and I'm sorry I didn't know there was a tumor.

I am sad and miss you soooooo very much, but please know that you are in my heart, and soul everyday.You were my friend, my little boy, my companion and my souls keeper. I will love you for as long as I live and I hope you come rushing to greet me one day when it's my time to pass on., I can't wait to be greeted by your stinky breath, wet kisses ,and your beautiful big smile. and I will soak you up like the sun and I will never let you go.
'

My sweet Chai- Chai I want you to run in the grass, roll in the sand, play with Woo, Max,Chester and Razzle. Eat as much chicken, steak and lamb bones your little heart desires.

You truly were a gift from God and I'm the luckiest woman to have been chosen to be your human..

A letter to Leda

2009-10-19T15:44:38+01:00

You were my little gray angel, the light in my life, and even until your last days at 18 1/2, all the world was your playground. Among your sisters, you were always the one to have fun.

You slept with me every night, greeted me at the door everyday, with your kitty smile, and sat on the bathroom counter every morning while I got ready. You followed me everywhere. You were a joyful spirit.

The vet and the techs did their best, but you were ready to go. Your dad and I miss you with all our hearts, but you are now with Amalthea, Miranda, Chiva, and Sancho, and your other sisters, Ariel and Molly are here with us.

A letter to Sofee

2009-10-12T07:52:23+01:00

I'm sorry I cried like I did when I last saw you. I knew you were still with me, but holding your lifeless body that last time at emergency vet was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I only knew you two short years. The day I saw you at the shelter I knew you were supposed to be with me; I wouldn't change a thing, even if I knew I would feel completely empty after you were gone. I didn't know the vaccine was going to take your feisty little life from me; I didn't know life was that fragile. Never again.

I hope you know how special your life here as Sofee was.

No one ever thought I would adopt a Pomeranian. They were used to seeing me with "tough" dogs, but they didn't know how tough you were! I don't know how many people you made scream as your tiny 3-pound body came leaping out of my jacket, teeth bared. You made me laugh every day, Sofee. You should know that. I try to laugh now, but it's hard. It's been almost three years and I still see your little black body everywhere I go. Do you come visit us Sofee? Is that you? Do you ever sit and watch me leaf through the few pictures I took of you, knowing I took you for granted? Do you think it's silly that I'm still so sad over you? I wonder, what it's like, death.

You saw me through a couple very difficult years. You taught me many lessons about love, trust and finally just letting go of your past. You did that SoSo, and I try every day, but it's all I can do sometimes.

I feel cheated, like I should have had you longer than I did. I know you're in heaven with Amerk, and I know you will watch over him and wait for me together. Tell him I love him, I know he knows.

Somewhere over the rainbow. See you soon.

A letter to Pablo

2009-10-04T19:06:10+01:00

I am sorry I wasnt there to save you from whoever hurt you. I am sorry that our neighbor wasnt concerned enough to knock on our door while you laid dying in their yard. I am sorry I wasnt there to be with you when you faded.
I think of you all the time, and Carmelita misses you. You're my luv, my boy, my son.

A letter to Ozzie

2009-10-01T16:36:45+01:00

It would have been your 7th birthday. The house and toys are quiet without you. It's been a year but not a day goes by without a thought of you. I miss you little guy, you were my companion without a doubt. I hope you are at peace now.

A letter to "Big Girl" (Our Gilly)

2009-09-29T16:02:53+01:00

Sigh. It's wierd to come to a house nearly free of white dog hair, although it keeps cropping up. It's wierd to come home and not see you there, in the center of the house, where you could quietly keep an eye out the front window, the back window. We talk about how you were, still are, such a presence in you big, quiet, polar head-hug way.

Miss you, Big Girl.

A letter to Dolly

2009-09-16T19:17:55+01:00

I will never forget you. You were so neurotic after the distemper, but we all loved you so much. Hope you are ok, wherever you are.

A letter to Gilly

2009-09-16T16:02:26+01:00

I miss your big white self-contained you.

A letter to Oz

2009-09-04T12:16:33+01:00

Like the other cats who have come into our family over the years, you chose us in your time of need. When your dad -- my brother -- first met you, you were badly hurt and in need of love. What a blessing you have been to all of us. Our first native Tucsonan family member! You were with us for over thirteen years and watched our family take root here in the desert and evolve. There are many memories. Some things I loved most about you:

You quickly learned that the Discorfano family is a loud bunch, your typical effusive Italian clan -- and you fit in right away. You were the most vocal cat I've ever met. I remember one time I was talking to Grandpa on the phone and he said, "Wait... here's Oz.... say hello to Oz!" And then I heard a long and loud meow into the phone. Another time, I was standing in front of the refrigerator and I felt a tap on my shoulder: not only were you using your paw to get my attention, but you also meowed with great gusto to express your desire for a treat. Another Oz-ism I'll miss is your penchant for hiding yourself away inside the kitchen cabinets. How cute it was when I'd open up a cabinet to get a pot or a container and see those beautiful blue eyes staring at me while you were sitting pretty. Of course, another meow, just to say hello to me.

Grandpa loves strawberries so much that he says in heaven strawberries are always in season. It's appropriate that, above all else, it was the smell of strawberries that threw you into a fit of ecstasy! If someone left strawberries on the counter, they almost always wound up on the floor because you couldn't resist playing with the container. And if someone left an empty grocery bag on the countertop that had carried strawberries in it, you would find a way to roll around on top of the bag, blissful as you enveloped yourself in the lingering aroma.

We're going to miss you. But I imagine you, right now, rolling around in a big strawberry patch. I hope you've reunited with Oreo and that, by now, you've introduced the beloved family dog of my youth to your cousin Pushkin. I hope the three of you are having a good day in heaven together.

A letter to Pushkin

2009-02-25T00:00:00Z

A long pause after just writing out your name. I'm sitting here, with paper and pen in hand and thinking that there is so much to say, multiple lifetimes worth of thoughts and feelings. I won't even try to say it all here -- not in one letter or in forty. But I thought writing some letters to you would be a nice way to spend some time visiting with you now. I'm so used to having you right here. I honestly can say that not for one moment did I ever take you for granted; but I'd forgotten what it was like to live in a world without you, a world without you physically present in it. Although there were a few times during our lifetime together when we were physically apart for a stretch of time -- a vacation, a semester -- this is an altogether different experience because of the finality of it, and there's no way I could have ever fully anticipated what your absence would be like and the feelings that I'm now having to endure throughout my waking hours.

I've been looking for you now for over three weeks, since your passing on the morning of February 1st. I've been left completely unsatisfied with any mystical or metaphysical explanation of where you've gone, or how you're still with me. Without dwelling on the obvious depressing aspects, I'm certain that I will, each day for the rest of my days, continue looking... and hoping. As much as I loved your little beagle body (that gave you so much trouble sometimes), I will not need it to recognize you when our day of reunion comes.

I'll try to keep these letters meaningful and brief; my mind is rambling these days, but I'll do my best not to digress on these pages too often. So let me stay specific. I want to share with you something that happened today. I went to mass today at noon because it's Ash Wednesday. You don't have to be particularly religious to appreciate Ash Wednesday: it's simply a reminder that we all are here on the planet, in these bodies, for a finite period of time. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Regardless of one's personal beliefs about life or the hereafter, none of us can argue with the fact that our bodies eventually come to their end. A universal, inescapable part of life. This is the first Ash Wednesday, however, when I'm feeling the full blow of death's reality. Before you, I'd experienced death mostly second-hand -- friends of friends, headlines in the news, or in the guise of characters in a novel or film.

During the mass, I went to reach for the offertory basket being passed around from pew to pew. I reached to a man who was sitting in front of me. I'd noticed this young man when he first came into the church before the service began; he moved awkwardly, evidently suffering from some kind of palsy. But as I reached for the basket, he motioned further down his own pew, where the basket needed to be passed before making its way to our row behind him. I realized my mistake and apologized quietly for so anxiously jumping the gun. I've just started this month attending a weekly service again, and I'm still not quite familiar with the way things work in this particular church. The last time I attended a church on Sundays with some degree of consistency was back in New York, years ago. I'm still feeling a bit like an outsider, which keeps me more watchful and less relaxed than I would be if I were a regular there.

The parishioners in this man's row were a ways down from where we were sitting, so he stood up and walked the basket to within arm's reach of them. As he did this, hardly self-conscious while moving in his slow uneven steps, he smiled at me and then whispered one word: "Patience." And I thought immediately to myself that God or you (or both) was sending me a message. But what exactly about patience? What am I supposed to have patience about? Patience because grief subsides? Because, over time, I will get better at living without you? That, eventually, I'll be able to feel genuine happiness again? Patience to wait for the day, at my own moment of death, when all the mysteries surrounding life and death will be revealed? Patience to wait for the day when you and I will be together again? Patience with myself as I try to make sense of this in a way I can live with until that time comes? I confess that I'm feeling very, very impatient. I don't want to be without you for even one more minute.

Something else: Watching this young man struggling to move his legs reminded me of the times when, in those last few months, you would still want to go for walks even though you were having trouble coordinating your stiff hind legs. I could see you working so hard at it. You loved life so much, despite your illnesses and difficulties; sometimes, I think, your challenges made you all the more adamant about living life and soaking it all up. How many times you stood up and showed up for the day, when I know that a weaker spirit would have given up! I envy you that enthusiasm for life, your absolute love of life -- and I feel almost guilty now as I write this, because I'm thinking the whole time I'm writing I didn't sign up for this. I don't want this. I am, of course, still keenly aware of all the blessings in my life. And your two brothers are my greatest comfort and inspiration now; I know it's my job to keep on loving them and protecting them, and I'm so grateful for that. During this first month, they have been the main reason I've gotten out of bed in the mornings. So I appreciate all that is still good in my life; and yet there are moments when I think to myself what I wouldn't give to be able to transcend all of this and get to wherever you are now.

I can be very patient with others, especially when I'm assuming the role of teacher in one setting or another. That said, my lack of patience -- whether it's with circumstances or with myself, or with someone else who happens in my day -- is definitely something I need to work on in this lifetime. I already knew this about myself before I lost you. Of course, I had no idea that the lesson on patience coming my way would be of such a formidable magnitude. I have enough trouble waiting out the small stuff. Now, through your death, you are teaching me more about patience than all the other life lessons thus far combined. Every moment, every breath I take each day, for the rest of my days -- a test of patience that I have no choice but to endure.

As I keep looking and hoping.