Dear Fandom,

You do not disappoint. What has it been, 12 hours?

When are we gonna see a video with Sia’s “Breathe Me?”

Love,
UnintendedChoice

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Dear Rob,

Yesterday we received the following e-mail for you:

Dear Rob Pattinson,

I know you have probably received millions of letters on this subject, but let me add one more to the pile. You have great hands! Take care of them.

I am not a fanatic, in that I don’t know everything about you, likes and dislikes, hobbies, favorite foods, etc., etc. I don’t write to profess undying love or anything. I am just a fan who would like to thank you and your castmates, for providing several hours of entertainment, which takes me to an imaginary world where I can forget my own worries for awhile. (All in PG-13, too!)

I’m not really sure, but I think she was confessing to fantasizing about you with PG-13 fantasies. I assume that’s stuff like dry humping on the couch with her parents right upstairs. Or you caressing her lady parts over her clothes or something. Or maybe I’m reading it wrong & she’s saying she fantasizes about you and your castmates in PG-13– so you caressing Ashley Greene’s lady parts. Or maybe you & Jackson getting hot & heavy during a lunch break.

Either way she’s right. You do have great hands. So what did I do? Found a couple videos made by people with obvious hand fetishes to celebrate your hands and all the PG-13 fantasies they bring us. SPOILER ALERT– there is an EPIC slow jam in one of these videos:

And something REALLY special– the 2011 Remake of the first video!!!!

Take care of those hands, Rob! Keep them soft & moisturized with your cuticles cut. I don’t want some nasty hang nail, sandpaper-feeling hands ruining my PG-13 fantasies now!

Xoxo,
UnintendedChoice

What sort of PG-13 things would you like Rob to do to you with his hands? Open up a can of spray cheese & lick it off your chest overtop your tank top?

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Dear Rob,

We didn’t plan it (and we hope you didn’t plan the photoshoot either) but once we saw the latest photos of you online, we just had to break them down vanity fair MINI style:

UC: So….. you know how the saying goes “put a vagina on Rob Pattinson’s stomach & it will look beautiful?”
Moon: Yeah I’ve heard that one a couple times
UC: yeah well they were wrong”
Moon: well looks like rob’s stomach vagina got a groupon for laser hair removal
UC: lucky. I’ve been waiting for a good deal

UC: Oh and just when you thought there was no reason to hang on to that pack of maxi pads your mom bought you the first time you got your period… turns out there is… How many “pads on heads” look alikes will we see at Rob’s next movie premiere you think?”
Moon: wtf is that third eye doing on that pad?
UC: That’s all You find strange about that picture?
Moon: This doesn’t help clarify what Cosmopolis is about for me….

Robby you already wore that shirt in France...

Moon: DUDE. that is HIS shirt. I mean we know all those clothes are borrowed, but they dry clean stuff… it can touch your skin rob, it’s OK. no cooties

Moon: OMG— is this woman pregnant? are the Robsteners ok?? Has a hit been put out on this woman yet?

UC: Yes I think I saw few hits tweeted. Kristen’s security has been notified about this slut. Probably also a fan of Jackson Rathbone’s.

Moon: how rob really is. every day:

Moon: how we all imagine rob:

UC: seriously that first picture IS Rob. In his actual motel room… he stays at the motel 6 for fun. even though he has a big house in LA.. he just rent out the motel 6 b/c he feels more comfortable
Moon: the bed bugs make him feel “normal” like one of the little people again. ps why are they watching VHS? this really is his rent-by-the-hour love shack
UC: that’s an extra charge at the motel 6. Makes him feel high-class
Moon: when he gets bored of kristen he meets this girl there. They do have a really great program though, you bring in your own vhs’s and trade for other travelers vhs’s.
UC: so unique!
Moon:so far he’s gotten to watch an original copy of The Land Before Time and Sex Lies and Video Tape (ON video tape)

"We'll leave the light on for Rob"

UC: he’s thinking of turning that into an online business
Moon: VHS-ster
UC: yep. VHS-flix. still working on the name
Moon: you know for when the whole acting thing is over- slash- his summer job… for extra spending money

Moon: LOOK AT US! Mini break down
UC: SO EASY!!! picked it up like we were doing this for years!

Love,
UC & Moon

What do you think of Rob’s Vagina-maxi-pad photoshoot? Would you like to have a threesome with 2 Robs? Yes that’s a rhetorical question. 

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Dear Rob,

You don’t mind taking the backseat today while we celebrate the very super duper important birthday of my most favorite co-blogger ever, right? Good. (Just think of today like any other Wednesday so far in 2012!)

Dear Moon,

In celebration of your birthday today, I thought long & hard (TWSS) about the things you love in life. And I came up with this very extensive list: Hello Kitty, Rob, Music, Your Niece. <– (super impressive, huh?) Armed with my list in hand, I asked the girls of The Flat to create some original creations surrounding your favorite things. This was the result:

Hello Rob

brilliant

Oh yeah, somehow Jackson snuck in here

We know how you like to Google things

Who doesn't like Mr. Darcy, Rob?

And of course if wouldn’t be from the girls of The Flat without a poem:

We’ like to say this clear and loud,
That you should feel so very proud,
This flat your very own creation,
Forged from your imagination,

You made a home you called Robs Flat,
Where we can meet to sit and chat,
Together we would like to say,
We wish you such a Happy Day!

Your birthday wish inside this ditty,
We hope is filled with Hello Kitty,
Champagne, and wine, and birthday cake,
And gifs of Ron and trouser snake,

Pics of puppies, favourite nieces,
and all the peeps you love to pieces,
And many more pics you can oogle,
Through an image search at Bing (!) or Google,

We wish you sunshine, luck and flowers,
Money, love and super powers,
Hugs and kisses, favourite food,
And funny jokes (both clean and rude.)

Belly laughs, Best Friends Forever,
Memories you’ll always treasure,
We wish you ALL of the above,
From all the Flat ladies, with love.

Happy Birthday to my dear friend & Twilight life partner Moon. May your day be filled with Hello kitty, babies, Rob, music & all the other things I forgot you like like Diet Coke & Taco Trucks. Love from everyone here at LTR (Rob too, I bet!)

Love,

UnintendedChoice

Thanks to the gals at The Flat for their help specifically: JodieO, GuitarGirl, AmynKansas, Alexandra & everyone else!! XOXO

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Don’t act so surprised. Yes this is the 2nd post this week! I had a great letter submission to post! XO. Also… there seem to be non-muteable ads playing right now. We’re on it. For now mute your computer. Will be fixed soon xx

Dear Rob,

We’re both grown up. I’ve been a grown up longer than you, but I digress. With that label comes something very familiar – stress.  Now I realize that your stress and my stress is very different. I’m sure you worry about things like a long drive-thru line at In & Out Burger, a certain someone’s love of for black bras under white shirts, and I know you were very worried about women here on LTR . Me? Well, I worry about things like how many calories I just ate in a whole bag of Terra Vegetable Chips, what the ‘check engine’ light means, how much wine I have at home and who’s going to be the new Bachelor next season.

That’s why I run. Stress relief. I’ve run 3 marathons and I’m training for my next race. I want you to run with me. Here are the reasons:

1.  I want to see your wonky legs in running shorts. Oh my.  Be warned – I may chase you. A nice sleeveless running shirt, running hat and shades? Yes please.  Proper running attire makes for a faster pace and longer endurance. I beg you – leave the fou-fou white vest and cream linen pants in the forest where it belongs.

Let's put a fineeee pair of short shorts on these crazy legs

2. I live near the most beautiful beach.  We could take an early morning run along the shoreline, then frolic (I’ve always wanted to frolic with you) in the surf. We can indulge in hot dogs and cheese fries from the beach shack restaurant. Since we just finished a run, there’s no guilt. I know sand will stick to our feet, so we’ll have to use the outdoor showers to rinse off. It would be a struggle, but I’d muddle through.

3. I am very aware you smoke. I’ll admit I usually find photos of you and a fag quite  HAWT. (Wife beater? Cigarette? One of my favorite shots EVER.) But in all seriousness, you should stop smoking. Now. It’s really terrible for you but since I’m not your mom and I can’t make you–I’m sure Clare has tried to get you to stop at no avail–the least I can do is get the blood flowing though those lungs. Now I know there’s lots of very interesting ways this could be done, but a good 5-mile run is always a perfect way to start the endorphins. Who knows what would happen the rest of the day.  Breathe in…breathe out.

I've smoked in the freezing cold in Vancouver... you think I won't smoke during a marathon?

4. Dean looks like a great guy, but don’t you ever want to lose him for just a little while?  He doesn’t strike me as a runner.  You don’t need him on a run – *I* would hand you your water bottle. I bet I could do just as good of job as Dean.  He can stay home and whip us up some delicious recovery smoothies.

By "smoothies" she means grilled cheese. I make a mean grilled cheese

5. Bear would LOVE it. He looks like a dog who would love a good run.  He may even find a squirrel. He could scare away the paparazzi. (similar, but not the same as a squirrel).  We’ll teach him to growl and sneer at anyone with a lens cap.  This may be necessary since Dean isn’t with us.

How about I bring ALL these puppies?

Now that our run is done, I want to celebrate. How? I’ve got the perfect conclusion to our run —   I want to see the real Jumping Rob recreated in my pool. Bring on the black boxer briefs!!

Call me. My Asics are waiting, so lace up your shoes and let’s get started! I know you’ll feet better and less stressed. You’ll thank me later.

Love,
Brenn

Love it, Brenn! And this inspires me to inspire YOU all to write us more letters with these theme: Doing a HOBBY with ROBBY. Yep… it’s about time we had a new LTR theme around here. So what do you think? Got a HOBBY for you and ROBBY you can write to us about? Great- send it to letterstotwilight@gmail.com.

And just so you know, when I’m having a bad day or just need a new laugh, I always change my Facebook profile picture to this:

Click me to make me your wallpaper

from one of Moon’s Best LTRs ever!

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