Lewis 4 Higher

blonde--for some it is a moment, for others a lifetime

2014-09-16T04:33:00.000-07:00

My mom use to always tell me, "The Holy Ghost goes to bed at 10pm, which means only trouble happens after that, which is why that is your curfew." I use to hate to hear it, but I must admit, just before I moved away to college I learned just what she meant.

Now I have to set the seen, I am babysitting 4 children all of which are under 5yrs (or was it 6), there mom is single and leaves town for weeks at a time since she is a traveling nurse, we are getting ready to move to Salt Lake City (me for college, her for her job). I also need to point out that this is the summer Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped, and a few kids had already died from heat exhaustion from accidently becoming locked in cars--1 found in the trunk the parent's car.

I had been watching the kids for a few days now, the kids were all in bed asleep and my little sister and her friend had stopped by to not only help me get the kids to bed but to also help me "relax" and have give me a few moments where I didn't have to be a mature adult carign for 4 kids--remember I was only 17, my sister was 14 and so was her friend. Her friend was on my cell phone with her "boyfriend" (who later came between the girls and why they are no longer friends from my understanding but that is another story for another day), my other sister was busy doing something in the house and I decided to pull my rollerblades out of the trunk and rollerskate up and down the sidewalk, it was about midnight, and so I rollerbladed down to Fillmore park (the house we were out was on mainstreet just a few houses up from Fillmore park) and came back, and decided that was enough excercise for me so I reminded Sarah (my sister's friend) to get off the cell phone and I took the car keys from her (she was sitting in the driver's seat of the green 1996 Geo Metro I owned at the time) I went and opened the trunk and sat down with my butt in the trunk and my feet dangling out over the bumper as I took off my roller blades.

After I took off my rollerblades I tapped on the rear window reminding Sarah yet again that she needed to get off the cell phone (boy can that girl talk) and then I decided it would be super funny if I laid down in the trunk and when she came back to give me the phone I would pop up and scare her--yeah, that was a great idea, I thought as I lay down in my trunk chuckling makin sure that all my body parts are hidden and out of sight so she will wonder where I went, not thinking, as I lay down I still had my keys in hand.

I laid there for about a minute chuckling to myself with how great this prank would be, I guess my chuckling louder than I thought cause I didn't hear the footsteps up to the trunk, all I know is suddenly the trunk closes--but how, then I hear my sister's voice telling her friend she just shut the trunk--she ofcourse is laughing pretty good as she says this--and that I was in the trunk so she shut me in the trunk, which is when her shocked friend informs her that I had the keys to the car and I hear a then frantic Katie (my sister) run back to the trunk area proclaiming her love to me and how God would want me to forgive her.

So, as of now, I am locked in the trunk, katie is frantically apologizing thinking that she has to get on my good side before that trunk opens or else, and Sarah is still on the cell phone explaining to her boyfriend what is going on.

No problems, thinks Sarah who is laughing at Katie's frantic attempt to get on my good side, just pop the trunk with the lever by the drivers seat that all cars have--all cars except my 1996 green geo metro, so she casually asks me where my trunk popper is and so I calmly explain that my car doesn't have one and that they will have to listen closely so I can explain to them how to put the back seat down so I can crawl out--now see my back seats both folded forward to make for more trunk space but someone had broken off the little knobs so you had to push down on the seat and grab the remaining screws and pull on them to then pull the seat forward, it obviously doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out, but when it comes to 2 14yr old blondes it does take a little bit of explaining.

As I am trying to explain this to the girls I ask--do you understand? "Yes" is there reply, ok now pull on the screws, you got it? "Yes, but the seats won't come forward" is what I hear, so I try to stay calm, giving directions to teenagers is rough, but like I said these are 2 female blonde teenagers, so it takes extra patience, so I calmy ask what they didn't understand, and they repeat each step back to me and assure me they are doing it right so I just don't understand where they are going wrong so I tell them to pull harder, at this point they start complaining to each other about my demands and I hear one say to the other "I would be able to pull harder if this stinking carseat wasn't in the way"

Carseat in the way, I wonder to myself, at that point realizing just how blonde these two girls are (for some it is a moment, for other's a lifetime) I suggest them calling for help, because heaven knows if they aren't smart enough to take the carseat that is buckled into the back seat out before attempting to lay the backseat down they aren't going to be able to get me out myself.

"but Meagan we can't call mom it is after 10, you know what she says" and Katie was right, my mom did have a standing threat that if we called after 10 it better be for a life or death situation, and if not we would have a life or death situation. So at this point I remember that there is my spare key hanging in the kitchen at our house only about a 5 minute walk away, so I suggest katie walk there and get the key, we ofcourse remember that sarah has to stay behind incase one of the kids wakes up, because heaven knows if I can't get out of the trunk there is no way I can comfort them back to sleep. This plan sounded simple enough to me, but Katie saw it another way, "are you kidding me, if I walk home someone will rape me" now I don't know if Katie just had an unrealistic self image of herself or if those friendly chats we have with our kids about don't walk alone by yourself after dark or bad things might happen really sank in to an extremem but katie was always pointing out how she couldn't do things or someone would rape her--her words not mine.

So to recap, I am locked in the trunk, there is no trunk popper, the only 2 people who are aware of the situation are why blondes got a bad rep in the first place, we can't call my mom (out of fear of what the or else may be) and Katie can't walk home to get the spare key (out of fear that in the 5 minute walk someone will drive by, kidnap her and rape her--her words not mine) so I am getting a little nervous at this point, and realize we have to go back to the pullin the seat down idea, so I explain to the girls that to pull the seat down they have to take the carseat out of the backseat--"well how do we take the carseat out?" asks Sarah "You unbuckle it" I explain, so there si silence while they examine the and then I hear "well how do you unbuckle it?" at this point I am in histerics, my life is flashing before my eyes as I realize I am never goin to see the light of day again, when morning comes and the car heats up I will still be stuck in the car and bake to death, and that is if I last till then, no water, no food, and maybe no oxygen depending on how airtight the trunk really was...Yes I was doomed.

"Call 911!" I yelled
"WHAT?" they didn't know if they heard me right or if I was kidding
"Call 911!" I yelled again "Maybe they can send a cop that will be able to pick the lock and get me out, because there is no way you girls will be able to do it"

at this point Sarah is laughing uncontrollably, I can hear her, she is laughing so hard she can barely breathe and then I hear--"Sarah, you need to get off the phone Meagan says we need to call 911" I couldn't believe it, through all that she was still on the phone with her boyfriend! She is laughing so hard she can't say goodbye, and katie comes over and asks what to do--"katie take the phone, hang it up and then dial 911!" duhhhhh I'm thinking while I tell her this.

I hear the girls get serious, then I hear "My sister is locked in her trunk can someone help us" so I realize they are talking to the 911 operator and that eventually help will be on the way, things will definately get better now, I hear then explain where we are and that it is a green Geo Metro so the cop will know what they were looking for--Hello, 2 blondes and a geo--kind of hard to miss standing infront of a house on mainstreet in small ol' Fillmore, Utah in the middle of the night.

As I am trying to figure out what is being said I hear my sister's voice change to happyness, as she runs over and says "Meagan, there are levers on the trunk door inside that you can pull and they will open the trunk then you can get out!" she is so excited to give me this news

"No there isn't" I explain back, but she argues with me that there is, that is when I remember that the lady who sold me the car was a 911 operatoir/dispatcher in Fillmore and realize that she is who is on the phone and she knows who is locked in the trunk--the joys of living in a small town, personally knowing the 911 operator just one of the perks. Well with that said I decide to feel around, I had never noticed the levers before, but figure maybe they were hidden, nope nothing to open the trunk from the inside, but katie argues with me and I insist, she tries to explain to me what they look like, that is when everyone realizes that the car was made and sold before those were a requirement, then I guess she suggested to katie about the trunk popper--they frantically look in the car for one of those, but are sadly reminded we already went through that step, so the dispatcher decides to send a police officer to my rescue.

A few minutes pass by and I hear a man's voice talking to my Katie and Sarah, then I hear it gettign closer, that is when I see a light shine under the back seat--"can you see my light?" asks the man's voice, to which I answer yes, "Then slide your keys through that space and I will get them" so I do and he does--and I realize that Katie and Sarah aren't the only 2 teenage blondes at the scene of the crime that night, the point that I didn't realize I could slide the keys underneat the back seat made me just as blonde as them not knowing how to unbuckle the carseat.

Then I hear my greatful sister thanking the police officer, Sarah thanks him as well the whole time I am thinking--"HELLO PEOPLE, did you forget about me?"

"Meagan, I love you so much, and am so sorry, will you forgive me?" I hear katie try to plea "because if I have the keys and if you won't forgive me I won't open the trunk" I tried to suggest Sarah to take the keys from her but Sarah and Katie both stood strong, so I asked where the cop was--they point out he left and that was when I realized my fate was in the hands of those 2 girls, so I agreed to forgive, but to never forget, and I did and they let me out.

Now, that story in and of itself might not sound so funny, but let me just tell you I was definately the butt of everybody's jokes for years to come, up until Katie passed out when her head got stuck in her CR-V's window as she drove down the freeway going to meadow.

The following week I traded my beloved Geo metro in for a 1999 Saturn SL2, where the seat could be pushed down from inside the trunk, even if there was a carseat buckled in, and in addition to that, I made sure the car had a trunk popper not only in the car but also on the keys, and the car had a 3 person size trunk, so even if all those things failed I would be comfy until help could arrive--if by chance the situation ever arose again.

Now some things I learned from that experience:

Always listen to your mom, she knows best

Only bad ideas happen after 10pm (which is when the Holy Ghost goes to bed)

And, as scared as we were, we should have just called my mom, cause after the operator got off the phone with me someone informed my mom of our little situation so the next day when we showed up to play with the ducklings that had hatched we surely got it.

Rumors don't always make it from Fillmore to Kanosh like one would figure durin the summer cause when I mentioned to my mechanic that I traded in my geo for a much safer car with features to open the trunk incase someone got locked in it with the keys his only reply was, "what kind of an idiot woudl get locked in the trunk with the keys?"

and last but not least

Never mention to a friend infront of a cardealer that the trunk of the car you are about to buy could hold atleast 3 people comfortable--they seem to not want to be the one selling you the car after comments like that.

By the way, with carseats and everything, the last car we decided to buy was an SUV because why chance having a trunk to get locked in

Angels

2009-11-30T07:07:00.000-08:00

I want to take a moment and send a quick thankyou to all those Angels that, as the Alabama song puts it, are among us. With the Christmas season here I have had the joy of listening to many of my favorite Christmas songs, and as I was busy doign things yesterday that lovely song by Alabama came on and I took a moment to think about a few of the Angels in my life.

I started thinking about teachers and others who have come and gone in my life, about those who are still around and those who just seemed to disapear suddenly one day without a trace, as if they were never really there to begin with. I thought about those who I thought I would be close to forever and always and haven't spoken to in years and don't even know where they are anymore. I know I have spoken about this before, about the friends I have lost a long the way, and I don't want to be a broken record.

I do though want to mention that you never know what little thing will be that big difference in someone else's life. I am so thankful for the teachers who took the extra time, for the strangers who made it their problem, and all those who stepped in to help out even when I didn't realize I needed the help.

If you wouldn't mind sharing an 'angel' story of your very own I would definitely appreciate it

Thanksgiving

2009-11-28T19:25:00.000-08:00

I have been so busy, we haven't had any big thanksgiving plans, and luckily, cause even without big thanksgiving plans we have found ourselves busier than we could handle. John worked on the kitchen floor and now only has behind the washer and fridge to finish, what he did finish though looks so good. We got the tree up and decorated and the majority of the house is clean and we are getting ready to feed the missionaries for tomorrow, thought we would feed them today, but it turns out I was off by a day.

I am so excited for the Christmas season, so many great blessings seem to come during the christmas season, and I hope our weak economy doesn't stop the goodwill towards all men

Unanswered prayers....

2009-11-24T11:32:00.000-08:00

In high school I had a boyfriend who just happened to be best friends with my husband, they aren't anymore. This boyfriend, whom I was madly in love with, dumped me, and it devastated me. I prayed night after night that he would come to his senses and return to me. It actually turns out that it wasn't until I was about 3 months pregnant with my son that I realized after dreaming that he came to me and wanted me back that I realized I was over him and that I truly loved my husband. A few months ago I came across a picture of him on facebook and suddenly the song by Garth Brooks sang through my head....'sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers' because as much as I was in love with the guy he was in high school there is no way I would have been able to stay with the man he has become, not only does it seem that he has amounted to nothing, he is also bigger and balder and has facial hair--and did I mention, he loves to party? Yes, definitely not my cup of tea--Thank you God, Thank you for giving him the sense to dump me and John the sense to save me from myself.

So next time you find yourself devastated cause life isn't going your way, remember that some times we don't always know what is best for us, but God does and if we can just follow his plan it will all work out in the end--I really wish I could post the pic of said ex-boyfriend but I am sure even if I could figure out how to do it if it was ever discovered there would definitely be legal issues.

ever so sorry

2009-11-19T15:20:00.000-08:00

I am not trying to ignore every one, I have been trying to get my house organized, the holiday season is coming and I am trying to get things in order so we can put the christmas tree up thanksgiving evening.

In addition to the cleaning and organizing, John informed me Sunday that he forgot to pay tithing, I have spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out just how we are going to come up with the money to pay Tithing ASAP--since his announcement, we have discovered that the dogs both have fleas, a check I wrote months ago finally came out of our account and so instead of $50 something dollars we now have only $5 and I still haven't figured out just how we are going to get a turkey for thanksgiving (I was going to use that $50 to get it but now that we don't have it....). Anyhow, my mind has definitely been focusing on other things so I do hope you all forgive me.

I definitely can tell you I can see the difference paying Tithing makes--

superstition and Friday the 13th

2009-11-13T11:29:00.000-08:00

is it anti christian to be superstitious? A friend once told me that being superstitious meant that I thought God was punishing me, but I had never thought about it this way--anybody have any opinions on this, because I am very superstitious, but don't want to be anti-christian--is there a way to be both?

I can feel the power of heaven...

2009-11-11T10:50:00.001-08:00

I love listening to the church songs I was able to download from LDS.org, but there are a few that definitely get my attention...and with words like this who wouldn't notice?

I can feel the power of heaven as I stand on holy ground and the spirit wispers
what I long t learn, eyes are touched with understanding, I can see beyond
this world, it is the place I reach for heaven and it reaches in return

The song is called "Strength Beyond my own" and was written by Steven Kapp Perry. This is just the chorus, but it is so beautiful that everytime I hear it I know without a doubt that it is true, that Christ lives, and that no matter what happens life is worthwhile.

The site where I found this song is here but if you would like to just listen to the song try this. Click on the songs title above or here for the sheet music. Here is another page you might be interested in. I love how many resources the church has for us to use, and for free. Check out this site, too. And since there is a lot do do on those sites, I won't write a huge message, just wanted to wish you luck and remind you that blessings and miracles are still happening all around us, all we have to do is look for them.

2009-11-08T08:43:00.001-08:00

I am a child of God and he loves me!

and don't forget it!

(mommy loves you too baby)

mommy loves yo

Fabtaculous

2009-11-04T19:18:00.000-08:00

Today has just been fabtaculous--this whole time I have been worried about nothing and today it finally started to fall into place. I am starting to think that life is kind of like a Rubik's cube because once I get use to things lining up and falling into place they seem to suddenly no longer be that way, but that is life, so you pick yourself up and just keep trucking, fake a smile and tell yourself it is all fabtacular until one day you believe it and so does everyone else and before you know it everything is falling into place again--I definitely think I prefer life to be a Rubik's Cube then to be a rollercoaster--I'm just saying.

Night ya'll!

I was visited by an angel with a message

2009-11-03T09:23:00.001-08:00

Yes, I find it rather hard to believe myself, but I do believe I was visited by an Angel, in my dreams it was. She looked so familiar but I just can't place where I know her from, I can't even describe what she looked like except that she had brown curly hair and an angelic face (I know how ironic, right), either way, she told me she had a message for me and that I needed to pay attention.

Her message was. "You have cancer, you have uteran cancer and you have to go to the doctor and get it treated" I told her I was to young to have uteran cancer, I asked her if she was sure it wasuteran cancer, I pointed out how my Grandma died of uteran cancer (actually she had uteran cancer so she had her uterous removed and then got overian cancer and that was what she died from, but it started out as uteran cancer) and that if I had uteran cancer I would have to have my uterus removed and that if I had my uterus removed I wouldn't be able to have anymore kids.

She then said something along the lines of 'I know' and 'so hurry and get it treated' but I don't remember that part all too clear, I just remember waking up and crying because we recently found out that I wouldn't be able to be a foster parent until I am abe to drive and as long as I suffer from my movement disorder I won't drive out of fear of what could happen, so it seems as if my dream of having a huge family might never become a reality--that is, if the angel was right.

So I'm wondering what would you all do if you were visited by an angel? You you act on it or ignore it as just a figment of your imagination? Have you been visited by an angel?

I still haven't decided exactly what I will do, It seems as if it can't be, I am still only 25 and i recently had a physical and everything came back good, not ot mention I have had enough blood work to drain me dry--one would think if I had cancer they would have found it by now, but then again, you never know.

Forget me not

2009-10-30T09:28:00.001-07:00

I promise, I haven't forgotten about this blog, sometimes I get real busy and life ust flies by as if hole days have vanished. It is funny how I am the least 'busy' person I know yet I seem to have so much to do all the time and I don't honestly know why. Either way, I haven't been ignoring this blog at all, actually I have been trying to educate myself with the help of a a fellow blogger--mommy nut--and I have been trying my darndest to make improvements here so that I can look at this blog and think, "Man who done that!" and mean it in a good way.

I am truly working hard to make this a blog (as well as all of my blogs) to be something I don't mind charing with the world and that the world wouldn't mind visiting. I am very critical of this site because it does mean so much to me that I be able to share my feelings and beliefs as accurately as I can.

To me being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints is more than something I do on Sundays, I am trying so hard to live my religion so that I can live as an example of how great my religion is. Most people Judge a church by the people who attend it, I know it isn't right to judge, and I know that just because unrighteous people attend a church doesn't mean it is unrighteous, but I also know that even though it isn't right or isn't so doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I want for a person to be able to meet me and know that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints and that I have been blessed because of it.

I am so tired of hearing, "I knew a mormon once and that is why I don't like your church" and "I knew a mormon once and they didn't have anything to do with me cause I wasn't a mormon" or even "mormons, don't they have a ton of wives" this just goes to show how swift people are to judge a church by the people who go to it, rather than what the church teaches. I honestly can say that it doesn't bother me if someone doesn't believe what I believe. Whatever a person believes is up to them. I am not trying to convert the world. I know that not everyone has it in them to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, it takes a lot of self control and determination to be a worthy member. I have a lot of friends who are members of other religions and faiths, and I love them all the same. I just want to be able to clear up miscommunications, I want to be able to educate, and I want to be able to learn.

As this blog continues it will improve, because each day I am learning something new. Please keep up the faith and check back often.

thankyou and God bless

2009-10-26T12:54:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those "wowser" moments when something you have been told finally sinks in and you realize exactly what everyone meant when they said it? Well today I had one and I had it in a rather marvolous way.

In August my life had a few minor changes that seemed to effect me in a major way, so much that I was starting to let other peoples opinions about my abilities start to affect my confidence. Despite what I want people to believe I am actually rather sickly, and at points I have thought hard about how much longer I might be allowed to live on this earth. I am rather young, in August I turned 25 yrs old, and yet I am dealing with things that most people don't deal with till they are much older and some never have to deal with it. I want to point out here that I have never taken illegal drugs and I have never abused any kind of drugs, I have never knowingly drank alcohol and once I found out liquid cough medicine had alcohol in it I have stopped taking that also. At a young age I had a friend and she had many family members who struggled with addictions and I could see (even at my young age) just how difficult their lives were because of it so I avoided all those things so that I wouldn't have those difficulties, which is why I find it rather absurd that at the age of 23 I began suffering symptoms that would usually only be brought on by the illegal use of drugs and alcohol abuse.

I Have a movement disorder that has left me disabled, I have had to give up many things I love, and at times I am not allowed to be alone. One never seems to notice how great their alone time is until they no longer have it. Despite all my attempts to stay positive at times it is definitaly overwhelming not only for me but also for my family and friends that are aware of most of my daily struggles, or for those who have to stand by and watch and my body tosses around and hear the moans and groans knowing that nothing is being done, and as far as anyone knows nothing can be done to make them stop or to "fix" me.

Before becoming disabled in 2008 I can honestly tell you my life wasn't exactly a walk in the park, it has always seemed to be full of trails, disappointments, and discouragements. I have strayed from the church, I have found my way back, I have loved and lost, and I have found love where I never imagined it to be. I am not complaining, don't get me wrong, I am thinkful that I have learned all I know and that I have been able to grow and mature as I have, without the struggles I wouldn't have my strength. I always knew that God would never give me more than I could handle, and then in 2006 I was sitting in a Abnormal Psychology class and at the end of the lesson on schitzophrenia I walked out questioning that. I remember in the lesson the teacher said that most people don't begin suffering from schizophrenia until the later teens early 20s, and that it is usually brought on by great stress, as if the mind snaps under the pressure which meant to me that obviously God has given some more than they can handle and in return they become schizophrenic.

With all the stress in my life I have often wondered if/when I might snap and start hearing voices, at some times my struggles where so intense I was certain I couldn't survive through them. I never cursed the Lord, I can't say I have never questioned him, but as far as I can remember I have never cursed him because I knew that despite the point that he had control over all things, Satan was allowed certain 'priveleges' and I know my struggles were sent by Satan and not God and so it seemed I was constantly cursing Satan. And the biggest hit was knowing that at points God can give you more than you can handle or there would be no schizophrenics running around hearin voices.

well to get back to my ahha/'wowser' momment. In August, school was about to begin and I lost my little helper, Jessica, and and that left me with 7+ kids that I was watching (due to a huge misunderstanding/scheduling conflict) and I stood infront of a judge who was dumbfounded that I was as sick as I was and that my husband was leaving me home with my son (he wasn't aware that when I lost my little helper I was now babysitting the kids she was taking care of while keeping an eye on me--it is a rather complicated situation). After listening to the judge and talking to a few other people I began to panic, I started to imagine what could happen, I started to not only question my abilities but I also questioned my worth. My health started to falter and I as the stress piled on I continued to wonder just how could I continue to do what I was doing.

I really started to panic as I continously contacted person after person, and agency after agency looking for a helper who could replace Jessica, but no such help, I either didn't qualify, or couldn't pay what they wanted. I really started to fear just what might happen if I was to fall and hurt myself with all those kids in my care. I pretty much had nervous break down, and the point that we had 2 extra little boys living with us that were not making my life at all easy didn't help. I finally did admit defeat and I sent those 2 little boys home to their mom, who then sent them who knows where, but that is a different story for another post. I asked the mom that she not bring the boys back, suddenly the 7 kids I watched where only 5 and since one went to a school that was in another town he no longer came to the house on a daily basis, so that took the 5 kids to 4, and since my son was in school from 8am till 2:30 pm that meant I really only cared for 3 kids.

I know without a doubt in my mind that if I was to stop babysitting all together that the parents I babysit for wouldn't be able to find anyone else who would only charge them what I am charging, I have looked and babysitters seem to want well over $2 an hour, some want as much as $10 an hour, I even saw one who was asking for $15 an hour, I charge $10 a day for one kid and $15 a day for 2 and with both my families struggling financially I know what a blessing it is for them to get such a great deal. I was building up the strength to tell the parents that I was getting too sick to babysit anymore and one of the mommies (she was completely unaware of what I was about to do) made it a point to thank me, she was in tears as she thanked me for all the help I have been, and she admitted if it wasn't for me she wouldn't be able to work, and as a single mom she really has to work.

anyhow, after that I couldn't give up, so I bucked up and I did what any mom would and I just dealt the card dealed me. I learned my strengths, and I learned my weaknesses. I learned who I could count on in a bind and I figured out who woudl flake. I found true friends and I discovered fakes one also. But when all was said and done I realized that I'm a survivor, at least to this point. When I finally leaned to the Lord and started following his guidance I realized I had way more strength than I coul even imagine. Life isn't perfect, I still struggle, I'm still sick, and some days I just have to admit defeat and throw up a white flag, but I have come to love the days I get to spend with my 3 little angels (who hold their halos up on their horns).

Anyhow, today when I logged onto facebook I noticed a friend was online and so I thought I would just say Hey, but as I began chatting with her I remembered totally complaining and panicking to her a few months earlier about not knowing what I would do without a helper, and so as I informed her that hope wasn't lost I realized exactly what every one meant when they told me 'god would never give me more than I coudl handle.

Changes to Comments

2009-10-23T10:00:00.001-07:00

You know it very much saddens me when i put forth effort and pour out my heart for the world to see and the only comments I get in response i get are not only negative (and use what I would consider rather inappropriate language for a blog of this nature) but also are left by Mr/s Annonymous.

Does this hurt me because they touched a nerve with the harsh judgements they made? Does it hurt me because I am sensitive? Does it hurt be because I am trying to please everyone? and to be truthfully honest, I do not believe that I am hurt for any of the above reasons. I want to take a minute and share just why I am hurt.

I may not blog regularly, or as often as some may think that I need to, I may take vacations from blogging as despite popular belief I do actually get rather busy at times and have a life outside of this blog, but even when I am not posting I am constantly thinking about things I can blog about. This blog, although it is probably my worst blog in most people's opinion, is actually the blog I hold most sacred, because it is where I come and spill my heart and soul, where I share my thoughts and my beliefs. This has been particularly hard for me to do because I know all to well how quickly people can judge one another, and for that reason I have spent my life trying to hide my religion from others.

It wasn't until recent years that I have been open to strangers about my religion. Being that I belong to a rather unique church that many people do not understand I have had some good responses and some very negative responses when people find out that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I feel bad for those who judge harshly without knowledge of what they are judging but realize also that by hiding away my religion I have only helped Satan by not working to help educate others about my religion.

Now, I have said it before and I will say it again, I am by no means a scholar when it comes to church doctrine. I once had to have a Bishop explain what the Word of Wisdom was--I lived by it but didn't know that was what it was called. Due to medical reasons I have nearly forgot everything I learned from the religious classes I took in High school and College, I couldn't tell you which books are in the New Testament or the Old Testament, or even the book of mormon. I know abotu stories, like when they didn't have enough bread to feed the people and yet after they passed it around and everyone ate till they were full they still had the same amount of bread they had in the beginning, I know about that storie, but I couldn't tell you where to find it or any major details. I am not trying to preach and I am not trying to demand everyone to repentance.

So why am I do this blog? Because I feel strongly that through this blog I can grow in my religion and gain a better understanding of not only my religion but also gain a better respect for other's religions. I believe that if this site becomes what I want it to that it can not only help me to grow spiritually but it can also help others to better understand a very confusing religion. I don't plan on this site changing anyone's life (well I expect it will definitely improve my own, but other than that) but I would hope that those who read it will at least help me to reach my goals.

When I changed this site I knew many would have harsh things to say about it and I already expressed that I don't care if you don't like it, I am not doing this for everyone and not everyone will like it, I am ok with that. It is perfectly fine if you visit my site, read a sentence or 2 and leave and never return--I am not out to save the world, it isn't my responsability to make sure everyone visits this site daily, to have that expectation would be unrealistic. It is between you and whoever you believe in (be it God or some other entity or being) and so if you don't like my site I wish you luck--I have 4 other sites you can visit and if none of those sites impress you then it just wasn't meant to be and I do hope you find a blog that suits you. It is your choice whether you read my blog or not, as it is my choice to post like I want.

Now, back to the negative comments left--if you don't like that I don't always use spell check (which I find rather commical that people nit pick about spelling in a day and age when people text words like 'txt me l8er' and yet that is perfectly acceptable, but heaven forbid I misspell a word cause then nobody i able to understand what I am saying--get over it) please just quit visiting my blog, don't sit and post annonymous comments informing me how crappy my spelling abilities are--I know they are crappy, and it isn't my inability to spell, it is my inability to type, not to mention I am still trying to learn how to use this newfangled laptop that is has such a sensitive mouse pad that anytime my thumb huffers over it moves and relocates where I am typing and therefore one minute I will be typing at the bottom of the page and then I am typing at the top of the page, I usually can locate where it went to but sometimes not and therefore if I cannot locate it I cannot correct it.

I don't know if anybody who reads this site has visited my medical blog, but incase you know nothing about my medical issues, I have issues with my muscles and controlling movements that others would find simple, yet to me they are impossible--this is something new in my life and I am slowly (very slowly) learning how to deal with it, but I thank the great Lord above daily that I am still a live and that for the most part I am extremely healthy and able to do a lot of things, even if it has limited my typing ability and usually the reason why a lot of my words have letters turned around (so instead of what I might type whta, or anything ending in ing ends up with ign, I have very much worked on locating and correcting those errors, but sometimes they are overlooked). So for those of you who are understanding, I do apologize, I am working on it and I appreciate your continued support, for those of you who think my site 'sucks' because I can't spell--get over it or get off my site!

I'm sorry, my world doesn't revovle around Mr/s annonymous. Maybe if you had enough decency to sign your name to your comments I might care a little bit more about what you say, but since you don't even dare to face me then I don't care about your opinion. I find I only have to answer to myself and God, not to Mr/s Annonymous and for that reason I have banned Mr/s Annonymous from commenting because unless you are willing to put your name to your negative comments I don't want to hear them.

Now concerning my use of commas instead of periods--a period is to be placed at the end of a thought, I have add and so my thoughts continue on, sometimes never ending, and so I use commas, because I have to give people a chance to breathe. Again, if this issue is such a big issue that it makes my blog 'suck', in your opinion, then please don't bother returning because even if I was to correct this you would still find something else to nit pick at so either get over it or don't return.

Now that I have gotten that out of my system, I do want to encourage you all who now cannot comment because Mr/s annonymous ruined it for everyone else, there is still an open ID options, but if that option is abused then I will be forced to take it away also.

I also want to take a moment and point out that I am always asking others for their opinions, and I want an honest opinion whether it be positive or negative, I don't mind being told that I have a lot of Typos, I don't mind being told I need to use periods more--it doesn't bother me, honestly. Like I said, my feelings aren't hurt by what was said, it was by whome said it--if you are going to be a critic, atleast be willing to sign your name to it, because I have to know who is saying it so I can judge just hwo reliable it is, and if you comment as annonymous as far as I am concerned you aren't worth listening to. When I see annonymous I see somebody sitting amongst filth and missing most their teeth, someone with little education and who is just pulling stuff out of their butt to be hear themselves think and to upset others--and to Mr/s annonymous, I don't care for your kind here, ya hear, I want this site to promote spirituality not satanism, I want this site to be uplifting and positive, not full of negativity, so please don't come back until you are willing to play nice.

Also, I know I used this word in this post, but please do not use words like "suck" unless you are talking about a baby sucking a bottle or something similar, my site does not suck, it doesn't have lips to suck with. This post is meant to be uplifting and if derrogatory comments are being left it effects the spirit of the blog, no cus words, no bible bashing, no, no, no! If you can't be an adult and can't think of better words to use then please just don't use any--it doesn't make me look bad when you say my site sucks, really it only makes you look bad, so just don't do it.

well, I have other things to do than to continue on about how to properly post comments, but really all I am asking is for a little consideration, respect, and a lot of love!

we were blessed

2009-10-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

i want to tell you a story about a cold stormy week here at our house. a few months before a tree limb fell and left a hole in our roof which caused a minor leak, we kept reminding our landlord and for some reason, unknown to us, it wasn't repaired, but it was just a small leak so no worries, it isn't like it rains for weeks at a time here in east Texas--except one week it did rain every day for a week, this was while we had 2 young boys living with us, one of those young boys slept in a tiny toddler bed that was given to me when i was young (yes, the one in the photo, the one covered in debris, which was Dominic's when he was little.)

it had been storming all week and then one night there was no rain, this particular night i was up late sitting in the front room on the computer when i heard a horrible commotion, i yelled at John who blamed it on Red, our dog, but i insisted that it didn't sound like a red commotion and insisted he get out of bed and go and check on it--and this is what he found.

as I saw the drywall and all the (newly laid) insulation laying on the bed the first thing i did was thank the great Lord above that he was able to hold the ceiling up until the boys were to be gone for the first night in 6 days--yes, we both knew right then and there that we were blessed (despite the gaping hole in our ceiling) because there was no child sleeping in that bed. Then I realized it was only about a week earlier when i moved my son's tall bed from that very spot to the other side of the room, where he was sleeping when the ceiling fell through.

Now i could go on and on about how little things left uncared for can turn into big gaping holes, whether it be spiritual, physical, or emotional, but that is a different post for a different day, right now i just want to leave with you that sometimes we have to look past the big gaping hole and focus on the child who was not sleeping where the debris fell, and know that the Great Lord Above was looking out for us even though our ceiling caved in and made a huge mess.

does this make sense?

Speaking to me

2009-10-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I never turned on the ipod, we cleaned and ran soem errand in the morning and were late getting to bed to take naps and in my hurry to get the twins into bed I forgot to turn on the stereo and it wasn't until everyone was asleep that i realized it wasn't on and I feared turning it on would wake them up so I sat in the silence (something I don't do very often) and I can honestly tell you, I didn't like it, I didn't like it one bit.

I like hearing the music, I enjoy the melody of the nearly all the church songs, whether they be hymns, primary songs, or the few Young Women songs I have downloaded to my iPod, I enjoy all of them.

I have noticed that most the time when it plays a scripture that I just listen to the tones and have no real idea what they are talking about, but I have also noticed that if I am trying to think about a situation or what I should do or what needs to happen I not only begin listening to the words but everytime the words are exactly what I feel God would want me to hear and do, which seems a little captain obvious of me, but some one had to say it.

I know how it is always beign said that the scriptures can speak to you, and that you can take from them what God wants you to know--I guess it wasn't until I downloaded everything to my ipod and listened to it that I remembered just how true that was. Needless to say, this morning was a tid bit choatic and I didn't get to turn the stereo on until nap time, but I didn't forget it this time, and as i sit here listening to the words and the songs I can't help but wonder just how I survived the last 25 yrs of my life without this constant reminder of Gods love for me--OK, so maybe that is a little strong, because God shows me he loves me in many different ways and so I don't need my Ipod and this music to remind me of Gods love for me, it just seems to be the cliff notes of all the religious lessons I have learned.

I do find it awfully funny that when the music isn't on and i am faced with a choice there is usually a song stuck in my head, or a phrase I think of from a song that helps me to answer the question or to make the choice--Just the other day i was going through some movies and saw one i have wanted to watch with John for a long time and was going to suggest we watch that one together, but before I could somethign promted me to check the rating, it was R rated (now know that years ago we got rid of all our R and unrated--well not the kids cartoon unrated, but you know what I mean--movies, we didn't own any "adult" movies or we would have gotten rid of those too) and being the type of movie it is I knew it was R rated because it probably had a steamy bedroom scene in it, John and I are both adults and so it wouldn't be so bad if we watched it and just fastforwarded through that scene, I mean I was a CNA for how long, it isn't like I haven't seen a ton of naked bodies--as i sat trying to convince myself that it was still ok for us to watch that movie knowing it was R rated the words to a song popped into my head about how it is up to me to choose what I let into my house, whether it be good or bad I have to choose, and that is when I realized that I already have "flashbacks" of showering old men and I didn't need anymore images of naked people in my head and therefore the movie had to go.

So, in what ways have you noticed the spirit is trying to talk to you? or in what ways have you been promted to choose the right?

Also, do you think the R rated movie I spoke of before (Romeo in love, i think is the title) should become a white elephant gift or should it just be thrown away? what would you do with it?

God Works in Mysterious ways

2009-10-14T09:20:00.001-07:00

The other day, to my suprise, my son didn't have school, it was Columbus day and becaue I was unaware Dominic was woken up bright and early to go to school, and by the time my friend (who I had called to see if she coudl take him to school) informed me that there was no school he was too awake to go back to sleep, so I had a full day of my little angel keeping me company. The twins showed up bright and early as usual, and because it was raining we had the 3 kids and 2 dogs stuck in the house unable to go outside and burn some of their endless energy.

One can imagine that naptime didn't come soon enough for me this particular day, and even when it came I had to struggle with a incooperative 4 yr old who was insisting he didn't need a nap and incidently keeping the twins from taking theirs--after finally threatening his life my son decided he didn't have to take a nap but he would be quiet so the twins could take there, but not before he knocked the abnormally large glass of water he brought me off the little play stage I had sat it on, and ofcourse all that water poured onto my laptop.

As i frantically tried to dry my laptop and ordered Dominic to dry the floor I wondered to myself why the schools had to be closed that particluar rainy day and why they couldn't wait for a beautiful sun shiney day to have a holiday. The twins have I have worked very hard to set up a certain schedule and having my 4 yr old home was really screwing things up. Anyhow, I don't knwo what I did or how it happened but as I sat and fumed about just how rotten my son was being suddenly my computer started playing music, and suddenly it begins telling me to "count your blessings name them one by one, count your blessings...."

I couldn't help but smile, and suddenly all the rage seemed to melt away as I was reminded of all the teary nights when I begged and pleaded for "just one" and how truly blessed I was when, for the first time the test read "pregnant" after uncountable negatives, and how scared I was as the wheeled me to the operatign to room to remove my baby a month early only to wake up in the recovery room with my baby gone and nobody could tell me why. As one can tell, as a child gets older it is so easy to forget just what a blessing they are, specially when they are being little boogers. My son though is most definitely a blessings, the trails we went through to get him here and the trails he has been through since enterig this world, we know for a fact if it wasn't for the grace of God our little miracle wouldn't have made it, I just feel bad it took my computer "talking to me" to remind me just how truly special he is (and I mean that not in a special ed kind of way, I mean it in a he is our little miracle.

Can you think of a time when you were touched by the spirit in an unusual way? If so, please share it with us, if you don't mind

My best friend melody

2009-10-13T16:42:00.000-07:00

OK, so, I want to tell ya'll about a friend i met 5 yrs ago, she has been such an inspiration to me, Heaven knows my world would be a whole lot different had she not walked up and introduced herself to me in relief society, funny thing is had it not been for her and a bag of shoes a co-worker of mine gave me that didn't fit me or any of my other friends at the time I would have never gotten to know this amazing woman, and now I want to share my special Angel with the world.

Actually, this particular friend of mine has spent the last few years being a stay at home mom, I met her when she has 2 young children, her husband was a full time college student while also working full time at the college--before that he worked at a furniture store, but his commission wasn't cutting it anymore. Now she is a mother of 4 beautiful children, her faith is as strong as ever, her husband is still a college student who has recently decided that the Lord wants him to go into Law so he has taken a couple semesters off to work out the details and to give his wife an opportunity to do what she feels the Lord wants her to--Help people help themselves!

These last few years she has scrimped and saved and made every penny count, she has used it up, worn it out, or done without, she is the type of person that takes a shirt and uses it till it can't be worn as a short any longer and then used the material to make something else until there is nothing left, she can is constantly amazing me as to all her many talents when it comes to stretching a dollar, I almost died the day she told me she spent only $60 a month on food to feed a family of five(well, ok I can't remember how much exactly but i remember it only being double digits and I also remember it cost us double that a week to keep food in our house so I think it was 60 but don't quote me) and that was without food stamps, they never ate out because she always cooked (rather spectacular meals, may I add) and they only drove their car (which they were able to fully pay off because of their dedication) about once a week if that--they walked to church and her husband walked to the bus stop about a mile away to go to school and work, and because he was a student he could use public transit for free--when I went back to school we woudl actually pick her husband up while my husband drove me to the bus stop and then ride the bus together--it was also on my husband's way to work so it worked out nice that way.

Anyhow, what I am trying to say, is she is a very amazing woman, she has taught me so much and I have always been amazed at her dedication when it comes to anything she does in life, and so I now that if she has her heart set on helping people save their homes she is not only will she help people but she will do it with flying colors.

When I asked her to explain to me what she is doing she said: I am helping people save their homes. I help them to lower interest rates, lower their payments and sometimes even lower their principle. We help people to keep them from foreclosure. When I asked her why, her response was:I want to prevent any more tent cities being set up. Many cities have them. I don't want them to continue.

So who is this saint of a friend of mine? Her name is Melody Jones and if you want her to help you save your home you can call her cell at number 801-688-2985 and her alternate phone number is 801-528-6719. She lives and works in the state of Utah but can help people all over (even Texas she says) you can even check out the company, Fortified Financial, to find out more details, so please spread the word, if the person you refer says you referred them you could even get a little bonus, referred to as a marketing fee (which isn't why I am doing this, I just know how great of a person she is and so I want to be able to help her, as the Lord says, when you are in the service of others you are in the service of the Lord) so please look into it and spread the word--she has the faith to move mountains and I know she can save people's houses.

And I can personally assure you that if she is a part of it that this is perfectly legit, she wouldn't never work for dishonest people, this isn't a scam, and this will work!!!

Today is the beginning of the rest of my life

2009-10-12T10:49:00.001-07:00

OK, so maybe today isn't as dramatic as it might sound but I am hoping to be able to do some pretty big things. I have been dabling with all my blogs and have been kind of flaky and I had sucessfully acquired folloowers and then I changed the topic of this blog and lost all my followers and the traffic to this site hasn't been too overwhelming so I have just kind of let it become forgotten but I decided today would be the day I take some action--this site actually means a lot ot me, I have a great testimony in my religion and yet the harder I try the harder Satan tries to tempt me to wonder and I don't want to, this site just isn't a place for me to share my thoughts on religion, this site helps me remember who I am, what I want from life and time there after, this site is a reminder of my goals, my dreams, and just why I have to avoid Satan's temptations.

So I am taking a big step, I have taken off all the other posts and this site is going to be soly for religious posts, so I am going to put my heart out there and if nobody reads this then that is ok, I guess, because then I won't have shared my heart, but I hope that this site is sucessful because I am putting my heart out there and I know if I get people who are also wiling ot put themselves out there that together we can grow and learn and grow closer to God

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints but welcome members of all religions to join in and voice their opinions I just ask that we keep things uplifting, and absolutely no Bible bashing or religion bashing--please be kind.

thanks a ton, and hope you can enjoy this site as much as I enjoy having it

2009-10-05T09:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we were able to listen to conference via my husbands laptop which we hooked up to the stereo so we could hear it, unfortunately none of us were willing to crunch into the office space to watch it, but we did listen, especially to the afternoon session, and it was amazing, I am hoping that my family will be willing to listen to the Saturday sessions at a later time because we missed both of those, not because we didn't want to watch them, to be truthfully honest I was too tired and so I slept through the morning session (I had been up early to go get an MRI and then we stopped by at the fair on the way home, so I was exhausted)

Anyhow, this, I do believe, is the first time I went to the relief society session and John attended the priesthood session, he came home so excited and even put on the priesthood session for us to listen to during the break between the 2 sessions on sunday--I thought that rather impressive since usually he wants as little to do with conference as possible, but i must admit, John is definitely a work in progress, but in the 10 yrs that I have known him (6 that I have been married to him) the progress has definitely been made and he has come a long way.)

John has been trying so hard to carry out his priesthood duties and is doing a rather good job at it, I have noticed that the more I try to invite the spirit into my house, whether it be by me keeping the house tidier than usual down to what "media" we allow to be enjoyed in the house, and the harder John strives to carry out his priesthood duties the easier it is to be a happy family--we don't fight as much (I didn't say we don't fight at all, we still fight, but we don't fight as much) and even though oone would think the more we are doing the less time we will have together, turns out it is the exact opposite--turns out that we have more time to enjoy each other, since we aren't fighting as much we get to enjoy that time, we aren't fighting over whose turn it is to do the dishes, I am no longer worried about how I am going to do everything I need to do, instead I do what I can and since I keep up rather than catch up it seems so much easier and less time consuming, I am probably working a lot more, but it doesn't seem like it and it also seems as if the work is easier

either way, I always thought a tidy house and a righteous family meant we never had time together because my husband would be too busy with his calling and I too busy cleaning and cooking, and although we aren't perfect, my house still gets dirty and my family is stuck fending for their own food, I am noticing a big difference, and it might just be that the harder we are trying the easier it seems because the Lord is on our side helping us out, we are no longer fighting the stream, we are still struggling to withold satan's power, but it seems as if he is stuck outside, I noticed that the last few fights we have had were in the car, not in the house, that our house is actually a place where we can escape satans power because I feel that the Lord is protecting us--I know that may sound weird, but that is what I have noticed since I have decided to finally put my foot down and make a few changes--like I said though, we aren't perfect, far from it actually, but the small changes I have already seen just prove to me that we are changing for the right reasons and that we are being rewarded, and for that I am thankful.

I keep thinking of all the judgments i use to make about "churchy people" but now I realize that those judgments were just one of the little things Satan did to keep me from enjoying the peace that comes when you live the way the Lord wants you to--I know our struggles aren't over, but I know with God by our side we can do anything--we might not like it, but God can give us the strength as long as we keep up the faith.

sick days

2009-10-02T11:31:00.001-07:00

I think the thing i find hardest is being sick--this coming from somebody who took a record amount of sick days fromink I am still technically on sick leave from work when I was working as a flight attendant, a job that I that still considers me on sick leave after over a year of not being allowed to return to work--yes, I find being sick, I mean really sick, like can't lift your head cause you hurt so bad sick, is probably one of the hardest things I have to deal with--even harder than dealing with 5 kids under the age of 3.

so the last few days I have had to throw in the towel, because on top of being congested and the usual body aches that come with a cold I have noticed severe pain from less than mild exercise, as well as back pain after hurting my back--now with all that pain and the point that I have Neurocardiogenic syncope (a condition that causes me to pas out when my heart is under severe stress) has left me unable to do my normal daily activities, I have been at home stuck in bed wishing, just wishing I could muster up the strength to vacuum the front room and hall and stand long enough to do the dishes, I finally have a good reason to lay around and do nothing and yet I am irritated beyond believe that I'm not doing anything productive.

why is it that I can't help thinking about all the people I am letting down, all the things I could be doing to help others out if only I wasn't sick just keeps consuming my every thought--and yet I am now forced to take sick leave while I am on sick leave, which makes me wonder just where my obsession with helping everybody out came from.

all my childhood my mom made it a point to teach my siblings and me good work ethics, but at what point did good work ethics turn into an unhealthy obsession with pleasing everyone? Was it the day my mom's mini van got stuck in the snow and my mom walked to visit all her home health patients, including the ones who lived out of town (granted we lived in a small town, but there was one patient that lived about 15 miles from our house, and just imagine the weight of her nursing bag that she had to take with her), I always accredited that day as the best lesson my mom could teach me, but today I wonder was my mom over obsessed, too? Did my mom not teach us when it was OK to say "NO!" because my mom herself didn't know just how to tell her employer she just couldn't do it?

either way, before I get to thinking too deep I just wanted to let ya'll know i am sorry i haven't been posting lately but unfortunately I have been too busy trying to avoid the point that I am sick and currently unable to keep up with my daily activities, but one day (hopefully very soon) life will return to normal and i will return to my regular routines, which include daily blogs

Friends

2009-09-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

OK, so I just want to point out just how much I have thought about friends lately, about past, about current friends, about my friends I have lost touch with, about friends that turned out not to really be a friend, about friends I have moved away from, about friends that moved away from me, about busy friends, about friends I have lost because I was too busy, about work friends, and school friends, about church friends and about friends I thought were gone for ever only to discover they weren't that far gone after all.

yes, lately I have been thinking about friends, so it was a very pleasant surprise when I made my way into relief society yesterday (for the first time in what seems like months) to discover that the lesson was on friendships. I have been going through a lot lately and I have definitely realized just how important friends are, I have also realized how easy it is to think someone is your friend only to discover they were just using you for their own self gain. I have also learned that sometimes you might have friends and not even know it, that maybe that person you thought was just an acquaintance of yours turns out to be the best friend you have ever had.

I remember when I was a young child I had those friends I spent every day with, and others that didn't live so close but still enjoyed spending time with, I remember rushing to get chores done and homework done so I could enjoy time spent with them, I remember studying together and doing projects as a team--I remember when my life revolved around my friendships, building them, strengthening them, and enjoying them, and yet about 15 yrs later I haven't even spoken to those friends I thought I would "just die if I don't get to go to their house today" because as time grew our priorities changed, some moved away, others grew apart, some wanted different things from life and others just realized the only difference they wanted was not to be my friend, and then there were a few that I evaluated our realationship and realized it wasn't what I wanted in a friendship.

As we grew older we realized we expected different things from life, some of my friends decided they didn't want anything to do with my religion or anybody that had anything to do with it, which broke my heart as I slowly watched them take up drinking, then smoking, then drugs, somethings the order that their values changed varied, but needless to say, as their values changed so did the time they spent with me, but honestly it wasn't because I wanted it to change, just eventually I got the hint when they quit returning my calls, my messages, my e-mails, when they avoided me at school, and then later they just seemed to vanish into oblivion. I find it amazing that some one I shared my hopes and dreams with could just vanish into thin air, as if they never existed in the first place--I also find it peculiar that friends I grew up and swore we would never grow apart would just start ignoring me because I wasn't in the "hip" crowd--but the truth is, that those friends turned out not to be friends at all.

And then there are those friends who have found me despite the miles between us, I still think about the time I got a call from a long lost friend, she finally remembered my old phone number and called my parents to get my current phone number--Luckily my mom has refused to move since i was born, which my friend pointed out was the only reason she was able to find me. I also think about a friend that moved away when we were just little girls, only to find out that her and I lived not too far from each other as adults and actually belonged to the same internet site for a while before discovering who she really was. Granted we don't have spend the same time together as we did as youth and now that I have moved to Texas it makes it hard to go over for a play date, but it is still fun to visit online and reminisce about the good old days.

I also think about people I came to know through work, and through church, and through other people, people I just thought would be business associates, or someone great to babysit and later discovered were some of the best friends I have ever had, some it seems are more like family than just friends and even though I don't always have the time I need to improve our relationship, I wanted to let them all know that I do think of you often and am glad they are still willing to be apart of my life.

P.S. Jenny if you are still reading, i do hope your surgery went well today

Sept, 11th survivor video

2009-09-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

I saw this video and thought it was special, click here to see it. This is a really neat video, it is how surviving september 11th improved his life

do gooders

2009-09-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in the frontroom listening to calming church music I ponder about life, about heaven, and about how weak I am to Satan's grasp--how I know exactly what to do to avoid him and to stay on the straight and narrow and yet subconciously I seem to do everything opposite what i need to do--why is it so easy to stray and yet so hard to stay worthy?

I know the answer to that question, because Satan wants us to feel forced, like we have no choice, like we have to do it, and the Lord wants us to know we have a choice so he doesn't force us, he leaves it for us to decide. I find is so amazing just how hard satan tries, I mean, I think back to when I was a teenager and I went to Vegas with my family and there was a man on the corner handing out pornography and people were dropping it on the ground, I made the mistake of looking down and having a woman's private parts staring back at me--not a site I wanted to see, but see, Satan tries all he can to get us, he has his little evil doers out there trying to trick us and convince us that evil is the norm, that being bad is good, and that life ends when we die so why not make the most out of it.

The Lord sends missionaries out to try and spread the gospel, but there seems to be so much more evil doiers than good doers, there is so much more hate than love, and then on top of it you have the do gooders who are trying to do good but are being mocked by the evil doers and those who are neutral see the evil doers mocking the do gooders and they feel that something must be wrong with them so they don't listen to them, instead they follower the bad doers, and yet the do gooders are still standing them pleading for everyone to come to Christ, but the evil doers outnumber the do gooders, and most people have their Ipods, or cell phones up to their ears these days anyways so they wouldn't be able to hear them even if the evil doers weren't drowning them out.

as i look at my little boy I see this precious gift from God and I find myself constantly praying that he will be a do gooder, that he won't fall for satan's tactics, that he will be able to see through his lies and that he will know the truth. I fear that i might lose him to Satan, and as much as I want to command that he follow the lord i have to accept that he has a choice and that I have to let him choose, all I can do it set a good example and arm him with as much knowlegde of good that I can, and continue to pray for his soul

I find it funny that after chaning the tone of this blog and the subject content that all my followers have stopped following, and for those who stopped my heart mourns, not because they don't like me anymore (I don't care about who likes me) but because it seems to me that they have stepped over to the evil doers side00I know not everybody has to believe what I believe, but at least I am still willing to be friends with people who believe differently from me, yet others see what I believe and write me off because I have different believes than them, and that saddens me that even these days people are so close minded

I LOVE PARABLES!!!

2009-09-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to listen to my New Testament on CD then to the usual music CD we listen to, and the CD I picked to listen to just happens to have parable after parable in it and I LOVE IT, I think i am listening to the beginning of LUKE, maybe a few verses from the previous book, but I have listened to the story about the Demons that where possessing a man and Jesus cast them out of him and they entered the swine and the swine ran and jumped off a cliff into the water and drowned--I like that because as I see it, even the swine (which represent the lowest of the low) knew that the demons needed to die and weren't willing to live as possessed beings (does that make sense, well it does to me, but putting it into words is hard)

I also heard th,e story about the Bread and the fish feeding the multitudes and in the end they had the same amount as when they started, yet what they started with shouldn't have been able to feed everybody--I love that story because I have a strong testimony that the Lord will bless those who believe, granted I have wondered about this testimony lately because with the economy as it is I am afraid that the church won't be able to support all that need help which has encouraged me even more to be self sufficient, the only problem is that we are running out of food storage and I just don't want to be a burden on the church when they are helping so many and have helped us so much, but that scripture story reminded me that the Lord will bless his followers so that they will not want.

I also know that the Lord blesses those who help themselves, so I also know that if I am living carelessly wasting my money on useless things taking for granted the churches generosity that when I go to get help the help won't be enough, I know if I fall Jesus will catch me and protect me, I might get hurt, but it will be a hurt that Jesus knows will help me grow and learn and make me stronger, but if I run and Jump I must face the consequences of my actions and not blame it on the Lord when I get hurt, because that just isn't how it works.

Nobody lights a light and sticks it under a bushell.....the hole body will be full of light.....Maybe it is the way light is used to reference spirituality and to represent righteousness that has been the reason for my intense fear of darkness, but then again, that is another post for another day

2009-09-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

I need some inspiration, I am definitely in need of guidance, but why is it then when I need the spirit the most that the last thing I think to do is pray? Why is it that when I need instruction the most I don't think to look it up in the scriptures? I am going to go now and search and hopefully I will come back a better, more intelligent, more insightful, and more loving person--wish me luck