I have two novels, you see, that are not finished. Sure, they have beginnings, middles, and ends, and are both over 60,000 words in length, but one hasn’t been touched since it was originally written, and the other has only ever been edited once. There needs to be some revising and rewriting going on.

So, my quandary over the past couple of months has been writing versus revising. Actually, there have been a lot of quandaries over my writing life, but that has essentially been at the forefront.

Eerily enough, it seems the internet has been pushing me to revise. The Office of Letters & Light recently posted a blog entry by author Jane Sevier offering her perspective on revision. Maggie Stiefvater posted at length about how she edits. And the YA Rebels have been posting videos all week about their revision tips. (Definitely check those out – I love the YA Rebels!)

But I still feel like I’m at the crossroads. And without NaNoWriMo, there isn’t any real sense of urgency to come to a decision anytime soon. My writing life continues to stagnate while I continue to stress out over one simple question:

To Revise, or Not to Revise?

This is just a random message to let you know I am still alive. 2012 has arrived. We’re almost midway through January, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. I haven’t been productive at all.

I’m pretty ashamed.

Granted, it was quite busy throughout December, but that still doesn’t excuse not blogging for over a month. I would use the excuse that I only ever get ideas for blog entries right before I have to go do something I don’t really want to do — like going to work or the doctor — but excuses make me sound lame anyway.

In truth, blogging is difficult for me. I don’t like to reveal too many personal details online, because I have had issues with creepy stalkers. I mean, on the internet, we’re all creepy stalkers to some extent (Jenna Marbles says so), but I’m talking the real deal. It’s hard to come up with posts.

That and I really do always get blog post ideas right before I have to go out the door to get to work. Always. And then, by the end of an eight-hour shift, I’ve inevitably lost that urge to write it all down.

What does this mean? I should start blogging at work.

I joke, I wouldn’t do that. (If you are my boss, I really, really wouldn’t do that. Promise. Please don’t fire me. I love you.)

I would make a promise to update more, but promises really don’t get you very far when you’re a serial procrastinator. But I will try, goddamn it — because I’m tired of making excuses and being lame. No one wants to be lame, after all.

(In other news, I forgot about this entry. For eight days, it has been hanging out in my drafts. Whoops.)

A lot of it had to do with fear.

I was very excited to do NaNoWriMo. I love it. The pressure, the deadline, the little graph … and I’m competitive. I like hitting my goals, and exceeding them when I can. I’m not saying any of my best writing comes out of NaNo — I definitely become a very, very sloppy writer — but first drafts are supposed to be awful, right?

That said, my last couple of experiences with NaNoWriMo have been incredibly unlucky. Stressful real life things came up. And it definitely happened again this November — changes at work, a drop in hours, a disaster in my town, a best friend’s mother passing away unexpectedly … It hasn’t been a good month.

But I pushed through, goddammit. I made it. And I would have loved to have documented the entire process, particularly my process for novel-planning, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. You know when you have something really exciting that might just happen, but you know if you say something you’ll jinx yourself? That was me. Terrified if I posted a blog entry I would have a piano drop on my head, or my cat would chew my computer wire, or something equally horrific would happen.

So, what did I learn this month? I’m pretty amazing when I really push myself, and sometimes just because I don’t think I want to write doesn’t mean I shouldn’t.

Of course, I hit 51,000 words, but that doesn’t mean the novel is finished. I have a long way to go, and suddenly I have a whole new fear: that I won’t finish this novel, because I no longer have that NaNoWriMo daily goal hanging over my head …

Guess we’ll see.

The Name of The Star
by Maureen Johnson

Release date: September 29, 2011
Publisher: Putnam Juvenile
Genre: Young adult paranormal
Copy origin: Preordered via BookDepository.com

The day Louisiana teenager Rory Deveaux arrives in London marks a memorable occasion. For Rory, it’s the start of a new life at a London boarding school. But for many, this will be remembered as the day a series of brutal murders broke out across the city, gruesome crimes mimicking the horrific Jack the Ripper events of more than a century ago.

Soon “Rippermania” takes hold of modern-day London, and the police are left with few leads and no witnesses. Except one. Rory spotted the man police believe to be the prime suspect. But she is the only one who saw him. Even her roommate, who was walking with her at the time, didn’t notice the mysterious man. So why can only Rory see him? And more urgently, why has Rory become his next target?

In this edge-of-your-seat thriller, full of suspense, humor, and romance, Rory will learn the truth about the secret ghost police of London and discover her own shocking abilities.

Maureen Johnson and I have the same birthday.

I know that’s an odd thing to start off a review with, but hear me out. Maureen Johnson is kinda one of the coolest people I’ve ever come across on Twitter. She’s witty, hilarious, and she’s absolutely adorable. I have a massive crush on her, and I’ve always viewed the fact that she’s a writer and we share a birthday to mean that we are soulmates and will one day get married and— okay, I’m getting into creepy territory now. Sorry. (If Maureen ever reads this, I will be especially sorry. Though if she ever wants to go out, y’know, for coffee, that would be cool.)

That said, she has always written contemporary fiction. Now, there’s nothing wrong with contemporary fiction, but it’s not really my thing. I like dark & urban fantasy. I like post-apocalyptic. I like horror, and ghosts, and zombies. Not a whole lot of those in Maureen’s past work.

Meanwhile, rewind to Ley, aged thirteen, discovering a hardcover with a ratty old dust-cover on her mother’s shelf: The Complete Jack the Ripper, by Donald Rumbelow, a very thorough portrait of the Great Victorian Mystery, complete with photographs and sketches. Needless to say, little morbid Ley had nightmares for months. Nothing has ever terrified me as much as that book.

Okay, now fast-forward to Ley discovering The Name of the Star. Understandably, I was excited beyond belief. I had high, high hopes for this book. A part of me expected to be very, very disappointed.

I was not disappointed.

This book takes so many of my favourite things, and smooshes them all together: Maureen’s distinctive voice, Jack the Ripper, British boarding schools, ghosts, and broody men. It’s a smooth read, lots of fun, and even has it’s dark, gritty moments. Not as much gore as one would expect from a book featuring the modern Jack the Ripper, but it still had its moments. I felt like the Jack the Ripper geek in me and the Maureen Johnson fangirl in me were frolicking together in a field, surrounded by daisies and sunshine. I never expected that to happen.

So, what did I discover? I still have a crush on Maureen Johnson. And I can’t necessarily say I’ll pick up some of her other books—Maybe! But I make no promises!—but I will definitely be pre-ordering the next book in this series.

Other notes:

As mentioned in a past post from September, I was on the fence about joining this year. Awful things seem to happen whenever I attempt NaNoWriMo. What if I break out in adult acne from the stress? What if I overdose on caffeine? What if my pony dies? (Not that I have a pony, but it would seem ominous to mention my kitten.)

Worst of all: what if, for the second year in a row, I can’t do it?

To hopefully eliminate the chances of (most of) any of those things occurring, I am prepping. I am building worlds, building characters, plotting chapters, and outlining extensively. I am not going to pants it (pants = fly by the seat of your pants) because I really don’t have the time in my life to spend days during NaNoWriMo trying to figure out why I’m stuck.

And I definitely recommend that. If you’re like me — someone who has enough issues balancing a social life with a full-time job, let alone adding full-time writing to the mix — then don’t try to pants your way through NaNo. Pantsing it was for the Ley of NaNoWriMo ’09, who wrote 80k in a month but only because she had no job, no real life friends, and no obligations to anything or anyone to speak of.

Ah, those were the days.

Of course, I am writing a zombie novel full of crazy people, so in the worst case scenario I could always kill off a character or have a zombie horde run in or whatever the case may be. (Zombies: always the perfect cure for writer’s block.)

I will ramble extensively about the novel — These Teeth — in the future. For now, watch this space. I promise more interesting and informative posts soon.

Sweetly
by Jackson Pearce

Release date: August 23, 2011
Publisher: Little, Brown
Genre: Young adult urban fantasy
Copy origin: Preordered via BookDepository.com

SWEETLY is a modernization of Hansel and Gretel and a companion book to SISTERS RED.

Twelve years ago, Gretchen, her twin sister, and her brother went looking for a witch in the forest. They found something. Maybe it was a witch, maybe a monster, they aren’t sure—they were running too fast to tell. Either way, Gretchen’s twin sister was never seen again.

Years later, after being thrown out of their house, Gretchen and Ansel find themselves in Live Oak, South Carolina, a place on the verge of becoming a ghost town. They move in with Sophia Kelly, a young and beautiful chocolatier owner who opens not only her home, but her heart to Gretchen and Ansel.

Yet the witch isn’t gone—it’s here, lurking in the forests of Live Oak, preying on Live Oak girls every year after Sophia Kelly’s infamous chocolate festival. But Gretchen is determined to stop running from witches in the forest, and start fighting back. Alongside Samuel Reynolds, a boy as quick with a gun as he is a sarcastic remark, Gretchen digs deeper into the mystery of not only what the witch is, but how it chooses its victims. Yet the further she investigates, the more she finds herself wondering who the real monster is, and if love can be as deadly as it is beautiful.

Somewhere in the first few chapters of Sweetly by Jackson Pearce, I realized something quite crucial: Holy shit, I like this book. I really like this book.

I adore Jackson. I wish I could recall how I ever discovered her — it was probably when Sisters Red was being released — but I’ve been stalking watching her vlogs since she posted Writers’ Blok. She’s incredible. She’s charming, and sweet, and adventurous, and oh-so-pretty. I bought Sisters Red back when I didn’t buy books on a whim (oh how times have changed), and I preordered Sweetly the moment the option was available.

But here’s my moment of admission: I never finished Sisters Red. It has been sitting on my bookshelf, about one-third of it read, for quite some time. And it was never that I disliked the book, I just didn’t have the attention span to finish it. I didn’t immediately connect with either of the two female leads, or to the pseudo-love triangle, even though I appreciated the sister dynamic and the Fenris mythology.

That said, I wasn’t sure I’d like Sweetly. Hansel & Gretel was never my favourite fairy-tale (maybe because I never had a brother), and I had all these doubts I’d make it through. And then I opened up the book, and then I read the first few chapters. That was all it took. I was hooked. I devoured it.

Sweetly is not a strict retelling of Hansel & Gretel, which I’ve noticed a lot of reviewers give Jackson flack for. And that’s fine because, as I mentioned, I don’t really like Hansel & Gretel aside from a creepy Korean flick I saw once (and highly recommend if you at all like Asian horror). It’s much more than that — it takes the basis of this fairy-tale, fleshes it out, and makes it an amazing story about relationships and family and watching people fall in love and finding your inner warrior and growing up and all that stuff.

It’s thrilling and engaging throughout, with a great cast of characters full of depth, each with their own secrets. It does slow down a bit in the middle section, but more than makes up for it by one of the best climax sequences I’ve ever experienced in urban fantasy, and a lovely ending.

I gave it four stars on Goodreads — it’s not perfect, but it’s pretty close. I can’t wait until she releases her next Fairytale Retelling book — which I hear is based on “The Little Mermaid,” which I do love.

Even if you don’t pick up Sweetly, go check out Jackson’s blog. It’ll probably make you wish you had.

• Oh look. The darling and talented Elizabeth blogs about 5 Reasons Not To Tell Someone You’re Writing a Book. Where was this a year ago?
• The comic version of Ain’t No Grave by Magen Toole has been published on Fiction Circus in all it’s black-and-white serialized glory. It’s fantastic. She’s my hero. Go read it now.
• Magen has also begun posting her long-awaited horror serialized novel online — go check out Flesh Trap. Things like these are why I love October
• Nightmares & Boners is my favourite blog of the moment. It’s racy, naughty, and beautifully, cleverly written. Not safe for work, but it has “boners” in the title so I really shouldn’t have had to tell you that.
• Friends With Boys is by a local Haligonian artist I’ve been following since I was a teenager. It’s her latest comic, about a girl who goes to public school after being homeschooled all her life. Also, she can see ghosts.

In other news, I now have a grand total of three Tumblrs, because I don’t waste enough time on the internet as it is when I should be writing: one for writing snippets, one for anything that inspires my writing life, and my super casual rambly one. Please enjoy, and follow.

And now I should go do some planning for NaNoWriMo. (New site goes up October 10th! Exciiiting!)

This is really just a short post to ramble. How are those two concepts — “short” and “ramble” — capable of co-existing? No idea. We’ll see.

So, NaNoWriMo is fast approaching. I first participated in 2009, and won. I far exceeded my own expectations of how much I could write, finishing my second manuscript, Triptych, with 75,000 words.

Attempts at NaNoWriMo have not gone so well since then, and now I’ve developed a sort of fear — perhaps even a phobia. What if I participate in NaNoWriMo and another Stressful Real Life Things pops up? What if something awful happens in real life, such as happened in NaNo ’10 when a close friend (and significant other at the time) had a cancer scare? What if I’m broken forever as a writer, and can never finish another novel for my entire lifetime? What if I should take up welding or carpentry instead of writing?

What if I’m just being neurotic?

At least I have Melissa and Shilo to kick me in the ass. <3 And So Silver Bright says I should write too. That’s right. It talks to me. That’s how magical it is.

I’ve never participated in Waiting on Wednesday before, but I knew I had to this week. There is less than a week until the release of So Silver Bright by Lisa Mantchev. In fact, it’s only SIX DAYS away. Six days until the release of the last book of the Theatre Illuminata series. The last book.

I am so sad. But excited at the same time.

(*PLEASE NOTE* If you haven’t read the first two books in the series, Eyes Like Stars and Perchance To Dream, then you might consider the following to be spoilery. Or it will otherwise make no sense to you whatsoever.)

So Silver Bright

by Lisa Mantchev

Release date: September 13, 2011
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends
Genre: Young adult fantasy

Things are never easy for Beatrice Shakespeare Smith. Something’s happened to the Théâtre Illuminata, putting the only home she’s ever known in limbo. Her mother’s sanity is fraying under the strain, her father has vanished and an angry goddess is out for revenge. Bertie is caught between her duties and her dreams, just as her heart is torn between Ariel and Nate. But hope glimmers in a Distant Castle, and if Bertie can put on the performance of her life, maybe she can win the magical boon that may save them all.

Is it next Tuesday yet?

Needless to say, my brain imploded.

The next day, we met for lunch at my place of work — and yes, I realize this is all terribly boring, but bear with me — and Gary talked about having known Bill for several years. When we stood to leave, he asked me whether I had any questions about him.

I said no.

While I think it is terribly incredibly OMG my brain is imploding from the awesome amazing that Gary is such good friends with Bill that he gets invited out to his cabin, or that he has pictures of them all hanging out, or that he brought me a proof of Cory Doctorow’s latest book that Bill Gibson has touched and read and enjoyed — I suppose in the end, I don’t really want to know anything about him that I don’t know from reading the blurb on the cover of his books.

He’s an idol. I pick up Neuromancer to read whenever I feel uninspired to write. He coined the term cyberspace. He is one of the fathers of the cyberpunk genre.

But do I really want to know that much about him? Would I really want to meet him? As an aspiring writer, I cannot even imagine how inferior I would feel to stand next to him, or how self-conscious I would feel — would he think I’m just another rabid fangirl, or a wannabe writer hoping for easy way into publishing?

I think I would feel the same about any of my other idol writers — Neil Gaiman, Clive Barker, Chuck Palahniuk. Even writers I speak with on Twitter — Lisa Mantchev, for example, who is a sweetheart — or writers I stalk the blogs of — such as Jackson Pearce. Would I really want to meet any of them?

Okay. I suppose I would want to meet Lisa. (By the by, her next novel, So Silver Bright, is released very very soon. Go preorder!) But she is definitely the exception to the rule.

To me, established writers are like the celebrities so many flock to and worship — they are my Lady Gagas, my Paul McCartneys, my Justin Biebers. But unlike those, I prefer my idols at a safe distance. I prefer to think of them as literary gods.

Is that silly? I’m not sure. Do other writers feel this way? Please let me know!

(I promise my next blog post will be something a bit more useful, and not just me fangirling. Promise.)

For my second NaNoWriMo in a row, Stressful Real Life Things have ruined my routine. In the case of last November, the Stressful Real Life Thing (or SRLT) occurred towards the beginning of the month, and I was never able to get back on track. In the case of this August, the SRLT has occurred closer to the end — meaning I have at least made it to 33,000 words.

I would have to write roughly 3500 words a day for the next few days to make it to the 50,000 goal. With my full time job and ability to concentrate being hindered as it is, I really don’t think I can make it.

Which is a defeatist approach, I know. I don’t intend on dropping out of Camp NaNoWriMo altogether — I will continue to write this goddamn novel until it’s finished — but I know I probably won’t make it to NaNo. I’m trying to be realistic.

In the end, I’m disappointed, but it wasn’t something preventable. Shit happens, essentially. Though I do know that because of the SRLT, I will be able to write with more focus in the future.

Let’s see how far I get, shall we?

Another note: I had intended to post this much sooner–it’s been written for almost a week now–but forgot to. Oops.

I haven’t mentioned Camp NaNoWriMo yet because when I signed up for the August session I wasn’t certain I’d be able to handle it.

Last time I participated in NaNoWriMo was for November 2010. Due to something personal in my life, I fell behind. So far behind I knew I would never catch up and decided not to bother to finish.

What a mistake. And after completing NaNo ’09 with a total of 80,000+ words, ending NaNo ’10 with less than 9,000 was pretty embarrassing.

When I discovered about the spin-off to NaNoWriMo—Camp NaNoWriMo—I was hesitant. The July session hadn’t even begun, but I wasn’t certain I could hit the necessary word goals every day for a month. I forgot about it long enough for July to begin, and realized I didn’t care to start midway through. (I’m also like this with movies.)

But then I had time until August. I would be getting full-time hours at my Day Job, but I had to figure out how to start writing daily again and push myself to finish my current project. NaNoWriMo would be perfect for just that.

Now halfway through, I’m not entirely on track. Some days are better than others. I have had a few loss days where I haven’t written at all. But I’m doing alright.

My main goal is to hit 50,000 by the end of the month, writing at a steady but constant pace. So far so good. I have faith in my writing capabilities again, which is the main thing.

Now if only they’d come up with a monthly NaNoWriMo, I would be set …

My current project has been in the works for three years now. It was the first novel I attempted to write, but abandoned it to write With Strange Aeons. I tried again for NaNoWriMo 2010, but personal issues got in the way and it sat abandoned once again.

Regardless, you would think that in three years I would know the songs that remind me of it, or that inspire me to write it. Hah. Not so much.

Building the “soundtrack” has been a slow process. But I love having a song list to go with my novels. Here are a few songs for my current project, so far …

Daniel, by Bat For Lashes

& when the fires came, the smell of cinders & rain perfumed almost everything, we laughed & laughed & laughed …

Mowgli’s Road, by Marina & the Diamonds

oh lord, i have been told that i must take the unforsaken road, forsaken road. there’s a fork in the road, i’ll do as i am told. well, i don’t know … who i want to be.

Rebellion (Lies), by Arcade Fire

sleeping is giving in no matter what the time is. sleeping is giving in, so lift those heavy eyelids

Okay, okay, let’s fix this …

YA Highway’s Road Trip Wednesday is a weekly prompt for young adult bloggers. They supply a topic, you answer on your own blog and join the blog carnival — and we all know how much I love carnivals!

Click here to see the original post for this week, or continue on to see my response.

What time do you prefer to do your writing?

Short answer: As late in the night as possible. Usually 1am – 2am.

Long answer: At work, I’ve sort of been categorized as the ‘Evening Girl.’ I work the 3pm shift every day, and usually don’t get out of work until at least 10:30 – 11:00, depending on how busy or slow the night has been.

Now, theoretically, I could have the morning and afternoon to myself before work to write – except, for whatever reason, I can never focus on anything but getting ready for work. I can’t just sit down and write, no matter how early I get up. I’m also the type of person who takes at least three hours to be properly awake (and caffeinated) for the day.

So, I write late at night. Very, very late at night. I finish up my word goals between 2:30am to 3:00am, and then don’t crawl out of bed the next morning until 11:00 – just to do it all over again.

Unfortunately, this means I don’t have a very healthy sleep schedule, and I get burnt out easily. I have loss days where I don’t write.

It’s hard – but then, who said being a writer was easy?

Quick post, because I’m really eager to actually participate.

YA Highway’s Road Trip Wednesday is a weekly prompt for young adult bloggers. They supply a topic, you answer on your own blog and join the ‘blog carnival,’ so to speak.

Click here to see the post for this week, or read on to see my response.

What’s the best book you’ve read this month?

A bit of truth: I didn’t finish any book this month.

I borrowed three books from the library. The first I picked up was The Iron Thorn by Caitlin Kittredge, and I made it 60% in (according to Goodreads) before I set it down.

I loved the world, I loved the magic, I loved the technology, I loved the Gothic feel, and the writing was excellent in comparison to a lot of the young adult novels I’ve read as of late — most likely because Caitlin Kittredge has experience, being a writer of adult novels before she delved into young adult — but I couldn’t get into it. Whether because I didn’t like the dialogue or the characters themselves or the slow pace, I’m not sure. Maybe because I don’t like old-timey steampunk — which is, yes, I’m aware, the main kind of steampunk there is.

I tried so hard to finish it! Normally, I read a novel in the span of a week. With The Iron Thorn, I had it on my nightstand for a full month before I gave up. I picked away at it before I went to bed. I picked away at it when I woke up. In the end, I just set it down and walked away to do something else.

In the end, if you are Caitlin Kittredge or a fan of The Iron Thorn, I want you to know something: It’s not you. It’s not your book. It’s me.

(I will write a proper post on why I have such issues with steampunk — it’s just taking me some time to find the right words.)