Librarian on the Verge

Day 11: Generosity [Be Gentle, Be Love]

2011-04-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

I think that to be truly generous you have to sort of "do it" with your whole being. Being generous is not about the amount of what you give people but the meaning behind it. This sort of topic always reminds me of Jesus and the widow at the temple: "this poor widow has put in more than the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on." (Luke 21:1-4, NIV) It is awesome and great that people like Bill Gates give money to others, but sometimes you wonder why they don't give more... they aren't using it.

Our church does Easter in a different way. On Sunday, the kids will be searching for canned goods instead of eggs. Each can will have a different Unitarian Universalist principle on it and their "mission" is to collect all seven. The canned goods will be donated to a local food bank. The kids are learning to be generous and not greedy... although they will be making some things for them to take home. Its all about learning what giving and generosity is really about.

I'm not always generous to myself or to others. Or at least I feel that way. But I don't even have the sitting in the bathroom to get quiet time. I have kids that will stand outside the door and want to talk to me then. I'm a literal captive audience. The most recent really generous thing I did for myself is buy myself a laptop, which benefits me in obvious ways, but it also benefits my husband who likes to use both his own computer AND the tv.

This is sort of my own cost benefit analysis of generosity. If I do something how can it benefit multiple people. It gets me in trouble though. As much as I love my husband it has been very easy for me to just say yes and let him buy big ticket items without worrying about the budget. I always feel guilty about something so feel like if he gets what he likes than he will like me. Its not to say he doesn't deserve what he gets, and its not to say that I give him too much, its just sometimes I feel overwhelmed trying to make sure that he "has what he needs." I'm not sure he gets that same vibe from me. At all.

I've been given so many things, but I think the biggest gift was actually something that god gave me: a son. I was told when I was 17 that I couldn't have children due to scarring from a prolonged illness. Then when I was 29 I got pregnant. It was crazy! I cried in fear for about the first hour after I realized I was pregnant, but I believe that certain things are meant to happen. I honestly don't know how I could live without him. Even when he is obnoxious, even when I really want him to leave me alone, even when he eats the cheese off my bake potato--I cherish the life that was created.

And now I have a little cute girl to go along with him, and my older adopted kids. I guess giving them love is a way for me to be generous, but I really think that them allowing me to love them is the generous gift.

Day 10: Spontaneity [Be Gentle, Be Love]

2011-04-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

I decided to take my camera to church and took some great pictures of some of the kids in childcare. And when I came home the camera gave me something even better... roses. Apparently I've been living in a house for three years and didn't realize a rose bush was on the side of the house! I went and celebrated by deciding last night to go get flowers painted on my toes along with a pedicure. Okay, I get pedicures once every couple of months, not for celebrations. It used to be a person could tell when I was stressed by how short my hair was--I would get it cut and styled when I was stressed. Now its pedicures.

I have a strange relationship with spontaneity. I can be very scheduled and in format and that can last for a really long time... then I break out and go do something completely random. It is usually because I'm tired of whatever is going on around me. When I am happy I'm fine, but when something is... complicated... anything can happen.

After my mom died in October, the next Easter I packed up the kids and took them down to Austin and Bastrop I decided on Good Friday. We drove down and went to the cemetery where my step-dad is buried. I couldn't find the gravestone. It was supposed to be under a tree in the East part of the graveyard, but I couldn't find it.

There were better parts of the trip than that. We went to a children's museum, saw the people of Austin trying to break a world record on people walking dogs... there were a lot. We went swimming and Preston swam for the first time in a pool at a Holiday Inn. He went and slid on his first slide as well.

It was therapeutic. I went to a place that was comfortable to me. I don't belong in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. I don't know when I will ever get to live there again, but my heart is there.

My mother lived her life on a whim. She was constantly moving around places and experiencing new things. After my step-dad died she dated a black chef, Russian weirdo, and lesbian biker in the space of a year. How's that for spontaneous! She rarely acted like that when I was young. I think of her in phases of life... her sort of Donna Reed phase until I was in 6th grade, her I'm trying to be responsible but failing phase while I was in high school, her hippy/druggy phase and then finally her putting her life back together phase. I think that is why I try to make sure my life is structured, because that kind of stuff scares me. I don't want to be "out of control." I'm also jealous of how she was just able to do it. She seemed to fundamentally change who she was each decade I knew her...

"The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the future is that man may become robots." (Erich Fromm)

Day 9: Tact [Be Gentle, Be Kind]

2011-04-09T19:33:00.000-07:00

This is a painting a painted in high school. I thought it was awesome except the hands...

I am a person that struggles with a dichotomy: I'm either extremely tactful, to the point that people don't get what I'm trying to say, or so blunt its painful. In fact I painted a watercolor today, and it was dreadful... now I can say its because I was practicing brushstrokes and its my first watercolor since I was probably 10. But I don't think I will ever be able to use watercolors proficiently. I suck.

I can pick apart my flaws easily:

I'm fat
I'm shallow
I'm arrogant
I'm ugly
I'm common

Okay that last one hurt a bit. I always want to be interesting, not weird. Not common. Not normal. Well... I always wanted to be middle or upper class normal not trailer trash normal.

And I guess I'm not. Another dichotomy: both sets of grandparents were well off... my mother chose a different path. So I've tried to be different again. I'm a librarian.

And the one time that being a librarian didn't protect me at the library was when a manager asked me if I knew people thought I was arrogant. I'm arrogant to a certain degree, but I would like to think that it isn't my defining quality.

The manager thought so.

I tried to explain that what some people thought was arrogant was just... knowing things. I know things. I don't even say it unless something is blatenly wrong... or blatenly opposite of what I believe. Or I have opinions. Strong opinions. You would think that is a good thing, but I guess they come across arrogant.

Le sigh.

I've tried to be less domineering, less opinionated... less... everything. It didn't work.

Then I thought to myself. I am allowed to be who I am. I am allowed to be a girl that used to have purple hair, but wears blue cardigans now. I allow myself to play video games and not try to force myself to knit. I allow myself to be myself. I am a good person. A goddess. Esse quam videri...or

Day 8: Initiative [Be Gentle, Be Love]

2011-04-05T21:33:00.000-07:00

About seven years ago I thought it would be really great to make some gifts for Christmas. It was a tradition for one of my aunts to get all us girl cousins gifts, but we were getting older and I thought it made sense for us to start giving gifts to each other and keep it special. So I went out and bought a TON of stuff to make soap because I had heard that they made great gifts and I thought it would be better than buying something.

It was a failure. In multiple ways...

I was doing it because I wanted to show love, but also because I thought it would be expected.
Boy was I wrong.
I really messed up the whole basic concept of what the soap was. I got an apple scent--it must have been cheap because I can't STAND artificial apple scents.
I couldn't figure out the molds.
When I finally wrapped things up it looked like I had segregated the good from the bad, thereby giving some people "better" soap.
And the ultimate blow--these soaps that I could have bought cheaper, but I spent my time and labor and a little bit of love--no one liked them. I imagine one of my cousins said thank you--she's not the type to not, but the other people openly scorned them. I was crushed. The only person who really did like them was my mom, and I hadn't even made any for her!

This whole incident is a perfect example of where I was as a person. I wanted these people to love me and understand that I loved them enough to do this, but also desperately needed their love back. I needed anyone and everyone's love. And they were unable to give it to me because of their own personal demons. I think I still gave these same people Christmas presents for a couple of years after. They never once gave me any, and if they thanked me I honestly don't remember. Its like they expected it. Now I understand that "giving" is the most important part of Christmas, but its also one of the most important parts of life. And if I had done this with a guy (which I did around the time) they would have called this unrequited love.

So the soapmaking supplies have been sitting at the bottom of my crafts for a very long time. Until I realized that I've been afraid of doing anything for fear that I would do them wrong. And not a little bit because I didn't want to be rejected again. Seven year old soap. So today I decided to make the leap. One of my teenagers helped out, and my three year old tried to eat them. And we had a blast.

The star ones came out fantastic... the sushi ones came out creative... the purple shot glass came out funny (my teenager said he is going to use it to put "shots" of shampoo on his head, and the "brownies" and "jello" in the baby food tray? They apparently looked good enough to eat.

So I have an idea of who I'm going to give the soaps too. I'm going to give them to people who get me, who will love me for this, for who will get my sense of adventure and fun. Oh and I'm being frugal by giving them away in some Shrek 2 bags my mother inexplicably bought one year and I haven't had the heart to throw away. (Shrek 2 came out in 2004, the same year as the soap incident!)

I've come a long way. Mostly. What happens if they don't like the soaps? Its better to have made soap and lost it than to have never made soap?

Day 7: Beauty [Be Gentle, Be Kind

2011-04-05T17:41:00.000-07:00

It is so so so cliche to say that you see beauty in your kids. I used to think that people that said stuff like that all the time are ridiculous. That of course is really about the inner beauty of them--what is inside of them makes them beautiful. I've personally known people that if I just looked at them I would think average or worse if I was basing it solely on looks. BUT, when I get to know them their "inner beauty" shines so much that any perceived shortcomings I first saw on the outside are so overshadowed. Appreciating my kids and others that just shine to me is just one way I enhance my inner beauty.

Some other ways:

reading. this is one of the most important ways i keep my sanity. it helps that i chose a profession that has directly to do with it
helping others i don't necessarily like. its easy to help people i like, but a challenge to help those that i feel have something fundamentally wrong with them. its about them and not me
taking hot showers. i felt that these were essential for my well being well before i read the article (almost 10 years ago now) that says that negative ions are good for emotional well being
pray. i love how wikipedia describes prayer: "prayer may be directed towards a deity, spirit, deceased person, or lofty idea, for the purpose of worshipping, requesting guidance, requesting assistance, confessing sins or to express one's thoughts and emotions." At one time or another I've done any number of combinations of these sentence. Lately its more a projection of thought rather than praying to a specific person or being.

In my purse right now is a pamphlet from a friend of mine's husband. They are religious in ways that many in America, while not finding offensive, ridicule. Let's just say I'm sure she's heard jokes about showing up to people's houses.

The view from an old apartment of mine... she never knocked on the door (that I know of)

The pamphlet is about prayer. Now my friend knows that I don't believe what she believes (a UU version of Jehovah's Witness? probably not). But I love how she reaches out to me. In the pamphlet it lists a couple of ways how to pray, what to pray about, and examples of how prayer help. I know some people that would have thrown the pamphlet out, but I read it... at least the article her and her husband thought I might like. Why would I do that knowing its not going to change my mind? Because this woman's heart shines in so many ways. She's given me food when I'm hungry, clothes when I needed to be clothed, love when love was no longer available from my mother... she has been equal parts friend, mother, spiritual advisor. It comforts me to know that she prays for me even though I don't think the prayers will do all that good or that the God she prays to I don't believe in. In fact, I think her belief in God is what helps make her a good person. I'm glad to know there are people like her.

Day 6: Love [Be Gentle, Be Kind]

2011-04-03T20:53:00.000-07:00

I have received love in so many ways. Some stated, some unstated. I read the Five Love Languages awhile back and it really hit me that love can be expressed in ways that we don't even understand are showing love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch... these are all love. My preferred method of love being shown to me is acts of service... are the dishes clean, the clothes done (correctly). This is the one that is killing me right now, because my husband likes to show love through words of affirmation. "yes, I know you say you love me, but that pile of 'clean' laundry has been there for a week and I no longer have underwear" :) He's a stay at home dad. We met through a set of funny circumstances. My stepmother wanted me to go out on a date with her friends son. First he was not attractive to me at all, even though he was nice, he was 6 years younger than me. Oh and a couple of years later he came out to a set of unsupportive conservative parents.

Instead of going on a normal date this guy took me to an anime/comic book shop. I had just moved back to town after 10 years so while I knew the area, I didn't know a lot of people. I thought I might at least be able to rent some videos. I started going there really frequently and a couple of weeks went by and one of the regulars asked me to go to eat with him and some of the other guys that frequented the place. A different guy needed a ride home after the meal so I took him home. He was so shy he had barely said anything to me before, but with us alone in the car it turned out we had a lot in common and he was so sweet.

The falling in love part was more gradual for me. He said when he first saw me, he knew he wanted to be with me. I had been burned really bad in love and while I was willing to date, I didn't want to commit my heart. Two weeks after we started dating he told me he loved me and I was shocked. But I knew then that he was worthy of my love. When we fight I have to think of who he really is and not judge him all by what he does or doesn't do. He is really my best friend, and best person I could be with--even if he annoys me to the ends of the earth.

In fact, today he provided an act of love to me. He went to church with me. Our church is doing its annual budget drive and I am helping out as a "visiting steward". I decided as an act of love to each of the people I am going to visit, that I would make a hand made card for them. My favorite one is the plant, grow, nurture one. I have some stamps that look like quilting blocks that I had never used from back when I did mail art.

This is my next favorite one. I took a card that had a picture of a bunny on it and wrote the word Love kind of sloppy and wrote "It isn't perfect, but we try!!!" around the bunny ears. The picture is a little blurry.

Love isn't perfect but we try. I've been married once before. To a pretty terrific man. He was great at giving crafty gifts--that was absolutely his love language. We've been divorced now for 11 years. He remarried a couple of years ago to a terrific woman--they are a team! Definitely in a way that we were not a team. He was always a dreamer and wanted to be a musician and as evidenced by my love language, it might come as no surprise that I considered a "real" job to be showing his love to me. He wrote a song for me after we broke up that I always forget even though I loved it... but the one thing that will stick with me is a poem he wrote for me when we were still married:

I was in love with you all day--

when you came home

I wanted to breathe inside you

embracing each other inside out

(I'm sorry I had to leave)

I thought about you while

it took too long

when I came home

you were waiting

in love

(dressed for me asleep with blush lips)

when I saw you, I loved you forever

waiting for me with a gentle face

and I nearly cried

in love with you.

Day 5: Kindness [Be Gentle, Be Love]

2011-03-31T09:14:00.000-07:00

You know its a kindness when someone tells you that you kind of look like crap and should probably go home to spend some time with yourself. Because that isn't a particularly nice thing to do... but I needed someone to say it. I didn't actually get that time to myself... in fact someone is getting tickle tackled in my room as we speak.

Niceness = Like
Kindness = Love

I've thought about this sentiment a lot in the past couple of days and I think for me a "niceness" is doing something "nice" because you have to (for whatever reason). A kindness is doing something you want to do. Some nice things turn into kind things and vice versa. What started out of love can become a chore, and what started out as a responsibility, turns into one of the most meaningful things you've ever done.

This reminds me of the book Same Kind of Different as Me which is about the unlikely friendship of an art dealer who becomes friends with a homeless guy. His wife makes him go help out at the homeless shelter and he is only doing it at first because this is what his wife has told him to do. Then he learns to love it.

I've got a similar story. Okay, its a bit easier to take care of your nephews than to befriend a homeless man, but the experience has taught me a lot. I'm still learning. Its funny to see them grow up and expand in ways that I never thought they would. I hope they never stop telling me their opinions and hopes and dreams.

Kindness (love) is important because without it we humans tend to delve into our instincts and ignore others. I've had people show me this love in a myriad of ways. It always seems to be random acts of kindness because I never expect them! I have one co-worker that is always giving me random food she doesn't want in her house--sometimes I suspect she goes and buys the food for my kids. I've gotten a TON of clothes recently for my baby girl... totally unexpected since I never received this much at one time for any of the four boys.

I would say the most special "random act of kindness" was when the IRS came and took all of the money out of my bank account in 2009. They waited until my work check went through and snatched it. I've been over and under, but I had never seen my bank account at zero. I found out while I was in line at Kroger's. The lady was SO nice. She kept my food to the side while I called my bank account to see what was going on. And then when I put everything on my credit card since we had to have diapers, she personally took my groceries out while I was crying my eyes out. She's one of the managers at that store and while I think her boss is kind of a jerk, I go to Kroger now because of her. I imagine if she quits, I will go somewhere else, because it isn't the prices that keep me there.

Another awesome act of kindness came later that week. A co-worker dropped off a couple hundred dollars at my house. I told her I wanted to pay her and the others at my work that chipped in--when I got money back I didn't want to "owe" anyone anything. She wouldn't tell me who gave the money. I hardly ever see her anymore but she literally saved the lives of my family in a significant way... the IRS had done this in December, thereby insuring there wouldn't be presents for anyone!

Actually, for every [bad word] at my work, there is an equal amount of people who have lifted me up and inspired me to do better.

Day 4: Strength [Be Gentle, Be Love]

2011-03-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

I have a really eclectic sort of religion. I've mashed up Christianity, humanism, paganism, a little bit of ancestory worship--it's all there. So when I started thinking of my strength totem, animal, whatnot, I immediately thought butterfly. I adore butterflies. One of my pseudonyms on the internet is butterflyvertigo. I chose it because being a dizzy butterfly can actually be freeing. I also love that for how fragile butterflies are to us, they are so strong. They metamorph from plain caterpillars; they brave the winds; they live so briefly. Packing a lot of life into a little space, no matter how long on earth you have...

But when it came time for me to create my token, I started thinking of the strengths in my life, my family instead. I was having a hard time deciding what kind of butterfly it should be anyways. My mother, my grandmother, my children. So tonight I created some scrapbook pages instead. I've only ever made about four other scrapbook pages before so its not something I have a real hobby of. I tried to do a class at the library and bought all of these supplies (with my own money) and then only a couple of people showed up.

This is my first baby. He's about 8 in these pictures. He's 11 now. I got him when he was only 7 months old. He hasn't lived with me his whole life, but I think we've been together 7 years total. I love him. He used to be my everything when he was just a baby. We used to hang out so much! I always let him know that he was my strength in learning how to love children.

Other kids came along--his older brothers in 2001 and this little guy in 2008. This is a scrapbook page of Preston eating his first chinese food. There are two things that are tragic about it--his dad hates "ethnic" food so we never get to eat it (although he ate some sushi this past Sunday and hated it so maybe he takes after his dad more than I would like to admit). The second thing is that the reason that my husband wasn't around is because I had to drive to Central Texas to put together my mother's funeral.

She had died in kind of freak accident circumstances. In fact, the pictures I used for her scrapbook page are ones she was putting up on dating websites a month before she died. I thought she looked so goofy and was totally annoyed that she was making me take the pictures. Now, of course, I'm extremely grateful. Her strength was that she always enjoyed life and lived it to her fullest.

My grandmother is still alive. She is 93 years old and has been married three times. Her second marriage was to my grandfather. The picture above is with Jimmy and Zan, her bio kids, and Iris, her stepdaughter. My grandfather had been married before as well! It was unusual to have a blended family like that in the 50s. I've always loved her strength and tenacity for standing up to society and leaving a man that was an alcoholic and likely to be a danger to her.

This is the tattoo I got last year in honor of my mother and bio dad. My mother had an ivy leaf tattoo on her arm--my first word was tattoo! I felt pretty invincible afterwards--this pain was useful to me. I had to get over my mother's death in some meaningful way. I don't know if I've moved on, per say, but I've moved above?

Day 3: Independence [Be Gentle Be Love]

2011-03-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

Freak Flag: my cute online made freak flag is here: http://pbskids.org/cgi-registry/shareables/retrieve.pl?044bceabe86e76d0.

Freak flag is so 1960s. But I like to let my independence fly. I'm even a Texan at heart and not particularly an "American". We do it big in Texas. Independence probably means different things to different people. I feel I've always been independent, but then I also have to realize that I've ALSO always relied on "the kindness of strangers." My mother told me a couple of times about how really independent I was even when I was little. In kindergarten, I waved goodbye to her while the rest of the kids were crying. She says it always broke her heart that I didn't need her. The problem is that I DID need her, just not in the way she wanted to be needed. I'm an extremely needy person, although it usually ends up looking like drama queen, or high strung, or bossy. I think anyways.

How are you bucking the system?

I go to an all inclusive church--Unitarian Universalist. So obscure that even spellcheck says its wrong... hmm. I believe in love and the goodness in all people. I think a lot of people don't believe that. Well even I'm trying to be like that. I speak my mind and I've been told on multiple times that is a good thing. I've also been told multiple times to shut my mouth. :) I'm also trying to get over the keeping up with the Joneses attitude which I've always had and just accept myself for who I am and what I contribute to the world.

How are you living an unconventional life?

Unconventional conventionist. I have a blended family of my sisters kids and my kids. I play video games (a lot) and I'm a 33 year old female. And I don't mean Farmville or Wii Fit. I mean Halo and Red Dead Redemption. I read a lot too. In my circle that is common, but not so common in the general population. I tried to be middle class and gave up. I just asked my husband and he asked me what do I think a conventional woman does--I guess he's hinting at me not cleaning, or cooking. ;) Or he might mean the competitive streak. I don't know. I was the only pregnant lady to march in a gay pride parade last year.

Do you feel like you are free to make your own choices?

I don't feel that I am free to make my own choices with the amount of children I have. Although that itself was a conscious choice. I could have said no to taking care of kids. I could have had abortions. But I would never have done that. So in certain things, everyday tasks I can make my own choices, but I don't think I am ever going to make "earth shattering" choices again. But you never know.

Do you have a story about how you won back your independence?

I went back to school in 2003, got therapy and decided that status quo wasn't good enough. Now I'm a librarian doing what I love to do. I think it worked out pretty well. There have been a couple of finding myself moments along the way. That isn't really a story per say but I know what I am talking about. :)

How are you changing the world with your choices?

Being a better person daily. Being a librarian enables me to help people in ways I find enjoyable. Connecting with the community at large. Being. I don't recycle but I freecycle and up cycle. I'm trying to teach my kids the right way so they can change the world with their choices. Trying to convince my husband to get out of his shell...

Day 2: Wonder [Be Gentle Be Love]

2011-03-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

Wonder and smell and wonder and coloring. It has been years since I've colored. I went through a saturday morning cartoon and coloring period during my first divorce because I always felt the need to center myself during that time and it was a good way to do it. I don't trust myself often with my hands or with my creativity but I went to work today using some OLD oil pastels of my mothers from the early 80s. I am frankly surprised they still work.

I smudged and smudged with my fingers. This was a way of connecting me with my mother in a way. She's been dead for 2 and a half years and I have daily reminders of her. The bed frame I use was hers, a couple of my kids remind me of her. I'm always expecting her to call.

The oil pastels smelled terrible. They are obviously in the process of breaking down and giving back to the earth. And while I was coloring my three year old wanted my attention with his extremely stinky diaper. Motherhood and memories at it again. My husband changed it so I could continue drawing.

I'm having a really good time just sitting and contemplating. There are clothes all over the floor and its okay. I have been trying to actively let go and just be. My sense of wonder then is a continually evolving thing. Just playing with Picnik and realizing it had so many options trying to get pictures sized right was wonderful. I spent 30 minutes messing with the different options with the picture above.

Its baby feeding time.

Day 1: Joyfulness [Be Gentle Be Love]

2011-03-26T10:46:00.000-07:00

Take a photo of your eyes or someone else's eyes smiling. Get real close, try to capture the essence of the smile without capturing the mouth at all.

I had a really hard time with this one. First of all, its amazing how many people don't want pictures of themselves taken because they perceive themselves as ugly or they thought it was a waste of time. I told them I was doing a photography e-course, and I got a couple of people to let me. It was kind of fun going out of my comfort zone. A couple said I could take a picture but I couldn't put it on the internet. But one friend at work let me.

She's got super gorgeous eyes so that helps. I asked her to "smize" a la Tyra Banks--I learned it off of Ru Paul's drag race. The second picture was easier: Take a photo of either yourself or someone else's mouth smiling.

I took this picture first thing in the morning. Corbin is three months old and she has just really started to smile. She is an extremely SMILeY baby. It is awesome. The third prompt was to take a photo of something that makes you smile. Well I already did that right? :) I ended up taking my camera to the park with the kids and taking some pics of them. Then I went to the church rally that my older kids were at--I was sort of a night watchmen last night until 3 a.m. It was fun! I took a picture of a sconce that is on the walkway up to my church. I never see it at night.

Its a Unitarian Universalist chalice.

How did this exercise make you feel?

I was really nervous. I haven't taken pictures in a really long time and I felt like I would screw it up. In fact, when my husband looked at the pictures, he asked me what all the blurry pictures were for. I was practicing how to use the camera again... low light, zoom, flash, how all the stuff on the camera I have works.

What are some of the events that transpired because of your constant smiling?

I felt funny sitting at my computer smiling, but I think overall I was a happier more productive person.

What made you smile today?

I went outside my comfort zone again with inviting people over to my house, so that made me smile. My kids, of course. Especially the oldest, who is always so closed off to me. Since I was volunteering at the rally, I got to see him in a different light than I usually see him. He was the leader of a group and he was super confident. I wanted to go over and hug him right then but I was pretty sure he'd be embarrassed. Of course I wanted to kick him (or ask him a lot of embarrassing questions) later when during the night rounds I found him huddled up with a girl in the corner. But I resisted. :)

When was the last time you made someone smile?

Yesterday talking to people I felt I got a couple of people to smile that wouldn't normally do it in that context.

What was the last thing that made you smile?

Baby. She is SO smiley

Do you smile often when you are alone?

I might laugh at something I saw but I don't really.

When was the last time you felt the need to paint on a smile?

Everyday at work. Customer service is really hard sometimes.

What is guaranteed to put a smile on your face?

My kids.

Copy of Blue Rays Resume

2010-03-30T22:38:00.001-07:00

Melissa Jeffrey

5510 Heathercrest Dr. | Arlington, TX | 76018 | 817.946.6833 | melissa.jeffrey@arlingtontx.gov

Objective

I strive to forward the ideals of equitable access to information and excellent customer service.

Career Related Skills
Teaching and Instruction

Genealogy for Patrons, NTRLS workshop, Spring 2008
Google Docs, TechNet, Summer 2008
Genealogy on the Internet, patron program, Summer 2008
Gaming in Libraries, Library Program Planners and Presenters, Fall 2008
Database training for library staff, designed and implemented, in-house 2009
NTRLS 23 Things mentor (15 students with a web 2.0 focus) 2009
Resume Workshop, patron program Fall 2009
Future of Libraries, First Jefferson Unitarian Church 2010
Prior experience: teaching assistant for philosophy, taught poetry classes to elementary school children and computer instruction for college students

Library Programming

Planned and implemented successful adult and teen library programming including introducing the Twilight inspired band, Bella Cullen Project, to libraries and fans, which ultimately led to MTV filming at our Central location.
Collaborated in grant proposal formulation, resulting in accepted grants including NTLP's Expanding Accessibility funding assistance for a low-vision accessibility fair, which strengthened community bonds through partnerships.
Other successful programs include Star gazing (120 persons) and Organizing (15 persons)
Revamped adult summer reading club, increasing 2009 participation 25%
Prior experience: planning and implementing the Summer Reading Club as Head Librarian at Haslet Public Library as well as regular story times, graphic design in newspapers, MS Publisher expert

Collection Development and Web Content

Applied for (with co-worker) and received grant for expanding large print and audiobooks for the visually impaired
Successfully weeded the collections of SE, SW, and the teen collection at Central
On the web team, helped brainstorm and plan a redesign of our website, including being appointed point person on adult blog, providing content and leadership
Working knowledge of xhtml, photoshop, css, beginner javascript, crystal reports manipulation
Prior experience: freelance web designer 2000-2002; editorial assistant at Hoovers editing web content for possible inclusion to book form; editor in chief for Southwest File, an alternative newsweekly 1997-1998; freelance writer 1996-2000

Education

2005	Texas Woman's University, MLS Focus: Reference, Internet, Collection Development
2000	Southwest Texas State University, BA Focus: English, Philosophy, Film Studies

Work Experience

2007-	Arlington Public Library, Librarian I, Adult Services
2006-07	Haslet Public Library, Head Librarian
2006-07	Carrollton Public Library, Contract Librarian
2003-05	Dallas Morning News, Weddings Consultant
2001-03	Waco Tribune Herald, Obituaries Clerk
2000	Hoovers Inc., Editorial Assistant

Thing 23: Reflection

2009-08-15T11:21:00.001-07:00

I don't know how I feel about 23 Things. I think it is worthy for people to know these things in order to do their jobs, and certainly most people (esp. librarians) aren't as interested in tech as I am, but I feel that these are all things that shouldn't have to be "taught" to people. If you come across it, if patrons are asking about it, I think that the onus is on the library staff to find out what it is instead of passively waiting for someone to teach it to them. But then, I also realize that some of these things are hard for people who are not tech savvy to understand, less do. In fact, technology is going at such a fast right that I don't feel on top of it. I heard a story about a movie that was coming out this weekend (District 9) that uses augmented reality where you can scan the picture on their ads into a webcam and it does something to your computer. That makes less than no sense to me!

All right, so let's decipher that: Evan is holding up a postcard that has the District 9 logo on it. You might have seen it on billboards -- the outline of an scary beetle-like creature. Evan puts the card in front of the camera that's attached to his computer. Out of nowhere the scary beetle thing shows up on the screen and bingo, you're controlling it in an augmented reality game.

How crazy is that? The game's website doesn't work without an ad and camera...

But back to libraries I think that technology evolves and it is up to us to keep up. And 23 Things helped me do that in a formatted way

Thing 22: Develop my own 23 Things

2009-08-13T12:33:00.000-07:00

This is sort of my ideal 23, not necessarily for librarians, but the things I find important.

1. One massive multi-online role playing game (MMORPG) that is NOT Second Life. Repeat, NOT Second Life! I don't know why librarians think this is so great but its not. I've only ever met two people IRL that played second life and one of them was my sister who is always looking for ways to make money and she had heard that SL might be a good way. The other was the TechNet 2008 main speaker who hilariously told the audience that they might even want to be furries on second life if they like cats. I am afraid she doesn't know what kind of negative, sexual connotation being a "furry" is.

2. Facebook--for obvious reasons.

3. Myspace--because FB and Myspace are two separate identities with very different missions and people on them. Some overlap, but not all. Our lower income people use this.

4. A useful online photo manipulation website such as http://picnik.com. This would be much more useful to librarians in general than how to make a lolcats poster. And it would also free up money from having to buy Photoshop for people who only use it to crop and touch up pictures.

5. Flickr does go along with the previous post but I think any site like Flickr should mainly be in context of how the library can use the content (creative commons).

6. RSS Feeds--we use these at our library and it would be good to let the staff know what they are

7. blog readers--useful tool for librarians to keep track of professional development blogs... although I've personally noticed specifically library blogs are not that up to date or relevant anymore.

8. Tagging in a library context

9. delicious-- we are going to try to use this instead of old style link lists on our website.

10. Library Thing--in context with tagging, like the Bedford Public Library's site.

11. blogs--our staff isn't even all that familiary with blogs in general much less blog readers

12. widgets--widgets are tools that make other sites part of your site and vice versa and that is a useful marketing tool/relevancy issue

13. instant messaging--focusing on ask a librarian type things. We use meebo in a limited context right now.

14. twitter/texting--since twitter is so similar to texting, I think these should be lumped together.

15. Online Video--I think YouTube is too simplistic. I think this should encompass more than just youtube. Youtube is a brand... "vodcasts" existed before these... and will continue to exist afterwards.

16. GoogleDocs

17. "Learning 2.0"--except I think 2.0 isn't anything except a faster form of distribution... I challenge people to learn... especially from presentations such as this:

The social media revolution

View more presentations from Richard Stacy.

I don't know what else would be useful... but not wikis or podcasts...

Thing 21: podcasts

2009-08-13T11:49:00.000-07:00

I am a religious user of podcasts, even though I feel that many of the modes of transmitting them are outdated. I have an iphone and can get many podcasts that way, although its not easily browseable. On my iphone I've listened to The Meditation Podcast, as well as the Rachel Maddow show in podcast format, among others. I listen to NPR while I am doing the money at work. My favorite shows are To The Best of Our Knowledge, This American Life and Radiolab. TTBOOK uses windows media player (and always crashes my browser), This American Life uses .mp3s that you download (they used to stream, but I think it was costing too much money), and Radiolab has a player embedded on its site.

As far as library podcasts, I did not dig the voice of the guy doing LisNews (it grates on my nerves, and he sounds full of himself). NTRLS has done some useful podcasts with Nell and others asking questions, but the sound production isn't great and sometimes the podcasts get too talky. I guess that is why my all time favorite is Radiolab because its a sound experience reaching into my brain and pulling out wonder and excitement. And their subjects can be pretty boring. We've been thinking about putting a couple of stories up on our website done by the children's librarians, but I think we should focus on getting our website out of the year 2000.

My new favorite is Stuff You Should Know by howstuffworks.com. Chuck and Josh have a good rapport and it is like listening to someone having a conversation with another person. They make even toxoplasma sound like something I should know about.

Thing 20: Youtube

2009-08-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

I actually just saw the best You Tube video that was posted on librarian.net.

I think that it is essential that libraries "get with the times" about digital technology. Our library did a commercial with the mayor that I'm not sure where it was shown, but it was "typical library". This time we are getting teens to do a commercial of their own where they can win $500 (the prize is sponsored).

Thing 19: Google Docs

2009-08-12T18:09:00.000-07:00

So I use Google Docs alot and in fact did a talk for TechNet 2008 about the possibilities of using it for presentations that are portable instead of using a gigantic Powerpoint file. I find it pretty decent. My husband and I have a budget we share on the Excel portion of it and my resume is in the document form. I took the template from one of google's online templates that was submitted by its users.

There are parts of google docs that are simply not as good as word, but the potential for use is too great to ignore.

Thing 18: Wikis

2009-08-12T17:32:00.000-07:00

Ugh. This is the one I do not, do not want to do. I do not like them, Sam I am! And being a mentor, I saw all the emails about the problems that different people had with the wetpaint wiki. What I don't like about most wikis is that you need an account on the wiki server to change any content. Sure I have a wikipedia account, but why do I need one for every random wiki I come across. I know that NTRLS uses them with some of their committees, but I'm still not feeling this one--unless the software is more like wikipedia and less like a clunky web page editor.

See, I've even edited some wikipedia pages...

20:22, 5 June 2007 (hist) (diff) Audiobook ‎ (Removed opinion sentence)
17:00, 15 February 2007 (hist) (diff) Talk:Sedition Act of 1918 ‎
15:47, 10 February 2007 (hist) (diff) David Sedaris ‎

More than that, but you get the idea.

Well after doing the paint, it is a lot easier than the pbwiki and has a nicer editing surface as well. Recommended much more than pbwiki

Thing 17: LibWorm

2009-08-12T17:21:00.000-07:00

The last thing that was "blogged" about the arlington public library that is not virginia or ohio was a job posting from a year and a half ago. That was kind of disappointing. I also had trouble searching for The Time Traveler's Wife which I tried searching without the apostrophe, but it didn't like it either way because it took forever to load. It doesn't have all libraries and it looks like they aren't trying to be comprehensive, which is a shame. It also says its in beta, and I think this site has been around for quite awhile, so that is not good in my eyes. Doing a work related subject also did not turn up much. I don't think I would recommend this to anyone.

Thing LibraryThing

2009-07-18T12:16:00.000-07:00

I'm at work so I can't catalog things I own truly, so I am going to try to remember which version I have on a couple. I chose Gate to Women's Country by Sheri Tepper. It asked me which site I prefer LibraryThing to browse which I think is kind of interesting. I am going to choose the Library of Congress since it might save more metadata than amazon. I've used goodreads and I can definitely seen the difference. GoodReads is for the books I've read, and LibraryThing is for the books I own, and even if those two groups overlap, they are not the same. One thing that bothers me is that I have to pay to put more than 200 books on there, but they also let you do a lifetime sliding scale membership. I remember when they had $10 on there. I should have done it then!

Lilly Pulitzer Cosmetic Bag Giveaway

2009-07-18T11:59:00.000-07:00

This is a GORGEOUS bag! And you can enter to win it at

http://www.laurennicolegifts.com/liputogienat.html

Thing 15: Digg

2009-07-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I feel about Digg. It seems like an interesting site to see what the current "news" of the day is, but I already use SO many other 2.0 things... It reminds me of fark.com which aggregates news stories in a funny way, which is a 1.0 site. It is pretty sad, but I tend to use Boing Boing as my news source since I don't seem to find time to read newspapers or other magazines. I feel well read in books, but not in current events. Case in point: the Sotomayor hearings. The only thing I've heard about them is that one of the senator's asking her questions had once been turned down for a federal judgeship because he was (an accused) racist.

It is personally gratifying to see that one of the Harry Potter actors is a drug dealer on a visceral reality show, entertainment tonight way (I don't watch either of those things).

Thing 14: Delicious

2009-07-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

So I like my delicious account because it is a portable bookmarks device. I've used it for awhile now, my first bookmark being in April 2007. It became really useful at my job because I am always moving from computer to computer and it wasn't keeping my favorites. Also when I go home and am trying to remember something I saw during the day? Forget it. My links are at http://delicious.com/butterflyvertigo/. The only thing I don't like are the random tags where I've only tagged one thing. Hello startrek and starwars! We are starting to use this at work thanks to a senior reference assistant at the main branch who is also doing 23things. I find great potential in using it as a depository of links so we can remember them and not just email them to each other when we think it might be useful.

Thing 13: Tagging

2009-06-23T13:07:00.000-07:00

I love tagging. I know that there should be some set of agreed upon words to describe a thing, or a subject, but we as librarians need to get away from the antiquated versions of these. "Young Adults" or "Juvenile" anyone? How about my favorite pet peeve from our OPAC: "nonmusical sound recording"... perhaps you mean audiobook?

This is where my other pet peeve comes into play. It is almost impossible in a traditional OPAC to look up a genre. Or especially a subgenre. One place you can is at the Bedford Public Library because they have embraced library things tags and integrated them in the system.

For instance, when I look up Neuromancer, it gives me the regular subject headings, such as

Science fiction.
Hugo Award winner -- 1985.
Hugo Award winners.
Nebula Award winner -- 1984.
Nebula Award winners.

But it also gives me the option at the bottom to look up these tags

20th century artificial intelligence computers cyberpunk cyberspace dystopia Gibson Nebula
Award sci-fi science fiction sf sff speculative fiction virtual reality William Gibson

which I find much more useful if I am wanting more books like this.

Twitter 2

2009-06-23T13:00:00.000-07:00

I just have to give props to Brent Spiner on Twitter. He was Data on Star Trek and I am not a HUGE star trek nerd but his tweets are almost like reading a story or sitcom or ... they are FUNNY.