Libre Living

dear doubt. I’m doing it anyway

2012-05-14T23:18:49Z

Related posts: sucky self-doubt? bring it on run like hell my dear: hot stuff from Hafiz aching for a break? how to take a vacation when you can’t take a vacation. hint: zen mind and beginner’s mind is big here Related posts:

new york in short + grabbing the lizard brain by the jugular

2012-05-07T23:11:37Z

MY FLYING MANTRA
I’m not the only one petrified to fly. Anxiety runs in my family. My aunt once leapt from her seat to stand near the closing door to the plane cabin, so she could take what felt like her last breaths. “Mam, we need you to take your seat NOW.’ ‘I know, I know, I just need to breathe.’ When she got to the Mexican resort she was staying at she spent just one night—the stress of being there, in that new place, completely maxed out her nervous system.

I’ve got so many stress buster tools up my sleeve that if they were cards I could beat Vegas magician David Copperfield in a card-pull competition, no problemo. Do they work? You betcha. The fact that I can even get on the damn plane is testament to their impact.

But once on that thing? I breath, I use mindfulness, I use distraction, and tell myself that if Madonna and Sting can do yoga on an airplane, so can I. (I do it in airports, too, while waiting at my gate.) I do all of that, and still:
“The plane just jiggled. We are going to DIE! The plane is going to CRASH! I can FEEL IT FALLING!”

GRABBING THE LIZARD BY THE JUGULAR
On the way home from New York a couple days ago, I got mad. I was tired of feeling afraid. I didn’t want to spend five and a half hours with adrenaline and cortisol carving away at my nervous system. If other people could be calm, so could I. For the first time on a flight, I recognized and reined in my inner lizard. Beneath all of her high-drama rantings—“OMG, do you hear that buzzing sound? Something is wrong with the engine. We are going to DIE! The plane is going to CRASH! I can FEEL IT FALLING!”—is one simple intention: to keep me safe. She thinks that the more she worries and freaks out about something, the better I’ll prepare for the outcome and that this will help me a ton. Even if the outcome is imaginary. Even if according to pilots statistically speaking, it’s less likely to happen than getting hit by lightening. She really, truly thinks that worry and fear is helpful.

So, my new mantra: “NOT helping!”

Liz: “OMG, do you hear that—” Me: “NOT helping!” (Big inhale, big exhale.)

Liz: “Aaaaaah! The plane is jiggling a lot, we are going to—” Me: “NOT helping!” (Big inhale, big exhale.)

We went back and forth like this for at least the first 45 minutes of the flight until, finally, unexpectedly, Liz went quiet. The plane jiggled. The engine buzzed. There was even a small drop or two. I breathed in, I breathed out. So did Liz. It was working! I had done it! I was developing new neural pathways! Freeing myself from patterns of thinking that didn’t serve me, calming my nervous system and settling in for a well-deserved nap.

TURBULENCE
“Attention ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the seat belt sign as we are entering a region of turbulence. All serving of beverages will be suspended for the duration. Please return to your seat and fasten your seat belts.”

Me: “NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING!”

Ah well, that’s why they call it a practice. I’ll give it another go on my next flight.

p.s. the pic was taken at the newly-opened Om Factory Flight Centre in NYC.

——————————————————————————

NEW YORK IN SHORT
In New York, you’re in such a hurry that you step on the heels of the person in front of you, who steps on the heels of the person in front of her, who pushes his way through a mess of snarling honking traffic so he can keep going going going. Going. Everyone is going somewhere. Nobody is coming. But some are arriving—and lots hope to. One day, when their dreams come true.

There are so many smells in New York you need to remind yourself you’re not in a toilet or a garbage bin or a hot dog stand. You are in New York. Where dreams are made true. Buildings that’ll break your neck, apartments that will break your bank, and glossy-haired men and women who will break your heart. There is heart in New York; it’s tucked away. It’s in the third and fourth floor yoga studios, where scarf-wearing, hemp-toting hippies extend om-tattooed arms around perfectly coiffed, organic cotton-wearing metros who sport discreet, viciously expensive diamonds. It’s in Central Park, where tourists from all nations smile the same smile of delight as they stream down pathways on rented bikes—locals glare at their impudence, while secretly harboring pride that they know bikes aren’t allowed on the paths. The locals know the paths, and they know the spots: the rock that gets the most 2 pm sun, the tree canopy to lean beneath when it begins to rain.

There is garbage everywhere. Piles of it one on top of the other in pyramids of stench. That’s the thing about New York—it’s all on display. Less people hide. And people hide less. Pyjamas while walking the dog. Cigarettes and coffee on the step in the morning—hair matted together by last night’s hairspray. Kids in the street. Crap on the sidewalk. Don’t smile unless you mean it—they don’t. And they don’t expect you to.

The energy. Everyone talks about the energy. It’s a “thriving metropolis,” the “definition of a great city,” a place where no matter what time, no matter where, there is always something going on. “The city that never sleeps.” There is peace, but never silence. Calm, but always with a sense of impending storm. Take an Ambian. You need the rest. More. More. More. Fifth Avenue. Park Avenue. Bakeries, chocolate-makers, coffee artisans, designer clothes, fresh-pressed juices, wheat grass, vegan delicacies, Greek, Italian, Indian, Puerto Rican. Pizza in Brooklyn. Greenwich Village. The East Village. SoHo, NoHo and Nolita. Chelsea. There is always more here. And you will want it. You will fall in love with the constant rising of the city. The only downturn is when you trip, exhausted, and fall. New York never falls, though people fall in love with it.

In New York, it’s good to be in love. The love bubble gets dented and bashed while you’re running through the biggest mass of the loudest people you’ve ever seen in Times Square. It gets bumped up against while you’re clutching your bags, purses and Whole Foods groceries to you on the M-train to Brooklyn. It gets pricked by the pain of seeing limping, aching, shrinking homeless people’s bruises and empty hands. But, it’s good to be in love in New York because at the end of the day you can fall into each other’s arms and feel serenity again.

what to do if you don’t want your life to get even better. 12 proven tactics. (a life coaching manual)

2012-04-24T17:10:45Z

1. Do not listen to your gut. Intuition is for suckers. The scientists that back it up are probably closeted new agers.

2. Let everyone else around you take the blame. It’s much easier than realizing every situation represents a choice. Remember: Ignorance is bliss.

3. First thing in the morning, tune into the biggest, most sensational news items of the day. TV, radio, online, blogs, social media—dive into all of it. Having a mess of anxiety-inducing thoughts in your head must be cooler than feeling calm and strong. The majority is never wrong.

4. Ignore your heart. Pay more attention to what other people think, or what you’re afraid they will think if you follow your heart. Your fear-activated amygdala, aka lizard brain, knows best. It’s much better to not stand out from the crowd.

5. Tell the censored version of your life. Nobody wants to hear what really happened, or about who you really are. Despite what brainiacs and luminaries like Malcolm Gladwell and Danielle LaPorte might say, authenticity is overrated.

6. Spend lots of time with people who don’t like who you really are. Hang out with friends who scoff at your deepest dreams and goals and undermine your confidence. This feels easier than meeting new people who would make better friends and enable you to fly, so definitely stick with it.

7. Work extremely hard all the time. And this means 24/7. 365 days a year. Studies that say play is essential to our health and happiness are just out to make lazy sods out of everyone.

8. Stay stressed. Whatever you do, do not take pro-active action towards reducing your stress level. The pharmaceutical industry needs your anti-anxiety and anti-depressant dollars.

9. Believe everyone who tells you “You can’t.” The doubters always have your best interest at heart—and are definitely not simply projecting their own fears and insecurities onto you.

10. Refuse to give love. MC Yogi, the Dalai Lama, Oprah, Martha Beck, Lululemon—teachers and companies who promote giving love are clearly loonies. Their success and profits are clearly based on luck and chance alone.

11. Listen to everyone else first and foremost. Their knowledge of what will make you uniquely and truly happy is based on the limited time they’ve known you. Your knowledge of it is only based on having lived with yourself your entire life.

12. Most of all, do not pursue what will make you uniquely and truly happy. The researchers who’s studies show that happy people make better friends, colleagues and citizens of the world were clearly blinded by the amount of white teeth they saw while talking to the smiley people they interviewed.

Much love,

the pinball effect: how to stop smacking up against life and move towards your dharma

2012-04-16T18:22:28Z

Bam! I ricocheted off the wrong career path. Again.

Whammo! I recoiled from a relationship with the wrong man. Again.

Kerblang! I curled away from a potential future ‘friend’ who actually wanted to be a mentee. Again.

Zing! I escaped the oh-so-wrong-for-me networking group just before the hefty membership fees kicked in. Again.

THEN: HEADING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION
Oh, I have done a lot of heading in the wrong direction. And yup, I’ve learned from it. But there came a time when I wanted to just be done with the latching on and then rifting away carrying a hole where what once was used to be. I woke up tired. Tired of making unconscious choices. Tired of reacting, instead of pro-acting. And most of all, tired of being tired—of spending my energy in places that didn’t give back, didn’t give me any return on my heartfelt investment. I wanted it to be easier. I wanted it to be nourishing. I wanted the giving and receiving to be full of love.

A tweet I sent out:

Easy doesn’t mean you’re taking the easy way out. It might mean you’ve found your dharma. #dharma #libreliving @lindsey_lewis

NOW: BALANCING EASE AND EFFORT, SUKHA AND STHIRA
I don’t have career goals; I have passions. I don’t have a five-year plan; I have a dream to change the world. I don’t have a traditional got-it-all-mapped out, gonna climb the ladder map; I have big ideas and let my intuition and my body compass tell me how to get there.

Today, I recognize the pinball effect. We race out from the starting point, ricocheting and ramming up against various targets on our play field. The longer we’re in play, and the more targets we hit, the more points we get. The paddles keep us from dropping into the abyss and the bottom of the play field. The goal is to stay out of there as long as possible, to keep on racking up points. Got into a new relationship! 50 points. Left that one, got into a better one! 80 points. Oops, need to upgrade again! 100 points. Got a place to live! 150 points. Don’t like it, need to move somewhere else! 200 points. Keep going, going, going. Don’t stop. Launch yourself at each new person, each new activity, each new action-item. And whatever you do, stay out of the abyss.

ENTERING THE ABYSS
But here’s the thing: the abyss is where the juice is. We find out where we’re meant to go—and what will make each of us uniquely and truly happy—by going within. When we drop into the depths of ourselves, instead of racing around slamming into what presents itself in front of us, we figure out what we really want. We begin to see how we’re always being guided towards what will make each of us uniquely and truly happy. And we start to listen.

This is why we are here. To stop ricocheting off the targets, to drop into the abyss, and instead take the easy, flowing path towards our dharma.

Dharma: duty, behaviours considered necessary for the maintenance of the natural order of things, your purpose on this planet. What makes you uniquely and truly happy.

Invitation:

Pause. Reflect. Take a moment each day to listen. What is your body telling you? What are your emotions saying? The non-verbal part of your brain processes 11 million bits of information per second. The verbal part processes only 40 bits of information per second. Listen beyond the words, beyond your thoughts. Move towards what makes you feel happiest, healthiest and most free. Let the stillness be your guide. Go within, to find out where to go next.

What is calling you?

Much love,

No related posts.

illumination station: what are you waiting for?

2012-04-04T17:44:52Z

The blessing from your parents?

A sign from above?

The weather to turn?

Everything to line up exactly right, with the money already coming in, clients on waiting lists, and marketing happening by rapid word-of-mouth?

This I love: Sometimes we need to take the leap before we grow the wings to fly.

Invitation

:
Consider this: What you want to do is what you’re meant for. Everything you dream of, set as a sincere, heart-full goal, is already coming towards you—with the same dedication you have as you move towards it. I’m not talking about hot cars and pricey shoes. This is a matter of the soul. What are you deeply aching for? What keeps coming back—no matter how many times you tell your mind “I can’t”? What rises from within you, calling you, fueling you as you sit on the bus or walk step-by-step towards what doesn’t?

Consider this:

“When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly.” —Barbara J. Winter

truth! some days I want to give the finger to the universe. failing, trying, falling, getting up

2012-04-04T17:25:12Z

TRUTH!
The other day was a rough one.

Truth: I cried for nearly an entire evening—except for the time when I was teaching a yoga class, when I refused to let my mind be anything but present—and failed, and tried again, and failed, and tried again.

Truth: At one point during the day, I thought I saw my Dad walking down the street towards me. He doesn’t live near me anymore. I buckled at the knees. I so badly wanted it to be him. I so badly wanted to be a little girl again, and have him put his arms around me and tell me “Everything will be all right. I’ll take care of it.” And I so badly wanted to believe it.

Truth: I was tired, exhausted, frustrated, and really, really sad. I was tired of worrying about people, worrying about the planet, tired of continually striving and moving and feeling pulled from the inside.

Truth: Some days, I don’t want to do it anymore. Some days, I just want to give the finger to the universe, tell it to f off, say I’ve failed, accept it, and be done. No more worrying, not more striving, no more moving. Just nothing.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I read a post by Johnny B Truant that said this:

Most people have a really warped view of the way things actually work.

For example: – Most people think that successful people don’t fail. So if you fail, that means you’ve fucked up. It’s over, and you should quit. – Most people think that people who have what they want are geniuses, and everything is simple and straightforward for geniuses. So if something you’re doing is really hard and giving you a ton of trouble, that means you’ve fucked up. It’s over, and you should quit.

And because my amazing massage therapist and I were talking last time I was there (she really puts the therapist in massage) and she said this:

You like to be up here (hovering her hand close-ish to her head) all full of love and light and joy—and that’s great, but your power comes from acknowledging and accepting your dark side.

And these two instances came together with my revelation and ‘what I know for sure’—that it’s not about leadership or authority; it’s about being authentic and open—to smack me on the head:

Thwap! Tell people your TRUTH!

I fail. I mess up. I fall down—sometimes on purpose. I get mad, frustrated, upset and angry. I get really, really sad. I feel like giving up. I feel afraid. I wish someone would come down and take over for me. I wish someone would carry me. I wish I could just rest.

I have those days. I do.

Just so you know.

Why am I telling you this? Because I don’t want you to think it’s all pies in sky, love, light and joy. I don’t want you to think it’s always a walk in the park.

I want you to know that I have those days, too.

Because maybe knowing that will make those days a little easier to ride out.

P.S. An image: a butterfly struggles to release itself from the cocoon. It wiggles and strives and tires and rests, and tries again, struggling and striving. If we pull the cocoon apart in an attempt to help it, it will die. A butterfly can only use its wings once they’ve been strengthened.

Much love,

the how of happiness: aka, the real reason I left my former magazine editor dream job to fumble my way towards my dream life

2012-03-28T18:43:27Z

No related posts.

is positive thinking all it’s cracked up to be? the power behind feeling vs. trying

2012-03-20T17:42:26Z

Think positive! Be on the bright side! See that glass? It’s not half-empty, it’s half-full! Right?!!!

Oy. It can be exhausting just thinking about positive thinking. The benefits of looking for the good in every situation, catching thoughts that we label ‘negative’ and shaking a very stern finger at them, and intoning affirmations written by other people are touted by everyone from entrepreneurs to self-help gurus. But I was at a talk recently where the presenter made this very salient point: we can tell ourselves whatever we want about the good side of things, including ourselves, but if we don’t FEEL them, they’re no use. Nada. Zip. Zero.

POSITIVE FEELING VS. POSITIVE THINKING
We can’t trick our body into believing something it knows isn’t true. The body can’t lie. Detectives know this; lie detectors work because no matter what words we use, if our bodies don’t believe them, the evidence states otherwise: breathing rate, pulse, blood pressure, perspiration. No matter how many times we spout out affirmations like “I will do it,” or “I feel great!” or “I will succeed!”, if we don’t FEEL and know the truth of them, this kind of positive thinking is no use.

What is useful? Believing. Knowing. Feeling.

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY + FLOW
How did you feel the last time you achieved something that was difficult to master? Something that had you working to the edge of your skills to meet the challenge until you found yourself in what positive psychology front-man Mihály Csíkszentmihályi calls “flow.” This is the space where mindfulness arises naturally, where you feel present and grounded, focused and calm—and, most of all, happy. This is the space where you’re challenged just more than you think you can handle, by something you truly enjoy.

When was the last time you felt that way? What were you doing? I feel very much in the flow when I’m writing, but not quite as much as when I’m drawing—this challenge is newer to me. I’m very in the flow when I’m teaching yoga, or a corporate lunch and learn; as a natural introvert who happened to somehow fall in love with lots of extroverted activities, I’m challenged pretty much every day. I guess that makes me lucky.

Here’s how this feels in my body. I sort of forget it’s there. I forget my mind is there, too. I feel kind of liquidy all over, with a softness to my otherwise hardened shell—a leftover from years of battles with major anxiety. My shoulders soften away from my ears, my breath deepens and finds it’s way all the way down to my belly and back up again on every inhale and exhale. My feet feel like they sink an extra inch into the floor—anchoring me. And I smile. A lot.

How did it feel in your body, the last time you were experiencing positive feeling, vs. positive thinking? What happened in your chest and shoulders, your stomach, legs and feet, the last time you were in your flow? What did you feel when you were actually feeling positive, rather than thinking positive?

This is where the power is.

Invitation:

Think back to a time when you were feeling fantastic: present, grounded, calm, strong—and happy. What were you doing? Get right into it, maybe jot down some notes. What did you see, feel, smell, taste, touch? Next: how does this feel in your body? What’s going on in your arms, shoulders, chest, stomach, legs, feet and face? How’s your breath? What’s happening in your brain?

Here’s the great part: You can feel that way at will. You can turn this—positive feeling—into your embodied mantra or affirmation. Practice it when you want, maybe daily even. It’ll start to re-program your physiology. So that the next time you spout ‘I feel great!,’ or ‘I’m going to succeed!’—you’ll mean it.

Much love,

when’s the only time you can be happy?

2012-03-13T15:58:31Z

illumination station: are your thoughts serving you?

2012-03-06T17:20:25Z

Beyond our mind, beyond the verbal, analytical part of our brain—there is joy. And peace. Strength. A vibrant, illuminated soul. Clear the path, clear the way, let the light shine.

We can move beyond our thoughts—especially our lizard brain. The verbal, analytical part of our brain processes 40 bits of information per second. Very impressive! The non-verbal part of our brain processes 11 MILLION BITS of information per second. Booyah.

I do daily, minute-by-minute thought clearing. What thoughts aren’t serving me? Label: worrying. Gotcha! Another one? Label: the “I’m not good enough” top tune. Spotted you! What else? Label: the “if I keep following my dream and living my passion I’ll end up broke” mantra. Oh, really? Is that true? Evidence says otherwise.

Invitation:

Watch your thoughts. Which ones are coming from the over-reactive amygdala (aka lizard brain). Which ones are NOT serving you? Fears, doubts, insecurities. Meet them with compassion and love. Thank them for their care and concern. And then question their validity until their ambiguity is revealed. Try Byron Katie’s The Work: turn the limiting thought around to it’s opposite; then look for three examples that prove this opposite is true.

Join the conversation by answering this question on your Facebook page (feel free to tag me @lindseyonline), in the comments below, or on your own blog. Just link back here to keep the connection.

You’ve got the power.

Much love,