Lier XD

Doing a Triple. Sherlock Holmes 2, Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol, Tin Tin.

2012-01-01T02:48:00.001-08:00

Sherlock Holmes 2. Game of Shadows.

I'm not really a fan of old timey period pieces. I actually fell asleep in the theatre briefly during the first Sherlock Holmes.

The film works as an action movie, but there's not really a lot of meat to the story. I'm not sure if it's entirely unreasonable to expect a Sherlock Holmes property to have a great mystery that needs to be solved. The movie begins with Professor Moriarty, who is Holmes' intellectual equal, orchestrating various bombings in Europe… at least that's what Holmes suspects. It turns out that Moriarty has been orchestrating events which were meant to destabilize Europe so that there would be rising tensions for a new, modernized World War. Good thing Holmes is there to stop him, right?

There's no real mystery in this movie, and that's probably its biggest flaw. Holmes and Watson gallivants from place to place exploding things and running from explosions in slow motion.

The movie isn't great, but there are no significant flaws. I just wish that it ended on a different note. I would not have minded if Moriarty did not lose at the end. It would have been refreshing to see the villain win in a movie for once. I would have enjoyed it more if Sherlock Holmes was not explicitly shown at the end of the film as well. A little bit more ambiguity would have been appreciated.

Note: Some of the action sequences were visually annoying. Mixing slow motion with 'fast motion' in the same scene is really distracting. It's absolutely terrible during the Forest scene. If you've seen this you'll know what I mean.

PS: I am really tired of seeing Robert Downey Junior playing his smart douchebag role.

Mission Impossible: Ghost Complex.

I have not watched any Mission Impossible movies before this. I don't think I've really missed a beat on the story though.

Does the story really matter for this type of movie? It's about Tom Cruise and his team pulling off near impossible missions in dangerous circumstances. It's barely relevant. The story here is that there's a crazy highly intelligent man who believes that the world should be bathed in the glow of nuclear light… that the world and humanity will come out of it stronger. He's actually probably got a point. Whatever can survive a mass extinction will probably be the best of the best… I mean just look at the Walking Dead. Those survivors show the best parts of humanity.

Regarding the action, it's fairly well done. I imagine it looks great on IMAX 3D. There's a problem with the Dubai scenes though. When the team is halfway set up with the infiltration, they realize that an unexpected factor has arisen (which is used to raise the tension) , and that the characters have to trade real data to the terrorists. At this point, they decide to continue the ruse. It would actually have made a lot more sense if they decided to not stick with the plan. I don't get it.

My main gripe with the film is that for a super intelligent villain, he's actually pretty darn stupid.

Tin Tin

Tin Tin is a boy-detective-reporter who goes on crazy adventures solving mysteries with his adorable dog. I am not really familiar with the series at all. I've seen some characters before but I don't really know their names. At first, I thought the dog was named Tin Tin, and the movie was about its crazy adventure.

The first part of the movie is slow, but it crescendos nicely by the end of the film. Scenes are lively, but not distracting. There's just enough going on in each scene to be visually appealing without being bombarded by weird antics. What's really surprising for me is that, while marketed for a younger audience, the film features the main character owning and using his gun, and the side-character captain is an alcoholic. It seems like something that would have had a lot of discussion behind the scenes. I'm just glad it ended up the way it did.

The setup for the story is pretty sloppy. Tin Tin is at the local market when he spots an awesome model ship. Just after he buys it, two mysterious persons try to purchase it from him on the spot. Turns out the model ship contains a clue to the adventure. A bit too convenient.

I would have liked to see more consequence to the character's actions. A lot of property is damaged during the movie, and people don't really seem to react to that appropriately. They're really minor criticism. Is it hypocritical for me to judge this film more lightly on the basis that it's a cartoon? I thought the end product was good, and that the characters (especially the dog) to be endearing. Turns out that people are able to put up with more garbage with things that they enjoy.

Sherlock Holmes 2 - 5/10

Mission Impossible - 6/10

Tin Tin - 7/10

A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas Explosion 3D.

2011-11-06T01:51:00.001-07:00

I could rant about the commercialization of Christmas, and how commercials seem to start the second after Halloween, but that’s not really important. It’s just weird to have a Christmas movie in the first week of November. Am I the only one who thinks it’s insane to essentially spend 1/6^th of the year celebrating Christmas?

I went to a two dimensional showing despite the fact 3D is in the title. Whenever there’s a ‘3D’ moment, I am reminded of how terrible this whole 3D fad really is. Gratuitous 3D is the worst. There are scenes with stuff flying towards the camera, hitting the camera, and cracking it. Do people actually like that kind of stuff? Things that bring you out of a movie? They should have a 2D cut for the 2D version without tall the crap flying towards the screen. “This (fake) 3D penis is really awesome. Just wish I saw it in 3D so it’s right up against my face. Thanks, James Cameron, you Avatard. “

It’s been years since Harold and Kumar are roommates, and they’ve grown apart. That’s not unusual because statistically people lose half their friends every 6 years. Harold’s become a successful banker-man with a large house and a beautiful wife. Kumar’s been kicked out of the medical practice because he’s failed his drug test. He’s been living in squalor with his life focused on chasing the next marijuana high.

The day before Christmas, a magical package containing a magical joint is delivered to Kumar’s apartment addressed to Harold. When Kumar delivers it to Harold’s new address, the magical joint starts the magical adventure by burning down the Christmas tree, which was a gift from his wife’s violent Mexican cartel-ish dad. So the adventure begins with them trying to find and replace the McGuffin tree.

I guess I just had too high of an expectation for this film and franchise. I thought Go to White Castle was a genuinely good film. Escape from Guantanamo Bay was an alright film. It’s been a while since I’ve watched those movies. From what I could remember, they started off pretty reasonably, and were steady slides into more and more absurd situations. They culminate at an absolutely insane point where everything sort of flows together.

3D is easily the worst of the trilogy. From the start, the relationship between Harold and Kumar were strained. They don’t really like each other anymore, and it gives off a weird vibe. By the end though, they learn to become BFFs and everything works out. That’s kinda cool, I guess. This film starts with a pretty insane premise and never really attempts to bring it back to reality. In this movie, it is clear that all the characters in this world are larger-than-life. They have a car accident and a car is ruined. Of course they won’t call the police or their insurance company. They were mistaken as extras in a musical while hanging out at a back alley. Despite their protests, the lady was apparently able to get them in full costumes and into the rehearsal. Movie logic :/

In the original, the world is shown to be fairly normal with unusual freaks that the two characters meet. Harold and Kumar are still grounded to reality. In this movie, it is clear that all the characters in this world are larger-than-life and does things just to move to the next sketch. It feels less organic.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some genuinely funny scenes in the movie. They’re just too few and far in-between. The same baby joke is rehashed throughout the film. Two characters get locked in the same place for half the film. The best parts of the film are the short vignettes when we’re taken away from the characters. I think the film would probably be better if the characters were high the entire time, that it wasn’t clear if everything is really happening as we see it.

As is, A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas didn’t work for me. I had a terrible experience during and after the film. I would sit in silence as people around me were laughing. I understood the jokes, but they felt completely flat. Honestly, I think the combination of “THREE DEE” and “CHRISTMAS MOVIE” has turned me completely off to the film.

I wish I hadn’t paid money to watch this. I’m sure all the funny bits would end up on youtube anyway. 3/10

The Thing 2011 Review.

2011-10-16T23:46:00.001-07:00

It's a good imitation of the 1982 John Carpenter film of the same name, but it isn't the real thing.

If you aren't familiar with what The Thing is, then you need to go and watch the 1982 version right the heck now. It's better than this movie.

Don't bother reading the rest of this.

Now that you've presumably watched the 1982 Thing, this prequel basically follows the same structure. You already know what happens in this film as it links directly to the 1982 Thing.

2011 Thing tells the story of the Norwegian Camp. They discovered an alien spacecraft by following an ancient energy signal. They discovered a body encased in ice outside of the spacecraft so they fly in Kate, an American paleontologist who has experience with thawing creatures, to the Norwegian Base. Eventually, the Thing breaks free from the ice and starts killing or assimilating people. Hilarious things ensue and people die.

One of the great aspects to Carpenter's version is that all of the creature shots are practical effects. As a result, the creature looks and feels real and the characters respond to it in a realistic manner. In Carpenter's version, the Thing is shown to be an intelligent creature. It only attacks when cornered, and prefers to assess the situation in order to sow distrust.

With the prequel, they've opted to use both CGI and practical effects. I found a couple of cgi shots which bordered on being completely unbelievable and absurd. It didn't feel possible or helpful or realistic for the creature to 'thing out' by splitting in half down the centre and to grow some teeth. Humans are shown to be ultra fragile in that one touch from the thing can cause skin merging and subdue the prey. It makes no sense for the thing to even need to transform out of humanoid shell.

Thanks to modern computer technology, the Thing is now able to move around thing out in gruesome detail. So we get scenes where a ridiculous monster trapezes down hallways knocking everything apart. I guess that's cool. The creature in this film doesn't feel very smart. It feels like an unrealistic, dumb monster.

There's a lot of room for improvement for 2011 Thing. The characters in this film don't feel distinct in either their looks or their behavior. There are really only three or four characters that stood out. I think the main problem is that many of the characters have the same beard. Was this intended to throw off the trail of who ends up on the helicopter at the end? Like some kind of Beard-Plot-Shield? We know that at least two bearded men survive in the helicopter at the start of the 1982 Carpenter film. Most of the characters are merely thing-fodder. Contrast this with 1982 Thing where each character felt real and unique, despite how little screen time they got.

It feels to me like Kate was acting not smart for a lot of the film. Imagine you found living alien cells that imitate other cells under the microscope. What would you do in a facility full of scientists? Kate decides not to tell anyone. Remember, this was before the shower/helicopter scene so she didn't really have any reason to mistrust anybody. When she's telling everyone about the imitation the next day, the dialogue felt like it was ripped straight out of Kurt Russell's mouth. Same with her speech outside in the snow. I was seriously contemplating leaving the theatre when she says she has a test for the thing. If it turned out to be a fire-blood test, I would have left.

As the film progresses, the Norwegian camp looks more and more like the one we see in the 1982 film. We see why weird monster remains are where they are. We see holes get put in buildings, and axes in walls.

It's largely faithful to 1982 Thing and has dialogue which could be lifted directly from that film. No real big plot hole (Norwegians were shown to be using dynamite to uncover the alien ship in 1982!), and everything mostly fits. There's no sense of real paranoia, and they could have used the language barrier better. I think the tension would have been much better if certain lines were not subtitled. Thing 2011 is an entertaining film which adds interesting things to the franchise. It just won't be as well regarded as The Thing 1982.

7/10

Discussion (spoilers)

The 1982 movie didn't leave things very clear. We didn't know if either of the characters we see at the end was human or Thing. There's not really that kind of ambiguity to this film.

So when the Thing escaped from the ice-block, it inflected a dog, which was unseen for the rest of the film until the end credits. It can be used to infect explain any of the characters… including the woman character, and the helicopter doctor guy. It brings up the question… why didn't the dog try and infect Lars during the night? Why didn't the dog thing the suicide scientist?

Why did the doctor guy thing out in the helicopter? There's not really any reason for it to Thing out at that time. It wasn't cornered. For all it knew, they were landing again because they forgot something… but it decided to thing out and cause the helicopter to crash.

There are two possible times for him to be assimilated… after the crash and inside the spaceship. If two humans could survive the crash, then the thing probably could have too. It could assimilate Carter if he's unconscious or something. The problem is that his black co-pilot was with him the entire time and he was human the entire movie (as demonstrated in the breakroom scene.) Would the thing infect one while leaving the other human? It seems like a really weird stratagem. This means that both were human when they attacked Lars and stole his flamethrower.

So he must have been turned while in the alien spaceship. As he's calling out for Kate, the thing tracked him down. So why wouldn't Carter-thing try and convert Kate right then and there in the spaceship. He had the weapons and she's not really suspecting anything. In a one-on-one encounter, it doesn't really make sense for the thing to not engage.

When he's pleading with her to not burn him, I thought it would have been interesting if Carter actually breaks out of character and speaks as the thing. Maybe throw lines like "I don't even care about your world. I just want to go home." Or something.

Now, what if Carter was human right at the end of the film? That he removed his earrings because it's god damn cold and the metal saps heat away. Or that he sometimes wears his earring on either side of his face. Other people say that they heard him scream like a thing as he's burning. I was paying attention to see if he things out with tentacles, which he never did. I think it would be poignant to see Kate burn the only other human due to mistrust.

Terra Nova Review: Time Travelling Dinosaurs.

2011-09-28T03:05:00.001-07:00

The show starts off with text on the screen sstating the premise of the show.

AT THE DAWN OF THE 22^ND CENTURY. THE WORLD IS ON THE VERGE OF ENVIRONMENTAL COLLAPSE. MANKIND’S ONLY SURVIVAL LIES 85 MILLION YEARS IN THE PAST.

We are shown a futuristic apartment in a smog-filled city. It might have been Beijing or Shanghai or something. There’s a character walking inside the hallways wearing a futuristic air filter. Oh no. The air is so toxic that you can’t just breathe the air outside!

The first 5 minutes of the show just keeps hitting the viewer on the head about how terrible the future really will be. Consumerism and High-Tech gadgets are pretty much gone, except for the occasional super thin ID cards. The dad goes inside his apartment and shows his family the wonder of an orange. Apparently they’re so rare that it’s been years since some of them have seen one. The mom name-drops that respiratory diseases have risen recently, probably due to the poor air quality.

So, the police come in and say they have to search the house. In the future, one person can only have one offspring. They have three. The police finds the third child (named Zoe.) and the dad is put in jail.

For twelve more minutes, we see the dad try to solid snake his way out of prison and to the Stargate facility. In the end, he makes a mad dash towards the portal.

FLASH FORWARD 2 YEARS

In the two years, the mom found a way to get the family into Terra Nova and travel into the past because she’s a doctor. Even though she can have a good life, she doesn’t want her kids to stay in a dying world! The bad thing is that the dad(Jim) has to stay in prison, and Zoe can’t go.

The first sixteen minutes of the show has been entirely superfluous. Honestly, if they excised it, the pilot would probably be better. I don’t think they had enough budget, time, or imagination to create the world of 214X well enough. Everyone is living in squalor… in a dying world. They don’t outright say what caused the environmental collapse. I hope it isn’t just pollution or ‘global warming’. Anyway, there’s enough dialogue after the jump in time to describe the future. There’d be more mystery and would have probably been better.

Jurassic Park.

So the Terra Novan colony has existed for 7 years now. They quickly explain that this is an entirely new timeline so they can kill dinosaurs or whatever they want without causing any causality problems.

Characters make the comparison about the lush environment compared to the dark/gloomy/perpetually cloudy environment. I can understand things like “The air is so fresh!”, but things like “I’ve forgotten what the moon looks like”, or “the sky is so blue I’ve never seen.” is bizarre. Are there no television programmers in the future about what the past is like? Minor complaint.

When the family and the rest of the expedition arrive at Terra Nova, the dad is assigned to agriculture duty.

The youngest daughter Zoe finds some brontosaurus which was right on the other side of the fence. Nice job keeping dinosaurs away, security. It was one of those Jurassic park moments, and I guess it was absolutely necessary. Doesn’t mean it makes sense in-universe.

The main conflict of this episode revolves around Josh (the son) hanging around female love interest (Sky) and engaging is some incredibly dumb shenanigans. They decide to go into a restricted zone to jump off a waterfall. They also decide to go make alcohol in an area with dangerous dinosaurs. On their way back to the camp, they were ambushed by dinosaurs. That’s such an unforeseeable plot twist! Oh, Sky shows Josh some strange cave markings, and then makes him promise not to tell anyone about the cave markings. Yeah, like that won’t be a plot point in the future.

The other plot point involves the doctor wife healing a man who was supposed to be a thief. Turns out that the guy is a “Sixer”, which is a group of people from the sixth pilgrimage who have since left the main group and found their own colony. The thief breaks out of the hospital laughably easily, and then proceeds to try and assassinate Taylor, the leader of Terra Nova. Why nobody at the hospital decided to inform security (to warn Taylor or anyone), I don’t know. Probably just bad writing or something.

Jim stops the plot and becomes a new cop. They go for a ride outside the gate and spots the Sixers riding towards the camp. They’re here to exchange some ‘meteoric iron’ for the prisoner and some supplies.

The Sixers have a hidden agenda and are led in part by Taylor’s son. Apparently Taylor’s son is the one making the cave markings which will be the key to controlling the future.

The retarded teenagers and the sixers storyline intersects when the sixers were murdered on their way back to the their camp. The teenagers find their vehicle and hides inside it when dinosaurs come. They are rescued by the end of the episode.

This show has excellent dialogue/interaction such as

“GET AWAY FROM ME”

“Hey I know you, you are Drake, right? It’s me, Sky.”

“SKY? ALRIGHT GET IN”

Right as they’re getting away from a dinosaur.

Two guards chilling at a tower.

Security perimeter is so poor that people can just crawl outside the gate. If jurassic park taught me anything, is that there are small killer velociraptor everywhere.

No guards at all. I guess that's why the little girl was able to feed the brontosaurus some leaves.

One guard on tower.

What I don’t like about the show, which probably won’t improve as it goes on, is that the military/security of Terra Nova is so absurdly terrible. We have areas where there are absolutely no guards while dinosaurs roam nearby. We have guards that don’t know to fire a weapon until ordered by the main characters. We have (farm) areas which are not within the perimeter of the colony. Terrible planning, guys.

Also, I refuse to believe that 130 years from now, humans won’t have weapons that would simply shred dinosaurs apart. Even in an environmentally collapsed Earth, you just know that hoards of money will be spent developing even more effective weapons of war.

5/10

It’s a pilot episode. It’s not very good at all. I have a feeling this show is going to be a lot like Falling Skies… except that Falling Skies doesn’t have as dense of characters as here. The teenager plot reminds me a lot of Tyler from V.
Is this show worth watching? I wouldn't say so. There's not really anything here that's done particularly well. There's better things to do with your time. Go watch Breaking Bad, or Fringe, or Supernatural. Go back and watch SGU or Alphas.

I am curious to see what kind of storyline they can do to sustain a full season.

Conan 2011 Review

2011-08-25T03:47:00.000-07:00

When I saw this movie today, the entire 200+ seat theatre was empty. At first I thought it was because of the 18A rating which would limit the audience, but just when the room began to darken and the trailers started to roll, a dad and his ten year old son came in. If the father thinks his son is mature enough to grasp all the complex situations in the film, all the power to him.

Now, the lack of an audience is not necessarily an indication about the quality of the film. The last film that was empty on the first opening week that I saw was Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. It was a pretty good, but complex film.

I’m not a fan of the original Conan film. The only thing going for it was Arnold Swarzennegar’s portrayal of Conan. He was played as a dumb, simple, and generally good hearted guy. Arnold also seems to struggle to read his lines, but it was clear that he was trying his hardest. His bad acting actually contributed positively to the movie. If someone like Arnold, with little to no talent, can be a movie star, then maybe I can achieve my goals too.

Conan 2011, starring Jason Momoa, is definitely a technically competent film which supposedly follows the original book/novella mythology closer. There’s no glaring flaws technically. The action scenes were actiony. The musical score was engaging. The computer graphics / set design / costumes were all good. Alas, there are some problems with the pacing and story... which isn’t necessarily caused by the writers/script supervisors. A lot of changes can happen from script to the screen which can come from a myriad of sources. There were supposedly a lot of rewrites during the filming process, and the film shows that.

The first third of the film is actually completely fine. It tells the story of Conan’s upbringing, and the events causing him to seek out the main baddie, Zym. Ron Perlman performed an adequate role as Conan’s dad.

The second part is about Conan as an adult. He’s been looking for Zym for the last twenty years unsuccessfully, until he happens to find one of Zym’s lieutenants at a bar. Hilarity ensues and bowels explode. Conan kills a bunch of guys for an hour or so. Oh, he accidentally rescues a white monk-lady who has pure blood. She’s also the only person that Zym needs to complete an evil ritual. Conan goes to a variety of different locations during the hour. I think the film could have use some “Indiana Jones”-style map transitions, or “Lawrence of Arabia”-style wide shots to really demonstrate the distances that Conan is covering. Conan’s journey doesn’t feel mythic. He just bounces from location to location changing sidekicks briefly. It would feel different to really show the passage of time.

In the final act, Zym acquires the monk-girl and is finally able to complete the mask which will give him ultimate power…the power to shout really loudly and to collapse his skull-shaped cave. Yeah, it was a bit anti-climactic considering Zym has been saying that it’ll make him a new god. Incredibly underwhelming. Oh, he dies like a punk in the end because he spends time gloating instead of killing Conan.

Conan’s entire life so far has been about getting revenge against Zym for murdering his whole tribe. When he finally kills Zym, the story just ends. He has about three lines of dialogue, none of which reflects what just happened. It’s like killing Zym was not a big deal at all. There’s no indication that he’s changed at all through the story. There’s no real character arc. There’s no growth. Arnold’s Conan goes through a gamut of change through the 1982 movie. He grows as a character and finds love. 2011 Conan remains the same.

Conan 2011’s weak final act really hurts the film. Is it really too much to ask for the villain to have laser eyes? It needed to be over-the-top to make the final battle compelling. He needed to complete a task that was truly heroic.

5/10

There’s some parts of the film I would like to rewatch. I would never go out of my way to watch it.

Harry Potter 7b Review

2011-07-28T19:23:00.002-07:00

I think the worst decision in the film franchise is splitting up Deathly Hallows into two parts. I understand that it's meant to give time for the audience to 'feel' the desperation, loneliness, and helplessness of the main trio. What ended up happening is a bunch of close-up shots of the main characters delivering lines. Now, I don't think the acting is particularly bad. The problem is that all the characters, throughout the two movies, are extremely one-note. They're all just acting heroically defiant. The side characters are all heroically scared.

Part 1 was flawed because there was no real resolution. The movie just ended at a point that's not even really the climax. Some people excuse this because it is the first part of "Deathly Hallows", but that argument is bunk. A movie should be able to be viewed in isolation.

Anyway, 7B is much better than the first part mostly because stuff actually seems to happen in this film. Unfortunately, the stuff that happens fall under two categories.

1) Harry/Gang pleads with somebody or something to inspire them to help.

Example: Gringott goblin, Dumbledore's brother, Ravenclaw ghost

2) Harry is put on the right track by some coincidence/external force.

Example: Multiple horcrux visions… first leading him to the room, then more visions telling him exactly which object. Voldemort fucking off immediately after touching Snape, allowing Harry to get Snape's memories.

Harry and gang coincidentally running away in the same alley as Dumbledore's brother in Hogsmead.

Through the entire series, Harry has been told what to do and where to go. He's had this expectation since birth due to his history with Voldemort. Dumbledore has manipulated Harry for years, giving him cryptic hints of what to do. I don't think Harry's really made any important choice by himself. I would have loved to see Harry question his destiny at the end of the movie. He was prepared to sacrifice himself to save the world, but we never really saw him try to weasel out of it. Yeah, Harry Potter's just that good… but even Jesus had doubts about his crucifixion at Gethsemane.

Fun things:

I recall of couple of scenes where there was a clearly more important objective, but the trio decides to do some other stuff first like visiting the main hall and seeing the injured.

Where were the students running to/from after the hall scene? Harry was running to the Ravenclaw tower, and there were tons of kids running down it. In the previous scene, all the students were in the great hall!

I find it hilarious that wizards are battling/running entirely on foot. You have brooms. Probably a harder target to hit while in the air. They'd travel faster too.

After Snape jumps out of the window, but before the shield is put in place, there were establishing shots of dementers/ghosts/death eaters floating around the castle. Good job, guys. They didn't even try to help.

There was a deatheater who said something along the lines of "Maybe we should wait" to Voldemort regarding the attack on Hogwarts. That line was never explained at all and seems out of place. What would waiting to break down the shield possibly do? Voldemort should have killed him for being a dumbdumb.

I like that they never even bothered to explain what happened to Harry and why he didn't die in the Forbidden Forest. Oh? The elder wand refuses to kill him? Good thing it was dialed back enough to kill Voldemort's horcrux, but not enough to kill Harry.

Voldemort knows that the gang is destroying his horcruxes. He doesn't seem to really put any effort in protecting them with his guards. What he really should have done was send one of the objects into deep space. Good luck tracking that down, Harry.

Conclusion:

After the movie ended, I asked a friend. "Did you like that?"

"I like that the series is over."

I am glad that the series is over. This movie is way more entertaining than Part 1, so there's that. It provides a conclusion with reasonable answers, but it is clear that certain things don't mesh correctly. (ie. Time-Turner from Book 3, kids teleporting everywhere, the whole disarming wands/new owner thing.) Pt2 is worth the time if you've already seen the other movies. Just sad that it didn't end on the best note.

7/10

Green Lantern Review

2011-06-20T00:15:00.001-07:00

Not extremely terrible, just horribly generic, formulaic.

If you are looking for just another superhero film, Green Lantern is great.

So, billions of years ago, there existed a group of intergalactic space cops called the Green Lantern Corp. Their powers come from a magical green ring which uses the power of "Will" to wish anything into existence. The power of "Will" directly contrasts the "Fear" which is yellow in colour. Billions of years ago, the galactic council rulers fought against the evil Fear-using Parallax Smoke Monster. Parallax was all about destroying worlds. When Parallax was defeated, he was imprisoned in an asteroid in the 'lost' sector. Well, six months ago a space ship crashed on the asteroid and accidentally released Parallax. Oops.

Well, Ryan Reynolds eventually gets one of these rings and the origin story continues.

I want to give special props to the bald scientist played by Peter Sarsgaard. He has the most interesting plot in the story… at least before he became horribly ugly. Something that didn't jive with me is the casting of his character's father. IMDB states that Peter is 40 while his movie dad is 52.

There's a bunch of plot weirdness in the film which can be overlooked if you don't attempt to think about it. That's pretty standard fare in genre films though. For example, Ryan Reynolds got teleported to a dock/beach and discovers an alien/ alien ship and calls his best friend to pick him up. His best friend knows about the alien, a magical ring, and a lantern. In the next scene Ryan Reynolds is all alone in his house playing with the ring. Why would the best friend, being a scientist, not want to investigate the ring with Ryan Reynolds? Didn't make sense.

Another example is the prison of Parallax. So this guy can destroy whole worlds and actually wants to dominate and rule the entire universe. He was defeated… but not killed. I wouldn't want to have a threat like that alive, so there better be a reason for not killing it. Anway, the galactic council decided to put this galactic evil on a remote asteroid with security so lame that three dudes in space suits accidentally freed it by stepping on the surface of the asteroid. The deaths of billions are on you, immortal guardians of the universe. Oh, and I love the intro scene where the three aliens were calling for help in an alien language (subtitled), but when Parallax starts to escape, he was speaking English. I understand that the Green Lantern Rings have translator capabilities. That's cool. Why was Parallax speaking in English? They could have avoided the problem entirely if the three aliens were speaking English at the start too. Eh.

Green Lantern isn't bad. There are a couple of laughs in the film. There's some clunky dialogue. There's some neat visuals. In the end, it isn't as deep as 'The Dark Knight" nor as entertaining as "The Green Hornet". Just some mediocre superhero film.

6/10

Super 8 Review.

2011-06-12T02:26:00.002-07:00

Seems like JJ Abrams have been getting involved in a lot of movies and television shows recently. Alias. Lost. Fringe. Alcatraz (upcoming). He's also done a couple blockbuster movies. Mission: Impossible 3, Cloverfield, Star Trek.
One thing that Abrams brought from Star Trek: The Star Trek was the lens flare. Film makers in the past dread the lens flare. They believe that it brings the audience out of the film whenever a lens flare pops up in a shot. I'm convinced that Abrams intentionally put lens flares in the film. Super 8 ends on a lens flare. Ugh.

Super 8 is about a group of kids trying to make a movie amidst some chaos in the town. If you've seen the trailer then you can predict all of the major beats in the film. The story felt like an amalgamation of different genre films that ultimately didn't mesh into a satisfying resolution. Evil Government and Evil Military trying to do evil while the a Heroic Scientist (with the help of some kids) stops them. There's another layer of personal story beneath that about accepting loss. The moral is that life sometimes suck and that accidents happen so let the pain/resentment/guilt/necklace/whatever go. Let it go and move on with your life.

The teen actors in this film are good. They acted exactly how kids should act; They were annoying. The female lead (Elle Fanninng) was good but not spectacular.

Overall, Super 8 isn't a great film. The story was mediocre. The visual effects are about what a modern film should have. I don't think I've gained any valuable insight into humanity, or lost any brain cells by viewing this movie. It was entertaining while on but it's just an average movie without anything that's overwhelmingly positive or negative.

Super 8? More like Super 6/10

Spoiler Warning / Other Observations

I can't believe that the military (bad guys) are portrayed as such dum dums.
1) It took them four days to realize that an evacuation is probably a good idea. They knew that the monster was free the moment that the train was derailed. They should have evacuated the town the next day citing some sort of chemical spill.
2) Why would the military ship the Magic Metal back to the town in trucks? If they were intending to study the material, they probably shouldn't send it to the exact place of the monster. That just sounds like a bad idea.
3) How bad do you have to be to let a stoner and four kids get away from a refuge centre? Keep in mind that the Military knows that the Heroic Scientist had accomplices that was filming the night the train crashed. Also, let's assign only one (high ranking) guy to guard a military prisoner. Can't afford to get grunts to stand outside of the prison cell. Nope, that wouldn't make sense.

4) I liked that the monster magic metal bullshit only magnetized selective things. It didn't grab numerous other vehicles that still had people. It didn't suck in braces kid's braces. I saw tons of metal still lying around everywhere, but I guess that the magic metal ship only takes what the magic metal ship needs.

5) Hey guys, did you know that the movie is set in the past? Technology in the past used to be all huge and clunky! You didn't know that huh! Well, walkmans are the latest in technology. Stop.
The audience knows its the past. Please stop trying to spell everything out. I don't want a character to say that such and such is a Walkman and that it's the latest in technology... and that it plays cassettes. Just put it in the device in the scene. No need to explain it. Kids can figure it out.

X-Men: First Class Review

2011-06-03T06:33:00.002-07:00

It is easy to write about bad films. Great films are difficult to write about. Much easier to say that a film is bad because of plot hole X and logical fallacy Y. It's also a lot more fun to trash a movie.

This X-Men prequel is less about the First Class and more about the story of Charles and Erik. If you have had exposure to the franchise's history, then you know the basic storyline of the film.

Erik (Magneto) was raised/taken into a Fun Camp during World War 2. When the Nazis discovered his ability, they performed experiments on him. Erik believes that the rest of humanity will try to control, enslave, and exterminate mutant kind. Charles grew up in America (and miraculously retains an English accent) far away from the atrocities of man. He believes that mutants and humans can share the future and co-exist in harmony. Despite the ideological difference, Charles and Erik became Best Friends once they grew up while working on a mission for the CIA. After the mission, Magneto and Professor Xavier are put on opposite sides and sets up the status quo for future installments (hopefully).

The story is pretty hard to mess up and I'm glad that they didn't. The origins of Magneto is forever tied to the Holocaust just like Captain America with World War 2. It would have been disastrous to have changed anything.

I feel that the 'First Class' parts didn't really mesh well in the film as they didn't appear until the 60ish minute mark. This film is 130 minutes long and they had plenty of time to at least give the remaining characters a little depth. I'm sure comic enthusiasts would have gotten more out of those characters but I barely know any of them.

The only big criticism I have about First Class is all the constant 'winking' at the viewer with references. SPOILER ALERT. During the film Charles attaches some electrodes onto his skull to tap into Cerebral. "It works better if you are bald." "I'm not shaving my hair." Charles becomes paralyzed from the waist down at the end of the film, and he's all like 'well at least I'm not bald'. Ugh. "We should give ourselves some cool man nicknames. I'm Mystique, what about you?" " Oh I'm like a Banshee because I can do this." wink "I cause a lot of Havok" wink wink "Hey you should have a cool name like Professor X and you should be called Magneto." wink wink "Even I've got to admit you're kind of a BEAST now." Fuck you writers. We don't need you to throw in names like that. It didn't feel natural at all. The audience can figure out which characters are which if they really cared. I can't forget about the big one. "Oh we're still working along side the G-Men." "No you need to stay independent. You don't work for the G-Men. You're now an X-Men." Fuuuck.

There's also some really bad trope-y dialogue. Charles: "They were only following orders". Erik: "THE LAST TIME I HEARD THAT THEY KILLED SIX MILLION JEWS. NEVER AGAIN."

Anyway, this film doesn't really jive with the established film franchise, but that can be easily forgiven since the later films have been terrible. I understand that this is supposed to be the start of a new trilogy of films. I hope that the sequels don't falter like the last X-men trilogy.

X-Men: First Class won't win any awards in the writing department, but is well produced and well acted. Definitely solid entertainment.
7.5/10

I want this back in Vancouver.

2011-05-09T04:45:00.001-07:00

63.42Mbps down, 67.71 Mbps up.
This is the internet speed in the new apartment in Aflong aflong kong.

Sucker Punch Review.

2011-03-30T13:06:00.001-07:00

"There was a time when reading wasn't just for fags. And neither was writing. People wrote books and movies. Movies with stories, that made you care about whose ass it was and why it was farting. And I believe that time can come again." - Joe Bowers, Idiocracy.

I was genuinely excited for Sucker Punch when I heard that Zack Snyder, director for 300 and The Watchmen, was doing a triple (writing, producing, directing) for this film. Girl gets put in an insane asylum and has to escape before she gets lobotomized by her stepfather after her inheritance. It sounded like the perfect vehicle to tell a visually engaging story. Unfortunately the film does not deliver.

Sucker Punch was boring. That's the cardinal sin of movie making. I struggled to find why I wasn't engaged in the film. Hot looking chicks kicking ass in a beautifully rendered world. I really shouldn't have been bored. I came to the realization that I didn't care about any of the main characters. Sucker Punch is similar to the movie within Idiocracy. There's an ass on the screen that farts for 2 hours.

Spoilers ahead

The film starts in the 'real world' when Baby Doll's evil stepfather (presumably) murdered Baby Doll's mother for inheritance. Turns out the mom left everything to her two daughters. Angered, the stepfather decides to go and molest Baby Doll, but when Baby Doll fights back, he goes after the younger daughter. Baby Doll gets a gun and fires at the step-dad, but she misses and hits a light-bulb. The shrapnel from the light bulb apparently kills the younger sister. The stepfather puts her in an insane asylum and pays Blues, the orderly, to arrange for her to be lobotomized. This will happen in five days. The film then does a cool-guy montage and skips to day 5 when she is getting lobotomized. Wait a second. We are suddenly placed inside of a whore house where the mental patients are now suddenly whores. The Insane Asylum runned by Blues is now a Burlesque owned by Blues. In this second world, Baby Doll's virginity will be sold to the "High Roller" in five days. She intends to escape before that happens. She is joined by two sisters named Sweet Pea and Rocket, and two interchangeable characters named Amber and Blondie.

At every major plot point, Baby Doll goes into a third world that is filled with CGI. Once there, she and her team fights demonic statues, Nazis, dragons, and robots to fetch an item that will help them escape. Things go wrong for some of the characters so that in the end only two girls remain. Baby Doll chooses to sacrifice herself so the last girl can escape. That's why she gets lobotomized. At the end we see that events in the Burlesque world pretty much all happened. Blues, the main antagonist of the movie, gets what he deserves.

So, why didn't I care about half the scenes in this movie? Let's start with the third tier worlds. They are entirely formulaic. The characters are briefed by a 'Wise Man' who tells them what they need to do for the mission. They then do the mission. There's absolutely no jeopardy in these scenes because we see these girls do absolutely unrealistic moves. When the robot Nazi punched one of the girls, she was fine. When the girls fall from a plane 200 feet high, they were fine. Once it is clear that the characters won't get hurt at all and that they would (probably) obtain the object that they need, I lost all interest.

Another problem is that the third tier worlds are supposed to represent them doing something in the Burlesque world. For example, one girl is supposed to lift a lighter off of a fat guy. In the dream world, they're fighting dragons and hordes of monsters for magic stones that can create fire. It feels like there's such a huge disconnect between world two and world three that I couldn't care. What does it mean when the bridge fell in the dragon world? What do the monsters mean? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Five seconds in the burlesque world is stretched into 10-15 minutes in the cgi worlds.

"A while ago I had written a script for myself and there was a sequence in it that made me think, 'How can I make a film that can have action sequences in it that aren't limited by the physical realities that normal people are limited by, but still have the story make sense so it's not, and I don't mean to be mean, like a bulls--t thing like Ultraviolet or something like that... It's as crazy as anything else that I have ever done. It's a movie that nobody can get made with the ending that it has and the subject matter." - Zack Snyder

I think that's where the main problem lies. The plot was just a vehicle to have these action scenes and those scenes are in a reality where the characters can't really get hurt. Having the burlesque world just puts another barrier to my caring for the movie. I'm not even looking at what 'actually' happens. The real version to the story is similar to the burlesque but with minor differences. So if what I'm looking at isn't what actually happened, why would I care about the events in burlesque world? I don't. What does dancing mean in the burlesque world? Heck if I know. What happened in the real world when Blues shot/raped those girls? How can an orderly have that much power?

What's the solution? Merge the insane asylum with the burlesque world. They're similar enough that the story doesn't have to change much at all. Have Baby Doll take some 'medication' which causes her to imagine the world around her as a burlesque. Have characters/elements phase back and forth from their counterparts in the two world. It would have been interesting visually at least.

This film is bad. Easily one of the worst films I've seen this year. I'd rather re-watch The Last Airbender than see this again. The CGI fights are good, but becomes meaningless. It is like watching someone play a video-game with god mode turned on. Cool man you just killed all them monsters, congratulations on your hard work.

Possible Plot hole: Why didn't Baby Doll just tell the female psychiatrist that Blues was planning on forging her signature to lobotomize? Baby Doll was present when Blues and the stepfather were talking about it. That's why she was planning the escape. The least she could have done was raise the concern to the psychiatrist that she doesn't want to be lobotomized and maybe the psychiatrist can stop it. Can anyone explain?

3 out of 10

Supernatural (Anime) Episode 1+2.

2011-03-22T23:31:00.000-07:00

The Alter Ego

This series starts with a creepy man sharpening a knife. There’s a woman tied up in the background. The old man claims to be her husband ‘Zack’ and promptly stabs her thirteen times.

Next, we finally see Sam and Dean driving the Impala talking about the case. Apparently the murderer could be in two places at once, and there have been cases like this in the past two years. Doesn’t take much to realize that the old man is a shape shifter. (I much prefer skinwalker like in the original show.)

Anyway, Sam and Dean, and the hot female detective of the week visits the scene of the crime. The female accidentally cuts her finger on the door frame. (THIS IS IMPORTANT) The female establishes that she was a friend of the murdered wife from the start. The two brothers find a trail of blood leading to the sewers. Sam asks “How can he leave a trail of blood like this?” I want to know how the cops missed this.

The brothers head to the sewers to pursue Zack. They get ambushed by the shape shifter. Sam wakes up tied up and sees the shapeshifter Dean. It isn’t the real Dean because the real Dean just received a shoulder injury. Through the power of exposition, FakeDean says that he resents Sam had a normal life while he had to hunt with Dad who leaves without a word. When FakeDean leaves announcing his plan to attack the hot female, real Dean wakes up. He frees himself and slings around on his injured shoulder as if it wasn’t injured. I guess that plot point wasn’t important huh.

Real Dean goes to the female’s apartment. Turns out the shape shifter kidnapped her and took her form. Dean identifies this by the lack of a cut on her finger. She escapes.

Sam and Dean drives on the road when suddenly Dean pulls a gun onto Sam while driving on a busy highway. “I know you’re not Sam. You think I don’t know my own brother?” Sam claims that Dean is the fake. They fight each other (while the car is still going) but Sam ultimately gets the gun.

At this point, we see realSam walk into a busy highway holding his gun towards the Impala. He fires and the car dramatically stops inches away from hitting realSam. fakeSam shape shifter is dead. The story effectively ends here.

I’m just aghast at the thought of Dean deciding to out fakeSam while driving on a busy road. That’s not even the worst crime. He decided to have a conversation while holding a gun to fakeSam’s face while driving. This is a level of stupid that I can’t handle. It wasn’t like Dean was trying to press for information. All he says is that he knows Sam is a fake and that he knows he’s a shapeshifter. You could be doing that while parked or inside the hotel. Instead he needlessly endangers the rest of the people on the road by pulling this stunt.

Why is RealSam on the highway miles away from the building anyway? How did he know that the Impala was coming when the road is completely packed? It doesn’t make sense.

As a pilot, the Live Action version is much, much better. It was able to set up the story in terms of the Yellow-Eye Demon / backstory more coherently. Here, we get flashes of scenes that will probably be explained in future episodes. One of the strengths of Supernatural is the ability to explain the actions or motivations of the monsters in a realistic way. What was the shapeshifter’s plan? Torment women? He left the Female alive. What was his plan in the apartment when he was acting like her? At no point in the story am I able to see a rational plan from the shapeshifter. The original show had the benefit of using 42 minutes to tell the story so I guess it is only fair I view the next episode too.

Roadkill

There’s not much to say here. The episode is almost an exact remake of the episode Roadkill from Season 2, Episode 16. I just want to comment that Dean is a terrible driver. Once again he swerves and almost hits a target. At one point Sam says that the most important thing is to take Molly away from the forest. Sam and Dean then continue to explore the haunted house. Good going, Sam

In the original, there was an accident which occurred 15 years ago. Molly accidentally kills Greely with her car. She also died. Greely’s wife was so distraught that she commits suicide after burying Greely. It is a custom for folks to plant a tree with the dead. Similar thing happens in the anime except that there’s multiple photographs of (an adult) tree. Sam comments on one photo and that’s how they realize where the body is buried. But wait a minute, how can there be photos of an adult tree when it was planted fifteen years ago? That means that Mrs. Greely must have stuck around for years after her husband died. Her suicide must have been recent. Unfortunately, the appearance of Mrs. Greely’s ghost matches the ones before her husband died. This means that she killed herself soon after. What if she did survive for years? This wouldn’t make sense because for the last 14 years, she would have seen Molly run through the woods into her cabin asking for help. What’s going on here?

Another change in the story is that Mrs. Greely also haunts the road after her suicide. At one point she drags Molly into the river and tries to choke her out. Sam jumps into the river to try and save her while Dean disposes of the body. Why would Sam jump into the river to save a ghost from a ghost? When Mrs. Greely is destroyed, he showed concern over Molly telling her to breathe. I want to make it clear that Sam knows that she’s a ghost. Molly’s a ghost. She can’t die again. She doesn’t even breathe.

David (Molly’s husband) mentions in the anime that she was cremated. According to the lore, cremated bones can’t have ghosts. Ugh.

After the credits of the episode, Sam freaks out and we see a tease into the history of the characters.

Bottom Line.

I’m not impressed with the anime. While Jared Padalecki reprises the voice of Sam Winchester, Dean is portrayed by an other actor. I think having only half the cast actually makes it worse. I don’t want to be reminded that Dean isn’t actually Dean. :/ I feel like if they spent any time reviewing the show that they would realize the mistakes in lore or logic.

Battle: Los Angeles Review.

2011-03-13T03:56:00.001-07:00

AMERICA
HECK
YEAH.

BEATING ALIEN SCUM WITH OL' FASHION dumb luck.

The movie is focused on US Marine Staff Sargeant Gantz (played by the incredibly handsome Aaron Eckhart aka Harvey Dent). He's a veteran soldier who has commanded a few too many soldiers to their deaths from no-win situations. Gantz filed for retirement but he's been called for active duty because of the invasion. He's assigned to a unit with an officer that's fresh from the academy. (Commissioned officers are higher ranked than enlisted people.) The unit has been ordered to retrieve some civilians in an area which is about to be blown up. They have to race against the clock to rescue these people while fighting alien foot soldiers. Good people died from impossible situations and the fresh officer freezes up. Gantz gave a motivating speech to the officer. It doesn't matter if they are ordered to go left or to go right. They will follow orders as long as it is made. Gantz makes an addendum later in the film that there are no-win scenarios where left and right both lead to good men dying. The unit finds civilians and helps them escape while discovering that each alien force is commanded by a 'command centre'. If this Command Centre was destroyed, then all of their machines would stop functioning. Wow. more heroic sacrifices are made and in the end they win.

The Aliens in this film are unusual. They arrive on Earth via disguised meteor-spaceships crashing into the waters near major coastal cities. Los Angeles, Tokyo, and New York are just three out of twenty such ships. Immediately, ground soldiers pour out of these vessels and start murdering people. Oh yeah, they landed in water because that's their primary fuel source. Earth is one of the rare places in the universe where water is predominately in liquid form. I didn't think it would be too hard to melt some asteroids or to melt an ice planet. The aliens are able to survive in 'Earth temperatures' so unless frozen water makes powering their ships uneconomical, its just kinda weird to expend all of this alien-power (and potential casualties) for slightly warmer water.

Aliens have been tracking us for years according to behind-the-scenes material. They know what kind of technology we use and are able track us using our radios. They've abducted our people and know of our weak spots (anyplace where the flesh is soft). Here are some simple mistakes that future alien invaders should follow if they want to successfully invade Earth.

1) Make more than one robot/equipment that can function as a command centre. Let's call this a 'backup command centre'. You know, just in case your command centre gets blown up, or has a slight power outage. Redundancy is good.

2) Make it so your robots don't fall out of the sky without active commands being sent. Modern designs for robots that explore planetary bodies in our solar system has to work with something called a "Time Delay". Although radio signals travel as fast as the speed of light, the distances across space is so huge that it'll take about a second to travel from the Earth to the Moon. It can take tens of minutes to travel from Earth to Mars (depending on orbit). It is impossible for us to constantly control the mars rovers from Earth. Not with a 10 minute delay. By the time we receive the result of the commands we send, thirty minutes would have passed. Not easy to drive a car that way. The robots are designed to be able to interpret the surrounding areas and make intelligent navigational decisions. So why is it that the 'drones' in this movie just fall down when the command ship is destroyed? It makes absolutely no sense. I can understand that they might go into an automatic shutdown mode, where they'll slowly land on the ground. It's like the alien drones are 100% controlled by the command ship 100% of the time. That's ugh.

3) Destroy all of the (major) military bases around the world. It isn't hard. Go on wikipedia and search for military bases. Launch nukes (or whatever cleaner equivalent the aliens might have) and you will take away 90% of the resistance.

4) Destroy the Earth's power grid. Unless they're going to tap into our power plants, this seems like a no-brainer to me. It would disrupt communication and make survival a bit tougher for humans. Oh yeah, getting rid of the power grid would have stopped the army from discovering your secret base. Good job Aliens.

5) Put more armor on your alien cannon. So during the film the aliens bring out a cannon the size of a ride-able lawnmower. Literally took two burst of machine gun fire to destroy it. The cannon also had to be (hover) pushed around. To be honest, the weapon didn't seem that much more destructive than their own laser/blaster weapons.

6) Use the magical boring machines to your advantage. They were able to bury a ten story tall command centre in the middle of the city without disrupting the ground near it. (The asphalt breaks near it when the machine became erect.) Why not use the same machine to tactfully move the only command centre away from the combat zone? Naw, let's have it crawl out of the ground so everyone can see it and it becomes more exposed to aircraft fire. IF YOU KEPT THE BUILDING UNDER THE GROUND (and made them think it was destroyed), THE US AIRFORCE WON'T TARGET IT SOME MORE. THEY WOULD THINK YOU HAD SOME SORT OF REDUNDANT BACKUP COMMAND CENTRE.

7) Defend your command centre better. If your entire operation hinges on keeping one structure intact, I think it might be important to make sure that the structure stays intact. This means having enough troops to fight off any human intruders. It means having aircrafts that can kill five soldiers on the ground. I guess they did kill one soldier with the four dozen aliens that were sent. Good kill ratios.

So, what did I think of the movie? I don't dislike it. I feel like the aliens are designed to fail just so humans can face a technologically advance force and still win. I wouldn't have minded if humans lost in this film. Like any good military film, the soldiers are presented as heroes who would obey their DUTY to SAVE LIVES and SUPPORT FREEDOM. It gets a little heavy handed at times. I enjoyed it on a visual level. There's just too many tiny details that are dumb for me to really dig the movie. If I were to place a numerical score to the film, it would be around a 6/10

Tsunami. We're all gonna die.

2011-03-11T01:18:00.001-08:00

Well, maybe not me. Two things.
1) Vancouver Island is a pretty good shield.
2) Richmond will get sunk :(

We're just getting a tsunami advisory, which isn't supposed to be a big deal.
Source

Justin Bieber: The Board Game.

2011-02-10T13:52:00.000-08:00

This makes me want to punch things. Do people actually buy stuff like this? :( :(

Resident Evil: Afterlife.

2010-09-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

3D movies don’t really work well for me. I’m getting tired of things being shot at my face.

A few issues I had while watching the movie.

1) Where are all the janitors? In the underground headquarters of Umbrella Corporation, everything sparkling clean. Supposedly, everyone has been living underground for years. Can things look a little dilapidated? All the vehicles are neatly parked and shiny. Awesome. Wesker must have had several hundred janitors stowed away in his underground stronghold. Same goes for the field of planes which have been left in the open for months. In the world of the film, all industries are dead. Alice found no (other) survivors at all during the six month journey from Japan to Alaska to California. Who has been providing Umbrella with electricity? Food? Ammunition? Soap? Toilet Paper? New tires?

2) One of my biggest complaints for the movie franchise is that the character of Alice has been given magical powers via the “T-Virus”. Yes, a virus that makes people turn into zombies also gives people super powers such as making a ground shockwave with the mind. I was actually surprised when Wesker took the ability away from Alice. “Thank you for making me Human again.” Oh, if only you still were human. Alice has still shown extra ordinary abilities with her speed and strength. At one point, she was hit with a mallet into a wall (which actually broke the tiles on the wall.) She was out of commission for about a minute (so that Claire can have her action scene), but quickly sprung back into action with apparently no injury. Great job stating that you depowered her only to have her still do inhuman things. Oh yeah, since Alice was on the Chopper the entire time, why didn’t she kill Wesker the moment he started to punch in the code to destroy the Umbrella Facility? Because it serves the plot.

3) What is Umbrella’s plan anyway? I don’t recall the specific plot for the films, but I believe the T-Virus was made as a bio-weapon. It was accidentally released at the end of the first film. The second film is about the initial spread of the virus at Raccoon City. By the third film, the virus has spread worldwide. Supposedly, they’re interested in studying Alice because they believe that her blood or genetics contain the secret to curing the whole zombie infection… or at least make them dormant. Now, they’re all about making monsters and doing extremely unethical experiments. I wonder what all the survivor security guards and janitors are thinking about all of this. I was hoping that we get to see some director in charge of some facility that isn’t PURE EVIL. Maybe they exist, but Alice killed them all. (There is a short conversation between the characters stating that the crew of the Arcadia was so disgusted at Wesker that they all fled on life rafts. I guess the guys at the prison missed this part with their night vision/heat sensing goggles. And I guess the crew decided to not take the four or so choppers with them and instead try to make it out alive on boats.)

4) Wesker’s plan made no sense. When we see him on the chopper the first time, it was a little bit ridiculous that he was able to inject Alice so quickly without Alice being able to fire. I guess he knew she was on the chopper all along, because he was holding on to the syringe the entire time. Alright. Neat. He protected himself. I get that. So why would he leave the chopper unpiloted for a minute while he had his confrontation with Alice? I actually thought it was on auto pilot or something. Wesker is dumb. The plane crashes and Alice wakes up first because she is entirely human while Wesker is a super human.

Let’s follow this movie from Wesker’s perspective at this point:

I wake up from the burning wreckage. Dang. That chopper was brand new and sparkly. Now it is all burning and dilapidated. Well, at least I’m still alive and I’m super human.
Oh no. The T-virus isn’t bonding to my body correctly. I need to eat human flesh to stabilize myself.
Where’s Alice? I want to eat her. She is the only known human to fully bond with the virus. Eating her will allow me to become super powerful. Oh. She isn’t here? Darn. She must have woken up before me somehow. Wait a minute, I thought I was the super human here!

Where do I go now? Let’s go to one of Umbrella’s many secret base. It is a ship. It is a ship named Arcadia.

*Six months later*

There’s a plane? Someone’s flying to Arcadia? Who is it? Let’s use the magical Satellite Voice amplifier along with the Umbrella Heat signature finder. If we had this technology all along, why didn’t we use it to capture that Claire girl?
But, Arcadia is moving south to LA for no reason. Should I tell the crew to stop and wait for Alice to land on the ship so I can eat her? Or at least head back north and send out flares or radio signals to the plane telling her to land? Let’s not.

*A couple of days later*

Oh look, Alice landed at a prison facility along with other survivors.
I most definitely want to consume her, so I’ll send some bio-monsters to go and kill her. Yes, these monsters must be deadly. I hope Alice makes it out alive.

*Another few days later.*

Gee, is that a plane that’s heading to the boat? Does everyone know how to fly a plane? Apparently. Is it Alice? No? Hm.
Wait, that’s Alice and Claire coming on a boat. Alice is coming to this room right now! Let’s talk. And not seal the room via the computer controls so anyone can sneak through at any time. Besides, I like to fight more people while my horribly mutated dogs fight other people.
Muahaha. Look at their slow bullets fly. I can move so fast. I am powerful. Now, the Redfields are out of commission.
Should I use my super speed (fast enough to dodge bullets) to knock Alice out and finally eat her? Nope.
Let’s slow motion try to eat her. Ow! There’s a knife in my brain. Good thing I can recover from that! Let’s try again. Hopefully, Alice doesn’t have another weapon that can be shot in my face.

Darn, I guessed wrong. She did shoot it in my face. I am going to fake die.

Muahaha I am alive again, and I’m going to eat this old man to regain my complete strength. Since I’ve proven that I am too dumb to even kill three ‘normal’ powered humans, I’m going to escape. I hope that the one chopper out of a dozen or so isn’t booby trapped by Alice’s only self destruct device.

Bah. I am now dead. Darnit. I was so dumb and unlucky.

So what is Wesker’s goal? It is apparent that he doesn’t care about the Company Directive anymore. He just wants to become a super-being of sorts. Having a character seek out power for the sake of seeking power is pointless. With the way he does things, there will be no human left alive? What’s the point of being all powerful when you’re the only one alive?

That’s not to say I hated the film entirely. I loved seeing Wentworth Miller (who played Michael Scofield in Prison Break) trapped in a prison within a prison, trying to break out. I found it to be hilarious. The end of the film had a teaser for the next installment of the franchise. Jill Valentine is now apparently controlled by Umbrella, and they’re flying towards the Arcadia to capture some people for experiments. I’m guessing that these people are controlled by an AI like the White Queen. (People at theatres are retarded. They just have this urge to head out as soon as the credits roll. THE LIGHTS ARE NOT ON YET. IT MEANS THAT THE PRESENTATION IS NOT OVER. I love it when the scene continues and people who are on their way out turns around to watch it.)

Ultimately, is the film worth watching? I think so. Just expect that characters will do dumb things. The film isn’t worth paying full price. It is probably better than spending time watching old episodes of Star Trek though.

Going to Pax.

2010-09-03T01:46:00.003-07:00

So long, suckers!

Girl who Leapt Through Time. 2006.

2010-09-03T01:46:00.001-07:00

Japanese Animated Film.

Spoilers in review.

This movie is set in contemporary modern day Japan about a girl (Makato) who... leaps through time. That is, she finds out that she is able to literally jump and travel through time. Like any adolescent, Makato starts by changing minor things so that they work out better. Suddenly, she is able to have all the extra sleep that she wants. She gets perfect grades. Eventually, she uses this power to avoid some decisions in life. One of her best friends (Chiaki) wanted to ask her out on a date. Makato couldn't handlethis so she goes back in time to avoid the whole 'asking her out' part from ever happening. She uses this power to avoid facing any major changes to her life.

Anyway, it turns out that there are consequences to her time-leaps and that there's a finite amount. Blah blah blah. Saw it coming a mile away.

There's a serious flaw to this story which was very distracting to me. The way that 'time' works does not make sense at all. In the original timeline, Makato has a tempura (fire) accident during cooking class. The brakes on her bike is also broken, which eventually led to a fatal accident...which was undone by her first, accidental time-leap.
To solve the tempura problem, she asks another student to fry it first. He became the one who accidentally causes the fire. This shows that certain events 'must' happen. Later in the movie, Makato's other friend started riding a bike which lead to another fatal accident. Yeah. People need to ride their bikes more carefully.

By the last act of the film, it turns out that Makato gained her timeleaping ability because she accidentally fell a time-nut, which grants the user power over time. I'm not even kidding about this. The time-nut was originally lost by the time-traveller-Chiaki, who is desperately trying to find it. Chiaki only came to the past to see a famous painting which was destroyed in the upcoming world-wide catastrophe. Unfortunately, the painting is still being restored, so he hasn't had a chance to see it yet. And he never will have that chance because he must disappear. He can't go back to the future because he used his last time-leap to save Makato's other friend from a fatal bike accident. He disappears and Makato is a sad panda.

Later, Makato finds out that she has one time-leap left because Chiaki went back in time before she used her time leap. WHY DOES SHE STILL REMEMBER THE OTHER TIMELINE IF SHE NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO USE HER LAST TIME-LEAP? PLOT HOLE. To help Chiaki go back to the future, she time-leaps before he used his last time-leap so that he still has one more to go to the future.

Some sappiness occurs where the girl and the guy reveals that they love each other, etc..

And then the most retarded thing happens.

Chiaki still goes home, but he says that he'll wait for her in the future.

Makato is alright with this, and she replies that she'll be 'running towards it'.

What does Chiaki mean by he'll wait for her? It'll only appear to be a second to him when he travels. Makato will be much, much older in the future.

Also, Makato only finds out in this film that she kinda loves Chiaki. Now she'll remain single her entire life for an unspecified point in the future when they'll meat? This shit is retarded.

Inception (no spoilers)

2010-07-22T01:30:00.001-07:00

Saw it Tuesday.

Dreams are uniquely human, as far as we know. We all experience dreams at one point in our lives. Dreams can be a way for the subconscious to reveal desires or yearnings. They might show stresses or fears.
(I once had a dream where I was trying to convince the person I was talking to that he/she was dreaming, and that I was a figment of their imagination. I knew that I was real though. I was just being a dick. And then I woke up. What the heck does this say about me?)

I think that a lot of people would want to explore their dreams if they could, which is why this film resonates with so many people.

There are a lot of concepts and layers within this movie and I'm sure that there will be thousands of articles and essays devoted to this film.
I think its nice to look at an artwork to try and derive meaning. Some people say that the movie is a metaphor for the interaction between film making and the audience. Various people in the film would represent different roles for the movie making process. Archetects, writers, chemists, directors, financiers. Neato. Yeah, I guess you can look at it that way, but is that what Nolan intended, or is it just a coincidence?

Inception was enjoyable for what it is. The story is straightforward for me. It was quite easy to understand. Yeah, you will have to simply go along with certain ideas with the film, but they are really minor points.

That being said, this film is incredibly overhyped. The ending is a huge cop-out. Yeah, I understand that the final scene is like an "Inception" for the viewer. You can say that the point is to make you question what you just watched, but I feel that a good film doesn't need to rely on such a gimmick. I recommend everyone go watch the movie, just don't expect any great twists or deep psychological answers which will blow your mind. It sure didn't blow mine.

With regards to the film's ending question... does it really matter if the spinner top fell? No. Whether real or not, you are only watching a film (which isn't real.)

The Last Airbender Review.

2010-07-07T02:37:00.000-07:00

I was really hesitant about watching the film. On one hand, there were a lot of people who seem to hate the movie. On the other is that Avatar was one of the few animu that I enjoy. On the third mutant hand is that if the movie was truly terrible, I don't want to contribute to its success.

Well, after the first weekend box office results, I was content to know that the paltry sum I paid won't make this film a financial success.

I want to comment that I watched it on Tuesday. Cineplex apparently now has a special deal where for the same price as normal, you also get a regular popcorn and a regular drink. Neato. I might watch all of my films on tuesdays now. When I got into the theatre 10 minutes before the preview started, I walked into an empty room. All alone. By the time that the movie started, there were less than ten people. Flop.

The Last Airbender is by no means a great film. I'm not sure if it is a good film either.It definitely isn't the theatrical disaster that some people are calling it. This is definitely not Battlefield Earth of the decade.
So, I have seen all three seasons of Avatar, so I understand the story behind the movie. I don't know for sure if a non-fan can properly follow the story or understand its significance.

Bad

1) Tone
Avatar is supposed to be for kids to enjoy. The animu had a lot of silliness to many of the scenes. I can recall only two instances in the movie which had the light hearted scenes of the show, and they both involve Katara accidentally splashing Sokka with her faulty waterbending.

While the story of The Last Airbender has a lot of serious elements, the humour in the show helped create more rounded characters. It showed that despite only being kids, they were fated to do such incredible things. I don't think Aang smiled or laughed once in the film. He definitely doesn't have the same playfulness as the series.

2) Dialogue / Treating people like Full Retards.

“Do you have a spiritual place I can meditate?” “Yes, we have a very spiritual place.”

When Aang goes to the very spiritual place to meditate, he first talks about how the record for the longest meditation was four days, and that it took a lot of concentration.

“We need to show them that we believe in our beliefs as much as they believe in their beliefs”
The dialogue in the movie is bad. I was cringing about once every minute. I can't really blame the actors for being shit when they are forced to work with this type of material. Then, each of the characters announced to everyone else what they were going to do in the scene. Yue and Sokka both says that they were going to leave the room. And they do. Katara then announces that she is going to stay. And she does. Its as if the audience is incapable of seeing what the characters are actually doing, so the writer decides that it is necessary for the characters to say exactly what they are going to do.

AND THEN Katara starts to talk with Aang, who just started to meditate.
"Aang, can you hear me? It's Katara."
Shut up, Katara, HE'S TRYING TO MEDITATE. YOU ARE SO STUPID.

Oh, and Zhao / Fire Lord Ozai's various conversation about Zhao going into a lost temple and finding a scroll which will lead them to victory. They had to constantly bring it up because M Night doesn't believe that the audience has the capacity to understand what is going on. If we don't get to see Zhao getting the scrolls which contained this awesome secret, we don't really need to hear about him doing it five times. They could have excised all of those scenes and just had Zhao show up at the end.

3) Pacing: Trying to fit 440 minutes of content into 100 minutes.
Obviously, the movie will not be a direct translation simply because of the time contraints.
I understand that not every single line of dialogue or every single episode can be filmed. There's just a problem when Aang, Kitara, and Sokka arrives at the Southern Air Temple, and they didn't know each other's names.

Another example of pacing issue is that the 'romantic' relationship between Princess Yue and Sokka was reduced to one of the many narration dialogues. That's fine, I guess, except that they placed such a great deal of time later on their emotional goodbyes. If time was not spent developing the relationship, then time shouldn't be spent on them at all.

According to casting and promotional posters, the Kyoshi Warriors were going to play a major part with the film. Extending the film by another 20-30 minutes and incorporating more of the episode content would have definitely helped create more rounded characters.

4) Bending / Movement tracking.
I thought that they should have made the computer animation sync more with the movements of the actors. It just seems kinda silly for the actors to swing their arms a couple rotations in front of them just to have the water animation remain the same.

The fire in the fire bending is far too slow. It feels like a really slow fireball that is heading in a direction. I did not like this.

There were scenes lasting about 30 seconds when Aang and Katara are practicing water-bending by doing Tai Chi. Practice is good, except that the movements between the two characters aren't even consistant. One of them would hold their hands together, while the other would have them apart and uneven. The director should have told them to do it again.

What I did like:
Wonderful set/costume design. I loved the 'feel' of the world. The movie made me believe that it was possible for a city to exist like the one in the north pole. Yeah, the artists had the animu to base everything on, but I thought they did it wonderfully.

Zuko's story - I think the actor and character is very consistent with the show. He is driven with the same passion and anger of the series. The only WTF moment is after he kidnaps Aang, we see that Zuko has been having a soliloquy while staring out the window. Didn't need to see that, and its not really the appropriate time. I just wish that we had seen Iroh try and calm Zuko down some more. The Iroh/Zuko relationship is one of the best in the series.

Summary:

It feels to me that The Last Airbender could have genuinely been a good film. The set designs were there. The whole concept about the look was spot on. There were problems with dialogue, which can't easily be fixed. There is definitely a problem with some of the pacing. Hopefully there will be a director's cut that can somehow salvage this mess. Reincorporate some of the other side stories and cut around the stilted dialogue.

I really do wish to see a second and third installments, but I wouldn't want to have the same writer involved. I think he's a capable director and a good producer.

The Last Airbender was directed, produced, and written by M. Night Shyamalan

!

2010-06-23T00:40:00.001-07:00

Day 25 – Prague’s Viet-town and Munchen

2010-06-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

In the morning we went to the Viet town in Prague. Apparently there is a huge Vietnamese population in Prague due to a soviet communism exchange program. (Vietnam is communist, and the Czech republic was under Russian control.) Many Vietnese people stayed in the Russian Federation so there is apparently a lot of Vietnese people everywhere. Interesting stuff.

We took the train and then a bus to Viet town. According to our Viet Friend, there is supposed to be a bustling market, but it turns out that the market is more of a distributor for goods made in Vietnam. That is, the items are only sold by the dozen. Of course we had Vietnamese food. Had another beefy noodle thing.

Spent the rest of the day agonizing in the car. We were planning to drive to the bridge and castle, but that was the biggest mistake in the history of mistakes. What would have taken us 30 minutes by public transit ended up taking 2 hours by vehicle. There also simply isn’t any parking space in the touristy parts.

We arrived at Munich late in the evening, and vent immediately for the world famous (or at least German famous) Hobflaradfausdfagafalsdfagtn Bar. It is the biggest and liveliest bar in Germany. The reason for that is that it is the brewery for some of the best beer in the world. Om nom nom.

Day 24 – Berlin to Prague

2010-06-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

I just couldn’t stay away from Asian food. Went to another Vietnamese place in the morning for lunch. Om nom nom. Beef noodles.

The drive to Prague took way too long, but it was ultimately worth it. Arrived at probably 7-8 pm. There was a restaurant right at the Hostel, which is the most impressive one I’ve seen. The food wasn’t that great, but there’s everything at this hostel, and it was cheap. Had some pizza and some Czech Goulash. We rented all 8 rooms for the 5 of us, which cost a fraction compared to other cities. Internet was free and flowing. Everything is good

Day 23 – Berlin, Wall

2010-06-12T15:57:00.002-07:00

Five hour drive to Berlin. Arrived at approximately 3pm. It was at the autobahn that our car broke the 200km/hr barrier. I would post photos, but I don’t want to have any incriminating evidence of any sort.

The architecture of Berlin is a little bit interesting. I’m guessing because of the Berlin Wall, there were different styles on each side as time went on. The east side seems more heavily focused on the ‘red’ Moscow-ish buildings.

Just walked around most of the day. Saw a big giant bear, an inverted ‘little Paris’ section in a mall. It was here that I met a group of travelers from Hong Kong. By meet, I mean I just followed them and acted like I couldn’t understand the language. Was particularly funny when a bunch of them had trouble ordering meat at the fancy French meat place. The staff was speaking English in a French accent trying to explain to the Chinese why they’re getting charged more while in Germany.

Went to a really boring museum. Afterwards, we went to see a boring old victory celebration thingy.

The Berlin wall was interesting. Apparently it is illegal to deface or vandalize the walls, but not because of historical significance. All along the wall, there are murals and paintings with the whole hippy message of one world, everyone being prisoners, love one another, etc. I saw some that were painted in 2004. I liked some of them, but others are way too abstract for a 30 second viewing experience. The rain interrupted and cut the day short.

Ate dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant which was by the train station. I enjoyed the meal and thought it was delicious and fair-priced.

At the hostel, I watched the finale of Lost. Disappointment.

Day 22 – Nurburing (Race track), Koln (Cologne)

2010-06-12T15:52:00.000-07:00

From Amsterdam, we took a train to Essen and picked up our car. I got to ride in a VW Jetta or whatever.

Brian had the BMW car. I was stuck with the naked one for the entirety of the driving trip.

So, from Essen, we were supposed to drive to Nurburing, which is a race track that is apparently quite popular in the Grand Turismo games. Brian told us that we were going to get some food first. We didn’t. His aggressive driving caused us to lose track of his car. At this point, we didn’t know where our hotel/hostel is, so we had no way of meeting up with the rest of the people. All we knew was that Brian wanted to race his car. We got to Nurburing at approximately 1 pm. We waited a while to see if Brian shows up, but he never did. The naked one and I were definitely at the correct place. It was the place where we ordered our ticket to ‘race’ on the track. There was only one parkade, so we decided to just park and have a siesta (nap) while waiting for them. Three hours passed without interruption. The chance of meeting them now is incredibly low. If only we had a way to communicate with the other group.

We were ready to leave to head to Berlin, which was our next stop after staying in Koln. By chance, we stopped and turned into a parking lot. Didn’t see anything, so we were about to head out. At the last possible second before we turned, a car honked. It was Brian. We met up and spent a little time on the tracks.

When we got to Koln, we went for a mexican dinner. Om nom nom. Delicious. I had spare ribs.