Do you have to know where your spouse is 100% of the time?  Is he or she only allowed to do things that you want to do or that you approve of?

Now, having somewhere specific and knowing where your spouse is can be a good accountability system, but if you or your spouse has to always report in, and does not feel that they have time that they can call their own and space that they can call their own, you’re probably setting up “the perfect storm.”

People like to do certain things, and take possession of certain things.  A husband needs to make sure that his wife’s wants are met as well as her needs.  He needs to provide for her and make her comfortable.  Whatever’s in reason, he should try to provide.

But a wife needs to also know that a man also needs time to pursue his passions—well, both of you do.  If you do not have time to do things you like, then you have work and chores.  We’re built to want to have some down time, and that means that sometimes you have to do what he or she wants to do, but other times it’s your turn.

Learn to do things together that are relaxing as well as trying what your spouse likes.  And sometimes, the best thing that you can do is let your spouse spend some alone time—in the same house or out with friends.  It’ll help both of you recharge.

You may believe that your husband should have his hobbies and you can have yours, and that both of you can be happy pursuing your own thing on your own time.  To some extent, it was probably true.  You see, you both entered into a relationship with things that you liked to do.

However, you both learned to do some of the things that the other person liked to do, and you spent time with each other.  That time that you invested in your spouse is part of the glue that holds you two together. 

What you do together increases your feelings of love for each other because it associates positive experiences with that other person.

So, if you do not take the time to try and participate in each other’s hobbies, you are leaving that time open—that experience open—for just your spouse or for someone else to get involved.

I’d recommend never getting involved in a hobby with a person of the opposite sex for either of you.  I’d further recommend that you lose the hobby before you’d open yourself to that kind of temptation.  But I’d suggest that you take the time to at least give your spouse’s hobby a fair chance.

You never know—you may end up liking it!

Do you want to know why this man is angry?  Because his wife noticed that he got his haircut—today.  He had it done the day before.

Have you gotten to the point in your marriage when you begin to not notice changes in your spouse?  Perhaps it’s weight they’re losing, or the fact that they are wearing something that they like.

You need to make sure that you pay attention to each other, and you don’t get to the stage where you aren’t admiring what they look like.

Especially if they have a twin!

It was eight years ago today that my wife and I said “I do” in a small church that was her home church.  We had met online and she came near to my hometown to go to college.

I proposed to her on February 6th, nine months after we had begun dating, and we were married July 7, 2001.

Three kids later, with the fourth on the way, I can say that I love her more each day, and that I’m so blessed that it is she who is at my side—and that’s no lie.

For many parents, once they have had children they can’t imagine leaving them behind anywhere, with anyone.  They are constantly occupied with thinking about them when they are away from them.  They fear the worst might happen.

I’ve only been away from my children a few times since I’ve been a parent.  It’s difficult to get a babysitter you can trust, and it’s difficult to plan these types of things with the demands on your daily schedule.

But do you let your fear, or the fact that you have children, limit your ability to get away from them?

To some, what I’m saying is anathema.  “Children are the responsibility of the parents,” they say, “and how will children learn if the parents are not there.”  Another expression may be “Your idea of the perfect vacation is one you take with the kids. You would never hear of going away somewhere just with your spouse, even though you have many viable baby-sitting options.” [33 Surefire Ways to Screw Up Your Marriage]

The truth is, everyone needs a break, and as much as you love your children, they are a source of stress at time.  Just nod your head yes—you know it’s true.

Planning a vacation away from them means time and energy devoted to finding the right sitter and the right place (comfortable distance, etc.), but your sanity is worth it, as is the refreshment of being away and returning.

It’s time for you to consider getting away and seeing what a break can do for you and your family.  It’s not that all vacations have to be just the two of you, but if you’ve taken even a short break you know that what I’m saying is true.

When he was just your boyfriend you couldn’t get enough time together.  It didn’t matter what you were doing—the movies, dinner, miniature golf, etc.—you were happy just because you were together.

When you got married, things changed a bit—there was another “activity” that was thrown into the mix, and you started doing all your meals together.

When you add your first child, the dynamics of the family change again, such that you start spending time and focusing on the child’s development.

So my question is, have you stopped dating?

It’s hard.  There’s a lot of time constraints, and it’s difficult to plan when things are constantly changing and you seem to have things that are vying for your time and attention.  But you did it when you were in high school and college…

Because it was important to you.

So, when is the last time that you’ve been on a date?  I know, like you, I’m thinking about this and planning to get one together now.

There’s no excuse.  Pick up that phone, get the babysitter, make the reservation, and get away with some quality time for just the two of you.  You won’t be sorry you did.

When’s the last time that he’s told you how attractive you are to him?  If it hasn’t been a while, that’s not necessarily because he doesn’t think you are.

A lot goes into a relationship.  The more that each spouse puts in, the more that they get out.  Here’s some reasons the man in your life may not have told you recently how attractive you are to him:

He’s been distracted

Has your husband been consumed with some task around the house or at work?  Is he under stress?

Chances are that if he’s got heavy matters on his mind he may not be paying as much attention to you as he would like to.

All you have to do is to make sure that you’re present, and maybe surprise him by wearing something that he likes or giving him a massage.  Chances are he’ll take notice!

He’s Holding a Grudge

Relationships are reciprocal—as we mentioned above.  If he feels that he is not getting recognized, he could be withholding recognition in revenge.

Take a look around at what he’s been doing.  If you see that he’s doing something he didn’t usually do, compliment him on it and see where that leads!

You’re In Your PJs all Day

True, pajamas are relaxing, and who wants to get dressed up and looking good when you don’t have to leave the house.  The thing is, when you were dating you’d spend hours on your appearance just to please him¹.

Take inventory of how you’re dressed and how you present yourself.  Surprise him some night when he gets home from work with how good you look—remember, he may be working with women who have prepared themselves for the day.

He’s Feeling Worthless

Men derive part of who they are from their wives.  They feel accomplishment when she places her trust in him and looks to him as a leader.  If you’re constantly berating him—whether or not he complains he may manifest his sorrow in silence.

If you build each other up, your marriage will be happier and healthier.  I’m not saying lie, but what I am saying is focus on the positive.

Conclusion

If none of these work, it’s time to have a conversation about what’s going on, what’s changed.  It may be that there’s a problem more severe that’s going on, or it may be that there’s something I haven’t mentioned.  Hopefully it’s the latter.

Take care of your relationship—it’s special!

1. Yes, guys are guilty of this same thing!

It bothers you so much, that if he does something to help, you don’t acknowledge what he does either—because it’s only fair, right?

Marriage is more than a friendship or a business partnership, it’s a mutual relationship that’s designed to help both of you meet each other’s needs.  Simply because one member of the relationship isn’t meeting needs does not mean that the other should withhold as well.

The correct solution is for a conversation to be had about needs, and where the spouses are lacking.  Once you’ve had this conversation, I’m sure you’ll be better equipped to help one another, and he’ll be more aware of what he’s missing.

There’s no reason for either spouse to not have their needs of appreciation met, the only excuse is that there wasn’t communication to state what those needs were!

Flirting.  It could be used as a derogatory term¹ to say that you’re never serious about a person or a relationship.  It could be something that you do without knowing it to have fun or to gain attention.

However, there are a lot of flirting myths out there, and we’re here to tackle 5 of them today—right before your very eyes.  So sit back, smile, and look at these below:

1. It’s Harmless

Of those that flirt, many believe it to be harmless.  Some believe that they are just being friendly, while others look at it as a way to communicate.  The problem is that communication is a two way street.  You may know what messages you are sending, but you cannot control what messages they may be receiving.

Whether it’s the guy that falls for the girl who really wasn’t that interested in him to something more severe, flirting carries the power of attraction and conveys a sense of openness that may or may not be meant.  Hence why the use of the derogatory earlier—the implied meaning is that you may think that the guy or girl likes you when in reality they are either out to use you or just having fun.

Flirting is not harmless because it effects two different people—the person that you’re flirting with and your spouse.

2. My Husband Understands

It may be true that your spouse understands, but that doesn’t mean that they necessarily approve.  The cute conversation you have with the waiter or the bank teller could be seen by that person as an advance—or your husband might perceive it as such, especially if you don’t talk that way with him.

If you’re not cutesy or flirty with him, but you are with strangers, what does that say to him?

3. My Husband Knows

Men like to hear that they’re the object of their wives desire.  They like the feeling of knowing that the girl that he’s with is his alone.  Now, if you’re telegraphing availability to others—and he’ll know when you do—then what do you think that does to him?

4. He’s Doing it all the Time As Well

You may see him be flirty when you are present, and then wonder if he’s that way when you’re not.  He may be, he might not be.  The trick is that both spouses should get into the habit (if they aren’t already) of talking up their spouses when they are with the opposite sex.  There should be no question in the mind of any woman or man that you’re already taken.

5. There’s No One I Can Flirt With

That’s not true—it’s perfectly fine to flirt with your spouse.  In fact, I encourage it!

1. She’s such a flirt!

You don’t ever do this, do you?  Do you cook his least favorite meal on purpose to try to teach him a lesson?

There is a lot of truth to the statement that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  So if you’re not taking the time to learn how to cook something well, you’re likely hurting your own relationship.

Hey, don’t look at me, I’m just trying to help you out!