The core members of The Neverclaim

This story begins in 2013 when I first heard a song called My Soul Longs by a band called The Neverclaim – This song had an incredible Nashville-esque twang that drew me in immediately, because at the time one of my favorite bands was Needtobreathe. I loved the elements and instrumentation that went with this worshipful and emotion-laced plea of longing for the coming of the risen Lord. My heart felt the same longing, and I remember rushing out and buying the CD and began the repetitive cycle of listen and fall even more deeply in love with the lyrics and music of that CD.

I spent the next year listening to them and becoming the superfan that I currently am. In the middle of summer there is a large festival of Christian music on the lake shore in Muskegon, MI called Unityfest. Out of chance I happened to discover that the Neverclaim was going to perform on one of the days so I snagged a couple tickets, and my wife and I were off to hear them. We placed our chairs in the grass and waited anxiously.

After they introduced themselves to the crowd, I watched intently as they took the stage and began playing their set. After the first couple songs Jeremiah Carlson, the band’s lead vocalist and lyricist, raised a quick prayer over the crowd and continued to speak of the God in Heaven that I believe in; a God who wants nothing more than to be in a true relationship with His children, a God who longs for the revival of His children through Jesus Christ.

The sentiments that Jeremiah preached about resonated with my heart and I was completely drawn into the atmosphere of worship that The Neverclaim brought me into. Through their music I could see that they weren’t just performing a scripted set of music, the music and the lyrics truly were the bands prayers and their hearts there for all to see, unabashed. The Neverclaim had come to the stage not to grandstand but to truly lift their passionate words up to the Father in Heaven. It was beautiful and soul-affirming to watch those men lift Jesus higher than their own status.

The worshipful ambiance that The Neverclaim brought me into was astounding. I remember sitting there under the beautiful blue sky and brilliant sunlight with my eyes closed just basking in the lyrics that Jeremiah sang. He sang about the thoughtfulness of being drawn together as believers, sang about the power and might of Christ, sang about the surrendering of his own heart and he sang a passionate prayer for God’s children to have their hearts stolen from a broken world.

There just aren’t words to truly express the gravity of the emotions that Jeremiah was able to draw out from my heart, and as I’m sure he would retort to that statement saying that “We never want to claim God’s glory as our own” – and that is the sentiment that permeates every song they sing.

It’s God’s glory, always.

Jeremiah, Mitch, Me, Brycen and Keely - Tulip Time (May 2015)

My story continues about a year or so later when I hear that the Neverclaim is coming out to Holland, MI as part of Tulip Time in conjunction with one of our local Christian radio station JQ99. They were going to hold a small acoustic concert outside of a local coffee hotspot, so my wife and I packed up our nearly 3 year old son and went on a short road trip to Holland on the chilly overcast May morning and sit down front and center as they get ready to bring their hearts out on display. They played a few of the songs that I loved so dearly and then they introduced some new music that they were working on. Quite inevitably, I fell in love with their new songs and I felt drawn to their ministry and worship. I bought the preorder of the CD, and waited anxiously for their second album, “The Joy” to release. Once it was available, I downloaded the tracks and quite literally have had them on repeat for the last month.

The album starts off on a high note with the title track of The Joy. The song exudes the emotion itself it is a joyful trip into the seeking of your own faith and finding the joy and peace of knowing the grace and love of God forever. With a great electric guitar rhythm and a sustaining drum beat, The Joy kicks the album off with a solid reminder of what true joy is. The delightfully insightful lyrics continue into the hook of the next track, Dance with God.

                “Why be downcast oh my soul? We’ve been reconciled to the Father. Our lives are changed forever-more. Burdens lifted, chains are gone. Hear the declaration of the father. Get ready, get set – let’s go. Dance with God. Dance with God. We rejoice and laugh and sing forever in His love. Dance with God.”

The energy continues into the third track with the catchy electronic beat of Jesus Is which expounds on the truth that Jesus is alive and moving inside us. In this song we are given the concept that Jesus is alive forever, hope, life, all I need, everything good in me and the reasons why we’re alive; rather than focusing on the idea that Jesus was alive – we should always look at Him as being alive in us. The Neverclaim brings the energy down a bit as they approach a mellower introspective look at the world around us in the fourth track Go before calling us to the truth that we were made to go and spread the Joy in our hearts to the community and the world around us. Jeremiah sings about the desperation in the world and how we need to move within the world bringing the love of our God to all people and ramps up into a call to action to move in faith that God will bring new life. These introspective lyrics continue in the middle tracks on the album.

In the fifth track Everything we are reminded of the relationship that Jesus wants to have with us. He wants us to bring everything to him no matter the circumstance. He cares about it all, everything in your life. Ultimately through all the ups and downs; the fears and guilt, the needs and desires inside of us- God wants to hear about it all. He wants us to talk with Him constantly and effortlessly. If the following song, Our God Wins, we are given a powerful reminder that our God wins no matter what comes before us we can find hope in His ultimate victory.

“I may be pulled back like a bow and arrow, with him the tension that’s where hope begins. He is the victory, even the enemy knows how the story ends. Our God wins!”

No matter how we may feel, it’s when the tension rises that we find our strength in knowing that our hope in God is well placed, because He will find victory. Always.

Rise Up is a beautiful paean and a call to action to rise as a community, as a body of believers. We have the power to change the world when we band together and focus on what really matters. Jeremiah calls out to each and every person to fix their lives on Jesus, to stand strong so that we can live love and preach hope. This is more than just a statement; it’s a reminder that by rising up we have the power to change our own perspective as well as the world surrounding us. Rules and Reigns brings the Neverclaim’s music back down to its acoustic roots as we are reminded that Heaven and earth are His domain. Before our King all nations will shake and eventually sing His praise because He reigns over all and cannot be silenced.

One of the final songs is my personal favorite of the album, Mighty Men of God. It starts on an arpeggio acoustic picking pattern and builds into another anthemic song reaching out specifically to the men of the church, to empower them to stand firm to the faith in Christ. Jeremiah sings about the truth that standing as a man of God is a difficult road, but we all have the strength to be mighty men of God fighting for our family, striving to live a life that mirrors Christ as he pursued the Church. The world, no matter the attack, cannot touch us because we find our strength in the One who is mightier than we could ever be. We are left with a beautiful chorus reminding us that we can take courage in knowing that our hope, our joy, our peace and our strength comes from our mighty God and He has made us for these days.

The Joy is one of those albums that just exudes the worshipful hearts that the men in the Neverclaim have to share with anyone who will listen to their words. It's been a blessing to my own heart to listen to their music, and I believe that it will be a blessing to yours as well so go out and pick up the CD or head over to their website here and download the digital copy directly and listen to it now. Like seriously, right now.

FIND THE NEVERCLAIM ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius

I had never heard this quote before, and it honestly got my brain whirring. When someone I respect offers me advice or criticism, I take it and devour every word. Words have a strong influence on my life and my actions. I've always been very literate; words hold much more meaning to me than actions. I've seen actions be hollow and callous. I've watched as good deeds turned sour by the words that accompanied it. I've felt actions in motion as though it was only routine. As if the actions were done solely because it was expected. Whereas I feel that words have power that deeds do not. Words can build, words can destroy. Words can empower, words can undermine. Words have meaning no matter how they are used or interpreted. Words can be offered, words can also be withheld.

So knowing that words hold high esteem to me, this Confucius quote really struck me, because it made me think about my past so I thought I would take you on a little journey today.

I've always been the guy who never felt confident in much of anything. All through high school I traveled along the edge of the hallway. I never ventures out of my comfort zone. I never tried out for a sport, because I assumed I wouldn't make the cut. I never asked to be challenged, because I knew that I would float by exactly where I was. I never sought out the 'popular' groups, because I didnt want to be ostracized. I never talked to the pretty girls, never talked to most girls actually, because who in their right mind would want to be seen with me? -- This was my comfort zone: my daily mantra was "never stray, never falter. Always find level water, always find the easiest way." I spent most of my life avoiding the things that I could fail doing. If I were to fall and fail at something then it would prove that I was no good and had zero skills to offer.

Now, before you say thats untrue and that everyone has something to offer, I want you to understand what was going through my head. As I'm sure its been the same thing you or someone you know has been thinking.  I grew up without a dad, my parents were divorced before I had a chance to have a father to teach me what it meant to be a man and how I had what it took to achieve and that i had something to offer. He spent some time with me but I never really felt like he was there. Often times he was more invested in his own achievements and his career than he seemed to be interested in my growth.

See how that interaction over the years would lead me to start internalizing the idea that I dont have anything to offer? My thoughts, my words, my actions would all be futile because ultimately there was something better out there and everyone was bound to find that better option; or at least that's how my brain percieved the world around me.

Back to the Confucius quote: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - I kept assuming that I was finding glory in never falling at things. I believed for so long that if I never stepped out of my comfort zone, I would ever fall and that was my glory. My glory was in being 'good enough' but as I've grown and matured, I've started to see the bigger picture in front of me. I'm nearly 30, married for to a beautiful woman, inside and out; and we're waiting for our second son to arrive this fall. Since I graduated high school up to recently, I've been focused on just surviving and never truly living and loving in the depths of what this life can truly offer.

Some of you may know this, but years ago I started writing a novel of sorts, I actually have started on 3, but one in particular was where I found a great deal of my pride, because remember words hold special meaning to me. My words that I had poured out onto the pages were as close to the whispers and echoes of my own soul as I had ever gotten. I was opening my soul to the world around me and slowly letting people read my words, at least that is until someone used their words to tear down my work - at that point I quit writing, I only offered the occasional blog post here and there, nothing that could be judged or critiqued because, going back to my mantra of "never stray, never falter. Always find lever water, always find the easiest way" gave my heart protection and comfort from falling and not being able to get back up.

It was through a few conversations with this friend of mine that I was inspired to step back into writing my novel. She reminded me that everyone fails, everyone has dreams and goals, but it's the ones who step out and let their words be heard that wind up finding their glory. If for nothing more than to inspire others as she has inspired me I thought that I would put these words down on digital paper for a simple reminder that when all is said and done it's those who choose to live in their passions that find what it is that they are looking for, they find their glory in every attempt: through failure and success.

…fake it till you make it…

More often than not, it seems like I fall into that I haven’t got a clue frame of mind, but I keep pressing forward even though it weighs heavy on my soul. It’s a heavy burden to try to carry all those personas and still have any semblance of purpose. It feels like you’re just moving forward because it would mean you’re a failure if you don’t. If you fail then that means,

As a husband, you lose a soulmate. 
As a worker, you lose a job. 
As a supporter, you seem weak. 
As a good man, you wind up alone. 
As a present father, you sacrifice your childs future.

A few weeks ago, when I hit my metaphorical wall, I could tell that I just had lost track of my direction. I was just angry. I was frustrated with how lost I felt and how off balance I was. I was just at my wits end, and I snapped at Brycen. I usually have a really long fuse, but something about that day just made everything worse. He was crying, but I didn’t really care (I know that sounds uncaring and harsh, but it was genuinely what I felt). I had Brycen finish his lunch then told him that it was nap time and that daddy needed some alone time. He went down for his nap and I was still overwhelmed, so I prayed about it. I sat down for a little less than an hour while Brycen was napping. I sat down and did nothing. No video games. No TV shows. No cell phone. Nothing. I just sat in silence in my basement and had a conversation. It was one sided. I vented. I spoke my mind. I let it all out. I was just there for that hour. In my mind I was just yelling about how much I couldn’t bear being a failure and that I needed more strength to carry my family. I needed more direction to lead my family. I needed more will to maintain my calm at work. I needed so much from God, and I wasn’t being given any of it.

It was the longest hour of silence ever. I didn’t hear anything back. In hindsight, I just wasn’t listening.

I gave up after that hour and went about my day, just figuring that I was just being childish and I needed to man up as society would tell me. I went about my business and just pushed the last hour out of my mind until my son Brycen woke up from his nap. I was sitting in the living room chair watching something on Netflix, he came out and climbed up into my lap and he finished my conversation from earlier. Now mind you, he’s 2 & 1/2, so this was our conversation:

Did you have a good nap little man?
uh-huh, yeah.
What do you want to do today?
*no answer*
Brycen? do you want to play with your trains?
*still no answer*
Brycen, do you want to play cars?
*no answer again*
Are you still tired bud?
no. *matter-of-factly*
You just want to sit here?
uh-huh, yeah.
Okay little man, daddy is a-okay with that.
uh-huh, yeah.
*we sat there for 15 minutes before either one of us said a word*
Daddy. *Brycen pointed at my chest*
yes, Brycen?
Daddy. *pointing again*
yes, Brycen, I’m daddy. do you want to go play now?
No. Daddy. *pointing harder into my chest*
What bud?
Like daddy. Brycen like daddy.
You like daddy?
No. Brycen like daddy too.
You’re like daddy?
uh-huh, yeah.
*this is where he wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my chest again*
Brycen like daddy. I love you daddy.
*we just sat there for another 10 minutes with his face buried against my chest before we got up and played with his trains*

If there was ever a time when I could feel my heart just drop. it was right then. Even after shouting at him no more than 3 hours earlier, Brycen came climbing up into my lap and he was telling me that he was just like me. That he wanted to be just like me. I didn’t understand it until later, but in his eyes I am nothing less than everything he wants to be. In all of my fears of inadequacy, my fears of unimportance, my fears of failure, my fears of weakness, my fears of being, well …me – none of that mattered. In Brycen’s eyes, he didn’t see any of that. he knows he can run up to me and I will lift him up and hold him in my strong arms and I won’t let him fall. He can come up to me and know that I’ll look him in the eyes and make him know that he’s important. He can grab my leg and pull me in 18 different directions and I’ll just go with it. He can sit on my lap and wrap my arms around him and know that he’s safe. He answered all those questions that I was shouting towards God. He reminded me that I am more than adequate to be called his Father. If he thinks that I’m good enough to be that, then I must be good enough for everything else that I feared I may not be.

It’s always going to be a struggle, our society puts so much focus on being the best and never having faults. But we are all flawed. Deeply. To our cores, we are flawed. Every single one of us. But we strive for fullness, we strive for healing because that is what our Father God is. He is fullness. He is faithful. He is diligent. He is strong. He is good. he is present even when we can’t always hear Him there.

Being a present father has always been one of my biggest fears. My father wasn’t, and I promised myself I would be there, but it was always fear that I couldn’t lay down. Until Brycen reminded me that I could, but it’s a daily task of laying it all down at the foot of the cross, and lifting it all up to our saviour Jesus Christ.

Come to me, all you who
are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.
– Matthew 11:28

So daily, I try to lay it down. I don’t always succeed, but nevertheless I owe it to my family and to myself to rest on his strength and not my own.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And this has made all the difference.
– Robert Frost (The Road Not Taken)

I turn 30 this year. It’s a little more of a  significant birthday than we emphasize others. But from the sense of you’ve lived one more year and traveled further and experienced more it's fairly significant. I did some retrospective soul-digging this year, as I do every year, and looked at this road that I’ve been on. There were several moments in my life where I could have chosen different road that diverged in the wood as Robert Frost so eloquently phrased.

Lets limit this retrospective to the last 5 years. In 5 years, I’ve held nearly 10 jobs, found a job through Craigslist that I see being a career position, had 2 significant relationships (one of which I discovered was far from right for me, and the second I discovered was exactly who I wanted to spend my life with), married that second woman, bought a home, watched as my first son was brought into the world, supported my wife as she finishes her Elementary Ed. degree, spent long days and sleepless nights working to provide for my family, watched as my son grew right before my eyes, discovered what it felt like to live on the one too few paychecks in a month, found comfort in having a little extra on the paycheck to live off of, learned that I get to experience the ups and downs as we welcome another boy into the world this fall, and learned where to find my happiness and joy each day.

If, 5 years ago you would have told me that I’d experience all these things; I’d have thought you lost your mind. I wasn’t even sure what my tomorrow looked like, let alone had any plans to make any of those experiences happen. In these last 5 years there were obviously so many changes and with each of those changes came a path diverging in the woods. The one moment that sticks out in my mind is when I first met my wife. I remember it plain as day, and she laughs at me every time that I remind her about it. I remember how she had her hair, I remember what she was wearing, I remember most of our conversation, I remember the smells, the sounds, the entire experience. Overall, I have a very vivid recollection of the various important moments in my life. The moments where I had choice, and by making one choice I may have never had another opportunity to choose the other road. Part of that is how my brain works. Call it what you will, all I know is that my memories are almost as vivid as reality.

Meeting my wife was one of the more memorable moments of my life. I saw her, and my heart (as cheesy as it sounds) skipped a beat. She was as beautiful a woman as I had ever seen, and I was dumbfounded that she would even talk to me. I remember blinking and thinking that I was imagining it all, but I opened my eyes and there she was. I probably looked as dumb as I felt.

Yet, meeting her almost didn’t happen. 3 months earlier, I had started in a probationary training period in a customer call center. I was going through the training, and I’ve always been good on the phone talking to people and defusing situations so it came fairly natural to me. I was near the end of my training and I got sick, really sick, missing lengthy periods of time at work sick, and they had a very strict ‘no absence’ policy. When I came back to work, they brought me into the conference room and asked me lots of questions, and it all boiled down to whether my getting sick was a sub-conscious attempt to get out of working. They wanted to know if this job was what I wanted to do or not. Apparently they had seen it before in other employees. They asked me to think about it and have an answer before the end of my training period. So, I thought about it. And that day I filled out an application for a different job at a local lawn & garden supplier. I left the call center that next day. As I walked out my phone rang and it was this lawn & garden supplier calling to set up an interview to be a cashier as retail was my most extensive work experience to that point. I showed up that afternoon and met the head cashier, Carol. She nearly hired me on the spot, but had to get it verified by the store manager. Carol called me back that night and offered me the job. I started training that weekend, and that’s when I met my wife. Day 2 of my training was with her.

I came to a road diverging in a wood, when I was asked if i wanted to work at the call center, and I chose to take the road that most don’t... I left the job on a whim, if you will. I stood there and envisioned what I could see down both and I chose to walk out of a job that was willing to work with me even though I lost time. I left a potential career because that wasn’t where I wanted to be, and as Robert Frost writes: “...and this has made all the difference.”

There’s no way that I could have known what was waiting for me down the road that I chose, but somehow there was a greater story being written for my life, that I would come to discover was exactly what I needed. I know that this isn’t quite what Robert Frost is getting at in his poem, but I believe that we are always given a choice in how our story is written. Our Father above doesn’t have our story written in stone and He’s just sitting up there reading it and watching us act it out. I believe that He is actively writing down our story as we are living it. He knows every situation and every outcome; He is the Beginning and the End, He is without time and is ever-present which is how He can be writing our story with us. I think He wove in this diverging path for me so that I could eventually see the beauty of what He had in store. I believe that He created my wife to be my match. The Yin to my Yang. The peanut butter to my jelly. The french to my toast. …. but even though He created us to become one, He had to bring me to her in a way that would resonate with both of our souls.

For me, I needed to find her when I did because I was longing to pursue someone and to chase after her heart in only the way that I know how. I needed to find her and I wanted to show her that she was a beautiful creature, and perfect exactly the way she was. That is how I envisioned meeting my wife.

For Keely, my wife, I think that she needed to see how desperately I chased her. She wanted to know that I saw her for her and that I would pursue her through every storm. I believe that she needed to feel what being pursued felt like. She needed to feel precious, to feel a man look at her and see pure beauty.

Our roads crossed and I never looked back. She is what has made all the difference to me. All of the last 5 years has happened because of one choice that I made. Because of one road I walked, I found my happiness. My happiness is my family. A family joined when two roads merged in a yellow wood.

I will run
Oh and I won’t quit
Chasing Your heart
Just like David did
I’ll come running
Through the gates
Looking to Your face
Oh I can hardly wait
Until You carry my soul
Carry my soul away

It’s from a Phil Wickham song called “Carry my Soul”, and its where I’m trying to get my heart and mind to. I put this song on repeat and just let it sink in for a while. He sings about chasing God’s heart like David did. David is always revered as a man after God’s own heart, I’ve always loved the story of David. He was a sinner. a liar. a murderer. an adulterer. Plagued with inaction. …And at times, several times actually, a failure as a man and a father.

Yet, he’s the perfect example of the man I hope to emulate some day. I pray that my heart can be exemplified as his was. No matter how far he strayed, he found favor with God, and found his way back to forgiveness and repentance; true repentance (confession & submission) is a two sided coin. Sometimes, I think that overall we come to the conclusion that only finishing half is enough; confession OR submission. We don’t ever truly come to a point of true repentance. We confess our sins to someone that we can confide in to unburden ourselves (and in turn that’s our form of repenting). It’s not easy to confess your sins to someone, but it always feels like a weight lifted off your shoulders, and I’m afraid that more often than naught we consider that enough. We take a queue from King David, and consider this enough:

“Then David confessed to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the Lord.’
Nathan replied, ‘Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin.'” -2 Samuel 2:13

David was forgiven of his sins. Bing! Bang! Boom! Score one for David. Brush the dust off your hands, it’s done… But, sadly that can’t be the end of the story. There’s a second step to reach true repentance – taking our sins to God and asking for His mercy.This is often the hardest part, at least I know it is for me. I can pray for forgiveness. I can pray to God and ask for the strength to move on beyond my sins and failures. But, if I truly assessed my prayer life, I honestly don’t know that I have ever asked for His mercy on my life.

There’s a difference between forgiveness and mercy. I believe that forgiveness is a facet of – a part of – mercy. Mercy is shown through forgiveness. Through is the keyword there, without forgiveness there is no mercy. Mercy is the continuation of your repentant prayer. David understood this concept. It wasn’t enough to just confess his sins to Nathan, even though it was proclaimed that ‘the Lord has forgiven you’. He had to confess his failure, his inadequacy, his weakness, his humanity. He had to truly lay it down and ask for mercy. God forgives because of His love and mercy for His people.

Praying with a repentant heart for mercy is emotional. It’s messy. It’s hard. It’s being vulnerable. It’s a step of faith. Psalm 51 is regarded as David’s prayer or repentance during his time with Nathan after committing adultery with Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgement against me is just.
For I was born a sinner –
Yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
But you desire honesty from the womb,
teaching me wisdom even there.

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me –
now let me rejoice.
Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the Joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
Unseal my lips, O Lord,
than my mouth may praise you.

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
– Psalm 51:1-17

Did you hear it? Did you hear why his heart is what I want mine to be like? Look at the progression in David’s prayer through the Psalm.

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love… — David asks first for mercy, because he understands the truth of who God is. God is love. God is compassion. God is merciful. He reaches up to the God who can wash him clean from his sins and his guilt. So often, I feel that we just assume this part of the prayer, and we don’t actually claim it as Truth.

For I recognize my rebellion, it haunts me day and night, against you, and you alone have I sinned… — David is starting to grasp the severity of his sins. All sins are the same in God’s eyes. His judgement is against sin, always. David realizes that his sin wasn’t just against that of another man. He sinned in direct conflict against God. His sins were as dark as night to God, yet notice how he finishes this part — your judgement against me is just. — He accepts what God has judged against him, trusting in His wisdom. When we sin, and come before God in prayer, how often do we accept His judgement rather than attempt to bargain for a different answer?

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. — David sees past his sins, and trusts that God will make him new. Davids trust in God is absolute at this point. He’s asking to be made new. To find joy, because he has finally been broken, and he longs for a clean heart. This is the part that we all tend to leave our prayers. We’ve said our peace, and ask for a second chance even though we don’t deserve it. The next part is, I believe, the most important section in the Psalm.

Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the Joy of your salvation, and make me will to obey you. — David ramps it up. He doesn’t just ask for redemption, for restoration, for salvation. David asks to be made willing to obey. We miss this part so often. I know I’ve prayed to be open to God’s leading in my life, but I’ve never asked to be made willing to obey. That just seems so much more dependent on God. Being open to God’s leading… is like saying “show me what you’ve got God, and then I’ll decide if that’s where I actually want to go…” whereas make me willing to obey… is more of an act of reliance, an act of asking to be taught how to follow without hesitation.

David finishes his Psalm out with the ultimate truth of what a prayer is about, and what I seek in my heart. David writes, the sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit, You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. — That is the truth behind David’s heart. He was a broken man. He failed. He sinned. He was human. Yet he pursued God, and found the truth – he was broken. And that’s what God needed. That’s when God is able to carry your soul from here until the ever-after.