life-issues

RAVENS......?

2011-02-14T07:17:00.001-08:00

RAVENS......?
Unclean/Hostile birds yet they served Elijah's table/needs

Thought: Unfriendly situations/people will serve His purpose for your

life in 2011. Believe & keep faith.
1Kings 17:6

True Church

2011-02-14T07:16:00.000-08:00

True Church,
True church is a LIFE of God(Care/Concern/Sharing) quite distinct from

modern/institutionalized church.
Thought: Seek the Lord not the temple
Amos 5:4-6

President Goodluck Jonathan Emerges Presidential Candidate For PDP

2011-01-14T00:06:00.000-08:00

President Goodluck Jonathan has emerged the Presidential Flagbear for the Peoples Democratic Party. He was voted the presidential candidate at Eagles where PDP conducted a hit free primaries. The Primaries/National convention which ended at about 6:32am 14th January, 2011.

Goodluck Jonathan polled 2736 votes to beat Atiku Abubakar who polled 805 votes and Sarah Jibril who got 1 vote.

Total valid votes casted was 3542 and 61 votes was invalid.

It was a well organised and transparent primaries. PDP has really proved a point here.

Jonathan won massively in South South and South East and South West. He also won in almost all the Northern State except in Zamfara, Kano, Sokoto, Niger where Atiku beat him resoundingly. The race was closest in Bauchi where Jonathan got 46 votes and Atiku got 44 votes.

Another interesting thing was that Goodluck beat Atiku in Adamawa, Atiku's home state polling 76 votes to Atiku's 31 votes and Sarah's 0 votes while in Bayelsa Goodluck's home state Goodluck sweeped the table polling 67 votes and Atiku and Sarah got nil.

Skoola political class followed the primaries closely and almost minute by minute. You can get the full report on how the primaries went, things that happened, speechs by each aspirant etc at Skoola Political Class. Click HERE to view the Live update/Timeline of the PDP Presidential Primaries as record by Skoola

The Quest for Certainty

2010-09-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

(How Much Guidance Should We Expect from God? )Rita was in a dead-end relationship and very confused about God's will. She phoned me one evening, anxious for my advice.

She had been through two previous dating relationships where her hopes had been seriously disappointed, she explained. Finally, she had taken a step to keep the pattern from repeating. She told the Lord that she wouldn't date another man unless her mom was confident he was the one she should marry, and she prayed that her mom's approval would be the indication that she had found God's choice. She was bound and determined not to make a mistake about God's will again.

After making her resolution, Tom asked Rita out. Her mom felt that Tom would make an excellent husband for her, so Rita accepted, eagerly hoping she had finally found the man God wanted her to marry. The time with Tom was enjoyable and only intensified her hope. Yet unfortunately six months had now passed, and she hadn't heard from him again.

Rita not only felt rejected, but perplexed about God's will. How could her mother have been so confident that Tom was right for her, yet Tom not be following through? Should she simply assume that Tom was God's choice and continue to wait?

I told Rita that I admired her respect for her mother's opinion. Our parents' counsel can be so beneficial in our big decisions. Yet to expect her mom to know the mind of God unerringly in this matter was to lay a burden on her too great for any human to bear. Rita would ultimately need to make her own decision, weighing her mom's advice along with other factors.

Rita didn't dispute what I said, but in frustration replied, "How, then can I know for certain?" If her mom's advice were not an infallible sign of God's will, in other words, what would be? Here we came to the heart of her dilemma. Rita assumed she could have certainty about God's will for her marriage choice in advance -- apart from discovering it in the step-by-step process of building a relationship. Rather than seeing God's will as something to be discerned through her experience, she assumed it could be found in some external way beforehand.

Waiting for Unmistakable Guidance

The belief that God will give advance certainty of his will is held by many Christians, not only regarding the marriage choice, but about other major decisions as well. It's assumed that if you're spiritually mature enough and properly alert to God, he'll give you a "call" to do something--even before you've made any effort to move in that direction. And this call may be independent of what your experience or logical judgment would otherwise indicate you should do. This notion is often held with the most reverent intentions, to be sure, and I believed it strongly myself as a young Christian.

One unfortunate result of this assumption is immobility. You can wait indefinitely for a clear signal from God and fail to take the very steps that will broaden your experience and give you a basis for understanding what he wants you to do. Or you can get locked into an unfruitful situation. Although Rita's relationship with Tom was going nowhere, she thought in all sincerity that God may have laid a mandate on her to wait for Tom to come to his senses. This made it difficult for her to let go of her hope and take steps toward building other relationships.

No Crystal Ball

Our desire for advance certainty of God's will is only too understandable, and on one level it's commendable. Our greatest concern should be to know God's will and do it. There was much about Rita's attitude to be respected.

Scripture, though, gives us little reason to expect that we will find God's will for our personal choices apart from going through the normal and often challenging process of decision making. This isn't to say that God doesn't guide us or doesn't have a will for our personal decisions--he most certainly does! Yet his guidance typically comes in a subtle, not dramatic fashion. He guides our thinking, as we prayerfully take responsibility to work through decisions. From our standpoint, we may not feel that anything mystical or supernatural is occurring, and it may just seem that we're going through a normal decision-making process. Yet if we have sincerely asked God for direction and want his will, then he is influencing our decision process, and in time his guiding hand in our life often becomes evident.

God can give us unbending certainty of his will in advance, or a dramatic call to do something, to be sure, and on rare occasions he may guide in this way. Scripture, though, never teaches that we should expect this sort of guidance from God or seek it. Rather, we should give our attention to prayerfully making responsible decisions.

Guidance in Paul's Life

Consider the experience of Paul, around whom so much of the New Testament centers. In spite of his remarkable spiritual maturity, his experiences of direct supernatural guidance were very few. Most of his major decisions were made in a practical, step-by-step manner. He rarely had certainty of God's will for his future, but only enough insight for the steps right in front of him.

In 1 Corinthians 16, for example, he tells the Corinthians that he longs to enjoy an extended visit with them. "For I do not want to see you now just in passing; I hope to spend some time with you, if the Lord permits" (v 7 RSV). He goes on to explain, however, that he cannot come to see them right now but is obliged to stay in Ephesus: "But I will stay in Ephesus until Pentecost, for a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries" (vv 8-9 RSV).

If Paul had received a direct revelation from God to stay in Ephesus , he surely would have mentioned it here, for he wanted to give the Corinthians all the evidence he could that he was following God's will by not coming immediately to visit them. He says nothing about receiving dramatic guidance, however, but simply notes two practical factors that influenced his decision: he has an exceptional opportunity to minister ("a wide door for effective work has opened to me"), and he has significant challenges to meet ("there are many adversaries").

It is also interesting that while Paul seems to feel strong conviction about God's will for the present--that he should stay in Ephesus --he is tentative about God's will for his future. He expresses earnest desire to visit the Corinthians, but adds that he'll do so only "if the Lord permits." He stops short of saying that he knows God wants him to go to Corinth or that God has assured him this will happen.

When we carefully study Paul's life, we find that in most situations his conviction about God's will was similar to what it is in this passage. He often had strong confidence about what God wanted him to do in the present. His understanding of God's plan for his future, though, was usually tentative at best. He discovered God's will one step at a time, and many times found himself revising his plans as he moved forward (Acts 16:6-40). This pattern of finding God's will step-by-step was so common in Paul's life, that we may assume it reflects what our own experience with guidance will likely be.

Too Much Guidance Could Hurt Us

When we stop and think about it, there are many reasons why it wouldn't normally be healthy for us to have prior certainty of God's plans for our life. For one thing, we would miss the growth that comes from taking responsibility to work through decisions. Knowing God's long-range intentions for us would sap our incentive to develop our ability to think and make responsible decisions.

In addition, we would be deprived of the sense of adventure that only comes when there is, from the human angle at least, a sense of risk in what we're doing. We shouldn't underestimate the importance of adventure to our health and well-being. God has created us with a significant need for adventure. I am certain that when Jesus promised us abundant life in John 10:10, he was speaking not of a life free from challenge but of one laden with adventure. We shouldn't expect that God will guide us in a way that removes the element of adventure from our decision process.

Furthermore, knowing God's will for our future could be frightening, especially if we had reason to fear what is coming up.

But most important, advance certainty of God's will would diminish our need for trusting Christ. Feeling as though we had him locked in, we would loose our incentive for obedience and for depending on him continually for fresh guidance. We would be inclined to put our faith in our vision, rather than in Christ himself.

Indeed, it's by taking steps with our life when our sight is less than perfect, that we put ourselves in the best position to develop unshakable faith in Christ.

Free to Take Initiative

While we may find it frustrating to face the limits of our knowledge about God's will, there's a liberating side to what we're saying. It's the fact that it's okay to make a major personal decision in the face of less than perfect certainty. We don't have to wait indefinitely for an unmistakable sign from God before going ahead.

Of course we should never be foolhardy in making decisions. We should take care to get the best information we can and to work through a major decision carefully. We should approach it with plenty of prayer and with the highest desire for God's will. Yet when we've made a reasonable effort to pray and think things through, we should feel free to go ahead and make our best choice, even though some doubts and questions remain.

To say it more emphatically, it will be necessary at times for us to move ahead in the face of some uncertainty if we're to realize our potential for Christ. We may even need to do so in what for many of us is the most challenging decision we face in life--the marriage choice. While a decision for marriage should never be rushed, and while we should make every effort to approach it wisely, if we wait for unbending certainty, we're likely to wait forever and never decide. Our goal should be to have reasonable certainty, but not perfect certainty.

We will need to take similar initiative in other major decision areas as well, such as career, job choice and church involvement. Yes, it might seem easier if God would first give us perfect certainty of his will before we would be expected to commit ourselves. But the good news is that we don't have to wait for this level of certainty. We are free to take responsible steps to improve our life, to solve problems, and to realize the potential God has given us!

Enough Light to Step Forward

If you are facing a major decision, yet are uncertain what God wants you to do, don't assume that he has abandoned you or is unconcerned with guiding you. He may have already given you more guidance than you realize. If you are a child of his, he has been guiding your whole thought process and bringing critical information to your attention, through all of the practical steps that you've taken to resolve your decision. You may be closer to resolving your decision than you realize.

Pray earnestly that Christ will direct your thinking and give you a heart that is open to his will. Make a reasonable effort to work through your decision, and get the most informed counsel you can. Then weigh the facts as you have them and make your best decision, knowing that God will throw further light on your path as you move ahead.

Then enjoy the remarkable adventure of taking a step of faith with your life!

Just remember, that faith always involves trusting Christ and moving forward--even though all the facts are not yet in.
culled from nehemiah quotes

Job Seeker Raped

2010-09-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

It was shock and initially, disbelief among residents of Tanke area of Ilorin, Kwara State, when news filtered into the town that a pastor raped a girl on the church altar during a vigil. But what looked like a fairy
tale earlier turned out to be real, going by the victim’s revelations.

The suspect, Olabode Sunday, 31, allegedly invited Funke, 25, (other names withheld), who had just concluded the National youth’s service, for prayers to pave the way for her land a white collar job. Daily Sun gathered that midway into the vigil, there was a heavy rainfall, which made the weather very cold.

It was at that point that the temptation to convert the vigil to love meeting crept in. The Christ Apostolic Church (CAC), pastor was alleged to have succumbed to nature, as he started making love overtures to the girl he was supposed to take her case of joblessness to God. He allegedly raped the hapless girl.
culled from sun
Sunday, who was remorseful, blamed the incident on the devil. He narrated how the victim attended a vigil, where he prayed for her, but saw the need for another round of vigil, which according to him, was scheduled for August 14.

“Funke came to my house at about 7.00 pm on August 14 and we later moved into the church behind the prayer ground. We started the prayer at about 12 midnight. Suddenly, there was downpour, followed by thunderstorm. So, we later moved into the church as the key was in my possession. We continued the prayer. At about 3.00 am, I hugged her and later I lost control of myself. One thing led to the other. That was how I had carnal knowledge of her,” he confessed.

He disclosed that after having sex with her, he encouraged and assured her that God would still provide job for her. “So, both of us left the church at about 5.00 am,” he said. The victim, who also spoke to Daily Sun narrated how the suspect had been praying for members of the family for years. According to her, that was what motivated her to request him to pray for her to secure a job. “He forced himself on me and had sex with me on the altar. He later begged me to forgive him, claiming it was the handiwork of the devil.

The following morning, I reported the matter at ‘F’ police Division in Tanke,” she said. A member of the church, Kunle Alade, who spoke to Daily Sun on the matter, described it as unfortunate. According to him, the suspect has dented the image of the church. He also wondered why he chose the altar for such an unholy act. He fumed: “This is a shameful act.”

Confirming the incident, the state Police Commissioner, Mr. Murkta said the suspect was arrested for forcefully having carnal knowledge of the victim. He disclosed that the victim was taken to the University of Ilorin Teaching Hospital, where doctors confirmed that she was raped.

Trust Your Judgment

2010-09-14T11:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when counseling someone about a decision, I'll give this simple advice: Trust your judgment.

I may add something like: You are in a better position to decide this matter than you realize. Make the choice that seems best to you, and believe that it is the right path to take. Yes, trust your judgment.

There are two situations where I'm particularly inclined to offer this counsel. One is when someone has made a respectable effort to work through a decision, yet cannot muster the courage to finally resolve it. A common example is a man (or woman) in a long-term relationship who cannot decide whether to go ahead with marriage. The relationship may be a solid, supportive one, and there may excellent reasons to choose to marry. The person may even be reasonably convinced that marriage is the right choice. Still, he hesitates, fearful that he isn't seeing things as clearly as he should. This is someone who needs to be strongly reassured of his ability to make a good decision.

Another person who needs this assurance is someone prone to value others' opinions above his or her own. This often is the case with the person who is fearful to break off a bad relationship. A woman, for example, is pursued by a man who makes every effort to win her affection. After giving it fair consideration, she concludes that the relationship isn't right for her. Yet he persists, claiming that he has a better understanding of things. He may even insist that he knows that God wills for them to be together. She wonders in all honesty if he is right. And since he is a stronger personality than she, it's easy to cave in to his persuasion. Again, my counsel to her is, "Trust your judgment."

Typically, this advice is greeted with some surprise. "Doesn't Scripture teach us not to trust our personal judgment?" people ask. "Doesn't Proverbs 3:5 tell us not to rely on our own understanding?"

I confess I wince a bit when I mete out this advice. Years of conditioning have left me with the same knee-jerk reaction to hearing "trust your judgment." It's typically taught in Christian circles that this is precisely what we shouldn't do. If we've been a Christian for any time, we've probably heard this notion preached so often that we feel irreverent even questioning it or considering whether there's another side to the story.

A Two-Sided Coin

Indeed, on one level Scripture does advise us to be skeptical about our own judgment. Proverbs 3:5-7 declares, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil."

Yet the Proverbs also prod us to develop the ability to make wise decisions. Admonitions to seek wisdom permeate the Proverbs. While these are given to challenge us to grow in wisdom, they do show that gaining sound insight is a realizable goal. Consider Proverbs 3:13-14: "Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold." That statement and many like it throughout the Proverbs suggest that it's possible to exercise good judgment, at least if certain conditions are met.

Even more significant is Paul's assurance that we who follow Christ have "the mind of Christ" (1 Cor 2:16). This is a remarkable promise about the possibility of showing good judgment. Having the mind of Christ does not mean that our insights are infallible. Yet it does mean that we're beginning from an exceptional position of strength in our effort to make good decisions. As we make the right effort to clear our field of vision, we may be confident that we're seeing clearly to take steps of faith.

What do we need to do, then, to reach this point of confidence about our judgment? Here are several guidelines to keep in mind.

<> Question your first impressions. We ought to have an inherent distrust of our first impressions. Ironically, it's those who find it possible to doubt their own judgment who are most capable of finally making competent decisions. But most often it's our initial assumptions that need to be called into question.

We each have been influenced far more than we realize by ideals of our secular and Christian cultures that hit wide of the mark of how God sees our lives. Programmed is a better word for it, for this influence strongly affects our standards of judgment. It's this internal programming that so often triggers our initial perceptions and renders them misleading.

Take "love at first sight," for instance. The romantic attraction that we first feel for someone-or the absence of it-often tells us little about our true compatibility with that person or our potential for a successful long-term relationship. In one survey 1,000 happily married individuals were asked whether, when they first met the one to whom they're now happily married, they believed this was the right person for them. A full eighty percent responded no. It took time for them to move beyond their initial impressions and appreciate the true potential of the other person-and the relationship.*

It's the same principle that writers, artists and other creative people almost always discover, sometimes the hard way. Writers often find that their first draft of a manuscript, no matter how lovingly nurtured, does not communicate effectively. A second or third revision makes all the difference. Artists have the same experience. Consider the testimony of Yasho Kumiyoshi:

I have often obtained in painting directly from the object that which appears to be the real results at the very first shot, but when that does happen, I purposely destroy what I have accomplished and redo it over and over again. In other words, that which comes easily I distrust. When I have condensed and simplified sufficiently, I know then that I have something more than reality.**

Questioning our initial assumptions can be painful. Yet it's a critical beginning point in approaching any major decision. This, I'm convinced, is the concern underlying Proverbs 3:5-7. By urging us not to lean on our own understanding the writer is saying, "Don't be too quick to take your gut instincts and first impressions uncritically."

<> Get the facts. We also need to make a reasonable effort to get the facts and weigh them carefully. This is the second condition for good judgment.

When we look at the many proverbs that stress seeking wisdom, we find them pressing us to be diligent thinkers. They implore us to get pertinent information and prudently sift through it. "If you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God" (Prov 2:3-5).

Our effort to gain insight in any important matter should not be halfhearted, the proverb stresses. We should seek the best information we can, consider it carefully and allow time for our insights to season. While the proverb clearly prompts us in this direction, it also assures us that we can be successful in this search. With the right effort, it promises, "you will find the knowledge of God"-or the insight of God. The verse that follows adds, "For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding."

This assurance that we can reach the point of judging wisely is vital to keep in mind, for it cautions us against endlessly analyzing a decision. While God calls us to be responsible decision makers, he urges us to be good stewards of our time as well. The point comes when we should assume as a matter of faith that he has given us adequate insight to decide correctly. We should make a reasonable effort to get the facts and reflect on them. Then in faith we should trust that God has provided us enough information to make our decision.

Two people, for instance, who have dated seriously for two or three years, and have discussed the possibility of marriage for nearly this long, have usually gone well beyond making this reasonable effort. Typically they are at a saturation point of information. If you are in this position, the question to consider is whether by waiting longer you are likely to gain some radically new insight that will help your decision. If the answer is no, then you are at the point where a choice should be made. It makes sense now to trust your judgment-provided you are seeking the Lord's direction to begin with.

<> Pray for guidance.This brings us to the third condition for good judgment-the need to pray for wisdom. Throughout the Proverbs we're told that wisdom and clear insight are a gift of God. In light of this, James 1:5 commands us, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

Here again, though, the guiding word is reasonable. Make a reasonable effort to pray for insight. Remember that James promises that if we pray for wisdom, "it will be given." Praying excessively for guidance may indicate that I don't believe God is honoring his promise to provide it.

While many Christians don't take prayer seriously enough, some become obsessive about praying. It's striking that most of the significant prayers recorded in Scripture are brief. Even in Gethsemane, with the momentous events to follow, Jesus didn't instruct his disciples to pray endlessly but for "an hour" (Mt 26:40). This is liberating to consider, for it suggests that an hour may be a reasonable period to spend praying over a critical matter. Jesus was certainly not suggesting a rigid or legalistic time frame in telling his disciples to pray for an hour, for the ancients did not have the precise time measurements we have today. Yet his advice does provide a general benchmark to follow in praying over a significant concern.

If you are facing a major decision-perhaps about a career change, a relationship or your involvement in your church-and have made a reasonable effort to get the facts and consider them, let me urge you now to give some attention to seeking God's direction. Set aside a period of uncluttered time-an hour, perhaps-and choose a quiet spot where you're not likely to be interrupted. Pray earnestly for God's insight. Ask him, too, for courage to step forward in faith as he directs you.

Then believe in faith that God is giving you the grace to think clearly. Trust your judgment. Go ahead and make your best choice. If in all honesty it seems that you still don't have enough information to decide, then don't force the decision. Choose to stay tentative-but make that definite choice with confidence.

But if there is reasonable evidence that you should move in a certain direction, then opt to do so, asking God to make it abundantly clear if you're not choosing the best course. Then move ahead confidently, even if some doubts remain. Look for substantial certainty but not perfect certainty.

Beyond Mood Swings

If you're one who is indecisive or analytical by nature, realize that there are some important benefits to your temperament. It gives you the energy and patience to carefully plod through all the angles of a decision. But realize the drawbacks it presents for you as well. You may be prone to overanalyze a decision or wait for a measure of "perfect peace" that isn't reasonable to expect before taking a major step.

Take confidence in knowing that if you are a child of Christ, God has given you the mind of Christ. He has put within you the capacity to make good judgments. Honor him by taking that ability seriously. And enjoy the incomparable adventure of decision making.

Welcome Guidance From Unwelcome Circumstances

2010-09-14T11:34:00.000-07:00

In the mid-1970s, I served as a pastor on a church staff for several years. The experience was a milestone for me. The senior pastor and congregation were highly supportive to me, and I grew in many important ways.

Yet I was often frustrated by the nature of pastoral work itself. Pastors are expected to be generalists--wearing many hats and responding to many emergencies. Many pastors thrive on this multifaceted aspect of church work and love the adventure of countless responsibilities, and I'm grateful for their natural devotion to this vital role. I found myself wanting to concentrate more on certain areas of ministry that utilized my gifts, and was often discouraged at how little time I had for these activities. The experience brought me face to face with the fact that, while I greatly enjoy challenging work, I prefer to focus on a few things and do them well.

That insight was invaluable, and it led me to begin an independent ministry. My work since then as a "resource pastor," with its focus on teaching and writing, has fit me amazingly well, and I've never regretted making this change. Yet I can't imagine I would have found the insight to do it, nor the motivation, had I not experienced some significant frustration as a pastor, which convinced me I was trying too hard to fit myself into an unnatural role. God, I believe, used the unwelcome aspects of pastoral work as much as the enjoyable ones to clarify this new direction I should take.

This positive role of frustration in my decision to launch Nehemiah Ministries is a good example of what human potential writer W. Clement Stone terms "inspirational dissatisfaction." Stone presents this concept in The Success System That Never Fails, which I read about ten years ago.* This book, ironically, had sat on my shelf ignored for more than thirty years, and it would have helped me if I had read it when I was a pastor. Someone gave it to me in the late 1960s--so long ago that I can't remember who, nor whether it was a gift or a loan (undoubtedly the latter). I shied away from reading it all that time due to its title, which seemed audacious.

Then one afternoon in the summer of 2000, I had some free time and wanted to read something upbeat. I decided to give Stone's book a chance. It was, well, better than I expected. I found his notion of inspirational dissatisfaction, which he discusses throughout the book, remarkably helpful, and I marveled that I'd never encountered it before.

Inspirational dissatisfaction, as Stone uses the term, is the positive role that our experiences of frustration play--both in helping us understand important steps we should take with our life, and in finding the motivation to take them. We may be unhappy in our job, for instance, because the work doesn't fit us well, or because coworkers are not supportive or have unreasonable expectations of us. Frustration can be our ally in such cases--a red-alert that we need to seek a change.

I love this concept, as simple as it is, for it provides us a basis for seeing a silver lining in adverse circumstances, which we can easily miss. Some Christians view all frustrating situations fatalistically and hopelessly. They assume that God is punishing them through these circumstances and that they shouldn't strive to change them.

On a more healthy level, we may recognize how such situations help us grow, but we assume the silver lining comes only if we stay in them and allow God to stretch us there. That conclusion is often justified, and we can be too quick to run away from challenges, to say the least. Yet Scripture gives about equal weight to the other possibility--that God may use our frustration in such cases to enlighten us to the fact that we're not where we should be. Healthy thinking requires that we give fair consideration to both possibilities, and feel permission to think in both directions.

Unfortunately, our Christian teaching usually gives far more attention to the former possibility than the latter. We also have elaborate vocabulary for talking about the one ("pick up your cross," "accept your lot," "be a living sacrifice," "lose your life in order to find it"), and little in the way of convenient language to speak of the possibility that an unwelcome situation simply isn't right for us.

"Inspirational dissatisfaction" fills this gap wonderfully well and can make a redemptive contribution to our Christian vocabulary. We shouldn't underestimate the role that language plays in our ability to reason effectively and make sound decisions, given the extraordinary level of "self-talk" that we engage in constantly. I agonized over the question of whether to leave conventional church work for a specialized ministry far more than I should have, due especially to guilt-ridden self-talk. Simply knowing it was permissible to think in terms of inspirational dissatisfaction, and having that term available, would have made a big difference.

Turning Failure into Success

Stone notes another way in which inspirational dissatisfaction can function to our benefit. The discontent we feel over our own poor performance or behavior in some area can provide potent motivation to improve. Here again I find the concept helpful. Our tendency, when we're disappointed with ourselves, is to beat ourselves up and grow even more discouraged. Yet this discontent can provide the most powerful incentive we ever experience for positive change.

The most important turning point of my teenage years occurred when, one afternoon, alone in my father's home office, I suddenly felt such disgust over my poor performance in high school that I resolved to do better from that point forward. Surprisingly, that resolution stuck, and I worked hard at my coursework for the rest of my senior year, then throughout college and two graduate programs. The reason this resolution was so effective, while many others I had made failed, was due, I'm certain, to the degree of frustration I felt with myself at the time that I made it.

It's in this sense that psychologists often talk about the value of "hitting bottom" as a stimulus for change. Our discouragement doesn't have to reach this level to provide useful inspirational dissatisfaction. It can happen anytime we're disappointed with ourselves, if we're open to the possibility. Simply being aware of how frustration with ourselves can inspire positive change--and having a term for this dynamic--greatly enhances our ability to think optimistically. We're less likely to condemn ourselves for past mistakes and more likely to draw benefits from them.

Instead of wallowing in discouragement over how a thoughtless remark I made may have hurt someone, for instance, I can find the incentive to learn from the episode how to avoid such impulsive speaking in the future. I'm more likely to find the heart to apologize to this person as well.

Inspirational Dissatisfaction in Scripture

It's in weighing the significance of our frustration in unwelcome situations where we're likely to find the concept of inspirational dissatisfaction helpful most often, though, for our confusion over God's will is often greatest then. It's important to know that our discontent is sometimes his signal to seek a change. When we look for it in Scripture, we find many examples where this was the case.

One involves some disciples of Elisha, who find that their work and living conditions are too confining (2 Kings 6:1-7). They explain to him, "Look, the place where we meet with you is too small for us. Let us go to the Jordan, where each of us can get a pole; and let us build a place there for us to live."

Elisha responds to them, "Go."

They press him further, "Won't you please come with your servants," and he replies, "I will," and goes with them.

What's reassuring about this incident is that Elisha validates the frustration his disciples feel. He doesn't imply that they're selfish for feeling it, nor suggest that they should simply learn to live with their cramped quarters and make the best of them. Instead, he agrees to help them make a constructive change.

The passage is refreshing to consider in any circumstance of life--such as a job, living situation, or ministry--where we're frustrated over factors that work against our using our gifts effectively. We're shown that God may be alerting us through our frustration to seek improvements or even a new venue. We're freed from our natural tendency to think that the Christian response must be solely to accept our lot, and we're given permission--even encouraged--to weigh other possibilities.

Another biblical example of inspirational dissatisfaction involves Abraham's inability to find a wife for Isaac among the women of Cana (Gen 24). Both he and Isaac were likely frustrated over this situation and had long been so.

Abraham, especially, had strong reason to think they should simply accept reality in this case and not try to change it. His uncanny experience of miracles gave him a reason to be passive. Isaac's birth in itself, when Abraham and Sarah were both very old, was testimony--and Isaac's life a constant reminder--that God could solve the most impossible problems supernaturally. Shouldn't Abraham assume that, if God wanted Isaac married, God would provide a spouse for his son without special effort on Abraham's part?

Yet in this case Abraham was spurred by his frustration to take initiative to solve the problem. He sent his servant to his hometown of Haran to search for a wife for Isaac. Abraham clearly believed he was honoring God and had his blessing in taking this step, for he spoke to his servant of the help God's angel would provide in the journey. The mission was successful. The servant returned with Rebecca, who became Isaac's wife, and, from all indications in Scripture, was an exemplary match for him.

This passage is deeply encouraging to consider if you want to be married but believe that factors in your life are hindering you from finding someone compatible. You may be in a job setting where the likelihood of meeting someone is poor, or in a church or fellowship where you've been stigmatized as a "perpetual single." Traditional Christian counsel is, don't try to change these situations but trust that if God wants you married, he'll make it happen in spite of the limits of your circumstances. If no one suitable comes along, assume that God wants you to stay single, and pray that he will take away your desire for marriage.

Abraham's example presents a different model. It shows that taking initiative to change your circumstances in such cases can be highly appropriate and honoring to Christ. And it suggests that God may be prompting you through your frustration to leave certain situations and look for ones that improve your prospects for finding a spouse.

Getting the Signals Straight

Simply knowing it's okay to consider the possibility that God is moving us through our frustration to leave or change an unwelcome situation is encouraging in itself. The concept of inspirational dissatisfaction is greatly reassuring. It deepens our alertness to a potential source of God's guidance, and increases the possibility that we'll recognize action he wants us to take to solve problems.

It doesn't answer all the questions, though. We still have the challenge of determining God's will for us in a given instance. How can we know with confidence whether God wants us to leave a frustrating situation or stay? When does he want us to take initiative to change our circumstances, and when does he wish to change us so that we can learn to handle them better? Here are some steps that can help us reach the right conclusion.

1. Give each situation a fair chance. Every job, educational program, relationship, fellowship situation--you name it--has plenty of dry periods. We must be careful not to think that God is prompting us through the first sign of disenchantment to look for greener pastures. Some situations--degree programs especially--require plodding through much uninspiring time in order to reap the long-range benefits. I came close to bailing out of my doctoral program about halfway through but am forever grateful that an insightful counselor persuaded me to stick with it. Be certain you've given a situation a reasonable opportunity to prove itself before considering the possibility of leaving.

2. Take your temperament into account. It's particularly important to understand our own temperament in weighing questions of God's guidance. What is your track record for sticking with challenges? Do you tend to quit too easily? Do you instinctively fear commitment or feel anxious after committing to situations that at first you were convinced you needed and would enjoy? If so, you should be slow to read your uneasiness as guidance from God to move on. Be a good life-coach to yourself, and require that you stay committed to the challenging situation long enough that you can say you've given it a reasonable chance, before considering other options.

You may be at the other extreme. You stay in situations that are unpleasant or unfruitful well beyond a reasonable point, perhaps out of stubbornness, perhaps because you feel guilty about leaving. You need to err on the side of "cutting yourself some rope." Go overboard a bit in considering inspirational dissatisfaction as a possibility, and in allowing yourself the freedom to act on it. For you, the concept can be an especially liberating one.

3. Understand why you feel uncomfortable. We may feel uneasy in certain situations due to anxiety problems we can overcome. We may be edgy about commitment itself. Two other common apprehensions, reaching phobic levels for many, are the fear of public speaking and the fear of air travel--and many jobs require both. The good news is that these fears can be conquered, and help in doing so is widely available. If our discomfort in a job or any circumstance stems from an unreasonable fear, we shouldn't bail out but ought to confront our anxiety and get the best help available in dealing with it. We shouldn't let our fear be a basis for turning away from an opportunity that otherwise fits us well.

Our discomfort, on the other hand, may result from the fact that a situation doesn't match us well. If we're being treated unkindly, our gifts aren't being respected, or others are constantly laying unreasonable expectations on us, we have good reason to consider new options. Our frustration in such cases may be the Lord's wake-up call to move on.

4. Weigh your positive alternatives. At the same time, it's important to consider not only what we're reacting against, but what positive options are available to us. We can be tempted to leave an imperfect situation out of restlessness or a grass-is-greener mentality, when in fact we don't have something better to take its place. There are some instances-- abusive situations especially--when we should bail out anyway. Yet in many cases it's better not to leave unless we have a clear idea of where we're going.

The point is strategically important in employment situations, for we're usually in the best position to "market" ourselves for a new job while we're still employed. A good test of whether the Lord may be prompting us to quit a job that we dislike is whether we have a better opportunity available. There are exceptions. We might leave in order to take some intentional time off to re-assess our life's direction, or to move to a region where our options are better, or to get further training that will improve our future prospects. The important thing is to have a clear strategy in mind that provides us with a positive alternative.

It can be a good litmus test in other frustrating situations not to opt out until we know for certain where we're opting in. Responding is generally a more trustworthy impulse than reacting.

5. Don't minimize the value of prayer and others' counsel. The time-worn principles forever apply. Praying earnestly for God's guidance and for openness to his will helps us in many ways--giving us clearer thinking, greater alertness to indications of his leading and a more natural inclination to do his will. Prayer is especially important when it comes to weighing the significance of our frustration, and can help us considerably in reaching the right conclusions about it. "Is any one among you suffering? Let him pray," James counsels (Jas 5:13 RSV). While James obviously means we should pray for relief in an adverse situation, he certainly means we should ask for wisdom about what to do as well. He also assures us that such praying brings us great benefit: "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given him" (Jas 1:5 RSV).

Others' counsel is nearly as important in the biblical view. Throughout Scripture we often see God using the insightful counsel of one person to clarify the thinking of another (Prov 27:17). I can only imagine the relief Timothy must have felt when Paul consoled him, "Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young" (1 Tim 4:12). Timothy was experiencing age discrimination; because of his youth, others weren't supporting him as fully as they should have in his pastoral role. Paul assured him that he shouldn't view this uncomfortable situation as simply a cross to bear but should take steps to correct it!

In other cases, Paul challenged Timothy to work on changing himself in order to accommodate the challenges of his work. "Rekindle the gift of God that is within you," Paul exhorted him on one occasion (1 Tim 4:14), on another telling him, "Do not neglect the gift you have" (2 Tim 1:6 both RSV).

In the same way, God will use others' counsel to help us sort through both sides of the inspirational dissatisfaction issue and to decide whether we should seek to change our circumstances or change ourselves. We ought to draw especially on the counsel of those who see our life dynamically and desire God's very best for us.

Seeing the Bigger Picture

The best news in what we're saying is that the most challenging situations we experience--those where we may be tempted to think that God's hand has turned against us--can be settings where we gain treasured insight into our potential and God's will for us, and where we gain motivation for change that may not come any other way. Realizing that our frustration can generate such inspiration and enlightenment strengthens our confidence that God has good purposes for us in unwelcome situations, and it deepens our hope that he has better things for us in the future. And it helps us find the courage to take important steps of faith.

Having a term to describe it really does help. The next time you're tempted to think that life has dealt you a rotten hand in some area, try thinking in terms of inspirational dissatisfaction, and see if doing so makes a difference.

When Is a Door Truly Closed?

2010-09-06T04:59:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget a story that made the national news a few years ago. CNN announced, as a headline item, that a man had passed his bar exam. Of course, passing the bar doesn't normally attract the attention of the national

media. Yet this man's case was unusual, for he had failed the test forty-seven previous times. Now, at age sixty, this tenacious soul had finally passed on his forty-eighth try.
(He had also announced his intentions for the future: to embark on a twenty-year career as an attorney. As proof of his earnestness, he had purchased a briefcase!)
I must confess I have a soft spot in my heart for this gentleman, as eccentric as his case may be. I always find examples like his inspiring, for they bring to mind how some of us by nature are late-bloomers--and that it's okay to be so. We run on different clocks. God has different timetables for each of us. While one person realizes a significant accomplishment early in life, another does so much later.
His example is extreme, unquestionably. We might conclude that he demonstrates stubbornness more than healthy determination, and that he could have spent his energy in better ways. Still, it's hard not to admire his perseverance, which continued way beyond the point when most of us would have quit. Our human tendency is to go to the opposite extreme--to give up after a setback or two, even when a reasonable possibility of success still exists.
Yet for thoughtful Christians this raises a nagging question. Just when should you assume that a door is truly closed? At what point must you conclude that God wants you to let go of a longstanding desire and simply accept things as they are?
Easily Discouraged
To be honest, it takes little disappointment in any area for us to conclude that God is against our succeeding. I recall talking to a woman who deeply wanted to be married yet feared the opportunity had passed her by. Many of her friends had married, and the one relationship that held hope for her had ended. She wondered if God was indicating through it all that she should abandon her hope of marrying and set her heart on staying single. She was twenty-two.
Christians who move into their later twenties, thirties or beyond, wanting to be married but finding no suitable opportunity, are especially inclined to draw the conclusion that this young woman reached. They're even more likely to do so if they've experienced a number of broken relationships or rejections along the way. If you're in this position, it may seem in all sincerity that the most Christ-honoring, reverent assumption you can make is that God is telling you to forsake your hope for marriage. Surely obedience to him must require that you put this desire on the altar and learn to joyfully accept your singleness.
But then you witness an example that defies the norm. A friend, well into her adult years and survivor of many disappointments, suddenly and surprisingly finds an excellent opportunity for marriage. Once she is married and the dust clears, she declares she is glad she never let go of her hope. She even claims she sees value now in those past relationships that didn't work out, for through them she grew and developed the qualities that have allowed her finally to be happily married. God does indeed have different timetables for each of us, she insists; she's grateful for that and thankful that she waited.
And so you're thrown back to square one. Just how do you know when a door is still open and when it's clearly shut? Just when is God telling you to keep persevering and when to give up?
Perseverance Pays Off
One point is indisputable. Scripture abounds with examples of those who found open doors at points when many would have concluded they were bolted shut. As we read through the Bible, we find numerous instances where individuals reached important horizons late in life, or after repeated tries, or in spite of extreme obstacles. Sarah conceives a child when both she and Abraham are elderly, and a number of years later Abraham remarries after Sarah dies. Isaac's servants dig a well successfully after two major thwarted attempts. Joseph realizes his dream of leadership after years of servitude and imprisonment. Moses becomes a champion of his people forty years after his first passionate attempt utterly fails. David becomes king of Israel in spite of severe ridicule from his brothers, apathy from his father, and numerous battles with Saul's forces. Hannah gives birth to many children long after her husband has accepted her barrenness and encouraged her to do the same. Ruth finds joy in a new marriage after her first husband dies; and Naomi, bereft of her husband and both sons, finds unexpected solace in a grandchild born to Ruth. Zechariah and Elizabeth are blessed with a child in their old age, and the angel declares that this gift is in response to their longstanding prayer.
It's examples like these that I suspect have led author Garry Friesen to claim that the Bible doesn't recognize the concept of closed doors. In his Decision Making and the Will of God, Friesen notes,

Interestingly, though Christians today speak of doors that are "closed," Scripture does not. The need for open doors certainly implies the existence of some that are closed. But that doesn't seem to be the mentality of Paul. If he were sovereignly prevented from pursuing a plan, and yet the plan itself was sound, he simply waited and tried again later. He did not view a blocked endeavor as a "closed door" sign from God that his plan was faulty.*

Friesen's claim is provocative, for on one level Scripture does speak of closed doors, though it doesn't use the term per se. Consider Paul's odyssey in Asia and Bithynia, for instance: "Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to" (Acts 16:6-7). It's hard to read this passage and not conclude that some doors were firmly shut against Paul and his party, regardless of the language used. They made two valiant attempts to enter regions for ministry that didn't open to them. And they accepted without question that these doors were closed (Acts 16:8).
Yet on a broader level the passage validates the very point Friesen is making, for Paul and his friends never let go of their overriding determination to evangelize fresh territory and to look for the best opportunities available. Soon, Paul received a vision at night, through which he and his team were led into an important period of ministry in Macedonia (Acts 16:8-40).
Drawing on Paul's experience in Acts 16, and similar experiences of people of faith throughout Scripture, we can suggest a resolution to the question of when a door is truly closed: Specific individual opportunities may close to us, and the time may come when we must accept that such doors are unquestionably shut. But we should be very slow ever to conclude that the door is permanently closed against our broader, long-term aspirations that are based on a sound understanding of our God-given gifts and areas of interest.
To cite the marriage decision as an example: I may desire to marry a particular person, yet God in some clear way says no. I will need to accept this as an unequivocal no and stop pounding on that door. God may say no to twenty such possibilities. This doesn't mean that my basic, underlying desire to be married is inappropriate or that God is forever closing the door against marriage. Indeed, it may be that my twenty-first endeavor will succeed. To be sure, if there are clear lessons to be gleaned from past disappointments, I should learn them. Yet I still have a sound basis for staying hopeful and active in moving toward the dream of marriage.
The same point applies to pursuing career opportunities. Certain positions may not open to me. Certain geographical regions may be closed. This doesn't imply that my overriding vocational aspirations are out of line. If they are based on a clear understanding of how God has gifted and motivated me, then I have good reason to hold onto them and to continue to look for situations in which they can be fulfilled.
Hope vs. Fixation
This isn't to underestimate the challenge involved in accepting that a specific door is closed. Indeed, we can become fixated on a particular option's working out to the point of our own downfall. One of the earliest stories of Scripture underscores this point. Adam and Eve became obsessed with eating fruit from the one tree that God said they must not touch. The fact that this tree was off limits didn't mean that God forbade them to enjoy apples or other delicacies of nature. It was merely that this specific tree was out of bounds for them.
In the same way we may become fixated on a particular relationship. We may continue to hang onto the hope of its working out long after we have clear evidence that this person is unavailable or unsuitable for us. In this case, our need is to accept God's no and move on.
We can become fixated on other unrealistic dreams as well. Take Clarence, a young singer/guitarist I met who led singing in his church. He told me he was convinced that God had revealed to him that he would receive a recording contract from a certain company, one of the largest and best known Christian labels. Even after that firm rejected Clarence's audition tape, he continued to believe that he knew God's mind on this matter better than they did. He was certain they would one day change their mind and decide to record him. It did not seem to me, however, that Clarence had the sort of highly distinctive talent needed to interest this particular company. The tragedy about his obsession with the recording contract was that it misdirected his energy. He was not focusing on steps he realistically could take to develop and employ his gifts.
These cautions aside, the point remains that we have a strong basis for faith and hope when it comes to our long-term dreams and aspirations. When these are based on a good self-understanding, and are general enough to allow for flexibility as we live them out, we can feel great freedom to pursue them earnestly until a door finally opens. And we're not obliged to think that individual setbacks mean that God has forever shut the door on a dream itself.

Beyond First Impressions

2010-09-06T04:28:00.000-07:00

One evening when our son Ben was eight years old, he toted along a baseball glove to a karate class he was attending at our local middle school, and then forgot to bring it home. The next week, as I was leaving to drive him

to the class, Evie reminded me to ask the school's custodian about the mitt. "He's very nice," she said, "and will surely help you find it. But he has difficulty hearing. You'll have to get close to him and pronounce your words very clearly."

She then asked if I would recognize the custodian when I saw him. I replied that, yes, I knew exactly who he was.

He was there every Tuesday evening, a short but stocky, unshaven man, in a worn corduroy suit. He usually spent the hour slumped against the wall near the entrance to the cafeteria where the class was held.

When we arrived, he was there as usual. I walked up to him and, with my face about a foot from his, proceeded to speak at twice my normal volume. "Have-you-seen-a-child's-baseball-mitt-around-the-school?" I asked, distinctly enunciating each word. "My-boy-left-one-here-last-Tuesday-night."

He looked puzzled. I suspected I hadn't spoken clearly enough and needed to raise my volume. I opened my mouth to repeat the question more audibly, but at that instant was stopped by a mortifying thought. In a lowered voice I asked him, "Are you the school's custodian?"

"No," he replied. "My boy's in this class and I'm waiting for him."

I probably would have died on the spot were it not for the man's good humor. He added with a grin, "the county could never afford to hire me."

The Compulsion to Label

What dismays me as I think back on this experience is how quickly and unreflectively I had formed an opinion of this man and then never questioned it. While my assumption was a fairly innocent one concerning his job, it brings to mind how we can label others in more unfortunate ways that touch on their moral character or mental well-being.

Such labeling is a compulsive process that we can scarcely avoid completely. Yet the tragedy isn't that our first impressions so often are inaccurate, but that they so easily get locked in concrete. They become still-life pictures that never change.

We shouldn't underestimate how hard it can be to revise our first impressions. In his book Shyness, Philip Zimbardo describes a bold and astonishing experiment which psychologist David Rosenhan orchestrated to prove the point.

[He] had himself committed to a number of mental hospitals in different parts of the country. A group of his students did likewise. Each one went to the admissions office complaining of hearing voices and ominous sounds. Nothing more. It was enough to get them put behind locked doors. After that, each of these mock patients began to act perfectly normal. The question being studied was how long it would take before they were detected as "normal" and discharged. The answer was "never." The original label of "psychotic" was never replaced by "normal." Getting out required assistance from wives, friends, or lawyers.*

The situation Rosenhan concocted, of course, was unusual and extreme. I'm not suggesting that mental health professionals are typically guilty of biased judgment. Their insights are often invaluable. Yet his experiment demonstrates how even those who are professionally trained to understand human nature can have difficulty revising their initial perceptions of others.

The problem will likely be even greater for the rest of us. We may be carrying static impressions of others--family members, friends, classmates or business associates--that hit wide of the mark.

Just as unfortunate can be our tendency to label ourselves. Christ is working to change our lives, yet often the greatest barrier is our difficulty in letting go of old self-perceptions.

Peeling Labels

Throughout his earthly ministry Jesus showed perfect insight into people. "He knew what was in a man" (John 2:25). Yet what is even more impressive--and challenging to us--is that he viewed people not statically but dynamically. The still-life pictures that form the basis of so much human judgment simply did not exist in his mind. He saw people in terms of their possibilities.

His encounter with the woman at the well outside Samaria is a prime example (John 4). Not only had she been stigmatized by her society, but she had a terribly low perception of herself. So great was her dread of contact with other Samaritans that she ventured for water at the most unlikely time of day in a desert region--high noon--and to a well outside the city limits.

Jesus was under no illusions about her past. He brought up memories she was quick to repress. "You have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband," he reminded her (v 18).

Yet he also showed great respect for her, privileging her with a private discussion about his messiahship.

Following her conversation with Jesus, the woman broke out of her shell. She returned to Samaria and declared to numerous people, "Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" (v 39).

John minces no words about the woman's effectiveness in arousing her townspeople's interest in Jesus. "They came out of the town and made their way toward him. . . . Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony. . . . And because of his words many more became believers" (vv 30, 39, 41).

What's most interesting is that Jesus allowed her to play this critical evangelistic role. She ignited one of the most stunning explosions of interest in Christ recorded in the New Testament. And all because Jesus saw beyond her immediate condition to a vision of what she could become.

Examples like this, of course, could be multiplied from the Gospels. But the best part is that Paul tells us that we who follow Christ have the mind of Christ (I Cor 2:16). We have the same capacity to see people dynamically that Jesus had!

Yet such expanded vision does not come naturally to us, even as Christians. It only grows out of an ever-deepening relationship with Christ. Here is one of our greatest incentives for spending time alone with Christ. Through it our heart is expanded to see others in the farsighted way he views them. And our vision for our own life is broadened beyond all the boundaries we place upon it.

Satan will do whatever he can to fossilize our thinking--to give us stagnant pictures of others and ourselves. Christ sees human life with vision. And that dynamic outlook is contagious. But we must stay close to the source to be infected by it.

Regretting the Choice That Seemed So Right

2010-09-06T03:57:00.000-07:00

When Chandra was 39, she left a lucrative job in banking to pursue a counseling career. Long wanting to make this change, she chose to move forward when a psychologist friend promised her a position with his counseling

firm once she completed the necessary training. Spurred on by his gracious offer of employment, she enrolled in a masters program full-time, living off savings till she finished her studies.

Chandra's friend indeed hired her once she graduated. But a short time later, he left the practice due to health problems. Without his leadership, the center foundered, other counselors resigned, and within a year it folded.

Chandra lacked the clients and momentum to launch an independent practice, and she was unable to find work with another counseling agency in the Boston area where she lived. With her savings now depleted, she returned to a job in banking, leaving her counseling dream on indefinite hold.

When Chandra shared her experience with me, she said she was certain God had taught her a lesson through the frustrating circumstances that unfolded. He had shown her that she missed his will in attempting to become a counselor. She spoke repeatedly of having made a "bad decision." As I probed a bit, it became clear that her ruminating wasn't just ventilation or an exercise in self-pity. She was strongly convinced she had made an unfortunate mistake, and she had never questioned this assumption since the doors at the counseling center closed several years before. This conviction that she had failed greatly increased her discouragement, and dampened her zeal to risk a dream again.

Chandra was understandably surprised when I shared my own observation. I felt that her decision to enter the counseling profession hadn't been a bad one at all, and that she shouldn't be worrying about having missed God's will. She had based her choice on the best information she had at the time--that she had obvious talent and long-standing motivation to become a counselor, plus an exceptional offer of employment. And she was taking a step that would increase her potential to contribute meaningfully to the needs of others. Especially important, she was a serious Christian who earnestly wanted God's will, and she had prayed seriously about her decision.

Which of us, I thought, faced with her circumstances, would have decided differently?

Of course, had Chandra known how events would transpire, she never would have left banking for counseling. But that's exactly the point. God seldom tips his hand about our future, and he guides us as much by information he withholds from us as by information he gives us.

He allows us to develop dreams and expectations, and he uses them to move us ahead. In some cases, he fulfills these dreams more-less as we envision them. In other cases, his intent isn't to fulfill them but to use them to draw us to a point where, with the new insight we've gained, we can now see clearly to take a new direction with our life. Through this whole process he nurtures us with experiences of growth that never would have been ours if we had known the future--for then we never would have taken our venture of faith. But the education we gain through life's unexpectedly bumpy paths is critical to our development, and God integrates it into our further experience in remarkable ways.

I obviously don't know God's intentions for Chandra's future. She may re-enter the counseling field at some point. Whether or not she does, I'm certain that God will use her training and her experiences at the counseling center in ways that enhance her ministry for Christ and are deeply gratifying to her--if she stays open to him and pliable.

This is the lesson from the experience of another friend of mine who, some years ago, left the computer field to become a pastor. Though his congregations loved him, denominational factors made it difficult for him to minister as a church pastor. Finally, he left church ministry and, with some chagrin, took a job with a computer manufacturing firm once again. Yet soon he was granted permission to hold a weekly Bible study at that company, which many began attending. His pastoral background opened doors for ministry at that firm that would have been closed to him before. His is an inspiring example of how God uses the total mix of experiences in our life--the successes and the disappointments--to make us each uniquely effective.

Broken Dreams

When a dream that we follow backfires, it's only human to question our original decision to pursue it, and to wonder if our mind was on vacation then. Many are unduly hard on themselves at such a time--even if they had based their choice on the best information they possibly could have had, and the circumstances that derailed their dream were impossible to foresee. We Christians are more prone to berate ourselves than anyone on such an occasion. Not only do we question our past judgment, but we get caught up in torturous questions about God's will. The fact that we encounter any problems at all in a major pursuit can make us fear we've missed God's will, and this concern deepens our sense of failure.

Dealing with failed expectations is difficult enough. Any of us who has experienced a setback as crushing as Chandra's needs time to grieve our loss and to work through our feelings of disappointment. Yet add to this discouragement the conviction that our original decision was unsound, and our regret can be overwhelming. It can make us doubt that we have the competence now to turn our life around. And the guilt we feel over missing God's will can keep us locked in place, fearing we lack the potential to follow his guidance successfully.

We should make a keen effort at such a time to imagine ourselves back in the context when we made our first choice. What were our circumstances then? What were the facts as we knew them then? Were we open to God's will, and did we make a reasonable effort to seek it? If in fact our decision was the best it could have been under the circumstances, we should be gentle and affirming with ourselves now. We should strive to think as positively as we possibly can about that past decision. Rather than assume it was a bungled choice, we should regard it as a wise, competent decision--that in time may even prove to have been brilliant and enlightened.

We should strive also to appreciate the dynamic nature of God's guidance, and how he brings us to important points in our life's journey most often by a circuitous route. In time, we'll likely look back on our current crisis as a vital turning point, which God has used to open up welcome new horizons for us. Such faith-inspired thinking will help us greatly to break the spell of regret, and to better recognize God's new directions for us now.

Taking Heart at Turning Points

This isn't to say that we're incapable of making bad decisions as Christians. We find many examples in Scripture where choices made by otherwise godly people are presented as bad ones. But in every such case, the person was either insensitive to God's leading, untrusting of him, or unfaithful to him--and in a major way. The leaders of Israel were beguiled into making a treaty of peace with Gibeon, for instance, because they "did not ask direction of the Lord" (Jos 9:14 RSV).

I'm not aware of any instance in Scripture, however, where someone made a reasonable effort to understand God's will and to make a decision responsibly, and yet the biblical writer judged that choice as incompetent because of the results that took place. There are plenty of instances where individuals themselves questioned the sanity of decisions that God in fact had led them to make. Moses was so exasperated at Pharaoh's initial refusal to let the Jews leave Egypt that he thought he had made the mistake of his life in petitioning the ruler to let them go. And when the Israelites faced challenges in their desert march, they concluded they had erred horrendously in leaving Egypt, even though they were initially ecstatic to break free of slavery there.

Yet never do we find a biblical writer (or God through that writer) passing judgment on someone's good-faith decision due to problems that arose. The obstacles people encountered in such cases always had a higher purpose. Sometimes God used these setbacks to strengthen their faith, their trust in him and their resolve to stay committed to a challenging course of action. This was clearly his intent with all the difficulties the Israelites endured en route to Canaan, which never on any occasion were an indictment on their original decision to leave Egypt.

In other cases, God used hindrances to signal that, however enlightened someone's initial decision was, he or she should now take a new direction. We find several instances of God's guiding in this manner in Acts 16. Paul is twice hindered from entering regions where he wants to minister--Asia and Bithynia--then ends up in Troas briefly, only to be redirected to Macedonia. He manages initially to ignite a church in Macedonia, but after a brief time is compelled by unfriendly town authorities to leave. In each instance, Paul interprets obstacles as God's sign, not that his ministry goals are wrong, but that it's now time to look for greener pastures.

Any time you or I take a step of faith but then encounter a significant setback, we face the task of determining God's intent. Is he merely testing our faith, and not wanting this problem to deter us from forging ahead toward our goal? Or is he showing us that we should now take a fresh direction? Discerning God's will in such a case can be no small challenge. Being confident our original decision was sound doesn't relieve us of the need now to pray earnestly and to draw once again on everything we know about understanding God's guidance.

But how we think about that past decision can make a radical difference in our ability to hear God now, since the concern that we blew it can weigh us down to the point of distraction. Fortunately, we may be freed forever from the fear that a past decision that we made responsibly with an open heart to God's will might now have to be judged misguided. This fact alone--that we are not compelled to have second thoughts about that decision--is tremendously liberating in itself. It can save us from the slippery slope of regret, and allow us the mental energy to confront our current situation creatively and optimistically. This is enormously good news for any of us who are inclined to comb over our past and to condemn ourselves for what we cannot change.

How Badly Can We Miss God's Will?

An issue remains, and it can be a thorny one. The perspective we're suggesting on past decisions is encouraging if we know that we were open to God's will in a given choice and did our best to make it responsibly. But what if the opposite was true? We rushed our decision, without regard to what God wanted? Or we failed to trust him adequately, following the course of least resistance, instead of taking on challenges that would have been healthy for us? Or we knew full well that God wanted us to take a certain path, but in rebellion we chose another?

And what if the decision in question was a pivotal one, which forever affects our life in a significant way? Have we irrevocably missed God's perfect will for the rest of our life? Are we compelled now to live with his second best?

Some well-meaning Christians will answer that, yes, God's second-best is all we can settle for now. I once read a popular book on knowing God's will in which the author spoke with regret about an early vocational decision he had made. God had called him to be a missionary when he was young, he explained, but he chose instead to become a physician. Now, writing his book much later in life, he lamented that he had forever cast himself out of God's perfect will by following a medical career, and that he was only in a position now to experience God's second-best options for him.

The author's humility in speaking so freely of his own failure was refreshing. Yet his view of God was tragically small. Would the all-powerful God whom he served, who loved him so greatly, really let him get away with a mistake of this dimension?

Abraham failed profoundly in seeking to have a child by Hagar, and he and his family suffered consequences thereafter. Yet his sin didn't deter God from bringing about the most important aspects of his plan for Abraham: Sarah still bore a child in her old age, and Abraham still became the father of countless descendants.

David sinned even more greatly when he sought a tryst with Bathsheba, and then had her husband killed in war. The consequences in this case were especially severe: God slew Bathsheba's son whom she bore by David, in spite of David's earnest pleas that God spare the child. That punishment, plus rebuke from the prophet Nathan, drove David to sincere repentance and deep sorrow over his lapse. But Scripture never implies that from this point on David had to live with God's second best for his life. God still fulfilled his major promises for David. Most interestingly, God even worked David's most serious mistake into his plan. Bathsheba became his wife, and it was she who gave birth to Solomon, the son who succeeded David on the throne. "She bore a son, and [David] called his name Solomon. And the LORD loved him" (2 Sam 12:24).

At first, it seems surprising that God allowed Bathsheba to have this supremely positive role in David's life. Wasn't God being overly permissive here? And wasn't David left thinking he had benefited from his sin and from now on could presume upon God's grace? I suspect, though, that the effect upon David was quite the opposite. God's action was undoubtedly extremely humbling to him--an extraordinary reminder of just how thoroughly God was in control of his destiny.

This unspeakably far-reaching role that God plays in our lives as believers is best described by Paul, when he notes that God chose us to follow Christ "before the foundation of the world" (Eph 1:4). This means that our sin doesn't take him by surprise, and doesn't fatally broadside his plan for our life. He knows when and how we will fail before we ever do. He makes no promise to protect us from the unfortunate results of our sin. But when we sincerely repent and seek his forgiveness, we put ourselves in position to experience his best for our life from that point forward. To say we have forever removed ourselves from God's perfect will in this case is to paint too small a picture of God, and to miss the authority he takes for working out his plan for us.

When we know we have truly failed Christ, repentance is exceedingly important, and we should give it serious attention. Yet, as time moves on, he doesn't wish us to be sidelined with regret, but wants us to focus on the future, not the past--and to take heart that he will work even our most heinous failures into his perfect plan for our life.

Indeed, to embrace that hope as a matter of deepest faith is one of the best decisions we can make.

Finding Answers to Impossible Problems

2010-09-06T03:27:00.001-07:00

When the Sons of Thunder were close to disbanding, they faced a financial crisis. During the previous year this Christian music group that I directed had accumulated a debt of $5,000. Though that doesn't sound like much

by today's standards, to us young folks in 1974 it might as well have been $5,000,000. We wracked our brains in band meetings but couldn't figure any way out short of bankruptcy.

Things changed dramatically when a friend with a gift for thinking optimistically came and gave us a pep talk. While he didn't offer any specific solution, he said he was certain that we had the resources to solve this problem. He knew that, with Christ's help, there were steps we could take to do it.

That was both a comforting and challenging thought, and it took well with us. Our discussions took on a more positive tone after that, and within a short time we arrived at a plan: We would invite former band members to join us for a farewell-reunion concert and sell tickets. In addition, we would let concerned friends know of our need, hoping some would help with donations. Though only two months remained to pull these details together, we felt determined to give it our best.

The Lord blessed our efforts immensely. The concert was surprisingly successful, contributions came in, and in the end we raised almost exactly the amount needed to pay off our debt. While there were many miracles to celebrate, the greatest was that God through one optimistic friend got us thinking hopefully and with minds of faith about our situation. We had practically convinced ourselves that our predicament had no solution. Once we began thinking constructively, an answer quickly came.

I had a similar experience several years later, when I again benefited from the optimism of a positive-thinking friend. Our family was living in a townhouse, and my office was in the basement. Because an open stairway connected the basement and the first floor, I was often distracted by noise from upstairs. The obvious solution would be to install a door. Yet since the stairway had an open, expansive design, I couldn't think of any logical way to fit a door into the wide space at the top or bottom of the stairs. I'm embarrassed to admit how much time I spent mulling the problem over, trying to come up with a workable design. I concluded there was no solution short of a major modification to the stairway, which would violate the community's architectural standards and be too expensive to undertake.

One evening, though, I shared my dilemma at a Bible study. A man whom I respected for his constructive approach to problems responded that he was sure there would be an easy way to install a door. His confidence inspired me, and I thought, He's right, there must be a way to do it. The next day it dawned on me that I could insert a door at the landing point where the stairway turned halfway down; since the stairwell was more enclosed there, this was an easy modification to make.

The solution was, in fact, so obvious and simple that I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it before. I had been locked into thinking that a door would have to be placed at the top or bottom of the staircase. Only when I began thinking optimistically did it occur to me that there was another alternative--to install it in the middle. And this was the solution that worked.

Optimism and Faith

It may not seem profound to say that our attitude affects our approach to challenges. In a general way we all recognize this to be true. Yet most of the time we fail to appreciate the extent to which this is true. Our pessimism can literally shut down our creative energy for solving a problem. Even more typically, it channels that energy in the wrong direction. When a problem seems difficult, we can be incredibly clever at convincing ourselves it has no solution. Once we reach that conclusion, we interpret all the evidence we see as proof we're correct--that the problem is indeed beyond hope. Having established that, we can overlook obvious solutions which may be staring us in the face.

When we are able to make that extraordinary shift to thinking optimistically, however, it's remarkable how quickly we sometimes find a way to remedy our predicament. In some cases, we're astonished at how obvious the solution actually is.

Yet reaching this point of optimism can be no small challenge. When faced with a difficult problem, we more typically fall into a pessimistic manner of thinking about it, often without realizing this is happening.

My experiences particularly bring to mind how others' attitudes affect our own. We are creatures of suggestion, and we easily and unconsciously absorb the positive or negative outlooks of those around us.

We see fascinating examples of both types of influence occurring throughout Scripture. It's interesting, for instance, how frequently in Scripture individuals manage to convince one another that a situation is hopeless even though God sees it in a very different light. The spies whom Moses sent to Canaan are a classic example of how this negative "groupthink" occurs (Num 13). Even though God had promised that Israel would conquer Canaan (Num 13:1), ten of the twelve spies sent to investigate the land concluded that the obstacles to success were simply too great. We sense that these men, as brilliant as they were, used their intelligence to convince each other that the mission would be too difficult for them. In effect they talked themselves out of faith.

A similar example is the occasion when Jesus' disciples were in a boat with him, desperately concerned about where their next meal was coming from. Mark notes that they discussed the fact that they had no bread, and Jesus then upbraided them for their lack of faith (Mk 8:16-21). What is striking is that the disciples actually did have a loaf of bread with them (v. 14); even more astounding is that they had helped Jesus feed a crowd of thousands with only a few loaves and fish earlier that same day (Mk 8:1-9). They failed, though, to notice the one loaf they had in the boat--let alone to consider what the power of Jesus could do to multiply it. Their discussion only served to strengthen their pessimism about his capacity to meet their needs.

While examples like these abound in Scripture, there are many positive ones as well, where one person's optimism inspires another's. One of my favorites is the story of Lamech and Noah. Genesis records only one significant fact about Lamech, Noah's father: after Noah's birth, he declared, "[Noah] will comfort us in the labor and painful toil of our hands caused by the ground the LORD has cursed" (Gen 5:29 NIV). Since this is the one notable detail the Holy Spirit chose to record about Lamech, I assume it describes his prevailing attitude toward his son. Lamech apparently had an exceptionally high level of confidence in Noah's integrity and creative ability. He undoubtedly was one who constantly told his son, "You can do it!"

Whatever else we conclude about Noah, he was clearly a skilled problem solver. His creative ingenuity was remarkable. The logistical complexities of building the ark and organizing its mission would have been monumental. While God gave Noah many instructions, there is no evidence that he directly revealed all the details of the project to him. It appears, rather, that he left Noah with many problems to resolve on his own. Yet all of the evidence suggests that he successfully tackled each of these challenges and never concluded that any was too difficult.

Noah certainly benefited from his father's high expectations of him. Lamech's conviction that his son would make a difference helped give Noah the courage to tackle problems which most would have thought insurmountable.

Positive Influences

The lesson is clear: we desperately need the influence of optimistic people, and those with strong, contagious faith, in our lives. In my own life there have been so many instances, like the two I've mentioned, where a single individual inspired me to think hopefully about a situation which I thought was at a dead end. While that person may not have given me a solution to my problem, he or she inspired enough optimism that I was able to open my eyes and see a solution that in some cases was only too obvious.

We need to accept how vastly influential the power of suggestion is in our lives. As Christian psychiatrist Paul Tournier points out in his classic The Person Reborn, our suggestibility is not in itself a weakness but is part of the humanity God has put within us. Our need, Tournier notes, is not to avoid situations which affect our suggestible nature, but to place ourselves in those where the most redemptive "suggestions" occur. This is a vital point to keep in mind as we plan our activities with people.*

Each of us will benefit greatly from having at least one friend who is a supreme optimist, who believes the best for us and has a special knack for encouraging us when our world looks bleak. It helps especially if this person has strong faith in Christ, which rubs off on us as well. If we don't have such a friendship, we should pray earnestly that Christ will provide it, and we should take what steps we can to find it. If we have the good fortune to gain such a friend, we should give high priority to spending time with this person and benefiting from his or her positive outlook.

In addition, we should take advantage of the affirmation that comes through more indirect means, such as books, articles, teachers, preachers and media personalities.

Last, but far from least, we need to structure our daily devotional time in a way that allows Christ to breathe his optimism and encouragement into our life. Yes, we need to study the whole of Scripture and focus on both the love and justice of God. Yet we should give emphasis to the triumphant themes of Scripture: God's grace, which is greater than our sin; his adequacy, which is more powerful than our inadequacy; his guidance, which overrules our confusion and waywardness. It helps especially to spend time in silent reflection, dwelling on God's goodness and recounting his blessings in our life. It is worth letting more busy aspects of our quiet time go in order for this to happen.

Each of us needs a heavy and frequent dose of optimism. Keeping our hearts cheerful and hopeful is not just good stress management but foundational to faith in Christ. I'm certain it's a vital part of the good soil which Christ speaks of in the parable of the sower, which gives harvest to the seed of faith (Mt 13:3-9).

We must simply keep in mind the role others play in keeping the soil fertile. Here the truth of the ancient adage always applies: "Choose your friends wisely."

Reconcilable Differences

2010-09-06T02:44:00.000-07:00

This past year my husband, Mark, and I celebrated our twenty-first anniversary. During those twenty-one years, we tripped over many truths about life—and sidestepped a few more. Kind of like Dick Van Dyke and his pesky ottoman.

We had a lot going against us back in 1975. We were twenty years old with two years of college remaining, and we had never lived on our own. We came from different backgrounds: Mark grew up on meat and potatoes while I was used to hamburger-surprise casserole. He preferred water-skiing on a steamy lake over my hiking in the cool mountains. But we had two key things going for us: determination and our Christian faith. We were committed to each other and to our growing relationship with God.

Determination is solid. Tough. It goes beyond high hopes and sweet endearments. It's the bedrock of a lasting marriage. Although love is essential, it's somewhat ethereal—like trying to capture your breath on a cold day. But when love's intertwined with determination and deep Christian faith, it becomes strong.

Yet just because we were both determined to make our marriage work doesn't mean I didn't want to grab Mark in a headlock a few times. (And vice versa.) But over the years, we've discovered ten truths of a lasting marriage:

1. You say tomato, I say tomahto. When we were first married, we thought it was necessary to like the same things. With innocent accommodation, I tried pan-fried chicken and Mark tried chicken 'a la king. I tried to watch basketball (such squeaky shoes!) and he tried to watch black-and-white movies (such gorgeous shoes!).

It was done with the best of intentions but with mixed results—I learned to like pan-fried chicken and he learned to tolerate recipes that were 'a la this and that. But as we stopped trying so hard to blend our individual tastes into one, we learned there are advantages to not liking the same things. I never have to worry about Mark snarfing up my rhubarb pie and he never has to worry about me taking a bite of his pumpkin.

And our horizons have been suitably broadened. Because of me, he's experienced the excitement of live theater. And because of him, I've learned to sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" during the seventh-inning stretch.

Our differences don't diminish our life together. They enhance it.

2. Nobody's perfect. Hosea 2:19 reminds us of our wedding vows: "I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion." But because we're human beings, strong emotions also come with that pledge. Just because you promised to love, honor, and perhaps pick up his socks doesn't mean you don't sometimes feel like stuffing a sock in his mouth. But as the angry feelings come, remember to let them go until you can talk to your spouse without yelling. Think what it would be like to see the sun sparkle across a mantle of newly fallen snow and not have his arm to tug … or to wake up on your birthday and not have him there to roll over, squeeze your hand, and say, "Happy birthday, hon." Continue Reading

Marriage in Real Life

2010-09-06T02:42:00.000-07:00

I recently started watching Friday Night Lights, a show about the inner workings of a small Texas town and its obsession with football. The show centers on the high school football coach, Eric Taylor and his wife, Tami, as they—sometimes unknowingly—disciple the inhabitants of this small town in football and in life.

I’m only on the first season, but I’m already struck by Eric and Tami’s marriage. In fact, it might be the healthiest portrayal of marriage I’ve seen on TV . . . ever. In a sitcom world of oblivious, lazy husbands and manipulative wives, it’s refreshing to see a marriage in which husband and wife are equally supportive and kind toward each other.
I also appreciate that this fictional couple isn’t romanticized, but they’re healthy. Eric and Tami grapple through issues together. They unpack these worries at the end of the day, giving each other advice and grace as they go. And even in the thick drama of a television show, their lives aren’t flashy. In fact, sometimes the occasional mundane doldrums of marriage are so realistic that I wonder if I’m watching a real couple.
Sometimes a real, working marriage seems boring to an outsider, or even to us. And so many weeks in my own marriage, I find myself saying, “Wow, this is harder than I expected.” The tedious ins-and-outs and the difficulties of life together can be grating unless we realize this truth: It’s not all about us.
This stark concept, so utterly simple, is one of the hardest for us to grasp as individuals and as a culture. For example, I just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love, in which the author, Elizabeth Gilbert, becomes unhappy in her marriage . . . and leaves her husband. Wait, I must have missed something. When has marriage only been about personal fulfillment?
Marriage is not about the way of happiness, it’s about the Way of the Cross. This really shakes things up for us. Living in the shadow of the Cross, especially in the context of marital love, involves a daily dying to self, a constant sense of living for the other person, even when they’re annoying, thoughtless, or distant.
And this union, which the media fails to capture well, is built on a lifetime of sacrifice for the sake of Christ, for the sake of each other. Sometimes the sacrifice even means loving through the mundane moments, when we’d rather be flitting around Italy, eating copious amounts of pasta, and finding spiritual enlightenment. But marriage certainly isn't joyless, even with its sacrifices. Beauty and laughter also fill the cracks of the day-to-day, where we catch glimpses of heaven.
Real marriage, a far cry from even the best fictional portrayals, is a crucible, a vessel that can stand high stress and ultimately alter its contents, husband and wife. Through its joys and trials we are sanctified in order that we may love more fully.