Life-O-Life ... ... It can't be better ?!

News clip from MingPao

2011-05-09T22:42:00.001-07:00

Local Chinese newspaper has written the news of Matthew

on May 3, 2011

Here is the link

www.mingpaovan.com/htm/News/20110503/vap4.htm

Thank You!

2011-04-22T17:46:00.000-07:00

The Celebration of Matthew’s Life took place on April 20th, 2011 at Richmond Funeral Home at 10am. ‘Celebration’ is the word chosen by Matthew, as he wanted us to celebrate life, not sadness; Celebration - because April 20th was also Matthew’s birthday.

The ceremony was attended by over 200 friends and family. It began with prayers led by Father Qin; followed by readings of the Bible by Matthew’s beloved daughter, Olivia; and son, Leo. A compilation of photographs showing Matthew’s life was presented on screen; special tributes were made by Matthew’s friends Michael Day, David Chong, Kelly Ng from SUCCESS and Michael Li who represented Dr Albert Wong and colleagues from MCMIA (Hong Kong).

After paying the final respect, a reception was held in the lounge.

On April 21st, Matthew’s body was taken to Valley View Cemetery in Surrey to be cremated.

The family would like to express our sincere appreciations for all the well wishes, flowers and donations given by Matthew’s friends and relatives.

Special thanks also to Kathryn Tung who narrated the entire celebration, and to all the friends who helped with the preparation.

Thank you once again from Matthew's family

Celebration of Matthew's Life

2011-04-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

To friends who would like to share the memories and tell stories to celebrate Matthew's life, a prayer service will take place on Wednesday, April 20th, 2011, at 10 a.m. at Richmond Funeral Home (8420 Cambie Road, Richmond, B.C., Canada)

Friends who live in different parts of the world or will miss the gathering may share your memories of Matthew at Life-O-Life.

Esther

Matthew Rests In Peace

2011-04-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

God gifted Matthew this morning and let him rest peacefully on April 16th, 2011 at 5:05 a.m.

Thank you for all your prayers and support to us, no words can express enough gratitude.

Love,
Esther, Leo, and Olivia

Earthquake, Tsunami, Radiation and Cancer

2011-03-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

It's been sometime since the last post. There were quite a few things happened during the time which shocked the world while I was in my new drug trial period.

In a nutshell, my condition is stable with a little improvement everyday (or at least I tried). The pain is under good management now, which is very important. The side effects are there but well tolerated. Eating is still an issue but thanks to Esther and my family, it has improved and I started to gain weight though slowly. Energy level is good and I have been reading more and stay awake more during the day. Although mobility is not in full scale, I am working on more out-of-the-house actitivites, e.g. Dim Sum lunch, etc. It's always nice to walk with your own two feet on the ground and run into people that you know in the street. You may want to know how is Mr Cancer doing with me lately. Consider that I am only about three weeks on the trial, it's too early to say one way or another. Or I would say, "it's more important to enjoy today, to enjoy NOW!" whatever the future holds, worrying today is a waste of time. I am sure by now, you know me well enough and you would agree with me without a blink in your eyes.

11th March is now a date for remembrance. At one point, I cannot even watch the TV to see the tsunami running through the houses and imagine those >20,000 people died or reported missing. That moment must be very hard for them to bear. Yesterday, there was a report about orphans of the event. The kids were playing among themselves, laughing and smiling innocently, while their parents are missing. A few of them may be lucky and join with their parents later when all things are settled. Most of them would need to survive on their own, in the rest of their life.

May God take good care of you, to fill you with courage and love! We are all attached to one another, and you shall never feel alone.

New Trial.... New Hope!?

2011-03-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

The latest CT scan shows Mr Cancer has come back strongly and played very aggressively. He has taken my liver and spleen. He also filled most of my spines and pelvic bones, and caused me a number of new pain sites. Thanks to the professionals, we finally have the pain, more or less, under control and thus my quality of life at least can improve.

The world class oncologist at BCCA discussed the case in detail with me. We decided to stop the previous chemo treatment and immediately switched to a New Drug Trial. It's a newer generation of Erlotinib (Tarceva), which I have taken last year and responded well. The drug's name is Crizotinib, by Pfizer, coded PF804, or PF299. It's under the same group of the EGFR. Failing this drug, my oncologist is so motivating and encouraging to start telling me now that there will be another drug, by Boehringer Ingelheim (Afatinib). Clearly, it's one hope after next, and then next? Great it's a world filled with hope, isn't it?

In a nutshell, and not be confused with my today's situation: None of the established treatments work in my case and Mr Cancer has been back sometime and strongly. Though, I am now offered a new drug trial which apparently and possibly can do me some good (scientifically on paper). And like they say, keep your fingers crossed. Or I would prefer, keep your prayers for me! Thank you.

Progressing ... Slowly!

2011-02-16T18:53:00.000-08:00

Today is the last session (of total 10 sessions) of my latest radiotherapy. The other treatment shall continue. The complication on my swallowing and other issues are making improvement, but slowly. Esther and I met with more doctors and it is apparent that among the doctors we received different, and sometime even conflicting messages and reasons of what happened. I went as far as the Internet can go, and without exhausting myself at this critical stage of recovery (as the priority remains on my cancer and body health), all I can say is my knowledge in this direction has increased and provided me more food for thoughts.

Pain is still under control, which is crucial. Food quality, hydration intake, and daily activities and quality increased, except that blood pressure is little low and special caution is needed in getting up and even the speed of walking around.

Families, friends and relatives are still providing their prayers which are continuously needed and please keep them coming. The road ahead will surely take more, or even much more than expected, require and consume more effort and energy. As long as the head is up and spirit is strong, and confident in yourself, no matter what, we shall walk tall and destiny is always certain. No matter how slow the progress may be, the process is more important for us to live through, and better to enjoy. Believe me, I do understand, I really do, it's easy said than done, then yet, it won't harm to at least try another time, walk a further step, and even if we failed trying, what else are we losing in the trying process? Then, why not try?

A Short Report!

2011-02-08T20:46:00.000-08:00

The third radiotherapy, 10 sessions, ended yesterday (7/Feb). Chemotherapy started today (last session was 22/Dec, then was the complication on the spine fracture, then the surgery, etc.) The next radiotherapy on the way starting probably this Thursday (10/Feb) and will be focus in the lower back, as it's been complaining for a few weeks.

Will have to see the spine surgery Doctor on Friday (11/Feb). Most of the complications remain, cannot swallow solid nor thin liquid, neck muscles and movement extremely tight, basically a few degrees up and down left and right. Sleep is difficult to be longer then half an hour, and changing of postures helps but will then be pain afterwards. No pain no gain!

Cheers everyone, assuming you should be enjoying every time you drink water, or can sleep well for longer than an hour ... And pain free! God bless!

Celebration The End Of Our Life!

2011-02-07T17:10:00.000-08:00

I did not expect that when I was watching a Chinese produced movie, towards the end of it, a middle age very successful businessman had a rare type of cancer. There were a few dialogues exchanged about life and death. Then, they decided to host a End of Life Party, where all friends and relatives are invited when the dying person is there also to share his feeling. I was touched by a few shot of it and also some words now embedded in my head.

Personally, it's a neat idea to have a End Of Life Party. A gathering for everyone to join, to share, to grief and to farewell. There shall be more memories that simply remembering a man passed away, and the dead man has no way to defend others memory! (Hahahah!)Let me chew with this idea (also mentioned in Raymond's comment over the weekend). Will surely let you know how I am going with this idea, if body condition allows me time to do so.

The Meaning Of Pain and Suffering!

2011-02-04T17:01:00.000-08:00

Vividly, I remember there was an article written by a Taiwanese writer. She classified pain into various types, small, medium, big, and super pain, and then short, middle, long, and pain as numb, etc. She was suffering from "glass bones" since her teenage, and she has been living with pain since then, until the day she died by the sixties. The news (or merely rumor) said that she was actually killed by her Indonesian maid, who was so fed up taken care of her and kicked her on her chest without knowing this could actually kill her, and she did. Even at this page of her life, she showed her forgiveness and told the paramedics who was sending her to the hospital that it was her that fell down and trying to forgive her Indonesian maid who actually was emotionally exhausted and kicked her by accident. She wrote every word with much more effort that us, due to her breathing issue and her body conditions, but she continue to write and her publications and books, and more important her spirit had encouraged a few generations and many people around the world. Reading her articles are such an enjoyment!

What is the meaning of pain and suffering? Many religions offered their reasoning. Some worth digging deeper into it and some, in my point of view, just taken as par value. To me, it's more of a relativity issue. If we may pause and think for a moment, most of our life time, if you are willing to think in this direction, are filled with happy or at least "pain free" time. Okay, we may have a flu occasionally, and we had a headache. We may even over-drunk ourselves and have a hang-over. but in general, most days we are in a state of "pain-free" condition. At such a state, you would never asked what is the meaning of pain and suffering. Only when you are suffering from it, like me now, that you may want to dig deeper into it and trying to find meaning of what you are suffering from, or if at all, if there are anything inside them. Honestly, I don't have a clear answer now, and I am still eagerly looking into it.

Share with me if you have any good thoughts on this.

This beautiful flowers are provided by Sheena, delivered to my house by David.

Gifted By God, Nothing I Need More!

2011-02-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday evening (2/Feb, 2011) is the last day of last year in Chinese Calender, and it's the dinner that we spent with family as a reunion (or Thanksgiving in North America). You may watch in the news how Chinese all around the world celebrating the Chinese New Year. As for my family, it's a relatively simple but heartwarming gathering. My Mom cook a very nice meal, filled with delicious and all the dishes of our favorite, and then we all gathered together and have a very nice time together. Irene, as told earlier, came all the way from London of UK, and here she is, sitting right in front of us, enjoying time together with us.

Then, today, Joey and Irene came to my house and we had a few very good conversation. One topic, among many other topics, is about my funeral and what should I plan for it. They provided their opinions and we had a very opened and sensible exchanges on the subject. It's wonderful that we can discuss of such serious subject with such an ease atmosphere. It's really great!

Kenneth, my nephew in Hong Kong called me this afternoon to wish me every best. I burst into tears not because of sadness but because of happiness. Kenneth borne when I was about 12 years old. He was part of teenage time as he lived with us. Later on he made his progress in life and it's about 8 years ago he established his family, and now he has a great wife, a beautiful daughter 7 years old and a boy 1 year old. Looking at his son, it reminds me of Kenneth when he was young, they are almost of the same face, and more important always laughing. Kenneth also found his career now in the interior design industry and have done a few very successful project. This part of his talent inherited from Joey. It is beautiful and made me so happy. And I am in tears ... of happiness!

Happy Chinese New Year of Rabbit!

2011-02-01T16:52:00.000-08:00

My beloved ones, family, friends and relatives,

Thank you for everything that you have provided me, especially your love, care and prayers. Without them, I don't think I can come this far.

This is a time to celebrate with family and friends, to meet with old ones as well as new ones. More, the focus is in celebrate life, the most precious thing we all have, once and thus enjoy it well. Treat your beloved ones generously, forgiveness is the greatest gift. Hold their hands and tell them how much you loved them, don't wait as you never know when will be the next time, the next opportunity that you can say same/similar things.

It's also time to remember those who passed before us. The fact of life is ... we are all going to die ... one day! Thus, there is nothing to be worried about, ... rather, it's time for us to celebrate today ... today our life!

God bless and enjoy life! We all live once and why not enjoy it while we can?! Agree?

Thank you again!

Yours, Matthew
This photo is taken by Edward.

The Mind of The Teenagers Today!

2011-01-28T10:28:00.000-08:00

I watched a News program produced in Hong Kong, interviewing two successful persons today and their views on today's young people's view towards work and opportunity. Both of them, almost of same opinion that, they prefer to be born in today's Hong Kong as the economy are much bigger and opportunities are much more today versus the ninety seventies in Hong Kong. Then, it's about the mindset of the teenagers today that their level of endurance of work challenges are much less than before, and even assisted by their parents. There seems only a few youngsters who have the right mindset and are willing to endure pressure and willing to work harder in order to achieve more than their peers fellows.

Reflected on above, I was looking back at my work life as well as a few of my fellow friends and classmates. Indeed there are opportunities that we faced (during the eighties and nineties) which are no longer there, e.g. the open-door of China and our ability to bring in latest technology and products to mainland China. Meantime, it's almost indisputable that at the time, any person like myself, seems don't know "how to complain". We basically worked and worked, and for both the solution and the results, the goals. We seldom stopped and looked around of us and complained (and delayed our actions).

In my occasion, I tried to engage young people in order to get a better feeling of their mindset. They obvious grow up in a different environment, basically more comfort than what we had during our time. It's not that they cannot endure work challenges, or that they easily complain. It's mostly their mindset is developed with a different social background than ours. They have also witnessed success without paying much effort, e.g. in financial and investment fields.

Life (and work is part of the life) is full of challenges and pain and sufferings, and it also contains rewards and happiness. Main thing is to walk through it and enjoy it while you can. Endurance of pain can train and grow you stronger. We shall not purposely avoid pain, but when pain comes, let it educate us and teach our body how to accept it.

(*This photo is taken by Edward.)

Early Morning Trip to BCCA!

2011-01-27T09:53:00.000-08:00

It's good to set off early for the day, especially anyway I need to take the medicine at early hours. Esther and I set off by 7:15am while the sky was still dark and it\s so nice to observe the sky slowly getting brighter and finally, like this morning, the sky is totally bright and everything is so so nice. By the time we finished our radiotherapy, it's not even 8:30am and we are already start heading home and arrived there before 9:00am, still enough time to watch the morning Hong Kong news (and the latest episode about a big name, Dr Ho in Hong Kong and how his 4 wives and many children trying to get hold of his wealth, even before his death).

My breathing, after Qi Gong Master Hong's help for a week, has improved a lot. Now I can basically breath in and out without much obstacle. Swallowing is still an issue, but now my choice of foods have increased a lot and you may imagine me basically eating every now and then, like non-stop ... the energy level, from my own feelings, also improved. Okay, muscle of the body still weak and coughing still there from time to time, but the feeling, which to me is the most important thing (more than biological) is great!

Again, I want to thank you friends and relatives, you are all so great and without your prayers and love and care, I don't think I can come this far! I am gifted to have you guys with me and please keep me in mind as I shall continue need your prayers and supports in the days to come which I shall try to recover and further improve! Thank you!

Home Sweet Home!

2011-01-26T10:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was allowed to be release from Vancouver General Hospital and return home. It was also yesterday that I started my latest radiation therapy on my sine and throat. It will take 10 sections over 2-3 weeks time and then I shall proceed with my chemotherapy which was kind of half-way done (as first infusion was done before the spine surgery. It was stopped and shall start again after the radiotherapy.

You may still remember that I am having he swallowing problems. Coming back home, a lot of options immediately opened up, e.g. now I can mix fresh fruit with yogurt, I can do congee with meat and add my Chinese sauce to it, and I can try even new type of thick juice. Since yesterday, I observed that I have increased eating. To make my mouth more comfortable, I have my Chinese plums. I don't eat them, but simply keep them inside my mouth and make my mouth waterly. I can walk around the house and trying to take care of my own body with the help of Esther and others.

The greatest, now I am home and I can be with my family members everyday. Olivia and Leo, and then my Mom with my brother Joey. Irene is coming from London to join us in two days time. She was planning here for long as for the Chinese New Year coming up. We are going to have a family reunion and everyone will enjoy that gathering together.

This is the post that I can do it myself, yes, using my own netbook and make everyone's life easier. I continue to make progress in my breathing (and swallowing) and it's really great feeling to make progress everyday.

This morning Esther and I set off early for the 2nd radiotherapy treatment. Morning is always so fresh. The below photo was taken when I returned home, it's before 9:00am, was you up yet?

Again, friends and relatives, thank you again for your prayers! It works well and I am glad I am here so far. Although I am down at only 120 pounds, but my spirit is strong, as strong as ever!

Nothing you possess is eternal! Except the love and the memory. Everything else will vanish!

2011-01-24T21:28:00.001-08:00

When you have a few minutes and look into life. What is life? Babies are born; some by happy parents but some don’t bear a clear reason and would starve since then. You can see it on the news all the time, yet the same incidents repeat everyday. Parents give birth to their own babies without giving them the love. Of course, there are many adorable parents who give birth to babies of their own, and have been loving them ever since. All the respect and adoration goes to these parents.

Then what is life? We grow up everyday, we learn new knowledge, new skill. We play different roles in the society, we take up new challenges and we contribute our work in various ways. We also enjoy our life, our happiness and our sorrows are shared. If we are lucky, we would have an extended family and friends, people that come and love us. They do whatever for us without really concerning about what they get back. At a certain stage (no one can be certain when or what age) disease, sickness, or accidents may strike us. On the statistics, 40% on cardiovascular, 33% on cancer and the rest on various reasons, e.g. accidents, other diseases etc.

Some obviously will die with less pain while others die of more pain and suffering. But it’s not up to us to choose. And circumstances show, different people have different preferences. Then, of course, the end stage of life, i.e. Death is merely the other side of Birth! They are the two sides of same corn. Birth came when Death is attached and will come with it. On record, we have not seen yet a human life is born without death.

So what do we get from life? Come with bare hands and go with bare hands. Nothing is in between. My friends, if I can say something here: It’s the Love, It’s the memory that maybe your life is unique, and eternal! In the hands of God, we Trust! Miracles are here!

Everything is related!

2011-01-23T20:14:00.000-08:00

Long is related to short. Pain is related to joy. Happiness is related to unhappiness. Knowing is related to ignorance. A mountain of million years is related to a tree of thousand years is related to a human life of a hundred years and is related to a flower which lives by the day and hours. Comparing my life with the life of Earth makes it seem extremely short but comparing it with a flower, I am long lived and I can make every possible flower on Earth jealous. "How can you live that long?" But then how should we measure our life? By its length? Or by its achievements? By its quality? Or by how many friends he made by day? Or simply by contrasting one life with another, and then conclude that "Oh! your life is better because you have done more with it in the same length than I have."

To me, every life is unique! We are all different. Even though everything is related to one another, and everyone is related to another life, we are still unique.

As soon as cancer hit us, we seem to focus more in the length (quantity) of our life versus the quality of our life. We try very hard to find ways so that we can life longer. Meanwhile, we may have forgotten that we are sacrificing our quality of time. There are often debates which argue if an elderly lung cancer patient should go through a big lung surgery? It's hard to say as we never know what exactly is the result, or worse, it's often combined with emotional decisions and many other body conditions of the uniqueness of each individual. Or using me as an example, I came for the spine surgery in order to have my pain under control, but no one expects that complication here is my swallowing issue (in fact al the doctors still say it's a mystery) In circumstances such as this, we have to "stay cool and start learning" again. Learning how to take care of our body.

*Canucks played a wonderful game last evening. It was 3-3 all the way to the playoff. It was the last (3rd) score when Luongo covered the puck with his full body, but his body rolled into the goal line and finally the judges said "it's a goal" when most of the audiences like me still didn't even see the puck. It was a nice try!

You always have a choice! Always!

2011-01-22T23:57:00.000-08:00

My case of "swallowing problems" now became an official mystery. All the professionals involved, after the big meetings and small ones, came back and said they don't really know what happened. They did offer me alternatives, such as drinking "thick" liquids in order to avoid risk of choking. Eating solid food is not possible, neither is consuming thin liquids a good idea. To go further down, they may also offer me alternatives such as adding a feeding tube directly to my intestine. This means the food will go straight into my intestine without me knowing the taste.

It always amazes me how little knowledge we have on our own body. We have been living with the same bodies for centuries long, and technically (and biologically) I doubt it has changed even a tiny bit structurally. And yet there are so many things about our own body that we don't know. Every knowledge is so deep and wide.

Last evening there was an interview about a father, whose daughter, aged 13, committed suicide a few years back. He wanted to come forward and speak up and to warn the Chinese community in Vancouver about "emotional wellness". Be more sensitive and caring to the kids, or your spouses. This kind of news always saddens me. As you can imagine, each day there are people struggling their way through the hospitals. They suffer for various kinds of pain, different degrees of pain, many different types of uncomfortableness and even some mysteries, perhaps an unknown case of swallowing problem.

If ever in the future, you think that you may have ran out of options, think again, as there is always a choice just around the corner, and a choice just in front of you.

White again in Vancouver

2011-01-21T22:43:00.000-08:00

Vancouver was covered in white again. My hospital bed is facing the direction of Granville Island and therefore I get a spectacular view from my room. I am sure a beautiful scenery from a hospital bed can help in stronger recovery. Those that did not have beds with good view shall stay strong and thus a strong recovery.

After being in the hospital for 2 weeks, most of the muscles start to get weaker and I need to start working with them and get them stronger. Yesterday, I started to drink the thickened water, but meantime I should not drink too fast in order to avoid choking, keep in mind that my major complication now is not to allow food/liquid to go into my air wave. The swallowing is taken slowly, almost like one sip at a time, and then allow the one sip to get to the stomach one at a time, so that I can swallow enough nutrients to keep me for the day, i.e. the energy that allows me to go for longer, and then longer. My body after all is my body. Obviously, some liquid are easier to swallow than the others, while some are tastier than others. The good news is that I can still "taste the tastes", and I can still "feel the texture of the food". Keep in mind only two days ago, it was me who cannot swallow and who do not even know the taste of a specific food item.

Global TV is promoting a campaign and a couple goes for it. A woman of 31 suffered from Terminal Stage IV cancer entered the competition. Her husband and she look great and are adorable. Their two kids, like many others, seem happy and trouble-free. Actually some of these shots gave me heart-breaking moments. Then, when I kind of settled and caught a few breaths, I told myself, "Everything will be okay!" Leave it to the hands of God, everything is going to be okay, one way or another! Compared to other fellow cancer patients in the other parts of the world, we are indeed the more lucky ones.

What we are doing now is: "stay strong, maintain our high spirit, work closely with the medical professionals and exercise and prepare our body for the key major challenges that will come our way in the near future.

It's difficult and nearly impossible for us to win God! We need to be gifted by Him if a miracle can take place. But what's important here is to open your heart wide enough, so when God grants us the miracle, we will be ready to accept, rather than sheltering ourselves away and having poor preparation.

Friends and fellows, I'm trying hard (as you can see) to walk to the other side of the challenge. No matter what the result will be, thank you for sharing the voyage with me as itself is an enjoyment. A joy!

How is it like if you haven't eaten or drank in the past 2 weeks?

2011-01-20T22:03:00.000-08:00

If you lived long enough, you would have come across sarcastic real-life stories that are either ridiculous or impossible to bear. For example, a world known liver expertise who had a minor cut in the surgery, got infected by hepatitis and was killed in one week. A world class stuntman who jumped between cliffs of thousands of miles in height, who walked down his front yard, only six or seven steps, head first, hit the ground and broken his neck. He died instantly. The story list can go on and on. The key message here is, no matter what happens, there is a cause and there is a way to come. A lot of people (before and after us) have tried to avoid things to happen, or may have wanted to change the result to a more favourable term. Either way we failed.

My advice to you is "Let It Be!" If you go deeper, you failed by trying deeper and harder. The result was not deviated a bit even if you tried extremely hard to alter the outcome. But still, back to the first point, it simply remains the same as before. So, why move in the first place?

This morning, another modified swallowing test was performed. The performance has marginally improved, but among us, we discussed in detail what options lie ahead of us? If i am unable to swallow and sent home, I am basically eating less and less and one day, wasted totally and I die. Or the doctors prefer to have a feeding tube on me, directly to my intestinal area so nutrients can be supplied and I can be strong enough for cancer treatment. The risk of bone fractures are always there, as this time around, my cancer mainly affects my spine and ribs.

Breathing these few days have improved. I am so grateful that God has given me the opportunity to breathe (again), whether it is a light breath, a short breath, a luxurious deep breath, or my most enjoyed "yoga breath." I am also grateful that God has allowed me to swallow this afternoon, whether it is a short swallow, a harsh and hardened swallow, a swallow that you may not like, or a big swallow of turkey potatoes mashed with a full tea spoon. Everything is a great joy!

For your ease of translation, below is my lunch menu (and its translation):

Starter: Lobster bisque (heartland vegetable soup)
Main: Thanksgiving turkey with world wide green on the side (hot turkey sided with mashed turnips)
Dessert: Lemon pudding
Drink: Nectar-Orange Juice served with thickened water.

You must take the special note that all these dishes are for real. I actually drank and ate them. And I shall continue to go this direction.

Improvement is a process. It can be done day-by-day, or week-by-week. We must not rush, as rushing may not bear any meaning. More importantly, try to encourage those beside you to take care of others. Try to make this a better world. It's such a beautiful world!

The Whole Idea is to "Live Normally"

2011-01-19T19:43:00.000-08:00

People in developed countries, or in well established medical system countries may not know how lucky they are as they did not experience what others may have gone through. Not only is getting a medical treatment considered lucky, the medical professionals are also important, mostly with good and responsible mindsets and the willingness to always go an extra mile to make you more comfortable when you are lying in your sick bed.

Medical management is never easy. Some things like care and love are difficult to be trained in, but it's the most important part of the whole operation. In the past 20 days, I witnessed first hand the differences between good and bad medical professionals. Imagine you are lying in bed and in the middle of the night, you need to go pee-pee. For those that are sensitive and considerate, they will try to set up everything to your convenience. It might considered to be common sense for some people, but for others, this can never be achieved.

Working at a hospital is a very highly pressured job. As you cannot control the workload for any moment, and keep in mind that there are additional and quite some load of paper work. Records inside the file can go for many inches thick and practically no one can read through them all. Then, almost on a daily basis, there are new patients checking in. There are certainly a tonne of things to write about that I see in a hospital, but today I like this statement. Dr. Lee, who operated on me, is an excellent doctor. He is filled with love and care and is always willing to spend more time to answer your questions, or more to remove some of your concerns. (And explaining these to non-medical people can be a difficult task.)

My spine and ribs and chest bones are filled with cancer cells. Like this time, my spine made the slightest complaint and caused bone fractures on my C2 bone, which then lead to the decision of this recent spine surgery. The whole idea, Dr. Lee said, is to try to get back your normal life. You might not want to do anything on the bone fracture and imagine that it will only confine you to your bed and waste your days away. Although there will be bone fracture risks at other spots that may need to be fixed in the future, let's deal with them one-by-one. The key is to have you, the patient, benefit in life and try to live a normal live as much as possible.

Dr. John Wu of BCCA visited me today checking on my body condition and he would like to get started with my radiotherapy soon in order to contain some of the cancer cells.

Thank you for all your love and care, I am gifted to be taken care of.

Life is about tests, and then more tests!

2011-01-18T20:43:00.000-08:00

I did not pass the swallowing test this morning. There are a few things they gave me to try out and in front of the x-ray machine, you can actually see yourself swallowing. Or more like it's the documentation channel, to show some negative image of someone trying to swallow. The purpose of this test, is to make sure that we can swallow properly and not to push the fluid or food into your lung. Because once this happens, a lot of complications may take place and pneumonia is one of them.

The Doctors and professionals don't really have an idea of what is going on, except that they are discussing among themselves what's the best way to go after this. Then, as you can imagine like in Europe, or Asia, more tests and then more tests. This also equates to a longer stay at the hospital.

There are quite a few things that one can do at the hospital. I shared the room with a few roommates already, they come and go, and this one, still with me is a young man. It's amazing that he had a surgery two days ago and now he is already down his bed and he is planning to check out. (Of course, I didn't tell the guy that I am also a Cancer Patient and that my bones are also cancerous) When I am walking through the process this time, I would say, "I am multi-tasking", i.e. trying to get a few problems/issues fixed all at one time.

Life is about staying strong and being optimistic, keeping your head high and working with people of the professional nature, so together positive energy accumulated and overcame the difficulty.

Is Road of Suffering the Road of Recovery? Or More? Out-live Where You Are Today

2011-01-17T20:22:00.000-08:00

I must admit that there were a few posts in the past two weeks in which I didn't even remember what I was posting. I was lying in the bed and writing, and just kept on writing, and then Esther would check with me on what I have written earlier, I would forget and would need to second guess the content.

Staring from these few days, as the knowledge that I learn about myself and the ability to communicate with the medical system, some conditions, or at least the comfort level of my living improved. Also I spent most of the day sitting upright and doing some simple exercises, e.g. moving the arms around, moving the legs around, and keep good activities with my muscles so that I can survive and go longer.

My dear friends, my problems in the past 2 weeks, especially after surgery, are really on: "swallow correctly", "breathe nicely", and "eat properly." Do they sound simple and straight-forward? And these are things that I am sure you have taken for granted. But if you dare to exchange our position, then you will immediately be able to appreciate all these simple things in life. Again, the Blogger is about learning from death, how the dying process is like. Thus we can learn how to live everyday and live it to the fullest.

A lot of you have called Esther and sent your regards. Thank you. I shall update this Blogger as frequent as I can. Again, the centre is NOT me, it's you and how you live YOUR life to the fullest.

January 12th, 2011

2011-01-12T22:23:00.000-08:00

This morning when you wake up in Vancouver, you will discover a new layer of snow on the ground. It is not the first time in this winter, but indeed like a few of you may agree, it gives you some form of pleasantness.

Esther waited for the snow to dissolve before she set herself off to Vancouver General Hospital in Vancouver. A few friends offered their ride to take her here, but she has chosen drive by herself. Actually driving in this type of weather sometimes can be very pleasant.

One point I would like to draw your attention that writing a blog during this time is more difficult than previous. I now need to write down the blog content, give it to Esther, carry it back for Olivia post on this blog.

Then, of course, everything is becoming more difficult as now I have my swallowing difficulty and that this afternoon I have my feeding tube to be installed. Something will take it for granted easily until you cannot do it anymore.

This afternoon, Esther helped me count the followings, now I have these tubes attached to me:

1. 24 hours oxygen monitor

2. Nostril liquid feeding tube

3. Anesthetic pain management pump

4. 24 hours I.V. infusion tube

5. Yankauer (suction tube for mucus or saliva)

6. Urine catheter

7. 24 hours nurse ring bell .......

What a list!

Update After Surgery

2011-01-10T19:47:00.000-08:00

The surgery in Vancouver General Hospital (VGH) went well between 8:00 p.m. of Jan. 7th to 1:30 a.m. of Jan. 8th. The doctor had originally wanted to perform the micro-precision surgery, but unfortunately that was not possible and I had to go with the "traditional" way of the surgery. The difference between the two is the size of the seizure width.

I was out of the surgery early in the morning, but I was having some issue and was not transfered back to the ICU until around 6:00 a.m. In the past two days I continued my journey to learn and being educated about how to "breathe" and how to "just relax and breathe naturally" When we breathe everyday and every hour, we never realize how we breathe. For example, using mouth in, mouth out, nose in, nose out, or nose in and mouth out, should we have deep breath or not, like in Yoga or in Qi Gong.

Today I have made some good progress but a few procedures are still required to make sure that I can swallow naturally. We will continue to work with the professionals.

The spirit remains strong. (why not?) Thanks to you, and everyone out there who showed me and my family your support, care and love.

Thank you very much!