Life According to Being Sam's Mom

Our Latest Updates

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Thu, 10 May 2012 14:20:00 +0000

Dearest Friends and Family,
I am terribly remiss in posting this here. If you're on Facebook, you've already seen it all (though I am sharing a different family photo this time). But for those of you keeping up with God's Abode via this blog, I am terribly late getting this up...

In reverse order, I'm happy to share that Amol is finally off to India. He's been there a few days and I'm hoping it refreshes him as my trips back to the US always did for me during my 8 years abroad. Prayers for his safe and fulfilling travels, please!

Before he left, we went and got some family portraits taken. My husband and child are so photogenic that it was hard to find bad photos in the collection taken!

What you can't see in the pictures taken above is the burgeoning bump that goes along with the announcement we shared on Facebook:

We're expecting the latest addition come late October.

And finally, Sam had a lovely 3rd birthday with lots of balloons, candles on his cake, and singing, "Happy Birthday, Dear Sam" as many times as possible, just as he requested. My favorite part? When he tried on the Sully (Monsters, Inc.) costume we got him for his dress up playing...

But for some reason I can't get the photo to load right side up, no matter how many times I edit it for rotation. Sorry...

Trying to Work It Out

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Yesterday evening I sat in a gathering of fellow congregants and looked forward to a new series being presented at our church. I'm excited for the series; having read ahead as part of the "planning team," the lessons are profound and have really brought a sharp light onto things I struggle with in a genuine relationship with God. Meanwhile, I've been struggling through spiritual dissonance that is rapidly approaching crisis point. I do not mind this - crisis points have historically worked out very well in breaking me and finally driving things deep into my hard heart and stiff-necked ways. The problem is, I'm coming further and further away from reconciliation with my peers and teachers. It's the supernatural aspect here that actually troubles me. See, if I truly believe they are speaking through guidings from the Spirit (and I do), and yet my interpretations are different (and I honestly feel that there is some amount of guidance for those interpretations also), then how can all of us be on different pages?
Do I look at my relative newness to God and simply say I must be getting it all wrong and adjust?
Do I look at my coming to the LORD, the very supernatural aspects of it, and the not-insignificant fact that I learned directly from His Word and leadings rather than an entrenched and politicized church?
How do I take things that worked themselves into every fiber of my being and say it's incorrect because that person told me so? It's not the feeling of having to relearn some history that was mistaught; it's a conviction so deep that when I go against it, I literally have sleepless nights and a deep-seated feeling that something is terribly amiss.

Last night was just such a night. In discussion about a particular Scriptural passage, I tried to stay away from my own understanding of the passage. The way I interpret it is often rendered as legalism or rejecting grace. I disagree with this; I think we can have very sound and even strict rules that are given to us in love and that we follow out of the same love and respect. But I have grown weary of defending this position and have begun to also look at the fact that I very possibly am Just Not Getting It. And so I've been trying to take a more...community line. And last night I wept before the Throne for how wrong it felt.

While a friend has pointed out that blogs are for sharing what is happening in our families and lives, for me, my blog is where I go for insight into what I'm contemplating. Sometimes it is the simpler, more physical things and writing about what's going on around the homestead or what sweet thing Sam has done recently is one way I internalize what my life is coming to mean and represent. It seems more often, it is how I sort through and study what God has written to us and how I interpret what is coming to me from that Word. And so I now work through last night's passage as I try to wrap my head around what I wanted to say, but could not. Because I lacked the courage. Because so many would say I'm so very wrong in that interpretation. Because I'm tired of feeling like my peers roll their eyes when I speak. And because every fiber of my being cries out with this conviction.

Matthew 7: 21-23
21 "Not everyone who says to me, `Lord, Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, only those who do what my Father in heaven wants. 22 On that Day, many will say to me, `Lord, Lord! Didn't we prophesy in your name? Didn't we expel demons in your name? Didn't we perform many miracles in your name?' 23 Then I will tell them to their faces, `I never knew you! Get away from me, you workers of lawlessness!'

Faith is critical, but it is not enough. This passage speaks to me of obedience, even to the small stuff. Prophesying, exorcising, performing miracles - these are all heady things. Very flashy, impressive to crowds, and I've seen it in my home church in India where many of the more dramatic gifts are still alive and well. And here's the thing; we know these things also require faith and someone who has done them really is authentically calling on His name. Jesus chastised his disciples that weren't able to cast out the boy's demons because they had too little faith. Nonbelievers who tried to do it as a show and without authentic faith had the demons turn on them and rip them to shreds. We also know that someone cannot proclaim Jesus as Lord (presumably what one is doing when doing something in His name), except by the power of the Holy Spirit. So we are not talking about pagan heathens simply putting on an exciting show. We're looking at true blue, Jesus is King, Praise God Hallelujah "Christians".

The variety of the 2nd half of verse 21 is interesting when looked at across several translations and when digging into Strong's over multiple layers. They boil down to "who do the will of my Father," "who do what my Father wants," and "who obey my Father." And what He wants, according to all those books of the Bible, according to the Sermon on the Mount, according to the prophesies still to come are righteousness through trusting and obedience to how we are to regard Him (love with all our hearts, beings and resources) and His Creation (including ourselves). In other words, He has told us how to live and He continues to interact by having provided us with his indwelling Spirit. There are rules for day to day living and then there are requests made of us specifically and specially. And He has provided the means to meet all of that.

But as long as we continue to wander around talking about this "free gift," we are at risk of falling victim to the semantics of the word. It is "free" in that we did not earn it. We did not deserve it. We could never live up to its value or promise. But it not a gift to be taken for granted or to be seen as a one time deal. It is an exchange. God gave us Jesus. Jesus died for us. We didn't deserve it, but if we're going to embrace Him, we need to at least try to live up to his standards. And since we'll continue to struggle with that, He'll give us the Spirit to enable us while continuing to make up the difference of our drastic imperfections. For something regarded as "free," that's still a lot of "transaction" going on. But every day is a new day. Every day requires new, and more, surrender. It requires eyes to see and ears to hear...actively. Because God is unchanging but he is not static. Nor should we be. If we are taking up our crosses daily, it is not only to die, but to spend the afternoon walking through jeering crowds, exemplifying humility and dignity and steadfast belief. The death is actually the reward. After we've obeyed the arduous journey that is hopefully a little bit easier because many of the boundaries have already been set for us.

That is not legalism, that is love and sacrifice and longing.

Meanwhile, on the Homestead Front...

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 13:18:00 +0000

It's been a long time since I mentioned what's happening around God's Abode.

As for the animals, it turns out one of the carports we converted to a barn didn't handle the cold so well, and was starting to tear apart at the seams (seems to have been a problem with that batch of product because our 2nd one was doing just fine). Since we can't fix it till Spring, and since by then we'll hopefully have collected enough salvaged lumber to build a proper out-building, we stripped the "barn" and took our goats for a walk down the road where they are now boarding in our neighbor's barn for the Winter.

We butchered about half the chickens a couple months ago. The remaining dozen have finally started laying fairly regularly, though scantily, as would be expected in Winter. I combined two of the coops - the stationary one built from pallets and the mobile one, draped with a tarp, in order to provide a windproof area with enough room to move about freely. It's not pretty, but it's surprisingly effective, especially with a fresh layer of straw to cover droppings and give warm bedding. There's an area where they can hop the "fence" and wander the yard when they want, since it's been such a mild winter. A bit of grass and fresh bugs only seems fair now that we're getting half a dozen eggs every day.

Of course, there will always be the rebellious couple of chickens that take advantage of the free ranging opportunities. I can count on anywhere from 2-4 eggs every day in the cat's covered bed on our porch. These ladies come up in the morning, regardless of how much snow they have to wade through and "yell" at the cats until they vacate their soft, insulated bed. Then they hang out for a while, considering their eggs to be rent, I suppose.

Unfortunately, an update on animals provides a segue into an update on our people...

A deer decided Amol needed some excitement on his drive home from work.

A few days later, another deer tried to take out the other side, but Amol was able to steer just enough to clip the same corner, taking out the rest of the bumper on that side. Happily, the second deer incident occurred between getting the estimate and the actual work done. But we're thinking Pennsylvania (or at least Crawford County) should consider re-opening deer season now that there's some snow on the ground to help with tracking...

In another animal:person update, Sam would happily tell you all about Honey, his "new" pony.

Life doesn't get any better for a little boy than having his own pony, even if it boards down the road at our neighbor's barn for the moment (at least she and the goats can exchange stories). She was given to us by a good friend who does a lot of larger animal re-homing.

Sam himself is doing wonderfully. He continues to explore and grow and has now developed enough words to really let his personality shine through in conversation. I quite enjoy him and get a good laugh at least once a day through some experiment or other that he conducts in order to "do it himself".

Clearly, I'm smitten.

WTB 5 - Why Doesn't God Fix It?

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 14:45:00 +0000

A common refrain in the debates over whether there is a God and whether He is good is, "If He's so all-powerful and loving, why doesn't He fix all the bad stuff, or allow it to happen in the first place?"

The answer to the latter is easy: He didn't allow it. He gave specific instructions against it. But first we rebelled by eating from the only excluded tree. Then He gave us a bunch of rules to live by (most of which can be summed up as "don't do bad stuff to each other"), and we rebelled again. Then he took those rules and gave us a living embodiment of himself in our hearts to always remind us and whisper into our consciences. Still we rebelled. He did not allow any of it. What He allowed was the amazing gift of free will. It was us who chose to allow such atrocities against Creation.

It has long been a complaint of mine that in the Great Debates, many who believe in God aren't able to respond to the allegations of a morally monstrous God with accounts of genocide and favoritism amounting to racial prejudice. From the time God established His covenant with Abraham, on a hillside where Abraham slept amongst the butchered bodies of the animals he sacrificed, it was known that the region that would eventually become the land of Israel would spiral into such moral decay as to be deemed evil in every aspect. God had already said Isra'el would be slaves 400 years and only then brought back to the land to claim it because only then would the degree of evil become "ripe enough to punish". That's reiterated in a couple places and came up again in today's writing:

After the LORD helps you wipe out these nations and conquer their land, don't think he did it because you are such good people. You aren't good - you are stubborn! No, the LORD is going to help you, because the nations that live there are evil, and because he wants to keep the promise he made to your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Deut 9:4-6 (CEV)

God also takes care of that argument of favoritism here. Isra'el was and is, indeed, chosen. They were chosen through an express agreement. It's also worth noting that while they had the same free will as anyone else, they were kept on the "straight and narrow" (and prevented from falling as deeply into a pit of evil as all the other nations) by being particularly chastised and disciplined. While other nations had centuries of doing what seemed good in their eyes with no immediate repercussions, Israel was handed over to enslavement, had chasms rip through the middle of camp taking out the tents of those who pilfered, were smote with plagues, and pretty strictly kept in line. They were favored, but never forget it came at a price of having to live up to the reputation of "God's Chosen People". They were the modern day equivalent of the Pastor's kids; still able to rebel but held perhaps a bit more tightly in line because everyone would be watching to see what the walk looks like to go with the talk.

But another thought occurred to me this morning as I was writing these passages. If we understand that the land was filled with people so evil as to do what they did (and history and archaeology in secondary sources tell us it was some pretty horrendous stuff), God was using Isra'el as an extremely targeted, scalpel-like instrument to remove the most evil elements. He was, in short, "fixing it". And look at what many have done with that account a couple millennium later - it is used to show how awful God is and why people should turn away from Him. It is also a historical lesson in 'be careful what you wish for'. I expect if God were to "fix" the many bad things in our world, there would be widespread death and carnage as the negative elements were removed. As we look at the account of Israel moving across the land and cringe, even as some of us try to hold it in a certain context, it is not an easy scene to assimilate. Could we handle that in our own day and age?

More than that, do we understand that the Word we're given is a powerful tool of witness and explanation (not to be confused with defending). In one breath, a person will ask, "If God is so loving, why doesn't He fix the world" and then in the next breath ask, "If God is so loving, how could He have wiped out whole nations of people?" And for us, it is a perfect opportunity to declare that He wouldn't be much of a Creator God if we fully understood His ways, but it sure seems like a case of an unanswered prayer being easier to bare than if He truly fixed it as we sometimes ask...

WTB 4 - My Beloved Sh'ma

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 14:13:00 +0000

Sh'ma Isra'el! ADONAI Eloheinu ADONAI Echad.
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.
And you are to love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your being, and all your might (or resources).

I love what is called "The Shema," a group of verses that begins with the above, Deut 6:4-5. It stood out to me the first time I read through the Old Testament and remains one of my very most favorite pieces of Scripture. I sing it to myself sometimes. I sing it to Sam often. He sings it to me and to Amol just as often. In Hebrew. It's the one piece of Scripture Amol knows by heart. In the children's books I got Sam (The Bedtime Sh'ma and Modeh Ani), his favorite page is when we get to this phrase.

A quick break down of the original language of this, according to Strong's, makes this a very emphatic and urgent verse.
Sh'ma - Hear. But not just to register an auditory signal. No, this is "to hear intelligently with implication of attention, obedience, and causatively, to tell or proclaim."
ADONAI or LORD is to let us know the actual use of the specific name of God was used, reserved for times when only the most reverent reference will do. And here it's used twice in a row. That tells us something.
Finally, Echad - one. A rich word meaning one, first, and interestingly, united.

It is Scripture like this that makes me wish I knew Hebrew to read it in its original fullness, though something about it just stands out as important in any language. And it is, which is why amongst our Jewish cousins, it is repeated 3 times a day, to always keep it forefront in the mind and first in the heart. It is also the most important commandment, according to Jesus. It poetically goes on:

Hear, Israel! The LORD our God, the LORD is one.
And you are to love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your being, and all your resources. These Words, which I am commanding you today shall be in your heart, and you shall be careful to impress them upon your children, and shall speak of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up... Deut 6:4-7 (CJB & The Scriptures)

In other words, this thought is to be all-consuming and we are to consciously make it so. With that in mind, Moses goes on to give specific teachings and laws - the Torah or Law. Because I just can't let this one slide by, it's worth noting that even then, God's Law was intended to be on our hearts and did not come only with the advent of the indwelling Holy Spirit.

What would that look like, to hold the Word of God so dearly that we made a very specific effort to give voice to it multiple times a day in just about any scenario? Would it help to keep our children from leaving God's family? Would it help to keep hearts soft so that they continue to grow spiritually rather than becoming ambivalent about an extended relationship with God? Could it help someone find their long lost children after death and tragedy and extended separation?

I've known I loved the Sh'ma and what it represents since first coming to it. But after reading the following story, I revere it in a more powerful way that extends beyond the poetic or its ability to calm my sometimes-ravaged soul.

In 1945, Rabbi Eliezer Silver headed up the search for thousands of displaced Jewish children across Europe. The rabbi had a promising lead with a report that a monastery in southern France had taken in Jewish children. But the priest in charge was of little help, declaring that to his knowledge, all of their children were Christians. He scanned their small faces—many had lived there since they were toddlers. How could he know if any of them were from Jewish families? He asked if he could visit the wards. In front of the children he began singing in Hebrew, “Shema Israel, Adonai Elohenu, Adonai Echad.” (Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.) A handful of faces lit up, and tiny voices from around the room joined in. They recognized these ancient words from their bedtime prayers, and from their earliest memories of their mothers and fathers reciting them each morning and evening, during their own prayers. (excerpted from Lois Tverberg's blog and her upcoming book, "Walking in the Dust of Rabbi Jesus")

Dearest Adonai,
May I never forget the power You hold in my life and what it means to call you Father. More than that, may I never falter in making sure Sam sees me giving you the credit and the glory and the love and making sure he knows that above all else, is You. Amen.

WTB 3 - Admonitions from Moses

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 14:59:00 +0000

I have a tendency to sink in to mental lethargy and depression. Depression is, at its heart, a selfish illness. The world closes in to only you and how you see it in that moment. I don't mean it's about living in the present; rather (at least for me) it includes taking all the garbage from the past and bringing the shame of that to this moment while also looking into the future and projecting that shame and hopelessness onto those experiences to come, as well. It shrinks everything to only your own perceptions of self and flippantly disregards the kindness and love that others have towards you. It makes everything about 'me' and 'I' and the negatives of the world.

In writing Deuteronomy 4, Moses had a few admonishments for me as I wallowed in self-pity. Deuteronomy 4 is a fantastic chapter all the way around. I could probably spend weeks fleshing out the many important things shared in this particular portion of Moses' writings. But what really knocked me upside the head is:

You must be very careful not to forget the things you have seen God do for you. Keep reminding yourselves, and tell your children and grandchildren, as well. (4:9, CEV)

In my deepest moments of depression, I am feeding my mental imbalance (in an all-you-can-eat buffet) by remembering what I have done for myself and how badly it turned out. I am showing my husband, my friends, my family and most importantly my child how much I dwell on my own actions and sense of self. And as I am sitting in the middle of my own echoing head, wallowing in the muck and mud of Me, here comes Moses with his staff raised, reminding me I must be very careful, because I'm replacing God in these moments.

I've been living a rather supernatural life for almost 3 years. Truly, it's been astonishing and when I'm careful to offer up the thanks and the glory and speak openly about the tremendous things God has done in my life, I can't help but be in awe. For the most part,the demons that haunt my head and conscience are silenced in the presence of that awe. It is when I quit reminding myself or let those vicious inner voices speak over the remembering that I sink to a place that is very hard to reach.

God is much more awesome than me. I don't ever want to live on my own strength again. It's just not a very good place to be. And sometimes it takes someone like Moses, with his fits of anger and powerful intercessions and unquestionable compassion to remind me what's necessary and what it is I'm passing on to my child in any given moment. It's also testament to why we need to be in communion with God through the many channels available to us; He is still speaking to us and when we can't hear one call, He'll get through to us through another one. In whatever state of mind we find ourselves, we must still hold on to our commitment to God- He WILL find a way to direct our paths now matter how deafening our internal voices. It's a Truth for which I'm profoundly grateful.

Adonai, Master of the World, give us knowledge.
After giving us knowledge, accept our repentance.
After accepting our repentance, forgive our shortcomings.
After forgiving us our shortcomings, redeem us.
After redeeming us, heal us.
After healing us, bless our lives.
After blessing our lives, bring us together.
After bringing us together, judge us fairly.
After judging us fairly, defeat the evil in us.
After defeating our evil, strengthen our inclination to do good.
Now that we are holy before You, make the Earth heavenly for us.
Hear our prayers and make us worthy of Your goodness.

-from the Amida

WTB 2 - No Free Lunch for the Chosen

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 22:09:00 +0000

In writing Deuteronomy 2, I kept underlining phrases that stood out to me. In simply reading, this was the chapter that marked Israel moving from Sinai towards the first of the battles that would bring them the Promised Land. But this time, phrase by phrase, I saw something else. At first, I was noticing that God was warning them to follow his instructions exactly and not get into fresh trouble (no surprise there). Then, I noticed a more regular trend. Things like:
Be very careful (v4)

I have given them (v5)

You will have to buy (v6)
Before the LORD gave the Moabites their land (v10)
I gave them their land (v19)
The LORD helped them (the Ammonites) as he had helped the Edomites (v22)

I couldn't help but think how frustrating it might be to have been a People chosen by God, knowledgeable about that special status, wandering for 38 years with your parents having recently died (v 14) as punishment for being stubborn and untrusting (oh yeah, after 430 years of slavery), and what do you have? Consistent warnings to not get into any tiffs with the locals because God had already given them their land. What's more, anything needed must be paid for. Challenge after challenge and for what? To learn your relatives (v8), those outside the explicit blessing, are already settled and comfortable...

But then, in verse 25, we see the next words, "Today I will start...", and that's when the action begins on behalf of Israel; God causes adversaries to fall with nary a fight.

I can't help but think on my own journey. As with any follower of G-D, I am promised great trials as well as great rewards. If I can be brave enough and steady enough and trusting enough, I can represent the Kingdom sincerely enough to witness great joy and experience the growth of Fruits beyond my wildest imaginings. But to get there, I must stay the course, just as my Hebrew ancestors did. Ultimately, while it took longer, entailed more challenges, and even saw more loss and, yes, death, holding fast to the promised blessing brought extraordinary response from the Father.

I still genuinely believe I am where I am today because there is something I'm intended for. It may be as simple (and profound) as spiritually influencing the 1,500 sq ft that is our home. It may be more. It may even be less. And I am the first to admit that I have many days that I lose heart and wonder what madness led me to think I'm in a chosen place at a chosen time. But I take heart from chapters like Deuteronomy 2. That I am not the first to traverse lands that make little sense to me, filled with stories of others who are nicely settled and seem to have order to their lives. Instead, I shall continue to move forward, trusting that I will find the Jordan some day, either in this life or the next...

In other news.... a stove update

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 15:15:00 +0000

Anyone who knows me or has read my blog in the last year or so knows how much I love my stove. I also chronicled a bit of our learning curve with the coal burning stove last year.

There were some definite down sides to the layout of our house and the lack of heat circulation creating a tropical climate in the living room and upstairs while the kitchen and downstairs bedrooms alternated between moderate and walk-in refrigerators. It also bugged me that we had to use up propane to turn on my kitchen stove when I had a heat source already going (the design of our coal stove didn't allow things set on top to get hot enough to boil water or cook anything). So we were paying for propane to cook, paying a lot for coal to heat, and it seemed kind of riciculous since one 'appliance' should be able to do both while I looked out at our orchard tree trimmings laying on the ground and some very large but dead trees across our acreage.

So we came up with a solution...

True to form (my India friends will recognize and appreciate this), we had a friend confirm where the weight-bearing columns were, and then got out the sawz-all and took out half the wall dividing the kitchen and living room. Circulation problem partially solved, we looked at slightly re-routing the chimney to the kitchen side instead of the living room side. It's fortunate we did since it turns out our chimney was in awful shape; we can only chalk it up to God looking out for us that our house didn't burn down last year. The part that was enclosed was a terra cotta thimble and was cracked and broken with twigs and birds' nests packed in tight... So in addition to redesigning our house layout, we installed a brand new chimney.

We bought our neighbor's old wood cook stove and got it moved in.

And since this is an old farm house, where it is recognized that the heart of the house is the kitchen (and so is a sizable room), I even had space to put a couch in next to it, so I can cozy up while I'm stoking the fire in the mornings...

So now we're heating with old oak cut down from our property, heating our house while (sometimes) cooking our meals. It makes my heart happy.

WTB 1 - It Seemed Like a Good Idea

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 13:25:00 +0000

From recent writings from Deuteronomy, a glimpse at Chapter 1, verse 23.

There have been many situations in my life that have left me a bit perplexed in just how I got to that place. While there's very rarely a simple, single factor, it's not unusual for me to be able to pinpoint the critical juncture for everything that followed. In retrospect, I can shake my head at the folly - information I didn't have or had discounted, assumptions about necessary factors, the reliance on emotion and what felt right rather than rational and objective reasoning... And in that moment of analysis, all I can say is, "it seemed like a good idea at the time."

Which is why I was so amused and, yes, heartened to come across the kernel of this phrase in Moses' great retelling of Israel's sojourn up to the point of reaching the Jordan. That's what Deuteronomy basically is: the action-packed, emotionally-charged memoir of a people and it's divinely-guided leader over 40 years that would be the basis for the next 3,500.

In regards to the suggestion made to Moses by the tribes to send out a reconnaissance team to the land GOD had set apart for them, Deuteronomy 1:23 says,

"It seemed like a good idea, so I chose twelve men, one from each tribe." (CEV, though several other translations use the same phrase)

Within a couple verses, we are reminded just how badly that went with most of the recon team being certain it would be too dangerous, demoralizing the Nation, and incurring the wrath of GOD. Two particular long-term results came about; the Nation, instead of going directly to their new digs, spent the next 40 years circling a mountain a few days' walk away, learning what it is to be God's chosen and giving time for the untrusting generation to die out. The other is that, as a direct result of the unending wandering and incessant whining, in a moment of frustration, Moses doesn't follow GOD's instructions to the 'T', and loses his own ticket into the Promised Land.

Moses is one of my favorite Bible heroes. He had a humility to which I can only aspire. He repeatedly showed a compassion for those he was stewarding that outdoes the patience of any mother for her tantrum-throwing toddler. And I'm more than a little bit awed by his physical stamina and ability to work with any situation. But he was also profoundly human. He regularly had conversations with GOD and by his own accounts, he was frequently complaining about and asking for relief from his stubborn charges. He was phenomenal, but also irritable, moody, and not above bringing up grudges and finger-pointing. Sometimes I think he also wasn't particularly gracious about accepting his own responsibility for negative outcomes.

Moses was and is revered; and rightly so. What an amazing tool he allowed himself to be during a critical time in the history of GOD revealing Himself to us. It would be easy to look at him and in comparison, determine that I will never have any value in serving GOD's purpose; I will never be Moses' equal.

But then, I read Moses' memoir of one of his critical decisions and he says something so akin to my own explanations for things past. And I'm heartened that while there are oceans of difference between Moses and I, perhaps I am still useful, too. Most importantly for me, when I look at how this all still fit GOD's plan, I begin to think that all those decisions I made while not in relationship with GOD may still turn out to be useful to His overall purpose.

I feel a certain kinship as I picture Moses standing at his lookout point, exhausted from years of leading an often ungrateful-people until their children can claim the land he once aspired to, thinking to himself,

"it seemed like a good idea to me...at the time"

and suddenly I can relate with a new-found hope that, within our shared sentiment, even my story may still be used for good.

Writing the Bible - New Beginnings

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 15:29:00 +0000

I have been intrigued by the idea of "writing the Bible" for quite some time. I've even started a couple times and got through several chapters of Genesis as well as Matthew. It's a spectacular way to study the Scriptures and New Testament. There's something about reading in small snippets, repeating the phrase to yourself, writing it in your own hand, and checking you got the words correct that allows small details to pop! and new connections to form for yourself. But then one thing leads to another and, "it's ok if I skip today, I'll pick up again tomorrow" has now been a year later. So I've decided to blog my writing journey; partly because of the accountability it provides but mostly because writing my spiritual journey helps me to put many thoughts into a cohesive nutshell for myself.

At the outset, I want to stress this is my journey. I am no great holder of wisdom, no dispenser of doctrine and am so early on in my pilgrimage that I am still packing my bags and examining maps. If you should stumble across these words while wandering this great virtual world we have created, you are most welcome to sit down for a chat, lend an insight, or (gently, please) offer a correction. What you must not do is think that I think I've got this all figured out...

So beginning tomorrow, I will hopefully share a small phrase that jumped out at me from Deuteronomy 1 (one of my favorite 'books' and so my current 'book' to write).

Advent Learnings

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 22:34:00 +0000

Our Worship Arts Pastor invited comments on what we have learned thus far in this Advent season. He has put great effort in to making it an Experience for us and has succeeded so admirably that I have returned to blogging in order to sort out my response to his question.

What have I learned this Advent?

I learned the meaning and purpose of Advent and that if you are sick of Christmas come 25th December, you haven't "done" Advent right.
I learned that decorations in purple, pink, and a bit of white are very pretty.

I also learned that such simple uses of symbolism really pack a punch in triggering my thoughts through the day to think on the deeper meanings of this Season of anticipation.
I learned there are lots of ways to bring contemplation of the upcoming Event into friends' lives, both those who share the anticipation and those who are rather annoyed at all those Nativity scenes.
I learned I ~~like~~ love Advent.

But what I've learned is deeper than all that.

First, I learned just how hardened my heart was to this holiday.

I've had to take on the remnant of years of following other gods and the resultant irritation I developed of this holiday "shoving someone else's beliefs down my throat" (aka, all those Nativity scenes in people's yards).
My tendency towards the doctrinal instead of (rather than balanced with) the heart shows itself in several ways. We can be pretty sure that 25th December was not Jesus' birth day, and I don't like the seemingly arbitrary date choice. I don't like that it's not actually arbitrary but rather, was done to absorb pagans in their worship of their deities on the 25th. I don't like that it's become THE major festival in Christendom while we happily ignore the festivals God actually told us to keep.
The nearly total secularization of the holiday chafes that yet another aspect of Christian life has been cheapened. I don't like recognizing my own hypocrisy in this (wanting to protect it as holy, yet arguing against its authenticity).

I'm recognizing the power of a shared Experience.
I'm quite content to eschew the crowd when it comes to the ritualized practice of my spiritual life. I like the idea of quiet prayer in a dark closet and struggle with the ability to pray out loud. The aforementioned pastor has been diligent in developing a prayer gathering that is so powerful that I am overcoming some of my inhibitions of audible prayer. Recognizing the power of that process, I committed myself to staying open to the idea of a vibrantly celebrated Christmas season. It marks one of the few times during the year that people's hearts may be a little bit softer to the embracing power of God, while others struggle through this season striving for joy but reflecting on the absent person, the unrelenting difficulties of the year, etc. It is a season that has vast potential for being able to act as witness to God to myriad people; opportunities that are lost if I'm sitting home following my own interpretation and being smarmy about the accuracy of 25th December. Being part of the larger group also provides significantly more opportunities to learn from people much wiser and more compassionate than I; people who are also opening up more because of this particular season.

Finally, I'm internalizing the greater implication of Christmas. It started to sink through my thick head last year, but something about this Advent is really focusing me on why the birth of the Messiah matters so much to us. I find that I not only look forward to meditating Christmas Eve and Morning on the awesome implication of the birth of God in the form of His flesh-and-blood Son, but I'm also looking ahead to Passover and First Fruits and our version of it as Easter. Because Christmas isn't the really the point of the anticipation of Advent, as I see it. Easter is. Christmas is simply the beginning; the first (decidedly amazing) words of a new novel that changes everything. Not a lot of things, not most things. Every thing. Advent is the countdown to the first day of the climax of the greatest story ever told; a story that ends with the invitation to step into the plot line.

I find it all to be terribly exciting, even if I already know how it ends... How can anyone that is given such a gift as a crescendoing Advent Experience do anything but conclude,

"My God is such an awesome God"

Free ranging 2

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 20:12:00 +0000

For some reason, the chickens started eschewing their tractor, choosing instead to roost on Amol's truck and trailer.

Note the Brahma in the front wheel well...
This went on for several days with us carrying the nearly-sleeping chickens each evening back to their nesting tractor. At last, they left the truck alone, though we have found we need not actually enclose them at night. They seem to be doing just fine with no issues of predators coming after them. It's fun to see their assorted sleeping selections.

Communion

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 12:03:00 +0000

As the men begin to pass the trays with the small wafers and the thimbles full of grape juice, I close my eyes and cry out to Jesus that I'm here once again, humbled and badly in need of the forgiveness He promised would be mine. Because I've made it through another week without keeping Him, His Father, and the Spirit first and foremost. I've made it through another week having spoken harsh words, passing judgment, wasting precious time and resources. I've hurt people, I've missed opportunities to "be Jesus" on the street, and I've just generally exemplified what it means to be fallen. In short, I have been exactly what He knew I would be when He did what He did.

Many look at the time of communion as a pause to reflect on what didn't go as it should have, what could have been done differently, and to offer up a heartfelt apology for falling so short of disciplined servanthood. It's also regarded as a time when the body of the church comes together in a brief and shining moment of solidarity. The historical context of breaking bread together was that all ill will, all tension in the relationship, and that all significant disagreements will be finished, moving forward in a renewed relationship. For that 5-10 minutes set aside for our devotional communion, I think maybe that happens.

But my mind always turns to the sacrifice aspect of communion. How for thousands of years, it entailed cleansing oneself through immersion in water, finding an unblemished animal to offer in lieu of one's own transgressions, the act of slitting the throat of said creature and feeling the hot, sticky blood flow while knowing that young sheep or goat or dove should, by all rights, be frolicking on a hill instead of dying because of what is essentially selfishness and rebellion. I've held a young, white, unblemished goat kid born here on our own homestead and thought of having to go through this action. Then thought of doing it week after week, as my own ego constantly overrides His plan and direction for me. It was a sobering insight.

And as I hold the sliver of wafer and the little thimble cup, thinking of Jesus' words, "do this in remembrance of me," my mind goes to an image.

It's me, standing at the gate to the Temple. I've got a whole herd of suitable young goats, each chosen to stand for all the times I turned from Adonai's way this week. But I can't enter because I'm not one of them, one of the chosen, a member of the nation of Israel. I'm not even a ger. I have no business here except for my love for Adonai and the knowledge that I've fallen far short of what I could've been. I'm overtaken with sadness that not only do I carry this crushing awareness of all the good I didn't do, I can't even approach G*D to speak with Him about it.

But then I see him. A man a ways down the wall. He's at a small gate and he beckons me. Looking at the herd following close on my heels, he inquires about them.

"This one is for all the times I showed greed and covetousness instead of sharing. This one for the many judgmental remarks I passed in my head. This one for yelling at my husband, and this one for yelling at my child. That one for not being entirely truthful. These ten for my complete inability to show humility." And on and on as I name the embarrassingly large herd that I have brought as an accounting and to sacrifice on my behalf. "But I can't get in," I say, verging on tears.

He takes my hand and begins to lead me inside. At my hesitation, he says, "It will all be different now. I've made a place for you. You can come to my Father, I'll see to it." I begin to follow, making sure the herd is still trailing, but he shakes his head, a look of kindness and melancholy all in one.

"You won't be needing those. I've got that part covered, too."

It's usually about this time I begin crying in earnest. Those around me hear me sniffling, and I've learned to carry tissues in my Bible cover's pocket. And as I come to the present moment, surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ, I hear a whisper from my fading "vision"…

"…I've got that part covered, too. Now please don't waste it."

Free ranging

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 20:59:00 +0000

Not quite what I meant when I said I wanted our chickens to be genuinely free ranging...

On a related note, we reached a milestone this week in butchering the 3 remaining meat chickens and getting them into the freezer. We started with 6. One had died as a runt, one didn't recover after getting mauled by 2 gangs of chickens (the older laying hens on one side and the other raised-from-chicks on the other), and the last died basically of a heart attack because he'd gotten too big to move.

I'm thoroughly enjoying being a chicken-keeper. They really are a low maintenance creature and the crowing at any time of the day makes me smile every time.

Bailing Hay, er...Mowing the yard...

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Tue, 24 May 2011 17:53:00 +0000

A few weeks ago, a friend was over for lunch and commented that we'd be needing a hay bailer on our yard if we didn't get it mowed soon. It's worth noting that he was squelching through mud and standing water as he made this comment. Since then, we've had enough sunshine to make Spring really burst forth with some amazing growth, while not having enough dry days to keep some of that growth tamed into a semblance of a yard. The goats love what is seemingly a large pasture just for them, and the kittens think stalking each other through the high grass is rather akin to their larger feline relatives on the African plains. As for me, the moment there was just squelching and no standing water, I hopped on the riding lawn mower and got to work.

While the mower has a 42" blade deck, I could only do 12" swathes because it was so long and wet that it kept clogging my blades.

I had gotten off the mower just to run in for a bathroom break and came back out to find it raining. Of course. But don't worry - I persevered and finished that last patch in the rain.
Next up - the section we've started fencing off to have an enclosed area for Sam to play.

If it goes much longer, he may very well get lost in there...
...you think I'm kidding.

Um...That wasn't supposed to happen

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 19:16:00 +0000

It turns out if you leave tender seedlings in the same room as little chicks, the warmth and humidity really helps them take off.

But if you wait too long to transplant them (say, because it's the wettest Spring anybody's seen around here for a long, long time and your first efforts at garden digging have resulted in little ponds around the yard...), those same chicks will throw off enough dust and ammonia to kill off or badly damage those same seedlings.

Also part of the learning curve - there is such a thing as Floppy Kid Syndrome. They don't really know what causes it and because recovery can be spontaneous, aren't really sure how to consistently treat it. If you know what to look for between the 3rd and 10th day of your new (goat) kid's life, you can give them a tablespoon of baking soda to drastically increase the chances of survival, should they come down with it. Unfortunately, we didn't know this and were working with the suggestion that Flower (Violet's kid) was simply dehydrated and undernourished.

Flower succumbed about a week ago. To add insult to injury, Violet picked up a lice infection from that pygmy goat we'd gotten at auction some time back and is now about half bald and has lost a lot of weight. We're coddling her, trying to get her back up to full health (lice can consume as much as 10% of a goat's blood volume per day!). But she's had a rough couple of weeks.

Meanwhile, the "barns" we've built were based on this plan we got from MaryJane's Farm magazine

and while we had guy lines and stakes on the 3rd structure we used as an entry and storage space...

...it turns out the weight of the pallets that form the half walls really do make the difference of what you wake up to after an early morning storm that includes 55 mph winds...

As Sam would say,

"Uh oh. Big uh oh."

We found the missing structure upside down on the other side of the apple orchard.

Fortunately, all the animals were fine and the chickens that were just inside that right side 'barn' (which happened to have the door open into the 3rd one that flew away) seemed fairly unfazed but the sudden absence of protection over their doorway.

While part of me feels like it's been the Week of Job around here, in reality we've been very fortunate to have relatively minor setbacks to really build our learning curves. Just think - the plants could have all died in the middle of the growing season whereas for now, we can get more seed and/or pick up some starter plants from the local nurseries. While it's sad we lost Flower, it could have been a contagious illness that might have taken out all 6 of our young kids. While I'm bummed the storage shed flew away, it is still salvageable and no animals or tools got hurt/damaged.

Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise, and

When the darkness closes in, still I will say...

Blessed be the Name of the LORD

Thanks, Adonai, for lessons that show us where the weaknesses in our homestead are without incurring any major damage. We keep learning and You keep showing what can be done as long as I keep trusting.

He Turned 2!

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 17:23:00 +0000

Somehow, it's already been 2 years since I sat in an inflatable pool in our little backyard garden in Bombay, delivering a baby. I don't know how a full 730 days could've passed this quickly; I'm convinced there's some sort of time warp that goes along with motherhood that should be explored by quantum physics and string theories. But I have proof that it has indeed been long enough for us to celebrate Sam's 2nd birthday yesterday:

A close up of the cake that included a brontosaurus and stegosaurus along with little dinosaur confetti. Amol got in to the baking-at-home thing and enjoyed adding the swirled color effect to the batter as well as the icing job...

What were those odd red things around the cake in the above pictures? Well, let me tell you...
We found the dinosaur molds months ago and I've been so excited to make dinosaur shaped cupcakes for Sam's birthday. Unfortunately, as the bubbles in the batter got baked into permanency, much of the definition was lost. Only the brontosaurus turned out (mostly) properly. The stegosaurus wasn't awful but not quite in line with my long held vision for the day. The fearsome T-Rex? Looked like a small breasted chicken... What's a mother to do in such a situation?
Make Jello jigglers, of course...

They turned out to be rather fun, as jigglers always are.

Sam made short order of beheading the T-Rex.
In honor of his birthday (and because by then, I was on a jiggler roll), I used a cool flower-topped mold to make some for the Praise-a-thon gang at church yesterday evening. Turned out pretty and disappeared in short order.

The day was rather brilliant and we had a good time, along with a pretty significant sugar high (Amol made Indian gulab jamun sweets in the evening along with a special birthday dinner). Sam is at a very cool age where he's interacting in a big way but still small enough to be adorable and regularly cuddled (whether he wants to be or not). I am aware that even though we're firmly into tantrum season, this is a time that will be all-too-fleeting and I try to hold on to every memory-in-the-making.

PS - if you're one of the folks who checked in about anything he needs, we're collecting a Playset Fund so that we can get him this

and be able to share with him over the many years of use that it was a collective gift from so many family and friends.

Spring, Act 1

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 02:26:00 +0000

Sunday was a lovely window in to what is to come. With temperatures in the mid-70's, Sam got to wear shorts outside, I had on sandals, and Amol took the lawn tractor for a ride around the yard, just because he could. The goats all came out for a bit of sun basking, the dogs got baths (so did one of the goats), and I got the "barn" cleaned and organized now that all 3 structures are up. We started to work on the strawberry bed, but the ground was still too wet to make much headway on that.

A glimpse of the afternoon...

Yep - I think farm life is going to suit Sam just fine...

Plus Two

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 12:36:00 +0000

Turns out Lavendar wasn't in labor two days ago, after Violet had her kid. She was just really freaked from an accident from which I'd just rescued her.
Nope, she had the kids this morning. Yes, plural.
Two new doelings (twins aren't unusual).

Meanwhile, Violet's doeling is doing well and resembles a cotton ball now that she's dry and well fed...

I milked Violet for the first time yesterday afternoon (my first time milking a goat) and it went well. She stands nicely for it, so long as you feed her ample amounts of grains while keeping her head locked (comfortably) in the milking / grooming stand Kent made for us (have I mentioned how grateful I am to Kent for making this for us?!?). At this point, she's putting out a high ratio of colostrum, so the results of the milking went straight to the adopted kids for their bottles, but I will admit to a ridiculously elevated sense of achievement. Turns out being a breastfeeding mother who has expressed milk herself lends a certain degree of innate skill.

As for names, the three kids we'd brought home from the auction are Ruth, Rahab, and Abraham (as patriarch of the herd). I'm thinking maybe Shiprah and Pruah (the rebellious midwives who defied Pharoah during the time of Moses' birth) for the twins and how about Miriam (Mary) for the pure white one?

Farm(let) life is definitely a lot of work, but I must say the sense of contentment and wonder is nearly overwhelming. I'm loving this!

Announcing a New Addition

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 19:26:00 +0000

We happily present our newest member at the God's Abode Farmlet:

Violet had a doeling this morning. When I got home from MOPS at around 12:30p, Amol told me to head immediately to the barn to see if Violet needed help since the kid was "coming out". I got down there and she was already licking her clean. All was uneventful and the two are healthy. Amol sat with her for most of the labor and said she was a real champ.

Gotta run - Lavendar seems to have gone in to labor, too! Will keep you posted...

Someone Else's Words

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 22:52:00 +0000

There are a number of e-lists I'm on. More often than not, I 'save' a mail for later until finally, my inbox well over a hundred or so unread "mass" mails, I begin deleting them. But today, Sam is sleeping in, cuddled into the nooks of Amol's shoulder and elbow. I have some much-appreciated me-time to spend on some of these devotionals that I usually miss. I went ahead and opened a couple, and oh, what a reward. I have to restrain myself from forwarding too many to friends that I think would enjoy this or that. But this one I just had to post here. It's simply too timely considering some discussions I'm having with members of my church family. It's also a fabulous and beautiful reminder to consider as I run between bottle feeding goats, watering seedlings, bonding with chicks, and keeping my family fed and feeling well-loved. This is just an excerpt - for the full, not-too-long article, go here.

Instead of customers or corporate shares, I manage holiness opportunities (hopefully).
When I get too entrenched in overdrive mode, I think of two special words. Basi L’Gani. “I came into My garden,” G‑d relates, when He describes His creation. Garden? Sounds lyrical. My pulse is already slowing as I imagine the fragrant lilacs.
These are the opening words of an important chassidic discourse, the last one delivered by the Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneersohn. The Rebbe expounded on another chapter each year. What is their message? These great and holy giants tell us: mitzvot and holiness are of infinite importance, but don’t let them become a list to plow through. Go out in the yard. Enter the garden. Smell the roses. Yes, G‑d wants us to do mitzvot, lots of them, but He’s not a big accountant tallying them up in the sky for some shareholders’ meeting. He made this world because He really wants—a garden. A simple place of simply impractical beauty and pleasure. Why? Can you ask why about a rose? Dissect and analyze it and the mystery is gone. It is just one of those things of loveliness, even though the world could seemingly trudge on without it. He begs us to play with Him in His garden, help weed it, and make it lovelier yet.

From: Making My World a Garden

Another angle

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 12:32:00 +0000

If the earlier post of 'Growing a Farm' tells you what we've been doing, then Steph's post of 'Farming 101' tells you how we've been doing it. I promise, there is some strategic planning going on, and everything is done with thought behind it. But the truth also is, we're all novices. We've got a great collection of books (Thanks, Storey Publishing), some amazing neighbors to give hands on support and lessons, a fabulous array of knowledge and advice-by-telephone from The Mothers, and a pretty amazing church family that has jumped in on several occasions in minor to major ways. We've also built a small but impressive collection of power tools.

But really, after you read Steph's post and get over the laughter (it actually is rather accurate and is not dramatized for the sake of blog-reading friends), there truly are only a few conclusions one can draw:

We've got a whole lot of motivation and sense of adventure to be doing this, if I do say so myself
We're learning a spectacular amount through hands-on trial and error- trying to focus on the learning aspect and staying positive enough to see the comedy of the errors
We're learning a lot that isn't "just the way it's done", mostly because when we find something that works, it's because we stumbled across it out of ignorance while trying to mend an earlier mistake
We're getting a lot done for a first-year farm, because we didn't know how much work several things would take and so loaded up early. I mean really, as a strategic move, opting for baby animals of assorted species and home-grown seedlings is great. As a point of reality, it's only the the sense of wonder of watching them grow and the personal investment of helping them along that prevents the sense of being a bit overwhelmed from completely overwhelming me.

But finally, the most blatant and most important conclusion one would draw from all this is:
We are fully in God's hands and He is showering down His blessings

There really is no other way to explain how we've got an (economical but sturdy) barn (and sunroom) full of very healthy animals, several of which were simply given to us, flats full of very vibrant seedlings (an aside- I kill everything that is green. yes, everything. My gardening friend calls me the mass murderer of plants.), and several ideas on how to work with these resources to support ourselves as well as lend some support back in to the community.

HE didn't exactly weed out all the soldiers who were scared, married within the last year, or who drink from a lake with cupped hands in order to take on an army of thousands, but He's done enough that is beyond our own abilities to prove to us (and those around us), every day, how very not-alone we are.

To God alone be the glory...

Growing a Farm (aka, what we've been up to)

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 05:02:00 +0000

It's been a while. There's been lots to blog about and I find a running monologue in my head, dictating blog post texts to go with the snapshots my brain has been taking of the very cool stuff we've been up to. Sadly, I've had to choose between doing and blogging. Staying up a bit late, I have a moment to breathe so I can update you all!

Surely you remember these ladies:

We managed to get the 2nd "wing" of the animal structures up. The segue between the two is still needed and we were trying to figure out how to best build the chicken coops as well as the 'kid pen' for when the above ladies have their babies. Fortunately for us, Kent and Kristine came for a visit and Kent designed and built the skeleton of a coop 'tractor' (mobile coop so the chickens always have fresh pickings while we can control how widely they wander, thereby protecting the tomato plants) as well as a goat milking stand! (Thanks, Kent!)

Soon after they left, we went to the Meadville Livestock Auction and came home with an adult pygmy goat that may or may not be pregnant

and 3 kids (2 does, 1 buck), for which we got the 'kid pen' built

that need bottle fed a couple times a day

We've got 32 chicks, including light and buff Brahmas, buff Orpingtons, black Austrolorps, Rhode Island Reds, and Cornish Rocks.

They already outgrew their first boxes and are now living it up in a huge refrigerator box turned on its side.

I finally got the first set of seeds for the early/cool temperature vegies and those that have long germination/maturation periods into flats and under lamps

This first batch includes broccoli, brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, celery, parsley, tomatoes (8 kinds), lettuce (3 kinds), cumin, carrots (2 kinds), beets, spinach, eggplant, and habanero peppers. Next week I'll put in the next round. All said and done, we'll have several hundred seedlings of a few dozen vegetables and fruits to transplant come mid-May when the frosts are safely over. 90-95% of these plants come from heirloom seeds / stock.

All this while Sam has been thriving. In addition to helping to feed the baby goats (the Best. Thing. Ever! in his book), his 'aunt' Stephanie keeps him entertained with singing and hand puppets (at the same time, but not necessarily in conjunction with one another)

and he's developed a real penchant for suspenders

and mischievous grins

In short, we've been very busy and incredibly blessed. God has been looking after us closely and there's more to share about our evolving (self) employment plans and how the tools needed for that have been coming together. But that's for another post...

Good News (article)

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 04:16:00 +0000

It's encouraging to see a group loving their (distant) neighbors so fully as to inspire even atheists to comment that they can see Jesus hands and feet at work.

Not born on the bayou, but staying for good

A community of Mennonites has brought their way of life to the bayous of Louisiana.

See the full article here

Prayer

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 13:57:00 +0000

I am undergoing a particular spiritual discipline that is bringing a lot of things into amazing focus. Happily, one of these things is prayer. It would seem the Spirit understood my plea from my birthday reflections and got right on it!

As I set out on my current course, a friend recommended I consider the Mincha for lunchtime meditation. This is the mid-day prayer shared by Jews around the world. Curious, I looked it up and truly, it is beautiful. The Mincha is one of 3 sets of prayers spoken daily, so I decided to explore the morning and evening prayers, as well. From there, because I'm me, I had to dig in to reasoning behind having set prayers, especially in light of the fact that we are to be in personal relationship with Adonai, with Yeshua, and the Spirit. Working from a script seems a bit counter-intuitive to that. Set prayers within Judaism actually date back to the time of Ezra when the exiles were pouring back in to the ruined city of Jerusalem and the elders realized that many were struggling with spontaneous prayer. After all, He is a Mighty Big God and we are pretty much amoeba before Him (sinning amoeba, at that). Amidst the awe and the regret for any transgressions with which people approached Him, they were missing out in being able to have a real dialogue and relationship with Him because they couldn't find words. That sounded familiar...

Aside from that, prayer really is a discipline - something we owe our Creator. Not in the sense of a debt being collected, but in a willing recollection and appreciation for all He has given us. As one author put it, prayer should not be only when we feel like it because suddenly we need something. We've been given too much to limit our communication only to that.

Over and over, we are told in the Scriptures to to bless the Lord. How often do we do it? For some, it comes easily. For many of us, we're very good at ooh'ing and awe'ing over things without being mindful of their Source. The more mundane things are even less likely to be offered up in appreciation. But there's a shift somehow when we bring our day, our focus, our existence, back in line with worshiping and blessing God. A fabulous example is the worship portion of yesterday's service at our church. I knew in advance that this week's selection of songs and readings were centered on a specific theme of offering up worship and blessing Him, and our home was filled with enthusiastic anticipation of what would be revealed. We weren't disappointed - the Conneautville Church of Christ vibrated yesterday with an energy I struggle to put in to words. It was a place of joy and pouring out, of connections being made and remade, of souls touching on things they've wanted to say yet having held back for lack of means to do it. Any angels within shouting distance must have come to take part because it was impossible to not be moved. It was what prayer should always include.

When I first started playing jazz trumpet, my teachers gave me two things to learn from - sheet music and the admonition to listen to jazz music. As I started to get a feel for it and could bring the rhythms and mood to the music I played, I was given half lines of music, which I was then to complete - jumping off places for learning improvisational playing. Finally, a true jazz player can pick up the heart of a song and put their own signature on it and even create their own music. But most musicians don't just pick up their instruments and declare they're going to do jazz improv. They may fumble around the scales, but the song they hear in their head is nowhere present in the sounds being made. Oddly enough, spontaneous improv comes from a whole lot of disciplined training.

This is how prayer is for me. And this is what the Mincha is providing for me - my prayer "training". Because on my own, I'm fumbling through words and thoughts, and I'm not able to express my heart song to Adonai. But I have yet to say these prayers, and not be moved to tears as my soul connects. It's also humbling to realize how similar all of us are in what our hearts cry out. These prayers are universal to those following YHWH God, because we are His creation and we are made to worship Him. Sometimes it really is that simple...and that amazing.

A version of the Mincha (from 3xDaily)
A PSALM BEFORE VERSES OF PRAISE
A song for the dedication of Your People. I praise you, El Shaddai (G-d Almighty) , for lifting me up above my enemies. Adonai Rapha (the Lord that Heals), I called to You and You healed me. You kept my soul from destruction and preserved me from Darkness. Sing to Melech HaMelachim (the King of Kings) and praise the Name: Your anger is brief, but Your love lasts forever. The night may bring weeping, but the dawn will bring peace. When everything was good in my life, I felt strong because You made me strong. But when I couldn’t feel You, I was terriﬁed. I pleaded with the Lord, “What good would my death be? How can I honor and praise You if I am dead?” Be compassionate to me and help me. You turned my sadness into dancing. You have taken away my darkness and dressed me in light, so that my soul will praise You eternally. Adonai (Lord), I will praise You forever. (Based on Psalm 30)

KADDISH
May Your Name be great and holy,
In the world which You have made in Your way
May the presence of HaKadosh, Baruch Hu (The Holy One, Blessed is He)
Be over you in your life and the lifetime of Your People.
May Adonai (the Lord) be blessed forever.
The greatness of HaKadosh, Baruch Hu (The Holy One, Blessed is He)
is beyond all words. Blessed is Adonai (the Lord).
For those who choose to be chosen,
For students and teachers of Torah,
Here or anywhere,
May we all have blessings.
May we all have peace and life.

AMIDA
I am grateful to You, Protector of All,
Our G-d and G-d of our Ancestors,
Elohei (G-d of) Avraham, Elohei (G-d of) Sarai,
Elohei (G-d of) Yitzak, Elohei (G-d of) Rivkah,
Elohei (G-d of) Yaakov, Elohei (G-d of) Leah, Elohei (G-d of) Rachel;
Adon Olam (Master of the World), who created Goodness,
Who inspires us to repair the world in compassion,
King, Queen, Savior and Shield
(Bend the knees or prostrate) Blessed are You
(Bow) Shield of the Patriarchs,
Shield of the Matriarchs and of us all (Stand up).
Adon Olam (Master of the World), give us knowledge.
After giving us knowledge, accept our repentance.
After accepting our repentance (strike the chest with your right ﬁst),
forgive our shortcomings (strike the chest with your right ﬁst).
After forgiving us our shortcomings, redeem us.
After redeeming us, heal us.
After healing us, bless our lives.
After blessing our lives, bring us together.
After bringing us together, judge us fairly.
After judging us fairly, defeat the evil in us.
After defeating our evil, strengthen our inclination to do good.
Now that we are holy before You,
Make the Earth heavenly for us.
Hear our prayers and make us worthy of Your goodness.

Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, the holy G-d
Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, who makes peace
Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, who hears our prayer