Life, and its adventures

9 months....

2016-06-19T20:06:00.003-05:00

So, you obviously have moved on. Good. Very glad.

Decided to embrace who you really are? Good.

Just wish you had told me 17 years ago.

My life would have been much different.

It's funny....

2015-12-24T14:44:00.000-05:00

It's funny how people change - when you have made a change.

And, it's funny how, instead of asking questions or trying to discuss it - they just make assumptions. And, you turn into a bad guy.

It's ok.

It was sudden, or at least some seem to think it was. It wasn't. It was years in the making. People just didn't open their eyes and see what was in front of their faces.

It's funny. It took me a long time too - and I was the one involved.

Sure, I caused a change in their lives too I guess - but you would think that if they cared at all, that they would want me to be happy too. After all, I tried to make it work.

And it takes two to do that - and well, I am only one.

I didn't break any one's heart. You have to have one and open it for it to be broken.

Sure, I got to go on nice trips sometimes. But trips don't keep you warm at night. They don't hold you when your heart is breaking and your life is falling apart.

It's funny how I used to cry myself to sleep almost every night, and no one saw but me.

It's funny how I haven't cried myself to sleep since I've been on my own again. Except the night my son left to go back to his home.

It's funny how I am blamed for things I didn't do.

It's even funnier that I know things he did do, and they would be shocked if they knew.

But, I'll be the bad guy. It's ok.

Just think about it - there had to be a reason I would leave after 17 years.

Funny how that works.....

9 Weeks

2015-11-08T19:36:00.001-05:00

So, I have been in my new house for about 9 weeks now.

I love it.

I still have painting to do, eventually want to rip out old cabinets in the garage and put in shelving, maybe get rid of the carpet and put in wood flooring - but, I will and what I do will be what I want.

Today I cleaned house, did laundry, raked leaves (again) and cleaned gutters on the house.

I am exhausted.

But I also feel good - I did it, its mine, and I can do this.

I have not heard from the roomie. Don't think I ever will. He said he would call, but - he used to say a lot of things.

I hope he has a good life.

I sure as hell am gonna give it a try :)

Changes....

2015-09-29T18:53:00.002-05:00

With time comes changes....

And I made a change - a big one.

One September 15th I purchased my first home. And, that same night I moved into it.

That same day I left someone I had been with for almost 17 years.

I think we both saw it coming. We had become "friends" and nothing more. No hand holding, no kisses on the lips (or with passion). He told me I was his best friend - which is great if that is all you want to be - but I thought we were supposed to be more, to be in a relationship.

I tried everything I could think of...I bought him things, I cooked I cleaned I took care of him...
Everything I could think of to make him love me the way I wanted, and needed to be loved.
But it never happened.

Within just a few years of the, well, whatever this was, started - it changed. No hugs, he flinched when I touched him. No intimacy at all.

And yet I stayed.

I loved him.

But then it changed even more....my life, besides working and taking care of the home, was spent in a room of the house - the office. Rarely did we sit in the same room and watch TV let alone talk to each other. He brought up the fact that his parents had slept in separate rooms - I drew the line with that one.

And then a couple of years ago I went on a trip with my sister. Something we had talked of doing for years. And after the trip he compared me to his ex - she had started taking trips with friends and ended up leaving him. That was when I looked at him different and made a decision that I had to work towards my own life.

And even up until the moment I left - had he said something, anything, to make me feel loved, needed and cared for - I would have stayed.

It didn't happen.

He said he would call, we would have dinner and talk. It hasn't happened yet - and I am not sure it ever will.

So, I now have my own home. A great small 3 bedroom house for me and the two kitties. I love it - it's mine. No more do I have to sit in that room and feel the walls closing in. No more do I sit in a home where someone else lived and feel so lonely that my heart was breaking. No more do I cry myself to sleep wishing it would get better.

Because it has.

This is mine - and this is my life. And time to start anew.

Better late than never :)

To those who are young....

2013-04-18T19:16:00.002-05:00

Take life by the balls and run with it. This is your time to enjoy learn, to love laugh and cry.

Make the most of this time – fill it with memories that will last a lifetime.

Wake up and see the world like it’s a new place every day – there is always something new to see, something new to learn – soak it all in.

Laugh hard, laugh long.

Share the laughter, and the tears.

Talk to strangers – yea, I know your mother told you not to – but once in a while, just start up a conversation while standing at a bus stop, on the train, in a cab. Even if you are normally shy – speak up! It’s sometimes easier when you don’t know the person – and you just might make a friend.

Don’t judge anyone because they think or believe differently.

No matter your physical size – embrace it. (No not literally…figuratively! – oh wait…go ahead)

If you feel like dancing in the middle of a store, dance. Sometimes you just don’t need music.

Share your heart – and remember the passion. Love hard, love strong. Let the other person know just by looking at you how you feel. If you love someone, truly, give it your all. And tell them. We all need to hear it.

Don’t settle.

Work hard, but enjoy what you do. If you don’t enjoy what you do – then it truly is work.

Go to school if you can – study and soak in all the knowledge that your brain can hold. Learn!

Prepare for the future the best you can.

Don’t grow old with regrets.

If you have made mistakes, learn from them – and start over. You are young, you get do-overs.

Do not taunt, tease or make fun of people of any age. It hurts. It stays with them longer than you realize.

If you need help, just ask. Someone will help you. If not, ask someone else. And if your friends don’t help, they are not your true friends.

Pet a kitten, hug a puppy

Kiss the back of a baby’s neck.

Thank your parents, step parents – the ones who raised you.

Respect your elders. They were once like you – and in their eyes, hearts and minds it wasn’t that long ago. Someday you will blink – and will be as they are.

And last but not least - have some fun every day.

I believe....

2012-04-14T21:31:00.004-05:00

These are my beliefs...or I should say, some of them.

Not everyone will agree with them, and thats ok. They are mine and you should have yours.

I believe in the freedom of religion.

I believe that everyone has the right to believe (or not believe) as they want

I believe you or I do not have the right to force your religious beliefs on others. Not everyone believes what is written in the Bible and it’s not our place to judge them. Period.

I believe you don’t have to be religious to live by the golden rule.

I believe everyone should have the right to marry the person they love - even if they are the same sex.

I believe people are born straight, or gay, or lesbian, or bi or transgender...it’s not a choice.

I believe if you are gay, and trying to hide it - stop it. You are hurting yourself and others that are involved. Don't pretend to be straight if you aren't. Be you. Be honest.

I believe if you sneak and look at porn and are in a relationship – it’s the same as cheating. You are not thinking of your spouse, partner, significant other, etc. while you are looking at porn.

And, I believe, if you are looking at porn of the same gender as yourself…it should tell you something. And you should tell your spouse, partner, significant other etc… If you don't, you are being dishonest with them and yourself.

I believe if you are in a relationship - don't cheat.

I believe if you want to screw around, get out of the relationship you are in first.

I believe we should raise our children to accept others for who they are - not reject them for "what" they are. The "what" is just wrong...

I believe children are not meant to be hit. Switches belong on trees, hairbrushes are used to brush your hair, and belts are to hold up pants - period.

I believe there are other forms of discipline than hitting.

I believe children are to be loved and cared for. They are amazing little creatures and we can learn from them.

I believe everyone should be paid equal pay for equal work. No one should be paid less or more because of their gender.

I believe you should thank the Unions for your weekends. (Look it up)...

I don't believe it’s all Obama's fault.

I don't believe it was all Bush’s fault either.

I believe we, as Americans, need to take on part of the blame.

I believe high gas prices are the result of greed.

I believe states and the government should HELP people to get back on their feet - not support them. Help those who are working and trying to make a go of it - they might need a little boost.

I believe you should not go to emergency rooms if you, or your kids, have a cold or a little injury. Get a doctor.

I believe in a woman's choice. I could not have had an abortion but I believe no one has the right to tell a woman whether she can or can't. It’s not your right to make that decision for anyone. Even "teebows" mother had a choice.

I believe if a zygote is a person – then sperm should not be wasted either…They move and swim. Therefore they must be alive too.

I believe birth control pills should be free to any woman who wants them.

I believe no group of men only should make the decisions and laws concerning women and their health.

I believe people should watch out more for motorcycles.

I believe people should learn to "merge" onto the interstate like the sign says...

I believe people need to put down the damned phones and drive.

I believe texting is silly. What happened to talking to people?

I believe the truth will really set you free.

I believe no American should be asked to prove their citizenship while in their own country.

I believe that when someone resorts to calling others names that they have reached the end of their knowledge…their brains are dead.

I believe honesty really is the best policy.

I believe we should accept others differences. I may not look like you, read the same books, enjoy the same music – but that’s what makes me who I am.

I believe no one has the right to make fun of or berate others. I have been laughed at; it’s not a good feeling.

I believe if you truly love someone it does not matter if they are or get old, ugly, fat, skinny, disabled etc. – you still love them.

I believe you should never take people for granted.

I believe you should respect your elders – especially your parents.

I believe respect among your peers is earned, not a given.

I believe everyone has a talent of some sort.

I believe that sometimes there just isn't much to smile about. Other times...yea.

I believe work is a necessary evil.

I believe a sense of humor is necessary to survive in this world.

I believe everyone should live on their own, alone, at least once in their lives.

I believe if you lose trust in someone, you never fully get it back.

I believe honesty is worth it…

5:49 AM....

2012-02-11T08:23:00.001-05:00

It started with heaviness in my feet and lower legs. I could not move. My eyes opened from a deep sleep and my mind wondered what could be happening. The sounds of engines started, low at first but got louder and louder as the heaviness left my legs and progressed to my lower abdomen. The feeling changed to that of a small herd of horses running back and forth across my stomach while the sound of engines grew louder and louder. I rolled to my side to try and flee the feeling to only have the sensation running up and down the hill that is my hips. The sounds of engines grew louder and louder as I rolled again to my back and the trampling sensation moved to my chest – back and forth back and forth. The sounds of the engines echoing in my ears as I again moved to my side. I close my eyes once again amidst the roaring of the engines and then it happens……a paw, in my eye. Ok guys…moms up…..Kittehs….

...

2011-10-16T20:51:00.004-05:00

I think I've lost me.

That is my life...

2011-10-13T06:27:00.000-05:00

Disappearing into the mist of
The obscurity that is my life
Or just fading away with the years
That pass as quick as a blink of the eye
Were they in the tears that slid down my cheek
and collected on the floor?
The sadness that envelopes the soul that is mine
From the loss is almost unbearable
The loneliness, the aching
As I reach into emptiness
For my hopes and dreams

Truth, lies...and trust

2011-07-05T12:43:00.000-05:00

The truth…

Sometimes it can be really difficult to hear. But, its something we all want – deep down inside I think we really do.

So why do some go to such lengths to hide the truth? Why do they run? Afraid of what the truth will really mean to someone?

I know, personally, I would rather hear the truth – no matter how hurtful it might be. Then I can make a decision on my own as to how to handle it. Some might think I can’t handle the truth – but oh yes, I can.

I am an extremely independent woman. I have taken care of myself for a lot of years – it’s not really that difficult. When you rely on yourself you will have truthfulness. It’s kind of hard to lie to yourself.

And if you find out someone has lied to you, well, that I believe is even harder than hearing the truth itself. I mean, if you can’t trust someone then you have nothing.

What started this conversation? Well, right now I’ve lost the trust I had in a couple people. It’s hard to bear, but I will survive. Always have. And when the time is right, they will know of the hurt they have caused, of the heartache.

But maybe, just maybe, they don’t care.

Pondering life....

2011-06-27T20:14:00.005-05:00

Sometimes you sit and wonder why life has turned out the way it has. And, you wonder why things were as they were…

Ok, so maybe I am not making sense here.

I am, and always have been, extremely self-conscious. Not sure when it started as I think I’ve always been this way.

So…let’s go back in time. Back to a time where a person experiences so much turmoil, angst, fear…yes, we are talking about high school.

My high school years were not fun. I went to no dances, no boyfriends – only one really good friend and that wasn’t even until my junior year. I was the kid that others laughed at, that they oinked at when I entered a room. I was the one who was chased by a car full of male classmates and called horrid, horrid names. I was mimicked by girls that I thought were my friends. Yes, the same thing that kids today go through – and I feel for them.

You see, it doesn’t go away.

Even though I am now an “older” adult, I still hurt. Yes, I was fat when I was young – and damn if I am not overweight again. Not as much as before, not even close (and here I go again….) but I could stand to lose weight.

But….

I am still me. I am still Sandy. And even at this age it’s so difficult to find people who will accept you for who you are and not what you look like. It’s like high school all over again, only worse – because some of these people are people that I care for, deeply. And, I do not, nor have I ever, judged them for their looks. I do not have that right.

I always thought if you truly loved someone that you loved them no matter what.
I can’t help the wrinkles – they come with age. No, I don’t like getting old, but I’m not ready for the alternative either. I know I know – I could lose weight. But why should I starve myself as I did in the past to try and make people like me? Isn’t that the most superficial thing ever?

No, I am not beautiful. I never have been. But I am me.

So, when you look at someone next time – look at them, not the outside but what is in their mind, their eyes, their hearts. Do not judge them because they do not look the way you might want them to look.

They look the way they are. It’s not who they are – it’s part of them, just part. Inside may be a loving, sensual, exciting, joyful caring person.

Give them a chance.

And if you can't bring yourself to do so...walk away. They are better off without you.

Coming out of hiding.....

2009-07-14T12:55:00.002-05:00

I know, it’s been one helluva long time since I’ve written anything. It’s not that I had forgotten the place – it’s just that life has had some ups and downs, and like everyone else – other things have taken priority.

No, I didn’t win the lottery or anything great like that. Heck, if I did I would be using a site with my own name, not a free one.

Or I would be laying on a beach somewhere…..

Instead, I am still working in Hell. Yes, Hell. I’ve been here one year as a matter of fact. And due to the economy, I will stay in Hell until Dayton no longer has a 12.5% unemployment rate.

Or I win that damned lottery….

My job in Hell changed a few months ago. Instead of being in Environmental Health & Safety, I am now back to doing Purchasing…something I told myself years ago that I would never do again. Ok, so I am good at it – but I now buy chemicals – nasty stuff that could harm people.

Oh, and I am still doing work for the EHS Department.

A raise you ask?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(How’s that for an answer?)

Hell, I would settle for some extra vacation time….but ohlordno, they wouldn’t do anything like that to actually make someone feel appreciated now would they? Of course not! I work in HELL after all!

I don’t mind getting off work at 3:30 now…oh, did I tell you my hours got changed also?

Except it means getting up much earlier to leave before 6:30 AM…

And…with being old, I now have to be in bed by 6:30 at night…

Ok, so not really, but sometimes it feels that way.

So anyway….I am going to try to spend a little time here again.

I hope you come back – and maybe even enjoy what I write.

I had an interview...

2008-07-17T19:34:00.002-05:00

Although I am still employed at the plating company, with the boss who wants to quit...I have been continuing my search for a job.

And I got a call...

On a job I applied for over 3 months ago.

And I had an interview - yesterday.

And, they want to see me again next week.

Yea me!!!

Actually, when I got there I was told there had been 45 applicants for the position - and they narrowed it down to two. I am one of those two.

Oh....and they actually have 2 positions available.

Problem is - one pays a lot less than the other - and they both pay less than what I am currently making.

However - the jobs are at a very very good private University.

I want the job that offers 40 hours a week. Not because of more pay - but because the job is database management (something I've done for the last 8 years)...and it would be getting in on the ground floor of a new huge project.

I want that job.

The benefits are unreal. The chance for advancement is wonderful.

And its a very very stable environment.

And, they liked me :)

Another problem....they want me to come in next Wednesday at 9:00am.

Uh...I am working.....

They know this.

So now I have to lie and come up with some excuse to be away from work. And, I do not get paid when I am not there.

But I really want the job.

The man I would work with seemed so great. Retired military. We talked for 1-1/2 hrs - and that was after an interview with another man in the office!

I am trying not to get too excited about it.

Thats not easy

So please...cross your fingers and toes for me.

Don't cross your eyes though....they might get stuck like that.

Catching up...

2008-07-08T19:48:00.002-05:00

Ok ok, so I've been away for a bit.

Did you miss me?

Sigh...didn't even know I was gone did you?

I wish I could say I've been so busy having fun that I didn't have time to write - but I would be lying. And, I don't want to do that.

Actually, I've been working, doing the usual chores around the house, spending time with Mom and not a whole lot else.

Work is driving me nutso - so, the search is continuing. In the last few days I have applied for an admin assistant job for a shoe company that has a distribution center within bike riding distance...a dispatch position with a freight company within 2 miles of here, oh...and a zoning officer for a small village exactly 6.8 miles from here and it has a population of 430 people!

The boss is a nice enough guy - but he has said he is looking for another job. And since they made my position in order to support him...well, if he goes what happens to me? His answer? "Oh, they will find you something to do..."

I don't want to do "something" for the rest of my life.

Anyway....

Oh, and I got the car fixed - again. So far so good...knock on wood (ouch ouch ouch)...

Mom had her 85th birthday last Thursday. And, even though she has had multiple strokes, she is still an amazing woman. I gave her a little trinket box with elephants on it (she loves em) and I figured instead of getting her jewelry again I got her 50 $1 scratch off lottery tickets.

She was in heaven :)

She sat and scratched them off immediately. She won a little money so that Saturday I took her shopping. And what did she buy?

Jewelry.

Yep...a little ruby ring.

But, it made her happy.

Let's see, what else....

oh..the roomie.

He is still the roomie. He tells me tonight we may not do the Vegas trip in October after all.

sigh...

The one thing I have been looking forward to....ohwell...

No, no reason - just no trip.

Kind of like the trip we were supposed to take a few weekends ago that never materialized either. It was never mentioned again.

Ahhh...the roomie.

Ok, so that's it for now. I think I am basically caught up.

What's been happening in your world?

Grrrrrrrrr......car repairs!....grrrrrrrrrr again....

2008-06-17T19:03:00.002-05:00

Last November I took my Jeep into the dealership to get an oil change and have them look at the right front tire area as it felt like there was something rubbing.

By the end of the day, the repairs cost me almost $1,000.

And...at the end of the day, I had a new problem - a leak in the left front differential.

Please note...I said "left front"...not the side where the rubbing was. They had replaced the differential fluid they said.

And, since that day in late November, I have taken the car back to that dealership 5 times to have the same problem fixed.

Five. Yes, five. As in one, two, three, four.....

One time they insisted that they had "tested" the car, that there was no leak.

I conducted my own "test" by placing cardboard under the car. I took the test results with me to the service department and gave it to them.

They were not pleased.

Yesterday I took the car back again....same problem. Oh, and a different problem, not related. The blower stopped working ($17 for the part...$124 to "test" it)..and the air conditioning just doesn't seem to be working very well ($89 )

And today...as I drove to work I smelled a familiar smell. When I came out after work - there was a distinct puddle again under the left front tire.

So, when I got here to the house I called the dealership. I asked for the name of the service manager and the owner/general manager so I could mail them. She asked me to hold and put me through to the service department.

The same guy I have talked to since November....

I told him what was going on - again. Again, he blamed the Chrysler tech's as they were the ones supposedly telling them how to fix my Jeep. Again he tells me I have to bring it in.

Again I tell him I will have to see if I can find someone to follow me the 30 miles to their dealership and give me a ride to work....again...for the SIXTH time...

I hung up and called Chrysler. I explained everything to the guy who answered. He looked up my records and confirmed what I had told him. He put me on hold to "talk to his supervisor".

The supervisor got on the line and again I had to give all my information so she could look up the record. And then she asked....

"What do you want us to do?"

Excuse me?? Excuse me???? I want my freaking car fixed!

I proceed to tell her had my car been new it would have been replaced - lemon law. And, I proceeded to tell her that I had been considering buying another Chrysler product (I have...) but not now - and I DEFINITELY will not buy from the dealership located in Beavercreek, Ohio!

"So, what do you want us to do?" she asked again.

I took a deep breath. "Lady, I want my Jeep fixed. It did not leak before I took it to that dealer and now it does. I have had to take it there FIVE freaking times and they can not fix it. I want it fixed and I want it fixed correctly. And I NEED YOUR HELP TO GET THAT DONE"

"Ok", she said. "Hold on while I call the dealer".

She calls...I hold...she finally comes back and tells me that she has discussed it with "Mike" and that they will get my car fixed and they will get a few others involved to make sure that happens.

I will believe it when I drive my Jeep home and do not smell that smell or see piles of smelly gunk under my car again..

So, I will call ole Mike tomorrow and see if I can schedule to take my car in this week or see if they want me to wait til Monday....and I will tell them I need a rental car....

A FREE rental car.

We'll see what happens...

Ok....

2008-06-16T19:04:00.002-05:00

So I've been on the job two full weeks now.

Or..as my friend Karie calls it - the "tree house"...

The office I sit in is up a flight of metal stairs...in the middle of the plant.

It shakes.

A lot.

The first time it happened it scared the hell out of me.

A forklift was unloading some material off the shelves on one side of this little office tree house thing...and you would swear you were in the midst of an earthquake.

And no, I did not run screaming out of there....

But I did think about it :)

My new boss is an okay guy. Quiet. Very quiet. Doesn't like to explain how to do things. He hands me something and says "Here"...

And...I am to figure out what in the hell to do with it.

I am learning more about chemicals than I ever thought I would - or wanted to. And, I am realizing how dangerous this place I work at could actually be. But...

I am the safety assistant! So, its gotta be safe!

Right?

Right??

Awwww come on!!!

Anyway...its a job. It's not what I had hoped. It's a paycheck and that's it. It's not in my gut like the last job.

I am giving it a chance, or at least I am trying. And, its not like I can just quit because I can't. But I can continue my search for something else.

And I am....

Did I really say I had missed working???

2008-06-05T19:27:00.002-05:00

Someone smack me now!

At some time (or two or three) in the last few months I talked of how I wanted a job - of how I NEEDED a job...

And now, four days into it....

I am one tired old lady!

Good lord I didn't realize how quickly you get out of a routine of working day in and day out. Getting up at 5am each day, trying to go to bed earlier than you have been....

arrrrghh! I am NOT a young woman anymore!

Damnit! I don't want to feel old! I don't want to be this tired!

And yes - I AM GRUMPY!!

The new boss seems okay. Kinda quiet, but nice. Busy as hell so he hasn't had a lot of time to show me the ropes. He has said I've done good on a few things (writing a summary on the effects of lead for one). And, the last two days I have completed a 10 hour OSHA training class - then rushed back to work and attended some training classes there - no lunch (but that's ok...I can stand to lose a few pounds - or two - or ten). The office is upstairs (open stairs - open metal stairs....eeek...), the ladies room is across the plant and up another set of stairs....

Can you say "work out?".....

And yes - I AM GRUMPY!!!

(notice there were three !'s that time?)...

Anyway, tomorrow is Friday. I've almost made it through my first week.

And I'll go back on Monday...

If they still want me :)

I feel like a kid....

2008-06-01T18:53:00.002-05:00

Well - almost.

Ok, just sorta kinda.

Tomorrow I have my first day at a new job. This is the first time I have had to do this in over 8 years.

I have to be there at 8am for orientation (Flashback to freshman year in high school...).

So, I went out and bought some padded paper and a clip board.

To take notes...

Ohgoodlord...will I be known as the clipboard lady?

I am nervous.

Will they like me? Will I do a good job?

Should I pack my lunch?

See!!! I told you!!!

So...tomorrow is the day.

I hope I survive...

Ta-Da!!! I have a job!!

2008-05-28T19:07:00.002-05:00

Last Friday afternoon I received a phone call asking me to come in on Tuesday for an interview at 1pm.

I had applied for the position earlier in the week...

So, yesterday I got all cleaned up, put my smiley face on and went for the interview.

When I got there they handed me an application to fill out and a test or two to take. A personality test...

ohjeez...

But, I answered their questions, did the little math test and found the mistakes in the typed communications.

I then interviewed with the Safety Director and the Human Resources Manager. We talked for at least an hour. I thanked them for their time when I left and the HR Mgr stated they would be in touch in a few days.

The phone rang this morning at 10am....and she offered me a job.

Yea! Whoopee!!! Hot Damn even!!!

I start this coming Monday. The pay isn't quite what I was making at the last job but its not a lot less - and I am told I will get a pay increase in 90 days. The hours are phenomenal - 7:30 - 4!!! I love it love it! And...........

I get to wear JEANS to work ALL THE TIME! It's very casual as I will be spending a lot of time in the plant.

So...this ole lady, after 3-1/2 months of being out of work, has a job. A steady paycheck...insurance...and hopefully - stability.

In Memory - A Tribute to a Veteran

2008-05-24T08:47:00.004-05:00

There stood, in 1941, a young man. Handsome in his army uniform, standing about 5'11, 185 lbs, as he married his sweetheart of 3 months, not knowing that in 2 yrs he would be off to Europe, fighting a war unlike any known before. And he did, leaving a wife and young son to go to war. He was a Sergeant, in charge of a group of men all younger than he yet they all were prepared to fight for their lives, their country, their families. their freedom.

The horrors he saw were the same as those before him had seen, and those soldiers that would someday follow. He and his group of men rescued a woman and her daughters from the enemy, who were terrifying their lives attempting to rape them, and remove any innocence left in their souls. The woman being so grateful, gave the Sergeant her silver wedding band as a token of gratitude. He watched young men be wounded, some die. He held them as they took their last breaths. He saw young men lose their sanity, shooting at anything that moved..and cared for them until medics arrived.

The war continued for this soldier until Dec 28th of 1944, during the Battle of the Bulge...when one of the men in his troop, while marching behind him stepped onto a land mine, it exploded..killing the young private and seriously wounding the Sergeant. He awoke a few weeks later in a hospital in France. It was March of 1945 before he was able to go home.

He found upon his return that he no longer had a job, the plant would not hire him back, as they considered him disabled. He took a job with a drugstore, and worked hard and long hours to take care of his family. He also took with him memento's of the war, schrapnel still was in his body..with the threat that if it moved, it could kill him.

He worked hard, raised his family and grew older. He spent 3 days in 1972 at a veterans hospital going thru one test after another in an attempt to have his disability rating increased, so one of his daughters could go to college. Nurses commented to him, questioning to find out if he was aware that he had metal in his body, he laughed. They increased his rating to 85%, not enough. He was so discouraged, but the daughter wasn't. She knew this was done with love, and it meant more to her than any medical school could have.

This man would sit and watch movies that would bring back the past, wringing his hands and smoking a million cigarettes as the memories over took him, yet this man who fought the enemy and had killed could touch a human with the softness of angels.

In 1989 he was hospitalized, at a veterans hospital. His wife and some of his children would visit every day, and listen to the stories told by the vets who were there with him. One of his daughters learned about life from these men, and learned of their courage, and how to find her own. The old Sergeant took a turn for the worse, and was placed in intensive care, and on Feb 24, 1989 they took him from there to a private room, so his family could spend his last few hours alone with him.

His wife of 48 years, and one of his daughters, spent that time with him, leaving only to fight with nurses to get him water, or storming a doctors quarters to get pain medication for a man who had given everything he had for his country, his home. Fighting to give this man his chance to die with dignity, as he had lived. The battle was won, they gave the soldier his medicine, and at 4:50 that afternoon the nurse called to his wife and daughter...saying "he needs you". His wife held him in her arms, his daughter at his side holding his hand, they said goodbye.

His widow has his flag, placed on the shelf beside his picture, and an old silver wedding band lays in the jewelry box. His purple heart is now a special possession of one of his daughters. He lies in a cemetery, with his son and an infant daughter, his grave marker bearing his name...

His soul is free, the war is over.

Dedicated to all Veterans past, present and future.
In Loving Memory of my Father
Sgt. Charles Joseph Horner, US Army
75th Division, 289th Infantry
Anti Tank Corps.

(Side note: I wrote this in 1998. It was published in a local newspaper for Veterans Day 1999 as the lead entry of a tribute to all veterans. I posted it here in my blog previously. I wanted to run it again. I miss you Pop.)

My neighbors probably think I am nuts...

2008-05-21T08:29:00.004-05:00

Ok ok...they may be right.

At least I am not dangerous.

Except to the weeds in the yard.

Why do they think I am nuts you ask?

Well...it's 9:30 in the morning and I've already been outside taking pictures of the flowers I've planted. And I've taken pictures of other things in the yard. The fountain, birds, ducks....

This is my newest pic - taken this morning...

Isn't it pretty??

Ok, ok...so maybe taking pictures of flowers isn't so nutso. But do you have pictures like this?

It's the fountain in the front yard...

Ohhh I don't claim to be a great photographer. Heck, I don't even claim to be good at it. But I do enjoy it. And I will take pictures of just about anything...

Or anyone....

Nuts? No, not really.

Not yet anyway.

Snap - Crackle - Pop......Ouch...

2008-05-17T16:01:00.002-05:00

If you are familiar with my blog, you might be aware that I quit smoking last July after approximately 30 years of smoking. I stopped the day of my first of two back surgeries last summer.

And..yes..I have gained a few pounds...

arrrgghh....

But, I am continuing on my quest to lose those few pounds.

I've written before about my treadmill, and my exercise bike. They are still being used. But now...well....

I bought an exercise DVD.

And I think that woman is out to kill me.

I've been doing the 10 minute cardio workout 2 or 3 times a day most days this past week.

That woman wants me to do jumping jacks for one solid minute. Non stop.

"You can do it!", she says...

Snap! Pop! Crunch...grindddddddddd.... ouch....

No sweetheart, I can't.

I try. I honestly and truly do try. I start out with the marching in place, pumping my arms like she says. I kick my leg out in front of me - pushing my arms out as I go. I do the squat and reach thing - not a problem! I can even run in place - getting my knees up like she asks me too...

But those damned jumping jacks will be the death of me.

Last night I was giving it the good old college try and was actually about 20 seconds into the minute when the bedroom door opens - the roomie is standing there and says, "What in the hell are you doing?"

"What in the hell does it look like I'm doing?" I huffed and puffed out...

He just looked at me with that "I am just too stupid to live" look of his and said, "She should be wearing a bikini".

I stopped mid jack....

I guess the look I gave him said all it needed to say as he stepped out of the room and shut the door.

By then the jumping jack session of the cardio workout was over and we were moving on to something else.

And my bones were still squeeking out an ouchie here and there...

If you hear loud popping and grinding noises tonight, ignore them.

It's just me...trying again.

Maybe tonight, just maybe...I'll get to 30 seconds :)

Ok, ok...so I'm nice...

2008-05-14T12:06:00.003-05:00

Geesh...

Today is the roomies birthday.

So I decided to be nice and do some things for him.

(Hey! It's not THAT unusual!)

It started a couple of weeks ago when I decided I would do a "birthday bag" for him. And, I would fill it (and did) with all kinds of things that he would like...

I think....

There is a very nice polo shirt, complete with pocket for his cigarettes (I quit last year..not him), a $25 I-Tunes card (he downloads all types of music, radio shows etc etc), a set of 100 old science fiction and horror movies (you know the kind - the old "B" flicks they used to show at the drive in), a new mouse pad that looks like a soccer ball (he loves the sport now...after years of telling me its a sissy sport), a hat from his favorite soccer team - Chelsea, a remote for his camera (yea, the one I told you about in a previous post...see, I am nice!) and his very special gift...

A Speed Racer car with action figure!

And...I baked him 24 cupcakes.

(yes yes...there is a reason I made cupcakes instead of a cake...he can take the things to work so I won't eat them!!)

I am making enchilada's for dinner. He likes the way I make them. So we will have those, re-fried beans, spanish rice and chips and salsa.

Not bad for a guy that bought me a "combo christmas/birthday" gift...and never uttered the words "happy birthday" on my day.

But that's ok...sniffsniff...I am nice. I can rise above it all and be nice. (stop coughing!)

Anyway...its his birthday. I think he will be happy.

If not....Speed Racer gets sold on eBay....

7.0 out of 10...

2008-05-12T20:10:00.005-05:00

I am sitting here tonight going through blogs…

Other peoples blogs.

It’s amazing to me what people write about. Little french bulldogs, the life of a vet school student, busy mommas, e.coli, travels, etc etc etc.

Even me…I am writing about other peoples blogs!

I guess it started because I have signed up for a few blog groups. Trying to get more people to read my blog I guess (ohgoodlord…now why in the hell do I want that???) - and in doing so, one site I joined actually has “experts” who will review your blog and rate it.

I am happy to say that I received a 7.0 out of 10 (ok ok…I have room for improvement! Geesh!) and its rated as “very good”

Yea me!

(Thank you, thank you…curtsy inserted here)

So, I decided to see what types of ratings other blogs received.

There were a lot of 9.5’s and 9.0’s. Really good and well written blogs. I need to read these to see what I can do to make mine better (besides paying off the reviewers…I am unemployed after all!). But, I noticed some lower scores also…

The lowest being 0.2.

I do believe I feel really bad for that person!

They didn't even make a 1.0 (poor).

I did have to giggle at a couple blogs that did score a 1.0 (poor)

Personal development, motivation and making money at home, online money ventures, franchising…

They are going to motivate you and tell you how to own and run a business when they get a poor rating on the writing of a blog??

Oh…and then there was one on muff diving.

Yes, muff diving.

And it got a poor rating.

I think I’ll just leave that one alone….

So anyway (ahem…ahem…) I will bask in the joy of knowing I ranked a “very good”..for now…it could always change tomorrow.

Mom...

2008-05-10T20:58:00.002-05:00

Your smile brings joy and happiness to my heart.

And your laughter fills me with love.

The hugs you give are enough to warm us from the coldest of winters.

You always made time for others, even when it caused you hardship.

You say you've been blessed with the gift of children.

I think its the other way around - your children were blessed with you.

You are my friend, my confidant, my partner in crime.

You are my Mother. And I love you.