Life And Luck

The Divine Astras(Prologue)

2017-03-01T09:07:00.000-08:00

Mount Kailash
Kailash Ranges
Tibet
Kali Yug
The year 2050
As the icy winds ravage the mountains with their cold slashes, amid one of the most inhospitable environments known to man, a man sits calmly on a rock, on which had any other man been sitting his butt would have frozen to ice, his eyes closed, he meditates, his taut, muscular body, wrapped in leopard skin, his long hair tied in a bun, and a crescent moon insignia sitting on it, sitting cross-legged on such a platform, as if it were a couch, he smiles, his blue throat visible, different necklaces made of rudrakshas, and a snake in his neck, the lord of destruction slowly opens his eyes.
"It shall soon be time, beloved." says he, to his beautiful companion sitting on his left, who by no means was inferior to this legendary man, God, most would say.
"Time for what, O Shiva?" says she, playfully, knowing the answer a slight naughtiness in her eyes.

He simply closes his eyes and replies,
"Yahary aalayeshv api sataani na hareh kathaah syuh
Paashandino dvij-janaa vrishalaa nridevaah
Svaahaa svadha vashad iti sm giro na yatr
Shaastaa bhavishyati kaler bhagavaan yugante."(Srimad Bhagavatam 2.7.38)
She smiled knowing what he meant.
"This time, what is the plan?"
"All this, all our children, what we planned for them and what have they done, fighting over such petty issues, I think, it's time, to remind them their true purpose. They don't have to live like this, we have tried time and again to teach them, through our books, our teachings, sometimes ourselves, yet they refuse to learn. This time, we make sure they learn."
"We? What do you mean?"
"You are such a prankster, Parvati, you know everything and still ask. Why?"
"Well, I suppose I did ask you, what is the harm in answering, hmm? Or is it you don't love me anymore?"
"Really? I don't love you anymore?"
"Okay, okay, still tell me, what do you mean by we?"
"We are three, yet we are one,
Each one as powerful and as mighty,
Different roles we have done,
Still we are one and almighty.

I am Shiv, they are Vishnu and Brahma,
Together we are the Parabrahma,
Soon, there will be akaal,
And once again, we shall be Mahakaal."
"You brothers, sometimes I don't get you, you stay apart, you don't even talk and when work is to be done, you just do it? Don't you?"
The Lord just smiled.
She closed her eyes and with a slight grimace, murmured,
"Kalki."

*

At the end of Kali-yuga, when there exist no topics on the subject of God, even at the residences of so-called saints and respectable gentlemen of the three higher castes, and when the power of government is transferred to the hands of ministers elected from scum or those less than them, and when nothing is known of the techniques of sacrifice, even by word, at that time the Lord will appear as the supreme chastiser.(Srimad Bhagavatam 2.7.38)

Apotheosis

2016-07-14T14:15:00.004-07:00

Let me start with Christianity for this one, so the archangels Michael (aka Saint Michael), Lucifer ( aka The Devil/Satan), Raphael, Gabriel(aka The Chancellor of Heaven), were the sons of God. Now all the statements in his post consider a general theology and are only being used for philosophical purposes and intellectual thinking, so don’t be an ass and just read on.

Now these all were brothers, and pretty gooey ones at that, especially Michael and Lucifer, Lucifer had formed a special bond with Michael and loved him a lot. Now, Lucifer had a slight disagreement with his brothers and his Father. Now, we all know the different theories for this one so let’s just stick to the summary, alright? So because of this disagreement he was cast out of heaven by God. This happened, after a great war between Michael and Lucifer, and their respective armies, and get this, this war was only between all angels, it was only after the war that Lucifer and his army of angels was cast out of heaven, thereby the name ‘fallen angels’.

So, what broke this family apart, ego, misunderstanding and a lot of other vices that shouldn’t be there, all these vices can only lead to war.

Okay, part 2 Hinduism, now please remember all this is a general theology and not written to hurt any religious sentiments, so Lord Ram married Sita, at a Swayamwar, where the bride chooses her groom, based on tests, now, here comes the cue, Ravan did not abduct Sita because he wanted to marry her, he kidnapped her because of an apparent insult, that he was not called in first to break Lord Shiv’s bow, he being superior in terms of kingdom area and age should have been called in first, so he saw that as an insult and decided to kidnap Sita. We all know what that led to later on, again an example of ego and misunderstanding.

A similar example in Hinduism is seen in the story of Sur and Asur, they were also brothers, born of the same family, but torn apart, why? You guessed it right!

EGO & MISUNDERSTANDING

All these examples and what have learnt? To kill in the name of religion, okay, let me scratch that one, because we all don’t do it, right?

Hmm, so let’s look for something new, shall we? Are you thinking what I’m thinking? There is nothing new! The same billions of years old b**lshit is happening to humanity, because all they can see is one is superior and the other is inferior.

Somewhere in our minds we are treated the concept of ‘Apotheosis’, the process that makes anyone Godlike. Well, news, Sherlock! That ain’t the way, you’re going to prove the statement that we, humans were born in his image, not by waging your little mini wars in your day-to-day life.

It can only be done by knowing one thing and one thing only, put your bloody ego aside, clear out your stupid head to leave no room for understandings and believe that you are not unique, you are not superior, you are the same as everyone else, and to get what you want, to be what you want you will have to work hard, you cannot just wage war! That is stupid, because get this there is no easy way out, there are no shortcuts, to do what you want there is only one way and that is the right way.

And stop trying to be God for God’s sake, trust me you won’t be able to do it, you can’t handle your own problems, how are you going to handle 6 billion’s? Think about it.

Narcissist

2016-07-09T13:47:00.002-07:00

Each morning nowadays is a call for a different thought. Every time I wake up, I feel stress-free, relaxed, you can say. I have had a one-on-one with the real psyche of the human mind, now; have been in the real world now, I must say, I didn’t learn anything new about it. It’s the same, hypocritic, deceitful, greedy, miserable, arrogant, egoistic and stupid.

What I really fail to understand is the mere concept of survival, I mean what really is the difference in between a luxury car and a normal car? It gets old after a while, trust me, and the normal car stays for long. If you want to survive then take the normal car, but no, in comes the hypocritic notion of the human mind, it won’t be as comfortable, then stop talking about survival for God’s sake!

Let me tell you something, we all can survive on a petty job, but why we cannot is because of the following reasons:

Greed
Ego
Show-off
Luxury
Comfort

Now, the greed for more is forever omnipresent. We always need more, a better phone, a better home, a better car, a better bed, a better television, a better camcorder, a better media player, etc. etc. This greed leads to an evil vice which is also omnipresent, narcissism. Now, mind it, it is also a psychological disorder, but now, it can be seen in almost everyone, all the time, everyone only cares about one person- ‘ME’.

Ego, the one word which is the mother lode, the father of all evils, the brother of arrogance. Also, leads to narcissism, not the same but similar, narcissistic is someone who is too self-centered, but egoistic is someone who feels the need to burden the weight of all the problems around him with his dignity, someone who just cannot face the fact, that sometimes you do lose, you cannot always win, somehow related to narcissism now, isn’t it?

Show-off, well, now you must be seeing the point! All these reasons are interconnected with each other, the need to show yourself superior can be defined as show-off, the need to show something you just bought to rub in its value to your peers, well, here it comes, EGO! Beautiful, isn’t it?

Now the last two are not evils, but are somehow indirectly related to the above, because these exist because of them, and they exist because of these. Confused? I’m not. Luxury and comfort, can you see now? Luxury is something which can be portrayed as majestic, mind-blowing, awesome, awe-inspiring, and comfort comes in chained with it, as whatever is luxurious, is supposed to be as comfortable as it is luxurious. Now, luxury doesn’t come cheap, therefore it needs more money(Greed), whoever can grab the most money is the best(Ego), the more luxurious you are the more you can rub it in your friends(Show-off).

See how all these are branches of just one word ruling the earth right now?
NARCISSISM

Isn’t it just bloody damn beautiful, isn’t it? The beauty of evils, the ease with which how we can orchestrate our vices, without even thinking about what they are leading to, the chain of events we are unraveling? How much we are harming each other?

No, right, you’re too concerned about your own self, you selfish pricks!

Can’t you just do one good deed? Are you that filthy? Have you drooped so low?

Try doing one good deed without any notion or thought of self-benefit, then you can feel the feeling of feeling great, of feeling truly happy.

Or if you are such a prick, that you can’t even do this, just, do one thing, stop being such a narcissistic a***ole that you are, okay? Do yoga, just be in the moment and stop thinking about yourself for some time. We, human beings were born to work together, can you do this? If not for me, not for your friend, not for a stranger, not for a colleague, not for your family, then do it for yourself. Okay. Stop thinking about yourself for just a day and just let world be and let everything happen by itself, stop trying to control the world and let go of the illusion of control.

Then you will see how beautiful you are, or how the world is.

I don’t care who feels insulted by this, as I have not mentioned any names here, feel free to do whatever you like, as this blog is free and I don’t gain anything by writing this, if someone reads and does good, then it benefits all of us.

Be the beautiful person you were meant to be, not the prick you are now, improve.

That Feeling

2016-06-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

Vaguely do I remember the last time I felt that twinge, that feeling for anyone, and I haven't felt that in a long time.
But, sometimes, anything, something even so small as a movie can give rise to that feeling, but the thing is it only lasts for a second, and is hollow, with no ambition. I don't know whether it is a good or bad feeling, it just felt like something I haven't felt in a long time, and no one to relate it to. Let's hope this stays that way, can't lose focus.
As,
Now is the time, the time to strike.

Attachments

2016-04-21T10:12:00.002-07:00

Sometimes everything seems so vague, just so poetic. Sometimes you just wait for something to happen, and sometimes you dread something about to happen, sometimes you just feel bad for things which never happened, attachments are of the worst kind, whether to your job, your people, your colleagues or that one person.

Today I did not do anything, but for me I did a lot, just to listen to a few words, you do something, because no conversation is happening between you anyway and you dread that maybe it might not happen and maybe you dread asking why.

Sometimes you're better off not asking the questions you don't want the answers to, more like you couldn't handle the answers to.

I wonder, I have become so mature, yet, still, I act so kiddish, I wonder why, maybe because I never got a chance to visit my school or college fun days, maybe because I never wanted to do all those things, maybe I just didn't like it.

Anyways, the toughest part about attachments, is detachment, without information.

I don't know what will happen, but I hope it would be for the best, because, I have not stopped hoping yet, and maybe because I still am kiddish, maybe still hope that my hopes shall yield salvation and give me inner peace.

And by the way Kung Fu Panda 3, wow!

Little Things

2016-04-17T10:40:00.002-07:00

Sometimes all it takes is a casual warm, greeting to change your day. A horrid sequence of days, leading to a very callous routine of day-to-day life. Just a casual, normal, but polite sentence from a person you'd never be expecting from can change your day, can make it happy.

Wow, this emotional part of me is just useless.

Sh*t just got real. All an experiment, but now, just a casual exchange of words seems like all you'd need in the world it seems. All it takes to get you out of the dumps you were sleeping in.

(Metaphorical dumps)

Just a few words from her elevated my day, but surprisingly, not the day she talked to me, but the next day, strange how we, or, rather I function, isn't it? How badly you'd want to spend a day with her, how vaguely should you remember the details of the day you talked to her at length for the first and last time till date, but, you remember the details extensively. Wow.

She has become my motivation now, but not in the gooey sort of way, I shall continue in this manner and make casual encounters of these sort a habit now, they shall happen once in every few days, maybe and this time I have realised something.

The little things do count.

Changes

2016-04-05T10:37:00.002-07:00

Some Time Back

----------------------

Friday

6.00 pm

The girl's story

-------------------

This was the time and day she waited for, for him, this was the time she had gotten to see him, he used to come once a week for an hour, for one class. That was the only time she could see him. At 5.50 pm, each Friday evening, her heartbeat started rising up and it kept on acting that way until she reached the institute. One fine day, somehow she devised a plan with her friend to get his number and somehow she arranged for a way to get his number, without even him asking for her number. So they started texting for some time, no, it was not the way people texted nowadays, like all the time, all day and all night, but sometimes, casual and fun. She didn’t want him to know of her feelings.

Obviously, her friend knew, and she told her everything, Linda was a really mature person, she had liked this 'teacher' for a very long time, and each time she told Shruti about this, it was emotions galore.

Only problem was, Abhishek did not feel for Linda the way she used to feel for him.

So, one day it dawned on her and as Linda was a really mature person she got over him real quick, as this imaginary relationship of hers did not plan out the way she wanted, there really were no moments, or any sort of attachments that she could hold onto, so that's why she could let go of him easily.

Abhishek

------------

Now for Abhishek it was nothing more than a way to gain some extra money for himself, this class he went to, so he used to go, teach and come back. He used to feel that there was some sort of emotional energy between him and the little, cute girl who used to be in every class of his, but he always brushed it off, thinking she was a little too pretty for him.

Every time, he used to feel it, but he always shrugged it off, thinking, not possible in any-whatsoever-way.

When he stopped teaching there, he went through a downfall, he became unemployed, lost emotional balance, but, he never could forget Linda.

So sometimes in he used to text her, she knew of his situation, and some way, she started helping him, and got him back on his feet.

TODAY

Now, whenever Abhishek texts her, either it's a late reply, or none at all. One day he stopped texting, thinking that she would at some point in time, text him back. But she never did.

Somehow, he started planning for her to start talking to him, but it failed, every time.

Each day he waits, for one text, one call from her, asking him to talk, to meet up, but the phone never rings or vibrates.

A phase had ended, and a new one had begun, someone's longing had ended way too soon, and someone else's had begun, which might not end, because for him, other longings didn't end either.

This is how everything changed, this is how Abhishek stopped caring.

An Experiment With Myself

2016-03-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

Now, this is an experiment I did, please do not try this if you are sensitive and emotional, as you are bound to get hurt.

Now imagine a woman in your workplace, a beautiful woman, for example, now she's well-read, conservative, the perfect girl-next-door kind of girl. She's 5 years younger than you and loves dogs. Too much details, anyways, so, she has a similar work profile as you except she is a freelancer and you are an employee.

Now, earlier you were a freelancer at the same place, but, at that time she was really new and you thought she had an attitude problem and she was too young to talk to so you let it slide.

But, now you decide because of the age and the attitude she might be the perfect person to experiment.

AS nobody likes people who have an attitude problem.

The experiment, you get a little friendly with her, for a few days and you stop talking abruptly, to see what happens.

Now, I did the same I got a little friendly with her, and she sort of had an accident the same day. You feel for her a little bit, just a little bit of the care someone has when they are infatuated with someone and they get hurt. You immediately feel the need, to run to her and help her out and you do.

Somewhere inside a little part of you smiles, thinking, maybe you made her realise that you do care for her, but you brush it off, as you never really liked the girl.

For the next few days, you give her a warm greeting each time and somewhere down the line, the greeting gets colder each day, until when it stops abruptly.

You face each other sometimes now and you exchange glances, but you sort of ignore each other.

You think she did have an attitude problem so you let it slide.

But each passing day, you get increasingly fond of her, but she doesn't show any signs of fondness towards, just like you don't, of course.

One day you declare the experiment a failure, without any solid conclusion.

Because an experiment has to have a solid result, a solid conclusion, maybe she has feelings, maybe I have feelings, maybe not, maybe they'll stay, maybe not, so, you just keep your feelings bottled up to see what happens eventually, and nothing happens, even though you are working, when you sleep at night you think of her, but as you have to wake up early, you divert your mind somehow and go to sleep.

Now in the experiment she was a specimen, but somehow you too become one, one day you brush off these feelings and the experiment becomes a failure.

Why I say do not try it?

Because you might not be able to handle it. I did, but you might not.

This experiment proves one thing, don't get friendly with the wrong kind of people. It might hurt later, a lot.

The Neutral

2016-03-21T09:16:00.002-07:00

I am not a spiritual teacher, but once I was reading a book and it made me wonder.

'What in the world is zero?'

is it the ultimate master of peace? The emptiness, the nothingness, the 'neutral'?

To answer this question we must first think ourselves. When are we most at peace, after doing what activities do we feel at peace?

But before that, another thing, like in a P.S. kind of moment. We only have peace when we are doing what we are doing, when we are instilled in it perfectly, whenever we are focusing on it, when we are in the moment. In other words, we get peace, when whatever we are doing we do religiously, with the utmost focus.

Getting back to the point, what are the activities that we do religiously so that we obtain peace, albeit for a short amount of time?

Let us take some universal examples, taking a dump after holding it for a really long time, peeing, having our favourite food items, having a good time with friends, watching a good movie, listening to good music, having sex, kissing, etc. etc.

Now, take a moment to really think what we think about while doing these activities, do we start worrying about our tensions, our future plans or our past failures?

NO.

We just revel in the moment, focus on the activity at hand, live the moment, and sometimes, we just let it happen.

In other words, we are not really thinking, we are just letting it happen, we commit ourselves fully to the activity, with minimum activity of the mind and let the body take control of the mind.

Can I say with utmost certainty that while doing said activities we think 'nothing'?

Exactly.

In other words, we live in the 'neutral' for that particular time period, and what do we feel after that.

Inner peace.

The one thing we long for, well, at least for some time.

Now think of what ancient yogis did when they meditated for thousands of years….yes, thousands!!!!

Well, at least they say that! They thought, nothing, they just focused on their breathing pattern, sitting cross-legged, thinking nothing. That is how those yogis achieved such high levels of focus and peace.

I'm not saying that you sit cross-legged on an Oceanside wearing nothing but a dhoti with long hair, but, my point is try being in the neutral daily for 10 minutes, it will help you a lot, trust me. Just sit on your bed at the end of the day before sleeping, close your eyes, and focus on only your breathing, that will help to think nothing, now if you were tired after your day. try going to sleep, you will have the best sleep of your life that day.

The power of the neutral is mind-boggling.

By the way, I'm not a spiritual teacher, just a normal human being, trying to make this life easy.

Cheat Codes

2016-03-13T09:45:00.003-07:00

I bought a game on my new iPhone. It was a fantastic game with a lot of action, some fantasy, some sword-fighting, some good combos, a fantastic storyline, you get the gist, oh and let's not forget the beautiful graphics, credits to the Unreal™ engine which provides the backbone to its graphics. So, after playing for quite a few days, it is an awesome game, really, I realised I got stuck at one point or another just because of some credits or battle chips. I used to moan and cringe each time I would not have enough of those to level up, or probably buy a new weapon or potion, so I thought let's look for a cheat or a glitch or something which would provide me with easy money.

I found quite a few, it is a famous game, after all, just by googling for a few minutes, found one that worked, and exploited it to my glee. I was so happy, probably for a few hours or so, but after some time, I got so bored of the ease of the game, that I ended up resetting it and started playing it from scratch. The game was good, no doubt, but without cheat codes.

The cheats just made it so easy, there was no thrill or excitement in beating an opponent, no ecstasy in buying a new weapon or a piece of armour, the game had become redundant. It had no challenges to offer me and to be honest the game had all the answers to beat it, only if you were so inclined to do so, but with cheats, you would become that powerful from the beginning.

Think of life as the same, if you got easy money to live, and had everything from the start, you would have no fear of failure, no joy in success, no ecstasy in gaining something so important your life would be dependent on it. Having everything is not joy, you learn joy after you struggle to gain something, joy comes from the sense of achievement.

Struggle is the key to success and happiness.

The life we live is supposed to be lived the way it is, with struggles, with ups and downs, with highs and lows, so don't wish for a cheat code for easy success for two reasons:

1. They don't exist

2. If they did, I'd be bored, I mean what joy would there be if video game companies didn't work this hard to earn money ;)

And also, there are a few games which were meant to be played with cheat codes, as it is fun sometimes blowing up stuff without any reason, but that theme doesn't resonate with this thought.

Teenagers in 2005 playing video games would probably get which one I'm talking about.

Anyways, live life doing what you love, embrace the challenges, overcome them, or at least try to overcome them and thank them, for they made you better and stronger.

Ciao!

The Warrior's Last Battle

2016-03-03T06:27:00.000-08:00

Laying on the road, the warrior breathed,

He was wounded, his armor broken, his sword sheathed.

But among his heart and mind remained that line,

"Your country, your wife and your daughter will be mine."

It was 3 days back when he was challenged,

By a man so wicked, you could say he was deranged.

The warrior didn't raise a finger and simply said,

"Oh, noble man, accept my defeat instead."

The wicked man was proud, he wouldn't take that,

"Fight me in battle on the road beyond the hut.

Surrender and I would kill your daughter,

NO MERCY, NO GRACE ONLY SLAUGHTER.

THE MEN WOULD FEAST ON HER BODY,

In the end, I would only become more greedy."
He stopped with a menacing smile on his face,

The warrior knew he would have to fight in this place.

He stepped up, and shouted,

"LET'S BATTLE YOU MADMAN AND END THIS DEED.

KILL YOU I SHALL FOR YOU HAVE MOCKED MY CREED,

VANQUISH YOU I SHALL, AND REST INDEED."

They went to the location and had a battle,

The warrior vanquished the madman, the score did he settle.

But beyond the bush hid 10 men,

They attacked him from behind, took him to their den.

They beat him there for two days straight,

On the third they threw on the road, in the night at eight.

The madman told him now he would get them,

Torture, steal, rape and then kill them.

The warrior lay helpless, half dead,

He couldn't move his hand or head,

After three days he gathered his might,

Got up, picked his weapons and got ready for a fight.

He walked back to his village to challenge the madman,

He shouted out that he would kill his clan,

Out they did come the madmen in his men,

Out of their burrow, their hidden den.

They fought and fought the warrior and kept on striking,

But with each strike, the warrior fell, kept on rising,

He got stronger with each blow it seemed,

The clan was now doomed.

Very soon did the man vanquish the clan,

He managed to reach the awestruck madman,

"But I broke you, how have you come back?"

"With each passing moment, my heart did I rack,

I gathered the courage and took a decision,

My wounds are there, I might need an incision,

But I had to fight and kill you now,

I have come back and your time is up now."

With both his hands the warrior plunged his sword

Deep into the madman's heart and he groaned.

"Forgive me, dear sir, but I had no option,

You killed my family, and passed this motion.

Now you shall die and rest in peace,

While I remain alive and cry in peace,

Vengeance is served and justice is done,

The warrior can now rest, as his purpose remains none."

The Missing Toy

2016-02-22T06:53:00.000-08:00

"Vroooooooooooom……vroooooooom……." curdled Mitesh.

Playing with his toy cars on the kitchen slab, he giggled with joy, as the spring-loaded toy cars made the sound he was trying to imitate.

"Vrooooooooom…….."

Teeheeheeheehee.

He was having so much fun, laughing, yelling, clapping. He was just a 4-year old.

"Vroom, vroom, vrooooooom……"

"MITEEEESHHHHHHH!"

He heard his mother call him upstairs to the room where his grandmother and grandfather stayed.

"Yesssss…….mummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy………….."

He got off the kitchen slab and went upstairs running with joy. He played with his grandparents for some time and went downstairs to resume playing with his cars. He went to the kitchen to look for them and saw nothing there.

He stood still as if something had broken inside him, as he was just a kid and he loved those toys, he ran off crying to his mother.

"MUMMY!!!! MUMMY!!! WHERE'RE MY TOYS? WHERE'RE MY TOYS?"

"I don't know baby. Play with something else."

"NO. I WANT MY TOY CARS ONLY."

He looked around all day, but was unable to find them. His toys had gone missing.

Mitesh had been to a boarding school. He had made friends with a girl named Neha. Both were quite fond of each other. They met each other on every 2nd Saturday of each month, whenever they were allowed to visit the town.

They would eat their favourite Rajma Chawal from the Embassy restaurant. And walk in the cool breeze of the town for some time, holding hands.

It was a beautiful time, not meant to last for long, one day Neha got hit by a car on the road, she got admitted to a hospital, that was the last time he ever saw her. He would leave school the next week, never to return.

Mitesh was in college, he had joined a gym to get fit and look better. Within 2 months he fell in love with Sonia, a joviant girl with a jolly nature. She became his best friend and confidante. She knew everything about him except the fact that he loved her. One day he told her, she rejected him by saying that she was not ready. He waited for her for some months, transformed himself completely, got a job, to qualify for her. She said yes, but within a month left him saying that she was still in love with her ex.

When Mitesh was in love with Sonia and with her, he met Linda a girl who was his client. She liked him and wanted to be with him. He got a little friendly with Linda, she dropped many hints, but he could not understand them, he was too innocent as he had never hit on girls, he let her slip because of his naivety. 2 years after getting separated from Sonia, he realised everything that had happened when he was friends with Linda. Now, she had changed, didn't reply to his messages, didn't consider him important ignored him. That was the time when he finally gave up and decided to be alone.

He looked up at the ceiling of his room, clenched his fists, trying to bottle his emotions, but they were too much, everything came back out at once, his rage, his grief, his despair, his hopelessness, he felt his nails dig into his skin, it almost felt like they had pierced his skin. As if blood would flow out.

Finally, he let himself feel all of it, the pain, the pity, he let it flow, tears welled out in his eyes and he shouted out loud," MUMMY!!!! MUMMY!!! WHERE'RE MY TOYS? WHERE'RE MY TOYS?"

But there was no one there to comfort him. He was all alone.

Finders Keepers

2016-02-07T08:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things just happen to lie around the corner. When you're looking for some cookies and you don’t find them for days, but suddenly, when you are lying around in the bed and you find them there, it feels amazing. Sometimes, when you ,lost your earphones you think you have lost them forever, but one fine day, suddenly, you find them near your cupboard.

I have lost a zillion things, and found them almost instantly. But, when I lose something and find it after a certain period of time, it feels like bliss. Similar is the feeling when you are looking for something in one place away from you, very much away from you, and you find it there where you are located. Feels good and amazing.

As this is Valentine's Day fever period, I shall give an example from this genre. I have been looking and looking for happiness from someone I quite did not receive, trying and trying and trying. But, in vain. Having abandoned all hope, I resume my day to day activities as normal, trying to not feel all broken inside, trying to be strong as the world is filled with weirdos and crazies. But, they are not the ones to be afraid of, it's the sane ones you should avoid. They're the ones who mock you, try to stop you from achieving your goals and all that crap.

After 2 days I breakdown, get leave from work and go out and meet my friend hang out with him and have alcohol. This is how I let off some steam. Next day I go to work all fired up and kicked, but not as energetic as I was before, something pulls me down, I know what it is and I force myself to ignore and keep working.

Over a period of few days, I get used to all of it and go back to normal, thanking God for not letting me fall into love again, as the only time I ever loved, I got crushed very bad, almost destroyed my career and my life. One day, a girl I used to like before comes to my workplace, now, I didn't have strong feelings for her, but just an attraction factor(sort of), not sexual, I am never attracted to girls who are sexually appealing, what I'm trying to say is they are not the miniskirt-waering-type girls, they're usually the girl-next-door type women, so I see her and I feel gleeful, I find myself seeking ways to talk to her, I had never talked to her before, so I had to find out a subtle but sure way to talk to her. So I help her out there, it's my workplace, so I can, I coolly find out her name and her profession, although, I already knew both. The surprising thing was, she already knew my name, my work history and obviously my present.

I am embarrassed to say this, but in the words of Mr. Devi Lal Singh, I got a ginormous Kick from her knowledge about me and as she left, I had a smile on my face for the entire day and even though I had not slept well the past night, was wide awake the entire night.

I had been looking for happiness from someone else, but I had found it somewhere else.

FINDERS KEEPERS, guess.

Passion

2016-02-03T08:47:00.003-08:00

'I am a passionate person. When I work, I work with passion, when I love, I love with passion. What's wrong with me? Can't I be a little selfish?', thought Siddharth.

Siddharth is an amazing person, whenever he does things, he does them no holds barred. But, sometimes he tends to overreact over small issues.

Like when he sees someone slacking off for the same thing he likes to work on passionately, he feels instant rage, and wants to kill off the person, and the only way he prevents this is by letting a friend know about some of his thoughts, in order to cool off.

Like when he loves a girl, he goes badcrap crazy for her, he pulls out all the stops, throws his ego and dignity out the window, sometimes this love causes error in judgement and he ends up losing the person he loves.

It has almost been an year.

He thought maybe this time things would turn out differently.

I lost her because of the girl who never loved me back, at least she cared for me.

But there was no light of hope.

Let's think positive .Thinking negative can lead to no good.

So he thought about her. How he met her, how beautiful she looked.

I met her many a times, but that was mostly with friends. But there had only been once in a while when they had met alone, well not alone per se, she still had her friends with her, but, he did not know them, so for him, both of them were alone. And my God, was she looking pretty, although she had changed her hairstyle, had some makeup on. When she had smiled on meeting him that day, wow. The dimples on the side of her lips, her flawless face, her straight hair hanging by the sides of her face, I had almost fallen in love that day. That was the time she used to like me, now she avoids me a lot, ignoring my messages, not giving prompt replies, all because of that girl. It wasn't anybody's fault but mine.Why couldn't I get the signals tha she likes me, when she did like me?Huh? Stupid SIddharth!

He took a deep breath, and exhaled, then he did it again two more times.

This always helps. Let's try again. Let me imagine I'm already with her, no more past. Hmmmm.

Okay! I met her today, she was looking fabulous, like always, she was acting like a kid like always, we met at the mall today, and were just walking around, we must have walked for at least 6-7 kilometers ,she had worn this nice black and white checkered dress, she was holding my hand, fingers entwined, her head touching my shoulder, her other hand was holding me by the waist, I was doing the same, we walked and talked, sometimes in between the conversation, she would jump and say,"REALLLLY?" and make her brown, beautiful eyes so big, that I wanted to kiss her. And how she would laugh, so cute. She just was loving how I complimented her, how I set up the place for our first date and she was looking so happy, we had planned to go for a movie later. It was a romantic movie, and between the movie we ended up kissing, it was amazing. This is how complete love feels like. She loves me too. No she doesn't, you're imagining things dummy, I know I am, I have no other choice, she won't…..

And he let out a sigh and started crying, drop by drop, his pillow became wet with tears.

At that point of time, somebody up in the heavens was looking at the poor fellow, He smiled and just said, "You want Linda, you poor fellow, you got her."

At that exact moment, Linda was browsing through their chat history, and she saw it then, how hard he was trying to get her. She remembered how she used to feel about him.

A few days later Linda and Siddharth went for their first date

Passion is everything. Never give up on yourself or people.

The Woman

2016-01-31T09:20:00.002-08:00

She was sitting at her desk, browsing the recent posts on her homepage for Facebook. She saw a post summarizing a story of a woman who had been sexually harassed by her father for 12 years, then how she withstood the world living in fear, experiencing more traumatizing events in her life, even though it had a trigger warning, she read it.

Even the world did not consider her a sexual harassment victim, she knew she had been harassed indirectly by the one she had loved. Maybe, that's why she read it, to know how a woman deals with all this, how a woman feels after it happens, how betrayed one feels, how afraid. It was so deep, it rocked her to her very core, she could relate to her fear. How she wasn't safe, maybe the world is like that, savage, but maybe it is more for women, maybe not, but this was not something which could be solved by the provision reserved seats in trains, or education or anywhere else, maybe justice can be served after things conspire, but that justice cannot change what has happened.

What is the need for justice to be served? isn't prevention better than cure? Or is vengeance a bigger or more important trait than peace?

Well, maybe, peace is war.

Her train of thoughts led her to the event, which transpired which had made her a victim.

In her school days, Rashmi was an in intelligent student, full of life, with good friends, she was a class topper. She was beautiful, humorous and enjoyed life by the day, she did not care about the future, as she lived in the present.

She had a boyfriend, Chirag. They had been going out for a long time and were happy together, at least, she thought they were. One day they went out for a date in Chirag's car, things transpired and they began to make love in the car.

Unfortunately, for them, a policemen had his eye on them, the girl was thrown in jail whereas, the boy, was not. The girl wasn't a minor apparently and the boy was.

Rashmi was released a day later, alone. Her mother didn't trust her. She went to school, some of her friends had started calling her a callgirl. She was not given pocket money anymore, her best friend didn't lend her money, told her to get out of his face and not call him back again, he cut the call calling her a 'whore'. Chirag had started ignoring her in school and stopped picking her calls. Some boys in school began teasing her daily, oogling at her and shouting obscenities at her.

She had to leave school eventually. But life had been tough for her from then, they left the neighbourhood where they lived, she was on house arrest for many years after that day, apart from school where her mother dropped her and picked her up from.

She could never forget that incident, how she was treated in jail, that was the worst. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

As she finished reading the post, she decided that she would help the girl out in any way possible.

Rashmi called up the girl, fought her case and a few months later, her father was jailed. Justice had been served. But was it really necessary?

Move On

2016-01-24T10:21:00.002-08:00

He was sitting alone in his room, on the bed, using his laptop to (not) watch his favourite movie. As the feature moved along, he became restless, he could not focus on the movie to distract his mind, put his mind at ease.

He had texted her so many times, even chatted at length with her for 1 or 2 nights, but, still, it seemed that he wasn't piquing her interest. He knew for a fact that she liked him earlier, but now, zilch.

It almost brought a tear into his eye. It had almost been an year since he had asked her out. He was hoping to get her interested into talking with him, but nothing seemed to work.

He had not noticed the signs of her affection before, just thought that she was being nice. He had always thought from the beginning that she was way too out for his league, maybe that is why he didn't get the signs, maybe that or that he was too dumb.

He had fallen in love with another girl then, and when she broke up with him, by helping him move on, she had just moved on herself. But, then, why had she kept his number on her phone still, why after all this time?

It was all very confusing and frustrating and all this just made him feel helpless, like a toad stuck in a well, yeah, not a frog, a toad. He never thought this would happen again, he had thought that he would not feel this pain again, this pain, which killed from the inside and defeated you from the outside, robbed you of the willpower to do anything.

He had become terrible at work nowadays, he had lost focus, all he craved for was his bed, to lie down in it and try to sleep, each day he would put on a movie or a sitcom to watch, but each time his emotions would seep in again.

Shit. Why had this happened? Why at this time? When he was where he wanted to be for the first time and his life? Why?

The last time it felt like he had come back from the dead, when she had told him,"I cannot be with you anymore."

When her lying to him had made him breakdown, killing him to his very core, when even after doing all that, smothering himself for her approval and even after getting that, fighting with everyone and himself to stay with her, when he was earning nothing and he had spent more than he could afford on a certain day, without even telling her about it, he didn't want to, he never wanted to and he still couldn't tell it to her, even after doing all that for her, she had said so easily that she wanted him to let her go, and he did.

And after that she went away for a long time, leaving him alone.

The same pain was back again, but he had to fight back this pain, because he had hope, that, eventually, this struggle would end and he would stop feeling this.

After a very long time had he wanted to be so romantically gooey with someone, but, alas, his atempts had failed.

As he wiped away the tear droplet from his face, letting out a sigh, only one thought came to his mind.

Only one thing is left to do, was move on.

MOVE ON.

Depression

2016-01-21T10:43:00.001-08:00

People who are depressed resemble the heartbroken too much. That is why, we might sometimes mistake them for people who have been ditched by someone and some of us geniuses might think that mocking their 'crush' would make them overcome it.

Poison kills poison.

You know in college one of my best friends actually had the audacity to make derogatory remarks about a girl I liked. He justified them by saying, "This is our right and this is how you'll become a man."

WHAT BULLSH*T?

This is our thinking, and no my lovely Modi supporters or Keju supporters, I'm not anti-Indian, I'm trying to point out one of our mistakes.

I mean how the f*ck can making a miserable person feel more miserable make him an absolute delight, akin to a Belgian dark chocolate Häagen-Dazs ice cream?

Screw your heads on right, people, you need to know how to support both depressed and heartbroken people.

Depressed people need the utmost care and love to be handled with.

I.e. be loving and caring to them always, listen to them, don't give your opinion(unless asked for, of course), be a supporting shoulder for them, never question them, these are some the things you should know.

If you can be a loving and caring person for someone who is your loved one, then maybe, just maybe, you can bring a person out of it.

Me, I brought myself out of depression by throwing myself into work, into something that I love and it has loved me back, people aren't that lucky. Be supportive, be caring, you might just make an unwavering friend, who knows your value or maybe more.

CARE.

Be'life'

2016-01-12T11:18:00.001-08:00

I have changed. I have become 'mature'. Earlier, I used to believe in useless things such as destiny, love, feelings, oneness, togetherness, emotions and bonds. Now I believe in success, profit, work, career, benefit, behaviour, political correctness and the list may go on.

It's not that I have become depressed, or that I am weak. Weak people don't keep on trying until it's over, it's just that, I have given up, I have stopped believing, stopped thinking about destiny, stopped believing in chemistry, in people.

That kind of happens, when you try and try again to look for the good in people, look for the love hidden in them, look for something human left in them, and you lose. That happens when you believe too much and keep on trying, until your belief is nothing more than what it is, a six-letter word standing for a myth. Nothing more than a word, it just remains where it was, in your heart, in your body, in your soul.

I have been struggling to write what I wanted for so many days, not because I didn't want to write, but because I didn't know why to, that my words will be like a horn in traffic, speaking out, but not listened to.

I have lost faith in my beliefs, and I have gained hope in mundane things, and now I shall look out for only myself, doesn't matter if a person is alone or lonely, it's much better than doing and dying, rather than doing for yourself and moving forward, being successful, focusing my time on myself.

Now, this voice which used to say try, eventually, it will happen, your faith, your hope shall be granted, now says, enough boy, now you have crossed your limits, your body can do no more and your soul is dead now, might as well get something useful done for yourself.

Now, I truly am in the true sense a human being, politically correct, secluded, successful, selfish and independent. Thank you all for making it so. I feel so much better writing this, I can finally, work in peace. Thank you world. THANK YOU for giving me the final push L.

The Irony of Life(Chapter 9)

2015-12-27T11:09:00.000-08:00

PRESENT DAY

"That was the last time I saw Neha, I lost the first love of my life to an accident. Now I won't rant about why she was the 'first' love of my life, but I will tell you this, I loved 2-3 more girls before finally understanding the irony of life…" said Abhishek.

"And what is that?" asked Hemant.

"That is what you might already know…"

"Still, you can tell us I suppose?" asked Shivani.

"Yeah, why not, very simple, 'It is until you have lost what you need, is when you realize, that you needed it the most'. Simple, yet, true, ironical and surprisingly elegant."

"Yes." said Shivani, looking at Hemant from an angle which wasn't noticeable.

"Well, Shivani, the last love I lost didn't die, I just lost her due to pure stupidity, and lack of belief and a pure mere sense of self-insult."

"Self-Insult?" said everyone in unison.

"Yes, I just never believed a girl so beautiful could hit on me, for I for the most purposes and angles believed, was ugly and despicable and un-hit-on-able."

"Well, that's a new word," giggled Shivani.

"Yes, it kind of is. But it was the truth, and such beautiful was she, all the girls I loved had a few things in common, brown hair, brown eyes, beautiful eyes, a cute face, childlike from within and brutally caring. The last one, of course, I think I loved the most, for I lost her without getting a chance with her, even though she liked me, and she was with me in a phase which I could explain to no one except my best friend, bless him, and she cared for me more than my best friend, she dragged me out of alcoholism, gave me a chance to live and dragged me out of depression, ah, how beautiful she was."

"Was she that beautiful?"asked Hemant.

"Yes, Hemant, on the inside and the outside, she was childlike, stubborn, stupid, innocent and a bit bratty, but still her caring nature was amazing, and it was not until I lost her to another person that I realized her importance."

"What was her name?" asked Shivani.

"Linda, Linda Batra. She was so beautiful."

"Why are you talking like that? Did she die?" gasped Hemant.

"NO, you fool! NO. I was just reminiscing my memories of her, I had grown quite fond of her in such a short time."

"Why were you getting all-emotional about your mother and her love for you?" asked Hemant.

"Dude, not just my mother, but my father as well, parents are the only people, if you can trust, that they will be there for you till the end. It's quite obvious and self-evident. You need not ask me that."

Abhishek looked at the time.

"OH GOD! IT'S 6 A.M. I have to take you back to the hotel and put you guys to sleep."

"Yes, Let's go." said Nupur.

All of them got up and back to the hotel. Abhishek took them to their rooms and then went back to his.

I am so dead. These kids got me so late.

He put his key into the keyhole and rotated the key, as he opened the door, he could listen to the sound of the television, her favourite show.

He smiled.

"Sorry, baby."

He grabbed both of his ears and stated doing squats.

"Did I say anything? I didn't scold you, I missed you a lot today, you know, you switched off your cellphone, please don't do that to me again, I get scared."

She started crying and hugged him deeply.

"It's okay, baby, I can never leave you and will always come back to you, you know that right? Don't you?"

"Yes. I do."

As she stopped crying and he wiped her tears off her face, Abhishek fell in a trance.

Brown hair, brown eyes, cute face, childlike nature, she is so beautiful.

LINDA.

Sometimes in life you do get what you want, if you really want it and work for it, even with the irnoy of life working at it's plan.

He switched off the television, kissed her on the forehead and lay her to sleep, he lay down in the bed with her, hoping that Hemant would realize the importance of that girl who loved her so much, he had almost lost Linda a few years back, he hoped that the same didn't happen to Hemant, he was a nice kid.

As he turned around, he put back a curl of her hair with his hands and whispered with all his heart,"I love you, Linda."

"I love you too, Abhishek, now let's sleep and not waste another day, Okay?"

"Yes."
"Good night."

"Good Night."

The Irony of Life(Chapter 8)

2015-10-02T09:28:00.001-07:00

It was a 2nd Saturday, they were supposed to meet today at a new place. The agenda of today's date was very different.

I don't want to do this. This is wrong, why me?

He had called Neha at the entry gate of Nainital, he hadn't the faintest idea why, maybe because that was the way out Nainital, something philosophical, it was all too much. Maybe it served as a conduit of sorts, reminding people, that things can come and go out of your life, but they might not stay forever, doesn't matter upon your will, it's just that…

When things have to leave, they leave, when people have to leave, they leave, and it's not just because of their will sometimes, it's the circumstances that make this happen sometimes.

Circumstances, a word I had earlier thought was for the weak, but sometimes, some things are just unavoidable, life is just too unfair, I can't do this to her! We both love each other. Irony is a word which suits this situation much more. What could be worse than this?

She was always punctual, a quality that was rare in people, that he would find out later, he himself, well, he used to always be early, that habit he would shake off later on in life.

It was almost time. He was standing at one side of the road, she would be coming from the opposite side. She would have to cross, why couldn't he just wait for her there? He didn't want to face her. Although, it didn't make much sense, he would have to face her after 2 minutes, well, we human beings are quite complex and stupid, ironical in ourselves in some sense.

"ABHISHEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!"she shouted.

She's here.

He looked up.

"Wait, there, I'm coming."

She was crossing the road and then it happened.

A car sped by, hitting her, sending her flying in the air. The car didn't stop.

Abhishek was stunned, pale, dumbstruck, shocked, at first he felt the air go out of his lungs. Then finding some strength within him he ran towards her, she was lying with her back on the road, bleeding, her right side was totally shattered, several fractures, maybe a broken skull, she was breathing, but barely. Abhishek held her up in his hands, helpless, being a child, he didn't know what to do, children are not taught to face these situations a such an age, but still, he somehow managed to run to the check post, with Neha in his arms, he was crying, without even knowing it.

All he could hear her saying was,"Abhishek, promise me…..aaaah….pr…o…mi..se…me….”

"SHHHH…don't speak anything please, I'll save you."

"You……"

Blood had started flowing out of her mouth now.

"Find…someone else…love…someone else….pr..o..mi…se…me."

He looked down at her and smiled, "I'll never find a more beautiful brown-eyed girl."

"Pr…o..mise…me.."

"You'll live and we'll be together, okay?"

"Pr…"and she fainted, too much blood had been discharged from her body, it was now or never.

As soon as he reached the check post, he shouted at the guard," CALL THE AMBULANCE, ROAD ACCIDENT, HIT BY CAR!"

Abhishek was lucky, maybe, an ambulance, was going to a hospital, the guard stopped the ambulance, showed the girl, and in the back they sat and sped off.

The paramedics did the necessary first-aid and arrangements for the girl to survive till the hospital.

"Who are you?"asked one of them.

"A friend."

Shit, shit, shit….curse you!

"Okay, do you know who her guardian is?"
"Yes…she….lives here, her dad."

"Okay. Does she have an ID or do you have his contact number?"

"She might be having her school ID."
"Okay."

They found an ID on her and called her dad.

They gave him the details of the hospital and told him to reach soon.

They reached the hospital in 5 minutes, Neha was rushed to the emergency ward and Abhishek sat outside, they asked him to donate some blood, he did what was necessary, he donated blood, called some friends who had mobiles, very few had them at that time and everyone refused. Everyone, every so-called friend.

Harsh and Prasoon wouldn't have, but he didn't know how to reach them.

Then, her father came, he rushed to him, grabbed him by the throat and shouted, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?"

Abhishek was helpless, he couldn't say a word.

I was only trying to do what you told me to do, nothing else, if I hadn't, this wouldn't have happened. It's all my fault, all my life I tried to prove to people that circumstances are not for you, they are created by you and you can change them, and now, when I bent to common opinion, this happened, I should have fought for my love.

"Leave and never show your face again.Never!"

And that was the last time Abhishek saw Neha again.

The Irony of Life(Chapter 7)

2015-09-09T11:03:00.000-07:00

Abhishek was looking forward to the day that followed. He really wanted to meet the girl and find out her name, talk to her, know where she lives and maybe hang out with her.

Yeah. That would be lovely.

Thing was, she wanted to do the same, he just didn't know it yet, and that's why the next day ended up the way it did.

The next day

-----------------

The day was full of theory, and Abhishek had already read up the manual, he had consulted the instructors and had asked them if he could leave the class to have a look around, the instructor approved after a quick oral test and was amazed at his interest in the topic. As a reward, he gave him an extra boiled egg, and a jam sandwich.

I'll give this to her and we'll share.

His face flushed red at the mere thought. He walked away from the site where the guys were sitting towards the girls' spot. As he was walking he felt a soothing breeze on his face, enjoying the breeze, he slowly walked on the short, green, swaying grass, no grass had ever been beautiful, this was not because of what he was feeling because of her, Abhishek actually liked scenic beauty. This grass was mountain grass, fed with the sweet mountain water and fresh pollutant-free rain, the air was clean, the mountains beautiful, the grass the greenest he had ever seen, this was the most clean air he had ever breathed, the most tasty water he ever had in this place, he had started loving this place, almost as much as his home. He might actually miss it, when he'd leave it forever.

I hope she would be from the same place I live in, anyways, she appears to be from a hostel like me, let's keep my fingers crossed. I hope she is from Delhi. That way we can meet daily.

A smile again burst upon his face, his eyes started shining, he could have almost stopped walking and lay on the green grass he was walking upon, but he had to meet her, meet the brown-eyed girl.

He heard some giggling.

Almost there, I guess.

It was almost funny, he had this perception, that girls, most girls, would laugh at the silliest things, he knew what he thought didn't , make sense, but, he couldn't help it, every time he would hear someone laughing, he would assume it to be a girl and smile at his foolishness, how could he be so presuming…it was almost funny.

But the most amazing thing was, he loved women and girls laughing, somehow, it made him happy from inside, their voices were so beautiful, unlike the guys, it could make him happy. And that was weird.

Very weird.

As he neared the group, what he saw was supposed to be surprising to others but not to him.

She is not laughing, she is just sitting there looking around, wow. Strange, but expected.

"Hi." he said.

"Hello," said one of the girls from the group, "and you are?"

"I am Abhishek….ummm..I wanted to talk to her.."said he, pointing towards the girl.

"Her? You see, Mr. Abhishek wants to talk to you," said the girl with mild sarcasm in her voice.

"Ok, I should be going."

I should be leaving, I'm not getting a good feeling.

He was getting very uneasy and nervous suddenly. He turned around and started walking.

"Hey, listen.."

The brown-eyed girl stood up and started walking towards him. He stood on the spot.

Now, we must know, that he hadn't listened to her voice, so what he did was entirely, unexpected.

"STOP! DON'T YOU DARE COME NEAR ME!"shouted Abhishek.

"Who! Me?"said she.

Abhishek hadn't turned around. He thought it was the same girl who had been sarcastic to him.

"HOW DARE YOU MOCK…"he turned around, "me…?"

His jaw dropped, it was her.

"No, not you, although, you didn't stop her! How could you do this to me?"
"Huh? How could I do what to you? Are you COMPLETELY INSANE!"

Suddenly, he started realizing what was happening.

"I'm sorry, I was not in the right state of mind, I'm very embarrassed, please don't hate me, I should be going…"

"Are you a traveller? All you do is keep on going, stand here!"

She pointed towards the ground where he was standing before. He froze.

"ye…ye…yeah..ok…" stuttered Abhishek.

"And damn right you are sorry, you should be."

"Yes, I am sorry. R…r….reall…really, sorry."

"Ok, now tell me, what did you want to talk about?"

"I wanted to know your name."

"Huh? My name? Just right now you were stuttering!"
"Yeah, but now I'm fine, by the way, I can't always refer to you in front of my friends as the 'beautiful brown-eyed girl', you must be having some name."

Her faced turned pink, almost red, she was blushing.

"Ummm…Neha."

"Ummm..Neha?"

"Noo, my name is Neha."

Beautiful name.

"Your name is as beautiful as your eyes."
"Thanks Abhishek…"

She started looking down.

Why is she looking down? I want her to look up into my eyes…what's wrong?

"Neha, what school is this?"

"I am from St. Teresa."

"You live with your friends there?"

"No, I live here only, in Nainital."

She looked up.

Her glistening brown, innocent, beautiful, shapely eyes.

Wow.

He suddenly realized what she had said.

"NAINITAL?"

"Why? What happened?"

"No..nothing..na..aa. So friends?"

"Yeah, I thought we were already friends."

Awesome.

"So, friend, Neha, let's meet up at the embassy restaurant on the mall road, this Saturday, let's have some rajma chawal, and let's go and play some games then?"
"Games! WOW! Yes, let's go, and their rajma chawal is so yum!"

She is not boring at all. And so bubbly, wow….amazing.

And that's how they started meeting each other every 2nd Saturday.

And that was how they fell in love.

Abhishek and Neha.

Until….

The Irony of Life(Chapter 6)

2015-08-27T10:08:00.001-07:00

That Night

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Abhishek was lying in his double bunk bed in the dormitory, his friend Harsh in the top Bunk. It had been an hour since he was trying to sleep, his eyes were drooping, his body was tired, he was wounded, normally , a person in that state wouldn't even take a second to drop into his mysterious land of dreams, but he was in his own wonderland tonight.

She, she was so different, her eyes were so beautiful.

He started gazing up at the bottom surface of the top bunk like an idiot, lost in his thoughts.

She cares.

He was moved by this event, although Harsh did make fun of him, they were like brothers, when Harsh understood the gravity of the situation later that day, he stopped making jokes and became all sympathetic towards him, he had been like his guardian angel all the way back to the hostel, helping him, carrying him when he couldn't walk, etc. etc., he even tucked him into bed.

Maybe I should talk to him, maybe not, but who else, but what if Prasoon interferes, well if he does, let him, how does it matter?

"Harsh, bro, you up?"

No response.

"Harsh?"
Nothing.

"HARSH, SOMEONE IS TRYING TO STEAL YOUR FOOD!!!!"shouted Abhishek.

Immediately, Harsh got up, "Huh? What? Where? Who?"
As he looked around with half open eyes, in the dark dormitory, he sighed and dropped his head in disapproval.

"Yes, Abhishek? What happened Bro?"

"Umm, I'm unable to sleep…."

"Huh? How?"

"I don't know, thing is…"

Harsh looked down from the left side of the top bunk, hanging from the side of the railing, holding on with his hands in such a manner that only his head and upper chest was visible.

"Yeah, thing is? You should have been long asleep by now, brother, you're supposed to be very tired, your eyes should not be able to open, my friend."

"I know, but, I cannot help but think about that girl."

"What girl?"

"Her…the brown eyed girl, who helped me that day."

"Oh. She was pretty and I liked her too, she didn't make much noise."

"Hey, mind it, ok?"

"Whoa, brother, I just said I liked it, and what's up with you? Why are you getting so fussy about a girl all of a sudden, you said you didn't like girls!"

"Yes, bro, but she was not like any other girl I've seen, all the others are like the ones who were there with her that day. But, she, she was different, I mean, she was the only one who helped me, to get up, she wrapped my bandages, took me to you, she smiled at me, ah, that smile….wow."

"Abhishek my, brother, are you acting crazy? I think the sleep has gotten to you. You're acting weird now."

"He's not acting weird." Prasoon barged in.

"Then?" said Abhishek and Harsh.

"He's in love."

The Poison In Her Eyes

2015-08-16T11:25:00.002-07:00

I had thought it had ended,

I had thought the broken heart had mended,

That I had finally come forward, moved on,

Pity it was just a beginning, just a con.

Her eyes are filled with venomous drugs,

Involuntarily my shoulder shrugs,

I let out a sigh of upheaval, of relief,

Oh, f*ck! She still has that effect, this belief.

No, I won't go through that again, I won't,

Won't let her do this to me again, please don't,

I have a little heart, please don't break it again,

You were my heartbeat my life, you became my pain.

At least, I can control it now, I know,

She won't know this feeling again, no, no,

I am now a cold figure, a cold booth,

Nothing can ever reveal the truth.

The poison in her eyes shall no longer work,

It can no longer make me smirk,

I am closed now, alone, forever.

Never again I'll be broken, never.

The Irony of Life(Chapter 5)

2015-08-16T09:27:00.002-07:00

Day 2

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Abhishek and his friends were supposed to climb the mountain-like structure in the Baara Patthar area with the help of the instructors, it was supposed to be really interesting. Harsh was really fired up.
"You know bro, today I'm going to climb this rock, one day, I'll climb Mount Everest."said Harsh.

"Dude, you cannot climb Mount Everest, no one can, it's like too high. You'll die the first few 100 meters." said Abhishek.

"Newsflash bro, people climb it regularly, don’t you read?"
"I read more than you!"

"I'll kill you!"

"You cannot, not if you climb this mountain…you'll die…and then how will you kill me? Mwahahahahahahaahahaha!!!! That's how you do an evil laugh."

"We'll see about that, I'll climb this mountain before you!"

"We'll see."

"I'll see. Loo-hoo-su-herrr! LOOSSSSSER! PHRRRRTTTT!"

"You know, you look like a dummy when you do that."
"I don’t care! You are going to lose."

"We'll see."

In some time they were about to climb the rock, the guide started giving them instructions on how to do so, it took him at least half an hour to instruct and set them up for climbing, they were set to climb in a queue set order, so Harsh and Abhishek decided to time their climbs, and of course, Prasoon would use the stopwatch.

Harsh completed the climb in just under a minute. Abhishek was set to be the last to climb. Just before he could climb, he saw a group of girls walk towards the area they were sitting in.

He saw the one simple girl in the chirpy group of energetic, talkative , bubbly group of girls and became interested in her stillness and quietness.

How could she be so quiet? her surroundings are all but quiet…

"MR. ABHISHEK!!!! CLIMB!!!!"

"Huh? What? Oh! OK!"

And he started to climb, he set his right hand on the brown face of the rock, trying to find a protruding edge to grab onto, he was almost blind from all the thinking, it was as if he was climbing the rock in Braille. As he grabbed hold of a rock, he started to look for another edge, just a little bit off from the ground to set his left foot onto, he looked around but was unable to concentrate so he felt it, found a crevice and set his foot in it.

This would work just fine.

How can she be so still? So stable? I could never be this way, I am so, so, unsettled.

His left hand found another crevice and he started to climb, it was easier for him than the others as he wasn't even concentrating on the rock.

Those brown eyes, so clear, so soothing, so quiet, so peaceful, so subtle. So innocent. Like me.

He was just about to reach the top.

55 seconds, I am going to win.

He set his hand on the edge of the rock, and just as the instructor was about to pull him up with the other hand, he looked down, to look at the girl once more, she wasn't there in his line of sight, unaware to him, she was just below him, looking up at him, this mistake was going to cost him, as just at that moment the hand grasping the ledge slipped and he fell of the rock, back facing the ground, unaware of what was about to happen, he didn't get stiff, maybe because of that and all his protective gear, he hit the ground and suffered only a minor wound. His knee got bruised and it started bleeding.

"HAHAHAHAHAAHA! Loooooooseeeeerrrrr!!!!" cackled Harsh.

The only person concerned about him except the instructors was that girl, all other students were laughing.

Somehow that helped.

At least, she cares.

She ran to him to help him get on his feet, and helped him stand.

A weird smile cut across his face. He looked at her.

"Why is he smiling? Has he hit his head or something?"

Even he didn't know why he was smiling, but his smile had done wonders, she was smiling back at him, and they went off to get some first aid for Abhishek, this turn of events would change his life forever.

Even, he didn't know what was happening, and what was about to happen.

She cares.

The Irony of Life(Chapter 4)

2015-08-03T10:02:00.001-07:00

The decision was made. His friends were going, all of them, he couldn't stay. He had to go. Why? He could not go, never ever. Rock climbing? What were they thinking? Shit man. It didn't matter now, he had to go, and he had to simply.

They had to walk all the way to the place where they would learn how to climb mountains, it was at least a decent 45 minutes away from the school.

The first day was mostly about learning on how to assemble the equipment, the ropes, the harness, the jumar, etc. The challenge was supposed to be the next day, when they were supposed to climb.

On the way back, Abhishek and his friends bought themselves a few parathas and a pastry on the way. The pastry was dirt cheap and it seemed tacky, but it tasted really good. On reaching the hostel it was almost dinner time, so they took a bath and rushed to the dining hall. They were all really hungry, they didn't do, much physical activity on the mountains but that long of a walk really made them hungry. The dining hall had a lot of food and very less time to eat, so what the boys would do was take whatever they could back to their houses(hidden, of course), and had them later in the night when they would feel hungry, or if not, they would share it with their hungry dorm-mates, someone was always hungry, it was a boys' hostel after all.

Just before sleeping Abhishek started chatting with Harsh, he was his bunk bed mate(yeah, right, bunk beds).

"Harsh, brother, today was really boring, too much talk and nothing to do, we study all day, we need less study later on in the day, I wanted to kill the people there."

"Yes, but tomorrow will be awesome, we get to climb tomorrow."

Prasoon dropped in on them midway,"You know there were girls there."

"So?" said Abhishek,"What will you do with them? Girls are boring, they aren't even interested in video games, that's why I always end up fighting with my neighbour's sister, she doesn't want to play, she interferes in between, doesn't know how to play, calls the video game a cheater and unplugs it without any warning, girls are weird and stupid."

"No, bro, not all girls are stupid, stupid girls are stupid, you've got to learn that."said Harsh.

"Well, I guess all I have met are stupid girls then."

"Yeah, so tomorrow let's go talk to them and make a group."said Prasoon.

"And do what exactly? Play Barbie house?" said Harsh and started laughing.

"Yeah, I bet he's interested in doll games only." said Kshitij.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"ARE TOO."

"Okay, okay, we'll talk to the girls tomorrow,alright, Prasoon? Please calm down both of you."

"Yeah."said both of them in unison.

"Now, let's talk about the X-men."

"Wolverine's my favourite bro,"said Prasoon.

"Nope, he's my favourite."

"I like his claws."said Harsh.

"Yeah, they are really sharp and can slice diamonds smoothly. And, no he is my favourite."

"I will kill you,"shouted Abhishek and grabbed three spoon from nearby, put the broad ends of all of them between his knuckles and sort of pretended to have claws.

"Not before I kill you."said Prasoon and used his hands to make a fake gun.

"You can't kill me with a gun."

"Oh yes, I can, with an adamantium vaporizing gun."

"No such thing exists!"

"Does too."

"Does not!"
"SILENCEEEEEEE!!!!!"
And the night went on, the boys were innocent and young, they had no idea, how this small rock climbing experience would change their lives probably forever.