Life and Times of "The Toni Show"

2019-06-28T16:11:00.002-07:00

I finally found my true love. I have been waiting for him my entire life. I’m so happy to have finally made it home. I can’t stop kissing and hugging him. I find everything about him unbelievably attractive and sexy. Everything he does everything he says. It’s all wonderful. It’s been a few months going now and it’s still just as hot as the first day. I’m so excited. Maybe I will finally find peace in my heart.

Love for me

2017-08-25T01:20:00.001-07:00

I'm not new. This isn't my first rodeo either. I know what I want and I know a lot of what I don't want too. I'm tired of shitty relationships. I'm tired of staying with the wrong person for dumb reasons. I want to be in love. What's wrong with a union built on that? I mean, sex is great but without love behind it, it just doesn't have the same effect. When you are totally in love, the sex is incredible. It can mend the broken things of the day. It can keep you in love if you have it. I'm getting older. I want happily ever after. I think I'm ready for it. Years of terrible relationships have left some scars. I have a hard time trusting. I find it hard to believe someone loves me if they don't totally show it. But maybe if they aren't totally showing it, they aren't in love. And maybe the times I'm finding it hard to trust, there is probably some reason that is so. I'm willing to do almost anything for the love I want. I need someone who is totally in love with me and is willing to go to lengths to stay that way. I need patience and respect. I want to come first. I want my word to prevail. And I can do the same.

So here I am some time later, still putting up with the same ole same same baloney....lies, FARGON lies, unaccountability, bullshit, trickery, smoke, mirrors, the whole nine yards. I don't know how much longer I can withstand being made a fool of. I am most likely being used and exploited and most of my life i was willing to put up with that sort of thing because I didn't realize that love can be replaced. I do still cherish people, but not once they become abusive and deceptive. I feel like I'm the kind of person who can accept almost anything, especially coming from someone I love and care for. What I can't accept or tolerate is lies. Like as if I'm not able to be trusted with the truth. Hmmm. And if it's something horrible, keeping it away from me only means that it isn't going to change.

Goat nappers

2017-06-25T02:50:00.001-07:00

My goats are gone. Stolen and murdered by heartless fucks. I hate humanity. I've lost faith, I've given up meat and dairy and after six months I still cry for the fucking goats. Nice story.

2014-10-27T20:51:00.001-07:00

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....are not food!

2014-09-10T00:14:00.005-07:00

after the summer was over, i would lose another baby goat to the same thing. a few months later, my daughter started in....mommy pleeeeease can we get baby goats again? of course, but you must help with feeding and cleaning up and spend time with them because you remember how much work the young goats were, now these are BABIES, they will require MORE attention and bottles every four to six hours and clean bedding and .....oh yes mommy, i will i will!

so needless to say, guess who took on two teeny goats without help? you guessed it. now if none of you have ever experienced a newborn baby goat, let me warn you, they are just like human babies with walking and destroying abilities added. they cry at night and need to be kept warm and get tummy problems and want to be held and need bottles....its a full time job- (as if i didnt already have one) so since these baby goats were mine from birth, i became quite attached to them. their names are blankie and kevin. kevin was only hours old when i took him home so he had yet to be disbudded or dehorned and has since grown a huge set of tools to ram with. they are now almost 6 months old, off the bottle and running wild with louie and goat goat. which leads me to the point of my story- a thing called RUT!

to be continued again!

Moving, Moving, Moving....NOW?

2014-09-10T00:06:00.000-07:00

Moving is an issue. We need to seriously get on with it....

Update to this one.

Well, sadly, the fight is over. After spending a year alone on the farm and then another 8 months again with skip, the life of living in my dream house had ended.

I am now in limbo. It is never going to be the same way again. The business is gone, the money is gone, the kids are gone, the dog has gone to heaven, and my heart is broken.

loyalty in life and family

2014-09-07T17:06:00.002-07:00

I often wonder why money is more powerful than friendship and will make people betray one another and leave them behind. They will talk to people who they hate and throw others under the bus. All for a buck. I found this to be true in the world of drugs and crime and i am finding that it isnt isolated to the underground and the streets. Betrayl is up as far as the US government and it seems the more money that is at stake, the worse the back stabbing and lies get. Disclosure must happen to fix this. If aliens were common knowledge, 1.] the government would lack the ability to lie and steal from the american people. and 2.] the common citizens would have more interesting things to focus on and money would become less important.

2014-08-24T23:55:00.000-07:00

Goats are not food!

2014-08-24T17:19:00.001-07:00

Kevin and Blankie

I have recently started collecting goats. I got my first goat about a year ago and he is a black and silver pygmy mix. He was pretty nasty when i found him living on a rope alone among tall grass and chickens. He was so pathetic, i couldnt leave without taking him. His name is Eric but we fondly refer to him as "Goat-Goat" or "Bubba". He used to be allowed full run of the 8 acres that we live on out here but that has since changed. About three months later, I adopted two Nubian bucklings to be friends to keep Bubba company. They were about three and four months old and hadnt had much human interaction either so chasing them down was a daily battle and we opted to build a fenced area and added another apple box for housing.
Our house is covered with ornamental plants and trees and daily I let the goats out of their pen to run free and sample whatever they wanted. One afternoon, I found the baby goats out in the back field bahhing so hard and throwing up violently. After bringing them to a safe area in the shed so contain them, I went to figure out what had poisoned them. Rhododendron plants are deadly to goats and most animals and our place is covered in them. Huge trees no less! There was not a very good outlook for the babies' health and it was devastating after a week of fighting to lose one of the babies to the poisoning. The remaining baby cried for weeks looking for his brother and it was a terrible feeling knowing that my ignorance had been the cause. to be continued

Local News | Relatives Grasp Fleeting Hope That Missing Foursome Are Still Alive On Chuckanut Bay Islands | Seattle Times Newspaper

2013-12-25T11:36:00.001-08:00

Local News | Relatives Grasp Fleeting Hope That Missing Foursome Are Still Alive On Chuckanut Bay Islands | Seattle Times Newspaper:

'via Blog this'

have just been thinking about these girls as i often do, and decided to look to see if there was still an open investigation regarding this case. sadly, no. as far as i understand, and with the words of ourt local medical examiner, "the sea always give up their dead". so why no evidence or any word about this in 20 years now? i want something to be told. i want more information. i want t o put these girls to rest once and for all. WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?! im tired of rumors and stories!

2013-10-06T20:51:00.001-07:00

Totally annoyed! Going to kill my cat. He is causing so much trouble in my relationship. He just licks his butt all the time and when he isnt doing that, he is telling my friends shit about me that i dont want them to know. It is really unbelievable the way he looks at me with those doggy eyes, and he keeps picking fights with my goats. He keeps winning every time we play backgammon or chess. I am losing patience with his smug demeanor. I think I am going insane.

hillbillies or is it hillbillys?

2013-06-30T23:04:00.003-07:00

so i have these relatives; im tellin ya, the people that make these reality programs in the swamp and catch creatures while a camera crew follows them around havent got ANYTHING on the fruit cakes that im told are related to me. i mean, its amazing that i have a brain in my head. the intelligence that comes forth in their company is by far better than any fictional story i could ever make up. you just cant make this kind of shit up. i really wonder where they come up with these ideas on how stuff works in this world. i have to say, it is definitely creative sometimes. hillbillys is definitely the first word coming to mind.

disclosure

2013-01-01T06:47:00.002-08:00

It has been quite some time since i posted here. hope no one missed me too much.

well, its the first day of the new year, 2013. as some of you are probably aware; the world didn't end.

yeah, i got into the whole mayan calendar and nibiru thing on youtube and was slightly influenced to believe that something greater than what happened would happen. i do, however, still think that there is something to both of those ideas.

as far as 12/21/2012, i was under the understanding that the calendar spanned significantly more time than recent tales tell. i thought that it was supposed to have been the evolution of life and consciousness on the planet....? then somehow it got shortened to 5000 and something years and no more talk of the consciousness ladder. (if u are lost, just search youtube and ,surely, you will get twice as much garbage to sort through.) but in there somewhere- at the root of every tale, a tiny bit of truth is the beginning of the plot.

so, for my own sanity, to try and understand everything that i fed myself via the internet last year, i started my own garbage filled website to share and discuss with other truth (or adventure) seekers like me. disclosure dot bravesites dot com click it or stick it. ill even trade links back to your site, I'm cool like that.

Loving myself a little more today....

2012-02-29T16:03:00.000-08:00

FINALLY! i have waited and waited for this to happen, i always knew it would. everything said to my kids for the past ten years matters no more. one teeny tiny woman spend all of her energy trying to take my life from me only to lose it anyway. its finally happening. the good will always prevail. always remember this people! stay true to who you are and truth will be known.

2011-06-29T03:12:00.000-07:00

I got to thinking today about my life. I was thinking how others COULD find it slightly crazy. I mean, I have to admit that some of the things that I think are funny, make others a bit afraid. Having said that, I have come up with an idea for a "test", if you will. This test shall be a list that determines your level of insanity.....and it is being compiled right now - as it comes to me. Put on your seatbelts. lol

The following are to be answered true or false- one point for every true. Now if you find that these things seem like a good idea then you get half a point because you are entertaining the idea and therefore half as guilty.... Good Luck!

Went skinny dipping?
Broke in somewhere to go skinny dipping?
Been in a stolen a car?
Driven a stolen car?
Outrun the cops?
Outrun the cops in a stolen car?
Jumped a vehicle?
Jumped a stolen vehicle?
You know where this is going....Jumped a stolen vehicle while the cops are in pursuit? (this one is three points!) ....you ARE crazy!
Assaulted someone?
Been kidnapped?
Bungee jumped?
Jumped from an airplane?
Threw food?
Skipped school?
Pranked called someone?
Been to jail?
Went on the zipper?
Kidnapped someone?
Stalked someone?
Driven drunk?
Been in a wreck with yourself being the driver?
Went to a biker bar?
Streaked?
Played truth or dare?
Picked up a hitch hiker?
Went "cow tippin'"?
Went cow tippin' and actually tipped a cow??
Teased a bull?
Been chased by a bull?
Riden an untrained horse?
Broken a horse?
Riden a stallion?
Jumped from a hay loft?
Roped a calf?
Slept in a wheel barrow?
Wrangled any livestock?
Jumped a train?
Hitch hiked?
Ghost hunted?
Ghost hunted at night in a grave yard?
Fallen into an open grave?
Touched a dead person?
Done a keg stand?
Broken a bone?
Cut a car in half?
Shaved anyone against their will?
Flung poo?
Pooped where you are not supposed to?
Put flaming poo on someone's porch, rang the bell and ran?
Gotten a flaming poo surprise on your porch?
Dyed your hair a crayola box color?
Put explosives where they don't belong and lit them?
Shot an assault rifle?
Been shot or shot at?
Wrecked a golf cart?
Stolen a road sign?
Purposely hit a mailbox while driving?
Purposely hit a person with a vehicle?
Been to band camp?
Been to boot camp?
Been on tv?
Sang a solo?
Opened a live beehive?
Torn something good apart that you didn't know how to reassemble?
Chewed tobacco?
Dumpster dived?

i have a feeling that this will be ongoing. this is fun.....

i'll update with the results for scoring ......

the man in the creek.....

2011-03-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

once upon a time, there was a man who hid from the world. he spent his days in fear and shame.

one day somebody killed him.

a man came in this morning.....

2011-03-02T09:43:00.001-08:00

a dead man. he had with him a friend of mine, A PET CAT! it was a gift i gave him; means worlds to me, i'd like to get it back.

Been here, done this.

2010-12-30T19:11:00.000-08:00

I am having a test of things. I am sitting here watching some sort of a late-night soap opera. I know that most of the shit you see on TV is crap, but i cant help but be a little envious of the people on here. My life is -by most standards- pretty good. I have a decent job, a semi-secure home, a guy who has his future planned, and a good bunch of friends who are there for me. My issue of feeling inadequate is very prominent. I feel like my life is in the shadow of my man. We live his life, not mine. He has everything he wants and it seems like he makes sure to have everything that i want too.

Ok, I work my butt off for him and his business. This means that I put in many many hours of unreported time. I am a silent and unrecognized supporting structure to his business. I honestly feel that, at this stage, he can't do it without me. I go the extra mile. I also pay half of the rent on our house.
Now, that being said, I want to be clear that I am in no way ungrateful for any of the things that he does for me. What upsets me is that he lives soooo far above me. I make about ....... lets see, maybe 25% of his income. Not to mention that he has a company credit card to cover his gas, and whatever else "business" needs he has: i.e. trips to lowes, rei, walmart, etc for tools, clothes, gloves, glue, you name it, it can fly as a necessity. So, I kinda feel like if I need to BORROW 20$ for GAS, there really shouldn't be a problem.....? right? YEAH, I get guff about putting fuel in the delivery vehicle. MY CAR? THAT would be just ridiculous. I live by the skin of my butt most times. I run out of smokes and dont have gas most of the time just like most everyone I know. It is hard to watch the person you are supposed to be PARTNERS with shop freely for any and everything he wants and never have to worry about anything..... I just feel like I am taken for granted. I feel like used almost.... I quit. Ive whined enough....

Up Dates from the Bee Mates

2010-10-03T01:13:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I opened this and i have definitely got alot on my mind. i have no clue how many people-if any- see this or even care what it said if they did. anyway, i dont much care what gets read.

i have a cat. there, if that doesnt stop any readers from continuing, then you deserve everything that you hear-reading this that is....so his name is Gary. He is pretty cute.

Life and Times of "The Toni Show": naaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww........

2008-12-30T18:28:00.000-08:00

Life and Times of "The Toni Show": naaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww........

naaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww........

2008-07-24T03:50:00.000-07:00

It has been so long since I blogged anything. I guess I'll say whats going on in my world lately. doubt it will be a complete recap of everything since my last entry but i bet i can get a littel excitement in before i get sick of typing.

hmmmm,,, well. i have been doing alot of beein' and doin some work in the bee barn. skootz sings dumb little songs and jingles that he makes up all day and night. sometimes I feel like taking his songs and making a tape of them so he can hear them. shit, maybe we will get youtube rich someday. my videos are not exactly paying the bills. maybe the weird little blend of hill billy songs and ridiculous videos is not such a bad idea.

i have been practicing my race car driving career. i recently eluded the police in everson early one morning and earned myself another dwls 3rd. this would be like number 24 i think. great. i was only lucky enough to have tried to outrun a nice cop who remembered me from the truck wreck. too bad i would not give up my name and when she went into my multi-colored lude to find my id, it had a mustache and evil beard sharpied onto it. impressing them all the way. you know how i do. lucky for me, my warrant had yet to make the computer either. dunno how i escaped that one, but im still on the outs. thank you ala or praise jeebus.

i still have dreams of being a rodeo clown but now i think more about the circus since i have a tent and all. maybe a fortune teller tent is more of a resemblence. but anyhow, i have candles and honey for sale that i have been trying to get set up at a swap meet or flea market. i have also finally paid my travel agent insurance so i am expecting to receive a password anytime to be a legal and licensed seller of travel. i know i can get something going if i try hard enough. (and not listen to that son-of-a-bitch in my head that abuses me) I'm so sick of him. i really need him to move on and torture people in hell for awhile or something. 30 years is long enough to have my mind under control. fuck that bastard.

hard to believe one can be nearly genius, multi-talented, well liked, attractive, and so creative yet be too terrified to utilize any of these things because the voice of past abuse is still convincing her that this does not matter. that she does not matter and therefore will not impress anyone with her nonsense and would likely imbarrass and disappoint everyone. to be so afraid of failure-no, so convinced of failure that trying would be ridiculous. hmmmm she needs fans. alot of encouraging and supportive fans, groupies, an entourage, and perhaps then, things will change........? nawwwwwwww.....

Twosies..

2007-08-26T03:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I hadn't remembered this blog untill I found it while trying to make a webpage. BUT, what's new? I can't remember shit. This here is my honda! It is the most buckled car ever and I'm gonna race it in a title for title pos match. Yeah, I'm working on the racetrack and my lucky opponent this week. NOT!

Anyway, Nick is out and I'm still alive and still crazy. Life is still going on. Skip is still here. Untill next time!

Firsties

2007-07-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I am starting a new life with a new love, so only appropriate that I start a whole new blog.

I just had court yesterday for everything that I have been fighting for the last 7 or so years. I had to testify about my health and emotional standpoint. It was unnerving to say the least. I am pretty confident that the outcome will be in my favor. I think my lawyer is quite proud of me. I hope all goes well in that department.

Nick gets out in 16 days. I just hope I can keep it together. I hope we all can. I'm not the only one concerned here and I need to remember that. Even though we are "broke up", I know there still has to be closure. I don't know what he is thinking. I need to write one more letter asking his intentions. I definitely do not want to be caught off guard with his arrival into town. I don't want to hear from anyone about him untill I get to see him first. I'm offended enough with him. I can't take any more unsettling feelings.......