Life as a Crazy Teen.... and Back again

Sunday Reminising

2011-09-11T13:14:00.000-07:00

Before The Throne of God Above
Before the throne of God above, I have a strong and perfect I have a strong and perfect plea
A great High Priest whose name is love, Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on his hands, my name is written on His heart
I know that while in heav'n He stands, no tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart

When satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there, Who made an end of all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free
For God the Just is satisfied, to look on him and pardon me
To look on him and pardon me

Behold Him there is the Risen Lamb, My perfect spotless Righteousness
The great unchangeable I Am, the KIng of Glory and of grace
One with Himself I cannot die, my soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high with Christ my Savior and my God
With Christ my Savior and my God
One with Himself I cannot die, my soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high with Christ my Savior and my God
With Christ my Savior and my God

This song made me just about cry! Our music director sang this acappella during Communion and the the feeling that was put in to it screamed unworthiness and utter longing for the perfection of Jesus.

I was going through some old school notes (Both the kind that I made that pertains to the lecture and my notes to my friends) when I found my Misson Statement made for Mrs. R's leadership class 2-2 1/2 years ago. It's still pretty close. I've added some to it since then and edited wrong information (the font in Italic is the add on).

Mission Statement
My mission is to be the best person I can be with God's help. I would like to Five years from now be at ~~St.~~ ~~Marys College~~ College of Southern Maryland pursuing a career ans a physical therapist's assistant. I also want to after a brief term of service with the navy as a corpsman, become a Christian filmmaker. I want to champion the rights of a family as a unit of, Father, Mother, and Children (both biological and adopted) in the media. I will also be active in doing THE WORD now, not just in the future. I will help other orphans find their identity and encourage them. I will go and transform into "a nice young lady" that loves kids, that is active in helping the community, that is unmatched in her ardor to do things, and that loves the LORD. I will be unforgettable.

Looking back on this I have no idea what was running through my mind as I wrote this. I think I might have had a list of words to use and knowing my flair for the theatrical, I used the biggest and smartest sounding ones possible. That might explain the "I will be unforgettable" part...Any way speaking of things I want to do a wrench got thrown in my immediate future plans. I was surfing the internet for apartments, don't ask it's just another one of my personal and odd , not making much sense plans that I'm oh so fond of making, the boarding house (yes those still exist) is called Thompson-Mackward Hall. It's a single bedroom on capital hill that cost $925 a month but includes breakfast and Dinner and a whole list of things like free phone line and nice house rules! It started out as a christian boarding house for young girls who wanted to work at the capital. Now I can't decide if I want to stay here untill I graduate high school and have a few college classes under my belt, take a year off work at some cute little shop in D.C. while getting my foot in the art community. Then go back to college with the navy and serve 3-4 years. So many choices and I don't have my head clear enough to think.

Pig Rosy!

2011-09-10T17:02:00.000-07:00

SO, I promised I'd write about the third annual pig roast! It was fantastic! I was enjoying the chance to socialize with people that I hadn't seen in a while.(I was away for two and a half weeks) For the most part however I hung out with my two best friends and "The General". We (us girls) found this awesome place when we were looking for a less noisy place to eat dessert because of the cacophony of sounds of 250+ people eating, talking, and so on and so forth. Sad thing tho' is that I can't tell about it in depth because the "sister-hood" swore a strict oath that who ever broke it would be burnt at the stake! I will tell my adoring followers this: it's like a landscape that you'd see in a movie. To answer that unasked question, yes we did have the pig's head , however, no one ate the ears.

Why Does This Always Happen to Me?

2011-09-08T17:40:00.000-07:00

For some strange reason my boss really likes me... She says that I'm sharp, quick to learn, and eager to please. Mrs. W says it to all her good customers and because she's almost deaf one can't help but hear her. (it's not a very big store) She has for the past three or four days been telling me about her husband, aunts, nephews,and grandsons. Her husband was a mason and graduated college at 15 and got his doctorate before he was 21. Her aunts were all avid horsewomen. Her nephews are brilliant and her favorite is a neurosurgeon. Her eldest grandson is an anchor for CNN news. While all this was fascinating and has given me several short story ideas,my paranoid self wondered where this was going. I was expecting a lecture on "good breeding" but as she's going through all her pictures on her desk, she stops at the picture of her twin grand-daughter and grandson and asks me if I think the grandson is cute. I say yes and Mrs. W starts laughing, she commences to tell me how when she told that grandson that she had hired a pretty girl just his age (I'm not. I'm a year older than he is! For some reason she has it stuck in her mind I'm 16) He wanted to come over and see if it was true. His sister told him "No Way! You fall for any girl that bats her eyes at you! I'll go see" So Ms.K comes in and brings in two of her girlfriends. I knew one of them from job hunting and when they left (because the walls are so thin) that girl said that she liked me to which Ms. K said she'll do. SI apparently passed this family's seal of approval and this boy is free to pursue me. Oh! except for one little thing, I might not want to be! That's not their fault though, they don't know that I'm in a relationship right now, even though I told Jeremy last night we were just going to have to be friends... that just about killed me. I still am crazy worried about him. Anyway, tomorrow We have a lady coming in to read for Grandparents day. Right After I get off work I'm going straight to my Church's Third Annual Pig Roast. It's on the beach and My twin sister is coming in from Virgina especially for it! Hopefully I won't make a fool of myself and eat to much pork and end-up throwing up in the bushes like last time.

Ughh! I hate rain!

2011-09-06T18:06:00.000-07:00

It is going to be raining for five more days…In some ways tis’ almost worse than the hurricane. Foundations weak from an earthquake and seven inches of steady wetness will create a mudslide in some areas. I think the theme verse for this week (at least in some areas) would be Psalm 40:1-2 “I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock making my steps secure.” That is so tru! God heard Israel’s cry for help and gave them THE ROCK, Jesus Christ.

Just some random thoughts about life in general ,today I was reading this book called Please Stop Laughing at Us , and what made it interesting (besides the fact that it was a book I hadn’t read before) was, it was written from a victim-of-bullying’s point of view. I always have read from the bully’s point of view and how they “see the error of their ways and end up being best friends for life with their victims” kind of thing. The author of it was just pouring out her heart… She shared journal entries and poems that she had written, all expressing a deep longing to connect with her peers. Her peers burned her so many times, both literally and metaphorically. Her parents did not fully understand how bad it was until she came home with knife marks on her face…And this was a Christian High School! Not that guarantees anything but still! It’s like that extreme southern Baptist pastor who protested at that gay soldier’s funeral, calling the war on terror a travesty. I‘ll agree with him that it is a travesty, all wars are. This, however, is a just and righteous war, as the bible clearly states it is okay to go to war if some evil dictator is killing innocent people. IN FACT, I would go so far as to add it is CHRISTIAN DUTY to go war and if you do not it is a sin. People like that ruin Christianity for the rest of the world, those, and tele-evangelist’s frauds. True Christianity is about love, yes, but also gentle force. None of us ever gets it right. A quote that popped into my head just now, “The only hypocrites I have to worry at church on Sunday is me, I, and I.”

First Sunday Back

2011-09-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

I meant to post this Sunday but amid the chaos of hurricane clean-up, Morning Services, patching up things between my ex and I, going to a meeting where my dad formally announced that he was going to begin working for our church, and watching cute midshipman at an air show, I didn’t have time to post anything. This Sunday, however, when I went back to my church for the first time, there were a few songs that really touched me. I’m going to try to share (every Sunday) the songs from the service or a hymn that I saw and really liked. The two below may not mean much if you don’t know me outside of this blog but one day I might explain.

The Sands of Time are Sinking

The sands of time are sinking, the dawn of heaven breaks/The summer morn I’ve sighed for –the, sweet morn awakes/Dark, Dark had been the midnight, but dayspring is at hand/And glory, glory dwelleth in Emmanuel’s land

The king there in His beauty, without a veil is seen/It were a well-spent journey, though seven deaths lay between/The Lamb with His fair army, doth on Mount Zion stand/ And glory, glory dwelleth in Emmanuel’s land

O Christ, He is the, the deep, sweet well of love/The streams on earth I’ve tasted, more deep I’ll drink above/There to an ocean fullness, his mercy doth expand/ And glory, glory dwelleth in Emmanuel’s land

The bride eyes not her Garment, but her dear Bridegroom’s face/I will not gaze at glory, but on my king of grace/Not at the crown he giveth, but on His pierced hand/The Lamb is all the glory, of Emmanuel’s land

O I am my Beloved’s, and my Beloved is mine/He brings a poor vile sinner, into his house of wine/ I stand upon His merit –I know no other stand/Not e’en where glory dwelleth, in Emmanuel’s land

Help My Unbelief

I know the Lord is nigh, and would but cannot pray/For Satan meets me when I try/And frights my soul away, and frights my soul away

I would but can’t repent, though I endeavor oft/This stony heart can ne’er relent/Till Jesus makes it soft, till Jesus makes it soft

Chorus: Help my unbelief. Help my unbelief. Help my unbelief. My help must come from Thee

I would but cannot love, though wooed by love divine/No arguments have power to move/ A soul as base as mine, a soul as base as mine

I would but cannot rest, in God’s most holy will/I know what He appoints is best/And murmur at it still, I murmur at it still

Crazy Dreams!

2011-08-31T15:14:00.000-07:00

At the suggestion of one of my best friends, I will include a crazy dream that I had last night after staying up past two cleaning up her flooded basement (because she was sick). So, if you haven't guessed it by now the guy in the video is my boyfriend. :) And...parents don't necessarily like him. But I hope they will! (We're working on that and by we I mean me.) So this dream is a result of my efforts to reconcile my life seeping into my subconscious. So without further ado: Oedipus. :P

For some reason I had fallen asleep on the couch. I heard someone knock on the door and thought to myself, "Oh, it's just the mailman."

But then the doorbell rang so I got up and answered the door. Guess who stood there? My boyfriend! With four bags in tow. Imagine my surprise. I stood there astounded.

"What are you doing here?!?!" I gaped.

"I moving in," he replied nonchalantly.

Me: "What?!?"

"Yep, I worked it out with your parents."

Then my dad walked up and said, "Yes, we wanted to keep an eye on you guys and get to know him better. He'll be staying in your little sister's room."

Of course I'm still freaked out and in sort of a panic but my boyfriend puts an arm around me and says, "It'll be alright. It's only for two years."

"Two years?! " I think, "I'd have trouble with two weeks!" But, for two years, that's what happens. My parents changed the locks on all the doors so we're each locked in our respective rooms each night. When the two years are up, we get married and guess who the best man is? My EX! (Who I am not on goods terms with...)

So that was my crazy dream. Fat chance of that happening right? :) ..........right? (T_T)

No Classes yet but a Job for Sure

2011-08-31T08:38:00.000-07:00

So no sweet angel payed my bill, I miss-understood the lady who said, "Your bill has been payed". Somehow both the my friend's mom who I was with at the time and I missed the "has not" part of that. So this semester it looks like I am not going. However, I do get my pick of classes for the next one. Which makes me happy because then I won't have to do history for my humanities course, instead I can do the interpersonal communication that I wanted so badly.

Yesterday was my first day at my first job! It was a little odd at first, When I went in the owner and The Assistant whose spot I am taking seemed not to remember who I was. When it did hit them who I was, The Assistant took me into the stockroom and showed me how the place. I learned how to stock, restock, and to order products. I also learned how to work the cash register and how to please a picky client. On Friday I start for real, just the owner and I. So wish me luck! I am so nervous and will need all the prayer I can get.

Crazy Times!

2011-08-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

So I just got back with my parents Saturday night in the midst of a category 1/2 hurricane with some twisters on the side. Sunday was hectic people coming in and out for showers and food. We were the only place for miles that had power. Several of our friends are not expected to get power back for a week or more. Please pray for the people with whom I was staying with the seconded time there basement flooded and their generator wont start. Also give thanks to the kind angel who paid my bill (or maybe it was a mistake) at the college. I was telling my parents how grateful I was to them paying off the entire bill not just the 40% I needed to stay in classes. They looked at me like I had grown two heads and said they didn't, I showed them the receipt. We both agreed that it had been payed off (or there was a billing error, but I seriously I hope not.)

I am the Center of the Universe

2011-08-27T12:48:00.000-07:00

A funny thought came up the other day. Since I've ran away three natural disasters have happened. If I were into omens I would say that God will not let the world rest until I am back with my parents for good. That should be sometime in the next few hours. So once again, so sorry folks, did not mean to start a 5.8 earth quake or cause people to be evacuated. When I walk the cliffs dance!

No More Hunting

2011-08-26T17:23:00.000-07:00

A big thank you to Mrs. P and to all college students. I now have a job working at a awesome book store. That was my dream job and i didn't even have to fill out an application. The owner of the place was there and she asked me why I wanted to work there. I said,"...because I love books and people. It is close to my school and a former employee who knew me suggested I work here." She asked if I could start tuesday because her former assistant was leaving for college. When I said yes, she said," You're hired". And the part of it is they are closed on the days I have really big commitments!

Boston family vacation

2011-08-25T17:41:00.000-07:00

I am going back to my parents house. I accepted option one because it really was the best option< I just looked into buying books for my classes and they are very expensive.... So I'm glad I am applying for every job possible with in a reasonable distance to CSM. Any suggestions? I've already applied to Ledo's Pizza, The Nice World, and La Footstoola. I need to turn in one for Chick-Fil-A and Arby's. But hoping I get in to The Nice World.

2011-08-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened in the last 48 hours. My parents have decided to go back on the 30 month agreement with my friends and their parents. They (my parents) thought about about it and did not feel comfortable with someone they barely knew. I was notified of this decision Sunday night when I was at my friends youth group. We were in the middle of playing poker for Mike and Ikes when my friend’s cell goes off when she picks up it is my old crushes mom. The phone gets handed to me and she runs through what I said in the first couple of sentences. I was not very happy and thought I might have the cops busting in or something equally as dramatic. But that was not the way my parents wanted to go. After youth group we went to the origonal taylor’s house (he was not there, he was working) his sudo-mom was so nice and bought me and my friend ice cream! But the agreement for that night was that I stayed at my friends for that night. In the morning I was to take my placement test and then meet with my dad for lunch. Well one thing led to another and it was dinner before we could talk.

So here is the two contracts that I have two choose from.

Option 1: Return Home

a. concessions

i. family Vacation to Boston, NH, RI

ii. cell phone with limits.

iii. paid classes at CSM + easy home school classes=Finished high school!

iv. paid Bio-feed back Therapy

v. paid Counseling/Evaluations

vi. Driving lessons (informal), with guarantee of allowing getting drivers license after successful first semester

vii. Employment, with assistance

b. Rules

i. Breaking rules will not result in “punishment”, but with removal of privileges

1. You will deal with the consequences of you own actions

ii. Must allow parents to see log of cell phone texts(not internal messages unless fear of danger)

iii. Must maintain a C average in classes, or adjustments in privileges will be made

iv. Curfew: 9:30PM weeknights, 11PM weekends

v. choice of clothes, music, ect. Will not expose siblings to negative messages

c. Thoughts

i. Parents’ attitudes and expectations on Marla have changed

1. Focus on building relationship

2. Allowing to set own standards, with in limits

3. Recognition of Marla’s goals before next March 7^th

ii. Parents’ desire to give more choice of Social Activities

iii. Parents desire to give more choice in standards of clothes, make-up, music, ect (no extremes)

Need to Add:

-Computer Privileges

- will not bring-up running away except for counseling purposes

Option 2: I am on my own completely. No help whatsoever.

Guess which one I choose?

Sunday Networking

2011-08-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what doors open by saying "I am not living with my parents anymore". People look at you with a mixture of sympathy and that look of "been there, done that." Even the people that I am staying with have friends (now my friends) who took in a teenage boy about 2 months ago. The joke is that the church has upgraded to a better version. I am taylor 2.0. My robot counterpart just got a setting upgrade tho'. I got his old bed and dresser. The family's smell still has not worn off yet, kind of musky. My new family's church has been amazing. They have opened their arms wide, offering places to stay,transportation, and job's.

Another Teen Runaway

2011-08-19T18:33:00.000-07:00

It's Legal (for a month at least)

2011-08-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

So today we went to the Southern Maryland Center for Family Advocacy for THE MEETING. We (the family I am staying with and I) went early for me to avoid contact with my parents. My legal advisor/ personal representative, talked about what I wanted to do and we agreed on a contract. Nine short easy rules. Most of them are things that I expected anyway, such as, going things with the family and continuing my education. I have a curfew now! School night Curfew is at ten and Weekends is eleven.

Emancipation Here I come

2011-08-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

Busy, Busy, Busy I'm setting out on my own. Checking out the schools and jobs. I keep on seeing people I know and am wondering if they will figure out where I am. But I talked to a lawyer and they said that with in 30 to 60 days I can be "free" of my parents.

So Sorry Folks

2011-08-18T04:29:00.000-07:00

Today is my first Day on my own. So far I am just running on fear. I left the house about 4:30 ish... Not everything went according to plan (my bike tire was flat) But right now I'm just chilling waiting to be picked up. I talked with the people who took me in about joining public school earlier. They said we'll talk about everything tonight. How I'm going to fit into the family, getting a job, and whwther or not I'm going to actually tell my parents where I am. They are so kind and gracious. (As are my parents for even giving me "permission" to leave.) I hope this is the start of something new and a chance for me to really grow-up, put out feelers for who I am, and LEAVE TOWN. Thank you for visiting and I hope you enjoy reading this blog. Please feel free to leave lots of comments.