LIFE AS A SINGLE PARENT DAD

Only A Year Older

2011-10-26T18:39:00.000-07:00

Well, where do I begin? It's been a long time since I've had a post on this site and I apologize for taking so long to come back. I went on a year long hiatus from writing on my blog but I'm finally back. I served as a piano player/wedding singer at a wedding last weekend and to my surprise while I was there, I learned from a wedding coordinator that her husband would always talk about my blog and she asked me if I was still writing. I felt bad when I said no and that it had been a year. It was that conversation that helped me realize that I needed to get back to this. It was encouraging to hear that my blog had made an impact on somebody. After all, I started it to reach out to other single parents and possibly connect with others that have experienced similar stories such as mine. I was encouraged to hear about the affects it's had on married couples. Writing definitely helped me in the healing process from the rough year I had in 2008. In the last year, my music writing pretty much took over the place of my blog. Writing music has pretty much been my hobby at night for many nights while my kids sleep. I love sitting down at a piano and making up songs from the heart. Some parents have wine at night when their kids go to sleep. The piano is my wine. It helps me wind down from the long work day followed by the kids homework, cooking, cleaning, baths, and bedtime.

The kids are doing well despite having me as Mr. Mom & Dad. One of these days, I hope my kids can look at someone much better looking than I cooking great meals in the kitchen and cleaning around the house but I'm in no hurry. Trust me...it took me a long time just to be able to say that. It took me a long time just to go on a date after my divorce. The idea of dating as a single again after being married for almost a decade seemed very weird. For me, I felt much like Tom Hanks in the movie, "Sleepless in Seattle". Remember how he asks his best friend for advice on dating again. Well, that was me! It felt very surreal and awkward. You don't ever plan on your life to take drastic curve balls ending the dream you were living. When dreams are crushed, it can take much out of you. I thank God that I had his love, faithfulness, and some great friends and family to help me rise from the ashes...so to speak. :)

Although Cinderella hasn't found her shoes at my doorstep yet, I'm pretty content and happy with the life that God has given me. It's not easy being a single parent, but God does provide and give me everything I need to make everything work. I was very proud of CJ today as he brought home a straight A report card. My pocket book didn't even flinch to reward him with the Lego set of his choice. Oh yeah, speaking of Legos...CJ put a 1400 piece lego set together in one day. I think he's destined to be an engineer or something with the way he likes to create things, build things, take things apart, and put them back together. Tyler is still his charismatic self although he can be very shy as well. This future Captain America wants to get the bad guys and put them in jail while Madison wants to use her Rapunzel powers to save her brothers after getting wounded by Darth Vader. There's never a dull moment in my house. Lots of laughter, music, singing, dancing, wrestling, Star Wars Jedi battles, and imagination can be found here. Until next time...adios todo el mundo!

Back To School

2010-08-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

There's been lots of excitement about school lately in our household. The Summer has flown by like the wind and CJ just started the second grade last week. Tyler met his three pre-school teachers today to include one intern as they did a nice home visit and he starts next week in the 4 yr. old school district program. Tyler has been talking about going to school for weeks and I can't get over his excitement! It was awesome to see him today try to follow his teachers out the door as if school was starting today!

He was ready to go, wearing his new "Diego" backpack, and ready to be a "BIG BOY" like his older brother. I was really happy to see him so excited! Poor little Madison felt left out and walked up to me and said, "Daddy, I want go school." She had the cutest little pout with her bottom lip hanging out. I gave her a hug and said, "You will go to Daddy's School!" (a quick suggestion offered up by one of the teachers). Meanwhile, I thought this suggestion wasn't going to work at all and was going to lead to some loud tears as if life had just ended.

"Yay," She said exuberantly clapping and jumping up and down as if she had just won the lottery! Much to my surprise, the suggestion worked and I told her that I would take her to the store to pick up some Pre-K things for her and I to work on together. I'm not so sure that she comprehended all of the adult things I had to say in that moment, but nevertheless, she was just happy because she was going to school like her big brother, Tyler! At least, until the reality sets in later.

When school starts back up this time of year, I can almost hear all the "hallelujahs" coming from all the stay at home parents and friends of mine after the action packed summer with kids has finally come to an end. I can't even begin to tell you how many status updates on Facebook I've seen within the last few weeks where parents exclaimed their joy and excitement of having school start back up again. You would think that we're all ready to go to a rock concert or the biggest party of the year from all the hoopla.

I can understand the feeling. Besides, there's only so much nagging, bickering between the kids, and pool parties you can take before you're ready to pull your hair out. The single parenthood is twice as exhausting, so it's very much appreciated whenever I have a friend watch the kids for me just so I can go shopping alone. Trust me, going to Wal-Mart alone is like being on a mini-vacation in itself when you're a single parent. It's sad to say, but so very true!

Where does the time go sometimes? It goes by too fast and I'm already sad at the notion that Tyler is soon going to be out of the little tyke stage. When they're young, you get all the hugs and kisses that you want. When they get older, it's like, "C'mon Dad," as CJ sometimes says to me. Next Monday, I'm taking Tyler to his open house at his school to get a feel for the classroom and then he starts the next day. He will be going for a half a day, five days a week and I can't wait to see how he does. I'm really excited for him as he's been asking me for a long time now when he's finally going to be able to go to school like CJ.

As for Maddie, I think we can pretend pre-school for the time being. As long I draw excitement into it, she'll be fine. She has the best attention span out of all my kids and loves it when I read to her. I think she would love to be a teacher one day because she is always trying to pretend that she is the "Mommy" for CJ and Tyler. She is very caring and nurturing at heart...something I absolutely love about her. I'm so happy that she's not a tomboy in a house full of boys. She matches her clothes, something my boys don't do very well, and loves to change her clothes all the time.

In fact, when I was telling Madison that it wasn't appropriate for her to change her clothes in front of CJ's friends who were playing in our house the other day because she's a girl. Her response was, "But I'm not a girl, I'm Madison." She had her trademark cute little pout going on too, but it didn't work. All I wanted to do was laugh out loud when she said that but I didn't want her to think I was nuts, so I kept my composure. I just smiled and said, "You're not a girl?"

She said, "Yeah, I'm Madison!"

I'll just say that if Bill Cosby ever comes back to host another "Kids Say The Darnedest Things" show, I think my kids would be great prospects! Laughter is never a shortage in my household. Until next time, have fun with back to school!

Celebrating Life

2010-08-19T14:47:00.000-07:00

In early June after school had just ended for CJ, I took all the kids down to FL for CJ's "Wish" trip. When Make-A-Wish first contacted us, I was kind of shocked because I was always under the assumption that Make-A-Wish only granted wishes to kids who were terminally ill but that wasn't the case. You can read about CJ's cancer story in a post that I wrote back in October of last year. A Make-A-Wish representative came out to our house and interviewed CJ awhile back and his wish was to go to Disney World! Well, we went on this much anticipated trip this summer to celebrate CJ's remission from cancer and I was completely amazed and humbled by the whole experience.

First of all, it was a week long once in a lifetime all expenses paid trip to Orlando and we could frequent any theme park while we were there if we wanted to but there just wasn't enough time to do it all in a week. We stayed at a wish village resort for kids called "Give Kids The World" in Kissimmee, FL just 20 minutes away from all the theme parks. If you've never heard of it before, please check out the website, www.gktw.org. This resort for kids is like a wonderland theme park for kids in itself. We stayed in a wonderful villa fully equipped with everything we needed and every building at the resort was intended to give kids oooos and awes. One of the restaurants was called the "Gingerbread House" and it literally looked like a gingerbread house. The whole place was amazing, filled with volunteers to serve the wish child and family.

The kids were all stoked as you can imagine when we arrived! CJ and his little brother and sister were showered with gifts upon arrival at the welcome center and I will never forget the smile on CJ's face as he was given a stuffed Mickey that was later signed by Mickey later in the week. "Give Kids The World" is definitely a piece of heaven on earth. The place and the people that serve there give families encouragement, faith, and hope. After the kids and I got settled into the villa we went for a walk around the place and the kids faces just lit up at everything they saw. As much as I enjoyed the experience with them, I couldn't help but see a few wish kids that looked very frail and sick. My heart dropped at the sight of one of the kids with his family when CJ and I opened the door for them upon entering the Gingerbread House for dinner.

As happy and as excited I was for CJ and our family, I couldn't help but watch this little boy who was probably about 5 years old guessing by his height. You could tell he was really weak and that the chemo had taken its toll on his weight. The sight of him reminded me of the photo album that sits on a table at the Blume Children's Cancer Clinic in Charlotte, filled with kids that have come through the clinic but knowing that some of them didn't make it. I was struck with sadness but saw the strength in his parent’s smiles. CJ of course noticed right away that this particular boy looked very sick and he started asking me consecutive questions in a whisper, "Daddy, what's wrong with him? Is he going to live? Is he going to be OK?"

I told CJ that I didn't know but we can pray for him. When you see a little boy like that fighting for his life, it makes all the other worries and challenges in life very miniscule and brings perspective. It also reminded me that I've lived a life that some kids only dream about but never get a chance to experience. The love in that place was seen everywhere and the elderly people who volunteered there time to help you with your trays, bring you whatever you needed, was a very heart-warming experience. There just aren’t enough words I can write to describe what it was like to be there.

The kids and I thoroughly enjoyed the activities and events that took place at Give Kids The World and one of these days, we will go back to see CJ's star placed on the wall or ceiling in the "Castle of Miracles" with the other 100,000 wish kids' stars who have walked through this amazing place. The kids and I didn't have to wait in any lines at the theme parks and both CJ and Tyler got to fight Darth Vader which was one of the highlights of the trip. We got a chance to feed the dolphins at Sea World, hang out in the "Wish Lounge" at Disney to take a break from the extreme heat, and Madison got to meet all the princesses to her delight!

In fact, we got to meet many of the Disney characters when they came to visit at Give Kids The World. It was also very nice to have my mom, step-dad, and brother up there with us for a few days. The whole experience and getting to see CJ's wish fulfilled was awesome! We had a blast and will never forget it!

After the grand week was over and we were home, I picked up the book, "Gift of Life" to read about the man who founded Give Kids the World, Henri Landwirth. He went after donations to make this resort so that no child will ever die again without seeing their wish to meet Mickey realized. The words that came off the page relative to the GKTW resort had me in tears because we had just experienced much of what he had to say in this book and I also learned about a child who came to the resort, saw Mickey, and then passed. It all gives us more reason to celebrate life and make it count today because we never know if our end will be tomorrow.

Travel Hiccups

2010-07-13T01:37:00.000-07:00

Much has happened since my last post in February and I figured it's about time that I finally update my blog! Obviously, being a single parent dad with three small children, you're never short of great memories...usually the kind that could be on any comedy sitcom where the actor playing the parent can definitely sink his teeth into the challenging script. The challenges sometimes take us away from our kids. For instance, I had to take a flight from Charlotte, NC to Ithaca, NY for a job interview last March.

With all job interviews, you want to be on time and I didn't anticipate the nightmare of travel hiccups that I was about to embark on when I arrived at the Charlotte airport very early in the morning. I was expecting to arrive in Ithaca, NY at 11:19am, have lunch with the President and V.P. of the company during the interview process and then get a tour of their facility. I found out at the airport that my original flight had just cancelled and I had to take a flight to Laguardia, NY instead and then fly to Ithaca. I was OK with it after I learned that I would get to Ithaca a little earlier than anticipated. However, when I got to Laguardia, my flight to Ithaca was delayed twice and then eventually cancelled.

You can only imagine the sneers, jeers, snickering, pouting, and downright tears coming from some of the college students trying to get to Ithaca, NY. The drama from some of these Cornell University and Ithaca College students at my gate was a sight to be seen as I was anxiously sitting there with my own frustration. Heck, these kids were worried about getting to class after their Spring Break had just ended and I was sitting there in my three piece pin-striped suit worried about getting to my interview on time for a job. A poor girl next to me was crying and another young man was yelling at the helpless gate attendant.

I let the company know what was going on and they were gracefully understanding of the whole situation. The only flight that I could jump on that would get me at least close to Ithaca, NY was Syracuse, NY. Therefore, I flew to Syracuse, rented a vehicle and drove an hour to Ithaca, NY where I arrived a little after 4pm. The hour drive in pouring rain was highlighted by the fact that I was driving a brand new red Escalade and couldn't feel the road at all. As nice as the Escalade was, I would have traded that in for my "soccer mom" minivan anytime for this drive!

The V.P. let me know before I flew to Syracuse that he would just pick me up at the hotel after I got settled and then we would all have dinner. After the nightmare of trying to get to Ithaca had ended, I met with the company execs in the lobby of my hotel and spoke for awhile there. The last part of the interview occurred over dinner and then they were nice enough to give me the tour of their facility after dinner. They were very nice and gracious. The interview went well but the travel expectation of the job exceeded what I was originally told over the phone much to my disappointment and they were also just exploring ideas. Nevertheless, this job wasn't for me.

The flight coming home from Ithaca was much smoother but the comedy never ceased to end. While at the Ithaca airport, I listened to an elderly lady complain about her travel woes coming in and out of Ithaca airport and how she had no choice but to deal with it. The funniest moment came when she pointed out that the airport only has two gates which was obvious to everyone sitting there. All I could do at this point was laugh to myself and just pray to God that I never have travel hiccups like that again.

Sweet Little Moments and Dress Drama

2010-02-13T15:59:00.000-08:00

The kids and I have been battling colds over the last several weeks. The colds would leave and then come back around again in fickle fashion as if to say they love our family and can't let us go. Seriously, first Madison was sick, then Tyler, and then CJ. I got hit with Bronchitis when it was all said and done as the cold monster wanted to save its best for last. I haven't been sick like this in several years.

I got sick after the kids got over their colds and it's definitely no cake walk in the park trying to take care of little ones when you are sick with Bronchitis. In a single parent home, you don't have the luxury of having another parent right there to help you with the kids and tell you that it's OK for you to go to bed and rest now. However, what you do have is little ones who can make you laugh and still make you feel loved and special in some of the sweetest ways.

Tyler for whatever reason enjoyed trying to imitate my hacking cough while I was doing it. When I was done, I would just look at him with a puzzled look on my face and then he would stop and smile. The only thing I could do is smile back (internally laughing to myself) while telling him that it's not good for him to imitate my cough. All my kids can be comedians in some way, shape, or form, but I can never discount the fact that they are all like sponges. They are learning every day and watching every move I make so they can try to imitate me.

I know that one of these days, I won't have the pleasure in having my little toddlers follow me everywhere I go. I just cherish these moments until they become teenagers and then it's not so cool to follow dad everywhere. Recently, Tyler did one of the sweetest things for me. I was coughing up a storm while laying down to rest. Tyler was watching me and said to me, "Daddy, you're sick!"

The next thing I know, Tyler is running to my bathroom. He then proceeds to pick up his all-in-one potty seat, runs out of the bathroom, and puts it in front of my dresser as if he is trying to save me from imminent death. He then steps on top of it so he can reach the bag of cough drops on my dresser, takes one out, runs over to me and says, "Here Daddy, you need this!"

He smiled at me and I gave him lots of praise as he made me feel like I was worth a million bucks. If my heart was made of chocolate in that instance, it would have melted all the way down and then I would have really died. After the praise, he ran off with a big smile on his face as if he was a super hero running to save someone else. It was very cute to say the least. It's moments like this that make me wish that he never gets bigger or gets any older. Madison has the most innate nurturing characteristic out of all my children. She's always concerned about her brothers and I if we have an accident and get hurt. She would run to us and say, "Are you OK?" She will repeat it over and over again until you respond.

Madison is a very caring little girl but also very prissy. For all you parents out there who have prissy little girls, you know exactly what I am talking about. I'm actually thankful that she is all girl in a house full of boys, but there are times when the prissiness can make you want to go insane relative to her desire to change dresses or clothes in general ALL day long. Literally, it's an all day affair and it's not just a one day thing with Madison. It's an everyday thing that comes with the territory of having a girl. She is a very strong willed child who is usually good at using her charm with Daddy. Most of the time, I give in to her desire to change dresses and clothes at every request, but it can get old at times when she wants to change outfits one right after another. You can't help but love her soft voice say, "I want wear this, I want wear this, I want wear this, Daddy, please, I want wear this, I want wear this Daddy, please!"

In the same breath, these are the moments where you can't wait for them to get a little bit older so they can change themselves as much as they want without hounding Daddy to do it about a dozen times a day. Patience is very key in dealing with dress drama. In due time, it should get better...at least I think so? :)

New Year, New Hope

2010-01-01T00:42:00.000-08:00

I've got some of the best friends that a man could ever ask for and that could never be said enough. God has really shown his love for the kids and I through some of them over the holidays. I am truly blessed and grateful to have such great friends, even those who do great deeds for my family and yet wish to remain anonymous. There is a domino effect that takes place when you plant good seeds in life and the fruition of paying it forward may not always get noticed, but it is always felt by those involved and has a way of impacting others.

I recently had the opportunity to watch the movie, "Invictus", with some great friends of mine from church. We all appreciated the "guy time" and the chance to watch a great movie. A great movie is an understatement to say the least relative to this movie. I thought this movie was AWESOME and incredibly moving. The movie has already been nominated for 3 Golden Globe awards. I strongly recommend this movie to anyone who is interested in seeing it.

Invictus was really refreshing to see after all the garbage that we hear about and see in the media day in and day out. It's nice to see a movie that is meaningful and can impact people in a positive way. I won't give the movie away but the story about Nelson Mandela and how he impacted a nation is awesome. I walked away from this movie feeling rejuvenated to some degree, like I can take on any challenge.

It's amazing to me how people in our society thirst for the latest celebrity scandals or news, scrutinizing celebrities every move or decision, as if they are above the human race. I mean really...come on people!!! They are not GODS...just human beings like you and I. I don't think I'm alone in saying that I am tired of hearing about the Tiger Woods scandal. In our society, negativity thrives over inspiration and I hope that someday, this will change.

I hope that more men will stand up like Tim Tebow has done during his college career and proclaim his faith! I loved how he had reporters tongue tied and dismayed about his goal to remain pure until marriage. I loved how he impacted his entire team, coaches, school, and nation. We need more stories like this in our media, more stories that are meaningful and impactful.

I can only hope and pray that 2010 will have produced better fruit in our world than it did in 2009. I definitely don't want to just stand by and watch it all happen as it unfolds in 2010. I just want to play my part in helping this world become a better place, somehow, and in some way...just like some of my best friends! Thank you for reading and to God be the glory!!!

Treasuring the Moments

2009-11-14T00:09:00.000-08:00

As I sit at my desk on this cold night and my kids all nestled in their beds sound asleep, I think about all that has happened since my last post. I've been very busy to say the least but in all honesty, the last month or so has been very challenging emotionally. I think that all you single parents out there can attest to the emotional challenges that come along with the territory. We all have our emotional ups and downs, but it is our response to adversity which helps us overcome difficult times.

I wish I could say I'm Superman, but I'm not. If I was, things would get done much quicker around my household. How nice would it be to run faster than a speeding bullet? Can you imagine the looks on my kids faces if they saw daddy zipping around the house cleaning it faster than anyone could ever imagine and picking up the family van with his hands while flying them through the air to get from point A to point B? My kids would have a real life action hero to live with! Therefore, they probably wouldn't desire any more action hero toys to play with...awesome! I think Tyler would probably throw away the plastic Superman toy that he's been playing with all week. Well, maybe so? Regardless, I would save time and money.

In all seriousness, I'm just thankful to God for his unconditional love for me and my family. I thank God for his love, grace, and the strength he gives me to press on through hard times. When you're a single parent raising three small children on your own, there are feelings of loneliness that come with it. There isn't another adult in the house anymore that you can confide in or talk to whenever you want. You can somewhat feel like you are on an island alone and late at night when you find yourself talking to yourself, it kind of reminds you of some scenes with Tom Hanks in the movie, "Cast Away". As much as you want to remain positive, you have moments like Tom in that movie. Thankfully, my "Mr. Wilson" is God and I know he listens.

I think it's important to realize that no matter what you are going through in life, somebody always has it worse. This may sound cliche, but it's true and it helps me with my perspective. There are many examples that come to mind of this, but at the forefront of my mind, I think of the two teens that recently died in my town of Fort Mill, SC. They were both killed in separate deadly car accidents only a week apart from each other and they both attended the same high school. The whole town felt the loss of these two aspiring high school students. I can't imagine the pain of losing one of my own kids.

I believe that treasuring the moments you have with your loved ones and friends is pivotal to the success of making every day count. My kids keep me going as they are my life. My favorite part of any day is cuddling with my little ones. Tyler and Madison love to cuddle and give hugs and kisses. CJ is older now and going to turn 7 yrs. old next week, but I remember the times where he used to want to cuddle like his younger siblings. The joys that come from watching them grow and change all the time are a blessing. My kids encourage me all the time with their love and I couldn't ask for anything more. It is what lifts my spirits during difficult times in addition to the encouragement I receive from dear friends.

The kids and I enjoyed Halloween as Tyler dressed up as Buzz Lightyear, CJ as Optimus Prime (transformer), and Madison as a little angel. I took them to the downtown area of Fort Mill the night before Halloween for a trick or treat fall festival and then on Halloween night, we trick or treated in our neighborhood. Needless to say, they made out like bandits on candy. They enjoyed every moment of it as they enacted out their costume characters on both nights. Madison was a natural at being the little angel. She loved her cute little costume and pranced around in it while looking at herself in the mirror. She is all girl and loves playing dress up. Tyler had fun shooting laser from his arms and CJ destroyed all the Decepticons in his path. They were all very cute and I certainly enjoyed watching them have so much fun! Until next time, have a Happy Thanksgiving!

My Son, My Hero

2009-10-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

On March 17, 2008, my son CJ had a routine tonsillectomy because his large tonsils were causing loud snoring and apnea episodes. Little did my family know at that time that we would be in for a big surprise! This also came as a huge surprise to the ENT Doctor and Oncologist as they have never experienced a case such as CJ's before. CJ had no outward symptoms of the Lymphoma and it was a miracle that it was found after the biopsy was done on his tonsils. He was diagnosed with Large B-Cell Lymphoma on March 25, 2008.

I was in the Chicago, IL area on a business trip when I got the worst news a parent could possibly hear. I felt helpless and cried till there were no tears left as I fell to my knees in prayer after I got the call. I had to present a plan to Ace Hardware Corporation the next morning in front of all their top executives and I was wondering how I was going to do it in under the emotional condition that I was in. At the time, I didn't know anything except for the fact that my son had cancer. I had a million questions running through my mind, anxiety was wearing on my heart, but I just kept praying. The next morning came and I told my colleague that was with me on the trip over breakfast about it before we left for Ace Hardware's corporate office. He gave me some words of encouragement and God got me through the presentation. The next day, I flew home and the first clinic appointment for CJ was the following day.

We learned that CJ's lymphoma was isolated to one tonsil and we felt very fortunate that it was caught early. Dr. Mark Mogul felt that CJ had a 100% chance of a full recovery and all the tests performed on him showed that there were no other signs of cancer spread throughout his body. Although the prognosis was good, he still had to undergo chemotherapy for 8 weeks (initially thought 6 weeks) to kill any possible cancer cells that may have been in his body and make sure that the lymphoma wouldn't return. CJ's lymphoma was a very aggressive type of cancer. His treatments included chemotherapy, medicine therapy, and routine lumbar punctures to test for cancer cells that like to hibernate in the spinal fluid. All of his treatments were administered through the portacath that was surgically placed on his chest April 1, 2008.

CJ was a very strong trooper throughout the experience. I will never forget his courage and bravery as he went into the clinic for the first time and listened to his Doctor explain his cancer and explain the surgery that he was going to have the very next day with the portacath inserted into his chest. He teared just a little asking if it was going to hurt. Dr. Mogul assured him that he would be asleep and wouldn't feel a thing. They checked his blood on this visit by pricking him in his arm which caused CJ to cry in pain a little. CJ asked if he would have to get pricked in his arm again and he was told that this was one of the reasons why he needed to get the portacath so he wouldn't feel the pain of being pricked for blood. We would put what was called "magic cream" on his chest before every chemo treatment so his skin would be numb when they would insert the needle into his portacath.

The only time CJ ever cried again during his entire treatment was a day I will never forget. CJ was going to pre-school at the time and while he was going through treatment, we were warned that his hair would start to fall out. Well, one day at school, some patches of his hair started falling out and he would grab it and show it to his teacher saying with excitement, "Look, my hair is falling out!" Excitement is the key word here because what adult do you know in your right mind would get excited about such a thing? His teacher was struck with sadness and didn't really know what to say other than, "Oh...well, you'll have to show your parents." CJ loved school and he would never contemplate leaving.

Later that day, I came home from work and saw him in the kitchen. He showed me some of his hair that fell out again in excitement as if it was cool. I was deeply saddened but had to hold back my emotions from bursting in tears. I wanted him to see a strong daddy and I just smiled, knelt down on one knee to look at him at eye level, and told him that we were going to have to shave his head as we had talked about before because we knew this day would eventually happen. He had patches of hair missing on his head and I told him that his hair would grow back eventually. He said, "OK...but when will it grow back?" I said that I didn't know but I assured him that it would. He had a solemn look on his face as we entered the bathroom to shave his head.

After I was done shaving his head, he looked in the mirror to see what he looked like. He immediately started crying as he looked in the mirror. As I held him, I had to hold back tears of my own. I just smiled at him and told him he was very handsome over and over again while assuring him that his hair would grow back. He stopped crying and then he went right back to playing with his toys as if nothing had happened. I was amazed by this! Meanwhile, I went upstairs to my room, closed the door so he wouldn't see me, and cried. I cried for many reasons as you can imagine but I also cried tears of joy because of the fact that he didn't sulk like an adult would in the same situation. He just started playing right away and he showed his courage and bravery at school when he would continue to attend (his decision) even though some classmates picked on him for being bald. His hair eventually came back.

CJ is cancer free after he completed his treatments and I take him in for routine check ups to have his blood levels evaluated. CJ is a very bright and loving boy who was 5 years old at the time of his treatments. He loves to play and has tons of energy like any 6 year old! He will be 7 years old in November and time has just flown by like the wind. He loves comic characters such as Spiderman and Wolverine, often running around the house pretending to be each super hero! He loves going to the park, coloring, watching his favorite cartoons, and playing with his friends. He loves to make people laugh just like daddy, often imitating me and my jokes.

Heroes can come in many different shapes, sizes, and numbers. Some people may have many heroes and some may only have one. CJ is definitely one of my heroes! He taught me how to laugh, play, and live in the face of adversity. In many ways, he reminded me why we must have a heart of a child to enter God's kingdom as it says in the Bible. I will always remember his fighting spirit and heart of gold. Godspeed!

The Revolutionary Cleaning War

2009-10-02T13:33:00.000-07:00

Crumbs on kitchen countertops, pee on toilet seats, tiny hand or fingerprints on walls, food on kitchen floor, dust everywhere, clothes thrown from here to there, diapers everywhere, and the endless supply of dirty hands with happy dirty faces ready to grab and greet you after every fine meal. In the revolutionary cleaning war, the only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. When you have little babies or toddlers, this is especially true. Trying to evade the direct stream of pee flying at your face from your baby boy at about eighty miles per hour is like running out of your foxhole in a combat zone yelling, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

The direct hit of pee on your face only confirms the fact that war is indeed rottener than politics. The only sadder part is that your baby boy is smiling and laughing back at you as you clean your face off. Yes, I took the direct hit from Tyler when he was an infant and remember it vividly. It wasn’t the first time that it’s happened to me. CJ did it too when he was an infant as I was bathing him in his infant bathing tub. Madison used to throw food on the floor from her high chair for the dogs that we used to have, but when the dogs left the house for good, I became her next victim. She decided to start throwing food at me as if I was starving and needed to eat. In addition, she would leave food trails on the floor forgetting that the dogs were no longer with us.

Now that they’re 2, 3, and 6 years old respectively, I don’t have to worry about direct fire coming at me with extraneous waste or food, thank God! However, the cleaning battles still exist. Tyler is in the process of potty training and doing pretty well with it so far. He is going to the potty all by himself and he’s got the peeing in the potty part down like an officer in the field. We are working on the pooping part and that is proving to be a challenge for him. All the praise and candy offerings don’t seem to be working at this point in time.

Recently, as I was preparing dinner one night, I heard this little grunt and squirm come from little Tyler. I scrambled to get him as I dropped my cooking utensils and picked him up as if I was carrying a wounded soldier and ran to the bathroom as “bombs away” thoughts were running through my mind. I was just hoping that his turds would land in the toilet instead of his wolverine underwear. As in the old saying, I was a day late and a dollar short. All of it came out in his underwear and the cleaning began. We strive to conquer the pooping part in due time.

Cleaning over and over and over again is what you do when you’re a parent. The amount of cleaning escalates when all your kids bring their friends to your house. How many times have you toiled to clean your carpets and hardwood floors by vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, and mopping…only to have it ruined minutes later by a herd of excitable children? The thundering stampede come running in with their shoes covered in mud leaving the clean floors dirty again when you weren’t looking. Thus, the cleaning starts all over again and the traditional working husband wonders why he finds his stay at home wife and mother wallowing in a fetal position sitting in the corner of their kitchen floor when he gets home from work. The look of insanity on her face and one mud foot track away from explosion.

This is why I believe Bill Cosby once said, “I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I do not want it.”

Another parent once told me that cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is much like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing. My advice is keep on keepin’ on and to all you working dad’s out there, just do your best to help your stay at home wife and mother as much as you can because they have the hardest job. Take it from me, a single dad who knows the ropes and is still learning how to climb. Although the war may be at its peak when you have little ones destroying your house day in and day out, every parent knows that the revolutionary cleaning war never ends.

Adventures of Shopping With Little Tots

2009-09-24T13:21:00.000-07:00

How many times have you gone into a grocery store, shopping mall, Wal-Mart, you name it, and just prayed to God that you would get in and out with your sanity in one peace because you had your little tots with you? The anticipation of cute little foaming mouths ready to spew out "I want toy...I want that guy...no, I want this..." and so on, and so on about 100 mph can make any parent quiver. The cruel torture about to take place upon entering the store can be unending and overwhelming. Heaven forbid if you tell your kid, "No, you can't have that!"

Next thing you know, the whining starts with looks on their little faces as if someone just died. They make their demands and you tell them no again. The loud cries come bursting out along with hand gestures and emotional breakdown dance moves that would even make the likes of John Travolta jealous. Academy award winning acts can take place in these moments with your little ones just like the act that took place in front of my eyes recently.

I had the pleasure of taking all my kids with me to Wal-Mart. Of course, being a single dad, most of the time I have no choice but to take all of them with me unless I have a friend watch them. For some reason, this place has been coined, "Wally World", by many people in the Carolinas. Wal-Mart is great for many people because of the lower prices and one-stop shopping for all your needs. I frequently shop at Wal-Mart and my kids know the layout of the store. Most importantly, they know where the toy section is. Low and behold, I took a deep breath before entering the store.

Everything was smooth sailing for a little awhile, thankfully, as I picked up some groceries while accommodating them with a few of their "want" desires relative to their choice of yogurt, chips, juice, and cookies. However, after picking up some diapers and pull ups (we were closer to the toy section), CJ exclaimed, "I want a toy!" Then Tyler followed with a yell, "I want a toy!" Sweet little Maddie followed in sync of course with her older brothers. An older female lady who heard the yells walked by with a smile on her face as I squeamishly walked towards the toy section to prevent further commotion. When you have loud shouts like that from little kids, it's hard NOT to attract attention. It rivals the attention one would get when you yell, "Bingo!", in a bingo hall and everyone turns to look right at you.

Nevertheless, we arrived at the toy section with shouts of excitement,"Yay...toys!" Smiling faces galore were found on all their faces as if it was Christmas Day. I was cringing on the other hand as I was thinking about how I was not going to give in if the kids asked for this very thing. But what parent doesn't want to put smiles on their kids faces when they ask for something, right? It gives me joy just to make them happy! In addition, peace for that very moment will come when everyone is happy and I can walk out of the store with my sanity in one peace. Besides, I take my children everywhere and they always seem to find their way back home. In all seriousness, I suggested certain less expensive toys to the kids. Luckily for me, Madison was happy with hers after looking at different suggestions. The boys on the other hand were a challenge.

CJ begged and whined for $20+ dollar Wolverine claws that you wear over your hand and arm. I was looking at the $5.00 toys and I reasoned with him regarding this which led to him being satisfied with another choice of his given my options. I've been defeated in battle so far but I've made a valiant effort. Two down, one more to go! Tyler strutted down the aisle saying, "I want...I want...I want..." for every transformer, GI-Joe, and X-Men toy that he could possibly name. When I said no to the toys he requested and suggested again the cheaper five dollar toys which had some of the characters he was looking for, look out!

Tyler started with his usual pout when told no with his bottom lip hanging out, but this Daddy was sticking to his guns on the $5 choice of toys. The whining pout turned into loud cries as he kept saying "I want Spiderman, I want Wolverine, I want Bumble Bee" again and again. THEN, all of a sudden...he stopped as if to say he was surrendered. The cries stopped, the jumping came to a screeching halt, and Daddy was starting to think for one second that he's won! A complete calmness came over him, the pout still on his face, the tears clearing up, and then he laid himself down slowly on the hard floor...face down (just like Daddy when he pretends to play dead on our living room floor with his arms and legs completely sprawled out). The scene was soooo funny that I had to control myself from bursting out in laughter. I actually had to turn my head so he wouldn't see the smile on my face because as he was on the floor face down, I actually saw him turn his head with a little smile on his face as if to say he knew exactly what he was doing.

Needless to say, there was no line of reasoning that was going to work with this little three year old. I told him to get up with a warning and he did. He knew that I wasn't giving in to his choices. I proceeded to talk up the other choices in excitement and we finally found a toy that he was happy with. The battle was finally over and all the kids were smiling when we walked out of the store...yes!

Before I had children, I had a hundred theories about raising children. Now, I have three children and no theories. One thing about parents I've noticed is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell me the next stage is worse. Until then, for all you young parents out there, keep plenty of hand sanitizers ready when your kids drop to the floor and stick to your guns! The battles may change but the adventures of shopping with kids never ends!

10 Helpful Tips For Single Dads

2009-09-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

10 Helpful Tips For Single Dads

Hi Everyone! Please view the link above for some helpful tips! It will take you to my hub that I created to draw more people across the web to my blog. I have enjoyed writing and receiving feedback on my posts so far. I have been very encouraged by all of you relative to the messages I've received on Facebook and emails sent. I will be creating and writing hubs through hubpages as well on various interesting topics relative to my life in hopes of helping others. For future reference, I have also added a hubpages widget on the right hand side of my blog so you can click on the article of interest and the link will take you right to that hub. Thank you for reading and following me on my journey as a single dad!

Reflections of a Single Dad

2009-09-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

Since taking on the role of Mr. Mom, I have by way of an occupational hazard adopted many motherly instincts and emotions. It's funny how becoming a single dad changes you in ways you would've never thought possible. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a man and my testosterone levels haven't changed at all. However, I find myself these days happier in female company (moms of course) discussing the kids, learning about grocery deals, learning recipes, learning from different mom's point of views on parenting, and the like instead of going out with the guys. I still love and need my hang time with the guys away from the kids, but in many ways...Mrs. Doubtfire has a whole new meaning to the realities that HIT you when you become a single dad.

When you're going through a divorce, it's no fun at all. It's very sad and for me it's like mourning the death of a person that you loved the most on this Earth. When my children's mother suddenly left us, it sent me into shock and awe. I'm sure that many of you single parents out there can relate. It's an emotional roller coaster that I don't wish upon anybody. All of a sudden, you are thrust into playing both roles: Mom and Dad. I quickly learned why God put more neurons in women's brains then men. Women are naturally better multi-taskers then men because of this fact. Mom's are typically better at nurturing and caring for children than Dads. I have much more respect for single parents now than I used to because I am living it now. Life would be much easier if I had 8 arms like Dr. Octopus from the Spiderman movie. I could change Madison's diaper, restrain Tyler's naked booty from running outside (he loves to be naked at this point in time as he's going through the potty training process) and play catch with CJ all at the same time! All in all, I think that other single parents would agree with me when I say we have the hardest job in the world!

I never thought I would end up as a single parent...who does? It seems that there are more single mom's out there as well than single dads. You should see the looks on peoples faces, particularly women, when I'm out and about at the grocery store with the all the kids and the cashier finally asks (because she's seen me with the kids sooo many times), "How come you're always in here with the kids?" I humbly reply, "That's because this man is a single dad!" The cashier sheeply replied, "Wow! Well, I commend you on what you're doing cuz most men in the world wouldn't."

Yes, there are single dad's out there and I'm one of them. I can't imagine being without my kids! My kids are like air and I need air to breathe. I would die inside without them and it's hard for me to fathom any parent giving up on their kids. My kids inspire me and keep me going. They are the best gifts in the world sent by God. I heard something in Church this morning that is so true: "The greatest legacy that we can leave for our children is our love for God." This quote resounded with me like loud church bells going off because it just helps me focus on what my purpose is in life. It's easy to get distracted by all the challenges of parenting, paying bills, taking kids to Dr. appts., going on kid playdates, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, helping kids with homework, kids jumping on my back, kids peeing in places they shouldn't be, etc. All those things are a part of life, but the greatest gift we could give to our kids is our love for God, our will to never give up on our faith, and our daily example of living the Christian life. I want to see my kids in Heaven one day. I can only hope that through all my imperfections, my kids will see a daddy that loves them and loves God more than anything. I pray that my legacy will live on in my kids and that one day, we will all hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

I thank God for all of my good friends who have helped me over the last year! I also have some of the best neighbors in the world! I could literally write a book about the trials and tribulations that I went through over the last year and how instrumental my friends were in helping me get through it. They still help me and I'm indebted to them for their love and friendship! It's always good to take a step back and reflect. It's always good to breathe and take one day at a time. Lastly, it's always good to know that you're not alone.

Seaweed: a Delicacy?

2009-09-12T20:26:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I was lucky and fortunate enough to eat some great Korean food thanks to my Korean mother, grandmother, and cousin coming up to visit the kids and I from Florida. My mother resides in Naples, FL and took the long road trip up in her camper to good ole Fort Mill, SC. My grandmother and cousin reside in the Los Angeles suburbs and were visiting her down in FL when they all decided to come up here and pay us a visit to which I was very delighted and grateful. I am half Korean, 1/3 welch, and 1/3 polish. I grew up as a US Air Force military brat and was born in South Korea, spending my first three years of life there.

To the amazement of most people, my first language was Korean and the only food that I would eat growing up as a kid was Korean until my parents split when I was 5. After living in Korea until I was 3 yrs. old, my dad was ordered to move to the states where we spent some time in NY before residing in CA until I was 10. When my parents divorced, I ended up living with my dad. Thus, no more Korean food!!! Granted, my dad did make attempts to feed us Korean food every once in a blue moon, but it just wasn't the same. I was subjected to American food which took me a long time to get used to! I used to abhor the look of my cereal getting soggy in milk while I was told to eat it. I would sob, throw tantrums, act like I was going to throw up, and have the look of utter disgust on my face when asked to eat my grean beans or peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. It really didn't matter what it was, I just wouldn't eat it! My mother till this day would even tell you that the only thing I liked that was American was Apple Juice. I loved Apple Juice and drank it like it was about to go extinct! At one point in 1st grade, my dad made a special visit to my school just to make sure that the teacher would sit with me in the cafeteria and make sure that I would eat at least most of the contents in my lunch bag because I had gotten sooo skinny. Eventually, I grew out of the poor eating habit and learned to love American food...amen!

Needless to say, anytime I'm around my mom and other Korean relatives, I'm in Korean Food Heaven!!! They brought all kinds of Korean delicacies that I love and my fridge quickly became the refridgerator from the Far East! My kids just looked in amazement as their Korean grandmother and great-grandmother took over the kitchen. Their eyes would gaze over the hot and spicy anchovies, eyes would grow bigger, until you hear the snarl from Tyler, "Ewww...that's nasty!" He had the cutest little look on his face when he said it with his face all scrunched up, then turning to a little smile because he saw me smiling at him. Of course, Tyler didn't even want to try it. He's probably the most picky eater out of all my kids at this point in time. CJ used to hold that title but he's more open now to foods that don't look right to him. All the lectures I've given him on being open to different kinds of foods (even if they don't look right) and healthy foods until he's blue in the face have helped. Madison is the best eating machine out of all three! However, even her "I will eat anything attitude" was challenged by the smell and looks of the Korean dishes that were laid out for all of us.

I can dabble with a little bit of Korean cooking and have given my kids Korean food before, but they're not use to seeing an array of Korean foods sprawled out on the table. To my surprise, they all liked a portion of the food that they had never tried before. However, what surprises me most is their love for Korean-style seaweed called Gim, sometimes spelled kim. The seaweed is roasted with sesame oil and salt seasoning. If you want to see the definition and/or picture of it, go to this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gim_(food).

I've seen people quiver at the sheer site of this seaweed when I've introduced it and the get me out of here looks start to hit you between the eyes. Most people I know would dare to try it unless I egged them on or dared their manhood if it was a guy. What puzzles me though that if you were to give my kids the choice between a hamburger and kim, they would choose the kim. I'm proud that my Korean blood is in them but never in a million years would I have imagined that one of my kids (Tyler) would yell to me over and over again, "Daddy, I want kim and rice...Daddy, I want kim and rice...Daddy, I want kim and rice!"

You can buy it at most Asian food markets and I use cooking scissors to cut the roasted seaweed sheets in 4 squares so that you can take one in the palm of your hand and wrap white rice in it. You can add anything you want to it in the wrap like beef and/or vegetables. My kids love it and would probably call it a delicacy if they were old enough to know that word! It was great having my family around! Good food, good laughs, and for this single papa of 3...it was just nice not to have to cook for a day! Oh, and before I forget...thank God for seaweed!

Here's the Story of a Man Named Rob...Who is Busy Bringing Up Two Boys and a Girl...

2009-09-08T11:20:00.000-07:00

I love being a dad to my three beautiful children. Just over a year ago, I found myself in the middle of abrupt change in my marriage. It was like a sudden tornado or volcanic eruption that changed my life and the lives of my children. I have primary custody of my children and have been seperated for little over a year. The final divorce hearing is just around the corner. My children are 6, 3, and 2 yrs. old. All three of them (2 boys and 1 girl) have adjusted to the changes very well. God has blessed me with the best kids a daddy could ask for and they're pretty resilient. They're typical little tikes who love to learn, play with their friends, and use their imaginations everyday. My 2 yr. old daughter is all girl, thankfully so far, and looks up to her two older brothers. Spiderman, The Wiggles, and Barney are very important figures in my house as you can imagine. There is no shortage of web-slinging action, climbing walls, singing, and dancing in my household.

I am just your average single dad doing the best that he can to educate himself on being the best dad he can be for his kids. I have learned that the best way to learn this is to live it one day at a time. I make many mistakes and make many apologies, but it seems to be getting better. Everyday is a new lesson and we are all learning as we go. This blog is only intended to encourage readers and let you know that you're not the only ones out there who are going through the roller coaster ride of being a single parent. Being a single parent is challenging as we all know it, but it does have its joyful, rewarding, and often hilarious moments. Your thoughts and comments are always welcome. Thank you for stopping by and I hope you continue to read and maybe enjoy some of our adventures!