Life As I See Fit

L Y A N A

2010-01-13T12:40:00.001+08:00

What makes me weak?

My insecurities

What makes me whole?

My Faith

What keeps me standing?

My Strength

What Makes me Compassionate?

My Heart

What Makes me Honest?

My Logic

What sustains my mind?

My Unconscious Self

What teaches me all my lessons?

My mistakes

What lift’s my head high?

My Pride Not Arrogance

What if I can’t go on?

Not a chance in hell

What makes me victorious?

My confidence

What makes me competent?

My experience

What makes me sensual?

I tease your 5 senses

What makes me beautiful?

My Sense of Self

What makes me a woman?

My Selflessness

Who says I need Love?

I do

What empowers me?

My Free Spirit

Who am I?

I AM MY OWN WOMAN.

2009 in a glance

2010-01-07T16:58:00.001+08:00

My holidays in states

2010-01-06T16:27:00.007+08:00

Setting off from KL-Tokyo-Ny

An hour before reaching New York

Reached the BEAUTIFUL Atlantic City, New Jersey

Spent a few days in New York for New Year
With my sisters at Times Square, New York. Love it!

Went on a roadtrip in our Ford Explorer across Pennsylvania-Ohio-Indiana

Had a day in Chicago, Illinois (my 2nd fav city in U.S after L.A)

Dined at the famous stuffed pizza at Giordano's

Back home, playing in the snow non-stop

Shopped , played with my sister's cat (Armani & Gucci), had loadsa crazy funny experiences & going to meet up with WMU college mates tomorrow.

All in all, it was amazing. I miss being in Michigan esp during winter.
Dragged the long flight home but well.. time is envious of my stay here :)

That lil kid in me

2010-01-05T13:48:00.003+08:00

I am very happy...

Am known for my cheerful & free spirit energy.

I was never amused by the big things and the big jobs.

My version of perfection is knowing I live a full life.

I treasure the simplicity of life and the beauty of what nature has to offer.

That is why I always love sitting outdoor after the rain.

That is why I could always remember my experience swimming with the hardcover turtles.

I would always remember how certain place makes me feel.

Mostly it makes me feel distant for normality and most importantly peaceful.

That's perfection for me, treasuring little moments that makes it worth remembering.

Today I feel just that, peaceful and happy.

Knowing that I have people sharing their stories with me eventhough I am far away.

I must have done something right.

Today I played in the snow, I lay down and played slides..

It was just amazing.

I remember tilting my head upwards catching the fluffy snow, it was perfect.

I am happy, happy to be me.

Silence,sounds and noises

2010-01-04T13:40:00.004+08:00

When I am silent, it seems I am not me

When I say too much, that become someone else's saving grace.

Perhaps, I am done talking

Cheers everyone!

Sing me something new

2010-01-01T09:57:00.004+08:00

At Coach Store,
Guy at the cashier: Gurl u have a pretty dimple right there. I'm not hittin' on u, I'm gay but look at those smile of IRS. Daymm!

Me: I have a dimple? I didn't know that but thanks!

It took me 20 years to know that I have a mole at the back of my right arm.

I was 15 when my friend's dad said I have a sharp features, something I never know.

Only last July I was told that I have a hint of freckles on my right cheek.

At first I thought it was my weight lost that make my jaw bone disguise it as a dimple.

My family said I do have dimples.

Perhaps I never pay enough attention to my features.

Wonder what else I have that I never know :)

Good day starts with a good morning

2009-12-30T12:50:00.002+08:00

New Jersey-New York-Pennsylvania-Philly-IndianA-Illinois-Ohio-Michigan

On a break
On a holiday.

Anything you would say anguk n Agree je.
Peace out! :)

How will u go Down in someone's history?

2009-12-29T12:32:00.003+08:00

While everyone is watching t.v i've decided 2 blog via iPhone.Not easy. :)
Woke up early, decided to have my coffee by the Atlantic ocean alone.
Atlantic City is beautiful.

Today I remember asking

if I am significant enough in someone's life history.

I laughed to myself and answered "perhaps not'"

Afterwards, I decided not caring is the best thing to do :)

2010

2009-12-24T08:09:00.002+08:00

Hey all, would like to wish you a great 2010.
May you spend your new year with your family and perhaps loved ones.

I'll be jetting off to States and will be spending mine with family.
Yup my fifth.

You can catch me on any of my blogs but I have a feeling my mobile blog would be a breeze. Almost forgot I had one since 2008 til recently.Will put it among my blog add on the side .
http://riffsraffs57.blogspot.com

Will leave you guys with a suitable song to end 2009 (at least for me)

Till then don't forget to be a Fabulous Individuals in 2010.
I'll see you next year

Peace out & God Bless!

"Only Ones Who Know"

In a foreign place, the saving grace was the feeling,
That it was a heart that he was stealing,
Oh he was ready to impress and the fierce excitement,
The eyes are bright he couldnt wait to get away,
I bet the juliet was just the icing on the cake,
Make no mistake no,

And even if somehow we could have shown you the place you wanted,

Well I'm sure you could have made it that bit better on your own,
And I bet she told a million people that she'd stay in touch,
Well all the little promises they dont mean much,
When theres memories to be made,
And I hope you're holding hands by new years eve,
They made it far too easy to believe,
That true romance cant be acheived these days,

And even if somebody could have shown you the place you wanted,
Well I sure you could have made it that bit better on your own,
You are the only ones who know

Open for public viewing

2009-12-19T00:09:00.002+08:00

Today marked the 1st day of Islamic Calendar.
I've been doing some thinking and well, soul searching.

I've never been a reserved person. My blog have always been made public.

So after, sorting out some really personal entry.Keeping some to myself and some open for public. I've decided to export my then
http://wickedevils00.blogspot.com(which was then only for author)

to

http://littlestar57.blogspot.com
open for public viewing.

You can call me two face now.Cuz literally my blogs has 2 sides of me. :)

Smile

2009-12-18T07:33:00.002+08:00

I've been smiling a lot lately.

I've been listening to songs that make me smile a lot too.
Pigeon John songs "Monyback guarentee" makes me smile thinking about the unwanted guys who keeps on popping all the while. Trying to sweet talk me into going out with them. They should learn from Pigeon John. For the unwanted guys let me just say this "Even the fantasy of me is not interested in you" :)

Then there's this new rendition of "Please Don't stop the music" by Jamie Cullum

Oh boy, that guy sure knows that his voice is enough to make ones heart melt. Husky!!. Again , i prefer to listen to his voice rather than watch the v.clip. Still for a husky voice + good looks= Kings of Leon lead singer is unbeatable. Regardless, when I heard this song I smile. It does remind me of someone. Someone that shares the same husky voice.

When I look back, did this year teach me anything?
It certainly does. It's been a year with the most bitter ending. I give myself a pat on the back for surviving it and not being too bitter about it.

Smile again thinking that I don't need to take the walk of confidence.Not this time :).
Even on my least confident days I do make heads turns.
Even on my least confident days I do get friends asking if I am interested to meet new people.

I just want to enjoy this Singlehood for awhile. It does not mean I close my eyes to "oppurtunities".

It only means that I am not answerable to anyone unless if I want to.
I do not have to fulfil anyone's expectations unless if I want to.

All of which, that I miss.

I look back and think about my happiest moment. The moment that makes everyone smile. It is the time when I am single and free.

Oh yes, when I come back. I'll keep on smiling because you never know when is the next person is going to notice it.

IF that person is worthy of my time,he sure is to catch me on my best days :)

You wait for rain

2009-12-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

By the end of 10 days, I shall be forgotten

The Wohoos, Auuuwwwss, Yeayss of life

2009-12-14T10:25:00.008+08:00

First of all, I am proud to say that for the 3 days consecutively I went for a jog. I am starting to get addicted to it. I remembered the line “A fit body is a body to envy”. When you work out, it’s good to have a person in mind, the person who you picture your bods to be. My new found role model is Shantel VanSanten. She’s a new actress in One Tree Hill. Trust me when I say all of these work out is not to show off ones body. Rather to enhance one confidence. The side abs that I once lost, I have gained it back. Wohoo to that!
That's Shantel VanSanten.

Bowling

Went for Al Rajhi internal bowling competition. Frankly, it was fun. I think the fun-nest company event that I’ve attended. I was told by a colleague that I have a model figure. Yes, yes I was grinning. This picture is the reason for that saying. Auuwww to that!

Some other pics of the bowling tourney.
Yes, we are the Victorious Secret and yes I am the lowest scorer.

My Team

Went to Low Yatt waited for a few hours. Finally bought my father his b’day gift. Sony Ericsson C902i. A slick hand phone if u asks me. 5 MP, Camera Flash, Touch Screen for camera purpose and 3D sounds. All in all a hand phone that will make my old man happy. Yayy to that!

After Low Yatt, MidV and Kota Damansara, I went to have a chat with a friend. For once I thought I have done something right to buy a friend a t-shirt that fits well.

On the other note,

My Alfy is going to be a proud father. Milo is pregnant already. Hopefully it is Alfy’s kids. Haha..

Can you belive this is the face of a father to be? LOL

Nadirah Jalani is going to be Ms. Fozz. Yes her long term boyfriend has proposed. By the bench where they first shared their romantic moment. Since she once told Fozz that she would love a man who wrote poetry, he did just that for the first time. She was also given Fozz’s mother’s wedding ring for the proposal. Awwww to that!

When I looked back, I just realized 1 thing. All the while, I was never in a rush to be wed. People around me can’t wait for me to be wed thou.

I think the right time will come for the right relationship and the right man.

Til then, happy holidays :)

What marks our timing...

2009-12-11T22:38:00.003+08:00

Every year we would write our resolutions before New Year or for some during before Awal Muharram. That is something to be admired for.

I do think some of us do it because "well everyone does it". A lot of us somehow does not recognize or understand the significant of certain dates.

At the side of my bed, I have a mini calendar which I bought on 27th Sept. Very recent. It does not have days but it has dates. For each page there is a snippet from Quran or Hadith. Some I just read and some invoked curiosity that I read further.

There was one verse that invoked my curiosity that I choose to spend a few minute reading deeply into the Surah. To be frank, for the first time I was holding Quran like a story book. It was Surah At Taubah.

Funny how it has invoked a great curiosity at this time of year when it is near Awal Muharram. From that surah I found out that according to Islamic calendar we should observe 4 months, Zulhijjah, Zulkaedah, Muharram and Rejab. These are the 4 months where fighting is prohibited in Islam. That anger we feel that we channel into war, is forbidden in these four months.

If you asked me, there is no better way to start a year than free of hatred, grudges and anger.

The best part about Surah At Taubah is also telling you about Jihad. When I say Jihad, don't take it like how the media portray it to be. For me the way I see it, Jihad is like a resolution. To make sure you fight hard to be a better person.
For example;
When I told a friend about the challenges to change I mentioned wearing tudung is one of them.
He told me "That is your jihad then, mine is to stop smoking"

The point I am trying to put across is simple. Often we write resolutions without understanding the significance of the date. In my case, I only do things that I understand and motivate me.

I come to realized how significant Awal Muharram is at the moment I read this Surah. God has outlined clearly that before we prepare for our own "jihad" we have to enter it with the right foot. Free of malice & hatred basically making peace with yourself, your enemies and your loved ones.

Yes, some of us quoted verses of Hadith and Quran to prove a point. Point is taken. However do observe the time of day where we decided to use such Quotations’ and our intentions.

Is it to live up and motivate or is it to show that we are better than the other?

I am thankful that Allah have given me strength and patience to withstand critics.

I prayed to God everyday and seek for His mercy and Guidance to tame the heart of my loved ones. I did not get it easy. He made sure He throws in a lot of tests before He gave me the answer.

Usually if I am too lazy, I would just flipped that calendar and let it passed by. Somehow for a few days now that one line from Surah At Taubah was on my mind. By the time I read it, I knew God have answered my prayers.

I hope He will guide you the way He has guided me.

Will leave you with the picture of my side table.

These are the current books I've been reading. Oh yeah, Jodi Picoult's book is still on hold. Malas sikit. The pink book was given by a friend for my b'day to help me keep my elegance. As you can see, I am still a student in a lot of field. Hope that my slow pace in transformation could be understood. Far left, is the calendar that welcomes me everyday when I wake up.

Found it

2009-12-10T21:26:00.002+08:00

Today is a great day, Alhamdulillah.

I was motivated to come home early and strap on my sport's shoes. Doctor has told me to take it slow, go for 3 rounds of power walk.

Doctor has a point, I am still having that fast heart beat but today I didn't feel much of it. Plus, I can't jog right away I have not been working out for 2-3 weeks! The last time I tire myself out was during futsal tourney.

So I strap on my shoes, went for a power walk (gosh I feel so old!) One round in my neighborhood’s park is huge. It is as big as 7 badminton's court. There are the easy ones and there's cardio. It goes up the small mountain.

What started off as 3 rounds, became 5. Then became 7... The next thing I know, it is already Azan Maghrib and I stopped at 9th round.

During younger days I would make it a point to jog every evening especially when I am stressed out. I don't quite like sleeping on weekdays; I reserve all of that for the weekends. Haha.

The Noisettes, The Elms and Sound Providers have somehow pumped me up to do more rounds. Plus the fact that tomorrow is public holiday for Selangor helps! (I just have to rub it in for those who works in k.l: P)

I found my motivation and I am using it to the fullest. After this, Jessica Alba can retire, since a new player is in town. LOL.

For one day, I could manage to silence my thoughts through exercising and solat. At the end of the day, I feel blessed.

Blessed for having loving people all around me.
Blessed that I am no longer angry or sad.
Blessed that I found it all in simple pleasures of life.

Criticism will always knocks its way in but I am strong enough to knock it all down.

Till then, have a pleasant evening everyone :)

Life as I See Fit

2009-12-09T23:16:00.003+08:00

Have u really read through or glance trhough my blog layout. On the top right hand of my blog it has a small caption that states

"I scribble words as i see fit. My judgements may be tainted with emotions. My perceptions may seem unpopular. We are all judges in our own court.These are my stories to share...."

Let me break them down into a proper translation

"I scribble words as i see fit."
My blog is my view on certain issues. My own understanding that fits into my daily routine.

"My judgements may be tainted with emotions"
No one can write without emotions attached to them. You write something that you FEEL strongly about. Feelings comes from the heart, translated to the mind for analyzing and let the fingers do the typing.

"My perceptions may seem inpopular."
My theories or observations perhaps is not accepted by majority. I have come to that term. All because my upbringing is unique.Hence the unorthodox thinking. My perceptions is my own. You may or may not agree with my perceptions.

"We are all judges in our own court"
We do judge people and ourselves in more way than one. The difference is whether we choose to give it a voice or silence those noise.

"These are my stories to share"
To sum up all the above.

Like all bloggers, I choose to pick the layout suitable to the writer because it is my personal space made public. It says a little bit about who is writing.

However, my blog captions sum it all up. To each entry there's the begining of my observations (intro), the observation I am putting across (body) and the nutshell of what I hope you take back with you (conclusion).

Have you seen the last statement of my entry, let me lay it out one by one.

Til then have a breezy Sunday everyone :)

When you have been to that other side of the fence, you still come home to a home cook food.

For that story I have Uncle to thank for.
A week later, I got a gift. It says "The art of illusion is the art of Love...”
Then another journey begins :)

For now I am just Dreaming Out Loud ;)

I choose to keep on smiling :)

Till then "How is you faith today? Did you found it or loose it ?" :)

Regardless thanks for being concern :)

And the recent one
Till then,I hope my humble opinion does not belittle you. ;)

My conclusion is just telling you
"It is just my observation. You can choose to read deep into it or you can just shake it off once you leave this site."

All in all,I can't help how your mind preceived my blog. It is only your right to your own judgement. On my part, all I know is once you entered my site, the idea is to read it with an open mind and leave the thoughts behind once you exit.

The idea is not to provoke a factual character but bringing across the idea that is worth blogging about.

Think about it, it is just a blog. If I believe about my subject matter and take it seriously, I'll be writing a petition.

Til then, sleep well my friend :)

Temptations lurks at you like a naughty friend do

2009-12-09T11:24:00.002+08:00

Recently, I’ve been bugged by a few remarks.

Before I say anything, let me just say I am no saint. Those that know me knows that I am no villain either.

When asked about my experience attending Lolla Palooza, I told many the same stories
“Kings of Leon concert ranked the best, followed by Arctic Monkey. I was disappointed with Snoop Dogg’s concert.”

However I didn’t blab about the crowd there because I know some couldn’t handle it.

The next question came, “How was the crowd?”

I answered with honesty “I don’t know if you can handle the crowd thou. I know I can.”

Truth is ALMOST everyone there smoke weed, drink beer and well on some occasions you get ppl flashing “what their momma gave them”. If only you catch my drift. ;)

Almost everyone does that but I didn’t.

So if you are one of the people who asked me about the crowd, then don’t diss me for being in the “wrong” crowd but not succumbing to the “wrong” crowd lifestyle.

Rewind

Mr. Vijay: Let’s ask someone that stays in the crowd that does not drinks and smoke yet could withstand it.

Hadi : Ni hah, kat sebelah ni. (Pointing at me)

Mr. Vijay: Tipu la, aku dengar korang selalu offer dia to lepak. You smoke right?

A firm No from me

Hadi : Sir, I think Lyana would even get migraine if she takes a puff la!

Mr. Vijay: Ok tell me how you could withstand all of that but yet didn’t do it.

My answer?

“I think we forget one thing. Our limitations. What we can handle and what we can’t. I can handle those by not being tempted. The way I look at my friends, well let’s just say I decided to put their drinking and smoking habits aside and look at what they are good at. They are good at making me laugh, smile and even comfortable for being me”

Flash forward

There are times when I do something really stupid that my halo fades. I just pray one that my recent connection to God does not make me say things that belittle others. Things like “I don’t associate myself with those people” or “I try not to like certain things because it does not suggest the right path”.

Truth is, when it comes to the matter of faith. None of us know that we are better than the others.

Truth is, none of us is holier than the other just because we hang out with certain group of people or circles.

An ustaz once told me

“There is a man who is seeking for an answer during Rasullullah time and the imam told him. Go to this grave site where all the holy ones are buried. Say this verse three times and see if anyone responded. So he went, did what the imam told him to do. Came back and say “None responded”. Imam told him to go to another grave site where the “sinners” are buried and do the same thing. So he did, somehow there were 3souls responded. He came back panting and say “Those souls, they are the devils aren’t they?” the Imam just said “No, those three souls that responded may fall from grace yet somehow in the course of their lives they did something right. Something that is worth Allah’s forgiveness.”

Then the ustaz told me
“In the society’s eyes they are buried in the “outcast” grave Lyana . However we never know who is outcast or holy in God’s eyes. That is for Him to determine. Stay close to Him.”

I am not shy to say, I have friends from all walks of life. All of which did not try to belittle others. Instead they try to bring the best side of the person they know.

I think people just forget to stay humble with what they found. The best part about learning is knowing that you are a student. Knowing that there’s always an answer and there’s always mistakes bound to be made. However I hope that mistakes found its way to corrections. Those corrections found its way to humility.

Whatever you have learned, use them to keep you just that. Humble.

Till then,I hope my humble opinion does not belittle you. ;)

According to whom I should do what?

2009-12-08T10:30:00.002+08:00

Khairil and Yasmin called me up to ask if I am keen to play for Philippine tourney.

According to me, the last time I checked I haven’t played for ages.

According to them, after 2 years of not playing I helped their team win by scoring a hat trick.

According to me, it was just luck as I was fired up to play.

According to them, I should just shut up and play.

After considerable amount of just “thinking” I list down what I had to do. My body’s strength and weaknesses.

My strength has always been my lower body. This explained me doing well in futsal and rollerblading.

My weaknesses are my upper body. My arms. Or my shoulder coordination.

To enter into another ice hockey, means doing offsite training. A lot of them.

This only means that I have to Jog more often

Start going to driving range (yes, I have left this for almost 2 years too!)

Swim more often.

Oh yeah, according to my mom I am just doing too much. She sat down and well “berleter”

“Monday & Tuesday kelas mengaji

Kalau ambil ice hockey its Weds and Fri. Dah lah start at 11pm!

Then you have your futsal training.”

I have a feeling that Mira would berleter too if she knew. Sorry Ms. I don’t want to make a pregnant lady, pissy!

Upon hearing the news, my dad called me from Jakarta

Lyana: So I took it that you’ve heard?

Dad: Yup, I think it’s wise. You need to get out there more often. Sweat out. My girl that I know, always active and there’s no can’t do. Plus I see what ice hockey does to you. I think I miss that in you.

Well I miss it too Dad.

I get it;

My mom is just concerned about my health. That’s what mom does.

My dad miss that cheerful me.

Me? I just miss the adrenaline rush the game offered. Plus I need to get my body in a better shape.

If I could do all of that, I’ll be representing Malaysia Ice Hockey ladies team for 3 tourneys. Philippine, Bangkok and Hong Kong.

Yes, there is a Malaysia Ice Hockey Team believe it or not but meanwhile

I need to get my motivation to do offsite training.

Motivation, motivation, where art thou?

The trigger

2009-12-07T22:50:00.008+08:00

Thank you for all the well wishes.

Yup Thyroid made its debut again. Upon hearing the news, I get a lot of calls and text expressing their concerns.

Last year

“That is a sad book to be reading dear” says doctor Has

“You’ve read it?”

“One of my favorite, ok test result is out. Here’s my concern” she pointed at the paper.

“Your heart is palpitating faster than usual. However your thyroid hormone is active now. The level is mild so it shows the trend of inactiveness. When I say inactive, doesn’t mean it will not come back. It will but without warning. When it comes you have only 2 medicine to consume. The heartbeat will keep you up at night. It will be painful but only because your metabolism rate doubles up. Which explains your weight lost”

This year

“Hey lyana, ok let’s see your test result”

“Thyroid is active again, I think we should admit you right away.”

“Can I not be admitted, I promised to come for follow up.”

“Ok can but you know that heart beat needs to be monitored right? Plus, you will be awake all night”

“Doctor, even if I fall in a deep sleep nurse will come every hour to check, lagila I can’t sleep. “

She laughed.

“My concern is not just your thyroid but also something else. Don’t worry too much about this one test, nothing is at stake. Just for monitoring”

Upon hearing the news, a lot of my friends and former beaus called up to check on me. Thank you everyone. However I am just too bored staying at home and just trying to breathe easy. Need to keep distracting myself so I don't feel too much of it. It only keeps me up at night, haih..

Regardless thanks for being concern :)

How is your faith?

2009-12-06T02:48:00.002+08:00

I was at work when a message popped out,

"Hey I saw you hari tu, pakai tudung.”

I responded
"Good Morning to you too. Erm when?"

"You were eating at nz sekejap. U took off so fast I noticed"

"Maybe I was a little shy & hungry & in a rush"

"You never said hi but how come now?"

"I thought it was my lucky day to see you pakai tudung. You should wear it more often"

"Nice pick up line btw. I noticed. Trust me, I am far from the idea you are having"

"I know all about you. More than you think I know. Why you put urself down all the time?"

"Expectations. The moment someone sees me wearing tudung and I did something silly. That person is going to say 'see, she never changes'"

"Tell Mr. and Ms. Expectation off then. Easy kan? But I understand what you mean. The changes you are going through are not easy. I know, I've been there."

"So, what's your story?"

"My story is like yours. Was a party guy, got my heart broken a year ago, deactivated my fb for awhile, found solace on my birthday and doing what I can to feel better."

"Oooo kayyy... Now I am officially scared."

"Nah there's no need. When you step into head office, I knew there is something special about you. I am sure I am not the first that have said this"

"Yup, you are right. Not the first but how come you think my story is like yours?"

"Senang. You are loosing you. When you drop by HQ I always noticed you tapi you kan jenis jalan cepat tak pandang orang. Your weight lost tells me something then I see you conversing. Your eyes, they are not happy recently. Your smile however never changes"

"Okay you are freaking me out. Tell me what's your deal telling me all of this?"

"I maybe wrong but you know put all of the pakai tudung aside. People in HQ talked. Those that does not get the chance with you, hated you for it. Calling you all sorts of name. However there's a bunch of people who talks nice about you too."

"The point?"

"The point is, you should know from last time. Even before you pakai tudung, I thought you are a nice girl. Even with you party girl image. When I saw u pakai tudung, I thought you just need a friend"

"So u pun nak pakai tudung ke? hahah Mesti comel la. Laki pakai tudung. "

"HAHAH. Nope, I think your move is great. I also know what that move is doing to u."

"I heard you just got back from the holy land"

"I did, during my birthday"

"How much is the package you took"

"A bit on the expensive side, I went alone. You know for sentimental reason"

From then on, it was always

"Salam, how is your faith today? Did you find it or loose it?"

When I lost it

"You'll find it soon. InsyaAllah. When you do, you tell me ok. We could both use stories to inspire our faith"

Faith is like a never ending story book. It has its introductions, chapters and its ending. Each chapter showcased adversities of characters. Each chapter showcased character's development.

Unlike a best selling story books, faith is not up for grabs. Faith is not put on display. Faith can't be seen nor touch. Faith can be found in that stillness and space you created within you.

The only one that only you could feel and embrace.

Till then "How is you faith today? Did you found it or loose it ?" :)

Equations

2009-11-15T23:17:00.003+08:00

1. My views on cultures
If you are to follow race
Malay + Indian + Dutch= Race

If you are to follow my household
Apologies- Seniorities = Person who made mistake - Seniorities

Once I step out of the house & I talk to people older than I am
Humble + Nod= You are right

If different views
Humble + Listen = Ask

2. On Relationship

Caring + Assurance =Me

If a guy says

9/10 (wouldn't settle with you)= 0.9 guys

If that 1 guy is stil 50-50 with me

0.1/2= 0.05 (chances that guy will settle down with me)

By right I should

Nod+Listen= Agree

3. Waking up

On most days

3am + 0.05 (chances)= 2 sleeping hours out of 24

2 hours x 5 days = 10 hours

2/24 hours of sleep = Bunch of pimples + Headaches

Pimples + Lack of sleep + Headaches = Bad day

Even on a bad day I chose to
Smile + Entertain = Feel happy to get that lil smile from those I entertain

4. Driving

Probabilities of listening to songs I hate = 0%
Probabilities of me dancing in my car= 100%
Probabilities of me listening to my fav songs = 150%
Probabilities of getting caught dancing & driving on weekends= 50%
Probabilities of getting caught dancing & driving on weekdays =60%
Probabilities of getting caught dancing & driving on weekdays otw to work = 99%
Incidents of getting stop by a cop for dancing in the car= 1

Days I feel defeated

Alarm + 0.05chances = Alone

Times I woke up from 0.05 as alarm clock

0.75 x 100%= 75%

However, I choose to think

9/10 might not settle down with me because all I need is 1

Given that 1, if he could see

Caring + Assurance = Me

Humble + Nod= You are right

Smile + Entertain = Feel happy to get that lil smile from those I entertain

Probabilities of getting caught dancing & driving on weekdays otw to work = 99%

InsyaAllah he would be

100%

If the 1 person does not exist
Smile + Alone= Fine :)

Not great at math but I think a content of a person can't be measured.

I choose to keep on smiling :)

Waking Up - Bigger Better Stronger

2009-11-14T10:36:00.004+08:00

My fav lyricists are back!!

One Republic always find me at the right time and the right place. Just like how Lifehouse, Leona Lewis, Nine Days and Rob Thomas found me.

I was just talking about secrets the other day and a day later I saw their video on Channel V. Thought to myself "Damn.. How come didn't I know that their album is out?"

Their song Secrets is a soundtrack for a German movie.

I read their album review and their music this time sounds... Different.

Their words are the same but beat-wise,unique.

I just hope they stay humble like Kings of Leon and Lifehouse.

I like a music when it tries not to do so much. Which explains why I don’t listen to the “in” music as much. I like the humble beginnings of a star.

Will leave you guys with a verse from their old album- Dreaming Out Loud
"Yeah God love your soul and your aching bones
Take a breath, take a step, meet me down below
Everyone's the same
our fingers to our toes
We just can't get it right
But we're on the road"

How about Germany for One Republic Concert? Hmmm would be a great experience eh?
Ryan Tedder, I’ll pay for your words

For now I am just Dreaming Out Loud ;)

The Importance of Being Earnest

2009-11-12T21:56:00.004+08:00

When I passed you my business card you'll notice Lyana H.

Q's

1. What does H. stands for?
2. What does it mean?
3. Aren't you proud of your family roots?

Answer
1. H. stands for Hanum
2. It means "the loved ones"
3. Have you heard about the Importance of Being Earnest?

If you haven't. Let me tell you what I remembered.

"What's in the name?" That is what I always remember about this play.

"Everybody Loves Earnest... But Nobody's Quite Sure Who He Really Is." is a tagline for this play.

I was asked once by a mentor

"If you could point out what makes you, you which part would it be?"

"My middle name, sir."

"Why?" he asked.

"The meaning of my middle name is the tagline for Earnest. Like Earnest, I like to make people feel good about them without saying out my middle name. Once the middle name is out, they would be curious about my last name. I downplay my last name because my father is a great man."

"Aren't you great?" he asked further. I nodded.

After the talk with him, he wrote on my paper.

"Write down why Lyana is Earnest"

Here's what I told him

"At the age of 3, I was told to be colorblind. At the age of 9, I got a culture shock. At the age of 15, I was thought that kindness knows no boundaries. At 17 I learned about expectations, at 20 I was told 'blood is thicker than water', at the age of 23 I found simplicity and my life experience could go on.

I was often told to know the content of a person's character by getting to know them. Hence, my name will always be Lyana H. because I want to make people feel as comfortable as possible with me without them shying away.

I've seen how my name gave them an idea of how I should be, how I should act or how should I live up to it. In the end, they fail to see the content of my character.

It is the content of a man's character that will be remembered till his dying day. It is never how much money he makes nor what his job title has. When a person dies, he will always be remembered for his characters.

You will not know a person's content till you sit down with them and make them comfortable with you. Today, I received a note from a dear friend and she said 'Lyana u sangat baik, if a person fail to see how dear you are to me I wish them luck' and from then on I know my friend sees the content of my character"

In the end, he talked to parents

"The first person her age to talk about content of a man's character. I am glad you thought her to be colorblind."

My parents were dumbfounded.

A week later, I got a gift. It says "The art of illusion is the art of Love...”
Then another journey begins :)

Lucky Taboo

2009-11-08T00:00:00.007+08:00

Last night, I was having a conversation with Jan in the car. The car conversation was interesting.

We started to talk about Zehan's new image and I said to Jan,
"You know what, if one day I decided to pakai tudung I would still keep my sexy clothes"

She asked "Oukay.. y?"

I answered
"I was asked once by a gentleman what would be the one thing that will make your future husband the happiest man on earth to be marrying you. So, I figured if I decided to pakai tudung one day, my sexy clothes are for his eyes only. He'll be the luckiest man.After a hard days work he'll come back to a sexy caring wife. Damn he'll be one helluva lucky guy!"

We both laugh and she replied
"You know what?, you will meet a great guy. If you don't, I know you will still have a colorful life"

I thought that was spot on.

The other thing that touches me was how close knit is Zehan's friends. We had a long day of celebration. The partner in crime was: Khair,Dan, Lutfi, Jan, Jun and I.

Her b'day was saperated into 2 parts

A photoshoot, credit goes to Khair
He rented a photo studio for a whole 2 hours. We all took pictures with Zehan with the black and white background. It was not one of those "boring-posing-with-the-flowers" photoshoot. Props we used includes ladder,photo frames,umbrella just to name a few. I like the pictures of her with the boys. Very animated and fun looking.

We went to the nearby mosque for prayers before heading to Subang for her b'day dinner. A place I reserved for her.

Some of her gangs that could not make it for the photoshoot came for the dinner. Murni, Faiz, Shah and his fiance, Oyin just to name a few.

It was tiring but fun.

As usual I came up with all these silly questions. I.e If you are a steak, describe what kind of steak will you be? and some other ice breakers. Zehan end up saying that she could always count on me for asking silly questions. Well well, that's just me: Silly.

After her b'day dinner they were planning on chillin' and I decided to call it a night. Penat!

So we went through storms, rain, lost journey (for those who lost the sight of my car while convoying) and a good meal for Nazehan. Have a Happy Birthday Buddy. Pictures will be uploaded later since I am too lazy to put it up for now :)

A cup of Silly Me

2009-11-01T10:50:00.004+08:00

I told my friend once, If i am a drink I would be a ceylon tea with a drop of lemon and a spoonful of sugar.

Why?

Ceylon tea is the best quality tea.
Lemon to make you cringe when I am just being silly
Sugar because well... I add sweetness in life.

And my friend say : Perasan!

I say: Oh well, sing me something new :)

She told me : I thought you would be coca cola

I say: Yeah...that too.