Life As It Goes

1000 Hits!

2005-06-20T08:00:00.000+04:00

Congrats to me this time! As I started this blog on April the 13th, it was up till a few days ago when the counter hit the number 1000 Hit! It is amazing, the number of people that have visited and kept coming back in just a few months. I feel I have succeeded in capturing the attention and interest of people through my ideas and writing in this blog.

Satisfaction and joy is running through me; hoping this blog will continue to reach people from different countries, backgrounds, and cultures has always been a dream, and I will do my best in making this dream come true.

GoodLuck to 'Road to Happiness' (My Second Blog).

Apologies

2005-06-20T07:38:00.000+04:00

I know it’s been a while since I posted anything. My apology goes to those bloggers who kept dropping back and were disappointed. I am sorry but as I got here to Boston I have had little time to write and post as I had so many things I missed and had to do.

I will try my best to keep posting and keep you updated with what I have been going through. Thanks for being understanding. Take care.

Little Thoughtful Me

2005-06-12T11:21:00.000+04:00

Sitting here in the first class lounge, I decided remmembering my blog visitors with a final post before boarding the plane. Just a minute ago I was sitting here and poundering my 'Forget List' as I had woken up late and tired, forgetting alot of what I had planned to toss into my suit case this morning.. hmm let me see, my drivers license! damn it! how will I drive my bros car and do everything he never let me do; smokin in the car, keeping all the windows open, pressing every button there is, and turning up the music so loud! are some of the ideas i could think of right now. Aah.. cant believe this!

Also forgetting to recharge my cell phone i hope it has just enough battery to send my brother a message to come and pick me up from the airport when i get there. My methods of battery conservation is ‘no communication’; cant send messages, i just broke that rule and sent 2, no making or answering recieved phone calls, broke that as well and made 3, no playing bejeweled and browsing around the phone book and old messages, DAMN IT! i just realised i had broken that rule as i was thinking of what i am not supposed to be doing!

Anyways time had run out and i have to get goin, smoke my last cig for the next 13 hours! cant believe this, with all that my spirit is up feels like i am flying with the angels, and i feel joy in the air lol 3 kids are crying next to me.

* I am On Fire, BABY!

2005-06-12T03:45:00.000+04:00

An incident or actually an accident happens to me every now and then. Seeming so exceptionally uncommon, I couldn’t imagine anyone else going through the same mistake; Extreme stupidity is all it comes from, and the unexpected is all that results. I was in my room, sitting on my bed with the laptop with in reach in front of me, and my smoking kit (ashtray, pack of cigs, and lighter) on my right. Surfing the net, running out of patience I decide to light a cigarette (as usual).

Now what I had failed to remember was that; as I tried lighting a cigarette the night before, the lighter seemed to have stopped working. Struggling to fix it I had altered the flame switch and broke it. Now the lighter creates a 10cm long flame that jeopardizes anything and anyone around it. Yet I still managed to smoke my ‘goodnight’ cigarette safely.

Back to the story, so I am surfing the net and I place the cigarette in my mouth, pick up the lighter and WOOOSH!! I feel a wave of heat raging onto my face! Slapping my face was my first reaction. Yet, wrapping my face with the pillow was what I did, just until I made sure I wasn’t on fire. Then I dashed to the bathroom to check the damage. WTF! Was my first thought! I had managed to burn the side of my left eye braw and some of the hair on my head! Lucky me I managed to cut off the tips of the burned hairs and for the next week it’ll just look like a bad hair cut nothing more. And when I met some friends they didn’t manage to spot the burned eye brows. I guess I got off easy this time but I’d better start paying more attention cause it could have easily been a lot worse.

A Day in Bed

2005-06-08T02:45:00.000+04:00

Yesterday started out like any other day. Went to uni to take a final test, very tough but I think I scored well. Burning with heat; the weather was cooking me alive. It was when I got back home to leave to the airport with the driver to pick up my dad in his car (Jaguar XJ) that it hit me. Wearing a full suit, I thought the driver was probably melting in there, so he had the AC on full blast. I have to admit, it felt good the first 10 minutes then it shot me in the ass! Wearing only a t-shit I started feeling cold. No, let me rephrase that; wearing only a t-shirt I started freezing my balls off! But my humane side kicked in, and I still felt sorry for the poor guy in wearing the full suit. So decided to keep it the way it was.

Same story on the way back but now my dad was with us, and guess what? He was wearing a suit as well! I couldn’t turn off the AC now. I mean I didn’t turn it off for the driver, so how can I turn it for my dad? So I left it untouched. By the time I got home and got out of the car, I was a walking pop stickle! And by the time I got to my room my temperature had increased dramatically yet I was still feeling cold... I knew what that meant; a day in bed! Lying there half asleep, I kept twisting and turning in bed. Feeling hot one minute and cold the second. Struggling with my newly acquired headache I was restless.

Decided to check out what was new in the lives of my favourite bloggers, I found myself with the laptop waiting patiently for it to start up, to find that the internet was down. Just my luck, another boring day.

The Count Down Begins

2005-06-05T22:15:00.000+04:00

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and on Sunday the time will come for me to head to the airport. Bags packed and ready to go. Just the thought of boarding the plane knowing in 13 hours it will be touching down in JFK’s airport in New York is such a relief. The excitement is building up and I am starting to feel better already.

Couldn’t wait a minute longer, I went online earlier and booked to have my sky diving session on the 13th or 14th! What was I thinking? Lol, I wouldn’t have had enough time to settle in. Guess that’s the price I have to pay for my brother leaving 2 days after I get there, and me wanting him to join me leaves me with no choice but to drag him with me before he leaves.

Can’t wait to see the look on my parents’ eyes the minute I get there. The family reunited at last. Hopefully what happened when I came last Christmas wont happened again! Keeping me waiting in the snow at the airport for 45 minutes, not knowing if they were still planning to pick me up wasn’t the best start of the vacation I had in mind. But I didn’t care, after a 13 hour non-smoking flight I had a lot of nicotine catching up to do.

A Host of Two!

2005-06-02T02:56:00.000+04:00

Different Tastes, causes different needs and wants. Pleasing my visitors is all I have in mind. Therefore, I have seen that creating another blog called ‘The Road to Happiness’ keeps track of my depressive episodes and writings in one place for those who are interested. Of course, to make the lives easier I linked both blogs for those who are interested in both.

Bellow is a brief description of The Road to Happiness:

Finding my way to happiness is going to be a long journey that could never end. Having all those depressive mood swings are obstacles in my way, and here is how I deal with it. Here is where I complain, criticize, whine, and protest my miserable thoughts as I try to find the answers to all the questions I haven’t figured out yet.

Hope you’ll enjoy and visit both.

Get Your GMail Invites Here!

2005-06-02T02:41:00.000+04:00

Gmail is becoming one of the most reliable, and spacious emailing host websites, with its incredible interface. You cannot join and create an email unless you get an ‘invite’ from a current user. It’s a new system they created. For that I am giving away invites for those who are interested in creating a new email address at Gmail.

*Leave a Comment on this post with your:
-First and Last name.
-Current Email address.
-Desired Username at Gmail.

Check back for the availability of your desired username. If it available, you will receive an email from me with your username and password.

Note: Changing the password is highly recommended as soon as possible.

Moment of Clarity

2005-05-29T08:03:00.000+04:00

Just finished rapping up my evaluation of a 126 page report about; research interactions between university and industry in computer science in the United States and United Kingdom.

Its 6 am and I am feeling exhausted. Burning one cigarette after the other trying to stay awake; my Real One music play list is playing random songs from Aventura ( a Spanish band which I adore) to Kanye West and JayZ. My body was halting every muscle, and I was drifting in to a delusional reality.

As the songs kept coming up, associated time periods and events in my life started bursting from my unconscious memory to vivid dreams that were almost real, kind of like re-runs from the past.

A song by Frank Senatra called ‘My Way’ came up and I found myself around 12 years old again; no worries and no responsibility. I was free for the second time around. With my family driving to Aqaba, my older brother sitting next to me with his headphones on as my dad was introducing this song to my mom and me for the first time.

A few songs came up followed by a song by Goo Goo Dolls called Sympathy. I was in the basement with my brother again. It was my last summer after my high school graduation, right before moving to the states to continue my higher education at Bentley College. I was dealing with the excitement of meeting new people, living independently, and the unhappiness of leaving my parents and friends behind again.

A Moment of Ecstasy & Agony (Sunday 21st, 2005)

2005-05-24T20:07:00.000+04:00

Sitting home feeding Cotton ball & Energizer (my two new rabbit pets, gifts also… and yes! My house will be turning into a zoo soon) I got a call from mom as she was attending my brothers’ graduation. A pleasing call it was, just calling to check up on me. However, as she handed the phone to my brother, I felt nothing but happiness, complete joy for my brothers’ celebration and his accomplishment.

His voice full of energy and enthusiasm left me overwhelmed. My entire family in Boston, witnessing his big day; I could have only dreamed of sharing that moment with him, because I have to finish my finals before I can travel, and by then it would be too late.

Besieged with enjoyment, I felt trapped. I could not share what I had truly suffered; His thrill of finally graduating to return to Jordan. Settling down with Sally was everything he can see. Yet, I saw my brother leaving a phase where we had shared the last 20 years.

*The Past Awakens*
Starting young as roommates; scaring the hell out of me by singing horror movie themes in the dark, and turning the lights off right before I finished getting ready for bed; Just a couple of his daily ‘just for laughs’ pranks.

Pissing my mom, then running to bed and jumping under the covers. As she dashed behind us to pound our asses, we would be laughing our brains off under those sheets. Leaving her thinking she was hurting us with her tender strikes.

As we both grew, and each got his own room. It was always my pleasure to rush with out a warning into his room, and perform my annoying dances. It was my way of saying ‘I miss you’, and irritate the hell out of him at the same time. What could be better than that?

Criticizing his guitar playing abilities was one of my favourites. Mocking the gardener after he knocked on my window in the middle of the night asking me to stop playing the clarinet, because he wanted to get some rest was a source of entertainment for him. The only way of being close to a brother is teasing, annoying and beating the hell out of each other, no?

Sharing an experience that can never be forgotten… piano lessons at Miss Suhads; How I longed for those long boring classes. We however, took the chance to exercise our creative abilities by making up excuses to cancel those mind-numbing classes.

Not forgetting all the summers we spent at uncle Hass and Monir in Long Island. Huge consumptions of Aunt Vera’s Pecan Pie… Polo’s (Uncle Monirs Dog) look after his hair cut, an attempt to make him seem smaller than he really is.

(End of Part I)

Beneath Actions

2005-05-21T20:12:00.000+04:00

I have always been a freak when it comes to intentions. Pain and hurt caused by mistakes, or idiocy are tolerated on any given day by me. I feel it’s my obligation as a mature adult to endure people’s mistakes when their intentions mean well. On the other hand, when I am aware of some ones dreadful intentions the doors of forgiveness are sealed, the eyes of mercy are shut, and the forgetting abilities in my brain are disabled.

I say it again; people would lie, cheat, and manipulate to get what they want, but their leading mistake is that they typically underestimate their opponent. Now I am not looking on the half empty cup, because after all it’s also half full. I am just being realistic.

A Dream Come True

2005-05-18T23:57:00.000+04:00

People dream of soaring like a bird in the sky… I dream of plunging 10,500 feet from the sky like a rock, with speeds reaching up to 120 m/p there is no better way of getting adrenaline pumping through your body. This has always been a dream of mine and finally the summer I will be able to fulfil that dream has come.

Leaving on June 12th to Boston to reunite with my family (Sorry Maher you could be there as well but you know you prefer going to Lebanon for you fiancés (SALLY) graduation and I don’t blame you) and friends (Mona, Marwa, Roj, Mourice, Lal, Lauren, Alex, Vinnie, Aroon, Barzi, Angelos, and Gina hope you’re all there taking summer cources hehe) ) I am also setting out to fulfil my dream of sky diving at New England Sky Sports.

For those of you who are not familiar there are more than one way of jumping off a plane; with a parachute or with out! Just kidding! You can either do ‘Tandem Skydiving’ (picture above were an instructor would be strapped to you) or the ‘Accelerated Freefall’ (the one I'll be doing: jumping solo) includes 6 – 8 Hr ground training. After my first jump I would be qualified to start training for an official sky diving license (hint hint) ;) hehe.

A Blink From The Past

2005-05-16T01:52:00.000+04:00

“We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world - or to make it the last.”- John F Kennedy

The event that most affected my life was my participation in ‘The Seeds of Peace Camp’. The Seed of Peace summer camp is a place where many teenagers of different backgrounds and religions go to spend three weeks together interacting and socializing, learning more about each other through coexistence sessions and activities. It is located in Maine USA and the last four days were spent in Washington DC. There were delegations of teenagers from Jordan, Egypt, Palestine, America, Israel, North Korea and South Korea, during the summer of 1999 - the year I attended this camp. I was a member in t he Jordanian delegation. The theme of the camp was mostly political and concerned the Middle East conflict between the Palestinians and Israelis.

The trip from Jordan to Maine is one that I will never forget; it was the first time for me to travel alone. The plane departed from Jordan with a five-hour trip to Frankfurt. There, we spent four hours in transit, before proceeding on a seven-hour trip to Boston. The journey was exhilarating and almost liberating for this was my first taste of true independence - I was to be responsible for myself: juggling passports, tickets, flight connections and, of course, the obligatory browse around duty free.

Our arrival in Maine was very unpleasant and disturbing; it was dark and I had gotten tired from the trip. However, as I was introduced to my roommates everything began to fall into place. We were to stay in bunkers with nine to ten people in each from different delegations. The coexistence sessions started the next day. One member of every delegation was taken and grouped together. For the next three weeks we sat together for two hours daily and discussed the conflict from the differing points of view. These sessions were filled with intense argument concerning different issues including the often-hostile stances of the Israeli government and Palestinian fighters. Members from both sides tended to get furious and frustrated as the sessions became more emotional and tense. Each camper also had the choice to participate in one or more activities during the camp. I got involved in water skiing, ultimate Frisbee, basketball, and the Internet club. I learned a lot and contributed by teaching other campers what I knew through these activity hours. Four days before the camp was over we went to Washington DC in a bus and stayed at the American University We visited various museums and enjoyed ourselves. One of museums we visited was the Holocaust Museum. This had an impact on all of us as it created an atmosphere of forgiveness. It encouraged us to take a realistic view of such a grave historical event. It made us even more determined that, in this case, history should not be allowed to repeat itself, and mankind should learn from the lesson.

I learned a lot from that camp and it has effected me till this day. First of all, it gave me the courage to travel alone. I have travelled back and forth to the States several times during summer breaks to visit my relatives. I learned independence, not just the taking care of myself but also accepting responsibility. In a word, I grew up. Secondly, I learned to accept people from different cultures, religions and backgrounds. I learned to look for the good in people and to see that it is our differences that make us unique yet they enrich our lives. And this is something we should celebrate, for in so doing, we will develop further understanding on our road to world peace. I learned that despite our differences, we are all members of the human race – we are born, we live, we feel, we laugh, we cry, and ultimately we die – so we are not so different after all. Most importantly I learned to try to understand things from other’s points of views, for this is the only way we can live united. Perhaps the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt can sum up the important lesson I learnt from this journey of discovery, “We can gain no lasting peace if we approach it with suspicion and mistrust or with fear. We can gain it only if we proceed with the understanding, the confidence, and the courage which flow from conviction.” And this is the message which I now have to pass on to my fellow man.

Holding Back

2005-05-09T03:40:00.000+04:00

I was arguing with a friend on the phone earlier today. I heard remarks that would have made any person in my position flip out with rage; I dealt with an attitude that was unbearably insensitive and thoughtless. What a pleasant conversation that was, just what I needed to end my day with.

Holding back the urge of yelling a million hurtful remarks back, as she continued pushing her limits and intimidating me more and more with every word. I decided to think sensibly for a minute before striking back.

--(Evaluating The Situation)--

‘Action speaks louder than words;
Inaction speaks loudest of all.’

Occasionally, the hardest and superlative thing to do is not to do anything at all. Therefore, it’s the loudest. Controlling ones deepest emotions and not reacting in an emotional manner. At this point, I knew the best and most affective attitude for me to resolve the argument was to be as patient as possible. To listen, and then respond neglecting the tone of her voice, the remarks, and the attitude that was getting on my nerves.

--(End Of Evaluation)--

It was crystal clear to me; I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. Yet I couldn’t do it. Instead, I hung up the phone on her face and didn’t call back. It was something that had to be done.

‘And where the offense is, let the great axe fall.’

Surprise!

2005-05-06T02:35:00.000+04:00

I woke up today like every other day. Had my morning cigarette, went to the bathroom brushed my teeth, shaved, and went off to the university. Still having the urge to do something stimulating and new like going on a camping trip to Wadi Rum (this idea has been haunting me for the past two days) I went back home and there they were!

SURPRISE!

Satan & Fuzzball (a.k.a Fuzzy) were sitting in my kitchen!

I have wanted to get hamsters a short time ago, but the idea just faded away. Nad on the other hand, took the initiative and got them for me :) Hardly being able to take care of myself, now I have two souls that depend on me.

I was just wondering how long can hamsters go with out food? hehe

What do you think?

2005-05-01T01:12:00.000+04:00

Naseem (Little Bro), ME!, Maher (Older Bro), Deeb (Bro Wanna Be hehe)

Guilt

2005-04-30T00:05:00.000+04:00

I believe I should be grateful for the many situations I had been placed in through out my life. I tried thinking as logically and rationally as possible, putting together every sign that indicated who is to be held responsible and blamed among acquaintances and friends. Following strict tactics that were tougher on me than on others, in order to come up with sensible conclusions.

I try my best to be fair when judging others. However, it is not a simple world we live in. There are people who would lie, pretend, and deceive in order to frame others and have them wrongfully accused to accomplish there goals. Therefore, as I am aware of this, the responsibility of taking such decisions causes enormous pressures on me and is very stressful.

Favourite Movie Quotes:

2005-04-29T02:32:00.000+04:00

”I'll make him an offer he can't refuse.”
-Michael Carleone in the Godfather: Part I

"Fredo, you're my older brother and I love you, but don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever."
-Michael Carleone in the Godfather: Part I

"I always tell the truth. Even when I lie."
- Tony Montana in Scarface.

"You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your f***in' fingers and say, 'That's the bad guy.' So what that make you?"
- Tony Montana in Scarface

"No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he'll keep comin' back and back until one of you is dead."
- Sam "Ace" Rothstein in Casino.

"Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow."
- John Milton in The Devil’s Advocate.

“I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One”
-Seth in City Of Angels.

“When they send for you, you go in alive, you come out dead, and it's your best friend that does it.”
- Lefty in Donnie Brasco.

“They fuck you and fuck you and fuck you, and just when you think it's over, that's when the real fucking begins!”
- Conrad Van Orton in The Game.

Complexity Made Simple

2005-04-23T02:20:00.000+04:00

Life is very complex, and decisions cannot be made effortlessly. No matter what the situation is there will always be the need to assume, judge, and evaluate. Those are skills that require unbiased perceptions, clear judgment, and rational thinking. In this age in time, since there are countless distractions which diversify our attention, we need to control our thinking potential in order to take the right decisions.

Since we take countless decisions a day, starting the minute we awaken, until the instance we fall asleep. We have become unaware of the details of how we assemble the conclusions we come up with. Keeping in mind, that it’s always easier to follow simpler models to shape an understanding of how complex human decision making techniques take place.

Making assumptions has become a habit in our daily life. We assume according to previous days to build our expectations of how the weather will be like. Followed by a look out the window, we judge whether there are going to be slight variations. Finally, we create an evaluation based on the assumptions and judgements we made to come up with suitable cloths to wear for that day. This is one simple example of how we use these skills the minute we wake up.

Ranting of a Displeased Soul

2005-04-20T01:14:00.000+04:00

I woke up disappointed today just being where I am. Nothing around me has changed since last night but I guess my perspective on things did . . . a life surrounded by friends and family can seem pretty heavenly. Yet, when you’re trapped in an environment where you are deprived of a basic emotion called enthusiasm, your life does start to become more and more tedious as you watch every day pass by with nothing exciting to do or look forward to. Life tends to loose its essence and things do turn horribly dull. My options here are very limited in general, with very few things to do. It is such a struggle to get out of bed when there is nothing to get you going.

Happiness, it is a moment in time when you forget the pain you went through, and you’re ignorant of the worries that await you. It starts the instant your mind gets caught up in the present moment.

*I have never written a poem in my life but I thought it’s about time I give it a try. its called 'Trapped'.

Happy or sad, what’s the difference?
Its only time that makes a difference
People smile and laugh as well
But it's pain suppressed I see very well.

I wish and dream, like a little kid
Of a place far away from here
Just to wake up and see how stupid I can be
I am trapped here, and there is no leaving for me.

Real-Life Matrix

2005-04-19T01:35:00.000+04:00

I was just surfing the net for something interesting and fun as usual, and i came across this new gadget Sony is working on and i was just stunned . . . think you might find it interesting because I just think its astonishing! it literally will change the way we live.

*What is it?

'Sony has been granted a patent for a device that transmits sensory data directly to the human brain via pulses of ultrasound. Targeting these pulses at certain regions of the brain will produce artificial sensory experiences for the subject.'

*What we Think?
'This is so crazy it's frightening. But also very enticing, of course.'

*When is it Available?
'We're only at the patent stage here, so it could easily be years before we see this device, if we see it at all.'

Click For Official Site.

Some Facts About The Great Jordan University:

2005-04-18T00:36:00.000+04:00

*Population of students at uni according to some staff members: the answers ranged between 15,000 and 36,000 students hehe (there accuracy is worst than a kid learning to piss in a cup!)

*Chances of professors showing up first week of uni to class: 50%!

*Exams take 2 - 3 weeks on average to be corrected & they usually need revising!

*The only place you actually pay to park your car and come back to either find it hit, scratched, or if your lucky trapped with no way out!

*Professors complain when they get markers for the boards and actually prefer chalk.

*The only place you have to wear a swimming suite to get into the bathrooms :)

Relationships

2005-04-12T23:32:00.000+04:00

Relationships are nothing more than just a hobby to some; there are those who love it and others who don’t.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It may become a habit that your life starts to evolve around, your happy when it’s going well, and excited as it develops. Moreover, you’re feeling down as problems arise, frustrated when your companion doesn’t understand you, and heartbroken when the only way to go is in separate paths. Now I know I am not an expert at this but there are a few things I’ve learned as emotions pulled me closer to some, while time and circumstance pushed us apart.

One of the most complex dilemmas I had faced was in one of the recent relationships I had been involved in. My heart was telling me to do one thing. Yet, my mind was telling me the exact opposite! And after going through so many sleepless nights just thinking, trying to find out what I really want. Feeling so confused, lost, and most of all frustrated because I had to synchronize my mind and my heart to want the same thing. I saw my self writing all my feelings and thoughts on the issue. A few days later after I had forgotten about what I have written I came across it and so I started scanning through it very briefly. It was then that I realized how scattered my thoughts were and how confused I was… I had so much written down that it made it difficult for me to see the whole picture. There were two paragraphs that took hold of my attention, the first paragraph and another that was on the third page.

Here they are:

I have a lot on my mind and I know it will have great effects on you as you are reading it just as it did on me while writing it... I also want you to know that writing this wasn’t easy for me on an emotional level. I know we have both been through a lot over the years and I understand that we both have changed. Every time this subject is brought up I can’t help but remember the debate in one of the philosophy classes I had at Bentley, the professor said ‘the only thing constant in life is constant change’ which I think is very ironic in a way... The point I am getting at is that I know you have changed but as a reaction my feelings are changing as well.

It was such a delight talking to you when you used to go on and on about how u felt about things, telling me things u noticed, and things you have been through, now it seems like your favourite subjects has turned into: who flirted with you, how guys feel about u, and last but not least your looks and cloths.. Even though they are coming out of the same mouth in the same voice I still don’t feel like I am talking to the same person and I can honestly tell u that I miss the old u...

After examining them I realized the soul of the problem. I highlighted certain words and phrases that made the matter crystal clear and realized where I have gone wrong, and most of all the main reason behind my confusion.

***Note: i am really sick of this & i feel like writing something stupid hehe
***To be Continued!