Life Is Beautiful

Thank You, Fr. Deody Dawis, OSJ

2013-03-10T14:01:00.003+01:00

I was four or five years when I first went for vacation in San Jose, Batangas. During that time, I was the only kid in the family, my two elder cousins were living in Baler, Aurora, hence all the attention of my uncles and aunts and grandparents are all in me. My two uncles were working in Saudi and I only know them through photos. One of my uncles have this trademark moustache and we do have same eyes, they say "Indian eyes". One Friday evening, a mass was held in our small chapel and I saw this parish priest for the first time. He had this same moustache that my uncle had and those similar eyes. In the middle of the mass, while he read the gospel, I shouted, "Tito Peter! (Uncle Peter)!" He stopped from reading and smiled at me. I was so innocent that time and I really thought he was my uncle. I asked my grandfather why they always tell me that my uncle is in Middle East when in fact, he is a priest. When I went back to Manila, I even told my classmates in the Kindergarten that my uncle is a priest! Everytime we go back home and we'd go to mass, I always tell my mother that I would only hear mass when it is "Uncle Peter" who would precede the mass. They kept on correcting me that it was not my uncle, but it was Fr. Deody. I asked, why they look so alike, are they twins? I even asked my uncle that on the phone, when he also tried to explain to me that he is in Saudi and the priest is Fr. Deody. I told him, is he your twin? My family never get tired on explaining to me that the priest is not related to us by blood. However, no matter how hard they try, I still clinged on that belief, why? It is because he never made me feel wrong. After mass, I would run to him and call him Uncle Peter, he would give me his hand to kiss and then carry me on his arms. With these small gestures, I think every kid would really think he is your uncle. Then it was time for him to serve other parishes. I never saw him again. But with his absence, my real uncle came home. I never really felt empty.

Years passed and we met again. This time, I am already aware that he is Fr. Deody and not my uncle. I was so shy to come and greet him because I always have this memory in my mind when I would always call him out loud in the middle of his mass (sometimes even during the consecration!) and tell everybody in the church that he is my uncle. We met again in Marello Cup, a yearly event for all youth of the parishes being served by the Oblates of St. Joseph. I was an active member of the Joseph Marello Youth of San Jose, Batangas and I was usually part of the service committee (we prepared food for the athletes, we made sure what they need on all events are complete, when not, we go out and buy stuffs they need). During our lunch break, I was waiting with my other committee friends for our friend of ours who hosted the Battle of the Brains event, Fr. Deody approached us. As a sign of respect, we asked for his blessing. When it was my turn, he hugged me. I was surprised! Then he said, " you're all grown up now! You were just a kid when I last saw you! I am so happy that you are an active member of the youth organization." I was speechless at first. I never thought and never imagined that he could still remember me. I just remarked, "do you really still remember me Father? That little kid who called you uncle during your mass?" He answered, "Yes, I do. That's why I approached you guys here, I wanted to make sure that my eyes did not play trick on me. How's your uncle? How's your grandfather?" I told him my grandfather died more than a year ago (I was in fourth year high school that time we met, my grandfather died when I was in third year high school) and that my uncle already has 2 kids and decided to start a business instead of going back in the Middle East.

It occurred to me, that he was not just an uncle for me during the time my uncle was working in Saudi, he was also a son to my grandfather. During his service in San Jose, and when he preceded mass in our place, he would visit my grandfather and kiss his hand. Mom also said that when my uncle come home, he do visit him and have a little drink with him, and they look really like brothers.

Few days ago, I shared Fr. Deody's nephew's status on my Facebook page. He told us the real health condition of Fr. Deody, which Fr. Deody had been battling for such a long time and would not tell even his own family. That was the time I started to be a bit nostalgic. Aside from the fact that he is little by little preparing his departure, our 25th Cenakulo (Passion of Christ theater play during Good Friday) in San Jose, Batangas would be celebrated this year. Coincidentally, he was the man behind the first theater play. He was the original manager of the theater group. He gave the youth of San Jose something to look forward to do every Holy Week, and for the whole parishioners to watch on Good Friday. He is indeed one great man of God. He changes people and places with his simple ways.

Today, as I browse through my news feeds, I came upon Bro. Omi's posts and the reality he is trying to tell us, Fr. Deody Dawis has now joined the One Above. It was so heavy in the heart. Hence, I decided to blog and through this, express my sincerest condolences to his family and to the whole Oblates of Saint Joseph community. My mind and heart is so filled with tears, mixed with sadness because he passed away and I am so far away to be able to pay him my last respect and of childhood memories that I will forever be grateful for because he is in it.

Thank you, Fr. Deody Dawis, OSJ for the memories and the friendship. This is better because you are now healed and rejoicing with the One Above. It may be sad that you won't be able to see the 25th anniversary of Teatrong Kumot, the theater that you founded, but we are rest assured that you would be watching the kids and guide them from Above. You will always be my first favorite priest. You will always be my uncle. Thank you very much. You will be missed. You will always be in our hearts. Please send my love to my grandfather, I am 100% sure you'd meet him there and share stories, just like how you used to do when you were still our parish priest in San Jose.

Photo grabbed from. Bro. Omi Intia's Facebook wall.

Tiny Little Steps

2013-03-07T15:28:00.001+01:00

After more than a year of idleness, I am starting to keep myself busy, from what? From preparing my documents for the university. Apparently, all my application for apprenticeship are coming back to me, a friend told me that there is an age limit for that (this I still have to confirm, it was an information she got from her husband), so I guess, going back to the university is my remaining option to establish a career here. From time to time, I am wondering, whether it is really necessary for me to have a career here, my husband is earning well, and we have enough. We are just average people and we are not really wishing for anything extravagant in life. However, the thought (and plan) of settling in the Philippines in 16-20 years made me realize, I need to do something. At that time, I will be tagged as "old" in the Philippines to continue on my career that I left behind. I do not want to just rely on the retirement benefits my husband would be receiving, because nobody knows how the economy is by then. I need to make sure that I have a back-up plan. How can I do that? There is only one option: finish a Master's or doctorate degree. When one has this title, there are limitless opportunities to get to. In relation to my previous blog, I finally got an answer from my university classmate/ friend/ co-chemist. He told me that there are limitless opportunities, up to this time, he being a professor in UE, still receives notifications about supervisory positions on different companies, but unlike me, he finds joy in teaching. So I guess, going back to the university is not a bad plan at all. Therefore, I started on my next journey: University Life!

First of all, I did rigorous research in the internet how to get into University. There are information that I got from friends that I still have to send my documents to be acknowledged by the respective authority. But thorough reading on the site (thanks to my besseres Deutsch, I got to understand a bit of those posted on the site), told me to simply go to the university of my choice and inquire on the International Office what I need to do. My Brazilian friend from VHS told me I need to translate my documents and have them certified as true copies (she got the slot in a Studienkolleg in Darmstadt University). I wanted to go there too, but Darmstadt is a bit far from our home, and I still don't have a Führerschein (she already has, but we won't be sure if we'd get the same schedules so I cannot be 100% sure that I can always drive with her). So I decided to call on Frankfurt University and made an appointment (FYI: inquiries can be done through phone, but since I got lots of questions, and I wanted them to see my documents, I opted for a personal appointment, which, they told me that I don't need to make an appointment through the phone anymore, just go there during their Öffnungszeiten). I went there and got my questions answered, with the appropriate form to fill out. Here are a few questions I asked:

1. Am I eligible to study here?
Yes. Based on anabin.kmk.org, all Filipinos who have Bachelor's degree from the Philippines are eligible to study at any Hochschule or University. I have visited this site long before I talked with them, but of course, I wanted to be 100% sure. When you got only to finish until high school in the Philippines, you have to go to the Studienkolleg or take the Feststellungsprüfung.

2. What documents do I need to submit?
Since I am already a B.S. degree holder from the Philippines, they asked for my transcript of records, diploma and my German language proficiency certificate. Also a copy of my passport (the page with my information) and a certain payment.

3. Should I still need to send my documents for translation or acknowledgement?
I inquired at Frankfurt University, and the answer is NO. Frankfurt University uses the services of uni-assist for processing student application. Since my documents are all in English, all I needed to do is to make copies of them (uni-assist accepts only copies because if you wanted to apply on different universities or colleges, not all are using uni-assist, and you'll need these documents) and then have them certified either in your local Rathaus or by a Notar. They do not accept Beglaubigung from clubs or the like.

4. How much should I pay?
For application, there is a fee of €68 payable to uni-assist, in order for them to start working on your papers.

5. I have heard of free education here in Germany, is it really free?
Again, I inquired at Frankfurt University, so it might be different in other region or university. For the DSH (Deutsch Sprachkurs für Hochschulgang), there is actually a fee of €550. Then during the studies, when you pass the DSH exam, there is a Gebühr of €350 (?) (I forgot it exactly but I just estimated it to this amount) every semester, inclusive of train and bus ticket around Rhein-Main.

So far, I already got my documents certified. On to the next step: sending my documents to uni-assist and then WAIT. For how long? I am not sure, when I get my documents sent, it will all depend on uni-assist and Frankfurt University. Wish me luck!

HINWEIS: I opted to repeat my Bachelor's degree rather than take the Master's degree immediately. Firstly, I do not want to take the risk, it's been years since I graduated and passed the PRC board exam. Secondly, since after board exam, I did not really work directly in the laboratory or the like, I am afraid that my years of experience would be not enough and they might ask me then to send my documents for acknowledgement or something. And lastly, there are moooore paper works to be done doing so, including recommendation letters from UST, which I do not have at the moment, I only have diploma and transcript of records with me, I do not even have my PRC ID with me because I just recently applied for change of name and renewal of it. I kinda hate paperworks, so I chose the lesser one. It's not that bad to repeat my Bachelor, I can at least "specialize" on a certain field of Chemistry.

Jobs for Doctorate Degree Holders in Industries

2013-03-05T15:48:00.002+01:00

Eventhough I haven't started any step yet, I am already weighing down things. I have thought, if I am going back to the university here, well I might as well finish until the doctorate degree. However, I am not quite sure what kind of job would I get when we plan to go back to the Philippines. I mean, when my husband retires, he wanted to retire in the Philippines. That time, I am way too young to retire yet, so I am thinking that I would still work. But I have not yet heard of anyone in the industry with the doctor title on his name, who, instead of standing in front of scientists-to-be, is roaming around the production floor or is wearing a laboratory gown and safety gloves and goggles. I mean, working here in Germany with this title is not a problem, in fact, there are lots of opportunities for you, but when we get back to the Philippines, would I still be able to work in the industry or laboratory if I opt to earn the "ultimate" title of a professional?

I have nothing against academic jobs, because without my respected professors, I would not be who I am now. It is just that I think, and I feel, that teaching Chemistry entails a lot of responsibilities. I don't mind teaching languages, because there are always existing reference books to check on grammars and spellings, but for Chemistry, how can I teach bunch of students perfectly when I, myself, cannot solve certain problems all by myself. They sit there, looking up on you, admiring you for the degree that you have attached on your name, then you fail to answer one problem and poof! The title you worked hard for for years is lambasted in a matter of minutes. I am afraid of that time. Unlike in laboratory set up or manufacturing world, there are always room for efforts, that is why they are called the R&D team, research and development. Some researches may work, some may fail, but it is okay. Technologies change overtime, and every new technology suffers from the pain of giving birth to a first-born, but the scientists are not criticized harshly, instead, they are understood, and sometimes are even praised for such failures, because sometimes, new product ideas come from those failures.

That is what I love about working in the industry and not as an academician, the fun of performing tests and proving hypothesis in order to promote them into theories, and maybe, in the near future, into law.

So, as a conclusion, I just wanted to ask, are there non-academic jobs awaiting for Ph.D. in Chemistry title holders in the Philippines?

Where Are The Filipino Bloggers in Germany?

2013-03-04T00:39:00.001+01:00

Out of boredom on a Sunday evening, I scrolled down the list of expat bloggers who are living in Germany. I am in search of Filipinos out there, but sadly, I only found 3 blogs: my blog, a medical student's and a mother. I am not sure if it is because the number of Filipino members in Expat-Blog is so small compared to those who came from US of A, or because there are really a small number of Filipino bloggers who are living in Germany.

If you are a Pinoy and is living in Germany, would you care to tell me which forum can I find you?

My Expat Life: From Pinas To Deutschland

2013-03-02T20:28:00.000+01:00

I was browsing through my friend's new personal blog and we had a small chit chat about some of her articles and it occured to me: I have been blogging all these time (and even added this blog on www.expat-blog.com) about my life here in Germany, but I have not really blogged yet how I became an expat. Honestly, I have always wanted to write something about it, but either I laugh at my own words because they are so cheesy, or just lack the courage to publish it. But here I am for the nth time, trying my best to finish this story and post it successfully (you'll find tons of links here because I wanted you to go back with me, back to the posts I wrote during the course of my journey). Here it goes!

First Expat Experience

Year 2008 was the first time I set my feet on Germany grounds, that time, I was the kind of expat that most people think (at least that was what I used to think of before) when they hear the word "expat": a foreigner in a certain country for business purposes. I was here, together with a colleague, to attend a training about process gas analyzers (they are equipment usually used in process to monitor the concentration of gas in the chamber or process). Germany has always been my favorite country. I first heard of it when I was in third grade, when somebody from Köln (Cologne) was added in our roster. She is pure blooded Pinay but her mom is one of those nurses in the old times who became guest workers of Germany, hence they were born and raised in Köln. They decided to go back to the Philippines and settle there for good in the year 1992. She got lots of stories to tell about Germany: the food they eat, the use of fork and knife instead of spoon and fork, the castles, the weather and the language. She taught us basic phrases such as "Guten Tag" and "ich liebe dich". I have always been in love with fairy tales and her accounts about medieval churches and castles made me dream of visiting Germany someday. Then came high school years, and this time, a family friend's family also decided to leave Europe and settle back in the Philippines (yes, it's Ody's family!) and I came upclose and personal again with the German language. Although their family really came from Vienna, they do speak that language that I love. When Ody and I became good friends, my love for the German language grew deeper, that I asked her to translate my poems into German language. Then came university years. For the reason of being undecided until my last year in high school, I ended up enrolling in the B.S. Chemistry degree. Funny how other people avoids this degree, and I took it just because I wanted to study in University of Santo Tomas and I heard that this course have the least number of enrollees. Since I had fun on my high school chemistry class, I thought it won't be that bad. I never realized until now that everything's pre-determined by fate, more so, by the One Above. How is that so? It is because apart from Tourism and Music, only Chemistry students take the German language as a Foreign language requisite. While my classmates curse the subject due to these umlauts and diphthongs, I am loving it (for more funny moments in my college days, I'll leave that for other post). Then came the end of my college days and on to real life. I have worked with lots of companies either as a process engineer or as a chemist and I still try every once in a while to refresh my German. I have always included in my resume this beautiful line: Language/s spoken: English, Filipino and German, even when in reality, I can hardly construct a decent German sentence. This part on my resume helped me land the job at Emerson in the year 2008. I was honestly okay at Hitachi that time (except for those holidays that I need to work), but since I was young and undergoing quarter-life crisis, I kept on forwarding resumes to all companies I found online. Then one day, they called. I went to an initial interview in February 2008, but was called for client/ final interview in May (which was also a bit memorable/ sad event for me, read here). June came when I finally got the result and the plans was already discussed with me. November of that same year when we went to Germany for training. It was short though because we had to go back before Christmas (with us having lots of gifts since the last day was also my birthday), but we went back in February 2009 for the continuation of the training. That month changed my life.

How My Life Changed

Finally, I was in Germany. I got to experience cold weather and snow, got to taste Sauerkraut, got to speak German. It was all dream come true for me. I saw a few castle, and even a witch tower in Gelnhausen (Hexenturm). I thought that time, my life is indeed beautiful! I got a nice job, considered to be really a high-paying job when you'd ask how much I was earning compared to others with the same position that I had. I never thought it was just the beginning of it all. I never thought that one day, I would be living in this land that I only dreamed of visiting.

We were introduced in the company by my manager that time. Most people working in the production area (where I am assigned to be trained) are pure German speakers, save for two engineers who also do field service that's why they can speak English. Sitting beside my trainer is somebody who changed the story of my life. He was my colleague who became my boyfriend and now my husband. He hardly spoke with me! I always caught him staring at me, during buffet, at work, when am walking out the door and he must still work overtime, but he never spoke. There is a smile pasted on his face (which is already normal of him) but I never knew what was going on in his mind. In December, he finally spoke to me and I blogged here that time the line he said. (I never considered that as his first invitation to go out with him. I mean, who would think of that? I only knew him by name and he barely spoke with me. He told me lately how sad he was when I turned him down that time.) We came back to the Philippines to fulfill our jobs in the Philippines. He never failed to send me emails. I think, the ratio is from every 10 emails I receive everyday, half of it was from him. I recognized the effort on him to write in English, and in all fairness, it was improving everyday. I considered that only as emails between colleagues. The first message of him that made me think it was already something else was when I went for Christmas vacation for a total of 2 weeks, he told me it's going to be the longest weeks of his life. I did not give much attention to that. After my vacation, he told me that he heard about the change in dates of the second part of training and he felt sad that "he must wait for another month." I admit, there is already a bit of kilig in my part when he tells me those words, but I kept on ignoring and forcing myself not to give a damn because I hardly knew him and because he is 15 years older than I, he might be married and is only flirting. We came back in February and as a tradition, there is always a buffet on our first day. It so happened that somebody was also celebrating his nth year in the company, hence it was really a party (with beers!). That time, I got to speak with my trainer's wife and we got really close. Because of all the beers around, she told me stories of past company parties and named those who got really drunk, and one of them was he. I was surprised and I asked her what was his wife's reaction to that, that they had to drive him home because he's too drunk to drive alone. That incident paved the way for me to know he's single. It was as if Fate created that party for me to know more about him. Maybe I am a bit of a liberated one, because we are not that typical bf-gf who went through the process of courtship first. The next day, he tried to invite me out again. He did not put his expectations anymore, he said, he just tried his luck again. But because of what I have learned the day before, I said yes. I went out for dinner with him, simply to know him more. I finally came to know what Haxe is. After years of tears, I started to sing and write poems again, all because of him. He sent me sweet nothings each and every day (which I don't know if he really wrote or got it somewhere in the net). If I am not mistaken, it was on the 9th when I was so transparent that it was then mutual between us. We were actually like Juday and Ryan, no actual date to mention, we just took each day at a time, enjoyed each other's company as friends and lovers.

Nobody wanted to believe on what we have. The Germans thought it was just a "fleeting moment" in our lives, that as soon as I get back to the Philippines, the feelings would die between us. They never believed that he could handle a long distance relationship. Back in the Philippines, they also thought it differently, due to the age difference and the culture difference. My only reason back then was, "my grandparents also have 15 years age difference and they made it till this time, even if grandpa is no longer with us, grandma still thinks of him." I never spoke to them of it anymore, except for my real friends who found our story to be so sweet. There was no formal engagement, maybe one reason why our wedding was kinda made in a rush. His way of asking my hand for marriage was also something sweet and funny. He didn't ask me directly, he asked my family. He simply said, he wanted to marry me and if my family would allow it. I was shocked, the same way my family was shocked. My aunt and my lesbian cousin were kilig when they realized that I also didn't know this plan of his. My family realized how kind he is and they saw how much he loves me during his short vacation, hence they agreed. That was the reason why my blogs in 2010 was only until June, I was busy planning his vacation and then after that, I was busy completing my documents. He came back in 2011 and we got married. In a matter of two years, he changed my life from dull, sad and hopeless one into a lively, happy and loving one.

Second Expat Experience

In October 2011, I came back here in Germany, together with my ex-colleagues, but not as a trainee anymore for gas analyzers. I came back in Germany to stay here for good, to join my husband, to be his wife. Contrary to my first expat experience, this time my career is different. I am no longer the gas analyzer expert (but from time to time, I still enjoy exchanging talks with my husband about what's new in this technology), rather I am a housewife. I work 24 hours a day. I finally learned how to cook. I used to be afraid of oil in a pan, hence I never cooked in the past in the Philippines (except for rice). I used to only clean my room, but now, I have to clean the entire apartment. I have NEVER cleaned a bathroom/ toilet, which I am already doing now. I used to only iron my hankies, but now, I have to iron everything, not only my clothes, but of course, my husband's. A lot of things changed. It was hard, but it was all worth it. I sometimes feel sad that I can no longer work as a professional like before, and I must admit, there are times when I thought of coming back to the Philippines, but at the end of the day, I realize, my life is totally different now. I have chosen to get married, hence my career now is a wife, no longer an engineer or chemist. For all the great things he had done for me, and continuously doing, these simple things are the only ways I can show him my gratitude for his unending love and understanding.

That was my journey. This is my journey. It hasn't ended yet. The story is continuously written. That's how I came to meet my husband and how I came to live in Germany. It is not a smooth ride, it is a roller coaster one, terrifying and exciting. You have read in my past posts how terrifying it is, how I one time wanted to give up. But when he agrees to stop for a while and assess everything, I tell him and myself, "Yes, life is a roller coaster, and I would never give up, rather, continue the ride until the end of time", and then I end up telling him what Simon said on this video:

Also, DRÜCK AUFS KNÖPFCHEN, MAX!

The Mobile World Gone Crazy

2013-02-28T18:21:00.001+01:00

I am not a fan of Apple, in fact, all my life, I only had this 4th gen iPod and that was only a prize won. I never really drooled over Apple products. Since the beginning of high-end phones, I usually buy Samsung, not just for its design, but because of its known quality. My SGH - D900i is up to this time functioning, and my Samsung Jet, though it did not meet its promise of "giving you everything you want it to be" is still up and running after falling down. My new smartphone here in Germany is also from Samsung because I am truly satisfied with the quality products that they offer. However, this news might change every impression I have for Samsung. I am into qualitative products, but I am more into fair play. I find this move by Samsung unfair and selfish, at the same time, this judge does not deserve his title anymore. The symbol of justice is a blindfolded woman carrying a weight, and this judge does not clearly live up to this symbolism.

I just hope all these blah-blah in the mobile world would end. It's starting to go crazy.

Learn Filipino: Telling Time

2013-02-27T15:43:00.003+01:00

I had found this contact person in the Expat Blog who is searching for a Tagalog trainer, so I immediately sent him my CV and told him I am interested to take on the challenge. Since it is a freelance job, I still have time to refresh on my language. Honestly speaking, even if it is my native language, there are basic information that I have already forgotten. Blame it maybe on the language that I use everyday here (which is German), plus the fact that I have always been writing in English since I was in high school. I only get to use my native language when I chat with my mom or my cousins. Another reason that I really need to refresh my Tagalog/ Filipino is that because I have used Taglish for such a long time, that I have forgotten the strict Filipino I have learned in grade school and high school. One obvious problem by me is TELLING TIME. I either use the English method (example: 2 o'clock or 3 o'clock in the afternoon) or the Spanish method (ala una or alas dos) when I speak. For such a long time I have made myself believe that is the only way of telling the time. Then I posted this as status on my Facebook wall asking for opinions, and voila! I suddenly remembered my grandparents and how they tell the time. So I guess, your first lesson with me is learning the numbers in Filipino and telling time, in PROPER FILIPINO way.

The Numbers:

1 - isa
2 - dalawa
3 - tatlo
4 - apat
5 - lima
6 - anim
7 - pito
8 - walo
9 - siyam
10 - sampu
11 - labing-isa
12 - labing-dalawa
20 - dalawampu
21 - dalawampu at isa (dalawampu't isa)
22 - dalawampu at dalawa (dalawampu't dalawa)
30 - tatlumpo
31 - tatlumpo at isa (tatlumpo't isa)
40 - apatnapo
50 - limampo
60 - animnapo
70 - pitumpo
80 - walumpo
90 - siyamnapo
100 - isangdaan
101 - isangdaan at isa
111 - isangdaan at labing-isa
200 - dalawangdaan
1,000 - isang libo
1,101 - isang libo't isangdaan at isa
1,111 - isang libo't isangdaan at labing-isa
1,000,000 - isang milyon
1,101,101 - isang milyon at isangdaan at isanglibo's isangdaan at isa
1,000,000 - isang bilyon

I know it is kind of complicated, I guess, I will save the discussion about telling numbers for the next days. And now, off to telling time!

Telling Time (the correct Filipino way):

It is best to teach telling time using pictures, but before that, here are the important terms to remember:

umaga - morning (12:01 am until 11:59 am)
tanghali - noon (12:00 nn)
hating gabi - midnight (12:00 am)
hapon - afternoon (1 o'clock pm until 5:59 pm)
gabi - evening (6 o'clock pm until 11:59 pm)
minuto - minute
oras - hour
segundo - second
bago - before
makalipas - past

So, first, how to tell exact time. Just add the word ika- and then the number and then tell which part of the day is it, is it morning, noon, afternoon or evening. The formula is: prefix "ika" + number + word "ng" + part of the day. Example:

Ika-dalawa ng umaga (2:00 am) or ika-dalawa ng hapon (2:00 pm)

I'd like to think/ compare that telling time in Filipino is a bit similar to UK or German way of telling time. Here are the reasons why:

Ika-dalawa at kalahati ng umaga (hapon) (Half past 2 in the morning/ afternoon; Zweiviertel zwei)

Labinglimang minuto bago mag-ikatlo ng umaga/ hapon (Fifteen minutes before 3 in the morning/ afternoon; Fünfzehn vor drei)

Labinglimang minuto makalipa ang ika-dalawa ng umaga/ hapon (15 minutes past 2 in the morning/ afternoon; Fünfzehn nach 2)

And for other minutes, simply use this formula: prefix "ika" + number of hour + word "at" + number of minute/s + word "minuto" + word "ng" + part of the day. Example:

Ika-dalawa at dalawampung minuto ng umaga/ hapon (2 o'clock and 20 minutes in the morning/ afternoon)

Easy, isn't it? Well, fear not! Even if you tell time in English or Spanish, the native Filipinos will understand you. I just wanted to share the good old ways of telling time in Filipino. :)

The Price I Got To Pay

2013-02-27T13:45:00.002+01:00

Hubby got me a new notebook yesterday. He said it's his post birthday/ post Christmas and post Valentine's day gift. But those are only his words, at the back of these words, here are the things he expects from me:

1. More blogging time instead of just playing around in Facebook.
2. I will start a book.
3. Should I get admitted at the University, that I'd have my work done better and without delay, especially when our internet is acting up, I can do my homeworks at the University library any time.

Truly, this notebook costs a lot because of these expectations I have to bring into reality.

Nevertheless, I am more than happy and he is still the sweetest and most romantic guy in the world! He makes normal days special.

I love you baby!

Expat-Blog Post: FAQs Part I

2013-02-23T17:53:00.002+01:00

Being a member at www.expat-blog.com, I have been receiving some friend requests and private messages from my Kababayans. Hence, I thought about blogging the common questions I answer constantly, both as private messages and from the forum itself.

Q: Where is it easier to get married? In the Philippines or in Germany?
A: It all depends on you. The first steps are usually the same: NSO birth certificate, NSO CENOMAR, cedula and then sending them to your fiance to process his Ehefähigkeitszeugnis. Anyway, my friend described on her blog a more detailed procedure about marrying in the Philippines, it's best to read her posts for more information (please click here). We did exactly the same things that they did, but in shorter time. We just got really lucky to get our wedding preparation and our wedding itself done within the 21 days visa-free entry of my husband in the Philippines. It is safest to tell your fiance to apply for visa more than 21 days, at least a month or two maybe? And plan everything ahead, best would be that you start planning during his/her vacation/ engagement day. Never try what we did, we just got really lucky that there was a free venue, and our videographer is a family friend.

Q: What does one do when we opt to get married in Germany?
A: Please click here for the requirements that you need to accomplish. The link is from the German Embassy. Please check the embassy website from time to time, in case that there are changes.

Q: How about for family reunion visa?
A: Aside from my friend's blog, which I have already the link posted on the first question, please click here for the list from the German embassy.

Q: Does one really needs language certificate before applying for Marriage Visa or Family Reunion Visa?
A: Again, it all depends on your situation. I have learned from a friend, that when you already have a kid with your German spouse, you do not need the language certificate anymore if you are applying for family reunion visa. For marriage visa, I still have to ask further. However, you lose nothing from attending the language class and taking the exam, at least the Start Deutsch 1. Why? Because even if you opt for the exemption, the Ausländersbehörde in Germany would still require you to take the course anyway. Unless your husband is open to paying the fine for not taking the Integrationskurs. Hence, learning German in Germany would be easier for you, you won't be shocked from the language, because the learning environment in Germany is totally different from the what one may experience in Goethe Institut Manila. I guess, for beginners, it is really helpful when you can ask your classmates using your native language than asking in German.

Q: I have no time to attend the classes in Goethe due to my work. Can I do it on my own?
A: Absolutely! There are lots of websites to go to to learn the German language. Most helpful for me are the following websites:

http://www.german.about.com
http://www.busuu.com
http://www.livemocha.com

There are also lots of videos available in YouTube website for learning german, just use the search box. And of course the Goethe Institut website itself for the sample of Start Deutsch 1 exam. Just take note that only the exam from Goethe is accredited by the embassy, hence, you must only take the exam there and not from any other language schools.

Q: Is it difficult to find job in Germany?

A: If your German is conversational enough, there are lots of Nebenjobs waiting for you. If you want real jobs, you need a bit of patience, because I myself is still in the process of job hunting. Nebenjobs are fine, but in my case, I have to choose wisely which job to take due to my health conditions, I cannot apply in supermarket because I have scoliosis and I am not allowed to lift/ carry heavy boxes, hence, not all nebenjobs fit me.

So, that's it for now. Will post the part two as soon as I got to gather enough questions to answer. Please note that these questions are tailored for my fellow Filipinos. There might be other rules governing other country. It is advisable that you post your own questions in the forum or search for expats in Germany who are also from your country and ask them thru private messages.

Leave The Past To Memories

2013-02-23T16:32:00.002+01:00

I tried to trace all my blogs in other blog site providers and I realized that I got LOTS of blogs forgotten in time. I planned to export the contents of these blogs and move them all here, but when I read them today, I realized, they just don't fit here. It's like, those were thoughts I had and were specially made for these sites and not here. Hence, I decided to leave them published on the sites they are now and visit them from time to time.

Just like in life. There are those events in the past that we usually wish to happen again. But if we look closely on where we are now, we see that it's just impossible to bring the past into the present. Not that they are ugly memories, but simply because they just no longer fit in. Hence, it is best to just leave them all in memories and visit them every once in a while.

Awakened

2013-02-03T16:06:00.001+01:00

Yesterday, we had a small accident. We are not sure if it has to do with the slippery road due to a sudden change with the weather plus it was raining ice or because of our damp filter because, honestly, our car is already quite old. Thank God that nothing totally bad happened to us, only bruises on my legs because of the shopping bag that I was holding at that moment. Because as the woman driving behind us and witnessed everything, it was surprising that we're okay, because from outside, it was a very bad one. Imagine that our car swiveled to the right and we rolled on our side, our plate number was thrown out and the right side mirror was totally broken. We are so thankful for these angels along the road who helped us out yesterday.

Through this situation, I was awakened. I realized that life can really be too short, you never really know what might happen. We had our car freshly checked last Friday by our mechanic, and still, we had that accident. It is really important to always say thank you and I love you to the people around you. Only the One Above knows until when will you be with these people.

I am so thankful for this new chance of life given to us.

Anyway, to everyone reading my blog, always keep safe, especially if you are driving, especially during this winter season. God bless us always!

Scent of Life

2013-01-31T09:47:00.000+01:00

When was the last time that I sat in front of the computer to blog, I cannot remember. I usually blog the last time either on my phone or on hubby's tablet. The last months, rather, years, were a roller coaster ride for me, that my mind is empty. But I guess, things would change this year. I am not sure how or when, but I can smell it in the air.

I woke up early today and sat for quite a while in front of the computer to play some games. Then I decided to start on my daily routine as a wife, but first, I needed the WC. I am not sure what it was, but as I came into the WC, I've noticed that my hubby left the window at the dining area wide open on a winter morning, I smelled something nostalgic. It came from outside, it was that scent that I smelled the first time I stepped my feet on Germany last 2008. I could not incorporate that scent on the melting snow, because when I first came here, that was a warm winter. I am not sure if it came from the Christmas trees, because there's not much of them at Gelnhausen nor in Frankfurt. It cannot be Glühwein or whatever Christmas drinks because I am the only one with open windows in our neighborhood. One thing I thought that could be, it is the Scent of Dreams Coming True.

Germany is one of my dream country to visit. I first came to know about it in third grade when a newcomer from Cologne went into my school. She told me a lot of interesting stuffs about Germany that I started to dream about it, look at it on Encyclopedia or any other travel books in the library. I asked her to teach me a few German words. I fell in love with it even if I haven't seen it yet. For me, Germany is a Fairy Tale land, where real princesses and princes take a walk on the forests. Where snow is magical. Where fairy godmothers are real. Funny how the nature connived to fulfill this dream of mine. I went to the university as a Chemistry student, a course that I never really wanted but I just got no choice, I have to get into that university no matter what. Little did I know that this course would lead me to getting to Germany. We had German Language in our curriculum. Afterwards, I was hired by different international companies, but funny how Emerson keeps on showing up its ads on me on the newspaper and online. Then came the day that I finally gave in to one of these ads and I got myself in. The next thing I knew, I am walking along the streets of Frankfurt am Main on winter of 2008. In the year 2009, as I came back, I am already cuddling with the love of my life, along the Main river in Kahl. It was a dream come true for me to be in Germany. The One Above gave me even a bonus: to live in the country of my dream.

However, 2011 was a bit confusing for me. After 6 years of working, I experienced the longest unemployment of my life. It was depressing and tiring. I never thought that doing nothing can be more stressful than working. What kept me standing was the waiting for my visa. My hubby told me it won't take that long, I would be with him. I got my visa end of September and I was on my way back to Germany first week of October. It was also not that exciting, to be honest. After 27 years of my life, that would be the longest time I would be away from my family. I went into all crazy, difficult moments of my life from 2011 to 2012: adjustment to a married life, the differing culture between me and my hubby, the language barrier, unemployment, the cold days - not only on winter!, the food, the homesickness. Too much for me to feel, that I thought I am going to die. There were days when I decided to fly back to the Philippines, where employment is a bit easier for me to find. But my love was stronger and kept me stronger and be more patient. Thanks to my hubby who decided to take 2-months-long vacation in the Philippines, because he thinks, that would help me heal. Upon coming back here, I thought it has not changed, all those crazy thoughts are still lurking in my heart and mind. But it changed today. I am not sure what happened, but it just changed, just like that.

I spent my whole day yesterday sending out my resume to different companies. Even if my hubby told me to get back to the university and earn my master's and Ph.D., I've decided to apply at different companies yesterday. Studies is not bad, but with our status, I wanted to be of help. Job is what I need, what I wanted to have. I have this feeling that I am going to meet my new best friend here in Germany in the company I would be working soon. I am excited to meet her that I cannot wait anymore hence for the application. I haven't received any positive feedback yet, nor invitation for an interview. But this scent I smelled this morning, it was a sign, it awakened the hope in me. It brought me back to life. It gave me optimism and motivation.

That scent that I would never forget because that scent made me believe that dreams do come true.

Random Finds: Of Having The Right Person

2013-01-23T16:21:00.000+01:00

A very good read.

AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies.Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO..

Happy 2013!

2013-01-01T15:32:00.003+01:00

First, my warmest greeting of HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my readers from the tropical islands of the Philippines!

We are again gifted a new year to live, a new year to be grateful of, a new year for us to continue fulfilling our dreams. This new year, here are a few of the things I would love to accomplish. I don't consider them as new year's resolutions, rather a set goal for me to look forward to everyday, and to motivate me to live each day. As the days go by, I will continue to add things and plans on this list. :)

1. Read at least 6 books this year.

2. Write more.

3. Get a job.

4. Be optimistic even though my life in Germany is not yet that stable.

5. Be more serious on learning the German language.

Missing The Days

2012-11-21T09:09:00.001+01:00

I miss working as a process engineer. My short stay at HGST (then Hitachi) was my most dramatic and unforgettable work experience. If ever I am still living in the Philippines and somebody would ask me to go back, maybe I'll really consider going back, provided that Sir Pepot will be my manager. Maybe he was right, one thing that triggered me to resign was that reorganization. Because if not, if it is the work in general, then I won't be writing anything this time. I miss being a simple me at work, where I do not have to dress up to impress since I would either wear an electrostatic jacket or cleanroom suit whole day. Where I do not have to worry about having the most expensive shoes I can afford since we are all wearing the same shoes whole day, literally. I miss the stressful days that always starts with a meeting and then a whole day of different challenges and endless responsibilities. I miss waking up early and sleeping late, or worst, being awakened by a phone call after an hour or two of sleep. I miss being the last process engineer in the plant before shutdown and also the first one before start up. I miss the feeling of seeing my planner full of tasks to be done and the feeling when I have to search through the pages for a specific task that was recently accomplished: oh! What a fulfillment it was to put that check mark next to it! It was really a stressful job, but I have learned a lot, and I did enjoy every moment I was there. But why I left HGST, if I really loved the job? I know alot may ask. Honestly, on my last day, as I try to solve one last issue with teary eyes, there was one question on my head: is this really what I wanted? I wanted to run to the management and the HR personnel and tell them, "Wait! That letter was not meant for you, it was part of a novel I am trying to write!" But then, I know, no one would believe me, because the addressee was correct and my ego told me I can't do that because my last sentence there was "This decision is final and irrevocable." So after that last endorsement and a short meeting with Nessie and Sir Romy, I went down quietly, asking a friend to help me escape because I do not want to be applauded by the whole engineering team (a tradition I do not know from where it started), because I was not really proud of my decision. Took my shoes off, cleared up my locker and walked through that metal detector for the last time. One thing that made me draft that letter was STRESS. A kind of stress that either shopping or a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee shop can cure. However, it is totally impossible for me to have this theraphy anytime that I wanted. First of all, going out of the vicinity is not that easy, one must first secure a pass to go out, which reminded me of my high school days. That was something unfathomable. I wanted to do some destressing at the coffee shop, but I cannot easily do that, even if Paseo de Santa Rosa was just a few kilometer away. I do not want the common coffee at the vendo machine, I wanted to really pamper myself in order to get back my energy (yes, I am sometimes maarte). Sometimes, I wanted to treat myself lavishly for lunch, but again, it's impossible. I guess, I got tired of those trying-hard Japanese/ Mongolian/ Filipino dishes served at the cafeteria and my normal mind stopped working properly and simply printed and signed that resignation letter without thinking twice. Before I knew it, it was already being discussed on our next meeting. I was so full of myself that I did not want to revoke my letter even if Ma'am Jenny had asked me million times. One question from Sir Pepot made me think though, he asked that if ever there was no reorganization, would have I done the same or would have I stayed? I believe, I was not able to answer him. I have learned a lot under his and Sir Kerry's management, that even if I am not an engineering graduate but a chemistry graduate, they helped me get through the job and trusted me of lots of responsibilities and believed on my capabilities. Whatever had I accomplished there, it's all through their help and trust. But I got no time to go back there and revoke my resignation, my last day was a Friday and the following week, I started with Emerson. But don't get me wrong here, I do not regret working with Emerson either. Emerson gave me a totally different experience and learnings. I got to see the other side of the world, which led me to the arms of my husband. I also got great colleagues and had happy moments with them as well. What only lacked was the challenges and the variation on my everyday task. Back-office job was so routine that I was culture-shocked when I started at Emerson. There were moments of boredom when I have thought of resigning and going back to HGST, but I cannot, because of the bond I have to pay if did that. So I confined myself staring whole day at my computer, going through all the folders of Service aand Training departments, searching for something new and interesting, and when these did not work out against my boredom, I enrolled at Goethe Institut even if my job does not really requires fluency in German language. I started learning a new language in order to give a little spice in my life as a working individual. I was really thankful I did it, because I am making use of it this time.

Mir/ Mich Und Dir/ Dich Sind Immer Noch Meine Probleme

2012-11-03T22:48:00.001+01:00

Ich weiß nicht mehr, was ich tun muss, um diese Pronomen richtig benutzen zu können. Mit den Präpositionen (mit, bei, nach, zu) habe ich kein Problem aber mit bestimmten Verben und diesen Wechslungspräpositionen (an, in, auf) sind meine Sätze schon ganz chaotisch! Es macht mich schon manchmal ein wenigstensg depressiert.

Autumn Fun

2012-10-21T17:52:00.001+02:00

We are not really sure, but it is possible that this weekend is the last time we can enjoy the sun with aa temperature of 20 degrees Celsius! So we took the chance and had fun outside.

Update

2012-10-19T20:01:00.001+02:00

Ich habe früher gebloggt, dass ich im Krankenhaus war. Mein Hausarzt ist nun jetzt vom Urlaub gekommen und ich habe endlich mit ihm gesprochen. Ich bin ganz fröhlich, weil alle sieht sehr gut aus. Auch mein MRT gab gute Nachrichten. Es ist wirklich nur wegen diesen Steine in meinen Ohren, die verantwortlich für Gleichgewicht. Ich muss nur wieder einen Termin mit meinem HNO Arzt am Januar machen, um einen Weg zu finden, wie diese wieder gut funktionieren.

I have blogged a while back that I was in the hospital. My doctor is finally back and I had finally talked with him. I am totally happy that everything seems to be okay. My MRI also gave good news. It is all just because of vertigo. It is not so bad as it seems, I just have to go back to my ENT doctor and find ways to make this part of my ears to function perfectly again.

Reflections

2012-10-19T01:13:00.001+02:00

I remember when I was still working at the call center, I was the bitterest person ever in our account. I was fresh from break up and I cannot accept the fact that he ditched me for another woman. One idle shift, I had a heart to heart talk with my team mate and told me one sound advice, which I ignored and laughed at. She did not directly tell me that advice, rather, she told me her own story.

She is happily married with two young boys, and her husband was not her first boyfriend as well. She was also devastated the time she broke up with her first boyfriend, but when she met her husband, everything changed. One time, she crossed paths again with her first boyfriend, and the first thing she told herself, "thank God, I did not marry this guy." I laughed at her and told her she was mean. She then told me these words, "believe me, my dear. When you finally meet your Mr. Right, when your Prince Charming finally finds his way, you'd utter the same words when you see your ex again." I did not believe her and even told her that would be totally impossible. Her final words were, "you only say that now because you're still hurt, you still hold on to a false hope that he'll be back. He won't because he's not the right guy destined for you. You are one of the sweetest person I have met and there's no other explanation acceptable why he did this to you. Believe me, and when you find the man for you, you'd remember this moment and you'd remember me and tell yourself that I am right."

Today, as I write this blog directly from Germany, I remember my dear team mate and friend back in the Philippines. She is absolutely right in every ways. Though I haven't been to the same situation she was, but merely seeing my ex's photo in Facebook makes me sick and wonder why I wasted so many years crying over this guy. I regret those years I lived in anger, pain and devastation, when all those years I could have spent more with my family and real friends. The Philippines saying that regret comes always at the end is totally true.

I am glad I opened my eyes to the reality and turned back to God. Truly, with His help, one would never lose his way. No matter how impossible it is, He makes it always possible. Even two hearts that were miles apart were able to find its way to each other, because that is how God wrote the story. No matter how impossible it may, for two hearts that are meant to be together, in God's time, they will meet and live together.

I thank God for creating a beautiful love story for me. I thank God for bringing me my husband, the only person who understands all my tantrums and moods and still accepts me with open arms and loves me more and more as the day goes by. I thank God that He helped me to open my eyes and moved on and led my path to my husband's arms. I could not ask for more. I am really loved.

BlogIt Ist Einfach Super!

2012-10-13T01:15:00.001+02:00

Finally an application for blogging in Android market that answers all my needs. It allows me to post multiple posts (haven't published anything yet because I got no new photos, but tried it using old photos and it allowed it! I have to delete though since those photos are already published waaaayyy before.), allows me to access my multiple blogs and select which site I would like to post a blog. I got access with the comments, hence if anybody among you would write a comment, I can check it real time and would no longer take me months or even years before realizing that somebody left a comment on one of my posts. Kudos to the developer of this cool application. I am totally satisfied and I could not ask for more. :)

Being Hospitalized in a Foreign Land

2012-09-25T13:54:00.001+02:00

I guess, of all the expats all around the world, I am the only one who has fully integrated myself to the land I chose to migrate, not only on everyday life, but also on not-usual-events such as HOSPITALIZATION.

Staying in the hospital is not something new to me, for I used to be a sickly kid. However, system here in Germany is totally different in my homeland, and I was shocked. The day I was admitted was also not so good because the hospital was full. Hence, even if my sickness was not something too serious (based on the initial findings), I have to stay in a room with patients of stroke. A lot of visitors have their curious eyes on me, why a young woman like me is on this station. We got no choice, the doctors wanted to look at me over time hence I have to stay there. I had to stay there for four days, and I found that a bit depressing.

Back in the Philippines, at least one family member is allowed to stay with you all throughout the time you are confined in the hospital. In that way, when something hurts, or you find it difficult to eat alone, you got your "support group" around. But here, I have to endure 4 long days alone, doing all stuffs by myself. That is not a problem for me, but I feel sorry for the elderly. I got a roommate who is 86 years old. She can still do stuffs on her own but I feel sorry that she has to stay there all alone, with strangers, when it is already almost sunset of her life. While our visitors come and go all throughout the days, hers did not come, I never got to know her daughter that she always calls. She sits all day until 9 in the evening by the window, wishing and hoping to see her son or daughter's car coming in. I feel sad and can't help not to compare the system to the Philippines. I came into a realization then, that we shall move back to the Philippines before my mom reaches that age. I would ensure that I am there and that she would not have to sit by the window and waiting and waiting.

Anyway, back to the topic, aside from this system, I also witnessed first hand how unmanned the nurses here are. For morning shift, there are around 4 or 5 nurses, including the trainees, but at night, there are only 2 of them. I could not blame though that not a lot of people chooses this profession here. The pay is not that much, and it requires a lot of their energy, physically and emotionally. This situation is not different from the Philippines. I used to have a room mate who was a nurse in a private hospital in the Philippines and she complains about the hard work and less pay they receive, that's why she made sure that she can leave the country and serve in the US. Today, she is indeed in the US with her family, but I have no more idea about the difference between US and Philippines's salary for nurses. I can only speak for Germany, and it is not good. Yes, they are earning euros. Say a Filipina nurse moves here to work, converting the money that she'll earn, that would definitely be more than how much she earns in the Philippines, it can be 5 times more than that. However, the cost of living here in Germany is not cheap. The apartment costs already at least €500 (I am speaking only here in our county), the electricity and water and internet or phone can sum up to around €300 or €400. She still has to eat and for her transportation, either by bus or with own car (on which the gas fluctuates every hour). Hence, the life of a nurse here can be really difficult. This is one of the professions that I believe, should be receiving more than what they are receiving today. They work really hard, the responsibilities that they carry on their shoulders on every shift they take. I wish that the politicians will get to see this reality.

And lastly, as an expat, being hospitalized in a foreign land with a totally different language is really difficult! Luckily, I can understand a lot of things already, though I still stutter when I speak. Imagine your sickness being explained to you in foreign language. The word "nausea" that I am accustomed to since I was a kid suddenly became "Übelkeit." The heart murmur that I have since time immemorial is termed as "Herzschlag." And finally, the simple term of "Vertigo" I usually say when I get this dizziness (or Schwindel) suddenly became "Gleichgewichtsstörung." I was alone in the hospital and speaks with the doctors and nurses about their findings and hearing all these foreign words for the first time. My husband had mixed emotions that time. One side, he is worried, and on the other side, he is proud. He could not believe that I survived it and I was able to communicate with my doctors and understand them completely! I, myself, was surprised with myself.

I am already home, but my treatment is not yet complete. I still have a pending MRI test due next week, which gives me headache and depression. Everytime I hear MRI and that the brain shall be scanned, I only have one thought in mind: brain tumor. I am so afraid that they will find tumor and then that will be the end of all my dreams. I still have lots of dreams and things that I wanted to accomplish, which I am afraid that one tumor will end it just like that. Like what I've said earlier, I still wanted to take care of my mom during her old days, hence I wanted to live longer than my mom. I am afraid that a tumor will end everything and I shall leave all the people I love alone, nobody to take care for them. I fervently pray that whatever they'll find on my brain would not end all my dreams.

Love

2012-08-28T22:09:00.001+02:00

Dream

2012-08-28T13:12:00.001+02:00

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

― C.S. Lewis

I came across this quote at goodreads.com and it made me think. For days (or better yet, for months), I have no idea what to do with my life here. I feel depressed and hopeless for I felt like I do not have a bright future here, nor a career to add on my name. I have always blogged that I miss the days when I was still working, when I am busy on some other things. But these days, it's all routinary for me: household jobs. I do not regret being a housewife too, I just find it too boring. I want the excitement back in my life. Sometimes, it feels like my mind is no longer working like it used to be. I tend to be so forgetful on lots of things. My husband himself told me it's because I am not used to doing only domestic jobs, since I am used to thinking analytically. One reason why he is suggesting that I go back in the university, in that way, I can put my mind at work again. However, there is this part of me that does not believe on my capabilities. I am afraid, and I always have this voice in my mind that says, "you're too old for that." It disappoints me and makes me lose hope. Until I bumped into this quote by C.S. Lewis, the author of Chronicles of Narnia. He is right. I just need optimism and the strong will. It is never too late for anything. I can achieve whatever I wanted to achieve. With this in mind, I therefore declare, I will go back and study again and do what I really wanted to do.

I will be successful in my own way. I may not be able to work again as a chemist, but the other job that I so wanted to do, I shall have it accomplished. I will not give up and try and try until the last breath in me. Age is only a number, what is important is the will of my heart and how I take each step at a time.

I will succeed and I claim it today.

Soul Mate Part Two

2012-08-26T21:06:00.002+02:00

Since somebody explained it far better than I, I will just quote her here.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Soul Mate

2012-08-26T03:14:00.001+02:00

My cousin once mentioned to me that she believes in soulmates. She believes that soulmates does not have to end together in marriage. Though some are lucky enough to marry their soulmates, some finds their soulmates as their "the one who got away" or sometimes they are disguised as a best friend or simply a friend. I laughed at her idea but she strongly believes that I, myself, have a soulmate. It is just so funny that she thought my soul mate is my childhood lover turned best friend. I simply agreed on her just to shut her up and make her forget about it. Then I realized, she is somewhat right. We all have our soulmates. I am not exempted to it. But she got it wrong on who my supposed to be soulmate is. I believe my soulmate is my "the one who got away." I believe he is due to some reasons such as:

1) when I had problem with my ex-boyfriend, he was the only guy who gave his shoulder to cry on.
2) even if we did not have a good past, he ensured that we are going to have a good future by staying friends with me.
3) even if I threw him out of my life thousands of times, he still comes back and always comes during the saddest events of my life.
4) as opposed with my best friend who stopped communicating with me when I got married, he kept his communication with me despite the changes in our own relationship stati.
5) even if we do not say a lot of words, we understand each other. We came to know each other despite the lack of words in between.

I do not find it bad to know you have a soulmate. It feels good, in reality. Because a soulmate is like a twin brother/ sister you never had. They can sense when you feel bad and when you need someone to talk to. Although they come disguised as a lover, they are more than that in reality. Soulmates are our angels here on earth.

So if you find your own soulmates, thank them for letting them meet you in this lifetime. We are not all privileged to meet angels on earth. Be thankful, for meeting them means that something great is up to come or that you are destined to learn something big that shall change your whole life.

If you would ask what my soulmate did to mine, he made the way too crooked and painful for me. He made it so that I would be able to see the difference between good and bad, between ugly and beautiful and when I finally met my husband, I learned how to appreciate love and how to love unconditionally.