Life Between Naps

Update!

2010-09-24T09:01:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody! I'm still here in case you were wondering, but I have some work to do. LBN is soon to go through some changes, (new color scheme! New photo! and New topics... and other exciting stuff that will make you want to pee a little. Or not, who knows what makes you pee? For me it's PBR and the sound of newly shoed Clydesdales on cobblestone roads. I once had a traumatic experience

An Agument for Nice Things

2010-08-05T09:27:00.002-05:00

“Why do you have to argue with me?” Yes!!!!! The fact she’s suggesting we’re currently engaged in a verbal joust of right and wrong should be all the information she needs to swallow her pride and walk away, but it’s too late… My eyes widen. Like a lion whose spotted a three-legged gazelle, my mouth begins to sweat. My heartbeat… Boom-boom, boom-boom, boom-boom begins to speed up. A euphoric

An LBN Anniversary

2010-07-08T10:20:00.006-05:00

A year ago today I sat down and wrote about an experience I had at a grocery store and released it on a blog I called Life Between Naps. Since then I have written and placed many more of my experiences as a full-time, unemployed, stay-at-home dad here, there and everywhere else I could. To my surprise LBN got pretty popular, acquired many fans, was on the radio and slowly a following was born.

Death and the City

2010-05-14T09:56:00.006-05:00

I look at the T.V. I look at my wife. I look at the T.V; I look at my wife, uh-oh… Don’t do it, don’t do it, for the love of God please don’t -- and there it was. It started as a slight upward curl of the lips, followed by the opening of the mouth, a flash of teeth and finally a faint breathy chuckle. Even before she uttered a word my stomach was rebelling and my mouth was beginning to fill

The Shape of Dough

2010-04-29T15:18:00.002-05:00

Well it’s officially that time of the year when the flowers bloom, the grass greens, the birds sing and I put together a feeble attempt to get into “banana hammock” shape. That’s right folks; summer is just around the corner, which means beaches, gardening and oddly choreographed shirtless flexing when I take out the trash or retrieve the mail. Its hard body time! No more hot dog breakfasts

From Lucy's Lips III

2010-03-25T16:14:00.002-05:00

I place a delicious looking plate of spinach and cheese quesadillas in front of Lucy. She takes a few bites before looking up at me… “Daddy, these tastes awful.” “Hey, that’s not a nice thing to say. Awful is a pretty mean word and I worked really hard on those.” “Oh, I’m sorry. These tastes disgusting.”

You Better Recognize

2010-03-14T21:01:00.004-05:00

I refuse… flat out refuse to blame Cathy, my loving wife, for her crude assumption, lack of couth, class and respect toward a dedicated husband who after close to one year has painstakingly acquired all the finite skills necessary to be called a stay at home dad Domestic Engineer. Instead, I think I’ll blame America. Oh wait, scratch that! Society, I want to blame society. No wait, maybe it’

The Week Of

2010-02-24T14:12:00.001-06:00

LBN's new semi-regular feature about the things, thoughts and conundrums overheard during the course of a week. Otherwise a bunch of small instances that are good enough to mention, but didn't necessarily deserve a whole story. Friday, February 12, 2010 Due to weather, distance and prior commitments the LBN team settled on this particular weekend to celebrate Christmas with my family in

Fresh

2010-01-27T14:33:00.006-06:00

“Daddy, I want a different glass of milk, this one taste funny, I think it’s fresh.” I roll my eyes; knowing all too well that further questioning would be futile, for once Lucy deemed something “fresh,” it was otherwise undrinkable. With her arms folded squarely across her chest and her nose pointed up at the poorly hung chandelier illuminating our dining room table, she pleads for a new glass

UPDATE: 2010

2010-01-21T08:27:00.003-06:00

Hey Everyone-We're sick! We're not dead (stupid wikipedia). Between dodging speeding phlegm-bits and uncrusting snot covered nostrils, I've been working hard to get LBN crusin' into the new year, unfortunately a run of sleepless nights and the emergence of a new tooth have definitely slowed the creative process a tad. However, I'm hopeful that LBN will have a new post before Monday, if not

One Too Many

2010-01-07T08:39:00.003-06:00

It’s hard for me to pin-point exactly where it all went wrong. But if I were to take an educated guess, my money would be on the moment Cathy said her company Christmas party was an “open bar.” Fourteen hours later I find myself cradling the toilet and looking up at a very curious three-year-old. “Daddy, you don’t look so good.” Her shrill voice pierces my brain and sends my eyeballs into my

An Artificial Compromise

2009-12-17T13:33:00.003-06:00

Because I can. That's right, it's my blog, so I can do what I want. LBN gives you its first annual Christmas story. So grab some nog and a couple of snickerdoodles, because this is a big one. The real stars (Lucy & Ruby)of LBN are no where to be found, so I guess this is a prequel of sorts. It's just a little (3000 word) holiday story about me and Cathy's first Christmas (The Horror!) as a

Why I Can't Fly

2009-12-07T23:29:00.005-06:00

I think Lucy has super-powers. I know-I know, it’s crazy, but she does things… super-crazy, supernatural, super-powery things, that are quite frankly - - unexplainable. Had I been able to recognize her potential as a superhero sooner, we could very well be living in some super swanky underground bunker/fortress/hideout/cave, with aliens, Bigfoot, a slide and Tang… lots and lots of Tang.As I sit

Curb Your Yeti

2009-11-22T20:45:00.003-06:00

“Daddy, what is that?” I had no idea what it was, but I do know it wasn’t there when we left. “I’m not sure.” I replied. We were still four houses away from our front door, but it was hard not to see this thing on our front lawn. I squint, but I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. However, I have safely eliminated squirrel, cat, dog, hedgehog, raccoon, gopher, tiger, giraffe, stork, lemur,

In Case You're Wondering

2009-11-16T19:25:00.002-06:00

Hey everyone- I know it's been a while sense I posted, but I just want you to know in case you heard somewhere else... Kevin Spacey and I were not eaten by an anaconda in the Congo. I've been working on some potentially big stuff and haven't had a free second to tell you all what's been up with Lu, Ru and I. But stuff has been happening, and I'll fill you all in soon. So other than that,

Raisin Ruby

2009-11-02T09:39:00.010-06:00

What the? What just happened? What is that? I jump to my feet and stick my finger in my nose. That was stupid, I shouldn’t have done that. Uh-oh. My eyes are beginning to water and it’s getting harder to breathe, oh my god, should I call 911? “Ruby, what did you do? What did you stick in my nose!?” I realize how absolutely ridiculous this sounds, but that’s what happened. We were playing

The Bee Punch

2009-10-22T09:54:00.009-05:00

Location: The wilderness, somewhere in southwestern Michigan.After what seemed like forever, Cathy finally came charging out of the cabin to find that it was I, her very masculine gladiator-esque husband who was the vocal source of a sound she would later describe as a weird mixture of baby cries, cat in heat and the screams of teenage girls at a New Kids On The Block concert (1988 New Kids, not

The Five (little) Finger Discount

2009-10-12T11:22:00.003-05:00

“Why did you buy this?” Cath asked. This was not an unfamiliar question. In fact, I can’t recall a single time in our relationship where I’ve come back from a store and not heard those words. Perhaps I’m subconsciously purchasing the absurd to keep her on her toes, you know, keep things exciting… mysterious even. I can’t help it, I love novelty items. I guess I’m sort of an impulse buyer,

Yet Another Update.

2009-10-07T09:57:00.006-05:00

Sooooooo..... Here's the latest news from LBN. Some of you might have heard that LBN has been asked to join a new website. It's a parenting magazine here in Chicago callled Chicago Parent, so starting October 12th I will be posting (the same stuff) on both sites for about 6 weeks, then I hope to move full-time over to CP. Eventually I'll link the new address to my original blogspot page so

Broke Ass

2009-09-30T10:54:00.003-05:00

It all happened so quickly! I wasn’t trying to prove a point; I wasn’t even trying to show off. In fact, I couldn’t give you one good reason why I was standing on the chair, especially since I’d been screaming at Lucy for the past few weeks to stop standing on the furniture. I could hear myself explaining to her all of the horrible things that can go wrong when you abuse the sofa: “You’re

Human Instinct

2009-09-23T11:06:00.004-05:00

I question Lucy’s decision making process all the time. Whether it is the decision to nab a disgusting pigeon, wash her hands with yogurt or simply invent a meal by placing untraditional food items into an ordinary glass of milk (the salmon and green bean smoothie she made…. and drank, was particularly gross). Every day, she’ll do or say something that leaves me shaking my head, but that’s all

The Rush

2009-09-15T10:18:00.003-05:00

Her favorite color was “milk.” Her feet felt like “fat airplanes.” Her eyes were” itching from the inside” and she was convinced there was a “woodpecker” in her bedroom. I’m never giving Lucy cotton candy again. I guess I should start by saying that Lucy doesn’t get sugary sweets very often. We decided to relegate the cane specifically to special occasions and bribes. That’s not to say that

Another UPDATE!

2009-09-08T22:24:00.007-05:00

Soooooo..... LBN will be taking a break until the next story is done. Pretty vague right? I know, I know... what will you spend your hours of down time at work reading? Well, you could reintroduce yourself to the blog that will soon be a major motion picture! That is of course whenever Hollywood calls (as a side note, you can't just call "Hollywood" and say "Hey I have a blog, I want you to turn

The Chore Board

2009-09-01T08:10:00.005-05:00

“Jim, get up!!! I have to get ready, and I can’t do that if Ruby continues to stick her arms in the toilet.” Errrrrr… Me no wanna to get up, so sleepy. I bury my head under the pillow and yell to the bathroom, “I want the day off.” After I say this, it hits me…. Is Cath my boss? No way sucka! Ain’t no one is the boss of me, I run this show. If she wants me up so bad, she better ask nicely

The Deuce Lip Kiss

2009-08-24T09:54:00.009-05:00

It was an unsolicited response to a question that was never asked. I was simply sitting in my chair, drinking coffee and praying that an asteroid would obliterate the satellite that was currently beaming the kid show Hi-5 into our TV, when Lucy announced a very odd statement… “Actually dad, I just have poop on my thumb.” My eyebrow goes up and my coffee goes down, I grab the remote and mute the