Life & Business Coaching Blog

Is Your Thermostat Set Too Low?

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:40:00 -0600

In his book “The Big Leap”, author Garry Hendricks writes that each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.

Does this sound familiar?

As a personal life strategy coach I have found that what influences your inner thermostat setting the most are the beliefs you hold about yourself. Some of these beliefs are limiting - even erroneous - and hold you back from enjoying all the love, financial abundance, and creativity that’s rightfully yours.

But unless you make a concerted effort and commitment to change your inner thermostat setting will remain the same, your past story will continue into the present and beyond.

But what if you could make the desired changes you seek in your personal life or career, would you? What if you would choose, decide, take action and realize your goals? What would the payoff be if you really made this happen? How valuable would that be?

What would that be worth to you? How would that change your life's situation?

Of course this possibility would be tremendously valuable - not only in terms of financial gain, but in terms of happiness, emotional health, personal growth, and personal success.

Stop sabotaging yourself and unlock your true potential. Schedule a complimentary coaching strategy session today and learn more about how life coaching may benefit your current life or career situation.

Coaching Skills for Life - Attitude and Discipline

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 12:30:00 -0600

In a continuation of our life coaching articles series on Jim Rohn, let’s explore the second and third piece that comprises his Life Puzzle.

Attitude

Jim Rohn defines attitude by stating: "Your attitude is defined by how you FEEL about the past, the present and the future. This is the emotional side of the puzzle. How we FEEL about our experiences in life can either stop us in our tracks or inspire us to action."

We all have a choice that we can make: we can let the past overwhelm us, or we can let the past educate us. And unless we can learn from the past, the chances are that our future will be much of the same.

But there’s something special about this moment: you can decide right here, right now where you want to be in twelve months. That’s the incredible power of attitude.

Rohn makes two important notes while talking about attitude:

The power of associations. Who am I around? How are they influencing me? Is that okay
The notion of building a high self-worth in order to create a better future.

He brings in this fantastic quote to sum up the above points:

"If there is one are in the knowledge department where we cannot afford to be lacking, it is the knowledge and awareness of our uniqueness. We do not feel better about ourselves for the simple reason that we do not really know ourselves. For if we truly knew ourselves- our strengths, our abilities, our resources, our depth of feeling, our sense of humor, our unique accomplishments – we would never again doubt our ability to create a better future."

I’d like to take a moment to tie this section into a topic that’s been a constant presence in the media today: bullying. When you don’t feel valued, or when you have a low sense of self-worth, the future becomes very bleak. When some children are bullied, they think their futures are so bleak that they take their own lives. This is UNACCEPTABLE in the society we live in. It’s not just the school system that’s failing these kids; “we” as a society are failing these kids.

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In the words of Rohn, “We become a powerful force when each of us understands how powerful all of us are and when all of us understand how valuable each of us is.”

Therefore it is our responsibility as a society to teach kids the importance of understanding how valuable each person really is, no matter what the color of their skin or sexual orientation. But if we keep sending messages that it is NOT okay to be different and unique, then we can only find fault within ourselves.

Teaching shouldn’t be just about algebra and science; we need to help children learn to understand themselves, discover their unique talents and accept the uniqueness of all. Personal development SHOULD become part of the school curriculum.

Activity

Rohn starts off this section with another powerful quote: “But a growing awareness and a positive attitude are not enough in and of themselves. What we know and how we feel merely determine our potential for achievement. Whether we actually achieve our goals is ultimately determined by our activity.”

In other words, even the best intentions are useless without action. To live a successful life, you must take steps towards you ultimate goals, no matter how small those steps may be. After all, taking action – even a tiny step – is still activity.

Creating Work That Matters

Sat, 30 Jul 2011 08:01:00 -0600

ALIVE MAGAZINE Column: Creating Work That Matters

Career coach Dieter Pauwels talks strategy for making it happen

It’s estimated that the average person will spend more than 60 percent of his or her life doing work-related activities, so why spend that time in a career that doesn’t fit? Wouldn’t it make sense to find a meaningful career you like and enjoy? I don’t know many people who’d willingly opt for the alternative, so perhaps the better question is: How do you find it, or even begin to know what you’re looking for? It’s a question I hear time and time again as a career and life strategy coach. Read full article here

The Classical Dilemma Between The Head And The Heart

Wed, 20 Jul 2011 22:58:00 -0600

Have you ever been told: "You know you can do it!", or "All it takes it takes is willpower and discipline", but for some reason you did not succeed in following through? Or have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I should have known better…", but you did it anyway? Do you ever wonder why?

The answer lies within one of the most fundamental human conflicts; the conflict between the head and the heart. A conflict between what we know we should do and what we really want for ourselves, yet we are not always clear about what causes us to make those choices. This classical dilemma is about a conflict between your 'social self' and your 'authentic self'.

The world of your social self is conditioned by the rules of your upbringing, the beliefs and values of your family and culture you were born into. It determines the criteria by which we measure whether you fit in, feel accepted, acknowledged and validated.

It gives us a sense of security and a feeling of belonging. It outlines what we have to do, and how we are supposed to be, to be okay. The world of the social self is about how we respond to the expectations of others.

On the other hand, there is the world of your authentic self. Your authentic self is expressed through your heart's desires. It is what you truly want for yourself. It is more about being than about doing. It is the world of your inner feelings and intuition. It is the world of heart and passion.

As a life coach I often work with people who experience inner turmoil, anxiety, or stress, and more often the not it's because the voice of their authentic self is muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled, by the voices of other people's expectations or the voice of your own social self.

Past experiences and your sense of logic might lead you down a certain path, yet it cannot assure whether your heart will be in it!

I believe we all want to be happy, yet we don't always know what makes us happy!
Unless we get very clear about our personal 'criteria', the things that are really important to our authentic selves, we remain stuck, feel anxious and sometimes even get depressed.

If you wish to experience more joy and fulfillment, listen to your own heart for direction, because these are sounds no one else can hear. Dare to be yourself. As Montana Gray said so simply, "When you live your authentic life, you have no competition!"

Life Coaching Notes on the Art of Possibility

Sat, 04 Jun 2011 15:02:00 -0600

"The Art of Possibility" was written by Benjamin Zander, conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, and Rosamund Zander, who is a psychologist and painter. The two combined their unique professional and personal experiences to co-create a wonderful book outlining innovative paradigms to discover and embrace all the wonderful opportunities we have to create our most successful lives.

As a life coach I’d like to share just a couple of their incredible insights for leading a more meaningful and fulfilling life: giving an “A” and making a contribution.

"Giving an A"

On the first day of class at the New England Conservatory of Music, Zander announces to his class, “Everyone gets an A.” There’s only one condition – students have to submit a letter, written on that first day but dated the following May, that begins: "Dear Mr. Zander, I got my A because…" In other words, students have to define what will justify an A grade at the beginning of the course.
Or in Zander’s own words, "An A is not an expectation to live up to, but a possibility to live into."

Most people recognize that the main function of grades is to compare one student against another. While this may make grading easier, it doesn’t provide any real indication of a student’s performance or progress. What would happen, however, if we embraced Michelangelo’s famous assertion that inside every block of stone or marble dwells a beautiful statue - and we only need to remove the excess to discover the work of art within?

When this visionary concept is applied to the grading system, it quickly becomes apparent that it’s pointless to compare one student to another. Instead, all the energy would be focused on chipping away at the stone, getting rid of whatever is in the way of a person’s developing skills, mastery and self-expression.

Giving an A at the outset levels the playing field so that we can move away from a place of measurement. Suddenly, success is no longer a quantitative measurement – it’s a qualitative value. This new level playing field allows people to communicate freely and easily, uninterrupted by the anxiety and fear of failure. The grade is no longer an expectation, or obsession, to live up to. Rather, it becomes a possibility to live into, which is a much more powerful approach.

Zander then states that giving an A "invites and recognizes a universal desire in people to contribute to others, no matter how many barriers there are to its expression."

Making a contribution

Unlike success and failure, contribution has no other side. Wake up each and every day with the question: "How will I be a contribution today?" This will help you feel that every day you wake up, you’re making yourself a gift to others.

Declare yourself to be a contribution. Throw yourself into life as someone who makes a difference, accepting that you may not understand how or why. Rewards in the contribution game are of a deep and rewarding kind.

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Watch video on YouTube

Winning in the Game of Life

Wed, 18 May 2011 14:10:00 -0600

If life were a game, how can you win?
Like every game, there are a certain set of rules that must be followed. There are points to score. Penalties to avoid. And if you want to be really successful at the game, then you want to study and understand all the rules.

But when it comes to winning in the game of life, just what are the rules – and what happens when we don’t choose to play by them?
The simple answer is that there is no one set of rules that everyone has to follow to win at life. Sure, we may have cultural, legal and even social rules, but these pale in comparison to the rules of leading a successful and fulfilling life. These rules of the game are a bit harder to figure out, simply because these rules are made – and can be broken – by you.

Let’s face it: when we live by someone else’s rules, we can never truly enjoy a rewarding personal and professional life. For example, if you’re continually striving to live by the rules of someone who’s been a major success in your field or industry, then you’ll never get the opportunity to experience what it’s like to trail-blaze your own path. You’re living life by someone else’s game rules – and because you’re not that person, you’re setting yourself up to lose.

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Let’s look at an example of someone who’s certainly living by his own set of rules: Charlie Sheen. No matter what your opinion may be about him, there’s no denying that he makes and succeeds at his own game. When CBS booted him off of his wildly successful sitcom "Two and a Half Men," he didn’t beg for them to take him back. Instead, he made a different set of rules by launching an extremely popular viral video channel and comedy tour worth millions of dollars. His catchphrases are so beloved that they’ve even made their way into our cultural zeitgeist ("winning" and "tiger blood" are a few that come to mind).

Now how does this relate to our personal lives? While you don’t have to go to the extent of Charlie Sheen (in fact, as a personal life coach I wouldn’t recommend it), it’s important to define success on your own terms, not others. Playing by another person’s set of rules is tiring – after all, no game is enjoyable when you can’t possibly win at it.

By changing the rules of the game – or playing a different game altogether – you’re already on a path to winning at the game of life.

Fear of Success

Sun, 10 Apr 2011 18:29:00 -0600

Why would anyone be afraid of success? Spiders, yes. Fear of heights, sure. Anxiety and fear of public speaking, of course. But fear of success?

It might surprise you to know that many, many people - if not the majority - are actually afraid of being successful. This comes as a surprise to many people because it seems so counter-intuitive and because we often never realize that this is at the heart of achieving the results we deserve in our professional and personal lives. Consider the following thoughts and beliefs that often surface during life coaching dialogues:

the thought that you are unworthy of having good things happen to you—good things only happen to other people
being paralyzed by the thought that if you try and you fail, it will be too devastating
believing that you're just not good enough, not talented enough, not competent enough, not deserving enough, etc.
thinking that somehow anything you accomplish will explode and turn into something bad or painful down the road
the idea that no matter how much you win and succeed, it'll never be enough to satisfy you or fill up your emptiness
only being able to see the other people in the world that you perceive as being better than you are and feeling intimidated by them
thinking that once (or if) you get to the top, you won't be able to stay there
believing that once you start a project and get your hopes up, your motivation will fade and you'll just be letting yourself down

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? If so, the first step is to recognize and acknowledge that you are sabotaging yourself with self-destructive thinking based on erroneous belief patterns. Once you identify the limiting belief(s), ask yourself what holding this belief achieved for you in the past? You see, we don’t adopt beliefs that serve no purpose. Only when you recognize and fully understand the positive purpose of the belief can you not only challenge it but replace it with a more empowering belief. Examples of positive and empowering beliefs are:

"I am really good at giving and receiving."
"I deserve to be paid well for my work."
"I am good enough to have what I want."
"I am as good as anyone to have what I want."
"I can have what I want and be really lovable"
"I'm the kind of person who gets what I want by asking."
"I deserve to have what I want in life."
"I can have what I want, and help others get what they want."
"When I follow my heart, I create what I want."
"I can have money and be close to my family."
"When I really know what I want, things come to me naturally."
"My needs are as important as anyone's."
"I can achieve whatever I set my mind to do."
"I can have what I want and still be connected to God."
"I am safe to be all of who I am."

If you realize now that you do have a fear of success or you recognize that you’re still holding on to limiting beliefs, consider working with a trained and qualified life coach for assistance and guidance.

Mind Your Assumptions

Tue, 05 Apr 2011 14:14:00 -0600

Do you sometimes make assumptions? How often have you judged the book by the cover? Making assumptions or mindreading can be a hard habit to break completely. Sometimes we make assumptions by predicting outcomes, thinking you are just putting 2 and 2 together, going along with rumors and speculation or stereotyping people by the way they look or talk.

We make assumptions because we are uncomfortable with uncertainty, with not knowing. Our egos want answers, explanations, categories, and clear delineations. Therefore, in the face of "not knowing," we think, "Well, it must be like this then." Then the overactive mind relaxes and says, "OK, I've got that figured out. Now I can stop worrying." Change and new information can be difficult to process. Our minds want things to be easy and familiar and even predictable. We have a tendency to assume in order to make the new information easier to digest, so it fits within our view of reality or map of the world.

When making assumptions we often miss out on opportunities. We fail to make connections. We burn bridges. We miss out on living life on life's terms. We expect that things should be a specific way, and when it doesn't turn out like that, we are shocked or disappointed or even angry. However, by being more consciously aware of our tendency to make assumptions, we can get to know and experience life on a deeper level. Rather than having a superficial "cover of the book" level relationship with people, places, and things, we can calmly say, "I don't know, but I'm going to find out." Start asking questions and experiencing what you don't know.

Often we make assumptions because we want to control the uncontrollable - life. Obviously, this is a futile waste of time and energy. A great way to relax that need to control and stop searching for unknowable answers by making assumptions is to use the famous serenity prayer:

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."- Reinhold Niebuhr

Stop assuming and start living today!

Comfortable With Uncertainty

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 12:51:00 -0600

In Pema Chodron's book "Comfortable with Uncertainty", she writes, "We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is we can never avoid uncertainty. This not-knowing is part of the adventure." Accepting uncertainty is one of the greatest challenges in life.

Things change little by little every day, yet sometimes we hardly realize it. Other times change hits us over the head like a ton of bricks. We feel paralyzed and can hardly move. In the face of this uncertainty, many people adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms. We have a tendency to build walls around ourselves, locking in what we are comfortable with and blocking out what seems to difficult. As always, the fear of change is often worse than the actual change itself.

When you believe that the universe is a friendly place and that there are no such things as coincidences, uncertainty is not an enormous hurdle. It becomes a fact of life, like eating, sleeping, traffic, and so on. You've probably heard the saying, "Let go, let God." This saying speaks precisely to accepting uncertainty. The first step is accepting and understanding that uncertainty is a part of life. The solution to any problem begins with understanding and accepting the reality of your current situation without judgment. As a life coach I have found that when you judge a situation, you take away the opportunity for positive change.

In her book, Pema Chodron poses this question on the importance of accepting life's uncertainties, "Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?" So not only is accepting uncertainty a sign of maturity, but it is something we do from a place of love, rather than fear. Without even realizing, many people stop welcoming life's uncertainties. Their lives lose flavor and meaning. On the other hand, waking up each morning with a smile and thinking that each day is a magical surprise will spice up your reality and give everything you do a greater purpose.

"A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next." -Pema Chodron

Setting Your Intention to Change Your Life

Fri, 25 Mar 2011 16:11:00 -0600

The power of intention can change your life. Every action, every behavior is grounded in intention, whether or not you are consciously aware of it. As a personal life coach, let me share with you how the power of intention is important to your personal success and how you can take charge of your future with a few simple changes in your thinking.

The Intention Cycle

Your intention determines what you focus on. What you focus on determines how you will experience any given situation. The way you experience things then determines how you feel. Of course, the better you feel about yourself and what is possible, the more confident you will become in yourself and the brighter your future will begin to look. The better you feel, the more compelled you will be to take action. You can think of this as a cycle with the following components: Intention, focus, experience, feeling and action.

Setting Your Intent

Harnessing the power of intention begins with setting your intent. Perhaps you want to have a better job, more money, or a more fulfilling relationship? It all starts with setting your intention. Setting your intent is about directing your focus in the present moment toward a future outcome. It is about making conscious and committed decisions to attract certain experiences and outcomes in your life, even when you aren't sure when or how they will manifest. “Intention” is not so much something you do--it is more about the kind of experiences you attract by consciously focusing on what you want. Once you set your intent, it will affect how you behave, your communication, your mood, and even how you respond to life.

Once you have set your intention, your mind will start searching for ways to experience what you want. It will go to work figuring out how it can create these kinds of experiences. For example, if you have an important meeting coming up, sit down and write down your intentions for it. Perhaps it's important to have fun, be productive, connect with others, feel peace, or be helpful. You'll notice your meeting is more likely to manifest how you like when your intent is set on it. Carry these intentions in your mind everywhere you go and be attentive to your surroundings. Look for synchronicity as the right opportunities will suddenly present themselves!

The power of intention can change your life. Your intention determines what you focus on - both positive and negative - and what you focus on determines how you will experience any given situation. Choose your intentions wisely.

The Process of Decision: Learning to Steer Your Life

Thu, 23 Sep 2010 18:31:00 -0600

As a personal life coach , people often describe a similar scenario that creeps up in our modern daily lives. They feel like they're just going through the motions, like they’re just coping with the events in their lives without feeling fully the experience of being alive. Instead of owning and directing the events of your life, daily circumstances seem to own and direct them. Does that sound familar?

This is what I call sleepwalking through your day. It's when you feel like you have no control, and that other people and the circumstance own your life journey. When we find we are sleepwalking, we often avoid making decisions instead of choosing to stand up and take power back, as if we have already accepted that power is gone, leaving us unable to decide.

The bottom line is that even though you're going through the day, you’re not getting much from the day. There's no purpose behind this kind of blind forward movement. Life has no energy. You start to lose self respect and wonder what happened to all the dreams you once had as a kid, if you even bother to wonder any more at all. Yet, we all go through these periods or slumps in our lives.

It's a natural cycle we all go through, just like in nature we have the ebb and flow of day and night.
There is some merit to the observation that if we never had down times we would not have the capacity to appreciate the ups.
The problem arises when this continues for a prolonged period of time and becomes a dark cloud that not only hangs over us but represents our experience of life. It wears on us and breaks us down—no person can sustain this feeling. We start to feel depressed. We get easily irritated. We get down on ourselves and those around us.

But it’s important to develop the life skill of snapping out of this mind frame, and the first step towards gaining that skill is to define what you want out of life. But why is it so important to know what you want? Isn’t the desire for happiness enough?
Well, if you don’t know what you want, than it becomes tempting for other people to tell you what they want you to do. Why would you want someone else decide for you what you want in your life? What is the cost of living that way?

I would venture that the cost is your individuality, your freedom, you self-confidence. And even your life. Life is short, and time is your most valuable resource—the measure of every moment—why would you give this resource away?
Knowing what you want not only empowers you to make decisions but it also helps you to take ownership of your own life. What makes our lives different is based on what we want and the decisions and choices we make because of that.

Because a defined "want" becomes our purpose—a fixed point on the horizon—and our decisions become the tools we use to steer towards that fixed point. Without decision, without a fixed purpose, we have no direction and we are bound to stray off course. How can you even have a course if you never take the time to define it?

So why is it sometimes so difficult to make decisions?

The word decision is derived from the Latin verb “de -caedere” which means to cut off. Every time we make a decision, we’re faced with a trade-off. Saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else, and thus in the process of making decisions we’re sometimes confronted with this feeling of loss. And it makes sense. Because every time we choose something, we have chosen not to opt for countless other paths in life. You can only take one course. You can only move in one direction at a time. But the right decision-making process can help you to define which course leads to the greater good.

The Process of Defining What you Want

Answering this life coaching question of what you want requires a holistic view of life that identifies the different areas of healthy living—family, relationships, career, health etc. Life is a system, and as in any other living system, balance is vital. Every component affects the other components, and in order for the system to function properly they must exist in harmonious balance.

First, sit down and define your level of satisfaction in each area, using a scale of 1 to 10. In a perfect world, you would have 10 in each area–but that is not reality. We are never a perfect 10. Just as the components of Nature’s systems fluctuate and re-balance from time to time, our own components are constantly shuffling. The most important thing is realizing the need to strive for balance.

Zoom in on each of the different components. Let’s say your level of satisfaction in your career is currently at a level 3. Okay, so what would a career level 9 look like for you? How would that be different? How would that affect the other areas in your life?

Take a close look at that gap between level 3 and level 9. What is the difference between your current career situation and your desired career situation? And how does that affect the overall quality and balance in your life.

Once we clarify what that higher level means just in that one area of our life, we can start setting goals. We have spotted our fixed point on the horizon, and now we can navigate towards it. Obstacles may lie before us, just as people and resources will help us proceed. But with a plan of action, we can now make decisions. And that is the true essence of moving forward.

What is life coaching? How does coaching work?

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 10:14:00 -0600

While coaching has been widely recognized by many people worldwide engaged in personal development as an important and powerful tool for achieving results or navigating life changes, as a profession it is still relatively new.

Perhaps you are wondering how coaching works or how working with a life coach could benefit your current situation.

Maybe you have been searching the web to find a life coach, you have watched some videos on youtube.com or read some life coaching articles, yet you’re not sure how to choose a coach that is right for you.

If you’re ready to discover what coaching is all about, join the conversation every Monday at 7:00 PM Central – 8:00 PM Eastern – 5:00 PM Pacific.

This free life coaching teleconference call will be hosted and facilitated by life coach and business strategist Dieter Pauwels.

Dieter brings more than 20 years of accumulated experience in personal development, sales, marketing and personal coaching.

As a professional coach, he support and leads people to a point where they can make significant changes or breakthroughs in their personal or professional lives. He assists people in achieving consistent results in the most important areas of their lives.

He is a Certified NLP Coach from the NLP and Coaching Institute of California and professional member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

Change Your Focus Change Your Life

Thu, 27 May 2010 18:51:00 -0600

You’ve probably seen the FedEx logo a gazillion times in your life right? But have you ever noticed the arrow that is embedded in the logo? If you haven’t, take a second look.

Do you see it now? Some people do, and some people still don’t see it. I’m not telling you where the arrow is hidden 'cause that would spoil the fun.

Yes, it's true. What you see in your life depends on what you consciously focus on, in the same way that what you hear depends on what you listen for. When you change the dial on your radio, you'll hear a different tune. Are you dialed in for what you really want in your life?

The law of polarity teaches us that everything we experience in life is never neutral; it is both positive and negative.

When you focus on the positive, you allow yourself to see more because you will focus on possibilities rather than necessities. You will see opportunities that would have otherwise passed you by! Always remember that opportunities are never lost; they're just found by someone else.

The way you see things determines your outlook in life. Your world is a mirror and the reflection you see depends on the person you are. Focus your energy on the positive side of life because it is only there where you can truly make a difference.

To your success!

Life Coaching Principles of Change | Part 2

Tue, 04 May 2010 14:42:00 -0600

You Need To Know HOW To Change

You need to have the know-how, or the means to facilitate the change you want. In other words, how do you go about the change you want to create? What is the process? What is your best personal strategy?

Even when you are totally committed to making a change, if you don't know 'how', it will be very difficult to follow through and achieve the result you desire.

By understanding the process of change, you can work more effectively with the process, instead of fighting or resisting it. Understanding precedes change!

Start with the end result in mind. Imagine for a moment that you already have created the change you want. What would that look like? What would that feel like? What would be different in your life? What would be the consequences of the change you made? Is this what you really want?

In order to create the best personal success strategy for you, consider the following necessary components in the process of change:

Resources

Personal qualities:
What inner resources (skills and/or capabilities) do you already have or need to develop in order to move forward with confidence to achieve your outcome? What other resources are available to you today that you might not have thought about?
People:
Who might be a good external resource for you? Do you know anyone who has already achieved a goal similar to yours? Enlist the help of friends, a support group, a mentor, or a professional life coach who can assist you in developing an action plan for the changes you desire.
Objects:
Books you can read, equipment, audio CD's or DVD's with information you need.
Time:
Do you have enough time to dedicate to the achievement of your goal? If not, how can you create more time? What will you have to say 'no' to, in order to make more time for what you really want.

"Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid of standing still."
(Chinese proverb)

Actions
Action is about moving forward, one step at a time. We all have the urge to move forward in life. It is an urge to become more whole, to find more meaning and balance.

Think about the change or outcome you are committed to, and ask yourself, "What actions can I take today that will move me toward my desired goal?"

If the idea of taking a huge leap forward overwhelms you, you can break it down into smaller steps and more manageable tasks.

The larger the change in direction, the shorter the time it will take to come to new scenery. However, even the slightest change will take you on a different journey, if you persist. Focus and reinforcement are critical as you work toward your goal, because the slightest change in mindset can alter your course dramatically.

Skills
Perhaps you need to brush up on your skills, or acquire some new skills, such as communication skills.

Habits
What stops most people from making the change they want, are their habitual actions and thoughts. All habits accomplish something of value, otherwise they would not have become habits in the first place. But times change, and you have changed, and your current habits may no longer serve your purpose.
When you change, things will change for you!

Only you know the best strategy for making the changes you want. You are the expert of your life. Ultimately, you are the only one responsible for the decisions you make or don't make. When you don't take control of your life, don't be surprised when someone else does!

"The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving."
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Turning Uncertainty Into Opportunity

Tue, 06 Apr 2010 17:43:00 -0600

On Wednesday April 28, professional life and business coach, author and speaker, Dieter Pauwels will engage an audience at the Focal Point in St. Louis, MO in a special thought provoking and high-impact dialogue on how to navigate through uncertainty toward a new path of personal discovery and growth.

With the right tools, skills and mindset there are ways to navigate the rough waters of uncertainty in your life.

You might be transitioning, re-evaluating or just searching for a new perspective in your personal or professional life. You could be looking for direction in your business or you might be an individual determined to create new possibilities through self discovery and growth.

Embrace the growing pains that come with self discovery and find your balance on the beam of life!

You'll learn ...

7 universal principles that govern the creative process
How to plan for the future without knowing what it will be
Counter-intuitive strategies to reduce feelings of anxiety, fear and stress
Personal life skills to become more resilient in times of change
Practical ideas on thriving during uncertain times and circumstances
How to embrace uncertainty as an opportunity to reshape your life with a deeper sense of fulfillment and joy.

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Life Coaching Principles of Change | Part 1

Thu, 25 Mar 2010 17:05:00 -0600

If you're like me, and most other people, there are things in your life that you wish were different and would like to change for the better. Although you may have had the best intentions to manifest a desired change in the past, for some reason you have not been able to successfully achieve the results you want.

Perhaps you have wanted to kick a bad habit. Or you feel you deserve a raise or promotion at work, yet something is preventing you from asking for it. Alternatively, you find yourself in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling. Maybe you have wanted to lose weight, and have tried all the miracle diets, or joined a local health club, but never shed those extra pounds. What prevents us from making the changes we desire?

Whatever the change is that you want to make, as a personal life coach I would like to challenge you to reflect for a moment on the following and important question:

"How much do you really want to change?"

Often, we try to make changes in our lives to live up to the expectations of others, or because others want us to. There is nothing wrong with the intention of trying to change for someone else, but my experience tells me that true long-lasting results must come from within.

Life Coaching Principle #1: YOU have to really WANT to change!

Dare to ask yourself this obvious question! What are the benefits of me not changing?

Sometimes people try to create change in their lives, but are not consciously aware of the positive benefits or side effects that they are getting from their current situation.

For example: Some people who label themselves as depressed, stay depressed, because of the extra emotional attention they are receiving from family and friends. The desire for attention, or the need for significance, becomes a strong enough motivator for them to stay depressed.

Think about the positive benefits of the situation you would like to change. What are some of the emotional / physical positive side effects of your current situation? How important are these benefits to you? How could you maintain the same positive side effect by making the change you desire?

Inner conflict

People often resist the change they think they want, because of an inner conflict between the values they hold. Let me illustrate with another example: Let's assume that you want to get a promotion at work but never asked for it. Now imagine for a moment that you actually did receive the promotion you wanted. What would getting a promotion mean to you? More money? And how important would that be compared to some other values that you hold? If a promotion means a better paycheck, but it also means more time away from your family, this may create inner conflict which will likely cause you to resist moving forward. What you resist will persist!

Self-limiting beliefs and thoughts

Another reason why people resist change because they hold on to limiting beliefs that prevent them from moving forward and getting the results they really want. Think for a moment about the change you want to make …

How confident are you that reaching your goal or outcome is possible for you? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make that change? In other words, do you believe that you are truly capable of reaching your desired outcome?

Now, again imagine that you already successfully achieved your outcome. How would this new situation affect you and the people around you? And, would that be okay?

By exploring some of the questions above, you may discover some limiting beliefs you hold about yourself or the situation you want to change. It is only when you become consciously aware of the internal barriers - positive side effects, conflicting values, or limiting beliefs - that you will be able to make a full personal commitment to the process of change.

"We can learn to be the catalysts for our own change." (Sarah Ban Breathnach)

How Career Coaching Can Help New Grads

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 10:44:00 -0600

This is a guest post contributed by Katheryn Rivas of online universities accredited.

The transition from a college or university setting to the real world can be a jarring one for many graduates. It's not uncommon for young people to suddenly feel plagued with doubts about their professional and personal choices now that those choices will be put to the test in a job market that can seem daunting. But this is when life coaching or career coaching can come in handy. Look at it this way: You've never had more potential than the moment you walked across the stage to get your diploma. Your professional history is free of error, and there's no reason to assume you'll be beaten down by circumstance. Career coaching can help you realize that.

For starters, ask yourself some genuinely probing questions: What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? Don't give the answers you've given throughout school; really consider them. From time to time, I ask myself two questions back to back: What am I pretending not to know, and what am I pretending not to cause? The answers to those questions can be revealing, and a great way to start focusing on the consequences of your actions.

That's what career coaching does: It helps you ask yourself the right questions so that you can begin to maximize your potential and achieve a level of satisfaction you might not have thought was possible. We aren't able to really discover our purpose until we figure out our core values and beliefs, so new college graduates need to do some soul-searching before they can begin to chart a successful course for their professional lives. Here are some of the benefits of career coaching for curious new grads:

Career guidance

Coaching is a wonderful way to focus on your true goals in life and how those goals might manifest themselves in a job. We spend so much of our time at work that it's vital to choose something that satisfies our desires and meets the standards we set for ourselves in terms of long-term goals. Career coaching doesn't just help new grads learn to be satisfied in their jobs; it's a way to redefine the entire approach to satisfaction.

Allowing yourself to succeed

This is a common problem for workers at every level, but it's especially problematic for new graduates because they're the most likely to run into opportunities that seem good but are really dangerously limiting in terms of potential growth. If you're a new graduate, you'll want to tell yourself you don't deserve a certain level of success, or that it's wrong to want it at this point in your career. To which I'd say: If that's the case, when do you think is the right time to want it? You have to allow yourself to succeed if you're ever going to reap the benefits of your education. By realigning your ideas about success and worth through career coaching, you'll be in line to achieve more.

Taking risks

Many new graduates are also uncertain about taking certain chances on their career, and that's another quick path to cheating yourself out of potential successes. Career coaching is a great way to find out what you really want to achieve and what you're willing to risk to get there. The point isn't to be reckless, but there is a value in taking calculated risks that a career coach can help you understand.

I'll say it again: You'll never again have as much potential as you do upon graduating from college, so amplify that potential with wise coaching and forward momentum. You'll look back later and thank yourself for it.

Creating a Personal Masterpiece with Life Coaching

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 17:25:00 -0600

The moment you realize that you are solely responsible for our own life, for every choice and decision you make, you will realize that you can create anything you want. Why not create a masterpiece?

Creating a personal masterpiece means no more blaming others or circumstances, but fully accepting ownership of your life. Yes, you are the only one responsible for your life; your career, your talents, your weaknesses, your relationships, etc.

In order to create a masterpiece, you want to let go of the things that are not authentic. Most importantly the agreements you have made about what you think is possible and believe is true about yourself.

Taking ownership of your own life is ultimately about choosing freedom. Yet we sacrifice our personal freedom and happiness by trying to be good enough for someone else, by trying to please others, by trying to live our lives according to the rules and expectations of others.
We need to become aware about the beliefs we hold about ourselves. Only then can we challenge what we believe is true, and start believing in what we really want. The only way to reach your full potential is by becoming more aware of who we really are and not by becoming someone others want you to become.

Once you take ownership of your own life, once you become fully responsible for your life, ...

You will experience freedom to see and hear what is really there, instead of what should be, was, or you imagine will be.
You will have the courage to say what you think, instead of what you feel you should.
You will experience the freedom to feel what you really feel, instead of what you think ought to feel.
You will begin to ask for what you want, instead of waiting for permission or trying to please others.
You will be able to learn to face your fears, take risks, and take chances in life, instead of choosing the safe, familiar and "secure."

Instead of choosing what other people believe you should do, or living your life trying to live up to the expectations of others, you get to focus on choosing what YOU want … and that’s very liberating. Choosing your life is a freedom and tremendous privilege. Don’t take that lightly!

Dieter Pauwels is a personal life coach, career consultant speaker and author based in St. Louis, MO.
He facilitates personal and organizational transformation and works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, navigate change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.

Permission To Succeed

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:48:00 -0600

As a personal life coach I work with many creative, intelligent, skilled, and passionate people who, despite having clearly defined goals, are not achieving the success of which they are truly capable. It’s not that they fear failure; it’s not that they don’t have the know-how. It’s because they unconsciously find a way to sabotage themselves. They don’t allow themselves to succeed. Unable to give themselves permission to value themselves, they cannot achieve the success they deserve.

One of my life coaching clients, a young and vibrant entrepreneur in his mid-thirties, started coaching with me because he wanted to take his business to the next level. He told me that for the last couple of years his business had remained stagnant and he felt himself procrastinating to make decisions needed to grow his business. I asked him what would stop a smart and creative young man from achieving the success he really wanted. “I don’t know,” he replied. “But sometimes I feel that achieving success means that I’m selfish, and I feel really guilty about that.” When I inquired more about his feeling of guilt, he mentioned that a voice in his head kept telling him that he should just be happy with where he was, that he didn’t need any more than what he had already.

I think we all have such voices talking to us. Like bullies, they try to intimidate us and keep us from achieving the success we want. They tell us that if we want too much for ourselves we’re self-centered or selfish, or that one day others will find out that we’re not that good, or that success is for others but not us. When we listen to these voices, and it’s hard not to, things can get pretty dark inside our heads. In personal coaching we sometimes refer to these little voices that hold us back as our “gremlins.” Recognizing these little creatures for what they are is a first step toward taming them. A playful, yet effective way we can deal with them is to personify our gremlin by giving it a name, some characteristics, and perhaps a personality.

I’ve always had this little voice—this little gremlin—in my head that I call Peter Perfect. He is a smart and witty creature who always tells me that unless I can do something perfectly, I shouldn’t do it. But instead of hoping that one day he would go away, I have come to understand that in recognizing Peter Perfect for what he is, I diminish his power to run my life and hold me back.

In order to succeed in life you must first give yourself permission to succeed. This means you have to develop a positive inner dialogue that is congruent with your true intentions. To determine whether your inner thoughts are supporting or limiting you, you want to ask yourself, “Would I say the same words to a friend, a family member, or colleague who needs my support?”

Clarity is Power

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:45:00 -0600

Suppose you went to a store and bought a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle,but it didn't have a picture on the box of what the end result should look like. Would you have a much harder time putting the puzzle together than if you had a clear picture of the end result? Absolutely! You may eventually figure it out but it will take much longer than if you had a clear picture of what the end result will look like.

The same holds true for the goals, dreams and aspirations we have. In life we move towards the images we hold in our minds. When your goal is 'in-sight', things will change dramatically. If you have ever participated in a race, you know the feeling you get when the finish line is in sight. Your pace quickens, you feel the adrenaline flowing through every cell of your body, your mind is focused and you are drawn to the finish line by a force that is nearly unstoppable.

The more precisely you can visualize your goals in life, the things you would like to change, the things you would like to attract, the things you truly desire, the more clearly you will understand how to achieve them. When the goal is in sight, so is the path which will get you there. Clarity is power!

What are the pictures you hold in your mind ? Can you see all the beautiful details? Are those pictures filled with vibrant, bright colors? Are they filled with hope, wonder, love and passion? Can you already experience the excitement, the satisfaction and the feeling of fulfillment?

Picture yourself being the best you can possible be. Hold that image in your mind, day by day, moment by moment, and you will find a way to live the life that will make it real!

"Peak performers develop powerful mental images of the behavior that will lead to the desired results.They see in their mind's eye the result they want, and the actions leading to it." (Charles A. Garfield)

About your life coach:
Dieter Pauwels is professional personal coach and career consultant. His life coaching programs empower personal development to navigate change and create new possibilities in your personal life and career.

Living Your life on Purpose

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 11:36:00 -0600

What road are you currently traveling on? Are you heading in the right direction? How do you know?
To know where you are on your journey, which direction you need to go, and how to get there, you need a compass to guide you.
Your inner compass represents your purpose in life, calibrated by your core values, principles and the beliefs that support them. You cannot always predict what the road ahead will look like but when you trust your inner compass you will always stay 'on course.'

Like a compass, your unique purpose is a strong source of guidance in times of adversity and challenge. When you come to a crossroad in your life, feel temporarily lost or sidetracked, you can always find your 'true north' when you trust your inner compass.

What is purpose?

Purpose is that special something inside you that gives your life meaning and direction. It is that special something that inspires you, excites you, and makes you feel most alive. To live your life on purpose is to experience the joy of being you in every moment, at work and in your personal life.

Purpose resonates within you at a deep emotional level. It is your responsibility and your greatest joy to discover it, live it and fulfill it.
William Barcley once said, "There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why."
Most people spend about 60% of their active life in work related activities. Research indicates that more than 50% of them are not fully engaged in their work!

Why are so many people disenchanted with the work they do? What would be the effect in their personal lives?
Perhaps they haven't found a 'compelling' way to integrate their purpose in what they do each and every day. Maybe their purpose no longer fits with that of the company they work for. Perhaps they are so caught up with the 'busy-ness' and urgency of their lives that they make little time to discover what is really important.

Living your life on purpose gives you clarity of vision, even when fog sets in. Living on purpose demands constant reflection about the choices you make along the road. Ignite the spark of your inner purpose and unleash the immense potential within you that will take you to unimagined heights on your life's journey!

Life purpose coaching can help you find meaning and purpose in your everyday life.

How To Discover Your Purpose Part 1

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 10:23:00 -0600

Life Coach and career coach Dieter Pauwels talks about the power of purpose in your life. Purpose is what gives your life meaning, direction, a sense of significance and fulfillment. Purpose is that special something that inspires you, excites you, and makes you feel most alive. To live your life on purpose is to experience the joy of being you in every moment, at work and in your personal life. Purpose resonates within you at a deep emotional level. It is your responsibility and your greatest joy to discover it, live it and fulfill it.

William Barcley once said, "There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why."

Most people spend about 60% of their active life in work related activities. Research indicates that more than 50% of them are not fully engaged in their work! Why are so many people disenchanted with the work they do? What would be the effect in their personal lives?

Perhaps they haven't found a 'compelling' way to integrate their purpose in what they do each and every day. Maybe their purpose no longer fits with that of the company they work for. Perhaps they are so caught up with the 'busy-ness' and urgency of their lives that they make little time to discover what is really important.

Living your life on purpose gives you clarity of vision, even when fog sets in. Living on purpose demands constant reflection about the choices you make along the road.

How life coaching can help.
A personal life coach helps people better identify and achieve their personal or career goals. Life coaches assist people in navigating change, overcoming obstacles and creating the results they really want. Life coaching creates the capacity for continuous improvement, development and success. A life coach relationship enables and supports you to make the best use of your own knowledge, insight, vision, creativity, awareness, determination, external resources and innate ability to learn and develop.

Some people are looking for a life coach because they want a more rewarding relationship, improve their health or find a more exciting career, while others choose a life coach for more business success or to discover their purpose and find a new sense of fulfillment or happiness in their lives with less stress and more balance.
If you’re looking to find a life coach online because you want to change or create something in your life or if you know someone who needs a coach for life, visit our life coaching website.

Telephone-based life coaching programs and career coaching services are provided but not limited to the following metropolitan areas: Kansas City, Chicago, Las Vegas, Dallas, Houston, Miami, Denver, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Boston, Detroit, New York, Los Angeles, Seattle, Minneapolis, San Diego, Tampa, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Portland, San Francisco, Phoenix, Cincinnati and St. Louis. Find your life coach at dieterpauwels.com

101 Ways To Reduce Stress in Your Life

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 18:51:00 -0600

101Ways to Reduce Stress This new e-book is intended to create an awareness of stress on physical and mental health and provide you with ready to use tools and strategies to cope more efficiently with the stresses in your life. To exist in today’s pressure cooker world, and deal with constant change, take the challenge to liberate yourself and manage your personal stress.

Stress affects us all at one point or another, however, once it becomes a regular and uncontrollable part of your life, it should be considered serious. But what if you are “stressed out” and don’t realize it?

As a personal life coach and career consultant, I observe the symptoms often. Signs of increased stress levels can vary from insomnia, depression, anger, aches and pains and high blood pressure. These are only a few ways excess stress affects the body and mind. Alcohol, drug problems, heart attack and stroke, can occur if high stress levels are ignored.

You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to learn what self-help techniques are available to get your life back on track.

There are plenty of stress reducing self-help tips, strategies and techniques to choose from in my e-book. They are economical, easy to use and have tremendous potential to reduce the stress in your life. You can read a few tips before you start your day, or keep them at your bedside and implant them in your mind before retiring at night. Implement the tips, thoughts and life coaching strategies that pertain to your situation when the opportunity arises, or create your own opportunity to reduce the stresses in your life.

Living in a world without any stress at all would be very dull. Once you understand your own stress patterns and have learned ways to manage them, your health and disposition will improve.

Get your copy at 101 Ways To Reduce Stress

Managing Oneself

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 15:06:00 -0600

Peter Drucker, widely considered to be "the father of modern management”, was one of the most brilliant and insightful thinkers and writers on management in the history of mankind.

Reading what he said in 1999 about “Managing Oneself” has inspired my current work as professional life coach and career consultant. I wanted to share some of his thoughts.

Peter Drucker, in his own words....

“In a few hundred years, when the history of our time will be written from a long term perspective, I think it is very probable that the most important event these historians will see is not technology, it is not the Internet, it is not e-commerce. It is an unprecedented change in the human condition. For the first time, substantial and rapidly growing numbers of people have choices. For the first time, they will have to manage themselves. And let me say, we are totally unprepared for it.”

We will have to learn where we belong, what our strengths are, what we have to learn so that we get the full benefit from it, where our defects are, what we are not good at, what our values are. For the first time in human history, we will have to learn to take responsibility for managing ourselves. And as I said, this is probably a much greater challenge than any technology – a change in the human condition. Nobody teaches it – no school, no college – and it probably will be another hundred years before they teach it.

In the mean time, the achievers, and I don’t mean millionaires, but rather the ones who want to make a contribution, who want to lead a fulfilling life, and want to feel that there is some purpose in their being on this earth. They will have to learn something which, only a few years ago, a very few super achieves ever knew. They will have to learn to manage themselves, to build on their strengths, to build on their values.”

Do I Need a Life Coach?

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:14:00 -0600

Life coaching? As if your life needs a coach?
I would be the first to admit that the term life coach is a pretty loaded term that might even sound a bit spacious and pretentious to some. Perhaps personal development coaching is a better term for what life coaching or personal coaching is all about. Increasingly people everywhere are starting to re-evaluate their life's direction and purpose. People not only want a deeper sense of fulfillment, they also want to feel significant and regain control over their lives.

Most often people seek to work with a personal life coach because they would like to change, achieve or create something in their personal lives or careers. From the outside looking in they might appear to have it all together, yet they feel something is missing. They feel they can do better or achieve more. They come to life coaching because they feel they deserve to invest in themselves, without feeling that there is something wrong with them.

Some life coaching clients want a more rewarding relationship, develop a healthier lifestyle, a more exciting career, while others want more business success or seek a renewed new sense of fulfillment, balance or purpose in their lives. Others seek the guidance from a professional coach to navigate change during turbulent times or when faced with adversity.

Life coaching creates a relationship to support people in managing themselves more effectively and helps them achieve a higher level of personal and career success. Professional coaching provides the structure, support, feedback, learning and accountability to help people realize their personal potential.

Every coach has his or her own personal style. I use a synthesis of different strategies adopted from current professional coaching models - The Inner Game, G.R.O.W., Co-Active Coaching, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Positive Psychology - together with insights from business and philosophy.

My intention and goal as a professional life coach is to

provide you with the tools and strategies to create the results you want
challenge and motivate you to take action toward your goals
improve your critical thinking ability to enhance your decision making skills
provide feedback, support and accountability
help your overcome mental barriers and self-limiting beliefs
improve your self confidence and authentic sense of self
create a compelling vision for your future with clear action steps

The best way to understand the true value and potential benefits of life coaching is to experience it personally. Until you've had the experience of coaching, it will remain a concept in your mind. You can schedule a free 45 minute coaching introduction at www.dieterpauwels.com All life coaching services are available in person or over the phone.

Working with a lifecoach is the most powerful tool when people are committed to personal development and self improvement. Coaching is a means to an end, helping people lead more satisfying and happier lives.

Understanding and Living Your Core Values

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 12:16:00 -0600

In this video,St. Louis based life coach and career consultant Dieter Pauwels talks about the importance of understanding and living your core values to attract more of the life experiences you seek.

Life Coaching Core Values from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

Awaken The Leader Within You

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:32:00 -0600

In 1937, during the Great Depression, Napoleon Hill wrote “Think and Grow Rich” – one of the best books ever written on the subject of personal development and success. Napoleon Hill has inspired millions of people and has been a major influence in the work of today’s biggest motivational speakers and coaches, including Steven Covey and Anthony Robbins.

In his book, Napoleon Hill discusses eleven traits of successful leaders. Not only are these leadership characteristics essential in any professional leadership role, more importantly, they can serve you as great points of reference in your personal life. You are the leader of your own life. You shape your destiny based on the choices and decisions you make each and every day.

Keep this list in mind as you navigate through your own life’s journey. These cornerstone qualities will heighten your awareness and encourage you to assume full responsibility for your life and become the leader you were meant to be.

Life Coaching Questions:

As you read through the list below, ask yourself the following questions:

Which leadership qualities am I consciously expressing in my daily life?
What personal qualities are not in alignment with my current lifestyle?
What leadership traits are currently not being expressed in my life? What is preventing me from integrating them into my life? How can I become a better steward of my own life?
What am I committed to? What choices will I make?

Here are the eleven leadership traits as discussed by Napoleon Hill.

1. Unwavering courage

2. Self control

3. A keen sense of justice

4. Definiteness of decision

5. Definiteness of plans

6. Doing more than one is paid for

7. A pleasing personality

8. Sympathy and understanding

9. Mastery of detail

10. Willingness to assume full responsibility

11. Cooperation

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The Power of Intention

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 07:30:00 -0600

In this video, St. Louis life coach and career consultant Dieter Pauwels talks with Christine Buck about the Power of Intention on KPLR11 in St. Louis. Setting your intent is a powerful force for co-creating your own reality and attracting certain experiences and outcomes in your life. If you want to have a better job, a different career, or a more fulfilling relationship, it starts with setting and stating your intention.

The Power of Intention from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

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Life Coaching Principles of Attraction: A Positive Attitude

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 10:19:00 -0600

In this video Life and career coach Dieter Pauwels talks about the importance of developing a postive attitude in creating the life and career you want on KPLR11 News at Noon in St. Louis, MO. (video)

Life Coaching Principles of Attraction: A Positive Attitude (video) from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

life coach video,positive attitude,St. Louis Life coach

Stress Reduction: Deep Breathing Techniques

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 10:27:00 -0600

Stress often causes us to breathe shallowly and this almost always causes increased stress. Mentally scan your body for physical tension. Does your chest feel tight?
If so, you may be holding your breath without even knowing it. Shallow breathing puts less oxygen into the blood stream, producing an increase in muscle tension. When you experience headaches or feel anxious and uptight, try this:

Choose a comfortable place to sit, preferably away from other people. Sit up straight and keep your feet flat on the floor. Imagine and feel your feet being rooted and connected to the earth.
Place your hand on your chest. Place the other hand at your middle Dan Tian, one of your body's three reservoirs of energy centered at the middle of the chest.
Begin taking slow, deep belly breaths. Concentrate on your body expanding and contracting. Visualize your energy sinking lower and lower into your body. Continue this breathing exercise for one to three minutes or a minimum of ten sets. Breathing into the lower Dan Tian (below the naval) helps release fear and anxiety. In doing so, you create additional stability, and become more centered and secure within yourself and your body.

Life Coaching Principles of Attraction | Body Posture

Sat, 23 May 2009 14:45:00 -0600

In this video, career coach and personal life coach Dieter Pauwels talks with Christine Buck about the importance of maintaining good posture on News at Noon at KPLR11 St. Louis. Your body language is an important part of your communication and a skill that can enhance your personal and professional life.

Posture and Body Language from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

The Hidden Messages of Negative Emotions

Mon, 04 May 2009 16:47:00 -0600

Negative emotions such as fear, stress, anxiety, guilt, or resentment burn your will power and drain your energy more and faster than anything else in your life.

Emotions are labels we put on ourselves to describe a very personal physical experience. They arise from personal judgment, low self-esteem or a lack of trust in your own capabilities. These labels confine you to an imaginary box and inhibit your innate ability to learn, grow and expand.

Seek truth in your body

When you experience anxiety, fear, stress or worry, be aware that these emotional states are logical and intuitive responses to uncertainty. However, prolonged exposure to these negative emotional states can affect your self esteem and erode your self confidence.

Pay attention to your emotions. Allow yourself to feel your stress, anxiety or fear instead of avoiding, rationalizing or judging it. How do you experience stress? How does fear express itself in your body? How does anxiety feel? How does worry move through your body?

Once you acknowledge and become fully present with your emotions, you can start to take control of your own feelings, instead of having them run your life. There is tremendous personal power in facing what feels uncomfortable at first.

In his bestselling book, “The Power of Now”, Eckhart Tolle wrote that “If you keep your attention in the body as much as possible, you will be anchored in the Now. You won’t lose yourself in the external world, and you won’t lose yourself in your mind.”

We don’t typically consider the possibility that our emotional experience is there to teach us something. When you allow yourself to feel what you’re really feeling and listen to the truth in your body, you will gain remarkable insights into who you are and the emotional needs you have been avoiding or ignoring.

Frequently returning negative emotions give you an opportunity to become more aware of what’s really going on in your life.

Start moving

Energy in motion creates emotion. The energy needed to move forward and fully engage in the process of your life comes from your emotional state. Moving will not only discharge some of your anxious energy but it will change your emotional state. You will feel like you are doing something and moving forward.

Take action

Create a list of 5 things you can do or steps you can take to make your lifestyle congruent with that what you really want and need in your life. Each step will help to further dissolve the negative emotion bit by bit, bringing hope and empowering you to continue to take action toward meeting your challenge.

Life Coach joins KPLR News 11 at Noon in St. Louis

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:29:00 -0600

The launch of News 11 at Noon on April 6 marked a new venture into the daytime news market for the station. Anchored by KPLR's well respected news veteran Christine Buck, the one-hour program highlights local news, national headlines, live breaking news, weather and daily features. Christine Buck, who has been with the station for over 30 years has been honored and recognized for her work as well as her community involvement.

Joining Christine Buck each day on News 11 at Noon is Chief Meteorologist, John Fuller, who provides in-depth weather reports as well as news features on a regular basis. Fuller, who has been with KPLR-TV since November 2008, brings a loyal following from his many years as a popular meteorologist in the market.

Life and Career Coach, Dieter Pauwels will appear every Friday on KPLR-TV's News 11 at Noon. You can watch the daily highlights of each show at http://www.cw11tv.com/news/noon_show

Change What Really Matters

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:26:00 -0600

We live in a world with tremendous possibilities, endless opportunities and more choices than during any other time in history.

With the choices and freedoms we enjoy, come a variety of challenges. The choices we make are not always positive. In fact, some of them can be self-destructive.

Choices bring with them increased responsibilities, challenges and changes. In the face of the myriad of options we have, our challenge is to make decisions that will advance ourselves, our communities, and our world.

Change and challenge often combined leave us in dynamic, fast paced and complex situations that we are not always prepared to deal with. Change, and the challenge of dealing with it, creates anxiety, discomfort and a feeling of uncertainty among many of us.

We simply become overwhelmed in the face of change - with all the other tasks and responsibilities that we have, the challenge to change is sometimes just too much.

When you feel this overwhelmed and burdened you want to reconnect with yourself and others – you want to make sense of what is happening and assimilate it with what you know to be true and certain. You would think that in the digital wonderland we live in, with information technology like the Internet at our fingertips, finding these connections would be fast and easy.

The reality is though, that despite these technologies (or perhaps because of them) we have become increasingly disconnected from ourselves, others, and the world around us.

More and more people are waking up to the fact that we need to get back to what really matters, what really will have an impact on our personal sense of safety, security, and well-being. Increasingly people everywhere are starting to re-evaluate their life's direction.

This re-evaluation is happening at a personal level and at an organizational level as well. Now is the time for companies to start realizing the importance of working with their employees to create great work cultures that stimulate, motivate, and inspire people to be the best they can be. Now is the time for organizations to create cultures people can belong to.

In times of change or any other adversity, whether it is a personal change or a business transition, people in general tend to respond in two different ways: they withdraw for self preservation or they face their fear of change head on.

The interesting thing however, is that both responses are motivated by the same need – the need we all have for a sense of certainty in our lives.

Change, by definition, is uncertain, and our reaction to change reflects a desperate need to gain a bit of control.

Whatever the change you are facing, you can choose to deal with it head-on or head in the sand.

Those who choose the head in the sand approach when faced with adversity are the people who shut down and withdraw themselves. They do this in order to protect themselves. Their feelings of frustration, anger, and anxiety are too much to cope with all at once, so they retreat.

Unfortunately their flight causes them to disconnect not just from themselves and their personal needs, but from others and the world around them as well. This disconnection is a fear reaction and if you run away from fear, you miss the opportunity to learn, to grow and to attract the things you really want in your life.

Fear of change is what prompts self-limiting behaviors and thoughts, rather than seize the opportunity to learn from the challenge and seek new truths about yourself.

A much more productive and positive reaction to changes and challenges is to face the fear head on. Rather than disconnect, this is a time to reconnect – reconnect with the person you really are – at your core.

Re-ignite your passion and meet face your challenges from a place of authenticity, resourcefulness and centeredness. When you are able to see every challenge, every frustration as an opportunity to grow and to contribute, you consciously expand your sense of self. You are able to tap into your inner resources and draw out the very best of yourself and others.

In times of change and adversity, we are all challenged to make choices and to make decisions. You may not be responsible for the circumstances or changes, but you are responsible for the decisions you make within those circumstances.

Dieter Pauwels is a life career coach, speaker and author based in St. Louis, MO.
He facilitates personal and organizational transformation and works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, navigate change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.

Barriers to Change

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 11:31:00 -0600

If you're like me, and most other people, there are things in your life that you wish were different and would like to change for the better. Although you may have had the best intentions to change in the past, for some reason you have not been able to successfully achieve the results you want.

What could prevent you from making the changes you desire?

1. Positive side effects

Sometimes you may try to create change in your life, but you are not consciously aware of the positive benefits or side effects that you are getting from your current situation.

Some people who label themselves as depressed, stay depressed, because of the extra emotional attention they are receiving from family and friends. The desire for attention, or the need for significance, becomes a strong enough motivator for them to stay depressed.

Think about the positive benefits of the situation you would like to change. What are some of the emotional, mental or physical positive side effects of your current situation? How important are these benefits to you? How could you maintain the same positive side effect by making the change you desire?

2. Inner conflict

Sometimes you may resist the change you think you want, because of an inner conflict between the values you hold.

Values are basically ideals that are important to you in your life. They are usually expressed in abstract terms such as success, respect, freedom, health, love, loyalty, honesty, integrity and so forth.

Let's assume that you want to get a promotion at work but never asked for it.

Now imagine for a moment that you actually did receive the promotion you wanted. What would getting a promotion mean to you? More money? And how important would that be compared to some other values that you hold?

If a promotion means a better paycheck, but it also means more time away from your family, this may create inner conflict which will likely cause you to resist moving forward. What you resist will persist!

3. Self-limiting beliefs and thoughts

Another reason why you might resist change is because t you’re holding on to limiting or outdated beliefs that prevent you from moving forward and getting the results you really want.

Think about the change you want to make …

How confident are you that reaching your goal or outcome is possible for you? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make that change? In other words, do you believe that you are truly capable of getting what you want? Do you believe you are deserving of the change you want?

Now, again imagine that you already successfully achieved your outcome. How would this new situation affect you and the people around you? And, would that be okay?

By exploring some of the questions above, you may discover some limiting beliefs you hold about yourself or the situation you want to change.

It is only when you become consciously aware of the internal barriers - positive side effects, conflicting values or limiting beliefs - that you will be able to make a full personal commitment to the process of change.

Remembering names made easy

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 15:32:00 -0600

Remember the last time you were at a networking event or a reception and you were introduced to someone, yet within a few minutes after the introduction you could not remember her name? Or you were having dinner and someone you met before walked into the restaurant, but you could not recall his name? Does that sound familiar? What did you do?

Did you look the other way hoping he wouldn’t recognize you? Did you ask to see his picture ID? Probably not. Did you tell him that you remember he had a very unusual name and asked him to pronounce it for you again? If the person had a foreign sounding name like mine, I guess you were lucky, but if his name was John, that would have been somewhat embarrassing.

Growing up, we have all learned different memory strategies, from repeating names or sentences out loud several times, or making visualizations, or writing things out on paper, or a combination of all of the above.

I would like to share with you a fun and very effective strategy for remembering names.

How does it work?

1. Focus

The neurological pathway in the brain that is used to process your internal dialogue is the same pathway used for selective listening. Have you ever attended a presentation but you were so caught up with other thoughts that you didn’t hear a word that was being said?

Focus your attention fully on the other person while they’re saying their name. Look the person in the eyes for a few seconds while shaking their hand firmly.

2. Listen and repeat

Listen attentively to the person saying their name and repeat their name back to them. If you’re not sure how to spell the name, ask them to spell it out for you. Rest assured, people love to say their name!

3. Visualize

Pick your favorite color (mine is blue), and imagine writing their name in big bright letters on their forehead. Keep this image in your mind anywhere between 5 and 10 seconds. Make sure you don’t use small letters as they are harder to read and remember.

While seeing the name clearly printed on their forehead, repeat the name to yourself silently a couple of times. It also helps to use the same voice qualities of the person, and it makes it more fun.

4. Write it

The final step is to write the person’s name on your hip or in the air. I recommend you keep your hand movements fairly small …

Why does it work?

The reason this strategy for remembering names is so effective is because it uses the main three sensory representational channels - visual, auditory and kinesthetic.

But don’t take my word for it, just try it and have some fun!

Dieter Pauwels is a career life coach, speaker and author based in St. Louis, MO.
He facilitates personal and organizational transformation and works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, navigate change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.

Setting Personal Boundaries: The Power of Choice

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:46:00 -0600

"Each human being has been granted a virtue: The capacity to choose. For he who does not use his virtue, it becomes a curse – and others will always choose for him."
– Paulo Coelho

Personal boundaries define your personal preferences; they outline what is acceptable to you and what is not, based on your values, your beliefs and personal philosophy. They define how you allow others to treat you.

Your capacity and freedom to choose allows you to define healthy personal boundaries.

The main purpose of setting boundaries is to protect, respect and take care of yourself. Unless you are able to recognize and honestly communicate your personal boundaries, you’ll never be able to respect and truly love yourself and get in touch with who you really are.

Establishing boundaries in your personal and professional life is an important step in taking full responsibility for yourself and taking ownership of your daily choices. Without a clear understanding of who you are and what makes you unique, it is difficult to create healthy emotional boundaries. Healthy boundaries come from a good sense of self-worth, which promotes high self esteem and self confidence.

When your sense of self-worth is dependent on your relationships, your work or career, you’re giving away your personal power. You’re setting yourself up to be a victim of circumstances over which you have little or no control. You’ll become reactive to negative events in your life and you feel as if you have no choice in the matter.

When you are not clear about your personal boundaries, or you have established weak boundaries, you invite others to take control of your choices, and thus your life.

Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship, a career or a job? Did you feel resentful, frustrated, angry or perhaps victimized? Did you blame your boss, your spouse, or perhaps the state of the economy?

When you feel that you don’t have a choice, you’ll find yourself doing things you don’t want to, or doing things that you feel you should or must do.

Next time you hear yourself saying words like "I have to", "I must", or "I need to", remember that you always had and have a choice. Change the words "I must" or "I have to" and replace them with "I choose to", and notice your reaction and emotional response.

Recognizing and accepting that you do have choices is the first step to consciously setting healthy boundaries. This process takes time, genuine intention and courage.

Your heightened awareness will empower you to choose in every situation. You will choose to say YES to those things in your life that make you feel more alive, and say NO to those things and people that continue to drain your energy. The choice is yours.

Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life and career coach based in St. Louis, MO. As a coach, speaker and author, he facilitates personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.
You can visit his life and business coaching website at or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on this blog.

On the Wings of Change

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:26:00 -0600

What can the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly teach us about personal development, emotional boundaries, change and creating new possibilities?

Consider the following.

Every caterpillar has a specific destiny - to become a butterfly.

Though it has no choice in the matter – it will always be a butterfly! – It must nonetheless eat to gain strength and size to reach its potential as a beautiful winged creature.

That you have a free will and so many choices, of course, only heightens your responsibility to find your true vocation in life.

Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist who survived the horror of the Nazi death camps during World War II, wrote in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, that life charges each of us to carry out a specific mission. This particular task is ours alone, for our lives can neither be replaced, nor repeated.

"There are two great days in a person's life -
the day we are born and the day we discover why." (W. Barcley)

You cannot become a butterfly by remaining a caterpillar.

At first, a caterpillar protects itself from the outside world, wrapped inside a chrysalis. It then grows and strengthens itself until the day it is ready to emerge as a whole new being.

Just like a caterpillar, you want to give yourself permission to seek a safe space at times to cherish, rejuvenate, reflect, strengthen - and sometimes heal - yourself for your continued journey toward freedom, success, happiness and fulfillment.

Yet, you cannot become what you want by remaining what you are. Whatever you choose to become, you must be prepared to break out of the cocoon of self-limiting beliefs, past hurts, regrets and fears that hold you back, and do the work required – whatever the risks.
Because for things to change in your life, you have to change!

"You must take personal responsibility.
You cannot change the circumstances,
the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.
That is something you have charge of." (Jim Rohn)

Once a butterfly, you can never go back to being a caterpillar.

Once you break out of your limiting and self-imposed cocoon, you will create new insights, new possibilities for growth – and even more change.

Welcome change as an opportunity to grow and to become more of who you really are.

About Dieter Pauwels:

Dieter Pauwels is a professional personal life coach, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.
You can visit his life coaching and business coaching website at or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business coaching blog.

Losing Your Identity

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 07:45:00 -0600

When people talk and think about the word 'potential', all too often they refer to one's unique capabilities, talents and strengths. I believe this offers a limited perspective, because true potential can only be fostered at the level of identity, your own special way of being in this world.

It is your identity, or your perception or concept of who you think you are, that directs and organizes your beliefs, core values, capabilities, actions and behaviors. It is at the level of your authentic self that you will find the source of all your resources!

There are more than 6.5 billion people in the world, yet no one is just like you! Do you ever wonder about that?

The acknowledgment that each of us is truly unique leads to an innate desire to express that uniqueness, which unleashes a person's natural sense of creativity and passion.

Montana Gray said it very well when he wrote that if you live your authentic life, you have no competition.

Throughout life's experiences, the way you are is expressed through the different roles you have chosen to take on. Roles such as being a mother or a father, a brother or a sister, a business professional, a community leader, a CEO, a husband or wife, a construction worker, a friend, and so on.

Think for a moment about the different roles you have chosen to take on. Each role invites you, or calls upon you, to express your authentic self. Each roles carries within a mission to be fulfilled.

If you are a mother, are you fully being a mother? If you are a CEO or a business executive, how committed are you to fully being yourself within that role?

Personal congruence and integrity are the source of defining your personal boundaries.

Some of my coaching clients express a sense that somehow they feel as if they have lost their true identity.
What does that mean?

They feel that they can no longer express themselves fully and authentically within a certain role. Some continue to stay in roles, trying to live up to the expectations of others. Just like the medical doctor who came to the realization that she would prefer to teach children, rather than being a doctor. When I asked what made her committed to study medicine for more than 15 years, she paused for a moment and said, “Well, I think my father would have been proud of me.”

Take a moment and reflect on all the different roles you have chosen to take on in your life. How do they define you? Which roles invite you to express more of who you really are? Which roles are no longer supporting you?

I believe that we choose and accept to take on different roles for well intended reasons. Yet some of these reasons might be outdated and no longer serve you in becoming the person you were meant to be.

Taking personal responsibility for expressing who you really are is a privilege and tremendous freedom.

Who are you?

If not yourself, who else can you be? And if you want to be like someone else, who would be you?

Once you acknowledge and accept the different roles you have taken on, you can take full responsibility for your life and become more of the person you really want to be.

In return, you can be seen, known, and understood for who you truly are. And isn't that the most profound connection we can hope for? Give yourself permission to be more of who you really are!

About Dieter Pauwels:

Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.

You can visit his life and business coaching website at or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on this blog.

Passion, Classical Music and The Art of Possibility

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 16:06:00 -0600

TED Talks Benjamin Zander has two infectious passions: classical music, and helping us all realize our untapped love for it -- and by extension, our untapped love for all new possibilities, new experiences, new connections.

Take a few minutes and watch this. It's absolutely brilliant !

Benjamin Zander has been the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic. He uses music to help people open their minds and create joyful harmonies that bring out the best in themselves and their colleagues. His provocative ideas about leadership are rooted in a partnership with Rosamund Stone Zander, with whom he co-wrote The Art of Possibility, one of my favorite books.

To find yourself sometimes you need to lose yourself.

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:45:00 -0600

You have probably heard the saying that if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten; meaning you’ll keep creating the same results over and over again. Sounds logical, doesn’t it?

Most people are smart enough to know what they need to do to create different results in their lives, yet they don’t seem to get themselves to actually do those things, which they already know they should. Why?

In order to do different things, you’ll have to change who you think you are (self image) and change the beliefs that are preventing you from doing the things you already know you should. Instead you get stuck in old routines, habits, beliefs and thought patterns.

We all have created these imaginary boundaries; emotional, physical and mental comfort zones and we’ll do (almost) anything to live our lives within these self-imposed boundaries.

You hold on to what you believe is true and you seek evidence to validate and support your own point of view. You continue to walk the same path that looks and feels familiar. Even when you encounter a new branch in the road – like a new opportunity - you may not notice it, and if you do, you ignore it and continue the road you are most comfortable on.

But sometimes you’ve got to lose yourself in order to find yourself, your true self. In Australia they call it ‘go walkabout’, a rite of passage when Australia's Aborigines wander in the outback bush.

Sometimes you have to challenge the beliefs you hold about yourself, the beliefs about what you’re truly capable of and what’s really possible. You have to challenge what you think is true, knowing there is always a different perspective, and start believing in what you really want.

When you expand your self-imposed boundaries, physically, emotionally and mentally, you have the opportunity to transform yourself, not in accordance with the rules and expectations of others, but guided by your own dreams and heart’s desires.

Isn’t it time to go walkabout?

Living Your Life On Purpose

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 08:03:00 -0600

What road are you currently traveling on? Are you heading in the right direction? How do you know? Explorers use a compass to guide them. We have all been blessed with an inner compass to guide us on our journey through life as well.

Your inner compass is your life’s purpose. It is calibrated by your core values and principles and the beliefs that support them. You cannot always predict what the road ahead will look like, but when you trust your inner compass you will always stay 'on course.'

The purpose that guides you is that special something inside, that gives your life meaning and direction. It inspires you, excites you, and makes you feel most alive. When you embrace your purpose, you uncover your passion. You become aware of the burning desire that smolders deep within you.

Your purpose shows you what you should do; your passion ignites the spark within you and creates the energy you need to pursue it.

Living a life of purpose and passion is one of great joy. Because your purpose resonates within you at such a deep emotional level, it is your responsibility and your greatest joy to discover it, live it and fulfill it. When you do, you find a life filled with energy and vibrancy.

William Barcley once said, "There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why."

The most compelling reason to find your purpose and passion in life is so you can integrate them with the work you do. So many people are disenchanted with their jobs, yet work encompasses about 60% of our active life. If you find a way to combine your purpose and passion with your career, you will reap boundless rewards in terms of personal and professional satisfaction, fulfillment, and productiveness.

When you are passionate about what you do, you have an advantage that is nearly impossible to overcome. Passion is what makes things possible which would otherwise be considered impossible. Living your life on purpose gives you clarity of vision, even when fog sets in. The combination of the two is what enables you to face adversity and not let obstacles and challenges sway you from your course.

Living on purpose and with passion demands constant reflection about the choices you make along the road. You should continuously ask yourself if what you are doing is what you truly want to be doing. These questions will get you started:

What is your purpose in life? What were you put on earth to accomplish?
What are you passionate about? What one thing gets you out of bed even on the dreariest of mornings?
How does your career choice reflect your life’s purpose? If it doesn’t, what can you do to remedy the situation?
What in your work life are you passionate about? If you aren’t passionate about anything at work, why are you there?
How do you fulfill your purpose and passion during non-working hours? Are there ways to integrate these activities into your work? Can you think of a way to earn a living while pursing the things that make you the happiest?

Somewhere within you is an inner purpose, a burning desire and a passion ready to be ignited! Listen to your inner voice for clues to those things that make you feel most alive, and pursue them passionately. When you find your purpose, you will unleash the immense potential within you that will take you to unimagined heights on your life's journey! Enjoy the road ahead ... on purpose!

About Dieter Pauwels:

Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.

You can visit his life and business coaching website at or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on this blog.

The psychology behind procrastination

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 10:36:00 -0600

Below is an interesting article I found on how to avoid procrastination.

You can read the entire article at the PsyBlog at http://www.spring.org.uk/2009/01/how-to-avoid-procrastination-think.php

How to Conquer Your Fears: Part 3 of 3

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 09:13:00 -0600

Throughout your life’s experiences, you accumulate assumptions, accomplishments, habits, failures, judgments, opinions, beliefs and values. You have learned to define your sense of self based on these collected experiences, judgments, opinions and beliefs. They become the filter through which you see the world and determine how you experience your life. They also become the fabric of your perceived identity. When something threatens your sense of self, you adopt fear as a natural defense mechanism.

Fear is an emotional reaction to a projected and perceived loss or a change in the image your hold about yourself. Your fears are a direct reflection of your most dominant thoughts, feelings and emotions that you associate with a future event.

The more you identify - who you are - with, for example a job, a relationship, or making a certain amount of money, the more likely you will experience fear, anxiety and the need to control when circumstances change.

Other self sabotaging behaviors in the face of fear include procrastination, lack of focus, anger or resentment and pleasing others.

Free yourself from fear!

1) Identify the things you fear the most.

I’m afraid that …
I’m afraid to ….
I feel scared when …

2) Discover the underlying core fear.

Core human fears include commitment, responsibility, change, loss, confrontation, not measuring up and rejection.

What does your most dominant fear tell you about yourself and how you view and perceive the world around you? Identify any erroneous or limiting beliefs or assumptions about yourself. Listen to what you’re telling yourself, what’s your inner critic telling you?

3) Ask yourself :"Who would I be without that fear?"

During a life coaching conversation, a coaching client expressed her fear of getting hurt again in personal relationships. I asked her the following question: “Who would you be without that fear?"

She responded, "A more confident person who is open to new possibilities and willing to take chances."
Next I asked her, "What would be the opposite of the fear of being hurt?"
She responded: "The freedom to love and be loved."
"And isn't that what you really want?" I asked.

4) Focus on what you truly want.

The moment you focus on what you really want, instead of what you don't want, your mental energy is free to move you forward. You no longer have to waste any resources thinking about the stuff you no longer want in your life.

Some inner resources you want to draw on to create the results you desire, and free yourself from fear include self confidence, trust, commitment, creativity, flexibility, honesty, and patience and love.

5) Adopt empowering beliefs that support what you really want.

In order to access these resources however, requires new and empowering beliefs. Your beliefs should be positive and supportive of the changes you want to make, or the things you want to achieve.

When you change your beliefs, you change your expectations. When your expectations change, your attitude and consequent behavior changes!

"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom."
(Marilyn Ferguson)

Here are some techniques to use to help you shift your focus to supportive and positive beliefs:

Think of someone who could be a mentor to you. This person could be a friend, a parent, a spiritual leader, an author, co-worker, or anyone else who represents those inner resources and qualities that you seek.
Ask yourself what this person believes. Then ask them directly what their beliefs are that help them to be successful. Give yourself the advice you think he or she would give you regarding your fears and limiting beliefs.

Realize that there is a causal relationship between the beliefs you hold about reality and the real events that just "seem" to happen to you. You live your beliefs and therefore you seek the evidence to support them!

Ultimately, you are responsible for the changes you make in your life. The good news is that you already have the inner qualities and resources you need to make the changes you want. Accessing them requires confronting your fears, challenging your self-limiting beliefs, and then shifting your focus to move forward. Once the choice to move forward opens up to you, seize the opportunity and choose freedom over fear!

About Dieter Pauwels:

You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com

How to Conquer Your Fears: Part 2 of 3

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 13:29:00 -0600

Energy in motion creates emotion. The energy needed to move forward and fully engage in the process of your life comes from your emotional state. People who successfully manage their emotional state are masters of their own destiny! Unless you manage your fear, it will manifest itself as a negative emotion. When this happens, fear blocks the energy you need to follow through on your goals, and create positive changes in your life. If you turn your fear around, however, you can use this "fear factor" as a powerful motivator to break through mental barriers.

When you allow fear to control your life, it creates strong emotional and physical reactions. Fear is what is behind comments like, I choked, I froze, or I felt paralyzed. The reason you choke, freeze, or feel paralyzed in the face of fear, is because you get stuck in a single and limited perspective about the meaning of the fear that controls you.

Identify Self Limiting Beliefs

Once you have identified the fear that has the most control over you, you then want to examine the limiting beliefs you hold about that fear. To elicit your limiting beliefs, ask yourself the following:

What does the fear mean to you? For instance: What does failure mean to you? What does rejection mean to you? What does change mean to you?
What are the specific characteristics of the fear that are so troubling?
What does it mean to be the victim of the fear? What does it mean to be a failure? What does it mean to be rejected? What does it mean to face change?
How do you believe you will feel, or be perceived, if you fall victim to the fear?
Do you view the situation as an opportunity for growth or simply another reason to quit trying?

The fear itself is not holding you back so much as what you believe will happen if the fear actually turns out to be legitimate. If you believe that your fears will cause only a temporary set back, you are much more likely to take a risk, than if you believe your fears will result in a permanent and negative outcome.

The beliefs you hold about failure and success directly affect your emotional state and they greatly influence your behavior. Your behavior in turn influences the results you get. It is only when your results change, that your life will change!

When you change your perspective and inner representation about the fears that hold you back, you will build the self-confidence and trust necessary to move forward and fully engage in the process of your life. Reaching this full engagement requires that you cast away the fear and the limiting beliefs.

About Dieter Pauwels:

You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience
in which you really stop to look fear in the face." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

How to Conquer Your Fears: Part 1 of 3

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 17:18:00 -0600

One of the biggest barriers we face when we seek to live the life we want is fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of change, fear of commitment, and fear of loss are just a few of the many fears we experience. Fear is paralyzing. When you live with fear you don’t go anywhere. You end up backing away from opportunities and you unconsciously remove the things in your life that open up new possibilities and opportunities to you in the first place.

The best way to move forward in your career, your finances, your relationships, your sense of fulfillment, or any other aspect of your life, is to identify and challenge your fears.

To do this takes a three-stage process:

1. Challenge Your Fears

Have you ever allowed fear to keep you from achieving, or even trying to achieve something you already know you want? I know I have. Within each experience of loss, rejection, failure, or hurt, there lies the opportunity to confront and challenge the fears and self-limiting beliefs you hold.

Unfortunately, most people either deny their fears, or run away from them, so they don't have to face them. This causes them to miss out on the opportunity to learn, grow and attract the things they really want in their lives. Instead they get caught up in a pattern of procrastination, self-sabotage, and destructive behavior.

You can counteract this self-destruction by allowing yourself to become aware of your feelings. Rather than letting your subconscious take over and act for you, when you allow yourself to feel, you gain clarity. Clarity brings forth compassion instead of judgment, and allows the energy of your heart to flow. With clarity also comes personal power and freedom of choice. You can choose to either take control of your fears or allow your fears to control you.

The choice is yours to make, but it only presents itself after you have honestly identified the fears that hold you back. To uncover the hidden fears that are keeping you from achieving, and being, everything you want, answer the following questions as honestly as possible:

Are you afraid of rejection, commitment, responsibility, loss, change, confrontation, or not measuring up?
Which fear has the most control over you in your life today?
What behaviors and/or habits have you developed as a means to protect yourself from this fear?
Who would you be without this fear? What would you be doing differently? How would you feel?

Understanding and identifying the fears and consequent behaviors that hold you back, is the first step in setting yourself free and living your life to the fullest.

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." ( Marie Curie)

How to Conquer Your Fears: Part 2 of 3 Identify Self Limiting Beliefs

How to Conquer Your Fears: Part 3 of 3 Free Yourself From Fear

About Dieter Pauwels:

You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com

How To Discover A New Path And Change Your Life

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 08:33:00 -0600

A wise man once said, "I can predict the future."
"Amazing!" The people shouted, "How can you do that?"
"It's easy", he said, "Most likely it will be a continuation of the present."

Even when the path you are currently on is not taking you where you want to go, the lures of comfort, safety, security, and familiarity pull you to continue in the same direction. The notion of an easy and uneventful journey compels us to follow along the path of least resistance and complacently accept what life hands us.

The problem is that, the longer you follow the same route, the harder it is to get off. After a while, even when you come to a branch in the road, you blindly ignore it in favor of the expected and routine. When this happens, the future can be foreseen. Past experiences are simply recycled in the present.

How do you get on this predictable road? It’s easy really, you simply don't take the time to contemplate what's really important to you. You don’t think about what you want to accomplish, you don’t think about who you want to be, you don’t think about what will make you happy and content; all you do is react.

When a log blocks your path, you might find a way over it. To many people this is success. But it is only truly successful if by hurtling the log, you get yourself closer to your desired goals. If you haven’t thought about where you want to go, then how do you know whether you should go over the log or find a path that takes you away from the log altogether?

When your company downsizes, do you panic and send out resumes en mass, hoping to secure a job somewhere else before you are laid off? Or, do you use the opportunity as a time to contemplate starting a business, going back to school or finding a position that is better aligned with your core values, inner talents and strengths? When you are offered a new position in a different state, do you automatically uproot your family and move across the country, or do you ask yourself if the opportunity is really right for you?

You won’t know what alternatives to pursue if you don’t have a vision for your future. And without a vision, you won’t have the courage or motivation you need to swerve off your path. Some people think that the little devil you know, is better than the little devil you don't know. But if you continue to face the same demons, how will you ever find out if a devil even exists on the other roads available to you?

Through my life and career coaching experiences, I have found that most people know what they don't want in their lives, but cannot clearly envision the life they really do want. If I ask you not to think of a blue balloon, can you do it? Probably not, in fact you are likely thinking of a blue balloon right now. What that means is you are attending to the very thing I asked you not to. The same holds true for the things you don’t want. When you tell yourself what not to do or be, your attention will take you there anyway.

In order to make any changes in your life, all it really takes is to turn, perhaps ever so slightly, in the direction you truly want to go. Whether you turn east or west, north or south will depend on your vision for yourself. Here’s how to prepare to change your destination and alter your life’s itinerary:

Accept where you are today. The present is the only place from which you can move forward. An attitude of acceptance allows change and opens up the opportunity to find a new direction.
Allow yourself to carry only those experiences, beliefs and memories from the past that will support you on the road ahead.
Remember that the past is a trail that is behind you. It is neither good or bad, only thinking it is, makes it so.
Ask yourself, "Where can I go from here?" or "What steps can I take today that will take me down the path I really want to follow?"

The path of life has very wide shoulders; you are not limited to one narrow goat trail. Following the one, well-beaten trail you see will lead you on an unfulfilling journey. Create a vision for your future that excites you and motivates you, and then use that enthusiasm to clear a new trail – one that will take you exactly where you want to go, doing the things you are most passionate about, surrounded by the people you love.

About Dieter Pauwels:

You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 08:07:00 -0600

What are some of the leadership lessons we can learn from the formation and synchronized movements of a flock of birds, like geese or starlings, to organize effective teams?

1. A common purpose or aim

When birds fly in formation, they travel about 70% faster than when they fly alone. When people share a common aim or sense of community, they achieve results more quickly by trusting one another. People can only be fully committed when the common objective of the team (or corporation) is aligned with their own individual objectives, values and principles.
In many companies, the overall (sales) targets only deliver on the aims of the people at the top of the hierarchy. In order to inspire people and create loyalty, company goals and targets need to be aligned with a broader common purpose. Shared objectives and principles will lead to increased creativity, innovations and new solutions. We need common ground to create uncommon results!

2. Commitment to others

Birds of a feather flock together. The highly coordinated movements of a flock of birds are among the most fascinating phenomena to be found in nature. A flock of birds seems to turn and maneuver as a single unit, changing direction almost instantaneously.

Commitment to each other forms the foundation for synergy that allows a team to work in unity. Commitment to others can only be achieved through honest communication, contribution and cooperation. The individual commitment to a team effort is what makes a team successful! A strong sense of commitment creates a feeling of belonging and security.

3. Shared leadership

Observation shows that geese rotate leadership regularly and frequently. Different birds will be at the front of the flock every time it changes direction. Successful teams share leadership according to the changing circumstances. Leadership shifts to where it is most appropriate based on the individual skills, knowledge and strengths of its members. The old business paradigm, based on hierarchy – a single leader - and individualism, undermines the productivity and effectiveness of many teams.

About Dieter Pauwels:

You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com

How To Be Happy: A Life Coaching Success Formula

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 11:46:00 -0600

One can wonder if happiness is real or even possible to achieve. What is it that makes people happy? When we set goals, pursue a career, or choose a relationship, we do so because we believe that ultimately it will make us feel a certain way. We believe it will make us happy! Sometimes these things do make us happy, at least for a little while, and sometimes we feel even further removed from the prize in our pursuit of happiness.

What are the criteria by which we measure happiness? Is it love, success, personal growth, personal fulfillment or money?
Studies have shown that even the most wealthy people in the United States are only slightly happier than average. Take a look in People magazine, and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about. Celebrities might be rich and famous, yet do most of them look happier than you or I?

Based on scientific studies and my own research and experience as a professional certified life coach and business coach, I have created a success formula on how to be happy.

H = E + (U + C + I)

H stands for the level of Happiness

Happiness is experienced as an emotional state of being. You can only be happy in the present moment.
Happiness is not some sort of reward you’ll receive in the future for accomplishing certain tasks or getting what you think you want. Sure, accomplishing a goal will probably make you happy, and pursuing one will too. However, just because you have a goal, doesn’t mean you’ll be happy.

When you project your feelings of happiness based on some event or circumstance in the future, like achieving a certain goal, getting a promotion at work or a possible future relationship, you’ll find yourself empty handed. Expectation doesn’t always equal success, and you’re basically setting yourself up for a fall.

The reason this strategy doesn’t work is because what you fail to take into consideration is the fact that it’s still going to be the same person, namely you, with that promotion or in that new relationship. Real happiness is not something to be waited for. If you wait for things to change in your life in order to feel happy, you will miss out on that what you seek.

We all experience happiness in our own unique way. For example, I can experience happiness in the smile of a child, by the encouragement of a friend, a breakthrough during a life coaching conversation, watching a beautiful sunset or listening to a musical masterpiece performed by Andrea Bocelli.

E stands for Environment

Some people tend to be naturally or genetically happier than others. A new British study suggests that half the differences in happiness are related to genes. According to co-researcher Tim Bates, from the School of Philosophy, Psychology and Language Sciences at the University of Edinburgh, those happiness-related genes are genes for personality, namely for being extroverted, emotionally stable and conscientious. The genes that predispose people to happiness are related to certain personality traits such as being outgoing, calm and reliable. If you don't worry excessively and are sociable and conscientious, you are more likely to be happier.

We all have inner resources or capabilities to develop a happier lifestyle. When you make a commitment to personal growth and self development, you can further develop and strengthen your personal happiness related qualities.

U stands for Understanding

Seek to understand what makes you happy. Yes we all want to be happy, yet we don’t always know what makes us happy.

Many people have a pretty good idea about the stuff that doesn’t make them happy or the things they do no longer want in their lives. They continue to talk about the job they don’t like or the fact that they don’t get paid enough for the work they do. Others keep complaining about their relationships at home or at work. The more you focus on what you don’t want, the more likely you will attract similar circumstances in your life. Also, when you define happiness based on what other people are saying or doing, it will be difficult for you to experience it.

Everyone is unique. We all seek different ways and capacities to experience happiness. Once you get clear on what happiness means to you, the more likely it is that you will experience it.

Once you understand how specifically you operate, and what motivates you (core beliefs, values and goals) you maximize your innate ability to find value and happiness in all expressions and experiences of your life.

A personal coach can help you identify your core values, strengths and beliefs, and develop a plan to achieve and enjoy a higher level of authentic happiness. Identifying, acknowledging and understanding your unique way of being allows you to choose and create more of the experiences that make you happy.

C stands for Circumstances

Circumstances come from the outside, the things over which you have little control. Sometimes the odds are in your favor and sometimes they are against you. You can’t control the state of the economy, or the weather, or the way people behave or react. The more you let outside forces determine your overall state of happiness, the more it will elude you.

Receiving a nice bonus can make you happy – at least for a while, but enduring happiness can only come from the inside, and that’s something you can control.

I stands for Intentional

This is under your control. The emotional state and consequent feelings of happiness depend on what you allow yourself to experience. Setting your intent is about directing your focus in the present moment toward a future outcome or goal. Because of the constantly changing environment of your life, setting your intent is an ever renewing process. When you set your intent, you are opening the doors to create the kinds of life experiences that you want to have.

Your intentions are thoughts, and your thoughts are energy. Your thoughts affect your emotional state and the way you feel about the things in your life. The way you feel will greatly influence the actions you decide to take or not to take. The actions you take determine the results you get.

These results will affect your life experiences and create your perception of reality. What you perceive to be true for yourself will shape your beliefs and your outlook on life. That’s why happy people live happy lives and angry people live angry lives. It is a self fulfilling prophecy!

Happiness is a way of being. It is being appreciative of who you are. It is being grateful for the unique talents you have been blessed with. Happiness is the joy of being alive. Happiness is that inner knowing that you made a contribution, that you gave your best effort possible, no matter the ultimate outcome.

Happiness has no regrets. Happiness comes from the heart and has a profound effect on your physical, emotional and spiritual well being.

Happiness is a choice! Be the cause of your own happiness and watch the ripple effect it has on others.

Choose happiness. Make it a habit.

About Dieter Pauwels:

You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com

How To Achieve Personal Balance

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 14:53:00 -0600

We are living in a fast paced world and it seems to be moving faster each year. With more commitments, schedules, to-do lists, appointments, voice mails and e-mails, we often experience increased stress and a sense of being overwhelmed. Do you sometimes feel your life is out of balance? Do you sometimes envision your life with less tension, less stress, pressure, and more balance?

If you have ever watched a pendulum you were probably mesmerized by the peaceful, almost melodic, back and forth movement. This rhythm and flow is reflected in our lives and can teach us a great deal about balance and personal growth. Just as a pendulum swings back and forth so do we, as we journey through life.

A pendulum’s movement teaches and reinforces for us that life is not static. The pendulum is constantly moving from one side to the other. Moving continuously, the rhythm is constant between two opposites.

Life mimics this movement in accordance with a prescribed rhythm. We are constantly moving between opposing emotions and states: in and out, up and down, back and forth, positive and negative, excess and deficiency, high and low, order and chaos, hope and despair, ignorance and understanding.

All things move from side to side. Think of the business cycle. As the economy expands and contracts we move through peaks of prosperity to troughs of economic recession and even depression. Just as the tide is not always high and the moon is not always full, your life follows an orderly cycle as well.

No set of circumstances is forever. When you feel down or things are not working out the way you want, don't feel discouraged. Know that things will swing back up and get better. They always do!

"There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without the measure of darkness and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." (Carl Jung)

By accepting the highs and lows in your life, and always keeping in mind that things will change, your whole perspective on living will change along with it. When you understand that everything in life follows a constant rhythm between two opposites, you can better appreciate and fully enjoy all the stages in the cycle of life.

Embracing each stage in life allows you to experience personal growth and balance. Here’s how:

Know your situation will improve and do not dwell on the negative.
Choose to learn from every experience you have.
Understand that failure is part of every success.
Accept the good and bad, the highs and lows, and look for the lessons in each and every moment.
Know there is a time and place for everything.
When you reach a goal, take time to celebrate, relax and recharge your batteries.
Know that reaching success is not the end point. Begin to lay the groundwork for the next goal and prepare yourself for more ups and downs
Allow yourself to get back "in the swing" of things and follow your path of least resistance.

Your life is rich with experiences. Some will be wonderful and enjoyable, others will not. The key to personal balance is choosing to learn from everything that happens in your life. Ride your life’s pendulum. Enjoy the fruits of your hard work when you are at the top, and prepare to replant and weather the storms on the downswing before the next harvest.