Have you ever thought to yourself, the time has come? Maybe in a marriage, a job, a friendship, with the kids, or a house that’s getting too small? Possibly an unexpected event brought you to a realization.

A rift in my Universe rendered my blog vacant of activity over the past six months, while a “time has come” moment propagated. In the middle of January, 15 minutes after I got off my Sunday night WestJet flight, returning from a beautiful writing vacation, I learned—with a resounding thump—that my sales position of six years had been “eliminated.” I had been eliminated. Effective immediately.

Pushed off of a cliff, with no net, I went into a swift tailspin. It was an unanticipated blow that was handled in a mind-bogglingly thoughtless manner, but it wasn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. It was, however, a straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back event.

I’d had no plans to start over in sales at this stage in my life; to go through the long learning and rebuilding process once again, and to do something that had no meaning. I’d been diligently working my way towards a creative life, but was in no way ready financially. Yet … the time has come kept resounding through my spirit.

Existing in a dumbfounded free-fall, the only thing I could motivate myself to do was to go to a café to sit and write.

Although our brains are hardwired for the safe and familiar—for survival—abject fear couldn’t force me to go forth in panic, seeking something that had proven to be pointless over the years. I was done.

When you are positioned far behind the 8-ball mid-life, trust can be scant. However, trust—the size of a mustard seed—hijacked logic. Super scary-assed circumstances have not moved me. Pragmatism has not persuaded me.

I kept writing. I finished my beloved pet project, Fragments of French, and then painstakingly redesigned my poetry book.

Upon completion of the two books, I stared off into life, seeing a blank but bleak slate. I knew my soul was crying to live a write life—my right life. I also knew that whatever directs us towards our correct path was speaking in thunderous tones. But I had no inner reserves. And a war raged between despair and hope.

Days after learning I’d lost my job, my body responded with harsh physical pain (that I’ve yet to resolve). Between my body’s pain and my mind’s numbness, I hung suspended.

An astute friend gifted me healing sessions with a brilliantly intuitive woman, and directly after the first one, new energy emerged and ideas sparked. A tiny light began to appear in the darkness.

My higher self kept asking, “What has it cost you to stay safe?” And, oh, the cost has been high.

Is there an area of your life where you are clinging to a safety net, but know in your heart that you need to release it?

Safety can kill joy. It can bore us to tears. It can make us do stupid things, like beg, or brownnose, or tuck our values away …

We all live within the confines of our beliefs. During a recent conversation with a lively group of women over dinner, I saw how firmly (and sometimes painfully) entrenched our indoctrinations are. They can come from our culture, religion, authority figures, or experiences. We develop ideas that we are certain to be true. Yet how can we all live such radically differing lives and all are the “truth”?

Some people think it’s perfectly safe (and fun) to climb high altitude mountains. Some believe being famous is absolutely within their reach. Others think they cannot go to bed past 9 p.m. without turning into a pumpkin. Many feel the couch is a great place to spend their lives.

Therein lies the fact that our lives are arbitrary. We create—or destroy—the rules. Tomorrow, we hear that zucchini is wildly harmful, and we stop eating it, even though we love it, and we suspect that chances are, it won’t hurt us. Or we know that smoking can kill us, but we keep doing it anyway.

Re-patterning the brain is work. Throwing away rules, even ones that no longer help us, takes awareness and conscientiousness.

“Free-ranging” has always suited me, but long ago, I was frightened into believing that I could not survive without someone else handing me a specific cheque on a certain date each month.

It’s taking a Herculean effort to change that mindset. But I’ve started pursuing a freelancer’s life. I’ve completed some cool assignments and have loved doing them.

Last week, almost six months since the shove off the cliff, I was driving out to Cochrane for an appointment. I took the long way through the countryside to avoid city traffic and enjoy nature. Stopping at the sugar shack in Bragg Creek, I grabbed a latte.

As I turned back onto the road, it hit me that I’d been feeling like the staked elephant. Having been “staked” since my earliest days in a sales career—a lifetime career—I felt I was still roped and tied to something. It struck me that in spite of the financial fallout from the job loss I was, in actuality, free.

I drove with my frothy, delectable latte in hand, grateful. The genesis of the epiphany began to hit my body.

I am free.

I watched the forests, looking for wildlife, as I passed by.

I am driving down this highway to a session with a kind, gifted woman who is invested in my wellness.

I am free.

I am not driving to a sales call anywhere. I am not answering inane questions for anyone.

 I am free.

Freedom, I realized, is a state of mind. Nelson Mandela was imprisoned, but he discovered he was free to choose his thoughts.

In spite of my circumstances, I have freedom. I can choose. I can open my mind to new ways of living. I can tear down preconceptions and barricades. I can ask life what it expects from me as my reason for being. I can imagine and visualize and dream.

Transition is always a process, but the time has come.

And you? Has the time come?

May you live free from false prisons and untethered from imaginary stakes.

xox

(Brilliantly intuitive healer: www.christinewaldner.com)

Post © Wanda St.Hilaire
www.imsorryitscancer.com

Now available worldwide on Amazon! 
Visit: Amazon.com
Visit: Amazon.ca

This fusion guidebook-memoir helps navigate prevention as much as it is for the those diagnosed with disease; it is a resource for living life to the fullest. St. Hilaire presents simple-to-digest material and wisdom woven with insightful anecdotes. She provides an invaluable amalgamation of research in a context not always accessible at your cancer centre.

“What a remarkable mixture of facts, data, research, warmth, humour, compassion, inspiration, vulnerability and courage!”
-Dianne Quinton, Coach

Off on my (impatiently awaited) annual trip for the Christmas season, I arrived in my happy place sick. The month before, I was in a twirl of activity that I knew was too much for my constitution. Some circumstances were thrust upon me, like learning that my repair diagnosis clearly indicated it was time to shop for a new car, immediately. But the rest of the pace was something I’d chosen.

Sometimes we forget that we design our lives. We choose the restrictions and the schedules and the projects. We create the long to-do lists.

What would balance look like for you in 2019? This includes spirit, body, and mind and means that no area of life is dragging you into a state of exhaustion, anxiety, illness, or any other chaotic state.

Work—Play

Is life fun or a slog? What are you doing for play? Do you remember what your idea of play is anymore? Too many hours of work and not enough leisure down time is not balanced living. Seriousness and too many self-imposed rules and musts and have-tos only serve to foster a “life’s a bitch” feeling. Childlike play is a good idea at any age. Get your groove back and go have some fun.

Mind busyness—Meditation

 Excessive stimulation; noise, traffic, loud music, crowds, advertising, internet surfing, social media, news, and TV is not good for the soul. You can set firm limits on any of these. If you don’t currently take time to be silent, incorporate at least one of these each day for some peace of mind: meditation, visualization, deep breathing, prayer, and listening in silence to your inner voice or that of the Universe.

 Burning the midnight oil—A good night’s sleep

 Sleep studies show that a lack of shuteye can cause a similar slow-time reaction effect to that of alcohol intoxication, which can cause accidents and have been a factor in disasters like Three Mile Island, the Exxon Valdez oil spill, and Chernobyl. Sleep deprivation can put you at risk for heart disease, diabetes, and depression. It can also age you and kill your sex drive.

If you’re not getting enough sleep, 2019 is a good time to go to bed earlier (set an alarm as a reminder) or find an effective solution for poor sleep quality, such as melatonin and magnesium pre-bedtime.

Solitude—Socializing

Solitude is a valuable pastime for rejuvenating and renewal. It is the time when we can hear our higher self speaking over the din of the world. But we also need people. From what I can gather, love is why we’re here. We are tribal beings with a need for community woven into our DNA. Spending time with friends and family is a soul nurturing part of existence. Going to interesting cultural events and concerts clears the cobwebs from the mind. Participating in groups and community gatherings helps alleviate existential angst.

When was the last time you frivolously frittered away a day with a good friend without having to run off to your next appointment or endeavor? If you can’t remember when, clear a day in your schedule and spend a long, luxuriant day with someone you love. I promise you’ll feel better for it.

Hoarding—Sharing

 Sometimes we fall into a habit of hanging onto things and to money because we fear there won’t be enough for a rainy day. This Christmas I watched a 9 year old squeal, laugh, and jump up and down with delight, not because of the gifts she was opening, but because of the gift she was giving her nonno (grandpa).

Giving and sharing what you have brings a feeling of happiness and satisfaction that cannot be bought or found through amassing cash or material stuff. If you’ve swung too far into the mode of “stockpiling” for you and yours, this year may be a time to share some of your good fortune.

Complications—Simplicity

Overscheduling, overcommitting, juggling, rushing, distractions, worry—these are self-inflicted complications. Making life harder than it needs to be can cause you to lose patience, be irritated, and make you seethe under the surface.

Could this be the year to finally simplify? Prioritize, downsize, and organize. Say no—and that means no to your inner slave driver, as well as to others. Simplicity can bring a whole lot of inner peace.

Oftentimes, we don’t realize the convoluted ways in which we’ve structured our tasks—methods that could be streamlined or even eradicated. One cool way to do a check and balance is to ask friends how they do things that currently seem like a lot of drudgery or eat up too much time.

 Computer/Indoors—Nature/Outdoors

 Computers are not natural. Period. Spending an excess of time in front of one can cause eyestrain and blurred vision, poor posture, and headaches. Blue light from screens can affect sleep quality and a 2011 study of 4500 adults revealed that excessive screen time increased your likelihood of premature death by up to 52 percent.

Planet Earth is gorgeous. Step away from the screen. Go to the beach, walk on a ridge, star gaze, skate on a pond, hike around the mountains. Observe nature and listen to the rhythms of the planet. Have you ever noticed how a full moon affects the tides—and your moods? Biorhythms are real and being in harmony with them can improve life exponentially.

Variety—Groundhog Day

Do you do the same things day after day, in the same way? A life by rote can make your days tedious and imbalanced. Variety truly is the spice of life. Try different foods, do something you wouldn’t normally participate in, drive someplace you’ve never been—choice is a phenomenal gift that we often forget about.

 Inertness and sitting—Movement and exercise

Sitting is the new smoking; our bodies were not designed to endlessly sit, whether at a desk, or in a vehicle. Neither are we meant for inertness. Insufficient exercise not only affects our health, it can lead to depression. Being in tune and listening to what your body wants and needs is critical for balance.

What exercise would feel like fun and not another chore on the to-do list? Salsa dancing? Kickboxing? Racquetball? January would be a good time to sign up for something other than the stereotypical gym membership for the New Year that, more often than not, goes unutilized.

 Their goals—Your dreams

Jobs, contracts, consulting, coaching—all of these involve making someone else’s dreams, goals, or bottom line come true. Being in service to others is important and rewarding, but be sure you have not forgotten to feed and water your own dreams for the sake of another’s. What is the big dream you’ve tucked away for later? Pull it out, dust it off, and just do it—now.

 Stagnating—Learning

 There is an endless girth of things to learn about on this planet, from the fine art of cooking to quantum physics. If you have stopped reading, researching, or studying, 2019 is a good year to take a class or invest time in the joy of discovering something new. The fascinating wonders of our world shouldn’t be ignored—who knows how much we’ll miss it all when we leave here?

 Fake food—Veggies

If you’re spending too much of your grocery shopping time in the center aisles, you may want to venture to the periphery and load up on more of the green stuff. Nature knows best, manufacturers, not so much.

I’m learning more about the incredible importance of the liver and its vast array of functions—veggies and fruit are critical to its role in the body, in spite of the current no carb fad. My intention for 2019 is to juice a lot more for immune and liver function. You may want to consider getting a juicer this year and adding more of nature’s food for your optimal health.

 Self-judgment—Self-love

How much of your thought-space goes towards recrimination and harshly judging yourself? Do you compare yourself against others and constantly feel like you are falling short? For me, comparison: guilty as charged. I have to keep reminding myself that we are all individual beings with astoundingly unique destinies and one life cannot fairly be compared to another’s.

I know that time and thoughts spent on self-love breeds a garden of unexpected surprises and serendipities. I commit this year to cultivating more self-love and less rumination on shortcomings. How about you?

Pragmatism—Feeding of the spirit

Logic is one side of life. Spirit is the other. Our hearts and bodies crave nurturance and expect us to listen to our needs. If our inner reserves are running on empty and we do not practice self-care, we can’t be our awesome version of self.

We need to earn a living and we have obligations to meet. We also require fuel to have the energy and emotional equilibrium to execute everything with grace and competence.

My self-care will be distinctively different than yours; however, you need it as much as I do. Please don’t neglect it this year; the implications of overriding your requisites could take you far away from all of those responsibilities if you fall ill.

Penny-Pincher—Shopaholic

Whenever I am forced to visit a mall in Calgary, I am mystified at the jam-packed parking lots. It can be 11:00 am on a Tuesday morning and finding a spot will be a challenge. This illustrates something; we are a shopping-obsessed society.

If you have a habit (or even an addiction) of shopping and overspending, this may be the year to track your expenditures and assess how much of what you are buying is to appease something that aches within.

The flipside is being an Ebenezer Scrooge. You do deserve quality food and nice things. You are worthy of cars, appliances, and tools that function properly and you do not need to live a shabby life. If you are fixated on watching your bank balances grow and refuse to treat yourself to things within your budget, splurge in 2019. It will make your heart smile.

Living in the past or future—Living in the now

 Unfortunately, we can’t change the past. But our perceptions of past events can change the now. We can rewrite an incident by focusing on the good within the experience. Letting go of the past by not reliving it over and over renders it faded and powerless.

It’s necessary to plan and project, but worrying about the future is a pointless undertaking.

Now is what counts. That profusion of purple bougainvillea you just passed begs to be noticed. The person who smiled at you on the street is honoured by a smile returned. The full moon casting a bright glow into your living room deserves a lingering glance. The person you are seated across from is worthy of your undivided responsiveness, without interruptions from your phone or your attention deficits. This moment right now is precious, because we are not guaranteed a next one.

Abstinence—Sex

Sometimes one just cannot find a “sponge worthy” partner and abstinence comes by default. But if you are in a relationship or marriage and are in the midst an intimacy drought—especially a long-term absence of sex—I am certain 2019 is the year to deal with it. Discover what the underlying truth of the matter is so you can heal it. Human touch is one of the biggest joys of life. There is nothing like the loneliness of sleeping next to someone who is not interested in intimacy and if left untended to, it can go on for years, into forever.

Stimulants, suppressants, and painkillers—Natural remedies

I recently did some research on common OTC drugs like ibuprofen and acetaminophen and learned that they can have serious side effects such as depression, a feeling of emptiness, and a numbing of pleasure when used on a frequent basis. More powerful prescription drugs can be many times worse for altering our view of life to the negative. If you take any pharmaceuticals, wherever possible, seek natural alternatives. Example: turmeric is as effective as 14 different drugs for inflammation and pain. 

Chores and Functionality—Romance and Beauty

Sure. Chores need to get done. It’s just the way life works. However, our days need not be consumed with only the minutiae of tasks, work, and the grind.

Romance encompasses more than relationship sugariness—sensual pleasures are what make life worth living. Invest in art, good food, and pretty things you love, not just functionality. Create twinkling ambiance and surround yourself with beauty. Spread love in all its forms.

Don’t let logic crowd out loveliness.

Today, if we were to place all of these things, one by one, on the scales of balance in your life, what would it look like?

• Reflect and then acknowledge imbalances in your life.
• What makes you feel serene within?
• What areas listed above, if balanced, would bring you more happiness in 2019?
• Be accountable for change.
• Ask for assistance if you need it (get a coach).
• Make a play-filled plan.

Yin and Yang are what give life a blend of harmony and happiness. May your 2019 be a beautiful balance of both.

See my Facebook page for a 2019 balance checklist to print off:

Post © Wanda St.Hilaire
www.imsorryitscancer.com

©Wanda St. Hilaire

On Calgary’s record-breaking hottest day, I went with friends to see Mamma Mia (the sequel) to beat the heat. My sister had given me a head’s up that I would see myself on screen in the character of Donna (Meryl Streep) in the flashback to her youth. What I did not anticipate was the gushing flood of emotions I would feel watching a depiction of a girl so much like me, in a country I traveled to twice and adored with every fibre of my being.

The music and epoch of the movie mirrored my life perfectly, so much so that when Abba’s Dancing Queen was a massive hit, I was a 17-year-old sneaking into cabarets in my flowing white dress and dancing the nights away, an embodiment of the song (… she is the dancing queen, young and free, only 17 …) and in 1979 (as they tagged the era) I turned 19. Donna’s free-spirited “naughtiness,” her joie de vivre, and even her hair was a freakish replication of me.

If you were to see a movie of yourself in your youth, what do you think your response would be? I felt an intense stab of loss for the overflowing abundance of carefree fun and wildness of that era; both in my own life and of the planet’s evolution. For half of the show, tears streamed—sans restraint—down my face.

The movie is, as was the first one, full of colour and vibrant nuttiness. Greece is a country that has been calling my name again for a long, long time and seeing the beauty and antiquity gave me pangs of longing for a place that matches the frequency of my soul.

What struck me was that girls just wanna have fun—forever. Life brings seriosity as the years slip by; society dictates age-appropriateness—to the detriment of joy. Fear reigns us in like slaves in chains to keep us from wandering out of line. Trials and tribulations wear our nerve and verve to a nubbin.

Must we deteriorate and decline into monotony as we age? We see cultural patterns around us that tell us so. We listen to people’s stories of their infirmities and lists of prescriptions told as though it is the absolute and unalterable blueprint of aging.

And then there are the outliers. We rarely see them in day-to-day life, but when we do, they shine brightly in the sea of mediocrity. They are uncommonly fit for their age and walk with youthful strides. They are octegenarian fashion icons who flout old lady clothing and wouldn’t be caught dead in Fitovers. They fearlessly engage in a variety of activities, or travel the world, or are learning a new language. They don’t have time for complaint or commiseration; they’re living life productively and passionately.

Personally, I’d like more of that young girl back. I may have a lot of years behind me and a slew of setbacks since then, but as I watched Mamma Mia, I wondered, how do I regain some of the spiritedness and enthusiasm I once had?

Some of my navel gazing may strike a chord with you …

When I snuck into those cabarets and nightclubs, I was a disco queen in a Saturday night fever. Next, I was a two-stepping urban cowgirl. I was one of the first in Edmonton to learn the ‘Cotton-Eyed Joe’—and danced it on a bar top in Santorini when they played the out-of-context song one steamy night on a trip to the Greek Isles. Later, I traded my cowboy boots and hat for heels and sassy skirts salsa-ing the weekends away to spicy Latin music.

For four years I faithfully went 3-5 times a week (even with a sprained ankle I’d gotten in Oaxaca) to the Latin Corner Dance Studio with two picante Dominicano brothers who inspired me to dance my ass off in their Latin aerobics classes. It kept my mood balanced and I was in the best shape of my life. While I was away for cancer crap, the studio folded. I’ve staked out the city for a replacement, but I’ve yet to find that inner fire and motivation to keep my interest piqued.

If there’s one thing that keeps a person young, it’s dancing. And I know in my heart that my body needs to dance. Is there something you’ve abandoned that brings you alive?

When we’re young, we have a natural energy. As time progresses, energy drains can overwhelm us and the lure of the couch becomes a siren song. My biggest energy vampire: worry and fear. We often have expectations of our future based on our past. Our historical “evidence” leads us to assumptions about what will happen in our future. To the mind, it appears to be productive to rehash problems in an effort to fix them. But in fact, the rational mind seldom has the appropriate answer. It is the higher self—the heart—that has the solutions. Whenever I reserve judgment of a difficult situation and stay grounded in faith of a new outcome, my joie de vivre reappears.

In The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz wisely tells us: take nothing personally. All too often we’re offended by, well, almost everything. Someone gives us their off-the-cuff opinion and we decide not to speak to them ever again. Our company changes a policy and we think it’s directed specifically at us. Someone cuts us off in traffic and we wish we could tell them where to go—or we do tell them where to go. Sometimes we think the whole Universe is conspiring against us.

You’ll notice that people in the 20s and 30s seldom focus on who’s out to get them; they’re too busy having fun! Complaining how bad life is or who done us wrong never, ever improves the quality of our lives and it turns us into crusty curmudgeons people are quick to avoid.

My last bit of ponderance is, just say yes. We can come up with a hundred reasons for not doing things. But how about saying yes, just for the hell of it? I’m not fond of finding costumes for events, but I’ve been invited to an upcoming Prohibition Party and I said yes. I just found the most amazing headpiece for my Flapper outfit that will look grand.

Rather than give in to ennui, pull yourself together and step away from the trail of tradition. Viva la vida loca!

Post © Wanda St.Hilaire
www.imsorryitscancer.com

Now available worldwide on Amazon! 
Visit: Amazon.com
Visit: Amazon.ca

This fusion guidebook-memoir helps navigate prevention as much as it is for the those diagnosed with disease; it is a resource for living life to the fullest. St. Hilaire presents simple-to-digest material and wisdom woven with insightful anecdotes. She provides an invaluable amalgamation of research in a context not always accessible at your cancer centre.

“What a remarkable mixture of facts, data, research, warmth, humour, compassion, inspiration, vulnerability and courage!”
-Dianne Quinton, Coach

“I understand there’s a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch old cartoons and movies. My whole life is a series of strategems to avoid – and outwit – that guy.”
-Anthony Bourdain

Six years ago, I met an elderly couple at the coffee shop, Kawa Espresso. They came in together everyday for their lunch (always hot, homemade soup) and would beetle around the neighborhood doing different things and visiting a variety of people, good weather or inclement. It was a pleasure to watch them because of the evident love and endearing respect they held for each other. Theo was 94 when I met him and Katherine was in her early eighties. They married later in life because Katherine had been a nun who’d left the convent mid-life.

Theo was a dapper man, always elegant and charming. He would make a point of coming to my table to tell me I looked beautiful or compliment me in some way. Katherine was articulate, intelligent, and über feisty.

One day Katherine came to me in distress. Theo had hurt his arm and had been to the hospital. She thought they’d over-medicated him because he was so incoherent.

“Please go talk to him. You’ll see what I mean.”

Only a fractured arm and yes, they had indeed given him too much medication. He’d been perfectly lucid and spry two days before and he was a mess. Within days he died.

Katherine was inconsolable. She was grief-stricken and became moody. Soon after his death, she was diagnosed with colon cancer. She opted to stay out of the system; she didn’t want to deal with the toxicity of harsh chemo drugs or radiation; she wanted to let her body deal with it naturally.

Katherine frequently chatted with me and kept me abreast of her health. Even though she had no intention of doing anything differently, she came to my book launch (cancer book) with flowers in hand and bought a book.

Her cancer had been spreading and recently she learned that it was in her brain due to a minor convulsion. I asked her if she’d been in pain (it was in various parts of her body) and she indicated only a little. But her emotional agony was intense. She wanted only to join Theo, feeling there was very little point to life.

Today, June 8^th, only two hours ago, she left us. She told me a month ago that she was going through the process of assisted death before harsh physical suffering came. She’d been perfectly organized throughout the course of events and had a living “Irish” wake a few weeks ago. She said to me, “If there’s going to be ham sandwiches, I’m eating them too!”

She wanted to die on her and Theo’s wedding anniversary, June 10^th, but the “Navigators” don’t work on weekends and so, she opted for today. Katherine was frank about the whole experience and I found it extremely thought-provoking and, as well, daring for a Catholic ex-nun to make such a choice. She told me that she was awaiting death and that it was time to go.

And today, we’ve learned that Anthony Bourdain followed on the heels of Kate Spade in opting out of life.

One thing I know for sure: life can be a bitch. I fully grasp Bourdain’s quote above. I have an inner saboteur who’s downright vicious. Years ago, I named her Annabelle the Bitch. She too would like to keep me in bed all day and tells me I’ve failed at basically everything. She wants me to stay small. Sometimes, she tells me I’d be better off dead.

My conscious mind can refute Annabelle’s ferocious bullshit. I know the things I have attained and I know what’s good in my life. I am cognizant of my redeeming qualities. And I see the trap of the belief that I am living a ‘Groundhog Day’ life. However, all too frequently, Annabelle wins. I don’t know where she came from or why she wants to tear me down.

Yet, in the midst of her carping, I see evidence of my impact on people through my words, for my presentation and presence in the world, and for overcoming the many hurdles I have survived. Deep inside I have an eternal optimism that tells me I can win and break free from this current hell’s trap (debt); that I can fulfill my vision of inspiring thousands (or more) through my writing and stories while journeying through places of beauty, the great loves of my life.

I speculate that Earth is one hell of a school we’ve bravely chosen to attend—the place where we are thrown the mission to earn the Doctorate of the Universe. From all I’ve observed, humans appear to arrive saddled with the proverbial angel and devil on each shoulder. Our challenge is for the angel to win.

Kate Spade had all of the material wealth and the sweet life that anyone could hope for, but her inner demon clearly got ahold of her and no amount of money or love could stop it. Anthony Bourdain lived a life that I dream of; traveling the world, eating well, living with gusto, and telling the stories of the people he met. And still, his saboteur won.

It can appear as cowardice, however, when that convincing, conniving voice gains momentum and overtakes our spirit’s sane space, there is a line once crossed where logic cannot be salvaged.

With the world spinning in two vastly different directions and the scales seemingly tipping in the realm of wicked malevolence, anxiety and depression are on the rise. If we have a tendency towards this, the news is enough to further exacerbate our already fragile emotional landscape. If we allow life to control us via jobs, money, social media, familial demands, etc. instead of controlling our lives, we can find ourselves hanging in a precarious imbalance.

Our job, as Anthony stated, is to avoid and outwit ‘that guy’. We now see a surge in leaders and experts teaching us how to outsmart the inner twerp for our mental and physical health and for our happiness and contentment quotient. We are discovering that our mind has far greater power than we’ve previously given it credit for. We now know we can rewire all of those dangerous pathways we’ve created through repetitious negativity to a brighter outlook.

The inner saboteur is, unfortunately, a formidable foe. I can attest to that. But with dedication to a better life—and determination to leave Earth with that doctorate—I believe we can triumph.

• We need to use the “delete” button far more often.
• We must gently remind ourselves to veer away from that which makes us melancholic or feeds hopelessness.
• We must remember to celebrate our smallest victories to buoy our spirits.
• When we begin to devaluate ourselves for any reason, we must concertedly counter with things we know are good about our lives and ourselves.
• We must focus on the truth of who we really are in the eyes of our soul and of our Maker.

Today, I met with my coach and told her that I am confused by the appearance of my inner critic, who rears her ugly mug, just when I think I’m making headway. I acknowledged that I am more susceptible as I grieve the monumental loss of my soul sister, Lynnette, who passed three weeks ago, of Katherine and her feisty spirit, of Anthony Bourdain and his brilliance and sass, and Kate Spade and her creative impact on the world.

We had a deep discussion about it and I left feeling heard. If you are suffering in silence, please reach out. Even though I am an open and candid memoirist, I don’t like to admit this either. The grand taboo of our society is to reveal the vulnerability and weakness we feel because of our inner demons. But we are all in this together, in varying degrees. Those who have successfully learned how to “avoid and outwit that guy” can be the light and the way, if only we ask for help.

Many blessings and much love to you today—we all could use more of both.

xoxo

Post © Wanda St.Hilaire
www.imsorryitscancer.com

Now available worldwide on Amazon! 
Visit: Amazon.com
Visit: Amazon.ca

This fusion guidebook-memoir helps navigate prevention as much as it is for the those diagnosed with disease; it is a resource for living life to the fullest. St. Hilaire presents simple-to-digest material and wisdom woven with insightful anecdotes. She provides an invaluable amalgamation of research in a context not always accessible at your cancer centre.

“What a remarkable mixture of facts, data, research, warmth, humour, compassion, inspiration, vulnerability and courage!”
-Dianne Quinton, Coach

One of the most fascinating aspects of living on Earth is the endless diversity. There are over 7 billion of us milling around the same planet and each of us is living a completely different reality. We arrived from someplace and were planted in a country with a set of beliefs and cultural mores, varying languages and landscapes, yet we frequently forget about our free will.

A Filipino girl I know recently returned from a spectacular European vacation. She revealed to me that on the trip, she got married—to a woman. They said their vows and had a small ceremony in a country that is known for fast and hassle-free marriages. Her new Filipino wife lives far away (not in her homeland) and will be coming to Canada as soon as the paperwork is approved.

Both have kept a low profile on their preferences because of their conservative families. They made a choice that goes against cultural norms, got married in another part of the world, and had a gorgeous honeymoon travelling to the most picturesque places in Europe. They are doing something that is authentic and best for their true natures and overall happiness, in spite of strict familial traditions.

So often we live in a paradigm that becomes rigid and inflexible. We live by rules that may be our own; conventions we set long ago and have never revisited for validity. Worse, we may be living by someone else’s guidelines and regulations. And further to that, we might think we do not have a choice in the matter.

But we do. The weird thing about human beings, however, is our difficulty in making new choices that would better serve our health, happiness, and our soul’s purpose.

Mid-life is an interesting passage; we’ve done the crazy—the corporate climb, or the child rearing, or the amassing of the material. Looking back, we are in a position to reimagine the next segment of our lives with, hopefully, a little wisdom under our belts. The decisions we have made and are making now can have far-reaching ramifications.

I have a friend who’s been talking about starting his own business for the past 15 years. He is the leading expert in his niche field and there’s almost no way he can fail. But misplaced loyalty to an employer who has never had his best interests at heart (and, in fact, has been caught in unethical pay practices) has prevented him from taking action. He went so far as to secure a large line of credit for the start-up last year, but didn’t make the move. Due to a strange twist of events, he now feels trapped and unable to cut free from the company.

This is an extreme case of better-the-devil-you-know. I understand this psychology all too well; I was forced into the suburbs after I was flushed out of my home in the epic flood of 2013 and even though I detest the drive and distance from “civilization,” I haven’t made the move back to urban life. I have a lot of creature comforts I didn’t have in my last home, plus it’s quiet. Moving back to the core, I may end up in a hubbub of noise and a good night’s sleep has become a premium bonus that can make or break a day. Better the devil I know.

As I mature I find myself further interested in people who shatter our preconceived notions of aging. I love stories of people who are not buying the “life’s a bitch and then you die” theory.

I’ve watched videos of Greta Pontarelli, a now 67-year-old, who decided to blow off cultural ideas and take up pole dancing at 59 and is now a world champion. Her body defies what we expect of a person her age and she is grace and beauty on the pole, outperforming much younger contestants at the difficult sport.

47-year old veteran Arthur Boorman was disabled after too many parachute jumps in the Gulf War and was told by doctors he’d never walk without crutches again. The “curse” was spoken and he became depressed and obese. It took numerous tries to find a yoga instructor who was willing to help. He discovered DDP Yoga and began the slow and arduous process, believing he’d walk again. The most moving part of the video of Arthur’s journey is watching him run in a park. His transformation is remarkable.

Small choices can have big consequences—or rewards. We can opt to carry on with poor eating habits, be enslaved by our addictions, or make excuses for not exercising and spend subsequent decades feeling vaguely like a bag of dung and looking like the Pillsbury Dough Boy in a wig. The implications will eventually play out in illness and ossification of our bodies, something that could have been redirected.

We can decide we’ve already learned what we need to know, or we can keep growing and studying. We can stay alive and interested and subvert our brains from atrophy and dementia. When we keep learning, we not only have the opportunity to meet new and different people, we have more reason to live.

We can stay in a stifling relationship that long ago stopped serving the greater good or we can grab our courage, cut our losses, and move into the next phase of life with a newfound freedom.

So often there are parts of ourselves we’ve lost, given away, or had taken. We lose innocence through our education. We give away creativity to earn a good living in a corporate or institutional setting. Parents, schools, religion, or relationships may have taken our freedom, or joie de vivre, or gypsy nature away.

No matter who they are, other people do not have the right to kibosh our dreams or desires—or even if we sleep in on weekends. Nobody else should dictate the path we live. When we people please and abandon who we (really) are, we set ourselves up for a fall.

But we can reimagine our reality by creating a whole new story. We can reinvent our lives with belief and persistence. We can set new boundaries—hard as that may be.

Who would you like to be? What or whom would you like to let go of? What would you like to pursue? It’s spring (or at least trying to be spring), the cycle of new life, so why not excavate one thing you’d like to do that’s authentically you?

Carlos Castaneda’s Don Juan said the individual must choose a path with heart rather than a trail of stoicism. He counseled people to choose the road that fills you with excitement and exuberance and with passion and summons you to what’s greatest within you—to not opt for a path of suffering.

The biggest challenge? As ever, overcoming the self. We are either our own worst prison guard or brilliant liberator. As spring works once again to push her way through an interminable winter, I endeavor to go forth as though reality is magical and I am the conqueror of a richer, reimagined life.

Post © Wanda St.HilaireWhat To Do After “I’m sorry, it’s cancer.”
Now available worldwide on Amazon! 
Visit: Amazon.com
Visit: Amazon.ca

This fusion guidebook-memoir helps navigate prevention as much as it is for the those diagnosed with disease; it is a resource for living life to the fullest. St. Hilaire presents simple-to-digest material and wisdom woven with insightful anecdotes. She provides an invaluable amalgamation of research in a context not always accessible at your cancer centre.

“What a remarkable mixture of facts, data, research, warmth, humour, compassion, inspiration, vulnerability and courage!”
-Dianne Quinton, Coach

A number of years ago, my brother asked me what my New Year’s resolutions were.

“To exercise at least once this year.”
“You can’t make a resolution like that!”
“Sure I can. It’s one I know I’ll succeed at.”

It is that time of year again, where we feel compelled to make resolutions—many of which we secretly know we’ll never achieve.

This year I invite you to contemplate something radical.

We are in an era of intense change. We are witness to the meltdown of a firmly established institution being led by a dangerous orange clown. Our planet is in a metamorphosis of climate change that none of us have ever seen before. Scientists are starting to edit genes. Bitcoin is changing the economy. And artificial intelligence will change life in ways we cannot currently imagine.

These changes are shifting the collective reality. What was once impossible (good or bad) is now our reality (who knew pedophiles would hold office or run a country?).

When we live in the lower vibration of bad news, fear mongering, worry, and anger, we cannot perceive the wonder of what’s available to us. The insanity of bad-news-low-vibes is designed to keep us focused on the grind and disconnected from true reality and our innate power.

We cannot see solutions and a bigger life from the chicken coop.

The (unfamiliar) thing is that we can step outside of the collective reality anytime we want to. We don’t need a scientist or a politician to tell us what’s now conceivable or acceptable.

Ponder that the true meaning of life is the meaning you assign it. That there is no “reality” per se; reality is your own definition of it.

Have you yet considered your power to tap into the quantum field and create changes that have previously seemed impossible? What if there are numerous parallel realities (and there are) and you get to choose which one you live in? And what if your reality is just a reflection of your strongest belief of what’s possible for you? That kind of changes things, doesn’t it?

My favorite programs as a child were Bewitched, I Dream of Genie, and Star Trek. These shows fed my fantasies of magic, and of boldly going where no one had gone before.

I still love magic and I practice it by playing with “reality.” I like bending time—setting an intention to arrive someplace earlier than should logically be possible. I enjoy asking for unusual and specific signs, like the appearance pheasants as a reply to a question when I walk along my local ridge. I have had the audacity to do things like write to a New York VP editor of the largest publishing house in the world and ask for his advice—and I received a ‘yes’ (nothing shy of totally impossible).

I like the challenge of creating something from what appears to be nothing. Example: I am in Mexico right now sitting in El Café de Bucerias, wishing passersby Feliz Año Nuevo and Happy New Year. In October, I booked a return flight on a wicked WestJet sale from Mexico (yes, no flight down, just a return ticket). As it turned out, October was one of my lowest sale’s months (commission) in five years. In November, I booked my ticket down here, expecting an excellent month, which was based on history and activity. Instead, it was even worse than October, and I had booked a one-month trip.

I complained to the friend I am staying with and she asked me if I was cancelling the trip. That’s when I knew I needed to take a dip into the quantum soup. Money began to arrive from here and there in various amounts. Even while on vacation, it has still continued: Three days ago a book royalty cheque was deposited directly into my account, two days ago an e-transfer for 3 books arrived, and yesterday another e-transfer appeared in my inbox for 6 books. I did not consider giving up my beloved Mexican Christmas—I remembered I had access to another field of possibility. I reminded myself that abundance does not only come from the obvious (a paycheque), but can come in a thousand ways.

We have a narrow frame of reference for reality based on history and indoctrination. We’re living assumptions and beliefs we’ve been taught—but we can change the rules and select what we choose to believe. Peter Pan said: “You just think lovely, wonderful thoughts and they lift you up in the air.” People are doing the supernatural in all corners of the globe.

Meditation facilitates manifestation by clearing the cobwebs away—a mental feng shui that, like shovelling snow off the drive, clears the pathway for ease.

Giving opens the doors to magic. When we are generous with others, whether with our time, our love, or our money, we unkink the knots in the pipeline to divine connection to all that is.

Forgiveness releases new energy to create. When we forgive others for their transgressions and oversights—and especially our own—all of the energy that went toward the emotional drain will emancipate a force for generating something fresh and original.

Observation is critical to creation. I study people by leaving things like ‘Postcards from the Universe’ in clear view to see how many will actually notice. With the atrophy of our cell phone brains, most people are massively unobservant. Even when they spot something unusual, many dismiss it. When you don’t pay attention to the tiny details, you miss a whole lot of magic. A pot of gold may be right under your nose.

“Positivity” raises our frequency to a new level where things that were previously unavailable just show up.

Radical ideas for 2018 …

• Manifestation is simply allowing something to appear because you have matched its frequency.
• The more you have fun playing with reality, the more malleable it becomes.
• Act as if. Behave in the way you wish life to be to create your new reality.
• Stop relying on appearances. Circumstances don’t matter. Imagine that state of mind is what matters.
• The uncertainty you’re putting out is what you’re getting back.
• Surrender is letting go of the concept of who you think you’re supposed to be and being who you are—unlimited possibility.
• Look for what’s right, not what’s wrong.
• Allow for surprises. Be open to the unexpected. It can come in the least probable ways.
• Let your imagination go wild. The physical mind was never designed to create or come up with solutions, rather execute ideas. It’s the workhorse. Let the higher mind loose—it has a far grander and more beautiful plan than the physical mind.
• Don’t believe something has failed if you don’t see it immediately. Stay in the zone in spite of appearances. Respond differently. It’s there.

We are so much more than we can grasp; what we see is so much less than what exists. Even the J Man told us we could do what he did and even greater.

As you walk into 2018, consider implementing an experiment of a new paradigm. Think about stepping outside of the collective chicken coop to see what kind of Harry Potter powers you actually have.

May your path forward in 2018 be littered with magic, serendipity, and synchronicity!

xoxoxo

P.S. For a little science behind Relativity & Reference watch this brilliant young woman’s explanation!

Post © Wanda St.HilaireWhat To Do After “I’m sorry, it’s cancer.”
Now available worldwide on Amazon! 
Visit: Amazon.com
Visit: Amazon.ca

This fusion guidebook-memoir helps navigate prevention as much as it is for the those diagnosed with disease; it is a resource for living life to the fullest. St. Hilaire presents simple-to-digest material and wisdom woven with insightful anecdotes. She provides an invaluable amalgamation of research in a context not always accessible at your cancer centre.

“What a remarkable mixture of facts, data, research, warmth, humour, compassion, inspiration, vulnerability and courage!”
-Dianne Quinton, Coach

©Wanda St. Hilaire

I wasn’t going to go to the short documentary screening of Assetto di Volo at the Italian Club last Thursday. I’d driven from one end of Calgary to the other running errands and dealing with a car repair and I was sick of traffic. I was also feeling world-weary; the endless barrage of bad news had exacerbated an already sagging morale and the sofa beckoned. But something nudged me to go.

Those of us in attendance were graced with the sparkling presence of Italian filmmaker Giulio Venier who was doing a screening tour all the way from Gemona del Friuli. He introduced us to his “docufiction” and afterward stayed for a Q & A.

The short film gives us a glimpse into the day-to-day lives of disabled adults and the impact their innocence has on a miserable man who is doing some type of “penance” for an unbeknownst wrong.

As he softens, he suggests the idea of a tandem paragliding field trip to the school’s director. When the cameras captured the awe and unabashed joy of each member of the group set against the majesty of the Dolomites, it made my skin burst with goose bumps and my eyes sting with tears.

While they were preparing their parachutes and set out to fly, I whispered, wow, I’ll never do that. After they landed, I added it to my bucket list—in gorgeous Gemona del Friuli.

The next day I discussed the film with my coach, and the power of the metaphor struck me as we talked. I saw how we are all disabled in some way by our fears and stories.

I spent this past Thanksgiving weekend mostly alone, contemplating. I thought of my own fears and immobilization, part internal, part a reaction to the external dramas playing out on Earth’s stage. I sought a way to best maneuver this unfathomable period of history with some semblance of sanity.

In, possibly, an oversimplification, I categorized humans into five camps:

The Power Mongers

These are the Monsanto Poisoners and Food Destroyers, Big Pharma, Big Brother, the Harvey Weinsteins of Hollywood, the Financial Puppeteers, Homeland “Security,” the Chemtrailers, the EM and Toxic Waste Polluters, the Nuclear War Pushers, the Police Staters, the Kim Jong Yuns. And then there’s He Who Shall Not Be Named—the Moron-in-Chief, “running” the world’s rapidly declining super power (#MOTUS).

These marauders have absolutely no regard for humanity, for the Earth, and can’t even find a small corner in their hearts that has interest in the welfare and future of their own children or grandchildren. They want power, money, and control at any cost. They are the master narcissists and the lost sociopathic souls of the world, devoid of any grounding with divinity.

The Haters

This faction comprises of the bullies and Internet trolls who hide anonymously behind their computers. They are the fundamentalists and supremacists (whom, if DNA tested, would discover that they are them). They are the terrorists and the vengeful, defending their misguided dogma and protecting their rights to nothing. They are the mass shooters and the Machiavellian congressmen who seek to play God, sitting in judgment of the basic rights of human beings.

The Head-Up-Bummers

These are the people spending their spare time in malls to feed their shopping addictions with blatant abandon and walking through life in a self-indulgent haze. They are the body and image obsessed. Some thrive on reality TV and the lifestyles of the famous. They are the food bingers, the sexaholics, the gambling addicts, the ‘I’m an entitled and privileged white malers,’ the perpetual drinkers and partyers, the drug-addled.

The Fearers

These are the people who are no longer going to London or Vegas or wherever. Their world shrinks as they find new reasons to stop doing things. They hunker into the bad news and scary-assed studies and negative discussions. They are the complainers and victims. They feel ineffective and powerless and sometimes hopeless. They hold tight to things they don’t like or enjoy in the name of security. They don’t bother attempting to access the magic or miracles behind the facade. They are losing sleep and fun and are missing out on the still available beauty of life.

The Imagineers

These are the thought leaders and renegade entrepreneurs. They are the truth seekers and fearless deliverers. They are the neuroscientists showing us the maps of our traps and the immense power of our minds. They are the artists and creatives and inventors. They are the healers and horn-blowers and maverick doctors. They are the Greenpeacers and volunteers. They are the love spreaders and peacemakers who raise the consciousness of all.

They don’t care if you are black, white, or purple, gay, straight, or a eunuch. They are the unsung millions working behind the scenes with great love and unstoppable persistence.

The first two, who pervade our conversations and clog our airwaves, are viciously clinging to their antiquated beliefs and patriarchal control, swinging their machetes to take out anyone in their way.

The Head-Up-Bummers are focused on the self to the extreme and can’t really see past their own dramas, delusions, and predilections.

The Fearers are holding tightly to their (our) backpack of stories, limitations, excuses, and anxieties.

The Imagineers have made the effort to relinquish their sad tales and old baggage and have daringly stepped into their greatness. These are the folks to focus on. Because what you focus on expands.

Personally, I sit straddled between the Fearers and the Imagineers vacillating back and forth, with a deep calling to leap into the world of the bold and brave. I have had the grit to write my legacy book to help heal the world, yet I hide.

No matter which way you look at it, fear will only serve to tear down your morale, your results, and bring down your vibration. The only healthy fear is the kind that motivates you to run like hell when you’re truly under siege.

Assetto di Volo (Flight Attitude) beautifully symbolizes how in flight, there is freedom. All are equal—disabilities disappear when we let go of our pack of stories and fears and limitations—and leap. These people literally flew off of a cliff for the first time in their lives, yet unwaveringly trusted their pilots.

Famous Authoress Taking Flight.  ©Wanda St. Hilaire

Life has changed and continues to do so with alarming speed. The ugliness frequently overwhelms us. How can we cope with the crazy?

I feel that we are being called, individually, to step into our courage and be 100% who we came to be. I believe we are being asked to let go of our backpacks filled with our personal dramas and self-created stories of why I can’t or shouldn’t or won’t. I’m certain we’ve hit atonement for the places we have allowed to run wildly unchecked and it’s showing up in a myriad of dysfunctional and dangerous ways.

Those on their deathbed will often express this sentiment or some version of it: If only I hadn’t been so afraid to take the next step. If I hadn’t been so worried about what people thought or said or how long it would take or the effort or the perceived riskiness of walking into my place on the planet, I would have received my blessing; I would have known my greatness.

Gently and pointedly steer your attention away from the untruths, pandering, omissions, and sensationalism. Pull your mind away from the societal mesmerizing that hammers us with the idea that we are powerless to make change and are victims of circumstance. We have tremendous dominion to actively create a much improved experience of life, especially when we tap into our all-knowing hearts.

When we want to lie down and curl into a ball for the sorrow we feel for the world, I know we must not fold; for we have the power to light the darkness for others along our paths, be they wide and sweeping or small and quiet. When we own our one-of-a-kind brilliance, we give others the permission to own theirs.

Sound Pollyanna? Reconsider. If each individual reconciled their hate, fear, faced their demons—and then soared into their potential—we’d have an incredibly different world, one human being at a time.

Stay strong.
Love oh so deeply.
And … fly.

Illegitimi non carborundum.
(Don’t let the bastards grind you down.)

Post © Wanda St.Hilaire

What To Do After “I’m sorry, it’s cancer.”
Now available worldwide on Amazon! 
Visit: Amazon.com
Visit: Amazon.ca

This fusion guidebook-memoir helps navigate prevention as much as it is for the those diagnosed with disease; it is a resource for living life to the fullest. St. Hilaire presents simple-to-digest material and wisdom woven with insightful anecdotes. She provides an invaluable amalgamation of research in a context not always accessible at your cancer centre.

“What a remarkable mixture of facts, data, research, warmth, humour, compassion, inspiration, vulnerability and courage!”
-Dianne Quinton, Coach

©Wanda St. Hilaire

The Earth’s stage right now feels like, most days, a very bad Shakespearian play of evil, betrayal, chaos, and hatred. The bigotry that hid in filthy corners and dank basements is coming out with egoic brazenness and inconceivable ignorance. As has been predicted by many, the darkness will reach a fevered pitch—exactly the roiling, boiling point we are currently witnessing. Sadly, some people on this planet are experiencing a total eclipse of the heart.

Yet, we are also observing (or participating in) the other end of this spectrum of humanness; a display of love, solidarity, and resistance to division and intolerance. People once silent are taking to the streets in droves to express unity.

As the planet churns, a beautiful total eclipse of the sun will cross the United States of America, the hotbed of upheaval. This type of eclipse is considered a major event and has not passed over the USA, coast to coast, in 99 years.

The hubbub around August 21^st is because of the astronomical rarity and the enormous astrological power of this occurrence. Astrologers are urging us to use this profound and extraordinary eclipse to help both the planet and ourselves. It is considered a game changer with the opportunity for significant transformation months before and months afterward. It is a period of completion and beginnings. A grand reboot.

At this time, each bit of consciousness is expressed. We’re seeing the purging of negative energies; what’s been in the closet is coming out. It’s a grand wake-up call—one of a microcosmic level of the self and one of the macrocosmic levels of humanity.

A critical factor we like to pretend away is the reality that peace cannot exist on the outside if it does not exist on the inside. We are all responsible for what is happening. It’s daunting to look outside and say, what can we do? Where do we start?

Where? Inside of us.

As within, so without. Many of us are fighting an internal war on a daily basis. A hater does not love himself and lives in extreme fear and severe scarcity. For the rest of us, it could be a day-to-day struggle with our self-worth, our addictions, our need to please everyone but ourselves, or our obsessions. We may have a war between head and heart; our head says adhere to dogma and logic, our heart says follow what you know to be your personal truth. If we harbour a battle within, make no mistake, it affects the without. Our messes contribute to the whole.

We can use this time to set new intentions with velocity into the future. We can let go of old nonsense and decide what we wish to change. We may want to rest and meditate on our deepest desires for ourselves and for our beloved Earth. We have not just one, but two new moons this month in Leo to solidify our intentions twice over. This type of eclipse, with the wild card of Uranus entering the equation, can shift destiny and put us on a new path. Doors that were previously locked could open.

I believe in my own microcosmic world I can feel the effects of this solar event. I have also had Saturn in my life for the past 3½ years, the grand taskmaster of the skies. When I first learned that I was entering a Saturn transit and heard what Saturn represented, my response was an emphatic “F–k that.”

It took me 6 months; I eventually realized resistance was not a good plan. Saturn wants you to clean up your act: face anything that you have avoided, deal with what you have procrastinated on or denied, take responsibility for your life, and find discipline and structure. He sees through your excuses and bullshit. He (the old wise man of the heavens) firmly instructs you to let go of anything that is inauthentic or useless.

Saturn leaves me on December 20^th 2017—my birthday. He doesn’t return for another 29 years. I will celebrate. At times during this transit, I’ve felt washed up and disillusioned. But I’ve taken stock, liberated myself from various bundles of baggage, and I can honestly say I’ve done not only the dirty work that was hidden (literally) under the bed, but I’ve done what was asked of me in the writing and production of a book that was for the good of others.

Saturn has been one helluva harsh coach and a part of me says, “good riddance!” Yet, I am grateful. My metaphorical backpack has lightened. In making the choice to work peaceably with Saturn, he is a powerful ally. He is also the God of Harvest and I feel that I have sown a good crop.

Now, in the weeks leading to this solar eclipse, I’ve felt a letting go of some long-term beliefs that have come from the training and indoctrination of a lifetime in sales and from the “shoulds” and “musts” and “have tos” of others.

My dad gave my cousin a bit of advice 10 years ago. My cousin is an ambitious type, chock full of ideas and plans and projects. He too has struggled to be “successful” in terms of societal doctrines. My dad, in essence, said, Go for it. Give it your all. But if you beat your head against the wall for too long, too many times, and the plan is not gelling, just do that thing that you’re trying to get to. Let it go and just enjoy.

 I am finally willing to let go of “la lucha”—my struggle with my writing dreams. One can do 100,000 things that one is “supposed” to and then, there is a time to let go. If my work is meant to be seen on a bigger stage, it will find its place. Que sera, sera. This fish has swum upstream against the current long enough and it’s time to tell a new story.

Don’t be distracted by the headlines and what is playing out at this time. Focus on your own personal resolution of peace. Love consumes hate and fear. The instant we enter a darkened room and the light is switched on, the dark dissolves. At this epic moment on Earth (and yep, we chose to come at a never before known, undeniably unique turning point epoch on Earth) we are being given the choice to walk through a different door.

Which do you choose?

Post © Wanda St.Hilaire

Now available worldwide on Amazon! 
Visit: Amazon.com
Visit: Amazon.ca

This fusion guidebook-memoir helps navigate prevention as much as it is for the those diagnosed with disease; it is a resource for living life to the fullest. St. Hilaire presents simple-to-digest material and wisdom woven with insightful anecdotes. She provides an invaluable amalgamation of research in a context not always accessible at your cancer centre.

“What a remarkable mixture of facts, data, research, warmth, humour, compassion, inspiration, vulnerability and courage!”
-Dianne Quinton, Coach

This past week was my “Super Bowl.” I launched a book I didn’t think I’d ever write. Too much work. Too much reliving of the past. But the Universe gave me a very direct order. It pushed. It was unrelenting. It infused me with gusts of energy and bursts of inspiration when I wanted to give up. And I achieved what I thought I could not.

I’m offering my blog readers a little taste of the book for my June post. I’ve chosen the chapter ‘Forgive.’  Forgiveness is a massive challenge on planet Earth. Right now in a world gone mad, it’s a pertinent little piece.

FORGIVE

When we visit a doctor for a serious illness, the topic of forgiveness is never discussed. But it should be. I have studied volumes on the healing power of forgiveness and about the dramatic destruction that stems from the lack of forgiveness.

When the subject of forgiveness comes up, oftentimes people brush off the idea; they believe they have nobody and nothing to forgive. I implore you to genuinely consider where a lack of forgiveness may linger in your life. Become conscious of anything you have stuffed away in your unconscious, maybe from many years ago.

There is a high cost to hatred. Dr. Alex Lloyd, author and founder of The Healing Codes, says that in all of the years he has lectured and counseled people, he has never seen a significant health problem where a lack of forgiveness was not an issue. He met Dr. Ben Johnson, a doctor who lectures all over the world about cancer and Dr. Johnson concurred that he has found a correlation between cancer and a lack of forgiveness.

In The Dynamic Laws of Healing, Catherine Ponder states: “It is an immutable mental and spiritual law that when there is a health problem, there is a forgiveness problem. You must forgive if you want to be permanently healed.” That is one powerful and sweeping statement, yet I have repeatedly read similar declarations in my studies. This concept is an opinion—one you can consider or disregard—but if it angers you, ask yourself why?

Anxiety, hatred, and resentment facilitate disease by flat-lining the immune system. Adrenaline and cortisol, the chemicals of survival, race through our system, seeking the enemy and shutting down natural killer cells which fight disease. The enemy is all in our minds—our repetitive thoughts and our capricious emotions.

Too often, we wallow in the past. We relive the wrongs that were done to us, or we foster our hurts. We take things personally. We harbor grudges and vendettas over a single sentence someone once said. We are too proud to make peace by extending the “olive branch.”

My ex used the phrase, “I don’t get mad; I get even.” Revenge never, ever works out in your best interest. A lack of forgiveness is poisonous and vengefulness is like adding fuel to an already caustic fire within. As poet, artist, and philosopher, Kahlil Gibran, said, “An eye for an eye, and the whole world would be blind.”

One thing we need to keep in mind about human nature is that if people know better, they usually do better. Someone may have wronged us due to a difficult period in his or her secret life or for some reason that we know nothing about. Oftentimes it is not personal. (Hanlon’s razor is an aphorism expressed in various ways including “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” —Wikipedia.) We all make bad choices at one time or another that are not specifically out of maliciousness.

I cannot forgive him/her; I just can’t do it, is a common avowal. Forgiving someone does not mean you continue to remain in an abusive situation. You do not have to reconnect to forgive. And it does not indicate that you condone the poor behavior of another. It signifies the clearing of your heart and mind from the malaise of resentment. It means that you forgive for your own wellbeing. Forgiveness releases you from an internal prison—you do it for you. You can walk away from someone because they are no longer a constructive influence, but you can do so with forgiveness. Holding onto self-righteousness equals pain. Remember, we are all imperfect.

Bad memories reemerge so that you can embrace the opportunity to heal them. By applying forgiveness to past transgressors, you return yourself to the power of the present moment rather than living in the past.

I still do not understand why it is so difficult to forgive oneself, but for me, this has been my Mount Everest. I believe others are forgivable, yet I still must consciously work to relinquish harsh judgments about my perceived failures. We cannot always retract the foolish things we have done or undo poor choices, but we can forgive ourselves for them.

Huge guilt issues and self-recrimination may crop up with cancer patients if one has smoked, used recreational drugs, or participated in other harmful activities. Self-acceptance and forgiveness for our personal lapses is essential. With cancer it is critical that we forgive ourselves. And yes, you, dear one, (and I) deserve forgiveness.

An effective way to open your heart and heal is to systematically think of everyone who remains a source of un-forgiveness in your life, then apply proclamations of forgiveness. You can list everyone who you feel has hurt you back from childhood onward: every family member, every boss, every teacher, every coworker, every friend, every boyfriend/girlfriend—everyone, including yourself. Even God.

It may sound like a daunting task, but in a relaxed state, your mind will supply you with recollections. Give yourself permission to heal the past. You can work through this with a qualified therapist, pastor, or some type of healing professional.

A forgiveness ceremony can be powerful. Write down everyone you are ready to forgive and burn the paper, drown it in water, tear it up, or send it off in a bottle. You may have held a lack of forgiveness for many years and, if so, it would behoove you to make a declaration of forgiveness each night until you feel it is resolved.

A friend of mine took her mother, who had cancer, to a mountain chalet for a weeklong getaway. She asked her mother to write a letter each day. Firstly, to her own mother and father about any and all of her grudges, hurts, betrayals, or resentments and then seal it in an envelope and set it by the fireplace. The next day, she wrote a letter to her siblings. The next day, her children. The following day, her friends and extended family. Then, her husband. The sixth day, old loves. The last day, any colleagues or random people she felt had hurt her. On the final day, they burned all of the sealed envelopes in the fire. It was an extremely cathartic process for her mum.

EFT tapping, as outlined in chapter 28, is also a wonderful technique to use in letting go of grievances and forgiving others. You can go over your list to tap out the resentments and tap in the forgiveness. EFT practitioners are available to help personalize a program and lead you to clemency.

Years ago I learned of another simple method that can be modified as a forgiveness exercise from the book The Heartmath Solution. It is surprisingly powerful and takes only 5 minutes a day to do (until you feel that you are clear from resentments). HeartMath teaches how to regulate emotional states and take responsibility for how we feel and behave. We regain our personal power and come to understand that another cannot hurt us unless we allow them to.

Get into a relaxed position in a quiet place. Drop into your heart by thinking of something or someone you love or appreciate dearly. Place your attention on your heart. You may feel it flutter or become warm. Imagine breathing through your heart and stay steady in your focus on the heart center. Then send intentions of love, blessings, appreciation, goodwill, and most importantly, forgiveness to the transgressor.

When you feel someone has done something horrible to you this can be a difficult concept to wrap your head around. Why should I bless a boss who stole a big commission from me? You want me to send appreciation to my jerk of an ex? Why would I send love to the landlord who is rude and never repairs anything?

Why? Because amazing things happen as a consequence of this practice. At first it can be challenging, but soon you feel yourself soften. Your fury dissipates. You start seeing the person in a new light; you remind yourself that they may be hurt or broken, and could be suffering too. You will discover that thinking of their trespasses no longer holds the negative charge that it did before. I have experienced amazing breakthroughs in relationships using this technique. But more importantly, I have been set free from resentments, hurt, and anger. And there is nothing like the feeling of a mind free of internal disputes.

In a Master Class, Oprah spoke about one of her infamous AH-HA moments that occurred during an old show. One of her guests explained that forgiveness meant giving up the hope that the past could be any different than it was and accepting that an event happened as it did. She called it a “transcendent” moment that changed her and she said that she no longer holds grudges.

A lack of forgiveness is one of the most venomous toxins on the planet. All we need do is turn on the news to see just how brutally destructive it is. When you forgive, you grant yourself a massive opportunity to heal. It is an act of self-compassion that is more monumental in altering your life to the good than you may have ever considered. You will lighten your mind, your body, and your life by dropping a heavy backpack that you did not even know you were carrying.

Forgiveness is the ultimate act of grace and can be a game changer that can heal things you would not have thought possible. It does not change the past, but it does change the future.

Imagine what the world would be like if we all forgave each other.

Now available worldwide on Amazon! 
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This fusion guidebook-memoir helps navigate prevention as much as it is for the those diagnosed with disease; it is a resource for living life to the fullest. St. Hilaire presents simple-to-digest material and wisdom woven with insightful anecdotes. She provides an invaluable amalgamation of research in a context not always accessible at your cancer centre.

“What a remarkable mixture of facts, data, research, warmth, humour, compassion, inspiration, vulnerability and courage!”
-Dianne Quinton, Coach

www.imsorryitscancer.com

I awoke one exceedingly cold winter morning not long ago and attempted to drag myself out of bed. In spite of my good intentions to jump up, make the bed, and get on with the day, I stood in a daze for a few seconds, grabbed my laptop from the kitchen, and slid back under the warmth of the big white duvet to check emails.

The day before, I had planned to go directly downstairs to the gym after work and get on the treadmill for at least a half hour. I walked in the door and was about to change into my exercise gear, but within seconds, I convinced myself to wait until later on that evening. Although only a hop, skip, and a jump away, I never made it.

After dinner, as I watched sitcoms and searched the Internet intermittently for some book minutiae I was researching, I occasionally glanced at the boxes filled with unfiled paperwork that I had meant to work on, yet again—things long overdue—with Lady Guilt hovering around me like a dark cloud. I never touched them.

I had intended to do a guided meditation by 10:00 pm because of a new self-promise to have lights out by midnight, but somehow, I began the meditation at 12:15 a.m. instead.

Just before I fell asleep, I prayed.

My innate nature is one of motivation and organization. Before cancer II, I would have been considered one of the most organized women in my circle of friends and family. I used to be the ultimate doer. The master organizer. The ‘Energizer Bunny.’ My procrastination is a relatively new trait—one I am neither fond of, nor proud of. Why I changed was a mystery to me. An even bigger flummox: how in the world would I get back on track?

I prayed for motivation.

I do get things done—such as a daily practice of writing my latest book, but I had a longstanding “To Do” list and a paper pile that was turning into a mountainous nightmare.

When I opened my laptop in bed that frigid morning, a Facebook link my sister had sent me caught my eye. It was labeled: Why Motivation is Garbage. Wow. I had prayed for motivation the night before.

I watched the short clip and was intrigued. It was an excerpt from a 45-minute interview with a coach and author named Mel Robbins. She’s a no-bull, firecracker of a woman, and she was discussing her new book called The 5 Second Rule.

 She spoke candidly about a period in her life when her affairs were in an epic mess. She and her husband are a high achieving couple. His business had faltered, she was out of work and drinking more than she knew was okay, and they were in financial crisis. She had fever-pitched anxiety and was finding it increasingly difficult to get out of bed each morning.

She comically revealed how she came up with something she termed ‘the 5 second rule,’ calling it ridiculous. It was so silly that she had no intention of telling anyone about it. One day she watched a NASA rocket launch. The countdown struck her. What if she were to use it to launch herself out of bed in the mornings? She started the next day and did a slow 5-4-3-2-1 countdown and propelled herself out of bed. It worked. She kept at it and it effectively got her moving, so she began using it for other things she’d been procrastinating on, including better communication with her husband. She even used it to cut down on drinking.

In spite of her reluctance, she began sharing it with coaching clients and when she saw how effective it was, she set out to research why it worked so well. She also learned about the roots of procrastination.

She discovered that our brains are designed to stop us from change; they protect us from the new, the uncertain, and the scary. We overthink and analyze and our brains instantaneously come up with excuses and reasons not take action.

And oftentimes we tell ourselves, “I don’t feel like it.” The thing is, we’ll never feel like it. We may not be in the mood or in a state of motivation because of a sense of overwhelm or dread. That feeling can come from traumatic experiences or circumstances that have gotten out of control. We’d rather remain in avoidance.

We make small decisions like eating a supersize bag of potato chips in one sitting, or lying on a couch in front of the TV instead of exercising, or yelling at a spouse, or evading an important project. In 5 seconds, our minds can sabotage us and rob us of happy relationships, success (whatever we deem it to be), or good health.

It’s not the big choices that radically alter the course of our lives, it’s the small decisions we make day-to-day that have the most impact on our health and wellbeing. The tiny acts map the path to the future.

Once I finally understood the reasons underlying my procrastination, I immediately started using the 5 second rule. And it frigging works. Instead of perpetually allowing feelings or autopilot stories to ambush me, I’m 5-4-3-2-1-ing. I tackled the monumental task of taming that paperwork project and it’s almost done. I’ve been using it to get my butt out the door and go for walks when I don’t feel like it. And I did yet another edit on my book into completion.

I’ve also used it to make the kind of calls and emails I dodge:

• I spent the time on My Apple customer service line and received an unprecedented $200 store credit.
• I made the irritating call to Telus (internet/TV) and received a significant credit and negotiated a much better rate.
• I wrote letters to ask doctors and health peeps for reviews and got my first fabulous endorsement from an MD in Florida and another from a cancer coach who is an ex-chemo nurse in Hawaii in the past week.
• I also used it to do the boring chore of organizing my sock & undie drawers and gather clothing to take to Goodwill.

If there’s some dream or goal you’ve been putting off, give the crazy 5 second rule a try. If you’re surrounded by clutter, use it to begin the task of simplifying. If you’re having trouble controlling your temper, stop and count down before you blow.

It’s like parenting yourself into doing the things that may not be a whole lot of fun, but are good for you in the long run. Halt the stories your mind is conning you with and take the steps toward the things you know will make you happier and give you a sense of peace, accomplishment, or overall wellbeing—5 seconds at a time.

What I realized with my massive paperwork procrastination problem was that, as much as I hated the idea of tackling it, it was the key to a big chunk of freedom. As I get within a few more hours of the task stamped “completed,” I feel a sense of lightness and liberation.

If you’re prone to perfectionism and/or workaholism, something important to make note of is that you can use the 5 second rule to stop working and start living. This isn’t only for drudgery; it’s also effective for taking the time to nap, read, or have a play date with a good friend or lover. It can be used to stop and sweetly savour life.

The bottom line: stop thinking, start acting. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique and just do it.

How to stop screwing yourself over | Mel Robbins | TEDxSF

Mel Robbins on Why Motivation Is Garbage | Impact Theory

Post © Wanda St.Hilaire

Dear Readers,

I’ve neglected my blog for the past two months to get that massive personal project done while simultaneously completing my book. I’m pleased to announce it goes into production next week! Hooray!

I will be hosting an end-of-June book launch and you’re all invited whether you’re in Calgary for the real party or the virtual online launch. That’ll be a whole lot of 5-4-3-2-1-ing, but I think I can pull it off.

If you’re interested in joining my virtual launch team to be a Spread-the-Word-Supporter, just jot me a line at destinoex@aol.com. Also, if you’re not on my Facebook or newsletter list, send me a note to have your name added to the invite list. 

This is going to be a joie de vivre celebration of living event!

What To Do After “I’m sorry, it’s cancer.”
An Exceptional Guidebook for Navigating Your Way
to Health and Happiness

 You can never comprehend the severe and sudden impact of the words, “I’m sorry, it’s cancer” unless they are directed at you. Wanda St. Hilaire personally and profoundly knows the effects of those four words—twice over. With her first diagnosis at the age of 29, Wanda was an anomaly. Today, cancer is epidemic—one in three people will be diagnosed—and age does not exempt anyone.

Many people given the diagnosis either panic and make knee-jerk decisions under duress or check out and allow others to dictate their cancer journey.

What can you do instead?

Firstly, make fully informed, intuitive decisions. Knowledge is empowerment. Secondly, address the real causes of the imbalances that give cancer a place to thrive. Cancer is a “whole person” disease, yet it is typically treated as a separate entity to be aggressively attacked. Every part of our bodies and all aspects of our lives are interdependent of the other and there is far more you can do to heal cancer than the standard surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy protocols.

This poignant fusion guidebook-memoir speaks to the power of human resilience and a steadfast belief that the answers to healing lie within. St. Hilaire presents simple-to-digest material and wisdom woven with insightful anecdotes. She provides an invaluable amalgamation of research in a context not always accessible at your cancer centre.

In sharing, Wanda hopes that those newly diagnosed, in recovery, or searching for a way to support someone they love will find that this book makes the healing process less traumatic and that it will lead survivors to a new and improved life post-disease.

What To Do After “I’m sorry, it’s cancer.” is a compelling reminder that impossible things happen every day.