Life Coaching by Evelyn

Everything starts with what you BELIEVE - 6 Easy Steps to Change Your Beliefs

2011-09-09T14:43:00.000-07:00

What we believe about ourselves determines everything in our lives. Our belief systems are essentially the programmes that run in the background and create HOW we see ourselves and that then determines HOW we behave, the choices we make, what and who we surround ourselves with, our self-image, absolutely everything.

If you're stuck in a rut, keep repeating an unwanted pattern of behaviour, making the same mistakes, or not attracting what you want into your life, examine your beliefs. Your beliefs are the source of every thought and action you make, so if you don't like what you're getting use the simple steps below and examine what the core beliefs are around the specific area you're working on.

1) Identify your limiting beliefs.

You can’t change your beliefs if you don’t know what they are. Write down an exhaustive list of what you believe about money. If you don’t have any limiting beliefs about money, congratulations – you’re done and you should be doing nicely for yourself. If not, use the following steps to deal with each belief one at a time.

2) What’s the worst that could happen to you if this belief were true?

Investigate this belief to the core – what do you believe is the worst that could happen to you if this belief were absolutely true? Write down your worst fears, by facing them you break down their power. The more painful you make this 2nd step the easier it will be to change your belief.

3) Ask yourself if this belief is always true?

Answer these 3 questions to start breaking your belief down;

i. Is this belief always true?

ii. Is it true for everyone?

iii. Has there ever been a time when it wasn’t true?

4) What would be an empowering alternative to this belief?

Create an empowering alternative to this belief. State it positively, in the form of affirmations. For example, for my 3 limiting beliefs I wrote down:

i. I am making even more profits while working even less.

ii. I am making even more profits now with the wealth of knowledge & skills I already have.

iii. More and more wealth flows into my life because I richly deserve an abundance of it.

5) What’s the best that could happen to you if your new empowering belief was true?

Dream big with this one. Write down all the good changes that would happen in your life if your new belief was true. The more fun and pleasurable you make this answer the more your mind will be drawn towards your new belief.

6) Place your new beliefs in a place you’ll see often.

Place your new beliefs in a place you’ll see often, pasted on the mirror, in your wallet or on your desktop. You can also write your new beliefs down or say them aloud to yourself for a week, or ideally for 30 days.

Power Questions - 5 Simple Steps to your next Breakthrough

2011-09-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

If you were to watch a video recording of yourself over a week, you would probably be surprised to learn that most of your days are spent repeating the same patterns over and over. We are creatures of habit and we endlessly repeat the same behaviours, patterns, relationships, mistakes, points, even words daily, weekly, monthly, annually. In fact it's a necessary part of our survival, it's how the brain simplifies the huge complexities of life in order to function quickly. Malcolm Gladwell's book BLINK details very interesting research on how the brain accurately 'thin-slices' through vast amounts of information in order for us to make decisions quickly, otherwise known as 'instinct'. Like everything, this helpful mechanism for habit and repetition can also work against us and cause us to find ourselves stuck in different areas and worse still, unclear about how to change or move forward.

When we find ourselves continually getting the same unwanted results in an area of our lives, we can feel stuck. Our perspective is that this is somehow happening to us, that we are passive in life and powerless. This couldn't be further from the truth. The current New Age term is 'co-creator' which is apt, you are a co-creator in your life and by taking that stance, you have the ultimate power to decide what you do and don't want, where you do and don't want to go, who you want to be, etc. etc. 'If you think you can or think you can't, you're probably right' Henry Ford once said and it is truly the case.

Everything begins in HOW we see things. So in order to change ANYTHING in our lives, we must first make some shifts in our perspective. Changing HOW we see, will inevitably change HOW we behave. So making the connection between the current circumstances you find yourself in and your past decisions and actions, will help you see that the decisions and actions you take now are creating your future. It's simply up to you to choose what results you want and make different choices and actions. In fact, once we make the necessary shift in perspective, changing our behaviour can and is often effortless. Great....

Here's the simple 'How to' part.

Paul McKenna calls these 'possibility questions', something he noticed Albert Einstein used very successfully, unlike many other scientists and look where that got him.

Think of a situation where you have been feeling a bit stuck and ask yourself the following: (I suggest writing down your answers.)

1. What would happen if this just wasn't a problem any more?
2. What would it take for everything to be all right?
3. If I knew there was a simple solution, what would it be?
4. What haven't I though of yet?
5. If I made an astounding breakthrough in this area, what would it be like?

Use what you've learnt and make a commitment to yourself to act upon it NOW.

If you decide to put it off until later, or another day, know that you are CHOOSING TO STAY STUCK and just accept that. That is where you are right now and WHEN you are ready for change, you will.

If you are interested in learning more about how coaching can help you move forward in your life -
Go to www.evelyncotter.com and book your free 20 minute phone consultation now.

Life & Executive Coach Evelyn Cotter works with clients in several locations in central London, at client's workplaces and via Skype and phone.

For testimonials and all other enquiries please go here.

For updates LIKE my FB page www.facebook.com/lifecoachevelyncotter

Top 10 tips for SURE FIRE SUCCESS with your CV

2010-10-06T14:58:00.000-07:00

CVs are about communication! Yes, it's a tall order to communicate your character, experience and qualifications all in 2 pages. However, with some tweaking you can take your CV from mediocre to meteoric in no time!

Put energy and time into it now and you will reap the rewards later!

I review and tailor client's CVs every week and these are the top tips my client's find useful.

1. Use active verbs in the present tense to convey energy, relevance and forward motion.

2. Start with a professional profile - a description of you, open with a bang! i.e. I am a dynamic team-player who thrives on the front line of business, comfortable in taking the initiative and leading a team, I have proven attention to detail and thrive in a fast paced environment.

3. Think skills - communicate what you can do. Break down each role and do a skills inventory, if there were several projects you were involved in, do a skill and responsibility inventory on each project and ensure to convey these skills through your bullet pointed description of the role.

4. Lay out - Chronology may not always be the best way to represent yourself - think relevance - and position your past roles in order of relevance to the job you're applying for.

5. Wording - how can you make the most out of your achievements and responsibilities? Think buzz words or terms to describe previous roles that correspond to the role you are applying for. i.e synergy, dynamic, proactive, organic, vibrant etc.

6. Less is more - PACK A PUNCH on every line -Don't spell every single detail out, leave some room for questions in the interview.

7. White space - clean, clear CVs are easy to read and a joy to a recruiter! Use bullet points and keep paragraphs to a strict minimum. Make it easy for them to choose YOU for interview.

8. Tailor your CV for the job you're applying for, answer the job description, use their words and back it up with examples of how you have displayed these attributes.

9. Personality - is your CV YOU? Does it represent you at your best? If not, why not? Dissect it and rebuild it. Invested time now, could pay big tomorrow!

10. Get a second opinion - NEVER send out a CV that hasn't been checked by someone else. Spelling, comprehension, can be picked up and corrected before it's too late! Even better if you can send it off to an industry professional for feedback.

*Why not use Linkedin to find industry contacts, email them your CV and politely ask for feedback, a bit of flattery thrown in should do the trick!

For a complementary phone consultation to discuss your CV, Cover Letters or Career Direction click here and message me for available slots.

Go forth and get that job offer!

Relationships.....has yours reached it's sell-by-date?

2010-07-22T03:33:00.000-07:00

As is customary in working intimately with people, themes emerge. Last week's was the fear of leaving outdated relationships, that sense of a relationship holding you captive. This truly is a universal experience and something that at one stage or another we all find incredibly trying, challenging and painful. Strangely, for those very reasons, it is also one of our greatest opportunities for personal growth and wonderfully fulfilling future relationships.

Security, comfort, familiarity, reliability, dependability, companionship are each in their own right important aspects in life and relationships, they oil the cogs of long term commitment. However, what may have once been incredibly positive, can quickly become stifling and unhealthy to the individuals concerned when change goes unacknowledged.

Are you 'in neediness' or in love?

What has changed? More than likely you have changed. The balance is off.......sometimes it's a red flag that the relationship needs some tweaking, some attention.........sometimes it's a red flag that the relationship has fully expressed itself and has no where else to go. As a flower blooms and blossoms, so must it wither and fade.

The reasons, the intent behind staying in the relationship, this is all that matters. This alone determines the quality of your relationship and the future it holds. For most;

Fear of the unknown,
Fear of being alone,
Fear of rejection,
Fear of disappointing others,
Fear of hurting the other
Fear of making a mistake,
Fear of it being too late to turn back,

are the real reasons people 'stick it out'!

Don't you deserve more?

When my clients present for their first session, the most significant 'obstacle' they have to deal with is what I call 'catching up with themselves' i.e. most of us walk around seeing ourselves in an outdated version....imagine still running on Windows 98, 12 years later? Many people do. Think of people who loose a lot of weight.....unless they have worked on changing their body image in line with the weight loss........they still see themselves as 'fat' and as a result experience themselves as that and so their life goes. The same is true of those who win the lottery......they more often than not blow all their money within a few years.........because they haven't caught up mentally with their new wealthy state.

To still be running on an outdated version of yourself, is the failure to acknowledge yourself as a constantly evolving, creature of the natural world.

You are not the same person today as you were yesterday, this is life, this is why you are so fascinating. But the mind craves normality, normalising and generalising is how the mind functions in an ever-changing world. Who's running your show? You or the tool that is your mind? Get back in charge and take the wheel.

When we 'catch up' with who we are today, taking into consideration how we've evolved, what we've let go of, taken on, become etc. we get back in touch with ourselves. We increase our strength and realise our sense of self, our confidence and see things with perspective again. NOTHING is ever going to be THAT bad, if it's done for the RIGHT reasons.

The challenge for such habitual creatures as we are, is that we are constantly changing. NOTHING IS CERTAIN BUT DEATH AND TAXES.

So 'safety' is a myth, 'security' can only be created from the inside out. Once we acknowledge this, life is a wonderful journey, for if 'safety' is an illusion, so must threat be an illusion and it is. When we think we NEED 'safety' and NEED external 'security', we are living on very marshy lands and life is compromised BIG TIME.

Relationships too can and do become outdated...what once enriched your life......now takes from it....it is for you to see why and reach down deep and work through it. The only way OUT is through!

Q: If you woke up in the morning as the most confident happiest most contented version of yourself, would you still CHOOSE to stay in your relationship?

If the answer is Yes, great, some tweaking may be in order.

If the answer is NO, you're not currently CHOOSING to be in this relationship, you're being held captive by your own 'In NEEDiNESS'.

I'll borrow two steps from my previous post on the wider sense of uncertainty to give some practical tips. See Don't just Survive, Thrive in these Uncertain Times for more on this.

Don't avoid what you fear, DEFINE IT. Scary?
We truly have nothing to fear but fear itself. This is the number one exercise to do when insecurity is taking over. The more you run from your fears, the scarier they get, the more power they have over you.

"Named must your fear be before banish it you can" Yoda.

1. Take 15 minutes and outline your WORST CASE SCENARIO (What is the worst possible outcome of expressing how you truly feel to your partner, suggesting you take a break to have some space, or ending your relationship, leaving i.e. the pain of hurting another, disappointing your family, depression, fear of the unknown, fear of being alone etc.).

2. Then write down all the actions you could take to minimise the worst case scenario (Having an honest and loving conversation with your partner to express what you need may be fantastic for you both, you may be setting the other person free, huge relief, you can now decide what kind of relationship you would like in future, what kind of partner do you now know you need....taking a holiday...or some time out).

3. Outline what positives you would still have in your life (your friends, family, passions, career).

4. How could you actually benefit from this worst case scenario?

More time doing what you love, the freedom to do what you want to do and when, time to pursue your dreams, develop that talent you never had time for, find your purpose in life, live a simpler more contented life?

There sure is a lot to think about here and I understand how emotions can overwhelm us and fog our view, but know that it truly is NEVER too late to make a break. If you need space, take it. Life is too short to live in a compromised way for any length of time. Expand out into the world and find the courage to give yourself what you know you deserve, and maybe are just afraid to have.

The Bottom Line on this is:

If you feel compromised, trapped, held captive by your neediness, only YOU can make the change and FREE yourself. The first step is Know you deserve more!

Recommendations:

A book I recommend for anyone who may be in a relationship and is feeling unsure about how to end it or needs some perspective, or for those who have just broken up is:

Paul McKenna, I CAN MEND YOUR BROKEN HEART.

Use the CD daily for at least 2/3 weeks.

The book is very simply written, conversational in tone, large print and very well put together.

Many of my clients have found it worked fantastically and the exercises in the book are excellent for finding clarity.

Good luck

Select your past to change your future!

2010-06-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

It's almost impossible to feel good about ourselves, to believe we can have what we really want, when in the background a past of not-so-positive or good experiences still play on in our minds. When we live unchecked, we project our past experiences on to our future, thus, we get more of the same.

One of the most powerful ways I have personally propelled myself forward is the exercise I am about to share with you.

Think of your CV or resume; you select the very best of what you have done, you present only the key positive areas of your past positions, your achievements, the things you are most proud of. It makes total sense if you want that next job, right! Well simply applying this to how we present ourselves and our past, to ourselves, can literally revolutionise your life.

The key to visualisation as a tool is consistency. As I repeatedly tell my clients (and myself) consistency is key in building momentum and momentum is key to success!

Visualise until you FEEL it's real. Visualise until the positive images, feelings, ideas out weigh the negative. Jim Carey once told Oprah Winfrey that in his early days trying to break into the big time, he would sit on top of the Hollywood Hills, near the infamous sign and wouldn't allow himself leave until he had created the FEELING of being hugely successful as an actor, earning millions and living the life of his dreams. He didn't just do it a handful times needless to say, he did it repeatedly until it became his reality. The consistency here is what differentiates him from millions of others.

The exercise is essentially this:

Cherry-pick the very best, more positive, most wonderful, satisfying, fun, confident times in your entire life. Your achievements, life-changing experiences, simple happy times etc.
Write them down.
Focus on only those memories once each evening before you go to sleep and once each morning before you get out of bed. Feel how good they were and great are a person you are.

Below, I have gone one step further to work on different sections of your life. Choose what's most relevant to you now, or use all of them at once. These are merely suggestions and are only a starting point. With your imagination, the sky is the limit. This is also fun, so play, play, play and reap the rewards:

The Relationship of all relationships: Our parents relationship with each other becomes our blueprint for our own relationships, no exceptions! You may think you're the very opposite, but on closer examination I bet you you'll see it playing out. How can we change this?

Visualisation: Imagine your childhood and imagine your parents as you would have like them to have behaved to each other, as you would have liked them to be as people. See your parents sharing, having fun, loving each other, taking care of each other, showing true intimacy. See your family having lots of fun together and FEEL how differently the vibe in your home feels. How much you love being around your family and how loved you feel. Imagine what would have been your best case scenario growing up.

Focus on this repeatedly, daily, for at least 3 weeks.

How to Make Friends and Influence People: What we get back is a reflection of what we are projecting out. So if you're not feeling very loved or popular, it's always what you're giving out, that's the universal law, whether conscious or subconsciously. Ask yourself: What is my inner language expressing without saying anything at all? Take some time to write down what comes up for you, for example, underneath are you needy, clingy, fearful of rejection, desperate to be loved etc. If so, it's good to know, only when we name something, can we work with it to let it go. Then go through this visualisation.

Visualisation: Go back to your early school days, kindergarten even and see yourself being so loved and adored by all your fellow kindergarteners, see yourself having so much fun and feeling so comfortable and happy in yourself. Move yourself into primary school and do the same, see yourself as class president or whatever role you would have liked to have played. See yourself being invited round to lots of children's homes and parties and FEEL how great it all was.

Money Honey: Blueprints of our relationships, money, parenting everything were formed before we were four year old. If your beliefs around money aren't giving you the life you'd like, then recreate the past that will help you create abundance consciousness.

Visualisation: Imagine your past, a past of abundance, of plenty, of happiness, of choices and freedom. FEEL how being wealthy made you feel; secure, confident, loved, independent, safe etc. Imagine your childhood and how fabulous it was to feel so secure and comfortable. Imagine the details, your imaginary wealthy home, the difference in your family and how you all interacted, the fantastic holidays you went on (even if you never did, imagine the holidays if you had) the wonderful hobbies, parties etc. and keep going further and further into your imaginary past until you FEEL it to be true.

Focus on this repeatedly, daily, for at least 3 weeks.

Be 'The Body': We may not all have the typical model body, but it amazing how simply loving the body we do have, can transform us from the inside out and make us powerfully attractive to those around us. It all starts with how you see your body, where your attention goes, your energy flows, so bring your attention to those fantastic legs, wonderful bone structure, beautiful eyes and forget about the rest.

Visualisation: Imagine yourself on the beach, rubbing oil on that toned, lean body of yours. FEEL your solid, toned body, long lean limbs (or muscular if that's your aim) and see your reflection in the mirror trying on gorgeous clothes and take the time to admire yourself, to love what you see. Feel what it's like to be 100& healthy and vital and light as a feather with a spring in your step. See yourself dressed to impress and feeling fantastic, soaking up the positive attention, enjoying loving yourself from the inside out. See yourself eating healthy, whole, fresh foods, prioritising your health and vitality. Imagine yourself working out and loving every bit of it, limber, flexible, strong and walking tall and confident wearing those skinny jeans, gorgeous dress, fabulous suit etc.

Focus on this repeatedly, daily, for at least 3 weeks.

James Joyce said it best when he said “I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day.”

Who is your Hero?

2010-05-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

Heroes inspire us to great things. We admire them and want to take on some of their qualities and gifts.

Do this exercise to help you recognize your values and the conditions or environments in which your hero comes to the fore.

Remember that you are a hero too!

Who was your Hero? (If you can think of more than one, who were they? (Please keep to a maximum of three- can be fictional or real people).
What made this person heroic to you? (Qualities, values, abilities)
What else had to be in place for this person to show her/his heroic qualities? Any conditions? (e.g. Lone Ranger wore a mask), Superman responded to crises)
How did s/he do these heroic deeds?
What parallels do you see in yourself? (Where is your hero in evidence in your daily life?) (What values do you live by? What personal qualities do you have?)
What is the hero in you asking you to do differently?

7 Easy Ways to Build TRUE Confidence

2010-05-25T06:51:00.000-07:00

If you want to develop true confidence and discover how liberating self-acceptance is, follow these 7 simple tips. Incorporate these tips into your daily life, make weekly targets for yourself i.e. talk to a stranger every day, say 'NO' 5 times this week, vocalise my point in every meeting this week or in every social situation etc. and see the results for yourself.

I suggest marking your wall planner or diary every day to record your progress and also to highlight what steps you are avoiding, as these are likely to be exactly where you need to develop. For instance, if you find talking to strangers a challenge, start with 'Beautiful weather we're having' to the shop keeper, saying a simple 'Hello' to people you normally wouldn't salute at work, in your neighbourhood or on country walks. When we take the initiative usually most people are delighted and will respond positively. From here, keep up the good work and be consistent.

7 Easy Ways to Build Confidence

Say No. (To whatever it is you don't want to do, feel obliged or you 'should' do, or don't want to accept.)
Collect rejections. Keep putting yourself out there and asking for what you want, e.g. higher salary, more time off, a discount on purchases, someone else to do the dishes, pitching your book or business idea, the more 'NO's' you get, the less it bothers you. Most people fear rejection, but what we resist persists, the more you embrace what you fear, the less power it holds over you, the more liberated you are to do what you want.
Change your mind twice a day - it's OK. This exercise will remind you that you are as free as you allow yourself to be. It's true.
Think about what you want. Start it. Finish it. Acknowledge your achievement. (Pick something simple to begin with. Feel what it's like to achieve it.)
Share your opinion when in company - bring yourself out into the open.
Chat to strangers. Small talk is an art and research shows it increases the quality of your day. The more you do this, the more it becomes the norm, which opens you up, increasing your ability to feel good about yourself and in turn, makes you more approachable. You've got to give to receive.
Develop confidence from the inside out. By this I mean body confidence. Yoga, dance, martial arts, surfing, sailing and so on. Fitness builds strength from the inside out, putting you in touch with your inner power and strength and that's real confidence.

Go forth and build true confidence.

Evelyn

Break free from the chains, allow yourself to be more, do more, have more.

2010-05-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

Look around at your life right now, identify the area that is causing you the most pain, sleepless nights or stress and also identify the area that you consider the most successful part of your life.

What's the main difference?

Allow me. The current state of the best and worst areas of your life are both directly a result of what you believe about yourself in relation to those corresponding areas. Your beliefs are like the rules of your life, what you can and can't have, what you do and don't deserve, who you should and shouldn't be with etc. Many of these 'rules' were formed in childhood and were absorbed from other people. Now's the time for YOU to DECIDE what you WANT to believe and what rules, if any, you want to live within.

Challenging or lacking relationships? Lack of financial abundance? Stressful work? Unfulfilled ambitions? The evidence, i.e. the state of this area, illuminates what you believe you deserve. These rules aren't working for you.

Blissfully happy home life? Wonderful work environment? Fabulous social life? Again, the evidence is in the positive state of this area, illuminating the positive, supportive beliefs you have, resulting directly in how you experience this part of your life. These rules are working for you.

We live our lives unconsciously most of the time and so uncovering what we really believe, is the only and first step to achieving ANY type of success, in whatever shape or form that may take for you.

What will the recipe to your success in ANY area of your life be?
Developing positive beliefs around what you want.

What you associate with any trait, activity or thing, determines whether or not it is possible for you to be or have it. Say you want to become a millionaire, but underneath you believe wealthy people are bad, or too much money brings trouble, you are in fact REPELLING what you want with what you BELIEVE to be true. How can you cultivate wealth when you believe inherently that is bad?

What you want + Belief you can be or have it = Success

What you want + Negative belief about what you can be or have = NOTHING, but frustration and pain
(Remember a positive and a negative neutralise each other.)

When what we truly believe about ourselves is unconscious, a contradiction often occurs. The conscious mind wants to achieve a certain goal and we go tooth and nail taking actions to achieve it and get no where fast, because the unconscious does not want to achieve the goal. Internal conflict results and generally lots of pain, failure, wasted energy, confusion and negative outcomes. At best, this conflicted approach between conscious (what you want) and unconscious (your beliefs) produces low-quality actions, which yes, you've guessed it, produce low-quality outcomes or a consistent pattern of some initial success followed by failure.

Beliefs supportive of identified goal = High Quality Action = Success

The time you invest to uncover your true beliefs about life in general will benefit you in a way that can only be compared to breaking free from the chains that have bound you from living to the potential you KNOW you can.

What we resist persists. What we stare in the face, falls away.
So here's some tips to get you started on uncovering your limiting beliefs.

Taking each separate section of your life from The Wheel of Life identify the 3 areas of your life, where you are not accomplishing your goals and ask yourself
the reasons you are not currently achieving your goal. What do you think is holding you back? Ask yourself that question and answer as truthfully and thoroughly as you can. The answers will reveal what it is that you perceive to be limitations. More often than not, these limits will be more about you than about the world. When they are about you, they are something that can be changed or updated.

Now, I have found that when people do ask themselves these questions in their own mind, they are rarely honest with themselves, so here is another approach that I use a lot with my one to one clients to discover what, if any, limiting beliefs you have;

Step 1:

Take a piece of paper and write down an important goal. Have a good look at that goal and really think about it.

Step 2:

As you think about that goal, assess and score each of the following statements. Score each of these statements by giving it a score out of 10, where 1 means you do not believe this statement and 10 means that you believe it without a doubt at all.

I deserve to achieve my goal.
I have the skills and abilities necessary to achieve this goal.
It is possible to achieve my goal.
My goal is clear and defined.
My goal is desirable to me.
My goal is worthwhile.

Look at the lowest scores for any of your answers and begin to explore them. This can be wonderfully enlightening. Low scores highlight and indicate a limiting belief or that you have not thought about the goal sufficiently. If you have discovered some doubts in some areas of your goals, now begin to ask your self about the reasons you are doubtful or what could be making you doubt this?

When you begin to question and examine your beliefs you can unearth what might be limiting beliefs and then you can begin to heighten your awareness of whether or not your beliefs are preventing you from achieving your goals.

In my next post, I'll be talking about Letting Go.

Would love to hear your thoughts or experiences on uncovering and discarding your limited beliefs.

Evelyn

Don't just survive, THRIVE in these uncertain times.

2010-05-10T13:29:00.000-07:00

Witnessing the impact that uncertainty has had on many of my clients, I feel compelled to share some practical tips to help you to adapt to the conditions of this chaotic new world.

What you experience externally is a reflection of yourself internally, which makes YOU incredibly powerful. Change the inside (how you to talk to yourself - how you think about yourself - how you feel about yourself) and the external world will change with you.

1. Unrealistic or outdated expectations?

Nothing remains the same forever. Things must change to remain viable or get better, on a global scale, a local scale and on a personal scale. Expecting growth without change is unrealistic. No pain no gain, there is always a cost to growth but, remember, temporary pain for long-term gain, it's always always worth it.

2. You are NOT to blame.
Blame is toxic, taking responsibility is healthy. We live in a circle of concern (our wider world) and we inhabit a circle of influence (our immediate world), distinguishing what you can and can't influence can in itself give you peace. When you see what you can influence, create a plan for change and take action, and LET THE REST GO.

3. No one else is to blame. Life is too short to BLAME anyone for anything. BLAMING is handing over your power and that just doesn't make any sense now does it!

4. Don't avoid what you fear, DEFINE IT. Scary?
We truly have nothing to fear but fear itself. This is the number one exercise to do when insecurity is taking over. The more you run from your fears, the scarier they get, the more power they have over you.

"Named must your fear be before banish it you can" Yoda.

1. Take 15 minutes and outline your WORST CASE SCENARIO (being made redundant, loosing your pension, loosing your business, your home - go on name it, THE worst possible case).
2. Then write down all the actions you could take to minimise the worst case scenario (get a job in a bar, set up a market stall, sell your sports car/yacht).
3. Outline what positives you would still have in your life (your partner, family, passions).
4. How could you actually benefit from this worst case scenario? More time with your loved ones, time to finally pursue your dreams, take a shot at that business idea you always had, develop that talent you never had time for, find your purpose in life, live a simpler more contented life?

5. Be a positive contributor in whatever you do.

6. Team up with others. 2/3/4/5/6 heads, energy, skill sets, strengths are always better than one.

7. Be a part of something larger than a career, volunteer in a hospice, homeless shelter, help adults learn to read and write, take some children from disadvantaged backgrounds out for the day, do something for the greater good and see your 'problems' shrink and your gratitude and appreciation soar.

This chaotic new world is a diamond of opportunity for you and all of us, only it's presented to us covered in layers of mud. See through the mud to the diamond beneath, go through the temporary discomfort of cleaning off the muddy layer and sooner or later, the diamond is yours to keep and treasure.

If you have any further tips or have found these useful, I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks for reading, Evelyn

Be your own CORP INC

2010-03-05T09:07:00.001-08:00

One of my A-team (dream support team), even if it's only through reading her books and blog, is the renowned UK Life Coach Fiona Harrold. Fiona highlighted one of her exercises recently, one I found so effective in bringing me sharply back into focus when reading her book 7 Rules for Success, that I have used it with many of my own clients with great success. It is that of creating your own mission statement. See below for the link to Fiona's mission statement exercise.

I went one step further, as most commonly mission statements are seen on corporate literature and websites etc. I considered how looking at ourselves in business terms is a very effective exercise to gain true objectivity on our lives. It is the most effective way I have found to de-personalise myself and see the true shape of my own organisation as it were.

Any successful, healthy business requires consistent scrutiny, analysis, staff reviews and audits to accurately assess effectiveness, use of resources and profitability. Similarly, a healthy, balanced individual requires regular self-examination and reflection to review:
-how much ground we are making towards our goals,
-how our goals may have changed,
-how in line with our values we are living,
-how effectively we are using our energy and
-how 'profitable' we are, i.e. the sum total we have gained through our efforts.
Looking at this in the cold, harsh, light of our business mind will help us make better decisions and prevent us from loosing direction, motivation or focus.

Every great corporation or company, has a strong sense of identity and keeps in line with it's core values and mission statement, think of Google or Apple for example.

Think of a good CEO. She has to lead her organisation with strong decisions, firm guidelines and trust his team are perfectly capable for the job, trust in them to achieve and let go, looking to the future. Similiarly, if something isn't working for you, there's no need to hide from it, hoping it will disappear, simply objectify yourself, break whatever isn't working down into cold, hard facts, distance yourself from any blame or fault, check if this is still something you really want and if it is, know that it simply means another route is required. Change tack. Be your own leader, suck it up, make the necessary cut or change, trust yourself to do the best you can, LET GO and move forward.

The great REV Run of RunDMC recently tweeted 'Ppl think running FROM responsibilitie frees em up, nope! run str8 TO EM! Thats freedom!' To encourage self-examination, have quarterly reviews of ourselves if you like, now that's taking the utmost responsibility for our development and success. When people get themselves into serious ruts or dead ends and feel so overwhelmed that they are too paralysed to act, can only be achieved through irresponsibility, which is effectively neglect of the self and denial. Taking responsibility ensures you'll never have to go down that road again.

Exercise: You as a Business Plan.
Think of yourself as a business, how profitable are you? (Use The Wheel of Life to assess how happy you are with each area of your life.)
What will profitability look like for you?
Are you a strong market leader, a fresh, progressive start-up or a market stall?
Are you being led by a strong leader or aimlessly blowing along in the wind?
Perhaps it's time to change your CEO? Employ a stronger, firmer part of yourself to lead the way.
What are your aims for the future? What are your plans for development? How will that plan be executed?
How often do you require reviews?
How much do you trust your team to deliver? Can you let go and trust that you have everything you need to be successful?

Let your imagination run away with and build up a picture of what a solid, profitable, healthy, thriving YOU would like
and the reality of YOU in this moment. The work is in the development plan to bridge the gap.

I welcome the SHARING of your opinions, feedback or suggestions to any of my blog entries.

Taking responsibility is true independence, true independence is the real kind of POWER, the unshakeable, immovable kind.

Love and light x

Click here for Fiona's mission statement exercise;

Click for Rev Run's Twitter

Evil is the act, not the person!

2010-03-03T07:31:00.000-08:00

Today, like millions all over the UK, I heard that one of Jamie Bulger's convicted killers, John Venables has been jailed for violating his probation. Reading thousands of comments on Twitter, the pure hate, anger and violence poured out at this individual and the number of thoroughly descriptive comments anticipating his violent death were overwhelming.

What a sad reflection of our society. For a child of 10 to commit such an atrocious, violent act against another is surely a reflection of the gaping holes in our society, a stark reflection of our failure to nurture and parent children in the ways they need. Generations of children are prevented from developing into emotionally, mature adults capable of contributing something to the world and so the cycle continues.

Children dragged up in fear and control, ACT OUT. A child's 'misbehaviour' is only ever a symptom of what's really going on around it. Children are like emotional, subconscious sponges and as a result SOAK in their surrounding, dominant energy, if that is negative, the child would implode were it unable to release it, thus the 'negative' behaviour is the release. Blaming the child, holding the child responsible for the family's problems, the school's problems, society's problems, is absurd, but yet this is what we do as a society. Why? Because, that way we can blame those we can control, instead of looking at ourselves, instead of facing uncomfortable, challenging situations, behaviours, habits and taking action to make real change, we can abuse our control and blame the vulnerable.

Children require adults to be strong, mature, balanced leaders, we are failing them and with each generation, the cycle continues.

A child of 10 from a developmental view is not developed enough to be a conscious VIOLENT KILLER. A child of 10 is acting out, what he has learnt, what he has experienced, what he has been subjected to. John Venables is a human, yes, his actions were inhuman, but the distinction between human being and human doing needs to be clearly stated. Behaviour is NOT the person and if we were a society run by emotionally mature human beings, John Venable's actions would be seen as the symptom of a core problem and not blamed for it. Behaviour can be changed and worked through, with the right approach and intentions.

From my experience, those most vulnerable in our society; the homeless, the poor, the elderly and children are continually let down by society and the system, why? Because they require and are dependent upon true leaders to ensure their needs are met. Anyone without a voice, are mostly neglected, abused and scapegoated, for exactly the reasons they most need us, because they have no voice of their own, because the are dependent.

I am passionate about always looking deeper, looking at people and seeing beyond the outer layers, beyond the behaviour. I encourage this in myself and my clients and I although I acknowledge it is not always the easiest way to live, I know it is the only way. The manifestations of living every other way are apparent and rampant in the form of our social and cultural problems.

The more you attempt to see people on a deeper level, see past the outside, the behaviour, the more others will begin seeing you in this way. There is always more to see, to understand about others and as people, we are multi-faceted, multi-layered and made up of millions of experiences, thoughts and ideas, so looking in a 2-D way doesn't serve anyone.

Every time you succeed in using your deeper vision, you are giving to that person something they may not even be able to verbalise, but that on some level they will feel is of great value and I suppose to term it, it is ACCEPTANCE, from one human to another, an action that will be returned to you ten-fold.

Love and light x

Law of Attraction and Coaching?

2010-01-06T13:36:00.000-08:00

The Law of Attraction is the buzz word of the moment in the development sphere. Popularised by books like The Secret and the phenomenon of Law of Attraction Coaches, the question is does the concept behind the latest fad actually work?

What I have found through my own journey and from my clients is that certainly it works, but, like everything there's no instant, easy, FIX.

I have found the book The Secret fantastic for bringing a metaphysical understanding of life to so many people who were not previously open to these concepts. However, where it fell down was totally ignoring the 'How to' section. Merely thinking about what we want and knowing how the law of attraction works is not enough to manifest our desire, I spent years there myself.

What the Secret describes seems to be the 2nd or 3rd stage of the manifestation process. The first step, where the real work takes place, is about bringing our limiting beliefs/conditioning (our script formed in early childhood) to the surface and consciously reshaping our belief system to our adult selves. This process, one which many of my coaching clients undertake, enables us to actually ALLOW ourselves to have what we say we most desire. If we fail to undertake this phase, essentially we are neutralising a positive (external talk) with a negative (internal/subconscious talk) which manifests, yes, NIL, NADA, NOTHING. Only from uncovering our internal programming and consciously reworking it, is when real change can occur and how I have personally experienced true change first hand.

The Secret and so many people, who obviously resonate with these concepts, seem to miss this altogether. It’s the old cliché of talking the talk, but the vibration doesn't measure up, so no major results are achieved. I have learnt through experience, that the vibration is always the truth, talk truly is cheap, but so many fear going within to uncover their true belief system, they desperately want to believe their own talk to allow them to avoid it. Yes, going within can be uncomfortable, but with the support of a good coach, the rewards are more than worth it.

What seems to be my learning theme of the past few months, is you can understand something logically, you can be a rational 'expert' on a subject, but that doesn't mean you have even begun applying it to yourself. I come across so many people, who have read 'all the self-help books', 'done lots of development courses', are even qualified practitioners and therapists and believe themselves to be 'experts' on the subjects of development, but somehow fail to see why their lives still don't match what they say they 'know'.

Look for the evidence in your life supporting your application, if the evidence stacks up you're on your way and good for you, if it doesn't, look deeper, that’s the red flag to show there’s more in the subconscious to bring into the light before you can truly allow yourself have whatever it is you desire.

I have found positive affirmation subliminal CDs and NLP CDs, excellent in conjunction with coaching to help me bring my own and my clients limiting beliefs to the surface and re-structure my whole belief system and self-talk. Feel free to contact me if you would like the names of some of the CDs I have found most effective.

7 Tips to guarantee New Years Resolution Success or Goal Achievement

2010-01-05T13:39:00.000-08:00

A university research team recently found that 4 out of 5 people fail to keep their New Year's resolutions. Frankly, I'm not surprised.......socially our New Year's Resolutions typically originate from a negative i.e. I'm overweight, I'm in debt, I'm unfit etc. and is more about a social expectation to make changes, which isn't real motivation. Success can not develop from a negative starting point. To achieve anything in life, our focus must be on what we DO want.

The great thing about New Year's is taking the time to take stock on the year that has been, what you have achieved, what has worked and also what hasn't worked. To take the time to consciously assess where you're at, where you're going, are you on track to achieve your goals?

I have devised 7 tips to ensure success for your New Year's Resolutions or goals in general.

1. CHOOSE the big goal that will most impact your life positively.
2.Get EXCITED about the benefits of achieving your goal.
EXERCISE: Spend 5 minutes each morning and evening seeing yourself achieving your goal and feeling how fantastic it will be, seeing yourself enjoying all the benefits. Repeating this consistently over time is like giving your inner SAT NAV your desired destination.
3. BREAK down your big goal into smaller chunks. I suggest you work backwards, so start from achieving the goal and work backwards i.e. 12 months, 6 months, 3 months, 1 month, 1 week, 1 day etc. The desired effect is that you can break your big goal down into daily goals.
4. TAKE 1 ACTION each day towards your big goal, whether it's 30 minutes of research, a walk, a phone call, a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
5. MEASURE your progress. I suggest giving yourself a tick or a star daily on a wallplanner and keeping a progress diary. Measuring our progress spurs us on to keep going and when we hit rough patches (which you will, we all do), the ability to SEE how far we've come in a measured way makes our big goal much more tangible.
6. REWARD, CELEBRATE, PRAISE. After each week, each month or whatever best works for your goal, REWARD yourself. Celebrate your successes, your achievements, ENERGISE the positives. Self-praise, praise yourself like you would a small child for doing well. Positivity breeds positivity, what you focus on grows.
7. SURROUND yourself with people who you want to be like. Social support is CRITICAL for changing behaviour and if you're changing your behaviour and spending time around people who don't approve, support or possibly sabotage you, your chances of success are minimal.

Good luck and may the force be with you.

Is it really easier to put up and shut up?

2009-07-30T07:51:00.001-07:00

Does it seem that you'd be happier to stay put, making do, just surviving, so as to not rock the boat? Do you think 'Success, happiness and fulfilment are for other people, I'll just stay in my comfort zone and settle for less!'

or

Are you ready to GRAB your life by the horns and CHARGE forward, driven by the deep feeling that YOU DO DESERVE MORE?

If you have even a tiny niggle that your life is less than and not what the younger you dreamt for yourself, I invite you now to notice that little niggle, see it as your inner child, tugging at you to give her/him what she hoped for, what he/she knows you deserve. Get back in touch with this child and do him/her justice, make the changes if not for who you are now, but for the child full of hopes and dreams you once were!

Ask it a few questions, here are a few suggestions;

Is this life what you dreamt for me when I was growing up?
Are you disappointed with my life?
Have I neglected you and your dreams for me?
Am I living to my full potential?
Is there more for me out there?

Listen, feel and maybe shed a few tears if they come.

Go back to your excitement as a youngster, remember what it felt like when
the world was your oyster?
Do you believe you can regain this excitement and enthusiasm?

Believe it, it's there for you and by taking a step forward, by speaking to a Life Coach or an objective, professional of your choice, the child in you will beam through you with happiness that you have remembered that you ARE WORTHY of happiness and success.

The child in you needs to be recognised, like any child or young animal, it longs for your love and attention, give it to him/her and he/she will reward you, you will begin to feel united in yourself again and you will soon start to see your life aligning with who you truly are.

Love and light to all who read my words.

Oiling the cogs of our lives...

2009-07-30T07:00:00.001-07:00

What if someone told you, that no matter WHAT your problems, career, financial, personal, sexual, emotional, spiritual, addiction etc. it could all be solved by ONE THING?

You'd think I was mad. "These are all such unique problems and people are all so unique and their backgrounds and sensitivities, this surely is ludicrous! You can't just have a one size fits all solution!" you'd tell me.

Well let me shout it from the rooftops,

''Whatever the problem is, no exceptions, there's only EVER one answer,
SELF-ESTEEM''.

I believe it from the very core of my being!

No matter what issues, difficulties, fears, problems etc. my clients come to me with, it all boils down to one thing, always and you've guessed it, SELF-ESTEEM, or the lack there of.

How amazing and powerful it is to know that if this one thing is healthy and balanced, every area of our lives will be healthy and balanced.

To nurture and love ourselves is our ONLY responsibility, everything else honestly, falls into place once we learn how to do this. Could it reall be that easy?

Life skills are all about learning to develop self-esteem in ourselves, how to maintain it and know how to show our children how to develop and maintain it.

The more clients I see, the more people I see transforming their lives before my very eyes, hear their excitement about their new confidence and ease in their own skin. It affirms how personal obstacles, emotional baggage and so on, are most certainly NOT as complicated as they feel to solve.

The only thing standing in your way, is whether you're ready for change?

View something as simple and easily solved and so it will be, that's my philosophy and it works.

With love and light to all who read my words.