In this  episode of the confident and comfortable in your own skin podcast I interview Kisha Mays, Founder and CEO of Just Fearless, LLC.    Kisha is currently working with her team on the Women Empowering Women (WEW) International Tour which is changing women’s lives one city at a time.

Kisha’s primary focus is on marketing and advertising and empowering women to live their best life fearlessly and raising funds for non profits worldwide that support women and girls.  Since founding the firm, she has overseen the company’s rapid growth and expansion to the Latin American, European, Middle East, Far East, and Asian markets.  She has also provided advice and counsel to hundreds of companies, global interests, high-profile individuals, regional businesses, and government agencies on routine marketing and advertising to women and business development. Her aggressive, results focused orientation has allowed her to acquire close working relationships with members of the media, decision makers, politicians and celebrities.

You can learn more and connect with Kisha at www.twitter.com/KishaMays, www.blogtalkradio.com/kishamays, and www.justfearless.com.

Tune in to my recent conversation to learn more about Kisha and give yourself a little boost of empowerment as well.

Running Time: ~ 27 minutes

I had the good fortune of being introduced to Megan McMorris through Michelle Goodman author of Anti-9-to-5 Guide and My So-Called Freelance Life (you can catch my podcast interview with Michelle Goodman here).  Megan is a freelance writer and most recently the editor of an anthology called P.S. What I Didn’t Say: Unsent Letters to Our Female Friends.  I personally have had moments where I wish I could have said certain things to friends but never have.  In my life, however, I seem to have experienced more of the “sent letter/said things” and then wondered why they were never received fully. Well, at least the response or lack thereof gave me that conclusion whether accurate or not.

That said I know how incredibly important and impact full it is to bring relationships to full completion and not leaving words unspoken.  We never know what life holds for any of us and I do my best to live from a place of no regrets.  I had the opportunity to have a virtual sit-down with Megan recently to have her share a bit more about her work and the book. I hope you enjoy this interview!

1) Tell us a bit about yourself and what you do.
I’m a freelance writer based in Portland, Oregon, and I mainly write fitness and health stories for magazines (you know those articles that say Top Ten Ways to Tone Your Abs? That’s often me! I get to play “fun with alliteration” by saying things like “chisel your cheeks” and “get great glutes”!). I’ve also edited two other anthologies, Woman’s Best Friend: Women Writers on the Dogs in Their Lives, and Cat Women: Female Writers on Our Feline Friends, both also published by Seal Press.

2) What inspired you to spearhead the compilation “PS What I Didn’t Say”?
Well, it actually came out of a conversation I was having with my boyfriend about a friendship meltdown. In the middle of my entire analysis of each and every exchange this friend and I had (”and then she said…and then I said…”) he was staring at me blankly and was just like “I don’t get it, why are you friends with her then?” And it made me realize how much we put up with, but on the flip side, how much we get from our female friends. I liked the letter aspect because it’s a little juicier, the reader can feel like she’s almost reading someone’s journal rather than being talked to directly (and who doesn’t like that?).

3) From your experience working with all these writers – what are some of the common themes/obstacles that keep women from sharing what they most yearn to communicate?
I think we definitely build things up a lot more and let things fester, because we don’t want to offend. It’s funny, I’m actually in the middle of just that problem with a long-time pal, and it’s my fault–I didn’t tell her what I was really feeling about a situation until it built up so much that I totally shocked her last week by unloading on her when she came to me with a problem, which isn’t fair. If instead I had just told her all along how I’d been feeling about this situation she’s in, we could have had a meaningful conversation about it and all would have been fine. Likewise, a friend of mine just yesterday asked me for advice on the exact same thing, where a friend of hers exploded on her out of the blue and there seems to be more going on under the surface. It’s made me conscious of trying to voice problems when they first occur rather than waiting for it to build up.

4) How did you find all your contributors? Did you find them? They find you?
I found a lot of the contributors myself from writer-friends or writer-friends-of-friends. And since I’d already compiled the first two anthologies, I did reach out to previous contributors. That said, unlike my previous two books which were more specific (dogs and cats) and therefore eliminated some writers who didn’t have either, this topic was more broad so in general I did let writers find me too, and I put out a “call for submissions” on various freelance-writing boards. Of course, after I put the book together I was kicking myself because there were still some writers with whom I’d have loved to work but they didn’t hear about my project until it was too late. Perhaps a sequel?

5) What was your biggest insight or learning from doing this project?
My biggest insight was that I’m certainly not alone! From straight-out BFF tributes to frenemies to childhood friends who snubbed you, we can all relate to each other’s stories. In fact, my favorite part of these projects is when the contributors then read each other’s stories and relate to each other. I’ve had friendships form whereby a contributor will ask “may I have so-and-so’s email address?” because they can relate to a particular story, and that’s so cool to me! It was definitely a community feel putting this book together, and I’m proud to say I love each and every one of the writers in this, we all worked together very well and encouraged each other (and during the editing process, I bonded with a lot of them with “hey, this happened to me too!” notes back and forth, so it was therapeutic to say the least!).

6) What do you think would be possible or different if we took the time to truly tell our stories especially to those that matter most to us?
Besides what I already mentioned about voicing a problem when it first occurs, I also really feel strongly about always giving a compliment when it’s on your mind. I actually often make a point to do this to female strangers–if I admire a woman’s hair or coat or shoes, and we’re standing in line at the grocery store, even if I’m in a bad mood or don’t feel like talking I force myself to make this notation out loud. It never fails to brighten up their day and in turn brighten up mine. And I’m hardly a Pollyana type overall, but this is just a personal mission of mine. What I am more recently trying to do is also give those who are close to me the same compliments in a more general sense. For example, this week while I was emailing with a mutual friend about this friendship blowout, my friend was enlightening me to some different sides of the story I may not have seen. She was so thoughtful about it and took such time to explain all the nuances that I really was blown away, and this is someone I’ve known since I was five, and it just made me feel so thankful to have her as my longtime pal. I then commented on how lucky I was to have her in my life because she cares so much about her friendships, and I told her how wonderful she is (okay, pass the Kleenex, ha!). But I do think having put this book together has made me try and be more open that way. Obviously, it’s a work in progress and I’m not perfect but I’m at least making some efforts!

7) How can folks find out more about you, the book, and the other great work you’re up to?
Thanks for asking! My website is www.meganmcmorris.com, which lists my other books and work, and the book website is www.psanthology.wordpress.com, where you can find excerpts of all the letters. Thank you so much!

• Is there something you feel called to do but can’t figure out how to make it happen?
• Have you been working toward a goal but it feels like everyone and everything is throwing an obstacle in your face?
• Does it feel like what you want will never happen?

I know that feeling. In fact for several years while I was building my business part-time and working full-time for a corporation, I thought I’d literally die before I could reach my goal of leaving my day job or at least scaling it back to part-time. I tried numerous times, unsuccessfully to create a part-time arrangement or job-share. I felt defeated, at the mercy of others, and just plain sad.

Can you relate?

Then, just as I was at the end of my rope, I got deeply in touch with my feelings. I truly got in my gut what I most wanted to happen for my life. I made the decision that it will happen. It IS happening. I set a strong intention. I prayed. I surrendered. I let go of trying to figure it all out and worrying about how it was going to happen.

Then… it just happened.

Read more of Are You Willing to Surrender? and the amazing divinely inspired verse I wrote atop this cliff.

The energy of commitment is so very key to succeeding your own terms.  Frankly it is a necessary element to almost anything you wish to create in this lifetime.  Why, then does commitment seem to be hard or elusive for some people?  Why do people say they are committed but then back away never following their words with action?

My friend and colleague Jennifer Longmore of Soul Journeys recently started an inquiry about commitment on her Facebook Fan Page. Specifically Jennifer asked:

Commitment seems to be the one energy that we struggle with, and yet the one energy that breeds success….so what are we really afraid of: success or commitment?

That got me to thinking that while the energy of fear – of success or commitment itself can be at work, I believe it is something more.  You see I think most people either make an excuse about commitment like “I’m not disciplined” or “I’m not good at commitment” because they are living from their past experiences.  Frankly this excuse is a total copout that can be transformed if you are willing.  Or, you avoid committing because you feel you need to “give up” something in order to do so.  This feeling of lack is what prevents you from committing. Of course paradoxically commitment yields far more if only you would take that one step.

Think about it – we associate commitment with giving things up:

• Committing to a marriage/partnership equates to giving up the freedom of being single.
• Commitment to getting healthy feels like giving up food you love or giving up physical comfort rather than gaining what you want (remember diet has the word “die” in it).
• Commitment to a goal means you have to invest time taking action toward that goal (and therefore give up doing something else with it).

While this may be true…commitment often means a trade-off on where you choose to invest your time and energy, if you choose your commitments consciously this is a joyous trade-off that yields great benefits!  My friend and colleague Chris Silvey said it well:

If we focus on our commitments, success is just a natural byproduct….and there’s less significance attached : )

Again, choose your commitments wisely. Make sure they reflect what you really want instead of what someone told you that you should want.  If you do that, there is nothing to worry about.  If you choose from your heart and your passions you will experience so much joy and fulfillment in the journey (even over the rough patches) knowing you are “on purpose” that the idea of lack will fade to black.

What is your experience with commitment?  Does it come easy for you? Or, do you struggle with making or keeping your commitments?  Would love to hear from you in the comments…

I had the distinct pleasure of meeting and interviewing Melinda Emerson “Smallbizlady” for the February 2010 podcast.  I first met Melinda via Twitter where she is well known for her weekly talk show #Smallbizchat. I was intrigued by her energy and her expertise in teaching entrepreneurs everything they need to know about launching and running a profitable business.  Not to mention, nothing like Twitter to connect me with someone who is in my neck of the woods (Greater Philadelphia Area).  I so love the global/local connection of the web!  We recently sat down via phone to talk about her own story and her first book Become Your Own Boss in 12 Months: A Month-by-Month Guide to Start a Business that Works! which literally just became available for purchase.

Let me share a little bit about Melinda with you…

Melinda Emerson “Smallbizlady” is a seasoned entrepreneur, professional speaker, and small business coach. Her areas of expertise include small business start-up, business development and social media strategy.  Melinda hosts #Smallbizchat, a weekly talk show on Twitter.  #Smallbizchat is the trusted resource on Twitter to discuss everything entrepreneurs need to know about launching and running a profitable small business.  Melinda has been featured on NBC Nightly News and in the Wall Street Journal, U.S. News and World Report and Black Enterprise.

You’ll want to check out her great business blog at www.succeedasyourownboss.com as well as her main website at www.melindaemerson.com

You can pre-order her book at www.becomeyourownbossbook.com

So, kick back (or kick it up for a good listen on your next workout) and tune into our conversation.

Audio Running Time ~ 40 minutes.

Even when it seems as if nothing at all is happening and growth and progress seem far away, something is always emerging.  Deep in the heart of winter beneath many feet of snow, nature is still growing.  Rest and renewal is an essential part of growth. Conditions are ripe to support that very next step.

Even as water is frozen at the edges and parts of the surface, it is still moving.  The energy is still in the flow.  It is nature’s way.  Nature’s laws and universal principles do not cease to work  simply because the scene at the surface looks different than you might want or expect it to.

Embrace what is for the present is always perfect (even if it is not what you’d prefer).   Then listen intently to what is seeking to emerge in you, in your life, in your business.  I guarantee you something is seeking to emerge for you right now that will move you forward to what you most desire.

Last weekend I was in Tampa, Florida for the first of several in-person events as part of a year long EnergyRich® Elite Mastermind Group I joined (here’s a picture of me with Heather Dominick my dear coach and leader of this group). The group and the event was unbelievably spectacular and I felt it was a great time to write a bit about the benefits of working with someone (or a facilitated group) who can be a coach and mentor to you along your journey.

First let me share with you that I did not take joining this group lightly. It is the most significant investment of time and money I have made to a program in my life (and that’s saying something). To be fully truthful with you, it is a big stretch for me and every last excuse and story I tell myself about money joined me on my journey to a decision. After much head AND heart-centered reflection, I chose to be in charge of my choices rather than be at the whims of other people’s opinions or be a servant to my money (rather than having it serve me). It is only early February and I have already had breakthroughs and transformational growth and cannot wait to continue my journey with this group for the next 11 months.

Here are four specific ways having a coach can transform your life and your business/career. I know this because I have experienced it firsthand and I’ve heard it from my clients.

Big Thinking And Holding A Vision Of You At Your Highest Potential

We think they way we think because it is always the way we have thought. What we see as possible for ourselves is a combination of past experiences and what we witness in those who we surround ourselves with. For most people their future looks very much like their present circumstances +/- 10%. Why? Because that is all that you know, think is possible, or will give yourself permission to want. With a coach at your side you get to live in the realm of possibility of much, much more. That more can be anything you want it to be – common things are more money, more time, more meaning, more satisfaction. It can also be more of that intangible spark that makes your passion and purpose be expressed in the world in a way that only you can deliver. A coach will hold you in that highest vision even when you feel like crap or your outer results aren’t what you want to see (yet). This isn’t about denial or wishful thinking, but about making that powerful shift into the role of creating that vision you most want for your life personally and professionally. And if you don’t yet know what that vision, what “It” is, she can help you discover it, name it, and claim it.

Read more of 4 Ways You Benefit from Having a Coach…

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to present at a Network Now event on the 4 Pillars of Success for a Successful Career Transition.  Here’s a short 7 minute video of my presentation — this segment focuses on how important clarity is for you to breakthrough any limitations you sense about your next step in your career transition.

I can talk all about 10 ways to be more productive, find more time in your day, boost your bottom line, or simply get more and they would give you benefit. Yet as I was thinking about which “10″ I wanted to write about today, I decided to get to the meat of the matter and talk about 10 ways you could add more meaning to your days. That means more meaning in your business or professional life and more meaning in general.

Truthfully without a sense of purpose, meaning, and connection, what’s the point?   You can be the most driven woman on the planet, but if you’re lacking these, you’ll find yourself hollow and racked with sobs should you take a moment to contemplate how you’re spending your one precious life.  So, tap into your power right here and now and try on these ideas for size.

1) Get Quiet
If you want to make sure you’re on track in your life and career, get quiet.  Regular doses of complete quiet and stillness are key if you want to tune into your intuition and most wise self.  If you don’t you’re left to the whims of the world tossing you about.  I listened to Dr. Wendy Warner speak as a keynote the other day at an event where I was presenting and she really drove home the importance of being quiet to women’s health. Her suggestion was at least 5-15 minutes a day where you literally are quiet – no TV, no phones, cell phones, email, etc.  Have your morning tea and stare at the bird feeder if you need to, but just get quiet for a moment and exhale.

2) Take Care of Yourself
Self-care is more than a bubble bath (though that can be good too!).  I often talk a lot on this topic to groups because self-care forms the foundation for everything else we build, personally or professionally.  You can’t build a career or business on a house of cards over a swamp, yet that is what we often try to do when we skip caring for ourselves in the process.  My first foray into understanding what this really meant was when I started to discover Cheryl Richardson’s work about a decade ago. Her books Take Time for Your Life and The Art of Extreme Self-Care are classics and very workable for anyone to do.

3) Rest Well
Sleep.  We all need it and without adequate quality sleep your life will be infinitely less meaningful because you’ll be too tired, wired, and stressed to enjoy it.  While the occasional red-eye flight of coffee-driven day might be necessary along your way, it is not a life plan. Here are “14 Tips for Getting More Sleep – And Why It Matters”. It’ll make you happier, healthier, and allow more meaning to flow from your everyday.

4) Take Care of Your Dreams
While the day to day might not leave you very much time to nourish your dreams, you need to.  Take time each day to care for you, to care for your life.  Even if you can’t take time out each day to pursue your dreams (say by engaging in a hobby or doing something you really love) you can take time to honor that part of yourself.  Notice and honor what you are feeling.  Upgrade your mindset.  Align your choices with what you really want rather than going with the flow.  Tending to dreams can be as short and simple as choosing to spend your lunch break on your terms or it can be elaborate.

5) Get Moving
Our bodies were meant to move.  The human body wasn’t built to sit in a chair all day tapping away on a keyboard or straining to have big fingers find little keys on a Blackberry.  You don’t necessarily have to “workout” to experience the benefits of moving.  Just get your body moving doing something you love.  If you do like the idea of 10 minutes of exercise, that is a way to go too.  It’s good for your mind, your health, and your energy. Not to mention movement can help you get unstuck no matter what the challenge.

6) Be Grateful
It’s easy to stay focused on what we don’t have or still want to achieve/acquire.  Yet we’ll always want something else.  A quick way to find meaning in your life is to be grateful for what is and the blessings you already have around you.  If you can’t think of one, start with the fact that you are able to draw breath and be here right now. You can write down three things you are thankful for each day as in this daily practice or get creative with ways to exercise your gratitude muscle.

7) Connect with Someone
I don’t mean poke them on Facebook, Tweet them on Twitter, or send them an email. I mean literally connect with someone you like or care about in real-time.  Call them out of the blue.  Stop by. Be with them.  Have you ever gotten an out of the blue call from someone you love?  Now how good did that make you feel?  Did it allow you to step back from your ledge of insanity?  Did it allow you to sink in and remember why you wander the planet in the first place?  Did you breathe a little deeper?  Smile wider? Perhaps laugh?  If these aren’t enough reasons to find meaning in your connection with others, I don’t know what is.  Remember that tomorrow is promised to no one, so connect as often as you can.

Relax
Life is terminal, so just relax a bit, will you? Stress can and will kill you, or at the very least kill your spirit.  So take the pressure off. Relax a bit.  If you’re not sure what that means, you might enjoy this funny look at “The True Meaning of Relaxation”.  While humorous some of the dictionary definitions of relaxation may spur you to just chill a bit.  Turn the intensity dial down a hair.  I know if can be hard, believe me I can be a person who runs at intensity dial 10, but remember you can’t drive all the time with the pedal to the metal.

9) Laugh Hard and Often
Laughter is just plain fun.  In fact it is a form of exercise from the inside out.  I know I used to laugh a ton when I worked in an office, if only at the absurdity of things that happened (Dilbert could be filed under nonfiction).  Now that I work from a home office I laugh a lot less.  Sure the cats or squirrels or birds offer a chuckle here and there but there’s a lot less of that full-blown hysterical laughter. I miss it.  Laughter is good for what ails you and can help you cope with everything from mild depression to the rigors of day to day living.  Not taking ourselves or life too seriously is paradoxically very important if you wish to mine the depths of deeper meaning in your world.

10) Embrace Mindfulness
Mindfulness is being aware of what we are doing and who we are being. Learning to be mindful is a life-long practice but can yield great benefits. If you’re not present with your experiences it’s almost impossible for them to be meaningful because you weren’t there at the party so to speak. Just by opening up to what is already in front of you can bring meaning flooding in (or perhaps the realization that changes are needed in your life so as to make it more aligned with who you are and what you want).

Not one of these 10 ways require that you take a huge chunk of time out of your busy schedule. In fact many of them can be practiced right in the flow of what you’re already doing.  So remember, life is short, don’t miss it.

As you’re racing about your day, do you stop for beauty when you see it?  The proverbial “stop and smell the roses”? It may sound trivial, but if you want to feel alive and confident in your business then it pays to hit the breaks, take a detour, and gaze at cool stuff once in a while.

The other morning as I was working at my desk in the early morning, the rose I had in a vase (courtesy of a speaking engagement over the weekend!) was suddenly magically illuminated by the sun rising over the trees.  The photographer in me got very excited at this back lightning opportunity and lunged for my camera.  Then I started playing with angles, and sunshades, and random, quick things I could do to get a better shot.  The whole escapade lasted maybe five minutes maximum.  By then the sun had risen just a bit more and the magic lighting was not as intense.

This little fun detour made my morning.  There was fun, a burst of energy, and just a deep gratitude for the beauty in little gifts.  Sometimes as entrepreneurs we need these itty bitty signs of hope to keep walking the path to bring our work to the world.  In fact I’d say most of us, no matter what our profession need these magical moments to add a bit of juice to our day, to our very being.

So, when they happen to you – do you stop to enjoy the magic or do you just walk on by?  After all there’s so much to-do!  Gotta go, gotta hurry, gotta be somewhere!  I’m here to tell you that no one’s success was every sabotaged by taking a deep breath and marking the moment. By enjoying a moment in the day that speaks to you.  Enjoying magical moments are the perfect way to bring more energy and creativity to your life and business.  Don’t miss them… they pass far too fast.