Why we define ourselves by how much money we make and how many people work under us is beyond me. Perhaps it’s peoples’ lack of self-worth that drives them towards needing the approval of others. Perhaps it’s because people are just greedy… but maybe, just maybe, it comes from millions of people looking for the love and approval they should have gotten from their parents but didn’t because they were too busy working.

It’s this defining ourselves by our jobs or money that drives people to jump off buildings when their company closes.  I read an article in New York Magazine shortly after the Lehman Brothers collapse that truly made me scratch my head. It was essentially about employees who couldn’t handle the demise of their careers and sudden plummeting salaries. It was as if the world ended, and for them it did.  This is the biggest risk of all when it comes to the sole-focus pursuit of the corner office.

What happens if you don’t succeed?  Or, what happens if you do?  Either way, how much do you like the person you see in the mirror?  Do you know who she is?  If it all ended today, would you know that you lived a well-lived life that honored your most cherished values?

Those are the REAL questions at stake in this discussion.  What is your experience?  What are your thoughts on Welch’s comments and work-life balance?

Our tent — a room with this view…

So, whether you loved him, hated him, or fell somewhere in between, there is always a lesson to be learned in each person’s passing.  Here’s what I see as the top 7 things we can learn from Michael Jackson’s death.

1) Love the People You Love While They are Here

This lesson pretty much sums up any person’s funeral.  Yet in this case what stands out to me is how much outpouring of love and kind words there were for this very unique person standing in stark contrast to most of what had been the focus of the last decade or more of his life.  All I can remember from way back are all the negative media, judgments, accusations, and drama surrounding him.  Today there was none of that, only a celebration of the unique gifts and talents he brought to the world.  Imagine what would be possible if you just loved the people you loved for who they are right here, right now?  It’s worth the effort because as we all know (but like to not think about), our time here on the earth is short.

2) Look for What is Right, Not What is Wrong

Building on what I’ve already said, imagine what could have been different for Michael Jackson’s life if the focus and intense media scrutiny over the years was on what was right and not on all the negative stuff?  I’m not saying to live life by sweeping what things under the rug or turning a blind eye if/when someone does something wrong or inappropriate, but it doesn’t have to be all-consuming and then become the veil through which we view someone.  People are more than they appear to be.  Most people, unless they are pathological have such divine, unique, and wonderful gifts to offer the world.  Why can’t we shine the light on that and allow it to expand?

3) You Can Never Really Know What Another Person is Experiencing

Of course I don’t know Michael Jackson one bit, yet people seem so quick to project what they think onto someone else.  No one except for a few close friends can ever really know what this musical and dancing genius with a big heart went through.  From what little I watched or heard it seems like he lived a very deeply troubled and painful inner life.  He also had a child-like wonder, sometimes too immature for his own good in part because he never had the opportunity to have a childhood.  Whether famous or the friend next door, never assume that you can truly ever know what someone else’s experience is like.  Treat them with compassion anyway.

4) Embrace Diversity

There is no denying that Michael Jackson was eccentric, most one-of-a-kind people are in their own way.  He welcomed other people and their differences with open arms.  He knew there was more to the world than just the United States because he traveled and lived beyond our borders.  As a country we often forget that the world does not revolve around us (no matter what George W. may have said).  Celebrate the diversity within yourself and others.  Lissa at Owning Pink had a great post on “Letting Your Freak Flag Fly” and I added to that conversation via a Twitter discussion. The message?  Be your authentic self and allow others to do the same.

5) Allow Spirit to Move You

Music powerfully stirs the soul. When you allow spirit to move through you the world is a better place and Jackson did just that.  In fact Aricia at Dynamic Family Coaching Solutions wrote more about Spirit and how Jackson’s ability to allow spirit to work through him bestowed such gifts on the world.  Allow spirit to inform your actions and allow beauty and people around you to move you.  You will not only find that it better aligns who you really are with how you show up in the world but it is guaranteed to exponentially increase the meaning in your life.

6) Walk with Compassion in Your Heart

No doubt we all go through turbulent and difficult times. It is part of the human experience.  It seems that for Michael Jackson the intense highs were coupled with very low, lows in his life.  Yet he always seemed to walk with compassion in his heart and publicly spoke of the good in other people even as detractor’s threw stones his way.  He reached out to those in need (perhaps to the point of a lack of self-regard given his financial predicament).  He empathized with others in pain.  His legacy transcends music which was clearly evident as he was honored as a humanitarian figure during his service.

7) Enjoy Today with Childlike Wonder

Tomorrow is promised to no one.  Unfortunately we all seem to lose the ability to tap into the childlike wonder within us because of the day-to-day grind and responsibilities of adulthood.  While Jackson clearly displayed sgns of a person whose childhood and emotional development were halted, the essence of the joy and wonder he exuded does hold a lesson for all of us.  It really does pay to adopt a beginner’s mind and allow the child within you to come out to play once and a while.  Fun and lightness are part of the journey, don’t shut them out in favor of more “important” stuff.

Like everything else the hoopla and hype surrounding Michael Jackson’s life and death will die down sooner or later but his music and legacy will live on.  Yet, if we could all pause in silence for just a moment and breathe in some of these lessons, we can start to live richer lives of our own right here, right now.

Our beautiful table arranged with goodies for our guests.

Me and my partner Kim hosting the event (you can tell who has more fashion sense coordinated with the evening theme, right?)

It was an excellent evening and I cannot wait to do more gatherings both small and intimate and a little larger. You can check out the list of salons I am hosting that are open to the public at my events page.

You can check out the movie trailer and find salons in other parts of the US and the globe at The Shadow Effect website.

If you would love to host a salon and are in the Greater Philadelphia/NJ area, contact me and we can chat.

What if I told you that the very thing you hate holds a most important secret to your success?  That’s a pretty loaded statement I realize, but what I know from my own personal roadblocks and from coaching others is that the very things we can’t be with, won’t let us be.  It is damn near impossible to succeed when you are at war within yourself.  Imagine the ultimate tug-of-war happening right within your own mind and body.  Does that sound like some success strategy?  I don’t think so!  Yet so often we find ourselves living out this tug-of-war either consciously or unconsciously within us day after day after day.  And then we wonder why we’re not happy, not following our passions, or lacking meaning in our lives.

I have had this powerful visceral experience more than once in my life.  The one where I am just so resistant that smoke is coming out of my ears. Or I have such a righteous position that I can’t see straight.  Then all of a sudden something happens and Boom! it is like someone switched on the light in a dark room and woke me up.  Woke me up to what was really going on inside of me.  The reasons why I was being so resistant or righteous or stuck or whatever.  Usually because there was an underlying feeling or part of me that I didn’t like. So, instead I played stubborn or destructive or avoided it altogether which of course resulted in nothing but self-sabotage and tears of yet another goal or dream gone by the wayside. The instant I could shift my thinking and relationship with myself the obstacles in my path started to melt away.  The joy factor goes way up and not surprisingly so does the success factor.  They really are related.

I find myself passionately revisiting these principles for myself and my clients as I watch the new Debbie Ford movie The Shadow Effect and engage in dialogue about the shadow.  The world we currently live in is so very ripe for this message.  People waking up each day to jobs being less secure than ever, facing financial troubles never imagined in their lifetime, and a media industry that thrives on and fuels drama. No wonder we seem to be either whipped into a frenzy or totally numbing out because it is just too much.  It doesn’t have to be that way, though and the choices begin with a willingness to go inside and looking within yourself for the gifts, the answers, and the brilliance that is there in spite of it all.

If this conversation intrigues you and you are ready to have a conversation that will literally change your life for the better exponentially, contact me for a get acquainted chat.

Photo Credit: Flickr

This week’s image is a recent shot from this weekend’s bike ride on the Rail Trail from Frenchtown, NJ to Stockton, NJ (and we returned via Lumberville, PA). It was taken at Prallsville Mill on a glorious summer day.

Here’s a brief snippet from the conversation:

I asked Paula about the philosophy behind being comfortable in your own skin. “If you’re listening only to your head or only to your heart, you’re potentially missing both. My coaching style, whether it’s life, or business, or both, is that you have to have the right relationship with yourself, so you can build your life plan, so you can build your business plan, in order to bring about what success means to you.”

Head on over to read the full article From Corporate to Comfort.

When you’re done reading, check out Lisa Beth’s main website to see ALL the great stuff she is up to … writer, musician, creative professional extraordinaire.

Visibility was very limited. We could see maybe 20-40 feet in front of us. We could hear motor boats roaring in the distance but knew that the tidal marsh area we would be paddling would be free of motor boats because of its very shallow waters. What transpired over the next several hours was truly magical.

Read the rest of the article…

You can listen to the recorded show at: Blog Talk Radio.

It was a GREAT show and I had a great time doing it…