Kneel Before the Awesomeness of my Big Ass Title ...

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

2012-05-26T17:31:00.000-07:00

Yoinked from wikipedia, and the Monster Movie Music blog ...

"The Curse of the Faceless Man is a low budget, horror film, released by Robert E. Kent Productions and United Artists in 1958. It was directed by Edward L. Cahn who also directed Creature with the Atom Brain (1955), Invasion of the Saucer Men (1957), and The Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake (1959). It was originally released on a double feature with It! The Terror from Beyond Space.

A petrified body is discovered at Pompeii. He has been found to be a gladiator wearing a bronze medallion with Etruscan writing on it. An Italian archeologist, Maria Fiorillo (Adele Mara), believes that the robust body is still alive, but Dr. Paul Mallon (Richard Anderson) does not believe her. But every time someone is left alone with the body, they die of crushed skulls. Tina Enright (Elaine Edwards) begins to have strange visions and believes that what she knows about the 'faceless man' is true.

Yeah, there are WTF moments, but at one hour and five minutes, you know, you're almost getting straight action, and no filler, and that's the key to what modern film makers haven't figgered out! All that action and eye candy don't add up to dog poop, if there ain't no substance!!! It's that simple!!! Curse Of The Faceless Man has substance, so go ahead and smoke it!!"

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

More Coffee

Various Chips

Cheap Popcorn

Some More Coffee

Internet Porn

... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE! Yay me!

But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed. Any and all talkers will be butt raped with extreme prejudice. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING! Seriously!

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

Random Picture Attack Time ...

2012-05-26T16:01:00.000-07:00

The Pains Of Hulu Plus ...

2012-05-25T14:07:00.001-07:00

I have spent the day swimming thru a free trial subscription of Hulu Plus on my wife's Nook.

I have watched the first season of The Real World, a few episodes of The State, the episode of The Cosby Show where Theo is "Jammin' on the one" ...

... and a bunch of other random old stuff.

A lot of these shows are painful to watch. They're so old. I guess they have my own memories subconsciously attached to them, you know, and when i'm watching all this old crap I secretly see a skinny, lonely, dark skinned little me watching them new back then.

If that makes sense.

I AM jammin' on the one, though.

My Compliment ...

2012-05-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

Four days ago I was at work behind the register when an elderly-ish woman in his fifties maybe came to me to ring up. She was with a friend. She was wearing sunglasses indoors and a hat which I would soon realize was to cover her baldness.

She asked me if she could say something. I said sure.

What transpired was the single greatest compliment I have received in my 12 years in the service industry.

"Speaking as a bald female cancer patient, I must say you have the most BEAUTIFUL long hair I have EVER seen on a man!"

I went all rubbery.

Thank you. That is amazing!

Free Form Blog Posting ...

2012-05-21T14:10:00.001-07:00

I have today off. Yay me.

I'm currently in the kitchen with my mother-in-law and Lisa. The stormy weather we've been having has cleared into a bright, breezy day. I'm very busy doing nothing.

I'm on a huge reading kick, as you can tell by looking at the good book column on the left side of my blog. I am currently in the middle of reading Betty White's autobiography (I'd do her in a second!) and I love it. Newfound respect for that amazing broad! I'm also sipping my second or third cup of lukewarm coffee and debating whether or not I should watch WWE Raw tonight. I'm just not that into wrestling right now. Typical after-Wrestlemania malaise. I know I should care but I don't. Fuck all that. Yawn.

Speaking of fucking all that ...

I just got a really negative comment on my blog from someone really upset about how I've been occasionally throwing away plastic bags. Yeah. Gee whiz, that a sin. Ohhhh.

Look. I don't believe in recycling. Okay? It's just a placebo for Earth. Did you know that The National Recycling Counsel is supported by Coca-Cola, Pepsico, Anheuser-Busch, Coors, Owens-Illinois, and International Bottled Water Association, the same damn evil corporations that are busy making money ruining the earth. The website Tree Hugger.com says this:

"Recycling is simply the transfer of producer responsibility for what they produce to the taxpayer who has to pick it up and take it away."

Yeah. That's my feelings in a nutshell. These companies knowingly create waste that we the people have to take care of. Plus, I don't see recycling as being the end all cure to fix this rotting world. Major governmental change is what will heal this planet. Corporations can heal this planet. But they have shifted the blame to us and pretend that recycling a can or a bag will save the world. It's just a placebo. So do it if you want, if it makes you feel better, but don't expect me to do it.

Liberal left wing hippies everywhere are enraged now. I don't really care.

The kids have only one more week of school and then they are off. Summer. Can't believe that it's already here. But what am I going to do with these kids? I want to watch a ton of movies with them. They loved The Avengers. Now there's Spider-Man, maybe Batman, but that's probably too dark for the kids. I want road trips, too. Good old fashioned American road trips in a hot, melting car to go far, far away and ogle at boring Americana crap. That's the American dream and I want some.

There's no real singular point to this post. I'm just free forming it. Buckle up, then, folks.

The craziest video games of all time!

Just got off the phone with my dad. I talked with him for a half an hour. That's like a record. God bless the man. I love him. He just was always working when I was growing up. I feel that cable and my mmom raised me more than he did. I love him, though, and those few times he took me to a comic book store or the Dairy Queen with the train set were amazing times I will always cherish. I swear not to be the same way with my kids, not to focus on work more than LIFE, you know? I feel that I actually WAS that way when I was a manager back in Sacramento. Back there at Arden it was always work and the company and selling and sales strategy and the store and e-planner and all this red tape corporate bullshit. Well fuck all that. My kids are my #1 priority.

That and boobs.

I'm trying to get my brown ass to the desert. I really want to go to Arizona so I can visit my family and my slightly troubled older brother Joe who has had his share of hard times recently. My dad said that he could score some cheap airfare tickets of I ever wanted to visit and he was right. He found some plane tickets that are only $97 round trip! The only catch is that I have to leave via DALLAS at 11pm and arrive at 5:05am. That's pretty extreme, plus the drive from Nowhere, Oklahoma to freaking Dallas is like three hours long. And that's a pretty damn far ways away.

The Clash: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

So my wife and I are debating this. should I stay or should I go? I really want to be there. I feel that I can really help my brother in what he's dealing with. But DAMN that's a drive and I'm not made out of freaking gas money! I also don't want my wife to resent me. That's the biggest fear that I have. I don't want her to go "Ugh! Great, now I have to take my stupid husband all the way to freaking Dallas!" and huff and puff. But I really do want to go.

I think I've had too much coffee. I feel like I could Hulk out or punch a hole thru a walrus or something.

I'll talk to you later.

Wind Clan out.

Bela's Bad Movie ...

2012-05-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

My daughter Isabela and I just watched a bad movie together. The Giant Claw. really bad. It's an ok movie but the hideous rubber chicken monster looks so dumb it's like an anorexic muppet.

But my daughter and I were really rooting for the bad guy when it killed that car full of reckless teenagers. Bela screamed "Take THAT, reckless teenagers!" It was pretty epic.

Good time.

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: Spook Show Double Feature ...

2012-05-19T16:27:00.000-07:00

Here's a video to get you in the mood ...

Now, here's your FIRST feature.

Enjoy ...

Yoinked from the mighty wikipedia machine ...

"The Monster of Piedras Blancas is a 1959 science fiction/horror film written and directed by Irvin Berwick and starring Jeanne Carmen, Les Tremayne, John Harmon, Don Sullivan, Forrest Lewis, and Pete Dunn. Strongly influenced by The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954), the film was produced by Jack Kevan, who had supervised the manufacture of the original Creature suit at Universal-International, and created the Piedras Blancas monster costume.

Both Jack Kevan and Irvin Berwick toiled in unbilled obscurity as contract employees at Universal-International. Berwick had been an uncredited dialogue director at U-I and at Columbia prior to that, working with the likes of William Castle and Jack Arnold. Kevan in particular chafed under the stewardship of Bud Westmore, the head of the studio's make-up department, who seldom allowed employees like Kevan or sculptors Chris Mueller and Millicent Patrick to receive publicity. Berwick and Kevan formed Vanwick Productions (BerWICK + KeVAN) and became independent producers. Their first film was designed as a patch on U-I's popular Creature from the Black Lagoon, whose iconic monster suit Kevan had helped create. For this movie's fictional 'diplovertabron' Kevan cut cost and labor time by using existing molds for the feet (cast from those of the Metalunan Mutant from This Island Earth) and the oversized hands (designed originally for The Mole People.) Actor/stunt man Pete Dunn wore the green-hued monster suit in the film, and did double-duty playing the bartender.

Universal gave a great deal of unofficial cooperation to the production, since it was going through a period of budget problems. Vanwick received sweetheart deals for production vehicles and equipment, the studio's way of helping the many laid-off technicians who found work on the independent film. Top-lined Don Sullivan would appear in a number of other genre films after this, such as The Giant Gila Monster.

Several scenes broke new ground for on-screen gore, such as the monster making a shock entrance carrying a bloody human head, and a later shot of the same head with a crab crawling across the face. The film was released on a double bill with Okefenokee, a bayou melodrama. Kevan and Berwick made several other B-films, notably The Street is My Beat, before Kevan left show business to start a cosmetics company. Berwick continued to direct and produce low budget features into the 1980s. Wayne Berwick later directed the cult classic, Microwave Massacre and co-directed the 1950s spoof The Naked Monster, which features Jeanne Carmen and John Harmon in a lighthouse segment which sends up the 1959 film. Les Tremayne also appears in the spoof (albeit in a role patterned after his part in The War of the Worlds). Irv Berwick supplied an off-screen radio voice for the parody."

Yoinked from imdb, wikipedia and 1000misspenthours.com with my own bad movie knowledge mixed in ...

"Seddok, l'erede di Satana, translated as Seddock, Heir of Satan, is a 1963 black-and-white Italian horror/science fiction film directed by Anton Giulio Majano and starring Alberto Lupo and Sergio Fantoni. It was released in the U.S. three years later as Atom Age Vampire despite the fact that it has no actual connection to the atom age, nor are there any vampires anywhere near this piece of poop.

This low-budget Italian schlockfest production tells the tale of a scientist who employs a radical new procedure to restore the beauty of a young stripper who gets disfigured in a car accident. All goes well after the bandages come off but its only a matter of time before the woman begins transforming into an incredibly stupid looking monster.

The original Italian version is fully eighteen minutes longer and may very well be more logical, more sensible, and just generally better. Then again, it might also be that the Italian prints simply feature more strippers with less clothing. Either way, the English-language version of Atom-Age Vampire is a truly ass-tastic film.

Atom-Age Vampire is everything a 1960’s audience would have pictured when they thought about shitty Italian horror movies. The dubbing is haphazard, the English-language dialogue is ridiculous, and the voiceover actors always seem to be overemoting in a slightly different direction from the performers whose voices they replaced. With so much footage missing, it’s impossible to be certain who deserves what share of the blame for the erratic pace and nonsensical editing of the American prints, but it’s equally impossible to ignore those defects when watching the US edit.

It's a fairly decent story of obsession, a cautionary tale of science, and an anti-smoking morality play deep down inside. But on the surface it’s a fairly boring, awfully talkative drive-in flick with bad dialog and some pretty laughable effects."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

More Coffee

Root Beer

Asthma Meds

Internet P0rn

Random Chips

The second feature today is actually a repeat. I showed this film in 2010. It is MY OWN special version of the film and it has recently made its way to youtube. MY special version of todays feature presentation features a very special beginning, an old commercial, a movie preview and a small amount of my own little riffs hidden throughout the movie, so be sure to pay good attention!

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

Post 1,884: Random Cell Phone Pictures ...

2012-05-18T09:58:00.001-07:00

Isabela winning an award at school ...

Maxwell Edward and his creepy looking Uncle Randal ...

Just your typical day at work ...

Randy and Jason: Welcome Back!

Kids coloring me. It's been a while ...

About My Brother ...

2012-05-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly sure just how much of this story I can tell, or am allowed to, so I'm just going to start with the bare basics and work my way from there ...

I love my older brother Joe very much.

Sadly, it has taken thirty-some odd years for me to be able to say that. We've always had a sort of sibling rivalry. I would always consciously hate him for seemingly getting all my parents' love and affection while subconsciously looking up to him as the epitome of cool. A lot of who I am now is a result of him, having spent ore time growing up with him than with my father, and I am excited to have finally put away our differences and bonded closely with each other these past few years.

I am honored to be related to him.

My brother has had an extremely rough time with things lately and with various personal issues that I am currently not at liberty to discuss.

I mean, I love my blog and everything but I am not about to start posting the most intimate details of my brother's life on my blog. I would love to but I just can't.

However, if you would like to know the details of what my brother has been going thru lately and would like to help him out, my brother Joe has his own blog now where he has recently written an extremely intimate and highly detailed account of his harrowing week and it is an amazing read. I am very proud that he was able to open up like that. I am proud to be his brother.

His blog is set up to receive donations.

Please visit and give generously.

My Little Secret ...

2012-05-14T22:51:00.000-07:00

When I bag someone's items and they say "Oh, I don't need a bag" after I have already bagged said items, I say that I am terribly sorry, unbag their items, and listen to them say something stupid like "Save a plastic tree (chuckle)" or "Save the environment" or something else equally insipid.

When they leave, I throw the bag away.

Because fuck them.

They see me get a bag. They see me bag the items. So fuck them.

OOOOH! You refused a bag! You saved earth! You're a fucking HERO! Thanks, Al Gore!

Mothra's Day ...

2012-05-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

It's Mother's Day, or "Mothra Day" according to my facebook page, and we are having a big family cookout.

And I swear I am going fucking insane.

The main reason is because Lisa's kids are here right now. Autumn, Evan and Natalie. You remember them? They are the loveable but unstoppable monsters that lived in our house in Sacramento for almost a year until we went crazy and decided to kick them out. And now they're spending the day here for a big Mothra's Day cookout in this beautiful Oklahoma weather. Randal and Dee should be coming soon, too. And Duane and Lauren. So it's going to be a whole house, but with seven very loud, screaming, fighting children at each others throats.

And so now I remember why we kicked them out. I absolutely remember why. These kids are loud and angry and mean and rude and they throw punches and steal and break things and they absolutely do not listen. I just heard Evan, and I am totally serious here, I literally just heard Evan talk about how he hates his mother and wants to start killing people. He was angry and he was serious. And he's like five years old! What the fuck!?!?!

I feel bad for these kids. Lisa has been bounced around from house to house and from boyfriend to boyfriend and from's friend's house to friend's house. I feel bad for them. I really do. What they reallllllly need is a regular life and a strong father figure and a stable environment and years and YEARS of therapy.

And that is something I can't provide for them.

Well, I probably COULD provide it for them. But I don't want to. Because fuck them is why.

I seriously want to shoot myself in the fucking head today.

Happy Mothra's Day.

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: Mother's Day Edition ...

2012-05-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia ...

"Mother's Day is a 1980 American horror-thriller film, directed by Charles Kaufman, brother of Troma Entertainment co-founder Lloyd Kaufman, who served as an associate producer for the film.

A memorable scene in the film is soundtracked by I Think We're Alone Now by 1960s bubblegum pop band Tommy James & the Shondells.

Due to its scenes of violence and rape, Mother's Day is often considered an exploitation film. Although not particularly successful at the time of the release, it was released on DVD in 2000 by Troma Entertainment and has garnered a cult following among horror/exploitation fans.

In the UK, the film was rejected by the BBFC in 1980, banning it from distribution. The film was shown several times on the Horror Channel between 2006-08, evidently with no cuts. It has still not received a DVD release in the UK, however, making its status there somewhat ambiguous.

A remake of Mother's Day has been completed. The new version is directed by Darren Lynn Bousman and produced by Brett Ratner. The remake was released at Fantastic Fest in September 2010 and in the United Kingdom in June 2011. The film has received several push backs, but has been confirmed to be released on DVD, and BluRay, March 8, 2012."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:
Coffee
Pills
More Coffee
Chips
Popcorn
Powered Doughnuts
Asthma Medicine Residue

... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE!

But lets go over a few rules first. There's no talking in Steve's Theater during our feature presentation and talkers WILL be raped, although RAPE IS NOT A JOKE nor can it ever be used in a manner of jest or else the FBI will come to your house and behead you on sight! Also, no cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. Please dispose of all trash in its proper receptacle. And NO TEXTING! I'm VERY serious about that one, y'all.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

CLICK HERE TO WATCH TODAY'S MOVIE FOR FREE!

My Favorite Superhero ...

2012-05-11T20:39:00.001-07:00

My favorite superhero used to be former Great Lakes Avenger and current avenger babysitter Squirrel Girl but only in a sort of ironic Woodian way.

Now my favorite superhero, by far, is Power Girl.

I know nothing about her, nor have I read any of her comic books. But she most definitely has what it takes to be a good super hero.

Here are some pictures ...

I have an idea for a female superhero. She has the powers of Spider-Man, Superman, Aquaman, Flash, and pretty much every other superhero ever created. But people hate her because she has small boobs. The amazing chest-less heroine. Pretty sure it's never been done in comic books, having a small boobed female super hero.

My Local Celebrity ...

2012-05-10T05:00:00.001-07:00

Isabela was on the front page of the local newspaper yesterday! That is my daughter there on the left being her own strange, silly self and looking slightly pissed off during a cute widdle school play about bugs.

She looked adorable ...

My daughter's famous! Bela is like a small local celbrity now. She's like the Oklahoma version of Sacramento News 10's ruggedly handsome news anchor Mr. Dale Schornack.

Wow. Pretty soon she'll be in a ditch somewhere in Vegas doing coke with russian hookers.

They grow up so fast.

Sniffle.

Being Sixteen Again ...

2012-05-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

I took this picture at work. It's a customer's arm. I took the picture because it's got Bela Lugosi on it, plus I had recently shown the original Creature from the Black Lagoon to my girls and they loved it, so I wanted to show this tat off to my kids.

I also took the picture because it made me feel better about where I was living. This is such a white person state. It's hard for me to live here sometimes. I'm not a fish out of water. I'm a fish in freaking SPACE! So it's comforting to know that in Oklahoma in this sea of Christians and Republicans and Mormon morons and Southern Baptists and rednecks and rich W.A.S.P.s and white bread white people that there are a few "strange" people like me who are awesome.

I feel sixteen, though. I've been living with my in-laws for about five months now. It wasn't supposed to be this long of a time living with them, but I'm making a lot less now that i transferred from being the manager in charge of the kids section in Sacramento to the awesome part-time employee in Norman, Oklahoma. I could get a second job but I'm so exhausted just from the one that I fear the idea of a second, plus my bookstore job gives me such erratic hours that I'm not even sure a second job would work out anyway.

So I'm here living in Seminole, Oklahoma in a house with my in-laws. And don't get me wrong. They are great people and I am eternally thankful for them taking us in. They are providing us with a roof over our heads and food and for that I am grateful.

But I'm just a kid in their house that gets scolded and yelled at and teased and reprimanded. I feel like everything I do is wrong and I can't do anything right. I went from being the MAN of the house to being just another kid in the family. I'm treated now like I'm just a teenager.

It's tough. Sure it is. I'm a thirty-five year old sixteen year old. It sucks. But at least we still have each other, me and my amazing busty wife and our two beautiful daughters and my awesome son who's almost eight months old. At least we are still a family, an awesome family. This is what's best for my family and if what's best for them means I get treated like a snot-nosed teenager then so be it.

Wind Clan out.

Steve's Church-less Movie of The Week ...

2012-05-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia ...

"The Room is a 2003 independent drama film starring Tommy Wiseau, who also wrote, directed, and produced the feature. In addition to Wiseau, the principal cast includes Juliette Danielle, Greg Sestero, Philip Haldiman, Kyle Vogt, Carolyn Minnott, and Robyn Paris. While the film is primarily centered on the melodramatic love triangle between an amiable banker (Wiseau), his fiancée (Danielle), and his conflicted best friend (Sestero), a significant portion of the movie is dedicated to a series of unrelated subplots involving friends and family of the main characters.

The film has been dubbed 'the Citizen Kane of bad movies' and one of the worst films ever made. Originally only shown in a limited number of California theaters, the film quickly developed a cult following as fans found humor in the film's various technical and narrative flaws. Although Wiseau promotes the film as a black comedy (yeah right!) audiences have generally viewed it as a poorly made drama, a viewpoint supported by some of the film's cast. Within a decade of its premiere, the film was selling out showings around the United States and had inspired a video game, book, and traveling stage show.

The Portland Mercury has pointed out that a number of 'plot threads are introduced, then instantly abandoned.' One of the most notable examples of this is in an early scene, when halfway through a conversation about planning a birthday party for Johnny, Claudette off-handedly tells Lisa: 'I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.' The issue is casually dismissed and never revisited during the rest of the film. In addition, the audience never learns the details surrounding Denny's drug-related debt to Chris-R or what led to their violent confrontation on the roof.

In perhaps the most infamous example, the principal male characters congregate in an alley behind Johnny's apartment to play catch with a football while wearing tuxedos. When Mark arrives, he is revealed to have shaved his beard, and the camera slowly zooms in on his face while dramatic music plays on the soundtrack. Nothing that is said or occurs during the game has any impact on the plot, and no explanation is given for why the men are playing football in tuxedos; the scene ends abruptly with the men deciding to return to Johnny's apartment after Peter trips while trying to catch the ball.

The character of Denny has received a great deal of attention from fans for the contrast between his bizarre personality and lack of backstory. Though he is apparently in college, fans have questioned whether he is a fully functioning adult, due to his ignorance of social norms: In the film's opening minutes he jumps onto a bed with Johnny and Lisa, apparently unaware that they are about to have sex, and tells them, 'I just like to watch you guys' seemingly oblivious to the sexual connotations of the statement. Wiseau confirmed in an interview that the character is mentally retarded, stating that he wrote the character this way so that he would be 'confused.'

The Room originated as a play, completed by Tommy Wiseau in 2001. Wiseau then adapted the play into a 500-page book, which he was unable to get published. Frustrated, Wiseau decided to adapt the work into a film, which he would then produce himself in order to maintain total control over the project. Wiseau has been secretive about exactly how he obtained the funding for the project, but he did tell Entertainment Weekly that he made some of the money by importing leather jackets from Korea. According to Greg Ellery, Wiseau came to the Birns and Sawyer film lot, rented a studio, and bought a 'complete Beginning Director package' which included the purchase of a brand new film camera. Wiseau, confused about the differences between 35 mm film and high-definition video, decided to shoot the entire film in both formats with two cameras. The movie's many rooftop sequences were filmed on the soundstage, with exteriors of San Francisco later poorly greenscreened in. The film employed over 400 people, and Wiseau is credited as an actor, an executive producer, the writer, producer, and director. Wiseau had a number of problems with his behind-the-camera team, and replaced the entire crew twice.

Wiseau has claimed in many interviews that while casting the film, he selected his group of actors from amongst 'thousands' of head shots, yet nearly the entire cast of The Room had never before been in a full-length film. For example, The Room was the first film in which Carolyn Minnott had ever appeared. Greg Sestero, who had known Wiseau for some time before production began, had limited film experience and had only agreed to work with Wiseau as part of the production crew. On the first day of filming, Wiseau fired the actor originally hired to play Mark, and Sestero agreed to fill in. He would later admit to being uncomfortable filming his sex scenes, the reason that he was allowed to keep his jeans on while shooting them. Greg Ellery has claimed that Juliette Danielle was just 'off the bus from Texas' when shooting began, and that on the first day of shooting, 'the cast watched in horror' as Wiseau jumped on Danielle and immediately began filming their 'love scene.'

An article on The Room: The Game!

The original script was significantly longer than the one used during filming, and featured a series of lengthy monologues; it was edited on-set by the cast and script-supervisor, who found much of the dialogue incomprehensible. Speaking to Entertainment Weekly, one anonymous cast member claimed that the script contained 'stuff that was just unsayable. I know it's hard to imagine there was stuff that was worse. But there was.' Greg Sestero maintains that Wiseau was adamant characters say their lines the way they were written, but that several cast members managed to slip in ad libs that ended up in the final cut of the film. Wiseau overdubbed many of his own lines for unknown reasons, with the new dialogue not matching up to the movements of his character's mouth.

The film was promoted almost exclusively through a single billboard in Hollywood, located on Highland Avenue just north of Fountain, featuring an image Wiseau refers to as 'Evil Man:' An extreme closeup of his own face with one eye in mid-blink. Although more conventional artwork was created for the film, featuring the main characters' faces emblazoned over the Golden Gate Bridge, Wiseau chose the "Evil Man" for what he regarded as its provocative quality; around the time of the film's release, the image led many passers-by to believe that The Room was a horror film. Wiseau also paid for a small television and print campaign in and around Los Angeles, with taglines calling The Room 'a film with the passion of Tennessee Williams.'

Although Robyn Paris recalled the audience laughing at the film during the premiere, Variety reporter Scott Foundas, who was also in attendance, would later write that the film prompted 'most of its viewers to ask for their money back — before even 30 minutes [had] passed.' IFC.com described Wiseau's speaking voice in the film as 'Borat trying to do an impression of Christopher Walken playing a mental patient.' The Guardian called the film a mix of 'Tennessee Williams, Ed Wood, R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet.'

The Room played in the Laemmle Fallbrook and Fairfax for the next two weeks, grossing a total of $1,900 before it was pulled from circulation. During one showing the second week of its run, the sole audience member in attendance was 5secondfilms' Michael Rousselet, who found unintentional humor in the film's poor dialogue and production values. After treating the screening as his 'own private Mystery Science Theater,' Rousselet began calling friends on his cell phone during the ending credits, encouraging them to come to the theater and join him in mocking the film for its next showing. After joining Rousselet, his friends began a word-of-mouth campaign that resulted in about 100 attending the film's final screening.

After the film was pulled from theaters, those who had attended the final showing began e-mailing Wiseau telling him how much they had enjoyed the film. Encouraged by the volume of letters he received, Wiseau arranged to book a single, midnight screening of The Room in June of 2004. With the film having developed a word-of-mouth reputation as the worst movie ever made, the screening proved successful enough that Wiseau booked a second showing in July, which itself spawned a third showing in August. Demand for tickets soon rose to the point that Wiseau had to book the midnight showing on two screens before ultimately scheduling showings at multiple theaters around Los Angeles. Several celebrities became fans of the film, including Paul Rudd, David Cross, and Kristen Bell, and they began to promote the film to friends and co-stars. Bell and Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas were particularly aggressive in attempting to spread word of the movie, slipping references into episodes of Mars 'as much as possible.' The film eventually developed national as well as international cult status, with Wiseau arranging screenings around the United States and in Canada, Scandinavia, the United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:
Coffee
Pills
More Coffee
Ruffles Chips
Cheesy Poofs
Random Candies
Internet P0rn

... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE!

But lets go over a few rules first. There's no talking in Steve's Theater during our feature presentation and talkers WILL be forced to watch today's movie TWICE, a fate worse than death!

Also, no cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. Please dispose of all trash in its proper receptacle. And NO TEXTING! VERY serious about that one.

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!

Seeing "The Avengers" ...

2012-05-07T06:50:00.001-07:00

I live in such a small midwestern town that it's a half hour to the first showing on opening day of the Avengers ... and the parking lot is nearly empty! I'm from big cities, so I'm used to waiting for two + hours before a movie opens! But it's starting at 4:15pm and there's maybe 30 people here to see it! WTF!?! It's like I live in freaking crazytown!

The theater only has two screens and it's the only theater they have in town!

They have Mortal Kombat 3 in their three game "arcade" in the small ass lobby. This is a small ass theater!

One of the employees in the snack bar tells me before the movie that they start showing movies usually around 4pm because all the employees are from the local high school. It's like I went from watching movie at the AMC Deer Valley 30 to seeing movies at a theater that John Cougar Mellencamp would sing about. I wonder if Jack and Dianne worked here?

The ghetto-ness of the theater doesn't stop us from having a kick ass time.

And as you can see here, Isabela is trying to stand in the official Marvel comic "Jack Kirby Action Stance" which is one foot forward and somehow huge with one foot behind you and somehow petite. I will include a sample "Jack Kirby Action Stance" drawing for comparisons and contrasts.

Even the lack of air conditioning doesn't stop us from loving the movie. It was amazing. I basically had a geekgasm! It was the movie I always dreamed about watching when I was a little boy reading old Avengers comics. It was absolutely stunning.

And it's a good thing that we went to the first showing at 4:15 because the second showing of the day had over 200 people ... so I guess half the damn town!

Craaaaaaazy!

My Awesome Seven Year Wedding Anniversary ...

2012-05-07T06:07:00.000-07:00

My wife and I have been married for seven years and we've been together for nine years. We got married at around the same time as our friends Michael and Lance. Both men are now divorced and one of them is about to go into his second marriage.

So it is safe to say "We Won!"

Awesome.

My Weekend ...

2012-05-04T08:36:00.001-07:00

Today I finally get to go see The Avengers. I have loved comic books all my life and I honestly mean it when I say that this movie is a realization of a lifelong dream for me. And I'm really excited to go with my wife and kids. Not so much my niece. Sorry, but she has suddenly turned 13 going on sullen 16 year old. Huge attitude. Love her. Huge attitude.

And tomorrow I am going out on a "date" with my wife. Roller skating. Carriage ride. And a huge italian dinner with some wine. And hopefully, anal.

I'm kidding.

(Maybe.)

But first before any of that happens I need to somehow survive today. See, we have some guests at the house. If including the niece and the seven month old baby then we have six freaking kids in this house right now. My mother-in-law is babysitting two little ones from church and they are clashing with Bela and the older ones and Bela is clashing with the older ones and there's door slamming and yelling and speaking of door slamming I just want to slam my head into the door until my brain spills out and everything feels cold.

Kid. Playing. Kid n Play. House party.

I should make it thru today.

We'll see.

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...

2012-05-02T15:08:00.000-07:00

Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia god and my own bad movie knowledge ...

"Attack of the Crab Monsters is a 1957 American black-and-white science fiction film, written by Charles B. Griffith and produced and directed by Roger Corman via Los Altos Productions, on contract for distribution by Allied Artists Pictures Corporation. The plot follows a scientific expedition trapped on a remote island inhabited by atomically mutated giant crabs. It was distributed as the main feature on a programmed double bill with Not of This Earth.

In the film, a group of scientists land on a remote island in the Pacific to search for a previous expedition that disappeared and to continue research about the effects of radiation from the Bikini Atoll nuclear tests on the island's plant and sea life. They learn to their horror that the earlier group of scientists have been eaten by mutated giant crabs that have gained intelligence by absorbing the minds of their victims. Members of the current expedition are systematically attacked and killed by the crabs, which are invulnerable to most weaponry because of the mutation in their cell structure.
Also the crabs look stupid. I mean, it looks REEEEEALLY fucking stupid. The monsters look like bad, old, dusty Rose Parade floats but with semi-human faces, like a bad, racist caricature of an asian man during WWII, you know? Personally, I always though Rodger Corman was a hack. But somehow he's a hack that's still alive and so that's why suddenly everyone cares. Whatever. Just watch the movie. It's laughably good."

Steve's Snacks Of The Week:

Coffee

Pills

More Coffee

Cheesy Poofs

Cold Water

Crack

Even More Coffee

Various Internet Porns

... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE! Yay! This blog kicks ass!

But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed. Any and all talkers will be Penn State Locker Room Shower-ed with extreme prejudice. Also, absolutely no cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING! Seriously!

And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).

Another Random Picture Attack ...

2012-05-02T13:41:00.000-07:00

The First Few Minutes of The New AVENGERS Movie ...

2012-05-02T06:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, you read that headline right! I was lucky enough to capture the first few minutes of the new avengers movie coming out this friday and I am bringing it to YOU!

Remember: you saw it here first!

Enjoy ...

The official title of this video on youtube is "FIRST FEW MINUTES OF NEW AVENGERS MOVIE!!!" That's with three exclamation points.

This movie is amazing! I am so proud!

Tired ...

2012-04-29T19:34:00.000-07:00

I'm so tiiiiiiiiired!

I'm always tired now. It worries me how exhausted I am all the time. And yes, I know that I'm a paranoid, bipolar, crazy sort of guy, but I'm really worried that something is wrong with me. Or maybe I'm just getting old, too, because I am just wiped out constantly.

But, as a self-conscious Latino man, I try NOT to look tired. I try not to look how I feel because I know that the "lazy mexican" is an offensive stereotype and I don't want to just be another lazy "meex-e-cann," you know?

Like, watch this ...

The Death Camp of Tolerance
Get More: SOUTH
PARK more...

See?

But I am tired as fuck and I don't know what to do.

Here's my new theme song ...

The Beatles: I'm So Tired

Probably going to bed now.

Wind Clan out.

A Small Note ...

2012-04-29T15:15:00.001-07:00

Just a small note:

The comments are once again working and, although it seems like a pain in the butt, each and every post will be verified by me personally before they are published.

This blog was getting attacked by spammers recently. Such a pain.

No sunday movie today. I will try and post one tomorrow. I'm in the middle of a very hard six day work week.

More to come ...

Oklahoma City Zoo Pics ...

2012-04-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I had a sunburn. Ouch.

Well, here are the pics ...