I think of spontaneous moments like these and how we just enjoy spending time together.  I love taking her to the little grocery store where it’s not so crowded that she can “push” the cart with me, help me bag apples and sample some of the treats they have laid out.  She likes to help me fold the laundry and she loooooves to throw clothes in the washer.

Mundane things.  But to us, we’re making memories and living life together.  I love to spend time with her.  The two of us make a great team.  And she’s a cuddler.  She’s mama’s girl through and through.  We snuggle every day before naps and every night before bed.

Of course I was excited when I found out we were expecting again.  But after the news started to sink in, I honestly was a little sad.  Sad that my lap would never be just Donut’s, sad that my time would have to be divided.

I ache thinking about the times I’m going to have to tell her that mommy can’t hold her because mommy has to hold the baby.

I wonder how she’ll react, if she’ll feel a sense of loss.  Donut is sensitive, she already feels deeply.  I know she’s still little and she’ll adapt.  But my heart aches for her.  Right now I’m all hers.  She knows she can climb on me, wipe her snot on me and eat off my plate.  Some of those things won’t change, but I feel bad that she’ll have to share me with someone else.

I know I’m not the first mom to feel this way.  It hasn’t hit me how hard it’ll be to manage for myself–I’m just concerned about the impact on my sensitive, sweet and tender girl.  And truthfully, I’m going to miss the Mommy and Donut times, just the two of us.  I’m soaking in the time we have together as much as I can.

Transitions are hard all around.  I know it’s a good lesson for us all to learn.  Life has a way of figuring things out and then they fall into place and feel so very right.  I’m confident we’ll land on our feet.  But in the meantime, I’m taking all the Donut snuggles I can get.

It’s so easy to use and it makes my skin feel wonderful.  There have been times when I’ve used store-bought cleansers and I can definitely feel a difference when I do–my skin feels tighter and dry and then I have to use extra lotion to get the moisture back.  Plus I seem to break out more when I use the store-bought stuff.  And need I mention the chemicals?

I also have to mention that my face barely broke out during this pregnancy while I used my oil cleanser.  My face was a disaster when I was pregnant with Donut and I couldn’t use any of the over-the-counter acne creams because those are no-no’s while you’re pregnant (but if they aren’t great for a developing baby, are they really that great for us adults??  Hmmm…)

Anyways, here’s what I do in case you’re curious and want to try it.  And I hope you do–just give it a week.  I won’t go into all the details of why it works (you can read about that here and here) but your skin shouldn’t feel oily, dirty or dry.  The formula you make is completely customizable to your skin.

I use a mix of castor oil (Amazon affiliate link) and either almond oil or apricot kernel oil.  I use 1 tbsp of castor oil to 3 tbsp of the almond or apricot.  This is because castor oil is more drying to skin and I have problems with dryness.  If you had oily skin, you’d want to use more castor oil.  I had to play around with this combination, but this is what works for me.

I usually shower before bed (so sorry if I stink during the day but you’d tell me, right??) so I just wash my face at that time and get off the dirt and makeup from the day.  I massage the mixture into my face, let it steam for about a 1 minute, then use a washcloth to gently wipe it off.  That’s it.  I’ve seen the makeup on my washcloth so I know it’s getting my skin clean.  Plus?  I can’t even remember the last time I broke out.  I probably just jinxed myself right there, but I’ll take my chances.

After my shower, I’ll sometimes rub a little coconut oil on my face.  In the morning, I just splash my face with water before applying makeup.  Couldn’t be easier.  The oils last me a really long time–it’s been a year and I still haven’t had to buy castor oil and I’ve only bought 1 bottle of each of the other oils.  This is a great budget-friendly, chemical-free face wash!

I don’t think I’ll ever go back to store-bought products.  If you try this, let me know if it works!

When Donut’s Mother’s Day Out teacher told me that Donut really enjoyed the crafting projects, I was pretty excited.  Art and creativity is something I want to nourish in her.  My right-brained former accountant self can sometimes quash what little creativity I have, but I know I have a fresh start with my little one.

I decided to get out some construction paper, glue and elbow macaroni.  Pasta art!  What could be easier?  I drew the shape of a heart on the paper and let Donut fill it in with the glue.  She took the bottle and started squeezing it all over the paper.

“Glue on the inside here.  Look, see what mommy drew?  Glue there.”  But my words would not be heeded.  Finally I took the glue and filled it in myself.  Then I told her to glue down the macaroni along the shape, showing her how with one or two pieces.

She glued them down–then promptly grabbed a few off and stuck them elsewhere on the paper.  She rearranged the pasta whichever way she chose, sometimes picking up the glue and applying a few dots here and there.  Before I sighed in resignation and told myself that perhaps she’s too young, I reminded myself that this is her art.

It’s what she makes of it.  And it doesn’t have to be perfect in order to be beautiful.

I let go, let go of what I wanted and of my expectations.  I let myself enjoy the messy moment and watched as she created.  I gave her room to explore and play without inserting my opinion.

I have a feeling this is a lesson I’m going to learn over and over again throughout life.  Sometimes I have to tell myself to just stand back, mama, and let her be.  Give her space, let her create and think.  Let her make choices and learn from the good and the bad.

And though it might not look how I envisioned it, I remind myself that it’s still beautiful.

Although she did love chatting it up with the nurses and was so fascinated with their name badges that I had to dig up an old one of mine and clip it to her shirt.

I kept Donut to her regular schedule as much as possible, ensuring we got out of the house so she could play and keeping her nap schedule.  I do know that she enjoyed having her daddy at home.  I did too, although I didn’t like the reason for it.

Being silly & pole dancing to Yo Gabba Gabba

People were so kind and generous in bringing us dinner throughout the week.  It was a huge relief to not have to worry about cooking, especially since our kitchen became a temporary pharmacy while the nurses were here.

Donut’s great-aunt came by one day with chocolate cake and then took us shopping at Charming Charlie’s.  It was our first time there and little Donut made herself right at home.

She oohed and aahed over the jewelry and purses, but she did a great job of not touching anything or melting down when we left.  How she resisted I have no idea.  That store is awesome.

The weather was great this weekend so she and I spent a little time planting some herbs.  I love how eager she is to help.  And she’s so serious about it too.

Overall, it was a very weird week, but I kept saying how thankful I was for this time with our family.  Since Mr. DIH couldn’t really go anywhere, we stayed home and were low-key.  I have to admit it was nice being together.

As for Mr. DIH, his symptoms are improving, but are still there.  It’s going to take time and he may need maintenance treatments one day a month for a few months.  It’s just a wait and see game.

As I said before, I dislike the reason for him having to be home, I hate that he doesn’t feel well, but I love our little family and I’m grateful for the time we had together.

Well, we became those other people.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how sick Donut and I had gotten at the beginning of spring.  Well, a couple of weeks after that, we were sick again.  I somehow managed to get pink eye and then Donut came down with another cold, which I caught and which turned into another respiratory infection.  UGH!  It was miserable.

This time around, Mr. DIH caught a cold too, but he wasn’t recovering very quickly.  Then one Friday morning he woke up and said his legs felt numb and weak.  He could walk, but very slowly and he needed to hold on to something.  He shook it off and went in to work, but by noon called the doctor.

The doctor told him he suspected it was Guillain-Barré syndrome and should get to a neurologist, but Mr. DIH said he didn’t want to jump so quickly to conclusions and decided to wait it out over the weekend.  He ended up in the ER by Sunday and a spinal tap confirmed the doctor’s suspicions.  By Monday, he was sitting in a neurologist’s office and formulating a treatment plan.

I realize how blessed we are that this was caught so early.  I know that it could be so much worse given how quickly his symptoms came on.  He can walk slowly, he can hold Donut, but he can’t open a can of Coke or write very well.  He has leg cramps though and difficulty getting out of bed.  His legs and hand tingle and numb up.

I’m at the point where I need more help with Donut.  My back hurts, sometimes to the point that I can’t move, I’m super tired and my belly makes it difficult to even give her a bath.

We are a sorry, decrepit couple at the moment.

Thankfully our church and friends have stepped up.  We’ve been brought so much food we can’t possibly eat it all.  Offers have come in to watch Donut, run to the store for us, even help with yard work.  The word grateful can’t even express how we feel.

Treatment began today for Mr. DIH.  He will undergo 5-6 hours of IV immunoglobulin therapy per day for a full week at home.  He could feel better in a few days or as long as a few weeks.  Like I said, we’re so thankful his symptoms aren’t worse.  I’m thankful there’s a treatment.

Boxes of medications. Sometimes I wonder if the cure is worse than the disease.

So this is where we are right now.  I’m going to be a little quiet online as I try to manage him, Donut, the incubating baby boy and myself.  But I wanted to let you all know and I wanted to thank you all for reaching out and checking in on us.  I’ll keep you posted.

Managing to play with Donut while dragging his IV pole around the house.

Susan, check your email!  Congrats!

A sweet photographer friend of mine came over to take newborn pictures of Donut when she was 3 weeks old.  She put together a cute birth announcement for us that coincided with Valentine’s Day so we ended up sending a birth announcement Valentine.  It was super cute.

Well, now it’s time for us to start thinking of pictures and birth announcements for our new little one.  I know July will be here before I know it and I want to be prepared well ahead of time since I’m going to have some serious brain fog going on after he’s here.

That’s where Minted comes in.  I spent a little time browsing some of the adorable birth announcements on their site and now I’m so excited to get them put together!  Here are a few that I like.

I like the clean design and simplicity of this announcement.

I like the bigger pictures and the middle area for the wording of the announcement.

I like the option of multiple pictures so we can show off the whole family.

I definitely want an announcement with at least 2 pictures so that I can include Donut with her new brother.  I’m already getting excited thinking of the adorable baby poses!

I really like the clean and modern look of Minted’s designs.  I had not visited their site before but had heard great things about their many products and I have to say that I’m pretty impressed.  The designs are sophisticated yet simple.

Minted would like to offer one of my readers a $50 credit to their site.  All you have to do is tell me which birth announcement you think I should pick.  You can either pick from the 3 designs here or go to their site and pick out another one that you like.  That’s it!  Giveaway will be open until midnight Thursday CST (April 18) and winner will be announced on Friday, April 19.  Good luck and thanks for helping me out!

Disclosure:  I received product in exchange for this post, but please know that I would never recommend or endorse a product that I didn’t personally like or experience.

But not today.  Today I made tea, read on my Kindle and took a nap.  It was nice.

I’ve been allowing myself naps and rest lately.  I guess having 2 sinus infections and pink eye in the last month will force you to sit on your rear and relax.  And hey, at the doctor’s office this last week, she actually wrote on her notepad that I need to rest.

I’m bad at resting.  I always feel like it’s not productive, that I need to be doing things and keeping busy.  And even when I did rest, I told myself it was for the baby, not really for me.

Not anymore though.  Lately I’ve been resting for me.  Lately I’ve been finding things that I want to do and if there are dirty dishes in the sink, then there are dirty dishes in the sink.  I can’t do it all and I don’t want to anymore.

I asked for help.  I finally hired a housekeeper to come clean twice a month.  I’m fortunate and blessed to have that resource.  I ask Mr. DIH to help me more and I let go of things that aren’t pressing.  Other times, I snuggle my girl instead of folding laundry or indulge her in a game of Ring Around the Rosies.

I’m happier.  I’ve been more patient, less snappy and I’m enjoying my life.  I’m listening to Gretchen Rubin’s Happier at Home*and one profound thing that struck me is when she wrote that she didn’t want to look back at her life and then realize that she’d been happy–she wanted to realize that happiness now.

I’m catching more of it now.  It’s work.  But it’s so worth it.

Linking up with James and Jax

*affiliate link

When I was pregnant with Donut, I could tell you to the day, probably to the hour, how far along I was.  I read every weekly bump update from What to Expect and Babycenter.  There wasn’t a moment where I wasn’t aware that I was carrying a teeny little life inside of me.

Of course there was the excitement of the first baby.  But more than the excitement, there was crushing anxiety.  Anxiety because, you see, Donut wasn’t my first pregnancy.  The first one, well, that ended in a loss at 6 weeks.  I was heartbroken, crushed.  Fearful.

When I was pregnant again, all I could think of was that loss.  Everything was cause for alarm:  a twinge, a cramp, an ache.  I was running to the bathroom at every opportunity, convincing myself to be prepared for blood.  Convincing myself not to become too attached.

Looking back, I realize my thoughts were not healthy or normal.  I didn’t recognize it and I hid it so well that nobody else did either.  But the anxious, wrenching and intrusive thoughts haunted me.  Will they find a heartbeat?  I can’t feel the baby move today.  Don’t eat that–you’ll hurt the baby.   Don’t take the stairs, don’t lift the grocery bags.  Don’t commit to names.

I robbed myself of any pleasure of enjoying my pregnancy with Donut.

I know some worry is normal, but my thoughts spiraled out of control.  I was convinced that something was going to go wrong, no matter how well things were progressing.  I was an anxious, often-crying and stressed-out mess on the inside.

This time around couldn’t be more different.  Maybe its experience from being pregnant before, maybe it’s the busyness of chasing a toddler all day, or maybe it’s just more awareness, but I haven’t felt the anxious or intrusive thoughts.  Thankfully.

I’ve been calm, appreciative.  I haven’t been dwelling on the baby every waking second, obsessing about every symptom.  I’ve been honest with my husband and with my OB about my previous experience.  And most importantly, with myself.

I wasn’t aware of perinatal anxiety or depression before.  I’d never even heard of such a thing and it’s certainly not discussed at doctor’s visits.  I realize I need to be my own advocate.  And I’m focused and aware, and should the anxiety get the better of me, I’m going to reach out.  We have a game plan in place.

I’m so thankful that this pregnancy is off to a healthy start, both physically and mentally.  I’m grateful for the chance to be able to enjoy it, to {almost} make up for what I missed with Donut.  Thankful for second chances.

If you’re struggling with perinatal or postpartum mood disorders, please know that there is help available.  A great site for information and resources is Postpartum Progress.  Also, find the #PPDChat army on Twitter.  You don’t have to fight this alone.

Sometimes I wonder if I’d be a better mother if I were an extrovert.  If I were the type of mom who was constantly chattering to my child, playing with her all day and involving her in every single thing I do.  I guess in my mind, that’s what an extroverted mother does.  In my mind, she’s more engaged.

For me, being constantly engaged is stressful and draining.  I need downtime and separation.  It is hard for me to be talked to and talked at all day long.  I become impatient and cranky.  I relish nap time because it’s a way for me to recharge and gather myself.

When you have a small child with you all day, it’s challenging as an introverted mother to not feel guilty about engaging all day with him or her and yet finding time to have your quiet time, especially when your child is awake.  I feel bad if she plays independently for too long or if I have to turn on the TV just so I can have a few minutes.

But one of the things that I’ve had to remind myself is that there is no fault in being an introvert.  It isn’t wrong.  It doesn’t make me less of an interested or loving mother.  And an extroverted mother is no better or worse than me either.  We both have our strengths.  It’s just a matter of recognizing them.

So instead of worrying that I don’t chat enough or plan enough play dates or child activities, I remind myself of the ways I am a good mother.  I love reading to my child.  I talk to her throughout the day and tell her what I’m doing.  I involve her in little chores around the house.  And I remind myself that by taking care of me and being true to who I am, I am teaching her a valuable lesson:  that it’s ok to be you.  That you don’t need to be like everyone else and you are fine just the way you are.

I’m more available and loving when I find time to care for myself and if that means sitting in silence for a bit, then that is ok.  My child will be just fine even if I’m not all up in her biz all day.  And hopefully that will teach her to be ok with solitude and enjoy the pleasure of her own company.

How do you parent?  Are you more of an introvert or extrovert and how does that affect your parenting?

So a couple of weeks ago, when Donut started sniffling, I didn’t think that I’d get sick too.  When I woke up a day later with a sore throat, I told myself it was spring allergy season.  I’d wait it out.  Well, a couple of days passed and I was beyond miserable.  I hadn’t called my doctor because I had an appointment Friday of that week.  By the time I got to his office, I was a mess.  My cold had turned into a nasty sinus infection.

It is so hard being sick when you’re pregnant and taking care of a toddler.  {Feel free to insert a sympathetic “awwwwww” here.}  I whined incessantly on Twitter.  I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t swallow anything without my throat burning.  By Friday afternoon I was a sobbing mess on the couch.

I had planned on taking Donut to see my parents that weekend for her week-long spring break.  I knew I was in no condition to travel, but I really, really needed the extra help.  So Mr. DIH packed us up and drove us the 3 hours to my parents and then drove himself back that same day.  Finally, some help!

I know there are a lot of us that don’t have family around, but for those of you who do–don’t take it for granted!!  There’s a lot to be said for having someone lend a hand when you just don’t know how you’re even going to get off the couch for a glass of water.  I had told my moms group on our Facebook page that I was going out of town and that we were really sick.  I was then admonished for not having called them to allow them to help me out.

And why didn’t I call??  Doh!  I have a tendency to not want to ask for help.  It makes me uncomfortable and I just hate to inconvenience anyone.  Of course I’m always glad to help someone else out, but for some reason just can’t ask for it for myself.  This is something I need to work on.  Especially during times like this.

So, lesson learned.  Reach out, ask.  If they say no, I’ll just never speak to them again.  Kidding.  {Maybe.}  But it really made me realize the truth of the saying “It takes a village.”  It sure does.  Mamas can be such lone rangers sometimes.  I was trying to be a hero and do it all and I made myself perhaps more sick.  And I was definitely miserable!  Next time, I won’t hesitate.

Do you hesitate to ask for help?  What do you do when you’re sick and don’t have family close by?