Live By Integrity

Getting back in a (different) saddle

2013-02-09T20:54:00.002-07:00

Well, I'm back. It's been nearly a year and a half since I posted. I quit writing because I ran out of things to say. My wife would laugh at that and kindly point out that's not possible. I also quit because I "got busy". It's all too easy to drop something that is important if it isn't urgent. I'm writing again because as a parent I need a continual reminder that the most important things in my life are the ones that don't scream for attention.

My son is nearing his 2nd birthday, and his blog has half of the traffic that this blog has. This encourages me, because it makes me feel like someone is listening and perhaps benefiting from my voice. It is work to put value into this blog, and it can get tiring if no one is listening. At the same time, I feel called to put my time into a blog with a different emphasis.

Kristen and I believe the scriptures, and we read them as guides for our behavior. As such, we see a storm coming from our society's poor decision making. I am going to be putting my writing efforts into a new blog, focused on the topic of how to create a household that will weather the storm better. I am kicking off prepareforthestorm.blogspot.com tonight. I will still post here when appropriate, but please check the other blog out when you get the chance.

-nathan

Moving Mountains

2011-10-06T15:49:00.000-06:00

God built them. He can move them.

Nothing we face today, individually or as a nation, is insurmountable to God.

Everything can be healed, in His time and through His power.

We stand on the brink of great challenges and adventures. Those butterflies you're feeling as you look over the edge of the cliff are real, and they're good for you. Get yourself and your family ready.

The News

2011-10-05T04:00:00.000-06:00

I chased around all over the Salt Lake valley today for my new job. I spent a lot of time in the car and listened to the world ending according to the voices across the airwaves. The funny thing is, I was at peace even as I listened to chaos and worry.

I guess what's going on in my own head impacts my happiness more than what's going on in the world outside.

Interesting...

Spiritual Beings

2011-10-04T04:00:00.000-06:00

We are not meant to live by bread alone. We are not meant to scratch in the dirt for bare sustenance. We are spiritual beings, sent here by a loving Heavenly Father. We are meant to live with rich spiritual abundance in our hearts. We are meant to live free.

Satan has set his hand to oppose God's work. In this, he seeks our captivity. In this battle there is only ever good and evil, light and darkness, virtue and vice. As uncomfortable as it is to live in a world without shades of gray, when it comes to the spiritual contest it is pure love against pure evil. Rise with me this morning, sing a song of praise in your heart, and set yourself in a firm covenant to serve the Lord. In doing so, the scales will fall from your eyes and you will begin to see the glories of God's work all around you. He speaks even now to your heart, is it quiet enough to hear His small voice?

and...GO!

2011-10-03T04:00:00.001-06:00

I finished my training with flying colors, I returned home and enjoyed a blissful week with close friends and family. I had the opportunity to serve my brothers and sisters and be served in return. I asked my father for a favor tonight, and was reminded just how nice it is to have him here to ask favors of. He is my friend and I am grateful to have his influence in my life.

I begin again tomorrow to go out into the world and seek to conquer it through the strength of my integrity and my wit. To battle!

Quiesce

2011-09-08T21:13:00.000-06:00

I have to focus on the labors right in front of me for the next three weeks. I am pausing the blog while I finish up here in Massachusetts. I will return on October 3rd.

10,000 days

2011-09-05T19:57:00.000-06:00

A godly man leaves an inheritance to his children's children.

The long view is the only view that makes sense. God's view encompasses the eternities. This is why He is no respecter of persons. If we are to become more like Him, if we are to see Him as He is, we must set aside the "Me, Now" perspective and embrace the eternities.

What are you doing today that is of enduring importance? I find that my son is a useful barometer for this question. Right now, I ask myself: will this thing I'm focused on be of importance when he is old enough for me to explain it to him? I hope a little further down the road to stretch my views further and ask: will this be important to Ethan's son?

Lastly, the 10,000 days. 10,000 is just shy of 30 years. It's just about the amount of time I have been on this earth, and it is the scope for the planning that my wife and I are doing. When we make decisions, we try to ask ourselves how it will impact our lives 30 years from now. This is one of the meanings. The second meaning is more personal, and I share it with you now.

I have been shaped by 10,000 days under the burdens of sin and addiction. I will spare the details, but it is enough to say that I seek a new life and new heart for the next 10,000 days. I keep a journal in conjunction with this blog and every day that I spend seeking that new heart, I increment the journal. Today was day 56. Tomorrow is day 57. I put my trust in the Lord to carry me through each day from now until 10,000 and beyond.

Overcommitted

2011-09-02T05:59:00.000-06:00

I make commitments too easily. I say yes, often because I either fear conflict or am seeking the grand gesture. It leads me to under-deliver. I am working on this, but need to work on it more. In the meantime, I am grateful for multiple chances to improve.

Blank Pages

2011-09-01T12:35:00.000-06:00

One of my childhood memories is sitting in front of an early PC and loading up a word processor. I remember a feeling of wonder as I scrolled through the limitless blank pages. I remember wanting to create something, to fill that blankness.

This blog is a beginning for me to fulfill that child's dream. I'm still not very good at filling the blankness, but I will persist. I cannot say where this road will end, but I will walk forward in it. Is my blindness towards the blank pages ahead a blessing from Heavenly Father?

Present

2011-08-31T19:39:00.000-06:00

Most of us spend very little time being completely present wherever we are. Our culture has raised distraction to an art form. Being present is something that I've been trying to develop recently, and it takes a surprising amount of work. I've noticed some pretty nice benefits, although only in seed form. We'll see what we harvest from this new seed.

I'm learning that all of my decisions have consequences, whether I like them or not. I guess I just finally decided to start making decisions that led to consequences I like.

Persistence

2011-08-30T08:13:00.000-06:00

They say that good things come to those who wait. I can see some truth in that statement. I can also see the value of persistent action. Often the most valuable things in life don't come on the first try, or the second, or the fifth. Babe Ruth lives in history for his home runs. What you don't hear about is that he was also the strikeout leader of his day. He swung for the fences every day and persisted in the face of his strikeouts. He was incorrigible in his pursuit.

Persistence requires two things: a clearly defined goal and stubborn effort. I have set my goals: freedom from debt and freedom from addiction. Now comes the stubborn effort. Persist, persist, persist.

Joy

2011-08-29T07:21:00.000-06:00

We survived the hurricane intact. There is a strange peace over me today. I am grateful for it, but I need to understand it. I know that it has something to do with my obedience in recent weeks, but I will explore it further tonight.

A little full

2011-08-25T20:40:00.000-06:00

I appreciate that at the end of a long day, my heart can feel full and at peace. I think one of the ways to keep my heart at peace is to take a moment from time to time to express those things that I am simply grateful for:

Work that matters
A virtuous wife
A healthy baby
Personal health
Sunshine on my face
A family that pulls together under pressure
The Gospel of Jesus Christ
Intelligence
A heritage of faith
Boundaries
Chastisement
Humble circumstances
Fuzzy kittens
Humor
Friendly competition
Common ground
High expectations
A strait gate

"Thou art the Christ, the Son of the Living God."

Nerd School

2011-08-25T04:00:00.004-06:00

What are my days like here in Massachusetts? To show you the answer to that question, first a few things that I have learned about myself:

I am a detail oriented guy. When I say that, I mean that I care deeply about the tiny facets of my life. It is important to me that a comma is in exactly the right place on a billboard. It matters if the network cables coming out of the switch I'm working on are all routed correctly. I care about these things, and so when I see things that are amiss, I want to correct and improve them.

I am intelligent, although hardly the smartest kid you'll ever meet. I care about making the people around me smile, but I'm quite introverted. In my travels I have found that I am an unusual person, I don't often fit in. As I have gone through school and work, I have from time to time stumbled upon someone a lot like me. I usually latch onto that person for my own sanity and we become friends. I have never really found a peer group.

Here in Massachusetts, I have found my peer group. I have met a group of guys that are a whole heckuvalot like me. A new friend of mine coined the phrase Nerd School for our little group. I spend each day surrounded by other introverts who care greatly about the details and want to make things exactly right. It's exhausting, but its also exhilarating. And that's my life right now.

30

2011-08-24T04:00:00.000-06:00

Well, it finally happened. I left behind the carefree 20's and I'm now forced to admit that I, too, am mortal.

All of you who disparaged my skinnyness, you can relax now...I'm getting fat. :)

As I go back to work and dive into a new day, I leave you with one thought:

Getting older is an opportunity to do new things for yourself, instead of the God's gift of a body doing them for you. Sort of like teaching a teenager to do their own laundry, we have to manually watch over the health and well-being of our body; like a stewardship.

Family Home Evening

2011-08-23T04:00:00.000-06:00

We were invited to join a family that we met here in Mass. for dinner tonight. Afterwards, we enjoyed a nice family home evening. They have four small children and they spent most of the time climbing all over us and chasing each other around the yard. The lesson and the games were simple, but I could see the value of the simple interactions between the children and child to parent. It continues to amaze me just how many of the keys to success that I use over and over in my life I learned in similar situations as a young child.

I contrast this to our trip to Boston. We had two different complete strangers walk up to Kristen on the train and ask her if Ethan was hers. I have to assume that they took her for a nanny, but it caused me to ponder how different Ethan's life would be if he were to spend the bulk of his time being cared for and not parented.

As I work on parenting a tiny child, I grow to appreciate my own parents more.

Staying Honest

2011-08-22T04:00:00.000-06:00

I didn't write every day last week. I kept up with my journaling, but took a day or two off from writing. I did this for a couple of reasons.

First, because I'm pretty busy these days, and the blog got pushed off the schedule.

Second, because I began to feel as though I was running out of things to say. I've found that I must continually strive to balance the revelation coming into my life through scripture study and prayer with the contributions I make in the lives of those around me. If I focus too much on my internal spiritual life, I have nowhere to go with the blessing I am given; too much on the outer and I have nothing to give. When I felt like I had nothing to say, I took it as a warning sign that I had too many draws, not enough sustenance. That left me with two alternatives: I could take a step back and recharge, or, I could lie to you and make up an entry that I didn't honestly feel.

I chose to take a step back. It felt good to take a few days to recharge, connect with my wife and baby, and re-center myself on the things of greatest importance. Now I'm back and anticipate continuing my previous publishing schedule.

Have a great Monday!

Great Work

2011-08-17T04:00:00.000-06:00

How do I magnify my calling to provide for my family while honoring the Lord's mandate to "seek ye first the kingdom of God"? I am entering into a professional career that requires that I invest large portions of myself out into the world. I am doing this to feed my family and provide for our future.

I have been counseled by my priesthood leaders to be very careful to "not seek for great wealth, or the honors of men". This has confirmed my quandary and proven to be difficult advice to follow. I think I might have found a way forward that does not violate either mandate.

Seek for great work.

Great work is work that matters. It is work that requires a servant's heart. A man could hold the loftiest position on the planet, and if he holds the servant's heart, he will not abuse that power. If I make every single professional decision through the lens of "how best can I serve my brothers and sisters in this position and through these actions?" then I can and must succeed in my efforts to provide for my family.

The scene for the coming battle is set, I know where I will stand and who I will be standing with. I now know why I am standing and that the Lord will sustain me.

The deep breathe before the plunge...

Center or Re-Center

2011-08-16T04:00:00.006-06:00

Today I had a stressful day at work. I came home and felt disconnected from the anchors of my life. My son happened to be sick today and so when I came home I took him from my wife and sang hymns to him to calm him. The funny thing is, the singing calmed me more than him. It re-centered me on the true priorities in life. It gave me strength to face another day and new adventures.

I am grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Monday Morning

2011-08-15T04:53:00.002-06:00

Why is it so hard to find contentment on a monday morning? It seems that I have an easier time finding peace and contentment in my life once I'm into the swing of my work week, but my heart still knows some fear when I'm here in the dark of the early morning, looking forward into the week.

I guess I still have something to learn.

Test

2011-08-12T04:00:00.000-06:00

Today I will be tested again. I passed the preliminaries earlier this week, now it is on to the main event. This week reminds me that we are all to stand ready to be tested every day, because we do not know when the Lord will call us to service. I ask myself every morning as I get ready for the day: "am I willing to put in the work necessary to prepare to serve the Lord today?" If I prepare, I am being obedient; if I am obedient, I am blessed by the Lord.

Sounds like a win/win to me.

Simple

2011-08-11T04:00:00.000-06:00

I find peace in simplicity. I gave a presentation earlier this week introducing myself to a group of new co-workers. I spoke about the family I came from and where my little family is going. I told them that my family is why I do what I do. It's true, without them, I would not be giving the same sacrifices. My needs aren't important enough to give that much up.

My wife and my baby smiled at me today, and so today goes into the books as a success.

Advancing without opposition

2011-08-10T04:00:00.001-06:00

In military strategy, there is a methodology for advancing your lines with minimal risk to your troops. Essentially, you fire from under cover in order to suppress enemy action and you advance your fortifications towards their lines. If you've ever seen Last of the Mohicans, this is what the French are doing to the British fort. It is slow, labor-intensive, and extremely difficult to counter.

I find that I have spent most of my life growing in this way. I am a pathologically late bloomer. I never spoke baby talk, my first words were complete sentences. I read aloud very little until I could read sentences fluently. I never dated until I was looking for a wife. I don't chase jobs I'm not very qualified for. And I've never pushed back really really hard against the devil and his snares.

I hope it is wisdom for me to see that I can move faster to retake ground against the wiles of the devil. I believe that through the atonement of Christ, I can gain the wisdom and perception to move myself and my family forward until we are standing where He needs us. Sometimes God commands movement, and when that is the case even the slightest pause can be disobedient. But once we've moved to where He needs us, often the command is to hold, and there even the slightest move can be disobedient.

I see God in my life. I feel His urging to move. I can also sense that it will soon be time to stand. I hope that we can hold in the coming days.

Smart Enough

2011-08-09T04:00:00.000-06:00

I've been pretty smart. If I apply myself, I can usually puzzle out most problems. When I was younger, I would rely on my intelligence to get away with less work. As I have matured, I have discovered something interesting. As with most attributes, intelligence has diminishing returns. If you look at IQ scores as a measure of analytic intelligence, an IQ score of 100 means you are exactly average. If you are lucky enough to be smart enough to score a 115 on an IQ test, that means you are smarter than 84% of the adult population. A score of 130 makes you smarter than 97% of the population.

Being smart is useful, going from 100 to 115 can help you compete in the marketplace and make wise decisions in how you run your home. Going from 140 to 155 moves you just a smidge in the land of the already intelligent, but doesn't do much to help you in the day to day struggle of life.

This has helped me to understand a few new things about the challenges in my new job. It is highly technical, and so it requires that I am smart. But it really only requires that I am smart enough. Past a certain baseline for grasping the technical details, additional intelligence doesn't buy me much.

What helps me move past the boundaries of mere intelligence? Work. One man I admire told me his motto is: "I'm smart enough, and I'll outwork you." If you take smart enough and couple it to an indefatigable will, you can move pretty large hills. If you couple smart enough with work ethic and underpin the pair with faith, mountains find a new home.

Revelation

2011-08-08T10:20:00.001-06:00

You're entitled to personal revelation, but not necessarily twice. Write it down.

We all pass this way only once, what are you saving for your children?