LIFE IN NEON

MY DESKTOP: 11.11.2010 (My Computer)

2010-11-11T13:40:00.000-08:00

Since starting DOGLR, my dog mania has gone from here to infinity. I've also unearthed many obscure, cute, weird, and silly dog media from search for the most random ass shit on the internet. That being said, this little slice of opulent cute cake was found from searching "Bassett Hound puppy." I posted the photo thinking "cool, another photo up." but kept returning to it. It's something about the dog's eyes, his ears, the gold embellishment--it's all perfect. It seems like a puppy has been placed in a Kelly Wearstler designed room in Anna Dello Russo's apartment. I love it.

PROMOTION: DOGlr

2010-11-09T14:49:00.001-08:00

DOGlr, my blog about dogs, has finally arrived. Check it out!

NETFLIX'D: The Adventures Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

2010-11-08T12:43:00.000-08:00

Thoughts?

IN A DECADE OF MOVIES LIKE BIG TROUBLE LITTLE CHINA AND HOWARD THE DUCK AND OTHER CROSS-DIMENSIONAL FILMS BUCKAROO BONZAI ACROSS THE 8TH DIMENSION IS THE BEST I MEAN HE'S A DOCTOR SINGER SAMURAI WHO FIGHTS INTERDIMENSIONAL ALIENS: HOW GREAT IS THAT (ALSO HE'S WAY HOT AND THE COSTUMING AND STYLING IS 100% GREAT)

Rating?

FIVE OUT OF FIVE DUHS

ON REPEAT: Eluvium's Similes LP

2010-11-05T16:38:00.000-07:00

I have been an Eluvium fan for a few years now. Three years ago, he released an album that everyone seemed to shit themselves over. Yes, it is a very good album; however, his release this year--Similies--eclipses his previous album.

Relying more on vocals than drawn, cyclical piano, woodwind, and tonal electronic orchestration, we see a more human touch to the music. You could even call it "poppy." With the first two tracks, you are given some of the finest work of the year. "Leaves Eclipses the Light" is a nice little ocean side stroll. Echoes over resonant strings, empathizing rather than whining, he sings in monotone. (And, it should be noted that he is not a particularly good singer. Then again, that is not the point.) The second song, "The Motion Makes Me Last," is a very high contender for the song of the year. It is a delicate force that is still unexpected buoyancy. With sharp piano, this song plucks at your heart and, really, should bring you to tears.

Similar, "Weird Creatures" has the same effect. Another vocally focused song, it does what the rest of the album: creates a scene for the listener to walk around in. His music is not really meant to follow along but rather paint with. Copia, the last album, created a space: a terrarium. Similies has more of a pace. It's vigorous. Here, you are in active nature, you are in cities. You see the animals racing, the people bustling, the cars stopping and starting. This album is about painting the activity around us, rather than entrapping us in its lightness.

After the recent release of a follow up, single song LP, Static Nocturne, you have to wonder where he is going. Having just downloaded it, maybe he will reach actual conversation.

MY DESKTOP: 11.4.2010 (Computer)

2010-11-04T18:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I have introduced you all to my baby, but this is Dottie. She goes by many names: Dorothy, DD, Dottie Dog, DDD, Lil' Mama, Mama, and--even--Roberta. She has recently become a scarf dog because, you know, she real pretty like that. This photo was recently taken by Robert Aaron Solomon at her favorite non-dog park dog park, Intelligentsia Silver Lake. She gets all the people attention she wants, she can sit on my lap or under the table, and--most importantly--she can bird watch. This photo was taken of her entranced by a bird tightrope walking the tiles of the roof.

Coming soon: MY DOG BLOG. No joke, people.

GET THE LOOK: How To Halloween

2010-11-03T12:19:00.000-07:00

Obviously, Hallowe'en is one of my favorite holidays. And, even though this article is in 100% retroactive, I think it is important to teach people how to do Halloween correctly. Some say there is no right or wrong way, that the holiday is just an excuse for candy, candid make-outs, and coming up with a cool costume.

Yes, it is all about that. But, one problem in that is "coming up with a cool costume." A cool costume. Just one.

I think that is a problem. How many times have you seen that friend and fellow partygoer, who has gone to the same two or three Halloween parties as you--but, has worn the same exact costume to each affair? A lot of times. Every time you see them, it looks more and more haggard. And, admit it: you were that person, too.

That is why I urge you to take this holiday seriously, should you want to go out and celebrate it. This means thinking about a costume(s), prepping weeks in advance for your outings, and doing the work required for the holiday. Like prepping a Thanksgiving a meal or buying presents for Christmas, you have to premeditate what the end result will be. For Halloween, this is a good costume.

A good costume isn't just one, well done, outfit...unless, you are only planning on going to one party. Who does that, though?? No one! Thus, my take on it, so you can start thinking now for your 2K11 costumes. (And, believe me, you should. I do! And, every year, people are impressed with the originality as isn't about WOWing--it's about being classic and original.)

First, you need your C Team costume. This is something you can wrestle up last minute, for that party you don't want to go to but are obligated to attend. They should be easy, should still be original, and should not require more than ten minutes to grab out of your closet. These usually involve a cheap mask and your normal clothes.

An example: this year, Bobby and I were California Raisins. We simply wore clothes we both had and two masks I had found at a Hollywood Halloween store, nestled in the back by Tiny Toons masks (which I MUST get).

Yeah, I know: the two tertiary raisins who are high. Whatever. Haters.

Your B Team costume should be something you put more effort into and is somewhat "topical." This is where you can recreate a really stellar, contemporary (as in, within the last year) pop culturally relevant costume. These can also just be a "classic" Halloween outfit, executed finely. You could be a zombie, you could be Antoine Dodson, you could be Balloon Boy--whatever you want! This costume is for the party you want to go to, but is not the main event.

An example: this year, Bobby and I were Die Antwoord, a la "Evil Boy." We thought it was really clever and, really, it was a super easy costume to do. However, this costume fell a little flat as not as many people as we thought knew who Die Antwoord are. SURPRISE, SURPRISE. (We still looked great, nonetheless.)

We were particularly proud of the work we did on this...although no one knew who we were. Haterssssss.

Your A Team costume is where you do not hold back. You should be thinking and planning this one well in advance. It needs to be culturally relevant, cost some money, and have one "selling" piece. The "selling" piece can be an article of clothing, a mask, certain make-up, etc.: this costume should be the hardest to assemble and the hardest to put on. You are wearing this to your main event: you have to be the belle at the ball!

An example: this year, Bobby and I were Eliot and E.T. I had premeditated this costume for a year now and had been super excited about it. I purchased a vintage 1980s mask from eBay and the rest of the pieces from Goodwill. I was too lazy to get the correct wig so, in that respect, the costume was not 100% accurate.

This was the hit, hands down. It also helped that I had a finger light for my hand and Bobby handed out Reese's Pieces. Even though it is more like Anna E.T. Wintour, people "got it." And, if you don't like it, suck it.

What's next, in the eleven months we have until next Halloween? Brainstorming you A Team costume. May sound ridiculous, but so worth it in the end.

OBSESSION: babe25's "My Humps"

2010-11-03T00:18:00.000-07:00

This post has been a long time coming. After prodding from a few directions and constantly watching and rewatching her videos, I wanted to write a love note of sorts to an internet celebrity that I cannot get enough of: babe25.

A very mysterious Internet anti-celebrity, the babe is a nebulous character. She appears to be a little girl but, from watching more of her catalogue, you can tell that she is actually a much older woman. You cannot tell where she is from (but that she is Southern), what exactly her deal is (but that she loves to sing), and why she hasn't gotten scared away from the Internet (because she has fans). It is easy to discern that she very much enjoys watching herself, performing for others, is quietly racist, and can spread good health. She is a gem of a woman named Robin: she is Shannon Gaga, minus the humor, minus the self-awareness, minus the beauty, and minus the fandom.

In her rendition of "My Humps," you are greeted with an array of emotions. It starts with a very strange dedication: to Tucker, a man way more cuter than Quinn who also goes by "The Black Mamba." He also is the keeper of the babe's humps--her lady humps. However, EmoEater--her "boyfriend" Aaron--has all of her love. One cannot tell what exactly that means or who exactly this is dedicated to, but you know it is cause for a stunning cover of "My Humps" to celebrate.

The song starts around 00:45, to a silent backbeat, to which she climaxes very early at 00:50 attempting to say "Imma get get get you drunk." Here forward, you just know that this rendition will be as great as a kick down a flight of stairs. Her words flow out jumbled, dominoes tumbling over each other to keep up with the silent beat. Between the incomprehensible and warbled coos, you get a few key lines of the song delivered: "Dolce & Gabana," "My humps," "She's got me" (which sadly ends in what sounds like "sanding").

Another important point in this video is her moves and her face. Is she reading lyrics? Is she trying to dance? Does she have to go to the bathroom? Is she just yearning for Quinn to do something with "all that jazz inside [her] drink" (2:08)? Who knows. One thing, for sure, is that her dance consists of putting her arms behind her back, shuffling her boobs, and doing God knows what with her lower torso. We can't even tell if she is wearing short shorts to match her "Robin & Aaron" lovebird shirt. She looks uncomfortable and slightly constipated. For her sake, the song should end.

At 3:15, we finally get a fuller glimpse of the music she is singing over. It personifies itself, attempting to drown her out with the bass. Unfortunately, they are no match for the babe. Because, as the song "ends" at 3:58, she has what appears to be a "silent seizure." This is not a technical term by any standard; however, it appears that she begins to shake uncontrollably yet keeps her head fixed on the camera. No music plays. You really wonder, "Is she going to be okay? Is this The Ring?" We will never know.

Nearly a minute later, though, at 4:15, the music comes back for the final verse of "she's got me handy." Upon the end-end, we are reminded that this was a love dedication, lest we forget this is not for our entertainment alone. No, sirs and ma'ams: this is a modern love note to the man who keeps your humps, but is not the man who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

As we close, so do our hearts: is there hope? Yes, there is: 4:43 we are given her signature, the haggard peace sign, muffled into the microphone, making her unsteady voice bewitched. As she stands away from the camera, peace sign forty five degrees to the left, humanity is restored. We're free to click away.

But, we don't: we hit replay.

JCREW REVIEW: November 2K10's Catalogue

2010-11-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

OVERALL: This is a great catalogue and probably the best I have covered. It seems like they are actually taking my notes on the wedding and men's section, which is fantastic. And, surprisingly, the women's section is pretty droll this month. Who knew?? And, again, Crew Cuts is where it is at!

COVER

This cover is great but, really, is just an outtake from last month's spread taken indoors and done less efficiently. It's like the models were like "IT'S COLD :(" and they all retreated inside, with fur collars and cocoa.

(NOTE: They are also sending out TWO different catalogues. I got this one and another with the main model holding ballet flats like a fan. HRMMMM.)

PAGE 2 - 3

Take note of what to pick from Jenna's picks!

PAGE 5

The theme this spread is "models unpacking!" This is like a yearly theme the 'Crew does. I don't get it, I don't completely hate it, but I can tell it's ridiculous. Also, her look is all over the damn place.

PAGE 11

I fucking hate zippered, ribbed, over embellished sweaters. They are not cool or natural. Yeah, I know you cannot spin yarn with zippers within them naturally, but that is not what I am saying: they don't look right. Zippers and metallic buttons on cashmere do not mix well because they are such conflicting materials. They fight each other. Yet, that bottom right sweater is cool in that the zipper goes into the neckline--however, that does not make it "right." If that were a leather jacket? Perfect. Sweater? No.

PAGE 12 - 13

Oh, God: the bad flats from two months ago are bad. These aren't as bad; however, putting mock-up lace ballet flats at the center on a spread of flats is a bold testament of EW.

PAGE 18

What are those shorts? They're fabulous. Please buy them!

PAGE 19

I never touch upon these necklaces because they aren't worth it. Example? These. Their clasps are made of cotton! WHY?? J's recent jewelry endeavors come off very--how do you say it?--Banana Republic.

PAGE 20

These patterns are GREAT. They are really fantastic and, as fashion is trending now, enable mixing patterns. Splendid!

PAGE 22 - 23

I love all these bags because they all look like they have faces. And, if you know me, you know that I love faces in places.

PAGE 26 - 27

Am I missing something on these coats? What about that chair covered in teal tulle? Am I simply not "getting" something? No, I'm not: those coats are bad and childish. Just like that tulle.

(I will say, though, that those jackets, tights, those aforementioned shorts, a cute top, and a cardigan or sweater is a great winter look. In that case, I can give it a bye.)

PAGE 29

These appear a few times, but WTF WITH THESE SKINNY ULTRA-LOUNGE PANTS AS PANTS? I cannot stand a draw string on anything else but swimwear or for bed. With a blazer? A fedora? Fucking green leather boots? Just stop trying too hard and put on some Minnie pants, gurl.

PAGE 30 - 31

These boots are all GREAT. Even those nudie ones with ankle laces! I can even dig those!

PAGE 35

This is a really nicely styled outfit. The jacket evokes "Catholic school girl at winter recess," when paired with that skirt and tights. It really is a great look.

PAGE 36

This is a great look: I love it. BUT, that belt. What is going on? Is that from a Wal-Mart men's section?

PAGE 41

I could deal with those boots okay, but the soles are killing me. Thus, those shoes are a BLEHHHHH.

PAGE 46 - 47

Although I love the clothes happening in this section, this section is all over the place. You have this really dark section juxtaposed with this really bright section. It doesn't make any sense, has no interplay with each other, and only makes the whole section--clothes and all--look non-cohesive.

PAGE 54

I LOVE THIS. It's so "Adult OAK"--who knew the 'Crew could achieve that? I absolutely love it. I feel the male version of this is me in about fifteen years. Love it.

PAGE 60

UGH THOSE DUMB LOUNGE PANTS AGAIN.

PAGE 64 - 65

This spread really personifies why this section has failed: great clothing items selected, but shoddily styled. They also have NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER. Editorial photos, although standing on their own, need to be having a conversation with each other. The only conversation these women are having are asking each other, "Hey--who are you?"

PAGE 72 - 73

LOOK OUT ASIAN MODEL FROM THE PAST FEW MONTHS--there's a new girl in town! This longer haired, rounder faced model is just as great they gave her her own section! Jenna listened to me! But, UGHHHH THOSE LOUNGE PANTS FROM HELLLLLL.

PAGE 74

Okay, this directly refutes my rant about zippers and cashmere, BUTTTT, I love this sweater. It's so sophisticated and interesting. My newest thing is asymmetry and pattern competition. Although this does not mash patterns, the asymmetry makes this sweater super versatile and allows for you to play with necklines. This would be a really great investment piece.

PAGE 80

FINALLY: a new work shop! They've scrapped my favorite model but are still doing a good job of keeping an androgynous, "Portia and Ellen" vibe to the section. I love it!

PAGE 86 - 87

I love this. Also, that male model has EXPLODED. I keep seeing him everywhere now. But, every time I see him, I always forget how I know him. Dang.

PAGE 88

This dress is fantastic. Also, the wedding section as a whole has gotten a lot more fantastic. MOREOVER, 'Crew needs to just expand this wedding section outside of the catalogue, making it their high-high end section. I'm sure they already have this (judging from this dress), but I'd be interested in seeing what they have in stock...

PAGE 90 - 91

Every one of these dresses is fantastic. Very, very well done, guys. They are so contemporary while being incredible classic. I would wear one!

PAGE 92

OMG THIS GILLIAN DRESS. The best thing in the women's section this catalogue. BUY BUY BUY BUY!!!

PAGE 94 - 95

Just, shut up with this. M&M shoes? Candy tie? SHUT THE FUCK UP.

PAGE 96 - 97

FINALLY: a great men's section! They do the men's clothing justice and, although still a small section, it is not as ADD as it usually is. The clothes are also totally stellar. J.Crew: you deserve to pat yourself on the back!

PAGE 100

Oh, man. Happy Thanksgiving to me: these are all fantastic! Especially these sun washed ones. Run--don't walk--to buy these. They sell fast!

PAGE 103

New Balance for J': don't know how I feel about this. They used to do this, a while ago, when I felt it made more "sense." I know they are bringing this classic sneaker back again. However, I would think in their "New Americana" mentality, they would strive to work with older, classic brands akin to Red Wing. Or, even working with a newer brand that is aspiring to recreate past classics. I don't know: New Balances are such a lazy choice, in my opinion. So obvious. So "normal."

PAGE 104 - 105

Here: I helped you with the Top-Shelf Picks!

PAGE 112 - 113

These shirts are not my bag, but they are great! Great variety and lots of pretty gingham--I love it! And, my favorite part? It's only page 113! We have at least 15 pages of goodies to go!

PAGE 118 - 119

Glad to see the 'Crew is embracing their homosexuality. BA BAM.

BACK COVER

Why is this always some woman's heel? Yes, I like the heel and tights; but, why not something with men? I've seen both a man and woman before, but not JUST a man. Why not, 'Crew?

NETFLIX'D: The Science of Dogs

2010-10-20T11:08:00.000-07:00

Thoughts?

IF I LOVE DOGS AND I LOVE DOCUMENTARIES, YOU CAN BE CERTAIN THAT I EFFING LOVE DOG DOCUMENTARIES THIS WILL TEACH YOU A LOT ABOUT DOGS AND MAKE YOU WANT TO PET A LOT OF THEM INSTANT WATCH THIS ON NETFLIX ASAP

Rating?

FIVE OUT OF FIVE PAWS

ON REPEAT: Bubble Club

2010-10-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

I've recently become obsessed with Bubble Club, a techno/dance/disco outfit for Dan Keeling. Keeling is a British producer who has been around the block a few times and, up until now, hasn't foraged out on his own. A few months back, he dropped the Violet Morning Moon EP containing "Violet Morning Moon," which is really, really similar to old Metro Area in a lot of ways. As if the track wasn't already baller, he landed a remix by Eric "Dr. Dunks" Duncan, immortal new-age God of disco and part of electronic acts Still Going, Rub and Tug, and How & Why?. The two songs are not that dissimilar from each other but are just different enough that listening to them opposite of each other brings new discoveries to each. You really can't decide which you like more. (A very similar situation: Sally Shapiro's cover of Nicolas Makelberge's "Dying In Africa": the two songs are in conversation to figure out who is sadder.)

After his first outing, he followed up with his Morning Star EP, a double single and remix combo pack: you have "Morning Star," "Eyes On The Prize," and Soft Rocks' remix of "Morning Star." These songs all view disco through a synth-pop telescope and--frankly--is not a very strong entry to his catalogue (although, still, very very good).

His most recent release takes things in a bit of a new direction: the Lonely Acid EP. "Lonely Acid" as a track is the first to really focus on vocals, which are a smooth soul voice paired with a sampling of what sounds like Sting at points. The result is a well paced song about acid and looking for love: it's really great. The two other tracks--a deconstructed remix by Brennan Green and a less vocally drug tripped mix by Keeling himself--offer new angles at this nu-disco jam.

Keeling's work here is very, very well done and is the years best entry into disco. Below, you'll find my favorite tracks of his. But, please note: watch his SoundCloud page, as all of these singles were uploaded to there seven months ago with a few mixes. Keep your eyes out for this one, folks.

Lonely Acid by Dan Keeling

Violet Morning Moon (remix by Dr Dunks) by Dan Keeling

Violet Morning Moon by Dan Keeling

Bubble Club is really hard to find for download. Let me make this easy for you: find him at Juno.

NETFLIX'D: Funny People

2010-10-01T10:49:00.000-07:00

Thoughts?

FUNNY PEOPLE? MORE LIKE ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ PEOPLE

Rating?

ONE MILLION ZZZS DURING MY TWO OF FIVE STAR NAP

JCREW REVIEW: October 2K10's Catalogue

2010-09-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

OVERALL: This catalogue is pretty great. There is a definite "hip" undercurrent in the women's section, which can be annoying, and a marked different look for fall (very summery). The men's section has kicked it up a notch this month (THANK FUCKING GOD). But, alas, all pales in comparison to one section they finally allowed themselves to make more than a two-page showing: CREW CUTS.

COVER

Well, this looks promising. So promising. So austere. So fall.

PAGE 2 - 3

Now, this is really cool: the juxtaposition of it all. Granted, this is a very, very cliched idea (pretty model/rugged terrain)--but, I can get into it. I especially like this opening page...but, NOT the model. With the "Elements of Style" (terrible title), you really get a graphic feel for what is going on. I really wish this opener was just that:

So simple and beautiful--I love it. But, when you add the model? This is all I see:

SHE HAS A FUPA. EW.

PAGE 4 - 27

This section actually is a lie: the so called "elements" of style they were referring to is that these girls are edgy, i.e. hipster. Now, I would be remiss if I begrudged them for that; but, this is mother fucking J.Crew--not, American Apparel. From the styling to the modeling to the models and even to the muted tone of it, it just reeks so "hip." I love the muted colors and (some of) the clothes--but it's trite. The spread just plays as angsty and so yesterday. Boo, Jenna. Boo.

PAGE 8

These coats are so 9th grader 2001. I knew so many girls who had this boring coat. There are also some shoes to match. STAY TUNED.

PAGE 10

I LOVE this look. I can even deal with its being in this section, all hipstered and shit. The shorts are great, that jacket is great, and those BOOTS. Love this.

PAGE 12

This photo is great, this look is great, but A MOTHER FUCKING TWEED SKIRT??? WHAT IS THIS WORKING GIRL (BUT NOT THE GOOD PARTS)?? Kills me. Such a shame.

PAGE 15

These are the aforementioned Old Navy shoes I hinted at hating.

PAGE 16

Also a fantastic look. I'm not a huge fan of the purse or the vest (or any vest, for that matter), but this is the PERFECT fall look--especially on the West coast. Those shorts? So amazing. Everyone needs a pair.

PAGE 20 - 21

Like the opener, this is another example of good design work killed by a model. Her look is kind of love/hate: you know I HATE that vest, love the cardigan, I'm sure the shirt is just OK, the belt is vomit, the dress looks like wax (but, if it's leather, YUM.), and that purse is as big as her tosro. That being said, here's how it should look:

So simple. So beautiful.

PAGE 23

This is really, really great. It's like she's some orphan girl who doesn't want to clean in her beautiful clothes. Girl: you have a head scarf, an open shawl cardigan, and sequined pants. YOU. BETTER. SULK. MISSIE.

PAGE 24

These ruffle shirts are spectacular. Run--don't walk--to get these 'Crew classics.

PAGE 26

This is probably the jewel in the fruit basket that is this catalogue: the ruffle skirt. It is absolutely gorgeous. However, wearer beware: your sash could ruin it for you (just ask the model on the sales page).

PAGE 28 - 29

Here: I helped you figure out which to actually get.

PAGE 31

At the start of the second (bad, taupe-fabric-equals-water) editorial, we're greeted with the only problem with J.Crew's women's section: shit like this. It's just trying to compete with American Apparel! Jenna. Come on. You're above that. AA is about to die any day now. You should buy them out because, really, they're just trying to be you. Actually, even better, because I know you're worth it: leave the 'Crew, buy AA and Gap, combine them to make American Gap, and do what you did here. The end. YOU WELCOME, GURL.

PAGE 35

Thank GOD: you guys bounced back from last month's boring, boring flats. These are great. Well done, ya'll.

PAGE 36

This is the silliest page in the catalogue: the model looks like she is so unhappy, (because) she's wearing those pants and shoes that need to be unintroduced ASAP, and the stool fell over in the (taup)ocean. This is a mess. Sorry, ya'll.

PAGE 43

ARE THESE SHOES GORGEOUS OR ARE THESE SHOES GORGEOUS? All of this month's shoes are Great (yes, with a capital "G")...but, two gross styles (one has already been mentioned and another on the way) are blemishes on the pretty face of this catalogue.

PAGE 48 - 49

Like I said last month, these Minnie Pants are fantastic. Buy them all up!!!!

PAGE 53

This has to be a joke: RUFFLE sweaters? Whose idea was this? These look like they are going to add so much (awkward) weight to you. Did Dov Charney have a hand in this? JENNNNNNA???

PAGE 54 - 70

FINALLY: the best female editorial section, which is a play on texture. Really great styling here and, surprisingly, simple things. Love it all.

PAGE 57

MORE AMAZING SHOES.COM And, from Italy! These are very, very lovely. Grab a pair, ya'll.

PAGE 59

Um, what? That HAT? Ummmm, WHAT?? This has to be the worst item I have ever seen in a J.Crew catalogue. EVER. A frayed tweed fedora? That's just asking for it. It's like frayed pattern loafers dudes are wearing and we all scoff at when we notice they are on their feet. Seriously, guys: don't buy this. (Or, buy it so you can burn it.)

PAGE 63

This just makes me think of this.

PAGE 65

The second bad shoe. These aren't that bad, but they are NOT good. The herrigbone one is simply too much and they all do a bad job integrating their soles with their bodies (like most Christians, too). They are like those 1970s buckled and tasseled moccasins you found in a thirft store: they looked "cool" not on you, but terrible on you. Do yourself a favor and DON'T.

PAGE 70

This blouse is a lot of look, but it's great. Trust me on this, folks.

PAGE 76 - 77

Really? This section AGAIN? I mean it was great the first time and the second and...the third? Over it. This is your intermission.

(Also, my boo made it to the cover of Nordstrom's catalogue!)

PAGE 83

This is nice: here comes the bride...into a WASPy, 1908s accouting firm. Not practical workwear, honey.

PAGE 86 - 87

ALMOST got it, Kate: just make her look at the camera with her body as well.

PAGE 89 - 91

Here: I helped you figure out which ones to have your bridesmaids wear.

PAGE CC1 - CC24

FINALLY: a full kid's section! This is, as it always is, the best section in the catalogue. Everyone needs to take a look at what Cooper, et al, are doing with the brand: they are playing with the basic structures and tenants of J.Crew to create really fun looks and concepts. Neon shoelaces on chukkas? Neon caridgans? Sequins on everything? THAT is what adult J.Crew needs. Instead of trying so hard to catch a falling trend, look to the 'Cuts: play with things--make them fun. A lot of things are just meeeh; but, just by adding some neon or some sparkle or some splatter paint to it, maybe they'll be more fun. Believe me on this: it'll work.

PAGE 92 - 131

The Men's Shop is remarkably better this time. It has a slow start, but has some really great models and styles. There was no recycling this issue (thank GOD) and you actually find combinations that are wearable. One thing that remains: an opener that has a strangely crotched model. Didn't catch it? Here:

Gotta love them for being consistent.

PAGE 98 - 99

Here: now you know what to buy.

PAGE 101

1. This is a fantastic look. I love the coat and the sloppy t-shirt and the cut of the jeans--and, he even makes those boots I hate "work."

2. Who is this HUNK?

PAGE 107

Oh, what is that, hunk? A wool sweater that I probably won't buy? A vest I should hate? A wash of jeans I should hate? That's fine: you make it work ;)

PAGE 110

Okay. Stop. WHAT IS THAT HOODIE?? The site links you to NOT that hoodie, but that is one mother fucking FANTASTIC hoodie. Way to do it up, 'Crew. I love it. Gotta get me one of those.

PAGE 114

Ew: that jacket. Boy, you done turned gross on me. Mandarin collars will never be a "thing" outside of 1994. Go ride a motorcycle and have sex with a woman. Yuck.

PAGE 116 - 117

These are the two MUST BUYS for men this catalogue: that hoodie and those boots. I scored a black hoodie on sale last year--and, it is the warmest thing i own. So fantastic. I also have a pair of the Rugged Classic Red Wings and they are ESSENTIAL. Both are classic and great. BUY BUY BUY!

PAGE 119

I LOVE these Baracuta Jackets. They tried to surge a few years ago, but didn't really catch on. Smart of the 'Crew to snatch them up. But, at $325? Totally not worth it. Go to a thrift store or the internet to get a 1970s vintage jacket in this cut. (NOTE: Lacoste has some great ones. I own two.)

PAGE 121

FUCKING GET THIS ABERDEEN FAIR ISLE SWEATER ON ME NOW. This style has become so recently trendy. Jump on it, folks!

PAGE 123

Um, yes, this IS the perfect outfit. But, it's missing one small thing...

Guys. Get with the program.

PAGE 125

LOVE this look (and that model). So wearable. So versatile. Run and buy this, folks!

PAGE 126

I've said it last month and I will say it again: J.Crew's fall flannels are the ONLY flannels you should buy. I have about ten now. It's all I wear (all year round).

PAGE 128

My word: that CARDIGAN. Need that. Need that ASAP. Shawls are STILL in. So, men who purchased their white shawl last winter? You still have permission to buy this one.

PAGE 130

Please, 'Crew, stop wasting your time with these. You may lose a few old people--but, who cares? You have so many young people flocking to you!

CHECK IT: Cube & Salt's Cure

2010-09-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

Last night, Robert Aaron Solomon and myself were trying to figure out a nice, post work dinner. We wanted something easy, not too far from home, but different enough from our typical Thai Town Obsession or Los Feliz Village Sushi Home. Since we were trekking back from the Westside, we decided to check out a little place I had been to a few times before: Cube.

Located just South of Melrose on La Brea (and right next door to one of Hancock Park's coolest spots, The Tar Pit), the restaurant is about as quaint as a wine bottle (which it has plenty of). Typically crowded and for a reservation only, the patrons at Cube are usually younger and glamorous, with some industry types and a celebrity peppered in. (We saw that woman who played the lawyer in House of Sand and Fog. She looks surprisingly cougarish in person...and old.)

First off, you get complimentary sparkling or still water: +1, Cube. Second, they have great specials nightly, which we were blessed to get: Tuesday Night Lasagna Lab. The dish featured a fantastically light lamb lasagna, which was almost a deconstruction of the dish. It made use of fresh red and green tomatoes and spectacular lamb sausage. The frissee salad it was served with was, sadly, reallllllly boring, mostly because it was dressed in a bitter dressing atop of a bitter lettuce: -1, Cube. However, within that $20 dish package, you got a glass of wine on top of it: +1, Cube.

The glass I got was absolutely unforgettable (although, ironically, I don't remember what it was). It was this light, light red with a robust amount of orange flavor. The wine was as if some Italian married Pinot Noir with Campari: sounds terrible, is amazing. The wine? +10000, Cube.

Additionally, we had the bacon and polenta starter--a fabulously thick pre-entree entree--and the truffle burger (better than Umami's, FYI). Their take on fries? +2, Cube: they are a crossbreed of potato chips (ew) and fries (MMMMM). The results are surprisingly great. And, with "Chipotle Ketchup"? SHUT. IT. DOWN. So, so good.

Yet, there was a bit of a problem: the service. Having known someone who worked there for some time (and, having eaten there several times before), I was surprised. I mean, we didn't get the water order the hostess takes after twenty minutes, we were confused by two dueling waiters vying for our attention, and we simply were not helped. It was quite unfortunate. For that: -1000 Cube.

Cube is nothing new--but, is good. And, by way of my friend who worked there, I discovered Salt's Cure, a hip and brand new West Hollywood stop.

Former Cube chef Zak Walters and former Campanile chef Chris Phelps' baby, the restaurant has only been open for a month or two. It has the perfect location, between West Hollywood's Boy's Town and "The" Target, on Santa Monica Blvd and Gardner: you have nothing to complain about here (besides the modest signage to denote the building).

Large glass windows give you a great view of the day from your tables in the restaurant, which--if it hits big--will be hard to snag as there are only five or six. The exposed kitchen is great and everything really "works" in there. However, if you glance above the normal ceiling line to where the cathedral starts, you can tell the frosted glass windows aren't there to be "cool": they're hiding an office. Boxes and cabinets and general office shit could be glanced at from tables--ew.

The food was pretty good, although quite rich. I went with a few friends for brunch and had a splendid time. The service was moderately better than Cube, but the menu was very hard to see, as it can only be seen by squinting one, tiny, ten foot off the ground chalkboard. We ended up getting the 2 x 2 x 2 (two eggs, two meats, and two something else), the lamb, bean, and eggs, and grapefruit pie.

The 2 x 2 x 2 was a delectable feast: the quality of the food was great, the presentation was fantastic, and everything was cooked to perfection. The lamb, bean, and eggs was a bit of a stew that--although good to the taste--was bad for the body: sooooooo rich. I think one could see traces of it in their toilet for days (speculation!). But, the grapefruit pie? DEATH. So amazing. Prepared like a key lime, the grapefruit was whipped and prepared with a cream to make the pie. The result is a light and fresh take on old pie preparations: a triumph.

All in all, the two restaurants hit the same price points but provide two different things: one has an upscale (yet middle class) snobbish approach to it while the other has a hip, new kid on the block face to it . Both have great food, great drinks, and have OK service. I would say check them out. I mean, why not?

And, if you hate them, just got to The Tar Pit and have a drink with F. Scott Fitzgerald's ghost. Why? BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT.

SNIPPED: 19 Black Oak

2010-09-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

My entry into NPR's monthly Three-Minute Fiction contest. This month, Michael Cunningham gave the assignment: you had to use the starting line and closing line he gave you.

Some people swore the house was haunted. It was the third-to-last house on Black Oak Court. Definitely the oldest in the neighborhood. Young moms, getting adjusted to the area, would walk past with their children. Strollers in tow, they maintain an even pace, as they squint into the bright sun, smiling. They’d gossip, briskly walking past 19 Black Oak.

“It’s a shame: that house belongs to a family—not to some old woman.”

“She doesn’t even take care of it: it’s embarrassing.”

“I wish someone would just buy it already, so we don’t have to look at it.”

It was a large house. Light grey, three stories high. New Gothic. Two large oak trees framed it, constantly keeping it in shadows. The grass was brown, unkempt. Patches of the yard were just dirt. A jagged sidewalk bisected the dirt and grass, leading to 19 Black Oak’s mouth: two black doors with gold, centered, doorknobs.

The windows of the house were oversized eyelets. Panes divided the windows into cross-like quadrants. Burgundy curtains covered each window. A large bay window was the house’s biggest eye, whose burgundy curtains were always drawn.

“It just doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand how they can redevelop the entire neighborhood, but leave this eyesore.”

“At least we don’t live across the street from it: I’ve heard stories, you know.”

“Oh, we all have: she drowned her daughter. I don’t even think she had a daughter, honestly.”

She would sit at the bay window, looking out to the street for hours. She watches the husbands driving to work and the mothers walking with their children. She saw the school bus pass. She saw the mailwoman come. She watched and watched, searching.

“You can’t be serious: she doesn’t look like she’s all there.”

“I just think she’s old and alone and should just be taken to a home already.”

Her hair, like a field of white noise, surrounded her small, round face. She had dark blue eyes, often mistaken for brown. Her lips were dry, pale. Her skin was weathered, creasing under time. She mumbles to herself, tapping a finger to the window.

“What is she mumbling, anyway?”

“Frankly, I don’t want to know.”

“’Foreclosure….Foreclosure…’”

The two laugh.

A small car pulls up the dusty driveway.

A young woman gets out of the car, closing the door behind her. She’s tall, wearing a black pencil skirt and white blouse. She wears small round sunglasses and a black beret. She draws an arm against herself, trapping a patent leather clutch. She wears shiny bright red lipstick.

Her heels clack against the jagged sidewalk. The young moms, with their strollers, stop. Their eyes hungrily follow her, as she makes her way to the house’s front door.

The young woman stops, turning around. She lifts her sunglasses, catching the young moms. She stops, removing her glasses. She walks toward them, her blonde hair catching the sunlight.

“Ladies. I understand you like to walk past here everyday, gossiping, about this house.”

“Oh, well, you know: just neighborhood folklore.”

“Local legends of the old crazy at haunted 19 Black Oak—nonsense, I know!”

The two giggle. She stares at them, placing her glasses back on.

“Is that it, ladies?”

The two smirk, nodding a smug “Yes.”

“Well, my mother thinks you should focus on losing those saddle bags rather than talk about her: they’re so out this season.”

The woman walks away, giving a tart wave.

Nothing was ever the same again after that.

MY DESKTOP: 9.24.2010 (Computer)

2010-09-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

Like last time my desktop was updated, it was also a piece from the newly extinct Tumblr Mopping Is Stealing. Like the last entry onto my desktop, the piece juxtaposes a lot: you have some leather, you have some drag, you have some bear, you have some hipster--it's a silly portrait and brilliant entry into the modern gay art canon. And, unlike most of the Tumblr's pieces, this is one of the most restrained pieces (and, probably, the only one that does not feature a single dong!).

That being said, rest in peace, Mopping Is Stealing. We'll eagerly await your return. Or, at least, the coming of "SHADE (You're Ugly But I Don't Have To Tell You)."

SNIPPED: Triple Kiss

2010-09-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

My entry for the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction contest which, unfortunately, was given eight points out of the twenty five. Do you agree with them?

GENRE: Sci Fi

LOCATION: A Magic Show

OBJECT: A Sandbag

She juggles three tiny sandbags before her: “Red, green, blue, red, green, blue…” Her top hat teeters on her head. With a snap, one of the sandbags changes colors: “Red, green, yellow, red, green, yellow…” The tails on her suit jacket bow outward with every round she juggles. She gives another snap: “Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue…” Her nipples smile, limply, with every bounce of her breasts.

She snaps, the bags turn into doves, and she lands on a knee to a TA-DAH MP3 cue. Three audience members clap. The cocktail waitresses in their bunny outfits stand in the back, against the bar, squishing their cottontails.

The lounge still smells smoky, despite it being cigarette free for years. Triple Kiss walks down from the stage to the bar. She leans over the counter, resting her breasts on the sticky surface. Her nipples pucker, disgusted by the countertop. They slowly purse their lips, asking for water.

She looks down.

“Can I get my shift drink?”

The bartender gives a slight nod. He slides over two water glasses and a gin and tonic. All of the glasses have straws.

“Thanks, Lou.”

She adjusts, sitting down to a barstool. Her nipples give a slow smile. Claire, one of the waitresses, walks over to her. She’s a very delicate blonde.

“Great set.”

“You see the same set every night. Nothing’s changed.”

“You know I always get a kick out of it. You’re really great you know.”

Claire stares down at her breasts, which slowly nurse the two waters through straws. One stops sipping, blowing her a kiss.

“Well, thank you, Claire.”

Fuega sets up her act onstage: a small table with three batons, three daggers, a can of gasoline, and a burning torch. A saxophone suite begins to play a basic Latin melody. Fuega takes off her robe, revealing a greased, nude body. She lights one of her pasties, which—in a bounce—lights the other. An audience member claps.

She takes off her top hat, nudging one of the waters. One of her nipples makes a tiny coo, calling to the water.

“T.K.—looks like you need some water."

She looks down at her breasts.

“Oh.”

She moves the glasses back. Her nipples resume drinking.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do when you’re gone, T.K. This place has always been known for ‘The Triple Kiss.’”

“Fuega can take over for me. She’s trying really hard.”

Fuega, visibly sweating onstage with both breasts ablaze, balances two flaming batons as she tries to hoist a dagger into her mouth.

“Fuega can hardly read, let alone put on a good show. We all know she has this job because she’s easy.”

“Well, there’s her hook.”

She pushes her gin and tonic to the bar’s edge.

“’nother. Thanks, Lou.”

“That’ll be on you. You don’t own the place, T.K.”

“Just pour the fucking drink, Lou.”

Claire looks down at her nipples, who have finished the glasses of water. She motions to her breasts.

“I think they’ve had enough to drink, T.K.”

She looks down at her chest: her nipples are drooling out excess water.

“And, get me a napkin: I’m droolin’ all over the place.”

Lou shakes his head.

“Just one week left.”

“I really don’t think you should leave.”

She motions at her chest.

“This isn’t cute anymore. I can’t even control them anymore—they’re like mood rings: if some John wants a lap dance? It’s over: these puppies will make sure he knows I don’t like him. Back in my day, I could keep them smiling for even the grossest John. Now they can’t even keep their drinks to themselves.”

“Well, at least you weaned them off of alcohol.”

“Don’t even get me started on that.”

“I’m just saying, T.K.: things could be a lot worse.”

“Yeah. Sure. I could be Fuega, you’re right.”

She snorts, grabbing her new gin and tonic. Fuega hops around, juggling three batons, with three daggers in different holes. One dagger drops from between her legs.

She wipes her nipples with a napkin. They slowly smile. Like babies.

“Where are you going then?”

“I think I’ll move back down South or maybe I’ll be a massage therapist—I don’t know, Claire. Lay off, will ya?”

A drunk man approaches the two of them.

“You know. What Ineed right now is a Triple Kiss—you gunna give ma Tripple Kiss for me? Youwanna gimee one I know it.”

He reaches out grabbing one of her breasts, forcibly trying to insert a finger into a disgusted, puckering nipple. The other nipple spits twice and puckers up.

She grabs his hand, yanking it off of her and thrusting it to the small of his back. He winces in pain.

“That is not the way to treat a lady.”

She shoves him away. He stumbles around, making inarticulate protests.

“Lou, can you take care of him?”

Lou grumbles, setting down a glass he was cleaning.

“That is EXACTLY why I’m done here, Claire.”

“What if he was a big tipper…?”

“Claire: get real. I’m getting out while I still have these sandbags. I don’t want to be here when I get breast cancer. I’m sure they’d be just peachy to work with.”

Claire gets up.

“Well, good luck, T.K. Send a postcard from your massage parlor.”

Claire walks away with a tray to greet a newly sat ten top. Fuega bows on stage, smoke exhaling from her batons and pasties.

Her nipples smile, sipping from their new water glasses.

CHECK IT: Dogs 101

2010-09-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

For the young, Saturday nights are typically spent out on the town making bad decisions. Drinking, smoking, sexting: they're all on the slate for you on Saturday. But, dogs? Now that, my dears, is what makes a fucking awesome Saturday night.

That is because Saturday nights are when new episodes of Animal Planet's best show airs: Dogs 101. Every Saturday at 8PM, while we're prepping to go out and make questionable decisions, Dogs 101 gives the scoop on dog breeds. The show is part history, part encyclopedic, and part how-to-dog. If you are looking to find a dog breed that suits your lifestyle, catch the show as you put on your lipstick--and see just how well the French Bulldog works for you and your Saturday night habits.

The show also has a great internet accessibility and fun countdowns, etc. on their Animal Planet page. They also have most of their videos posted to YouTube as well, making them perfect to share. Lastly, for the person obsessed with dogs (read: Kyle Raymond Fitzpatrick), please send Dogs 101 their way because they will watch it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

(Or, just buy them this DVD.)

Note: Don't like dogs? They have mother fucking CATS 101.

ON REPEAT: "Static On The Wire" by Holy Ghost!

2010-09-09T12:32:00.000-07:00

I've listened to Holy Ghost!'s jams in the past, as they've been thrusted upon our ears by Sir James Murphy of the DFA. Nothing they did ever stuck with me or really was all that impressive: they seemed like DFA's low-rent version of all those post punk/disco/new wave/nu-rave combination rock bands everyone was hanging on to in its 2007 boom. As Cut Copy and Ladyhawke and Klaxons and The Presets and Van She and New Young Pony Club blew up Modular, DFA had to step up their game and threw Holy Ghost! into the mix (especially since The Rapture went pffffzzzzzzz and died, sad considering they pioneered the revival). But, when Big Stereo became super BFF's with Modular at the height of hipsterdom, DFA got left behind in this arena, despite their attempts.

Now, three or so years later, still having not released a full LP, Holy Ghost! has returned with a pretty good EP but have finally "clicked" with the title track: "Static On The Wire." The song is a modern disco rock song, heavy in melodic bass, tambourine, and high hat--all of which drive the song. A light bongo-ing and handclapping add to the jam, while a synth gives you your melody. Everything falls together really nicely with the vocals, that do a very good job of evoking a sort of call-and-response at points and really force you to want to sing along. The song is my late summer jam and should be yours as well. Play as you drive to you last LA beach day, because it was made for that.

With such a stellar track, it's easy to tell that the band is aging well. (Unlike all of the Modular groups, who have aged really, really poorly)(...with the exception of The Presets, who--undoubtedly--spank HG! to begin with.) Keep an eye out for their upcoming LP and--hopefully--it will be as great as this track.

Also, check out this version of their song "I Will Come Back," remixed by Classixx. It was last summer's jam, but--hey--a good song is a good song!

NO COMMENTARY NECESSARY: Is Steven Slater really a mile high hero?

2010-09-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, this article is old news, but was written as a part of a second round challenge for a job I was up for. Sadly, I did not get the job--but, I did get an article I was proud of! Enjoy, although it is dated.

Steven Slater went from perky flight attendant to disgruntled employee to the latest guest on Andy Warhol’s 15 Minutes of Fame, practically, overnight. Last week, he was just another flight attendant. This week? He’s the poster child for the overworked American.

People who are fed up with their jobs are applauding his courage for sticking it to the man: he is the modern Howard Beale, with some “mother fu**ers” thrown into his “I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!”

From this, he has been sainted and praised for his now-too-public actions. He was arrested and, naturally, released and, since then, Slater has been given the royal treatment as a result of his tirade: he’s hired a big time PR rep, has been offered a television show, and even has people pretending to be him for free beer! He’s being treated like he was the United pilot who crash-landed his plane into the Hudson, saving the lives of all aboard, when all he did was disrupt travel.

Now, okay, I totally understand why he is getting high fived in every way possible, but let’s really take a look at what he did:

- He was working, like any normal day, helping people onto their flight.

- He got into a minor verbal bout with a passenger.

- Said passenger’s luggage gives Slater a little love tap on the head.

- Slater proceeds to get very, very, very angry.

- In his anger, he hijacks the intercom and blesses everyone with some colorful language.

- He quits his job, steals some beer, opens the emergency exit door, engages the inflatable slide, escapes in style, and goes home to cuddle with his boyfriend.

I admit: what he did was pretty badass. But, think about it: what if you were on that plane?? Firstly, my thought would have been, “Homegirl done lost. her. MINDDDDD…can I get my peanuts now?” Then, “Oh, crap: thanks to that tantrum, I’m going to have to deplane, wait around for a new plane to open up, and be delayed AT LEAST two hours from this mess…and, I still haven’t gotten my peanuts!!!” And, lastly, “HE TOOK ALL THE GOOD BEER AND WHEN WILL I GET MY PEANUTTTTSSSS!!!!”

Yes, it is a recession and the economy is bad and we are all dealing with jobs that aren’t ideal and blah blah blah—but does that really mean we should reward unprofessional behavior? Steven Slater can be praised for his ballsiness but all he did was throw a very public tantrum and we are all writing love songs to him.

With that, we’ve created a double standard: had Amy Winehouse or Paris Hilton or even Taylor Swift thrown such a tantrum, we would have balked and shunned them. Furthermore, in light of Lindsay Lohan’s drama, she has been given almost the same treatment post-jail as Steven Slater has been given post-jail—but we’ve slammed her and deified him.

Let’s start a new movement: the Steven Slater Needs A Spanking SOON Movement (SSNASSM). Think about it, people: if we don’t stop him now, what will he do next? Will people love him so much that they want to hear an auto-tuned album from him? Will they buy clothes from him that he sells through Sears? Will they vote him for president?? Let’s stop him before his tantrum takes flies him any further.

Now, who’s with me?!

(LiLo, you in at least? I’ll pay you.)

MUSIC MATH: Sky Ferreira's "One"

2010-08-31T16:25:00.000-07:00

{[(Ladyhawke
+
Justin Bieber x Fiona Apple
+
Fred Falke)
x
(Heart's "Alone" ÷ Math)]
+
(J.Crew x Alice In Wonderland)}
+
~*~GaYs~*~
+
~*~tEeNs~*~
=
Sky Ferreira's "One"

JCREW REVIEW: September 2K10's Catalogue

2010-08-31T10:53:00.000-07:00

OVERALL: A lot is going on this month but, mainly, the ushering in of autumn. Similarly, there is a sophistication rising in the catalogue that is pretty great. The company is blessed by something that has been making a mark on recent spreads: fantastic styling! And, of course, THE ROMANTICS.

COVER

This cover is giving all kinds of The Queen Is Dead meets the lobby of an off-highway hotel, multiplied by jelly beans and a muppet. Love it.

PAGE 6, 8, 16, 30, 38, 41, ETC.

Throughout the catalogue, there is a LOT of really great styling happening. I've highlighted most of them, but--eventually--just stopped because it was uniformly great (besides two missteps).

PAGE 10

OMG I HATE that top. It just seems so cheap: lace overlayed on to some white cloth (even if it's silk) and layered? No, thank you.

PAGE 12

Guys, your "Famous Ballet Flats" look jank. What happened? Usually they are really, really great; but some of these are so pedestrian, I could vomit. Jenna--can you fix this ASAP?

PAGE 13

Umm these sequined pants need to be, like, everywhere. I love them so much (despite them kind of making you look like you need to poop out a glitter party).

PAGE 19

THAT MONGOLIAN LAMB'S WOOL AGAIN--THIS TIME IN STOLEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HALE??

PAGE 22

Continuing their gender bending ways, these shoes are FANTASTIC. Very Janelle Monae, very little hipster girl, very "now." I absolutely love them and their little heel. One thing for price conscious buyers: go to a vintage store. You can find these for less than $60 and in great shape.

P AGE 23

MONGOLIAN LAMB PURSEEEE??? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??

(Also, the second photo of the purse looks like Goatse. Ew.)

PAGE 32

Again, WHY CAN'T I DO THAT JOBBBBBBB?? JENNA PLEASEEEEEEEE

PAGE 37

I'm such a sucker for booties, which J.Crew has been serving up hot lately. I'm also not really a fan of unique heels, but I love the third one on that photo. There need to be more of those.

PAGE 41

Stop. Stop right now. Stop. Walk away. Actually, come back: can someone pleaseeee tell me more about this Reversible Italian Cashmere Cocoon Popover? I've been dreaming about this all of my life. It is BEAUTIFUL. There is now flaw to it. I'm 100% sure it is very, very expensive and that they are very, very limited. It's gorgeous. Everyone needs one. My eyes need to see more fabulous on the daily and this, people, is fabulous.

PAGE 42 - 51

HELLLL YESSSS: she's back! My little androgynous doll!

PAGE 43 - 44

I love these Minnie Pants. They are so sophisticated and fun. You can dress them up, down, and any way you like them. They're very old fashioned, yet modern, day, night, or business wear. I suggest you buy that one on the bottom right.

PAGE 49

Everything about this look is perfect. Those pants are essential. Buy it all here.

PAGE 51

You're pushing this in both Men and Women. But, no, sorry: cords aren't coming back. They're such a lazy, messy, slumpy look. Even in skinny, they're mostly bad. Please don't be tempted by this. Instead, buy velvet pants (yes, that's a joke).

PAGE 54 - 65

This section is to be loved/hated: so many great styled items, some really great clothes, a really great editorial concept, but some bad, bad, badddd styling, bad clothing items, and the model is lame.

PAGE 57

This is the WORST styled item in the catalogue. Just messy. And, are you serious: headphones? Is this an Urban Outfitters catalogue? Stop.

PAGE 58

I'll say this once: no, Soccer Moms, no.

PAGE 61

Um, how gross does she look? Is this an American Apparel ad? JENNA: WHAT IS GOING ON?

PAGE 66 - 75

This section is fantastic as it is a very sophisticated, non-pedestrian take on the old "fashion meets sports" idea for and editorial. The one complaint: whistles are never going to be "a thing." Sorry, 'Crew.

PAGE 78 - 81

Consider this a beautiful intermission, since we loved it last month.

PAGE 83

YESSSSS: THAT'S MY GIRL. Simply amazing.

PAGE 84 - 87
Ashley. Wedding specialist. Can you SHOW the dresses instead of cutting them off halfway? They're wedding dresses, not play toys.

PAGE 90 - 93
YESSSSS: THEY BROUGHT THIS BACK. Ashley, you rectified your previous error.

PAGE 94 - 95
Can I have this girl? Please?

PAGE 96 - 103
MOVIE PLUG MOVIE PLUG MOVIE PLUGGGG. Now, I'm actually pretty into this idea; however, one of the biggest players in the film is missing: where is Anna Paquain? They just used all the "beautiful" people. Whatever. Over it.

PAGE 100
KATIE: BE CAREFUL IN THAT DRESS YOU HAVE A HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER DON'T HURT YOURSELF ON THOSE STUDDSSSSS

PAGE 104 - 139
The Men's Shop this month takes on a sort of "Man for All Seasons" mentality that I don't enjoy. Who is the creep on page 105? What about that scary guy on page 109?

PAGE 110 - 111
Here, I helped you figure out what to buy.

PAGE 112
FINALLY: something I can fall in love with. Can I get this on my body NOW? (The clothes--not him.)

PAGE 115
Alden Suede Boots? More like Alden ZZZZZZ Boots.

PAGE 116
On my body. NOW. I've said this once, I've said it a thousand times: J.Crew's flannels are the ONLY flannels one should buy.

PAGE 126
I really don't know how I feel about this sweater. I love toggles, but hate that model and rope fasteners. I think I'll decide to hate this...?

PAGE 132 - 133
Even though I'm sure these photos of this model are used every month, I love him. He's so great. He's like a new Tyson Beckford without an annoying personality.

PAGE 134
Yes, it is a short summer. As in, you will cut yourself if you wear these boring ass shorts.

PAGE 136
This jacket is AWFUL (multiple fabrics bleeeehhhh), but those shirts are 100% great. The chambray is one you should definitely buy from the 'Crew themselves; however, the sailor shirt can be purchased for $10 - $20 online or at any army/navy store.

PLUG: August's LOLGBT

2010-08-25T12:10:00.001-07:00

CHECK IT, PEOPLE: MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS FOR AUGUST 29 AT 9:30PM!

NO COMMENTARY NECESSARY: New Entry Into the Gay Hook-Up Web Circuit?

2010-08-16T18:52:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys!

Are you looking for something to fill the void of Grindr, where you can post photos of something lower than two inches from your navel? You want something a little more gossipy than Facebook, sexier than OkCupid, and all the penises of Manhunt? Well, sounds like we have that for you: the !!OMG!! Blog has recently released the !!OMG!! Social Club, a burgeoning "social" site the released into the gay internet wild.

Word spread through our dears over at Gayletter, who endorsed the site in their 59th issue. A quick perusal of the site will leave you intrigued: they highlight members' birthdays, have polls, tote new members on their main page, push contests, filter blog posts, and feature ads from AllAmericanGuys.com and CamGuys.com. As you can tell, this site is less social and more "Where can I stick it in?"

Now, I'm all for sites of this nature--even though I do not dabble myself. And, I don't know about you guys, but I haven't been able to handle a Beta website since 2001. Also, I'm pretty sure logging into this website will give me genital lice, as the "Create Your Profile" page contains questions like "Your Preferred Role," "Body Hair," and "Body Type." Call me prudish, but I don't care about others' body types nor do I want people knowing if I'm "top, bottom, or versatile" when gossiping.

The site seems like a haven for every sassy, grating gay character in films (i.e., here, here, here, and here) to meet, bitch, and search for tops. Good luck, boys.

xoxo

Gossip Gay

MY DESKTOP: 8.5.2010/COMPUTER

2010-08-05T14:03:00.000-07:00

Porn Tumblrs are really fun. They the good ones are really hard to find but, when they're found, you realize just how fucking good they are. They're creative, they're artistic, and they're abstract. We've had a lot in the canon and a lot come and go. Now, a new kid enters: let's welcome, Mopping Is Stealing.

A mysterious site, MIS is one of those Tumblrs ran by an anonymous (yet awesome) curator. This curator is a pretty great collage artist and photo manipulator. He (Or she.) (But, highly doubt that.) is a master at taking gay iconography and deconstructing them and reconstructing them in an ironic, juxtaposed, or reappropriated beautiful mess thatis art instead of porn. He toys with the concepts of leather, pop culture, bondage, bears, athleticism, twinks, "the straight man"/bros, childhood, the classics, obesity, lucha libre, vintage porn, and--of course--the penis. He takes bodies, body parts and reconstructs, subtracts, and adds to them--but keeps them all in a neat, confined off-white canvas. For a Tumblr that has only been around since May, Mopping Is Stealing is definitely one you should start watching now. Have your finger on the trigger to buy a piece, because these are Kara Walker worthy.

Also, for those of you who don't know, the title of the blog is not just a clever reference to collage as an art form, but a quote from the landmark Gay film, Paris Is Burning--a must watch, if you haven't seen it.

KILL ME PLEASE: Titles At The End of Films

2010-07-28T18:29:00.000-07:00

I'm working on a post about Alison Lohman but had to stop to take a moment to acknowledge a super fucking annoying, haughty trend in modern film making: titles at the end of films. Most films, you are given the opening credits, title and all; but, recently, a few big name films have taken it upon themselves to withhold any crediting of the name of the film or even the director until the movie's close.

It's so annoying.

Why? Well, for starters, completely bypassing the credits at the top gives your audience a heavy handed "You're welcome: I made an awesome film. Suck my cock," which is a minordisrespect. It's like they're saying "Did you forget the film's name? Oh, that's right: it's The Dark Knight--and you loved it. Bet you can't wait until I make a movie called Inception and do the same thing to you. Consider yourself incept'd." I feel like it's almost like some hipster ego complex directors have taken on.

Also, it seems to be happening most commonly with films that have frustrating endings, to frustrate you even more. It's as if they give you something unexpected and, atop of that, remind you that you rub the salt in the surprise wound they gave you: "BA BOOM: we served you."

It happened in Drag Me To Hell, which I was fine with because it is a horror film. But, it also happened with Quantum of Solace, Children of Men, The A-Team, Land of the Lost, and even fucking Zack and Miri Make A Porno. Really?? We're going to stand for Kevin Smith to insult us like this?? Really???????

This may only be an annoyance to me but--let's not play--how fucking self-righteous is this as a trend? And, look at the films that have done it: outside of the four horror entries, the rest are not doing it to scare you but to just pat their own dicks saying, "Good job, me: they sucked me good."

I don't know about you, but I will scream next time I see this. Don't be surprised if indie films take this haughtiness upon them as well. I'm shocked they haven't already.