Life in the Abstract

the future is so freaking cool

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 02:24:00 +0000

I have always been a huge tech nerd - well, a nerd in all respects, but I especially geek out about new tech - and I am especially, pants-wettingly excited about the fact that we have now reached a point in technological history where the game is completely changing. Laptops are finally doing what I've wanted them to do for years: Get smaller, simpler, and - most importantly - cheaper.

Manufacturers are realizing that most laptop users are not power users. The average laptop user is not editing audio or video, or playing CPU-intensive video games. The average user is checking their email, taking notes, watching YouTube videos, playing flash-based online games, blogging, checking facebook & twitter, and listening to music. What all of these things have in common is that none of them requires cutting-edge computing technology. None of them requires a super-fast CPU or large amounts of RAM. The only thing that is really needed is decent, integrated WiFi.

So, in this amazing age, you can buy a laptop for $180! To me, that is nuts. It is truly a beautiful thing. Now, if you had a simple, stripped-down netbook like that, you wouldn't in a million years want to run a full-featured operating system - nor could you if you tried - and if you're anything like me, you prefer your technology, and especially your software, to be streamlined, minimalistic, easy on the eyes, and optimized to use as little of your resources as possible. Enter, stage left, such intriguing ventures such as the creation of the JoliCloud OS.

Click that link. No, it's ok, I'll wait. Go check it out.

Ok, now that you've been dazzled by the sleek look of it, click on the "Our Idea" link, and then the "First Look" link. It is absolutely dazzling.

Proof, yet again, that you don't have to have a Mac to have a laptop that's simple, sleek, and easy to use. Nor do you have to buy a laptop that costs as much as Mac either. For the casual user, the world of computing just got a whole hell of a lot cheaper.

Only YOU Can Prevent Thought Crime

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 03:24:00 +0000

When you know that the favorite rhetorical tool for criticizing politics is making comparisons to George Orwell's "1984," you'd think that you would go out of your way to avoid doing overtly Orwellian things. But not our fearless leader. Not, as my brother calls him, The Manchurian Messiah. Yeah, Barry O has made it clear that he doesn't give a damn just how much he makes himself look like Big Brother.

Two days ago, the Whitehouse posted to its blog stating, basically, that President Obama was disturbed by the abundance of information and opinions that were being shared about his intended health care travesty. He warned that "Scary chain emails and videos are starting to percolate on the internet" about it. If you ignored the fact that it is scary, I guess there might be something wrong with the emails. However, even if the emails are denying the holocaust or telling me that electricity doesn't exist, Barry's prescribed course of action is downright terrifying, and straight from the pages of Orwell:

"There is a lot of disinformation about health insurance reform out there, spanning from control of personal finances to end of life care. These rumors often travel just below the surface via chain emails or through casual conversation. Since we can’t keep track of all of them here at the White House, we’re asking for your help. If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov."

Are. You. Serious.

So, to recap, if our friends say something that isn't directly from the teleprompter notes of one of Obama's slippery, fact-avoiding speeches, you are to report them directly to the Whitehorse. I mean, at least with the Patriot Act, which I also despise, it's people you already distrust spying on you. Now, our Big Brother in Chief is promoting an atmosphere in which no one can feel comfortable engaging in discourse in which they disagree with or question their government. Yeah, that sounds conducive to liberty.

I mean, I see no way to spin this in a positive light. No way whatsoever. And, since I fully suspect some goofbag in a "Hope" t-shirt with a copy of "The Audacity of Hope" tucked under his arm to report this to the Thought Police, let me just say something directly to the Führer himself: Eff you and your gestapo tactics. Shame on you for emulating the tactics of this past century's biggest despots and douchebags.

Not to mention the fact that the President's blog post skirts around real issues, and only criticizes the straw dummies that it creates. The biggest of which is this. The blog post goes out of its way to state that:

"For the record, the President has consistently said that if you like your insurance plan, your doctor, or both, you will be able to keep them. He has even proposed eight consumer protections relating specifically to the health insurance industry."

However, one of the biggest problem with the wording of his plan are the potential provisions made to keep people from signing up for new private plans. The Whitehouse has carefully worded this post to avoid even addressing that concern.

The president's rhetorical methodology seems to be this:

Find out what the actual thing that you're doing is that's pissing people off.
Accuse people of claiming something else.
Prove that what you accused them of saying is false.

That's great. Absolutely great. I can't believe this is happening in my own country. What the hell.

Tweet Week 2.0

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 08:15:00 +0000

Ok, so it has been brought to my attention by my lovely wife that Tweet Week has become to all-inclusive of my tweets. She's right. From now on, I will have an absolute maximum of 15 tweets in an episode of Tweet Week. To kick it off, I will re-do the most recent episode:

[Ok, so I break my new rule right away, but keep in mind that this is like 3 weeks worth of tweets. I will religiously adhere to my new, self-imposed rule on all subsequent Tweet Weeks.]

Dear Coke Zero, I heart you. Love, Jake.
We can't stop here. This is bat country!
I love 1:30am excursions with friends that result in soda pop. I like them when they don't result in soda pop too, but it's an added bonus.
I've got to be one of the only people on earth who has cut his NOSTRIL whilst shaving. It stung like a mother too.
I grow weary of hearing my fellow twentysomethings prematurely talk and think like crotchety old folks. The stone age is not an ideal, folks
Emily and I just whispered "oh, snap" at the exaxct same time during Sunday school but the effect of simultaneity amplified it a LOT.
At Monday's recording session: http://twitpic.com/7qkf5
Now, this isn't just because she was in Carrie, but Sissy Spacek is CREEPY looking.
From a recording session I played on, Monday night for @shellyraine http://twitgoo.com/u5g3
12 cop cars now. And they've searched the mexican gangsters' Escalade.http://twitgoo.com/sqr9
So it's 10+ cars and one arrest now. http://yfrog.us/0n7vvz
Okay, it's now FIVE cop cars, 8 cops and 4 drawn guns outside my apartment.
I want to punch every guy wearing a neon colored v-neck t-shirt directly in the freaking throat. Stupid effing hipsters.
I don't care if you played for Frank Zappa. Screw you, Terry Bozzio. You're a big, stupid tool.
So apparently, Juice 'n Java on 1st north is like THE hipster den. The outside area was thick with self-important people with bad hygiene.
So, we go from studying fugue to studying the blues, and suddenly I'm in my top academic from. Imagine that.
Why must every crazy vagrant who has ever ridden the bus make it a point to talk to me? I don't care that you used to be in a band, dude.
I hate studying fugue. Hate it with a passion.
It's called courtesy flush, people. Once it hits the water, flush. It's okay to flush more than once in a poop session. Geez.
What kind of dick pisses all over the toilet seat??? Oh wow, that was an unintended pun... but it made more sense than calling him an a-hole.
I always start grinning when somebody says something reminds them of me, because it usually means they're about to say something bizarre.
My birthday is in August. Feel free to buy me presents: http://bit.ly/12CDzt
Grr, tricksy Facebook quizzes. One of the quizzes was titled "Friend for Life" so when you try to block it it says "Block friend for life?"
Spring term is weird. I'm never sure what day of the week it is... Well, let's be honest. I never know what day of the week it is.

Tweet Week (6-26-09)

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:29:00 +0000

Man oh man, I have been forgetful with Tweek Week! Ok, I'll get everyone up to speed:

(As always, this reads from newest at the top, to oldest at the bottom.)

Dear Coke Zero, I heart you. Love, Jake.
I am really just kind of enjoying sophomoric humor today: http://bit.ly/GxxDI fart music by @drewtoothpaste
I've been heartily enjoying hilarious Billy Mays commercials overdubbed w/ literal descriptions laced with curse words: http://bit.ly/sNDWk
Billy Mays, keepin' St. Peter's robes extra white with the whitening powers of OXY CLEAN!
Is it wrong that I have a mild crush on the Nerd Queen, Olivia Munn? I just wish my cable provider carried the G4 channel.
We can't stop here. This is bat country!
This is the worst thing ever done. Ever: http://bit.ly/xQ29P
I remember watching Captain EO at Disney Land when I was about 11 years old. In 3-D: http://digg.com/d1usyD?t So hilariously corny.
I love 1:30am excursions with friends that result in soda pop. I like them when they don't result in soda pop too, but it's an added bonus.
Wow. This Back to the Future analysis is one of the funniest things I've read in a long while: http://bit.ly/pSb22 (Warning: Crude Language)
Ok, so it's all a hoax and it's all DEMI MOORE'S (@mrskutcher) fault!! http://bit.ly/yzK5r
Okokokokokok, who is ACTUALLY dead? Is Jeff Goldblum really dead? And I just heard Harrison Ford. WTF. They can't all be true... Can they?
NO WAY! Jeff Goldblum too??!?!?! http://bit.ly/XvCJy
Weirdest. Computer. Ever. http://bit.ly/DLVtd
Wait so is Michael Jackson dead or in a coma. TMZ says dead, but another report says coma. .... wait, why do i care??!
My good buddy @jasinskiArt hipped me to these hilarious bumper stickers: http://bit.ly/trbyC
I've got to be one of the only people on earth who has cut his NOSTRIL whilst shaving. It stung like a mother too.
I grow weary of hearing my fellow twentysomethings prematurely talk and think like crotchety old folks. The stone age is not an ideal, folks
Remember summer book lists and trips to the library when you were a kid? I'm bringing them (and sexy) back: http://bit.ly/16Ezzu
http://bit.ly/19tZtn Don't you wish you had an Android Phone? Yeah. You do.
OMG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA: http://bit.ly/PcLbG
A hilarious flowchart for laptop owners: http://is.gd/1cgbk
Triumph FTW: http://bit.ly/cnL3C
R.I.P. Ed McMahon. Hi-oooooooo, heaven!
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG: http://bit.ly/11hU8N I can't wait!!!!!!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SQUEALING FANBELT SOUND OUTSIDE! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Will facebook PLEASE implement a "block ALL quizzes" option? PLEASE?!?!
Emily and I just whispered "oh, snap" at the exaxct same time during Sunday school but the effect of simultaneity amplified it a LOT.
Rented "Enemy Mine" from 1985. Good times. Loved this movie when I was a kid.
Hahahahahaha! Within 2 hours of saying that I thought the Zune HD was cool, @microsoftzunehd started following me on Twitter. Yay for bots!
I hate Microsoft and the whole Zune franchise but I'm gonna be honest. The Zune HD seems really badass: http://www.engadget.com/tag/ZuneHd/
So apparently if you talk crap about Terry Bozzio YouTube comment, the WOLVES COME OUT: http://bit.ly/Xq1Jo Search the screen for "geekisthenewcool"
http://bit.ly/6j31g The sheer dubiousness of this infuriates me but hey, at least they've made good decision lately: http://bit.ly/U7HKC
Had a Blockbuster giftcard so we picked up Dark Knight and the amazing There Will Be Blood.
A very fascinating documentary YouTube once banned for its unpopular conclusions: http://bit.ly/CUTP5
At Monday's recording session: http://twitpic.com/7qkf5
Now, this isn't just because she was in Carrie, but Sissy Spacek is CREEPY looking.
From a recording session I played on, Monday night for @shellyraine http://twitgoo.com/u5g3
Dear Canker Sore in the back of my mouth, You're not fun anymore. You were never fun. Please leave. I have guests coming over. Love, Jake
They're remaking RED DAWN??? http://bit.ly/bjOdM
For my friends who want to try their hand with music editing but don't want to buy software: http://is.gd/13g7G
This is really really weird. How did I not know about this? http://is.gd/13fbP
This story always makes me laugh my lungs out my nose (NSFW): http://bit.ly/LB8yk
12 cop cars now. And they've searched the mexican gangsters' Escalade. http://twitgoo.com/sqr9
So it's 10+ cars and one arrest now. http://yfrog.us/0n7vvz
Actually, it's 10+ cop cars, and one actual arrest. http://yfrog.us/0wugzz
Okay, it's now FIVE cop cars, 8 cops and 4 drawn guns outside my apartment.
And the end result. http://twitgoo.com/sq3a
Emily's making stuffed peppers & had me make my "cheesy 'mexican' rice" for them, originally invented b/c we were poor. http://twitgoo.com/sprk
So I've decided that I need a melodica. Peep the wish list: http://bit.ly/12CDzt
Two of my loves combined: http://digg.com/d1V1FR?t
I want to punch every guy wearing a neon colored v-neck t-shirt directly in the freaking throat. Stupid effing hipsters.
Just saw two movies in the theater in one day. That's a first for me. Star Trek was a bar-setter I think, & Sunshine Cleaning was decent.
Gonna go see me some Star Trek with Wifey.... right now.
I don't care if you played for Frank Zappa. Screw you, Terry Bozzio. You're a big, stupid tool.
So apparently, Juice 'n Java on 1st north is like THE hipster den. The outside area was thick with self-important people with bad hygiene.
Shame on you, Dave Letterman. You were my favorite late night guy for years, but now in addition to phoning it in you're just mean-spirited.
Today on "Sandwiches a la Jake" we have tuna melt with celery seed, onion powder, corriander, dill, & avocados with cheddar cheese. Mmmmmmm.
So, we go from studying fugue to studying the blues, and suddenly I'm in my top academic from. Imagine that.
Why must every crazy vagrant who has ever ridden the bus make it a point to talk to me? I don't care that you used to be in a band, dude.
http://twitpic.com/6zicf - I love it when Emily gets to babysit Oliver. He's so cute!
Man oh man, Google Android is takin' over this biznatch. Don't step unless you wanna get jacked, esse.
I want to cry. It looks like I'm stuck with crappy ol' Comcast. Why must you reject me, Broadweave??
I hate studying fugue. Hate it with a passion.
It's called courtesy flush, people. Once it hits the water, flush. It's okay to flush more than once in a poop session. Geez.
What kind of dick pisses all over the toilet seat??? Oh wow, that was an unintended pun... but it made more sense than calling him an a-hole
http://twitpic.com/6ocoy - Written at the bottom of the analysis section of an exam I took.
My give-a-damn-o-meter is running out quickly as I get more and more sleepy.
For the last time, I DO NOT LOOK LIKE THIS PERSON: http://bit.ly/7LPDk
I had never heard of this till xkcd mentioned it. This is absolutely fascinating: http://bit.ly/4VTLM
http://twitpic.com/6nml4 - Scrambled eggs with green onions, pico de gallo, and an italian 3-cheese blend are delicious, but probably nor healthy at midnight.
I always start grinning when somebody says something reminds them of me, because it usually means they're about to say something bizarre.
Man oh man. Portal has got to be the funnest video game ever made.
Mind. Blown. VR is all but here: http://gizmodo.com/5277954
*Whew!* I had 20 notifications of Facebook and was concerned that maybe I'd said something offensively commonsensical again.
Attention Provo-ites. This may be the funniest blog you will ever read: http://bit.ly/b0coO
Whoah. Canada just got a lot cooler in my eyes: http://www.torontozombiewalk.ca
Mexican TV is so bizarre. There's a guy dressed up as a rodeo clown, looking very serious, singing while mostly-naked women dance. WTF?
I am involved in a handful of secret projects. Sorry, all I can tell you is that they're ALL AWESOME.
My birthday is in August. Feel free to buy me presents: http://bit.ly/12CDzt
R.I.P Truman G. Madsen. A brilliant philosopher and theologian. We'll miss you!
Today was a great day. I love meeting/kicking it with creative, intelligent people.
Joshua Redman is probably my favorite sax player of all time.
I know this is completely dorky, but I'm totally gonna do this: http://bit.ly/Mdys
Grr, tricksy Facebook quizzes. One of the quizzes was titled "Friend for Life" so when you try to block it it says "Block friend for life?"
Spring term is weird. I'm never sure what day of the week it is... Well, let's be honest. I never know what day of the week it is.
I just heard the bell tower playing the Tetris theme. Awesome.

i have problems with dedication :(

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:14:00 +0000

I've already violated the promise I made in my last post. I went to the library to try to check out A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, but it was checked out, so I had to put on a hold. Then I tried The Road and the same thing happened. So what was I left to do? Well, I ended up checking out Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, and Song of Susannah, book VI in the infamous Dark Tower series by Stephen King. I've read it before, but hey, it's fantastic.

Then, as if to incriminate me, I got an email today notifiying me that The Road was available and being held for me. I've got my reading cut out for me. :)

Summer Book List 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 03:06:00 +0000

Over a year ago, I set out to recreate a part of my childhood that I held dear: summer book lists. I only read 2 out of the intended 4 books, but in my defense, the books I did finish were Atlas Shrugged - weighing in at over 1,000 pages - and a theological book which I was writing a review of for my university's academic journal (it should be out in the fall issue of BYU Studies! keep an eye out!). Anyway, this summer, I'm going to try again, but this time, I'm going to tackle smaller books and books that I know that I can get through before Fall semester. I've even already read one, and I'm partway through another.

I finished reading Cormac McCarthy's "No Country for Old Men" last week and I have a hard time describing my experience with it. To be clear, I loved it, but my emotions while reading it were so confusing. I had loved the movie and upon reading the book, I saw just how well the movie captured the spirit of the book. As most book readers tend to do with books made into movies, I liked the book better, but due to of the limitations of the film medium only, and not the film makers. You can't have as many monologues as a book does in a movie. It'd be corny. [For the record though, Tommy Lee Jones absolutely was Sheriff Bell. Nobody could have played that role any better.] Cormac McCarthy is very much an Existentialist in his themes and narrative, and is a minimalist in his prose. He achieves maximum effect with minimum words, and does so like a true artist. Existentialists often strike a chord with me, but this book affected me in a profound way. When I finished the book, even though I already knew the ending (from the movie), I felt like crying. And to be honest, I couldn't tell you why. In the end, it is a very moving book, and I recommend it to anyone.

I'm currently in and out of reading House of Leaves by Mark Danielewski. It's kind of terrifying and intense, so I have to take it in small doses, but I like it so far. This will probably take me all summer.

Other Books for the Summer:

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, by Dave Eggers. I've heard nothing but good stuff about this book from everyone I know who's read it, and I need to read more non-fiction books that aren't philosophy books or textbooks.
The Road, by Cormac McCarthy. Since I adored both the book and film versions of "No Country for Old Men," and since The Road is being made into a movie (starring Viggo Mortensen!), I really want to read this book.
The Varieties of Religious Experience, by William James. I've already read this book, and loved it with all my heart, but I wanted to try it on for size with a few years under my belt since my last read-through.

That's all I'm going to put on myself. I may read more, but this is all I'm going to propose to undertake at this time, and I won't add any more books to the list until I've read all of the ones that are already on it. I'm going to be disciplined here. I swear.

Tweet Week (5-28-09)

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Fri, 29 May 2009 03:09:00 +0000

In order from most recent to least recent:

On the walk home, I witnessed two birds having an argument, not a fight but an argument, about the worm one of them was eating. Hilarious.

Independent of his politics, does anybody else (independent of THEIR politics) feel like our president doesn't act very.... president-y?

Out of nowhere, my wife starts going, "booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere! rockin' everywhere! rockin' everywhere!"

"If success feels like being drunk & high & also riding a ridiculous polygon stilt-bike, I’ve been feeling really successful lately.” –LATFH

I'm pleased to announce that the flip-flop tan is back in FULL effect.

My geocaching trip today: http://twitpic.com/5ydr4

http://twitpic.com/5y9zl - Geocache #3. We could see where it PROBABLY was, but the mosquitos had COVERED my body and I freaked out. http://tinyurl.com/pocme3

http://twitpic.com/5y7xy - Geocache #2: Totally found it. It was in a fake sprinkler head. http://bit.ly/1a4GTg

Geocache #1. Found nothing. Sad times. http://tinyurl.com/ooqtq3

Going geocaching for the first time! This is already fun. I feel like Indiana Jones.

This is exactly how I felt about pep rallies in high school, and their college equivalents now: http://xkcd.com/588/

I finally got my hands on Android Cupcake.... it is delicious. #cupcake

FINALLY! http://tcrn.ch/2Up

One of my favorite hobbies: telling my wife that things she does aren't "ladylike."

Conducting hymns is not my favorite thing in the world.

DECLARATION: I've had it. I'm done. Forget this crap. In one year, I'm leaving Facebook. Join twitter by then or fade into my life's history.

It makes me sad to see pretty girls become ugly-ass hippies because they feel the need to prove something. Hippette, it's okay to be pretty.

http://twitpic.com/5t9jw - A question while applying for a part-time retail job in Orem, UT.

The trailer for the G.I Joe movie makes me sad because there's no way it could possibly be good.

Just read this:"It's art if can't be explained. It's fashion if no one asks for an explanation. It's design if it doesn't need explanation."

I don't know if it's possible for me to be any more head-over-heels in love with music than I am.

http://twitpic.com/5shx5 - Is it clear from this picture what my biggest vice is? ... I have a problem.

And people don't think the robot revolution will happen any time soon.... http://gizmodo.com/5265901 This is creepy.

"In Scotland, we didn't know that Scotty (from Star Trek) was supposed to be Scottish. I thought he was a Pakistani guy who'd had a stroke." - Craig Ferguson

To all my hipster-leaning friends out there: http://bit.ly/19XrBk

http://twitpic.com/5qafh - The provo "castle" isn't so much a castle as it is a series of walls. L: http://tinyurl.com/r4h3pc

Ah, nothing like a little Cumin to make anything taste a bit like tacos.

At the bus stop today a crazy CREEPY guy with a porno moustache asked if I was Irish started jabbering & eventually asked for cash.

http://twitpic.com/5ph38 - Yay for Skullcandy's return policy!

I'm starting to appreciate Beethoven for pretty much the first time.

http://twitpic.com/5pcie - Big brother doesn't need telescreens. He just uses his magical rhetoric machine to control us with guilt!

Hahaha, I just became temporarily popular by sharing cheap, bulk candy with my classmates.

HAHAHAHAHA: http://bit.ly/1afCP7

Ooh, ooh! Google Chrome has fullscreen mode now! Now I'm seriously never going back.

Does anybody have a thumb-trackball style mouse that they'd like to trade for my wireless mouse? I'm serious.

I seem to prefer to consume media whilst I consume calories. The calories alone are not as entertaining.

Ramen is a lot more tolerable when you add a buttload of spices to it. This batch: hot sauce, mesquite seasoning, oregano, garlic and curry.

I think my left eye has swine flu.

I just learned the hard way that a CPU fan has enough speed and torque to give a thumb a puncture wound. Yowch.

I am loving "Machines Behaving Deadly" Week over at Gizmodo.com: http://bit.ly/P5fJF #Robots #skynet #terminator

It warms my heart that there are people out there nerdy enough to write something like this: http://bit.ly/K3CN7 (I'm jealous I didn't!)

I am perplexed. Any of my computer nerd friends able to help me with this? http://bit.ly/ZknqM

"Republicans need libertarians more than libertarians need Republicans." http://bit.ly/11PuqR

My professor just quoted his brother, referring to Yanni's music as "sonic wallpaper." Hahahahaha.

Just a reminder: I posted some free mp3's on my blog of a hip-hop project I did back in 04-05. Come and get it! http://bit.ly/JXdHr

I don't understand why everyone cites Hitler as an example of the extreme RIGHT-wing. Have we forgotten that he was an avowed SOCIALIST?

To Provo Employers: You stupid retards. You don't ask for a 3-year commitment IN AN EFFING COLLEGE TOWN. You have forgotten THIS IS PROVO.

I stepped on something crunchy and thought it was a snail, but when I looked back, it wasn't a snail. It was a dead bird. Skull crushed.

"Exit Music" by Radiohead always makes me break out in the spooky kind of goosebumps when it gets to the bridge. "you can laugh........"

@Joeusrey dude, i will hate you forever if you become a damned hipster. don't you DARE.

Can I just say that nothing makes me laugh harder than Kool Keith's raps?

http://twitpic.com/5c6d2 - Bag of vinegar. Cleaning the hard water out of the shower head. Rigging this was terrifying.

http://twitpic.com/5baag - If you get why this is funny, you're a geek, but if you get it, you're probably pooping your pants laughing.

http://twitpic.com/59xw0 - Saw this the other day. Blew my mind. A caffeinated BUTTERFINGER?

Tweet Week

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Sat, 16 May 2009 05:45:00 +0000

When I first joined Twitter a couple months back, I was first brought in by its simplicity, but I stayed for the challenge. The inherent challenge with Twitter is: How witty or humorous can I be in 140 characters or less? Twitter gets referred to by its proponents as "microblogging," so what better place to chronicle my best (worst?) tweets than right here on my... macroblog.

With this post I'm starting a new, weekly feature (and a new label to filter my posts with) called "Tweet Week." (I had considered, "this week in erroneous quips" but felt it didn't have much of a ring to it.) Each friday night, I'll gather up all of my wittiest tweets from the previous seven days (with nested @reply vollies if needed) and post them in a consolidated lump.

And now, for the maiden voyage (which has more than a week, just to prime the pump):

• With a lot of cereals, the generic is a direct, 1 to 1 equivalent, but for name brand Cocoa Puffs, there is no equal.

• My sentiments exactly. The Zune.... zucks: http://bit.ly/2lISMj

• I think that Michael Ironside is kind of a poor man's Jack Nicholson.

• Nancy Pelosi sounds like Miss Teen USA while working overtime to lie (I'm surprised to not hear her say "in the Iraq"): http://bit.ly/gJ1Pb

• Ok, I'm about to watch a scifi cult classic which gets referenced constantly by comedians: "Scanners."

• Hypothesis: If you're under 30 and ride a motorcycle, you're probably a prick.

• Posted an old hip-hop project I did in 2004 for free download on my blog: http://tinyurl.com/pccsvk Enjoy!

• Mozart was a dirty man! http://bit.ly/oYd7

• It is a sad statement about our society's / media's unhealthy views that Kim Kardashian gets considered "fat." Are you kidding??

• Man, Beethoven was kind of a punk.

the Guide has arrived ... and i'm totally geeking out

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 04:49:00 +0000

I am an enormous technology geek, so allow me a moment to geek out for a minute or two.

I recently read this issue of my favorite webcomic, xkcd, and thought maybe the author was taking some liberties with the facts.

He was not. As an occasional Amazon customer, I got their email newsletter today, which just happened to be promoting the new Kindle 2. I clicked on the embedded link and discovered that it's even more Amazing than xkcd lets on.

I was really impressed when the iPhone and the iPod touch offered WiFi internet. The Kindle goes a step further and gives you free, high-speed, 3G internet acess to not just their store, but also over a thousand different blogs, and unlimited acess to Wikipedia! xkcd really wasn't lying. This really is the freaking Hitchhiker's Guide. Also, in that same vein, if you are reading a book, newspaper article or Wikipedia page and see a word that you don't know, the Kindle 2 has The New Oxford American Dictionary, built right into it. How sick is that?!

One of the biggest reasons that I've never gotten into ebooks is because I can't read a book without writing in it. Libraries are like big teases to me. I get 20 pages into a library book and then I'm like, "Well, crap. Now I have to go buy this book so I can write in it." Underlining and annotating books is an essential part of the reading process for me. With the Kindle2, you can not only annotate, but you can also clip passgages, along with your notes right from the book and Amazon actually backs up all of your notes to their servers. How insane is that? Backup is a huge feature with the Kindle in general. Amazon will allow you, without complaint, to re-download any digital purchase you've made, any number of times.

The battery life is also astronomical. If you leave the wireless connection switched on, you can still use your Kindle for 4 days without a recharge. If you switch it off however, you can go for two weeks without recharging! A large part of this is the ingenious screen design which uses what they call Digital Paper technology. It's a grayscale screen (one of the only bummers about this device), but due to the nature of the technology behind it, it can be read in direct sunlight without needing a backlight. It's funny, because the technology actually works like a fancy, electronic Etch-a-Sketch. It uses pixel-sized pieces of magnetized sand, kind of like toner, which fall away from the screen whenever it's cleared. As far as I can tell, it really is like reading off of paper. At the same time, the lack of a backlight necessitates lighting in order to read, but let's be honest, so do actual books.

The wireless connections is powered by Amazon's Whispernet technology, which is supplied through Sprint's 3G data network. It has a built in EVDO high-speed wireless modem but will revert back to 1xRTT if no EVDO service is available. As a result of the connection speed, Amazon boasts that all books download wirelessly in under 60 seconds.

As a crowning element, the Kindle operates as a completely independent device. Unlike most digital devices these days - e.g. mp3 players, digital cameras, etc. - the Kindle never needs to be connected to a computer. Ever. Right out of the box, you can begin using it. Oh, and on that same note, it doesn't come with a manual. If you want one, there's one built into it, but every testimonial I've read so far sings the praises of the Kindle's intuitive design which lends itself to being learned in just a few minutes of fooling around with it.

All around, this device is kind of blowing my mind. It's definitely fallen into the "gear lust" category, and is now on my Google wishlist, from which any of you reading this can feel free to buy me things. I recommend going and watching the introductory video below. Be careful though, your brain might blow up too.

UPDATE: http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/the_new_kindle

apparently, i'm facebook's Chat Terrorist #1

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 01:52:00 +0000

Normally, I'm loath to speak an ill word about Facebook. In my opinion, it's everything that MySpace should have been (classy, useful, functional) and does far more good than it does harm. That said, it's efforts to not become another MySpace have sunk to gestapo tactics. It being the day after Christmas, I've been talking to lots of friends online through Facebook and asking how their holiday was. I was talking to three of my friends at once, and suddenly this message pops up on my screen:

This is interesting, I think to myself, what exactly is going on here? "Misuse of Facebook's features?" What exactly is that supposed to mean? Oh, yeah, I made the strange assumption that Facebook was a social networking site, because if that was the case it would be totally fine with me communicating with people. ... But wait, Facebook IS a social networking site, so what's the problem? Well, it gives me a link to it's FAQ page, so I'll do a little research. Upon clicking the first couple relevants subheadings on the FAQ page, I get these results:

The numerous problems with this are as follows:

"You were given a warning to slow down." This most certainly did not happen. I was just suddenly blocked by the Facebook SS.
"Adding friends too quickly"???? Are the problems in the world today a result of people having too many friends?
"Facebook cannot provide any specifics on the rate limits that we enforce." What is this? The government from Atlas Shrugged? Getting punished for rules that you didn't even know were in place or how you're supposed to obey them?
"Ranging from a few hours to a few days." The minimum blocking time is a few hours?!? Even on the antiquated AOL Instant Messenger, blocking usually only happened for a few minutes.

The biggest irk is that this is incredibly inconsistent. I've carried on a greater number of conversations for far longer periods of time on numerous occasions before without this ever happening. What is the deal?

Next in the FAQ, I found this:

So their response to people using their messaging service as a chat client was to create a chat client.... which is ALSO not to be used as a chat client. They recommend Facebook Chat and neglect to mention that even that is only to be used twice per year to send a single message along the lines of "OMG! UR2CUTE! ROFL! WTF? IDK. G2G, TTYL!"

And that, my friends, is the end of this rant.

god's middle children - the bizzarre theology of 'Fight Club'

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 06:28:00 +0000

Back in high school, I saw a movie that my mom would have flipped over if she'd known I'd been watching it. It was called Fight Club, and I remember hearing on the news that upon its release, hordes of teenage boys had begun starting clubs where they'd beat each other senseless. When I watched it, I remember the frenetic and random brutality, and the dark, cruel humor of it speaking to the immature adolescent in me on some bizarre, primordial level. This seems to be a common perception of the it, but I'll only speak for myself when I say that it was like the movie was cracking jokes with the part of my soul which is best not to nourish.

The amazing thing about it was that while being brutal and sardonic, it also made you think. Well it made me think, at least. I'd all but forgotten about it until several weeks ago when my wife and I were having dinner with friends, and I noticed a copy of the book, on which the movie is based, nestled snugly in their bookcase. Remembering that I found the film somewhat thought-provoking, I asked if I could borrow it, and I read it in my spare moments over the course of the next couple days.

My experience with the book was much like my experience with the movie. While with my whole self I disagreed with book, some dark corner of me grinned and picked its nose. While reading, I would find myself thinking, ok, yeah, i could see that, then I'd put down the book and moment later I'd think, What?! Was I just agreeing with that?? One scene in the book, which I don't think happened in the movie, stood out to me because it was so rhetorically convincing, but so horrifying and pragmatically dangerous.

In Fight Club, the main character - whose name is never mentioned - becomes friends with an impulsive and charismatic man by the name of Tyler Durden. Durden is an anarchist with a lot of pent-up frustration and the main character's own frustration with life, coupled with a bomb destroying his apartment, entangles him with Durden. At this point in the story, the main character is caught up in plans that have long since been beyond his control. He's riding in a car with several of Tyler Durden's zealous follwers. The one driving is an auto mechanic, and is reciting some of Tyler's rhetoric to him:

The mechanic says, "If you're male and you're Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And if you never know your father, if your father bails out or dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?"
. . .
"What you end up doing," the mechanic says, "is you spend your life searching for a father and God."
"What you have to consider," he says, "is the possibility that God doesn't like you. Could be, God hates us. This is not the worst thing that can happen."
How Tyler saw it was that getting God's attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God's hate is better than His indifference.
If you could choose to either be God's worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?
We are God's middle children, according to Tyler Durden, with no special place in history and no special attention.
Unless we get God's attention, we have no hope of damnation or redemption.
Which is worse, hell or nothing?
Only if we're caught and punished can we be saved.
. . .
The lower you fall, the higher you'll fly. The farther you run, the more God wants you back.
"If the prodigal son had never left home," the mechanic says, "the fatted calf would still be alive."
It's not enough to be numbered with the grains of sand on the beach and the stars in the sky.

If ideological doctrines were to be judged solely on their rhetorical charisma (which, sadly, many are), this would be convincing enough for me to jump on board. And for the types of people attracted to Tyler Durden's cult in Fight Club, that's all that was needed: an emotionally convincing excuse to act out. But for rational people who want to live peacefully, something more than just passion and zeal is needed. Rationality requires substance.

A tactic that Tyler Durden utilizes (which will sound familiar to any Latter-day Saints reading this, as it is a tactic that LDS theology ascribes to Satan) is that he juxtaposes questions which lead to somewhat obvious answers, with assumptions that are seemingly related but aren't and that seem to follow but really don't. That is to say, that he takes a little grain of truth, and stirs it into a pot of lies.

He begins by making an observation about man's understanding of God, and how a man's Father becomes a kind of type for his perception of God (for more of my thoughts on this, check out this previous post). Then he uses the imperative voice next, claiming that "You have to consider ... the possibility that God doesn't like you."

After telling you what you have to consider, Tyler makes an irrational conclusion, assuming the truthfulness of the previous forced consideration, claiming that "getting God's attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all." He then slides into speculation, stating that "maybe ... God's hate is better than his indifference."

In this particular bit of diatribe, Durden poses two questions which I find to be the most cunningly magnetic elements of his rhetoric. He asks, "If you could choose to be God's worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?" and later, "Which is worse, hell or nothing?" These are questions geared to the common denominator inherent in all men: the desire to live and to exist. Absent any scholastic sophistry, human beings would almost always choose anything over being winked out of existence. Nobody wants to be nothing. Furthermore, these questions assume a dichotomy which is a false one. Durden quite stealthily avoids mentioning the other possibilities (like God's love in the first case, or heaven in the latter) and moves on as if he's proven that the only options are the ones he's laid out.

He then proceeds to lapse into counterintuitive and ironic maxims and ends with another rhetorically-charged statement, appealing to the natural human desire to be important to somebody; namely to God. "It's not enough to be numbered with the grains of sand on the beach and the stars in the sky."

Adolf Hitler would kneel down and shed a tear at the rhetorical elegance of Tyler Durden's propaganda. He appeals simultaneously to a man's need to be loved and to his most irrational tendencies toward aggression. And after I consult more than just the raw, emotional content of Durden's demagoguery and actually engage my mind, the mystical spell of his charisma is broken. But oh, what a spell it is.

as if i needed another blog...

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 00:14:00 +0000

Well, in an effort to consolidate and organize, I've.... well, I've added another thing to the mess. But it actually will help, I swear. For a long time, I've had my music scattered across numerous websites and if I want to share things, I have to give people appoximately 8 million url's. What I've done is created a music blog. Yeah, I know, I have too many already, but hey, I'm a multifaceted individual.

My new blog, entitled "Geek is the New Cool" (a longstanding aphorism and screen name of mine) is the place to go to find out what's new with my music. I know I'm only writing this for the approximately 2 and 1/3 people who actually read this blog, but hey, it makes me feel important to inform you, so let me feel cool.

So, check out my new blog, and if you're feeling really saucy, leave some comments!

it's a rough world out there in facebook land

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 06:44:00 +0000

So, a friend of mine had a goofy picture of herself on her facebook page, and as a result had many humorous comments. One tool however, whom I have never met, left a really long, rambling, retarded comment that had nothing to do with the picture, and was obviously trying pretty pathetically to make himself look interesting and deep. So I, being unable to restrain myself from the perfect timing and placement, quoted Billy Madison:

"At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
- Billy Madison

Minutes later, the guy removed his retarded comment and left a new one that said: "there ya go." A few minutes after that, this chain of facebook messages began:

[To protect his identity, fragile ego and penis envy, his name has been altered to something that isn't really much different from what it actually is.]

Jerik Gayes

I hope that your post on Christy's photo wasn't directed toward me. If so, I'll smack you when I see you you.

Jake Hawken

Wow. Did you seriously just say that?

Jerik Gayes

yes sir. if your comment was directed to me and you don't know me,i don't see that as funny. i will let Christy's know how you are acting

just don't let it happen again

Jake Hawken
I will take no directions, such as "don't let it happen again" from you. I recognize no authority, inherent or otherwise, in you such that you can give such policemanly directions to me.
Also, is Christy my mom? You're going to "let Christy know how I'm acting?" Seriously? You have some sort of authority complex, my friend. You talk to me like a teacher threatening to call a kid's mom. Then you talk to me like a cop issuing a warning after a moving violation. Get over yourself.
Furthermore, regarding your threat:
1) I am not in the slightest bit afraid of your threat to "smack" me.
2) Should I call the cops on your ass now? There's enough information between Facebook and the BYU website to give the cops a pretty good lead on contacting you. (You're a BYU student from [removed] graduating in [removed].)
3) If you even have 2 brain cells to rub together, you probably won't ever try what you're threatening.

Get a life dude. If you're getting offended and worked up over something said in a pretty public forum on a pretty public website, you have the temperament of an angst-ridden 15 year old. Grow up.

Oh, and by the way, you stutter when you type. "You're going to smack me when you see me me."

I then clicked the "Report Message" link next to his threatening message and reported him to facebook for harassment. As an automatic result, he was blocked from sending me messages, so he sent a message to Jank (my son, who is a stuffed monkey with boxing gloves) trying to remain sounding tough. Tough man, Mr. Gayes, you threatened a plush monkey.

Man, this town breeds some serious thugs.

sparingly and only in times of famine - an LDS defense of vegetarianism

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 17:50:00 +0000

About three weeks ago, Emily and I went vegetarian. Mostly. We still eat two meals per week with meat in them (out of 20 or so) and, like most vegetarians, we still eat fish. Correction: I still eat fish. Emily never ate it to begin with. To dispel questions many of you might immediately have for us, I will say:

No, I haven't joined PETA or any other militant Marxist environmental organization.
Yes, I still eat eggs and dairy. I'm not a Vegan. That's just silly.
No, I'm not going to try to convince you to do the same thing.
Yes, I get plenty of protein. In today's world, you don't even really have to go out of your way to get enough protein.

That out of the way, let me explain what prompted all of this. I'm fat. Yeah, yeah, we can argue about semantics and toss around words like husky, big-boned and cuddly, but in the end, I'm about 30-35 pounds heavier than I want to be. Like most Americans who can afford to, and do, I have fallen prey to the lifestyle of eating too much and exercising too little. It was time for a change of lifestyle for me.

Most of the world (especially America) eats too much meat. Nutritionally speaking, a "serving" of meat is the size of a deck of cards. Who ever stops there? That's a kids' hamburger at Wendy's or a really tiny chicken breast. And most people eat meat at more than one meal per day. So, not only do we eat more than is healthy, we do it multiple times per day.

As a Latter-day Saint, I subscribe to a passage of scripture called the Word of Wisdom, which prescribes general nutritional rules. It many areas it speaks in generalities, but one area in which it is quite strict and explicit is in it's limitations set upon the consumption of meat. To quote it directly, it says:

"Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly; And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine." (Doctrine and Covenants, 89:12-13.)

While this is explicit and doctrines concerning substances such as caffeine are vague, many who believe in the WoW hold piously to abstaining from the latter but scoff at the suggestion that they should decrease their consumption of the former. It's one aspect of the WoW that many Mormons feel comfortable ignoring, and even rolling their eyes at. I've certainly ignored it for most of my life, and I'm finally correcting that.

Though I'm not sure exactly how literal the phrase "only in times of winter . . . or famine" is, it's certainly clear that eating meat is to be done in extreme moderation. The word "sparingly" is key, though. The WoW was revealed in America in 1833. In the 1828 edition of Webster's American Dictionary of the English Language, sparingly is defined as meaning "frugally" or "parsimoniously." In a religious/Christian context, the word is taken to mean "abstinently" and "moderately." This begins to paint a clearer picture of what the WoW is saying.

So, I have religious reasons and, as stated earlier, numerous health reasons. In addition to the argument from serving size, drastically reducing one's meat consumption is also an easy way to cut enormous amounts of fat from one's diet, and all but eliminates the dangers of cholesterol. Yes, you can still get a lot of cholesterol from butter, eggs, milk and other things, but if you're removing bacon, hot dogs, and Kentucky Fried Chicken from your diet, there is a whole hell of a lot less of it.

Like I said before though, I'm not advocating it. All I'm saying is that vegetarians don't deserve the kind harsh treatment that I used to give them, and that hordes of my peers still do. Yes, I do believe that animals are, in part, on this earth to be our food. While God did give Adam the right to eat animals, there were also no enormous, hundred-acre cattle farms at the time. The context is different now. Remember, I'm not telling anybody else that they have to follow my example, I'm just preemptively defending my own decision against certain ridicule. It's worth your thought and consideration.

will you help me sell you things?

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 19:08:00 +0000

Facebook is an anomaly. I remember when I first was introduced to it. Looking at it confused the crap out of me. I was used to myspace (which I only used to promote my music, I swear), which by this point was quickly becoming the porn and date-rape empire that it is today, and Facebook was completely different. I was only joining it because I had to for a political group I was joining on campus and wasn't even really sure what it was. In addition to having 1,400% fewer glitches than myspace, facebook was also laid out completely different, and used different terminology. At the time, it looked like a big mass of squares and buttons, none of which seeming to correspond to anything. I felt like it was some sort of giant inside joke of which I was on the outside.
And then there were the ads. Not only were the ads almost non-existent at this point, but they also were decidedly non-pornographic. It was a novel concept. I mean, "porn" was just one of the words in the definition of "social networking site" as far as I knew. I took it as a pleasant surprise and assumed it was a fluke and tried not to get too attached to it. It's good that I didn't, because American Apparel has made it their mission to turn facebook, via their ads, into an equally pornographic but much more efficient version of myspace.
Enter facebook's new voting system. With the re-vamping of facebook's layout (which made it almost as confusing as it was getting used to facebook for the first time) they've given you a pandora.com-style "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" system to give your feedback on the ads. You are given the opportunity to volunteer information to facebook about what types of ads you like and dislike.
It's as if facebook walks up and stands next to you and clears it's throat, hoping you'll make eye contact, and when you finally do, it says, "Ahem, ah, yes, um, can you help me sell you things?" But I don't want to be sold things, facebook. "Er, yeah. I mean, it's not really for me, it's for a friend, or, um, rather, a friend of a friend. You know how it is." Not really, facebook, but while I'm talking to you, can you please stop putting pictures all over my profile of girls in skanky hipster dresses with their non-existent cleavage showing? "Oh, do you not like those kind of ads? Would you prefer other types?" Yes, I- No! Wait! I don't want any ads! "Do you like this ad?" Aaaargh! Go away! "Would you like an ad about a shirt that says 'Aaargh! Go away!' on it?" *shoots self in face*
So, in addition to letting you say that you dislike or like (don't know why I'd use the latter) an ad, you can say why you do so. So, like pandora.com, they use your feedback to streamline the content of the ads they put on your page. But unlike pandora, they don't have access to your personal social network, contact information, age, sex, favorite books & movies, etc. Luckily for all of us facebookers, however, they're quite far from having it figured out. Most of the kinds of ads they give me make no sense based on any information they've gotten out of me. The ads themselves are also pretty consistently bizarre, and are often strangely or confusingly worded. Take this one for example:

They don't claim that Mr. Paul himself is cool, just wearing one of his shirts. They don't even try to mask the "all the cool kids are doing it" approach here. And, looking at that model, I can tell you she's probably voting for Obama, because she looks like she's the kind of person who would buy into the media's use of that exact same tactic.
How about this one?
I thought that "metrosexual" had become one of those words like "liberal" and "emo," in that it was originally used by those it describes to describe themselves, but after their ridiculous actions had come back to haunt them, was eventually put aside by the same people because it had become so pejorative. I guess they're expecting that people have to check facebook when they're all by themselves sometimes.
And then there's this:

I remain perplexed by this one. "You know, Bobby's having a bad day. Let's send him a duck... oh, and a duck nest. That's essential." You know you live in a country where the standard of living is almost too high when the luxuries people choose to indulge in include duck-o-grams. Wow.

I'm exhausted from even thinking about all this oddity. I'm going to go eat some snacks and take a nap. But first, I'm going to go put on my Ron Paul shirt, because wearing a Ron Paul shirt is a pretty cool thing.

your favorite holiday is right around the corner!

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 06:55:00 +0000

Well, it's that time of year again, and I know what you're all asking yourselves: What on earth am I going to get Jake for his birthday? It's a pressing issue, and I'm sensitive to your anxiety. That's why I'm here to help.
My whole life, I've always been a big fan of wish lists. Even if you don't expect to get anything on the list, it's always fun to create a list of all the toys you want. My best digital friend, Google, has created a means that I can do so in a way that is viewable worldwide. I present you, my friends, with Jake Hawken's Regularly-Updated Digital Wish List! The JHRUDWL is your one-stop shopping place for all the things Jake wants you to buy for him! I know, it takes all the fun out of begging me to tell you what you can buy me, but the sheer convenience of it is worth it.
As August 22nd comes and goes, and September gets into full swing, the post-Jake's-Birthday blues can strike anyone, but now you're in luck! Jake's Birthday doesn't have to come just once a year anymore! With the JHRUDWL (pronounced juh-ROO-duh-wool) is online 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365.25 days per year to keep the Jake's Birthday holiday spirit going year-round! Bookmark it now!
I created this list for all of you, and hope it brings my birthday spirit into all of your hearts! Happy Holiday!
[UPDATE-8/18/08]: If you are just chomping at the bit to buy me clothing, I wear XL t-shirts and hoodies, 38x32 pants (or 40x30 if it's a skinny-people manufacturer like GAP or Old Navy), 17 1/2 x 34-35 dress shirts, and size 13 shoes. You're welcome.

i've been Tagged!

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 03:41:00 +0000

Ah, "tagging." The Web 2.0 version of chain emails. It used to be that you'd receieve an email that was sent out to 14 trillion people with instructions to 1) fill out inane questions about yourself and then 2) send them on to another 14 trillion (or more) people. Now, a friend with a blog "tags" your blog and you then have to "tag" your other friends' blogs. The difference is that I was never actively trying to come up with ideas for emails I'd like to send. I am, however, doing so with my blog. So, in the interest of keeping my blog from stagnating, here's my response to the Tagging.

The way it works is somebody "tags" you by telling you that they're doing so in a comment your blog. In the comment, they leave a link (which never work in blogspot comments) to the post on their blog that is like the one you are currently reading. There are enumerated instructions:

1. You link back to the person who tagged you
2. Post these rules on your blog
3. Share six unimportant things about yourself
4. Tag six random people at the end of your entry
5. Let the tagged people know by leaving a comment on their blogs
6. Enjoy the results!

I will now proceed to follow the steps.

(1) I was tagged by my buddy Ben O'Brien, whose blog, Friendjamin, chronicles his plucky adventures in psychology, humanitarian aid, European tourism and the wonders of not showering.

(2) Done.

(3) Well, considering I'm ridiculously important, and as a result, everything I do is important to someone, this will be difficult, but I'll try...

My wife and I have a stuffed monkey that we treat like an actual human child.
I play drums in a blues/rock band.
I go to 7-Eleven about five days a week.
My favorite memory from my first year at BYU was the spontaneous, spasmatic, music-less, 2-person dance parties I'd have with my roommate Buddy.
I've got a hankering for some leftover enchiladas right about now, but will refrain, because eating cheese enchiladas at 11:57pm is probably not the healthiest thing I could do.
A couple weeks ago, my buddy Quinn and I attended a video game development expo in Salt Lake City. Yeah, I'm a total nerd.

(4) Ok, now to perpetuate the monster. I will tag Wifey, my brother, Blair, Eli, Martin and the Thomases.

(5) Working on it...

(6) Done and done.

the hilarity of spam

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 05:15:00 +0000

Gmail does such a good job of filtering crap out of my inbox that I hardly ever notice that there are like, 500 million emails in my junk folder. These used to be just annoying and boring, but as I did my every-so-often sifting through my junk email this evening, I noticed that junk email has gotten quite hilarious. There are some new trends that have taken over the spam world. One is that they often misspell words in order to get past filters that scan for over-use of certain words. [For example, they spell pill "pilule" a lot. I'll give you one reason why that word comes up a lot... no pun intended.]

But the funniest thing I've seen yet is the current trend for the subject and body of the spam email to have nothing to do with one another. Thanks to Gmail, we can see a snippet of the email's body right next to its subject. Let's look at some examples!

The first email starts out preparing us for the grisly tale of tourist being attacked by cannibals, and ends up being even more grisly as it proceeds to show us where to find "Miley Cyrus bad girl pics." Yikes!! But apparently the cannibals weren't satisfied with people and had to eat a dog in the next email... and the spawn of Billy-Ray was behind it again!

The strange juxtapositions continued as I scrolled down, including the Madonna-Ritchie divorce causing pollution in Beijing and news about the cure for AIDS being postponed due to news about Tom-Kat. There finally starts to be some congruity about 13 spam emails down where the subject declares Teddy Roosevelt to be a homosexual and the body of the email quotes the ghost of Richard Nixon as a source. I guess we know how hell punishes corrupt presidents. In the same vein, we're told of a McCain sex tape and then told that McCain proposes gay marriage. I guess we know what genre of tape it was.
The most perplexing of this first set was the last one. There are so many things in that email's subject that I find both disturbing and confusing. The body of the email doesn't even really make it any more confusing than it already is. Though it is reassuring to know that "Spongebob Squarepants is not Shrek's Father!"

Well, this seems interesting: tobacco is being used to treat cancer? Oh wait, before they could write an email about that, they got the news that "lesbians" are now officially different from "lesbos." I was VERY disappointed that the link didn't work in the email about the video of McCain, Bush and a gay Hillary Clinton dancing in a puppet show. Further on, I failed to see the connection in the message that is ostensibly about a reverse Sodom & Gomorrah, but is actually about the number of George W. Bush's MySpace friends. Also, I fail to see the connections between horses & violence, iPhones & sodomy, and bus crashes & cellphone batteries.
In another brief flash of continuity, we see a commentary on the worth of Picasso's work, as it's juxtaposed with a headline of a cat gouging a man's eyes out.
In addition to these the fairly dirty ones are always really funny.

[Btw, if you click on that link on the line above, like I know you will, I've written funny captions for it which you can see at the link.]

clinging to the 80s like it's a sickly infant

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 05:45:00 +0000

I have, at various points in my life, been sucked into a few fashion trends. As a little kid, I had a rat tail for a while, and when I was in second grade, I owned a couple pairs of hammer pants. That being said, I can't muster up the tolerance required in order to not despise most of my fellow men (and women) in Utah. The reason is this. In this rest of the United States, when a fad comes and goes, it comes and then it goes. In Utah, they have a problem with that last part. In fact, it seems like their method is they scan each 12-month period for the most ludicrous and hideous styles and fashions and cling to them with the a grip comparable only to the locked jaw of a pit bull. Also, with the same keen eye with which they spot the current trends which will most embarrass them in retrospect, they scan the annals of history (and by "history" I mean "the last 20 years") and locate equally nauseating fashions and art in which they then become fully invested.

Among the many, many moronic things on this list of Utard fads are:

mustaches
mullets
geometric-patterned clothing
men spending as much on their hair as women
emo music/fashion
bleaching their hair white, a la Ric Flair
claiming to like The Cure
The Cure
clashing neon-colors all crammed onto solitary articles of clothing
neon colors on anything at all
denim used for anything but pants
and probably my most hated of all...
wearing pants that are 2 sizes too small... AND THEN SAGGING THEM.

I distinctly remember the fad of JNCO jeans. They were so baggy, you could have been smuggling babies, and nobody would have known. Yes, it was a stupid fad, but at least when pants were that baggy, it made sense, physically, that one's pants would sag. They were too big! Of course they'd sag! They would do it on their own without any help from the putz wearing them. But what I don't understand is why some clown with 17 facial hairs (all 17 of which grown out to look strategically messy and unkempt) who obviously bought his jeans from the Women's section of Express, is sagging his skin-tight denim halfway down his bony butt giving everyone within several hundred feet a clear view of his American Apparel boxer-briefs. Sagging, as a style, began as a natural byproduct of the size of the pants. This new breed of androgynous freaks goes out of its way to intentionally push the waistband of their sprayed-on denim down far enough that we have to rename certain anatomical components "public parts."

I've said this many times and I'll say it again now, and probably many more times to come: The 1980s was a wasteland of fashion and culture. Now, I'm the first to admit that a lot of cool developments in music and the arts happened during the 80s, such as punk rock, hip-hop, and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, but the great things that happened in these fields happened in spite of the decade in which they occurred. The general zeitgeist of the 1980s does not reflect the cool things, like Bad Religion's album, Suffer, that occurred. Their simultaneity is merely coincidence. And I'll give you one guess which one of these two camps of culture the average Utard gleans from the 1980s and then clings to. I'll give you one guess: I don't meet any Brian Eno fans or hear any local bands playing covers of "You Are the Government" by Bad Religion. What I do run into a lot is people at the local water park wearing gray swim trunks with superimposed pink and purple geometric patterns, whilst sporting perms and mustaches. I could just vomit.

I understand that temporary, humorous revivals of 1980s fashions that the nation is embarrassed to remember have been going on at the national level, but each is short-lived and mostly for novelty purposed. Most people get the idea that it's supposed to be funny and that the joke gets old after a couple weeks. Not so in Utah. Like previously explained, they locate the most ridiculous trend they can find and then cling to it indefinitely. Many of them will probably claim that they're in on the joke and are doing it to be funny. But when 93% of your wardrobe is part the joke, that makes you a living, breathing joke. At that point, you have forfeited any claim you had on being taken seriously by anyone on any subject. I don't associate with rodeo clowns.

For a perfect example of the goofballs in which I seem to be immersed, here is a picture I took of some ludicrous hipster that was crossing the street in front of Wifey and me the other day:

Something my mom always said about these kinds of ridiculous fads is, "If his mother had told him that he had to wear that, he'd have cried his eyes out." I mean, are you looking at the same picture as me? His pants are so tight that you can see the inner workings of his circulatory system. Do I even need to MENTION his shoes? It would be superfluous. They mock themselves by virtue of existing.

Come on, April 2010.....

bumble bee terror!

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 03:41:00 +0000

As Emily and I left to go out on a date tonight, there was an enormous bumble bee laying on the door jamb on its back, freaking out. I helped him flip over and then ran, because he flew aggressively right at me. When we got back, it was still right there. The more slowly we tried to open the door, the more he tried to sneak under and get inside. This little (well, huge) guy was determined to get in! I tried to lay one corner of the welcome mat (which reads, "leave.") on him so we could open the door, but he kept managing to get under the door. So plan B began. We threw open the door and as soon as he flew in, we threw the entire welcome mat on him. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed one of Wifey's jam jars. I slowly peeled back the mat and put the jar down over him. Emily then slipped the little plate-like part of the lid under it, and we turned it over so we could screw on the outer part. That's how it got to the point you see in the video.

I then took it to the street. Now, all of our Mexican neighbors like to sit on the grass in front of our building with their entire extended family (not eating or talking, mind you, just sitting and staring at white people). Immediately, approximately 87 Mexican children came running up to me asking me in broken English what I had in my hand. I told them it was a bee. One of them asked if he was mad. I answered in the affirmative. "Why?" the child asked, a concerned, almost accusing look on her face. I told her that most animals don't like being in jars (but neglected to mention that Emily had shaken the jar 4 0r 5 times). Then the little girl asked "Where did you getted him?" (Yes. Direct quote.) I explained and then they all pleaded with me to let me come with them to set it free. I warned that they should all run, and that following me might not be a good idea. They followed anyway as I crossed the street. I screwed off the lid and swung the jar so that the bee flew out, and immediately turned and sprinted... past the children. Emily told me that from her vantage point (behind our living room window on the 2nd and a half floor), it was hilarious to see

the grown man (me) running for his life from a bumble bee, and
the look of utter terror on the faces of the children as the grown man ran past them, leaving them at the mercy of the bloodthirsty, murderous bumble bee.

Yeah. The excitement never stops at the Hawken home.

it's just that easy to have your constitutional rights stolen from you

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 23:54:00 +0000

This video makes me furious. Dictators of the past (Rome, Russia, China) have almost always come to power by declaring emergency and bestowing upon themselves the power to take away their citizens' rights. This is sickening, outrageous and downright terrifying.

welcome to the People's Republic of north america

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:28:00 +0000

A man doesn't have to explicitly say things about himself in order to be revealing. Often, it's what a person allows others to go unchecked in saying that is the most telling. This is especially the case in politics. A politician must so closely monitor what he or she says directly, because anything coming straight from the source will inevitably be turned into a sound bite which will circulate endlessly. But as a special wink and nod to their more radical followers, politicians can simply allow those who are not organizationally attached to them to say that they give him their stamp of approval, and simply not deny it. That's the exact point when it becomes visible to the public eye, if only for a second. In that moment when we are expecting to hear a rebuttal or a denial, but instead hear silence and a change of subject, we find out a politician's true colors. In that moment, we find out the more radical views they have which they don't publicly admit, in order to play up the middle.

Such is the case with the likely winner of the presidential race this coming fall, Barack Obama. This fringe group is so close to him though, that this happened on his very own website. On barackobama.com, a group has been started, entitled " Marxists/Socialists/Communists for Obama." Whether or not Obama admits it himself, the company he keeps is quite revealing. His campaign has made a nominal attempt to address concerns like mine, by putting a phrase, in small type at the bottom of the page, near all of that stuff you never look at when you go to websites, which reads

"Content on blogs in My.BarackObama represents the opinions of community members and in no way should be interpreted as endorsed or approved by the campaign."

Nice. Really slick. Well, I'm convinced! I mean, seriously, do they think they're fooling anyone? As if they don't monitor the content closely. I dare you to start a "Capitalists Who Want Obama to Oppose Socialism" group, and see how long it lasts, or if it even will get published. Don't get me wrong, I understand that it's a campaign website, and it's a totally normal thing to do that. But when one pretends like he doesn't, that's an insult to my intelligence. His campaign won't admit it, but there isn't gonna be a thing on that website that he doesn't - at least secretly - endorse.

Cut the bullcrap, Barry. You're a Marxist. Just come out of the closet and admit it. That way, those that vote for you can vote for you with a full knowledge on their conscience and I can point my finger at them when you run this country into the ground and I can say "I told you so, you socialist morons!"

To put it in perspective why Communists are in such general favor of Obama's presidency, a friend of mine - whose blog can be found here - did research on Obama's platform, using only Obama's official website as a guide. As a back-of-the-envelope figure, his research concludes that Obama's about 90% Marxist. Now, I know that figure is irrelevant, so I'll leave you with excerpts of some of his findings, with his explanations and commentary, which he sent me in a recent email:

"Barack Obama will require that employers provide seven paid sick days per year."
Where does the Constitution give him this privilege? How does he take it upon himself to say how many sick days an employer must allow? This is a loss of liberty for employers. Yes, I agree employers should do this; but where does that give me, as a citizen, the right to force him to? VIOLATION of 10th amendment. VIOLATION of personal liberty.

"Obama will provide a $1.5 billion fund to assist states with start-up costs and to help states offset the costs for employees and employers."
Unconstitutional use of tax money. States fund themselves, or at least should do so. The Federal Government should collect only those taxes it requires for its constitutional activities; whatever the states decide to do should be funded by state taxes. Once again, VIOLATION of 10th amendment. Also, Benson condemns this behavior.

"Barack Obama will double funding for the main federal support for afterschool programs, the 21st Century Learning Centers program, to serve one million more children."
VIOLATION of 10th amendment. Also, do you really believe the Federal government should pay for our children's activities? State-funded public schools are bad enough, are we going to turn the government into a daycare provider? Remember, whatever the government funds, it controls.

"Workers with family obligations often are discriminated against in the workplace. Barack Obama will commit the government to enforcing recently-enacted Equal Employment Opportunity Commission guidelines on caregiver discrimination."
Once again, if an employer doesn't want to hire someone with children, that should be his liberty. The Federal government has no right to tell employers who they must hire. VIOLATION of personal liberty. Again, I agree that employers should not discriminate; but do I have a right to force them not to? Good idea, but wrong way to enforce it.

"Obama has introduced a comprehensive "Zero to Five" plan to provide critical supports to young children and their parents by investing $10 billion per year to create: Early Learning Challenge Grants to stimulate and help fund state "zero to five" efforts; quadruple the number of eligible children for Early Head Start and increase Head Start funding and improve quality for both; work to ensure all children have access to pre-school; provide affordable and high-quality child care that will promote child development and ease the burden on working families."
Again, what is the motivation behind this? The sooner the government gets it hand on our children, the worse off they are. Again, nobody wants the burden of raising their own children, so the government will do it for them. I do not want a president who considers child raising to be a burden. Also, VIOLATION of 10th amendment.

"Barack Obama will make college affordable for all Americans by creating a new American Opportunity Tax Credit. This universal and fully refundable credit will ensure that the first $4,000 of a college education is completely free for most Americans, and will cover two-thirds the cost of tuition at the average public college or university."
Obama wants to pay for everyone's college. How is this a proper use of tax-money? This is one step to turning universities into government funded schools. What the government funds, it controls. People should pay for their own education. Nobody in their right mind believes that the government should pay for everything we do. Again, this is also a Marxist philosophy; Obama believes that the price of attending universities is what creates class differences, and that it should be fixed through government legislation and funding. Also VIOLATION of 10th amendment.

"Barack Obama is committed to signing universal health legislation by the end of his first term in office that ensures all Americans have high-quality, affordable health care coverage."
VIOLATION of 10th amendment. Also, a VERY VERY bad idea. More about this later.

"Barack Obama will ensure that anyone with a mortgage, not just the well-off, can take advantage of this tax incentive for homeownership by creating a universal mortgage credit. This 10 percent credit will benefit an additional 10 million homeowners, the majority of whom earn less than $50,000 per year."
When people go into debt, it is not the government's job to help them out. That is a citizen's responsibility.

"Obama introduced the STOP FRAUD Act, which would increase funding for federal law enforcement programs, create new criminal penalties for mortgage professionals found guilty of fraud, and require industry insiders to report suspicious activity."
YAY! This, I believe, is allowed by the Constitution. Finally, something that is actually LEGAL.

"Obama will create a fund to help people refinance their mortgages and provide comprehensive supports to innocent homeowners. The fund will also assist individuals who purchased homes that are simply too expensive for their income levels by helping to sell their homes."
In other words, when we purchase a home that we can't afford, the government will swoop in to bail us out. BAD IDEA. This rewards irresponsible spending and debt. The is an irresponsible use of tax money. Also, VIOLATION of 10th amendment. SOCIALISM.

"As president, Obama will work to eliminate the federal bankruptcy law's Chapter 13 provision that prevents bankruptcy courts from modifying an individual's mortgage payments."
In other words, borrowers will not be required to keep their end of a contract; lenders will be able to have the terms of their contracts changed by the U.S. courts. In other words, if I lend money to someone, and they sign a contract committing to pay, that contract is not binding. This is a very unwise maneuver. Let's hold people accountable for their actions, and not bail out those in debt whenever they can't deliver.
Many of these promises Obama makes show that he sees people in debt as victims, rather than as making a willing participants in an economic transaction. Certainly some people are in debt through no fault of their own; however, their are ways to help without the government intervening every time someone cries, "help!"

"Barack Obama's retirement security plan will automatically enroll workers in a workplace pension plan. Under his plan, employers who do not currently offer a retirement plan, will be required to enroll their employees in a direct-deposit IRA account that is compatible to existing direct-deposit payroll systems."
Since when is the Federal government a retirement fund? VIOLATION of 10th amendment. SOCIALISM, and a VIOLATION of personal liberty.

"Obama will raise the minimum wage and index it to inflation to make sure that full-time workers can earn a living wage that allows them to raise their families and pay for basic needs such as food, transportation, and housing."
VIOLATION of 10th amendment. Minimum wage is reserved to the states. The Federal government has no power to tell employers how much they can pay; if necessary, it can be done by the states, but not the Federal government.

"Obama will invest in rural small businesses and fight to expand high-speed Internet access."
Ok now, since when is the government an internet provider?

"Obama will increase funding for the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP) which helps low-income citizens — many of them seniors — pay their winter heating and summer cooling bills."
Since when do the tax-payers pay for people's heating bills? VIOLATION of 10th amendment, and a VERY bad idea. This will increase even more our nation's dependence on the government. SOCIALISM.

"In the midst of the 2005 debate over Social Security privatization, Obama gave a major speech at the National Press Club forcefully arguing against privatization. He also repeatedly voted against Republican amendments that aimed to privatize Social Security or cut benefits."
Social security is one of the biggest violations of the 10th amendment and also a VERY bad idea. It creates a nation of dependents, and is an immoral socialist program. In other words, "You give your income to the government, and we'll give some of it back if you need it." SOCIALISM.

"As a result of climate change, glaciers are melting faster; the polar ice caps are shrinking; trees are blooming earlier; more people are dying in heat waves; species are migrating, and eventually many will become extinct."
Utter bogus, not based on science. One study showed that the ice caps have more ice than ever before.

"Obama supports implementation of a market-based cap-and-trade system to reduce carbon emissions by the amount scientists say is necessary: 80 percent below 1990 levels by 2050. Obama's cap-and-trade system will require all pollution credits to be auctioned."
Not only do I have to buy my car, but after this I will have to pay the government to use it; the scientists will tell us how far we can drive etc. etc.. This is immoral legislation, increasing government control on our actions as nothing has ever before. I will have to purchase not only the gas in my car, but I will also have to purchase the right to use it. VIOLATION of personal liberty, 10th amendment, and ALL the principles of proper government.

"Obama will invest federal resources, including tax incentives, cash prizes and government contracts into developing the most promising technologies with the goal of getting the first two billion gallons of cellulosic ethanol into the system by 2013."
Ethanol is causing food shortages and starvation around the world. It is actually killing people. Burning our food is a VERY bad idea. The idea was started by corn farmers, and by getting the government to fund massive amounts of ethanol production, corn farmers' profits have gone through the roof. It is entirely a special interest issue. By burning our nation's food supply, the nation has now had to IMPORT wheat for the FIRST time in American history, just to keep our stores stocked. It is not helping our energy dependence on foreign countries; it is also making us dependent on other nations for our FOOD.

"Barack Obama will establish a goal of making all new buildings carbon neutral, or produce zero emissions, by 2030."
Good idea, but VERY bad way to do it. Government needs to get out of our business, not into it.

"The UNFCCC process is the main international forum dedicated to addressing the climate problem and an Obama administration will work constructively within it."
The UN committee on climate change has shown itself to be dishonest and untrustworthy.

"Obama will make available a new national health plan to all Americans, including the self-employed and small businesses, to buy affordable health coverage that is similar to the plan available to members of Congress."
This entire program simply a ploy by pharmeceutical companies to get their products funded and endorsed by the Federal government. VIOLATION of 10th amendment. SOCIALIST to the very core.

"Obama will launch the most aggressive diplomatic effort in recent American history to reach a new compact on the stability of Iraq and the Middle East. This effort will include all of Iraq's neighbors – including Iran and Syria"
Good intentions, but a little naive. Terrorists and evil men ought to be killed, not bargained with. However, maybe we ought to just butt out of the middle east completely.

"Obama will embrace the Millennium Development Goal of cutting extreme poverty around the world in half by 2015, and he will double our foreign assistance to $50 billion to achieve that goal."
This is important: WE GAVE the government that money. It is unconstitutional for the government to send our tax money overseas for any reason.

goodbye, goatee :'-(

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 22:16:00 +0000

It is indeed a very sad day at the Hawken home. A beloved member of our family, my goatee, is leaving us for an unspecified amount of time. As I want to lose more weight and my body doesn't respond well to running or biking, I need to go back swimming laps daily, which I can do at the lowest price at BYU. As many other fans of facial hair are well aware, the Richards Building (or RB, for those in the know) at BYU, which houses their pool, is the most strict enforcer of the "honor code" on campus. [Note: I will not capitalize or take out of quotation marks that term because it is a flagrant misnomer.] I have to choose, facial hair or being free of man-boobs. I choose the latter.

So goodbye, goatee. Goodbye, facial hair. I know I look better with you than without. I know I look skinnier with you, and I know I look like a chubby teenager without you. I know my face looks like a minefield when I have to regularly shave you off. I know my wife prefers you. I know I'm a grown man and should be allowed to make decisions like this on my own. I know that facial hair has nothing to do with honor. And most of all, I know you look sharp, and are way classier than the sleazy, child-rapist mustaches that are allowed at BYU, but alas, we must temporarily part ways.

At least, before you go, let's have some fun. Here, let me trim you down a little bit...

That's fun! Ok, now let's make me look like a stuck-up art critic.....

Nice... Well, that was fun, but now we must finally part ways. I love you and I will miss you! Goodbye!

*Sniff* ... I miss you, goatee.

i love my jobs

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 04:45:00 +0000

I can't say this enough: Working from home is the greatest thing in the world. Being given the chance to do so is a rare treasure, and I happen to work from home for BOTH of my jobs. Yeah, it's freakin' sweet. On top of that, both my jobs are in my two biggest loves: music and philosophy. On top of that, I have a hot wife who makes delicious food. I love life so much.

My first job - my 'day job' as it were - is as a research assistant for my favorite teacher I've ever had in any subject. So not only do I get to work directly with one of my biggest mentors - Professor Paulsen, in the philosophy department at BYU - but also, said mentor is a really laid-back boss and the job itself is super rewarding. I basically get to read and research for hours on end, and then I get to pontificate in print and send it on to Professor P for revision. This is my desk at my day job:

My side job is as an independent contractor for Flowplay, Inc. as a composer and sound designer for their video game website. I call this my side job only because I get significantly fewer hours. Notwithstanding the lower hour-to-week ratio, this job is within the scope of what I hope to be my future career, and it pays triple what my "day job" does. On top of that, it's fun as hell! Here is my desk at my side job:

The "deluxe" thing is from me re-installing my crappy webcam.

Everything you could possibly dream is great about working from home you'd be correct in dreaming. The coolest thing about it is that it's the greatest trump card. If anybody is ever talking about their cool or interesting job at a party, I can always say, "Yeah, well at my job, I'm naked." As far as anybody knows, I am. My brother had an ingenious idea. He told me that when I have a great idea for some song or sound effect, or feel that the proceeding paragraph is about to be a really quotable one, I should take all my clothes off, so that when anybody ever comments on my work, I can go, "Yup. I was buck naked the entire time I wrote that."

Finally, as it's a brilliantly sunny summer (albeit delayed in starting), I have the window of the 'studyo' (study+studio) open, the swamp cooler pumping and the jams blaring as loud as I want. On the flipside, I can also work in relative silence, free of things I had to hear regularly at previous jobs, such as, "hey, did you get those TPS reports done?" or "hey, dumbass, that carpet isn't going to move itself." That's a beautiful thing. So, the thing both jobs have in common (aside from both occurring in the same room, in the same apartment and starting after I've satisfactorily slept in), is this great view:

This picture was taken on the aforementioned crappy webcam. It's not really
that dark in the studyo, I just had to adjust the exposure on the crappy thing
such that the window didn't look as if an A-bomb was going off outside.

So yeah, life is great. I get paid to do sit at home and do stuff that I think is fun. My job is better than yours. I enjoy life more than you do. Hahaha, poor you.

'I Wanna Hit You Like an Animal One More Time' - my first good mashup

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 22:23:00 +0000

So this is only my second mashup I've ever done, but I had a blast with it. It's a mashup of "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails and "Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. Enjoy. Comments are appreciated.