Life in this world

Church can be fun

2013-03-26T00:00:00.000-04:00

OK, so it's kind of an odd title. Some of you probably think that church should always be fun, or at least good, or desirable, or comfortable, or some other positive adjective. But some of you probably disagree; you go to church "because it's the right thing to do", for lack of a better description. Verses like Hebrews 10:25, or Acts 2:42 tell you that God expects believers to meet together regularly, and you go, but never really feel comfortable. Maybe it's not a comfort issue, but rather that you're bored by the sermon, don't like the style of music, dislike how friendly (or standoffish) everyone else is, or that you feel like everyone is just pretending to be happy since it's a Sunday.

For the large majority of my adult life, I definitely fell into the second group of people. For me it was an issue of being judgmental of everyone I saw at church for various reasons, and I ended up feeling miserable when I left. There have been other issues at some of the churches we've attended over the years, but the root cause was that I was just not willing to be a part of the church like God commanded us.

And I didn't know how to change that. Each time we moved and found a new church, I'd try to make myself go to a small group, participate in church functions, go to the Wednesday night service, and 'get connected'. That usually lasted little more than a month before I just decided I was better than everyone else, and go slinking back to my old ways. I prayed about it all the time. I WANTED to feel at home in a church, to feel like I was worshiping and fellowshiping with others as the body of Christ. I wanted church to leave me feeling closer to God. I wanted to learn, to be fed, to be able to share and give and grow.

Since I know that God is able to do anything, to answer any prayer, to change a heart and a mind when someone seeks Him earnestly, I also know that He had a plan for the last few years of my life. I'm still not sure what it was, but that's OK too. But what I do know now, is that He is AMAZING, and has given us an awesome church for the two months that we're here in San Diego.

This is really about God changing my life, and not about how amazing the people are at church, but I do want to share a bit about that too. We arrived in San Diego on a Saturday night, and despite wanting to skip church the next day (I came up with plenty of excuses for myself), I really felt God telling me that this was important. So to Google I went in search of a new (albeit temporary) church home. There's a lot of churches in San Diego, but I narrowed it down to a handful before going to bed, leaving a final decision for the morning.

We decided on a small church called San Diego Bible Church about 20 minutes from where we're staying, and headed out to see what it was all about. When we left church a few hours later, I didn't really understand what happened. It was not at all the sort of church I was looking for. It wasn't the sort of music I usually liked, it had very, very friendly people who 'made' us wear a name tag and then greeted us, listened to us, talked to us, loved us, and made us feel at home. (For those of you who don't really know me... ... well, I'm not an overly social person, and that sort of stuff usually makes me pretty uncomfortable). Just about the only thing that my rational mind told me it liked was the preaching, which was deep, concise, clear, and unambiguously straight from God's Word.

But you know what? I couldn't wait to go back. I wanted there to be a Sunday night service so we could go to that. I wanted to get to know everyone there. I wanted to meet and spend time with the pastor. It was... weird.

So what's up with that? God was there, not just in the church, but in me. The small things that might have irritated me didn't matter. Instead He just showed me the unique personality of every person there. He filled me with a desire to worship Him, to love others, and to draw near to His side. It made no sense, but it was wonderful.

So. Sounds like a great first Sunday, but would it last? Or was it just a one-time thing where God had come through? Turns out that God has some sort of plan for us here in San Diego, and it involves us being in a church that honors and serves Him wholeheartedly, and a church that we love being at. Last Saturday we were able to get in (very last minute) on a church trip to Ensenada Mexico for the day to help out a sister church down there. Really cool experience, and I think probably the first "missions-trip" I've actually ever been on.

One more thing, and then I'll stop. I know I've been talking a lot about this church, but it's been really exciting to me to see God work in my and Naomi's life through His servants there. On Monday nights, Pastor Steve has a Bible study at his house where he goes through the upcoming week's sermon and holds a Q&A time along with some solid teaching. We'd wanted to go since the first Sunday, but either work or other previous obligations meant that today was the first opportunity we'd had. We showed up at his place at 5:30 this evening, and wondered why there weren't more cars in his driveway. After he invited us in, we found out that they'd cancelled it for the week since so many people were out of town for the holiday weekend. Since we hadn't been before, we weren't on the list of people they called to let them know. Instead of that being it, though, Steve invited us to stay and talk for a while. We ended up having a great discussion (about Calvanism, Armenianism, limited vs. unlimited atonement...) and then doing the whole Bible study anyway, just the three of us. He asked pointed questions about the text, explained the background, translated portions from the Greek to make the passage clearer... it was just fun! I don't know if I've ever described a Bible study as 'fun' before, but it really was. I learned a lot, and came away with so many more questions to ponder, and an immense desire to spend time in the Word.

So I'm writing a lot more than I originally intended. I suppose I'll stop here. I want to share some of what I learned tonight, but maybe another time. But for anyone who was praying for us to find a good church here in San Diego, know that God answered your prayers in a tremendous way.

Things I've learned:
- There's some things in our lives that we're incapable of changing on our own, but God is not limited by our past.
- God hears us every time we pray, and even when we can't fathom why He doesn't answer how we want, He does have a purpose, every single time.
- Living out the answer to a prayer is the most amazing thing I've ever experienced!

Ahh.... I want to keep writing, but this is too long and I don't want to lose anyone. More later

Quick trip update

2013-03-01T23:59:00.001-05:00

Going to be a few days before Naomi or I get much more posted. Tomorrow will be the last leg of our trip west. We'll be leaving here (Camp Verde, AZ) bright and early, destination San Diego, CA. We'd contemplated trying to make part of this trip via historic Route 66, but I don't think it'll work out time-wise. Instead, we hope to be able to swing by Joshua Tree National Park briefly, and then more or less directly to the Navy Base in San Diego. On Sunday we're hoping to be able to visit with Josiah and Ally and possibly visit the San Diego Zoo. Monday I officially begin my two-month school, and we start to settle down (at least temporarily) after our trip.

Once we get settled in, we both have some catching up to do with both writing and photo-editing (and sharing.)

Thanks to everyone who's encouraged me to keep writing this time around. The feedback makes it worthwhile.

In the meantime, here's a few...

Things I've learned:
1) The desert is very dry. Dumb sounding, I know, but as someone who's never really experienced it before now, I was still surprised. I'm pretty sure I've drunk about a gallon of water since we got home this afternoon from our fun trip exploring Jerome, AZ.
2) Travelling is exhausting, even when you get a good night's sleep. We're both ready to settle into someplace where we can stay for more than a couple of days.
3) There's nobody else I'd rather spend so very much time with than my darling girl, Naomi. I love you, sexy :)

Hearing God without understanding is OK too

2013-03-01T00:25:00.000-05:00

The last several days we've spent in west Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona. Ever since our first morning driving through the wide open spaces in Texas, I've felt a longing in my heart. At first I thought it might just be a desire to live somewhere new, or my emotional response to such a beautiful, raw, and mysterious place, but I'm not sure now. I think that what I'm feeling as we drive through the deserts, mountains, plains, and prairies is a desire to create. To live in a place and a life where I can see the results of a days work in a tangible way. I want to shape, to move, to grow the earth. I'm pretty sure I'm not really cut out to be a farmer, rancher, or some hunter-gatherer prehistoric man, but I do feel a desire live closer to the way God created man in the beginning.

The first command God gave mankind after creating Adam and Eve was:
“...Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it..." (Genesis 1:28, NIV)

God made us to work and live in connection with the rest of the world that He created for us. I realize that it's not practical or even enjoyable for everyone to live on a farm or directly work the land, and this is the first time in my life where I've even felt a faint desire to do that. I don't know what all this means; I've still got a minimum of 3 years left in the Navy, and really no idea what we'd like to pursue after that. But I do know that God's been pulling me towards something these last few days. Some realization, some direction, some thought. Maybe just pulling me closer to Him as He reveals himself through creation. I don't know. But I do know that spending time in the western states has affected me way more than I thought possible.

Things I've learned:
1) God's creation is just amazing. How have I lived in this country for this long and never seen all this before!?
2) Getting away from daily routines and the 'normals' of life opens us up to hearing God speak. I've never felt a more intense pull towards God than I have in the wilderness of these states.
3) Sometimes it's enough to just hear that God is speaking without knowing exactly what He's saying. I feel now more than ever before in my life that God has a purpose in mind specifically for me. I still have no more of an idea what that might be than I did a week ago, but that's OK. It's enough to know that He knows.

Some thoughts about living life - kind of long

2013-02-27T12:25:00.001-05:00

Preface:
This post turned out to be long-winded and full of some disconnected thoughts about the last few months of living. Feel free to skip to the 'Things I've learned' for a summary or to just give this post a miss altogether.

----

A blank screen is intimidating to me when I'm trying to write. Once I get a paragraph, a sentence, or even a few words down, the rest usually seems to write itself. But those first few minutes, staring at a blinking cursor and nothing else, cause me to worry that I won't be able to think of anything to say.

That's how I feel this morning about my life. At the start of a new day, when there's nothing but a blank 'screen' in front of me for the next 18 hours or so, I wonder how I will fill it. Before the plans start to kick in, the driving begins, or the workday starts, I wonder if I will do anything useful with the time I have before I go to bed again.

When I write, I tend not to brainstorm much before I begin. Some writers start with an outline, a free-association mind-map, or at least a solid idea of where they want to go with their thoughts. Instead, I tend to latch onto the first idea that seems viable and start writing about it. I think I sometimes live life that way, too. I might have a vague idea about what I want to do, but I often let the day take me where it will. Sometimes that works out for me and I end up with a great day filled with a lot of new experiences that I wouldn't have had if I'd had a defined plan. But sometimes it just leads to a wandering day where I look back at the end and wonder if I really accomplished anything.

I think that the last 8 years in the Navy with all its structure and control have left me wanting more time that I can spend how I wish. The jobs I had before the Navy left me at least my evenings and weekends to spend as I chose, but I haven't even had that for a long time. Instead of managing the little time off that I do have well, I've just drifted along through it, trying to relax by 'doing nothing.'

I think I really only came to grips with this in the last several months, and it's been a work in progress. I've been trying (mostly successfully, I think) to actively 'do things' in the time that I do have. Instead of coming home from work and heading straight to the computer to 'relax' and 'just not think about work for a while', I've been trying to get out of the house with my lover-girl, see the sights, read more books, have more real conversations, and think more thoughts. It sounds kind of dumb when I write it down, and like something that normal people do all the time, but it's really something that's been difficult.

Things I've learned:
1) Relaxing by doing nothing is not really relaxing at all. The things that need to get done just pile up and the longer I put them off the more difficult it is to get them done, and the more stress they create.
2) Getting the 'must-do' things done first allows for way more time for the 'want-to-do' things.
3) The brain in 'consume mode' instead of the 'produce mode' quickly shuts off, making it very difficult to remember how to really live life.

Life is complicated, exhausting, and wonderful

2013-02-26T01:54:00.000-05:00

I set out this morning, as planned, looking for some fear to conquer before the day was through. As I write this, 18 hours later, I am still looking for it. I'm trying to recapture the events of today to see where I might have overlooked some small fear that I noticed and overcame. Despite my best efforts, today was just a perfectly lovely day. A long day, a tiring one, but one full of love and fun and joy.

I'm reminded once again why all those "get-(fill in the blank)-quick" schemes never seem to work. They focus on just one area of life, and claim that if you just do that one thing right, you will be fulfilled and on your way to riches, health, the perfect pant size... whatever. But life is so intertwined, so complicated and involved, so rich and beautiful that focusing on just one part of it, no matter how well-intentioned, necessarily leads to neglect of the other parts.

So I'm glad that God prompted my mind to wander off my new ideas for self-improvement and instead to simply soak up the beauty that He created throughout the world. Although I'm exhausted now, and way past due for a long sleep in a comfy hotel bed, today was so relaxing. Driving through half of Texas and most of New Mexico opened my eyes to a natural beauty that I've just never seen on the east coast.

Here is what I've learned today:

1) As much as I praise and admire the talent and creativity of my amazing wife (and if you've seen her stuff, you know that she's incredibly good at what she does), God's just got her beat when it comes to beauty of creation. When she posts her travel blog for today you'll get a glimpse of some of it.

2) It's easy to latch onto a simple solution as the only solution to a problem. While simple is easy and nice, it's usually just that: too simple. So, facing fears is great, and something that I'll keep digging at in my life, but there's more to discover about who God has made me to be. Today I discovered that I've spent way too much of my life indoors and that God made the entire outdoors just for us to appreciate. And today I really, really appreciated it.

Avoiding Fear

2013-02-25T00:13:00.001-05:00

This is the easy way to live life: never do anything that scares you. This is also the most boring way possible to live life. These are the two facts that I have discovered after 28 years of living.

To my recollection, I have never continued to be scared of something after actually doing it. I'm not really talking about the major fears some people have: fear of spiders or snakes, of heights, or of clowns. There are far more small fears that we barely even recognize as such. Fear of not being able to change who we are. Fear of not being recognized for our accomplishments. Fear of moving to a new town, state, or country. Fear of feeling like an idiot because we don't really know how to do something that we 'should' know how to do. Fear of offending people whose opinions we value. Fear of letting down our family or friends. These are the fears that paralyze us, that keep us in the same habits and ruts that we've lived in for so long. These are the fears that make our lives very predictable, safe, and boring.

Facing a fear, even a small one, and getting past it is what makes us grow. Sometimes we have no option (or at least it seems like we don't), sometimes a friend challenges us (purposefully or inadvertently), and sometimes we just summon up the guts to face a fear. Today I have chosen to attempt to discover one fear that I have and face it for every day that I can, starting today.

Today my fear is just a little one. I am scared to write about how I want to change for fear that I will look back on it later and laugh (while cringing on the inside) because I have still not changed. I am facing my fear by writing this, and saving it somewhere where I will read it later. Coincidently, this also lets me face another fear that I am only half-facing today: the fear that nobody wants to hear what I have to say, that I have nothing of worth to share, and that I am a nobody. I suppose the root of both of these fears is that I am afraid that I have no self-discipline. If I post this where others can read it, and then I stop writing after a few days or weeks, I will have let people down, I will look like a quitter, and I will once again feel like I can't establish habits and routines in my life that I want to.

I wanted to not face that fear today. I wanted to just save this and 'maybe post it later.' After all, I haven't posted to my blog in... years, I suppose. Nobody would even know if I didn't post this now. But acknowledging a fear and then hiding from it makes the fear grow, so I will post this. If I never get started, I will never know if I can keep it up.

Got a fear (big or small) that you've been pretending didn't exist? Yeah, me too. I've got lots. Time to start figuring out what they are so I can deal with them.

Celebration of Discipline

2009-04-01T08:25:00.001-04:00

Have any of you read this book, Celebration of Discipline, by Richard J. Foster? My pastor gave it to me to when we decided to study the spiritual disciplines in our small group, and I've been working my way through it for the last few weeks. The Christian disciplines are not something I've been exposed to before in a formal way. Of course, prayer, worship, Bible study, and service are concepts familiar to almost all Christians, but I've never been in a church, small group, Bible study or class that explicitly taught these, or any of the other disciplines. It always seems assumed that Christians know how to do these things, and that they're doing them on a regular basis. I guess I just assumed the same thing, and I didn't feel the need for anyone to tell me how to pray or study the Bible or worship God. After reading this book, though, I wonder about that...

Most of what Foster says is fairly straightforward, straight from the Word, and applicable to my daily life. He gives deeper insight into the 'common disciplines' while also providing perspective on the ones we don't think about as much, such as solitude, meditation, submission, confession, and celebration. It's definitely worth a read if you have the time. I've been spreading it out and just reading one or two chapters a week. To say it's been majorly life changing might be overstating the case, but it has definitely impacted my walk with the Lord and given me a broader perspective on the 'basic mechanics' of a Christian life.

Unfortunately, many of today's churches are often so wrapped up in bringing in new people and leading them to Christ that they neglect the growth and discipleship of the believers they already have. Books like this one help me in my own study and walk with the Lord, and also bring up some really interesting and important topics for small group. Many of the disciplines Foster discusses (fasting, confession, submission, solitude, meditation, etc.) have either "fallen from favor" in the church, or have just been neglected to the point that most people don't recognize them as necessary parts of our lives as Christ-followers. If they were important in the church fifty or a hundred years ago, why aren't they still important today? So much wisdom and insight from early church leaders is never read or taught because it seems out-dated and archaic, and it is often difficult to understand. Foster does a great job of distilling and revitalizing these ideas and making them accessible to anyone who picks up his book.

If you've read it, what did you think? If you haven't, have you read any other books that focus on the basic Christian disciplines, or been in a church/Bible study/class that taught them?

What do you think small groups should be?

2009-02-01T22:59:00.060-05:00

I'm looking for some feedback from you here. Any and all of you... so if you get a few minutes, think and pray about this and leave a comment...

This is something I've been praying about for a while now... Naomi and I are about to become the '20-something' small group leaders at our church. The church we attend, Connexion Church, is a new church plant that's only a few months old. This past week was the kickoff for our 'Connexion Groups,' and our group actually starts on the 11th. Since they're a new church, there's no established format for what small groups 'should' be. Naomi and I have talked with Pastor Joe on a few different occasions about what his and our vision for a small group is, and we've prayed about it a lot too. Here's my questions for you:

- Should small groups be Bible-study centered, or community centered?
- If they should be Bible-study centered, then what opportunities are there in a church for Christians to fellowship with and pray for each other, 'hang out', be accountable, spend time investing in each other's lives? Should these things be tacked on to the end of a Bible study each week? Every small group I've been to has made fifteen minutes or so for these things at the end of the time together when people are rushed to get back home to the kids, homework, etc. Do we just designate one day a month to be 'fellowship night?' Is that enough?
- We get Bible teaching on Sunday from the pastor, who spends a significant amount of time each week in preparing and praying over his message. Can a small group leader who has to coordinate who's bringing the snacks this week, how to get the kids fed and in bed before everyone comes over, and has been at work all day until 20 minutes before small group starts be an effective 'preacher?'

- If small groups are community-centered, where can we go for a group Bible study between Sundays? Most churches don't even have Sunday night services anymore, let alone the Wednesday night services that I grew up with as a kid. This is something I've hungered for for many years. I need that boost of being in God's house in the middle of the week. The small groups I've been in, even the Bible-study centered ones, haven't really fulfilled this desire. They invariably fall either on the side of a group opinion-fest about a particular passage of the Word, with no direction and not much learning, or on the side of some well-meaning but under-prepared individual reading from the three pages of notes he wrote at lunch that day.

I do know that some people have amazingly awesome small groups. Everything I've heard about the small group my sister and brother-in-law lead has been incredible. Lots of spiritual growth, lots of fellowship between believers, lots of building and actively developing relationships with God and with others, which is the ideal of a small group. But I think groups like that are rare.

So what are your opinions? What is the balance? I'd love to hear what you think. Thanks in advance for your input.

Awakening

2009-01-26T16:09:00.000-05:00

Check it out. Our church and hundreds of others around the world participating in this for the last two weeks. What a powerful way to start out the new year, fasting and praying for God's will to be done in the church. There's five days left, and even if your church isn't officially participating, you still can. Juice fast, 'Daniel fast', fast from TV or Facebook or junk food... whatever God calls you to. Even if you don't fast, spend some time with us this next week praying for the leadership of your own church, for the leadership of your country, and for the awakening of God's people throughout the world. Stop 'being a Christian' and start living like you are one of God's chosen people!
This is the first time I've ever participated in an extended (more than a day) fast, and I have seen over and over in the last two weeks the incredible power of our Almighty God when His people earnestly seek His face. In my life, in my relationship with Naomi, and across the world in the testimonies people are sharing on the website. I don't know how I missed out on this for so many years. God is so amazing. I am so in love with Him.

3AM Friday morning

2009-01-23T03:46:00.003-05:00

It's 3AM on Friday, and instead of being snuggled up next to my wife for another two hours, I'm sitting here in the office because I can't sleep. God's been changing things in my life over the last two weeks. He's been convicting me about being too comfortable with the way my life has been going. He's shown me all the earthly things that I take joy in while I sacrifice the joy I could be sharing with Him through a deeper relationship with Christ. It's been an unsettling time.

A few weeks ago I prayed that He would keep my life from being easy, knowing that I get complacent when I feel like I 'have things under control.' Well, the last two weeks definitely haven't been easy, and another difficult one is coming up, and despite what I might be feeling now, I'm grateful for it. Thank You, God for an uncomfortable life and for Your hand at work to change me to become ever more like You.

Still alive...

2008-09-02T20:28:00.000-04:00

Well, I am still alive. The wedding went fantastically well, for those of you who weren't able to make it. God worked so many things out, and I think the wedding was very glorifying to Him. The ceremony was fairly short... less than 30 minutes. Then the reception, and then we left. It was beautiful, Naomi was happy, and the guests (I think) enjoyed it. We had two nights at the Grandover Resort in Greensboro, NC and then back up here for school which started this morning. Our 'real' honeymoon isn't until Christmas break in December, but Naomi and I both thought that it worked out really well this way anyway. The honeymoon was great, but it seemed sort of unreal in the sense that we were just hanging out in someplace new and different. Coming back to Raleigh and moving into the apartment was great. It made the marriage finally seem permanent. :)

I'll write more later, but it will probably be sporadic for a while until we get things settled around here.

Marriage is great! My wife rocks!!!!!!!!!!! Thank You, God!!

2008-08-28T12:49:00.001-04:00

Things are starting to get a bit hectic... days 4 and 3

2008-08-27T13:56:00.001-04:00

Yep, I missed another day. My internet was down last night, which was probably a good thing, 'cause it meant I went to bed early. I needed the sleep.

Three more days! Wow! Incredible how fast this week is going by! God, thank You that everything is falling in to place so smoothly. Thank You for caring about all the details of our lives, thank You that nothing takes You by surprise, thank You for the grace you show us when we mess up and get off track sometimes, thank You for such a wonderful, loving, supportive family who has been doing so much for Naomi and I during the last weeks and months and years, thank You for the gift of Your love for us, even more than we can ever truly understand. Thank You!

Tomorrow is my last day of school for the week, and I'll head down to Waxhaw in the evening. Friday lots of people start showing up for the wedding, and we have the rehearsal at 2:00, followed by a rehearsal dinner and hanging out with people we normally don't get to see. And then the big day!!! I'm so incredibly excited! Not as nervous as I thought, but that will probably come soon enough.

Again, I'm sorry that these posts haven't been up to par with other weeks. I am too busy/excited to really sit down and write much. God has been teaching me (us) lots and lots of stuff, though, and I hope I can remember most of it to write about after things settle down a bit. Despite the difficulties and sadness of the last week, we still praise Him for being a sovereign God. Despite the hard times, it is still such a delight to serve Him and seek to follow His will in everything.

Thanks for praying for us!

6 days... 5 days... it's all coming up so quickly!

2008-08-25T22:44:00.000-04:00

Yep, I missed another day.... I got home from Waxhaw pretty late last night and went straight to bed. We found out on Sunday morning that Naomi's grandfather had passed away during the night. He was a follower of Christ, and it is a comfort to know that he is resting with Him, and free from the pain now, but it has been really tough on Naomi and her family. They are in Georgia today and tomorrow for the funeral, and will get back late tomorrow night. We'd sure appreciate your prayers for the family. It has been hard not being able to be with Naomi through all of this. I know this didn't catch God by surprise, and that He has reasons for this happening when it did. Sometimes His sovereign plan doesn't make sense to us, and the only thing we can do is rely on His strength and grace to get us through the day.

7 days... one week from today...

2008-08-23T22:19:00.000-04:00

As seems to be the case on most weekends, there's so much I want to write about, but I don't have the time right now. This next week will be stressful enough without capping it off with a sleep deficiency. One week, though! I'm so excited! Thank You, Lord, for being so constantly and consistently in our lives, for drawing our attention back to You even when sometimes we start to drift away, and for being so gracious and loving in forgiving the sins that we confess to You. Thank You for all the ways that you have brought these wedding plans together. Father, without Your guidance and help, there would be no wedding next week. It just wouldn't have happened. Thank You, thank You, thank You!

8 days left!... and some pictures for you..

2008-08-22T23:21:00.000-04:00

Here's a few pics of what's been going on recently here. Not really representative of a 'normal' day for me, since that usually involves school work and such, but these are some of the highlights, anyway.

An abandoned 22-story hotel that Tim and I went exploring in one night. Not the brightest idea, but we had a good time. And the view from the roof was awesome!

One of the rooms in the hotel.

Aimee learning to ride my motorcycle.

My soon-to-be-wife and I relaxing

(Some of) my family up to Raleigh for a visit.

9 days... we're down to single digits!

2008-08-21T21:11:00.000-04:00

Yay! Less than 10 days to go now! God has been so good to us. Everything is really starting to fall into place! This is for real! heheh... I'm so very incredibly excited!

Tim is here for the night before he heads back up to school in PA. He's flying back down in a week for the wedding, though.

My thoughts are kind of all scattered now, and I have a feeling they will be for the next, oh, nine days or so. So I apologize in advance for perhaps not being as verbose over the next couple of weeks as in the past.

Anson

Sick of Facebook ads?... Me too

2008-08-21T19:14:00.000-04:00

There's a lot of websites out there with ads on them. And usually it doesn't bother me too much. On sites that provide great content free of charge, I don't begrudge them the revenue they earn from people clicking on ads. But the ads on Facebook really started to get on my nerves. They're everywhere, half of them are filled with questionable content I don't really want to be looking at, and, well... I just plain old don't like them. So I hunted around a bit tonight trying to find out how to get rid of them, and came up with a Greasemonkey script that so far seems to be doing the trick.

Greasemonkey is an add-on for Firefox which allows users to specify scripts to be run whenever designated web pages are loaded. The scripts might add new functionality to the page, change the way the page looks, or add new content to pages. There are hundreds of scripts for lots of different web sites at userscripts.org.

The one I found to block those annoying Facebook ads can be found here.

Happy Facebook-ing!

Crazyness... only 10 days until I'm married!

2008-08-20T21:30:00.001-04:00

Wow... that's amazing. Is it really down to 10 days now? That's amazing. This last two months have flown by quicker than I ever imagined. Quite the opposite of what I was expecting...

Today was the first day of classes. It was OK, but I was exhausted from being up too late last night writing here, and it made some little things that normally wouldn't have bothered me seem to be a big deal. It didn't help that we had a mandatory NROTC picnic with all the other kids in the program. Over the summer it was just us prior enlisted folk, and everyone was pretty cool. Now it's completely different... sigh... I suppose I should get used to it. That's what the next three years will be like.

I'm off to bed. I really want to be caught up on sleep before the weekend happens, and Tim will be here tomorrow night, so I probably won't be going to bed early then. I'll write more tomorrow.

11 days and counting... time is flying by

2008-08-19T22:36:00.003-04:00

Today was awesome! Naomi, Mom, and the kids came up to visit from Waxhaw. I got to show them the apartment (except for Naomi, who isn't allowed to see the changes I've made for another 11 days), we went out for lunch at a great pizza place called Amedeo's, and walked around State campus to show them where I go to school. And in between all that, Naomi and I went to the Register of Deeds' office and got our marriage license! How exciting! I was actually surprised how easy that process was. We were in the office for a grand total of maybe 10 minutes, and walked out with our license. Nice. I love it when government employees are competent and courteous.

I have been writing the last few weeks about a difficult decision Naomi and I have had in our wedding planning, but I didn't give many specifics. Here's the story; not only the problem we were facing, but also how God worked it out. It wasn't in the way that we were expecting, but it was in a way that glorifies Him above all.

When we were considering who to ask to marry us, God laid it on my heart that this was not a decision to be made lightly. We prayed for a long time about who we should ask, and finally made a decision. I spoke with the pastor to whom I felt God was leading, and he said that he would consider it and give us a decision in the next week. God had other plans, however. Due to numerous circumstances, he wasn't able to get back to us for a while, and when he did, he had reservations about being the one to marry us. I explained to him the leading I felt I was receiving from the Lord, and he explained his reservations, and we agreed to pray about it and discuss it again in a few days. I didn't know what to think, but God was very clear to me that I was to wait on Him, and trust in His plan and His timing. It wasn't easy. I wanted to start making alternate plans. I wanted to call up other pastors and see if they would be willing and available to marry us. But the Lord told me to wait.

It was a very difficult time for Naomi and I both. I couldn't see where the Lord was leading. I tried to second-guess Him. I grasped for answers and reasons when He was calling me to wait patiently in obedience to Him. Naomi had to trust that I was being led by the Spirit in this, and that we needed to wait on Him. God was speaking to me through this time, and all she had was the little bit that I was able to explain to her.

To shorten a rather lengthy story, we will be married by a different pastor than the one we had first asked. Looking back, I can see that maybe this was more about God working on me and changing some attitudes I had than it was about who was to marry us. I know that we are following God's will with the pastor who will perform the ceremony. That wasn't the point for Him, though. It was about testing me and teaching me.

Some things I've learned through this:

When I try to question and understand God's ways, I am not being obedient to Him. Instead, I must humbly follow Him wherever He leads, even if that way doesn't make sense to me. When He speaks, my duty is to obey in faith, and without questioning. (Luke 6:46-49, John 14:23)
God cares more about the means than the end. Sometimes the biggest struggles in life end without a 'fireworks show.' God uses the difficult stuff in life to test our faith in Him, and causes us to grow closer to Him through the experience, not the end result. (James 1:2-5)
God grants us peace in the face of uncertainty when we trust in Him. Although this was a difficult time, God gave me the grace to trust in Him through all of it. And that peace of knowing that God was in control was what enabled us to praise Him even through the storm. (Philippians 4:6-7)
When God really comes through for us, our first impulse should to be to share it with everyone! (Mark 5:19-20) This is where this post comes in. I know lots of you have been praying for us, and that's been awesome! God really worked this out! Not in the way we expected, but in His own way and His own timing. It has been an experience that I will not soon forget. He is awesome

In the last few weeks I have been learning how to praise God for the tough times, not just in those times. He teaches us mightily through the trials in our lives. Instead of letting a tough situation draw you away from Him, ask Him for the grace to practice humble obedience to His will. Instead of relying on others for your strength in a bad situation, learn to rely on Him. Instead of wondering why God has placed you where you're at, praise Him for the opportunity to practice your faith. Use those times to draw closer to God, to worship at His feet, and listen for the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to your heart. He will bless you for your faithfulness, and when the hard times pass, you will find yourself in an ever deeper relationship with your Creator and Lord.

God, I praise Your name! I worship and adore You, Lord of my life! You are too wonderful for me to comprehend, too marvelous for words! Father, thank You! Thank You for struggles in life, thank You for being always faithful. Thank You for being there and patiently drawing us closer to Yourself even when it is hard to see that in the midst of of fear and uncertainty. You alone are God, and I will serve You forever. I delight in You, my Savior and my God!

12 days to go... I can't believe this is really happening!

2008-08-18T23:15:00.000-04:00

Some days it just strikes me that this is for real... I'm really getting married! God has given me the woman who is absolutely right for me, and I for her, and He has ordained that we get to spend the rest of our lives together. How amazing is that! Even on days like this, it still seems to be some really great dream. It's more real than other days, but it still seems like it's at some distant point in the future. Not less than two weeks away! I suppose it will all finally sink in on our wedding day.

I get to see Naomi and most of my family tomorrow. They're driving up here to visit, so Mom and the kids can see the apartment and school and stuff. Dad will still be in Texas, and Trevor needs to stay in Waxhaw for some other things, but the rest of them will be up. I'm excited!

I was looking through some of my stuff I've saved since PNG this afternoon, and came across one of my journals from Encounter. Encounter was a yearly retreat for high schoolers in Ukarumpa. We would spend three or four days at Summit Interface, a camp owned by New Tribes Mission in the mountains near Goroka, and worship God, learn from a visiting pastor (usually from the States or Australia), and share with each other in small groups. It was a great time of refreshment in the Spirit, but what I remember most is how much of a let-down it was to leave there. It seemed like God was more real when we were at Encounter. Like He wasn't as present in our daily lives in Ukarumpa, when we had the business of school and work and planning for the future.

It's hard to translate a 'spiritual high' into daily living for God. Almost every Christian has probably had at one time or another a very real encounter with God. Whether it was at church, some sort of retreat, in a day spent somewhere quiet just worshiping God, or wherever, we've all had those times. We feel so close to God; nothing can shake our faith, nothing can get in the way of our intense desire to worship and serve Jesus for the rest of our lives. We learn so much from Him during those times, and we feel closer than ever to His glory and majesty.

And then we leave. Sometimes it's not even a conscious change. We just get busy with other things, and while we still read the Bible and pray and sing songs at church, the experience we had fades into the background and we can no longer recall the vigor and intensity of that time with Him. What happened?

I think that we lose the fear of God in those times. We start worrying about the daily pressures we face, and what others think, or what will happen in the future, and we stop focusing on the Almighty God who desires our all. We put Him back into the corner we've cleared out for Him in our lives, and we go about our daily business. I do this all the time. Sometimes I recognize it right away, and sometimes I don't. And it's sin. We know that God desires every facet of our lives. He longs to be in a real relationship with us, not one that just gets attention in between the stuff of our lives. And knowing that, we make a decision instead to worry about the deadline at work, what we're going to cook for dinner, whether we'll have enough money to pay all the bills this month.

So what can we do? What things can we change in our lives to help us keep that relationship with God alive and burning with the heat and intensity of the 'highs?' I think the first and most important thing is to recognize and confess our sin in not putting Jesus at the head of our lives. Pour your heart out to Him. Tell Him that you want Him to be Lord over all of your life. Confess the times when you put other things first. Ask Him for the insight to be able to see the things that cause you to begin falling away from Him. Ask Him for the daily strength and motivation to put Him above all else even when the pressure starts mounting over the other stuff.

Back to my Encounter journal... I found a bit of my notes from one of the messages from Scott Vawser. This was from my junior year, 2001. A few ways that he sees that could help us learn and maintain a fear of the Lord:

Ask God to teach me. Psalm 86:11 says: "Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." (NIV) God wants our undivided heart, and He knows that we cannot give Him that on our own. Ask Him to change you.
Be in God's presence. Take time out of your day to spend with Him. Really worship Him. Take in and meditate on God's attributes. Deliberately spend time each and every day alone with Him. Shut out the other distractions. Get away for a few minutes. Be with Him.
Bring your sin before Him. How many times have I repented and confessed my sin in the last month? Week? Today? Allowing sin to remain in our lives destroys our relationship with God. He knows about it already, but if you don't confess it to Him and ask for His forgiveness, He can't do anything about it.
Make friends with other people who fear God. How do we choose our friends? Are the people who will encourage us in our walk with Him? Or are they people who try to drag us down to the world's level again? Surround yourself with people who are real in their walk with the Lord. It is great to have unbelievers as friends so that you can witness and minister to them, but the majority of the people you spend time with should be encouraging you to get closer to God, not dragging you away from Him.

Make your daily walk with Him deliberate. Don't assume that you will keep growing closer to Him, or even maintain your relationship with Him, if you don't put the effort into it. If you want to bring that closeness and intimacy with God into your daily life, it will take work. Lots of work. You'll have to reorganize your time, your priorities, and your commitments. You'll have to let some things go. But if you are a Christ-follower, you have no choice. God is not satisfied with a half-hearted commitment. In Revelation 3:15-16, John is recording a prophecy to the church in Laodicea, and he says:

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." (NIV)

Take the time to evaluate where you are with God. Are you on fire for Him? Or are you just lukewarm? Take a close look at your motivations and desires, and see where God fits in to them. Is He at the top of your list? Do you put in the effort every day to develop your relationship with Him? If not, why not?

Lord, I desire You above all else. Father, You know that I am guilty of putting other things above You in my day-to-day life. Lord, I confess that I don't spend the time I need to in developing my relationship with You. I waste my time pursuing the worthless things of this world. You see the things that I do with my time and You are grieved. I am sorry, Lord, and I ask for Your forgiveness for this sin in my life. On my own strength I cannot truly desire You above all else. I want to, God, but I need Your strength and grace to do it. Please guide me in every minute of every day, and turn me back to You when I start to fall away. Keep the fire burning bright and hot in my soul. Ignite a passion for You, let me pursue Your holiness in my life. This is my desire, to honor You. Lord, with all my heart, I worship You.

A few notes...

2008-08-18T12:17:00.000-04:00

It looks like there's lots of first-time visitors in the last few days, so welcome. I try to post at least once a day, and during the week it's usually a longer post about things God's been teaching me or laying on my heart, and on the weekends when I'm down in Waxhaw visiting Naomi and the family it's usually a lot shorter... just a status update, mostly. If you want to check out the last couple of months or years of posts, there's links on the left side partway down the page that have the archived posts. You'll notice that up until July it was kind of sporadic as far as posting goes, but it's been pretty regular since then.
If you have any questions or comments you can feel free to leave a note in the comments section of any of the posts. It's encouraging to get feedback that way, so thanks!
If you want to get regular updates without having to come back to the site every day, there's a section right under the archives section on the left that will let you subscribe to an RSS feed, or you can choose to have updates emailed right to you every day. Pick whichever one works best for you.
Thanks again for reading, and thank you all for your prayers for Naomi and I as we let God work through us to prepare us both for marriage and for a life together with each other.

Anson

13 days... gone

2008-08-18T07:50:00.000-04:00

I got home last night kind of late, but sat down to write something anyway, only to find that my internet wasn't working. The good news was that instead of staying up late writing, I did get a great night sleep! The weekend was good... really good. Naomi and I had lots of good times talking about some of the deeper stuff that sometimes we don't get a chance to. I'll write more later today, but for now I have to get ready and head over to the ROTC unit for a while.

14 days... two weeks!

2008-08-16T23:32:00.000-04:00

In two weeks from today I'll be a married man, enjoying my first evening as a husband, with my darling wife, at the Grandover Resort in Greensboro. I can't wait!

This is all you get tonight. Bed time for me.

15 days... sometimes relationships take work

2008-08-16T00:39:00.000-04:00

Naomi and I had a sort of difficult evening. Lots of stress for both of us, and more for her than for me. Details about the wedding, stress of getting ready to leave her family and move away, only being able to see each other on the weekends, feeling like we don't have the time to communicate and develop our relationship as much as we would like... it's been tough the last week or so. As we get down to the wire, it gets harder and harder. I need to keep reminding her that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and that we're almost there. Not that everything magically gets better after the wedding, but there will be a LOT of stress reduction. Replaced, I'm sure, by new and different types of stress, but these wedding details have been a constand presence in our lives for what seems like forever now, and it will be nice to have them out of the way.

If you have any words of encouragement for either one of us, and you have a minute, it would be wonderful to hear from you. We would really love to hear it from any of you. In the comments, by email... whatever works for you. Any advice, thoughts, encouragement, warnings, words of wisdom... It would be great to hear right now. We're struggling. We don't want this to be just a 'hanging-on' period in our lives. We want to enjoy this time, and make the most of it. We want God to be glorified through it all. And honestly, it's really hard right now. Thanks...

Father, we need Your help. We need Your loving kindness in our lives. You have blessed us so richly in everything, and we are grateful to You for it all. You know our situation. Nothing that we're going through has taken you by surprise. You have a plan for it all, and You are working in our lives even through the hard times. We can see it, and we praise You for it. Please let us glorify You not just in the good or easy times, but through it all. Lord, protect us from Satan's attacks in our lives. He would love nothing more than to destroy a relationship that is centered around You. He would love to see us turn away from You and turn towards self-interest, or self-sufficiency. Please, please, Lord... We need your strength and grace now. God, show me how to encourage Naomi. I can't do it alone. Sometimes I have nothing left to give. I ask for Your strength so that I can encourage her. I ask for Your words that I may speak love to her even when I'm not feeling it. God, we need You.