Life Is A Lark

Just Til My Skin Turns Brown...

2012-09-05T21:23:00.000-06:00

... and then I'm coming home.

Home to Autumn. Between Stampede, vacations, wandering outdoors, patio parties, sun tanning, and general lackadaisical thinking, I had little time to keep up with Life Is a Lark.

My sun soaked brain had little time for documenting the complete whirlwind that was my summer.

Back now and with many crafts and projects and travels and recipes and life lessons to write about.

School is now in session.

Cream Of The Crop

2012-05-29T08:30:00.000-06:00

Well, not the crop, but cream of the cashew.

Much to much horror, I woke up Sunday morning and stumbled to the kitchen, my sleepy brain aching for a cup of coffee, and realized that I'd forgotten to pick up almond milk to whiten my coffee.

Rather than having a crying fit and going back to bed I decided to take matters into my own capable hands.

Here is the recipe that my pre-coffee brain put together.

Dolce Cashew Coffee Cream

1 cup of cashews, preferably soaked in water
1.5 teaspoons cinnamon
3-4 dates
1 teaspoon of vanilla
About a cup of water

That's my new homemade bamboo cutting board in the background. Thanks Dad :)

Toss everything in your Vitamix and let it rip for quite a while, you want the cashews and dates to be absolutely pulverized.

The consistency should be that of coffee cream so add enough water until you get to that point.

Add to your coffee and enjoy. It really reminds me of the Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte without all the gross animal products and chemicals. Keep the excess in the fridge in a really cute cream boat.

So now with caffeine coarsing through my veins I was ready to hit a yoga class and meditate on my life.

However, all I could think about was getting home for round two of the best coffee I've had in ages.

When I took the mixture out of the fridge, I saw that it had seriously thickened up, almost to a whipping cream texture and so, my next invention was created.

Slice up a crisp green apple into tiny chunks and pour some of the cashew mixture over, toss and sprinkle with cinnamon.

I'm not really a dessert person, but this was amazing!

Simple and fresh and perfect for a guilt free dessert.

Sunday crisis averted.

Am I Ugly?

2012-05-24T08:30:00.000-06:00

Confidence is something that I have always had to fight tooth and nail for.

Crooked summer teeth (some are here, some are there), the boobs of a fat five year old, and eyebrows that resemble Ernie's from Sesame Street were just some of the issues that the universe blessed me with to teach me to overcome insecurites.

At this point in my life however, I feel that my body and self image is very healthy.

Braces on my teeth, a killer push up bra, and religious visits to a waxing genius have helped.

So when I downloaded a new App on my iPhone called Am I Ugly?, I wondered if looking for an outsiders electronic opinion of my looks meant that I was backsliding into middle school confidence hell.

Oh well, I uploaded a photo that I thought was pretty darn cute.

Submit.

I waited anxiously, immediately regretting this download. I am nearly thirty, there is no reason for me to look for validation in an iPhone app.

The results.

Do they even have doctors for that?

Recognizing the error of my ways, I went to delete the App and pretend the whole thing didn't happen.

But not before one more submission.

The results.

Something smelled fishy.

Turns out that Am I Ugly? is on an entirely random rotation. It does not judge facial measurements or capture your bra size or zero in on the retainer that you are still wearing 15 years after having your braces removed.

My confidence was restored after the discovery that it is completely random.

Of course, there is no way I'm telling Sofi that.

After all, doesn't matter how cute you are, every girl needs a confidence boost once in a while.

Stallion Salad

2012-05-21T08:30:00.000-06:00

Before you judge me on the weird names that I assign my salad recipes, you try making one up. It is not easy.

I chose Stallion Salad for this one because I decided while making it that if I ever land a hot Italian Stallion boyfriend I will make this for him.

He's going to love it.

Stallion Salad

Ingredients:

1 cup of quinoa
8 stalks of asparagus
1 zucchini
5 mushrooms
1 red pepper
1/4 cup sun dried tomatoes in oil
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 tablespoon olive oil
Pepper

There is spinach pictured but I left that out in the end. That's what happens with you invent as you go. Also, I left out red onion because I don't like onions but if you do, toss some in there.

First, add the quinoa and 1.5 cups of water in a pot and let it boil. Once boiling, turn the heat to low and put a lid on it. It will be ready in 15 minutes so hurry up and get your veggies and dressing ready.

I decided to get fancy on this one and used a potato peeler on the asparagus and zucchini, shaving them into ribbons.

Chop up the mushrooms and red pepper, add them to the bowl.

Next, put the sun dried tomatoes, olive oil, vinegar, garlic, mustard, and pepper into a blender and blend until combined.

Hopefully this is all done by the time the quinoa is cooked.

Add the hot quinoa to the vegetables and mix. The quinoa will slightly cook the vegetables making them delicious to eat.

Add the dressing and mix well.

This takes only 20 minutes to whip up which leaves you lots of time to entertain your Italian Stallion however you please.

He will love that as well.

Yo Momma

2012-05-17T18:17:00.000-06:00

Another Mother's Day has come and gone and I have not received a damn thing from Sofi. Seriously pup, do you not appreciate me at all?

Of course she does, she's just bad at communicating her feelings... I wonder where she got that from?

But this post is not about Sofi, it's about me and my wonderful mother.

In the case of me and my mom, the apple has certainly not fallen far from the tree. We have so many similarities that I often wonder if she's copying me. She probably wonders if I'm copying her. Self-involvement might be one of our common threads. Kidding Mom.

We share a love for all things bohemian, the Beatles, being a drama queen, and the Gap. We both come home from hikes with pockets full of rocks, paint every piece of furniture in our homes multiple times, and have the same devotion to Clinique. We even cosmically end up buying the same shampoo without knowing it.

However, there are many ways that she is different and they are the ways in which I wish I could be just like her.

She is completely fulfilled in her day job, working with unfortunate children. She can whip up a fabulous, healthy meal for ten hungry people in twenty minutes flat. She never fails to land the upgrade at every hotel she's ever stayed at. She always makes time to focus on her health and fitness no matter how busy she is. She is a vault for every one's secrets and gives advice that can seem life saving.

I count myself lucky for the ways in which we are the same and admire her for the ways in which we are not.

The latest similarity was revealed to me on Mother's Day when we went to a yoga class together. Typically I prefer not to be beside her at yoga because it only takes one look to get us both giggling in a very non-yogic way.

The closing of the class came with the dreaded group Om. After doing yoga for five years, I still avoid having to chime in and hear my own voice. My solution to this has always been to move my mouth into a circle and just let air, not noise, pass through my lips.

I glanced over at my mom and saw that she was doing the same thing.

"Did you just lip sync your Om?"

A quick nod let me know that she had.

Yep. She was Milli, I was Vanilli.

But rather than blaming in on the rain, we chose to blame it on our hereditary lack of pitch and the fact that we are two of a kind.

Two peas in a pod.

Quite fitting actually, considering that we are both vegetarians.

Happy Mother's Day.

I love you.

Spanish Fever

2012-05-14T17:19:00.000-06:00

Long ago at the cute age of 21, while studying abroad I was given the opportunity to spend Christmas in the beautiful Spanish town of Zaragoza with some of my fellow students.

It was a huge moment for me, not just because I had a lovely group of locals to show me the culture, but because it was the first and only Christmas that I have ever spent away from my own family.

Fortunatley for me, the town's spectacular sights and my tour guide's hot older brother left me little time to mope and miss my family.

I would show a photo of me in the town but I am much too horrified over what endless baguettes and chocolate bars had done to my figure at the time. The Euro-diet did not do good things for me.

As sad as I thought I would be at the time, I am more sad now thinking about how certain I was that I would be back to visit shortly, but yet have never returned.

Rather than letting it get me down I decided to take a walk down memory lane by digging out my old photo albums and pouring myself a memorable drink.

The drink of choice is the very spanish Kalimotxo.

Fill a glass with lots of ice and add equal parts red wine and Coca Cola. Set yourself up on the couch looking out at the places where you've lived and loved and take a sip.

Sometimes its helpful to reflect on and appreciate the good memories rather than be sad that they are in the past. And in reflecting I feel completely happy.

Which reminds me of one of the only Spanish sayings that I actually remember from that time, "Sólo un idiota puede ser totalmente feliz." It means, only an idiot can be totally happy.

Well, call me an idiot but this Kalimotxo has made me muy, muy, happy.

Salud.

The Girl On The Flying Trapeze

2012-05-10T21:22:00.000-06:00

One of the top ten moments of my life was had on the Santa Monica Pier last summer when my mom and I took a leap of faith (quite literally) and joined a flying trapeze class as my gift to her on her 53rd birthday.

Although it was something that was way out of my comfort zone, I was stoked. My mom on the other hand was terrified and as she ascended the ladder looked back at me and said, 'Couldn't you have just gotten me a pedicure like a normal daughter??'. I threw my head back and laughed, thinking what a chicken she was.

That was before my turn.

The thirty foot climb to the top was excruciating and the Mickey Mouse harness made me want to puke.

I was forced to follow through for many reasons. First of all, this terrifying excursion had cost me sixty dollars. Secondly, my mother just did it. Thirdly, the seven and ten year old in the class just did it. And lastly, the instructor told me to jump and this is him:

I don't usually say no to men that look like that.

So off I went, flailing through the air like a drunk baboon, screaming like an injured hyena, and 'praying' like a mantas. A one woman zoo.

After getting the hang of the steps it came time for the dreaded catch. By far the scariest moment of my life that became one of the greatest moments.

The feeling when my hands connected with the instructors and I heard the words 'I've got you', which was my cue to let go of the safety of my own bar, was magical.

And here is the result.

A moment that I will never forget. One that taught me that by letting go and having faith, you can feel like you are on the top of the world.

I Was Lucky Like A Four Leaf Clover

2012-05-08T22:36:00.000-06:00

Maybe if you made a wish twice a day, both times at 11:11...

Maybe if you found a lamp with a genie inside...

Maybe if you wished on a million shooting stars...

Maybe if you rubbed a Buddah's belly...

Maybe if you had a rabbits foot on a keychain (you murderer)...

Maybe then you'd be as lucky as me, to have four best friends like I do.

But I doubt it.

I love you.

Fiesta Soup

2012-05-04T16:40:00.000-06:00

Arriba! Arriba!

I don't even know what that means, but I do know that I say that a lot when cooking Mexican food and it makes me feel very authentic.

That phrase was belted out numerous times when putting together this lastest recipe and it's probably why it turned out so well.

Here is the recipe for a soup that is perfect for Cinqo de Mayo.

Fiesta Soup

Indredients:

1 cup rice, cooked
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can black beans, drained
1 can corn, drained
2 cups vegetable broth
1 zuchinni
1 red pepper
1 bundle of kale
3 green onions
1.5 teaspoons hot sauce
1 tablespoon lime juice

This is one of the easiest soups EVER!

Simply toss all of the ingrediants minus the kale into a large pot and set the heat to medium. Leave it for thirty minutes to an hour and right before serving, add the kale.

The bean/rice/corn combo creates a perfect protein source which makes this a go to for vegans.

I also added a handful of chopped cilantro at the same time as the kale for some extra flavor.

Happy Cinqo de Mayo hombres!

Life Is Art

2012-05-01T16:43:00.000-06:00

Just A Tip: Tomato Paste

2012-04-26T17:34:00.000-06:00

I never thought that I could ever be a girl that had a helpful hint to share from the kitchen but here we go.

There is nothing that drives me crazier than wastefulness in the kitchen so I try to use up every last scrap of food that I bring into my home. It's the reason for Sofi's identity crisis as a garborator.

Nothing drives me more mental that tomato paste.

Rarely do I come across a recipe that requires more than one or two tablespoons, and the rest of the can is a write off.

I actually looked into manufacturing tomato paste in a tube to solve this problem put apparently it has been done. If only they would sell it at Canadian Safeways.

So here is my solution, one that you might find useful.

First, use what you need for the recipe you are working on. Then, lay out several small sheets of plastic wrap and measure out one or two tablespoons of the leftover tomato paste onto each one.

Wrap it up and toss into the freezer for the next time a recipe calls for some.

Waste free without forcing Sofi to eat four tablespoons of tomato paste.

That dog might turn out ok after all.

Shout Out: The Russian Edition

2012-04-23T16:53:00.000-06:00

Здравствуйте!

Much to my delight when checking on my stats today, I realized that it is not just my parents and Jay and Gigi that have been reading Life Is A Lark. Unless they've taken a group holiday to Russia and left me out.

55 views from Russia. What??? Thanks Ruskis! (I really hope that name is not derogatory!)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. And while I'm at it, thank you for a couple of other things.

First and foremost, vodka. When the red wine has run dry this is my reliable backup that helps me get through the toughest of times. Like when the red wine has run dry.

Russia is the native homeland of one of my favorite authors, Ayn Rand. If any of you have checked out Voracious Lu, you will understand my love for this woman's writing and my curiosity of her politics.

Many other great things come from Russia, Regina Spektor, Anna Kournicova, Chanel no. 5, the periodic table, and mail order brides.

But the best things that I can think of that are from Russia are you, dear readers.

Thank you for tuning in!

Pierrot Le Fou

2012-04-19T09:33:00.000-06:00

Friday night has been one for the books.

Car chases. Love affairs. Murder. European coastlines.

And all from the comfort of my bed.

I watched Pierrot Le Fou by Jean-Lu Godard in an attempt to broaden my film knowledge and be able to say that not all of last ten movies I've watched starred Jennifer Aniston.

To be honest, I half expected to just listen to it in the background while I did crafts and cleaned my house.

That was before I realized that the movie is in French and I would have to pay close attention to the screen at all times. Or learn French.

So I chose the former. I didn't realize before this movie how bad I've gotten at focusing on one thing at a time, even movie watching. But after on ten minutes I had ceased to be my scattered, multitasking self and was completely enthralled.

It's the story of these two gorgeous lovers, one searching for meaning in life, the other searching for fun. Could it be that they were searching for the same thing?

Ferdinand is man who have just left his family to live a life less ordinary, hoping that it inspires him to become a great writer. His obsession with reading and writing made me feel like we had a connection strong enough for me to dismiss his adultery and murderous tendencies. And he is certainly not hard on the eyes.

Marianne is my newest favorite heroine, if you can even really call her that. I can. And I will because I admire her spontaneity, her ability to break into song at any moment, and her aloof sexiness.

I also admire her wardrobe choices.

By far one of the more inspiring films I've watched and one that will likely make every man I date from here on out seem like he's lacking a sense of adventure.

A sense of depth.

A sense of danger.

A sense of brilliance.

On the up side, the future men I date will also be lacking a kill shot like Ferdinand had, which leaves me alive and well to study my French textbooks, book a trip to Paris, and fall in love with a Ferdinand look a like.

I'll save that for next Friday night.

Beautiful People

2012-04-16T15:36:00.000-06:00

Il - LOOM - inate

2012-04-12T15:31:00.000-06:00

As a hard core Pinterest enthusiast, I recently went on a major DIY bracelet binge. Not actually making the bracelets, but searching out the most beautiful ones and pinning them to my new created bracelet board. Sometimes just pinning them to my board gives me the feeling of accomplishment.

Other times, I need to try it out for myself.

Times like when I see a masterpiece like this.

So off I pranced to pick up my newest obsession, my new bead loom.

Yes, I prance when I get new craft supplies.

A $10 bead loom is the cheapest and easiest way that I've found to feel like a professional accessories artist. There is a learning curve that takes about 30 minutes to get over but after that the possibilities are endless.

Here is the first one I hammered out.

These unique bracelets can spice up any outfit and make awesome gifts for friends and family.

So put on your prancing shoes, grab $10, and get yours today.

My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard

2012-04-09T22:14:00.000-06:00

Well, its not exactly a milkshake.

And my yard is not exactly crawling with boys.

But dairy products and creepy men have never sat well with me anyways.

What does sit well with me a power smoothie that get these engines revving first thing in the morning or on a sluggish afternoon.

Ultimate Energy Smoothie

Ingredients:

1 scoop of vanilla protein powder
1 pear
1 huge handful of spinach
1.5 teaspoons of ginger
1 teaspoon of cinnamon

Throw everything in the blender and let it rip. You may need to add water to get the consistency that you desire.

Voila.

This is my favorite health smoothie. Not only is it packed with protein, the cinnamon and ginger are metabolism boosters.

More muscle and less fat??

That's a combo that will definitely have some boys showing up in your yard ;)

For The Love Of Sofi

2012-04-06T22:01:00.000-06:00

There are few things in life that I feel like you can really count on. Of course there is the death and the taxes, both of which I have evaded lately, but those are not so fun to talk about.

The one that warms my heart and makes me feel like I am loved is Sofi.

Before I had Sofi I was very anti-pet. I never understood the bond between a human and an animal that you had to feed, clean up after, and be responsible for.

The universe must have known that I needed a little furball in my life to brighten my days and love me unconditionally because through a strange sequence of events I had no choice but to love the little angel that showed up on my door step.

I can't imagine now what my life would be without her and I tear up everytime I think about it. She has softened me and made me realize the joy that comes with loving an animal.

Sofi is my angel.

Fascinate Me

2012-04-02T09:36:00.000-06:00

Of all the British things that I love, the tea and crumpets, the royal family, the accents, and the awful teeth that make me feel good about my crooked smile, it's the fashion that really gets me going. With this past summer's royal wedding the spotlight shone on British style.

One item in particular caught my eye; the fascinator.

You can keep Hugh Grant and Buckingham Palace, just give me the damn fascinator!

Luckily I didn't have to search high and low to get my greedy little hands on one of these hot commodities. Nope, I just had to walk across the hall.

'Top of the morning to you Gigi!'

Gigi, among her many artistic gifts possesses a fascinator making talent that not many can top.

Somehow she is able to combine ribbons, pearls, flowers, and feathers and make them into the most beautiful hair pieces that I have ever seen.

The perfect accessory to add dimension to an outfit that is in need of a kick and one that will add a unique edge to your look.

Brides here in Calgary are going nuts over these beautiful gems and over the fact that Gigi is willing to customize them to match any wedding colors. This makes them a timeless piece for the bride and a thoughtful, elegant gift to the bridal party. She's even willing to work with Bridezillas. Ummm, which I'm sure you're not.

As a non-bride, I like to wear mine on my floppy hat. It makes me feel unique and I get stopped a lot by women (and one man) asking where I got my hat. Since I love getting attention at all times, this fascinator has become my new wingman.

There are several ways that you can hop aboard this fabulous fascinator train.

Gigi's website is here.

Gigi's Etsy page is here.

Gigi's Pinterest page is here.

I made that so easy for you to get your hands on these, its almost criminal.

So go forth and fascinate others with your personal style.

Cheerio!

Boxes Are Better

2012-03-30T16:15:00.000-06:00

No this is not a post about female rights.

But it is about this female's right to drink wine.

Today is the second anniversary of the death of Thomas Angove, a man that all wine drinkers should know about and appreciate.

Thomas Angrove is the inventor of boxed wine, otherwise known as a classy girl's beer keg. Once tapped it apparently keeps the wine fresh for up to six weeks, although one has never lasted that long in my household.

Not only is a box of wine easier to transport than clanking, breakable bottles, it also is environmentally responsible to drink, as it requires much less packaging.

So rather that mourning the loss of a brilliant inventor, let us tap a fresh box and drink to the invention that has made so many of our lives better.

Cheers Mr. Angove.

KONY 2012

2012-03-28T11:48:00.000-06:00

28 Christmas Days have come and gone and I have yet to recieve the one gift I have asked for every year.

Not a trampoline, not a car, not a horse.

All I have ever really wanted is world peace.

I know that is a lot to ask but thanks to the KONY 2012 campain, by next Christmas, life in Africa may be more peaceful than ever imagined.

It's easy to feel helpless when it comes to changing the world for the better, but creater Jason Russell and his brilliant team have made it very easy to make a huge difference.

Please watch. Please pledge.

Sensational Stirfry

2012-03-26T19:54:00.000-06:00

I don't know about you, but my love for all things Asian knows no bounds.

Asia created one of my best friends in the whole world (Hi Bobo!), all of my electronics, and the magnetic compass, one of my favorite references. I love their fashion styles, their great walls, their long thick hair, their metabolisms, their Green Tea KitKats, and Hello Kittys.

And most of all (aside from little Bobo), their stir frys.

Here's the recipe created by me, a wannabe Asian. Or Whasion as Bobo calls me.

Sensational Stir Fry

Ingredients, 2 parter, there are lots:

1/4 cup lite tamari
2 tbsp lemon juice
1 tbsp sriacha
1 tbsp garlic, minced
1tbsp lemongrass, minced
1 tbsp giner, minced
3 heaping tbsp chunky peanut butter
1 tbsp Braggs Amino Acid
1 block of tofu, drained and cubed
1 can of baby corn
2 tbsp olive oil

Now the veggie ingredients:

Small head of broccoli, chopped
1 pack of snap peas, cut in half
1 yellow bell pepper, chopped
1 package of celery, chopped
1 zuchinni, chopped
1 package of mushrooms, chopped
1 large bundle of bok choy or another leafy asian green. I can't remember what I used.

I'm going to add here, that if you are gunning to be my next boyfriend, a boquet such as the one above will get you a hell of a lot further with me than your standard boquet of flowers.

First let's get saucy. Into an large jar add the tamari, lemon juice, sriacha, garlic, lemongrass, ginger, peanut butter, and Braggs. Close the lid and shake what your momma gave you. But only if your mom buys your groceries for you.

Once it's blended, or when your arms grow tired, whichever comes first, toss in the cubed tofu. Lid back on, couple more shakes, and put it in the fridge.

While thats marinating, you can chop your vegetables. This is by far my favorite household chore. I read an article a long time ago about how chopping veggies uses only the left side of your brain, allowing the right side that is usually running on overdrive to chill out. Leave it to the scientists to analyze the serentiy out of a perfectly relaxing time. Now all I think about is whether or not I can feel the actual sides working and that just completely grosses me out. Barf.

Ummm... ok, so back to stirfry. Chop all of your veggies and toss in a bowl. Heat up the olive oil on medium heat in a super large fryin pan or wok and start adding veggies. You may need to wait for some of the veggies to cook down before you can fit them all in.

Now that the veggies are cooking, it's time to toss in your marinated tofu and sauce.

Stirring frequently, let the stir fry cook on medium heat until the veggies are cooked but still crisp.

Dish this out onto rice or noodles, whichever you prefer, pour yourself a glass of sake and invite over all your favorite asian friends! Or your favorite wannabe asians (me perhaps), whichever you prefer.

Enjoy!!

And PS, I promise not to say barf in any more recipe posts!

Liar, Liar, Dates On Fire

2012-03-23T10:45:00.000-06:00

There are times in life when honesty is the best policy and there are times when it is not.

These times are called dating.

Of course, there are things you should always be truthful about: your age (a year up or down doesn't count), your intentions, and your phone number.

But show me a girl who says that she is 100% honest at all times when in the dating scene and I will show you a liar. Ironic really.

And then I will show her this post so that she can have some insight on where the line between a lie and a flirt is drawn.

Example:

Crush: I just went on a fabulous trip to Europe.
Truth: Yeah, I know. I saw every picture from your trip on Facebook and read each comment. It was so funny how you imitated every statue that you came across for a photo op!
Flirt: Oh, interesting! Where abouts did you go?

Stalkers are creepy and open ended questions, even ones that you may already know the answers to, are encouraged.

Example:

Crush: I really enjoy hanging out at Club X downtown.
Truth: I heard that from your best friend's ex-girlfriend's cousin who works in my building so I've been going there five nights a week hoping to run into you. They make great mojitos!
Flirt: I heard that place was fun, we should check it out together some time.

People freak out when they realize they are not anonymous. This way you may even score a date.

So that's when you should lie. It's also when you should get a life and stop focusing on theirs.

Here is when you should tell the truth.

Example:

Crush: I speak French
Lie: Moi aussi! Voulez-vous couchez avec moi, ce soir?
Flirt: How exotic of you! Have you ever been to Paris?

By telling the truth, you have gone from a Lady Marmalade lying hooker to an interesting conversationalist. Voila!

And here's an example from last weekend of a man we call Phoenix. We don't know why we call him that, we only know that it makes us laugh so hard that it counts as an ab workout.

Phoenix: Would you like to go snowshoeing on Saturday?
Lu: Oh course, it's my favorite outdoor activity, I'm soooo good at it! I left my gear in my hometown though! Oh well!
Phoenix: No problem, I'm super manly and can take care of that for you. Pick you up at 10.

Expletive.

This is a situation when a lie was not necessary considering that the truth would have set me free.

Truth: I have always wanted to try it, maybe you could teach me?

Those are the lines that I come up with after I've dug myself so far into a hole that even a seven hour snowshoe lesson would not be able to get me out of.

Maybe a cute outfit will help ease the guilt of an untruth?

Nope.

So I continued the lie even after he gave me several outs and even after almost getting busted.

Lu: These snowshoes are way different than mine, can you help me do them up?
Phoenix: That's weird, these are standard issue.
Lu: Hhhmmm...

One thing I've learned is that the truth will almost always be revealed. In my case it comes right on schedule, after approximately three glasses of wine.

Lu: I lied! I lied! I've never snowshoed before! (spoken through Beetlejuice lips)

Of course this is an example of a lie that did not get me into a lot of trouble and that wasn't a big deal once revealed. I just felt like an idiot and Phoenix likely thought I was an idiot as well.

So where to draw the line on telling the truth about your athletic abilities? Always be honest.

You will avoid the hours of youtubing certain sports, buying gear that is unnecessary, and looking like a wacko because you thought speed was the primary goal in winning at snowshoeing.

Also, your date is instantly put in the teacher/hero/upper hand role, and what man doesn't love that?

Tu comprende?

So for the future, trust that speaking French will not seal the deal.

Trust that the reality of who you are is always good enough.

Trust that your authentic self is what your future forever-lover will fall for.

Au revoir.

Survival Of The Funnest

2012-03-21T09:19:00.000-06:00

On mornings when your aura feels better suited for a Saturday.

On mornings when you jump out of bed and then realize you need to sit back down.

On mornings when a week night winefest doesn't seem like such a great idea anymore.

Those are the mornings that you should refer to this post.

It is not unusual that I fall victim to a random runaway night out on a week day. And it usually results in me feeling like a victim the whole next day as I sit like a chump in my office with the door closed googling time machines.

As a reformed party girl (last night doesn't count), I have a few tricky tips to get you back on the fast track to health and prosperity. And by prosperity I mean finding out which bar you left your credit card at.

First of all, no matter how badly you don't want to get wet (that's what no one said), hop in the shower. Not only will this wake you up, but you will also wash off any booze that has escaped from your pores, dirt that is stuck to your feet from dancing bare foot after painful high heels were removed, and shame that covering your body.

Time to brusha brusha. Toothpaste on brush, brush dipped in baking soda. Trust me, this will transform a cat litter mouth into a breath of fresh air and remove red wine stains at the same time.

I am not a strong believer in breakfast being the most important meal of the day, but on days like this I am a die hard fan. Smoothies are the hungover working girl's savior. Toss in all of your favorite fruits, a banana, handful of spinach, water, and a couple packets of B12 instant energy. Blend and guzzle. If your queasy stomach can handle it, add some greasy hash browns to the mix.

Feeling better? Thought so.

Now get dressed in your most professional stretchy pants and baggy sweater and get to work. Quick. Before anyone notices. But make sure you grab a coffee on the way.

Once you've arrived to the office, check your emails and meeting schedule and make a list of your 'must dos'. If anything can be delegated, do so. Today is not the day so be a hero.

Once you have handled all urgent business, shut your office door and set your alarm for a half hour. Lay down under your desk and close your swollen eyes. I like to keep a blanket around for these type of naps.

Now that you've rested, hit your 'must do' list, focusing on busy work that doesn't require a clear head.

Lunch time! You probably have a go to hangover meal, so get it. Calories and fat content doesn't count today, just get it down the hatch.

Ok, so half your day is behind you and only four more hours until you are as free as a sick bird with a broken wing.

Now that you're starting to feel normal (whatever that means to you), it's time to go through your phone (hopefully it's not lost) and check your outgoing calls and text mails. This is the worst part of a runaway night but I promise you can get through this. Start with the calls.

Disregard any calls to your closest circle of friends, they probably already know about your antics and love you anyways, and if they don't, maybe it's time they were removed from the circle. Calls to ex-lovers and crushes is what your looking for here. Check number of calls, call time, and call length. This can be very telling. Telling you whether to hide under a rock for the next three weeks or to pat yourself on the back for having self control.

This would be a good time to call your winefest buddy and start piecing together the events of the night prior. Hopefully she is in the same rocky boat as you and you can get a good laugh from talking to her. Laughter can move mountains and migraines.

Text mail time. If you happen to have sent anything inappropriate you have three options. Option one, send another text mail saying that your phone was stolen by a friend or hooligan and you are so sorry for their actions. Option two, pretend that nothing happened. It kinda didn't, I mean you don't remember, do you? Option three, get behind your messages and twist the situation to make it seem that you were totally in line by saying what you said.

Four hours fly by when you're strategizing.

Time to clock out. Get home. It's completely appropriate to take a cab. Hopefully it's the same one you left your bank card in last night.

Pop in a feel good movie, crack open a Gatorade, and start eating as many bananas as you can handle.

Good as new? Not really. New is over-rated, I've always preferred shabby chic.

But you've made it through the day and you still have a job.

Tomorrow is another day. Booze it wisely.

Brave New World Of Wall Art

2012-03-19T13:28:00.000-06:00

My all time favorite novel is Brave New World by Auldous Huxley. I read it all the time and always seem to get something more from it each time.

However, this is not a book blog, this is not Voracious Lu. If you want to read my thoughts on the book, head there, or better yet, read it yourself, you won't be disappointed.

There is a passage in the book that I love so much that I have memorized it and now write it down on everything I own. Including the back of a broken dresser that was on its way to the dumpster.

This project is very easy but extremely time consuming, it took me about a week and a half to finish including two nights where I was up until 3 in the morning. Yep, just another wild weekend at Lu's house.

Let's get you started!

Choose your base. Start with any piece of scrap wood, canvas, or MDF board.

Choose your words. Carefully. I chose a very long and difficult passage to start with and am quite happy with the results but there were moments when I was overwhelmed and wanted to throw the whole thing back in the dumpster. Long words are also a problem when it comes to spacing, so keep that in mind.

Choose your paint. I used cheapo acrylic paint. I mixed several colors to create the shade that I wanted which seemed like a brilliant idea until it came time to mix more. If you know that the painting process will take place over a couple of days, I suggest using just one color so you don't have spend so much time recreating the exact match. Unless you want a bunch of different shades, that's your choice. I'm not here to judge.

You will need to have stencils for the letters. I chose 2 inch Gothic style.

Crafters be warned: measure twice, stencil once.

Take the extra time to figure out how much space you need and which words will be on which lines. I learned this the hard way (of course) and spent a lot of time erasing lines and air punching in frustration.

Once the letters were on, it was paint time. I used a quarter inch paintbrush which worked well with the 2 inch letters. This is the part that takes up so much time but just relax into it and enjoy the process. And above all, don't let anybody help you, especially friends that wander into your place after the bar at 2 am wanting to help out. Look at the last H is you need proof of this. You will feel a great satisfaction when your work is completed that you did it single-handedly.

In the end, it all fit. I was happy.

Not happy in a grand way.

But happy nonetheless.

Playing Video Games In My Blue Jeans

2012-03-16T09:15:00.000-06:00

I am not a talent agent. I am not a hot shot record producer. I am not Simon Cowell.

However, I am the 959th person that watched Lana Del Rey's first music video. And considering that her family probably watched it at least 40 times when it was first put out, I was probably the 919th person to witness the pure genius that is Lana Del Rey.

I was her fan back when the Video Games youtube video was banned for copyright infringement and when she wanted to 'f&#k you hard in the pouring rain', rather than 'kiss you hard in the pouring rain'.

I remember when I first saw the video, being completely blown away, not only but her musical talent, the range in her voice and the lyrics to her songs, but by her persona.

She is someone that I could go for lunch with, take a quick trip to the mall, exchange love advice (surely she could sort me out), and then raid each other's closets.

I loved her first!!!

But I'm glad you love her too. I swear, not bitter at all. I guess I just feel like she has a piece of my heart, so when I see that it's being shared with the whole world I get a bit jealous.

I guess, This Is What Makes Us Girls.

Lana, I am so happy for your sucesss but I will always consider you my little discovery that I, alone, shared with the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_jWcIDqXq0&feature=plcp&context=C3ec77e3UDOEgsToPDskJ5DyRiIArQT208qP_M3okt