Life is not a final.

Oh Well

2012-02-07T08:15:00.000-05:00

It's 8am and already this morning I've been a short-order cook, a valet, a nurse, a motivational speaker, a disciplinarian, a chauffeur, a barber, and a teacher. I could really use a motivational speech of my own. I feel like I should be done for the day but I still have to be a dishwasher, a maid, a chef, a stock boy(girl actually) and run a laundromat during the day and then a full time chauffeur this evening. What I want to do is set here and write and read other blogs but "Oh well" off I go to get busy again.

Can I figure this out?

2012-01-16T14:27:00.000-05:00

Not a whole lot of effort went into that weight loss. I have to figure out how to find a balance with my weight loss desires. I am either all in or all out and that's not working well for me. There has to be an in between somewhere. I know I can't lose weight as fast as I did with a balance of the two but I can still lose weight. If I can't exercise everyday then I get discouraged and don't do it at all. If I eat bad one day then the next day I have given up. I have to learn to give myself a break when I'm not doing it perfect. Do I really expect to go the rest of my life without drinking another Coke? Can I realistically exercise everyday? There has to be an in between. There has to. I'm determined to find it. I'm going to find it. It may take me the rest of my life but I will not quit. I'd rather it be sooner and not later because I feel like time is running out. I feel like there is a line in the sand and that I have until I reach that line before it will be too late and I will be completely stuck in my ways. I know that's not true, that it's all in my head but I feel a sense of desperation. As I typed those last few sentences I realized something. That feeling of desperation may be my whole problem. If I would truly give myself the rest of my life to figure it out and erase that line in the sand it would make this so much easier. No matter what happens this is going to be a lifetime problem for me. If I woke up skinny tomorrow I wouldn't stay that way for long if I still didn't have that balance. So I will continue my quest. Any and all advice will be appreciated.

Easiest way from here to there?

2011-12-24T00:47:00.001-05:00

Is usually a straight line. Not around here. This makes my life harder and is the reason for many discussions the kids and I have about hovercrafts. A lot of the things we do take place in a city that is an hour drive from us. By way of a bird it would probably take 15 minutes, at most. It's the price we pay to live in the country and for him to have a 10 minute drive to work. If anyone could figure out the whole hovercraft thing though, I would be eternally grateful.

Why can't I post regularly?

2011-12-13T23:30:00.000-05:00

That's simple. This is what my day looks like this time of year.

4:50 - Get Hubby up and going. Fix sandwiches for his lunch.

5:15 - Audrey up and getting ready.

5:20- Hubby leaves.

5:30- Jo up to shower.

5:45- Drew up to shower.

6:20- Drive to bus stop

6:30- Home. Shower. Load of clothes in washer. Load dishwasher.

7:30- Matt up to shower. Finish getting ready.

8:15- Leave for Matt's school.

8:30 to 1:00- Work Santa's workshop.

1:15- Home. Switch out Laundry. Cook Dinner. Pick up the house as much as possible.

3:00- Get 3 oldest kids off bus. Feed them.

3:20- Leave. An hour drive to Beckley plus a little driving around to make sure we were in the right place.

4:45- Drop Audrey off for practice.

5:00- Mom's to visit for a few minutes and drop off pants for her to hem.

5:40- Leave Mom's and take Jo to CAP.

6:00- Drop Jo at CAP and go to pick Audrey up from practice.

6:30- Pick Audrey up.

6:30 to 8:30- Shop for Santa's workshop. Spend a few minutes chilling out with Audrey at McDonalds.

9:00- Pick Jo up from CAP. Stop at store and pick up a few things. Drive an hour home.

10:00- Home. Get everyone settled in bed. Put last load of clothes for the day in the dryer. Do a few odds and ends. Watch a little TV to relax and then CRASH. So that I can get up tomorrow and do another day of the same kind of thing.

Let me also mention that Drew had to be at his school at 5:30 for a choir concert at 6:00 so Hubby had a wonderful evening too. I hated to miss the concert but guess what I get to do Thursday? Spend the day on the bus and at schools with the choir for concerts!! Yay!! I will be glad when Christmas break gets here.

The best way out is always through

2011-12-01T05:48:00.001-05:00

The best way out is always through. ~ Robert Frost

The easiest thing is to ignore the hard things in our life. To force the hurt and pain down inside. There are times that it doesn't work, can't work. There are things that are too big to hold inside. Sometimes through is not only the best way but the only way. Some tragedies are so big that there is no actual through, your life is forever changed. When my husbands Mines had an explosion that is what happened to us. It is taking time to figure out how to live our lives on this side of it.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life.

It goes on. ~ Robert Frost

As hard as that is to except sometimes it is how our lives work. Although life goes on that doesn't mean it goes on exactly the same. That it can go on exactly the same. It's been hard. Hard to except that it actually happened, Hard to believe that they are all really gone. Hard to listen to the lies and untruths told for a little fame. Hard to be judged by so many others. Hard on both of us for him to go to work everyday. My husband is one of the few that was left working there to keep things running while they did the investigation. This has made moving on very hard for him. He tried not dealing with it, like he does most things in his life and it didn't work. So now a year and a half later we are still trying to work through it but at least he has now excepted that he has no other choice. We will make it out of this and on to a stronger life for ourselves but it has forever changed us.

Fun with Siri

2011-11-28T09:44:00.001-05:00

I finally got my new iPhone over the weekend but Siri didn't like my kids voices so I'm just getting to play with her today. I found she works better with headphones so I'm thinking I may finally go Bluetooth. After figuring out how to use it for text, emails, notes and reminders I decided to have a little fun. She's actually very interesting.

Actually I wrote this whole post using her.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Is Pumpkin Pie Impossible?

2011-11-24T00:07:00.000-05:00

In my family it is. I don't know where this got its start, I should really ask my Mom. I absolutely love it, I do believe it is my favorite part of this time of year. It is Impossible Pumpkin Pie. This has to be the best stuff in the world and to make it even better it is very easy to make. Why Impossible? There's no crust yet the edges of the pie firm up enough to hold it all together.

Impossible Pumpkin Pie

1 1/2 c. Pumpkin
2 eggs
1/2. tsp. Salt
1 1/2 tsp. Pumpkin Pie Spice
1/2 c. Self-rising Flour
1 c. Sugar
2 Tbs. Butter
1 can cream

Grease bottom and sides of 9x9 pan with butter. Beat 2 minutes in blender. Pour into pan and sprinkle nutmeg on top. Bake in greased pan for 45 minutes at 350. (I did double the recipe this year and made it in a 9x13 pan. It looks good, hopefully it still tastes good too.)

2+19+4=Happy?

2011-11-21T20:51:00.001-05:00

2 people together for 19 years with 4 kids can not always equal Happy. There have been rough days, weeks, months and even years. We're still standing, together. There have been times when it would definitely have been easier to just walk away, there are still times when that would be the easy thing. Life isn't about doing the easy thing or at least it shouldn't be. Happily Ever After doesn't come without a story full of witches and trials. So here I am 19 years later still working towards that end.

Am I Thinner Yet?

2011-11-19T20:20:00.001-05:00

Between January and May I lost 30 lbs. Then the kids got out for summer break. I can't keep it up while they are off. I can't walk in the mornings like I do when they are in school and I absolutely can't eat right when they are home all day long. I managed to do pretty good though and only gained a couple of pounds over the summer. As soon as they started back to school I started back to my routine of walking and exercising but I couldn't get my eating back under control but I managed to lose the few pounds I had gained. Then I got Mono and now I'm back up 10 pounds. I need to get myself started back in at least a small way. So today I went for a walk, only about half of what I was doing but it felt pretty good. Until now. I feel like my legs are going to fall off.

What has my toughest parenting challenge been?

2011-11-17T07:14:00.000-05:00

This is not an easy post for me to write. It is something that I have struggled with a lot lately as both a mother who really cares about the adults my children will someday be and a Christian. Trying to raise a daughter in this world that we live in is not an easy task at all and I find myself feeling that I have done her a huge disfavor. We have to teach our daughters from a young age to be careful about who they trust, to protect themselves from the dangers this world can hold for them but I'm starting to feel like that has done damage. She is too guarded and too critical. Some days I feel like that isn't my fault, that it is just her personality because she is a lot like her daddy in that regard. There are days though that it breaks my heart and I feel like I have failed her. How do we walk that line and stay on the right side of it? How do you know when it's enough and when it's too much? How do you teach them that they shouldn't let anyone make them do something they are uncomfortable with but not teach them to be completely uncompromising? How do I teach her to be an independent woman but also teach her that a Christian wife should submit to the Godly decisions that her husband makes? I hope that the example I set makes a difference but I have no doubt about how much I have failed in that area. I strive daily to do better but people, even (or maybe especially) our children, tend to remember the bad that we have done and not the good. My daughter is a wonderful person, so very responsible and mature and I want so much for her but more than any of the things I would hope for my children, I hope for their happiness. I'm afraid she will let that pass her by out of shear stubbornness.

Can I try on your pants?

2011-11-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

I have a new obsession in my struggle with my weight. I find myself really wanting to try on your pants. I know how crazy it sounds but I have a feeling that I am not alone in this. When I see someone close to my size I find myself thinking "Am I bigger or smaller than you?" Then it comes, the thought that man I would love to try on that outfit you have on and see how it fits me. I'm not proud of it but that is how my mind is working at the moment. I have never had a realistic view of my size and for many years I didn't even realize that. Now that I truly know and understand that, it leaves me struggling to find a realistic view. So sometimes I would love to just try on your pants and see how my size truly compares to yours. Sorry!!

Can I make a Cabbage Roll?

2011-11-15T20:00:00.000-05:00

My first attempt at making Cabbage Rolls.

I only got 6 full leaves off of the head of cabbage but I think I learned some good things to do next time to get more. So I made the extra meat into "meat"balls and cooked them in with it. Other than that I think it was a complete success. I will do a few things different next time but I'm not too worried because this is how the pan looked at the end of the night.

How I made them

Parboil the head of cabbage for 6 minutes in salty water. (Next time I will do 4 or 5 minutes, take it out and get off the first few and then put it back in for a few more minutes. This made the leaves very easy to work with and a great consistency when they were done but I couldn't get enough leaves off easily with just doing the whole head for 6 minutes.)

Meat mixture

1 lb. ground beef

1/2 c. rice( I did the same as I do for stuffed peppers, I used Premium Minute Rice and did not precook it.Yes that's may lazy streak showing through. I actually do like the texture in the end better though doing it this way.)

3 T. of a can of tomato soup

3 T. of a can of diced tomatoes

1 T. lemon juice

1 T. brown sugar

1 package of Lipton Onion soup mix

Mix together and split between 8 cabbage leaves. (I only came up with 6 good pieces so like I said I made the rest into "meat"balls) Roll the cabbage leaves around the meat creating a seam across the top

Sauce

Mix together the remainder of the tomato soup and the diced tomatoes. Put this in the pan first and then lay the cabbage rolls in it. (Next time I think I will use a can of tomato sauce too so that we will have more of the sauce.)

Will you bring me some chips,please?

2011-11-15T13:12:00.001-05:00

Mr. Perfect(ly Stubborn) wouldn't listen to my advice Saturday night so Sunday morning he couldn't even stand up straight because his back was hurting. He made it to church Sunday Morning but couldn't hold out through Sunday night. I was a little worried about him so I kept my phone in the pew with me rather than leaving it in my purse (something I don't normally do). As a result these were the texts I saw during the service.

*Will you bring me some chips,please

*Have I told you lately how much I love you

*Need milk

*Lee and Tiffany are coming on

*High low

I would look at the screen thinking something was going to be wrong but no, not once. Just his craziness. Next time he will be suffering in silence.

What's the latest, greatest thing my kids are involved with?

2011-11-11T18:56:00.001-05:00

CAP

Civil Air Patrol

This is the opportunity that it brought them today.

At this point the way they found their way to this organization is a little bit of a sore spot for me because I ended up feeling used but I'm not sorry because it is awesome for them. It is sponsored by the Air Force and is held at our local airport, which is barely an airport. They are learning so much and I am so proud of them. Getting to see them march in the Veteran's Day Parade today was a wonderful experience.

Hats Anyone?

2011-11-07T23:44:00.000-05:00

Everyone loved the Hat that I made to go with the Daisy blanket but I had never attempted to make an adult hat so I had something new to learn. I found a few patterns online and some guidelines to go by for sizes but I couldn't find anything that was exactly what I wanted it to be. So, I worked with it until it was what I wanted. I'm actually starting to like making my own patterns up. They aren't amazing or awe inspiring but they are what I want them to be and work better for the way I like to crochet. Once I got the basics of what I wanted down I started trying to give people what they wanted.

A light colored one with a big red flower.
I must say it looked absolutely fabulous on
it's owner.

And a Celtics hat. I really had a blast figuring this one out.

I can't wait to do more in the future. I absolutely love this Hat thing!!

What can you learn from Mono?

2011-11-07T23:23:00.000-05:00

A little over a month ago, on my birthday no less, I was diagnosed with Mono. This has got to be one of the worst things I have ever had but there are a few good things that came from it.
1. The world will not end if I wear pajama pants to the store.
I am a staunch protester of going out in public in your pajama's or any other ill-advised outfits but I did it. Guess what? The world did not end. Actually no one even noticed. It will not be a habit though.
2. You can NOT dry socks in the microwave.
My poor husband has been awesome through this whole thing but laundry wasn't really a priority for me during those first few weeks. So while trying to find a way to quickly dry his socks we all learned that putting them in the microwave will only catch them on fire. This is knowledge that will serve us well in the future.
3. My children do know how to clean house.
After all these years of pretending that they couldn't do anything more than their bottom line chores, when the going got tough, they actually pitched in and did quite a bit of cleaning. This knowledge will serve me but not them well in the future.
4. As much as I think I would love to not have anything to do, it's just not true.
The first few weeks I didn't do much more than sleep and didn't really have a choice. The next few weeks were rough. I have watched every show and movie that I can stomach. As much as I love crocheting, there is a point where enough is enough. I found myself thinking "Is there not some errand that just can't wait?" and "I really just want to sweep the floors!". I'm feeling a lot better now but still have to be careful to not over do it and some days I just want to get up and clean my house from top to bottom. Most of the time my life is so busy that I don't have time to breathe. Through this I have learned that I wouldn't want it any other way.

The solution for my Crazy Hair?

2011-11-07T18:06:00.000-05:00

A: Headbands

I made myself a cute little matching set of the fingerless gloves and a hat to wear when I walk in the mornings as it gets colder. One big problem, My crazy curly hair keeps a hat from staying on my head. So I started to buy me one of those fancy headbands that are made just for this (keeping your ears warm when your crazy enough to exercise in the cold). While I was looking at them I realized that I could make something like that if I wanted. As usual I started looking for patterns online and couldn't find exactly what I wanted so this one I created completely from scratch. It was immediately taken by my beautiful daughter so I had to make her one.

Then I made a few more for gifts for Senior night for the girls on her volleyball team.

Complete with fingerless gloves.

2011-11-06T20:47:00.000-05:00

I found this pattern as a pamphlet at the craft store. The original pattern that I followed in the photo to the left uses sock yarn. I love these gloves, everyone loves these gloves but making them with the sock yarn took about 6 hours for each pair so I decided to try to write a pattern of my own that would use larger weights of yarn and not take as much time. It took me a few tries to get it right but I did.

And these are the result.

I love them, everyone loves them.

It only takes me 3-4 hours to make a pair now. I really love that!!

And of course there has to be a Blue and Gold pair!!!!

Can gloves go Fingerless?

2011-11-04T21:06:00.000-04:00

And these are the result.

I love them, everyone loves them.

It only takes me 3-4 hours to make a pair now. I really love that!!

And of course there has to be a Blue and Gold pair!!!!

Can I do a Mile-A-Minute?

2011-11-03T20:48:00.000-04:00

This was the first time I had tried doing one of the mile-a-minute afghans and I really enjoyed it. The pattern was from the Leisure Arts book, Our Best Baby Afghans. Of course I had to make a cute little hat to go with. I decided to try to make a flower to go on it that would match the blanket and I was very pleased with how well it turned out.

Lace-up a baby blanket. Really?

2011-11-02T20:53:00.000-04:00

I loved making this blanket and I really want to make another one at some point. I've wanted to ask how it has held up, I was a little worried about how the lacing would do when washed but I haven't worked up the nerve yet. It is one of the most unique items I have done and I love that. I truly hope they are still enjoying it.

How do you Brick it up?

2011-11-02T20:49:00.000-04:00

This is the most tedious blanket I have made. I love it, love the feel and the look but it took SO long to finish. There was a lot going on at the time, I was working on it while my Father in law was in a Hospice House dying and it seemed like it would never be done. This is a really nice pattern and I'm still wondering if there isn't an easier way to accomplish it.

How long can you hold on to nothing?

2011-11-02T11:52:00.001-04:00

When the good out-weighs the bad, it’s simple. When the bad out-weighs the good, you still have the good to hold onto and can push through. When the bad dominates and you can honestly find nothing left that is good, how long can you hold on to nothing?
We all know the expression 'Holding on by a thread' but my question is what do you do when that thread breaks. I'm not talking about life as a whole, I'm talking about individual relationships and circumstances. When the last thread keeping you linked to that is gone, then what? Is there any way to start over? I want to reconnect the threads but I can't figure out how. I can't get to the point that I feel okay with leaving myself open to the possibility of things staying the same even though I'm putting my heart and soul into changing it. I can't imagine continuing with it if it stays the same either. Another expression comes to mind. 'One day at a time'. That's where I'm at right now but that can't last forever. At some point just surviving this day won't be enough anymore and the circumstances will have to change.

Failure of 101 in 1001

2011-10-31T12:21:00.001-04:00

Let's turn it into a Bucket List!! My attempt at doing the 101 things in 1001 days was not a complete bust, I completed 30 of the 101 things. Many of the items on that list are things that I still would really like to complete though. So I think I'm going to start a Bucket List of sorts with them. There are so many things that I would love to get the opportunity to do in my lifetime. Sometimes I feel as though I'm stuck and may never go anywhere or do anything but if I can start with some of the smaller things on the list maybe I will grow confidence that I can do larger things. So the first step is to start the list so Off I go.

Q: How cold-hearted can a Mother be?

2011-08-12T00:18:00.002-04:00

A: Completely
I have refrained from doing any kind of countdown because I didn't want to have to live through the judgements but Yes, I am one of those Moms who can't wait for her kids to go back to school. I wish others were more understanding of why I feel that way but I don't think that will ever happen. I don't have 1, 2 or even 3 children, I have 4 and that is no easy task. I have absolutely no help and that is not an exaggeration. If something needs to be done, I do it. Period. It's a lot but that isn't really why I can't wait for them to go back. I can't wait because I don't get even a moment of time completely to myself while they are off from school and again that is no exaggeration. I wake up to the sound of their voices, some nights I go to sleep to the sound of their voices and if not I'm not far behind. I am never alone. I don't make it through a bathroom break, shower or bath without having to talk to someone. It's exhausting. Maybe some people don't like to be alone, even hate it but not me. I need time to just BE and I don't get that all summer long. So if it is cold-hearted that I want my kids out of this house then I am completely cold-hearted and Proud of It.

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