Life is not a game to lose!

Women Writes to Tech Support

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 05:55:22 PST

Careful!

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 07:39:52 PST

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husb...and came into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!

TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going 2 STICK! Careful.. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 19:04:10 PST

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

A blind person asked God: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"

Overdue

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 18:02:00 PST

Mr. Suresh Konni comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!

The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."
The next day, Mrs. S.Konni receives a telephone call from Reliance Energy because the electricity bill has not been paid.

" Am I speaking to Mrs. Konni? "

"Yes... speaking"

Reliance guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the Reliance guy.

"What are you saying? It's in your files ...HOW?????"

" Yes ............ . We have a system of finding out who's overdue "

" GOD!!!!!!... ........ This is too much........ .."

"Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"

"I know that ... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. .... He will speak to your company tomorrow "

That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull,rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Reliance, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? And if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

' BRAIN AND MEMORY' (SMRUTHI AND SHRUTHI)

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 01:19:47 PST

Most of us suffer from short term memory, oblivion or forgetfullness, the inability to focus with a low attention span. The load on our brain is ever on the increase while its power is constantly on the decrease. Here are some simple things we can do to kickstart that inactive part of our brain.

1. Think positive!

2. Try to think and be creative! Find a new hobby or learn something new. Be it a musical instrument or a foreign language. Draw, write, sing or even try self talking during leisure.

3. Master the art of observation. You can also do theme observations wherein you try to count the same colour, vehicle etc. as you observe. Learn to understand the common fallacies and criticize them healthily. Learn to apply good observations in your life.

4. Try to reason things out, limit procrastinations and learn logic.

5. Try to practise ambidexterity or whole brain thinking. For example, do things with the left hand which you normally do with your right.

5. Use less technology. For example, if you need to make calculations try not to use a calculator or even a paper.

6. Once in a while, do things differently forcing your dull brain to spring in to action for the challenge. If you can't think of anything, solve a puzzle, or go back and learn your Math.

7. Have brain foods. Wild salmon, acaiberries, blueberries, turmeric root spice, organic 100% cocoa, matcha (green tea powder), nuts, pumpkin seeds are good nourishments for your brain.

8. To avoid lethargy, eat a little less and avoid overeating.

9. Sleep well and when you need take a power nap.

10. Exercise well!

11. Meditate for better focus and concentration.

12. Learn to take things with a laugh. And laugh out when you can.

13. Multi tasking is fine. But do things one at a time for better concentration and application.

14. Read and write! Read more especially about the human brain, be curious, be competitive and be ready for a change.

15. Enjoy lucid dreaming. Read more about it as your new task. Learn a new thing at least once a week!

The beauty and complexity of the English language

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 01:40:46 PDT

Professor Ernest Brennecke of Columbia is credited with inventing a sentence that can be made to have eight different meanings by placing ONE WORD in all possible positions in the sentence:

"I hit him in the eye yesterday."

The word is "ONLY".

The Message:

1.ONLY I hit him in the eye yesterday. (No one else did.)

2.I ONLY hit him in the eye yesterday. (Did not slap him.)

3.I hit ONLY him in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit others.)

4.I hit him ONLY in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit outside the eye.)

5.I hit him in ONLY the eye yesterday. (Not other organs.)

6.I hit him in the ONLY eye yesterday. (He doesn't have another eye..)

7.I hit him in the eye ONLY yesterday. (Not today.)

8.I hit him in the eye yesterday ONLY. (Did not wait for today.)....

This is the beauty of English language . ..

Pearls of Wisdom - Indisputable Laws

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 05:48:32 PDT

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability-The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7.Law of the Bath- When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8.Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9.Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10.Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11..Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13.Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16.Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19.Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Ten commandments to follow in life for true Success.

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 23:50:00 PDT

1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

2] So a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear view Mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, Look Ahead and Move on.

3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!

6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

8] A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES, it takes away today’s PEACE.

A Question of Balance One-Sided Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 09:05:01 PDT

Relationships can become out of balance and one-sided if we don’t occasionally check in with each other.

One of the most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship is the give and take of energy that occurs between two people. In the best-case scenario, both people share the talking and listening, and the giving and receiving of support, equally. Occasionally, within any relationship, the balance shifts and one person needs to listen more, or give more. Generally, over a long period of time, even this exception will take on a balanced rhythm; we all go through times when we take more and times when we give more.

However, there are also relationships in which the balance has always felt one-sided. You may have a friend whom you like, but you have begun to notice that the conversation is always about their life and their problems and never about yours. You may also have a friend who seems to require an inordinate amount of support from you but who is unable or unwilling to give much in return. Over time, these relationships can be draining and unsatisfying. One option is simply to end the relationship, or let it fade out naturally. Another option is to communicate to your friend that you would like to create a more equal balance in which your concerns also get some airtime. They may be taken aback at first, but if they are able to hear you, your friendship will become that much more sincere. They may even thank you for revealing a pattern that is probably sabotaging more than one relationship in their life.

A third option is to simply accept the relationship as it is. There are many one-sided relationships that actually work. One example of this is a mentor relationship in which you are learning from someone. Another example is a relationship in which you are helping someone who is sick, disabled, or otherwise needy. In these instances, you can simply be grateful that you are able to help and be helped, trusting that the balance of give and take will even out in the big picture of your life.

Funny Acronyms

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 03:41:52 PDT

Funny Acronyms

Whenever you take the first letters of a phrase or title, you are bound two occasionally come up with some funny acronyms. Also, some acronyms stand for an amusing title or phrase. Here is a sampling of funny acronyms about cars:

BUICK: Big Ugly Import Car Killer
CHEVY: Can Hear Every Valve Yell, Cannot Have Expensive Vehicle Yet
DODGE: Drains Or Drops Grease Everywhere, Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
FORD: Fix or Repair Daily, Found On Road Dead, Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
HOLDEN: Hope Our Luck Doesn't End Now
HONDA: Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
JEEP: Just Expect Every Problem
MAZDA: Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along, My! Another Zany Detroit Assassin!
TOYOTA: Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

More Silly Acronyms

The next set of funny acronyms are alphabetized and cover many topics:

ADD: Americans For Donald Duck
BADD: Bikers Against Dumb Drivers
BITE: Beer In The Evening
CAPER: Conspiracy Against Professors Evading Reality
DUH: Don't Understand, Huh?

The next group of acronyms is intriguing. They are all countries:

CHINA: Come Home I Need Affection
ENGLAND: Every New Guy Leaves After Ninety Days
FRANCE: Friendships Remain And Never Can End
HOLLAND: Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies
INDIA: Indians Never Delay In Anything
ITALY: I Trust And Love You
NEPAL: Never Ever Part As Lovers

Additional Acronym Fun

For a final twist, here are some acronyms for the word “ACRONYM”:

Alphabetical Code for Remembering Odd Names You Make up
A Coded Rendition Of Names Yielding Meaning
A Contrived Reduction Of Nouns, Yielding Mnemonics
Another Cryptic Rendition Of Nomenclature You Memorize

OK, some of those were not really funny, just interesting. If you want to try it yourself, just pick a word and make up a word for each letter.

Funny Abbreviations and Initialisms

Just for fun, here are some funny abbreviations and initialisms. Most of them do not make a word but are funny nonetheless. These are abbreviations that were found on hospital notes:

ABITHAD: Another Blithering Idiot - Thinks He's A Doctor
FFFF: Female, Fat, Forty and Flatulent
FF or FFY: Frequent Flyer - A patient who returns to a medical provider for everything
GOMER: Get Out of My Emergency Room
SALT: Same As Last Time
TEETH: Tried Everything Else; Try Homeopathy
TEON: Two Eyes One Nose
TMB: Too Many Birthdays
TTGA: Told To Go Away

Guy's side of the Story

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 22:09:37 PDT

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally the guys' side of the story.

We always hear the rules From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it your self.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying , but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, cars or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Man, wife and dog.

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 22:03:07 PDT

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most Unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a second one.

About 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man Walking with a black dog.

Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in Single line. The man couldn't stand his curiosity.
He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, And I know now is a bad time to disturb
you, but I've never seen a funeral Like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is It?"
The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the first One asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied, "Join the queue

Necklace of Happiness with five diamonds:

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 22:01:26 PDT

1. NEVER CRY FOR ANY RELATION IN LIFE BECAUSE FOR THE ONE WHOM YOU CRY DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR TEARS AND THE ONE WHO DESERVES WILL NEVER LET YOU CRY.................

2. TREAT EVERYONE WITH POLITENESS EVEN THOSE WHO ARE RUDE TO YOU, NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT NICE BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE.......................

3. NEVER SEARCH YOUR HAPPINESS IN OTHERS WHICH WILL MAKE YOU FEEL ALONE, RATHER SEARCH IT IN YOURSELF YOU WILL FEEL HAPPY EVEN IF YOU ARE LEFT ALONE......................

4. ALWAYS HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE IN LIFE. THERE IS SOMETHING POSITIVE IN EVERY PERSON. EVEN A STOPPED WATCH IS RIGHT TWICE A DAY...................................

5. HAPPINESS ALWAYS LOOKS SMALL WHEN WE HOLD IT IN OUR HANDS. BUT WHEN WE LEARN TO SHARE IT, WE REALIZE HOW BIG AND PRECIOUS IT IS! ................

Love, Wealth & Success

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 21:46:43 PDT

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied.. "He's out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"

"We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How n ice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, t he lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Lovefor all , there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"

Financial Management

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 19:37:11 PDT

A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at ‘Taj’ yesterday.

How? The other beggar asked.

First beggar: Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday.

I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-

And enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money.

The Taj manager called the policeman, and handed me over to him.

I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.

A wonderful example of financial management indeed

A Heart-moving Example of General Human Thinking

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 10:46:10 PDT

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend.

He was always there for her.
She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day,
someone donated a pair of eyes to her.
When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked
her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'
The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind.
The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her.
She hadn't expected that.
The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is
How the human brain often works when our status changes.

Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Know Where You Are and Where You Want To Go

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 10:38:46 PDT

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village.
A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

Not very long." they answered in unison.
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives.
In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life."
The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!
You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?"
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?"
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards ? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, “answered the tourist, laughing.”When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really?? And after that???" asked the fishermen.
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" asked the Mexicans.

And the moral of this story is: ....... Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there!!

Confession BOX

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 08:44:18 PDT

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry
wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on
the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to
have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in:

"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more
inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".

Paraprosdokian for everyone

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 08:33:17 PDT

PARAPROSDOKIANS

"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian. Ok, so now enjoy!

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10.. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11.. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12.. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13.. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14.. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15.. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16.. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17.. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18.. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19.. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20.. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21.. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22.. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23.. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24.. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25.. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27.. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28.. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30.. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 08:16:38 PDT

I am so clever that sometimes I dont understand
a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde

It is great cleverness to know when to conceal
ones cleverness.
-Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Cleverness is not wisdom.
-Euripides

Cleverness is serviceable for everything, sufficient for nothing.
-Henri Frederic Amiel

Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else
unless it is an enemy.
-Elbert Einstein

An ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.
-Elbert Hubbard

Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness,
but come down into the green valleys of silliness.
-Ludwig Wittgenstein

The height of cleverness is being able to conceal it.
-Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Patience and tenacity of purpose are worth
more than twice their weight of cleverness.
-Thomas Henry Huxley

Too great cleverness is but deceptive delicacy,
true delicacy is the most substantial cleverness.
-Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.
-Jalal ad-Din Rumi

Clever people will recognize and tolerate nothing but cleverness.
-Henri Frederic Amiel

It is little that one gains by cleverness.
-Unknown

Many of the greatest men have owed their success to industry
rather than to cleverness.
-John Lubbock

The bold are helpless without cleverness.
-Euripides

The obstinacy of cleverness and reason is nothing
to the obstinacy of folly and inanity.
-Harriet Beecher Stowe

Somethings for which we forget to be Thankful!

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 06:31:48 PDT

I Am Thankful :

For The Wife
Who Says It's "More Sadam" Tonight, Because She Is Home With Me, And Not Out With Someone Else.

For The Husband
Who Is On The Sofa Being A Couch Potato, Because He Is Home With Me And Not Out At The Bars.

For The Teenager
Who Is Complaining About Doing Dishes Because It Means She Is At Home, Not On The Streets.

For The Taxes I Pay
Because It Means I Am Employed.

For The Mess To Clean After A Party
Because It Means I Have Been Surrounded By Friends.

For The Clothes That Fit A Little Too Snug
Because It Means I Have Enough To Eat.

For My Shadow That Watches Me Work
Because It Means I Am Out In The Sunshine

For A Lawn That Needs Mowing,
Windows That Need Cleaning, And Gutters That Need Fixing Because It Means I Have A Home.

For All The Complaining
I Hear About The Government Because It Means We Have Freedom Of Speech.

For The Parking Spot
I Find At The Far End Of The Parking Lot Because It Means I Am Capable Of Walking And I Have Been Blessed With Transportation.

For My Huge Electricity Bill
Because It Means I Have Light In The Dark.

For The Lady Behind Me In Temple
Who Sings Off Key Because It Means I Can Hear.

For The Pile Of Laundry And Ironing
Because It Means I Have Clothes To Wear.

For Weariness And Aching Muscles
At The End Of The Day Because It Means I Have Been Capable Of Working Hard.

For The Alarm That Goes Off
In The Early Morning Hours Because It Means I Am Alive.

Mistakes and Mistakes

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 06:08:16 PDT

If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a New Style

If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a New Path

If an engineer makes a mistake,
It is a New Venture

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a New Generation

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a New Law

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a New Invetion

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a New Fashion

If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a New Theory

If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a New idea

If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a Mistake Only

Parents: Old Age Is A Second Childhood

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 05:59:05 PDT

(Ref: Narrated by an IAF pilot to IIT students during a Seminar on Human Relations)

My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the airport to see them off. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same.

In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on Jet Airways. The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I had booked them by air.

The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for a window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experience all these things.

As they were about to go in for the security check-in, he walked up to me with tears in his eyes and thanked me. He became very emotional and it was not as if I had done something great but the fact that this meant a great deal to him.

When he said thanks, I told him there was no need to thank me.

But later, thinking about the entire incident, I looked back at my life. As a child, how many dreams our parents have made come true.

Without understanding the financial situation, we ask for cricket bats, dresses, toys, outings, etc.

Irrespective of their affordability, they have catered to all our needs. Did we ever think about the sacrifices they had to make to accommodate many of our wishes? Did we ever say thanks for all that they have done for us? Same way, today when it comes to our children, we always think that we should put them in a good school.

Regardless of the amount of donation, we will ensure that we will have to give the child the best, theme parks, toys, etc.

But we tend to forget that our parents have sacrificed a lot for our sake to see us happy, so it is our responsibility to ensure that their dreams are realized and what they failed to see when they were young. It is our responsibility to ensure that they experience all those and their life is complete.

Many times, when my parents had asked me some questions, I have actually answered back without patience. When my daughter asks me something, I have been very polite in answering.

Now I realize how they would have felt at those moments. Let us realize that old age is a second childhood and just as we take care of our children, the same attention and same care needs to be given to our parents and elders.

Rather than my dad saying thank you to me, I would want to say sorry for making him wait so long for this small dream. I do realize how much he has sacrificed for my sake and I will do my best to give the best possible attention to all their wishes.

Just because they are old, does not mean that they will have to give up everything and keep sacrificing for their grandchildren also. They have wishes, too..
Take care of your parents. THEY ARE PRECIOUS.

Live ur life - Don't Miss it

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 05:55:47 PDT

This is amazing; Randy Pausch-he died of pancreatic cancer in 2008, but wrote a book ‘The last lecture” before then, one of the bestsellers in 2007. What a legacy to leave behind.

In a letter to his wife Jai and his children, Dylan, Logan and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful "Guide to a Better Life" for his wife and children to follow. May you be blessed by his insight.

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
3. Don't over do; keep your limits.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does.
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
6. Dream more while you are awake.
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more.
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:
15. Call your family often.
16. Each day give something good to others.
17. Forgive everyone for everything.
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
20. What other people think of you is none of your business.
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything.
24. Do the right things.
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
27. The best is yet to come.
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
29. When you’re awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.

While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with, people you play with, people you work with and people you live with. Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you.

EYES

noreply@blogger.com (Raghav) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 05:34:49 PDT

Do you know the relation between two eyes?

They never see each other....... ... BUT

1. They blink together.

2. They move together.

3. They cry together.

4. They see things together.

5. They sleep together.

They share a very deep bonded relationship

However, when they see a woman, one will blink and another will not.

Moral of the story:

Woman can break any kind of relationship! !!