Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sanity

When Great Trees Fall

2011-04-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

When Great Trees Fall is a poem by Maya Angelou about death, loss, grief and recovery. It's today's blog title because today's blog is all about a great tree I know that recently fell.   My dear friend had been diagnosed with uterine cancer about four years ago and, it had appeared until recently, was going to be one of the rare birds who beats the odds. She didn't. The cancer came back with a vengence a few months ago and quickly turned almost every one of her organs into a toxic mass of cancer.

The hardest part of this is not losing her, I know with all my heart and soul that we shall meet again. It's knowing she suffered. Because she was in the hospital and not at home, the medical staff was taking life-saving measures. That meant she wasn't getting the amount of morphine she needed to really be free, and stay free, of the pain.  Once the team finally agreed to put her on hospice, she passed quickly, but until that happened, she suffered. She suffered physically and she suffered emotionally. That part pains me more than my own grief.

Having been with loved ones who die at home, I do not think enough people understand the value of hospice care. Dying should be an act of dignity, pain free and stress free. On hospice care, these ridiculous attempts to prolong an evitable course are traded in for attempts at comfort, ease, and spiritual guideance. In the hospital the least required amount of pain management is usually the norm, where in hospice whatever is needed is what is given. And yes, I know for fact that sometimes an overdose of morphine assists the last breath. And it's merciful and it's dignified and it's humane.

How often I've heard people say, "I couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore, I had to do something." And they're talking about a pet that they've put to sleep. I do not for the life of me understand why we are so afraid of our own death that we can't have the same sense of humanity for our loved ones.

I'm writing this completely without editorializing, so excuse my lack of proper form and punctuation. I'm just too emotionally engaged in this issue at the moment to care about details, that, in the end, do not matter. More later...........

Strange things we say...

2011-04-18T15:41:00.000-07:00

Totally pointless and inane language curiosities I've been pondering...

When a person is unmarried they're called single. So why isn't the married

person called double? A conversation might sound like this, "Oh, I was single last time we talked, but now I'm double." Maybe we're afraid it'll just make us sound fat.

And...

A person who has had a great night's sleep will say, "I slept like a baby." Hmmm. Everyone who has ever slept in the same house as a baby is clued-in to the fact

that babies wake up every couple of hours to either pee, poop, eat, vomit, or watch the HSN.

Sleeping like a baby sounds like a pretty rough night to me. I vote to

change that one too. How about "Good morning honey, I feel great! I slept like a
drunk." Now there's a solid, undisturbed, who-cares-if-I-peed-in-my-pants, sleep.

$10.38 at Barnes&Noble

Having it all...

2011-04-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

I found out this morning that an investment I made isn't going to be the path to fulfilling my dream of a move. It could still pan out but for now anyway, it's not come through. First I felt the sting of disappointment, but just as the tears of discouragement started to flow, I thought..."NO."   Not, "No, I will not cry." but "No, I will not stop fighting for my right to have it all."

I've worked with the elderly for over a decade, particularly elderly women, and I've seen how life happens while we are busy raising children, playing by the rules, and saying yes to our mothers [and men who are life-lesson mirrors of our mothers], and I won't do it. I will not let life pass me by or deny me my dreams because IT, life, says "Not today," or "Not this way."

I'll be damned if I'm going to shrink back from this. Somehow, someway, I will move beyond it and I'll tell you what, I will not do it by sacrificing. I will not give up one thing to have another. I could get back in the high pressure, high demand, stressful workforce out in the world, and work my [slowly increasing] size 8 back end off for the next 10 years to meet my goal.  But at what cost? I would have to give up my writing. I would have to sacrifice time shared with my significant other [who does not mirror my mother for me, thank you.]. I would have to let go of time for myself and my connection to my own inner world and divinity. No. I've played it that way, and while my bank account soared, my connection to everything BUT money suffered.

I do not believe life is meant to be an either-or proposition. I truly believe we are meant to have it all... That is, wealth, prosperity, fulfilling our purpose [doing what we love], love, health, and time to breathe.  I'm sorry world, I won't back down on this.   I have the most amazing loving wonderful relationship [love-check], have not been ill with so much as a cold in exactly 5 yrs and 6 mos [health-check], I am doing what I love [fulfilling purpose-check], and I have time for myself and my relationship with something greater [time to breathe-check].   What I WILL have is wealth and prosperity. And this time without giving up the other four.

I will not let life tell me no.   I will not back down on this. I will have the money I want and live in the home I want in the location I want. I WILL HAVE IT ALL. End of discussion.
[Gee, who knew a little blog could be soooo cathartic?!]

$15.39
[I'm buying this one]

Too much time on my hands

2011-04-10T17:54:00.000-07:00

What does a woman who works from home and has too much free time do with herself?

1. Start a blog.
2. Look for food.
3. Look for food again because something new might have trekky-like materialized since last check.
4. Make the bed [you just don't know what an oddity this is].
5. Stare out the window.
6. Return phone calls
7. Answer the phone before the machine has screened it.
8. Realize that actually answering the phone means that those same people will call again tomorrow in another attempt to sell the same cow.
9. Watch HGTV House Hunters International.
10. Google Croatia.
11. Leave text sex messages at Happy House of Chinese.
12. Realize that B/F's new number is exactly one digit different than Happy House of Chinese.
13. Receive free dinner coupons from Mr. Chang.
14. Drink twice as much coffee.
15. Consider starting a non-profit.
16. Leave comments on other people's blogs.
17. Try to see my own aura [with absolutely no luck].
18. Plan a Travelocity vacation to the Isle of Man just to see how much it will cost [a freaking LOT].
19. Sign up for a free trial to Ancestry.com.
20. Make lists.

$3.98 from B&N

The Cat Lady

2011-04-08T19:37:00.000-07:00

I'm in serious trouble here. I caught myself talking to my cat. I mean I was having a serious heart-to-heart with him and I think he even had an opinion. When I'm seventy-something am I going to be one of those gals who everyone knows as the cat lady?? You know, as in, "Hey, look, there's the Cat Lady." I need a man. A two-legged homo erectus kind of man [pun intended]. Actually-and gratefully-I have one. An amazing one. Two-legged and...well, never mind. But he's been away on business this week, and since I'm now working from home, my contact with hairball-less human types is sorely lacking. I need to take a class or something to get me out of the house and away from myself. And the cat. We're starting to look alike.

$26.50

When I Am An Old Woman I Shall.....

2011-04-06T18:25:00.000-07:00

Halt! Stop! Arrêt! [every woman should know a few choice french words!]

When I am an old woman. Forget it, when is NOW. What if I don't live to be an old woman? Do I want to miss out on the joy of buying satin sandals?? I want to gobble up samples in shops [like Costco, midday on Saturdays] and press alarm bells [definitely not at Costco] while I can. I want to wear purple with a red hat before I'm too old to know it's not a great look. I refuse to let some old outdated code of behaviour tell me how a woman 'my age' is supposed to act. I will routinely walk barefoot [when I'm not wearing my satin sandals], I will eat dessert for dinner if it pleases me, and I will continue to paint my toenails grass green during Spring. I didn't get to forty-eight playing by ALL the rules and I've no intention of holding back now. Life might be long, or it might not. All I know is that I'm here now- willing, able, and ready to see it through, fully engaged and alive.

$1.99 from B&N