In Honor & Loving Memory Of Emanuel & Angelica

August 10th,2012

2012-08-10T19:03:00.002-07:00

HELLO EVERYONE !!! '

My apologizes for not consistently blogging. It has been a busy active summer. I guess that is a good thing less time to sit and have idle thoughts of what was and what could have been. Well, summer is now almost over. The school year will soon be starting if it already hasn't by now in your area. I had an article catch my eye tonight as I was surfing around my news feed on Facebook. A mother in Harlem speaking out on stop and frisk. She lost her four year old son to a stray bullet while the innocent child was playing in what they felt was a safe place, a sandbox in a local park. She has, sadly to report, lost all her sons to gang violence. There are wayyyyy to many stories out there like this one! Our assailants have NEVER been captured nor turned themselves in. NOTHING;a year later and NO closure !! Well, if they have been caught no one in our family has been notified. It is not fair as you are mumbling under your breathe, no its not!!! But, what does one do?? You keep on keeping on that is what you do !! You remember your loved ones spirit !! You never let it die ! You try to be a better person to make a difference in this ugly evil world we live in. I say its ugly and evil world as really what kind of world allows people to kill someone's innocent baby regardless their age !!! I try so hard to stay away from the evil of the world as all it will do is suck you in !! There are a lot of good people in this world though that are trying as well to make a difference !! Pastor Corey Brooks Walk Across America from Chicago to California. But, there just isn't enough to make a complete change !! Granted, God is big and large and always in charge. But, it takes an army to fight this war we are fighting daily in our American neighborhoods. A war of gangs on gangs that are shooting at each other in turn killing the innocent. That is the war we are fighting !! Just read Anaheim California's daily headlines. I totally disagree with how they are handling it on a professional level. They have let it get completely out of hand to where they are dealing with violence on top of violence !! You can't go into a gang ridden out neighborhood with military police tanks and expect peace !!! Give me a break !!!! Okay I will get off my soap box there . My heart just aches for this mom who lost her four year old son and all her other sons to boot. Someone have a heart help these people out !! Keep them always in prayers !!! Just cause you live in a decent neighborhood does not give you the right to forget about children that live in fear over gangs !! Even if all you are doing is praying that is saying a whole lot !! Just remember them in your prayers tonight and always !!! God Bless our children of the USA !!! May God and our angels always keep them safe !!!

July 20th,2012 Day Of Prayer

2012-07-20T08:41:00.002-07:00

Good Morning Everyone !! By now the world has heard of the senseless and terribly sad tragic shootings that took place in Colorado early this morning !!! The President of The United States stated , " A day of prayer "" as it should be !! This is what I have been blogging on since June 18th, 2011 when we lost our beloved to violent gang shooting !!! This is becoming a world wide epidemic !!! To the point that people of the USA are not opening their eyes to because it hasn't happened to them--YET !!!! Not saying it will but by God's force of people being tired of this act that others getting involved making awareness, making communities safer regardless whether it has entered yours or not, we might be able to make this shit stop !! Yes, I am a bit emotional today !! That is what happens after one has gone through this you get over emotional to crap like this !! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH !!!! I have had it with the evil of this world !! I literally have seen so much dark shit this year its enough to make one go under the covers till the duration !!! But that is NOT God's plan for me !! DON'T GIVE UP !!!! Don't let others give up !!!!!! This year started off June 18th with my 17 year old grandson being murdered, a childhood friend being horribly murdered on Jan 6th,2012, an F-2 tornado ripping through my town taking over 40 % of it on Feb 28th,2012 , 50 ft from my dam house, my best friend of 10 plus years dyeing of cancer on March 2nd,2012 within a month of being diagnosed !!!! For real God and then all the evil of the world in between !!!! How much can one take enough to FINALLY say I HAVE had enough !! God has a plan for me and for you whatever your hell may be right now He has a plan !!! Don't give up !!!!! Whether it be telling the entire world your story or starting a community organization to benefit others !!!! If you HAVE gone through such senseless tragedy don't keep it to yourself open up to someone that pain WILL hit believe me when it hits its like a river of tears and being choked to death all at the same time !! This world needs more of God & Jesus however you look at it once we took Him out of everything boom hell hit !!!! Meaning shunning on prayer and just the belief in God alone !! When you do have something so horrible happen that is ALL you have left is God !!! Call me bible thumper God freak I don't care I would rather be that than to have all the hate and anger this world throws at us on a daily basis !! I am in the works as some of you have been following on making a world wide internet org/website/charity for such victims. To let them know they are NOT alone to let them know what is in their neighborhood !! It is taking time to create and research it but with God's love and help it will be done !! So, with that please join me and millions of others for this day to be a day of prayer for the victims of Colorado !! As I HAVE always stated NO OTHER family should EVER have to go through with what we went through on June 18th, 2011. Have a very blessed weekend and always always be safe !!!!!! I love you always my sweet grandson !!!!

July 10th, 2012

2012-07-10T06:31:00.003-07:00

""""ONE DAY IS WORTH A THOUSAND TOMORROWS """"""""""""""

That is hard for some too see another tomorrow--but it does happen it does come; it at times takes what feels like a lifetime to get here when our world has been torn apart from losing a loved one. I blog on my story to try and share some hope with others, to let the world know our story !! That hopefully this does not have to happen to yet another mother, yet another family broken hearted due to gun killings by gang members !! Their is love in this world however it is very hard to see on some days but believe me it truly is there, LOVE !! Last night I got a bit emotional and that is just how it is for me at times, one emotion at a time !!! One second at a time !! One breath at a time !! People/friends tell me they love my writing, I am however my worst critic. Last night just totally caught up with me !! I have been following the news on the gang shootings in Chicago. Then, they switched it over to LA. That, hit home !!! Then they did the interview with Ram and I think I was expecting way more out of that interview not a lecture/speech on values/statistics !! How much of that interview was on or about political votes ???? Probably ALL of it !!!! He was a bit convincing though when he gave his feelings about the children being these gangs targets in the end. He got angry !! Well, guess what Ram the families of these innocent victims are angry !! Its a different type of anger however, not a revenge anger full of hate and evil. But, a motivational anger to want something to happen to protect our children, Do something more than just give a speech and throw out numbers !!!!!!!!! Hire people that have gone through this that are willing to get involved . Not a dangerous involvement type but to get involved !!! Whether it be to start an organization to help these families and be an advocate when it happens to them, or write a bill/law, or even like me just to blog on it !!! GET INVOLVED !! Help protect our streets help make the world safer for our children and loved one's !!!! Will it EVER be a safer world one asks ?? Of course it can be, it didn't take one person to build the arch or even the Titanic !! It takes a body of people to be at the point of being sick and tired for change to occur !!!!!!!! I want this world to be way more safer when my child enters it as an adult than what it is now !!!!! I can't protect him forever , when he enters the world as an adult its his responsibility and the world's responsibility to make him safe !!!!!! How come some of these missionary groups from religious organizations do not go to our own cities in the US and do their missionary work there instead of going to other countries ?????!!!! Because I think some are afraid of the bad wrap they will receive some are afraid to take a stand !!! Free food is just not enough people they need sooooooooooo much more !! As my dear friend AG sings about in his song what would you do if you could rule the world ?? Such a powerful song !!!! Can be taken to so many different heights !! I am working on making something happen, not writing laws, not going in to the neighborhoods but something is going to be done soon on awareness for these communities; it is just taking time but it will be done !!!! So, I am going to end this blog this morning with a request. PLEASE, if you have gone through such horrible tragedy of losing a child to these gang monsters, or lost a loved one or a friend due to gang shootings PLEASE, don't keep ALL of the pain bottled up inside !!! Find someone you can trust to talk to !!!! Share your tragedy with others as sad as it sounds it does help others that have gone through it !! To know we are not alone !!!!!!! Give your strength to others pay it forward !! "'Don't let the world change your heart Don't let the world take away your heart Don't let the world take away your smile """"" Have a most blessed day everyone & always always be safe !!!!

July 6, 2012

2012-07-06T16:57:00.003-07:00

R.I.P. Little Heaven Angel Baby !!!

I have to say after reading Heaven's story I am in tears !! And I am angry !! This isn't fair !! Do they not know they are tearing a families world apart when they do this take away our sweet babies !!! ??? PLEASE STOP !!!!!! PLEASE with every ounce of prayer I have in me make these gang members stop Jesus !!!!! And the names of these innocent children just tears at my heart Emanuel ( my grandson ) Angelica ( our friend ) and Baby Angel and now this sweet little innocent girl Heaven. They all had the world in the palm of their hands the future was theirs and then the POS take it away just like that !!!! I am not saying go after them in the same manner, just make them stop !!! How much more does this world need to see before serious changes need to take place ???? Come on Obama and Congress we don't care ( we do but not MY top priority ) about the economy and you spending trillons of dollars to fix it , big government they say. WE WANT OUR STREETS SAFER !!!!! Campaign on something that means something to the average citizen !!! When this happens to a family prayer is ALL you do have !!!! Have a heart Congress/Obama do something !!!! There was a time when I focused on revenge but the killers of our sweet Emanuel aren't worth me having all that hate inside me. This is my way of honoring my grandson a way that I can make a difference being a voice for these victims !!! This little girl was selling candy in front of her house hours and during the time she was hit with stray bullets from a gang war going on down the street from her. As she was running inside for protection she had already been hit. She died a few hours later. Just gut wrenchingly unforgivable !!!!! They already Thank God have two suspects in custody, but I can guarantee you speaking from experience that isn't helpful that does not take the forever hole of emptiness inside a mother's soul away !!! I don't even know anymore if there is anything anyone can do except to be strong and forever be watching to protect your loved one's !! I said last night maybe National Guard needs to be called in as this is a war on our streets a forever daily unending war !!!! I just hold close in my prayers tonight prayers for healing for little Heaven's family and friends please do the same !!! You would if this was someone you loved and cared about !! Believe me !! Good night & God Bless and protect this world we live in !!!!

2012-07-05T22:26:00.004-07:00

Happy 19th Birthday to our grandson Emanuel !!

This year has been exceptionally harder than last, last year I think it was because we were still grieving his death/murder. It was hard to lay him to rest then turn around and honor his birthday. At least for me I just kept on grieving his death. I couldn't see how to handle it any other way other than to just be sad for someone was gone that I would never have the opportunity to ever meet in this life time. My step daughter called last night, Emanuel's mom and told me she was going to make this cake for him today. I guarantee all from scratch. She just has such a strong special heart. I love that family too pieces always have not because of what happened. But, because of how strong they are in how they dealt with it and everything in between. It is more than you or I could bear I am sure of that !! Don't get me wrong their hearts are broke beyond repair they still grieve Emanuel & Angelica's loss every day!! We all do !! Not too mention grief makes people do the strangest things and say the things we wished we would never ever say and then when we say them its too late to take back. I have barely it seems been hanging on some days. Granted the weather is hot and horrible and that is my excuse for most days but the weather is not going to last forever. And, neither does depression/grief/anxiety/feelings. That's what happens when stuff like this happens in one's family. Whether you had a close bond or not it doesn't matter that relationship is gone forever. There is no getting it back till its our time to go to Heaven. That is why I don't get why these gang memebers do what they do. They don't kill over money or things they do it for acceptance and recognition. They rip people's lives apart and tear families grief beyond repair, all for recognition. You would think places like Chicago and California would make tougher laws , go in these neighborhoods and rid of it. My lans last night alone in Chicago they had 5 murders all gang related one was a little girl. She however was not murdered, thank God. But, she is a victim of their violence living in this world full of fear. Chicago's murder rate alone this year is now up to 272 innocent victims. California had 272 a month ago, innocent murdered victims, women, men, little babies. No one is immune !!! Pastor Corey Brooks God Bless his soul is as I have stated before walking across this country the USA making a stand against gang violence. His son had to go to the hospital in a city they were walking in due to heat related illness. That is not stopping them from walking !! I have been corresponding with him since he started this walk. I will and plan on meeting him when he gets close to my city. Please pray for him and his congregation as they are truly angels they do care !!!! I do not have the funds to donate to the organization at the moment but believe me when I do get the funds its worth every penny !!! So, please as well join me in prayer for their journey, Walk Across America/ Project Hood ( HELPING OTHERS OBTAIN DESTINY ) in memory of my grandson & Angelica and Pastor Oscar Duncan & Baby Angel and ALL the other victims !!!! God Bless & Good night for now !!! I LOVE YOU EMANUEL I ALWAYS HOLD YOU CLOSE TO MY HEART --THE LOVE I HOLD FOR YOU NO ONE CAN EVER STEAL, KILL OR RIP APART !!!! LOVE ALWAYS GRANDMA HEATHER

JULY 2ND, 2012

2012-07-02T08:14:00.002-07:00

""PRACTICE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS""' Share a smile. Be Kind to Others. Pass It On "" !!!

Good Morning everyone !!! So we got through the Light A Candle In Your Driveway Day. Now this month marks Emanuel's, our grandsons birthday. On July 5th he would be turning 19 years old. Most 19 year olds have their life in the palm of their hands. Their dreams their goals in life they are getting ready to fulfill. My grandson NEVER got to fulfill that opportunity. His family never got to say I am so proud of you for the accomplishments you have made in your life. Granted, we are though. Even in his short life span that he lived he lived it to the fullest . Always had a smile on his face always helping out his family and friends for that we are so very proud beyond words. His high-school did graduate him even though he was not there physically. His teachers loved his spirit and he was a good student each one of them told my husband that the day he had the opportunity to meet them, when he was out there. As hard as this is for me at times to blog and tell the world our story I still feel a sense of peace inside. As hard as that is for some to understand that as you never will unless you have gone through it. And, I pray no one will EVER have to go through what we went through. That is my entire goal from doing this is awareness. Making people aware of what goes on in these larger cities that we live. Some are so comfortable in their homes they don't pay attention until its too late. That wasn't our case. Watts is a very dangerous neighborhood. The law enforcement has made it this way. And now other people are taking a stand finally to be rid of the fear. I am soooo ecstatic to be able to write that the governor or the community is taking a stand and FINALLY in the process of choosing a developing contractor to go in Watts and tear down Jordan Down Projects that have been overrun by gang activity. They are wanting to rebuild the community with decent housing and stores, restaurants etc. To me that is sooo bittersweet. It reminds me of a friend of ours. He did that for a living owned a contracting company. Well, he was murdered earlier this year. I know in my heart of hearts he is an angel helping guide this project, as the fact is if he was still here with us he would probably want to snag this project. Watts is the start, yes. But, we need this to continue in every large city. Every city that has empty abandonment buildings. That is what the gang members do they take over such awful living quarters. Buildings that have been condemned they use it for their headquarters sometimes they live in them. If you live in these large communities keep your eyes open. Don't let children your children play near them. See, this is also Pastor Brooks goal to raise money to be able to do such a huge project. Anyone can do this. It takes a whole lot of love and commitment to make such a thing happen. So, I ask of you on July 5th of this year to Practice Random Acts Of Kindness in honor of my grandson turning 19. Help these people make our neighborhoods safer. Even if it is just smiling at a stranger. The kinder the people are in this world we live in the safer our streets will be for our children.

June 30th, 2012

2012-06-30T21:41:00.002-07:00

Hello everyone !! It is Saturday night and so much to write about here.

Maybe someone is reading my blog and spreading the message, or maybe Californians are just tired of the overrun gang neighborhoods I don't know. I have put blogging aside for the past couple of weeks to get a breather. I received a text message this evening saying they arrested the murderer of Little Baby Angel. FINALLY !! I don't know what I am feeling other than a bunch of overwhelming emotions. For one, why didn't they offer an award for my grandsons murderer? Maybe, it would have prevented this babies death. As it has been known that it was the same bunch of monsters that gunned down Emanuel & Angelica. They are also known for having ties to previous murders. I started this blog in honor of my grandson and so many other innocent victims. Just because you live in these forgotten neighborhoods, does not label you as gang related/affiliated. These kids that grow up in these neighborhoods some come from decent hard working families. They have the same dreams as you and I did when we were kids. But, they are subjected to this lifestyle of "' survival" !! They don't know any other way. They make friends with some of these members just as a mere way too survive. Throughout their entire childhood they are exposed to this as long as they live in these "' forgotten neighborhoods ". So, after receiving this text message tonight I decided to finally after weeks of giving up hope click on to LA TIMES. I see a story of the assailant captured and arraigned on Friday though of course no follow up story yet on the arraignment. Then, I saw a story where LA is seeking developers for rebuilding Watts into a better community !! Ohhh thank you God !!! My grandkids spent half their childhood growing up there. They made lasting friendships there they went to school there. It needs to be a better community. There are soooo many communities in the USA that need to have someone step up to make it a safer place to raise children. A place where you can feel safe wearing a certain color of shirt and not fear for your life that you will get shot over wearing the color purple or grey or black !!! That way of the world seriously needs to stop !! This killer of this one year old baby boy is 15 a teenage boy !!!!!! I feel absolutely NO REMORSE for him no sadness as I feel in my gut; the deepest part of my gut he has ties to my grandsons death !!! The world my friends is getting fed up with this wreckless behavior of little boys playing with big men toys; little scrawney men behind guns !!!! And, as I am typing this Pastor Corey Brooks is still on his long journey of walking from one end of the USA to the other end to make a stand against violence !!! AMEN Pastor Corey Brooks thank you for doing what you are doing !! As well when I read through LA Times a beautiful little 5 year old girl was murdered by a family member on June 13th of this year. A few days before we did Light A Candle In Your Driveway. I will NEVER understand the evil that plaques people to resort to this kind of behavior !!! This behavior is intolerable !! These notorious gang members are out numbering the police in any state no state in this country is immune; believe me . They have more money than an average hard working citizen ( dirty money that is ) . They walk around with high powered weapons that out number the law's weapons. They walk around with cell phones and access to social networks !!! WOW !!!! And yet their victims out number the soldiers that were killed in active duty this year !!! The one's fighting for and laying their life down for our freedom !! WOW !!! But the more information and the more people that get tired of innocent victims/babies being gunned down and people start taking a stand I am telling ya changes happen !! God makes changes happen !!!! God answers prayers in His time not ours !! And with God by our side anything is possible !!! So, with that goodnight and always always stay safe !! Much love to everyone who participated on National Light A Candle In Your Driveway !!!

Wednesday June 20th,2012

2012-06-20T11:11:00.004-07:00

Well its two days since our grandsons one year anniversary and a day before my birthday. I am feeling a bit better about celebrating my birthday much better than I was this time last year. It still is there in the back of my mind that: " hey its four days before your birthday always "". I know in time that might pass, doubtful but maybe. I am following Pastor Brooks as I stated a few days ago as him and his blessed congregation are walking across America to bring awareness that this world needs to take a stand to help end the violence that plaques our neighborhoods all over the world. FINALLY someone is taking a stand for our children and the future of this world. That maybe just maybe the gang violence and the shootings will NOT happen as frequent and like it happened with my family. This is a very powerful movement !! I feel so guided by this that I am thinking of taking a drive when he is near my town so I can shake his hand and tell him our story !! It gets so over emotional and draining writing and writing and sharing my story with no response from anyone. I was so overwhelmed the other day on our one year anniversary of Emanuel's death I completely shut down yesterday. And then today when I went on you tube to find a recent video of Pastor Brooks and where they may be at today. URGH typing in the word Hood on you tube even if it is in a sentence comes up with the awfullest videos of the gangs. The one's still running free with cell phones and weapons REALLY !! WOW !! I wanted to puke !! It is a scarey world we live in and especially for our younger generation. It scares me to no end what they have to face, and what faces them in their future. I can not let the fear of the unknown get me down though. With people like Pastor Brooks it gives me hope for a better tomorrow !! I am not going to stop blogging just because Light A Candle is only one time a year for us. Its a lifetime for us !! I just pray no mother ever has to go through this pain and no grandmother ( like myself ) has to either. Bless you Pastor Brooks and may the angels guide and protect you on your journey of walking across America !! The world needs more people like you !!! Have a most blessed and safe day everyone !!!

June 19, 2012 Pastor Corey Brooks Walks Across America

2012-06-19T11:49:00.003-07:00

WOW !! What a chain of events that took place yesterday on my 17 year old grandson's first year angel anniversary. I highly believe that his angel was here guiding us through the day. I stumbled upon a man named Corey Brooks who is a Pastor in Chicago one of the highest crime ridden cities in the US higher than LA . There has been more killings gang violence in this city that over exceeds the number of troops killed in Afghanistan in one year. Well this man is a wonderful community leader for this city that I have been reading and researching on. He starts his walk today yes I stated "Walk " across America today June 19, 2012. I pray that God and our angels above guide him on his journey as he walks from New York to Los Angeles. To bring attention and end the violence this behavior has brought all across the US. As well, yesterday I ran across some homemade videos from May of last year when life was good. When Manuel and Angelica were still alive. My husband had to make a trip out there the week of Mother's Day as my step daughter Manuels mom had received word that she had cancer. She is now thank God cancer free. But finding those videos and hearing his voice and laughter ohhhh I just can not describe. Most people would probably have gotten very angry over the fact that these thugs took a precious soul away from their family and loved one's. But, I guess if I had personally known him and had the opportunity to meet him I might have felt that way. But it just warmed my heart. I knew he was here in spirit. It was another one of those moments that you can not describe unless you have been in my shoes and God I pray no one ever has to go through what we did a year ago. No family deserves to have this happen to them. So I pray for Pastor Brooks safe journey as he walks to end violence. AMEN !! Maybe some day I will get the opportunity to meet him and shake his hand. As well as I will go visit his website to vote for best leadership in his community. I can not help but also reflect on the innocent victim Oscar Duncan who believed and tried to do the same but the gangs silenced him. God Bless our Angel Oscar.

JUNE 18TH, 2012

2012-06-18T09:53:00.002-07:00

""" NATIONAL LIGHT A CANDLE IN YOUR DRIVEWAY DAY ""

Well today is way harder emotionally than I could ever imagine. It marks the first anniversary of my 17 year old grandsons death and 19 year Angelica as well. They were standing in their own driveway a year ago tonight and were gunned down by gang members. Since my grandsons death I have noticed how much this evil shootings have over plaqued our country we live in. Bigger cities they out number the police forces. We need to bring awareness that not just the fact we are tired of seeing this happen to our loved one's. But the fact that neighborhoods we live in are being forgotten. Forgotten by the law/government sometimes the law does not feel safe enough to go into these neighborhoods and protect and serve. So, please join us tonight in lighting a candle in honor of my grandson Emanuel David Berry & Angelica Escalante. At 10pm where ever you live light a candle in your drive way or in your home or patio etc. If you would then take a picture and show the world that we want our neighborhoods to be safer for our children !! Thank you !!! In loving memory always of Emanuel David Berry 7/5/93---6/18/2011 God Bless & always stay safe !!!

HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL DADS & MOMS WHO HAVE TO PLAY DAD ROLES

2012-06-17T10:02:00.002-07:00

""If you don't like something change it !! If you can't change it change the way you think about it !!"

That ironically was the daily quote for the day !! I know my grandson Emanuel is up in Heaven saying "" Happy Father's Day Dad ". I don't mean to be bringing everyone down this is just our world what we always think about at times. Sometimes we think about him with smiles and tears but always with happy memories. Sometimes the tears out weigh's the smiles some days and that is okay. You would be doing the same too if this was you. See, Father's Day ALWAYS comes the day before Emanuel's angel day. And, the thing is the first anniversary is always the toughest. I just can not imagine what Emanuel's dad feels like today . That was his son, they shared the same birthday. That too me is as special as special gets. To have that ripped out of your life in an instant a blink of an eye and the law not even doing their job to bring justice and closure, to me is unforgivable. But, we ALWAYS will have the memories the memories of Emanuel's smile,laughter and joy that he brought to so many people that will NEVER be ripped away from us !! My husband the last time he went out for a family visit was a month before this happened on Mother's Day. The pictures we have we cherish ! The visit with all the kids and fam at the hotel pool hahhah puts a smile on my face. See, its just kind of a melancholy day for us. A day where we really don't want to be around a lot of people just family. Same goes for tomorrow on the anniversary. It just does not seem possible that a year has gone by already. And that empty hole is still there always will be. I just hope people participate tomorrow in the Light A Candle In Your Driveway Day. At 10pm where ever you live please light a candle in honor of two sweet innocent angels that meant the world to us. Emanuel & Angelica . The grandma and mom I am to me this signifies world peace even if it is for just one day. World peace even if it just means for one hour. As well not only did Manuel's dad share the same birthday with his son this happened three days before my birthday always !! Peace and safety for our children means the world to me. Where ever you live peace and safety means alot to a family !! So please share the Light A Candle In Your Driveway@ 10 pm. Father's enjoy your special day with your children and families !! Have a most blessed day !!

Friday June 15th,2012

2012-06-15T09:58:00.004-07:00

""A Little Tear A Little Crying For Not All Of Life Is Smiling """

Ohhhh how that phrase rings true some days. I started off with morning coffee conversation in how fast a year a goes by. Reflections. Reflecting on how good things were a year ago today. Then how everything in our lives changed boom in the blink of an eye. But then the wonderful man that I am married to always takes that to another level. A more positive level he never lets me stay stuck in the dark for very long. He said well I have no doubt that our Emanuel is happy where he is at. There is NO doubt in anyone's heart that that boy is dancing and smiling and laughing up there in Heaven. I REALLY do try to stay positive in my everyday routine of life. I don't enjoy telling the world about my families struggle and pain and grief. But flip that around, there is alot of pain and struggle my family went through and we have survived done more than just survive. There will always be tears of what could have been and why did it have to happen. But, for me its always about honoring my grandson the grandson I never got too meet. But, someday I will meet him. It just wasn't and wont be in this lifetime. YES !! I want more than anything to see changes occur in these lost and forgotten neighborhoods. I want EVERY child in this world to feel safe where they live. I guess I am that voice to try and make it happen. I don't know. I reflect on the day we found out about Manuel's death I was at work got the call and about dropped to my knees. Literally !! So I was told to leave and go be with my family. I wasn't able to just drop everything and go be with my stepdaughter who needed me terribly. I had a child of my own to take care of. BELIEVE ME I wanted to so bad !! I regret not being able to do that but was thankful and grateful my husband went . I realized then that I just can not sit here and do nothing but grieve. When the neighborhood in Watts realized what happened they got a posse gathered together of love. They went and swarmed my families driveway with candles and makeshift items that Manuel loved. Flowers, roses teddy bears Dexter stuffed animals ( Dexter was and always will be his nickname ) and tons and tons of lit candles . A flock of Manuel's friends and family flocked to me knowing my situation of not being able to be there flocked to me on facebook out of unconditional love over someone they had never met . It was also a week before Manuel's' what was to be his high school graduation and his sisters jr high school graduation. For a grandma to not be there was heart breaking. It was also always will be three days before my birthday. Maybe just maybe someday I will get over that but I just can't shake that most days. I have since stayed in touch with Manuel's girlfriend at that time. I chat with them when they feel scared or sad or have good news to share. Most of us will NEVER know what it feels like to be a child growing up in these forgotten lost communities that the people whom live there call their home. I label them forgotten as the government is doing nothing to make these places safer. The lack of health care available to these people the lack of food banks the lack of decent safe schooling. Most of the school out there you enter through a check lane like at air ports and court houses. They have bars on the windows on homes etc. Most of us go to bed at night and feel safe we don't hear gun shots . Or maybe some of us do. But most of us don't have to feel scared of standing on a specific street corner wearing the color purple and not fear our lives ending because we are wearing that color. Or maybe some of us do. As well as some don't have to fear standing in their own driveway and not worry about gangsters driving by with A-K's or whatever kind of weapon aiming fire. Or maybe some of us do. I just feel that it is past due time someone with more clout and recognition than myself, stand up and go in these forgotten neighborhoods to help make them safer. Whether its a famous rapper,musician,politician I don't care just do it !!! For the love of our children and our future do it !!! Most of you probably that are reading this are saying ya okay whatever. Well, shame on you for not being a voice !! I am not crazy I am just a mom and a grandma that is tired of seeing my loved one's die due to violence and gang shootings !! That if these forgotten neighborhoods were better patrolled and our rights weren't being violated this behavior would not happen !! So with the weekend upon us I just hope and pray everyone remembers Monday June 18th. What it means to me and my family that the world participate for a safer world. That they remember there are innocent shootings out there !! That just because you live in a gang ridden community does not make you one of them !!! That Monday June 18th is the date that my grandson became our forever angel while standing in his own driveway. That is why it is and I always want it to be; National Light A Candle In Your Driveway Day that where ever you live east coast,west coast, mountain, pacific region that when 10pm strikes on your clock light a candle for Emanuel and Angelica. As they would have done if this was one of yours !!! Thank you and I hope you have a most blessed and safe weekend !!

Tonight's Prayer

2012-06-13T22:08:00.003-07:00

Today's daily devotional stated " I pray that I may help a grieving heart today !!! "" That has always been my words to live by helping someone in need if you can give them what they need if its in reason. When people go through such horrible loses in their life it takes everything out of them. Nothing is ever the same !! Whether its a child, a parent, a sibling, a best friend, grandparent etc. I am feeling extremely uplifted tonight. Got word that a lady I knew when I was a child is cancer free now. They detected cancer in her system from the testing and thought she would have to undergo chemo. Well she got a positive bill of health and no chemo is needed that is totally awesome !! So now I know two women whom are cancer free after undergoing the scare of their lives !! SIGH !! I wish the neighborhoods were that easy to rid of the bad. I guess then if you look at that what I just typed so then turn it around instead of saying "" i wish "" I am going to start saying "" Pray Until Something Happens """ Prayers ALWAYS speaks loud in numbers !! So I hope you all join me in that prayer " Pray until something happens !! """ That's exactly what happened with my step daughters cancer and the lady I know who thought she might have cancer, people prayed until something happened !! So with that I wish you all a good and most definite safe night !! Sweet dreams !!!

Honoring The Fallen

2012-06-13T11:14:00.003-07:00

Hello World !!

I hope you all are having a most positive day so far !! I titled today's post "Honoring The Fallen "" !! Meaning honoring those who were taken prey to such wreckless gang violence ! This Pastor's death just breaks my heart he died for what he stood for what he believed in helping to better the streets he was born and raised on !!! I wrote a bit last night about how these communities are being overran by such violence . It has gotten so out of hand law enforcement departments across the Universe have NO clue how out of touch with this they are !! Good innocent people are dieing every day !! Constantly at the wrong place at the wrong time !! Or really are they being preyed on ??? This one man that was interviewed in last nights CBS news report on gang shootings , stated "" Its a war we fight daily to try and protect our children and loved one's " And yet what is Congress doing about it ? Writing laws to take the things we love away !! A good greasy cheeseburger every once in awhile, will no longer be when Congress gets done . A pop at the local fair , will be taken away when Congress gets done !! But, then the sad part is, we don't do anything till something happens to us !! Till we are tired enough of watching this and having it happen to us or in our neighborhoods /communities etc. Neighborhood watch programs just aren't enough anymore !!! Communities need law enforcement to go into these neighborhoods and warn them before something horrible happens of what to watch out for. A more in depth description of this type of activity, gangs. Its just so sad and deplorable that this only happens in areas where the activity is more wide spread . AND why on God's green earth is Sharpton and Jackson NOT taking a stand on this ?? Where the hell are they ?? Already made too much money on the Trayvon case ?? If anyone could get through to these thugs it would be them I would think ??!! But, as stated always my focus is on the victims and the families that this happens to. My stepdaughter God bless her soul is wanting to organize a Catholic Mass for her son's one year angel anniversary !!! I pray the Catholic service helps her !! So with that I end today's post with a prayer for safety and change !! Have a most safe and blessed day everyone !!

Goodnight Prayers !!

2012-06-12T17:57:00.005-07:00

As I sit here and title this Goodnight Prayers as I do with my nightly entries every night since I started this blog a week ago, it take me back to when my own son was little and saying prayers with him . Not a night went by that we didn't say prayers at bedtime. I have since carried that into his teen years saying prayers before he would leave for school in the am. That is what keeps me centered and focused is prayers and God. June 18th is right around the corner and I have to say I am feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes I think and wander if I am in denial and running from my feelings. I don't think so though due to EVERY time I send our story in to someone, by the time the last sentence gets here I am in tears. As well, it never fails whatever you are personally going through in your life it always seems to be right there in your face !! I say that as on the world news tonight they were doing a special on the gang shootings in Chicago. As I state several times this is EVERYWHERE !! But this one was a bit unique the statistics on Chicago's gang violence is that, gang shootings take 2 individuals lives EVERY day for the past year. The death rate on gang shooting victims in Chicago has been that it has taken more victims than the Afghanistan terrorists have taken our troops lives in an annual statistic !!! Our troops are over there defending and fighting for our freedom !! The gangs are killing for what recognition/power/control ?? THEY are not my focus though my focus is on the victims and their families and loved one's !!! But my question to the media is this why focus on ONE state ?? Yes, what is going on in Chicago is awful its horrific its evil !! But there are so many other states that have the same behavior and actions going on in their communities !! With God being big and large and always in charge He and ONLY He can move mountains !!! So with that I close and say please keep having faith and place a candle in your driveway on June 18th for my grandson & Angelica and soooooooo many other victims !! Thank you goodnight & God Bless !! May you be safe as you sleep tonight and remember the children who aren't !!!

June 12th, 2012

2012-06-12T08:23:00.002-07:00

GOOD MORNING !!!

"Every morning starts a new page in your story. Make it a great one today !!! "" My morning ritual consists of prayer, morning coffee with hubs and then an hour or two on the net. I have alot of pages under my lists on Facebook. I love the inspirational funny one's that come through every morning it gives me motivation. Silly probably but whatever works in this world we live in, as long as its on a positive note. But, I realized during coffee time this am that it has taken me a long long time to get to this point. That its okay to just be okay with everything . Granted, I don't like what happens in this world most of the time.But, there is nothing I can do to make all the horrible stuff stop in this world we live in. All I can do is become a benefiting factor to everyone else that lives in this world. Make a difference so to speak be a positive influence. That is why I am doing what I am doing, even if it just benefits me in the healing process. But, I would like to think that there are others out there whom are getting some kind of positive motivation to carry on with positive behavior and attitude, by sharing our story and what my family has overcome. I was thinking this morning as well that would it not be a beautiful thing to see my entire small town neighborhood par take in the Light A Candle In Your Driveway Day ? To see the entire street I live on , to see candles placed in driveways that are lit or even unlit just knowing they placed the candles in honor of innocent victims they did not even know. What a beautiful thing that would be !! The warmth that my family would feel in their heart instead of hatred towards the individual(s) who caused us our pain and emptiness in our hearts. A lifetime of feelings that it is !!! Blogging our story has been a bittersweet ordeal for me. I was overcome with bitterness and anger and sadness this time last year and it carried on for along time. So much has happened in my lifetime. I have had a mother die of cancer when I was at a young age of three. Seen many a loved one pass on in different situations whether it was murder or a car accident, suicide. I have seen too much of it. But, my grandsons death just makes us reflect on the lasting lifetime emotional impact it has on his siblings and loved one's. My step daughters spirit is one of a very strong individual/woman. Yes. she cries every day you would too. They visit the cemetary quit often, as one should. My step daughter did not GIVE up fighting for her life with the cancer that she had then. She still continued her chemo and took care of her family and other children when most of us would shut down if that happened to us. I thank God every day that the cancer just disappeared that Emanuel's love and the love she had for her son helped take that away. I don't know what else to call it. As well, she did NOT give up when her other son was shot 4 times. She helped him pull through it !! AND with Emanuel's loving spirit that we are left with he( Emanuel ) helped his brother with God's love over come being shot four times with no physical altercations !!! WHAT A TESTIMONY !!! I wrote bittersweet as when I share these stories which they are LIFE stories not fiction that it warms my heart and soul I feel a sense of warmth over come me that is indescribable. So, I hope if anything that this blog gives someone a sense of, hey if we can get through this you can get through your ordeal whatever it may be !! That you too can get through cancer with God's help and the love and strength from your friends or family and that you too can get through your depression, addictions whatever the issue is there is something way bigger than that !! It is God's love and acceptance and the love and strength from others !! God is large and ALWAYS in charge !! PLEASE if you are reading this don't keep it to yourself hit the FB share button or the share button and it will direct you to the social network you care to share this on !! Have a most blessed day everyone !!!

Prayer For The Day !!

2012-06-11T22:13:00.003-07:00

" Renew my spirit when the morning breaks and let me look forward to a day of blessing & peace " And always blessings & peace for others !!! I am sitting here with calmness around me am listening to some music I grew up with, Fleetwood Mac & Al Stewart etc. Always brings a sense of calmness in me. I have to say since June 18th when Manuel was taken from us last year, music has helped me get through all the pain and grief and still does to this day. This Saturday we are doing a pre celebration for my birthday which is the 21st of this month. Always forever will be three days after my grandson was murdered. A grandson I was not allowed to meet and never will have the opportunity to meet because of someones wreckless, careless behavior and actions. But, I decided to focus on God and positive stuff as last year when all this happened it took me to a really dark place that I never want to go back to. Manuel and his father had and shared the same birthday's. July 5th of every year for 17 years was always known as Manuel and his dad's birthday how cool would that have been to celebrate a birthday the same day as one of your parents? Well, Saturday evening we will be celebrating my pre birthday party with wonderful friends and maybe family. Its always nice to have something to look forward to after such a horrific ordeal even if it is just something so simple as enjoying music. The main reason behind Light A Candle In Your Driveway Day , for me was to make the day Emanuel & Angelica were taken from us into a positive day of positive tears and memories not how horrible that day and the actions of others made us all forever feel. To remember Emanuel's & Angelica's kind loving sweet spirits and to share that with others. So, with that I still every night say prayers for a more peaceful loving world and for our children to always feel safe !! Goodnight and God Bless !!

2012-06-11T14:24:00.001-07:00

http://www.latimes.com/videogallery/70403279/News/Two-Arrested-in-Murder-of-LA-Youth-Pastor

Monday June 11th,2012

2012-06-11T09:37:00.004-07:00

Good Morning dear friends and lovely family !!!

We are a week away from National Light A Candle In Your Driveway Day !!! I am hoping to get more responses from this this week . I believe it should be a day made to honor victims that were taken from this life in such a wreckless way by ruthless evil individuals. The most recent shooting victims in the news are the three football players. These were big boys not your average size. It just kills me that the person behind the trigger is usually small and weak. Small and weaker than their innocent victims. Why can't they just be man enough to confront their victims with a face to face altercation and put the weapons away ?? I have ALWAYS felt that if your that angry to take someone's life or cause them physical harm for life then just do away with your dang self. Stop making these victims families a forever life of hell. It emotionally damages families and friends beyond control when their loved one is taken from us like this. Its not fair !!! Well as far as victim updates its been a week since baby Angel was taken and his assailant is STILL running free, remember a $100,000 reward is being offered. They are STILL looking for the two assailants on the football players, don't know if a reward is set for them or not. There is STILL a $ 50,000.00 reward set for the victims assailant from Venice. So, PLEASE just keep National Light A Candle In Your Driveway Day in your prayers !! Let's make something happen for these victims and their loved one's. Even if it does just end up being a day of prayer and peace ohhh what a wonderful day that would be. I was thinking that if EVERY individual who accepts the invite for this day and volunteers to par take in this that if you would kindly take a picture of where you decide to place your candle ( hopefully in your driveway ) that we can FINALLY show the world we want changes. That we want changes for our children/grandchildren for them to feel safe in this world that we live in !! Thank-you and have a very blessed Monday !!

PLEASE share the National Light A Candle In Your Driveway Day with your friends and loved one's by going to my FB page and clicking the share button share it with your friends and loved one's !!! Thank you !!!

2012-06-10T21:51:00.002-07:00

Goodnight & God Bless & the simple prayer I have for a Sunday evening is may we all live amongst kind hearted people full of love not hate and each one of us will feel safe !! Sweet Dreams everyone !!

JUNE 10, 2012

2012-06-10T13:10:00.004-07:00

Afternoon everyone !!!

There has been tremendous amounts of viewing on this blog. That makes me feel that I am doing the right thing. That it is past time to make this go viral. I have always been taught and told that if you feel so strongly about something in your heart make it happen, do not hold it in. Since my grandsons death/murder things have NOT been the same and probably NEVER will be the same !! No family should EVER have to go through what they and we go through daily the grief the unjust etc !! They were treated SO unjustly that it makes me sick my husband was infuriated with the way the law handled this. I don't give a rats ass ( excuse my language ) who you are where you live. There is a level of decency and morals a detective and law enforcement should follow, you know a code of ethics !! The detectives PROMISED my husband when he went out there and met him face to face that how horrible they felt over Manuel's death/murder. PROMISED that they would find who did this to our family and keep in touch. Well since they met face to face there has been only two phone calls returned to us in almost over a years span of time. We have NOT received ONE call in months from the detective.!! I know LA is tough and rough but come on, when I read this afternoon in one of their headline stories of how "LA county officials looking into spike in fatal police shootings " WOW !! REALLY !!?? That to a grandmother sets very unnerving in my blood. These shootings should have NEVER happened if they were policing their streets better. If they weren't afraid to go into these neighborhoods. So, you are telling me that there are still dirty cops in this world ? Well maybe you need to have better hiring skills. Thorough back ground checks on these cops would be nice. An intelligence test for them would be nice. I think it would be cheaper to upgrade the hiring system in a law enforcement department than to have law suits against such policemen. And as well since last Monday, June 4th,2012 the night that little baby Angel was gunned down there has yet to be any follow up articles on whether there are any leads or not to capturing the assailant. And yet, there is still a reward being offered of $ 100,000.00 leading to the capture of the assailant well good luck with that LAPD. It would be nice if one of the thugs friend would rat on the killer. Even if it is just for the money. Well, there is also a $50,000.00 reward being offered as well towards the capture of the assailant whom gunned down the youth minister in Venice. For the love of God there is hardly EVER any gang shootings in Venice. As I stated before early on in this blog that urban terrorism no one is immune to it, its everywhere!!! And through positive contributions to these types of neighborhoods that's the only way to decrease the bad/evil and increase the good and God's knowledge of love towards everyone. So PLEASE keep sharing this blog and let's just keep praying that someone will step up to help these neighborhoods. DON'T let society keep killing them off !!!

Goodnight Prayers

2012-06-09T22:04:00.002-07:00

It is about time for nightly prayers !! Sometimes when I go to bed at night I feel overridden by guilt. For the simple fact I have a safe neighborhood, I have a safe place to lay my head. Then that guilt turns to gratitude and sometimes sadness as I know there are so many who do not. Not because or due to their own personal choice but because society makes it that way at times. Being the lack jobs, the lack of job security. Which brings me to my topic for tonight. I cannot get this thought out of my mind . California is a very highly populated state full of prominent people. It is a state that is also full of a lot of homeless under privileged people. It seems to me at times that California governmental officials are forgetting or "' leaving behind "" their own !! Granted, it does not matter what state you live in anymore they are all getting that way. But, too have so many urban communities built into one state that people are just barely surviving seems hypocritical to me !! We are a country where we depend on other countries to keep us going and in return we like to help out those other countries children before our own !! I am talking of decent medical care and decent food pantries and food banks in EVERY Californian community !! Not just the capital state and the decent communities !! Is it too much to think that maybe one of these famous movie stars that lives in a 2.2 million dollar home would find in their heart to take such a task on ?? The ONLY way to rid the bad is to bring in the good !! Food pantries and food markets with fresh fruit, to where these people don't have to borrow gas money to get to these places or worse end up starving too death. Or even better a community garden ran by the members of the communities. Communities like Watts, Compton etc. I was reading on history of Watts today and very interesting stuff. Being Watts was started off or pioneered into a industry and beef production community. Maybe my information is wrong and I apologize if it is. But, when my husband was out there this time last summer for a month he told me they have food trucks that drive up and down the streets all hours of the day, yet you have to have the money to buy the food. So, my prayer for the night is that I pray that someone will answer my emails, my letters etc in hopes to get such a project started. And I pray for peace for everyone and safety !! May the world become a better place even if it is for just one day !! I pray that governmental officials and counsels stop "' leaving behind "" these communities stop forgetting our own !! Good night & God Bless !!

June 9th, 2012

2012-06-09T11:11:00.003-07:00

Good afternoon everyone !!!

Have been slowly working on spreading this blog and it is happening just a slow yet patient process!Last night as I was working on adding things to my blog I had one of those overwhelming Godly experiences that I just could not keep hiden I had to share. I was adding a faith based quote box on here that changes daily or each time you click on the blog. And the VERY first one I saw and read was a quote by Emmanuel ( name is one that is one of many names used for God ) and it went like this; " As your faith is strengthened there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight & benefit " It overwhelmed me to the point that I started feeling warm and just at peace . At peace to the point that I know this blog will take off eventually just not as fast as I would want but in His time. Changes will happen just not as fast as I would like to make them, but in His time. I just need to get a grip and come to the realization that some people don't want to get involved that their lives ARE too busy, that that is just who they are and I need too accept that !! AND I do !! My grandson was such a lovable child and so was Angelica all these individuals had some sort of awesome attribute !! I just have always believed that it is my duty to honor them they need to be remembered for who they were their loving spirits ! When I had that experience last night it was God speaking to me through others I highly believe that !! I love those kind of moments they happen when He wants them to happen not when we want them to happen !! I shared in the beginning of this start of the blog that my step daughter was fighting against cancer that she was undergoing chemo at the time of her sons death !! Like that wasn't bad enough then her son had to die. BUT, since all the tragedy occurred she was told recently that there is NO sign of cancer in her body !!Isn't that such a beautiful thing??? !!! I believe God healed her due to her grief and Emanuel was with her in spirit he is such a strong spiritual spirit guiding us and keeping us safe always !!! Him & God were there when they came back and shot his brother four times and his brother lived !!! No signs of brain damage no physical altercations nothing !! So, with that I end this in asking you to PLEASE keep sharing my blog and Godly things will happen for the people in Watts and such neighborhoods in this world we live in !! That God is ALWAYS large and ALWAYS in charge !!! Have a very blessed day !!

JUNE 18th NATIONAL LIGHT A CANDLE IN YOUR DRIVEWAY

2012-06-08T18:35:00.004-07:00

JUNE 18TH NATIONAL LIGHT A CANDLE IN YOUR DRIVEWAY DAY !!!

Am asking that if everyone would find in their heart to light a candle and set it on your driveway/sidewalk/deck or inside your home on this day at 10pm in honor of my grandson Emanuel David Berry,17 & Angelica Escalante,19 whom were gunned down in their own driveway a year ago on this date !! And to honor other shooting victims as well . Spread the word of love that day and prayers always. NO family should EVER have to go through what we went through !! Thank you & God Bless !!

Friday June 8th,2012

2012-06-08T18:05:00.002-07:00

I know and knew before I started this that patience and God in charge is the only way to make this happen; the only way to spread the word that these killings should have NEVER happened and hopefully will not happen again. Ya that is a far fetched reality there I know as people's fear overrides them. It is angering me to see that while doing this. I read another article on a previous shooting before baby Angel's. The guy was gunned down in broad daylight and it was by a gang the guy believed in God first and foremost !! So what kind of world does that say we live in ?? I am not saying or basing this on one's belief. But for the love of God really we pray out to God when life is bad and then we just shun Him away when things start to turn around. I have done that many times in my life but recently have been practicing of always putting him first and foremost before anything before I step out of bed even. The thing that got me though is reading so many people declining a simple invitation to light a candle in honor of victims from this type of shootings. And the other thing that got me as well; this article at the end of it stated that this young individual in his mid 20's was offered a promotion before his death to where it involved his second passion in life gang prevention. So, really ?? Is that what happens to people who want a better place to live ?? A better world for thugs they don't even know ?? They end up taking the individual's life ?? Fear encompasses this world way too much !! I just think to myself so sad !! So sad as people say what they feel but when it comes to helping another individual we run away !! They say what they feel about a certain crime how they are against it and then when it comes to a crime awareness don't want anything to do with it too busy of a life we live !! We have so many awareness's in this world as many awareness's as labels we honor aides-- we honor against abuse-- we honor against cancer- we honor against animal abuse- we honor against domestic violence for the love of God honor safety for yourself for your children for your grandchildren!! Make this a better world !! I am not saying put yourself in danger by no means just honor the innocent victim(s) from these types of shootings!! Just because you live in a decent community does not make these victims any less of a decent human being than they were due to their neighborhood they lived in, the state they lived in, their racial ethnicity, or their income or lack of. ""PRACTICE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS """ It makes it a better and safer world to live in !! Have a blessed evening everyone !!!