Life on the Franco Farm

Farewell

2012-05-01T10:41:00.000-04:00

My last post.

To the person who first planted the seed to write - thank you.

To the friends who read, shared, and stopped in to check on me - your care means so much.

To the travelers passing through - I hope you found something worthwhile.

To each soul who touched my life through this blog, my utmost gratitude for sharing something of yourself and expanding my life in such a magnificent way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The blog began as a way to organize my own thoughts, remember the important events, and catalog information in an easily accessible manner. I never dreamed others would be interested in those thoughts, information, or my life.

To close this chapter ... well...

Beginnings...endings. They're illusions, really. Moments transposed. Wistfulness and anticipation vacillating in the midst of...transitions.

Choose joy. Cherish the now. Shine.

And even though our paths diverge for now, it is my heart's desire that we should meet again, one day.

Song of Good Hope

2012-04-20T07:07:00.000-04:00

Desiderata

2012-03-27T13:32:00.000-04:00

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,

even to the dull and ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be

greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career

however humble;

it is a real possession in the

changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you

to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit

to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham,

drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann

©1927 by Max Ehrmann, all rights reserved. © renewed 1954 by Bertha Ehrmann.

Reprinted by permission Robert L. Bell.

Obstacles

2012-03-26T14:49:00.003-04:00

On March 3rd, 2012, I accomplished something I never thought possible.

You see, at the age of one, I had a serious case of pneumonia. The doctors couldn't help me anymore, and my parents were up day and night for a week straight watching and waiting for me to pull through it.

Scrappy here recovered. With impaired lung capacity.

As a result, serious running has never, ever been considered. Attempts at jogging here and there were made, but never stuck longer than a day or two.

Thanks to a couple of really encouraging friends, I decided it was time to deal with this little issue. So run I did. It was slow going, but endurance and speed gradually increased.

Then my friend said, "Hey, let's run a 5k!" My first thought was... hmm...soon to be former-friend is trying to kill me.

But, never one to be called a chicken, I signed up.

And I did it. My friend (I decided to keep her around) was the perfect combination of peer pressure and cheerleader and I ran 98% of the 5K.

You guys have figured out by now that the last several months have been life-altering for me anyway, so what's throwing a 5k in the mix gonna hurt, right? It turned out to be one of the highlights of the year so far, and the goal is to continue.

And you know what?

There is one less obstacle in my life now.

One more accomplishment I can draw strength from when the good times are a little lean.

So if you're going through it right now, set a goal. Whether it's running, or losing 10 pounds, or meditating daily. Something positive for you to focus on. When you're working on a goal, you're not staring at everything else that might be going to hell in a handbasket.

It's easy to get overwhelmed. By life. By circumstances. By the tiny things that multiply and before you know it, block your view of the sun.

So, identify an obstacle to progress. And overcome it. No matter how small you think it is - it's important. And, it's hard - maybe just as hard as the circumstances you are dealing with, but it's a different kind of hard. It's positively charged difficulty that adds fuel to your fire instead of snuffing it out.

Getting across that finish line felt better than I could have imagined. And provided some perspective and momentum for all the other life issues that were temporarily set aside while I reveled in the victory.

Courage

2012-03-22T09:20:00.000-04:00

The Storm

2012-03-19T19:21:00.002-04:00

Source

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why?

Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you.

This storm is you.

Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."

~ Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

Kamikaze Bumblebee

2012-03-17T05:03:00.014-04:00

Let me tell you about my resident Kamikaze Bumblebee.

The last three days, while the kids are in their lunch-induced comas, I've taken a book to the back deck for some sunshine. For a breather. For a collection of the thoughts.

For all three days, I've had to wage battle with this crazy, territorial bumblebee. Apparently, the spot I chose is prime bee real estate.

Today, he did a B-52 bomber flyover, trying to scare me. When that didn't work, he hovered at eye-level and we engaged in stare-out.

Yes we did.

For 30 minutes, this dance continued. Needless to say, the book remained unread, and the thoughts centered solely on not getting stung.

And I be damned if this bumblebee was going to chase me off my own deck.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now, this may seem petty to you. Just writing it down brings a degree of silliness to the situation.

But, this bumblebee just didn't know who he was messing with.

Sure, he's defying gravity and doing the impossible.

But...

He's dealing with someone a lot like himself.

Someone who's fought for life...sanity...family...

Someone who has defied a few odds too.

It's gonna take a lot more than bumblebee bravado to scare me off.

That poor little winged, nose-diving submarine didn't stand a chance.

And on that deck I remained until I was ready to leave. On my own terms.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And for those of you worried about Kamikaze's well being...

Yes, he lives to fight and defend another day.

As do I.

As do I.

There's Always Time For...

2012-03-09T21:32:00.013-05:00

Laughter. Silliness.

“Laughter is the best medicine.” ~ Proverb

Gratitude.

"If the only prayer you say in your life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice." ~ Meister Eckhart

Joy.

"Joy is the simplest form of gratitude." ~ Karl Barth

Succinctly:

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~ G.K. Chesterton

Change

2012-03-09T17:58:00.000-05:00

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." ~ Lao Tzu

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our one constant is change.

Yet, as humans, we resist it. Fight it. Ignore it. Minimize it.

Build our little worlds in defiance of it.

We decide on a profession and then "stick with it". We ridicule those who can't settle down. Constant in means.

We buy houses with 30 year mortgages, to give our kids "stability". To plant our feet. Constant in security.

We sign a piece of paper pledging our undying love for another person for the remainder of our days. We promise our affections will never stray. That one person will be enough for us...forever. Constant in companionship.

We pick a religion, raise our kids in it, sign a membership. Never question it, check that off the list. One less thing to ponder. Constant in spiritual destiny.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not only do we do this to ourselves, but we hold the same expectations for those around us. Those we profess to love the most we cage most tightly.

We hold people to their promises, even though our motives are self-serving.

We stay in that house, even when we secretly wish to live somewhere else.

We punch a clock, show up, even though we are miserable and unfulfilled.

We sit on the pews every Sunday, even though questions swirl in our heads.

We remain with that person because we committed. Even though we are strangers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Promises, contracts, commitments ... ways in which we attempt to defy change. All of which are illusory.

Who are we kidding?

In our attempt to civilize ourselves, we have become disconnected from ourselves. We build grand illusions of predictability and stability. Only to have everything collapse in an instant, despite our efforts.

The tighter we grasp familiarity with our hands, the more truth slips through the cracks between our fingers.

To deny that we change is to deny our very existence.

And we wonder why there are so many depressed, frustrated, lonely people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps ... it's time to let go and give those we love permission to do the same.

Flow with the universe, rather than try to master it.

Embrace change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"All that you touch

You Change.

All that you Change

Changes you.

The only lasting truth

is Change."

~ Octavia E. Butler

Honey and Botulism

2012-03-09T00:43:00.000-05:00

"Do not feed honey to infants under one year of age" or some similar warning is common on honey labels.

This is because honey may contain spores of the bacterium Clostridium botulinum. Botulism spores are similar to seeds in that they are in a favorable environment they will germinate and grow into their vegetative phase. Infant botulism is caused when enough C. botulinum enter their vegetative stage and start growing rapidly in the infants immature digestive tract producing a toxin that impacts the child's neurological functions. Newborn babies lack the intestinal micro flora that prevent healthy children and adults from getting sick after ingesting C. botulinum. About half of reported cases of infant botulism have occurred in babies less than two months old. While it is believed that by six months of age most infants will have developed their intestinal fora to the point where they become resistant to C. botulinum (especially if they are breast fed), an additional six months has been added to the warning by the national Center for Disease Control (CDC) as a safety factor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Symptoms of infant botulism include muscle weakness or loss of control such as droopy eye lids, weak cry, feeble sucking, drooling, lethargy, irritability, constipation, and progressive 'floppiness', all of which may follow an initial fever. An infant exhibiting these symptoms should receive prompt medical attention. Recovery is almost certain as long as the condition is diagnosed and treated early and the baby has not gotten brain damage. Infant botulism should not be confused with food borne botulism resulting from the consumption of preformed botulism toxin that can sicken older children and adults.

Infant botulism often occurs in babies that are not fed honey. This is because Clostridium botulinum spores are ubiquitous in our environment and found in soil, water, and on dust floating in the air. It is not known how many spores must be ingested before infant botulism will occur, or why only some babies seem to become sick. However, it does seem that chances of contracting the illness depends a lot on the immediate environment of the infant and the overall health and susceptibility of the baby. Infants may contract botulism from the surfaces in the environment, breathing dust in the air, or from water or food, as most foods will contain C. botulinum spores unless they have been processed in a way that has cleaned off or destroyed the spores and bacteria. The states of Pennsylvania, Utah, Arizona, and California tend to have higher instances of infant botulism than other states. It is believed that these states may have soils that have higher than average levels of C. botulinum spores.

C. botulinum in its vegetative stage can not survive in honey due to honey's antibacterial and antimicrobial properties that are well documented. In fact, when honey is ripe with a moisture content below about 18 percent, nothing harmful to humans can grow in it. Raw honey that is ripe is the only natural unprocessed food, that for all intensive purposes will never spoil when stored properly in an air tight moisture proof container. Honey does not need to be refrigerated.

There are several ways that honey controls the growth of bacteria and mold. The higher sugar content and the pH of honey inhibits the growth of molds and other pathogens in much the same way that sugar is used to preserve jams and jellies. Raw honey that has been unheated and unfiltered also contains the enzyme glucose oxidase which converts into hydrogen peroxide and gluconic acid as it breaks down on the skin. Thus, raw honey applied to a wound will be constantly releasing hydrogen peroxide that will help sterilize the wound area. In addition, honey is hygroscopic. This means that it draws moisture to itself. As a result, when honey comes into contact with bacteria, it will suck the moisture out of the bacteria killing off the microscopic critters. In fact, if you have botulism growing in a petri dish and add raw honey, the honey will kill the botulism. Given that honey itself will kill off botulism in its vegetative stage and that C. botulinum spores are prevalent throughout our environment and thus present in many foods besides honey, why do we focus specifically on feeding honey to infants under the age of one?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To date I have not been able to find any documented evidence of a single case of infant botulism that can be proven to be caused by honey. This may be because it would be considered immoral to conduct a study where babies were purposely fed honey contaminated with botulism spores in an effort to clearly prove cause and effect. However, this begs the question, why is honey the only food that is singled out for a warning label stating that it should not be fed to infants less than a year old?

When researchers investigate instances of infant botulism, they find that in most cases the child has not consumed honey. However, there have been cases of infant botulism where the baby had been fed honey at some point prior to getting sick. When this information is combined with the fact that about five percent of the roughly 2,100 honey samples tested have been found to contain C. botulinum spores, and in at least one case an infant that contracted botulism had eaten honey that tested positive, this identifies honey as a risk factor and establishes a correlation between honey and infant botulism. This is the reason why the CDC, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), Health Canada, along with other public health associations and the National Honey Board all agree that there is enough of a scientific link between honey and infant botulism to warrant the precautionary measure of a warning statement. However, any scientist worth his or her salt will tell you: one of the most basic principles of science is that correlation does not prove causation. This basic truth seems to be what the CDC, AAP, Health Canada, and the National Honey Board want us all to forget.

The above information is reposted from: Dancing Bee Gardens

The Difference "For" Makes

2012-03-06T05:02:00.000-05:00

Source

{REPOST: I've revisited this a lot lately, and thought it worth sharing...again.}

I really tried not to write this post, but the not-so-subtle hints just kept on coming. From my daughter's curriculum (is it any coincidence that forgiveness follows giving in the list of character traits?), to a Facebook group hosting a "forgiveness" bloghop this week, to a conversation I had with my daughter.

So what difference does "FOR" make? How can the addition three little letters change the meaning of a word? Or... does it?

One definition of give is to "make a present of" or "make payment". Easy enough. We all do that, right? We give of our time, our money, our influence, our lives. Especially if you are a parent - you have a Ph.D. in giving.

While driving home today, my daughter exclaims, "But Mommy! We didn't go to the park today!" I tried explaining (for the 3rd time) that we ran out of time because she didn't follow directions before leaving the house and that made us late. She responded with, "Well, I forgive you." She felt I wrongly did not give her time at the park. So she forgave the debt of park time that I owed her.

What's the difference between "give" and "forgive"?

The prefix for- was originally used to convey either "wrongly" or "extremely". Another definition is "completely".

And the working, modern day definition of forgive is to "grant pardon, to give up all claim to".

I can give all day long. We all do. Whether it's letting someone go first into the elevator, or sharing a piece of gum, or contributing to the fund for a coworker's sick child. We all have been taught to give. Generally, giving is done at our convenience, in accordance with our wishes, and rarely against our will. We determine what, when, and how the giving happens. Giving can be quite selfish.

What's harder is saying, "I completely give up my [legitimate] claim to...."

We all feel so entitled these days. If someone slanders/cheats/abuses/ wrongs/abandons us, we feel we are OWED something. Perhaps it's anger, money, punishment, an apology... whatever the debt is, we alone determine what would make US feel better about the situation. Something was taken from us, and something must be repaid.

And initially, forgiveness hurts our own sensibilities. Forgiveness is not convenient. It goes against every human instinct we have for preservation, for making wrongs right... the whole "eye for an eye" legacy. It is the antithesis of our understanding of giving in some respects, because it takes the concept to a whole new plane of consciousness.

It is easier to give of what we have,

than to give up a claim to what we don't have

and feel we deserve.

FORgiveness is the ultimate gift.

Someone stole your ...dignity?
...innocence?
...heart?
...money?
...reputation?

forgive.

This post also appears here:

Shine. Now.

2012-03-02T10:15:00.001-05:00

Let me set the scene for you:

Supper time - hungry kids and hectic mama.
Isa's playing table tennis on the Kinect, TV volume at 100.
Dodging Rhyse's remote-control car as it careens around the kitchen.

In the midst of the madness, the home telephone rings. Which I rarely answer. But I did.

A lady said, "Ma'am, do you have a moment to complete a survey for me?" Honest. Earnest. Not your typical "I'm so and so with such and such..." blabber.

Nine times out of ten I would have hung up. Something compelled me to say yes.

Her response? "Oh, thank you. You're the first person to say yes, and if you hadn't, they would have sent me home." Something about her...

A music survey about local radio stations. How appropriate. It was the craziest 15 minutes, listening to song excerpts, dodging the car, asking Isa to turn down the TV, finally turning the cooktop off before it all burned to charcoal and running to my room to finish the call. So fun, though, and we laughed our way through it.

Once completed, the conversation turned. She had what she needed, but she began...

Ma'am, can I tell you something? (Sure.)

I just feel like we were meant to talk today. (Hmmm...)

Can I ask...(pause)...do you smile all the time? (Well, I try...)

I hear the smile in your voice, and you've made my day. (So happy your day is better.)
You must be an angel. (Oh no.)

And then there were tears. What the heck...

Honey, are you okay? (It's just been a hard day, and your kindness was unexpected.)

Oh, see, I knew we were supposed to talk today. (You have no idea.)

I'm sending warm thoughts your way. You'll make it. (Yes I will. Thank you.)

This call has made my day. (Mine too. You're the angel.)

Incredible.

Takeaway? Two complete strangers, who most likely will never cross paths again, took the opportunity to show kindness and change the course of our day - for the better.

A friend talks about intersections and how that is the stuff of which life is made. 'Tis true. We are given opportunities/intersections every day, and our choices and responses serve to define our lives and those fortunate (or not) to meet us. Perhaps just incrementally at that moment, but the resulting causal sequence cannot be measured.

Two favorite quotes come to mind, that together, remind me: Now is a unique opportunity - one that will never happen quite the same way again - for all of us to shine a little brighter. If we did, we'd eliminate a lot of darkness in the world...and in ourselves.

As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others. ~ Marianne Williamson

There exists only the present instant... a Now which always and without end is itself new. There is no yesterday nor any tomorrow, but only Now, as it was a thousand years ago and as it will be a thousand years hence. ~ Meister Eckhart

Denying Defeat

2012-02-28T23:45:00.006-05:00

My son's new favorite sentence is, "I can do it myself, Mama!"

He's two. He's beginning to see himself as a separate entity from me and exploring his ever expanding world.

Last week at naptime, he decided he could crawl into his crib on his own. I watched him pull up on the rails, crawl up the side, slide back down at least five times, grunt with exertion, and really confront his physical limitations. He got so frustrated, but just kept trying until he finally fell in, head first.

As his mama, I stood there fighting my instinct to give his tush a little push. But I didn't. As hard as it was, when he finally toppled over, he threw his hands up in the air and said, "I DID IT!" With the most triumphant look on his face. Why would I rob him of such a sweet, victorious feeling?

It's funny, really...as we get older, we tend to shy away from those hard-won victories. Challenges that push us to our limits, seemingly insurmountable obstacles. And rarely do we maintain such a good, "I can do it myself" attitude through it.

Sometimes the "work smarter, not harder" mantra holds true.
Sometimes there is only determination to plow through.

And when things get hard, that just means we've reached the edge of our capabilities and we're now growing. Growth - while occurring - sucks. Painful, unfamiliar territory, full of bumps and bruises, often resulting in total wipe-out for a moment. Or longer.

Sometimes we can reflect and appreciate the process.
Sometimes we look back and still say, "What the hell?"

Either way, we can draw strength from the fact that challenges keep us in touch with who we were, are, and can be. We don't always overcome. We don't always have the opportunity to throw our hands in the air and say, "I did it!" But I took notes from my boy that day. He taught me the struggle is worth it, even if we land on our head. Because...

Sometimes we rejoice in the victory.
Sometimes we rejoice in simply denying defeat.

Song of the Open Road

2012-02-23T21:38:00.001-05:00

AFOOT and light-hearted, I take to the open road,

Healthy, free, the world before me,

The long brown path before me, leading wherever I choose.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune--I myself am good fortune;

Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,

Strong and content, I travel the open road.

I think whatever I shall meet on the road I shall like, and whoever

beholds me shall like me;

I think whoever I see must be happy.

From this hour, freedom!

From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,

Going where I list, my own master, total and absolute,

Listening to others, and considering well what they say,

Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,

Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that

would hold me.

I inhale great draughts of space;

The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are

mine.

I am larger, better than I thought;

I did not know I held so much goodness.

(I encourage you to read Walt Whitman's poem in its entirety here.)

{Recipe} Chicken and Dumplin's

2012-02-13T08:22:00.000-05:00

Chicken and Dumplings (pronounced dumplins), is the ultimate Southern comfort food. It ranks #1 in our house when someone is sick or if the temperature drops below freezing outside. It also doesn't like a lot of ingredients - the simpler, the better. I generally start it in the morning and it sits on the stove all day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHICKEN:

One whole chicken, thawed
One large soup pot
Enough filtered water to cover chicken generously
1 T sea salt (or more)
2 tsp pepper

Place the thawed chicken into a pot of filtered water.
Salt/pepper.
Bring to a high boil, then lower temp and cover.
Simmer for at least an hour. (Check on water level occasionally and add more if needed.)

While chicken is simmering, make the dumpling dough:

DOUGH:

2 C AP unbleached flour (I've tried WW and it is not the same)
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 stick of butter (room temperature, not melted)
3/4 C - 1 C chicken broth from the pot

Combine all ingredients to form a stiff dough.
Cover with a towel and allow to sit for 1 hour.
Remove chicken from broth and allow to cool while keeping the broth on a low simmer.
Roll out dough very thin, and cut into 1" x 2" strips (I use a pizza cutter).
Drop the dough into the uncovered broth a few pieces at a time.
Shred chicken meat and add back to the pot.
Allow the broth to reduce until the desired consistency is attained. (I like this dish to be on the thicker side, so I allow the broth to reduce quite a bit.)
Salt/pepper again, to taste.

*Carrots or other veggies can be added, but I generally prefer to serve them on the side.

**This dish can be frozen - it reheats fabulously.

If

2012-02-04T15:01:00.002-05:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

~ Rudyard Kipling

I Choose Joy

2012-01-08T17:34:00.017-05:00

"Don't postpone joy until you have learned all of your lessons. Joy is your lesson."
- Alan Cohen

The last several months have been eventful, and I've been afforded great learning opportunities.

Out of it all, I have learned that what we project into the universe is ultimately what returns to us.

There are those who choose pessimism, negativity, and anger. Resentment builds like an underwater volcano that eventually surfaces and leaves devastation in its wake.

In every circumstance, we may not control the actual events that occur. We cannot control any other parties involved. What we are ALWAYS in control of is our own spirit and reaction.

"Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy."
- Milton Erickson

Through it all, my one goal has been to make the best choices possible. And understand that my choices define my life. Therefore, it is imperative that every decision and reaction be as far removed from anger, sadness, revenge, and any other negative emotion I may feel, as possible. Try to avoid the volcano, and also avoid being the volcano.

Life is dichotomous. We will always have A choice. What we choose is up to us. Do we want to be angry? Go ahead. Vengeful? Eat your heart out (literally). OR, we can choose happiness, forgiveness, and love. Our choices speak more about US than about our circumstance or any instigator of grief in our lives.

A new nightly ritual for us is to crank up Sirius radio - whether it's Latin salsa, disco, 40s oldies, who cares - and dance our faces off for a few minutes before bedtime. Why? Because I want my kids ending their day on the best possible note. Knowing they are loved and experiencing joy.

We also have a recliner in the master bedroom. I'm finding the kids gravitate to that chair when some intensive face time is needed. Whether it's cuddles, Isa making up wild tales about armadillos, or us singing every song we know... it's important. It's joyous.

This house. My family. My kids. ME. Choose love. Choose laughter. Choose happiness. No matter what comes. No matter what goes.

Choose joy.

"Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day."
- Henri Nouwen

Happy Birthday, Dad

2011-12-18T20:53:00.001-05:00

I spent the weekend in Mississippi, celebrating my Dad's 55th birthday. My dad and I have certainly had our ups and downs over the years, but time does work wonders on perspective.

Diane, Dad, Darlene

I'm so grateful for you Dad, for many reasons. Here are just a few:

Your philosophy on raising girls was to raise them like boys. You made me tough, fearless, and persistent.
You were (and still are) the consummate teacher - every day chores were life lessons. From baling hay to building fences to taking care of the horses - we learned how to work hard and see the job through.
Never show fear and NEVER give into it. I got bucked off a horse and landed on a tree root. I was shaken to my core, yet you made me face that horse and get back on it. Right then, I could barely walk, but getting back in the saddle taught me so much. I am always stronger than even I know.
It's about the journey, not the destination. It was nothing for you to come home on a Friday afternoon, tell us all to pack a bag, and we'd hit the road. If we saw something interesting, we'd stop and take a closer look. Why? There was no destination. What an invaluable lesson, and it's one I try to practice every day. Sure, plan and set goals. But finding joy in the journey is what makes one truly rich.
Every life has a soundtrack. You passed along our family's musical heritage, teaching me multiple musical instruments - even ones socially taboo for girls. My life soundtrack is so eclectic, and the love of music is being passed down to my own children, because life deserves a decent mix tape.
Speak up. Everyone has a voice. I remember you writing letters to our local and state politicians. You never hesitated to speak your mind when you felt it needed to be said. You never stayed quiet on your principles. You taught me not to be a shrinking violet. Thank you.
Reading. My love of books and big thoughts certainly comes from you. From the Old West book series, to books about Lincoln, politics, and religion... there was never a lack of reading material. Some might say reading about hangings in the Wild West at the age of 12 might not be age appropriate, but who cares. Sure beat the heck out of playing with Barbies. You made me a thinker.
Respect. I have the utmost respect for your ability to (often single-handedly) care for Papaw for 7 years. It wasn't easy, and it almost killed you, but you did what you had to do.
Appreciate and learn about your roots - it's who you are. Your proclivity for walking around old cemeteries and learning about others' lives influenced me to find out who I am. Now my children will know where they came from too. Thank you.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Love,
Dar

Beautiful People Do Not Just Happen

2011-12-16T15:44:00.000-05:00

What a 4 Year Old Should Know

2011-12-12T08:41:00.000-05:00

It has been well-established that I am a classically-trained teacher of young humans. Standards, learning outcomes, benchmarks, and testing are all in my vocabulary.

Homeschooling has been quite the adventure for us this year, and I have had to "unlearn" a lot in the process. While researching "What 4 Year Old Children Should Know", this article essentially took me back to square one. It serves as an excellent reminder of why I chose to homeschool, but somehow got so wrapped up in alphabets, reading, and spatial skills that I lost sight of what's most important at this age.

Enjoy!

What Should a 4 Year Old Know?

I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. "What should a four year old know?" she asked.

Most of the answers left me not only saddened, but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only three. A few posted URLs to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn't. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn't be our race.

So here, I offer my list of what a four year old should know:

She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn't feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights, and that his family will back them up.

She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy, and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats six legs.

He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he'll learn them accidentally, soon enough, and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she's wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it's just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that -- way more worthy.

But more importantly, here is what parents need to know:

Every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

The single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read wonderful books with their child.

Being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children "advantages" that we're giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

Our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children's toys and they wouldn't be missed, but some things are important -- building toys like blocks and legos, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes, and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.)

Children need to have the freedom to explore with these things too -- to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it's absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

Our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That's not okay! Our children don't need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US.

They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act silly with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they are a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

And now back to those four year old skills lists:

I know it's human nature to want to know how our children compare to others and to want to make sure we're doing all we can for them. Here is a list of what children are typically taught or should know by the end of each year of school, starting with preschool: http://www.worldbook.com/wb/Students?curriculum

Because we homeschool, I occasionally print out the lists and check to see if there's anything glaringly absent in what my kids know. So far there hasn't been, but I get ideas sometimes for subjects to think up games about, or books to check out from the library. Whether you homeschool or not, the lists can be useful to see what kids typically learn each year and can be reassuring that they really are doing fine.

If there are areas where it seems your child is lacking, realize that it's not an indication of failure for either you or your child. You just haven't happened to cover that yet. Kids will learn whatever they're exposed to, and the idea that they all need to know these 15 things at this precise age is rather silly.

Still, if you want him to have those subjects covered then just work it into life and play with the subject and he'll naturally pick it up. Count to 60 when you're mixing a cake and he'll pick up his numbers. Get fun books from the library about space or the alphabet. Experiment with everything from backyard snow to celery stalks in food coloring. It'll all happen naturally, with much more fun and much less pressure.

My favorite advice about preschoolers is on this site: http://www.redshift.com/~bonajo/early.htm

What does a four year old need?

Much less than we realize, and much more.

Reprinted from: http://www.drmomma.org/2011/11/what-should-4-year-old-know.html

The Ugly Tree

2011-11-28T10:20:00.001-05:00

Tis the season, yeah?

I pulled out our old Christmas tree that's been in storage for two years. It was a sad little tree when we bought it, but after two years of neglect, it now looks like it did battle with something...and lost.

My first reaction was to throw it out and get a new one. Who wants a plastic tree with bent limbs, twisted branches, massive holes throughout, strands of lights that don't work, a 7 year old Santa tree-topper that has also stopped working... shall I keep going?

Got to thinking... that this tree doesn't deserve to be thrown out just because it's imperfect. Battle-scarred. Flawed. Ugly.

I worked on this tree, massaging the branches back into place, twisting one left, one right, and one up - just like the directions said - to make it better. Covered the holes with ornaments and ribbons. Added more lights to compensate for the broken ones I couldn't remove.

Isn't that what we do? How worse for wear do I look after the last few years? I've had my ups and downs, just like anyone else. Loss and pain, joy and gain have happened. Less here, more there. Weathered eyes that speak to experiences I'd rather not have known. Laugh lines that give memory to happier times.

We do our best to cover up ~~these imperfections~~ our realities. We hide behind accessories, hairstyles, makeup, masks. We rarely show the world who we really are, when all the ornaments have been stripped off. Do we think no one will appreciate us? Will they want to discard us?

I'm gonna keep my ~~ugly~~ beautiful tree. It has character. Just like me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TO A PHOTOGRAPHER
~Berton Braley~

I have known love and hate and work and fight;
I have lived largely, I have dreamed and planned,
And Time, the Sculptor, with a master hand
Has graven on my face for all men's sight
Deep lines of joy and sorrow, growth and blight,
Of labor and of service and command
--And now you show me this, this waxen, bland
And placid face, unlined, unwrinkled, white.
This is not I - this fatuous thing you show,
Retouched and smoothed and prettified to please,
Put back the wrinkles and the lines I know;
I have spent blood and tears achieving these,
Out of the pain, the struggle, and the wrack
These are my scars of battle - put them back!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-23T19:50:00.000-05:00

Meet a Mama Bear (IV)

2011-11-22T08:50:00.002-05:00

Rebecca McGarry Ferguson is the true embodiment of a Mama Bear. In addition to a wildly popular blog, Regarding Caroline, she is a contributor to several publications and has truly moved heaven and earth for her daughter. Rebecca - thank you for generously sharing your Mama Bear thoughts with us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mama Bear in the Forest

Last week, Caroline had a play date with a “typical” peer. As the three of us ventured to the park, I found myself wondering “What if I had a typical child?” How would my life be different?

First of all, I wouldn't be exhausted from simultaneously balancing and propelling my wobbly 5 year old on a Razor scooter. She’d be a half of a block ahead of me, just like her friend, barely glancing back or caring if I was there. Instead, Caroline, clinging to me for dear life, simply doesn't have the motor planning to balance, push and scoot at the same time. But she loves it when I push her, and so I do.

Back to the wondering...what if the other girl was my daughter, what kind of mother would I be?

During the short stint I played as a “typical” mother (prior to Caroline’s regression), I know a little about what it was like. It was nice to have the quandary of how she

was going to have time for a nap between play dates as my biggest worry of the day.

On one such play date, a friend with a speech delayed son 3 months older than Caroline told me she was worried that her son might have autism, I said, "Oh, no, I'm sure he doesn't," trying my best to look certain, because I'll admit, later that day I Googled "Autism" to find out what the symptoms were.

After some brief reading, I felt terrible for children with autism, but with one click of the X on the monitor, that world was gone. Leaving me free to upload happy pictures Caroline on her 1 year birthday.

I had an aire of false confidence as I thought about how on top of things I was as a mother. I believed, so to speak, that I noticed every "tree" in the forest...

I saw the “Eat Organic” tree. From day one, I insisted that everything she ate was organic and fresh. It was 2006, just prior to "Happy Baby" being stocked at the local grocer's freezer. But I was determined, so I either made it fresh or paid exorbitant shipping fees to have it delivered to our doorstep.

I saw the ”Avoid Chemicals” tree. I didn't care if the hospital samples of Johnson & Johnson and Huggies brand baby lotions were FREE, I wasn't going to let them touch my baby. I opted solely for natural, hypoallergenic products. Even sunscreens for babies were out of the question.

On a trip to Florida, I played the role of overprotective first- time-mom well as I kept her completely covered, only venturing to the beach before 9am and after 4pm.

I saw the “No Toxins” tree. For me, the decision over whether to use fluoridated nursery water was something I researched more than what car seat to buy. I searched the internet and polled dentists, but I never found an informed answer, mostly because I didn't know where to look and the dentists implied I was more than a little crazy for being so concerned.

How then, was it that I, the overly concerned Mama bear, missed the giant redwood looming right in front of me? You know, the one so huge you could drive a car through it?

Flash back to uploading those one-year-old birthday photos. It was only two days later that Caroline was given her 12 month vaccines, despite my questioning the pediatrician about her odd tremors that started after her 6 month immunizations.

JUST. TWO. DAYS... from not even knowing what autism was, to having my life changed forever by it. Talk about zero to 60. She lost her language and her desire to communicate and my world went from worrying about how to fit in all the socializing to worrying whether my child would ever speak again.

How was it that a mom who thought she was in the running for the healthiest child award missed the most enormous tree of all? The one that could harm my organic baby more than all of the others combined. The one that made her hypoallergenic mattress look like a blade of grass growing next to the towering
redwood.

Shouldn't we be able to trust our pediatrician?

Most of us new parents don't research vaccine safety at all. By 'not at all,' I mean not for one minute beyond what our child's pediatrician or the "Your Baby This Month" newsletter told us. Which IS NOT RESEARCH.

Like everyone else, you've surely heard: "The studies have been done." What you may not realize is there are at least two distinct problems with 'the studies.'

1. They were ALL performed by parties who financially benefit from vaccines.

2. There has not been a single study done to test the safety of vaccines when given in combination.

There are dozens of other reasons (provided in the link at the end). But honestly, when it's about your child's health -- their most important asset -- aren't those two enough? Enough at least to provoke your further investigation?

The bottom line is, although we should be able to trust the medical "experts" who tell us the vaccine schedule is safe for everyone, it's not. It wasn't for Caroline and it isn't for hundreds of thousands of other children. The medical community is failing our society.

Which leaves it up to us autism moms to be vocal about telling other parents that (in the current state of affairs) everyone must do their own research. Blind faith might get you on your pediatrician's "A list," but it will also increase the chances that you'll be joining us in the Autism Forest.

Life in the Autism Forest

Unlike the Healthy Child Forest, it's no Hundred Acre Wood. There are no manicured trails. No guide maps. Not even a path cut with a chainsaw. Nothing.

The trees are overgrown and the acres are cluttered with fallen branches. If you find a set of trampled footsteps, you should follow them because it's your best approximation of a guide. The rugged terrain means your footing is never sure..especially since it was not the forest you had in mind when you bought the
designer 'not for hiking' boots.

Even after you trade your trendy footwear for sturdy hiking boots, you still feel ill-equipped to handle the journey. Especially when winter sets in and you realize there's NO HIBERNATING. Making matters worse, when the snow falls, the footsteps you were clinging to disappear.

You look up at trees, wondering which of them might guide you out, but it's overwhelming. Some days you're devastated and utterly exhausted, contemplating through your tears why you were brought to this place --- that you never thought you'd be --- and left with no map, no guide and no way out.

On the good days, you think about the legendary tribe of "Warrior moms" who reportedly made it out of the autism forest. Drawing strength from an image of your own family thriving once again in the Healthy Child Forest, you pick yourself up and continue the journey.

Does it get better?

I could write a happily-ever-after ending, set on a beautiful spring day. The sun would be shining, buds blooming, your child thriving and your appreciation of it all heightened because of everything you endured to get there.

But the truth is, many autism families are stuck in the forest for years -- or forever. They often find themselves at devastating dead ends, losing faith that there even is a way out.

Autism is not about charitable walks or puzzle pieces or cute quirky kids, it's about the day in, day out battle to return your child to better health. It's a constant drain on your family, your life and your pocketbook.

Mama Bear speaks up

The moral of the dismal story is this: The next time you encounter a Mama bear who lives in the autism forest and is extraordinarily vocal about researching vaccine safety, you might understand that she's coming from a place of experience.

She knows how hard it is to live there and will do everything in her power to ensure your children aren't harmed the way hers were.

She'll tell you that there are health decisions more important than buying organic. Vaccines have the power to steamroll everything else you're doing in the name of good health.

Which means, you owe it to your family to research the immunization schedule for more time than you spend researching which mattress to buy.

The Truth

When we reached the park, Caroline's friend asked me: "Mrs. Ferguson, why can't Caroline ride the scooter by herself?" The answer I told her was not the truth.

I couldn't tell a 6 year old how the medical community failed our family. How Caroline's immune system was compromised by vaccines and instead of performing tests and avoiding further harm, they continued with more immunizations, adding insult to injury.

I couldn't tell a 6 year old that the injury she suffered is called encephalitis a.k.a. brain inflammation, and is not uncommon following vaccines. It can result in language delays, sensory processing disorders, motor planning difficulty, impaired social skills, deranged sleep-wake cycles and more.

I couldn't tell a 6 year old. But I'm telling you. Vaccine Injury is why she can't ride a scooter. And that's the truth. Straight from this Mama bear to you.

Know the facts. Protect your child's future. Start here: http://www.regardingcaroline.com/mychild.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meet Mama Bear (I) - Kim Richie Spencer

Meet Mama Bear (II) - LJ Goes

Meet Mama Bear (III) - Jacqueline Hannaford Murphy

{Recipe} Bread Machine Cinnamon Rolls

2011-11-14T11:15:00.007-05:00

I haven't bought commercial cinnamon rolls in years and ------> there's why. Do you see the circled ingredients? Yuck, yuck, and more yuck.

Bleached flour = thyroid killer
Soybean Oil = GMO, pesticides
Aluminum = neurotoxin
Corn = GMO, pesticide-laced
Artificial = ??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So what's a mama to do? Ask a wonderful friend for a bread machine cinnamon roll recipe.

DOUGH:

1 C + 2 T warm milk
3 T coconut oil
1 egg, slightly beaten
1/2 C sugar (or 1/2 C sugar + 1/4 C honey)
4 C unbleached flour
1 tsp salt
3 tsp bread machine yeast

(Want to be sneaky? Add a bit of flax seed or wheat germ!)

FILLING:

1/2 stick butter, melted
2/3 C brown sugar (or use organic cane sugar + molasses)
1-2 T cinnamon

ICING:

1/2 pkg cream cheese
2 T butter, room temperature
1 tsp vanilla
Organic powdered sugar mixed in to taste
Beat well until nice and fluffy

Add dough ingredients in the bread machine in the order listed. Run on the dough cycle. Roll out into a large rectangle. Spread filling mixture over the dough, and roll up into a tube (roll up the long side). Cut into 10-15 rolls (electric knife works great).

Preheat oven to 325. Place into two greased round or 8x8 cake pans. Bake for 20 minutes or until browned. Spread icing over rolls, and enjoy!

This is Just So Beautiful

2011-11-02T17:55:00.002-04:00

Today, I sat down.

Outside.

With one of my oldest friends.

And scratched his belly, rubbed his paws, and tickled his nose as the sun filled us with warmth and memories of good times together.

Who is this lucky chap, you ask? My twelve year old Cocker Spaniel - Bwainy Braveheart Franco. He was six months old when he adopted us but for the last four years, he's been somewhat ignored emotionally due to his brother and sister coming along.

He ain't no spring chicken...And those eyes aren't as clear as they once were. But his love for me is just as strong. I still belong to him, no matter what. Spending time with him like this is rare these days, but so therapeutic and important.

And then after my time-out with my buddy, I had a tea party with my two most favorite little people. We ate cheese and apple slices, and drank lemonade kefir as the birds sang and squirrels fought over the acorns. We closed our eyes and described what we felt and heard. We allowed the sun to bathe us with peacefulness. Isa says..."Mom, this sure is nice." Yeah, baby, I know.

We don't do this enough.

We don't get down on the ground and reconnect.

With the earth.

With our loved ones.

With ourselves.

We don't close our eyes and let our other senses take over for a minute.

Our worlds are so visual these days that we miss out on all the wondrous textures, smells, and sounds around us.

We don't let the whispering wind blow away the insignificants.

We don't let the silence drown out all voices reminding us of...everything.

We don't let the feel of grass beneath our feet touch our souls in that primal, earthy way that it can and ground us in that moment to life.

Oh - we're connected these days. To the wrong things, too often.

But today - for a few stolen moments - It was just so beautiful.

Life on the Franco Farm

Farewell

Song of Good Hope

Desiderata

by Max Ehrmann ©1927 by Max Ehrmann, all rights reserved. © renewed 1954 by Bertha Ehrmann. Reprinted by permission Robert L. Bell.

Obstacles

Courage

The Storm

Kamikaze Bumblebee

There's Always Time For...

Change

Honey and Botulism

The Difference "For" Makes

Shine. Now.

Denying Defeat

Song of the Open Road

{Recipe} Chicken and Dumplin's

If

I Choose Joy

Happy Birthday, Dad

Beautiful People Do Not Just Happen

What a 4 Year Old Should Know

What Should a 4 Year Old Know?

The Ugly Tree

Happy Thanksgiving!

Meet a Mama Bear (IV)

{Recipe} Bread Machine Cinnamon Rolls

This is Just So Beautiful

by Max Ehrmann

©1927 by Max Ehrmann, all rights reserved. © renewed 1954 by Bertha Ehrmann.

Reprinted by permission Robert L. Bell.