Life on the Funny Farm

The Best Writing Gift

2009-12-22T11:50:00.000-08:00

One thing I have always loved to write is church talks. I don't even give them in church. I just write them. Richard G. Scott once called this type of thing..storing up treasures of knowledge. Writing down the sacred things I've learned helps me to organize the thoughts and principles of the gospel in a way that is more concrete than just thinking about them in my head. I like to keep them in a special journal, saving them for a future date to give to my children. They're my own little "Plates of Brass". I write those sacred things in the hopes that someday they will be of value to my children. I believe it helps me in my secular writing endeavors as well. Being able to record things in a meaningful way helps me to put more heart into my other writing, and it helps me learn to touch and inspire others with my writing at a deeper level.

Someday I will pass these treasures of knowledge on to my children. And I believe it will be the most important writing I've ever done.

Kersten Campbell
"Confessions of a Completely Insane Mother"
www.kerstencampbell.com

November Humor Story

2009-11-12T20:13:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness! I am so late posting this! Sorry! Life is so crazy lately. Here it is!

How to Survive A Family Reunion

What do you get when you have nine children and thirty nine grandchildren attributed to your posterity? One heck of a reunion party!--even after some of the grandchildren are hauled away to police headquarters for questioning about a suspicious fire in a neighboring farmer’s alfalfa field. That and last year’s unfortunate incident involving a potato cannon and a cow is why this year’s reunion committee decided that there must be some means of maintaining order out of the chaos.

“Our children are not juvenile delinquents,” said my sister-in-law. “They just happen to be more inquisitive and resourceful than most other children.” Then she looked around, giving us all a hooded Yoda-like stare. “We must teach them to channel their powers for good.”

My husband piped up. “What about a reward system, where we give them prizes for doing jobs and taking care of the little kids?”

“What? You mean bribe our own children?” asked my other sister-in-law, Susan.

Good for you Susan, I thought. I felt comforted in the fact that someone was going to stand up for what was morally right.

Susan rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Sound’s great to me,” she said.

Everyone around the table nodded in enthusiastic agreement, and so ‘Reunion Tokens’ were born: a filthy lucre type reward system whereby children could earn plastic coins for things like ‘not following through on their idea to stuff a snake down their younger cousin’s t-shirt’ and other such golden behaviors. At the end of the day, the children would be able to squander their wealth at a ‘reunion store’ filled with shining and wondrous breakable, shoddily made, plastic plunder.

The first day of the reunion proved that the system worked like magic. Kids ran around like mad, asking for jobs, reading to younger cousins, holding babies, making cookies for the adults, and in general, staying out of jail.

My own son, I noticed, was quite the young capitalist. He wiped the table seven different times for seven different people, and when the aunts and uncles finally caught on to his scheme he ran around offering to finish other cousins’ work for an exorbitant fee. Then in the evening, when the reunion store opened, he would buy out all of the Smarties, and sell them the next day for profit.

In spite of his questionable focus on worldly treasure, I was proud of him for showing initiative.

“I have to admit,” I told my husband later that night. “I had my doubts about your reward system, but it seems to be working. The kids are learning hard work and responsibility.”

He nodded smugly before he went to sleep.

It was only on the fourth day that I started to have misgivings when I noticed that my son seemed to have taken over the reunion store. He had bought the store out with his amassed token fortune and was now instructing underling cousins on how to deal Smarties on the street.

“I get half of everything you take,” he told them. “And don’t let anyone disrespect the family, you hear? Now get outta here and go make me some dough.” He dismissed them with a wave of his hand and they all scrambled away.

Was I only imagining he had developed an Italian accent overnight? That night I saw him in his bed, counting tokens and grinning to himself, his braces glinting wickedly under the fluorescent bulbs.

The next day my son was confronted by an irate uncle. “I never thought I’d see the day where a nephew of mine would be involved in taking candy from a baby,” he said, holding his crying two year old girl.

My son shrugged. “She didn’t have protection from the ‘Family’. She was refusing to pay up. Thus I couldn’t protect her from other criminals and malicious thieves.”

My brother-in-law shook his fist, “I’ll tell you who’s a malicious thief, you little…”

“Okay that’s it!” I cried, taking my son by the collar and turning him upside down over my knee so that I could shake all the tokens out of his pocket.

“Mom, Mom! Don’t! Quit it! It was just a joke…”

Then I dragged him into his bedroom and bankrupted his little token empire in one fell swoop.

Sheesh. Kids. You try to teach them hard work and responsibility, and all they do is turn your system it into a criminal empire. I shook my head and stared at his bag of tokens. Really. I ask you. Where in the world did my son ever learn to act like a Mafia Boss?

I looked over my shoulder at my brother-in-law, comforting his daughter and glaring at my son. Good grief, it was only a pack of Smarties, I thought, annoyed at his coddling parental behavior. Maybe I’d have to ‘off’ him down the swirly slide when he wasn’t looking, for disrespecting my family. It’d take him weeks to get unstuck.

Suddenly, an evil grin stole across my face. I looked down, shaking my son’s bag of plunder, feeling the pleasing weight of it in my hands…and I wondered…just how many tokens it would take to hire a nephew underling to do the job for me.

Corndog Casserole

2009-10-30T05:58:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story: Nov. 1st!

1/4 lb. margarine
2/3 C sugar
2 eggs
1C cornmeal
1 C flour
1/2t salt
1/2t baking soda
1 C buttermilk
hotdogs, cut up

Beat together flour and sugar. Mix in eggs. Mix together the rest of the dry ingredients. Add alternately to butter/sugar mix with buttermilk. Beat until just combined. Stir in hot dog pieces. Pour into greased 9x9 dish. Bake at 375 degrees for 30-40 minutes. Yum!

Humor Writing Tips: Targeting your audience

2009-10-29T16:53:00.000-07:00

One thing that needs to be remembered when trying to insert humor into your writing is that humor is based on the understanding of the nuances of language. The exception is slapstick humor, which is universally funny because it is understood without the need to comprehend a language.

Since different aged readers have different depths of language comprehension, it is wise to target the age of your reader when inserting humor into your manuscript. While teens understand irony, the youngest reader may not. The youngest ages always understand slapstick, although this can be overdone. Parents appreciate clever plays on words when they are reading aloud, and a book that can entertain the parent as well as the child will be read over and over again. To be successfully funny, your humor must be understood by the target audience, and be performed by an appropriate character or narrator, who is believable when delivering his lines or acting funny. In addition, it is more funny to the target audience if they have shared experiences in common with the humorist or character. For example, you wouldn't be joking about a boyfriend to a six-year-old audience.

To see first hand why an understanding of language nuance is essential in understanding humor go to the Reader's Digest Funniest Jokes around the World. They have posted the funniest jokes in all the different countries around the world. Even though all of these jokes were all voted the funniest jokes in their own country, you'll find that some of them just aren't funny to you. The reason is because you may not be familiar with the nuances of their language or culture. That is why it is crucial to target your humor to the right age and audience when you are adding it to your story.

Sunday Ham and Lipton Potatoes

2009-10-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

Note: Next Humor story Nov. 1st!

I love to make this crockpot on Sunday so it is ready when I come home

1 pre cooked ham or turkey ham, sliced
enough potatoes to feed your family peeled and quartered
2 T olive oil
1 bag lipton onion soup mix, or just enough to coat the potatoes

Mix potatoes, oil, and soup mix in crockpot. Cook 8-9 hrs. on low or 5-6 hrs. on high.
When you get home from church, warm up the ham slices in the microwave on a plate and serve next to the potatoes. Delicious!

Humor Writing Tips: What if I'm Not Funny?

2009-10-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

Many people have the misconception that they can't add humor to their writing because they aren't funny. This is a myth. Humor can be learned. Humor has basic formulas that are fueled by what every writer has an abundance of: creativity. I'm living proof of that fact. Before I studied humor, I had no idea how to be funny. But now that I've studied some of the science behind what makes people laugh, I understand that humor comes from a combination of certain factors laid out in a certain way. I recognize it more in other people's work and I can add it to my own.

I'll give you and example of one basic formula that can be learned. One of the most basic ideas in humor writing is incongruity. When two ideas that don't make sense are put together it makes us laugh, whether it be in a character, a plot, or a dialogue. For instance, much of the dialogue in the movie, "The Emperor's New Groove" is incongruous. The two main characters are about to fall over a steep waterfall and the emperor asks, "Sharp rocks at the bottom?" And his companion very calmly answers, "Yup." Then the emperor replies straight-faced, "Bring it on." This dialogue is all said in the most calm manner, making us laugh because it is the total opposite reaction than they should be having to the scary situation.

An example of an incongruous character is in C.S. Lewis's "Voyage of the Dawn Treader". "Reepicheep" is the tiny mouse who is braver than anyone else and a swordsman that no one can defeat, yet he is the tiniest of all the creatures on Prince Caspian's ship. It makes us laugh when this tiny mouse shouts out huge threats at people in a squeaky little voice. The incongruity of someone who is in reality so tiny, but acts like he is ten feet tall is funny.

So if you want to add humor to your writing, but think you're not funny, don't be discouraged! Just take the time to study one of the many books on Amazon.com that teach the formulas for writing humor. It will be well worth your time, because sometimes humor is the edge that gets your manuscript to stand out above the others that are all alike in the slush pile. Good luck! and let me know how it goes!

Hot Beefs

2009-10-08T15:09:00.000-07:00

Next humor story Nov. 1st!

This is one of my mom's recipes that we love! It takes a long time, but it's crockpot so it's no fuss.

4-5 lbs beef roast (any cut)
1 small onion chopped
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can beef broth
garlic powder, salt, and pepper to taste
1 or 2 T worcestershire sauce
buns

Start this dinner before you go to bed the night before you want it for dinner. Put roast in crockpot and sprinkle with spices. Add onions, soup, Worcestershire, and broth and mix toward the bottom. Cook on low overnight and all day until dinner time. Shred beef with forks and mix with liquid. Serve on buns.

Author Interview: Laurie (L.C.) Lewis

2009-09-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

I had the chance to do a delightful interview with author L.C. Lewis about her newest novel from her Free Men and Dreamers series, called "Dawn's Early Light". Here is what she said:

1. What made you decide to become an author and why did you decide to write historical fiction?

I've been a writer all my life, (though I've also been a singer, a furniture salesperson, a lab-assistant and I raised organisms for science classes all over my county), but I digress. . .

I was first published at age twelve, (poem in a local paper), and I wrote dozens of short stories in high school and college. After marrying Tom, I began writing plays and programs for church and the community, then when my sons went on missions, I wrote stories for them to use to teach the Gospel of Jesus Christ to their investigators. My oldest son suggested I submit my stories I did, and I was rejected.

We went through a long period of transitions and trials. I spent hour after hour in hotel rooms and by sick beds, and to pass the time I wrote a cathartic family drama about love and forgiveness on an old laptop. Covenant picked it up in 2004.

But during that time I visited Williamsburg, and I fell in love with the city, the Founding Fathers, and American history in general. I knew I wanted to write a historical novel. I picked up a book to use as research material, and one of the chapters drew from the personal history of a woman from the 1800's to illustrate life in that time period. The woman was Lucy Mack Smith!

I feared any attempt to write about early Church history so I set my series in 1850. About this time I was also asked to teach Early Morning Seminary, and the course? The Doctrine and Covenants and Early Church history. Thankfully, my editor asked me to expand the story. I decided then to back the book up a generation to pick up the wonderful rich history in my own back yard and I finally felt ready to illustrate how elements from the Restoration fit into this great American story.

2. What other books have you written?

Unspoken was my fist novel, the family drama that focused on love, and forgiveness. Then I began my historical series.

Dark Sky at Dawn introduces our characters and their individual conflicts. Jed Pearson is a young heir to an expansive Maryland plantation troubled by the gossip his tainted grandfather also leaves him. Frannie is his adored sister, a headstrong woman raised with far more freedom than the gentry believes is proper. Hannah Stansbury is a spiritual-seeker with a gift to receive impressions, but her mother is raving mad and her father is unwilling to cross his wife in Hannah's defense. Jed assumes the role of Hannah's protector and eventually their childhood friendship they shared for twelve years develops into something far deeper. But social prejudice and the undercurrent of war complicate any chances for their happiness. When the citizenry rages over the issue of freedom of the press a deadly riot breaks out in Baltimore, Maryland, catching Jed and Hannah in the fray, sending the pair off on an mission that will change both their lives.

In Twilight's Last Gleaming, book two of the series, Hannah breaks free of her controlling parents and heads to the Connecticut Valley, to the home of Stephen Mack, with her sister Beatrice. Major Mack has offered his help in freeing Beatrice's husband from a British prison, but the women have a secret they are concealing from their family, and when they become affected by the typhoid epidemic they fall silent, and no one knows where they are of if they are even alive.

As the British Navy moves into the Chesapeake Bay, Jed and the dragoons are called up to active service. Jed makes an unsavory alliance with his rival for Hannah's affections, asking to be sent north on a mission to alert the forts in the hopes that he will also find Hannah.

There is a chilling bit of Virginia history in this book, as well as a two parallel love stories based on great American history.

Book three, Dawn's Early Light, will be out this October. It will tell the amazing stories about the siege of the Chesapeake that culminated in the burning of Washington and the events that led to the writing of the Star Spangled banner. Jed, Hannah, Frannie and the rest of our characters will be caught up in every detail.

3. Where do you write and how do you fit it in your busy schedule?

I have an office. It used to be the dining room, but it has a sunny window and all my files and reference books are nearby. As for my schedule, I'm an empty-nester now, but life is as busy as ever. With children and grandchildren flung all across the nation, keeping close requires more time and creativity than I would have ever imagined. I try to write in the mornings, but maintaining a regular writing time is probably my greatest creative hurdle.

4. What's the best writer's tip you've ever received?

Just write! Don't make excuses, don't pick at your ideas until they disappear. Just write!

5. Where can we buy the book?

Books one and two are available anywhere LDS books are sold. Book three will be available on Amazon. We're hoping to have them in Seagull Bookstores by December.

I read Dawn's Early Light and it was a wonderful read! Full of fascinating characters and edge of your seat suspense, Laurie's novel entertains, educates, and satisfies in a deep way. It will make you ponder your own values and how much you're willing to sacrifice for a way of life we take for granted. I felt the desperation of the characters and the times. In short, after reading Laurie's book you'll never be the same.

Pastrami Green Bean Salad

2009-09-21T10:51:00.000-07:00

I realized I had forgotten to post a recipe on Friday so here is one of my lunch favorites...weird but delicious! Next humor story Oct 1st!

1 Can green beans (cut)
4 slices turkey pastrami, cut into chunks
1 light cheese stick sliced into chunks
7 almonds (whole)

Heat green beans for 3 minutes in microwave. Drain. Mix in the rest of the ingredients and enjoy! (Optional: you can add a garden tomato or some canned mushrooms too if you like) (Serves 1)

September Humor Story

2009-09-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

The World’s Most Difficult Science

College professors might argue that, in all of academia, the most difficult subject to comprehend and master is Quantum Physics. I disagree. I know for a fact, from years of experience, that the most difficult subject in the world to teach another human being is Dental Hygiene. I know this because in spite of immersing my five little human beings in this subject for at least thirteen years, they have yet to comprehend it. Though they can master incredible feats of engineering such as building a giant sling shot the size of our swing set in order to fling apples at the neighbor kids, or negotiate complex, high-powered contracts for later bedtimes, the science of tooth decay, or the prevention thereof, remains an enigma to them.

The dentist thinks of our family as an exciting challenge. “It’s always quite an adventure to clean your children’s teeth Mrs. Campbell. It’s like fishing in an old pond. You never know what you’re going to find…a rusty nail, someone’s lost quarter, an old shoe….maybe next time I’ll pull up a used tire.”

It’s not that I haven’t tried to teach them how to clean their teeth. Almost from birth I have lined them up in my bedroom every morning and every night and asked them the same question. “Children, have you brushed your teeth?”

Every morning and every night they give me the same answer, nodding like little angels.

“I don’t know what that silly old dentist was talking about,” I said to the children one night after they all confessed to being perfect in their toothbrushing habits. “He must have been exaggerating when he said he always sees dollar signs in front of his pupils when we walk in.”

My husband snorted from the living room. “That’s because you’ve been asking them the wrong questions. Ask them if they’ve brushed their teeth … this week.”

I looked over at the children, who were giving me confused stares, except for my teenage daughter who was glaring at me as if I had offended her personal honor. “Of course!” she said. “Why would you even ask that question? We did it last Saturday! Saturday is a special day you know. We had to get ready for Sunday.”

I gave my husband a weary look as he entered the bedroom.

“They must be brushing their teeth,” I said. “I have been replacing tubes of toothpaste like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Hmmmm,” said my husband as he marched down the line of children and inspected their teeth and gums. “Saturday, huh?” he asked our littlest one.

Our three year old grinned and nodded.

“And you used toothpaste?” asked my husband.

“Yep!” said our little boy. “My friend’s dog really needed a bath, so we used some to clean him up. That stuff smells really good.”

“Tastes good too!” said my five year old.

I slapped my hand to my forehead. “Kids! How many times have I told you not to eat the toothpaste?”

My eight-year-old said, “Don’t worry Mom. I stopped them before they could use it to draw pictures on the wall. I knew you wouldn’t like it.”

“Well, thank goodness for that,” I said.

“Instead I made them do it where you wouldn’t have to see it, on the sidewalk in front of Mr. and Mrs. Bones’s house.”

I slumped onto the edge of my bed. My husband patted my shoulder.

“Honey, you don’t have to worry,” he said. “I have the solution.” He walked over to his dresser and grabbed a bag. Then he reached inside the bag and pulled out some colorful automatic toothbrushes, shaped like famous movie characters.

The children cheered and ran to grab their favorite color.

“What? When did you get those?” I asked him.

“Today on my lunch break,” he replied, “after you told me what happened at the dentist.” He smiled. “I thought the kids could use a little extra incentive to brush more often.”

“My hero,” I sighed. “What would I ever do without you?”

My husband gave me a proud smile and raised his arms, puffing out his chest and flexing his muscles.

Just then, the cat flew by, yowling. It was followed a few seconds later by a stampede of squealing children with buzzing toothbrushes.

“Come back here, kitty! We just want to brush your hair,” yelled our youngest son, tripping and trailing after the mob.

Then our insightful eight-year-old came wandering back in to the bedroom, staring at her new toothbrush, which buzzed in endless circles, as if she had just solved one of the world’s greatest mysteries. “I could use this to clean the sides of my fish bowl,” she mused.

I looked over at my husband. His chest deflated.

“I guess I better start looking into more dental insurance,” he said.

“Yup,” I said, patting his deflated chest muscles. “But don’t worry. They’ll be able to pay for their own false teeth. Because by then, I’ll have taught them Quantum Physics.”

Fast Summer Garden Tomato Cucumber Salad

2009-08-28T05:15:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story will be Sep. 1st! Aug. one posted below!

1 or 2 garden tomatoes, chopped
1 large cucumber, chopped
rice vinegar (or flavored vinegar of your choice)
1-2 t sugar (or splenda) (to your taste)
salt and pepper to taste

Mix veggies. Salt and pepper to taste. Sprinkle with vinegar just until all veggies are wet (about 1 T or so). Add sugar. Mix well and serve cold. Yum!

Author Interview: Linda Weaver Clarke

2009-08-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

Bio: Linda Weaver Clarke is an author and lecturer. She travels throughout the United States, teaching a “Family Legacy Workshop” at various libraries, encouraging others to turn their family history and autobiography into a variety of interesting stories. Clarke is the author of Melinda and the Wild West, a semi-finalist for the “Reviewers Choice Award 2007.” The historical fiction series, “A Family Saga in Bear Lake, Idaho” include the following novels: Melinda and the Wild West, Edith and the Mysterious Stranger, Jenny’s Dream, and Elena, Woman of Courage.

Q: What do you teach in your Family Legacy Workshops?

Linda: I teach people how to take their family history or their own autobiography and turn it into interesting stories. It’s important to teach our children their heritage. Each of us has a story from our ancestors to tell. If these stories are unwritten, then they’ll be lost forever. It’s up to us to write these experiences down. Our children need to be proud of their ancestors. Leon Garfield said: “The historian, if honest, gives us a photograph; the storyteller gives us a painting.” What I’m teaching people to do is how to paint their stories, to be the storyteller.

Adults are usually the main audience, but I’ve attracted many teenagers who want to learn how to write. I’ve taught the runaways and troubled, who have been brought to my workshop as part of therapy. Writing helps to express one’s innermost feelings and desires. It can be a healing process. For many of these young people, it’s just the beginning. To learn more about what I teach and read samples of my own ancestors’ stories, you can visit my website at www.lindaweaverclarke.com.

Q: What do you encourage people to research?

Linda: The area your ancestors settled and the time period. First, find out everything you can about the area to both educate your readers and to make the setting feel real. Paint a picture like an artist. Since the reader can’t be there physically, then perhaps they can be there mentally. If possible, go to the area you want to write about, walk around, find specific places of importance, where your ancestors lived, went to school, and played. If you can’t go there in person, then do research and find pictures of that area.

The time period is very important. If they lived during the depression or World War II, then write about it. What happened during those years of conflict? What did your ancestors have to endure? I found out that in 1942 they rationed gas to three gallons a week. To me, that was amazing. In 1896, they painted pencils yellow for the very first time, and for a very good reason. (I included this in my first novel, Melinda and the Wild West, and received many e-mails about it.) I found out that in the 1920s, women bobbed their hair and raised their hemlines. This new style brought about a lot of trouble. If women bobbed their hair, they were fired from their jobs. A teacher in Jersey City was ordered to grow her hair back by the school board or she would be fired. A preacher warned his congregation that a “bobbed woman was a disgraced woman.” Men even divorced their wives over the new hairstyle. Amazing! I love research!

Q: A reviewer wrote: “Jenny’s Dream tells a beautiful story that incorporates the value of loyalty, love, family and forgiveness into it. I also enjoyed how the author put real experiences, taken from her family and friends, into the plot. This is a great touch. Jenny’s Dream is a wholesome novel that will be enjoyed by family members of all ages who would enjoy a great historical romance. I think this series is destined to be a classic.” Why do you put true family and ancestral experiences in your novels and can you give us a few examples?

Linda: I love inserting real experiences. It brings a story to life. I feel close to my ancestors and wanted to add their experiences to my fictional characters.

In “Melinda and the Wild West,” I inserted an experience that happened to my dad. When he was young, his father asked him to bury the skunks that he shot because they were getting into the chicken coop. Before my dad buried them, he drained their scent glands into a bottle. He called it “skunk oil.” When the bottle was filled, he decided to take it to school and show his friends. While explaining how he had done it, he must have gotten a little too excited because he accidentally dropped the bottle and it splattered on the floor. The scent of concentrated skunk oil was disgusting and permeated the room with a stench that was indescribable. Everyone ran out of the school as fast as their little legs would go. And the teacher followed close behind. They let school out so it could be cleaned up. My father said that he was a hero for one day because he got school out for his classmates. He also said that he never got into trouble for it and no one told on him. This novel eventually won an award as one of the semi-finalists for the “Reviewers Choice Award 2007.”

In “Edith and the Mysterious Stranger,” I based this story around the courtship of my parents. They wrote letters to one another before they ever met. She said that she fell in love with the soul of my father, the inner person, what was deep down inside and they didn’t even know what one another looked like. The day they met, my mother told me that her heart leapt within her and a warm glow filled her soul and she knew she would marry this man. I knew this would be the basis of my next novel, but there’s one difference. In my story, you don’t know who the mysterious stranger is until the end of the book. Some readers guessed right while others were pleasantly surprised.

My great grandmother, Sarah Eckersley Robinson, was my inspiration for “David and the Bear Lake Monster.” Sarah became deaf at the age of one and was a very brave and courageous woman. She never let her deafness stop her from developing her talents. I took a lot of her experiences from her biography and gave them to my heroine to bring some reality into my story. To me, the experiences of my ancestors have always intrigued me.

Sarah was known as one of the most graceful dancers in town. She never sat on the sidelines at dances because of her natural ability. She was known for gliding across the floor with ease, with just a touch of her partner’s hand. Sarah had such agility and gracefulness, not only on the dance floor, but also while swimming and diving. People would actually throw coins in the water so they could watch her dive after them. They would applaud, letting her know how much they enjoyed watching her, and then throw another coin in the water. Once an intruder actually hid in her bedroom under her bed, thinking he could take advantage of her since she was deaf. He must have thought she was an easy victim but was sadly mistaken. She swatted him out from under her bed with a broom, and all the way out of the house, and down the street for a couple blocks, whacking him as she ran.

In my research about the “hearing impaired,” and talking to a dear friend who became deaf in her youth, I became educated about the struggles they have to bear. It was a surprise to find out that some struggle with self-esteem and the fear of darkness. I didn’t realize that concentrating on reading lips for long periods of time could be such a strain, resulting in a splitting headache. After all my research, I found that I had even more respect for my great grandmother and her disability. What a courageous woman!

Q: Can each of your books be read separately or do you have to read them in order since they’re a series?

Linda: Each story has its own plot and can be read separately, but the main characters grow up. In the first book, “Melinda and the Wild West,” Jenny is 8 years old and her father is a widower. This book is about how Gilbert and Melinda get together. Driven by her intense desire to make a difference in the world, Melinda takes a job as a schoolteacher in the small town of Paris, Idaho, where she comes face-to-face with a notorious bank robber, a vicious grizzly bear, and a terrible blizzard that leaves her clinging to her life. But it’s a rugged rancher who challenges Melinda with the one thing for which she was least prepared—love.

In my second book, Melinda is “with child” and her cousin comes to Paris to take care of her. Now Edith’s adventures are just beginning when she receives a mysterious letter from a stranger. So, you see, these books continue the story in the family saga but they each have their own plot and can be read separately, also.

Q: I understand that you love to put holidays in your books and allow your reader to know how they got started in the first place. Will you tell us about a holiday that you include in one of your books and what your readers will learn?

Linda: It was so much fun researching these holidays. I found that Valentine’s Day has been around much longer than most people realize. In 269 A.D., Claudius was the Emperor of Rome. He wanted to have a huge army, but the Romans were not interested in joining. They didn’t want to leave their wives and children. This upset Claudius to no end, and as a result, he outlawed marriage so the men would join his army. Saint Valentine was a priest and didn’t agree with the almighty ruler so he continued to marry couples in secret. Eventually he was caught and thrown in jail. While in prison, he supposedly fell in love with the daughter of the prison guard who visited him regularly. They would sit and talk for hours. The day of his execution, February 14th, Valentine left a note, thanking her for her friendship. He signed it, “Love, from your Valentine.”

I also learned about Thanksgiving and the traditions of Halloween. I put Halloween in “Edith and the Mysterious Stranger.” That was fun because Edith meets the “Mysterious Stranger” who she’s been writing to and doesn’t even know who he is because he’s masked.

Q: What is the synopsis of your new book, “David and the Bear Lake Monster”?

Linda: Deep-rooted legends, long family traditions, and a few mysterious events! David quickly becomes one with the town and its folk and wonders why they believe in this Bear Lake Monster. It just has to be a myth. While visiting the Roberts family, he finds himself entranced with one very special lady and ends up defending her honor several times. Sarah isn’t like the average woman. This beautiful and dainty lady has a disability that no one seems to notice. He finds out that Sarah has gone through more trials than the average person. She teaches him the importance of not dwelling on the past and how to love life. After a few teases, tricks, and mischievous deeds, David begins to overcome his troubles, but will it be too late? Will he lose the one woman he adores? And how about the Bear Lake Monster? Does it really exist?

Q: What about this Bear Lake Monster? Does it really exist?

Linda: The mystery of the Bear Lake Monster has been an exciting part of Idaho history ever since the early pioneers arrived in 1863. The legend of the Bear Lake Monster made life a little more exciting for the pioneers. Some people claimed to have seen it and gave descriptions of it. Throughout the years, no one has ever disproved the Bear Lake Monster. A bunch of scientists tried to discredit the monster and said it was a huge codfish that was shipped in from the East but could not prove this theory. Does the Bear Lake Monster exist?

The interesting thing is that all the reports have pretty much the same description. The monster’s eyes were flaming red and its ears stuck out from the sides of its skinny head. Its body was long, resembling a gigantic alligator, and it could swim faster than a galloping horse. It had small legs and a huge mouth, big enough to eat a man. Of course, it only came out in the evening, at dusk.

Is the Bear Lake Monster fact or fiction? Whatever conclusion is drawn, the legend still lives on and brings a great deal of mystery and excitement to the community. Remember, when visiting Idaho, never doubt the Bear Lake Monster or you’ll be frowned upon. No one makes fun of the great legend of Bear Lake Valley!

Q: When is the last book in this series going to be released and what is it about?

Linda: “Elena, Woman of Courage” was just released. It’s set in the 1900s. It was a blast to research. I found out about words that I didn’t even know such as: Cat’s pajamas! Ah, horsefeathers! Attaboy! Baloney! You slay me! When referring to a woman, they used doll, tomato, and bearcat. When a person was in love, they were goofy. If a person was a fool, they were a sap. And when a woman wasn’t in the mood for kissing or romance, she would say, “The bank’s closed.” I was able to use all these words and much more in my book. The language was great!

It’s about a “Happy-go-lucky Bachelor” that is completely fascinated with a woman doctor: Elena Yeates. Of course, women weren’t encouraged to go to college back then, let alone become a doctor, and this fascinates him to no end. With the 1920’s rise of women’s rights, this novel gives you great insight at the struggles women had to go through, all the while watching a young love blossom! You can read an excerpt from each of my books at http://www.lindaweaverclarke.com/samplechapters.html.

Q: Page One Literary Book Review wrote something about this series that I would like to quote. “Linda Weaver Clarke displays an easy and excellent style of writing, blending adventure, romance, history, humor, and courage. A Family Saga in Bear Lake, Idaho is an instant classic and should put this author on the literary map all over the world. A MUST read!” How did you feel when you received this review?

Linda: Surprised, astonished, amazed, speechless! I had to read it over and over again to make sure I had read it right. Needless to say, it touched my heart beyond words and I was in seventh heaven.

To learn more about Linda, visit her blog at http://lindaweaverclarke.blogspot.com.

G.G. Vandagriff New Book Release!

2009-08-26T11:01:00.000-07:00

GG Vandagriff's novel of mystery, romance, and comedy, The Hidden Branch, will be released on or before September 16^th. Taking place in Huntington Beach, CA, it is the fifth in the Alex and Briggie Mystery Series, but can also be read as an introduction to the series. (See http://ggvandagriff.com for more info)

-Anyone who buys the book on line or in the store before September 17^th can qualify for an Alex and Briggie gift package and a chance to win an autographed set of the entire series by doing the following:

e-mail GG your name and address (ggvan1@gmail.com)

tell GG where you bought the book

Quick Zucchini Parmesan

2009-08-14T10:01:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story Sep. 1st! Aug. one posted below.

Here is my favorite quick way to cook garden zucchini.

1 cup zucchini, sliced into coins
5 sprays I can't believe it's not butter spray
1T parmesan cheese
salt to taste
chopped walnuts, optional

Place cut up zucchini on a plate and microwave for 3 minutes. Spray with butter spray. Add a little salt. Sprinkle on the parmesan cheese. Add a few chopped walnuts if desired. Delicious!

Cami Checketts: The Sister Pact

2009-08-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

I recently met a wonderful author, Cami Checketts. Here is an interview with information on her new book!

Tell us about your current release and where you got the inspiration for it.

The Sister Pact is an inspirational romantic suspense.

Savannah Compton is devastated when her sister and best friend, Allison, falls into a coma after a tragic accident. Or was it an accident? Even with a charming and handsome detective at her side, it seems Savannah may never discover the truth. But if she doesn’t her family could be in even more danger. And Savannah’s past holds its own secrets that could change everything.

Now she must prove her innocence to the one person who is beginning to matter most. Join Savannah as she struggles to summon faith and rely on hope, even in the darkest of circumstances, and learn how the bond between sisters can overcome anything.

The inspiration for The Sister Pact is, of course, my sister. When I had a nightmare about a man pushing my sister down the stairs, I had to write about it. Nightmare therapy.

Is there a particular event that helped you become an author?

I’ve always loved to read and dreamed of writing, but never dared try. After my second son was born, I suffered from post-partum depression. My wise mother declared I needed a hobby and I should write a book. I started writing that day. Now I’m no longer depressed about babies, just the ten pounds I’ve gained sitting in my office chair.

What advice would you give to writers wishing to have their works published?

Just the usual – don’t give up! I also would say, focus on the writing. It’s so easy to get distracted by Facebook, Twitter, blogging, etc. If you don’t have a quality product to sale, all the promotion in the world won’t do much for you.

What is your next project?

A book about a mom who blogs against television and one of the television executives sends a hit man to stop her.

What other work of yours has been published?

The Fourth of July

The Broken Path

Who is your favorite author?

That’s like asking what my favorite kind of chocolate is. I adore them all! Who have I read lately that I’ve enjoyed?

Davis Bunn, Susan May Warren, Dee Henderson, J.K. Rowling, David Baldacci, Michele Ashman Bell, N.C. Allen, Matthew Buckley, Janet Jensen, Kersten Campbell. The list could go on and on.

Do you have a quote that motivates you?

“Decide what you want to be. Pay the price. And then be what you want to be.” John A. Widstoe

Thanks for having me on your blog, Kersten.

Cami Checketts is a wife, mother, exercise scientist, author, and proud supporter of Cold Stone Creameries. For more information about her books please go to her website – www.camichecketts.com

Tomato Mozzarella Summer Salad

2009-07-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story Aug. 1st! July one posted below.

1 mozzarella cheese stick, chopped
1 garden tomato, chopped (or 10 storebought grape tomatoes because they are sweeter)
salt and pepper to taste
basalmic vinegar

Mix cheese and tomatoes. Add seasonings and drizzle with basalmic vinegar. This is quick and delicious in the summertime!

Why People Laugh

2009-07-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

When I write humor stories, it is interesting to me to see which people laugh at what stories. What fascinates me is that one person can think a situation is hilarious and can hardly breathe because they are laughing so hard, while the next person will just chuckle, or not laugh at all. Why is that? I think it is because each of us come from so many unique circumstances and backgrounds that it depends upon your experience and personality whether something is funny or not. And what is funny to you, may be dumb to someone else.

That is why it is so hard to write humor. Many humorists will admit that they don't know how they do it. They just write on instinct. Dave Barry once said that even though he is basically an expert at humor, if his wife doesn't laugh at what he's written, that means he's failed...even though he knows more about what makes people laugh than she does. But there are some tricks that all humorists know that help them to write in the "laughter zone".

Psychologists have identified certain emotions that spark laughter: surprise and feelings of superiority. People laugh when you surprise them with something that is ridiculous but true. Also people love to laugh at heroes and heroines who are clumsy or naive. The reader thinks it's funny because he knows better than the hero. That is why so many humorists joke about themselves. Because they know that people will laugh when they feel superior.

There are other reasons that have also been identified for laughter which I have taken from the book Comedy Writing Secrets by Mel Helitzer, which is my favorite humor writing bible.

1. We laugh out of instinct
2. We laugh at incongruity
3. We laugh out of ambivalence
4. We laugh for release
5. We laugh when we solve a puzzle
6. We laugh to regress

The next time you are reading something that makes you laugh, examine your reasons for laughing. Is it out of surprise or because you feel superior...or one of the other reasons on the list? Write your observations in a journal. As you continue to analyze what's funny and what's not and why, it will help you develop your own style of humor and you will begin to unlock the secret to making people laugh.

Quick Summer Tomato Crab Salad

2009-07-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

Note: next humor story Aug. 1st! July one posted below.

Imitation crab meat, shredded
Garden Tomatoes, chopped
Shell shaped pasta, cooked
Mayonnaise

We put all of these ingredients in separate bowls and let everyone build and mix their own salad the way they like it in their own bowl. That way the mayonnaise dressing is fresh right when you eat it, and it hasn't soaked into the noodles. (We only make this when we have fresh tomatoes from our garden...store bought tomatoes just don't do it justice)

Healthy Lemon Slushies

2009-07-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

Note: Next Humor story is Aug 1st! July story posted below.

My kids love slushies in the summer, but I don't want them to have that much sugar all the time, so I came up with this substitute:

1 pkg. crystal light
water

Make the crystal light lemonade according to directions. Pour in an ice cube tray and freeze. To make a slushy, place four or five lemon ice cubes in the blender and blend until crushed. You may add a tablespoon or two of water if this helps the blender do a better job of ice crushing. Or add a few strawberries or rasberries. Enjoy!

Tips for adding humor to your writing

2009-07-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

You’ve seen it in movies. You’ve seen it in books. You’ve seen it everywhere and perhaps never noticed it. It’s a humor device called “Irony” and it’s one trick that authors use to make their characters and plot lines interesting and funny. Irony is, to quote Webster’s, “a method of humorous or subtly sarcastic expression in which the intended meaning of the words used is the direct opposite of their usual sense,” for example, when someone calls a stupid plan, “clever.” That is considered irony.

When used subtly, irony can make your work more saleable, because it makes the characters more interesting and fun to read about. It makes the characters more likeable because it gives them a fault that people can relate to. Who hasn’t thought of himself as something he is really not? It also gives your work more depth. An example from my recent reading is Jonathon Stroud’s Bartimeaus Series. His genie talks like an all powerful, ferocious, intimidating, godlike creature, when all his actions indicate that he is cowardly, and not as strong or smart as he thinks he is. This makes for some hilarious and clever situations that are very fun to read about. Another example from a very popular work is Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The “wimpy kid’s” dialogue is laced with irony, making us laugh and fall in love with the character. Even the Berenstein Bears has irony. The Papa Bear is always setting himself up as an expert and he is really klutzy and not very knowledgeable. In the movie, “G-Force,” a dainty, sweet little girl tells someone if they try to put a bow in her hair they will lose a finger. This is funny.

You’ll notice irony everywhere in popular fiction and movies because it makes fiction and movies popular, and it makes the author seem clever. One caution though. It can be overused, and then it makes the author look like he is trying too hard to be funny or sarcastic.

To add irony to your work, take a good look at your character. Is he a body guard? What would be the last thing a buff and burly dude would say or do? You need to surprise your audience. Make him a germaphobe who loves decorating, or have him love something sweet and cute. In the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters, the very intelligent and mature sounding boy uses his intelligence to invent things that cause all sorts of hilarious trouble for everyone, making us realize he is not as grown up as he thinks he is. This is the type of interesting character that leaves readers clamoring for more. Author Janette Rallison has made a name for herself lacing her character’s dialogue with irony to make what they say humorous and clever. Read some of her books to study how she does it. As you study other authors who use this device it will begin to make sense to you and you will become an expert yourself.

Book Review and Interview with Marsha Ward

2009-06-23T20:50:00.000-07:00

Marsha Ward's new book Trail of Storms has recently been released and it is a page turner. I never read western novels, but boy, was I missing out. This one was full of adventure, romance and suspense. The story takes place after the civil war, when the south was occupied by Yankee soldiers.

On the back cover it says, "After her sister suffers a brutal attack, Jessie Bingham and her family flee post-Civil War Virginia and undertake a perilous trek to New Mexico Territory. When she learns her former sweetheart, James Owen, took a wife, Jessie accepts Ned Heizer's marriage proposal, on the condition they wait until journey's end to wed. But then Jessie encounters James again...and he isn't married now!"

Marsha does an excellent job with her characters making them true to life. I actually felt like I was in the old west. She is also an expert at creating suspenseful situations. All in all, I loved Trail of Storms! I can't wait to read Marsha's other books based on the same family.

I recently had a chance to interview Marsha about her book:

Marsha, what made you start writing?

The fascination I’ve always had with words and story. It’s just been a part of me as far back as I can remember.

How long have you been writing? When did you sell your first book?

I’ve written ever since I could hold a pencil in my fist. My sister tells of a time when I’d admonish my siblings not to “step on my novel.” I imagine it was spread across the floor with me belly-down on the hardwood, scribbling away.

I self-published my first novel in January 2003 when I had a health crisis that didn’t look like it would turn out well. I’d been carrying around the novel that I’d begin in the late sixties, then really worked on from the eighties on. I was getting good editorial comments, but no acceptances, and I did not want to die and leave my work unpublished.

What type of writer are you? Do you plan ahead/plot or do you simply fly by the seat of your pants?

I usually start with characters, a situation, and a desired ending, and go ahead from there. I’m very much a seat-of-the-pantser. When I outline too much, it takes the starch out of the story.

How do you choose your characters' names?

When I was in high school, I made a list of children’s names, both male and female, for nearly all the letters of the alphabet. I think X might have been a challenge, so I don’t recall if I got those listed. I’ve never had trouble coming up with character names: phone books, news items, journals, baby books, historical accounts, all have been good resources.

What type of writing schedule do you have?

(Laughs) I try to write in blocks of four hours, but assigning days to those blocks is difficult. Because getting going on a novel is the hardest part for me, I have to force myself to begin, even if it’s just 100 words a day. If I took my own advice, I’d write several books a year, but alas, life happens frequently.

How do you handle life interruptions?

With a sigh. I’m not very patient when interrupted, because of the intense effort that it takes to get started. However, I don’t snap at people, if that’s what folks might think.

What have you always dreamed of writing, but haven't yet?

My tenth novel.

What one thing do you like most about writing? Least?

I love the rush of pure adrenalin that gets me through the scene when the work is going well. I don’t like the fact that I have to work so hard to get into the groove of writing.

What is your next project?

I’m working on a non-Owen family novel called Slim and the Schoolmarm.

What is your advice for other writers?

“Just write the dang book.” That a quote from my friend Joan Sowards. She said it to Kerry Blair, who passed it on to me.

Tell us about your book, Trail of Storms.

This novel goes back to Virginia to pick up a minor character from The Man from Shenandoah, Jessie Bingham, the girl James Owen left behind. It details the lives and adventures of members of the Bingham family and a couple of men who love the unmarried girls in the family. When the family is forced to leave Virginia, they are pursued by some not very nice characters, and even after they fight off that onslaught, poverty, bad weather, and Jessie’s sister Hannah's frightful secret plague their journey. Nursing her battered heart when she learns James Owen took a wife, Jessie accepts her old friend Ned's offer of marriage. But a stop on the trail holds surprises that launch Jessie into a bewildering tangle of values, emotions, and high adventure.

What other work of yours has been published?

The Man from Shenandoah came first, in January 2003, followed by Ride to Raton at the end of the same year. I published them through the services of iUniverse due to a desire to get them in fixed form before a looming health issue took me away. Fortunately, the health thing turned out better than expected.

Is there anything you'd like to add?

I’m so very grateful to you, Kersten, for this interview and review, and for other reviewers’ kind words. I’m also getting tremendously encouraging feedback from readers. I hope some of them will be inspired to nominate Trail of Storms for a Whitney Award (http://whitneyawards.com).

I’ve started a new blog where my characters can pop in and chat with me. It’s at http://charactersinmarshashead.blogspot.com. My website is at http://marshaward.com and my regular blog, “Writer in the Pines,” is at http://marshaward.blogspot.com. I hope your readers will come visit me!

Thanks for a wonderful read Marsha! Trail of Storms is available through Amazon.com.

Healthier Chocolate Shake

2009-06-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story July 1st. June one posted below!

My kids love chocolate shakes but I don't want them drinking them all the time so here is my quick healthier blender alternative.

1 Cup skim milk
1T cocoa powder
2T sugar or splenda
2 or 3 ice cubes

Put all in blender and blend until smooth and frothy. Enjoy!

New Cedar Fort Author Blog

2009-06-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

If you love to write and read about writers, then check out the new Cedar Fort Author's blog. Learn about the authors you love and their writing techniques. So fun! They have a new post every day.

Fastest FHE Cookies (Shortbread cookies)

2009-06-09T09:58:00.001-07:00

I forgot to post a recipe last friday, so here's what we had for FHE yesterday. They are the fastest cookies in the world to make and delicious! (we always sprinkle ours with cinnamon and sugar) I got the recipe out of the "Feed your Family on $10 a day" cookbook by Linda West Eckhardt.

Holiday Fancies

1 cup sugar
2 sticks real butter
1 egg
3 1/2 cups flour

Preheat oven to 300. Grease two cookie sheets well. Cut butter into sugar until mixture resembles coarse meal. Add egg and blend completely. Now add flour and mix to make a very short, crumbly dough. (all can be done in processor in 2 minutes). Using a tablespoon for a mold (or a cookie scoop), press dough firmly into the bowl so that you have an round shaped piece in the spoon... Now slide the cookie onto the cookie sheet. Repeat until you have used all the dough.If you desire, make an indentation in each cookie with your index finger. Using the little spoon, drop a dab of topping into each hole (jam, an almond, a walnut or pecan half, or just sprinkle the cookie with cinnamon and sugar). Bake about 15 minutes until edges are brown. Let stand on cookie sheet 2-3 minutes, then remove to a rack for cooling. Store in a tin, seperating layers with waxed paper.

Speedy Fake Spaghettios

2009-05-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story June 1st! May story posted below.

I make this more healthy and cheap version of Spaghettios for my kids, but I like it too for lunch. It's nice because it only takes 2 minutes in the microwave.

1 serving

1/4 c couscous
1/4 c spaghetti sauce (or more if you like it more saucey) (click here for recipe. I like to keep some on hand in the fridge)
1 mozarella cheese stick

Put the couscous and 1/2 c water in the microwave. Microwave for 2 minutes. Let sit one minute. Pour on spaghetti sauce and cut the cheese into chunks and mix all together and serve. (note: the cold sauce will cool down the couscous so it is just the right temp)