Life on the Funny Farm

Healthy Lemon Slushies

2009-07-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

Note: Next Humor story is Aug 1st! July story posted below.

My kids love slushies in the summer, but I don't want them to have that much sugar all the time, so I came up with this substitute:

1 pkg. crystal light
water

Make the crystal light lemonade according to directions. Pour in an ice cube tray and freeze. To make a slushy, place four or five lemon ice cubes in the blender and blend until crushed. You may add a tablespoon or two of water if this helps the blender do a better job of ice crushing. Or add a few strawberries or rasberries. Enjoy!

Tips for adding humor to your writing

2009-07-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

You’ve seen it in movies. You’ve seen it in books. You’ve seen it everywhere and perhaps never noticed it. It’s a humor device called “Irony” and it’s one trick that authors use to make their characters and plot lines interesting and funny. Irony is, to quote Webster’s, “a method of humorous or subtly sarcastic expression in which the intended meaning of the words used is the direct opposite of their usual sense,” for example, when someone calls a stupid plan, “clever.” That is considered irony.

When used subtly, irony can make your work more saleable, because it makes the characters more interesting and fun to read about. It makes the characters more likeable because it gives them a fault that people can relate to. Who hasn’t thought of himself as something he is really not? It also gives your work more depth. An example from my recent reading is Jonathon Stroud’s Bartimeaus Series. His genie talks like an all powerful, ferocious, intimidating, godlike creature, when all his actions indicate that he is cowardly, and not as strong or smart as he thinks he is. This makes for some hilarious and clever situations that are very fun to read about. Another example from a very popular work is Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The “wimpy kid’s” dialogue is laced with irony, making us laugh and fall in love with the character. Even the Berenstein Bears has irony. The Papa Bear is always setting himself up as an expert and he is really klutzy and not very knowledgeable. In the movie, “G-Force,” a dainty, sweet little girl tells someone if they try to put a bow in her hair they will lose a finger. This is funny.

You’ll notice irony everywhere in popular fiction and movies because it makes fiction and movies popular, and it makes the author seem clever. One caution though. It can be overused, and then it makes the author look like he is trying too hard to be funny or sarcastic.

To add irony to your work, take a good look at your character. Is he a body guard? What would be the last thing a buff and burly dude would say or do? You need to surprise your audience. Make him a germaphobe who loves decorating, or have him love something sweet and cute. In the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters, the very intelligent and mature sounding boy uses his intelligence to invent things that cause all sorts of hilarious trouble for everyone, making us realize he is not as grown up as he thinks he is. This is the type of interesting character that leaves readers clamoring for more. Author Janette Rallison has made a name for herself lacing her character’s dialogue with irony to make what they say humorous and clever. Read some of her books to study how she does it. As you study other authors who use this device it will begin to make sense to you and you will become an expert yourself.

July Humor story

2009-06-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

Note: (I had to post this one early because of summer travel! Hope you are having a great summer too!)

The Patriotic Diet

If it's true that you are what you eat, then I would be a one hundred and forty pound chocolate doughnut. I would have a cheesecake head, french fried arms, and potato chip feet. I can't help it. I love to eat junk food.

Every morning I wake up and think to myself...Hmmm, will it be bran flakes and Metamucil©…or Belgian waffles topped with a truckload of syrup and whipped cream? Well it's no contest. Since I'm definitely trying for an overall healthy lifestyle it's the bran flakes...sprinkled on top of the mound of cream which tops my waffle.

Until this morning I wondered…is it really such a crime to serve a whole box of mint chip ice cream with seven spoons at family dinner? Think of the calcium being consumed. Why, if every family upheld this beloved family tradition, osteoporosis would be virtually wiped from the face of the earth! Once again, my family's quirkiness had the potential to rid the world of a great scourge.

But then, this morning, Priscilla followed me into the bathroom. “Mom? Why is your belly so big? It’s way bigger than mine.” she said.

My shaving husband choked down a laugh.

I glared at him. “It means I’m smart,” I said. “When there’s no more room for ideas in my brain, they just congregate elsewhere.”

My daughter pointed at my stomach. “Then you must be really smart,” she said.

This time my husband laughed out loud. I followed him into the bedroom and tried to force my pants to button. Oh man! I should have done my bicep curls yesterday. I sucked in my stomach. There. That was better. Slowly, I let my breath out and turned toward my husband.

“What the?” he yelled, when the button popped off of my pants and shot toward his eye like a bullet from his thirty-aught-six. He fell into a crumpled heap on the bed.

Oops. I guess it was way past time to go on a diet. Don’t get me wrong. I love diets…especially ones that I invent. Like the time I invented the “Add-a-letter” diet, where every day you change the first letter in the word “Diet” to see what you’re allowed to eat. My favorite days were “Pie-it” and “Fry-it”

My husband held his hand over his eye and groaned. Hmmm. Perhaps this time I needed to invent something a little more serious.

“Okay, kids,” I said at breakfast. “Today your mom is going on a diet. I don’t want to eat anything that will make me fat, and I need your help.”

“Awww,” complained my son. “Does this mean no more brownies for breakfast?”

My husband glared at me.

“What?” I held up my hands. “I only did that once when I was really tired.”

“I know how we can help,” said my daughter. “Tonight you won’t even have to make dinner so you won’t be tempted! We can eat those two packages of marshmallows that are in the cupboard, and you can make yourself some dry toast.” She beamed a benevolent smile in my direction.

“No, no, no!” I said, “I’ve invented something much more fun! It’s called the “hide and seek” diet. You guys hide all the goodies from me, and I won’t be able to find them.”

“Yaaaay!” shouted the children, and they rushed off to hide the goods.

It would’ve worked too, if it wasn’t for the encouraging note I found on the fridge at lunch time whilst nibbling on my piece of dry toast.

Mom, whatever you do…don’t look behind my bed. There’s nothing there. Love, your son.

I headed straight for my son’s bed. I wonder what….Oh yes! The chocolate chip cookies left over from last night’s Family Home Evening!

I looked around furtively. I really shouldn’t. But then again, America was a free country, and I invented this diet. I could do whatever I wanted.

Aaah…freedom. I felt a swell of national pride as I crunched on my cookie. Or was it just a bigger swell over the top of my pants? In any case, in honor of my sudden devotion to my country, I decided to change my diet’s name to “The American Diet,” the diet where freedom reigns.

I pledge allegiance to the cookie, united with chocolate chips and milk. And to the hot dogs sold in stands, one cheeseburger, under ketchup, indivisible, with french fries and soda pop for all.

Book Review and Interview with Marsha Ward

2009-06-23T20:50:00.000-07:00

Marsha Ward's new book Trail of Storms has recently been released and it is a page turner. I never read western novels, but boy, was I missing out. This one was full of adventure, romance and suspense. The story takes place after the civil war, when the south was occupied by Yankee soldiers.

On the back cover it says, "After her sister suffers a brutal attack, Jessie Bingham and her family flee post-Civil War Virginia and undertake a perilous trek to New Mexico Territory. When she learns her former sweetheart, James Owen, took a wife, Jessie accepts Ned Heizer's marriage proposal, on the condition they wait until journey's end to wed. But then Jessie encounters James again...and he isn't married now!"

Marsha does an excellent job with her characters making them true to life. I actually felt like I was in the old west. She is also an expert at creating suspenseful situations. All in all, I loved Trail of Storms! I can't wait to read Marsha's other books based on the same family.

I recently had a chance to interview Marsha about her book:

Marsha, what made you start writing?

The fascination I’ve always had with words and story. It’s just been a part of me as far back as I can remember.

How long have you been writing? When did you sell your first book?

I’ve written ever since I could hold a pencil in my fist. My sister tells of a time when I’d admonish my siblings not to “step on my novel.” I imagine it was spread across the floor with me belly-down on the hardwood, scribbling away.

I self-published my first novel in January 2003 when I had a health crisis that didn’t look like it would turn out well. I’d been carrying around the novel that I’d begin in the late sixties, then really worked on from the eighties on. I was getting good editorial comments, but no acceptances, and I did not want to die and leave my work unpublished.

What type of writer are you? Do you plan ahead/plot or do you simply fly by the seat of your pants?

I usually start with characters, a situation, and a desired ending, and go ahead from there. I’m very much a seat-of-the-pantser. When I outline too much, it takes the starch out of the story.

How do you choose your characters' names?

When I was in high school, I made a list of children’s names, both male and female, for nearly all the letters of the alphabet. I think X might have been a challenge, so I don’t recall if I got those listed. I’ve never had trouble coming up with character names: phone books, news items, journals, baby books, historical accounts, all have been good resources.

What type of writing schedule do you have?

(Laughs) I try to write in blocks of four hours, but assigning days to those blocks is difficult. Because getting going on a novel is the hardest part for me, I have to force myself to begin, even if it’s just 100 words a day. If I took my own advice, I’d write several books a year, but alas, life happens frequently.

How do you handle life interruptions?

With a sigh. I’m not very patient when interrupted, because of the intense effort that it takes to get started. However, I don’t snap at people, if that’s what folks might think.

What have you always dreamed of writing, but haven't yet?

My tenth novel.

What one thing do you like most about writing? Least?

I love the rush of pure adrenalin that gets me through the scene when the work is going well. I don’t like the fact that I have to work so hard to get into the groove of writing.

What is your next project?

I’m working on a non-Owen family novel called Slim and the Schoolmarm.

What is your advice for other writers?

“Just write the dang book.” That a quote from my friend Joan Sowards. She said it to Kerry Blair, who passed it on to me.

Tell us about your book, Trail of Storms.

This novel goes back to Virginia to pick up a minor character from The Man from Shenandoah, Jessie Bingham, the girl James Owen left behind. It details the lives and adventures of members of the Bingham family and a couple of men who love the unmarried girls in the family. When the family is forced to leave Virginia, they are pursued by some not very nice characters, and even after they fight off that onslaught, poverty, bad weather, and Jessie’s sister Hannah's frightful secret plague their journey. Nursing her battered heart when she learns James Owen took a wife, Jessie accepts her old friend Ned's offer of marriage. But a stop on the trail holds surprises that launch Jessie into a bewildering tangle of values, emotions, and high adventure.

What other work of yours has been published?

The Man from Shenandoah came first, in January 2003, followed by Ride to Raton at the end of the same year. I published them through the services of iUniverse due to a desire to get them in fixed form before a looming health issue took me away. Fortunately, the health thing turned out better than expected.

Is there anything you'd like to add?

I’m so very grateful to you, Kersten, for this interview and review, and for other reviewers’ kind words. I’m also getting tremendously encouraging feedback from readers. I hope some of them will be inspired to nominate Trail of Storms for a Whitney Award (http://whitneyawards.com).

I’ve started a new blog where my characters can pop in and chat with me. It’s at http://charactersinmarshashead.blogspot.com. My website is at http://marshaward.com and my regular blog, “Writer in the Pines,” is at http://marshaward.blogspot.com. I hope your readers will come visit me!

Thanks for a wonderful read Marsha! Trail of Storms is available through Amazon.com.

Healthier Chocolate Shake

2009-06-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story July 1st. June one posted below!

My kids love chocolate shakes but I don't want them drinking them all the time so here is my quick healthier blender alternative.

1 Cup skim milk
1T cocoa powder
2T sugar or splenda
2 or 3 ice cubes

Put all in blender and blend until smooth and frothy. Enjoy!

New Cedar Fort Author Blog

2009-06-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

If you love to write and read about writers, then check out the new Cedar Fort Author's blog. Learn about the authors you love and their writing techniques. So fun! They have a new post every day.

Fastest FHE Cookies (Shortbread cookies)

2009-06-09T09:58:00.001-07:00

I forgot to post a recipe last friday, so here's what we had for FHE yesterday. They are the fastest cookies in the world to make and delicious! (we always sprinkle ours with cinnamon and sugar) I got the recipe out of the "Feed your Family on $10 a day" cookbook by Linda West Eckhardt.

Holiday Fancies

1 cup sugar
2 sticks real butter
1 egg
3 1/2 cups flour

Preheat oven to 300. Grease two cookie sheets well. Cut butter into sugar until mixture resembles coarse meal. Add egg and blend completely. Now add flour and mix to make a very short, crumbly dough. (all can be done in processor in 2 minutes). Using a tablespoon for a mold (or a cookie scoop), press dough firmly into the bowl so that you have an round shaped piece in the spoon... Now slide the cookie onto the cookie sheet. Repeat until you have used all the dough.If you desire, make an indentation in each cookie with your index finger. Using the little spoon, drop a dab of topping into each hole (jam, an almond, a walnut or pecan half, or just sprinkle the cookie with cinnamon and sugar). Bake about 15 minutes until edges are brown. Let stand on cookie sheet 2-3 minutes, then remove to a rack for cooling. Store in a tin, seperating layers with waxed paper.

Speedy Fake Spaghettios

2009-05-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story June 1st! May story posted below.

I make this more healthy and cheap version of Spaghettios for my kids, but I like it too for lunch. It's nice because it only takes 2 minutes in the microwave.

1 serving

1/4 c couscous
1/4 c spaghetti sauce (or more if you like it more saucey) (click here for recipe. I like to keep some on hand in the fridge)
1 mozarella cheese stick

Put the couscous and 1/2 c water in the microwave. Microwave for 2 minutes. Let sit one minute. Pour on spaghetti sauce and cut the cheese into chunks and mix all together and serve. (note: the cold sauce will cool down the couscous so it is just the right temp)

Giveaway Day!

2009-05-28T12:55:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Our “Summer Treasure Hunt: Dig for Clues and Win” Contest!

Some friends and I have put together an exciting contest to kick off your summer! Beginning June 1st, we will be giving away a prize a day. That’s right: 30 days, 30 treasures! There should be something for everyone: romance, mystery, historical, contemporary, and young adult fiction; children’s picture books; a variety of non-fiction; and just to liven things up even more, we’ve included a few exciting non-book prizes: a free 30 page manuscript edit, for you aspiring authors out there; an e-bay gift certificate; and a gift-certificate for a Vinyl Expressions Quote.How can you win one of these fabulous prizes?

Follow the rules below:

SUMMER TREASURE HUNT RULES:You can send in an entry for each day’s prize, or only for those prizes that strike your fancy. The rules are simple:(1) Go to the website or blog indicated for each day, find the answer to the question for that day, then email the answer with your name and mailing address to jdipastena@yahoo.com.(2) Please send a separate entry for each day and type the day you are entering in the subject line. (Such as: June Treasure Hunt, Day 1; June Treasure Hunt, Day 2, etc).(3) Deadline for each day: Midnight PST(4) The winner will be contacted and announced on the day following the deadline.You do not have to wait until the designated day to enter. You can start sending in your entries right now, or begin entering at any point along the way. And check back here each day between June 2nd-July 1st to read the names of the winners.If you have any questions, feel free to email Joyce DiPastena at jdipastena@yahoo.com.

And now…let the treasure hunt begin!

June 1SPONSOR: Aubrey Mace PRIZE: autographed copy of my new YA fiction book, My Fairy Grandmother. QUESTION: What is the title of my upcoming book to be released Fall 2009? WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.aubreymace.com/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES

June 2 SPONSOR: Rachel Rager PRIZE: By Love or By Sea, romance, autographed copy QUESTION: What question does the stranger ask Alice? (Hint: Read excerpt of By Love or By Sea on the “Reading Room” page.) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.rachelrager.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 3 SPONSOR: Josi S. Kilpack PRIZE: An autographed copy of culinary mystery Lemon Tart OR a pre-ordered copy of English Trifle (release date is August 2009) QUESTION: How many original recipes are included in the culinary mystery, Lemon Tart? (Hint: click on “Lemon Tart” tab on website) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.josiskilpack.com/ USA ENRIES ONLY

June 4 SPONSOR: Cindy R. Williams PRIZE: Arizona Glyph Award Finalist: Chase McKay Didn’t Get Up Today Children’s snuggle, giggle picture book. Autographed by the author and the real Chase McKay. QUESTION: What is the name of the dragon book Cindy is completing?WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.cindyrwilliams.com/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES

June 5SPONSOR: Kersten Campbell PRIZE: Autographed Copy of the Motherhood humor book: Confessions of a Completely (In)Sane Mother QUESTION: What does the dog beg for when he escapes into the neighbor's house in the book Confessions of a Completely Insane Mother? (hint: if they click on the book they'll find the answer) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.kerstencampbell.com/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES

June 6 SPONSOR: Lara Niedemeyer PRIZE: $20 gift certificate towards merchandise and shipping at my store—8pizza on eBay QUESTION: What is the lowest priced item and what is the highest priced item listed in 8pizza’s store? (Hint: use the “Sort By” feature). WEBSITE/BLOG: http://stores.shop.ebay.com/8pizza USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 7Sponsor's name: Kathi Oram Peterson PRIZE: Autographed copy of The Forgotten Warrior, YA Inspirational Time travel QUESTION: Who is Tarik? WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.kathiorampeterson.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 8 SPONSOR: Donna Hatch PRIZE: Autographed copy of paperback of the Regency Romance, The Stranger She Married QUESTION: What is Cole accused of doing? WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.donnahatch.net/ (Hint: read the excerpt under “Bookshelf” tab for The Stranger She Married) OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES: IN THE CASE OF AN INTERNATIONAL WINNER, AN E-BOOK VERSION OF THE STRANGER SHE MARRIED WILL BE AWARDED

June 9 SPONSOR: Diony George PRIZE: Autographed copy of Torn Apart, a fictional novel based on a true story. "If it could happen to Alyson, it could happen to anyone..." QUESTION: What TV station interviewed Diony about her book? (Hint watch video for the answer) WEBSITE/BLOG: diony-george.blogspot.com USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 10SPONSOR: Tina Scott PRIZE: autographed copy of Coyote's Grand Adventure - children's picture book QUESTION: What did Coyote always dream of doing? (Hint: Look under “Library” tab) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://tinascott.net/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES

June 11SPONSOR: Cindy Beck PRIZE: Winner's choice of one of the following anthologies featuring Cindy's stories (autographed copy): My Dad is My Hero, Cup of Comfort for Breast Cancer Survivors, or Cup of Comfort for Horse Lovers. QUESTION: What was the name of my horse? (Hint: You can find the answer by going to the website and clicking on the button marked "Books." WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.bythebecks.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 12SPONSOR: Valerie Ipson PRIZE: $15 gift certificate and free shipping for a Vinyl Expressions’ Vinyl Lettering quote (check out http:vinylsignsanddesigns.blogspot.com for examples of prize) QUESTION: What is Valerie’s personal writing quote? (Hint: see quotes in right sidebar under “OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF WRITERLY PEOPLE: Valerie’s “personal quote” means just that…her very own quote!) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://valerieipson.blogspot.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 13SPONSOR: Joyce DiPastena PRIZE: 2007 Whitney Award Finalist: Loyalty’s Web, medieval romance, autographed by author QUESTION: What is Heléne’s prayer when Gunthar brushes her cheek with his thumb? (Hint: Click on “Excerpt” tab on website) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.joyce-dipastena.com/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES: IN THE CASE OF AN INTERNATIONAL WINNER, A $20 AMAZON.COM E-CERTIFICATE WILL BE AWARDED TOWARDS THE PURCHASE OF A COPY OF LOYALTY’S WEB

June 14 SPONSOR: Joan Sowards PRIZE: LDS Word Puzzles QUESTION: What is Bednar?WEBSITE: http://joansowards.com/node/110 USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 15 SPONSOR: Anne Bradshaw PRIZE: Autographed copy of Please, No Zits! & Other Short Stories for LDS Youth, but non-LDS will enjoy it, too! - YA genre (12 upward)QUESTION: What does author Jeffrey S. Savage say about Please, No Zits? (Hint: scroll down right sidebar on blog) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://annebradshaw.blogspot.com/ USA ENTRANTS ONLY

June 16 SPONSOR: Laurie LC Lewis PRIZE: an autographed copy of BOOK ONE of her Free Men and Dreamers series, Dark Sky at Dawn. QUESTION: What current political situation has caused a verse of the Star Spangled Banner to be nearly forgotten? (Hint: click on “news” link on website) WEBSITE: http://www.laurielclewis.com/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES: IN THE CASE OF AN INTERNATIONAL WINNER, A $25 AMAZON.COM E-CERTIFICATE WILL BE AWARDED TOWARDS THE PURCHASE OF A COPY OF DARK SKY AT DAWN.

June 17SPONSOR: Jaimey Grant PRIZE: FREE download of the eBook of your choice (Betrayal, Spellbound, Heartless, or Redemption) QUESTION: What was the title of the very first Regency romance that Jaimey wrote from beginning to end? (Hint: Check out the post titled: "My Mind : What a Twisted Place to Live") WEBSITE/BLOG: http://jaimeygrant.blogspot.com/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES

June 18 SPONSOR: Danyelle Ferguson PRIZE: Free 30 page edit of your manuscript ($30 value) QUESTION: How does Danyelle's business card describe her? (Hint: check right sidebar on blog) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://queenoftheclan.blogspot.com/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES: Danyelle says: “If they live in the USA, I will print their 30 pages, hand edit, then mail back. If they live outside the USA, I will edit the .doc file and email back.”

June 19SPONSOR: Walnut Springs Press PRIZE: I Can't Believe It's Food Storage by Crystal Godfrey (non-fiction) QUESTION: What is the most recent new release listed on our blog? (Hint: check out post for April 13, 2009) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://walnutspringspress.blogspot.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 20 SPONSOR: Caroline Gregory and Shawnette Nielson PRIZE: Puppy Stew, Children’s Picture book. Finalist for Foreward Book Of The Year award. (NOTE: If you would like an autographed copy, please note that in your entry) QUESTION: “In order to stay warm, what do you wear underneath your shoes?” (Hint: look under the “Witchisms” tab on website) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://puppystew.net/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES

June 21SPONSOR: Marion Webb-De Sisto.P RIZE: An autographed copy of her ground-breaking book, Crystal Skulls. QUESTION: Does this book explore ancient crystal skulls or contemporary ones? {Hint: Take a look at “Books” in the main menu) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.marionwebb-desisto.com/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES

June 22SPONSOR: Inglestone PublishingP RIZE: Autographed copy of Counting the Cost by Liz Adair QUESTION: What is the name of the main male character in Counting the Cost? WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.inglestonepublishing.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 23 SPONSOR: Cecily Markland/Inglestone PublishingPRIZE: Autographed copy of children’s picture book, If I Made a Bug, by Cecily Markland QUESTION: Who is the illustrator of If I Made a Bug? (Hint: the “bookstore” tab) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.inglestonepublishing.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 24SPONSOR'S NAME: . Jacquie Rogers PRIZE: Faery Special Romances (YA novel)Autographed in USA, not autographed elsewhere. QUESTION: Why does our family support Neurofibromatosis research? (Hint: Click on “Neurofibromatosis research” link and read Mercedes Rice’s story) WEBSITE: http://www.jacquierogers.com/faerysr.html OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES: WINNER LIVING IN A COUNTRY NOT DIRECTLY SERVED BY AN ONLINE BOOKSTORE WILL RECEIVE A PDF COPY.

June 25SPONSOR: Terry Deighton PRIZE: Cup of Comfort for New Mothers (non-fiction, anthology) QUESTION: Name any two titles from the Cup of Comfort series. (Hint: Look in the store.) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.cupofcomfort.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 26SPONSOR: Leatherwood Press PRIZE: Messiah: The Little-known Story of Handel’s Beloved Oratorio, by Tim Slover QUESTION: Who was the art designer for Messiah: The Little Known Story of Handel’s Beloved Oratorio? (Hint: see post for May 15, 2009) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://jdp-news.blogspot.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 27SPONSOR: Dawson Publishing PRIZE: Copy of The No Cussing Club by McKay Hatch QUESTION: How many members of the No Cussing Club are there to date WEBSITE: http://www.nocussing.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 28SPONSOR: Nicole Zoltack PRIZE: Woman of Honor (fantasy romance ebook)QUESTION: What color is Caelan's eyes? WEBSITE/BLOG: http://nicolezoltack.blogspot.com/ OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES

June 29SPONSOR: Sarah M. EdenPRIZE: An autographed copy of the Sarah M. Eden Regency romance of your choice QUESTION: "Name all 7 Jonquil brothers." (Hint: check out "The Jonquil Brothers Series" tab) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://www.sarahmeden.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

June 30SPONSOR: Marsha Ward PRIZE: LDStorymakers Writing Secrets QUESTION: Who is Rulon? (Hint: Click on “Man from Shenandoah” under “Novels” link on website) WEBSITE/BLOG: http://marshaward.com/ USA ENTRIES ONLY

Toasted Reuben Sandwiches

2009-05-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story June 1st. May humor story posted below.

Dark Rye bread
Deli Corned beef (Sometimes I use pastrami if I don't have corned beef)
Canned saurkraut
swiss cheese, sliced
light mayonnaise
ketchup
butter

Preheat griddle to medium high. Mix together ketchup and mayo until it turns a pink color (or you can just use Thousand Island dressing instead). Butter the rye bread. Place one bread, butter side down, on the griddle. Spread a layer of ketchup and mayo mix on the bread. Then add meat, cheese, and saurkraut on top. Place other slice of bread, butter side up, on top of sandwich. When the bread has browned, flip and toast the other side until golden brown. Delicious!

Interview with famous LDS author Tristi Pinkston

2009-05-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

I had an opportunity to interview Tristi Pinkston in celebration of the release of her newest novel, Agent in Old Lace. Here is the description on the jacket:

Shannon Tanner has it all a perfect family, a perfect job, and a perfect boyfriend. Or so she thinks. What Shannon doesn t know is that her boyfriend, Mark, is stealing money from her father and making millions doing it. When Shannon learns Mark s secret, he turns on her, and Shannon s life abruptly goes from perfect to perilous.In an effort to protect Shannon, the FBI assigns their only female agent to go undercover as her personal bodyguard. But when the agent is injured the day before the assignment, they turn to the next best thing: their top agent, Rick Holden in a dress. Life seems safe again for Shannon with Rick by her side and Mark apparently gone for good. Then Shannon gets word that her best friend has been kidnapped, and it becomes clear that Mark isn t going to stop any time soon. Shannon realizes the only way to save herself and her friend and stop Mark once and for all is by sending Rick, her only source of protection, away. Can Rick save Shannon before it s too late?

Q. Tristi, your first three books are historical fiction, but your new release, "Agent in Old Lace," is a contemporary novel. What inspired the change?

A. After spending hours upon hours researching some of the aspects of man's inhumanity for my first two books, I needed to focus on something light to help clear out some of the cobwebs. I decided to try my hand at a mystery, and I didn't know it was going to end up being as humorous as it did.

Q. I understand you wrote "Agent in Old Lace" a while ago?

A. Yes, I wrote it back in 2003. It sat on my hard drive for a little while and then I decided to do a makeover on it. I heightened up the suspense, got rid of a lot of exposition, and it's now a much better book than it was before. It's a lot more suspenseful.

Q. How would you describe "Agent in Old Lace?"

A. It's a contemporary mystery/romance/suspense/comedy. But that's a whole lot to say at once. So I'd probably classify it as a romantic suspense,although it's not the freaky-scary kind of suspense.

Q. Are you going to stick with contemporary novels from now on?

A. For the time being, that's what I'm writing. I have a new mystery series I'm launching this fall, and after those books are done, I've got ideas for another series idea after that. But I'm not giving up historical fiction. I've got a lot of ideas still percolating in my brain.

Q: You are such an amazing prolific and creative author with tons of ideas. Plus you have a family to take care of. Where do you find timeto write while taking care of your family?

A: I have my computer on almost all the time and whenever I get an idea, I sneak away for a second to jot it down. Then at night, after the kids are asleep, I'm able to get in and really work. My husband is also very supportive and takes care of the kids for me when I've got something pressing that needs to be finished. I've given up some sleep and a lot of tv, and my house isn't very clean, but those are some of the things I've sacrificed to make it all fit.

Q: How do you come up with your many ideas?

A. They've all come from such different places: from dreams, from things I overhear, from asking "what if?" There's really no one place that's given me all the ideas. I believe in being open and just seeing where they'll come from next.

Tristi's book looks so good I can't wait for mine to come in the mail! Here are some of Tristi's links:

Here's the preorder link for the book:
Tristi's website: http://www.tristipinkston.com/
Tristi's blog: http://www.tristipinkston.blogspot.com/

Fast FHE S'mores

2009-05-15T05:41:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story June 1st. May story posted below

Here's another super fast FHE treat, which I need because I always forget to make one.

Hershey candy bars
Graham crackers
Large Marshmallows

Place a hershey candy on one half graham cracker and place marshmallow on top. Melt in microwave. Then place other graham cracker half on top. (Melting only takes like 10 seconds or less in some microwaves). Smoosh together and enjoy!

Giveaway Day

2009-05-11T11:28:00.001-07:00

Here's another giveaway! This time it's not mine. Inglebrook Publishing is having a giveaway to celebrate Liz Adair's new book. See contest rules below:

“Counting the Cost” Roundup of Memories Blog Tour Share your favorite family history memory and win!In celebration of the recent release of *Counting the Cost* by bestselling author, Liz Adair, Inglestone Publishing invites you to participate in aRoundup of Memories.*

Counting the Cost *is historical fiction, set in New Mexico and Arizona inthe 1930s. Brilliantly told, the story is based on events from author LizAdair’s own family history. In Liz’s book, the spring roundup is a centralelement in Liz’s book.

So, for the Roundup of Memories, you are invited to join in the fun by submitting a favorite memory or family history story ofyour own. Here’s all you need to do to qualify for one of the prizes fromInglestone Publishing:

1. Submissions should be a memory of your own or a story of one of your ownancestors.Submissions should be 300 to 500 words long and you may submit as many asyou wish.

2. To submit your entries, simply visit www.inglestonepublishing.com, clickon the Roundup of Memories image near to top of the home page, then fill outthe simple form.

3. Submit entries by May 20. Selected submissions will be published on theInglestone Publishing Web site; and the winners will be announced May 25.

Contest winners will receive:An autographed copy of *Counting the Cost* by Liz AdairCopy of “Using Family History in Fiction” by Liz Adair“Gold nugget bag” of chocolate coins

Grand Prize Winner will receive all of the above, PLUS a $10 giftcertificate to Amazon.com

Sunday Chicken

2009-05-07T19:40:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story June 1st! May humor story posted below.

This recipe is what I love to cook on Sundays because it is almost no work and tastes like rotisserie chicken. (It's also a frugal way to make Sunday special)

1 family size package of bone-in, skin-on chicken thighs (or leg quarters)
Seasoning salt

I usually have one of these packages of chicken in the freezer. I take it out of the freezer Sunday morning at 8 or 9am and cook it in the microwave for 10 minutes so that I can pry the pieces apart. Then I place them, still frozen, in a large crockpot. Season liberally with the seasoning salt. Cook on high all day until dinner time around 5 or 6pm. Remove chicken to a platter and keep warm. Make a gravy with the chicken drippings at the bottom of the crockpot. You may need to add salt to the gravy. Serve hot with rice or potatoes. (We don't eat the skin on the chicken, but cooking it with the skin gives the chicken and gravy more flavor)

(The leftovers from this meal make an excellent chicken pot pie! Just mix the chicken/potatoes/gravy together, add a frozen veggie and cook under a pie shell until done).

BYU and Three Cheesecakes Later

2009-05-05T13:08:00.000-07:00

I had so much fun at BYU Women's Conference I thought I'd post some pictures!

Here are me and my sisters-in-law, waiting in line to see my favorite artist, Liz Lemon Swindle. We had just heard an amazing talk by Julie B. Beck on strengthening families. Do I look more spiritual to you?

Don't know how to rotate pictures...sorry. But here's me standing in front of my first book in the BYU Bookstore! Hooray! The reason I have that double chin is because I just finished pigging out on THREE pieces of Cheesecake at the top of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. Ugh!

My sisters in law forcing me to stand in front of a sign with my name on it. I'm really nervous before I have to go sign books.

Me signing books next to Whitney award winner, Aubrey Mace. She is the sweetest person I have ever met! The compliment I received the most as people checked out my book was, "You don't look insane!"

To sum up my experience...Julie B. Beck inspired me to have ten more children, and John Bytheway helped me realize that I must learn how to text message so that I can communicate with the ones I have. See honey? Women's conference is worth the sacrifice! Now when can I get my new Iphone?

The Secret Life of Wives (May Humor Story)

2009-04-28T14:59:00.000-07:00

Note: I had to post this early because I am going to BYU Women's Conference! Hooray! Come and visit me from 1:30-3:30 at the BYU bookstore for a signing! This story is a sample from one of the thirty stories in "Confessions of a Completely Insane Mother" Enjoy!

Danger lies hidden in every seemingly solid marital relationship. Watch out! Disaster may be lurking just around the corner. You never know when it's about to strike!

The relationship trouble usually hits when the husband leaves town for more than a week at a time. The wife looks around at the unpainted stairwell, sighs over the cracked cement, and lingers longingly over pictures in magazines: pictures of what could have been. The pictures inspire a seed of desire which grows, secretly in her heart until the husband comes home, utterly unaware, and totally shocked to find out that while he was gone, his wife has found a new persona...one he has never seen before. She has become......handy.

My own husband found this out when he came home from work one day to find me drilling holes in all of the window frames of our house.

"What in heaven's name is going on around here?" he asked, dropping his newspaper when he saw the maniacal gleam in my eye.

"Honey!" I said with excitement, my cheeks flushed. "I never knew how fun this "thingy" could be. You can make a hole in just about anything, except bricks...I tried it and broke one of your bits, sorry."

"Thingy?" he replied, his face turning white. "That is a very expensive automatic drill. What are you doing drilling holes in all of our wood?"

"I'm fixing up the house!" I replied, laughing. "I saw a picture of some shelves in a magazine, and suddenly I realized, 'I can do that!"

I paused, waiting for a reaction. Seeing nothing but closed eyelids and deep breathing, I continued, "In other words, great news! You don't have to do "fix-it" jobs EVER again! I can do them myself. In fact, I am going to remodel our whole kitchen!"

"Remodel our kitchen?" my husband screeched. He stopped and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. Then he put a gentle hand on my arm.

"Darling," he said, "Do you know what is involved in remodeling a kitchen? The cost alone...!"

"Cost, schmost!" said I, waving the drill in the air. My husband jumped away when I accidentally pushed the trigger in his face. "We are going to do all of the work ourselves, so it won't cost much at all!"

His eyes narrowed, "What do you mean "we?"

I sighed. "Don't get all testy...I'll do most of the work, but you can carry the heavy stuff. You'll be the grunt labor."

He grunted. "Gee thanks. But hon! Honestly people train for years, they have to become apprentices to learn how to do all that stuff..."

"Not me!" I say, sticking the drill proudly in the holster of my tool belt. "Check out our bedroom window."

Again, the color drained from his face. He walked slowly to our room, like a man assigned to the gallows. Then he stopped and stared silently at the huge lumps behind the closed curtains, his jaw dropping, when I opened them up with a flourish.

He coughed. "Our window? You put shelves in our window?"

"Yep! I did all eight of them while the baby was sleeping."

He gulped. "But why? Eight shelves in one window? Why would you do such a thing?"

"Tomatoes."

My husband gave me a blank stare.

I sighed. "You know. I want to grow tomatoes from seed. We didn't have enough space in our window for the pots."

"But," he sputtered, "We can't even sit up in our bed without hitting our heads...how are we going to..."

"No worries!" I said, lifting the drill out of its holster and revving it a few times. "I noticed you had a "saw thingamajig" in your tool box! The legs to the bed are my next project."

I squinted at him, "Honey are you okay? Your face looks a little--purple."

"I'm fine," he said, holding a fist to his chest. His voice sounded strangled.

"Good. Because I want to show you how I fixed the broken crib. You know what they always say..."

"No...I don't," said my husband, rubbing a wrinkle in his forehead.

"With a little know-how and a lot of duct tape..." I grinned, "Nothing's impossible!”

That's when my husband fainted. And so...husbands beware. Don't let this happen to you. Get all those "honey-do" lists done before you leave town. And NEVER leave a home repair manual lying around where just anybody can read it....Especially if it's sitting next to a roll of duct tape.

Easiest Pizza Dough

2009-04-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

Note: Next Humor story will be May 1st. Apr. story posted below.

This fast easy dough cooks up crusty on the edge of the pan and soft on the inside of the cookie sheet pan so you can please both types of dough lovers. You can make this dough in a bread maker on the dough cycle too...just put wet ingredients on the bottom and dry on the top.

Makes 2 cookie sheet size pizzas

1 1/4 C warm water
1 scant T Yeast
3 1/2 C Flour
1t salt
2T Olive oil

Put yeast in water and let sit for a minute. In a stand mixer with a dough hook add flour, salt, and olive oil. Mix. Add Yeast mixture and mix. If dough looks too crumbly add a tiny bit more water (2-4 T) until it forms a soft but not sticky dough ball. Mix for 10 minutes to make a more elastic dough. (This dough does not need to rest or rise. You can start rolling it right away) (if you don't have a dough hook you can use a regular mixing attachment to mix the dough)

Cut dough ball in half to make two pizzas. Spray two cookie sheets and your counter top with cooking spray. Use rolling pin to roll out dough on the sprayed counter in the shape of your pan. Lift dough to your pan. Use fingers or a small pastry roller to roll the dough to the edges of pan. (To clean cooking spray off counter use first a dry towel then a wet cloth...it comes off easily this way). Top your pizza with sauce, cheese and toppings. Bake one at a time in a 425 degree oven for 15 minutes (check at 10-12 min.). Serve hot.

Doughnut Therapy and Humor Author FAQ's

2009-04-23T05:09:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story May 1st. April Humor story posted below.

Are you really addicted to chocolate doughnuts? Totally and completely. It drives my husband crazy. He is a health nut and never eats anything bad. The invention of Krispy Kreme was my undoing. I need to start some kind of support group: Doughnuts Anonymous: for doughnut addicts and the people who love them. I'll send my husband. He could use the therapy in dealing with my issues.

Where do you get your crazy ideas? All my ideas come from my family. The dynamics of the different personalities in our family just lend themselves to humorous situations. Me...the dreamy wife with no practical bone in my body....my husband the frugal, straight, practical man...and all my children who are bursting with personality traits just ready to be enjoyed in stories. I walk around with index cards and pencils sticking out of all the pockets of my jeans, coats, purses, and shirts, so I can record all of their escapades. Then I file the index cards away for later use.

If I wanted to write a book, how would I get published? Where do I start? My first advice is to decide what genre you want to write and then study it for awhile to get a feel for it. I once read about a romance author who read a hundred romance novels before she started writing her own. By then she really had a feel for the conventions of the genre she wanted to write and was able to get her novel published.

Next read a few books on how to write. You can avoid many first time writing mistakes this way. Writer's Digest has excellent books on all aspects and genres.

After you finish your manuscript have at least five friends read it. Then have it reviewed by a writer's critique group. This is vital. There are many things you just can't see in your own writing because of your bias as the author. You can find writer's critique groups online. One such group for LDS women is ANWA.

Finally, after you have done all this, begin sending your manuscript to agents and publishers. Study the market before you do this to be sure you're sending your manuscript to the right publishers. And remember: Never give up! Even if you have to revise your manuscript again or start a new one in a different genre. Every author goes through many modes of rejection before they finally find their niche! Best of luck in your writing endeavors!

You are Holy

2009-04-21T14:23:00.000-07:00

My favorite quote:
“Motherhood …is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”(In James R. Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 6 vols. (1965–75), 6:178.

And the winner is....

2009-04-20T08:20:00.001-07:00

Dewey and Liz from Pocotello, ID! Congratulations on winning Stacy Gooch Anderson's great book! If you didn't win, don't worry! There'll be more giveaways to come!

Lemon Chicken Couscous, the ultimate fast food

2009-04-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

Note: Next humor story on May 1st. The April humor story is posted below.

I love to eat this for lunch. This recipe makes one bowl for one person. You can make more bowls for more people if you desire since it only takes 2 minutes to cook.

1/4 C couscous (can get in bulk section of grocery store)
1/2 C water
1 lemon
1/4 C ready to serve grilled chicken pieces (we get ours from Costco, or just use leftover chicken)
Salt and pepper

Put couscous and water in a bowl. Microwave for 2 minutes. Let sit 1 minute. Warm up chicken in microwave. Add chicken pieces to couscous. Salt and pepper to taste. Take a lemon zester and add the zest of the lemon to the couscous. Cut lemon in half and squeeze both halves over the couscous and chicken. Serve.

Humor Author FAQ's

2009-04-16T20:13:00.000-07:00

Here are more answers to frequently asked questions people ask me as a humor author!

1. What’s the secret to making people laugh? Writing humor is like drawing caricatures. You take true things that happen, or annoyances that are common to most people and you enlarge or exaggerate them and make them silly. For example…In one essay, I have exaggerated my problems with garden pests into a war against bugs…and I have enlarged my daughter’s love of nature to be a crusade to save roly-poly’s. Humor is also about surprises…you have to set people up with a very serious point and then totally hit them out of thin air with something ridiculous. Irony is also a big part of making people laugh. When you take a person who thinks he is suave and cool and he's totally not...that is funny.

2. What about the characters, are they part of the humor, and are they true to life? The characters are what make the story funny and interesting. How they overcome their various ridiculous obstacles is something that puts the icing on the cake, humor-wise. The characters are sort of true, but exaggerated. I have taken true characteristics of people in my family and exaggerated them in each person to make them funny. For instance I have a mind that is always coming up with impractical new ideas to solve problems…and in the stories I blow that trait up into a character who is constantly coming up with these outrageous schemes to solve every tiny family issue.

Giveaway Day

2009-04-13T09:25:00.001-07:00

Hooray! This week's giveaway is Stacy Gooch Anderson's book "Life is Tough: I doubt I'll Make it Out Alive!" Just leave a comment if you want to win!! Good Luck! I'll post the winner next Monday!

Life on the Funny Farm

Healthy Lemon Slushies

Tips for adding humor to your writing

July Humor story

Book Review and Interview with Marsha Ward

Healthier Chocolate Shake

New Cedar Fort Author Blog

Fastest FHE Cookies (Shortbread cookies)

Speedy Fake Spaghettios

Giveaway Day!

Toasted Reuben Sandwiches

Interview with famous LDS author Tristi Pinkston

Fast FHE S'mores

Giveaway Day

Sunday Chicken

BYU and Three Cheesecakes Later

The Secret Life of Wives (May Humor Story)

Easiest Pizza Dough

Doughnut Therapy and Humor Author FAQ's

Suggested Reading: Prince Etcheon and the Secret of the Ancient by Joann Arnold

You are Holy

And the winner is....

Lemon Chicken Couscous, the ultimate fast food

Humor Author FAQ's

Suggested Reading: "Counting the Cost" by Liz Adair

Giveaway Day