Life & Otherwise . . .

Newness...

2013-03-03T08:59:00.000-05:00

This is your couch:

This is your couch on pets:

Any questions?

After 10 months of living in South Florida, I finally bit the bullet and purchased a sofa. Mind you, please: This is the first couch I've ever purchased. Not only is it the first couch I've ever purchased, it's the first couch that hasn't ever been owned by another family member or friend. (At this realization, I wasn't sure whether to smile or be a little sad, so I smiled a little sadly... I think you can understand...)

It's a step. Albeit only a $35 step, but I've always been a bit frugal and a lover of a great deal--not to mention my fair share of dumpster diving, but something about getting my couch out of an actual dumpster made me a bit squeamish, so I hit up craigslist and garbage nights in the area looking for curb deals, not dumpster deals, and found this navy-blue beauty, complete with queen size sleeper, no tears, no holes, no wear, no smells...

As I look back over the last 10 months here in the so-called Sunshine State, a lot of growing pains were to be had. I could no longer lean on my family except by phone; I could no longer count on my friends except by phone; I had to make myself vulnerable in ways I hadn't since the Army and college, putting myself out there to meet people, make friends, begin a new social network among the living--and it differed even then, because at least in the military and college, everyone there was there for a common purpose (defending country; higher learning), which of course allowed for a foundation of sorts for bonding with these strangers. Here? We had a common plot of land.

I've been hurt, yet I've been rewarded. I've been disappointed at times, and happier than I've ever been at other moments. Depressed beyond my own understanding of self, and elated at coming out knowing myself better. Finding out in news ways how I think, how I feel, what has made me who I am, and what I will allow to continue to make me into who I want to be, or perhaps even what I should be.

And to start with, I have a new couch.

Hell Week ...

2012-12-14T20:45:00.001-05:00

A smattering of thoughts:

My uncle tried committing suicide this week--although he claims not to remember doing any such thing.
No one but preachers use cross references in a bible, and no one but preachers and those trying to impress others even read the god-damned thing from cover to cover--so why the fuck is it the best-selling book in the world? Vanity, pure and simple.
People are assholes, which is why school shootings occur. It's at times like these where I agree with Ebeneezer Scrooge in that we need to rid the world of the surplus population--beginning with the shooter in Connecticut today. Although I will say
- I am against the death penalty and
- we would start with people like the shooter in Connecticut who did the world a favor and took himself out--just too late to save the non-surplus population
Russia sucks. Yes, I said it. I mean it. Those poor god damned Russians...
That last point had nothing to do with anything.
But I like bulleted points, and I've had a full bottle of pinot grigio... That makes my opinions fact. You didn't realize?

Regardless--or, irregardless, which means the same thing but just sounds plain fancier--in less than 15 days I get to see my mother and father again. And my siblings. And my friends. I'm considering calling the ex for breakfast or lunch or something, but I'm, not feeling exactly charitable, despite the time of year, so that's up in the air... We'll see...

And I still miss my dog Hawthorne something terrible...

But there is a new one taking his place. Not that I don;t love Gizmo--the lil guy just tugs a heart-string I didn't know I had! But Maybel... My dear sweet Maybel... Kind, sweet, quiet, shy, gentle Maybel, of unknown parentage (excepting the mother, a black-and-tan German Shepherd whom she doesn't resemble in the slightest), of gentle nature and bottomless heart... I didn't know emotionally (although logically I did) that I could fall for another so soon--dog, that is. Smart as a whip, loving as a--well, a dog? I'm too tipsy to think that much outside the box at the moment, LOL!

IRregardless, it's winding down the end of a long, emotional year. Just a month ago last year, I started a new life filled with anxiety, worry, not just a bit of turmoil, and a hell of a lot of gumption, if I do say so myself. After all, who leaves an unhealthy relationship by moving across the country? Probably those of us too sick in the head to face life head on... Or maybe it's those of us who like to take things to the extreme by going to the exact opposite of what we had been doing for thirteen years?

Perhaps I should just get a new goddamn therapist already and be done with it. Ce la vie...

Now French--that's a freaking sexy language!

I've also decided to UNsubscribe from all the right-wing newsletters and bullshit. After all, it does nothing for my mood and everything for my high-blood pressure (which I don't have but would like to avoid, if it's all the same to you...), the breaking point being that asshole from the not-so-much "Family Research Council" using the Connecticut school shooting as a Christmas message! Really? Death to 5-year-olds makes you think "Now is the time to preach about baby Jesus!"? Seriously?? Talk about your surplus population. His ilk should be the next against the wall when the revolution comes... Given humanity's track record, however, that's still too far away...

But where was I? Oh, yes... Surplus populations, amnesiac suicidal tendencies, and a partridge in a fucking pine tree.... 'Tis the season, my lovelies! Embrace the chaos, thrill in the weirdness of life, realize you cannot choose your family even though you can choose to love, and know this--it ain't over til the fat lady sings, and I ain't but sure that unless she top's the Guinness Book of World Records? She ain't the right fat lady...

Until next time, my friends... I leave you with this tree, which the Blue-eyed Devil and I got for free.... :)

My First New Thanksgiving...

2012-11-21T23:30:00.002-05:00

It's my first Thanksgiving that I'm not hosting...

Because my family is 1,200 miles away...

I'm used to two large banquet tables and a circular dining table added to one end. I'm used to two large turkeys cooking overnight, both easily over 25 pounds, started on Wednesday evening. I'm used to having 20+ guests--sometimes over 30!--coming to my home, eating, drinking, laughing...

To go from that, to just now unthawing a 10 pound turkey and cooking it for two...

With 80 degree weather outside....

It's odd, to say the least. I'm unsure if I'll have that experience again, honestly. How many stars would have to align to get the 16 people of my immediate family to come to Florida for me to ever do that again? How many heavens would I have to move, how many gods would I have to sacrifice to, to ever host in that way again?

I find myself missing the most poignantly, albeit of my own doing, starting a new life so far away.

***

But for a moment I shall digress and hop on my soapbox because someone just pissed me off with this photo:

1. It is *not* something to feel guilty about to want to spend time with your family on a holiday that has been around for 200+ years
2. It is *not* the same thing to be a soldier fighting for U.S. interests overseas (or even on home soil) and selling crap made in china at a national retailer
3. It is DEFINITELY okay to be PISSED that GREED on behalf of U.S. businesses are making you work--and probably threatening you with your job if you question it--on a day that SHOULD be spent relaxing, enjoying food and family, when there are 363 OTHER days of the year that people can enter your 24 hour a day establishment and buy cheap goods that are not supporting U.S. factories, let alone paying a wage above the poverty rate...

I can only assume that a Republican who thinks his right's are violated if he can't make slaves out of other Americans made such an asinine, stupid, insensitive poster...

Assholes.

I would wish you a hellish holiday, but that's not very nice, as the B.E.D. would say, so I'll simply say to the creator of this image?
FUCK YOU.
Fuck your greed for making your employees work just so you can make an extra buck when you barely pay them shit. Fuck your inhumanity for taking away one of the few days of the year when FAMILY should take priority over all else. Fuck you for trying to equate wanting to spend time with family with "unAmercanism" and "unpatriotism", especially because the wages you pay and the fact that you ARE making people work simply for your bottom line is the MOST unpatriotic, MOST unAmerican thing I can think of.
FUCK YOU.
***
Anyway, missing my family while staring at my paltry frozen turkey...

Luckily, I have an employer who pays a decent wage, allows me time off to spend how I wish, and has no urge to try to make me feel guilty about it.