Fear.

Fear sucks. So on Monday when Hannah didn’t get home from the bus at her usual time I began to panic as I very easily do. 10 minutes late. 15 minutes late. 18 minutes late. I walked around the block to make sure she wasn’t just talking to a friend around the corner. She wasn’t. I called the school to make sure she got on the bus. No answer. I emailed her teacher. She said she went with the other students to get on the bus. Finally another father looking for his daughter stopped me and that’s when I relaxed knowing that the bus was just late and it wasn’t just HER that didn’t get off the bus. She walked in the door 5 minutes later and relief swept over me. Hannah and I have had very hard times lately. Lots of arguments and grounding and “You’re mean, Mom”s have happened lately. As much as I complain about our rough patch that has lasted longer than I would like, there is nothing worse than worrying about your child unless something actually happens to them. I pray that is a feeling I’ll never feel. Worrying is bad enough and we’ve had our fair share of worrying this month.

Turns out a kid puked on the bus and they had to get off til it was cleaned up.

We had a good evening that evening without any arguing or bickering.

Livie is going to be 3 in 4 days.

THREE years old.

Believe it or not, it’s hard for me to get a picture of her smiling. I practically have to jump on my head and talk like a ridiculous freak to get her to even crack a smile half the time for a picture. This was her trying her hardest to NOT smile for me because she wanted to watch TV instead of let me take a couple pictures of her.

I caught her. A tiny grin. I have stared at this picture for a few minutes now. I love it. I love how innocent she still is. I love our days together. I love that she’s only 3…even if 3 seems so big to us.

But then I caught her laughing.

Score.

Instagram!!!!!!:

Birthday party recap coming Monday!

Enjoy the rest of your week.

Watching my girls play together. Lately it’s hit or miss with them but I spotted them out back talking and I didn’t want to interrupt the moment so I shot these through my kitchen window.

Watching Livie’s newly perfected hobby: hanging off the chairs in the living room. I’ve told her 100 times that she’s going to fall and get hurt and all her obstinate “NO!”‘s have paid off. She’s mastered it and now I don’t worry about her doing it…that much.

Seeing her excitement when one of my best friends from Ohio, Auntie Mo, sends her a new tutu and bow. She still has it on today, 24 hours later.

Instagram break!

Today I’m loving a boring, mundane, perfect day at home.

Still in love with her profile and her serious face, by the way. Actually, I’m just in love with her face. Period.

Progress has been made on the planning her party front too. The theme has been picked (Repunzel/Tangled) and the shirt I’m having made for her will be ready tomorrow. The rest is on a big to do list in my phone and slowly I’ll tackle it this week. Have a good week.

It’s Livie’s last one to be 2. We are gonna soak it up!

VERY hard.

So on Tuesday night when Livie spiked a fever of 101.6 I knew something was still wrong. She’s still coughing but it’s not nearly as bad as it was. Any time I ask her if anything hurts she just moans and doesn’t tell me what the problem is. I think since this whole being sick/things hurting stuff is new to her she doesn’t know how to convey that to us.

So back to the doctor AGAIN for us yesterday. I swear I paid someone’s salary with the amount of money I’ve spent on copays in the past month. The diagnosis THIS time? Ear infections. Turns out the infected left ear from before never got better and now the right one is infected too. Call me crazy but I was relieved to hear that. I knew that was easy to find and fix and wouldn’t requre extensive tests or poking or prodding and most of all, would not require the hospital. When I told Liv that we were going to the doctor again she told me ” I don’t want to go to the hospital.”

Kid won’t tell me what’s hurting but can tell me that whole sentence clear as day.

Doesn’t surprise me. She’s never followed the norm.

It’s my most favorite thing about her. It’s why I don’t mind if she stays a baby for a little bit longer. I don’t mind if she keeps her paci for a bit longer if it means she’ll cuddle in my lap and fall asleep on me. I don’t mind if she keeps her diapers just a bit longer if it means she’ll tell me she’s Mama’s baby. She is my baby. My last baby and if it means I let her do “baby” things a little longer than most, I’m ok with that. I never understood rushing babies to grow up. Why do we HAVE to take their bottles at 1? Livie had hers til she was 2 1/2. Why do we HAVE to take their pacis? She still has hers. Why is potty training SO important by the time they’re 2 or 3? She’ll be 3 in 10 days and we are in no rush. These things affect no one but us and we’re ok with having her be a baby for bit longer. For the life of me I will never understand why people feel it’s their business how we raise our kids. But it kind of makes me laugh how much she talks and people tell me she seems so much older than almost 3 and yet she snuggles up in my lap with her blankie and paci. I like having the best of both worlds. Especially now with this never ending sickness.

Instagram awesomeness:

Here I sit again, closing yet another blog post, hoping for a quiet weekend and week ahead. I’ve got a birthday party to plan for a almost 3 year old.

Dear sickness, please be gone and stay gone!

Also, we cleaned out our garage all day Saturday. It took 7 hours but I can now park my car in there which is pretty much amazing considering we could barely walk through it before. Side note: I hate cleaning garages. I also think my husband is a bit of a hoarder. I told him I was going to say that about him from now on and I’m pretty sure he rolled his eyes at me and shot me “that” look. Needless to say, it took all day and when we were done it felt awesome.

So the girls kept each other occupied while we took on that task and every now and then I’d take a break to take pictures of them. Hannah did her usual dodge the camera move when she could and sadly Livie usually follows suit. I couldn’t help but follow her around though in hopes of getting good pictures of her because after the whole ordeal last week I just want a million pictures of her smiling and happy…the way she usually is.

It’s like she knew…and she delivered.

We went to a birthday party yesterday and the goody bags had bubbles in them. My girls are freaks for bubbles. I try not to buy them often because we have to go outside and we get all sticky and there’s usually a giant mess. I need to get over that though because when they’re blowing bubbles they’re so happy.

A couple pics I had to pull out from my Instagram collage because they’re fab.

My Casetagram case has finally arrived after a LONG 4 week wait. I love it. It’s awesome and I get to look at the people I love the most all day. Can’t beat it.

Y’all know I am a freak over coffee mugs. I like them oversized and with lips on them instead of a flat edge on top. I currently only have a couple mugs like this and only 1 I really use. I saw these today while grocery shopping and I had to buy them. Now I have 3 mugs I love and tomorrow morning I’ll have some decisions to make over which one I should use. Trust me. That IS a tough choice.

Instagram awesomeness:

The weekend was great and came through the way I needed it to. Thinking this week may be more of the same.

She smiled once when we were at the hospital and at that moment I thought to myself that I kind of take for granted how often my girls smile and how much I miss it when I don’t see it.

It’s my daily fuel. I need to see them smile. I hate to see them sad. Her smile with sunlight behind it…very appropriate for how much happiness is radiating from her right now.

I showed her the Xray and showed her the coin and I asked her if she remembered eating a coin at Nana’s house. Her reply? “I puked.”

Clearly she remembers it all and connected the dots. I’m hopeful that she won’t ever do it again.

A mini Instagram holla:

I’m @becks_b on IG if you want to follow me!

Last Friday I said that I knew the weekend was going to be great. Turns out it sucked majorly. Today I will say it again because this time I KNOW it will be.

A truly happy Friday. Sending some of ours to you.

When Livie’s cough didn’t improve over the weekend as it should have I started to worry. Her doctor told us that if her cough wasn’t gone by the weekend she would want to do a chest Xray on her to be sure it wasn’t pneumonia. Saturday evening Livie had come to us crying and pointing to her mouth so we checked to make sure she wasn’t bleeding and soon after she started violently throwing up massive amounts of mucous. I knew right then that we’d be going for an Xray on Monday and I was almost positive she had pneumonia and we’d be admitted at the hospital. I spent the rest of the weekend sick to my stomach because I just knew what was coming and I didn’t want any of us to relive that experience nor did I want my baby girl to suffer. She continued to get worse over the weekend…barely eating, barely drinking, coughing up a lot of mucous. Monday morning I made her a doctor’s appointment and off we went.

When we got there her doctor listened to her cough and decided she’d have her do an Xray to make sure she didn’t have pneumonia but by listening to her she was pretty sure it wasn’t. I was so relieved. I thought ok, we’ll do this Xray, get different antibiotics to help clear up her lungs better, and we’ll go home to rest this sickness off. The Xray lab is just across the hall and after having to hold my screaming baby down for this Xray I stood there thinking man, I pray this isn’t pneumonia because she’s already so upset with just this and this is so NOT invasive. I was confident though that it wasn’t and we walked back to our doctor’s office to wait for the results.

I’ve never seen a doctor come back so quickly with results. She said her Xray tech told her to look at the results ASAP and that when she asked her if it’s pneumonia she said no. Immediately I began to panic thinking what else could be wrong that was so urgent?? She pulled up the Xray and this is what we both saw.

There was a coin lodged in her throat. She said she would guess it’s a quarter and I said that thing looked massive and I would be shocked if it was JUST a quarter. I began to panic and she attempted to calm me down but stressed to me that we had to hurry to Texas Children’s ER. She would tell them we are coming. She told me most likely my baby would need surgery but that it’d be fairly easy because they can probably just get it out with a scope. All I focused on was surgery and the thought of Livie being put under was just not sitting well with me. I’ve only been put under once but I remember how awful it was waking up and how nauseous and sick I was…besides the thought of another baby going through the trauma of being in the hospital and the IV and OMG. I wanted to vomit all over. I called The Man and his mom and told them what was up and we all rushed to the ER.

When we got there Livie was asleep and I wanted to cry. I dreaded waking her up to the madness that was going to happen. I was so sick to my stomach thinking about how awful this was going to be for us. I kept telling myself that the actual procedure would be easy and once the coin was out she’d be able to go home. I knew the risks were low and at least this time we knew what was wrong and it wasn’t something so severe as pneumonia or days of not knowing what was wrong like with Hannah. None of those things comforted me though. Everyone all over Facebook , Twitter, and Instagram were sending such awesome messages to me and it was so nice to know people everywhere were praying for my baby.

Well as I knew, Livie was horrified of every and anything that happened to her. The IV was awful. Anytime anyone came in to check her it was awful. The 2 Xrays she got between the overnight stay was awful. The OR was so booked up that it took 24 hours to get her into surgery (all they had to do was use the scope and pull it out from her mouth)  from when we got there. I didn’t bring my camera but I tried to take pictures when I could to just document it all for her when she got bigger. I knew we’d tell her all about this just like we tell Hannah about her time in the hospital. With each picture I took I’d just stare at it after and want to cry thinking that yes this is tied for the worst days in our lives…but every time I saw a child wheel by with no hair I’d look at Livie and my heart would break. I just wanted my baby home but I knew once we got out of there she was going to be ok. I know not every parent can say that. I was so torn with relief emotions and being sick over what was happening to MY baby. I made an Instagram collage of our time there. This about sums it up.

The bottom left picture? That’s us walking Livie out and her holding the coin in a cup. Turns out it wasn’t a quarter but a PENNY. I couldn’t believe it. As we waited in recovery for her to wake up we held the jar with that penny and kept saying how we couldn’t believe how giant it looked on the Xray and how skinny is her throat that it could get lodged in there like that?

Once she woke up and got passed her grogginess and drank a little water they let us go home. I was so relieved. I thought she would sleep all night and most of today and just kind of be chill. But I know that this child has never been a chill kid and the past week of her being sick was a major exception so it shouldn’t have shocked me when she was up and playing when she got home and asked to take a shower. She also ate a whole meal and drank her weight in milk and juice. I was so relieved that she wasn’t like me and wasn’t so sick after all the anesthesia.

And today? She’s back to her normal self. Turns out a lot of her excessive coughing all weekend was due to that coin being lodged in her throat and her body trying to expel it. The penny was also to blame for her not wanting to eat or drink like normal. The penny was the cause of her coming to us crying Saturday and when we thought she had bumped her mouth… well it turns out that’s probably when she swallowed it and she probably choked a little and came running to us. I don’t think she quite knew how to tell us she did that and then the vomiting started and it was all downhill from there. All the things that happened after she swallowed that penny til it came out were all because of that damn penny. Who knew a little penny could cause so many problems?!

She’s back to being happy. She’s back to eating all day long. She’s back to watching Mickey mouse all day and playing with her toys. She’s back to herself and for this I am so grateful. While it could have been  a lot worse, it was definitely NOT easy. Any time I think about wishing we could have more kids I think about my kids being sick and how I can’t handle it with a third. It completely kills me. And now to think we are 2 for 2 with kids being admitted in the hospital and 1 of them needed surgery? No thanks. I have my hands full as it is.

Instagram holla from before and after this whole ordeal:

Livie is telling me she wants me to sit with her on the couch which means she’s ready for a nap I’m sure. So am I.

We are so happy we’re home.

That happened this week. She has never been to the doctor for being sick. She’s had like 4 colds ever and they usually go away within a week. The times she’s had a fever have been even less. When Tuesday came and there were less smiles and more whining with less eating and a fever I started to get worried. My girls and I usually start a cold with a fever and it’s gone in a day and then it gets worse but we feel mostly ok. The fact that she had been coughing for days and then a fever came? Well that worried me. Plus the coughing became coughing fits where she couldn’t breathe and her whole body convulsed trying to get the mucous out. It wasn’t pretty. Yesterday morning first thing I called her doctor to get her in. I took these right before we left.

You can see why I still kind of hesitated on the whole doctor’s office situation if she didn’t really HAVE to go.

But my mother intuition took over and I decided it’s better safe than sorry.

I’m so glad I decided that. She was all smiles at the office. Talked the nurse and doctor’s ear off. When the doctor told me she had a full blown ear infection in one ear, fluid in her other which was heading that way too, and bronchitis I was shocked. She sat there smiling and talking away with all of that wrong with her??? This is why I never know what to do with her when it comes to being sick…the few times she is. At that moment I thought OMG, what if something is super wrong one day and I’ll never know cause this kid is bouncing off the walls???? I have to rely on my mother’s intuition I guess for those kinds of things. So we were sent home with a prescription for antibiotics and an inhaler to help open up her lungs and get that congestion out.

Getting her to use this thing has been less than fun. It’s taken a lot of soft talking and talking in 2 year old words so she understands…and a lot of tears from her. She hates it but thankfully it’ll only be for a couple days. The rest of the day was spent with bouts of ” I tired” to “I gonna play!”

But today? Today she seems to be doing a lot better. I’m really hoping she continues to clear out those lungs because if not, xrays are next to check for pneumonia which will be a guaranteed awful day for us all. Pray for my baby girl, please. Thank you.

For now she’s happy and having a good day and I’m grateful for that.

Instagram holla:

I’m @becks_b on there. Follow me!

Hoping today stays on the upswing and this weekend will be a good, sickness free one.

I’m thinking it will be.

I’m grateful that we have a little girl next door for her to play with. When she’s not grounded from playing, that is. 2011 was a trying year with her and I see that 2012 will be too. Actually, probably until about 2018 or so we’re doomed to fight with a teenage girl. I’m sure Livie will be following close behind. I always wished we’d be close unlike my mom and I were but I’m starting to see that we’ll bicker with her through her teen years like most moms have to with their teenage daughters. I dread it because I miss our days…the days Livie and I still get to have. Makes me cherish these days with Liv a LOT because if she gets a major attitude like Hannah…well I’ll be mourning these days much like I am with Hannah. I rarely talk about how hard it’s been with her but it has been and well…there ya go.

But this kid? She loves her days with me and tells me now about 5 times a day that she loves me. Melts my heart and gives me hope that soon Hannah will come around and be the sweet kid she used to be.

She’s most happy when she’s eating. Go figure. With every bite she takes I kid you not, she dances a little dance and sometimes claps. It’s the cutest thing and I’ll miss it when she grows out of it. She expresses what we all feel when we eat…HAPPINESS!

When your friends come over and play with your kids while you cook…swoon.

Steak on a kabob on the grill…double swoon.

Instagram holla!!!

This week I’m determined to find the good in Hannah even when she’s mouthing off to me and I will cherish the good with Livie before it maybe disappears. Hoping and praying it doesn’t though. Raising kids is hard, y’all. I STILL sometimes feel like I’m not grown up enough to do this mom thing. Other times though, there’s this…

I’m doing something right along the way. Have a good week!

She’s turned into a little mama. She took care of her baby all day. She fed her and held her and changed her diaper. I ignored the fact that she scolded her baby for not using the potty but she herself refuses to use it. We’ll be revisiting potty training next month closer to her 3rd birthday. Sidenote: THIRD BIRTHDAY!?!?! I went through my whole pregnancy on this blog and posted her newborn pictures here. Y’all have watched her grow up. This is insanity.

Anyway, yes a sweet little mama even if she does scold her baby.

An Instagram holla:

Have a good, happy, fabulous weekend!

She actually came home in a good mood from school yesterday which is a rare thing these days. School is a constant fight with this kid and I’m already counting down til summer break. I hate to want to rush her childhood but I also find myself counting down til she graduates high school and the school fight will be over…..until I realized that the hormones have begun to rage and my child is slowly enterting Tweendom. She ran upstairs as soon as she came home to get her purse before we went to Nana’s for our daily coffee date while the cousins play.

Her play purses used to have toys and junk in them. Her real Coach purse now has her iPhone, make up, and perfume in it. When I think of this, it kind of balances my whole hurry up with school mentality. By balance I mean knocks it straight to the ground.

So today it’s just me, Liv, and Mr. Mans. I decided that since it’s a gorgeous, clear, 70 degree day we needed to be outside doing something…anything. I remembered that we haven’t been to the little lake by our house in ages and that there are ducks there. Livie has a strange obsession with ducks lately..well with all animals really…so off the 3 of us went to feed the ducks.

I gave Livie the last of our hotdog buns and as I carried the baby in one arm I followed behind her with my camera in the other. We hollered for the ducks. We tempted them with a few little bread scraps. I threw those stupid pieces of bread as far as I could without throwing me and the baby in the lake with it. Did the ducks even look at us once? Nope. Our duck feeding was a major fail.

Little bastards.

At this point I told Livie “Come on. Let’s just go back home and watch Toy Story. They don’t want the food.” She looks at them, throws the rest of the pieces of bread in the water and says “Stupid ducks!”

And the baby? Well all he cared about was the toy on the blanket next to him that he couldn’t quite reach.

We packed up our stuff and on the way back to the car Livie tells me “Mama, I loved feeding the ducks!!!”

Coulda fooled me, kiddo.

Lesson of the day: Ducks don’t give a crap about bread.

Midweek Instagram holla:

At least it’s a pretty day.